October 26, 2009 www.unews.com Vol. 77, Issue 10

“‘Tis now the very witching time of night, When churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out Contagion to this world.” -William Shakespeare

PHOTO BY NATHAN LANG 2 News October 26, 2009 www.unews.com Case of three missing women remains unsolved

Tyler Allen tain in front of Manheim Hall. Assistant News Editor But in 1973, the statues were removed for reasons unknown. It was 1973 when three women, who were “One newspaper clipping states that the on campus for more than three decades, van- statues were removed and reworked into what’s ished without a trace. there now because the fountain was getting Aglaia, Euphrosyne and Thalia were main- old,” Crawford said. stays at what was then the University of Kan- Crawford has also read a statement from sas City (UKC). These “Three Graces,” as they former UMKC Chancellor James Olsen stat- were known, could always be found wading in ing the statues were removed after having been the fountain outside Manheim Hall. vandalized numerous times. Since their arrival on campus in 1939, the “So, there’s two different explanations giv- women were picked on by various campus or- en as to why the original pieces were removed ganizations. and the fountain reworked,” Crawford said. “Some of the early social groups on cam- There is virtually no information as to pus, for initiations, would sneak up here in where the statues ended up. the middle of the night and put bras on them,” According to a memo from Claire Hildeb- Tonya Crawford, senior archives specialist, rand, former secretary for the History depart- said. ment, dated November 1983, the statues were They also gained the nickname of the “nifty moved to the basement of 5212 Rockhill Road, nudes” because the women were naked. Re- the former location of the History department. portedly carved from terracotta, these women “That is apparently the last time and the last were, in fact, statues. place the statues were ever seen and nobody According to a 1960s UKC student hand- knows what happened to them after that,” Craw- book, the statues were a gift from the class of ford said. “I can’t imagine that they would have 1939. They were carved by Wallace Rosen- gotten so badly damaged that they would have Photo courtesy UMKC ARCHIVES bauer, who, at the time, was the director of the just been thrown out and, if they had been, there The “Three Graces” could be found in the fountain outside Manheim Hall. Kansas City Art Institute. would probably be some record of that.” “They were supposed to represent the three Crawford has two theories about what hap- graces: Aglaia for splendor, Euphrosyne for pened to the “Three Graces.” She believes they The Facilities department was provided of UMKC history. mirth and Thalia for good cheer,” Crawford may be stored in a forgotten corner of a building with a description and pictures of the statues. “They were a gift of the class of 1939 and said. on campus. It is also possible they were left be- Maintenance workers were told to keep an eye I think it’s kind of a bit sad that basically what The legend of the “Three Graces” states: hind in a building the university has since sold, out for them. the class left behind as their legacy has turned “Always together, a triple incarnation of grace she said. “You might call it a passive search instead out to be not much of a legacy,” she said. “Most and beauty, they delighted the Greek gods with Last year, Crawford received e-mails from of an active one,” Crawford said. students look at the rock fountain that’s there their dancing and singing and brought happi- university officials inquiring about the statues Crawford said the Archives department now and they don’t have any idea what was ness to all whom they visited.” after reference to them in a U-News article re- would like to have the statues if they are ever there previously.” In 1940, the statues were placed in the foun- newed interest in the forgotten effigies. found and believes they are an important part [email protected]

DISSERTATIONS UPON THE APPARITIONS OF ANGELS, DEMONS AND GHOSTS AND CONCERNING THE VAMPIRES OF HUNGARY, BOHEMIA, MORAVIA AND SILESIA

It’s a wild world out there full of vampires, goblins, Calmet takes a rather light-hearted approach with spirits, angels and demons. goblins. In the days before All Hallows Eve, we must be on the He is also a little sarcastic with witches. He explains lookout for suspicious, paranormal activity. it is silly to think that witches fly on broomsticks, rather But don’t worry. The LaBudde Special Collections has they take drugs and practice teleportation. exactly what you need to stay educated and safe during For those who are dealing with vampires, he has sound by ALEXIA STOUT-LANG this haunted season. advice. He gives specific steps of how to dispose of the Nestled safe in the stacks of books kept in the collec- body so it can’t come back to life. tions vault is a volume titled “Dissertations Upon the Ap- If you are in a graveyard and see three holes in the paritions of Angels, Demons and Ghosts and Concerning ground next to a grave, you have a case of a vampire. the Vampires of Hungary, Bohemia, Moravia and Silesia.” Dig up the body immediately and check for flexibility of Written in 1759 by the Rev. Father Dom Augustin limbs, fluidity of blood and un-petrified flesh. If these Calmet, a Benedictine monk and abbot of Senones in Lor- signs are present, consult local law and seek a consensus raine, the book is a guide to all things supernatural. about what should be done. Drafted originally in French but later translated to Calmet advises the body should be burned as soon as English, “Dissertations” is an excellent guide to under- possible. standing spirit activity and battling demons, goblins and The best part of this book is it was written in a time vampires. when everyone was superstitious and actually believed in “I am not ignorant that the apparitions of angels, all things supernatural. demons and departed souls are a subject which has em- It’s a must-read. ployed a great number of writers,” Calmet wrote. For those who don’t want to delve into the spiritual side Although he said he is doubtful he will shed any more of things, the LaBudde Special Collections also houses a light on the subject, he writes hundreds of pages. The collection of funeral ephemera. specific topics can be seen by viewing the seven pages of Death notices, funeral invitations and murder notices content devoted to apparitions and another seven devoted are all stored in the collection. to vampires. Some of the more famous names contained in the col- The book begins by addressing good and evil angels in lection include President Abraham Lincoln, President a chapter labeled “That departed souls sometimes come James Garfield, President Theodore Roosevelt and Isaac again.” Ridge, the first graduate physician to settle in Kansas City.

Treasures archived for discoveryFollowing chapters include “Influences of dead For more information about these eerie artifacts, visit men raised to life for a little time,” “Evocation of de- the LaBudde Special Collections on the fourth floor of parted souls, instances of it,” “Spirits in mountains,” the Miller Nichols Library or go online at http://library. “Witches and their nocturnal assemblies” and so much umkc.edu. Photo courtesy LABUDDE SPECIAL COLLECTIONS more. [email protected] News 3 www.unews.com October 26, 2009

Identifying the ghosts of Epperson House

Photo MELISSA ORIBHABOR Epperson House earned a spot on Unsolved Mysteries as one of the top five haunted houses in the United States.

Melissa Oribhabor very close to Elizabeth. Epperson family, but had allegedly Over the years, there have been – reaching out to the living. Staff Writer The ghostly tale of Epperson fallen in love with a lower-class la- many ghost sightings in Epperson At night, security guards have Epperson House is haunted and House involves many different play- borer who worked at the docks. that seem to directly relate to how seen lights come on and heard organ the ghosts know you’re there. They ers and several deaths. She was forbidden by her family the members of the home died. music played loudly, although there can see you, and sometimes, you The hauntings said to occur in to see the man, so she took her own Evidence of hauntings started to is no one in the building. can see them. the house are reportedly due to the life. surface in the 1970s and continue Uriah Epperson has also been Epperson House, also known as residents who died in the home be- An unnamed caretaker also died to this day, although the site is now seen by campus security walking Hawthorne Hall, is now home to the fore it was turned over to the uni- in the Epperson House by drowning closed to all paranormal investiga- through the halls in a blue suit School of Architecture. versity in 1942. in the basement pool. tion. coat. But its history tells of a much The Toy and Miniature Museum Some students claim to have In 1978, two patrol men walked darker tale — one of abortion, a next door to Epperson House was “[It’s] the actual spirit of a seen a woman, assumed to be Barse, through the house to turn off the drowning and suicide. once where hired help lived. deceased person that tries crying while holding a baby in her lights. The Epperson House originally They would travel to the house to interact.” arms, reminiscent of the child she As they went for the last light, belonged to Uriah Spray Epper- through an underground passage- supposedly lost in the home abor- the ghost of Epperson reached out, son, a wealthy philanthropist who way that has since been filled in tion. turned the light off and left the BOYD BREEDLOVE played a key role in the construction with dirt. Other people have heard music room. It is said Barse asked one of the Paranormal investigator and UMKC from an organ coming from the Famously, one police officer in of Convention Hall (which burned police officer to the ground three months before members of the staff to assist her basement area, which was the sight the ’70s was sitting in his patrol car the 1900 Democratic National Con- in a home abortion that lead to her of the drowning. outside the house when he felt the vention was to be hosted there and death. People have also felt cold spots, car get rear-ended. was rebuilt in 90 days thanks to the It was also rumored a botched But the deaths do not stop there. seen lights turned off and on and The car was pushed 8 inches, but efforts of President Harry Tru- gallbladder surgery played a role in “Mr. Epperson had a heart attack other apparitions. there was no damage to the car and man). her death, but there was no autopsy and died in the house,” said para- The haunting at Epperson is no other car on the road. Epperson’s mansion was built in done and the gallbladder surgery normal investigator and UMKC po- what is known as an “intelligent There were, however, skid marks 1923, complete with 48 rooms and a story is seen by some as a cover- lice officer Boyd Breedlove. “In the haunting,” Breedlove explained. to prove the car had indeed been swimming pool. up for the supposed affair she was 1940s, it was turned over to the mil- “[It’s] the actual spirit of a de- pushed. It was home to Epperson, his having with a member of the hired itary as a naval training academy ceased person that tries to interact,” Architecture students still claim wife Elizabeth, their daughter-in- help. and there were a couple of deaths he said. to feel contacts from the ghosts of law (whose name is not known) and The daughter-in-law supposedly there, too.” To make themselves present, the the Epperson residents, and if his- a woman known as their adopted died in the home, too. Rumor says Elizabeth Epperson also died in ghosts of the people who have died tory is any indication, these ghosts daughter, Harriet Evelyn Barse. she hung herself in the attic. the home in 1939. She is said to still in the home go back and forth be- are not leaving anytime soon. Barse was an organist who was She was a member of the wealthy linger in the house. tween the afterlife and present life [email protected] 4 News October 26, 2009 www.unews.com Day in the life: Haunted house staff Melissa Cowan that by entering, you are aware you may get hurt Staff Writer and the house will not be held responsible. ‘Tis the season to be scary – and be scared. Those who have asthma or epilepsy are dis- And what better way to celebrate Halloween than couraged from going because it puts them and by going to the haunted houses? others at danger if they have an attack, Hendrix Sara Hendrix has been working in haunted said. houses for 16 years. Her relative owns The Beast, However, one off-duty Kansas City Police of- The Edge of Hell, The Chambers of Edgar Allen ficer and one paramedic are present at all times if Poe and Macabre Cinema. something does happen. This season, she manages the concession stand Also, the houses are only three miles away and gift shop at The Beast. Last season, she played from the Fire Department (where the ambulance Igor (from Frankenstein) at Macabre Cinema. comes from). “I don’t like haunted houses,” Hendrix said Though you’re not supposed to touch the ac- with a laugh. “I’ve done both sides, but I like this tors – they can’t touch you, either – at least two side better.” actors have had their noses broken by customers She often lost her voice while working in the this season. actual house. “Their first reaction is to fight back,” Hen- “There’s a lot of screaming involved,” Hendrix drix said. “You should expect to get scared – you said. can’t have your guard up and be defensive. I un- Her favorite part of her current position is get- derstand their reaction. However … the haunted ting to see people’s reactions once they come out houses are not for you then.” of the house. Although she doesn’t like the “scary” part of “It’s kind of funny to see the people there in my haunted houses, she decided to work there be- shoes that also don’t like to get scared, but they still cause of her family. do it,” Hendrix said. “It’s not so funny when they “It’s just one of those things where everybody come out crying.” does it,” Hendrix said. Hendrix does her best to comfort those who Some people really love it – so much so, they had a bad experience, and reassure them the hous- work for free. The Chambers of Edgar Allen Poe es aren’t real. and Macabre Cinema are both operated by volun- The haunted houses opened the first weekend of September and won’t close until Nov. 1. But teers, and profits from the two go to The Dream Photo courtesy SARA HENDRIX Sara Hendrix is a veteran employee of Kansas City haunted houses. preparations for the grand opening start as early Network and Children’s Variety charities. as August. Many of the actors have worked there as long The houses are old and it is difficult to keep up as Hendrix – but that doesn’t ease her fear. end of The Beast that is covered with baby powder “I kind of consider it a live action scary movie,” with repairs and cleaning. “I know these people in costume and out of for that reason. Hendrix said. “There’s a lot of uneven floors and it’s dark in costume,” Hendrix said. “But if you put me in a You get all of this for $20 (one house) or $33 If you see Hendrix at the concession stand, she there so there’s a lot of people who will trip or fall,” dark room with one of those people, I’d probably (combo pack). Most people think the price is worth will give you a discount on a t-shirt (originally $16; Hendrix said. pee my pants!” it. Hendrix believes this is because movies are only your price $12). But there’s a disclaimer on each ticket stating And people actually do. There is a slide at the a little less expensive. [email protected]

Funeral director Kelley Kates and drains the body through the jugular Staff Writer vein, as does a vampire. If you have ever wondered what it is like Slider said the process usually takes an to work in a morgue–picking up and drain- hour to an hour and 45 minutes without any ing dead bodies–you are about to find out. complications. Keith Slider, of Slider Funeral Home, Following the draining, the body is su- has been in the business of embalming tured back up. However, Slider said some- dead bodies since he was nine years old. times swelling and clotting cause compli- “It’s the family business,” Slider said. cations in this process. His grandfather started the business and As far as weird, scary or gross things it has been passed down his family line. happening while at the funeral home, Slid- Slider said he has directed his own fu- er said he has seen so much that he never neral home in Kansas City, gets creeped out. Kan. for about five years now. “Grossness is some- A typical morning for “He embalms through what subjective because Slider usually starts early the carotid artery we deal with death here,” when someone has passed he explained. and he must go pick up the and drains the body American culture tends body. through the jugular to have a hard time deal- Afterwards, Slider meets vein, as does a ing with common things with the family to make fu- that happen during death. neral arrangements, verify vampire.” It is somewhat “taboo- the insurance, order the cas- ish” in our culture, Slider ket and fill out the death cer- added. tificate. “It takes a special per- Once Slider has picked up the body and son to do this ’cause everybody can’t,” driven it to the funeral home, he can begin Slider said. “I can’t say anything has ever the embalming process as well as applying creeped me out.” cosmetics and dressing the body. Slider said he is so used to being around Generally, embalming is a fairly easy death he even walks around his funeral process if the person died of natural causes, home in the dark.

Photo KELLEY KATES Slider said. [email protected] Keith Slider has been in the dead body business since childhood. He embalms through the carotid artery News 5 www.unews.com October 26, 2009 Halloween bash, fun for all Alexia Stout-Lang Craig Flanery and Kelsey News Editor Gossen manned games of There were ghosts and Plinko and toss and awarded witches and race car drivers youngsters with prizes. – oh my. Prizes up for grabs includ- Last Saturday, the Activ- ed fingers, gooey rats, giant ity & Program Council trans- feet, colorful masks, stickers formed Pierson Auditorium and candy. into a spooky, fun commu- Caricature artists were nity Halloween party. on-hand to draw up portraits Festive trick-or-treaters, to be proudly displayed at young and old, stopped by family occasions. the party for games and Even Shelby Coxon with snacks before heading to the Student Life displayed her Residence Halls to trick-or- creative side and offered face treat. painting to anyone inter- Candy, popcorn, caramel ested. apples and lemonade were While all of these spooky available to give parents and activities were taking place, kids a sugar high. some little ones took the But, inflatable mazes and chance to get their groove fun games were nearby as an on, dancing to classics such Photo ALEXIA STOUT-LANG avenue to get rid of some ex- as “Thriller” and “Monster (Left to right) Michael Jackson (Trabon Phillips), Harvey Phillips, Michael Jack- tra energy. Mash” played over the sound son’s bodyguard (Devonte Phillips), Mr. Ghost, little sorcerer (Chance Wedlow) For older kids looking for system. and the wicked witch (Shavonna Phillips) enjoyed the games and candy at the a challenge, UMKC students [email protected] community Halloween party.

Ancient history still haunts us Kasondra Wilson fort for the long, cold winters that often pagan holidays. Contributing Writer brought death and devastation. But later, All Saints’ Day was moved The Celts built fires, burnt crops and to Nov. 2. While some might think their cos- Over the years, the name of Samhain tumes are original, the tradition of Hal- animals, wore costumes and attempted to tell each other’s fortunes. was changed to All Hallows Eve, which loween goes back thousands of years. became Halloween. The holiday dates back to the time of In some ways, the Celts’ celebrations Thus, 2,000 years later, we dress up the Celts, who lived about 2,000 years are similar to common-day New Year’s like supernatural creatures and trot door- ago in the area now known as northern Eve celebrations, because Nov. 1 was the to-door plotting mischief. France, the United Kingdom and Ire- first day of their year. Instead of offering sacrifices to gods, land. The Romans conquered most of the we offer candy to the spooky creatures The traditions come from the Celtic Celts territory by 43 A.D. and combined who come begging. festival of Samhain, celebrated on the Feralia, a day in late October when the As in ancient times when the Celts night of Oct. 31, which is when the Celts Romans commemorated the passing of had the choice of appeasing the gods with thought the ghosts of the dead returned to the dead, with Samhain. sacrifices or suffering a long winter, we the earth. It is said that in the 800s, Pope too have the choice of “trick or treat.” They thought the presence of the spir- Boniface IV designated Nov. 1 All Alexia Stout-Lang, News Editor, con- its made it easier for the priests to predict Saints’ Day, a time to honor saints and tributed to this story. the future. The prophecies provided com- martyrs, in an attempt to get rid of the [email protected] Why do you think we dress up for Halloween? Interviewed by MELISSA ORIBHABOR

“Historically, I have no idea why people dress “I’m going as Lady Gaga [for Halloween]. “[People dress up for Halloween] because up [for Halloween], but now it’s because it’s [Historically] people dress up to scare away everybody likes to play dress up, whether fun. My friend Rachel and I are going as Super spirits.” they want to admit it or not. I’m going as a Mario and Princess Peach. However, I’m going fried egg [for Halloween]. I have a giant felt to be Princess Peach. It’s going to be gender costume with a giant yoke in the middle. It bending. We’re changing it to ‘Princess Mario’ looks funny from afar.” and ‘Super Peach.’” Follow us on

WICK THOMAS MIRANDA MADRUENO JOSIE TYRE Twitter! Sophomore Junior Senior Undeclared Internet Technology Psychology @UNewsScoop 6 News October 26, 2009 www.unews.com WaterFire enchants the night

Photo NATHAN LANG Quixotic Performance Fusion took to stage several times throughout the night.

Photo NATHAN LANG Torches were lit and marched down to the waterside.

Alexia Stout-Lang music filled the night. show, and KC Swing and Tango News Editor As a woman danced on the end performed throughout the night. Fire, water, music and dance of one gondola with two twinkling Performers from the Vesuvius joined forces Saturday to create the candles in hand, vocalist Nathan Fire Tribe were stationed along- enchanting, sensory experience of Granner (tenor) sang “Music of side Brush Creek and danced with WaterFire Kansas City. the Night,” a song written by An- flaming ropes, hula hoops and The third annual event featured drew Lloyd Webber and featured in sticks. a living fire sculpture designed by “Phantom of the Opera.” The boats continued to run up award-winning artist Barnaby Ev- Once the fires were lit, vocal- and down Brush Creek throughout ans. ists Elaine Fox (mezzo soprano) the evening. The night began with the light- and Sylvia Stoner (soprano) and The fires were finally extin- ing of many torches. A parade guitarist Beau Bledsoe helped sus- guished at midnight, leaving many of people holding torches then tain the atmosphere as the firelight participants looking forward to marched to the waterside. flickered on anchored bridges, the next year. The torches were passed to torch-lit vessels traveled down the The idea for WaterFire origi- people in motor boats meant to creek and the aroma of the smoking nally came from an event Evans imitate gondolas. The gondolas wood continued wafting about. planned in 1994 on the three riv- then made their way down Brush To enhance the experience, ers of downtown Providence, R.I., Creek on the Country Club Plaza, Quixotic Performance Fusion, a which attracted more than 10 mil- lighting more than 55 floating local not-for-profit that combines lion visitors. Photo NATHAN LANG bonfires as powerful, drumming music and dance in a high-energy [email protected] A member of Quixotic dances with fire. Get turned on ... Follow us on Become a fan on Visit Twitter! Facebook! www.unews.com @UNewsScoop to the U-News! News 7 www.unews.com October 26, 2009 Know your odd laws Alexia Stout-Lang lation of the law. News Editor Natchez With Halloween approach- It is unlawful to provide ing, police will be on the look- beer or other intoxicants to el- out for troublemakers who are ephants. So don’t do it. not obeying the law. Perryville Some students at UMKC It is unlawful to kill birds are from other states or coun- within the city limits. tries and simply are not aware Purdy of the local or state laws. Many Dancing is strictly prohib- locals just have not been ex- ited. posed to them. St. Louis To be sure everyone on It’s illegal to sit on the curb campus is in the know about of any city street and drink beer state laws, here is a list of un- from a bucket. usual laws in towns across A milk man may not run Kansas and Missouri. while on duty. Be sure to pass this valuable University City Four women may not rent an information along to friends. Photo Illustration ALEXIA STOUT-LANG apartment together. In Natchez, Mo., it is unlawful to provide beer or other intoxicants to Laws in Missouri: No person may own a PVC elephants. Buckner pipe. In this small town of 4,000, No person may have a “yard Overland Park Wichita yard waste may be burned any sale” in their front yard. One may not picket a fu- One can be sent to jail for up day except Sunday. Houses may not have lights neral. to a year for making lewd com- Columbia on them that shine into the win- Russell ments over the telephone. You cannot have an antenna dow of a neighbor’s house. Musical car horns are Don’t get carried away in the exposed outside of your house. It is illegal to request for banned. city parks. But you can have a 25-foot sat- someone to “watch over” your Salina You must get a permit from ellite dish. parked car. It is against the law to leave the city if you wish to take dirt Clotheslines are banned. One may not honk another’s your car running unattended. from the airport. But clothes may be draped over horn. Topeka Dumping waste in a city a fence. It is illegal to drive one’s car pool is against the law. One may not drink in a bar Laws in Kansas: through a parade. Before proceeding through from 2-6 a.m. Derby No one may sing the alpha- the intersection of Douglas Kansas City It is illegal to urinate on the bet on the streets at night. and Broadway, a motorist is re- Minors are not allowed to side of a building. Spitting on sidewalks is ex- quired to get out of their vehicle purchase cap pistols. However, Hitting a vending machine pressly forbidden. and fire three shotgun rounds they may buy shotguns freely. that stole your money is illegal. Snowball fights are illegal. into the air. (Please don’t do Installation of bathtubs with Persons may not “screech” Dead chickens may not be this.) four legs resembling animal their tires while driving. hauled across Kansas Avenue. Any person caught using or paws is prohibited. Riding an animal down any The “Wild West” is long carrying bean snappers or the Marceline road is against the law. gone it seems. Driving your like shall, upon conviction, be Minors can buy rolling pa- Dodge City herd of cattle through this town fined. per and tobacco but not lighters. It is illegal to spit on a side- is now outlawed. Note from the Editor: Many Marquette walk. No matter how nice it may of these laws are obsolete. This It is illegal for more than Lawrence be, a pet pit bull is not allowed article is meant for entertain- four unrelated persons to oc- All cars entering the city lim- within city limits. ment. However, U-News en- cupy the same dwelling (The its must first sound their horn to No one may scream at a courages all readers to follow Brothel Law). warn the horses of their arrival. haunted house. all laws — whether local, state Mole No one may wear a bee in The installation of bathtubs or national — at all times. Frightening a baby is in vio- their hat. is prohibited. [email protected] Experts analyze constitutional law Alexia Stout-Lang more conservative colleague at Harvard the high Court to highlight problems that News Editor Law School, Achtenberg set the stage interfere with defending constitutional The UMKC School of Law dedicated for the lecture by saying Karlan has “an rights. Thursday and Friday of last week to tak- uncommon ability to capture a compli- She was directly involved in many of ing a close look at constitutional law. cated argument in a matter of a phrase. the cases she referenced. She is co-direc- Pamela Karlan, Kenneth and Harle I know no one else who can turn out so tor of Stanford Law School’s Supreme Montgomery Professor of Public Interest much work that is so pleasing to read and Court Litigation Clinic, which has repre- Law at Stanford Law School, keynoted to hear. Plus, she can be devastatingly sented a party before the Court in more the opening session of the two-day Ed- funny.” than two dozen cases in the past five ward A. Smith/Bryan Cave Lecture and terms. Symposium. “... Constitutional litigation Issues she said hinder the enforcement Students, professors and practicing involves questions of structure of constitutional rights include structural lawyers gathered in the E.E. Thompson problems within the Court system, politi- Courtroom as Karlan led a lecture titled as much as it involves questions cal gerrymandering, tort actions (wrong- “Enforcing Constitutional Rights in the of right.” ful acts done willfully, negligently or in 21st Century.” circumstances involving strict liability, In an introduction to the lecture, Da- PAMELA KARLAN but not involving breach of contract, for vid Jacks Achtenberg, UMKC professor Professor of Public Interest Law at Stanford which a civil suit can be brought that of- of Law and Law Foundation Scholar, Law School ten involve branches of the government), explained Karlan is an advocate of the the presence of more efficient laws deal- people in the courtroom. ing with searches than with the kind of The American Lawyer named her one Living up to the introduction, Karlan force that can be used and the election Become a fan on of its Public Sector 45, a group of law- immediately had the audience laughing. system for judges. yers “actively using their law degrees to As a widely mentioned potential Su- Facebook! change lives.” preme Court nominee, Karlan used ex- Quoting William Stuntz, Karlan’s tensive knowledge of cases tried before See RIGHTS I page 20 8 sufficient funds. providenotbecausedoesfederalaid take on full-time jobs while in school to have students UMKC many that complete that form.” makingsureeveryone knows how to Aid. Financial“A lot of of it directoris about education UMKC anddow, process,”the ginJeanettesaidBran thereisbarrieraeven before you be that automatically makes you feel like (FAFSA). Aid StudentFederalApplication for difficulty of actually filling out a Free focusedtheconcerns onMosttheof teleconference. video viadiscussion of Technology)the joinandScience Universityto Missouri and Louis UMKC,University ofMissouriSt. – Columbia, – Missouri ofUniversity fourfromMissouri universities (The last Friday. D-Mo., McCaskill, Claire Sen. with roundtablefocusdiscussionofathe financialaid for college students was Tyler Allen October 26, 2009

rno epesd e concern her expressed Brandow “When you look at 100 questions, McCaskillinvited representatives federal about concern Growing C a m pu s McCaskill, constituentsdiscuss will feature discovery workshops for kids pre kids for workshops discovery feature will It teachers. and parents students, school middle Center. reation 12:30-4:15 is from p.m. Nov. Rec 8 at Swinney festival The Festival. Science Ride for Sally the Cable Warner Time with up teaming nology, is and tech math in science, to kids’ fuel interests Science festival comes to campus Den of Schools the from individuals includes (CESDMT). 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was printed as 90.1 FM. The correct station is 90.7 FM. is 90.7 station 90.1 as correct printed FM. The was KJHK station radio student Kansas of University error, the editor’s to an Due (10/19/09) reality’ be could dreams ‘Radio 1:53 p.m. to pipe burst. the causing School tal a pipe at Den the struck A truck 9:57 a.m. Police Blotter to find his Xbox missing. missing. Xbox his find to Apartments Place Oak at ment apart his to returned student A 8:17 p.m. missing. laptop his find to Apartments Place Oak in ment apart his to returned student A 8:17 p.m. 2:06 p.m. by MAST. transport refused House student The ill. Epperson feeling about in student contacted a was MAST 4:32 p.m. broken dash. the on marks pry and window the find to parking lot Center University the in car his to returned student A ing from multiple lockers in the the in lockers miss multiple from ing reported were Padlocks 6 p.m. wallet his found missing. and Recreation Center Swinney at locker his to returned member staff A p.m. 5:50 missing. stereo and broken to the vehicle the to window find returned lot parking Center sity Univer the in parked student A 1:24 p.m. missing. were plates license the noticed and campus Hill Hospital the on parked car his to returned member staff A 12:01 p.m. A staff member fell in Oak Oak ashower.ing in fell fix while Hall Residence Street member staff A ATTEMPTS INCLUDE BURGLARIES AND THEFTS VEHICLE * MOTOR LAWDRUG VIOLATIONS OFFENSES FORCIBLE SEX COMMON ASSAULT AGGRAVATED ASSAULT LARCENY MOTOR THEFT* VEHICLE ROBBERY BURGLARY* CRIMES

Larceny –

Larceny – Larceny – Burglary –

Campus Crimes of as Oct. 23

Property Damage – Vehicular – Illness – Larceny – Injury – Oct. 20 Oct. Oct. 16Oct. Oct. 19Oct. Burglary – Correction ------Nichols Library was arrested. was Nichols Library Miller the in warned trespassing about previously suspect A 7:02 p.m. Structure. parking fake Parking a Street Oak the in permit using to gard re in contacted was suspect A versity Rules – p.m. 6:45 left. and wallet her removed restroom, the entered suspect A Ave. Troost 4747 in unat restroom the using while purse tended her left student A 1:03 p.m. personal missing. items and tools find to ture Struc Parking Street Oak the in vehicle his to returned victim A 10:02 a.m. aGPS missing. and ken bro window the find to lot ing park Building Education the in vehicleto his returned A student 3:54 p.m. aGPSmissing. and ken bro window the find to lot ing park Building Education the in vehicleto his returned A student p.m. 12:58 aGPSmissing. and broken window the find to pus on cam parked Hill the Hospital to her vehicle A returned student 12:23 p.m. a GPS missing. and broken window the find to Annex Nursing the at parked to her vehicle A returned student 10:04 a.m. gone. erty prop and missing lock his find to Center Recreation in Swinney locker his to returned student A p.m. 6:09 Center. Recreation Swinney in room locker men’s YTD 2008 by Larceny – 1 112 117 ALEXIA STOUT-LANG 7 22 17

Larceny – Larceny – 3 2 7 0 8 0 3 4 3 1 4 2 Trespassing – Larceny – Larceny – Larceny Oct. 22 Oct. Oct. 21Oct. ilto o Uni of Violation Larceny – www.unews.com 2009 YTD 2009 – ------9 www.unews.com Culture October 26, 2009 Ghost student seeks true love Melissa Oribhabor While alive, McDougal had to use student Staff Writer loans to pay for school, but now McDougal eing a college student can be says it doesn’t really come up. tough. He takes classes for free, without grants or Trying to pay for school and student loans. balance love, studies and a so- The downside, however, is he can’t leave cial life can seem overwhelm- campus. ing at times. “I try and I just get kicked back in,” Mc- B Dougal said. “I can only experience things that But for sophomore ghost Ronny McDougal, things work a little differently. happen on campus.” McDougal is a Philosophy major who does Studying Philosophy has made McDou- not like to talk about his death. galbecome cynical about the afterlife and the The truth is, he was a hemophiliac who ac- prospects of ever going back. cidently cut himself in the Oak Street parking The study of Philosophy, he says, makes structure while working on an art project in his him believe there is no afterlife, which confus- car. es him since he has been living in the afterlife McDougal was attending UMKC when he nearly a quarter of a century. died in 1985. After spending the last 24 years The era in which he died has had an af- in the afterlife, he decided to come back to fect on his perception of modern-day.It seems finish his degree and pursue other unfinished ghosts only perceive the world in the way they business. remember it. “I came back to find true love,” McDougal “Say what you will, but the Royals are world said. “I’ll take a dead or live girl. I came back champions, and will forever be a strong and to UMKC because there are more chicks in school.” successful baseball franchise,” he said. “Molly But things are not really going as he planned Ringwald is the cutest girl in Hollywood and – it turns out dating is even harder when you’re Tab is delicious.” dead. Even though he may seem delusional, he “Live girls don’t really pay any attention to knows his dream of finding a pretty college co- me, it’s like I’m invisible to them,” he said. ed to call his own may be slightly ambitious. And to make matters worse, the dead unfor- So, he would be satisfied with accomplishing tunately spend all eternity in whatever outfit his other goal. they died in. Much to McDougal’s dismay, he “It was 1985 when I died and I never got a was wearing a Hawaiian shirt. chance to see ‘Back to the Future II,’” he said. “Mostly, I look like one of my Philosophy “The end of the first one said ‘to be continued professors, George Gale,” McDougal said. …’ and I really want to know what happened He now wears something over it, but he be- next.” lieves it plays a significant role in his difficul- So unless the movie is ever shown on cam- pus, McDougal will most likely be a UMKC ties to pick up girls on campus. Photo MELISSA ORIBHABOR But as difficult as he may have it being a ghost student for a long time to come. Ronny McDougal is both a ghost and a student at UMKC who is searching for love. ghost, there are perks. [email protected]

Film brings cold case back to life Ethan Parker In the days leading up to Oct. 7, the “These things will latch onto a per- Online Editor couple was making a documentary about son, and follow them around until they get Editor’s Note: Nothing in this article, an apparent haunting occurring in the what they want,” Fredrichs said. except that “Paranormal Activity” is now house. He wasn’t sure exactly what the demon playing in theaters, should be taken as Amber Armstrong, a friend of Feath- wanted, but he had his theories. fact. Happy Halloween! erston, indicated the couple talked of an “I’m not an expert, but it seemed to me “entity” within their home, and even con- like it wanted Katie,” he said. In San Diego, Calif. during the early sulted a psychic about the strange happen- With three years since the grisly events, hours of Oct. 7, 2006, a body was recov- ings in the house. the police are not any closer to finding the ered from the home of Micah Sloat and answers they seek. Katie Featherston. “I never saw anything, but Katie They hope the new documentary, from The body was that of Sloat and, three was sure scared of something.” director Oren Peli, will shine some light years later, the police are still looking for on the cold case and stir up some new suspects. AMBER ARMSTRONG leads. San Diego Sheriff’s deputies were Friend The film, released by Paramount Pic- called to the University Heights residence tures, features some of the footage filmed after neighbors reported screaming com- “I never saw anything, but Katie was by Sloat and Featherston. ing from the home around 2 a.m. Officers sure scared of something,” Armstrong Peli, an Israeli-born video game de- arrived at the scene shortly after neigh- said. signer with no formal training in docu- bors called 911. Mark Fredrichs, freelance paranormal mentary filmmaking, worked closely with During the initial investigation, offi- investigator, said a “demon” was haunting police in determining what would be seen cials refused to comment. Unconfirmed Featherston from as early as eight years by audiences. sources within the police department re- old. “The police were very helpful … they ported a mutilated body was discovered “Katie said she remembered seeing a were very cooperative when I brought shadow at the end of her bed when she was inside the home, but declined any further them this project,” Peli said. “I hope questions. eight years old, and had observed many According to neighbors, Sloat and strange phenomena on and off for years,” someone out there can shed some light on Featherston were a normal couple who had he said. what happened to these people.” lived in the house a few months. Friends According to Fredrichs, demons are Whether or not you believe in demons, said the couple was “engaged to be en- not the infernal entities depicted in the the film, “Paranormal Activity” is now gaged,” and had dated for more than three Bible, but “angry spirits bent on causing playing in theaters. Photo courtesy GOOGLE IMAGES years. chaos and disharmony.” [email protected] 10 Culture October 26, 2009 www.unews.com Zombies take over Pumpkin carving the Plaza with a twist Casey Osburn Jamie King, the self-proclaimed Zombie Sports Editor Queen, organized the event. She saw other major cities were hold- Hundreds of the undead were seen walk- ing Zombie Walks and decided Kansas City ing Oct. 10 on the Country Club Plaza for the needed its own. third annual Zombie Walk for Hunger. King worked with local charities so the The viral infection that has plagued Kan- walk had a purpose and cause beyond just sas City doesn’t call for human food, just being for fun. humans. Zombies of all sizes showed up to help Since zombies don’t need food to the hungry – tiny football players, young live, they donated what they had to sur- ballerinas and even babies. vivors. Celebrities are not immune to the zombie Canned goods, razors, toothpaste and virus either. Elvis, Lucille Ball, Spiderman other household items were accepted and and a member of the Ghostbusters team were donated to the Uplift Organization, which all infected and participated in the walk. helps the homeless in Kansas City. [email protected]

Photo courtesy GOOGLE IMAGES A unique spin on the traditional Jack-O’-Lantern.

Chelsea Soetaert wide range of possibilities. Staff Writer With a set of paints, you can recreate a Van Gogh, paint a portrait of your favorite person or The tradition of pumpkin carving has been anything else you can imagine! around for centuries. Using paints is also a great idea when work- Every Halloween, families across the globe ing with children who may not be old enough to engage in carving and lighting Jack-O’-Lan- handle knives. terns. When it comes to carving a pumpkin, there’s The standard carving techniques are rather more to it than just scooping out pumpkin guts predictable – you can buy kits and booklets with and cutting a few triangles and jagged lines to patterns for spooky houses, creepy cats and evil make a face. faces. When you decide to carve a pumpkin, why But why play by the book? not try one of these techniques to add a creative There are plenty of other unique and excit- twist to the traditional carving. ing ways to decorate pumpkins that don’t make The average Jack is a spooky face carved on you want to fall asleep. the side of a pumpkin. One great way to decorate a pumpkin in- While the face is common and easy, there are volves no knives, pumpkin guts or mess. a few different ways you can put a spin on it. With any set of children’s paints you can cre- When picking out your pumpkin, look for ate a colorful and long-lasting decoration. one with short sides, a wide top and a long stem. Photo CASEY OSBURN When carving, center the face on the long On Oct. 10, a few hundred zombies roamed the Country Club Plaza to raise money for Uplift. The advantages of painting instead of carv- ing aren’t limited to longevity. There is also a stem, giving the pumpkin more character with a wacky 3-D nose. To add more dimensions, carve only half way through the pumpkin’s outer layers. This leaves a thin white/orange layer of flesh in which you can carve texture and de- tail. When the candle is lit inside the pumpkin, the details glow. There are many patterns and kits available for purchase in grocery and Halloween stores. The kits contain generic stencils (a cat in front of the moon, a skeleton, a haunted house) and small flimsy tools. With so few choices, many of these are over- used and boring. If you feel like using a stencil, check out the Internet. Many Web sites offer a variety of different stencils to print and trace. One great Web site for this is www.zombiepumpkin.com. It has many categories, some of which in- clude presidents, politics, movie themes, phras- es and creepy creatures. There’s even a free Barack Obama pattern. While the Web site requires a small fee to print most of these, it’s worth it for a different and unique pumpkin experience. When you go to carve your pumpkins this year, consider a new way to do it. Paint, carve and color your way to a scary, silly, creepy Jack-O’-Lantern this Halloween. [email protected] Culture 11 www.unews.com October 26, 2009 Find your perfect pumpkin

Hilary Hedges Editor-in-Chief This time of year, you can go to any grocery and find pump- kins. Grocers, however, don’t have corn mazes or ponies. But pumpkin patches do and also offer a whole lot more. Get some fresh air and support local farmers. You will find more variety and better products when you go straight to the source. Hours are subject to change due to weather and special events, so please call first. Carolyn’s Country Cousins Pumpkin Patch is minutes from downtown in Liberty, Mo. Different weekend activities are planned thoughout the fall, including a dog show and a cel- ebration for Dia de los Muertos on Nov. 1. Open seven days a week from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m., rain or shine. Admission is $8. 17607 N.E. 52nd St., Liberty, Mo. 64068, 816-781-9196 Louisburg Cider Mill in Louisburg, Kan. was named one of the top 10 cider mills in America by MSNBC. In addition to their locally-made apple cider, they also sell preserves, spices, salsa and an array of sodas. After you return from picking your own pumpkin, you can go through the 10-acre corn maze or vis- it the petting zoo. Open from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday through Saturday and 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. on Sunday. Admission to the corn maze and pumpkin patch is $7. 14730 Highway 68, Louisburg, Kan. 66053, 811-748-7765 Johnson Farms is a 140-acre working farm that grows pumpkins of every shape and size. Their garden center is also a great place to find colorful fall decorations. At 35 cents per pound, you can afford to get all of your fall produce here. Open noon to 6 p.m. Monday through Friday, 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. Satur- day and Sunday. Admission is $5 Monday through Thursday, and $7 Friday through Sunday. Photo courtesy GOOGLE IMAGES 17701 Holmes Road, Belton, Mo. 64102, 816-331-1067 The Red Barn Farm in Weston, Mo. also sells fresh eggs and locally raised long horn ground beef. The Red Barn Farm in Weston, Mo. is worth the trip. Lo- for different activities. slide. Other attractions include a paintball gallery and nine-hole cated just south of town, this working farm is a great escape 16300 Wilkerson Road, Weston, Mo. 64098, 816-368-5937 mini golf course for an additional cost. Open seven days a week, from the city. The beautiful country store has a huge variety of 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. on seasonal produce, old-fashioned candy, soaps and teas. A corn KC Pumpkin Patch is one that will keep you busy, espe- Saturday and noon to 6 p.m. on Sunday. Admission is $5 during maze, petting zoo and horse-drawn hayrides are just a few of cially on the weekends when all of their attractions are open. the week, $8 on weekends. the fun activities at the farm. Open 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday General admission will get you into their haunted barn and pet- 29755 W. 191st St., Gardner, Kan. 66030, 913-484-6251 and Sunday. Admission is free, tickets are available to purchase ting zoo. You can also ride on their zip line and Mine Shaft Hill [email protected]

Kansas City kills the thrill Kolbe Krzyzanowski didn’t come to fruition. Contributing Writer Thrill the World Kansas City was conceived a few weeks before the event was scheduled to Thrill the World is a world-wide event which, take place. every year, strives to break the world record Given the short amount of time, it is no sur- for most people simultaneously doing Michael prise the wheels did not roll fast enough to gain Jackson’s famous “Thriller” dance. any real momentum for the event. Numerous cities around the world try to be- Publicity for the event was lackluster, at best. come part of the event, and often have a charity The common practice of word-of-mouth ad- attached to them. vertising failed to do the job and a In Kansas City, the two majority of people in the Kansas charities that would have ben- “Last year’s record City area hardly knew anything efited from Thrill the World was 3,960 zombie about it. were Children’s Place and the participants Plus, a charity with a small Bishop Sullivan Center. simultaneously budget was the nail in the coffin. Unfortunately, Thrill the dancing to ‘Thriller.’” And many had never even World 2009 in Kansas City heard of it. never happened. The final diagnosis for Thrill The event fell a few thou- the World Kansas City can be at- sand dollars short due to lack tributed to the infamous econo- of sponsorship from local businesses and dona- my. If everybody had a nickel for each time they tions. heard, “With the economy the way it is …” The Kansas City chapter of the dance was to or, “What, in this economy?” the whole world be held at El Torreon in historic Hyde Park. would no longer be in this “economic crisis.” Last year’s record was 3,960 zombie partici- Hopefully through trial-and-error and perse- pants simultaneously dancing to “Thriller.” verance, Kansas City can have its own horde of So what killed it in Kansas City? dancing zombies in the future.

There are a number of reasons this event [email protected] Photo GOOGLE IMAGES 12 Culture October 26, 2009 www.unews.com Zombie living ain’t easy Tyler Allen just thought she was really aggres- Assistant News Editor sive. Turns out, she was a total zom- bie.” Spend some time in Westport Phil said humans are not the only and you are likely to see many ones who have been hurt by the eco- different people from all walks of nomic recession. life. “The only thing I can do is be an But recently, multiple sightings actor,” he said. “The of one person in par- ’80s were great. ticular have caused “I’ve seen ’em ’round There were multiple quite a stir. here. They’re scaring parts for zombies. “Zombies!” Chris everyone away.” I was even in the Conway, Westport ‘Thriller’ video.” panhandler and va- CHRIS CONWAY Since then, the grant, said. “I’ve Westport panhandler and number of zombie seen ’em ’round here. vagrant roles has dwindled They’re scaring ev- and Phil has been eryone away.” forced to take a job According to the Kansas City at Office Max. Police Department, reports of zom- “I tried to get a job at one of bie sightings have increased over the haunted houses, but they said I the past month. wasn’t convincing enough as a zom- Traditionally, people are fright- bie,” he said. ened by zombies because of their Phil urges any fellow zombies to affinity for brains. join his support group. But some zombies resent the ste- “We meet at the YMCA every reotypes. Wednesday,” he said. “I’m just trying to live a normal Most of all, Phil wants to live a life,” Phil, long time zombie, said. normal life. “It’s hard being a zombie.” “When I come down to Westport Phil has been a zombie for more for a cup of coffee, everyone freaks than 30 years. out when they see me!” he said. “It happened when I was hook- Photo illustration courtesy CHRIS CONWAY ing up with this girl,” Phil said. “I “Life as a zombie is pretty rough.” Phil, a long-time zombie, is tired of being discriminated against. [email protected]

Off the Shelf by CASEY OSBURN Book helps students survive zombie apocalypse

When there’s a zombie apocalypse near vate residence. Fallon advised us that if we fled We were armed only with crowbars and a you, it’s important to know what to do. now, it would just add more bodies to the anar- machete, but we gave them a fight. We used Recently, zombies took over Kansas City chy outside in “The Zombie Survival Guide,” principles established in the “On the Attack” and the knowledge gained from “The Zom- Brooks agreed. chapter to lure and destroy. bie Survival Guide,” by Max Brooks, kept me He wrote “load your weapons, prepare for a After eradicating the zombie threat, we alive. fight, but stay put, stay safe, stay alert.” gathered any items we saw listed in the “Equip- Ninety-five percent of the Kansas City pop- We used the lessons learned from the book ment” section of the guide. ulation are now zombies. I am one of the five and holed ourselves upstairs so we had easy All the firearms had been looted, so our percent still alive. command over the stairway and a view of the only options for long-ranged weaponry were “The name of the game for zombie survival street. two compound bows and a cross bow. is just to wait it out,” sophomore Jered Martin We kept tabs on the outside world using a We set up our base camp in the Ozarks, said. “You need to be a well-rounded individu- wind-up radio, and on the fourth day we found trained using “The Zombie Survival Guide” al to survive a zombie apocalypse.” out the government quarantine had been over- lessons and searched for food. Let me relay my story to you and how this run. Ninety percent of the Kansas City metro- With no gas, we were forced to bike back to book helped. politan area was infected. Kansas City, a 12-day trip. Aug. 25 started out like any other day; and We, once again, turned to “The Zombie Sur- The trip to the Ozarks left us confident then the zombies came. vival Guide,” and realized it was time to run. in our abilities and we decided to reclaim the Unbeknownst to UMKC students, the first We knew gas would be hard to find, so we UMKC campus. zombie was spotted at America’s Pub in the threw our bikes in the bed of Belzer’s truck and Miller Nichols Library was overrun with Westport area. headed south. zombies. We swept through the library floor-by- Within mere hours, there were hundreds Brooks suggests heading to rural areas to floor and cleared it of all the infected creatures. of zombies making their way to UMKC and get away from people. The library was established as our new the surrounding areas. By 6 p.m., 45 percent We established our destination as the Ozark base. of Kansas City was infected with the Solanum Mountains in southern Missouri. We knew the [email protected] Photo courtesy GOOGLE IMAGES virus. area had a low population and plenty of oppor- Finding myself in the midst of this apoca- tunities to forage food. lypse, I called upon local zombie experts Josh The truck ran out of gas 250 miles south of We began our takeover of UMKC by keeping in mind the 15 general rules from Belzer and Tyler Fallon. Kansas City, so we biked the rest of the way. “The Zombie Survival Guide.” After meeting at Fallon’s house, we gath- The rules from the guide instructed us to ered a bag of survival goods. Our bag included establish sleep shifts because keeping watch 1. Assemble a group 6. Know your location 11. Construct defenses a flashlight, canned food, two crowbars, a ma- was a must. 2. Study, study, study 7. Become an expert 12. Plan an escape route chete and, of course, their bible – “The Zombie When we arrived at our destination, we 3. Wean yourself off luxury items 8. Plan your route 13. Be on guard Survival Guide.” found an abandoned (and looted) sporting We turned the book to the chapter on de- goods store. It was our first encounter with 4. Remain vigilant 9. Plans B-C-D-E 14. Remain concealed fense. Page 65 explained how to defend a pri- multiple zombies. 5. To the ends of the earth 10. List your gear, be ready to shop 15. Remain isolated Culture 13 www.unews.com October 26, 2009 Students learn to Drive Safe, Drive Smart

Melissa Cowan Perry Holliday, a UMKC student, came But that is not the only concern of Staff Writer for the free pizza but didn’t know about DSDS. Watching adults ride tricycles with DSDS. “We’re not focusing on any one specif- beer goggles on is funny. “I didn’t really learn anything new,” ic bad driving behavior,” Taylor said. “It’s But it wouldn’t be so funny if those Holliday said. “It just reinforced what I al- really on the whole bigger picture of what adults were actually drunk behind the ready know ... (But) I didn’t know about the people do. It’s to educate students about wheel of a car. Cheer Program (designated drivers).” the risks.” Last Friday, Drive Safe Drive Smart Michele Taylor, UMKC Crime Preven- Taylor said another goal of DSDS is (DSDS) was held in the Quad to inform tion Officer, has participated in the event to get students to pledge not to drink and students of the dangers of impaired driv- drive. ing. “We’re not focusing on any She will also participate in Battle of This includes driving while drunk, the Belts (see Save the Date, p. 14, for texting, eating, putting on makeup or one specific bad driving more information). any other distractions which, although behavior ... It’s to educate In September, workers for the Mis- they sound outrageous, actually do students about the risks.” souri Safety Center tallied how many happen. students driving in the Rockhill Parking The tricycle ride with beer goggles is MICHELE TAYLOR Garage were wearing their seat belts. a fun way to illustrate an important and UMKC Crime Prevention Officer For this competition, UMKC is up serious issue: if you’re having trouble on against the other 12 Missouri universities a tricycle, think about trying to operate a participating in DSDS. motorized vehicle. for four years. The Missouri Safety Center will be The beer goggles provided a safe way “Driving while texting is a really, re- for students to learn how drinking impairs ally big issue right now since they passed here again this week to see if DSDS in- both their vision and their judgment. the law in Missouri that if you’re under 21 creased the number of seat belt-wearers. There were also remote control car you can’t text while driving,” Taylor said. “Hopefully, our numbers will go up,” races where the drivers, again, wore beer “People have been saying recently that Taylor said. goggles. texting while driving is more dangerous For more information about DSDS Organizers handed out free pizza, t- than driving while over the legal limit of and statistics on distracted or impaired shirts and brochures about impaired driv- alcohol.” driving, visit www.wellness.missouri.edu/ ing and finding a designated driver in Kan- Holliday agrees texting while driving drivesafe. Photo CASEY OSBURN sas City. is “hazardous.” [email protected] Hilary Saskin simulates drunk driving with beer goggles.

Spiced pumpkin seeds

Chelsea Soetaert Staff Writer Pumpkin carving is a fun Halloween Ingredients: activity, but then you’re left with the goopy 1 1/2 tablespoons margarine, melted mess. With this traditional, favorite recipe, you can make good use of the mess and wel- 1/2 teaspoon salt come the flavors of fall. 1/8 teaspoon garlic salt All it takes are a few seasonings and an hour in the oven, and you’ve got a tasty and 2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce nutritious autumn snack. 2 cups raw whole pumpkin seeds

Directions: Preheat oven to 275 degrees. Combine the margarine, salt, garlic salt, Worcestershire sauce and pumpkin seeds. Mix thoroughly and place in shallow baking dish. Bake for 1 hour, stirring occasionally. Remove from oven and eat warm or store them in an airtight container to enjoy later.

Photo CHELSEA SOETAERT 14 Culture October 26, 2009 www.unews.com dating 101 by CHRISTIAN ROSE

and loud whispers advising my folks to How to: ‘Spoiled’ spank me when I misbehaved according Having returned to school after a brief to their standard principles of behavior, slay a vampire respite which was brought about by the my grandmother refused to believe I was spoiled. dissolution of my relationship (which was Let the sunshine in: She told my parents I was simply Sabrina Osborn brought about by my ex’s penchant for Copy Editor The vampire is likely too smart to let promiscuity), I am slightly more mature strong-willed and high spirited. So I can never remember being pun- They want to suck your blood. this happen. But if you can get one into than most of my peers. the sun, it should end well for you. By mature, I mean I am older. Because ished for exerting my often vocal out- A vampire’s desire to drink the red bursts. stuff that keeps us alive is reason enough If you can’t outsmart your vampire, as most of my friends, co-workers and you can try bringing the light to him. editor can tell you, I am occasionally still Eventually, I learned that unreservedly to be afraid of them. But, should you run throwing myself onto a floor while wail- into one in a dark alley, a cemetery or On some vampires, a high wattage prone to tantrums if I don’t get my way on light bulb works, and will leave you with an issue I feel strongly about. ing and kicking my feet did not always even a party, here are a few tips on how to produce the desired results and merely a tidy pile of vampire ashes. This sense of entitlement coupled with kill the undead. Shower them in holy water: simply being Southern, I suppose, dispos- looked silly. Stake through the heart: Instead, I learned to effectively argue Vampires are not typically as nice as es me with a flair for dramatics sometimes This one is fairly standard, but it’s also the young-adult novels make them seem, bordering on histrionic. or manipulate circumstances to favor my effective. intents. so holy water is a good defensive weapon As a child, my mom learned pretty The best part about it is you’ll get to against one. quickly to leave me waiting in the car when Think or say what you will, but I grew try out those “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” up with a freedom that allowed me the A nice dousing of holy water should she wanted to do errands if her appoint- moves you’ve been working on since the burn the vampire quickly. ments were in close proximity of anything luxury of knowing nothing was out of my reach and I could be anything I wanted to ’90s. A dash of salt: that would drive me to distraction. Some ancient tales claim the stake The image of a slug disintegrating Leaving the window cracked for air, be. Once my grandmother passed, I sup- should be carved from wood, preferably comes to mind, which seems silly but just I would be left to my own devices with might work. a box of crayons while she paid bills, pose life kind of got in the way and it coming from an oak or fruit tree. became easier and easier to forget that The lessons learned from Buffy, how- Salt is supposed to ward off vampires. shopped for groceries or the routine near- So even if it doesn’t kill your prey, it weekly appointment where she would strong-willed and sometimes aggressive ever, indicate anything pointy and sharp brat I was once labeled. enough to imitate a stake should do the should give you enough time to try one of consult with one my teachers. the previous suggestions. I concede I could be a handful at those As the years passed, I became more trick. reserved, more passive and less like the Off with their heads: Vampires these days are all glitter, moments when I spied a new toy lurking good-looks and souls, but don’t be de- on a shelf just out of my four-foot reach, person I once was, until, one morning, I This seems like the most sure-fire way didn’t even recognize myself any longer. to make sure the vamp isn’t going to come ceived. begging me from behind shiny plastic to Running into one is not something to The tragedy of my situation was not a back for revenge any time soon. take him home. look forward to. I would hear him plead he would be cheating partner. It was that I disregarded It can be used as the only slaying tech- that over-indulged part of me that would If you decide to go on a vampire hunt- my new best friend and our adventures nique, or in combination with any of the ing trip, be sure to take some supplies. would be legendary. have insisted on better. other tips, as a safety precaution. In my case, age doesn’t always include And, if you find a glittery vampire- I couldn’t just leave him alone up there Just be sure to bury the head and the man in possession of a soul, will you on that shelf. I had to have him. Now. wisdom. I find, like my younger colle- body separately – if he can find his head, giate peers, I am still learning every day. bring him back for me? I was not spoiled. Being spoiled was he can come back. [email protected] an indulgence neglectful parents used to But I already learned that sometimes placate their children out of guilt or mis- in relationships you have to kick, scream placed contrition. and wail until you get what you deserve. Despite dirty looks from passers-by [email protected] save the date Compiled by HILARY SASKIN

Trombone Ensemble: The ducer with Big Atom Productions, and Grill (corner of 75th Street and www.eventkc.com or www.cross- Monday, Oct. 26 UMKC Trombone Ensemble will at 913-302-6692 or jenn@bigatom- Wornall Road) with food and drink townstation.com. productions.com. Battle of the belts: In an perform at 7:30 p.m. at White Re- specials. There will be a $500 prize Halloween on the Hill: Mar- effort to increase seat belt usage cital Hall in the James C. Olson for the best costume. Event will tini Corner hosts Halloween on the on campus, UMKC is competing Performing Arts Center. Event is also take place on Oct. 31. Thursday, Oct. 29 Hill, where all five bars (Sol Can- against 12 other Missouri universi- free. tina, The Velvet Dog, The Drop, ties to show the highest number of Dating Violence 101: In rec- Tower Tavern and Mint Ultra students wearing seat belts. From 8 Halloweenie Roast: 96.5 The Saturday, Oct. 31 ognition of Domestic Violence Lounge) will participate with drink a.m. to noon, stop by the Rockhill Buzz will host the Halloweenie Awareness Month, this powerful Terror at the Train Station specials. Event begins at 8 p.m. in Parking Structure and pick up a Roast at the Beaumont Club. Inside presentation will discuss the ef- 7: The infamous Terror party (T7) Martini Corner (corner of 31st and flyer about the competition. will be a Freaks Tattoo costume fects of dating violence on both returns to the Midland Theater. Oak streets). party and four local bands. Jet, women and men. Discussion will Presented by the Bacchus Foun- Percussion Ensemble: The A Flock of Seagulls, The Raveo- cover a variety of topics regard- UMKC Percussion Ensemble is nettes, Black Joe Lewis and White dation, this charity event is the ing dating violence, as well as in- largest Halloween party in Kansas Party Monster: For the fifth performing at 7:30 p.m. at White Rabbits will play outside in the year, Party Monster is back, with formation on where to receive as- City. From 8 p.m. to 3 a.m, enjoy Recital Hall in the James C. Ol- Backyard. Doors open at 5 p.m. All sistance. Discussion is sponsored drink specials, DJs and a $1,000 son Performing Arts Center (4949 ages welcome. Tickets are $9.65. by the Violence Prevention and appetizers, drinks and a costume costume contest. Doors open at 9 Cherry St.). Event is free. Response Project and Rose Brooks contest. Tickets are $37.50 in ad- p.m. at Harrah’s Voodoo Lounge. vance and can be purchased at the KC CreepFest: The gory debut Center and will go from 6:30-8 Tickets are $10 in advance and can Midland Box Office or online at Tuesday, Oct. 27 of the KC CreepFest Horror Film p.m. in the Alumni Room in the be purchased through Ticketmas- Festival will take place Oct. 29-30 University Center. www.terrorparty.com. Event ben- ter. For VIP reservations and table efits the Ronald McDonald House. requests, call 816-889-4237. Must Concert: Forever The Sick- with screenings at the Tivoli Cine- ma and Westport Coffeehouse The- be 21 or older to attend. est Kids and The Rocket Summer Friday, Oct. 30 Nightmare 2009: Crosstown will perform with Sing It Loud, My atre. An event after-party will be at McCoy’s Public House. Event will Station, EventKC.com and the Favorite Highway and Vita. Doors Kansas City Sport and Social Club Sunday, Nov. 1 open at 7 p.m., show starts at 7:30 include locally produced horror Last day for 20 percent refund films, classic B-movies, a seminar for fall 2009 second eight-week present Nightmare at Crosstown p.m. at the Beaumont Club. Tickets Station. This Halloween party in- are $14, all ages are welcome. on micro-budget filmmaking and session. Daylight Savings: Don’t for- performances by local bands. Event cludes two floors with live music, get to set your clock back one hour. is part of Westport Fright Nights Last day to drop classes with DJs, a costume contest and drinks. Not only does Halloween fall on a Wednesday, Oct. 28 and includes a fundraiser and food no record. Event begins at 9 p.m. at Cross- Saturday night this year, but you drive for Harvesters Community town Station (1522 McGee). Tick- also get an extra hour of sleep. At 2 Last day for 40 percent refund for Food Network. For more informa- Hal’LEW’een: Celebrate Hal- ets are $30 in advance or $35 day a.m., set your clocks back to 1 a.m. fall 2009 second eight-week session. tion, contact Jennifer Friend, pro- loween a day early at Lew’s Bar of the event and are available at and enjoy your extra sleep!

16 October 26, 2009 Sports www.unews.com Zombies on ice

John Pfortmiller guy” or “fighter” on the team. Enforcers have Staff Writer been weeded out as a position since the 2004- ce hockey is loved for its breakneck 2005 NHL season. speed, physical game play and the However, Zombies very much love the posi- large amount of skills required to be tion and even added an extra element to it. an effective player. Their version of the enforcer is called a Since 1902, when ice hockey be- Reaper and his “hockey stick” is actually a gan employing professional players, zombies scythe. I As gruesome as it sounds, the zombies re- and the large masses of undead have been play- ing in their own ice hockey league. ally seem to get a kick out of it as they can eas- “This ice hockey thing has been really big ily stitch themselves back together. with the undead community, as we have some Any form of decapitation by the Reaper is trouble moving quickly on land,” said Eye strictly penalized, as a headless zombie is a Gouger, a zombie coach who abruptly ended permanently dead zombie. our interview after he smelled fresh brains. To help prevent accidental, or sometimes The undead are notoriously sluggish in intentional, decapitation, the players all wear their movement on land. a thick metal neck guard that starts from the This has been depicted in several forms of bottom of their chin (or what’s left of it) and zombie media. extends to their shoulders, providing good pro- However, none of these movies, video tection. games or comics ever show what the masses of The penalty box rules are only slightly dif- undead can do in an ice hockey rink. ferent. The penalty box is accompanied with a Zombie Ice Hockey follows similar rules high voltage current. to non-zombie ice hockey, but contains a few Instead of penalty minutes, there are pen- changes made by the Zombie Ice Hockey alty volts. League of America. The worse a player’s offense, the more volt- These changes include positions, how pen- age he receives. alties are handled and physical contact/check- The only penalties are off-sides and too Photo KEVIN BRYCE ing rules. many players on the ice. Zombie goalie looks to catch some brains. Instead of using a regulation puck, they The latter is a frequently-called penalty, as use brains. This intensifies the action for the some zombies are constantly trying to jump skates and even beat other players with their played at 10 p.m. on Oct. 31. crowd. Zombies will do just about anything to onto the ice to get in on the action. stick at will. The match sees We Love Brains face-off get to those brains. Physical contact in the rink is also slightly There is always a cleanup crew standing by against their century-old rivals, the Brain The change in positions only applies to the changed. to remove excess body parts from the rink so Butchers. enforcer. Full-contact to a zombie means something the game can be played without unnecessary The match looks to be entertaining and The enforcer is a position notoriously entirely different than human full-contact. stoppage. heads are sure to roll. known in non-zombie ice hockey as the “tough The players can punch, kick, throw their The only official game this year will be [email protected] extra points ROOS LOSE ONE, WIN ONE by JOHN PFORTMILLER

tween being teased by his teammates and be- ‘Ultimate Fighter’ ing told Schoonover was a pushover, did not help at all. doesn’t disappoint He lost his rhythm within the first 15 sec- In the latest episode of “The Ultimate onds of the fight and was almost immediately Fighter: Heavyweights,” teams Rashad and knocked out by Schoonover. Rampage saw one of the roughest pre-fight Jensen tried to hang on by taking training sessions this season. Schoonover to the ground, but was forced to The rough patch for Team Rampage came tap-out to a triangle leg chokehold. in the form of embarrassment and teasing for The feelings Team Rampage felt during their fighter of the week, Zak Jensen. Jensen the loss were overwhelming. They have now passed out during a training session and was had three losses in a row and look like brawl- continually teased by his own teammates. ers who are all muscle and no skill. Team Rashad did not contribute to the Team Rashad did not let this hat trick of teasing sessions, and Jensen’s own team- wins create a cocky attitude. mates took bets on when he would break They did their best to mend relations with down. Team Rampage. Even the coaches tried to get In a similar, yet different fashion, Team along for once. Rampage and their coach Quinton “Ram- However, all of this seems undone with page” Jackson teased Team Rashad’s fighter the previews for next week’s episode as Ra- Photo KEVIN BRYCE of the week Darrill Schoonover relentlessly. shad and Rampage look like they are about to The Kangaroos are now 5-7-2 after dropping one to the University of Central Arkansas This led to confrontations between the kill each other. (UCA) and picking up a win at home against Centenary College. two coaches, but Rashad could not con- The animosity could be fueled even more On Oct. 19, the UMKC men’s soccer team traveled to Conway, Ark. for a match against vince Jackson to ease up on the teasing of by Jackson’s frustration with his fighters. the Central Arkansas Bears. Schoonover, particularly his nickname for So far, the only thing they have done is During the first half, neither team was able to score. In the 70th minute, UCA sent the ball Schoonover, “Titties.” prove in mixed martial arts fighting, skill is into the bottom left corner of the net. Jackson’s comments to Schoonover did greater than size. The Bears scored again in the 83rd minute, leading the Roos 2-0. nothing more than reaffirm his position as Each of Rashad’s fighters have been Senior Bryan Perez scored for UMKC with the help of junior John Bayron Sosa. The the show’s jerk. He was picking on someone smaller than Rampage’s, but they have man- Roos were not able to match UCA’s score and were defeated, 2-1. who is trying hard to overcome and achieve. aged to win via points, technical knockouts UMKC started scoring early against Centenary. on Saturday. Well, Jackson’s comments did not do and now submission. Sophomore David Sarabia scored within the first two minutes off an assist from Perez. much for his team and Jensen’s fight, either. The fights have gravitated toward Team Centenary shot a goal into the back of the net during the 60th minute. It wasn’t counted It fueled Jensen’s overconfidence that helped Rashad. Team Rampage needs to step it up due to an off-sides call. him lose to Schoonover. and win through more rigorous training, skill The Roos tallied two back-to-back shots when Perez scored off of a free kick. Then fresh- The highlight fight of the episode was ab- and fewer childish pranks and attitudes. man Tom Black had a clear shot at the goal during the 78th minute. solutely dominated by Schoonover. Jensen’s The teasing and pranks do not win the UMKC took the match, 3-1. last bit of advice from Jackson was “You fights, Rampage. The Roos will continue play on Tuesday at Durwood Soccer Stadium and Recreational can’t lose to him, he has titties!” The better fighters do. Field against Baker University. The mentality Jensen had going in, be- [email protected] — Casey Osburn Sports 17 www.unews.com October 26, 2009 Season looks up sports shorts for men’s basketball by CASEY OSBURN Golf The men’s golf team finished tional last week, where they fin- eighth at the Bill Ross Intercolle- ished third. giate tournament in Kansas City, Sophomore Chelsea Caldwell Mo. led the team and finished in a tie Freshman Viktor Mikaelsson for fourth place with a 161. finished 10th, shooting a 225. The men are finished for the It was his third finish in the fall season, but the women travel top-10 for the fall season. Oct. 26-27 to Kiawah, S.C. for The women traveled to New- the Edwin Watts Palmetto Inter- ton, Kan. for the Shocker Invita- collegiate.

Volleyball The Kangaroos defeated 25-12. Southern Utah University 3-0 on SUU tried to fight back in the Saturday. third, taking the lead, 10-9. Sailing through the first set, The Roos fought to regain the UMKC beat SUU, 25-14. lead and took the set, 25-20.

Photo KEVIN BRYCE The Thunderbirds couldn’t Sophomore Kelsey Knoche The men’s basketball team listens to Head Coach Matt Brown speak during their first practice in the College Basketball Ex- seem to get off their feet. They led the team with 18 kills and 12 perience at the Sprint Center. didn’t score more than 20 the en- digs. tire match. As a team, the Roos earned a David Jordan rver of the Utah Jazz), Fred Chatmon as well because he’s more confident UMKC took a bigger lead season high hitting percentage of Staff Writer and Max Rockman. in his shot and he’s a good shooter. I during the second set winning, .368. It’s that time of the year again for “Those four are real good fresh- think all the returners are going to be the UMKC men’s basketball team to men,” Johnson said. “They came a a big factor in this season.” lace up their Adidas and hit the court long way since the beginning of the Johnson is a tough and hard- to turn some heads in the Summit summer. You can already see the nosed player. League. maturity in those three.” Last year’s season wasn’t a great Last year was a year most Kan- Bazzell is a great combo guard. experience for him, but it motivated garoo fans won’t soon forget. He can handle the rock and shoot the him to do better. The men had the worst season in three. “I just take all the things that we UMKC history, 7-24. The last name of Korver speaks didn’t do right last season and try to However, Head Coach Matt for itself. He’s a flat-out shooter, with Sporting Events a 6-foot-7-inch frame that might be turn them around and do them right Brown, his staff and his team look to this season,” Johnson said. change things. helpful in the post to grab some The men’s team will play six Their hopes for the season in- boards. Women’s Golf clude a 24-7 record and a spot in the games at Swinney Recreation Cen- Date Event Place Time NCAA tournament. “I just take all the things ter this year. 10/26-27 Edwin Watts Palmetto Intercollegiate Kiawah, S.C. All Day “The ultimate goal is to go to that we didn’t do right The home games were encour- aged by the successful turnout at the NCAA tournament,” Brown last season and try to turn said. “The school has been Divi- last year’s game in Swinney against Volleyball sion-1 for 21 years and they’ve them around and do them North Dakota. 10/27 Kansas Lawrence, Kan. 6:30 p.m. never been to the NCAA tourna- “There’s a lot more students right this season.” on campus, so I think playing the 10/30 North Dakota State Fargo, N.D. 7 p.m. ment for post-season, so that’s the 10/31 South Dakota State Brookings, S.D. 7 p.m. ultimate goal – to get a little better games on campus to get the stu- SPENCER JOHNSON dents more involved and also this is each day and hopefully win some Junior forward where we practice every day too so basketball games.” I know our guys like playing here,” One of three team captains, ju- Men’s Soccer Brown said. 10/27 Baker DSSRF 7 p.m. nior forward Spencer Johnson, is Chatmon, a 6-foot-9-inch for- Brown had nothing but praise very confident about this season. ward/center, will be a force in the for his three captains, junior for- 10/31 Oakland DSSRF 12 p.m. “I’m very optimistic about this post and probably be able to step ward Jay Cousinard, sophomore up and coming season,” Johnson back and knock down a few jump forward LaTreze Mushatt and John- said. “I’m very excited, we’re look- shots. son. Women’s Soccer ing forward to doing a lot better this Rockman is no stranger to high “They’ve done a terrific job for 10/29 Oral Roberts DSSRF 5 p.m. season.” levels of competition. me and I tell this story to people 10/31 Centenary DSSRF 3 p.m. Johnson had strong bonds to for- In Germany, he played for the all the time,” Brown said. “I’ve mer UMKC players Reggie Ham- Alba Berlin 2 team, which feeds its visited with Mike Anderson, the ilton, James Humphrey and Fred players to the Alba Berlin 1 profes- head coach at Missouri, and asked Ford, who left the team last year for sional team, a very well respected Cross Country him what was the biggest difference 10/31 Summit League Championships Cedar City, Utah TBA personal reasons. team in Germany. between year two and three, going He has not lost that connection “I think [Rockman]’s special as from under 10 wins to 20 plus and with them, but looks to move for- well,” Brown said. he said the biggest difference was ward. Not only are these freshmen ex- leadership.” “Those three were my real good pected and want to make significant Other players to watch for are ju- friends,” Johnson said. “We had a contributions to the team, but several nior guard Bakari Lewis and junior real close relationship with the time key returners look to do the same, forward Daniel Brady. of them being here at UMKC and I according to Johnson, who expects Lewis has a lot of experience will remain friends with those guys, them to contribute more than they at the starting point guard position but I think I have to stay more fo- did last year. and can serve as a great mentor to cused with my team now.” “Trey McKinney-Jones (guard) – some of the younger point guards LISTEN TO ALEXIA’S WEEKLY PODCAST, WIRETAP, on the team. The team has reloaded with I know he’s more confident and he’s AND CHRISTIAN’S PODCAST, DATING 101, ONLINE AT The Roos gear up for action in an freshman talent that should make an going to come in this season more WWW.UNEWS.COM/PODCASTS. immediate impact. confident and that’s going to help us exhibition game against Bethel Col- As Dick Vitale says, those “dia- out a lot because he’s a big guard,” lege at 7:05 p.m., Friday, Nov. 6 at SUBSCRIBE TO ALEXIA’S CAST AT per dandies” are Alex Bazzell, Kirk Johnson said. “Dustin Dibble Swinney Recreation Center. HTTP://FEEDS.FEEDBURNER.COM/UNEWSWIRETAP Korver (younger brother of Kyle Ko- (guard) – I know he’s going to help [email protected] 18 October 26, 2009 Forum www.unews.com Looking for scares Halloween is for in all the wrong places lovers Melissa Oribhabor Girls get to dress up like Alexia Stout-Lang gods in an attempt to survive the frigid this holiday is the fear aspect. Staff Writer slutty witches. And it gives men News Editor winters. We teach our children to be afraid If you ask some people an opportunity to be cheesy by Ah. Halloween has come again. Now that most of us would agree the and to scare others. about Halloween, they will tell dressing up as Obama or a pris- Candy, costumes and an abundance Celtic gods will not grant us survival We are all exposed to media outlets you it is the devil’s day. oner. of “scary” movies, television shows, based upon our All Hallows Eve sacri- that tell us to fear monsters, ghosts, Halloween can stir up strong The drunk girls, in turn, events and so on flood our senses. fice, the holiday is pretty much obsolete. witches, goblins and vampires. emotions for some conservative think the ridiculous outfits are Nearly everyone around me is en- And you want to have an argument But when it comes to our daily lives and/or evangelical Christians, so cute they can’t resist hook- grossed in the madness of it all. over whether your costume is original? the rest of the year, we are taught to be who don’t acknowledge Hal- ing up. Parents spend money they don’t In the last few thousand years, I think it fearless. loween as a holiday or allow Let’s be honest, the walk of have on candy and costumes their chil- is safe to say the original costumes are People are dying all across the world their children to celebrate it. shame is bad enough as it is. dren will likely outgrow by next year. few and far between. at the hands of world leaders. But do not Other people (namely be- But doing it in a Halloween cos- I assume candy will fly off the shelves fear. tween the ages of 13 and 18) see tume, well, there’s no explain- this year with families avoiding the The government is slowly taking Halloween as a day for younger ing that. Your neighbors know thoughts of the recession by cramming away all of our rights. We are not afraid. children to dress up like fairies what you did last night. sugar down their throats. The countries that have drunk this or Spiderman and go door-to- They can see you getting out Women and girls, who otherwise same Kool-Aid before us are nothing door to get candy. of your car and walking up to seem rather intelligent, decide it is all more than topics in history books be- They take their cousins your apartment in your pirate of a sudden acceptable to dress like cause they ceased to exist (i.e. Rome). trick-or-treating, they stay home costume, with your high heels skanks. That’s alright. A world government is to pass out candy with their par- in hand. And they’re judging One day of the year, short skirts, better. ents and, if they’re lucky, they you. high heels and fishnet pantyhose won’t The economy has tanked, millions might be able to find a Hallow- But who cares? Hallow- get you labeled as something other than of people are out of jobs, the govern- een party they een may have a sweet girl. Or will they? ment is trillions of dollars in debt and can attend – as morphed from a Men and women, young and old, the bailout plan was a bust. Don’t you long as it’s over time for kids to decide they can put on masks and head lose any sleep. by curfew. get free candy to out into the world with the intentions of Our fellow Americans are losing But Hallow- a time for young getting wasted and terrorizing. their homes, they can’t feed their fami- een takes on a adults to be irre- Then there’s my favorite Hallow- lies and they have nowhere to turn for totally different sponsible. een component. Haunted houses and help. meaning for peo- I say, “So be spooky movies have us all looking over Stout’s Shouts Big brother will take care of it. It’s ple in the 18-25 it.” our shoulders as if a crazy man with a not our problem. age group. One day a chainsaw is going to hop out at any sec- It’s typical, though, for us to want to Do you want to really be scared? We are too year when your ond. participate in such a strange tradition. Take a look at what’s really happening old to trick-or- dress is too Allow me to take a break to roll my The world is a sad place and few of us in our country and across the world. treat, too young short, your liver eyes at the absurdity of it all. are who we really want to be. Take a look at the government and to stay at home and pass out is working overtime and kiss- Now, I must come clean to my dear- So, Halloween gives us the opportu- world leaders. candy, but have more freedom ing strangers is not considered est friends and readers, risking our re- nity to dress like we feel inside. What you find will scare you. than high school kids and some whorish is OK by me. lationship. It also allows for us to create an al- Perhaps, though, that’s not the scare of us are not religious enough to If every other holiday we I regard Halloween as the most ri- ternate reality. you are seeking. avoid the holiday altogether. have to spend cooking and diculous major holiday we celebrate. Maybe you always wanted to be a Maybe you just want the fake distur- This group of people does bonding with family, why not It’s true, I have written about my hero. Everyone will see your inner-self bance that will go away quickly and not celebrate Halloween with treats, have one where you can just disregard for Valentine’s Day. when you dress like Superman, Bat- bother you again until you want another sure. But instead of Butterfin- misbehave and get away with But for goodness sake, at least V- man, a firefighter or police officer. thrill. gers, they prefer Jäger bombs. it? Day has the intention of making others Or perhaps, you have a naughty side If so, Happy Halloween. It seems for the 18-25 age It does not have to be reli- feel loved. you always wanted to let out. Witch cos- As for me, I get my fill of scares group, Halloween has become gious or evil. It can just be fun. Halloween is nothing more than a tumes or even the “Pretty Woman” type each and every day. an excuse to drink excessively. [email protected] super-commercialized version of an outfits are just the ticket. I don’t need a day to celebrate them. ancient day devoted to appeasing pagan What really, really irks me about [email protected]

A GRANT SNIDER ILLUSTRATION Forum 19 www.unews.com October 26, 2009 Don’t bank on your financial future Evan Helmuth So, option A (to actually pay for all of toral hornet’s nest by advocating option Word on CampusInterviewed by MELISSA ORIBHABOR Contributing Writer the benefits already promised) would B (cutting benefits) out loud. And any- Last week, I broke my longstanding involve increasing federal tax revenues one who follows politics knows that say- habit of avoiding horror movies to go by roughly 81 percent immediately and ing you want to raise taxes on anyone “What are you most afraid of?” see “Paranormal Activity.” forever. except the wealthy is always anathema It was extremely scary and a great Option B would be for Congress to to politicians. way to spend $5 this Halloween season, cut benefits or bump up the age at which So, that means both of the previous if you enjoy horror flicks. people can collect Social Security or options are out of the question for now. However terrified you are by the Medicare benefits, (or even do some- That leaves option C: Congress film, though, you should be doubly thing really crazy like stop giving wel- could stick its collective head in the sand afraid of another real life specter – the fare to wealthy people). and refuse to deal with ugly entitlement impending retirement of all the baby The latter would involve some sort realities that would require unpopular boomers. of an income or assets cutoff for Social decisions. “Baby boomers” is the name com- Security and Medicare eligibility. Instead, Congress could propose monly given to the massive group of Two thirds of all U.S. wealth is held a massive expansion of Medicare, or people born between the end of WWII by those over the age of 65. That is peo- something like it, to everyone in Ameri- and 1962. Many of us have parents or ple who already do, or will soon, receive ca under the guise of health care reform. grandparents born in that time frame Social Security and Medicare benefits. And … we have a winner! and they are all rapidly approaching re- It is, therefore, absurd for the govern- Option C is exactly what Congress, tirement. or at least the Democratic majority in Together, they represent a fiscal tidal Congress, has been trying to do since wave of unfunded liabilities or entitle- July of this year. ment money promised by the govern- The political blogosphere is abuzz “The Easter Bunny.” “Global inaction on climate change.” ment that will exceed the revenue gener- of late with rumors Democrats are even considering selling their public option ated by entitlement taxes (Medicare and SHEKENYA WILLIAMS SAM MCDONALD Social Security payroll taxes). (as they love to call it) by comparing it Sophomore to Medicare, since Medicare is such a Freshman In May the trustees of both Medi- Theatre Environmental Science care and Social Security released their popular program. annual reports on long-term budget out- Of course it’s popular. Who wants to look. pay for their own health care? What they said amounts to a much Even if Congressional Democrats scarier and more gruesome blood-bath are unsuccessful in passing Medicare than anything you will see in “Paranor- for all, it seems a near certainty Con- mal Activity.” ment to require transfer payments from gress will succeed at one of its favorite Former Treasury Department econ- those with less money, who haven’t had games — that of passing the buck on en- omist and current Forbes magazine time to save for their eventual retire- titlement funding to the next Congress, contributor Bruce Bartlett said the cal- ment, to older people who, on average, which is just as likely to do the same, culations in the two reports add up to have a great deal more money than those and so on. $106.4 trillion, with a “t” in unfunded supporting them with Social Security So, if you are under the age of 30, liabilities. and Medicare. one way or another the baby boomers In other words, the difference be- On paper, Congress should easily and their entitlements are likely to eat tween the amount of benefits promised be able to enact some version of option up just about all of your disposable in- to current and future Social Security B. come for your entire working life – that and Medicare recipients and the amount What is not included on paper is that is unless enough members of Congress of revenue that will be raised by Medi- people over 50 made up more than 40 magically become more worried about care and Social Security payroll taxes percent of all votes cast in 2008 and are the country’s fiscal future than their is probably more than twice the total almost always the most heavily repre- own political future. amount of private wealth in the entire sented group at the polls in this country. Since I wouldn’t count on that pros- country. These people vote, pay taxes, read pect, it’s time for young people in this The total amount promised to cur- the news and watch CNN. country to inform themselves about is- “Nothing. On Halloween, I know “Failure. If you’re failing at something, rent and future retirees by Social Securi- Thus, they also hold political sway sues and make themselves even more [creepy things] are fake. So why it’s something you’ve worked at. should I be scared?” You’ve wasted your time.” ty and Medicare, which won’t be raised far beyond their already huge numbers. difficult for politicians to ignore than by normal payroll taxes, is 8.1 percent No member of Congress in his/her the A.A.R.P. crowd. right mind is likely to stir up this elec- [email protected] NATHALIE JOSEPH JARED DANIEL of U.S. GDP, or total national income. Freshman Sophomore Nursing Urban Planning and Development

What do you think?

At what age is it inappropriate to go trick-or-treating? A. 13 B. 16 C. 18 D. Never Go to www.unews.com and tell us your answer!

Your answers to last week’s question: D. 14%

What is your favorite part of Halloween? A. 36% A. Costumes C. 50% “Getting out and actually having to “I’m not afraid of anything because B. Candy take a job and not being able to go I’m a man.” to Mexico.” C. Parties DOMINICK ROUCHKA IAN DAVIS Junior Freshman D. I don’t like Sociology Business Halloween B. 0%

A B C D RIGHTS from page 7 Karlan expanded on her views of the problems within the Supreme Court While moving to different sub- system in a lecture titled “Iqbal, Calla- topics, Karlan noted all the issues han and the Evolution of Section 1983.” have a central theme. She discussed two of last term’s “There is a slight misnomer in the most important civil rights cases, title which I suppose is my fault,” she Ashcroft v. Iqbal and Pearson v. Cal- said. “The title up there is ‘Enforcing lahan, and their place in the evolution Constitutional Rights in the 21st Cen- of Section 1983, which was originally tury.’ But one point worth making on part of the Ku Klux Klan Act of 1871 the outset of my talk tonight is that and designed to combat post-Civil constitutional litigation involves ques- War racial violence in the Southern tions of structure as much as it involves states and now serves as the primary questions of right.” means of enforcing all constitutional She went on to say the way we rights. think about rights has been influenced Karlan is the co-author of “Keep- by the Court. ing Faith with the Constitution,” “The Court has spent an awful lot “Constitutional Law,” “The Law of of time trying to shoot down the con- Democracy: Legal Structure of the troversy in the way we talk about con- Political Process” and “Civil Rights stitutional rights, rather than recogniz- Actions: Enforcing the Constitution.” ing it’s really a fundamental argument For more information about Karlan, about the structure within which rights visit www.law.stanford.edu/directory/ get enforced.” profile/32/. During the symposium on Friday, [email protected] Classifieds

Monday’s Puzzle Solved Gorgeous 1 bd condo for lease! See links below for pictures. Available now. 913.961.7641 http://www.postlets.com/rts/2479139 [email protected] laurasterchi.chartwellkc.net

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