The Essential Guide to Dating Contexts Sexual Craftsmanship Welcome, Traveler!

THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO DATING CONTEXTS SEXUAL CRAFTSMANSHIP WELCOME, TRAVELER!

One of the most important ways you can increase your odds of experiencing what you want in sex and relationships is to pay attention to context. With awareness and discernment, you can leverage context to your advantage.

Context will make you more or less likely to find people who are looking for the same things. It's like the difference between looking for a hammer at a grocery store versus looking for a hammer at a hardware store - which gives you the best chance of success? Let this workbook help you navigate some common dating contexts.

To Your Pleasure,

Sarah Martin CEO Sexual Craftsmanship

Sexual Craftsmanship cannot guarantee the outcome of this dating contexts guide and comments about the outcomes experienced by others are expressions of opinion only. Sexual Craftsmanship cannot guarantee any specific results as such outcomes are based on subjective factors that cannot be controlled by us.

You are responsible for your actions. The information in this guide does not constitute legal or medical advice. CONTENTS

DATING CONTEXT PRE-WORK 2 Before you can select the best dating context, you need to connect with your desires

ONLINE DATING 8 The online dating context is excellent for its versatility and specificity

MEETUPS & MUNCHES 15 If you want to relax and have more fun already, meetups & munches may be for you

YOUR NETWORK 17 You may already know some wonderful people who would be a great fit

WORKSHEET 20 Bring your knowledge together and define actions you will take

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES 21 Take what you've learned further and expand your knowledge

AVOID THE FRIENDZONE 22 A free course that will show you how to avoid the friendzone for good DATING CONTEXT PRE-WORK A REMINDER OF YOUR DESIRES

WHAT YOU DESIRE

WHERE YOU ARE NOW

01. These are the types of relationships I am available for right now (hookups, FWBs, short term dating, long term dating, other):

02. These are some activities I would love to share with a partner:

03. This is what I am looking forward to experiencing with a partner: I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can’t find anybody who can tell me what they want. - MARK TWAIN DATING CONTEXTS

Context is key for living your sex-forward life. When you leverage context, it becomes far easier to find partners who are looking for the same things you are.

There’s a world of difference between looking for a kinky partner at a random bar on a Thursday night versus at a BDSM munch or on FetLife.

Choose the context that matches what you desire for your sex and relationship life.

Here, we’ll explore 3 contexts in depth available to almost everyone to cover a wide range of desires. We’ll also take a brief look at a number of other contexts and the search terms to help you learn more. ONLINE DATING

BEST FOR

Hookups Friends with Benefits Sex Friends GREAT FOR

Kinky Relationships Short Term Dating Long Term Dating ONLINE DATING GENERAL POINTERS One huge advantage to online Build rapport before making dating is it provides the perfect the ask. In these initial context for expressing any interactions, ask yourself: how number of desires. From do I feel communicating with massive dating sites to sites this person? Apart from how catering to extremely specific they look, am I interested in niches, there’s a lot to choose meeting them? from. Building rapport generally Here, we’ll take a look at 3 sites: takes 3-5 messages back and Tinder (the most popular and forth, they don’t need to be widely used online dating site long and should signal that in the world), OK Cupid (best for you’ve taken a look at their diverse sexualities), and FetLife profile. Move to another (best for forming kinky communication channel - SMS, relationships). WhatsApp, Voxer, Messenger, Signal, etc. Your goal with online dating is to move interactions off of the platform to either an in-person TOP TIP meeting or (2020 update) a Get in touch with yourself to craft video date. a dating profile that accurately reflects your wants, needs, and Plan the first in-person desires. Be direct! Your clarity meetings for public locations. will be appreciated. Time limit all of your first meetings - 2 hours is a good for assessing if you’re interested in seeing someone again.

THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO DATING CONTEXTS PAGE 9 ONLINE DATING TINDER

Tinder has distinct advantages in terms of hookups and Sex Friends. It is known as REMEMBER the hookup app, after all. Tinder boasts Respectful unparalleled volume pretty much directness will everywhere, making it an excellent choice set you apart for travellers. from the majority of Tinder’s volume also presents challenges. people using When you’ve got a room that has Tinder. absolutely everyone in it, you’ll have a Keep messages harder time finding your people. Be short, use prepared to do more sifting. emojis.

The number #1 way most users fail to have a good Tinder experience is by forgetting NOTES the cardinal rule of Tinder: no one reads. While there is a bio space on Tinder, and you absolutely should use it, any critical information needs to be communicated visually, in your 6 images. You can also connect your Instagram account. If you have one, do so.

Your images need to do the talking for you. There’s a few ways you can approach this - I recommend 5 pictures and one text graphic with any critical information or hard boundaries.

THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO DATING CONTEXTS PAGE 10 ONLINE DATING OKCUPID

OK Cupid is a fantastic choice for finding FWBs, short term dating partners, and long term dating partners. It is also the largest umbrella app in terms of users for folks with diverse sexualities. OK Cupid is gender-inclusive, LGBTQIA+ friendly, kink friendly, and polyamory friendly.

OK Cupid has nerdy origins - it was started by four mathematicians from Harvard. While the early data days of OK Cupid have waned, the platform still attracts many people with nerdy interests.

Outside of English-speaking countries, OK Cupid tends to have a lower number of active users. One benefit is the presence of a high percentage of travelers who have updated their profile location. By indicating their temporary location, travelers signal some openness to shorter-term connections.

OKCupid users read. You still need to tell a compelling visual story with your images, and you need a profile with much more detail than a Tinder bio.

As OKCupid users read, you can REMEMBER add a little more text to your 3- Your goal is still to move off 5 message exchange to build platform as soon as you’ve rapport decided you’re interested in going on a date

THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO DATING CONTEXTS PAGE 11 ONLINE DATING FETLIFE FetLife is the social network for The best approach to FetLife is kinky people. While it’s not an one of curiosity and genuine out and out dating site per se, it relationship building. You can is one of the best places to meet mention on your profile the other kinksters that share your kinds of activities you are interests. interested in and the play that excites you, but it’s poor FetLife You create a profile in much the etiquette to spam messages to same way you would do on any lots of people asking for other social networking site, hookups. though the questions you’re asked about yourself include In BDSM communities, the interests you have in BDSM, reputation matters. Interact Kink, and Fetish. with others and in discussion groups where you have a Go through the site onboarding genuine interest. Become and look for discussion groups known. Share about yourself. on topics of interest to you, as You may find people begin well as local discussion boards reaching out to you. for your area.

Spend some time getting TAKE NOTE! familiar with the site - there are On FetLife, you are also still able discussion boards for a wide to use a pseudonym, rather than range of topics. If you see your real name. someone who shares similar interests, or is interesting to you in general, feel free to send friend requests.

THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO DATING CONTEXTS PAGE 12 You can also strike up conversations around areas of interest and, if your REMEMBER conversation partner expresses an Reputation interest, you can ask if they would like to matters in meet up. It’s helpful if you explicitly make BDSM space for no, i.e. “If no, no worries!” communities. FetLife is only The best approach to the FetLife context is worth it if you to treat it like you’re in a big room face to have an face with everyone. It’s much more about interest in community than individual 1:1 participating interactions. in the community With that said - FetLife still is an online space. NOTES

Exercise the same caution in meeting someone from FetLife as you would with meeting anyone you first connected with online, for example, having a first meeting in a public place.

THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO DATING CONTEXTS PAGE 13 A DECADE'S WORTH OF DATES IN 1 WEEK

MEET MATTHEW*, 27

When I started working with Sarah, I hadn't been on a single date in my life and had no idea how would I even get one. Our work on outcome independence, allowing myself to play to my strengths and expressing them honestly had been a foundation on which I've built most of my dating skills.

By the end of our work, I've found myself routinely going on more dates in a single week than during the 10 years prior, combined, and being a rejector more often than a rejectee.

*Name changed to preserve confidentiality. His words are real.

BEFORE AFTER Never been on a date. Accidentally double- Poorly-constructed dating booking dates. profile. On-point dating profile. No idea where to start. Confident and selective.

THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO DATING CONTEXTS PAGE 14 MEETUPS & MUNCHES

BEST FOR

Finding Partners with Shared Interests Kinky Relationships Friends with Benefits

GREAT FOR

Finding Friends Good Conversations Fun Activities MEETUPS & MUNCHES GENERAL POINTERS Meetups are fantastic because Munches and BDSM community they offer scope to relax and events are meetups specifically enjoy yourself doing an activity for the BDSM community. They you would choose to do are perfect if you are looking to anyway. This is supportive of meet people for BDSM playmate outcome independence - if you relationships of all sorts. meet someone you’d like to date, great! If you don’t, great! However, it is pointless to go to Approaching meetups in this munches if your only way helps you to be more motivation is to find people for attractive, because you are sex. People can tell and will be having fun and being yourself. put off by it. Instead, it is better if you have a genuine interest in Another benefit is, when you some elements of BDSM and meet dating partners at you are skilled up on consent. meetups, you already have something in common. This is particularly important if you have an emphasis on the friends in seeking FWBs. REMEMBER

Meetups deliver benefits When you're relaxed, it's really beyond dating partners. In attractive. It shows you are at general, they’re a great way to ease with who you are. meet people, connect, have fun, and grow. To get the maximum benefit, only choose meetups where you have a genuine interest in the topic.

THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO DATING CONTEXTS PAGE 16 YOUR NETWORK

BEST FOR

Short Term Dating Long Term Dating

GREAT FOR

Friends with Benefits Adding new elements to existing friendships YOUR NETWORK GENERAL POINTERS

You may have friends or acquaintances from your network you are interested in having sexual relationships with.

Before going any further, I strongly advise AGAINST approaching existing friends and acquaintances until you are able to feel equally happy with a yes or a no.

You can also explore the Network context by sharing with friends that you’re looking for relationship partners and ask them to keep you in mind. They may know someone who might be a good match.

Finding relationship partners from your network can be wonderful, especially if you already know they’re awesome people you like spending time with!

At the same time, searching from partners within your existing network runs the risk of causing your existing relationship to change, especially if the interaction is not handled well. Consider both factors before proceeding further.

REMEMBER Take care with approaching partners within your existing network. You need to be equally accepting of yes or no before asking.

THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO DATING CONTEXTS PAGE 18 Don't keep looking for "something" in the bag of "nothing". You will see the same thing again and again no matter how many times you repeat the look.

- ISRAELMORE AYIVOR DATING CONTEXTS WORKSHEET

01. Considering the desires you identified in the pre-work, which contexts are the most specific match for what you are looking for?

02. Considering context, where are you most likely to meet other people who want the same things you do?

03. What action(s) will you take in your dating life going forward to incorporate an awareness of context?

04. What do you want to learn more about?

05. What are you taking away from this guide?

THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO DATING CONTEXTS PAGE 20 ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

What Do You Desire? This blog post and podcast episode will CHECK IT OUT help you to hone in on your desires, which is essential to selecting the right context.

Be More Confident with Women This blog post and YouTube video covers CHECK IT OUT the basics of outcome independence, especially necessary for Your Network.

A Simple Way to Attract Women This is one of the reasons other folks have CHECK IT OUT an easier time attracting partners.

Awesome Online Dating Tips This podcast episode covers a lot of good, CHECK IT OUT basic tips for online dating success.

A Beginners Guide to Munches This short guide from Fetish.com gives a CHECK IT OUT great overview of what to expect from your first munch.

Sexual Craftsmanship Podcast The podcast for nerds, geeks, and CHECK IT OUT introverts who struggle with sex and relationships.

THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO DATING CONTEXTS | SEXUAL CRAFTSMANSHIP WANT TO LEARN HOW TO AVOID THE FRIENDZONE FOR GOOD?

THIS FREE ONLINE COURSE IS FOR YOU IF: You want relationships based on connection and pleasure You want to avoid being creepy You want to feel calm and relaxed in dating contexts You want to learn real, practical steps you can take