Conrad High School by David F. Pendrys
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Conrad High School by David F. Pendrys Copyright David F. Pendrys. 2015-Present. 1 Narrator's Introduction. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jasper Oglethorpe, of London. I'm the story's narrator. Dave apparently believed he had a weakness for description so he brought me in to make things sound more legitimate I suppose with my accent. The pay is good, at least. What follows is only the beginning of a tale about a bunch of people with strange lives going through life at a suburban high school in the United States. At times you will find this story absurd, pathetic, poorly written, and just downright annoying, but don't worry, things will get better. At least that's what I've been promised. Still, if there comes a time when you want to set your computer on fire…don't. When you see italics that generally means I'm speaking. Now let's begin the story. You know, I've been thinking. About what, Dave? Maybe we should do something different. Different? Sure. We have to do something that's never been done in a novel before. Like what? I don't know. So why are we discussing this? Just brainstorming. Isn't the time for that past? You've published this! I suppose you're right. Dave, might I remind you that the story hasn't started yet, and you've taken up a great deal of space with your ramblings. Stories aren't supposed to start with the author and the narrator having a conversation. Ah hah, now we're unique! Bam! You can start the story now. Ahem. Yes. We present without further delay, Conrad High School Hi! What? Sorry, just excited! Okay. Here we go. I present to you, CONRAD HIGH SCHOOL. Copyright David F. Pendrys. 2015-Present. 2 Prologue. "Missile impact in ten seconds," a female voice said. The Vice President of the Student Council looked around worriedly. There seemed to be no options left. He contemplated his existence and that of all those around him as the projectiles drew closer… Copyright David F. Pendrys. 2015-Present. 3 Conrad! The Mistake Commences! Chapter 1 (Day 1) Several Days Before The Prologue. In a magical place known as the Solar System, there sits a planet spinning on its axis as it rotates around the sun. However, this story is not about the planet Mars. Ehh…what? This story is about the planet Earth, or more specifically, a town nestled in the northeastern corner of the United States of America. I'm growing uncomfortable with this. Shouldn't I be doing the opening narration? Probably. This town was situated in Connecticut, a good distance from the state's three major metropolitan areas, Hartford… "The capital city." Bridgeport… "The slightly better than New Haven city." …and New Haven, "The 'up yours Bridgeport' city." Say, isn't Stamford a… Stamford's gone man. What? It's gone. Eh? Proceed. It is the late nineties, and this town is named Conrad. Conrad, Connecticut. A squirrel ran through a field of dandelions only to be hit by a yellow sports car which had veered off the road in an attempt to avoid a pack of ferrets who were sauntering across a nearby street. The ferrets let out a little laugh and pounced on the squirrel carcass. They had done it again. At this time in the year, colorful flowers bloomed and gave most of the Eastern seaboard severe sinus congestion. A stream flowed majestically over a natural waterfall into a shimmering pool filled with old car parts, and just downstream one could find the rest of the car. Yards away sat Conrad High School. The building was a well planned mess of painted blue metal siding, a brick lobby, and a large cement network of hallways. The architect of this example of artistic impotence interestingly enough has since become the non voting delegate from Guam to the U.S. Congress, but that was how things usually worked out when Conrad High was involved. The large student body came from a variety of backgrounds. There were the Preps, Jocks, Nerds, Vims, Zips, Jets, Turds, Punks, Freaks, Jugs, Ahabs, and the mysterious Unforgotten…How absurd… Copyright David F. Pendrys. 2015-Present. 4 Conrad High School, Lobby. As most of the students had gone home for the day, the standard issue school lobby was relatively quiet and empty. No one leaned against the cold, gray wall, or tossed fish at the black and red girders that held the whole structure together. A cricket chirped…several crickets chirped…the heating system clinked. The quiet ended swiftly as two students emerged from the adjoining cafeteria shouting in harmony as they held a third over their heads and ran down a corridor atypically named Hallway A. All three were clad in red and gray football uniform shirts. Complexity was a stout and very bald African American and his partner in the effort was Lucio, a pale Caucasian, who stuffed most of his curly hair inside a ball cap. The person they conveyed was Vaux, an Asian whose nationality was still unknown at his own insistence. Complexity and Lucio continued at high speed through the hallway another sixty feet before letting go of their teammate. Vaux soared into the wooden doors of the school gym with a giant thud. He slid to the ground, unmoving, but hopped up within moments. "I am the man!" Vaux shouted happily. "Did it hurt?" Lucio asked. "Kinda," Vaux replied. "Ey! Everyone's gotta do the 'Hail the Door' exercise before the big game against Welles High. It's tradition," Complexity said. "Yeah yeah. I'm tough," Vaux asserted. "I've eaten a lot of wood splinters!" The three began to shout and throw random punches at each other. When that was finished, they took turns head butting the wall. The trio took little notice of the other occupant of the hallway who leaned against a locker clad in a dark pants, a t-shirt and a black blazer. He looked over the scene with peculiar curiosity until the three finally noticed his presence. "Hey Dave!" The three shouted with no particular thought behind the action. Dave sighed and began to clean his glasses. "I'm curious. Just when has being thrown into a wooden door been anyone's tradition?" Dave asked. "Coach Pitt doesn't tell us when the tradition starts," Complexity said. "Yeah, like that time he told us jumping off the roof was a tradition," Vaux added. "Hey, but if Coach Pitt says it's tradition, it is," Lucio explained. "Yeah! You don't mess with Coach Pitt…or he'll kill ya," Complexity threatened. "That's right," said a husky voice. The four turned to see Coach Pitt himself walk up. The football coach spat an entire pack of gum, wrapping and all, onto the floor. "Hey Coach!" the three football players exclaimed. "Hello gentlemen," he said to the players and then turned. "Hello you pathetic specimen of human existence," he added, glaring at Dave. "Salutations to you coach," Dave responded with a polite bow. "Ya know ya talk like you're someone out of that novel…Jane Austen," Pitt spat. "Jane Austen was an author…she wrote several books," Dave replied in surprise. "That's a goddamn shame," Pitt answered. "Anyway! Have you guys finished the 'Hail the Door' exercise?" Pitt asked. Copyright David F. Pendrys. 2015-Present. 5 "We're working on it sir," Complexity reported. "That's good. You know one time I when I was in the Coast Guard, we dove into this pit and there were snakes and mud, and a bunch of junk like diapers and stuff…and the Sergeant says, 'clean this up with your teeth!' and we did it!" Coach Pitt recounted. "Yeah!" the three players shouted enthusiastically. "See you guys in practice," Pitt said and walked off. "Teeth. Ok," Complexity muttered. "Right whatever, wanker," Lucio sneered sarcastically. Any further contempt was interrupted by a high-pitched squeal. The four turned to see a somewhat shorter student running down Hallway B, the corridor adjacent to Hallway A…what a strange layout and hallway designation. "He's coming!" the scruffy brown haired student shrieked and skidded to a stop. "Who's coming Vic?" Lucio inquired. "The Lord of Darkness, the Ruler of Pestilence, the Thane of Cawdor! Skole Plague!" Vic shouted and raced away. There was a flash of greenish light as a cloud of smoke drifted through the hallways. Several small impish goblins ran down the hall, bounced off the walls, and disappeared in puffs of colorful gasses. "He was right," Dave muttered as the smoke cleared. Standing in front of them was a figure dressed in a charcoal colored tunic, modest shoulder armor, and a dark cape. The new arrival removed his helmet revealing a satanic ponytail of demonically shaded brown hair trailing down behind his head…What does "demonically shaded" even mean? Scary colors…ya know? You're breaking the narrative, this is a big reveal. It's a big something "Where is the being known as Vic? I seek his assistance for a glorious experiment," Plague questioned the four. "He went that way," The four answered as they pointed down Hallway A. "Hmm….he can wait then!" Plague bellowed. "Is Connery here?" "He's in the Electronics room," Dave responded. (MUSIC RISES) What music? Are you putting stage direction into this novel? Sort of. Stop it! "Your assistance will be taken into account at the time of the Reevaluation," Plague announced before spinning on his heel and heading down back down Hallway B.