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tabooshow.com 3 4 tabooshow.com Dr. Jess on Sex: Custom relationships are the future Living apart but together, living together but separate, co-mothering and more trends

The times they are a changing and relationships are evolving along with them.

Not only are younger folks delaying marriage or rejecting it altogether, but they’re also embracing the reality that there is no one-size-fits-all formula for lasting partnerships.

Rewriting the rules of relationships altogether is the trend — regardless of age.

“I want love and companionship, but I have no plans to be a mother again,” says Val, who reentered the dating market in her 60s. “All the men I was dating wanted a mother — a cook, a cleaner and a nurse in some cases. They were clear about their expectations and even joked about the ‘good old days.’ When I met Paul three years ago, I was up front about not wanting to move in together and it has worked out well.”

Val and Paul both live in High Park, but they’ve maintained separate Divorced and separated parents are also defying convention and opting to live together despite no longer being romantically linked. residences. The living-apart-but-together (LABT) arrangement has become more common as couples acknowledge that relationships need Beach resident Stanley has continued to live with his partner in not be linear. their family home since their divorce. They have two teenage sons Twenty-nine-year-old Veena agrees and insists that she has no plans to and can often be found sharing a laugh and a drink on their terrace cohabit anytime soon. with their new partners — they seem to get along as well as any other group of friends. “I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years, and things are going great. Why move in and disrupt what we’ve created? Neither of us wants kids, Living-together-but-separate (LTBS) is yet another trend that flies so I don’t see why we need to be roommates.” in the face of relationship — and breakup — expectations.

Although more intimate partners may be opting into LABT, others And finally — though not a trend per se — non-sexual, affectional relationships are also becoming more commonly acknowledged. are choosing to move in together to reduce expenses and share parenting responsibilities. These relationships might include love, intimacy, cuddling and other Co-mothering arrangements allow mothers to pool time, financial and forms of physical affection but preclude sexual encounters (i.e., no goal of arousal or orgasm). emotional resources — all of which tend to be scarce for single parents. Benefits of this non-sexual relationship include reduced costs — not It makes sense that some folks who identify as asexual may prefer only do you share housing, utility and food expenses, but also incidental affectional relationships (although asexual needs and desires are expenses including toys, sports equipment, kitchen tools and even highly varied of course), but they’re not the only ones. clothing to some degree. A polyamorous friend explains to me that she has multiple The children also benefit from the support of an additional caring adult partners: a parenting partner, two sexual partners, a life partner (who likely has more patience because they are able to actually get and an affectional partner with whom she shares everything some alone time) and the camaraderie of their in-house “siblings.” except sex. Different partners fulfill different needs, and it reduces And of course, the emotional advantages are shared by the kids and the pressure for one person to be your everything. adults alike. As so-called trends become more visible and accessible to more “It’s way easier with my best friend on board. It’s the first time I’ve felt people, it’s important to note that some of us have more privilege someone really has my back. But it’s also empowering,” says Shelby to challenge social conventions and/or be rewarded for doing so — who lives downtown. “Because we’re taking single motherhood back — but relationship norms will continue to evolve. it shouldn’t be stigmatized, and my kids shouldn’t suffer because their father is no longer here.” And as our options for custom designing our relationships to suit our individual needs expand, I see a bright future for love, intimacy, Single parents aren’t the only ones pooling emotional and financial relationships and sex: a future in which variety is celebrated and resources to support themselves and their kids. certain types of love are no longer relegated to the fringes.

tabooshow.com 5 main stage schedule FRIDAY SUNDAY 6:00 PM 1:00 PM Welcome to Taboo with Yada Welcome to Taboo with Yada 7:00 PM 2:00 PM The Kings and Queens of Kink Eclipse Pole Dancing Brought to you by Q Nightclub and 3:00 PM the Imperial Court of Regina Carmen Luxx 8:00 PM followed by Games, Prizes, Body Heat All Male Revue and a little Drag 9:00 PM 4:00 PM Eclipse Pole Dancing Body Heat All Male Revue 10:00 PM Miss BumBum North America Contest: Regina Semi-Finals 11:00 PM Body Heat All Male Revue SATURDAY 3:00 PM Welcome to Taboo with Yada 4:00 PM Vertigo Performance 5:00 PM Eclipse Pole Dancing 6:00 PM Games, Prizes, and a little Drag 7:00 PM Body Heat All Male Revue 8:00 PM Carmen Luxx followed by Games, Prizes, and a little Drag 9:00 PM Eclipse Pole Dance 10:00 PM Miss BumBum North America Contest: Regina Finals 11:00 PM Body Heat All Male Revue

tabooshow.com 7 More couples are exploring new ways to reconnect. For some, cannabis can help.

There are many natural substances said to be aphrodisiacs—oysters, ginseng, and dark chocolate, to name a few. But it’s possible cannabis will soon become synonymous with lifting the libido as well.

While studies are scarce due to legal barriers over the past several decades, “We’re in the preliminary Cannabis in the stage of observing the phenomenon. We need to move on to explain why or how this is happening,” says Rany Shamloul, a clinical researcher at The Bedroom Ottawa Hospital to the Globe and Mail.

What we do know is that many women can experience anxiety and stress around sex, particularly if they’ve been victims of sexual violence. The ability to relax the body and the mind and be in the moment can make all the difference to someone who feels disconnected in bed. And while a nice glass of wine could loosen you up just as well (and might currently be more socially acceptable), many are beginning to question how “mommy drinking culture” normalizes alcoholism in women when the risks of alcohol consumption are greater for women than for men.

Symptoms of sexual anxiety can range from difficulty getting aroused, to a significant decrease in sex drive. “I just couldn’t concentrate when it was happening,” says Katherine, 31. “My mind was always whirring, and I couldn’t relax and get into it. “That inability to find a sense of ease led Katherine to an inability to orgasm during any kind of sexual play.

When she and her boyfriend started using cannabis before sex, however, she found she was able to loosen up like never before. “It was a whole new sensation,” she says. “I was feeling things I’d never felt before, probably because I wasn’t distracted by thoughts about my body, or dumb things like my to-do list that is always in the back of my head.”

Leaning into those new sensations produced orgasms for Katherine and, she says, brought her and her boyfriend closer together. “We don’t use [cannabis] every time,” she says, “but it is a great way for us to explore new things as a couple.”

For Shannon, a woman in her late-50s, that feeling of newness is just what she was searching for. Married for 25 years, she read up on women-focused pleasure and was looking for a way to break out of routine and try something different, despite the stigma she grew up with around sexuality.

“This is how we were raised,” she says. “This is the culture we’ve all been brought up in.”

To escape those stricter norms, Shannon began vaporizing—her husband doesn’t use cannabis—and found that she relaxed and felt excited about sex again.

It wasn’t all easy, though. Shannon had to find the right balance for herself to reap the benefits. “I don’t like being stoned,” she says. Taking too much, or vaporizing at the wrong time, would cause her to feel other effects than those she desired. Like with any cannabis use, every person’s reaction is different, and everyone must find what works for them.

One study from the Journal of Sexual Medicine found “A positive association between [cannabis] use and sexual frequency is seen in men and women across all demographic groups. “So the integration of cannabis into your sex life might result in sex more often, and hopefully more connected, better sex at that.

Like sex, cannabis use is all about what feels good and right for you, so finding a partner you trust is just as important as finding the right strain. “When all the elements are there, though,” says Katherine, “it’s not about being high. It’s about being connected.” Source: Sundial Cannabis https://www.sundialcannabis.com/discover-cannabis/cannabis-in-the-bedroom

8 tabooshow.com 7th Ave Distribution 101 Ace Angels Body Painting 25/26 AIDS Programs South 4 Saskatchewan AK Traders T1 Alumination Canada 105 ASPECC - Alberta Sex W3 floor plan & Positive Education + Community Centre exhibitors Bellezza Moda Beauty W8 & Fashion Bliss 145/147 main level Body Heat 12 BodyMods 6-9 Carmen Luxx 27 Daring Diva Purses 107 Dungeon 228-236 Eclipse Pole & Fitness Studio 3 European Lingerie 38 Block BAR Igniting Passion E3/E4 BAR Industrial Luv Products Inc. 36 Block Jimmy’s Cannabis W4 Lozman Canada Inc. E6-E8 & 139 & W1/W2 Lucky Paws Dog Rescue - E9 Puppy Kisses Miss BumBum North 149/151 America Contest Native Seed Co. 135/137 Nexion Travel Group W10 NoMoreWetSpot E1/E2 T2 T1 Nut Man Regina W6 & W7 Paige’s Pretty Lips - 141 Lipsense by Sengence Pasqua South Medical 131/133 Aesthetics Planned Parenthood E10 Pure Romance 147A MAIN ‘R’ Lil Secret 127/129 STAGE Salty Dog Beard Company W9 Scentsy 1 Smoke Effex 15-21 Spa Stuff 2 2nd balcony Spank 121/123 Stopbully.com 112 Strapped Lingerie/Daddy Issues 109 Sweet Adult T2 The Wolf 104.9 5 Seminar Theatre Seminar Warehouse Direct Sales 22-24

tabooshow.com 9 5 Typical First Time BDSM Mistakes Morgan Thorne Read more in my book Exploring BDSM - a Workbook for Couples (or More) Discovering Kink. 1 - Too Many Things at Once If you try to jam too many different activities into a single play scene you’re going to end up overwhelmed. You will be fumbling, trying to remember all the things you wanted to do and waste valuable time worrying about whether you did them all. This will interrupt the flow of the scene, damage your confidence, and not be much fun for anyone involved.

2 - Overconfidence Many people walk into the world of BDSM thinking that it all looks easy. I mean, how hard can it be to hit people with a stick or wrap them up in ropes? The answer is that there is a lot to learn. Spanking is pretty simple when you think about it, but even then, you would be amazed at how many people mess it up. Warm-ups are important to enjoyable impact play. Without one, enjoyable pain can turn into bad pain very quickly.

3 - No Confidence You’re new and nervous. It’s not unusual, we were all new once. If you aren’t confident in what you’re about to do, you will make mistakes. You will be so worried about not being perfect that you will sabotage yourself. Avoid this mistake by doing your research. Attend some classes, munches, and play parties. Watch others and see what aspects you like. Learn everything you can about an activity before trying it on a human.

4 - Not Enough Communication Talking about our kinks can be hard, especially when you’re new. As time goes on, it gets easier and easier, so do your best to get through those first awkward conversations. In the beginning, people will often skip over important points of pre-scene communications, either because they are nervous talking about it or they don’t realize it should be discussed. The solution to many issues in BDSM is to simply communicate with your partner.

5 - Sky High Expectations If you go into your first scene expecting that everything will be perfect, you’re going to be disappointed. If you expect that your partner can read your mind, you’re going to be disappointed. Manage your expectations by learning about the reality of BDSM. There are going to be times when things don’t go exactly as planned. Your partner will make mistakes. You will make mistakes. Learn to roll with it, have a laugh if warranted, and keep going.

10 tabooshow.com seminar schedule FRIDAY SUNDAY 7:30 PM 1:30 PM Get the Sex You Want Get the Sex You Want presented by A.S.P.E.C.C. presented by A.S.P.E.C.C. 8:30 PM 2:30 PM Tantric Sex: Communication and Intimacy HIV PrEP Talk with Karyn Fleck MSW/RSW with AIDS Programs South Saskatchewan 9:30 PM 3:30 PM HIV PrEP Talk Tantric Sex: Chakra Play and Sensual with AIDS Programs South Saskatchewan Massage with Karyn Fleck MSW/RSW 10:30 PM Striptease: Bringing Confidence Home with the Pink Champagne Girls SATURDAY 3:30 PM What does THIS do?! with Industrial Luv Products 4:30 PM Tantric Sex: Breathwork and 5 Senses Awaking with Karyn Fleck MSW/RSW 5:30 PM Pup Play Panel hosted by SASK PAH 6:30 PM HIV PrEP Talk with AIDS Programs South Saskatchewan 7:30 PM Erotic Wax Demonstration with A.S.P.E.C.C. 8:30 PM Tantric Sex: Men’s Sexuality and Extended Orgasmic Experience with Karyn Fleck MSW/RSW 9:30 PM Kink 101 10:30 PM Celebrate You: No More Excuses by Erika Gayle Photography

tabooshow.com 11 2. KEEP AN OPEN MIND TO A CLOSED BUTT TIPS FOR If your partner says anal sex doesn’t interest me, or I’ve had bad past experiences or not my thing, that’s ok. Everyone has the right to reject BETTER sexual stimulation or acts that they don’t find sexy whether or not BUTT SEX they’ve tried it and regardless if you really want to do it. You aren’t 4 owed a reason if someone simply says, it’s not my thing. by If you’re the butt in question and you want to say yes but your butt keeps saying no (read: pain, resistance, discomfort, shame), be patient with yourself and share your needs with your partner. In butt sex, you can only go as fast as the slowest person…make that slow exploration delicious, seductive, communicative and sensual. SO, YOU WANT TO DO BUTT STUFF? Approach it with no expectations of penetration, but more like: ‘how Want to bring some bum joy into your sexy times? Anal pleasure can many ways can I make this butt wiggle with pleasure’. be a really fun exploration of an area of the body that we still have a lot of shame, stigma and assumptions about. Though you need actual 3. ANAL PLEASURE DOESN’T ALWAYS HAVE lube, use communication as your social lube for your upcoming bum TO MEAN PENETRATION sex times. It can put both partners at ease to have playful, curious Sometimes we get caught up in anal penetration as the only version of and honest conversations around how they feel about giving and/ anal sex, which can be intimidating to butt beginners or if you’re new or receiving anal sex, what does anal pleasure look like for them and to a partner. Talk about the things you find sexy about asses (visually what do they need to have the best bum time possible. Go slow, enjoy and physically), what you’d like done to yours or to do to theirs. Anal the playfulness and explore all the ways you can turn each other on play can be both external and internal. Sometimes even our minds from anal pleasure. infuse our anal desires and can include fantasy, aesthetics or power Here are 4 Tips for Better Butt Sex to help you explore anal pleasure: exchange. 1. ANAL SEX NEED NOT BE A SURPRISE GUEST Here are some external and internal bum play ideas: Showing up at someone’s bum door unexpectedly and trying to shove Rimming (i.e. analingus, Butt Plug tails your way in isn’t consensual and usually delivers pain-al instead of eat it like a donut hole) Face sitting anal. Anal sex, like other kinds of sex, benefits from raising arousal, Perineum (i.e. taint) massage Sexy underwear increasing relaxation and using sensuality to be present in the moment Prostate play and in our bodies. Spitting/drooling External buttcrack massage Spanking Talk about it before hand to discuss experiences, expectations, Vibrators Flogging fantasies, turns ons, concerns and feelings about giving and/or Butt plugs Anal hooks, speculums receiving. It can be a delicious bread crumb of seduction to talk with Strap-ons Double-ended dildo your partner about what your fantasies are, things you’re curious Enemas Whatever your bums desire about, and to ask them about their fantasies, desires and what makes them feel sexy. The more information you have, even if you’ve been 4. AVOID ANAL ASSUMPTIONS together a long time, the more responsive to their pleasure you can be. When talking about anal sex, use the conversation or sexting to Here are some conversation ideas: talk about your turn ons and the little vignettes of anal play that • Invite conversations around concerns, bodies and hygiene. you imagine. Sometimes bringing up anal sex without context or (p.s. shit happens) explanation can inspire stereotypes around who is the giver and who is the receiver, and an automatic assumption that the only way to • Give each other opportunities to affirm each other’s needs to feel satisfy this fantasy is through immediate penetration. Not true, there’s safe and sexy. Maybe you agree that anal starts in the shower while a whole butt world filled with anal pleasure that is available. you wash each other down. For some people there can be shame, discomfort or lack of knowledge • What kinds of things would you like to do to your partner’s butt and/ and skill around being a giver or a receiver – talking about desires, or would you like done to yours? Make a list or sext each other your experiences from your fantasies can help you figure out how to make Bum Wish List for the night. the ones you feel most comfortable starting with happen. You may • Things can change from experience to experience, what you liked want to fulfill your partner’s strap-on sex fantasy, but lack the know- before you may not be in the mood for tonight. Talk about what bum how or sex toy equipment to start. You may want your partner to things that are on or off the table for the night, e.g. rimming – yes rim your butthole but you may worry about hygiene and taboo. Both (receiving and giving), penetration – no (giving), yes (receiving). scenarios can become curious starting points for conversations to unpack our anal fantasies and discover new ways to get turned on. • Remind each other about all the other things that get you in the mood; think eye contact, dirty talk, lots of touch, sexy lingerie, porn Credit: Luna Matatas http://lunamatatas.com/4-tips-for-better-butt-sex/ – whatever is available to support arousal and seduce your butts.

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