CALIFORNIA STATE UNIVERSITY, NORTHRIDGE

THE MAULER SUITE

A thesis submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements

For the degree of Master of Arts in Screenwriting

By

Steph Lady

May, 2012 The thesis of Stephen Lee Lady is approved:

______Eric Edson, MFA Date

______Dr. Kenneth Portnoy, Ph.D. Date

______Jared Rappaport, MFA, Chair Date

California State University, Northridge

ii Table of Contents

Signature Page ii

Abstract iv

The Mauler Suite 1

iii ABSTRACT

THE MAULER SUITE

BY

Stephen Lee Lady

Master of Arts in Screenwriting

A comedy set in the hero and villain circus of pro wrestling, the story follows aging performer Marvin Lesinsky, AKA John Wesley Wayne, as he makes one last desperate grab at the proverbial brass ring which promises financial security and the "little house in the country" that he so much wants to give his wife. Agreeing to do an ill advised charity tour, Marvin and two pals find chaos, comedy, and self-discovery on the road. Succeeding in spite of all, Marvin finds himself to be a mouse in a trap; he doesn't want the cheese anymore, he just wants out of the trap. Finally going off the rails, it is Marvin's essential goodness that saves the day.

iv FADE IN:

EXT. SAN FERNANDO VALLEY - DAY An overpriced post war two bedroom bungalow -- the picture of Southern California tranquility. A used Honda sits in the driveway. Someone plays the prelude to Mozartʼs ANDANTE IN “F” MAJOR on OBOE through an open window.

EXT. THE FRONT DOOR - DAY A wooden sign upon which two bluebirds announce... ʻTHE LESINSKYʼS -- MARVIN AND RITAʼ

INT. A MIDDLE CLASS LIVING ROOM - DAY Reproductions of PICASSO AND MATISSE are mixed with INDIANA HOOSIER football memorabilia. A big guy in a terry cloth robe and sandals ambles in with a cup of coffee, stopping to yawn. He wears elastic support on both knees. Beside him is his faithful canine CRYSTAL, a chihuahua. MARVIN LESINSKY is headlong into his 40ʼs with a certain something in his eyes -- is it naivete, or just the creeping madness that comes to a regular guy in a crazy world? Listening to the Mozart coming from the bedroom, Marv hums along for a moment. Not a complete rube, it seems. He knocks gently on the bedroom door. MARVIN Morning, honey. Sounds like Mozart's "Andante in F Major." RITA Good ear, sweetheart. The MUSIC stops and the door opens. RITA LESINSKY, late 30ʼS, holds the oboe. In perfect counterpoint to her big lug of a husband, she has the delicate frame and features of a bird. MARVIN Rehearsal today? RITA Four oʼclock. MARVIN This might be the day they ask you to play -- you never know. RITA Donʼt hold your breath.

1 MARVIN Can we be just a little positive? RITA How about just a little realistic? The knees? You will wear the brace? MARVIN Come on. Enough with the knee. Youʼre going to jinx me. RITA Sorry. I just donʼt relish the thought of pushing two hundred and twenty pounds around in wheelchair. MARVIN Todayʼs the day, babe. Iʼm moving up. Burt has it all worked out. RITA That's what bothers me. She kisses him on the cheek. RITA Donʼt hurt yourself. Marvin plops down on the couch and hits the TV remote. Ritaʼs door closes and the OBOE resumes.

THE TV SCREEN BUZZ JACKAL, 25, is a steroid soaked jerk in a buzz cut, camouflage shirt and red bandana tied around his forehead. BUZZ Listen up, you chinless wonders and disgusting pigs! This is champion pro wrestler and world renowned self defense expert Buzz Jackal. Crystal GROWLS. JAKE JACKAL, a twin, appears, identically dressed. JAKE And this is his bad assed brother, Jake. BUZZ We know you heard about the punk in Phoenix -- yeah, the one amped up on a pipe load of crack and a nose full of PCP. He was “upset” about some freak blowing away his pit bull with a 12 gauge shotgun.

2 JAKE Uh huh, that psycho, the one that focused his drug fueled rage on some pipsqueak accountant who had accidently cut him off in traffic. Buzzʼs eyes grow crazed as the camera moves in. BUZZ Right there on the freeway he did it, pulverizing the pipsqueakʼs face while fifty other pitiful excuses for men fumbled with their cell phones. Buzz SPITS off camera. BUZZ And you know what youʼd have done if youʼd a been there? JAKE Nothing! Thatʼs right! That is, unless you had purchased... Buzz holds up a DVD. BUZZ ... Buzz and Jake Jackalʼs “SECRETS OF STREET FIGHTING SUCCESS.” JAKE Sure the punk was big, pumped, ugly, and completely out of his gourd... BUZZ ...but you could have put his lights out! Thatʼs right. With no more than a simple brush of the hand. Buzz brushes his hand lightly across the screen. JAKE Just that easy. And thatʼs no matter how weak, fat, out of shape or just plain chicken crap you are! The screen goes black. MARVIN Just a brush of the hand?! He laughs, brushing the air. First this way, and then that, and finally to the tempo of the Mozart on OBOE. Crystal BARKS. MARVIN A brush of the hand! Hey, Jake! You doormat! You pantywaist.

3 Marv brushes once, twice, the DOG barking away. He doesnʼt notice that the MUSIC has stopped and Rita is staring at him. RITA Marvin!? He jumps, startled. Crystal cowers. RITA Are you all right? MARVIN Just limbering up. You know. She shakes her head and retreats to the bedroom.

EXT. A PARCHED BACK YARD - DAY Late morning, and the LA sun beats down. Marvin waters a lonesome potted rose as Crystal sniffs around. The lone landscaping is a lump of rock and a withered tree. Marvin holds his sputtering hose, and looks up toward the scorching sun. MARVIN Crystal, I canʼt even remember the last time it rained. Groaning, he on the rock, rubbing liniment on his bad knees. MARVIN I canʼt go on like this. Crystal barks. MARVIN Yeah, Crystal. I know. “Thatʼs what you think.” He gets up and walks to the house.

EXT. DRIVEWAY -- DAY Marvin is belted in his Honda and prepared to back out. Holding Crystal, Rita comes out to say good bye. MARVIN Are we all right, honey? RITA What do you mean? MARVIN I mean are we all right? Are you all right?

4 RITA Are you just asking, or do you really want to know? MARVIN Of course I want to know. RITA We canʼt go on like this. MARVIN I canʼt believe you just said that. RITA There's got to be a better way to make a living than putting your future in the hands of that jerk Burdock. He's never going to come through for you. MARVIN That's what you think. He backs out and drives away.

EXT. THE 405 FREEWAY - DAY Marvin sits in choked traffic. GANGSTA RAP blares from a pimped black Impala beside him. A pumped arm with an ornate ʻBadd Muthafuckaʼ tatoo on it juts out the car window. A RAPPER growls to a deafening bass beat. RAPPER (O.S.) I wake up, Smoke a sack, Sneak out the back, Trackinʼ, thugginʼ, Slanginʼ, hanginʼ, Banginʼ, robbinʼ... Marvin winces, leaning over to roll up the passenger side window. His eyes meet the glare of the TATTOOED MAN in the Impala. Heʼs bald, gold-toothed, and sneering. TATTOOED MAN You gotta problem?! MARVIN If I did, all it would take is one brush of the hand, sweetie-pie! HORNS blare, and a fight is avoided as the two cars separate.

5 EXT. A LARGE PARKING LOT - DAY The lot is filled with cars beside an auditorium. Briefcase in hand, Marvin rushes for the back door. Late to work. He shoves a door open. The sign says ʼAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY.ʼ [SLOW MOTION] And Marvin, now JOHN WESLEY WAYNE, is dressed in red tights, eye mask, knee high blue boots and a red, white and blue Captain America cape. He emerges through a split curtain into....

[LIVE ACTION]

INT. SPORTS ARENA - DAY KIDS, THUGS, and TRAILER TRASH. Assorted LOWBROWS and slumming VOYEURS in the new Roman circus. RING ANNOUNCER (O.C.) Wel-come to Saturday afternoon WWA Battle Roy-ale. And hereʼs John-Wes-ley... Wayne!!!! Screaming HEAVY METAL plays a Metallica style version of the "Star Spangled Banner." Itʼs Marvʼs theme song. He POSTURES, rippling his biceps. PYROTECHNICS explode. RING ANNOUNCER (O.C.) Give it up for the big man!!! A LUKEWARM RESPONSE. A group of teen RUDE BOYS call out. RUDE BOYS Oh, here's the faggy "good guy!" You suck, Wayne! A punk tosses soda pop in Marvinʼs face. LAUGHTER. Wiping it off, Marv feigns a threat. More LAUGHTER. He walks toward a little black kid waving a sign: ʻWayne Be The Man!ʼ He signs an autograph. MARVIN Thanks, kid. BLACK KID You were my grand mamaʼs favorite before she died. Marvin winces and continues on.

6 INT. RING - DAY Marvin climbs up and in. The National Anthem ENDS. In his corner is BURT BERRY, 50, his manager. A bantam, Burt is a man at war with his nervous system. He sports a cream colored three piece suit, ornamental hardwood cane, and fine straw Panama. Enormous Elvis Costello glasses complete the look. BURT Jesus H. Christmas, Marv! Does anyone care what I go through!? MARVIN Sorry, Burt. Traffic. BURT Burdock will talk to us about the new contract after the match. This is it, all right? MARVIN Thanks for the pep talk. At the other end of the auditorium, thereʼs a COMMOTION as cheesy ARAB THEME MUSIC begins. RING ANNOUNCER (O.C.) From Kandahar, Afghanistan... A spotlight illuminates the aisle as THE TERRIBLE TALIBAN strolls toward the ring. With full beard, ʻsultanʼ wrestling boots, and checkered headdress, he seethes defiance. RING ANNOUNCER (O.C.) The Terrible Tall--i---ban!! FANS indulge their animosity with INSULTS, OBSCENE GESTURES, and DEBRIS. But the Taliban drinks it up like palm wine.

INT. RING - DAY The Taliban climbs through the ropes. ʻIncensedʼ at the very sight of him, Marvin lunges, but Burt ʻrestrainsʼ him. The Taliban removes his robe with solemn ceremony, kissing it to a round of ʻBOOSʼ. More Debris flies into the ring. The Taliban SPITS at the crowd.

RINGSIDE -- COMMENTATORʼS TABLE Two commentators sit before microphones. HAROLD MILLER, 50, is the lead; a seasoned pro. He wears tux and tie, and has an aristocratic British accent and erudite vocabulary perfectly unsuited to his audience. Beside him in a ten gallon hat is ʻBIG TEXʼ LONGLEY, ex-wrestler. Heʼs the ʻcolor,ʼ growling with a Texas twang. HAROLD Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman.

7 BIG TEX Ah hope youʼre not referring to our viewers, Harold. HAROLD Merely a gesture of courtesy, Tex. Now, as I was saying, our first match pits veteran John Wesley Wayne against the always treacherous ʻTerrible Taliban.ʼ BIG TEX Iʼll tell you what. If Wayneʼs gonna tangle with that Taliban, he better open a can of whup ass and do it fast. HAROLD As always, youʼre a veritable poet, Tex. Right above them, the Taliban threatens to exit the ring to confront a loudmouthed fan. TALIBAN Swine! Out my face! HAROLD The Talibanʼs threatening to start an altercation even before the competition's begun.

MARVINʼS CORNER Burt and the REFEREE restrain Marvin from attacking. Burt grabs his arms from the rear as the ref steps in front. The referee whispers. REFEREE Heʼs going to jump you at the bell. Headlock, clothesline and a rope choke. Then you mix it up. MARVIN Who takes it? REFEREE Does anyone tell me? The referee turns as the Taliban shoves him into Marvin.

RINGSIDE A MESSENGER arrives and speaks to Burt. MESSENGER This is from Mr. Burdock. Burt scowls and looks upward.

8 INT. SKY BOX Suited figures are seen through the glass. Among them is BYRON BURDOCK, 45, owner and producer of the show. Rich, arrogant, and glib, Burdock exudes “asshole.” He smokes a cigar while a busty blond gives him a back rub.

MARVINʼS CORNER Burt climbs up onto the post in Marvinʼs corner. FANS Mutant! Get some high heels! Burt threatens the loudmouths with his hardwood cane. HAROLD (O.C.) I say. It appears that Burt Berry has some last minute intelligence for Wayne. TEX (O.C.) I donʼt know about in-telligence, but the Af-ghani better watch that cane. Burt Berry may look like Little Lord Fauntleroy, but heʼs meanerʻn a sack oʼ red ants.

Burt argues with Marvin. BURT I donʼt write the script, OK? Burdock says you go out quick. Heʼs extending the Jackals another ten minutes. MARVIN Jackals, Jackals, Jackals! What about us? BURT Just sell it, OK?! Burt climbs down as the BELL rings.

IN THE RING The Talibanʼs at Marvinʼs throat, choking him. TALIBAN Howʼs the wife? His accent is decidedly not from Central Asia. He turns Marvin and applies a side headlock to hear better.

9 MARVIN Fine, thanks. Watch the knee, OK? The Taliban delivers three blows to Marvinʼs head. Marvin cringes. The Taliban whispers through the headlock. TALIBAN Knee drop. Back with a clothesline. The Taliban shoves Marvinʼs head down on his knee. HAROLD (O.C.) Oh! A nasty knee drop by the gentleman from Kandahar. BIG TEX (O.C.) Friends and neighbors, that there smarts. The Taliban praises his “God” to resounding ʻBOOS.ʼ As Marvin slowly gets up, the Taliban bounces off the ropes, and returns on the fly. WHAP! A forearm to Marvinʼs throat. As Marvin gasps for breath, the Taliban grabs him by the hair and drags him to his corner. Marvinʼs throat is wedged between intertwined ropes, and the Taliban begins thrashing Marvinʼs head. The Taliban applies an arm lock for good measure. TALIBAN You all right? MARVIN Fine. Now turn your back to me. While Marvin strangles, the Afghani turns, strutting and CROWING phony Afghani curses, revelling in the TAUNTS of the crowd. Meanwhile, Burt climbs up and pries the ropes loose from Marvinʼs neck with his cane. The CROWD cheers. Free now, Marvin staggers, catching his breath. The Afghani appears to notice nothing. HAROLD (O.C.) Manager Burt Berry tries to give Wayne another lease on life, as it were. BIG TEX (O.C.) Pathetic. Saved by a dwarf. Marvin calmly walks over and taps the Afghani on the shoulder. “Unsuspecting,” he turns around to find Marvinʼs fist in his jaw. Another. Another. The Taliban reels and the crowd finally CHEERS for Marvin. The Taliban falls to his knees. He CRIES FOR MERCY in his phony language. Marvin gestures:”Should I kill or spare him?ʼ

10 CROWD A resounding ʻthumbs down.ʼ FANS Kill him! Kill the raghead, Wayne!

COMMENTATORʼS TABLE Big Tex hears something in his earphones. He looks up.

SKYBOX Burdock Brisbane slides his finger across his throat.

COMMENTATORʼS TABLE Big Tex taps Harold on the shoulder. Tex slides his finger across his throat. ʻCut it.ʼ

IN THE RING Marvin proceeds to kick the Afghani in the head. HAROLD (O.C.) Things have taken an unanticipated turn. Tex catches the refereeʼs eye. He quickly holds up a closed fist and lowers it. The ref goes over as if to restrain Marvin. REFEREE Wrap it up, girls. MARVIN Youʼre kidding, right? The ref pushes Marvin back as the Afghani gets to his feet. REFEREE Thirty seconds. The Afghani is surprised too. ʻSuddenly refreshed,ʼ he grabs Marvin and they lock up. TALIBAN A low blow, and a flying scissors. He appears to knee Marvin in the groin. Marvin CRIES out, grasping his abdomen. BOOS! from the fans.

11 BIG TEX (O.C.) Right to the tenders. I told you this Af-ghani was a mean booger. Marvin staggers, holding his groin while the Iraqi bounces off one rope, then another. CROWD Hey, Wayne! Look up, you dumb shit! The Afghani flies through the air. He scissors his legs on Marvinʼs neck, hurling him to the canvas. BIG TEX (O.C.) The hunt is over, folks... REFEREE One, two...three! The bells CLANGS. The CROWD erupts in a mixture of boos and cheers. Marvin gets up to his knees, as if half conscious. The Afghani parades around, praising ʻAllahʼ and stroking his beard. The BOOS are thunderous. Burt crawls beneath the ropes to help Marvin out of the ring. BIG TEX (O.C.) ʻJohn Wayneʼ my butt...more like Wayne Newton.

AISLE TO DRESSING ROOM Burt swings the cane as they run the gauntlet of FANSʼ insults, popcorn, and paper cups of ice, soda and beer. FANS You suck, Wayne! Youʼre washed up! They disappear through the curtains. The triumphant Taliban follows, getting some cheers.

INT. LOCKER ROOM -- DAY Filled with wrestlers getting ready. Marvin gets a round of ʻhelloʼsʼ and high fives. Marvin sits down; disappointed, massaging the bad knee. BURT Not a bad sell. Not good, but not bad. MARVIN What can I do in five lousy minutes? And it helps to win sometimes. When was the last time I got to win!? BURT What?! Iʼm the booker?

12 The ʻAfghaniʼ walks by. JOSEʼS accent is Chicano, not Afghani. JOSE Give that knee a rest, amigo. Marvin nods, takes two pills and washes them down. MARVIN Good sell out there, Jose. A MESSENGER calls out. MESSENGER Wayne. Mr. Hart wants to see you.

INT. ARENA -- DAY Marvin and Burt step out just beyond the curtain. MARVIN Just one good season, and Iʼll buy that little place in the country for Rita. BURT It's in the bag, Marv. Just leave the negotiating to me. A man emerges from behind the curtain dressed in sport coat, slacks, carnation in the lapel, and bolo tie. Bare chested. MR. PAIN carries a large wrapped gift box. Behind him a man follows in a three piece suit, carrying a briefcase.

OTHER END OF THE ARENA A woman approaches the ring, dressed in a business suit, heels and hose. Itʼs THE EX-MRS. PAIN. She too is accompanied by a man in a three piece suit carrying a briefcase. HAROLD (O.C.) Mr. Pain and the Ex-Mrs.Pain have entered the arena, Tex. I wonder whatʼs transpiring. BIG TEX (0.C.) Hell if I know, but I see theyʼve got their shysters with them.

IN THE RING Pandemonium erupts as the divorcees attack. HARRY HART, the venal "COMMISSIONER" leaps from the ring and flees.

13 INT. END OF AISLE -- DAY Harry reaches Burt and Marvin standing at the curtains. He retrieves a cell phone. HARRY Mr. Burdock wants to talk to you, Marv. Harry sprays BREATH spray, his addiction. Harry surveys the action in the ring as he talks. HARRY Mr. Burdock, Iʼm putting you on speaker with Marvin Lesinsky. Burt and Marvin look up at the sky box, where Burdock looks down on them. MARVIN Marv here, with Burt Berry. BYRON BURDOCK barks on the speaker. BURDOCK (O.C.) Iʼm not blind, Lesinsky. The Mr. America actʼs too tame. Marvinʼs jaw drops, but Burt leaps on the defensive. BURT Heʼs joking. Youʼre a laugh a minute, sir. BURDOCK (O.C.) Now take Mr. and Mrs. Pain there. Thatʼs the kind of act Iʼm looking for. Psychological. MARVIN With all due respect, sir, two people bashing each other with hatboxes is David Mamet? Harry sprays, getting nervous. BURDOCK (O.C.) Iʼm not renewing your contract, Lesinsky. Pick up your check Monday. Click! Burt shakes his cane at the sky box. BURT Satan! MARVIN What I'd give for 30 seconds in that sky box. Just 30 seconds. Harry exist the arena, Marvin and Burt following.

14 INT. TUNNEL - DAY The faster Harry walks, the faster they follow. MARVIN You owe me, Harry, and I need to collect. HARRY Itʼs not Harry Hart, Marv. I love you like the son I never wanted. Burt doubles over, clutching his stomach. BURT My ulcer. Itʼs eating right through the lining of my stomach. HARRY You never said anything about an ulcer. BURT It came on suddenly. But Iʼve felt it coming on for years. HARRY I love you like the son I never wanted, Marv, but Burdock calls the shots. He says “Frog,” and I jump. Harry closes the door behind him. Marvin pounds it. MARVIN I'm not going to take this lying down, Harry. You'll be hearing from me! Burt fights tears, putting his head on Marvin's shoulder. BURT Just one good season. Thatʼs all we needed. MARVIN This isnʼt The Make A Wish Foundation. BURT What the hell are we going to do!? MARVIN Well, I'm open to ideas. BURT Iʼve never had an original thought in my life. MARVIN I don't give up, Burt. You'll see. Marvin Lesinsky never gave up in his life.

15 He pounds on the door once more for good measure. MARVIN Never! BURT That's what I like to hear, big guy! And I'll be behind you all the way.

INT. LOCKER ROOM -- DAY Burt and Marvin enter just as A WRESTLER calls out, standing on a bench looking out a window. WRESTLER The ʻChosen Onesʼ have arrived. ANOTHER WRESTLER Check out the new ride. The wrestlers, including Burt and Marvin, climb up to look.

EXT. OUT THE WINDOW -- DAY A super luxury coach idles in the parking lot.ʻThe Jackalsʼ is spelled out on the side of the bus along with advertising for ʻCaravan Clumpless Kitty Litter.ʼ. WRESTLER (O.C.) Ah...the sweet smell of sponsorship. Burt and Marvin get down as JAKE and BUZZ, 25, - The Jackals - come through the back door dressed in spotted Jackal capes and hats. Their bleached blond hair is in identical waxed back razor cuts as they pass by Burt and Marvin. MARVIN Hey, guys. Jake brushes his hand past Marvinʼs face. JAKE Watch the cape. Laughing, the pair high fives as they rush down the hall. Marvin has to restrain Burt.

INT. ARENA -- DAY A ROAR as the Jackals emerge. FANS dressed in ridiculous jackal hats provided by the cat litter company scream. CROWD Yi! Yi! Yi! Yi!

16 Like jackals. But CROWD sounds and blaring METAL MUSIC SLOWLY FADE.

EXT. THE RAINBOW ROOM -- DAY Marvin enters as two GAY MEN exit, sizing him up. MARVIN I'm straight, all right? GAY MAN Give me a call if you change your mind, sugar. Marvin enters.

INT. RAINBOW ROOM -- DAY Too early for a crowd. The bartender, a big ex-wrestler with large coiffured blonde hair watches a rerun of "I Love Lucy." OLIVER TIMMONS, 40's, wears a loud shirt, and his pants are pegged. He has the body of a linebacker and the persona of Liberace. Catching Marvin out of the corner of his eye, Ollie calls out in his sing song voice. OLIVER Heidi-ho, you big lug. What brings you to homolandia? Oliver embraces Marvin, kissing him on both cheeks. MARVIN Heidi-ho, Ollie. Make me a dry martini, will you? OLIVER Coming up. Marvin takes a seat at the bar. MARVIN How's are things going at the theater? OLIVER I just got my first lead role. You better be there. MARVIN Sure. Did you watch the show today? OLIVER Five minutes they gave you? What's wrong with that stupid Burdock? MARVIN That's not the half of it. He dumped me. Oliver serves the drink.

17 OLIVER What are you talking about? MARVIN I'm finished. Kaput. OLIVER Get serious. MARVIN Burdock cut me loose. OLIVER That guy gives assholes a bad name. MARVIN What kind of job can I get with John Wesley Wayne on my resume? OLIVER I thought you had a teaching credential. MARVIN That was Rita's idea. I could teach and maybe coach football. But they're laying off teachers by the truckload. Anyway, I'm not giving up on wrestling. OLIVER What are you going to do? MARVIN To tell you the truth, I have no idea. OLIVER Well, that's a start. How's Burt taking it? MARVIN He's threatening to jump out his bedroom window. OLIVER He lives on the first floor. MARVIN Well, there you go. He downs the drink. MARVIN I may need your help before this is over.

18 OLIVER I'll do anything I can. You probably aren't in the mood to hear this, but maybe it's time to throw in the towel. It was hard for me to quit too, but I've never been happier. MARVIN In for a dime, in for a dollar, Ollie. I'm not a quitter. OLIVER OK, I hear you. How's the knee, by the way? MARVIN Terrific. He reaches for his wallet. OLIVER It's on me. Heidi- ho. MARVIN Thanks. Heidi-ho, pal. He exits.

EXT. MARVINʼS STREET -- NIGHTFALL As the sun sets, Marvinʼs Honda turns a corner, rolling past the cookie cutter houses. Signalling, he enters his driveway.

INT. THE LIVING ROOM -- DAY Marvin walks through the front door, tossing his briefcase on the sofa as he calls out softly. MARVIN Iʼm home...

INT. BEDROOM -- DAY Dark. Marvin enters and flips on the light. MARVIN Rita? Silence. MARVIN Crystal? More silence.

19 EXT. PATIO -- DUSK Dark and quiet. MARVIN Rita? Lights go on. VOICES Surprise! Happy Birthday! Colored streamers and balloons. Crystal jumps in Marvinʼs arms. Rita walks over and kisses him. RITA Happy Birthday, honey. Suddenly, LOUD TECHNO-MUSIC begins. Weaving out of the house in little pointed party hats are Mr. and the Ex-Mrs. Pain from the dayʼs match. In real life they are LONNIE and SISSIE, both in their 30ʼs. LONNIE Pass me a lamp shade! Marvin gets a kiss from the Ex-Mrs.Pain--SISSIE. SISSIE Donʼt you just hate birthdays!? A handshake from Mr. Pain -- LONNIE. LONNIE Happy Birthday, you big Polack! The ʻTerrible Talibanʼ arrives trailing a wife and kids. MARVIN Jose, my favorite Taliban. JOSE ʻHappy Birthday,ʼ amigo. Where's the big guy? MARVIN Burt? Oh, he had a bad stomach. They hug. Marvin's puts on the best face he can.

INT. A BIRTHDAY CAKE -- NIGHT Marvin blows out the candles. CLAPPING.

20 LONNIE One more brick in the wall, eh? MARVIN That it is. Rita studies Marvin -- she knows something's wrong.

INT. FRONT DOOR - NIGHT The guests drive away. RITA Good night! MARVIN Thanks for coming. Marvin can drop the happy face at last.

INT. KITCHEN TABLE -- LATER Rita and Marvin have a nightcap. RITA So, are you going to tell me now, or make me wait? MARVIN Tell you what? RITA Come on, honey. I saw it the second you walked in. MARVIN So, to make a long story short, John Wesley Wayne is road kill. My contract wasn't renewed. She hugs him. RITA I'm sorry, honey. On your birthday no less. That Burdock has the conscience of a rattlesnake. BURT A rich rattlesnake. I can see myself standing on the corner with a sign, ʻWill wrestle for work.ʼ RITA Marvin, you've got your whole life ahead of you.

21 MARVIN Just one good season. That's all I need. I'm not going to take this lying down, Rita. I'll leave on my own terms, when I'm ready. Rita gets up. RITA What can you do? MARVIN I don't know, but I'm not through. That, I do know. RITA Did you ever consider that maybe it's time you did quit? MARVIN I said I'm not through. Didn't you hear me? RITA Excuse me. And happy birthday. Rita stomps out. Party over.

INT. MARVINʼS STUDY -- NIGHT Late. Mozart plays from a STEREO. Marvin cuts an ad from the real estate classified section.

ON THE WALL -- A CORK BOARD A dozen or more clipped classified ads for places in the country. Houses with land. Houses with orchards. Marvin carefully puts the new ad on the corkboard with the others.

EXT. MARVʼS BACK YARD -- DAY Marvin pumps weights. A HORN honks. Marvin towels off, leaning over the fence.

EXT. DRIVEWAY -- DAY Burt and Oliver arrive in Oliverʼs red 1966 Cadillac Eldorado convertible. OLIVER Heidi-ho, Marv. Don't you pick up the phone anymore? BURT We're going to TJ for the day. How about it?

22 OLIVER Come on. You've been moping around for a week. BURT Chicken neck tacos and beer. It'll cure what ails you, and what it can't cure, it kills. MARVIN No thanks, guys. Have fun. OLIVER OK, hasta la vista. The car pulls out and away.

INT. BEDROOM -- LATER Rita is in her nightgown watching the black and white classic noir, “The Petrified Forestʼ with Humphrey Bogart. Marvin walks in and sits down on the bed. BOGIE It looks like Iʼll spend the rest of my life dead. Rita hits the mute. RITA I wasnʼt going to tell you until tomorrow, but Fresno decided to promote the JV Coach. She hands him a rejection letter. He wads it up and throws it into the trash. MARVIN Itʼs a good old boyʼs network. RITA You were a San Diego Charger. If it hadnʼt been for your knee -- MARVIN -- if, if...and it was second team Chargers for all of one year before Landmine hit me with the cheap shot. What were you watching? RITA Some old detective movie. MARVIN You know, in the old movies, the good guys always won. When did they change that?

23 ON TV The movie cuts to a commercial. A wrestling promo. Itʼs Jake and Buzz Jackal with Byron Burdock. BURDOCK Friday night -- the WWA Death March III. Jake Jackal, what have you two got planned for The Animal and Beast 666? JAKE Iʼm planning on watching those fruits carried out on stretchers, thatʼs what. BUZZ The maggots better have their life insurance paid up! BURDOCK Friday night. The WWA Death March III. Call your local cable company for pay per view information. RESUME: BEDROOM The movie continues. Marvin gets up, restless. RITA Maybe you should be glad you don't have to be around those jerks anymore. MARVIN Yeah, maybe I should. But I'm not. He leave the bedroom.

INT. LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT Marvin sits alone in the dark with a beer. Pondering. Getting nowhere, he turns on the TV.

ON THE SCREEN Channels flip and then stop on a cheesy sci fi movie. Marvin watches as a CAVE MAN with a spear battles a giant fake looking tarantula. MARVIN Ridiculous. But he keeps watching. MARVIN Totally ridiculous. But something's coming to him.

24 MARVIN Yes!!! I've got it!

INT. KITCHEN - MORNING Marvin's on the phone. MARVIN Heidi-ho, Ollie! Feel those creative juices flowing? I need you at Marvelous Costumes on Sunset at ten. Right. Can you get Burt? Rita walks in. RITA Marvelous Costumes? MARVIN Yeas. A.. Costume party. Burt's having a costume party. He kisses her. MARVIN See you later. RITA If you say so.

EXT. SEEDY HOLLYWOOD -- DAY ʻMARVELOUS COSTUMES.ʼ Ollie's Caddy is parked outside.

INT. COSTUME RACKS -- DAY Endless; the kind of place that outfits ʻBʼ movie sets. OLIVER Try this. He holds up a gorilla suit. MARVIN No, that's not what I'm looking for. Oliver hands it to Burt, who starts scratching madly. BURT This thing has fleas!

25 A MIRROR Marvin in a snow leopard skin suit. A pause. OLIVER I'm thinking ʻNoble Savage. Lord of the Jungle. MARVIN It's close. BURT Heʼs right. Burdock sucks this kind of thing up! Marvin takes a second look. MARVIN Maybe. But it needs something. He ponders, then spies something on a rack. He pulls it off -- an ankle length, ratty fake fur coat. Then, knee high fur boots. OLIVER “The Abominable Snowman?” MARVIN The name's been used. BURT How about "Big Foot?" Marvin stares in the mirror. MARVIN I like it. OLIVER "Big Foot. The Last Neanderthal." BURT I'm in the presence of genius. Now, the act. Growl, or slobber or something.

MARVINʼS MOUTH Growls. OLIVER Sounds like my ex-boyfriendʼs Pomeranian. Oliver shoves Burt, who disappears into a rack of clothes. BURT Bark! Snarl! Foam at the mouth!

26 MARVIN Ahhhhhhh! OLIVER Youʼre primitive! Youʼre uncivilized! BURT Youʼre unemployed! Marvin snaps into it. He throws Oliver down, collapsing racks of clothes.

MARVIN AHHHHHHHH! DISSOLVE TO:

MARVINʼS MOUTH Still open. MARVIN Ahh -- mazing grace...

INT. CHURCH -- DAY CONGREGATION How sweet the sound... Marvin bellows the hymn, slightly off tune. A tie chokes his bulging neck. Rita sits next to him, also singing.

EXT. CHURCH STEPS -- DAY People socialize before leaving. The Preacher, REVEREND CASEY, comes over and takes Marvinʼs arm. REV. CASEY Brother Lesinsky, Iʼve got a surprise. We have visitors from your home town. MARVIN Really, Iʼm in a little bit of hurry this morning. But the preacher guides Marvin over to a group of about six people. HICKS. REV. CASEY Folks, an illustrious member of our congregation: ʻJohn Wesley Wayne.ʼ

27 The HOOSIERS are clearly impressed. Hands are shaken.

HOOSIERS Good golly! If my brother Ray was to see me now. REV. CASEY We owe the new church auxiliary to an exhibition match Marvin did for us. MILDRED steps closer. Sheʼs pushing seventy. MILDRED Let me feel that big ham hanging from your shoulder, young man. Marvin flexes his muscles. The old lady touches it lightly, swooning. MILDRED I wonʼt warsh this hand for a week. You know, I saw you on TV the time you went up agin that danged Hurricane Candido. MARVIN Oh? He has no recollection whatsoever. REV. CASEY Arenʼt we glad then that thereʼs still onerighteous wrestler? He pats Marvin on the back. MARVIN Nice to meet you, folks. REV. CASEY Been a while since you taught Sunday school, Marv. What do you say? MARVIN Iʼll...Iʼll have to get back to you. Uncomfortable, Marvin retreats.

EXT. BACKYARD -- NIGHT The Devil Wind gusts, and Marvin's little potted rose falls off the stand and SMASHES to bits.

28 INT. HARRY'S OFFICE - DAY Burt is making the sell. BURT Burdock was right, Harry. The act needed a retread. But Harry keeps going. HARRY Iʼm talking original. Take your ʻJackals.ʼ Theyʼre new, theyʼre sponsored, and best of all, Burdock loves them. He sprays. BURT You want 'original?' Well original's what you'll get. Close your eyes. HARRY Cut the crap. BURT Marv?! The door opens, and "Big Foot" leaps in. MARVIN AHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHH! BURT Big Foot! The last living Neanderthal! HARRY Jesus H. Christmas. MARVIN What do you think? HARRY Not bad. Not bad at all. And there was this little thing I been working on for Burdock. BURT Youʼre a saint, Harry. A living, breathing saint. HARRY I know. Itʼs a charity match. Out in the sticks, taking on local guys. MARV We could hone the act out there.

29 HARRY It goes over, well, who knows? Itʼs a possibility. Thatʼs all Iʼm saying. He extends his hand. Marvin takes it.

INT. MARVIN AND RITAʼS BED -- NIGHT WIND blows hard outside. MARVIN The Santa Ana's are bad tonight. You know, they call it the Devil Wind. RITA I can't believe you're going to do this stupid charity match. MARVIN I told you I wasn't giving up. RITA I never liked wrestling and Iʼve never pretended to. But Iʼve supported you. MARVIN I know. You think it's a freak show. OK, it is. RITA I finally realized something I should have figured out a long time ago. If I practice my instrument for a hundred years, Iʼll never be good enough to play at the top! MARVIN Are you depressed? RITA No! Iʼm not going to keep waiting for something thatʼs never going to happen. MARVIN What are you talking about? RITA Stop. Look at us. Waiting for our real lives to begin. Waiting to start a family. What are we doing, Marvin?! What are we waiting for? MARVIN Give up!? Is that what you want?

30 RITA But there comes a time when it's OK! Itʼs O-K to just retire. MARVIN You mean quit. RITA No, just do something different. You were All American, and you played in the NFL. Youʼve been on national television a hundred times. MARVIN Big deal. RITA How many people can say that? Iʼve played with a major orchestra. Hey, great. But weʼre just hanging on here in LA. Donʼt you see that? She climbs up and sits down on Marvin, taking his hands. RITA Listen to me. We can get away. Some place where we can afford to buy a house in the country like we've always talked about. And you can become yourself again -- instead of some brainless cartoon character! He pulls his hands away but she holds on. She kisses his hands. RITA A home. Would it be so bad? He frees his hands and pushes her off. MARVIN Iʼm going to do this, and nothing's going to stop me. RITA Why are you so stubborn?! MARVIN Because stubborn is all I've got, Rita. Don't you get it? I'm not that smart and I'm not that talented. But I won't take 'no' for an answer. Everything I've ever gotten was because of it. And that includes you. He turns out the light. He turns over and away. The WIND blows harder outside, howling now. RITA My God. You actually believe that, don't you?

31 Silence.

INT. LIVING ROOM --- MORNING Marvin waits on the front porch with his suitcase. Rita frets through the screen door. A HORN honks. RITA Why canʼt Burt come to the door like a normal human being? Marvin grabs his bag. MARVIN Because heʼs not a normal human being. He opens the door to kiss her, but she turns away. MARVIN If it doesn't work, I'll call it quits, OK? I promise. RITA No you won't. You know why? Because you just don't know when to quit! The door slams. MARVIN Have it your way. Burt lays on the HORN.

EXT. PARKING LOT -- DAY A vintage school bus is revealed, much the worse for wear. Harry approaches the rear of the bus with Burt and Marvin. OLIVER (O.C.) This tub needs a tune up, Harry! Marvin coughs, the black smoke in his face. MARVIN Oliver!? Oliver appears, dressed in a screaming Hawaiian print, cowboy hat and huge, mirrored cop sunglasses. OLIVER Heidi-ho! I couldnʼt let two innocents go out into the backwater all by themselves.

32 HARRY “Harry,” I said, “Who better than old Ollie?” BURT Liberace can drive this thing? OLIVER Fully licensed and insured, Iʼll have you know. I used to drive a bus at a nudist colony. HARRY So how about this rig, eh? It was Burdock's idea. MARVIN More like the Mongrels. Marvin has stepped back from the bus. He reads.

THE SIDE OF THE BUS Painted letters spell ʻBIG FOOT.ʼ WWA PRO WRESTLING. Harry slaps Marvin on the back. HARRY Itʼs all lined up. Barstow. Just a couple of local yokels. Firemen, cops, high school coaches. Do I know? MARVIN And the script? HARRY You raise a lot of sand and lose at the end. Grab the money, and get out of town. Two GUYS pull up a small two wheel box trailer. On the sides are painted, ʻBig Foot.ʼ Little painted Neanderthals threaten with clubs. HARRY Open her up, boys. They open up the trailer and pull out a metal cage on wheels. HARRY Feast your eyes. MARVIN What is it? HARRY N A Geek Cage. Got it from a carnival that went bankrupt in Mexico.

33 MARVIN A what? Harry makes out like a geek. Half ape, half lunatic. HARRY Geek! I bought it a few months back from a bankrupt Mexican carnival. MARVIN What did they do with it? HARRY You know -- they hire some half-wit for a few pesos and a bottle of tequila to bark like a dog and bite the heads off live chickens. OLIVER My Gawd! HARRY This is showbiz, boys! ʻBig Foot! From a land beyond time, a time beyond land. Untamed and un-civilized -- too treacherous to be let out in public. Oliver and Marvin study the cage. HARRY Anyhow, Burt wheels you in. You growl, you spit, you howl. MARVIN Spit?! Marvin opens the door of the cage and peers in. Thereʼs a big club and a hideous, long nappy wig on a mannequin head. HARRY Try her on for size. Marvin does. Gruesome. MARVIN It does match the coat. HARRY Make me look good here, boys. Marvin picks the club up and walks over to the side mirror of the bus. He peers at his grotesque image. MARVIN What would Rita say?

34 OLIVER I can take some photos. MARVIN No thanks.

EXT. FREEWAY 10 EAST - DAY The bus rolls out of LA, pulling the cage behind.

A STATION WAGON PASSES BESIDE Little kids wearing spotted jackal hats press their faces against the window, growling and posturing. KIDS Yi! Yi! Yi! BURT What, they closed the reformatories?! Burt throws them the finger.

EXT. BARSTOW JUNIOR HIGH -- DUSK The marquis announces: ʼFINAL EXAMS NEXT MONDAY. TONIGHT - CHARITY BENEFIT. WWA PRO WRESTLER, THE MAULER.ʼ The bus and trailer pull into a windswept parking lot.

INT. BUS DOOR OPENS The WIND is blowing sand in gusts. Oliver has tied a towel on his head Arab style. He gestures boldly. OLIVER Yonder, fellaheen! Yonder lies Akkaba! BURT Have you lost your mind? OLIVER What? Donʼt you remember ʻLawrence of Arabia?ʼ Another blast of WIND blows sand in their eyes. A flyer has blown up at their feet. Marvin picks it up.

THE FLYER ʻTHE BARSTOW VOLUNTEER FIRE DEPARTMENT VS. BIG FOOT.ʼ

35 A bad picture of Big Foot has been rendered. Below it, ʻHALF MAN - HALF BEAST FROM THE FROZEN NORTH. BANNED FROM PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING. BARSTOW VFD VS. THE LIVING NEANDERTHAL. ALL PROCEEDS TO BARSTOW SCHOOL ATHLETIC FUND”. OLIVER It definitely has Harryʼs touch. MARVIN We've got to make this work, guys. Follow me.

INT. GYMNASIUM -- NIGHT Filling with people. A ring has been constructed on the basketball court.

INT. LOCKER ROOM -- NIGHT Marvin sits in his fur boots and leopard suit. Burt reads the back of a bottle of wig glue. OLIVER I hope you know what youʼre doing. BURT Watch a master at work.

THE MIRROR Wig in place, Marvin looks up at his reflection. MARVIN This is going national, Ollie. I can feel it. OLIVER International, I'd say. MARVIN Why didn't I think of it sooner? BURT Just sell it, and I'll worry about the rest.

INT. AUDITORIUM -- NIGHT Two big DESERT RATS have come into town for the entertainment. The younger, named LUKE, wears a ʻFUCK YOU BITCHʼ tee shirt. The older, HARVEY, is covered with tattoos. They both have mangy beards and greasy leather hats. They each tote a big 64 oz. cup of coke and ice.

36 LUKE Harv, this is gonna be good. You wait. HARVEY The shitʼs all fake. I done told you that. LUKE Well, I wanna see for myself. Go ahead and liven this up, will you? The old desert rat produces a pint of Four Roses from his jacket and doses both cokes. They gulp. LUKE Iʼd show those boys a thing or two myself. The old rat picks a flyer off the next seat and reads it. HARVEY What in the Sam Hellʼs a ʻNean-der-thal?ʼ

INT. TICKET BOOTH -- NIGHT Oliver, mirrored glasses shining, is inside with a local cowgirl about 40 named TRUDY. The ten dollar and twenty dollar bills are coming in fast. OLIVER Sweetie? What do you say I go ahead and take our third as we go. TRUDY I thought weʼd make the split at the end, partner. OLIVER You saw ʻTreasure of the Sierra Madre,ʼ didnʼt you? TRUDY The one with Humphrey Bogart? OLIVER Bingo. Iʼll take ours now. He snatches the pile of cash.

INT. GYMNASIUM -- NIGHT The place is filled. The firemen are in their corner. The ANNOUNCER is on the mike. A BELL clangs.

37 ANNOUNCER And representing the Barstow Fire Department...weighing in at two hundred and seven pounds...

IN THE SEATS Luke pulls a fifth of Four Roses out from under his coat and sets it by his feet. Harvey grins through bad teeth. HARVEY Now thatʼs doinʼ things smart. The cokes are heavily dosed.

THE LIGHTS DIM And a spotlight shines on the locker room door. A high school kid rattles a SNARE DRUM. ANNOUNCER From the Aleutian Islands, weighing two hundred twenty pounds - half man - half beast - the living Neanderthal -- Big Foot!”

THE DOOR TO THE GYM Thereʼs BANGING on the inside of the locker room doors. Somebody trying to get out. BURT (O.S.) Could one of you yahoos open the door!? The drummer pulls the doors open. The geek cage rolls out with Marvin inside. The CROWD cheers and laughs. ANNOUNCER Accompanied by his fearless handler, Burt Berry! Burt can barely push the thing. LAUGHTER erupts as the spotlight falls on Burt in the ice cream suit and horn rim glasses. Marvin GROWLS.

RINGSIDE A father with a smiling two year old in his arms holds the boy near the cage. FATHER See it, Billy?! The kid WAILS in fear.

38 MARVIN Hey, itʼs OK, kid. Past the boy, Marvin GROWLS and rattles the cage.

INT. RING -- NIGHT ERNIE and DEREK, volunteer firemen, clown on the outside of the ropes. At last Burt manages to get the cage ringside and opens it. Marvin emerges, club in hand, growling and threatening as he climbs up into the ring. The BELL CLANGS. Marvin grabs Ernie and applies a headlock, slowing things down. Ernie starts LAUGHING. Marvin ends that with a burst of pressure. The guy CRIES OUT. The ritual has taken over. Disbelief is suspended.

IN THE SEATS FANS CHEER on the local boys. MALE FAN Use your elbow, Ern! GRANDMOTHER FAN Get that nasty thang off him, Deek! Help him out, for gawdsake!!

THE DESERT RATS Now pour openly from the fifth of Four Roses. Itʼs already two thirds gone. HARVEY Iʼd like a piece of that ugly assed thang myself. Goddamn if I wouldnʼt. He BELCHES loudly. Shit faced.

IN THE RING Marvin pretends to be distracted by a piece of flying debris, letting Ernie go. Derek jumps in the ring, but Marvin takes him down. He applies just enough force to make Derek YELL.

BACK IN THE SEATS Harvey stands up and sucks down the remaining whisky. BELCHING, he moves out. LUKE Harv! Could you get Old Crow this time?

39 But Harvey has something else on his mind. He hits the aisle, and trots toward the ring. Marvinʼs back is to him, and he doesnʼt see it coming. The mangy biker leaps up, and with the CROWD coming unhinged, reaches over the ropes and SMASHES the Four Roses bottle over Marvinʼs head.

[POV MARVIN] THE GYM BLURS AND SPINS Marvin falls to his knees, stunned but still conscious. The guy leaps in the ring, prancing around in a victory dance. The CROWD BOOS, and SECURITY are on the way to the center of the gym. But Burt gets there first, thrashing the intruderʼs kneecaps with his hardwood cane. Harvey HOWLS, falling to the canvas. Burt tattoos the drunk until the POLICE restrain him. MARVIN What happened? He feels the back of his head - blood. A SIREN wails.

INT. HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOM -- NIGHT Marvin lays on his stomach while a DOCTOR tries unsuccessfully to pry the wig off. DOCTOR Sorry. The NURSE steps over. NURSE Here. Let me do that. She tries this way and that. NURSE What ignoramus glued this on your head? Burt appears. BURT It takes the Mayo Clinic to get a wig off? NURSE No. We can handle it. She yanks the wig off with both hands. MARVIN AHHHHHH!

40 INT. WAITING ROOM -- NIGHT Burt, Marvin and Oliver wait. A DOCTOR walks in, followed by two POLICE. The doctor holds X-rays. DOCTOR How are you feeling, Mr. Lesinsky? Any nausea? MARVIN I'm OK. BURT Polacks. Skulls like concrete. MARVIN Chopin was Polish, all right?! BURT Donʼt believe everything you hear. The doctor intervenes. DOCTOR Thereʼs no fracture, but you do have a mild concussion. No wrestling for a few days, OK? POLICE Weʼve brought papers in case youʼve changed your mind about pressing charges. Burt reaches for the papers. BURT Iʼve changed his mind for him. MARVIN Just forget it. DOCTOR The schoolʼs insurance is picking up all charges, gentleman, so youʼre free to go. POLICE #1 Sorry about this. Thereʼs a whole lot of nice people in this community. BURT Thereʼs a whole lot of nice people in San Quentin, Chief. Maybe you can be a Sister Cities. The officer burns, ready to move on Burt. But Marvin grabs one arm and Oliver the other. They lift him out the door.

41 EXT. ROAD HOME -- NIGHT The bus and trailer head home.

INT. BUS -- NIGHT Marvin holds an ice pack to his head. Oliver drives. Burt only gets madder the more he thinks about the fracas. BURT The first thing Iʼm going to do when we get back is chew Harry and Burdock new asses. Silence. Lacking the desired confirmation, Burt turns on Oliver. BURT And what about you, gentle Moo-hatma!? You didnʼt see what happened? OLIVER Actually, I didnʼt. I was in the lobby talking to a darling man from Reno. BURT Hustling ass while we fight for our lives. He flips on the crummy little TV Burdock has provided.

ON THE TV SCREEN Jake Jackal leers at the camera. JAKE I donʼt care how fat, how stupid... BUZZ ...or out of shape you are. You donʼt even have to study... JAKE ... and thereʼs nothing to practice. Vicious moves are downloded into the nervous system with just one viewing. BUZZ So it's not just some crap you memorized. JAKE Should bar room combat become unavoidable, you destroy attackers without even putting your drink down!

42 BUZZ And you slobs with the disgusting beer guts. Weʼll show you how to use that belly to deflect even the most vicious kicks of martial arts experts. Jake holds up the DVD. JAKE Just $69.95, an hour on the couch with a sack of chips and a few cold ones, and youʼll know every filthy, dirty trick in the book. Plus, as a bonus, our... He holds up a second DVD. BUZZ “One Second Discussion Enders.” Thirty six strictly non-verbal retorts to arrogant, opinionated jerks with the nerve to disagree with you! Marvin turns the TV back off. BURT Wait! I was going to write down the number. Burt's CELL PHONE rings. HARRY (O.S.) How'd it go out there, boys? Marvin puts his hand over Burt's mouth. MARVIN Terrific, Harry. They ate it up. HARRY (O.S.) Guess what. We've lined up another match for you. Burt escapes, screaming into the receiver. BURT Harry! Does this sound like Mother Theresa talking? Not "another match." Say "Contract!" Say the words, so Marvin can hear. ʻ "Contract!ʼ HARRY (O.S.) I'm workin' it, Burt. Trust me. It's just that Burdock wants another match, OK? Bullhead City. Tomorrow night, all right? CLICK. He's gone. OLIVER Well, Marv? "Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I took the one less travelled by..."

43 BURT He's right? Who the hell goes to Bullhead City? MARVIN Make a U-turn.

EXT. HIGHWAY -- NIGHT Oliver finds a turn off and heads back the other way. Marvin dials Rita, but gets voice mail. RITA (O.S.) You've reached Marvin and Rita Lesinsky. Please leave a message at thew beep. MARVIN We're off to Bullhead City for another match, honey. Itʼs really going terrific. Love you.

INT. BUS -- MORNING Heading back into the desert. David Allen Coe sings, "Take This Job and Shove It" on the radio. DAVID ALLEN (O.S.) "Take this job and shove it I ain't workin' here no more My woman done left and took all the reasons I been workin' for..." Burt nurses a beer. Oliver notices something in the side mirror. OLIVER Uh-oh. Weʼve got company.

IN THE REAR MIRROR A scary looking DUDE on a Harley.

EXT. ROAD -- DAY A dozen bikes and BLACK LEATHER FREAKS swarm around the bus. On the backs of their leather jackets it reads, “Demons On Speed.”

INT. BUS -- DAY Outside, the Harleys REV their motors. HORNS honk. Something is thrown against the side of the bus. Burt and Marvin peek through the curtains.

44 OLIVER Iʼm sure they mean no harm. BURT Are you crazy?! Those are the Demons On Speed! I saw them on "60 Minutes.” Oliver turns. OLIVER You watch "60 Minutes?ʼ BURT They wash down amphetamines with gallons of malt liquor. They terrorized a Marine base near San Diego last year. A BEER BOTTLE smashes against the side of the bus. Marvin turns and yells out the window. MARVIN Hey! Watch it! OLIVER Maybe they do mean harm. BURT Just out run them, Liberace! Oliver shoves the accelerator to the floor.

EXT. HIGHWAY -- DAY The Demons are having a field day. One Demon has a BIKE SKANK on the back -- she slips up and takes the handlebars as he climb off the bike and up onto the geek cage. Soon heʼs on top of the bus.

INT. BUS -- DAY They hear the intruder above them. BURT Weʼve been boarded! Itʼs a fight to the death! MARVIN He canʼt get in. Ollie, canʼt you get any more out of this tub?! Oliver downshifts, and then speed shifts up. The old bus is SHUDDERING under the strain.

45 EXT. HIGHWAY -- DAY The tailpipe on the bus is beginning to belch smoke. The engine is overheating. Steam hisses.

ON THE ROOF OF THE BUS The DEMON gets the vent open and peers in. DEMON Anybody home?! BURT Just us chickens! CRACK! Burtʼs cane bounces off his forehead. Knocked senseless, the demon slides down, back onto the geek cage, and finally bounces into the road. Other DEMONS swerve to miss him.

EXT. HIGHWAY -- DAY The engine COUGHS, and he oil pan bursts spewing oil behind the bus. The lead Demon hits the slick and his bike goes flying. Then another. One by one they slide off the highway and tumble into the desert. The bus disappears around a bend, smoke belching from the rear.

ON THE BUS The motor is coughing and sputtering. MARVIN Turn down that dirt road! Theyʼll be back after us any second. The bus swerves, nearly tipping over. BURT That sign said ʻGovernment Property, No Trespassing!” Itʼs probably one of those secret installations. MARVIN Head for that canyon, Ollie.

EXT. BOX CANYON -- NIGHT Stars twinkle over the bus.

46 BELOW The trio stands in the darkness. BURT Why couldn't they come tow us tonight? MARVIN The nearest service is fifty miles, that's why. COYOTES howl. OLIVER Wolves! God, Iʼve dreaded this moment since I first saw Lugosi in “Dracula...ʼ He scurries for the bus.

INT. BUS -- NIGHT The three watch a tiny B&W television. WWA Wrestling.

THE SCREEN Jackal fans are yelling, Yi! Yi! Yi! Yi! MARVIN (O.C.) Not them again.

IN THE ARENA The ʻDiscipleʼ and ʻThe Last Talibanʼ stroll down the aisle. Jackal hats are everywhere in the crowd.

IN THE AISLE The DISCIPLE. A muscular African American wears an ecclesiastical black and white collar, a cross around his neck, and carries an oversized bible as he walks slowly toward the ring. He drags a long, gold chain behind him. Christian fans wave signs quoting scripture - they love him. DISCIPLE And then I saw an angel descending from heaven, with a great chain in his hand! He stops to SNAP the gold chain like a whip. FANS cheer.

47 HAROLD (O.C.) Yes, ladies and gentlemen. The Disciple is preaching up a veritable storm this evening. Behind, the Terrible Taliban follows, chanting in phony Arabic. BIG TEX (O.C.) But hey. Iʼll tell you what. Nobodyʼs gonna out preach the Taliban.

THE RING The Disciple and the Terrible Taliban climb through the ropes. The Jackals wait, prancing and posturing in yellow jackal robes. HAROLD (O.C.) But something tells me the Jackals wonʼt be experiencing any sudden conversion, Tex. Jake Jackal leaps out from his corner, spitting, trying to hit the Disciple. The Disciple turns, and Jake flees to a safe distance. DISCIPLE He laid hold of the devil, and bound him for a thousand years! He shakes the gold chain at the Jackals. Thatʼs too much for Buzz and Jake. They leap from their corner, and together, take the Disciple down. The FANS go wild. FANS Yi! Yi! Yi! The screen goes black. MARVIN That's the battery. I'm going to sleep.

EXT. DESERT -- DAY A tow truck hooks up the bus and pulls the bus away.

EXT, MARV AND RITA'S HOUSE -- DAY The LA Times has been delivered. RITA (O.S.) Oh, my God!

48 INT. KITCHEN -- DAY Rita is trying to swallow a mouth full of cereal -- and whatʼs sheʼs reading in the newspaper.

THE PAPER A back page reads, ʻWrestler Attacked In Barstow.ʼ

A PHOTO Harvey the desert rat raises the bottle over Marvinʼs wigged head. RITA Big Foot??! The DOORBELL rings. RITA ʻThe Last Living Neanderthal?! Rita tries to stuff the newspaper in a drawer, but it crumples, and only goes in halfway.

INT. FRONT DOOR -- DAY Opens, revealing the Rev. Casey. REV. CASEY Have I come at a bad time? RITA Bad? Her brain is still in Barstow. RITA Please, come in. She lets him in.

INT. LIVING ROOM -- DAY She leads him in. REV. CASEY I was hoping Iʼd find Marvin home. RITA Heʼs on tour. Would you like some coffee?

49 INT. KITCHEN -- DAY Rita enters with Rev. Casey behind. REV. CASEY On tour. Well, Iʼm sure ʻJohn Wesley Wayneʼ has fans everywhere. Rita sees the newspaper sticking out of the drawer. She tries to stuff it in as Rev. Casey watches in puzzlement. REV. CASEY I was hoping to get him to speak at Sunday School this weekend. She pinches her finger in the drawer. RITA Ouch! Flustered, she RIPS the paper and throws it on the counter. REV. CASEY I donʼt want to pry, but is there anything you want to talk about? She turns around. RITA No, itʼs just that...Iʼm a little frustrated. Iʼve been trying to find Marvin a coaching job. REV. CASEY Wrestling? RITA No, football. I made him take the test for a teaching credential too. REV. CASEY Of course. So heʼs going to retire. RITA I have to get him out of that...circus! She grabs the newspaper and hands it to him. RITA Look at this! He scans it, eyes wide. REV. CASEY The last Neanderthal?

50 INT. ʻREBEL YELLʼ BAR -- DAY A seedy joint next to a truck stop and diesel repair, a few feet past the Nevada line. The bus is being unhooked from the tow truck. BELLS ring. Burt stuffs a one armed bandit with quarters. As his last coin is swallowed, he pounds the machine. BURT Rigged! Heʼs served a drink with an umbrella in it by a TOPLESS WAITRESS. WAITRESS With the losers we get in this dump, thereʼs no need to rig anything, buster. Marvin walks up as Burt SUCKS and SUCKS on his straw until the entire drink is gone. Marvin grabs the glass. MARVIN Do you have to do that? BURT Do what? Burt takes an ice cube into his mouth and chews. MARVIN Never mind. An ASIAN TOPLESS WAITRESS walks by. Burt ogles her.

INT. MENʼS ROOM -- DAY Marvin walks over to the sinks, staring at the mirror with distaste. He has a growth of rough beard, hair matted by the wig and glue, and dark circles around the eyes. MARVIN Burt, is it these lights, or do I look like this? Burt walks over. BURT If you ask me, the lights are an improvement. MARVIN Thanks. Burt spies a condom and sex toy vending machine. BURT Hey! Got any quarters?

51 MARVIN No. Why do you buy that stuff anyway? BURT Iʼm a serious collector. He SLAMS the side of the machine, hoping for a freebee. BURT Oh, well. Letʼs go shoot pool with Gorgeous George. Iʼll relieve him of some extra change.

INT. BAR -- DAY Burt and Oliver shoot pool. Marvin sits nearby, trying to ignore topless GIRLS dancing to SURFER MUSIC as five DEMONS On SPEED walk in. MARVIN Uh, oh. Burt blows a bank shot as A BIG SPEED DEMON, 30, DRUNK, teeters up to them. DRIVER Hey, didnʼt I see you dudes out on the highway? BURT Probably a mirage. The desert plays tricks with your eyes, sweetheart. DEMON I donʼt think so, pipsqueak. The four other DEMONS walk over. DEMON Which one of youʼs calls hisself Big Foot? BURT He just stepped out. Can I take a message? DEMON See, I ainʼt stupid. That wrestling is all fake. BURT You hit the jackpot, Einstein. Go to the front of the class. The Demon lunges, but Burt steps aside and thrusts his pool cue between the guyʼs legs. The biker trips, sprawling on the bar room floor. Burt puts one foot on his back. BURT Anybody like the next dance?

52 AROUND THE ROOM The other Demons move closer, ready to pounce.

THE BARTENDER Ducks below the bar. DEMON #2 Iʼll dance with you, you little faggot. Burt points the pool cue at Oliver. BURT Thereʼs the fag. Oliver shakes his head in resignation and steps forward. OLIVER Canʼt we all just get along? That does it. The Demons rush.

A MELEE SURF MUSIC pounds as Marvin grabs one and then another Demon by the shoulder muscle below the neck. He squeezes the pressure points with his giant hands. Instant paralysis. The Demons sink to their knees. Meanwhile, Oliver flips another Demon over and tosses him SMACK! against the floor. The guy doesnʼt get up. Burt tatooes his Demon with the pool cue. The Demon crawls for the door. Now the last Demon takes his shot. Marvin clotheslines him in the throat. The guy gags. Oliver pulls him down, and wedges his head beneath his massive biceps. The Demon's eyes bulge as Oliver applies the pressure. DEMON OK, man! OK! Enough! Marvin walks his two Demons to the door and shoves them headlong out onto the gravel. The other two flee behind their companions. TOPLESS GIRL Well, kiss my butt! I always thought that shit was fake...

INT. BURDOCK'S OFFICE -- DAY He's getting a pedicure. His INTERCOM squawks.

53 WOMAN'S VOICE (O.S.) Mr. Burdock? Itʼs Burt Berry. He says itʼs urgent. Burdock looks up from his Hustler. BURDOCK Iʼm in a meeting. WOMAN'S VOICE (O.S.) Yes, Mr. Burdock.

INT. HARRY'S OFFICE -- DAY He's also reading Hustler. WOMAN'S VOICE (O.S.) Mr. Hart. Itʼs Rita Lesinsky. HARRY I'm gone for the day. Harry starts ʻreadingʼ again. Rita walks in. Seeing her, he stuffs the magazine into his desk. HARRY I mean, send her right in! RITA Hello, Harry. Harry reaches for the breath freshener. Itʼs empty. Just when he needed it. HARRY Rita! What a surprise! He comes around the desk, and kisses her on the cheek. HARRY I havenʼt seen you since...since... RITA Since the last time I came to a wrestling match, Harry. Five years. He goes around and anchors himself once more behind the desk. HARRY So. RITA Have you talked to Marvin?

54 HARRY Talk? We talked two or three times today. Itʼs going great guns out there. RITA I know. I read about it in the newspaper. She throws the newspaper on his desk. HARRY Oh. That. Harry tries to squirt breath freshener again - still empty. HARRY Hey, a little accident, but everythingʼs A-OK now. Terrific, I tell you. RITA Harry, Iʼm going out there myself and see whatʼs going on. Where are they? HARRY Where? RITA As in “location.” He hits the intercom. HARRY Bullhead City. You wouldnʼt want to go all the way out there. RITA And where is Bullhead City? HARRY Rita! Itʼs going great, like I told you. This is Harry Hart youʼre talking to. Would I lie? RITA Is that rhetorical, or would you like me to answer it? Putting on his most innocent face, he comes back around to the other side of the desk. HARRY Now if you think this is like the Killer Krakatoa mixup... She gets up. RITA North, south, east or west? Which way?

55 HARRY Bullhead City is four hours away! In the middle of the stinking desert. RITA Harry! Four hours which way? HARRY East! Say, let me run something up the flagpole and see if anybody salutes. What if Harry Hart went out there tomorrow and called you? How about that? RITA You donʼt want me to go, Harry. Thatʼs obvious. What I want to know is why. HARRY Rita. Rita. Iʼm going to take care of Marv, all right? Weʼre family. I mean like family, at minimum. Here... He reaches out his hand. HARRY We can shake on it. Harry Hart never forgets a hand shake. RITA You shook hands on the Killer Krakatoa match, if I recall. He pulls his hand back. HARRY Now wait! It wasnʼt Harry Hart that shanked that deal. I... RITA ... and come to think of it, you shook Marvinʼs hand on the shot at the World Tag Team Match. Harry is having a hard time getting his alibis out. HARRY Did Harry Hart know? Could Harry have foreseen that wicked, unjust turn of events? Iʼm just a pawn, Rita -- not even a puppet! Puppet would require a promotion. RITA Youʼre right, Harry. And since weʼre almost family... She kisses him on the cheek.

56 RITA ...Iʼll be waiting for you in the parking lot. Rita walks out.

EXT. INTERSTATE 10-DAY Harry's Rolls convertible heads east out of LA. Harry drives, yelling into a cell phone.

EXT. BULLHEAD CITY - DAY A BANNER hangs over the two lane avenue. ʻWelcome To Bullhead City. Home of the Bullheads.ʼ MARVIN (O.C.) What would make someone name a town ʻBullhead City?ʼ The bus passes beneath the banner as the sun sinks.

EXT. AUDITORIUM -- NIGHT Two OLD MEN examine the ʻBig Footʼ trailer. Shaking their heads in disdain, they walk away. OLD MAN They call that nonsense a sport? SECOND OLD MAN Hell, my Missus canʼt get enough of it.

EXT. BULLHEAD CITY -- NIGHT Harryʼs Rolls passes beneath the same banner as night falls. ʻWelcome To Bullhead City. Home of the Bullheads.ʼ RITA (O.C.) What would make someone name a town ʻBullhead City?ʼ

INT. AUDITORIUM -- NIGHT A sign hanging over a makeshift ring reads, ʻBULLHEAD OPTIMISTS CLUB.ʼ People are YELLING at the top of their lungs.

57 THE RING A big metal cage. Inside, a TATOOED VETERAN with the face of someone whose PTSD has not been assuaged by medication. Rage exudes from every pore.

THE GEEK CAGE Is rolled out by Burt and Oliver. Marvin is into the act a little bit too well now. Howling and growling; looking genuinely deranged. The cage shakes. BURT Hey! Take it easy! Have you gone psycho, or what? But Marvin canʼt hear a thing. Heʼs HOWLING like a banshee.

BURTʼS FACE He sees something up ahead. BURT Holy shit.

OLIVERʼS FACE He sees it too. OLIVER Oh, my God. He slinks off toward the locker room.

IN THE FRONT ROW -- A FOOT AWAY Rita, paralyzed by the sight before her, stares agog at Marvin. Harry is astonished. The CHICKEN squawks and feathers fly as Marvin grabs it, pretending to bite its neck. Lost in the act, he is oblivious to Rita, just a few feet away. Burt opens the cage, and Marvin bursts out, leaping into the ring.

IN THE RING Marvin has met his match; the veteran is as crazy as Marvin pretends to be. The crowd eats it up. After a few tosses and turns, Marvin lands on his belly, finding himself face to face with Rita. MARVIN Honey!?

58 RITA Marvin, have you lost your mind? The crazed veteran rips the wig off Marvin's head, waving it around like a scalp he's taken. The CROWD is rabid. MARVIN I can explain everything! She screams. RITA Ahhhhhhh! MARVIN Iʼm doing this for us, OK? RITA Not for me youʼre not!!! Tears streaming down her face, Rita runs out of the auditorium. HARRY That's some act, Marv. Call me. Harry follows Rita. Marvin turns, flipping the vet off his back and leaping out of the ring running after Harry and Rita. The CROWD BOOS.

EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT The Rolls is pulling out as Marvin arrives. MARVIN Honey! I love you. RITA The Last Neanderthal!? HARRY Theyʼre eatinʼ it up, Marv! Marvin watches as the Rolls disappears into the night.

ON THE BUS -- LATER THAT NIGHT Marvin, now wearing a knee brace, limps badly as he approaches with Burt and Oliver. BURT Where do they find these lunatics? MARVIN All I know is, I canʼt go on like this.

59 OLIVER AND BURT Thatʼs what you think. Marvin pulls the wig over his face and goes to sleep.

EXT. INTERSTATE 10 - WEST - MORNING Heading home.

INT. BUS - DAY Marvin spies something ahead.

A LARGE SIGN “100 ACRES. DRASTICALLY REDUCED. TAKE NEXT RIGHT. MARVIN Turn here. I want to see something. Oliver brakes and turns right onto a DIRT ROAD. Burt is jerked awake. BURT Whatʼs going on? I canʼt see! Marvin pulls the sleep mask off. MARVIN Weʼre just taking a little detour.

EXT. DESERT ROAD - DAY The bus appears from a shimmering mirage.

A HUNDRED ACRES OF ABSOLUTELY NOTHING The three men survey the scene. A lump of rock, a withered tree, and a crossroads. Tumbleweed rolls by. MARVIN I thought they only sold land like this to Indians. OLIVER What were you expecting? Shangri-la La? BURT No, Ritaʼs ʻlittle place in the country.ʼ

60 Marvin surveys the desolate ground once again. The wind gusts again.

INT. MARVINʼS STREET - DAY Pouring RAIN. The bus rounds the corner and stops in front of Marvinʼs house. OLIVER (O.C.) Marv, mind if we donʼt come in? BURT (O.C.) Heʼs right. Better wait until the fireworks are over. Marvin gets out and the bus drives away. Dripping wet, he starts to go in, but thinks the better. No answer. Finally, he opens the door.

INT. HOUSE - DAY Marvin plops his bag down. MARVIN Honey?! No answer.

A note beneath two sorry looking tomatoes. Ritaʼs gone.

ON THE COUCH Empty beer bottles litter the coffee table. The PHONE rings, and Marvin jumps, knocking bottles flying. Tripping once, he gets to the receiver. MARVIN Rita?! Oh. Hello, Harry. Sure, whatever. Two oʼclock. He hangs up. Glum.

EXT. AUDITORIUM - DAY A marquis. ʻTHE JACKALS VS. BIG FOOT + THE DISCIPLE.ʼ TAG TEAM MAYHEM. THURSDAY NIGHT.

BELOW Stand Harry, Burt and Marvin. HARRY So what do you say to them apples, friends?!

61 MARVIN Iʼve waited a long time for this. A long time. BURT Iʼve got to give it to you. Itʼs the first decent thing youʼve ever done. HARRY Just sell the act to Burdock, and the skyʼs the limit. MARVIN "Big Foot." I can see it on the back of the cereal box now. They high five it. Harry nods and smiles.

AT THE HOUSE Dirty dishes everywhere. Marvin watches a kung fu movie. A commercial, and ... BUZZ Listen up, you 90 lb. weaklings; you fat, disgusting pigs sprawled out on the couch. Admit it -- youʼre half a man-- if that -- in a world of carjackings, gang rapes and good, old fashioned humiliation. JAKE Admit it -- just the thought of going to the corner for more beer scares the living crap out of you. See, what you need... BUZZ ...is a weapon -- like this. He holds something between his fingers up to the screen. BUZZ A toothpick. Thatʼs right. Weʼll teach you how to throw a standard toothpick, available free at any decent restaurant — and embed it deep into an attackerʼs forehead from 25-50 feet away. Buzz holds up a DVD. JAKE We call this lesson ʻSlinging Certain Death.” Would that secret knowledge be worth $69.95 to you? The PHONE RINGS. Marvin hits the remote. MARVIN Hello? Hey, Ollie. Tonight?! I donʼt know. I mean if Rita was here... OK. OK.

62 OUTSIDE THE HOUSE A full stretch limo. The CHAUFFEUR opens the door for Marvin.

IN THE LIMO Marvin climbs in. Thereʼs Burt, Oliver, Jose -- the Terrible Taliban -- and Mr. and the Ex-Mrs. Pain, Lonnie and Sissie. Also there is SAM WEBSTER, former pro footballer, whom we will recognize as ʻThe Disciple.ʼ His DATE is a knock out. OLIVER Heidi-ho, Marv! The limo pulls out. MARVIN Heidi-ho, everybody! Hey, Jose. Howʼs the head? BURT He breaks coconuts on it. JOSE Iʼll be back in the show next week. SAM I hear the new act is a winner, Marv. MARVIN Whatever works, eh Sam? SAM Amen, brothers and sisters. MARVIN What play are we seeing? OLIVER "Waiting For Godot."

THE MODERN PLAYERS THEATER The limousine is parked outside, and the chauffeur enjoys a smoke below the marquis announcing, ʻWaiting For Godot.ʼ

ON STAGE A lump of rock and a withered tree by a crossroads. Oliver, as ESTRAGON, sits on the rock talking gloomily to another actor standing nearby VLADIMIR. ESTRAGON Iʼm going.

63 VLADIMIR So am I. ESTRAGON Where shall we go? VLADIMIR We canʼt go. BURT (O.C.) So make up your mind, for crying out loud! AUDIENCE Shhhh!

THE FRONT ROW Mr. and the Ex-Mrs. Pain and The Terrible Taliban are sound asleep, mouths open, as the play continues. Sam, The ʻDiscipleʼ is fighting sleep as well. Marvin, however, watches in rapt attention. BURT Iʼve got to go. MARVIN Be quiet! BURT No, I mean go. He grasps his crotch. MARVIN Itʼs almost over. Jose ʻThe Talibanʼ SNORES. His wife elbows him. Burt leans over to Marvin and whispers. BURT They really went all out on the scenery. It reminds me of that ʻlittle place in the countryʼ we went to see. AUDIENCE Shhhh! Marvin looks at the stage, then Burt again. The scenery is familiar.

ON STAGE Vladimir and Estragon continue their deadpan dialogue.

64 ESTRAGON I canʼt go on like this. VLADIMIR Thatʼs what you think.

MARVINʼS FACE The familiarity goes beyond the scenery.

ON STAGE The two men are still sitting there. VLADIMIR Well, shall we go? ESTRAGON Yes, letʼs go. But they do not move. The STAGE LIGHTS DIM. APPLAUSE. Thereʼs the sound of a loud POP.

A RITZY RESTAURANT A bottle of champagne has been popped by a waiter at Oliverʼs partyʼs table. MAMBO MUSIC is played in the background by a Latin combo. Marvin raises his glass, tapping it with a knife. MARVIN To theater! GRUMBLES around the table. JOSE Somebody explain. What were those dudes waiting for? SAM Thatʼs what I kept thinking. Damn! OLIVER No, theyʼre like most of us. Waiting for their lives to begin, instead of seizing it. He raises his glass. OLIVER Anyway, letʼs toast the big match tomorrow. To ʻBig Foot!ʼ

65 The Ex-Mrs. Pain, Sissie, leans over to Marvin. SISSIE Donʼt worry, Hon. Sheʼll be back...

EXT. PARKING LOT - NIGHT The lot is filling with cars beside an auditorium. Suit carrier in hand, Marvin strolls for the back door. He pauses to look up once more at...

THE MARQUIS Announcing “DOUBLE MAYHEM! ʻTHE JACKALS VS. THE DISCIPLE AND THE BIG FOOT.”

MARVINʼS FACE Says, ʻAt Last.ʼ

INT. LOCKER ROOM - NIGHT Marvin enters to a warm reception. WRESTLERS Itʼs ʻBig Foot.ʼ Oooh! HIGH FIVES all around. A MIDGET WRESTLER comes up to Marvin. MIDGET Hey, Lesinsky. You left this in your old locker. He hands Marvin a grocery sack. Marvin pulls out his old Captain America outfit. MARVIN Well, well. John Wesley Wayne. He puts it in his new locker. WRESTLER Whatever happened to him? MARVIN He rode off into the sunset.

A MIRROR Marvin has become ʻBig Foot.ʼ Snow leopard suit and road kill coat. Nappy wig and fur boots. He growls menacingly.

66 MARVIN Ahhhhhhh! Burt appears, dressed to the nines. BURT Need any flea powder? Marvin turns. MARVIN New suit? BURT And every stitch on credit. MARVIN Did you see Harry about the contract? BURT After the match. Anyhow, guess who Ollie brought to the match with him? Marvinʼs face lights up. MARVIN Do you mean it?!

INT. ARENA - NIGHT Oliver and Rita walk up the aisle toward their seats. OLIVER Itʼs really a noble savage thing. Think ʻTarzan of the North... RITA Whatever you say.

INT. LOCKER ROOM - NIGHT Burt waits while Marvin stretches. MARVIN They better get a move on if weʼre going to get this scripted -- we go on in fifteen minutes. BURT Itʼs probably ʻThe Jack-assesʼ -- getting their toenails painted.

67 A MESSENGER Sticks his head in the door. MESSENGER Big Foot, Mr. Hart needs to see you right away. MARVIN Sounds like Harryʼs going to script the act himself. BURT Maybe he found another cage in the attic. They LAUGH and walk off into the tunnel.

HARRYʼS ARENA OFFICE Burt and Marvin -- Big Foot -- enter. Harry sprays breath spray. HARRY Sit down. They donʼt. He sprays again. BURT Harry? HARRY It wasnʼt Harry Hart. And for once, Iʼm telling the truth. MARVIN What are you talking about? BURT Do I see ʻthe old one twoʼ coming? HARRY Itʼs Burdock. The ʻJackalsʼ decided at the last minute they wouldnʼt fight an unknown, and he caved. MARVIN Unknown?! I was wrestling when they were still using the cat box! HARRY Itʼs out of my control. The network has worked up something for the Terrible Taliban. A surprise thing. Heʼs taking your slot. MARVIN Iʼm not wrestling?!

68 HARRY Iʼll see you get paid, Marv. Itʼs the best I can do. BURT Paid?! What about the contract? HARRY It wasnʼt Harry Hart. Harry sprays breath spray and shakes his head, ʻno.ʼ

Marvin stares, frozen, like a man in a trance.

BURT'S CANE Flicks out and deftly snags Harryʼs breath spray. Burt jumps up on Harryʼs desk, standing over him. HARRY What the hell are you doing!? Burt springs to life, jumping up and down and up and down on the breath spray. BURT You Sewer-rat! Ingrate! Cretin!

PHFFFT! Gasping its last, the bottle is crushed beneath Burtʼs shiny new wing tips. BURT You stinking Capitalist!!!! Burt jumps down and walks out, taking a still catatonic Marvin with him.

INT. LOCKER ROOM - NIGHT Marvin sits off alone, head in his hands. He slowly rises, getting undressed. The MIDGET WRESTLER approaches. MIDGET Tough break, Lesinsky. MARVIN Yeah. MIDGET My familyʼs been in show business for three generations. Itʼs a funny thing, but it always turns out the same.

69 MARVIN Howʼs that? MIDGET You never see it coming. He reaches up, pats Marvinʼs shoulder, and walks off. Marvin continues undressing, and yanking off the wig, wads it up with the Big Foot outfit and stuffs it all in the trash.

INT. ARENA -- NIGHT PYROTECHNICS explode. A heavy metal guitar plays a thundering line from the gospel song, ʻGimme That Old Time Religion.ʼ RING ANNOUNCER The Dis-ciple!

AT THE CURTAIN The Disciple appears, holding the Bible high, gold cross around his neck and the gold chain draped back over his shoulder.

THE CROWD Christian fans wave signs quoting Gospel. Other fans wave signs touting ʻBEAST 666ʼ with equal enthusiasm.

THE COMMENTATORʼS TABLE Harold and Big Tex talk awaiting their ʻon airʼ cue. HAROLD Looks like Lesinsky's new act got the axe at the last minute. BIG TEX No business like show business...

THE CURTAIN BEHIND THE DISCIPLE Buzz Jackal appears, yelling at the Disciple. BUZZ Look back here, you freak! Get down on your knees before your master! JACKAL FANS Yi! Yi! Yi! Yi!

70 The place is filled with Jackal FANS who keep up the Jackal call as the Disciple SNAPS the gold chain in the direction of Buzz Jackal. DISCIPLE Get thee behind me, Satan! JACKAL FANS Yi! Yi! Yi! Yi! Buzz flees back behind the curtain.

THE COMMENTATORʼS TABLE Big Tex covers his microphone, shaking his head in disgust. BIG TEX This godamned ʻyi, yi, yiʼ shit is driving me bonkers. Harold covers his mike. HAROLD You can say that again. A technician gives them their cue. HAROLD Welcome back, folks. Weʼve already had an altercation between Buzz Jackal and the Disciple, and the Disciple hasnʼt even gotten to the ring. BIG TEX Somethinʼ tells me weʻre about to see some old time rompinʼ and stompinʼ, Harold.

THE AISLE The Disciple continues toward the ring, SNAPPING his gold chain.

A SEAT NEAR RINGSIDE Burt runs up to Oliver and Rita. BURT They heel strapped us! OLIVER They what? BURT The Pricks. The Jackals. Harry and Burdock. All of them!

71 RITA What are you saying? BURT No match. No contract. No nothing! OLIVER Oh, no! Rita gets up. RITA I want to go home. OLIVER OK! Weʼre going! Weʼre going. A JACKAL FAN yells at Burt. JACKAL FAN Down in front, you little wart! Laughter. Burt leaps for the guy, but Oliverʼs long arm reaches out. The Jackal fans have a big laugh as Oliver lifts Burt off the ground with one arm and pulls him back. OLIVER Hasnʼt it been a bad enough day already? They leave. Burt is calming down by the time they reach the end of the aisle. BURT OK, OK. Youʼre right. Iʼll go find Marvin.

THE CURTAIN The Jackal THEME begins. PYROTECHNICS. Buzz and Jake Jackal appear to a deafening CHORUS of ʻyi! yi! yi!.

THE LOCKER ROOM Marvin towels off. From the arena, the Jackal fans can be heard CHANTING. MARVIN Yi, Yi, Yi my ass. Reaching in his locker, he sees the Captain America suit. He takes it out and holds it up. MARVIN In the old days, the good guys won.

72 IN THE RING Harry stands in the center. The Jackals dance around in their corner. But no opponent waits. Harry takes the mike. BOOS. HARRY Ladies and gentlemen! There seems to be a problem.

A COMMOTION In a row of seats close to ringside. The Disciple stands over a shabbily dressed old grey haired WOMAN in a wheelchair. HARRY Disciple! Get into the ring! But the Disciple just puts one hand on the Bible and the other on the womanʼs head. DISCIPLE Be gone, demons! Leave this sinner, in the name of him who slayed the Beast!

THE COMMENTATORʼS TABLE HAROLD Here we go, folks. It looks like the Disciple is laying on the hands again!

THE RING Jake Jackal threatens to climb over the ropes and attack the Disciple. BIG TEX (O.C.) If the Jackals donʼt bring hellfire down on him first.

THE DISCIPLE The Disciple snaps the gold chain, sending Jake retreating from the ropes back into the ring. Satisfied, the Disciple lays his hand back on the old womanʼs head. DISCIPLE I say be gone, Satan!

THE OLD WOMAN Begins to shake and convulse. Christian FANS begin yelling and applauding.

73 DISCIPLE Rise, sinner! Thou art healed! Rise! The old woman slowly begins to rise, legs shaking. HAROLD (O.C.) Are we witnessing a miracle, Tex? BIG TEX (O.C.) Something like that... Now the old woman calls out. OLD WOMAN Hallelujah! And rips the gray wig off her head. HAROLD (O.C.) Wait, folks! Things have taken an unexpected turn! The old woman rips off her dress, revealing white robes. BIG TEX (O.C.) Hold your camel, Abdul! Beneath the robes, the sultan boots. BIG TEX (O.C.) Itʼs the meanest little booger this side of Kandahar! The Afghani and the Disciple clasp hands in unity. HAROLD (O.C.) Itʼs the Terrible Taliban! Youʼll remember, folks, that the Afghani was seriously injured by Buzz Jackal in their last match. The sound of fans YELLING in another part of the arena. HAROLD (O.C.) Wait a minute, folks...

THE COMMENTATORʼS TABLE Harold and Big Tex turn in the direction of the yelling.

THE FAR CURTAIN A commotion has started. The SPOTLIGHT swings that way.

74 WALKING DOWN THE AISLE In Captain America cape, boots, and red, white and blue leotard...

JOHN WESLEY WAYNE IS REBORN. HAROLD (O.C.) Wait! Talk about your unexpected developments! Are my eyes deceiving me, or is this John Wesley Wayne? CHEERING from a few kids greets Marvin. He barely acknowledges them, approaching the ring slowly.

THE COMMENTATORʼS TABLE Harold puts his hand over his mike and turns to Big Tex. HAROLD What gives? Tex muffles his mike. BIG TEX Does anyone tell me? Better go with it.

THE GLASS BOX Flurried movement. Phones.

THE LOCKER ROOM Burt finds Marvinʼs locker wide open. He looks around. BURT Marv!?

THROUGH THE CURTAIN Two SECURITY GUARDS come running after Marvin. FANS ROAR.

MARVIN TURNS MARVIN Ahhhhh! And clotheslines one of them in the throat. The guy collapses, gagging. The second guard turns tail to the delight of the CROWD.

75 IN THE RING Confused looks. The Jackals talk frantically to their manager. Harry is nervously conferring with the referee. DISCIPLE Who the hell changed the act? Harry tries to sneak out the side of the ring opposite Marvinʼs approach. But Buzz Jackal reaches out and grabs him. The CROWD roars approval. BUZZ Where the hell are you going, dipshit? HARRY Itʼs just a mix up. BUZZ Then get your useless ass down there and deal with it. HARRY Iʼm going. Iʼm going. He starts again to climb out of the ring, but Buzz grabs him by the shirt. BUZZ That way, jerkoff! He turns Harry around and walks him across the ring toward the approaching Marvin. Jake yells at Harry. JAKE Iʼm going to the network on this one, Hart. Youʼre gonna find out who the fuckʼs who around here! Buzz throws Harry out of the ring. He lands flat on his face in the aisle to a ROAR.

MARVIN APPROACHES Within ten feet of Harry. The CROWD is roaring. Harry rises to his knees. HARRY Marv? Marvin just keeps coming. HARRY If itʼs about the contract... Marvin reaches out for Harryʼs neck. But Harry goes down on all fours, spins around, and scurrying like a rat, disappears under the side curtain of the ring. The laughing CROWD roars approval.

76 HAROLD (O.C.) Did Mr. Wayne have an appointment here today, Tex? BIG TEX (O.C.) No, I think this here is what they call a ʻdrop in.ʼ Marvin nears the ring.

IN THE RING The Jackals are starting to climb over the ropes, screaming at Marvin. JAKE What are you doing, loser! We kicked your ass off the card!

FROM BEHIND Jose ʻ Terrible Talibanʼ calls to the Jackals. TALLIBAN Hey! Pengejo! Over here! They turn, and he flies through the air, kicking them both in the chest. They fall back against the ropes.

RINGSIDE Marvin climbs in. MARVIN Jose! Theyʼre mine! The Disciple turns to the Taliban. DISCIPLE Shit, man. The motherfuckerʼs gone postal... A look between them. TALLIBAN So let him deliver his message... They both jump out of the ring and make a hasty retreat toward the curtain. Marvin reaches for Buzz, who scurries away behind the ropes.

FROM BEHIND Jake leaps for Marvinʼs back, but Marvin turns and grabs him in a headlock.

77 MARVIN What the hell do you think youʼre doing, loser? He twists Jakeʼs neck almost to breaking. JAKE Ahhhh! Help!!!! Help! Somebody help me! Heʼs gone crazy! Jake flails with his arms. MARVIN Hey! Just a brush of the hand! He ratchets up the pressure on Jakeʼs neck. Buzz Jackal stays behind the ropes racing back and forth yelling. BUZZ Back off, jack off! JAKE You win, you psycho! You win! Help! The CROWD is coming unglued.

DOWN THE AISLE Half a dozen security GUARDS approach the ring.

IN THE RING Marvin knee drops Jake Jackal. This time itʼs real. Blood gushes from Jakeʼs nose. Marvin grabs him by the hair, lifts him up, and head butts him. Thud! Jake collapses to the canvas. Marvin, now covered in Jackal blood, turns for Buzz Jackal. BUZZ Like hell, you psycho! Buzz leaps down and out of the ring, on the run. Meanwhile, The Jackalsʼ manager drags Jake out of the ring to safety.

RINGSIDE Buzz falls headlong, flat on his face after only three steps.

BURT BERRY Stands there with his trusty cane. He buries his new wing tip in Buzz Jackalʼs ribs.

78 BUZZ Ahhh! Ahhhh! Burt starts flailing away on Buzzʼs back with the cane. The cane falls ʻwhap! with each word. BURT Say ex-cuse - me - you - cross - eyed - rat - eating - mangy - piece - of - shit!

THE CANE Breaks into pieces. The CROWD has gone into full FRENZY.

THE RING As the security guards come up one side, Marvin leaps down into the opposite aisle where Buzz lies groaning.

THE AISLE MARVIN Step aside, Burt! BURT Heʼs all yours! Marvin picks Buzz up off the floor, and over his head. BUZZ Help! Help! FANS Kill him! Kill him! Marvin starts an airplane spin. Round and round, Buzz is spun over Marvinʼs head, not ten feet from Harold and Big Tex at the commentatorʼs table. HAROLD Iʼm getting out of here! BIG TEX Not without me, youʼre not! They turn to run, but their way is blocked by...

SECURITY GUARDS Go for Marvin. Harold and Big Tex are caught between as Marvin lets Buzz fly.

79 The GUARDS, Harold and Big Tex, and Buzz are pushed backward into a human heap. The commentatorʼs table collapses beneath them, and monitors, a camera, and phones, all bury them.

A FIRE EXTINGUISHER Rolls away from the mess. Marvin picks it up, and turns it on another group of security guards. They are blinded by the foam.

THE ARENA -- HELL BREAKS LOOSE Fights between fans are breaking out all over.

INTERCUT:[A BAR] Shows the melee on television. One PATRON watching calls to the bartender, who lazily shines a glass. PATRON Are you watching this? The Bartender doesnʼt even look up. BARTENDER Itʼs all fake anyway. Who cares?

[RESUME]: RINGSIDE Marvin leaps back up into the ring, and starts dismantling it. First the ropes are unhooked.

IN THE SEATS -- CHAOS Dozens of security guards try to stop fights and get the people out of the arena.

THE RING Using all his strength, Marvin rocks the corner post. CRACK! It separates from the ring. He runs to the next post, and starts rocking it.

EXT. STREETS NEAR THE ARENA - NIGHT SIRENS WAIL. Three LAPD round the corner, tires screeching.

80 INT. THE RING - NIGHT Is stripped of its last post. Marvin leaps down, and begins pulling off the skirt in one sweep. As he reaches the last corner...

COWERING BELOW Harry Hart. Trembling. HARRY It wasnʼt Harry Hart, Marv. Marv? Marvin looks at Harry, but reaches above him.

THE RING FLOOR Is lifted by Marvinʼs huge hands. Holding it suspended, he kicks the corner support over, then lets the floor SLAM back down. With a loud CREAK and GROAN...the whole thing collapses.

BENEATH THE RUBBLE Harry Hartʼs muffled CRIES. HARRY Marv? Are you finished?

MARVIN SURVEYS THE DAMAGE Heʼs not done. Looking around the arena, something catches his eye.

THE SKYBOX Burdock's and Marvin's eyes lock.

THE ENTRANCES LAPD in riot gear try to get through the crowd streaming out.

INT. STEPS TO SKYBOX - NIGHT Marvin runs, higher and higher toward the top of the arena. Terrified FANS scramble down to get out of his path.

81 THE TOP LANDING He makes it -- and grabs the fire hose he came for. He stands alone.

THE FIRE HOSE Bursts to life. The stream jets across the arena, half empty by now, drenching everyone below.

MARVIN TAKES AIM Turning the firehose to his left.

THE SKY BOX The door is blown off its hinges by the blast of water.

INSIDE THE BOX Burdock is knocked down, drenched, and buffeted by the hose.

THE WINDOW Bursts outward, onto the empty seats, carrying with it telephones, laptop computers, and a bald guy.

MARVIN TURNS THE STREAM On the remaining fans still below.

THE FIREHOSE Blasts and blasts, hosing the place clean. It finally stops.

THE ARENA Silence. Completely empty.

IN THE SKYBOX Burdock whimpers. Satisfied, Marvin drops the fire hose. He slowly sits down and rests his head in his hands. SIRENS BLOW.

82 A FLASHBULB POPS A mug shot of Marvin.

ANOTHER FLASHBULB A mug shot of Burt.

INT. JAIL CELL -- NIGHT A dozen LOSERS in prison orange sit around in the rectangular cell. Among them, a glum Marvin. MARVIN I donʼt know what got into me. Watching those stupid Jackalsʼ Self Defense commercials, maybe. Burt sits beside, straining forward to read an ornate ʻBadd Muthafuckaʼ tatoo on the arm of a GANGSTA across from him. Burt doesnʼt see that the guy has noticed. Suddenly, the gangsta leaps up and YELLS. GANGSTA What the fuck are you looking at, you pee wee motherfucker?! Burt cowers. Marvin steps between them. Prisoners quickly pile to the other side of the cell. MARVIN He didnʼt mean any harm. Really. GANGSTA I don give a fuck what he means! If I feel those little rat eyes crawlinʼ on my skin again, Iʼll fuck his ass up! You see what Iʼm sayinʼ!? MARVIN Oh, I see what youʼre saying. The gangsta and Marvin sit back down. The prisoners move back to their places. GANGSTA Aʼight. Gotdamn. But something catches the gangstaʼs eye. He studies Marvin. GANGSTA Man, dinʼ I see you somewhere befo? MARVIN No, I donʼt think so.

83 GANGSTA Pelican Bay? Folsom? MARVIN Nope. GANGSTA Wait a minute. I seen you on the wrestling! John Blah Blah ʻWhat'sʼ His Fuck?ʼ MARVIN John Wesley Wayne. GANGSTA Well, Iʼll be a motherfucker. What you in for? MARVIN Assault and battery, malicious mischief, and destruction of private property. The gangsta shrugs his shoulders. GANGSTA That ainʼt shit. BURT And Inciting To Riot. GANGSTA God damn. Inciting To Riot. Ainʼt that a bitch! He walks over to sit by Marvin, casually tossing another prisoner on the floor to make room. GANGSTA That is some bodacious shit, dude. We get out of here, I could use some of that. You see what Iʼm sayinʼ? MARVIN Thanks, but no thanks. GANGSTA Well, whatever. Thatʼs cool. Still. In-citing To Riot. Thatʼs some righteous shit. Something comes to the gangsta. GANGSTA Hey! Man, I always wanted to aks someone. I mean, when I was up at Folsom, I argued with these stupid motherfuckers every night.

84 MARVIN Ask what? GANGSTA Wrestling. I mean, is that shit real? Burt leans over. BURT Real? Listen. Marvin pushes Burt back before itʼs too late. MARVIN No, itʼs not real. Itʼs all planned before hand. Who wins, who loses, and when. OK? The gangsta is delighted. Ecstatic. He slaps his knee, laughing, then gives Marvin a double slap gang handshake. GANGSTA I knew that shit was bogus! Burt has to have his mouth restrained once more. Then, a DEPUTY comes to the cell. DEPUTY Berry! Lesinsky! Front and center. He turns the lock and opens the cell. MARVIN Yes, sir? DEPUTY Time to go home. You made bail.

INT. TWIN TOWERS LOBBY -- NIGHT Crowded. Burt and Marvin emerge, Marvin behind in the blood stained Captain America outfit. Thereʼs muffled LAUGHTER and long looks from family and friends who await prisoners being released. Suddenly, two guys emerge with cameras. FLASHGUNS go off, and cameras click. Burt and Marvin are momentarily blinded. Then from the crowd, with hand extended in friendship, emerges a smiling...

HARRY HART Who shakes Marvinʼs hand warmly as more FLASHGUNS pop.

85 MARVIN I wanted to say, I mean about the damages and all... HARRY ... damages, smamages. Like I said, Marv. Harry Hart never forgets a handshake. Another FLASHGUN. MARVIN But... HARRY Burt, get over here for a picture. A look between Burt and Marvin. What's going on?! Burt stands between Harry and Marvin. FLASHGUNS go off. BURT They started the whole thing, Harry. It was a classic case of self defense. MARVIN Thatʼs not true. I started it, and I take full responsibility. HARRY Marv, Marv. Youʼre shell-shocked. Letʼs get out of here, where we can talk.

THE JAIL PARKING LOT The three talk by Harryʼs car. MARVIN I donʼt understand. HARRY Whatʼs to understand?! Burdock loved it, Marv! It's a million dollars of free publicity! The suits, the advertisers, the fans! It was the WWAʼs finest moment! MARVIN Finest moment?! HARRY Marv, youʼre a star! Top of the card! Creative control. The whole chile relleno. He retrieves a paper from his inside jacket pocket and hands it to Marvin.

86 HARRY And look at them apples, will you? Marvin takes the paper. MARVIN Itʼs a contract. Burt snatches it from Marvinʼs hand and starts reading. BURT Three years, two-hundred-fifty-thousand-per-year-plus-bonuses?! HARRY Read page three, Burt. A hundred ʻGʼsʼa year for you. That was Harry Hartʼs work. BURT Youʼre a saint, Harry. A living, breathing saint. He jumps up and kisses Harry. MARVIN No. HARRY No? BURT No, what?! MARVIN Iʼm not signing it. Iʼm finished. With this whole idiotic game. Sorry, Burt. At that moment Oliverʼs Cadillac pulls up beside them. OLIVER Heidi-ho, Marv. I came as fast as I could. Marvin walks around the car to get in. Harry follows. HARRY Marv, youʼre upset! Youʼre discombobulated! Youʼre hypoglycemic! OLIVER You coming, Burt? Burt just stands there. BURT Youʼre quitting?!

87 Marvin gets in, and calls from the passenger seat. MARVIN Burt? Burt pauses, in the horns of a dilemma. He shakes his head. BURT Heʼs right. I canʼt take it anymore. HARRY Thatʼs what you think. I mean... OLIVER ...well, Burt, shall we go? Burt looks at the contracts. Harry reaches out his hand. BURT Yes, letʼs go. But he doesnʼt move. HARRY Youʼve got a Harry Hart handshake on the deal. What do you say? Marv?! Old buddy?! Burt throws the contracts into the wind and climbs in the back seat. HARRY What?! What about loyalty? How about the money I got you? Doesnʼt that count for anything? OLIVER Sayonara, Harry. The Caddy roars away. Harry is left in the exhaust.

EXT. LESINSKY FRONT PORCH -- DAY The bluebirds announce ʻThe Lesinskyʼs -- Marv and Rita.ʼ A man in a bloodstained Captain America suit meets a girl with a terrific smile. They kiss. RITA Marvin, Marvin, Marvin... MARVIN You were right. You were right all along. I was a fool. RITA Please, honey. Donʼt beat yourself up.

88 She hugs and kisses him. MARVIN Now all I have to do is figure out what to do with the rest of my life. They kiss, and kiss, and then, picking her up like a feather, he carries her inside the house.

INT. LIVING ROOM - DUSK Marvin sits holding hands and watching the sun sink through the picture window with Rita as night falls. The PHONE rings. She picks it up. RITA Hello. Hi, David. What?! Are you sure?! Of course Iʼll play. Right! She disconnects. RITA Anton has the flu. Iʼm playing Mahler tonight! The SOUND of an ORCHESTRA TUNING UP.

INT. PHILHARMONIC HALL -- NIGHT Mahlerʼs First Symphony, Second movement. Complex and lovely.

IN THE STRING SECTION Rita plays.

IN THE AUDIENCE -- CENTER ROW Marvin looks on proudly. He closes his eyes, bathing in the music. The muscles of his face relax. For a moment at least, the weight of the world has been lifted. The sound of the SYMPHONY FADES.

EXT. PATIO - MORNING Marvin waters the withered tree. Rita comes out reading the LA Times. RITA Listen to this, honey. Your old friends Buzz and Jake Jackal are in the news. MARVIN What? They get their own series now?

89 RITA Not exactly. They were indicted by a grand jury for mail fraud and lying to the FBI. MARVIN It couldnʼt happen to a nicer couple of guys. The DOORBELL rings. Rita goes for it, and then re-appears. RITA Itʼs Reverend Casey. Marvin cringes. MARVIN Do I have to?! RITA He asked to see you. MARVIN I donʼt want to talk about it! RITA Youʼll have to tell him that yourself.

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Rev. Casey shakes Marvinʼs hand. REV. CASEY You look great. I must admit I was a little worried about you. MARVIN Rev. Casey, what happened that day -- REV. CASEY -- wait. Wait. I didnʼt come to talk about that. They sit down. REV. CASEY You remember Mildred, that day outside the church? MARVIN From back home. REV. CASEY Right. Well, hereʼs the long and short of it... DISSOLVE TO:

90 EXT. LA FREEWAY - DAY And a U-Haul truck heads east out of LA. REV. CASEY (O.S.) Rita told me how you were trying to find a coaching job.

THE U-HAUL TRUCK Crosses the California border into Nevada. REV. CASEY (O.C.) Well, Mildredʼs brother turns out to be the Superintendant of a rural school district outside Indianapolis.

THE TRUCK Crosses into the Rockies of Colorado. REV. CASEY (O.C.) And just on the chance I called, and what do you know? They need a JV football coach.

EXT. BRIDGE OVER THE MISSISSIPPI - NIGHT The U-Haul crosses. REV. CASEY (O.C.) The payʼs not great, but itʼs a fine little community. Iʼm also told the Indianapolis Symphonyʼs a darned good one, Rita. I think theyʼd be interested if youʼd go down and talk to them.

EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY A road sign announces ʻWELCOME TO INDIANAʼ -- THE HOOSIER STATE. The U-Haul passes by. REV. CASEY (O.C.) Anyway, they throw in a little incentive with the job.

EXT. DIRT ROAD - DAY The U-Haul trailer rounds the corner. It stops before a fence, behind which is a cute little house. Roses. An orchard.

91 REV. CASEY (O.C.) Itʼs a little old farmhouse, fully modernized Iʼm told, and the rentʼs free for as long as you stay.

EXT. THE LITTLE HOUSE - DAY BIRDS SING. Marvin gets out of the truck and goes around to opens Rita's door.

RITAʼS FACE A beautiful smile made even more beautiful as she surveys the future before her. REV. CASEY (O.C.) So would you be interested? Marvin reaches down in the back of the truck and retrieves a hammer, a nail, and a wooden sign upon which two bluebirds announce...

ʻTHE LESINSKYʼS -- MARVIN AND RITAʼ He nails it on a post, and opens the gate. Returning to the truck, he lifts Rita in his arms, and together they walk in.

EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD -- DAY And twenty scrawny would be football players in helmets that look too big. Coach Marvin Lesinsky stands before them and assumes a linebackerʼs position. MARVIN AHHH! KIDS Ahh! MARVIN That sounds like a Pomeranian! Say, AHHHHHH!” Like a pack of ugly, nasty jackals! KIDS AHHHH! FADE OUT

92