Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology Rose-Hulman Scholar

The Rose Thorn Archive Student Newspaper

Fall 11-3-2006

Volume 42 - Issue 09 - Friday, November 3, 2006

Rose Thorn Staff Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology, [email protected]

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Recommended Citation Rose Thorn Staff, "Volume 42 - Issue 09 - Friday, November 3, 2006" (2006). The Rose Thorn Archive. 191. https://scholar.rose-hulman.edu/rosethorn/191

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This Book is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Newspaper at Rose-Hulman Scholar. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Rose Thorn Archive by an authorized administrator of Rose-Hulman Scholar. For more information, please contact [email protected]. R OSE -H ULMAN I NSTITUTE OF T ECHNOLOGY T ERRE H AUTE , I NDIANA Friday, November 3, 2006 Volume 42, Issue 9

College Democrats vs. College Republicans News Briefs Bring it on! By Kyle Kamischke Tiffany Parrott moving the U.S. from the war. Staff Writer Regarding North Korea, the parties were asked if they sup- Pumpkins invade ith the mid-term ported the administration’s elections rapidly approach. “North Korea can Colorado town Wapproaching, two not be trusted,” stated College political organizations on Republicans. The Republi- In the town of Boone, Colorado, the campus, the College Demo- can’s argument was brief, and residents woke up Halloween morning crats and the College Repub- is summed up in one state- to find pumpkins lining up everywhere. licans, staged a debate on ment, “We are doing the best There were pumpkins on house porch- Wednesday in E104 to dis- we can.” On the other hand, es, along streets, and along the border of cuss the prominent issues. College Democrats criticized the city park. One of the residents said The debate began intense- the lack of follow-through that he was walking his dogs at 10 p.m. ly with both parties throw- from the Bush administra- the night before and didn’t see any pump- ing statements of animos- tion, “We can’t just block kins. When the postmaster drove to work ity towards the other. College off communication [with at 7:30 a.m. the next day, she noticed the Democrats stated that the Asia]; we need diplomatic pumpkins were all over the place. No leadership of the Republican ties with Russia and China.” one is sure who did it, but they like the Party is “ridiculous and un- As the debate continued, uniqueness of the prank nonetheless. American,” and the only way gears switched to America’s we can keep our country safe dependency on fossil fuels. is by “returning it to its former Focusing on the federal gov- Ken Meyer / Rose Thorn Trump in trouble glory.” College Republicans ernment’s role in reducing the Members of the College Republicans... struck back by mocking the dependency, the two parties Democrats, “Democrats think came to the only agreement for 80-foot pole if we close our eyes and just of the evening. “Price goug- Donald Trump has been cited by the city believe, we can have it happen. ing is going on and needs to of Palm Beach, Florida for having a flag pole The Democrats want to run be stopped,” remarked the taller than 42 feet. He also did not have a away [from the issue of war].” Democrats. Both agreed that building permit and permission to install Amongst questions debat- tax incentives to reward citi- the pole in his Mar-a-Lago estate and club. ed, most were on the war on zens who used alternative re- According to the city, he has until terror, occupancy in Iraq, and sources is a plan for the future, the end of November to apply for ap- weapons of mass destruction. as well as funding research proval for face fines of $250 per day. Republicans argued that, to find more efficient fuels. Trump was quoted as saying, “You “This is not a war of choice Along with fossil fuels and don’t need a permit to put up the Ameri- anymore.” They added, “More environmental sciences, the can flag. The day you need a permit troops are needed in Iraq, and parties were questioned on to put up the American flag, that will Iraqi militias need to be dis- if there should be expansion be a sad day for this country.” Trump armed.” College Democrats on stem cell research. Repub- feels that anyone who does not like the gave specific solutions to licans pointed out the issue flag should not be in a public office. improve the situation in the of ethics on stem cells, but Middle East, “We need to tact- gave the main reason of “the fully improve the training of federal government should Iraqi police. Rolling in regular stay small, and there should Ken Meyer / Rose Thorn Internet Reaches police and taking out regular be no funding of stem cells.” ...and the College Democrats participate in a debate over rel- soldiers will make sure that evant issues in E104 this past Wednesday. Milestone Iraq is ready,” ultimately re- Continued on Page 3... The month of October 2006 can now be remembered as the month The coexistence of Religion and Science the Internet reached 100 million sites. Netcraft, an Internet monitoring Ken Meyer doesn’t purport to answer company announced the milestone, Photo Editor all questions. If all things stating that all of those sites have do- could be answered through main names and content. This achieve- ouis Pasteur once said, the scientific method, why is ment is due to the ease at which web- “Science brings me there an HSS department?” sites can be created today. In May Lnearer to God.” Is this To answer the discus- 2004, there were 50 million websites. sentiment an instance of sion question, the panel- For the curious: the very first web- cognitive dissonance, or a ists started by answering a site ever created contained infor- model that future scientists number of previously sub- mation on high energy particle at Rose-Hulman can learn mitted questions, and then physics data. Its author: Tim Bern- from? On Thursday, Novem- turned to the audience for ers-Lee, the creator of the Internet. ber 2, dozens of students a more spontaneous con- and even some professors versation. As the event was showed up to a panel dis- sponsored by InterVarsity Weather cussion composed of three Christian Fellowship, three Friday Christian professors asking speakers were all Christian, AM clouds, PM sun 28 Hi / 20 Lo the question, “Can faith and but when one student asked Saturday science co-exist?” David why, Penney Miller, Assistant PM Snow Showers, wind 31 Hi / 23 Lo Miller, Associate Professor of Professor of Chemistry, not- Sunday Chemical Engineering, made ed that since the panel was it very clear that no matter formed by a religious group, Few Snow Showers, wind 26 Hi / 21 Lo what science was capable it was their prerogative. Ken Meyer / Rose Thorn Provided by www.weather.com of, it was not all-encompass- Panel members Bruce Allison, David Miller, and Penney Mill- Weather for McMurdo, Antarctica ing. As he put it, “Science Continued on Page 3... er discuss religion and science with students on Thursday.

News Entertainment Opinions Sports Flipside

Republicans and Saw III; Same sex schools; Football team wins “It doesn’t matter where Democrats; Giraffes! and Your Head; Rose rocks! senior day they end up as long as Religion and Science Hunters they’re still with you.” Page 3 Pages 4-5 Page 6 Page 7 Page 8 2 EVENTS & CLASSIFIEDS The Rose Thorn Friday Saturday November 3 4

Upcoming •Career Services Job •Rose-Hulman Film Club Interviews, all day Session, 11:30 a.m., •Circle K Pop Tabs Collec- Moench Commons tion Drive •NSBE Talent Show •3rd IRCBC Symposium, Tryouts, 12:00 p.m., Heritage Room 8:30 a.m., Kahn Rooms community events •Drama Club Play, “Fran- •Tech. Presentation, kenstein”, 8:00 p.m., Hand-Held 3D Laser Hatfield Hall Scanner, 9:00 a.m., M-137 Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

•Air Force Officer •Pancreatic Cancer •Career Services Job •Career Services Job •Career Services Job •Career Services Job Qualification Test, 9:00 Awareness Bake Sale, Interviews, all day Interviews, all day Interviews, all day Interviews, all day a.m., Myers Technology 9:00 a.m., Moench Com- •Cosmic Cinema, •Flue Shot Clinic (For •Wellness Committee •Air Force & Army ROTC’s Center, ISU mons “Einstein’s Big Idea”, 7:00 Employees), 10:00 a.m., Seminar, Overview of 24-Hour Veterans Day •Logan Library Opens •BCM’s Conversational p.m., GM Room Reading Room Diabetes and Treatment, Vigil Kick Off & Wreath 24-Hour Service For English for International •Performing Arts Series, •Chemistry Seminar, New- 12:00 p.m., PA Room Ceremony, 9:00 a.m., 10th Week Project Work, Students, 4:00 p.m., BCM Chapter 6 (A Cappella ell Washburn of Carnegie- Vigo County Court- 2:00 p.m. House Group), 8:00 p.m., Hat- Mellon, 11:45 a.m., G-315 house, South Third field Hall •Institute Meeting, 4:30 Street p.m., E-104 •Delta Delta Delta Trivia Night, 5:30 p.m., SRC $6.50/hr Work Study Positions Available Now Rose Thorn Business Manager and Assistant Advertising Manager Business Managers will: ~No Experience Required! ~Manage important finances ~On-Campus Opportunity! ~Work with billing/accts payable ~Paid Training! ~On-Campus Opportunity! Asst. Advertising Mangers will: ~Flexible Hours! ~Communicate with advertisers ~Great Resume Builder! ~Design graphic advertisements Email resume to [email protected] Classifieds Tutor Needed Trail’s End Cafe 40 North student needs pre-calculus tutor. 243-0230 or 243- Menu features homeade cooking, desserts, and daily specials. 3911. Close to campus. Dine in, carry out, or call ahead and we will have your order ready. 6710 E. Wabash Ave. 877-4002. Beds Available Beds $140. All new no flip pillowtop set. 5 year warranty. Full $140, Queen $160, King $230. 812-878-6604. Delivery avail- Sharp Flats, 5th Street able. Available now — 3 bedroom at 700 S. 5th Street. Call for more info. 812-877-1146. www.sharpflats.com. sharpflats@excite. Efficiencies, Studios, 1 Bedrooms com. Looking for your own space just a 5 minute walk to Rose? Check out Sharp Flats East, located just east of Rose at 40 and Large house for rent Hunt Road. We have efficiencies ($325 / month), studios ($375 Very nice, large house for rent to Rose students 10-15 minutes / month), and 1 bedrooms ($425 / month + electric). You’ll from campus. 2 bedrooms plus full bath upstairs. 2 bed- love the convenience of our Trails End Cafe 40, laundry facili- rooms plus full bath downstairs. Large kitchen, DR, LR with ties, great maintenance, parking, and wireless. Call today at fireplace. Large rec room, attached 2 car garage. Washer and 812-877-1146 or check out our website www.sharpflats.com, dryer. $250/ student plus utilities. Landlord pays water and sharpfl[email protected]! sewer. Ext 8317 or 240-4774

Editorial Staff The Rose Thorn Thorn Staff Writers Jon Ogilvie Chris Casillas Editor-in-Chief Lissa Avery CM 5037, 5500 Wabash Ave. Philip Becker James Zhou News Editor Ryan Schultz Terre Haute, IN 47803-3999 Alvin Anassi Robert Prescott Opinions Editor Aaron Meles Phone:(812)877-8255 Jessica Rogers Andrew Klusman Entertainment Editor Fax: (812)877-8166 Fred Webber Rachel Howser Emeritus Mike Jones Jim Sedoff E-mail: [email protected] Sports Editor Mike Ferguson David Chen Humor Editor Gregory Weir http://www.rose-hulman.edu/thorn Phillip Meiser Layout Manager Andrea Brown Matthew Melton Copy Editor Bill Waite “Working to keep the Rose-Hulman community informed Kyle Kamischke Photo Editor Ken Meyer by providing an accurate and Tiffany Parrott dependable source for news and information.” Cartoonists Erin Hudson Administrative Staff Luke Plummer Advertising Manager Richard Ballard The Rose Thorn is published on Fridays first through ninth week each quarter. Asst. Advertising Mgr. Tyler Price Photographers Christina Davis Business Manager OPEN Joseph Barlan Webmaster Jonathan Ziebell Andrew Carlson Advisor Richard House Albert Mui The Rose Thorn welcomes and encourages comments from its readers. We request that all letters to the editor be less than 600 words in length. THE DEADLINE FOR CONTENT SUBMISSION IS 5 P.M. TWO DAYS PRIOR TO PUBLICATION All content should be submitted to [email protected] or to the Rose Thorn Office (Hulman Memorial Union room 249). The editors reserve the right to edit submissions for clarity, grammar, length, and factual errors. The editors reserve the right to accept content changes submitted after deadline. All letters must contain the writer’s signature (electronic form is acceptable) and contact information (e-mail address and/or phone number). The views expressed in the Rose Thorn are those of the original author and do not necessarily represent the views of the Rose Thorn staff or Rose-Hulman community. Friday, November 3, 2006 NEWS 3 Religion and Science, from Page 1 God and not through evolution. stein was a “soft agnostic” in While evolution and ori- terms of personal faith, Ein- gins were the topics of around stein still felt that if there half the questions, the panel was an explosion, somebody remained focused on the sub- must have pulled the pin. ject of the discussion, and How can faith affect sci- one theme was repeated fre- ence? P. Miller certainly feels quently by all the panelists. that it strongly impacts her As D. Miller put it, “If you’re work. “They more than co-ex- really committed to truth, you’re ist, they are an integral part of always going to be questioning each other.” She noted that her and investigating and learning ethics and standards for intel- more.” He went on to say, “If lectual honesty are strongly you want to find the truth, you based on her Christian faith. must be willing to look for it, in She also made it clear that she particular, you must be willing strongly feels that even a cre- to look beyond what makes you ationist who rejects the conclu- comfortable.” As all three were sions made by evolutionary sci- Christians, they made it clear that ence on religious grounds can they believed that such a search certainly work to advance the would lead a person to Christ, field. She added, “From a faith but they made it equally clear perspective, they should have no that they believed that Christians expectations that their work will Ken Meyer / Rose Thorn too must constantly seek truth. not come under fire. However, if A panel of Christian faculty discusses the paradox of science coexisting with religion at an open forum “As a Christian, I don’t stop ask- both parties are seeking a com- on Thursday in the Kahn Rooms. ing questions,” mentioned P. Mill- mon goal – advancement of the er. “We should always be investi- field – they have more in common She went on to say that, “I tory and a beer volcano, and half-lives, radioactive decay, and gating and challenging ourselves than this perceived conflict.” would like to encourage you to demanded to be taught along- radioisotope detection meth- in terms of deeper truths, even So can faith and science co- pursue organizing another pan- side evolution and intelligent ods. In terms of faith, he out- in terms of the Christian faith.’ exist? These three Christian pro- el that has other perspectives.” design. However, the flyer also lined some of the main Christian Other questions were directed fessors demonstrated that it has She also noted that, “It might claimed, “The Church of FSM views, and it seemed that the more toward personal faith and for them. Without dissenting have been more appropriate to is real, totally legit, and backed panelists largely agreed upon the status of faith in society. One voices in the panel, there was entitle the outreach ‘Can Chris- by hard science. Anything that what he called old earth creation- student asked why religion has little debate over the best form tian faith and science co-exist?’” comes across as humor or sat- ism (though P. Miller didn’t make shifted from one of the leaders of of faith, or even whether faith Of course, not all of the ire is purely coincidental.” her position on origins clear science to a vocal enemy of sci- should co-exist with science. students in attendance were The questions were varied, during the event). This view ac- ence as fundamentalist Christi- At the same time, the panel left Christian. At the door, one but many focused on the sub- cepts scientific evidence of old anity has today. Allison immedi- little doubt that such a com- student was handing out fly- ject of evolution and the age of age (interpreting the Genesis ately rejected the premise of the bination is possible and their ers advocating the Church of the Earth. Bruce Allison, Pro- account as a commonly poetic question noting that, “Obvious- advocacy of a continual search the Flying Spaghetti Monster fessor of Chemistry, fielded the type of Ancient Middle-Eastern ly, here’s three [scientists] that for truth, both in and out of sci- (FSM). It promised a “better” majority of these questions with literature) yet affirms that hu- haven’t rejected Christianity!” ence, is certainly something that heaven with a stripper fac- short lectures including one on mans were created separately by He noted that while Ein- can benefit people of any faith. Political Debate, MONEY FOR COLLEGE from Page 1

Disagreeing, Democrats Africa.” Conversely, Demo- pointed out the popularity for crats said that “We shouldn’t stem cell research in that “Six- be a world police force. We ty-eight of the senate voting draw the line in protecting in favor.” Democrats strongly humanitarian interests ver- indicated that, “We need to sus striving for the personal.” embrace scientific technol- Again addressing the Repub- ogy and intellectual thought.” licans, a student commented, When the debate questions “Gay Republicans are running were opened to the audience, for office,” and asked the po- both parties were somewhat rep- sition of gay rights within the etitious in giving answers. How- Republican Party. “We do not NOW ever, as the Republicans received discriminate,” responded Col- the most questions from the au- lege Republicans, who recog- dience, they seemed to struggle. nized the fact of many conser- One student addressed the vative gays running for seats in issue of funding the sciences, the house. College Democrats “College Republicans men- acknowledged that their party tioned that there does need “Gives no special treatment to be funding for the research for different groups. It is ri- of more effective fuels. At the diculous to criminalize homo- same time, Republicans said sexuality.” This brought uproar that the main reason behind of laughter in the audience. not funding stem cells was that After audience questions, federal government should stay the debate closed with each small. When should science side heralding votes for their be funded and when shouldn’t party. “We have had success Because Aunt Joan needed more Botox®*. it?” The College Republicans in dealing with the economy. hesitated to respond but finally Democrats have failed in the gave an answer of “stem cell re- past and will fail in the fu- She got a facelift, you got the tuition bill. search takes a long time, while ture,” Republicans declared. Not to worry: a Campus Door student loan can cover up to 100% of your education costs, gas prices are immediate.” “Economy hasn’t helped any- with online approval in less than a minute. Another audience member one but organizations. Heath All without the painful side effects. asked both parties, “What is care has gone up while wages your [stance] on the position have gone down. The out of con- of America as a world police trol economy reflects out of con- force?” Republicans responded trol congressmen. Even if chang- about the bully pulpit of Amer- es seem small, someone needs to ica, “The U.S. has no problem do them,” concluded Democrats. campusdoor.com sending 200,000 overseas while The debate covered a *Botox® is a registered trademark of Allergan, Inc. China, [who is the most power- range of issues that voters are Like this poster? Download your own printable PDF version at campusdoor.com/posters ful in regards to potential mili- most concerned about, but tary force], gets excited when even if none were swayed, All loans are subject to credit approval. Programs, rates, terms and conditions are subject to change without notice. Other restrictions apply. Trade/Servicemarks are the property of Campus Door Inc. and/or its affiliates. Lender is Lehman Brothers Bank, FSB. ©2006 Campus Door Inc. All it sends 800 peacekeepers to all were at least entertained. Rights Reserved. Equal Opportunity Lender. 4 ENTERTAINMENT The Rose Thorn “Unbelievable Metroid Prime: Hunters Brilliance” indeed Ryan Schultz trol. By using the touch-screen News Editor of the DS in a similar fashion to Gregory Weir a computer mouse, Hunters cre- Humor Editor I have to admit, I was skeptical. ates the same, intuitive feel. The When I bought my DS, I bought it Metroid series relies heavily on Did you know that the for New Super Mario Bros. But, jumping for level progression (it world’s giraffes now live in Terre being the huge fan of the Me- is a platformer, historically), and Haute, Indiana, having arrived troid series that I am, I picked up with a quick flick of the stylus, via conveyor? Did you know Hunters as well, expecting a de- landing on platforms becomes that in 1981, the room of your cent, but not enthralling game. a cinch (whereas the fixed-rate mouth starred in a popular I was completely wrong. For rotation provided by a button- sitcom called “That’s the Roof those of you who have played based movement system makes of My Mouth!” that aired after Metroid: Prime or Metroid Prime jumping a more difficult task). “Chico and the Man”? Well, 2: Echoes for GameCube, imag- I’ll admit that it does take some now you do, thanks to “Giraffes? ine the same experience, pocket- getting used to at first, but once Giraffes!” and “Your Disgusting sized. you have it down, man, there’s no Head”, the first two books in For those of you who haven’t going back. The Haggis-On-Whey World of experienced Metroid’s new fla- Unfortunately, and this is a Unbelievable Brilliance. vor, I feel sorry for you because consistent complaint I have with Dr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey this game is worth a DS. Period. all handheld games, Hunters falls is the world-famous scientist Metroid Prime: Hunters starts short in the sound department. and explorer (with 17 degrees with our femme fatale hero, For 80% of the game, all is well... from 18 institutions of higher Samus Aran, investigating the the surround sound works well learning) you have heard so source of a mysterious telepathic and most sounds reveal few arti- much about. Benny helps message which claims to hold the facts of their compression. How- her with her work and enjoys key to “ultimate power.” What this ever, at points in the game, the low almonds, too, and socks when “ultimate power” is exactly, you, bit-rate of the sounds becomes they are warm. Together, as Samus, don’t know, but you’ve readily apparent, almost to the they are Dr. and Mr. Haggis- been sent to the source to investi- point of being painful. Granted, On-Whey, and they write gate. However, unlike other Me- this happens infrequently, but it very informative books full of troid games, you are not the only happens enough to remind you interesting facts. 1337 bounty hunter searching that no matter how good the The H-O-W? book series for the answer to this problem. game is, you’re still playing on a is one of a handful of recent Instead, you’re up against other handheld. books that look like reference “Hunters,” who are searching for One of the biggest selling points books but are full of lies. John the “ultimate power” for various, of the game is its multiplayer, and Hodgman’s “The Areas of My albeit predictable, reasons (one I have to agree that it’s awesome. Expertise” did it to almanacs, of the hunters wants the power to The framerate stayed consis- and “The Daily Show” writers’ destroy stuff...go figure). tently high regardless of arena, “America (The Book)” did it to The game itself features a sin- who I was battling, or which textbooks. This series handles gle-player story and a multiplay- particular Hunter I had chosen those books on science that er mode where up to four gamers to be. The matches are quite in- nerds like me read during can compete using the DS’s built tense, far better than the been- elementary school. in wifi connection off of one (or there done-that boring battles The books are full of colorful multiple) game cards. In addi- of Halo. Hunters’ are fast-paced, diagrams and clipart non- tion, the game features support difficult, and genuinely exciting. sequitors, and each contains for various control methods as Each character has two separate a special little extra (“Giraffes? well as complete (and startlingly battle-modes (the traditional, Giraffes!” includes a set of effective) surround sound. upright shooter and the morph- useful reference cards). The I have seen a PSP in action and ball bomb-dropping mode) and production values of the series despite all that I had heard about all of them are strong characters; is so high that I find myself http://www.ign.com wondering if maybe, possibly, how incredibly sweet the graph- Samus Aran, explores the source of a mysterious telepathic message no single one is the “good one.” the creators don’t realize it’s a ics were; I remember being dis- and discovers the “ultimate power” on Nintendo’s hot DS handheld This is multiplayer the way mul- joke. tinctly underwhelmed. Kind of system in Metroid Prime: Hunters. tiplayer is supposed to be. one of those “oh, that’s it?” mo- Metroid Prime: Hunters is an But that’s impossible. The ments. The graphical capabilities reliant) detailing, atmospheric the touch-screen in some way instant classic. It is the killer-app facts are ludicrous, and the of the DS are roughly half of the cues, and silky smooth framer- (some, like Brain Age, actually for the DS. It is a game where, tone throughout is too absurd. PSP’s, but when I started Hunt- ate. use it for writing), Hunters’ use of even though its selling point is Giraffes do not come from ers for the first time, I was blown Even though the graphics are the stylus is the most impressive. the multiplayer, the story mode Neptune, and your ears were away; here is a near carbon-copy impressive, the best part of this Hardcore fans of the first-person is good enough to warrant the not designed by Fernando de of the features that make the ver- game is the control scheme. The genre swear by the keyboard- purchase. If you like first-person la Mancini-Goldfarb in two sions on GameCube great. Hunt- DS is unique among consoles in and-mouse targeting mecha- shooters, if you like action-ad- days. Dr. Haggis-On-Whey ers has all of Metroid’s trademark that is has a touch-screen, and nism for its intuitive ease of use venture, if you like a good story- speaks with ridiculous self- 3D-modeled (as in, not texture while many games make use of and ability for more precise con- line, this is your game. importance despite correcting herself at least once a page. And, of course, the pictures of the pair are too wonderful. Dr. Doris, with her clipboard and perpetual scowl, and Benny, “Saw III” cuts to the bone with his idiot grin, stare forth from the beginning of each book, daring us to disbelieve. Andrea Brown walls that line my stomach, I With all that, though, the Layout Manager was victim to the occasional dry books do go a little too far. heave. You can only take so many Directed by Darren Lynn I was slightly disturbed by lands named Jacob or Irish- Bousman, “Saw III” picks up the couple of questions that the controlled mirrors before with Jigsaw (Tobin Bell) on his movie left me asking, but that you say, “Yes, all right, I get it. deathbed, yet the gruesome just adds to the greatness of These facts aren’t true.” These deaths have not stopped. We the movie. Bousman did what are not books to read through watch as top doctor, Dr. Lynn any good artist does; he left me in one sitting. If, however, Denlon (Bahar Soomekh) and Jeff begging for more. you have a significant other (Angus Macfayden) play Jigsaw’s I was sad to hear that this may that you enjoy annoying by dangerous game of life and death. be the final Saw movie to come reading aloud bizarre passages They are fighting for more than out. But I was given a little hope of prevarication, these may be their own lives this time. with online rumors of there the books for you. Much like the two preceding being a Saw IV that will serve as a Both books are published movies, “Saw III” is not for the prequel to the first movie. I can’t by Simon & Schuster, and faint of heart. There are plenty wait until the official word is out. have a listed price of $16.95. of gruesome scenes of death in For those that have no yet seen However, I got my copies for $3 which the methods of murder both of the other Saw movies, I each in the bargain bin of the are of the “creative” sort. Advice say, “Go rent them, have a movie Borders at the mall. The third for those with not so strong night with your significant other, http://www.saw3.com Most definitely one of the best movies of the season. book in the series, “Animals stomachs: don’t eat before and make it a date to see “Saw of the Ocean, in Particular the watching. Even with the strong III.” It’s well worth the money. Giant Squid,” is scheduled to Friday, November 3, 2006 ENTERTAINMENT 5 ‘Chapter 6’ Bringing Comedy-Infused A Cappella

Rose-Hulman News pieces, along with “Ode to Krispy Kreme” and the pop/rock cover of Boasting a musical repertoire Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody.” with such zany songs as “Ode to Other favorite songs include Krispy Kreme”, “Lost in Canada” the group’s renditions of the Bee and “The Wizard of Oz,” the Gees “How Deep Is Your Love”, Chicago-based jazz a cappella a theme and variation of Duke ensemble Chapter 6 will bring Ellington’s “It Don’t Mean a Thing its entertaining style to Rose- (If It Ain’t Got That Swing)”, Louie Hulman Institute of Technology Armstrong’s “What A Wonderful on Tuesday, Nov. 7, for a concert World”, the soul standard “I’ll that’s part of the college’s Be There”, James Taylor’s “Your performing arts series. Smiling Face” and another The show begins at 8 p.m. hilarious original “The Root Beer in the Hatfield Hall Theater. Song”. Tickets for the show are $12 for “How many people can wake up adults, $10 for youths and non- in the morning and look forward Rose-Hulman students and free to going to work? It is a privilege for RHIT students. Tickets can to make people smile through be purchased at the Hatfield music,” Chapter 6 member Aaron Hall ticket office from 1-5 p.m. (“A.D.”) Stonecipher admitted weekdays or reserved by calling during a recent interview. “The (812) 877-8544. personalities of the group are Chapter 6 has infused a a spectrum. The challenge of blend of pop, jazz, gospel and sounding like a band without rock to quickly become one of instruments is vocally unique.” America’s premiere a cappella Chapter 6 was formed from a groups, earning awards for its’ group of talented and energenic Dale Long / Rose Hulman Institute of Technology Emerging from a college course at Millikin University (Decatur, Ill.), Chapter 6 has become one of Ameri- technique, performance and music and drama students at ca’s premiere a cappella groups. The group performs original songs, like “Ode to Krispy Kreme” and “The unique, original arrangements. Millikin University (Decatur, Root Beer Song”, to traditional standards, like “It’s a Wonderful World” and “It Don’t Mean a Thing (If It The ensemble was the youngest Ill.) that were auditioning for a group ever to qualify for the campus a cappella group. The Ain’t Got That Swing)”. National Harmony Sweepstakes, ensemble won the Chicago as Chicago regional champions, Harmony Sweepstakes in 2000 and I began reorganizing the Johnson, Luke Menard, Nathan I don’t want to go back to that and in 2004 captured the and one year later became the band to save it from extinction. Pufall and Musick. Grizzard was temporary job at Wells Fargo! I prestigious Grand Champion international champions of Never did I dream that Chapter named the favorite arranger and think you’d see us go into a lot of title at the competition. Last collegiate a cappella before 6 would grow from a fraternal favorite songwriter at the 2005 interesting directions: Some of year, the group received four A turning professional. order to an international act. A Cappella Community Awards the guys would probably go on Cappella Community Awards, “It wasn’t until we won the More importantly, I am growing and Menard was runner up for to seminary, while others would including favorite jazz group. Chicago Harmony Sweepstakes a family bond with these men, favorite male vocalist. probably go to graduate school. “The Wizard of Oz,” a uniquely that we knew we had something and they continue to keep me So, what would members of Still, others might pursue solo original song which features very special,” concedes accountable in my journey, the group be doing if they weren’t careers or studio opportunities snippets of songs from the movie Stonechiper, a Rochester, Ill., whether it’s spiritually, artistically singing in Chapter 6? like song writing and voice- classic, captured top honors for native who once sought a career as or professionally.” “I ask myself that question overs. However, one thing I do Best Humor Song. It has become an actor. “I can fondly remember The group also includes Chuck every day,” Stonechiper said. know: We would still be very one of Chapter 6’s signature the day when John (Musick) Bosworth, Mark Grizzard, Jarrett “It’s a scary thought, because good friends.” One Pot Pasta Meal •1/2 box whole wheat penne pasta •2 tablespoons olive oil •2 cloves garlic, finely chopped •4 cups frozen stir-fry vegetables (broccoli, sugar snap peas, soybeans, red pepper, onion, water chestnuts) •8 ounces cooked dark- and white-meat chicken •1/2 cup shredded Parmesan cheese •Salt, pepper, and pepper flakes to taste

In a large pot, cook the pasta per package instructions and drain in a colander. In the same pot, heat oil and saute garlic and veggies four to six minutes on medium-high heat. Add chicken and heat through. Return pasta to pot, toss with cheese, pepper flakes, salt and pepper. Steve Cohen / Runner’s World A simple meal with a good mix of From Runner’s World (http://runnersworld.com/article/0,7120,s6-242-303-309-10335-0,00.html) carbs and protein. Learning Center Review Sessions A Webslingingly Wednesday Nov 8th Thursday Nov 9th 6-8pm 6-8pm PH111 O257/259/267 MA111 O257/259/267 CHEM201 O269 MA112 O167/169 good time ES203 O167/169 CHE201 O157 8-10pm 8-10pm ES201 O259/269 MA113 O157/159 Ryan Schultz measures the “distance” that MA221 O167/169 News Editor you’ve traveled while slinging. Get CHEM251 O167 MA222 O157 a mini-competition going with AB110 O159 Want to feel like Spider-man? your roommate and whammo, 45 No? Want to throw a rag-doll minutes of easy-going, laughably through the air and watch his good time. body be crushed and contorted One qualm about the game is in the strangest of ways? Well, go that sometimes, the stick guy is no farther! just a bit too flimsy. If he lands too Double Wires, at http://www. hard or gets stuck on something freewebarcade.com/game/ mid-swing, you’d better hope for double-wires/, uses rag-doll a miracle because otherwise, it’s physics and simple controls to let game over...your guy is flailing for you, the user, swing a stick figure his life and his pathetic webslings through the air by webslinging, are missing the mark all over the Extra Large 1234 WABASH AVE. One Large just like the famous hero in place. tights. All-in-all, if you need a quick One-Topping Store Hours... One-Topping If I need a good two minute study break before your head Mon-Wed: 9am - 1am Thurs-Sat: 9am - 2am diversion, this is the perfect game. “esplodes”, swing on over to Sunday: 12pm - 12am It’s surprisingly hard, and always Double Wires for a surprisingly 99 99 Campus Only funny. The game, somehow, good time. 9 232-PAPA ONLY 7Campus Only 6 OPINIONS The Rose Thorn Point-counterpoint: Public same-sex schools? The wrong prescription It’s about time would seem that there isn’t working and interacting text of a coed school. And, If anything, we should all any proof that they work. with women is very differ- according to an article look to the poor achieve- Choose Another wrench thrown ent from working and in- Andrew published in the Sydney ment of males in school, into the same-sex educa- teracting with guys, and I Morning Herald, boys at- and put them on an equal your new Klusman tion machine is Brown v. am sure that it’s the same Staff Writer tending same-sex schools setting as females. In the opinion Board of Education, the fa- the other way around. become “more sensitive article “Lost Boys” by Amy mous Supreme Court case. With going to a co-ed high men,” more polite, and Benfer, she describes how This was a famous civil school, I would have never end up more confident there may not have been rights lawsuit in which the learned one of the most Last week the Depart- around women, because that large of a gender gap Aaron Meles Supreme Court ruled that important lessons high ment of Education loos- they do not feel a need to in schooling, and that fem- Opinions Editor “separate educational fa- school has to teach: figur- ened the limits on same- be more masculine than inists pushed boys aside to cilities are inherently un- ing out the opposite sex, sex education, which the other guy. place a higher emphasis Last week, the Depart- equal.” At the time, the im- both socially and profes- opens up new possibilities Some claim that same- on girls in school. ment of Education made mediate effect of this was sionally. for public schooling for the sex schooling does not “ad- There are also those it significantly easier for the integration of schools While supporters of first time in a generation. equately” prepare one for who claim that there is public schools across the that were racially segre- same-sex schools will This is a good thing for the the real world, because you no distinct difference in nation to open same-sex gated. claim that students of all- American public, and this have no exposure to the having a same-sex school. schools in their districts. This ruling does not nec- boys or girls schools will move should be welcomed, opposite sex. Well, this is Well then, I must ask, why To me, this seems like an essarily need to stop at ra- have the opportunity to not shunned. Same-sex not true. My is it so ter- attempt to remedy issues cial segregation. According see the other gender out- education can be a great high school, By going to an rible to not with the American educa- to the Supreme Court, any side of school or at special tool in education, and I for one, fre- have it? Why tion system by misdiagnos- segregated public school activities, these extracur- speak from first-hand ex- quently had all-male high can’t parents ing the situation. Support- is inherently unequal and ricular interactions are too perience, having attended some events have the op- ers of same-sex schools therefore, illegal. Same- infrequent and idealized an all-boys Catholic Jesuit where the school, I was tion to send believe that because of the sex public schools could to truly allow the sexes high school. guys from my able to work their child inevitable social pressures be created with the best to learn to deal with each Reflecting on my four school and to a single- at school, kids aren’t learn- of intentions, but it would other. Going on a date years of high school, I the women to my fullest sex school? ing as well as they could be impossible to guaran- and struggling to finish a would not have changed from Mil- Why can’t and by removing the pres- tee that separate facilities project before a deadline my decision to go to an all- waukee’s all- potential… they choose ence of the opposite sex, would always be equal. are two very different so- boys school. Throughout girls school to have their these pressures will dissi- (Keep in mind that this cial encounters, but one my four years there, I feel could interact and meet child educated where pate and the educational ruling doesn’t apply to pri- should be competent at that I have grown beyond each other. In addition to they want and how they process will be improved. vate schools – they can do both to be a functioning what I could have at a coed that, we did not exist in a want? If there truly is no Unfortunately for them, whatever they want.) member of society. Stu- school, and I made long- vacuum. We knew (and difference in the schools, there is no basis for this Despite all this, it is im- dents at same-sex schools lasting friendships that just kept in contact with) the parents should be allowed assumption in studies, the portant to keep in mind are deprived of the experi- could not be formed else- girls we knew from grade that chance, and the gov- law, or even in common that a person’s education, ence necessary to excel at where. It was an experience school, or people we met ernment has no right to sense. especially pre-college edu- the latter. like no other, and the intan- on club sports teams. On say they can or cannot. Studies done on this cation, is so much more I have had it with ed- gibles of my education are the weekends and during My four years at the all- method of education are than learning English, ucational activists at- too numerous to list. the week, there was ample boys high school is a time currently woefully incom- math, social studies, and tempting to remove social By going to an all-male time to interact with wom- I will never forget. I would plete. So far, the Depart- science. You also learn to stresses from schools, and high school, I was able to en. Besides, this is a red not change it for the world, ment of Education has de- take responsibility, work this attempt at bringing work to my fullest poten- herring argument. If you and I do not regret my de- clared that there is “a lack hard, organize, deal with same-sex schools to the tial, and not have to worry need to be prepared for cision to go there. I still of high- stress, and public arena is just their about the societal pres- the “real world,” then every attended formal dances, I quality re- … any segregated p e r h a p s latest effort. The fact of sures that are brought on school should be required still can interact with wom- search” in most im- the matter is that learn- by women. There were to have .95 boys for each en, there was no negative this area school is unequal portantly, ing to deal with bullies, many of us at my school girl, because according to impact on me in regards and de- and therefore, to get along stress, and the opposite that were free to become the CIA World Factbook, to social development. spite these with other sex is exactly what grade a scholar, or a tech-geek, that is how the population It’s high time the United s t u d i e s illegal. people. school is really all about, or an actor, and not need is distributed in America. States government allowed not taking By re- and when you attempt to to worry about what oth- There are some, how- parents the choice to send into account high-impact moving half of a student’s remove all these things, ers thought of us. Our high ever, that feel that same- their children to a public factors such as socio-eco- peers (and to make matters you will just end up with school also had an award- sex schooling will only same-sex high school. I nomic and student abil- worse, the more confusing a bunch of wimps who are winning literary magazine, lead to discrimination know I will recommend it, ity levels, they show no half), you are eliminating afraid to talk to people but and our chorus program against women, because and I plan on sending my difference in college test an essential part of that can do triple integrals in grows each year and con- it is Male-dom’s task in life children to same-sex high scores, graduation rates, student’s education – their their head and name ev- tinues to perform outside to perpetually find ways schools. And you know or graduate school atten- experience in working with ery king of England since of school functions. It is to oppress women. That, what? I can recite some dance. At this time, there is and interacting with the 1500. Same-sex schools not likely that any of this of course, is a bogus as- kings of England from 1500 no solid proof that same- opposite sex. do not belong in public would be the same had it sertion, and should not and on. I can even recite it sex schools work. In fact, it As a male, I know that education. occurred within the con- be seriously considered. to a girl. Why Rose is awesome Fred Webber There are many I am sure I am not with the students. He is very outgo- morning classes. There are many other people that Staff Writer able to credit here, but there are four ing and cheerful! Most mornings he Unfortunately, this column only contribute amazing amounts to that have been wonderfully friendly, can be found taking care of Apart- had enough space to tell you about Rose that remain unsung each year. Rose-Hulman is awesome. That’s cheerful, and that love interacting ment Hall and greeting each stu- four members of the Rose-Hulman Be sure to say hi to them or thank why each of you are here. Everyone with students and enjoy their work. dent as they stumble towards their community that make us awesome. them as you see them each day! here knows we’ve been ranked #1 in Barbara Kingery and Sue Garry several categories for our academic were the first two housekeepers I 1000 Words programs, and you may have heard had at Rose. They took care of me that ABET was surprised when stu- and the floor I lived on for a total by Erin Hudson dents told them how available and of 50 weeks through out my time eager professors are to help. But at Rose. Every time they would see Rose-Hulman just wouldn’t be as anyone on the floor, they greeted great without some of its overlooked him or her and took time out of treasures. Underclassmen – you have their day to get to know the stu- more time to appreciate what I shall dents. These two went out of their tell you over this year. Seniors, this way to talk to residents, learn their is a reminder of some of the more names, and almost adopt students subtle but important members and on the floor in a way. These two, traits of Rose-Hulman. along with the rest of the staff in that Rose-Hulman is clean, beautiful, building, do a wonderful job taking and tranquil (if a little tense from care of the building while taking classes). The grounds are very well time to mother the students. kept – we have sidewalks and streets The next outstanding staff member that are clear at all times in the year, I met was Brian Tovey in Hatfield Hall. well maintained lawns and gardens, I’ve been at Hatfield as a member of and the buildings are clean. I admit several groups as well as watching the I haven’t met nearly as many of the events that are hosted there, and for people that routinely perform such each of them Brian has been present good work for us as I should like, but and supportive. Brian enthusiasti- I have met many of them. cally supports these programs and What makes the biggest difference, knows who each student is. He enjoys though, are the staff members that are his work and it shows. genuinely interested in what’s going Paul Wafzig, like the others, is a on in the lives of those around them. hard worker and enjoys working Friday, November 3, 2006 SPORTS 7 Sports Briefs Engineers win big Women’s bas- by Mike Ferguson ketball picked Heat lose big in season opener on Senior Day to place The Miami Heat lost to the Rose Hulman News Brandon Couch, offensive tackle left in the third quarter to make 4th in HCAC Chicago Bulls by a score of Tim Hachfeld, tight end Clint the score 31-0, and Hastings 108-66 on opening night last The Rose football team scored Hammes, defensive tackle Adam sprinted 70 yards for a score to Tuesday. The Bulls beat the 38 points in the middle two quar- Helmerich, Hummel, cornerback push the lead to 38-0 at the 1:07 Rose Hulman News Heat in what would be the larg- ters to celebrate Senior Day in Drew Lopshire, receiver Ryan mark of the third quarter. est margin of victory against a style with a 38-14 victory over An- Robinson and linebacker Tim Anderson answered with a pair The women’s basketball team defending world champion, derson University on Saturday. Wilson were recognized for their of touchdown passes to bring has been selected to fi nish fourth 42 points. The previous record Senior Cameron Hummel led efforts in a pregame ceremony. the Ravens within the fi nal 38-14 in the preseason poll of Heart- for largest margin of victory the Engineer Rose-Hulman margin. Brock Vanderbush con- land Collegiate Athletic Confer- against a defending cham- offense with broke open a nected on scores of 54 and 60 ence coaches, released today. pion came on October 29, 132 yards pass- scoreless tie with yards to Hyman Smith. The women’s basketball team 1982 when the Golden State ing and pair of 21 unanswered Rose-Hulman improved to 5-4 received one fi rst place vote and Warriors beat the Los Angeles touchdowns. points in the on the season and 2-4 in Heart- 50 points in the poll to fi nish be- Lakers by a score of 132-117, The defense second quarter. land Collegiate Athletic Con- hind Manchester, Franklin and a difference of 15 points. The relied on inter- Hummel opened ference play, while Anderson Anderson. Lakers returned to the NBA fi - ception returns the scoring with dropped to 1-7 on the season and The Spartans received eight of nals later that season. for touchdowns a 26-yard touch- 0-5 in league games. The Engi- nine fi rst-place votes to earn the by juniors Steve down pass to neers travel to Manchester next top spot in the preseason poll. Hawkins and sophomore Jus- Saturday at 1:30 p.m., in search Manchester returns all fi ve start- Pair of Tigers Austin Hastings tin Meade to put of a 6-4 record and their fi rst win- ers from a team that fi nished 21-8 win Gold Gloves to help secure the Engineers ning season since 1995. last season. the fi fth win of ahead 7-0. Three-time defending cham- Kenny Rogers and Ivan the year. Rose-Hulman pion Franklin College was picked Rodriguez of the American Sophomore Rose Hulman News gained a 14-0 ad- second, with Anderson picked League Champion Detroit Tim Schrock Mike Alto leaps in the air to vantage on an- third after a 16-11 season. Tigers won Gold Glove post- added a team- break up a pass. other Hummel The Engineer women fi nished season awards which were high 87 rushing strike, this time 13-12 last season and will have announced Thursday. This yards and a 52-yard touchdown of 33 yards to Richter. Schrock new head coach Jon Prevo in is the fi fth time that Rogers scamper, while sophomore Nate scampered 51 yards for his touch- charge of the squad. Rose-Hul- has earned a Gold Glove at Richter led the receivers with down to cap the fi rst half scoring man returns three starters from his pitching position, and the three catches for 51 yards and give the Engineers a 21-0 last season, led by preseason twelfth time Rodriguez has Rose-Hulman’s defense shut- lead at the break. Conference Player of the Year earned the distinction behind out Anderson until late in the In the second half, Rose-Hul- candidate Rebekah Forsyth, two- the plate. Other notable Gold third quarter with a solid team man continued to add points to time statistical national champi- Glovers include Texas Rangers effort. Hastings led the team with the scoreboard. The Engineers on Suzy Carlson, and 11.5 point fi rst-baseman Mark Texiera, nine tackles, with freshman Kyle gained a 24-0 lead on a 27-yard per game scorer Jill Floyd. New York Yankees shortstop Stevens adding eight stops. fi eld goal on a windy day by ju- Rose-Hulman opens the 2006- Derek Jeter, Oakland Athletics The Engineers celebrated Se- nior Jeremy Sharp. Rose Hulman News 07 women’s basketball season on Cameron Hummel threw a pair third baseman Eric Chavez, nior Day for 10 members of the The defense added the fi nal two Nov. 17 against Earlham College of fi rst half touchdown passes and Minnesota Twins outfi eld- football program. Safety Mike scores of the victory. Hawkins re- in the Franklin Tipoff Tourna- to key the victory. er Torii Hunter. Alto, receiver Ray Boyden, guard turned an interception with 7:06 ment. Men’s soccer advanc- es to championship Join us for Rose Hulman News senior David McIlwaine leading Rose-Hulman with six shots and The men’s soccer team ad- Miller adding four. Junior Trey vanced to the championship Buck recorded six saves in goal game of the 2006 Heartland Col- to earn the shutout victory and legiate Athletic Conference men’s his school record 12th win of the soccer tournament with a 1-0 season. victory over Hanover College at Rose-Hulman had one other Rendel Field on Wednesday. outstanding scoring chance, The victory sends the Engineers when Miller was robbed by goal- to Transylvania University for the keeper Michael Hansford at the HCAC title game on Saturday at 2 48:37 mark in the second half. p.m., with the winner earning an Hanover’s best opportunity to automatic bid to the NCAA Divi- score was a header by Jeremy sion III Tournament. Owens that was just high in the Rose-Hulman sophomore fi nal seconds of the match. Trevor Miller provided the mar- Rose-Hulman improved to 15- gin of victory with the lone score 3-1 on the season and increased of the game at 15:31 of the fi rst its school record for wins with half. Miller scored from inside its latest victory. Hanover com- the top of the box, courtesy of a pleted the season at 8-8-3 overall. crossing pass from senior Chris Transylvania enters Saturday’s Banner. title game with a 13-2-1 record The Engineers outshot the and won the HCAC regular sea- Panthers 17-7 in the victory, with son title at 7-1 in league play. Logan Library will be open 24 hours during 10th week, Sunday, November 5 at 2:00 PM through Friday,

Rose Hulman News Trevor Miller scored the lone goal in the 1-0 win over Hanover with November 10 at 5:00PM this boot past Michael Hansford. Volume 42, Issue 9 Yes! I don’t have to do the paper next week! Friday, November 3, 2006

Top ten weeks of the quarter A tale of immune system woe This Day in History Rose Thorn production staff Rachel Howser not overcome the moment of the In 1979, members of the Some really cool folks Staff Writer shelf). I then realize that the shelf Communist Worker’s Party isn’t moving. I am moving. and of the Klu Klux Klan fight 10.That week you finally got laid by someone who wasn’t an alien. I have decided that Rose is I wake up slumped against the in Greensboro, NC. Sadly, it is 9. Week four. slowly killing me. According to shelf in the sock aisle where I ap- far from an Alien-vs.-Predator- 8. The week that never happened due to that cool temporal anomaly many people with an impres- parently passed out. Two days after style villian free-for-all, and that formed over at Ventures. sive number of letters after their this instance, I go to a neurosur- five CWP members are killed. 7. Quarter break. names, prolonged stress causes geon to discuss the fact that I have 6. The week you watched all 3,528 episodes of Naruto back-to-back. many negative effects to one’s utterly killed my back. He discov- 5. That weird week where none of your classes had anything due, immune system. I believe that I ered that I could not feel about two In Addition and you just sat around dazed and wondered what to do. can prove this theory. square inches of my foot. Did you guys like that Morse 4. The Hertz Foundation Wine Cooler Dependency Awareness Week. Two weeks ago, I catch pink Wouldn’t a normal, stress-free code thing I did last week? 3. The final week of our modern world, when the last remnants eye. Whom I catch it from is a individual, realize that he or she Yeah, I like to throw in some of the old human race died slowly of radiation burns, while complete mystery. My fellow could not feel their foot? I think mind-benders once in a while. the Chosen began to erect their new Sun Empire beneath the classmates avoid me like the so. Rose professors should stop Keep you on your toes. Sort of sacred oasis in the middle of the Sahara. Plague for a week. The day af- giving us so much work. The way my own personal Myst tribute. 2. Free Custard Week. ter recovering from pink eye, I I am going, I may not make it an- Man, I can’t wait for Uru Live. 1. The week you convinced that kid down the hall that the old milk begin coughing and wheezing other five quarters. in your fridge had fermented into 220 proof booze. uncontrollably. This is a fairly common occurrence, since I was O nerd run, where art thou? diagnosed with asthma at the age Aaron Meles God, how I long to see it again! Wacky Prof Quotes of three. Opinions Editor No matter how down in the “If I just sit here and threaten “So this supports my conten- After a week of not breathing, I dumps I was, no matter how the pen it will keep work- tion that you’re all masoch- go the doctor only to find out that I’ve had it. I’m on edge. Look many tests I did poorly on or vi- ing.” ists.” one of my lungs is collapsing, I at my hand. It’s been like that for cious locker room beatings I had -- Prof. Livesay, keeping him- -- Prof. Clifton, theorizing have pneumonia, and I have a the last three hours. I’m up to my received that day, a few precious self busy possible stomach ulcer. I’m im- neck in homework and projects, seconds of watching someone “Put your hands up high, I’m mediately put on eight different I haven’t had a wink of sleep in nerd run would slap a huge smile “If you do this, you die.” deaf!” prescription medications, but days, and I’m so dependent on on my face. It was like, no matter -- Prof. Moloney, on the perils -- Prof. Throne, encouraging does that keep me from going to caffeine that I’m beer-bonging how poorly I did in class or how of plugging equations into participation class? No. If I didn’t go to class, I a mixture of Jolt, black coffee, much I sucked at life, I would Excel would fail. and ground-up Ritalin just to never suck hard enough to re- “Penis into vagina, sensation, After two seven-hour days of achieve five precious minutes of duce myself to have to nerd run. “The president will walk by and ejaculation, orgasm, woo class in my drug induced state, focus. But what’s really bugging I would do anything to feel that I’ll be in deep kimchi.” hoo!” I decide to go to Wal-Mart to buy me, what’s grinding on my mind way again. -- Prof. Mellor, getting him- -- Prof. Dee, summarizing food and socks. I was biding my the worst of all, the thing that, if I’ve never been this tense be- self in trouble human reproduction time squatting in the sock aisle, try- remedied, would make me feel fore. I have to see the nerd run ing to decide between green socks happy again, is that I haven’t seen soon or I might snap. I’m seri- “We got donuts and abortion!” “Here is a plot of hopeless- with maroon flowers and white the nerd run in weeks. ously considering setting every- -- Prof. Casey, on the yummi- ness at Rose as a function of socks with blue flowers, when sud- It’s enough to drive a man in- one’s clocks behind on campus ness of donuts... and abor- time.” denly the whole sock shelf is com- sane. I honestly don’t think I’ve and then settling down in a lawn tion -- Prof. Devasher, telling the ing down on top of me. seen that hilarious combination chair in front of Olin and watch- sad truth I reflexively grab the shelf to of running and trying to appear ing the carnage as people rush “That’s probably harsh and un- keep it from squashing me. (Any like you’re running since second to get to class. A few of them are caring, but it’s funny.” Send your prof quotes good engineer would realize that week. The arms locked to the bound to nerd run, and when -- Prof. Clifton, being evil or other humor material the force exerted by my puny arms sides, the chin down, the stiff they do, my life will be complete to fl[email protected] at the base of the large shelf would legs, the wheelie-backpack… again. Final Fantasy I smell bacon! James Zhou pens when objects hit each other. Philip Becker This was days before Halloween, that. So I showed him the cap Staff Writer Hitting a neighbor will result in the Staff Writer so could this have been a prank? guns, and explained that they removal of your objects. For prob- This man was too serious. were part of my friend’s “Mexican Nelly Furtado once sang a song lems that require reducing friction, My friends and I were going to Then it clicked in my mind! Gunfighter” costume. titled “All Good Things come to lubrication will be provided. cook breakfast, so the day before This was a sting! There was a guy He told me that people made an End.” Dear readers, this is Biology: Any microscope you we went to Kroger to buy break- out there who had been using real guns that looked like that. the final issue of the Rose Thorn can fit through the door and that fast stuffs. We divvied up roles, bacon illegally! This bacon was He also told me if they didn’t (for a couple of weeks at least). you can not be proven to not and I quickly claimed “bacon”. I laced with crack! Or maybe some have the orange caps on them That is the bad news. The good own. During the exam, you may love bacon. In fact, I say, “Every- criminal was using it to grease and I had pointed them at him, news is that this trimester is also analyze any living object nearby thing tastes better with bacon!” himself up to slide through bars he wouldn’t have hesitated to coming to an end and so we can to assist you. For problems that Case in point: filet mignon. No- and steal stuff! I didn’t know! I’m shoot me with his real gun. And return home to our families (un- require reducing friction, lubri- body thought there was anything not a criminal genius; I only know it probably wouldn’t have left the less you’re in the ROTC; then you cation will be provided. better than a good cut of steak… how to eat bacon! sexy bullet scar I always dreamed have to stay here until the time- Chemistry: Anything you can until they wrapped it in bacon. But I figured the police officer about. tables are made). The really bad synthesize, starting right now. One of my friends joined me on was trained to know that on sight. news is that soon all of us will be People who bring airborne toxins Team Bacon, and we found one of He probably knew bacon had taking our finals! will be penalized, as will those those coolers in the center aisle never been involved in any of my There would be much to fear who bring hallucinogens and re- full of bacon that was on sale. I firework-exploits. He must have if the investigative journalists at fuse to share. found some and picked it up. It been a kindly officer letting me this newspaper hadn’t found top Mathematics: A “slide ruler.” was gorgeous. It was some of the know I needed to get out of the secret administration memos We at the Thorn have no idea how best looking bacon I had ever laid way so that when the Bacon Ban- detailing the contents of those to use it, but it can “easily” be used eyes on. Just as I decided this dit arrived, I wouldn’t get caught dreaded four hour tests. Instead to calculate, according to the old- was the piece of pig I’d take home in the crossfire. I was wrong. of printing them, we negotiated est math professor on campus. with me, a man walked up to the “Do you have a gun?” he asked with the administration to make Computer Science: A penguin other side of the cooler. me. I was kind of horrified, be- those tests easier for you to take. or an apple. If you spend your This man flipped a leather wal- cause I’ve never held a real gun. Ken Meyer / Rose Thorn Captions for fun and profit! That way, the selflessly altruistic time describing the beauty and let open to reveal a badge. This I’m clumsy and a firearm in my “SE, phone home!” staff insures that even the illiter- simplicity inherent in a penguin man was an officer of the law! My hands would be a great danger -Scott Aikin ate bastards who don’t bother or an apple, you are sure to do mind started going at a thousand to society. He could see it in my “What do you want for Christ- reading this most excellent pub- well. Alternatively, sacrifice the miles an hour. The only time po- face and asked, “Or maybe a toy mas? lication will benefit. You will be penguin (or apple) by throwing it lice ever stop me is for traffic vio- gun?” allowed to bring: out of a window. lations and the rare occasion of Oh yeah. I had one of those. -Ken Meyer Physics: Up to three solid ob- Civil Engineering: You may out-of-season illegal fireworks. I Two in fact. I had just hung out “I pity the foo!” jects of known mass, volume, and bring as many major municipal checked my person; I wasn’t driv- the passenger side of my friends -Ryan Schultz frictional coefficients. During the construction projects or national ing my car and I hadn’t blown car and used those two cap guns “You know where the good exam, you may manipulate these monuments as fit in your book- anything up in recent memory. to pretend I was drive-bying stuff is? Go down to the cor- objects with a force to help you re- bag. You must be able to justify So now my mind was trying somebody in my breakfast party. ner, ask for Martinez...” member/quickly learn what hap- your definition of “bookbag.” to figure out what was going on! Apparently the police don’t like -Aaron Meles

The Little Line o’ Litigious Lard: The content of the Flipside is intended to be purely humorous, and it does not represent the opinions of the Rose Thorn or Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology. It doesn’t represent anybody’s opinions. As a wise troupe once said, “Humans rule! Dolphins can suck it!” Facts in “This Day in History” courtesy of historychannel.com. All material is copyright of its owner. Any unattributed material was created by Gregory Weir.