CREATED by Nick Kroll | Andrew Goldberg | Mark Levin | Jennifer Flackett
Total Page:16
File Type:pdf, Size:1020Kb
CREATED BY Nick Kroll | Andrew Goldberg | Mark Levin | Jennifer Flackett EPISODE 3.11 “Super Mouth” When a freak storm gives everyone new superpowers, tensions between Andrew, Nick and friends boil over into an epic showdown. WRITTEN BY: Gil Ozeri DIRECTED BY: Bryan Francis | Mike L. Mayfield ORIGINAL BROADCAST: October 4, 2019 NOTE: This is a transcription of the spoken dialogue and audio, with time-code reference, provided without cost by 8FLiX.com for your entertainment, convenience, and study. This version may not be exactly as written in the original script; however, the intellectual property is still reserved by the original source and may be subject to copyright. MAIN EPISODE CAST Nick Kroll ... Nick Birch / Maury the Hormone Monster / Coach Steve Steve / Lola / Sylvester Stallone (voice) John Mulaney ... Andrew Glouberman (voice) Jessi Klein ... Jessi Glaser (voice) Jason Mantzoukas ... Jay Bilzerian / Guy Bilzerianerian (voice) Jenny Slate ... Missy Foreman-Greenwald (voice) Fred Armisen ... Elliot Birch (voice) Maya Rudolph ... Diane Birch / Connie the Hormone Monstress / Principal Barren (voice) Jordan Peele ... Ghost of Duke Ellington (voice) (credit only) Neil Casey ... Lars (voice) Jessica Chaffin ... Shannon Glaser (voice) Mark Duplass ... Val Bilzerian (voice) Richard Kind ... Marty Glouberman (voice) Jak Knight ... DeVon (voice) Heather Lawless ... Jenna Bilzerian (voice) Seth Morris ... Greg Glaser (voice) Thandie Newton ... Mona (voice) Paula Pell ... Barbara Glouberman (voice) Andrew Rannells ... Matthew (voice) June Diane Raphael ... Devin (voice) Gina Rodriguez ... Gina Alvarez (voice) Paul Scheer ... Kurt Bilzerian (voice) Joe Wengert ... Caleb / Lump Humpman (voice) Ali Wong ... Ali (voice) 1 00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:09,175 [piano playing softly] 2 00:00:12,178 --> 00:00:13,013 Nick? 3 00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:15,473 How... could you? 4 00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:20,520 ♪ He's got your Missy now ♪ 5 00:00:22,313 --> 00:00:24,482 -Whoa, we did-- -The kiss. Yeah. 6 00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:25,900 -That was the kiss. -And it was... 7 00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:27,277 -Uh... -...pretty great. 8 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:28,361 -Yeah. -Okay. 9 00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:29,320 -Okay. -Bye. 10 00:00:29,404 --> 00:00:30,447 -Bye-bye. -Bye. 11 00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:31,823 Okay, here's what we do. 12 00:00:31,906 --> 00:00:33,908 You grab his top lip, I'll grab his bottom lip 13 00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:37,203 -and we peel his fucking face off. -Yes. That way, we're not killing him. 14 00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,164 -We're just peeling his face off. -Exactly. 15 00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:40,373 No, no, wait. 16 00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:44,919 He's my best friend. And fuck, we're goin' to camp together in a few days. 17 00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:47,589 -I should give him a chance to come clean. -[door opens] 18 00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:51,301 Oh, hey, uh, what are you-- Why are you still at school? 19 00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:52,427 Why are you here? 20 00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:55,513 -What do I do? Should I tell him? -No! It'll crush him. 21 00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:58,141 -Think of an amazing lie. -Uh, um... 22 00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:02,187 I was just seeing if the cafeteria served dinner. 23 00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:04,064 It does not. 24 00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:07,025 -Anything else you wanna tell me? -Uh... 25 00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:08,443 Nope, see you later. 26 00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:10,028 -That liar. -[thunderclap] 27 00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:13,615 -Jesus, Caleb. -Please sign my yearbook as Mr. Invisible, 28 00:01:13,698 --> 00:01:16,284 since no one can see you in your black turtleneck. 29 00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:17,744 What? Your yearbook? 30 00:01:17,827 --> 00:01:20,455 -Get the fuck out of here with that shit. -Okay. 31 00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:27,295 Oh, no. Stop! 32 00:01:27,378 --> 00:01:29,089 Stop kissing each other! 33 00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:30,465 I'm right here. 34 00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:32,092 I'm not invisible! 35 00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:33,343 [screams] 36 00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:35,845 -Oh, I just had the worst dream. -Tell me about it. 37 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,931 I just had a wet nightmare about Mickey Rourke 38 00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:39,474 in a long paisley scarf. 39 00:01:39,557 --> 00:01:41,142 -Again? -Yeah. Every night, brother. 40 00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:42,769 Mine was about Nick and Missy. 41 00:01:42,852 --> 00:01:43,978 -They were kissing. -[farts] 42 00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:45,188 Holy shit, Andrew. 43 00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:46,481 -What? -You're invisible. 44 00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:48,900 -I know. People take me for granted. -No, look. 45 00:01:48,983 --> 00:01:51,903 [gasps] Oh my God, where did I go? 46 00:01:51,986 --> 00:01:54,239 -[knocking] -[Barbara] Andrew! Breakfast is ready! 47 00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:57,242 [Marty] I put garlic powder in your oatmeal, like I've decided you like. 48 00:01:57,408 --> 00:02:00,120 Oh shit, Maury, if my parents see me, they'll freak. 49 00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:01,496 They hate floating clothes. 50 00:02:01,579 --> 00:02:02,455 -Andrew! -What do I do? 51 00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:04,666 -Uh... Quick. Undress. -Right, I'll take my clothes off. 52 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:06,209 Huh. 53 00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:08,461 -He must have gone to school already. -Hmm. 54 00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:12,132 Nothin' makes me more aroused than the absence of my son. 55 00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:14,050 How about a little moofky-poofky? 56 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:17,554 -Oh, your hands smell like garlic powder. -[Andrew] Oh, God. 57 00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:20,473 -[Marty] Oh, honey. -[Barbara] Oh, Marty. [chuckles] 58 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:24,352 Ugh! Your poor bed is being suffocated by those huge balls. 59 00:02:24,435 --> 00:02:27,063 -[Barbara] Ooh! -[Andrew] Oh, God. Kill me. 60 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,190 -[farts] -Oh, fuck! [groans] 61 00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:37,532 ♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪ 62 00:02:41,077 --> 00:02:46,708 ♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪ 63 00:02:47,375 --> 00:02:49,669 ♪ Oh, in my life ♪ 64 00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:54,048 ♪ Oh, ooh, ooh ♪ 65 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:03,808 This is amazing. 66 00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:06,186 -Every time I fart, I go in-- -[farts] 67 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:08,021 -...and out of invisibility. -[farts] 68 00:03:08,104 --> 00:03:09,189 -Invisible. -[farts] 69 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:10,857 I'm back. And it stinks. 70 00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:12,567 Truly astounding, Andrew. 71 00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:14,652 You somehow made farting even cooler. 72 00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:16,446 I'm basically a superhero. 73 00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:18,781 Wait until everyone sees your power, baby. 74 00:03:18,948 --> 00:03:20,450 Do you know what I could do with this? 75 00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:23,703 I could shop at Lord & Taylor for hours on end 76 00:03:23,786 --> 00:03:25,705 -without being judged. -Sure. Okay. 77 00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:28,541 I'm gonna be the coolest dude in school. 78 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,376 ♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-- ♪ Oh, no. 79 00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:36,257 That's right. There was a freak storm last night 80 00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:37,926 and everybody has superpowers. 81 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,636 Is it related? Who cares? 82 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:44,390 It's the last week of school and it's... ♪ Fun! ♪ 83 00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:48,478 [Caleb] I call you the Harmonizer. 84 00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:51,981 You're a very talented artist, Caleb. Is that your superpower? 85 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:54,067 No, I am known as Lord Infinite. 86 00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:55,902 I am an all-powerful being. 87 00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:57,362 Jay, what the fuck is that? 88 00:03:57,445 --> 00:03:58,988 It's jizz, Matthew.