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The Ideal Order

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The Ideal Order The IdealOrder 7674 6263 8549 70404 8097 Christoph Bartneck 8097 3187 7312 9566 8097 3187 7312 9566 956 852741 1644 7628 1106 75086 8897 Second Edition 9476 4593 60053 8454 9486 41045 8860 6552 7213 4440 70124 851 8097 3187 7312 9566 8097 3187 7312 9566 7674 6263 8549 70404 8097 3187 7312 956 852741 1644 7628 1106 75086 8897 9476 4593 60053 8454 9486 41045 8860 6552 7213 4440 70124 851 8097 3187 7312 9566 8097 3187 7312 9566 The Ideal Order Second Edition CHRISTOPH BARTNECK i All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Second Edition, Copyright 2018 by Christoph Bartneck. ISBN-13: 978-1721746477 ISBN-10: 1721746471 LEGO® is a trademark of the LEGO Group which does not sponsor, authorize or endorse this book. ii “To be highly organized is, I should fancy, the object of man’s existence.” Oscar Wilde, The Picture Of Dorian Gray iii iv Part One 1 Part Two 106 Part Three 151 References 201 v vi Part One 1 Sunday “No, you can’t buy any more LEGO!” Maki grouched. “Why don’t you build your old sets first?” “But these new Arctic sets are so cool and the children will love them,” I protested. I looked again at the toy brochure that had come with the mail this morning. The girls and I had studied every page carefully. Studying the new offerings and discounts of the local toy shop was our weekly ritual. Little Poppy loved the 60062 set with the huskies and Camellia had her eyes on the 60036 Home Base. Camellia would usually favour the largest set since she knew dad’s weak spot and had a better understanding of money than her younger sister. “You are a grown man, Robert,” Maki said. “Do not waste all this money on toys. You already have more than enough bricks.” The annoyance in her voice tinted my heart with sadness. I looked down on the breakfast table, trying to evade Maki’s gaze and trying to hide my melancholy. Maki didn’t share my naive pleasure of playing with LEGO. She hadn’t grown up with it and couldn’t feel the distant memory of a happy childhood. Now that I had children myself my own fascination with the brick had returned. Maki’s emphasis on me being a grown-up only meant the opposite. We had been married for far too long for me not to pick up on these subtle jibes. But there was another reason why sadness slipped into my heart. I enjoyed playing with LEGO with my daughters. It had been difficult for me to engage with the girls by playing with dolls or role-playing school. I truly loved the two, but dressing dolls and participating in tea parties challenged my 2 patience, and even though the girls could not yet articulate their frustration, they certainly sensed my disinterest. It was no fun playing dolls with Daddy, but when the bricks were out, the table turned, Daddy was full of enthusiasm and the girls were sometimes more happy about being able to play with me than the actual LEGO models. I enjoyed connecting with the girls but Maki’s criticism was as effective as a 630 Brick Separator in separating them. I shook my head and tried to put my feelings aside. Maki was right. I did have a lot of bricks and I could indeed build all of my old models with the girls before buying new ones. I had kept the building instructions and all the bricks were in the big plastic container. I swallowed my pride, looked up and said, “You’re right, Maki. I could build those models.” “Maybe you can help me first, cleaning up the table?” “Of course.” We cleared the table and brought all the dishes to the kitchen. The children had already left the table and were playing in the living room. Maki opened the dishwasher and randomly put cups and plates inside. I observed the scene and sighed. When Maki returned to the table to pick up the remaining plates I stepped forward and reordered the dishes, putting all the large plates in the bottom right rack, the pots in the bottom back and the small plates in the bottom left rack. The cups went into the top left, the bowls right next to them, glasses on the right and the large knives in the gaps. Everything went into the optimal spot, maximising the number of items in the machine while ensuring that the water jets would reach them all. Maki returned to the kitchen and observed my actions without words. But her face spoke volumes. Here she goes again. She will probably give me the “Is anything I do ever good enough for you?” scene. This isn’t a big thing. Nothing to make a big fuss about. I’m not trying to humiliate you. Maki’s shoulder tightened and her face relaxed. She put the last plates down on the kitchen counter with a marginally but distinctly louder clang than necessary. You might think that I didn’t notice the clang, but I did. And I know what it means. I just didn’t dare to react. 3 She left the kitchen, walked by the girls who were playing in the living room and entered her bedroom. I could hear her falling onto the double bed. She is probably going to escape into her Facebook feed. I put the remaining dishes into the machine, cleaned the counter, wiped the table, washed the cloth and hung it over the tap to dry. Then I dried my hands with the kitchen towel and hung it back onto the oven’s handle bar. Is Maki still on Facebook? She left me with all the kitchen work. I walked through the living room. Poppy and Camellia were role-playing school. Camellia was, of course, the teacher and little Poppy the student. A smile flashed over my face as I passed into the entrance corridor. The door to the bedroom stood ajar and I peaked into the room. Maki laid with her back on the bed, holding her phone into the air, using her thumb to scroll through eternity. “Are you finished reading the interweb?” I joked. “Hmmm.” “Is everything okay?” “Hmmm.” Silence. I didn’t know what to do. How could I make the reality of our relationship more appealing than her Facebook universe? My shoulders fell down. I slowly put my right foot across the left, turned around my body and my left foot followed my intended path. I returned to the living room, but the smile would not reappear on my face. Camellia looked at me and asked, “Can you play with us? You can be the teacher.” “I’m not sure if I would be a good teacher.” “You can also be a student,” Poppy offered. “Maybe we could play something else?” “Like what?” Camellia asked. “I do have some great LEGO models we could build.” “Are you sure?” “Yes, just let me get the box and the instructions.” I walked to the garage and picked up the large plastic box that contained all my bricks. The unique sounds of the bricks rattling in the box filled me with anticipation. I put the box 4 down in the middle of the living room and returned to the garage for the binder with the instructions. They were in the shelf right next to the binder containing the instructions for the various machines and devices in the house. In a tidy house nothing gets lost. I walked back to the living room, sat down in front of the plastic box and opened the binder on top of it. The girls made their way over to me and looked curiously at all the illustrations that I unfolded in front of them. “Camellia, Poppy, what do you want to build?” “I’m not sure, that’s all boys’ stuff,” Camellia complained. “These are Star Wars sets. We watched the movies before and you liked it. Look at this cool 7140 X-Wing Fighter. I bought them when they were just released,” I explained. “Hmm, okay Daddy,” Poppy agreed. “We can try, Daddy,” Camellia conceded. “It is going to be fun girls! Here’s page one, what bricks do we need?” My eyes filled with nostalgia. I had bought this model back in 1999. George Lucas had just released Star Wars Episode I and the LEGO company, for the first time in their history, had caved in and bought a license from another franchise. I had been on a vacation when I first noticed the new LEGO Star Wars sets in the shelves of a toy store and I simply could not resist this unholy marriage that would deplete my wallet for many years to come. But that was a long time ago and all those models had been built, admired, disintegrated and stored. I looked at the open box full of bricks. Somewhere in there was a complete X-Wing Fighter. I only had to find the bricks. “All right, first we need the Minifigures. Camellia, can you look for Luke Skywalker and Poppy, can you find R2-D2?” Their hands dived into the box, swirling around, enjoying the loud rattle they produced. For a while the noise was the main attraction for the girls and I had to remind them to look for the Minifigures. Poppy dug up a handful of bricks from the bottom of the box.
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