CREATED BY Nick Kroll | Andrew Goldberg | Mark Levin | Jennifer Flackett
EPISODE 3.11
“Super Mouth”
When a freak storm gives everyone new superpowers, tensions between Andrew, Nick and friends boil over into an epic showdown.
WRITTEN BY: Gil Ozeri
DIRECTED BY: Bryan Francis | Mike L. Mayfield
ORIGINAL BROADCAST: October 4, 2019
NOTE: This is a transcription of the spoken dialogue and audio, with time-code reference, provided without cost by 8FLiX.com for your entertainment, convenience, and study. This version may not be exactly as written in the original script; however, the intellectual property is still reserved by the original source and may be subject to copyright.
MAIN EPISODE CAST
Nick Kroll ... Nick Birch / Maury the Hormone Monster / Coach Steve Steve / Lola / Sylvester Stallone (voice) John Mulaney ... Andrew Glouberman (voice) Jessi Klein ... Jessi Glaser (voice) Jason Mantzoukas ... Jay Bilzerian / Guy Bilzerianerian (voice) Jenny Slate ... Missy Foreman-Greenwald (voice) Fred Armisen ... Elliot Birch (voice) Maya Rudolph ... Diane Birch / Connie the Hormone Monstress / Principal Barren (voice) Jordan Peele ... Ghost of Duke Ellington (voice) (credit only) Neil Casey ... Lars (voice) Jessica Chaffin ... Shannon Glaser (voice) Mark Duplass ... Val Bilzerian (voice) Richard Kind ... Marty Glouberman (voice) Jak Knight ... DeVon (voice) Heather Lawless ... Jenna Bilzerian (voice) Seth Morris ... Greg Glaser (voice) Thandie Newton ... Mona (voice) Paula Pell ... Barbara Glouberman (voice) Andrew Rannells ... Matthew (voice) June Diane Raphael ... Devin (voice) Gina Rodriguez ... Gina Alvarez (voice) Paul Scheer ... Kurt Bilzerian (voice) Joe Wengert ... Caleb / Lump Humpman (voice) Ali Wong ... Ali (voice)
1 00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:09,175 [piano playing softly]
2 00:00:12,178 --> 00:00:13,013 Nick?
3 00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:15,473 How... could you?
4 00:00:15,557 --> 00:00:20,520 ♪ He's got your Missy now ♪
5 00:00:22,313 --> 00:00:24,482 -Whoa, we did-- -The kiss. Yeah.
6 00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:25,900 -That was the kiss. -And it was...
7 00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:27,277 -Uh... -...pretty great.
8 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:28,361 -Yeah. -Okay.
9 00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:29,320 -Okay. -Bye.
10 00:00:29,404 --> 00:00:30,447 -Bye-bye. -Bye.
11 00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:31,823 Okay, here's what we do.
12 00:00:31,906 --> 00:00:33,908 You grab his top lip, I'll grab his bottom lip
13 00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:37,203 -and we peel his fucking face off. -Yes. That way, we're not killing him.
14 00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,164 -We're just peeling his face off. -Exactly.
15 00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:40,373 No, no, wait.
16 00:00:40,457 --> 00:00:44,919 He's my best friend. And fuck, we're goin' to camp together in a few days.
17 00:00:45,003 --> 00:00:47,589 -I should give him a chance to come clean. -[door opens]
18 00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:51,301 Oh, hey, uh, what are you-- Why are you still at school?
19 00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:52,427 Why are you here?
20 00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:55,513 -What do I do? Should I tell him? -No! It'll crush him.
21 00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:58,141 -Think of an amazing lie. -Uh, um...
22 00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:02,187 I was just seeing if the cafeteria served dinner.
23 00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:04,064 It does not.
24 00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:07,025 -Anything else you wanna tell me? -Uh...
25 00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:08,443 Nope, see you later.
26 00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:10,028 -That liar. -[thunderclap]
27 00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:13,615 -Jesus, Caleb. -Please sign my yearbook as Mr. Invisible,
28 00:01:13,698 --> 00:01:16,284 since no one can see you in your black turtleneck.
29 00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:17,744 What? Your yearbook?
30 00:01:17,827 --> 00:01:20,455 -Get the fuck out of here with that shit. -Okay.
31 00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:27,295 Oh, no. Stop!
32 00:01:27,378 --> 00:01:29,089 Stop kissing each other!
33 00:01:29,172 --> 00:01:30,465 I'm right here.
34 00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:32,092 I'm not invisible!
35 00:01:32,175 --> 00:01:33,343 [screams]
36 00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:35,845 -Oh, I just had the worst dream. -Tell me about it.
37 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,931 I just had a wet nightmare about Mickey Rourke
38 00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:39,474 in a long paisley scarf.
39 00:01:39,557 --> 00:01:41,142 -Again? -Yeah. Every night, brother.
40 00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:42,769 Mine was about Nick and Missy.
41 00:01:42,852 --> 00:01:43,978 -They were kissing. -[farts]
42 00:01:44,062 --> 00:01:45,188 Holy shit, Andrew.
43 00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:46,481 -What? -You're invisible.
44 00:01:46,564 --> 00:01:48,900 -I know. People take me for granted. -No, look.
45 00:01:48,983 --> 00:01:51,903 [gasps] Oh my God, where did I go?
46 00:01:51,986 --> 00:01:54,239 -[knocking] -[Barbara] Andrew! Breakfast is ready!
47 00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:57,242 [Marty] I put garlic powder in your oatmeal, like I've decided you like.
48 00:01:57,408 --> 00:02:00,120 Oh shit, Maury, if my parents see me, they'll freak.
49 00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:01,496 They hate floating clothes.
50 00:02:01,579 --> 00:02:02,455 -Andrew! -What do I do?
51 00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:04,666 -Uh... Quick. Undress. -Right, I'll take my clothes off.
52 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:06,209 Huh.
53 00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:08,461 -He must have gone to school already. -Hmm.
54 00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:12,132 Nothin' makes me more aroused than the absence of my son.
55 00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:14,050 How about a little moofky-poofky?
56 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:17,554 -Oh, your hands smell like garlic powder. -[Andrew] Oh, God.
57 00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:20,473 -[Marty] Oh, honey. -[Barbara] Oh, Marty. [chuckles]
58 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:24,352 Ugh! Your poor bed is being suffocated by those huge balls.
59 00:02:24,435 --> 00:02:27,063 -[Barbara] Ooh! -[Andrew] Oh, God. Kill me.
60 00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,190 -[farts] -Oh, fuck! [groans]
61 00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:37,532 ♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪
62 00:02:41,077 --> 00:02:46,708 ♪ I'm goin' through changes ♪
63 00:02:47,375 --> 00:02:49,669 ♪ Oh, in my life ♪
64 00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:54,048 ♪ Oh, ooh, ooh ♪
65 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:03,808 This is amazing.
66 00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:06,186 -Every time I fart, I go in-- -[farts]
67 00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:08,021 -...and out of invisibility. -[farts]
68 00:03:08,104 --> 00:03:09,189 -Invisible. -[farts]
69 00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:10,857 I'm back. And it stinks.
70 00:03:10,940 --> 00:03:12,567 Truly astounding, Andrew.
71 00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:14,652 You somehow made farting even cooler.
72 00:03:14,736 --> 00:03:16,446 I'm basically a superhero.
73 00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:18,781 Wait until everyone sees your power, baby.
74 00:03:18,948 --> 00:03:20,450 Do you know what I could do with this?
75 00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:23,703 I could shop at Lord & Taylor for hours on end
76 00:03:23,786 --> 00:03:25,705 -without being judged. -Sure. Okay.
77 00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:28,541 I'm gonna be the coolest dude in school.
78 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,376 ♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-- ♪ Oh, no.
79 00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:36,257 That's right. There was a freak storm last night
80 00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:37,926 and everybody has superpowers.
81 00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:39,636 Is it related? Who cares?
82 00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:44,390 It's the last week of school and it's... ♪ Fun! ♪
83 00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:48,478 [Caleb] I call you the Harmonizer.
84 00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:51,981 You're a very talented artist, Caleb. Is that your superpower?
85 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:54,067 No, I am known as Lord Infinite.
86 00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:55,902 I am an all-powerful being.
87 00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:57,362 Jay, what the fuck is that?
88 00:03:57,445 --> 00:03:58,988 It's jizz, Matthew. [laughs]
89 00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:02,075 I'm the first and last cum bender.
90 00:04:02,158 --> 00:04:03,910 [Asian-inspired music]
91 00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:06,412 -Check this out. iI's an Escalade. -Amazing.
92 00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:07,914 Gina, how about you?
93 00:04:07,997 --> 00:04:10,667 Well, Matthew, I can stretch any part of my body.
94 00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:13,836 Hey guys, it's me, Bull-ola.
95 00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:15,964 [bellowing]
96 00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:19,050 I've got the legs of a bull and the body of me.
97 00:04:19,133 --> 00:04:20,468 And ultimately,
98 00:04:20,551 --> 00:04:23,137 I would swat a fly with my tail.
99 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:24,055 [grunts]
100 00:04:24,138 --> 00:04:25,223 Holy shit.
101 00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:26,391 Look at Nick.
102 00:04:26,474 --> 00:04:28,226 Hey, Andrew, check it out. I'm Big Dick Boy.
103 00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:30,228 [heavy metal riff]
104 00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:31,396 [yells]
105 00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:35,441 Big Dick Boy destroyin' property.
106 00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:39,153 Big prostate, peein' all night, a little concerned.
107 00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:41,489 Pretty dope, huh? Hey, what's your power?
108 00:04:41,572 --> 00:04:44,492 Uh, when I, uh... ahem, fart,
109 00:04:44,575 --> 00:04:45,994 -I turn invisible. -Oh.
110 00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:48,830 And it only really works, uh, if I'm totally nude.
111 00:04:48,913 --> 00:04:50,790 [upbeat orchestral music]
112 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:52,667 [farts]
113 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,377 Invisible farting.
114 00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:56,004 That's a really great power, bud.
115 00:04:56,170 --> 00:04:57,672 Jessi, what's your power?
116 00:04:57,755 --> 00:04:58,756 I, uh...
117 00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,341 I don't seem to have one.
118 00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:02,176 Maybe you're the newspaper reporter
119 00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:03,303 -who gets saved. -Oof.
120 00:05:03,386 --> 00:05:05,930 -Or maybe you're just a face in a locket. -[groans]
121 00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:09,350 Oh God, there's Nick. I shouldn't have kissed him, right?
122 00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:10,977 Oh, Lars is gonna be crushed.
123 00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:12,186 Who cares?
124 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:13,271 I care!
125 00:05:13,354 --> 00:05:14,188 I'm a cheater.
126 00:05:14,272 --> 00:05:17,775 So break up with Lars, get together with Nick and lie about the timeline.
127 00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:20,403 -Do people do that? -Fuck, yeah! All the time.
128 00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:22,697 -Hey, Missy. -Hi, Missy. I mean, hello, Missy.
129 00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:25,325 No, I mean, hi, lips. Or hi, Nick.
130 00:05:25,408 --> 00:05:27,076 -Wow, smackeroonies. -Nice to see ya.
131 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,579 -For sure. How lovely. -Hey, so what are your powers?
132 00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:32,582 Well, what it is, is that I can make storms.
133 00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:33,583 -[yelps] -[girl screams]
134 00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,918 But I really can't control them at this point. Sorry.
135 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:37,795 I'm the Her-ricane.
136 00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:41,174 Spelled H-E-R, because unfortunately, female superheroes
137 00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:43,343 have to have their gender specified in their names.
138 00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:46,512 Well, Missy. I think your powers are kind of electrifying.
139 00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,139 [giggles and snorts]
140 00:05:48,222 --> 00:05:51,726 [gasps] Great superhero word play, cool personality.
141 00:05:51,809 --> 00:05:52,643 -Okay. -Anyhow.
142 00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:54,604 -I guess I'll see you later or something. -Great.
143 00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:56,689 Ooh, he likes you.
144 00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:58,941 -Do you really think so? -Absolutely.
145 00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:01,402 It's time to give Lars the pink slip.
146 00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:03,571 And give Nick the pink slit.
147 00:06:03,654 --> 00:06:04,530 [shudders]
148 00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:07,950 Moving forward, slit is not a word that I'm comfortable with
149 00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,786 and I really don't see that changing.
150 00:06:09,869 --> 00:06:11,954 [playing smooth jazz]
151 00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,790 Whoa, how are you doing that?
152 00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:14,999 I'm telekinetic.
153 00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:17,168 -I can move objects with my mind. -Huh.
154 00:06:17,251 --> 00:06:18,878 I'm making lasagna at home right now.
155 00:06:18,961 --> 00:06:20,004 That's amazing.
156 00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:21,214 So... [chuckles]
157 00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:23,299 Not to be an asshole but, in theory,
158 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,510 you could use your mind to make your legs--
159 00:06:25,593 --> 00:06:27,512 -What do you want, Andrew? -Okay. All right. Okay.
160 00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:31,224 I'm afraid I have some troubling information about Nick and Missy
161 00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:33,059 -and their lips-- -I don't want to hear it.
162 00:06:33,142 --> 00:06:35,269 -...which kissed each other. -Lies.
163 00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:36,687 -Truth! -Lies! [grunts]
164 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:38,731 -Holy shit! -[farts]
165 00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,441 Sorry, still here. Just invisible.
166 00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:42,568 -I fart when I'm scared. -Why are you telling me this?
167 00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:44,570 I thought Nick was your best friend.
168 00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:46,864 Until he betrayed me.
169 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:51,411 So now, you and I, Lars, it appears we've become unlikely allies.
170 00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:53,579 -Where are you going? What will you do? -Simple.
171 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:56,207 Nick must die.
172 00:06:57,208 --> 00:07:00,378 [farts slowly]
173 00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:07,760 I just stole this big pretzel from Six Flags.
174 00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:08,845 My power's lit.
175 00:07:09,053 --> 00:07:11,305 Ugh, even Lump has powers?
176 00:07:12,181 --> 00:07:14,684 -Nick Birch, you've got some nerve. -[grunts]
177 00:07:15,226 --> 00:07:17,353 -[yells] What the hell, Lars? -I know what you did.
178 00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:19,439 [roars]
179 00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:21,357 Wait. Missy told you?
180 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,360 No! I was gonna talk to him after school. I'm sorry, Lars.
181 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:28,531 -It was I who told him that stuff. -[farts]
182 00:07:28,614 --> 00:07:29,782 -Andrew? -Told him what?
183 00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:31,367 -Nick kissed Missy. -[all gasp]
184 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,452 Gaaah!
185 00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:35,872 Oof! You snitched to Lars? You weasel.
186 00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:37,582 You're the fuckin' weasel.
187 00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:40,710 -I went to you, you lied to me about it. -[yells]
188 00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:41,878 Move!
189 00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:45,631 -[yells] -Guys, stop fighting.
190 00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,467 You should be mad at me, Lars.
191 00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:48,759 I'm the one who cheated.
192 00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:51,429 I thought you were gonna lie about the timeline.
193 00:07:51,512 --> 00:07:53,764 This isn't how I wanted you to find out.
194 00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:56,267 [sobs] I wanted to let you down gently
195 00:07:56,350 --> 00:08:00,021 in the young adult section at Barnes & Noble.
196 00:08:00,104 --> 00:08:02,148 -[sobbing] -Quit staring at her.
197 00:08:02,231 --> 00:08:05,359 The show's over, you judgmental little fucks.
198 00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:08,070 Okay, enough with the superpowers.
199 00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:10,573 I have two days left until retirement.
200 00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:12,825 You can kill each other when I'm on a pontoon boat
201 00:08:12,909 --> 00:08:15,495 drinking my grandchildren's names out of my mind.
202 00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:16,662 [cicadas chirping]
203 00:08:16,746 --> 00:08:20,458 And it's a jizzasaurus sex.
204 00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:22,001 [screams]
205 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,378 [cackles]
206 00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:27,131 -What the fuck, guys? -We woke up even bigger assholes
207 00:08:27,215 --> 00:08:30,968 -than we already were . -Society is our butt to fuck.
208 00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:33,387 [melodramatic orchestral music plays]
209 00:08:34,263 --> 00:08:36,474 What the fuck are you guys-- [muffled grunting]
210 00:08:37,141 --> 00:08:37,975 [cackling]
211 00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:39,894 Now that you're a drug-dealing cum god,
212 00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:42,355 you're cool enough to be a true Bilzerian.
213 00:08:42,438 --> 00:08:46,943 Father says you're ready to take the Bilzerian oath.
214 00:08:47,026 --> 00:08:50,363 Wow, I'm finally becoming a member of my own family?
215 00:08:50,446 --> 00:08:54,700 Now put your hand on this Criterion DVD of The Devil's Advocate.
216 00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:58,246 -Whoa! -I swear to fuck shit up goodly
217 00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:00,122 and to always remain...
218 00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,124 A loyal Bilzerian.
219 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:05,878 [all in unison] Asses to asses, nuts to nuts.
220 00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:09,882 -[giggles] -Welcome to the family, Cum Bender.
221 00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:14,679 And if you'll follow me this way, this is my fruit dehydrator.
222 00:09:14,762 --> 00:09:18,307 I'm finally making my own raisins, so I can cross that off my bucket list.
223 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:21,018 Yeah, uh, your new place is great, Dad.
224 00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:23,104 -You all right, jelly bean? -I just... [sighs]
225 00:09:23,187 --> 00:09:26,148 Everybody seems to be doing super great, and I'm kind of not.
226 00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,650 Oh, come here.
227 00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:29,068 -I have a new girlfriend. -What?
228 00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:31,821 Oh, whoa, I was not gonna tell you about that yet.
229 00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:34,657 But I'm dating the cheese sample girl at Trader Joe's. Yay.
230 00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:37,410 -You are? -Wait, Jessi, try touching him again.
231 00:09:37,493 --> 00:09:40,329 She's 25 and she has braces. They're colored ones and I like 'em.
232 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:41,289 [both] Holy shit!
233 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:43,624 You can make people tell the truth by just touchin' 'em.
234 00:09:43,708 --> 00:09:45,876 You're like a demon Oprah.
235 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,712 -I don't know when your birthday is. -Dad!
236 00:09:47,795 --> 00:09:51,048 Sorry, I-- I know it's like, July fourth, but it's not as hot--
237 00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:52,675 -Dad! -Give me a second, hold on, it's...
238 00:09:52,758 --> 00:09:56,304 God, what are the months? Uh, April, April fourth, see? I got there.
239 00:09:56,387 --> 00:09:58,139 Oh, my God. It's April 16th.
240 00:09:58,222 --> 00:09:59,473 Sorry. You know what?
241 00:09:59,557 --> 00:10:02,643 I'll write it down on this envelope, and I promise I'll never forget it again.
242 00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:07,523 All right, since I'm back at school now, you guys can call me Coach Steve.
243 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:09,483 I'm handsome now, Coach Steve.
244 00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,319 Let's play dodgeball.
245 00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:13,112 Hey, Jessie, Where's Missy?
246 00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:15,656 After that whole scene yesterday, she didn't come to school.
247 00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:16,782 See what you did, Andrew?
248 00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,909 Fuck you, sit on this. Fuck your family.
249 00:10:18,993 --> 00:10:21,454 Now because my power is reading rooms,
250 00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:24,165 I'm gonna have Nick and Andrew, the super friends,
251 00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:27,376 -be team captains, baby. -Okay. I guess I'll go first.
252 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,545 Typical Nick, putting himself first.
253 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:32,256 -Typical Andrew, playing the victim. -Oh yeah, fuckface?
254 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:33,841 Well, at least I'm not a liar.
255 00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:36,927 I only lied because I know how crazy and possessive you can be.
256 00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:37,845 No, Nick.
257 00:10:37,928 --> 00:10:41,140 You lied because you knew what you did was reprehensible.
258 00:10:41,223 --> 00:10:42,850 Thank you. Lars, you're on my team.
259 00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:46,854 Missy isn't yours, Andrew. Nick didn't steal her from you.
260 00:10:46,937 --> 00:10:47,772 Exactly.
261 00:10:47,855 --> 00:10:49,482 But Nick and Andrew are bros,
262 00:10:49,565 --> 00:10:50,858 and as the old saying goes,
263 00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:52,068 men before women.
264 00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:54,695 I'm Team Andrew. Surf's up.
265 00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:57,073 Dibs is heteronormative bullshit.
266 00:10:57,156 --> 00:10:58,991 ♪ Team Nick! ♪
267 00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:00,326 Let me ask you this, Nick.
268 00:11:00,409 --> 00:11:02,995 How would you feel if I hooked up with Gina?
269 00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:05,247 [laughs] Well, I don't think I have to worry about that.
270 00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:07,875 Oh, Nick, you cocky little shit.
271 00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:09,085 I'm on Andrew's team.
272 00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:11,629 Well, I'm Team Nick, because he's got a pool.
273 00:11:11,712 --> 00:11:12,546 Really, Lola?
274 00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:15,341 What? I'm covered in flies.
275 00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:18,260 -Jessi, what about you? -I have no opinion on this, OK?
276 00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:20,596 Oh, please, Jessi. You have an opinion about everything.
277 00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,556 Just tell the truth. That's your power, isn't it?
278 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,434 No, her power is making other people tell the truth.
279 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,812 I call her the Scarlet Truther.
280 00:11:29,063 --> 00:11:30,731 I don't like that name, Caleb,
281 00:11:30,815 --> 00:11:33,275 and I don't want any part in this dumb pissing contest.
282 00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:34,193 I'm out of here.
283 00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:35,903 -Jessi, come on. -Come back, honey.
284 00:11:35,986 --> 00:11:39,365 -You don't know what you're saying. -Well, let's play some dodgeball.
285 00:11:42,451 --> 00:11:43,285 [roars]
286 00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:44,453 You're like, out.
287 00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:46,205 Sports!
288 00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:50,876 [yells]
289 00:11:51,168 --> 00:11:54,547 Yah! Yes! I win! I win!
290 00:11:54,630 --> 00:11:56,340 The universe agrees with me.
291 00:11:56,424 --> 00:11:58,926 Missy is off-limits.
292 00:11:59,009 --> 00:12:01,303 Andrew's penis is bigger than Nick's penis.
293 00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:02,221 Also, that.
294 00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:05,474 I'm keeping track of all the penises I see.
295 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,684 That asshole.
296 00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:09,228 He can't tell me that somebody's off-limits.
297 00:12:09,311 --> 00:12:12,398 Yeah! If you like Missy, that's your business.
298 00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:15,609 -Yeah. -Who cares if Andrew's got a bigger dick?
299 00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:17,903 -Yeah. -Because she likes you.
300 00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:21,574 -Yeah. -So clearly big dicks are not her thing.
301 00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:23,659 Yeah. Yeah...
302 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,536 I know I should be sad,
303 00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:28,038 but I can't stop thinking about that kiss.
304 00:12:28,122 --> 00:12:29,957 It felt like there was lightning in my stomach.
305 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:32,960 -And thunder in your unders. -[thunder rumbling]
306 00:12:33,043 --> 00:12:34,420 -[tapping] -Huh?
307 00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:35,713 -Nick! -Hi, Missy.
308 00:12:35,796 --> 00:12:37,506 Uh, I wanted to ask you something.
309 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,341 Do you maybe want to go out with me tonight?
310 00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:41,469 -What? -We could go play some mini golf
311 00:12:41,552 --> 00:12:42,720 at Golf Lundgren.
312 00:12:42,803 --> 00:12:44,305 -[screams] -[laughing] Yeah!
313 00:12:44,388 --> 00:12:46,015 Okay...
314 00:12:46,098 --> 00:12:47,892 I'll take that as a yes,
315 00:12:47,975 --> 00:12:50,436 and I'm just gonna put out this fire.
316 00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:52,980 Excuse me, somebody's soaking in here.
317 00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:56,275 -And, uh, I will see you tonight. -It's a date. [squeals]
318 00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:59,820 -I've always wanted to say that. -Big dick jump! Brump! Brump!
319 00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:01,822 -[sighs] -[Nick] Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!
320 00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,324 [Andrew] The nerve of this boy.
321 00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:07,411 -[farts] -The absolute chutzpah of this child.
322 00:13:07,495 --> 00:13:10,539 We need to do something, we need to-- Wow. Whoa. [inhales]
323 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:13,334 That fart really resonated. Uh, I'm nauseous.
324 00:13:13,417 --> 00:13:15,085 Oh, God. I need to sit down.
325 00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:17,838 Whoa, I need to-- I need to lie down.
326 00:13:18,255 --> 00:13:19,256 [Shannon] The cheese girl?
327 00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:22,426 The one with the braces? Okay. Great, good for him.
328 00:13:22,510 --> 00:13:24,678 Ugh, I-- I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you.
329 00:13:24,762 --> 00:13:27,097 I'm sick of living in Bridgeton. I wanna move to the city!
330 00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:28,516 What the fuck?
331 00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:31,519 Oh, God, I'm sorry. I just-- I think we both could use a change.
332 00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:34,814 But what about my school and my friends and... what about Dad?
333 00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:37,274 Dad and the cheese slut? They can come visit you in the city.
334 00:13:37,358 --> 00:13:38,609 I don't wanna move.
335 00:13:38,692 --> 00:13:41,821 Okay, let's just calm down. We don't have to decide anything right--
336 00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:45,366 I've already put the house on the market. I'm experimenting with BDSM in Brooklyn.
337 00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:47,117 -[gasps] -This is so unfair.
338 00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:48,577 I don't wanna go to a new school.
339 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,538 Where in Brooklyn you goin', Shannon?
340 00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:52,373 -Maybe we can carpool. -[groans]
341 00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:53,874 Sorry about your life, Jessi.
342 00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:57,294 Even though Dolph Lundgren played a Russian in Rocky IV,
343 00:13:57,378 --> 00:13:58,796 which I haven't been allowed to see,
344 00:13:58,879 --> 00:14:00,297 -but I did IMDb him-- -Oh, yeah.
345 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,842 He's actually from Sweden, which is a social democracy.
346 00:14:02,925 --> 00:14:04,468 -Okay. Cool. -Not technically socialist.
347 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:07,680 -That is not what I'm saying. -Missy's kind of a--
348 00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:09,974 Dork, she's a dork.
349 00:14:10,057 --> 00:14:13,018 Big Dick Boy can't be with big dork girl.
350 00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:15,437 I don't know if you know, but Dolph Lundgren went to MIT--
351 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:18,691 It's time for me to reveal my twisted plan.
352 00:14:18,774 --> 00:14:20,651 We're going to use our powers
353 00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:23,153 -to move Nick's ball... -Uh-huh.
354 00:14:23,237 --> 00:14:26,031 ...so he will never get his precious hole in one.
355 00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:29,285 -[clears throat] -Missy seeing he is not good at the game
356 00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:31,871 will never let him get to third base,
357 00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:34,123 which is my biggest fear.
358 00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:35,207 [cackles]
359 00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:36,125 It's perfect.
360 00:14:36,208 --> 00:14:39,044 That's a weak plan. I'm gonna make him swallow a hundred golf tees
361 00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:41,130 and watch him hemorrhage from the inside out.
362 00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:43,924 Uh... Oh. So, like, a-- like, a murder?
363 00:14:44,008 --> 00:14:45,593 [Val] All righty, fuck nuggets.
364 00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:48,679 Plant these in the Dolph Lundgren Porta Potties.
365 00:14:48,762 --> 00:14:49,597 What are they?
366 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,850 -Radioactive Cotton Candy Brandy Bombs. -[laughs]
367 00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:54,184 My favorite.
368 00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:57,897 We're gonna blow these dookie coffins sky high.
369 00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:00,399 I... I don't know. That sounds pretty dangerous.
370 00:15:01,317 --> 00:15:03,527 [grunts] Hey! Let me out!
371 00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:04,570 Val, what are you doing?
372 00:15:04,653 --> 00:15:06,322 Just having a little fun.
373 00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:09,158 [groaning]
374 00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:10,534 -Kurt! -[roaring]
375 00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:12,077 [groaning]
376 00:15:12,161 --> 00:15:16,790 I am the Shit Monster!
377 00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:18,792 [shouting and screaming]
378 00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:21,211 [roars]
379 00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:24,173 A Dolph Lundgren shit monster.
380 00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:26,467 This looks like a job for Big Dick Boy.
381 00:15:26,550 --> 00:15:28,469 And the Her-ricane.
382 00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:32,473 [snarls]
383 00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:33,974 Oof!
384 00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:35,392 [roars]
385 00:15:35,476 --> 00:15:37,478 -Oh, Nick. No! -[groans]
386 00:15:39,730 --> 00:15:41,398 Come on, Lars, they need our help.
387 00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:42,900 Andrew, what are you doing here?
388 00:15:42,983 --> 00:15:45,819 I was on a date... with, uh... Lars. First date.
389 00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:47,863 Were you two spying on us?
390 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,282 Okay, yes, we were spying on you. But we're here to help.
391 00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:52,076 [all yelling]
392 00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:55,120 Ooh! [chuckles]
393 00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:56,497 No! Don't hurt them.
394 00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:57,831 Don't worry, guys.
395 00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:59,583 Help is coming.
396 00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:02,086 Hey, I'm Spermvester Stallone.
397 00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:03,963 I'm made of cum, but I wanna fight.
398 00:16:04,046 --> 00:16:04,964 This is great.
399 00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:07,341 -[Rocky style music] -[grunting]
400 00:16:12,388 --> 00:16:13,389 Ugh, ugh.
401 00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:14,348 What the fuck?
402 00:16:14,431 --> 00:16:17,851 How dare you use cum on your own family?
403 00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,728 What? Me? You're the one that blew up Kurt.
404 00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:22,523 You're not a Bilzerian.
405 00:16:22,606 --> 00:16:23,565 [Jay] Wait, please.
406 00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:25,401 -[both laughing] -Guys! Guys!
407 00:16:25,484 --> 00:16:31,073 Nooooooooo!
408 00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:32,992 [sighs] Holy shit.
409 00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:34,952 -You okay? -Yeah. What about you?
410 00:16:35,035 --> 00:16:35,911 Yeah.
411 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,038 -Hey, thanks for your help. -No problem.
412 00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:41,709 Listen, Nick. If you and Missy really like each other,
413 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:44,545 I'm not gonna be the guy that stands in the way of love,
414 00:16:44,628 --> 00:16:46,005 but you take care of her.
415 00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:46,964 You hear me?
416 00:16:47,047 --> 00:16:48,007 Thanks, Andrew.
417 00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:51,218 Would it be cool if I grabbed your forearm while we shake hands?
418 00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:52,594 I'd like that, Nick.
419 00:16:53,053 --> 00:16:54,430 I would like that very much.
420 00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:59,810 Whoa, what a date, huh? There was action and comedy, romance.
421 00:16:59,893 --> 00:17:01,562 Yeah, there was, like, shit everywhere.
422 00:17:01,645 --> 00:17:03,022 -Yeah. -So--
423 00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:04,565 -Oh, uh... -Oh.
424 00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:06,608 I think I just cut my lip on your braces a little.
425 00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,694 Oh. Sorry. I guess I went a little bit turbo.
426 00:17:08,777 --> 00:17:09,945 No, it's-- it's fine.
427 00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,822 I'm not gonna-- I'm not gonna cry or anything.
428 00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:14,033 Did you maybe wanna come in? My dad cries all the time.
429 00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:17,703 Oh, I would love to see your dad cry, but, um... I wanna be fresh
430 00:17:17,786 --> 00:17:19,621 -for the last day of school tomorrow. -Oh, yeah.
431 00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,707 I can't wait to see you in your graduation gown.
432 00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:23,917 -Send me a picture tonight? -You'll see it tomorrow.
433 00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:26,378 -But I'd really like to have it tonight. -Okay, tomorrow.
434 00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:27,713 -Call me when you get home. -Bye.
435 00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:29,840 Walk away! Go, go, go! Move it.
436 00:17:29,923 --> 00:17:31,717 See you by the lockers tomorrow, Connie.
437 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,844 And don't forget to bring your tongue.
438 00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:37,139 All right, tomorrow.
439 00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:38,307 Bye.
440 00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:39,808 This bitch is crazy.
441 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,143 ["Land of Hope and Glory" plays]
442 00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:43,729 Welcome to seventh grade graduation,
443 00:17:43,812 --> 00:17:47,483 because every moment in your lives deserves a four-hour ceremony.
444 00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:50,611 [sighs] My mom's clearly already decided we're moving.
445 00:17:50,694 --> 00:17:51,528 Isn't that messed up?
446 00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:55,157 Yeah. Everything's so weird and complicated right now.
447 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,034 -You mean you and Andrew? -Mm-- No.
448 00:17:57,117 --> 00:17:58,368 [sighs] Sorta.
449 00:17:58,452 --> 00:17:59,828 -Never mind. -Nick, what is it?
450 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,538 -Hey, guys. -Oh, it's nothing.
451 00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:03,207 -Come on. -I don't really like Missy.
452 00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:06,043 It was just the excitement of the play and now I don't know what to do.
453 00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:06,960 -What? -Oh, no.
454 00:18:07,044 --> 00:18:07,878 -Jessi! -Sorry.
455 00:18:07,961 --> 00:18:10,589 So you kiss Missy. Then I give my blessing
456 00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:13,509 and now you decide that you don't even like her?
457 00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:16,720 Let's circumcise this asshole. Wolver Peen.
458 00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:18,889 [dramatic theme plays]
459 00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:21,016 Hey, future eighth graders. Hi, Nick.
460 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,059 -Tell her. -Tell me what?
461 00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:24,144 -Nothing. Everything's fine, Missy. -Oh, yeah?
462 00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:25,771 -Hey! -I don't actually like you.
463 00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:28,690 I got caught up in the play but in reality we're not a good fit at all.
464 00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:31,318 -[gasps] Ooh. -Ooh. Oh...
465 00:18:31,401 --> 00:18:32,611 Oh, man. I'm sorry.
466 00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:34,113 -Oh, no. -[thunderclap]
467 00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:35,447 -Missy, no, no, no... -[sobbing]
468 00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,741 What the fuck, Andrew? Why would you do that?
469 00:18:37,825 --> 00:18:39,451 -Kick his ass! -All right.
470 00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:42,287 I'm finally gonna give you the beating you deserve.
471 00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:44,373 [Andrew] Ha-ha!
472 00:18:44,456 --> 00:18:45,499 That's right, idiot.
473 00:18:45,582 --> 00:18:47,626 I was nude under my robe.
474 00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:49,002 Oh, where did I go? [grunts]
475 00:18:49,086 --> 00:18:52,047 -Oh! What's wrong? Cat got your knee? -[farts]
476 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,340 -[chuckles] -Oh, God.
477 00:18:53,423 --> 00:18:55,843 If you want, the studio will hire a writer for you.
478 00:18:55,926 --> 00:18:57,344 -[yells] -[roars]
479 00:18:57,427 --> 00:18:59,930 Hey, Nick, try rebounding from this.
480 00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:09,606 There's gotta be a way I can be a Bilzerian but still be a good guy.
481 00:19:09,690 --> 00:19:12,734 Ugh. I wish Diane were here. She'd know what to do.
482 00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:14,820 Jay, I am here.
483 00:19:14,903 --> 00:19:17,239 Diane mommy, made of cum?
484 00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:20,576 You need to show your family how to love.
485 00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:23,078 But how? That seems impossible.
486 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:27,082 Well, you could start by turning this shithole into a home.
487 00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:30,794 -Huh. -Take it from me, I'm your cum.
488 00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:33,255 She's right, we can't live like this.
489 00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:37,718 I know what I have to do, but it will take all of my cum.
490 00:19:38,051 --> 00:19:40,179 Cummmmmm...
491 00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:44,057 Cummmmmm...
492 00:19:45,058 --> 00:19:47,144 -[sobbing] -[roars]
493 00:19:47,227 --> 00:19:48,729 What the heck is going on?
494 00:19:48,812 --> 00:19:50,439 -[yells] -[screams]
495 00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:52,691 Ow, I squished my hog.
496 00:19:52,774 --> 00:19:53,984 Andrew! Andrew!
497 00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:55,903 It's more of a chode.
498 00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:57,029 [whimpering]
499 00:19:57,112 --> 00:19:58,780 [roars]
500 00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:04,578 Everybody, please stop fighting. Whoa!
501 00:20:04,661 --> 00:20:06,371 Missy, if you come back to me now,
502 00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:08,290 I promise I won't destroy you.
503 00:20:08,373 --> 00:20:10,751 I don't belong to you.
504 00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:13,795 I don't belong to anyone!
505 00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:15,881 [screams]
506 00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:19,718 Cummmmmm...
507 00:20:19,801 --> 00:20:20,802 [groans]
508 00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:23,764 Cummmmmm... [moans]
509 00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:28,393 -[growls] -Aah! Basic-ass bitch.
510 00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:31,855 I'm not basic, my husband is black.
511 00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:33,565 Baby, no. No, no, no, no, no.
512 00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:35,317 What a shitshow.
513 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:39,154 Yeah. I can't believe this is my last day at Bridgeton.
514 00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:41,782 -What are you talking about? -My mom wants us to move to the city.
515 00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:45,202 -Oh! You can't move. I need you. -Oh, Matthew.
516 00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:47,246 But honestly, I have a boyfriend so I'll be fine.
517 00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:48,372 Oh, damn your power.
518 00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:50,415 -Ugh. Even you. -Wait, Jessi.
519 00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:52,000 -Whatevs. -Ohh...
520 00:20:52,084 --> 00:20:54,253 If I can't have you, nobody can.
521 00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:55,754 Stop! Lars!
522 00:20:55,837 --> 00:20:57,130 You don't have to do this.
523 00:20:57,214 --> 00:20:58,799 [yelling]
524 00:20:59,299 --> 00:21:01,260 Why are you such a fuckin' asshole to me?
525 00:21:01,551 --> 00:21:04,596 God, I'm sorry I kissed Missy. Okay?
526 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,431 -[grunts] -But I'm not talkin' about Missy.
527 00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:07,933 I'm talkin' about everything.
528 00:21:08,016 --> 00:21:09,685 Every moment of our friendship,
529 00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:11,061 you've treated me like shit.
530 00:21:11,144 --> 00:21:14,273 Like I'm second class 'cause my parents are embarrassing,
531 00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:15,899 because I'm hairy and weird-looking.
532 00:21:15,983 --> 00:21:18,527 And then you have the nerve to say you're my best friend.
533 00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:20,529 I'm sick of it, Nick.
534 00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:22,030 I'm sick of it!
535 00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:23,073 Do it, Missy.
536 00:21:23,156 --> 00:21:25,909 Unleash the storm!
537 00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:28,078 [groaning]
538 00:21:29,496 --> 00:21:31,498 [screams]
539 00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:37,796 Hey, Caleb, my dude. What are you drawing?
540 00:21:37,879 --> 00:21:41,883 Big Dick Boy kissed Her-ricane and that made Mr. Invisible feel angry.
541 00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:44,303 They used to be allies, and now they're mortal enemies.
542 00:21:44,386 --> 00:21:47,764 Whoa, good story. And then what happened?
543 00:21:47,848 --> 00:21:50,392 Even I, Lord Infinite, do not know.
544 00:21:50,475 --> 00:21:52,728 Oh, so this whole thing was in your head?
545 00:21:52,811 --> 00:21:54,563 Reality is only a construct.
546 00:21:54,646 --> 00:21:56,148 Wow, yeah, no, I knew that.
547 00:21:56,231 --> 00:21:58,025 [birdsong]
548 00:21:58,108 --> 00:21:59,067 You okay, Nicky?
549 00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:00,652 You've hardly touched your blins.
550 00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:02,362 -Too much lemon ricotta? -[sighs]
551 00:22:02,446 --> 00:22:04,364 I'm just worried about going to camp with Andrew.
552 00:22:04,448 --> 00:22:05,657 We got in a pretty nasty fight.
553 00:22:05,741 --> 00:22:07,701 Well, whenever your mother and I quarrel,
554 00:22:07,784 --> 00:22:09,953 I try to look at things from her point of view.
555 00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:11,830 -He puts on my nightgown. -Ooh!
556 00:22:11,913 --> 00:22:14,166 Maybe you should put yourself in Andrew's nightgown.
557 00:22:14,249 --> 00:22:16,668 Yeah, you're right. I guess I should put myself in his shoes.
558 00:22:16,752 --> 00:22:18,962 Nicky, I never raise my voice with you,
559 00:22:19,046 --> 00:22:20,922 but it needs to be a nightgown.
560 00:22:21,173 --> 00:22:23,175 -[door closes] -[Guy] Holy fuck.
561 00:22:23,258 --> 00:22:27,637 -It's as clean as a doctor's cunt in here. -Jay, did you do this?
562 00:22:27,721 --> 00:22:29,264 [sighs] I love you guys.
563 00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:31,266 -Fuck you. -What the hell is this?
564 00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:34,353 I stole plates from the Birches and I made us a turkey.
565 00:22:34,436 --> 00:22:35,645 -All right. -For eating.
566 00:22:35,729 --> 00:22:36,605 Not fucking.
567 00:22:36,688 --> 00:22:37,939 I know. Duh.
568 00:22:38,023 --> 00:22:40,859 Jay, you're such a good boy.
569 00:22:40,942 --> 00:22:42,819 And a worthy Bilzerian.
570 00:22:42,903 --> 00:22:44,738 Wait till I teach you guys about mouth sauce.
571 00:22:44,821 --> 00:22:46,365 I know what mouth sauce is, son.
572 00:22:46,448 --> 00:22:48,617 It's what I keep in my nuts for your mom.
573 00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:50,410 [all laughing]
574 00:22:50,494 --> 00:22:53,080 Dad, you gotta do stand-up comedy.
575 00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:54,581 [sobbing]
576 00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:57,834 My heart...
577 00:22:58,377 --> 00:23:00,379 it just hurts so much, Mona.
578 00:23:00,462 --> 00:23:02,005 Why doesn't Nick like me?
579 00:23:02,089 --> 00:23:05,092 'Cause he's a shitty little idiot.
580 00:23:05,175 --> 00:23:08,178 Andrew, Lars, they're all fucking shit-iots.
581 00:23:08,261 --> 00:23:10,722 -Right. -None of them are worth your tears.
582 00:23:10,806 --> 00:23:13,183 -They don't deserve me. -Let's burn them all
583 00:23:13,266 --> 00:23:17,396 and rise from the ashes stark naked with three dragons.
584 00:23:17,479 --> 00:23:20,565 Yeah, I think I'm finally ready to watch Game of Thrones this summer.
585 00:23:20,649 --> 00:23:22,651 Mm, I'm more into Westworld, but okay.
586 00:23:24,736 --> 00:23:26,029 Hey, uh, Andrew,
587 00:23:26,113 --> 00:23:29,157 I wanted to come by and-- and just say I'm sorry.
588 00:23:29,491 --> 00:23:31,827 I think I thought I was, like, a big dick boy,
589 00:23:31,910 --> 00:23:33,870 but I think I was just a big dick.
590 00:23:34,246 --> 00:23:35,122 Thanks, Nick.
591 00:23:35,205 --> 00:23:36,081 I'm sorry, too.
592 00:23:36,164 --> 00:23:39,501 Cool. Uh, okay, we are done with that fight. [chuckles]
593 00:23:39,584 --> 00:23:42,212 -I'm very excited for camp. -Oh. Um...
594 00:23:42,295 --> 00:23:44,714 -I'm not going to camp. -What do you mean, not going to camp?
595 00:23:44,965 --> 00:23:47,384 Nick, I bear you no ill will,
596 00:23:47,467 --> 00:23:48,677 but I think...
597 00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:50,804 I think you're a piece of shit.
598 00:23:51,513 --> 00:23:53,849 -Oh. -You're not a good person...
599 00:23:53,932 --> 00:23:54,766 at all.
600 00:23:54,850 --> 00:23:56,643 And I don't wanna be friends with you.
601 00:23:56,726 --> 00:23:57,811 Uh... okay...
602 00:23:57,936 --> 00:23:59,729 Maury, is the boy serious?
603 00:23:59,813 --> 00:24:00,647 Afraid so, Connie.
604 00:24:00,730 --> 00:24:03,442 He practiced that speech in the mirror, like, all morning.
605 00:24:03,525 --> 00:24:04,776 Okay, that's all I had prepared.
606 00:24:04,860 --> 00:24:06,236 Fucking nailed it, in my opinion.
607 00:24:06,319 --> 00:24:08,238 Okay. I guess I'll...
608 00:24:08,613 --> 00:24:10,198 see you in eighth grade, then.
609 00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:11,533 Yeah, I guess.
610 00:24:12,367 --> 00:24:14,161 Hey, look at that, you made one in.
611 00:24:17,164 --> 00:24:18,748 Aw, come here, big guy.
612 00:24:18,832 --> 00:24:19,875 Six weeks.
613 00:24:19,958 --> 00:24:21,460 Lot of big feelings, huh.
614 00:24:21,877 --> 00:24:23,920 I can't believe he's really not coming.
615 00:24:24,004 --> 00:24:27,424 That's cause he don't love you no more.
616 00:24:27,507 --> 00:24:31,678 Why? Whyyyy?
617 00:24:33,054 --> 00:24:34,639 [sobbing]
618 00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:40,270 Burn, baby. Burn.
619 00:24:40,562 --> 00:24:43,648 ♪ Did you have to do this? ♪
620 00:24:43,732 --> 00:24:46,151 ♪ I was thinkin' you could be trusted ♪
621 00:24:46,234 --> 00:24:47,777 Maybe it's for the best.
622 00:24:47,861 --> 00:24:50,947 I mean the city's cool and everyone here sucks anyway.
623 00:24:51,031 --> 00:24:54,367 Ooh, yeah, I love the city. First I'm gonna hit up Times Square,
624 00:24:54,451 --> 00:24:58,538 then I might go to TKTS. I am dying to see Lion King.
625 00:24:58,622 --> 00:25:00,123 -You go right. He's so slow. -[laughing]
626 00:25:00,207 --> 00:25:02,167 -Whoa! Whoa! -You almost got me.
627 00:25:02,250 --> 00:25:03,543 Oh, Guy, stop it.
628 00:25:03,627 --> 00:25:06,087 -[giggles] Here we go, uh-oh. -[all laughing]
629 00:25:06,171 --> 00:25:08,048 -Birch! Oh-ho! -Yeah, there he is.
630 00:25:08,131 --> 00:25:10,091 Are you gonna moon those girls at Tapawingo again?
631 00:25:10,175 --> 00:25:11,176 Ha-ha, you know it.
632 00:25:11,259 --> 00:25:13,345 -I'll show my butt to anyone. -[laughing]
633 00:25:13,428 --> 00:25:14,304 -Yeah. -All right.
634 00:25:14,888 --> 00:25:15,764 It's summer.
635 00:25:16,681 --> 00:25:19,559 ♪ 'Cause, baby, now we got bad blood ♪
636 00:25:19,893 --> 00:25:22,812 ♪ You know it used to be mad love ♪
637 00:25:23,146 --> 00:25:25,857 ♪ So take a look what you've done ♪
638 00:25:26,233 --> 00:25:29,778 -♪ So, baby, now we got bad blood ♪ -♪ Bad blood ♪
639 00:25:29,861 --> 00:25:32,531 -♪ Now we got problems ♪ -♪ Problems ♪
640 00:25:32,614 --> 00:25:35,450 ♪ And I don't think we can solve them ♪
641 00:25:36,034 --> 00:25:38,286 ♪ Made a really deep cut ♪
642 00:25:38,370 --> 00:25:39,955 Andrew! Why aren't you at camp?
643 00:25:40,038 --> 00:25:43,959 -Because I am not going to camp, Dad. -What the hell are you talking about?
644 00:25:44,042 --> 00:25:45,669 We said goodbye to you last night.
645 00:25:45,752 --> 00:25:46,711 You didn't say goodbye.
646 00:25:46,795 --> 00:25:49,923 You said goodnight to the TV, which you do every night.
647 00:25:50,006 --> 00:25:52,551 Well, you're goin' to camp. I already paid for it.
648 00:25:52,634 --> 00:25:55,053 No, Nick is there and he and I are fighting.
649 00:25:55,303 --> 00:25:56,972 Nick? Who the hell is Nick?
650 00:25:57,055 --> 00:25:59,057 He's nobody to me.
651 00:26:00,016 --> 00:26:02,143 Aren't you gonna ask me about my eye patch?
652 00:26:02,227 --> 00:26:05,063 ♪ Band-Aids don't fix bullet holes ♪
653 00:26:05,313 --> 00:26:08,191 ♪ You say sorry just for show ♪
654 00:26:08,275 --> 00:26:13,029 ♪ You live like that You live with ghosts ♪
655 00:26:13,905 --> 00:26:17,075 ♪ 'Cause, baby, now we got bad blood ♪
656 00:26:17,158 --> 00:26:20,245 ♪ You know it used to be mad love ♪
657 00:26:20,328 --> 00:26:23,290 ♪ So take a look what you've done ♪
658 00:26:23,498 --> 00:26:26,793 -♪ 'Cause, baby, now we got bad blood ♪ -♪ Bad blood ♪
659 00:26:27,335 --> 00:26:29,796 ♪ Now we got problems ♪
660 00:26:29,879 --> 00:26:33,049 ♪ And I don't think we can solve them ♪
661 00:26:33,133 --> 00:26:35,969 ♪ You made a really deep cut ♪
662 00:26:36,303 --> 00:26:40,015 ♪ And, baby, now we got bad blood ♪
663 00:26:42,267 --> 00:26:44,686 Haha. Good At Bizness.
664 00:26:44,769 --> 00:26:46,021 [kazoo plays]
665 00:26:46,771 --> 00:26:48,189 -Chirp. -Fathouse.
This transcript is for educational use only. Not to be sold or auctioned.