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FACTSHEETS FOR | OCTOBER 2019

The Impact of Although adoption is often a joyful and Awareness of these issues can help families exciting occasion, it can also give rise to better understand each other and the personal lifelong challenges for members of the effects of the adoption experience. This adoption constellation—adoptees, birth factsheet provides an overview of the seven and their extended members, core issues in adoption and how they may and adoptive parents and their extended affect the thoughts, feelings, and experiences family members. How and when you are of children and adults who have been adopted, affected by both the positive elements and birth parents, and adoptive parents—also known challenging issues of adoption depend on as the "adoption triad." Other members of the many factors, including your , adoption constellation, such as , family dynamics, and what might be happening , or , may also relate to some of the in the world around you. core issues discussed in this factsheet. Links to additional resources are also provided. Members of the adoption constellation may experience any number of the following seven WHAT’S INSIDE core issues related to adoption: 1. Loss Seven core issues in adoption 2. Rejection

3. and guilt Conclusion 4.

5. Identity Resources 6. Intimacy 7. Mastery and control References

Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: [email protected] | https://www.childwelfare.gov 1 SEVEN CORE ISSUES IN LOSS ADOPTION Loss is the central issue faced by those The core issues listed above were first involved with adoption (Roszia & Maxon, introduced in a 1982 article by Silverstein 2019). For birth parents, people who were and Kaplan titled Seven Core Issues in adopted, and adoptive parents, involvement Adoption. A 2019 update (Roszia & Maxon) with adoption is typically associated with called Seven Core Issues in Adoption and an initial loss that continues to affect them Permanency: A Comprehensive Guide to throughout their lives. Promoting Understanding and Healing in For birth parents, adoption means the loss Adoption, , Families and of a whom they may never see again Third Party Reproduction expands on these and the loss of a role. People who seven core issues, broadens the description were adopted may lose their birth families, of who may encounter them to include including , grandparents, aunts people who have experienced adoption and and uncles, and . They may lose a all forms of permanency, and draws on the cultural connection or language (in cases perspectives and experiences of diverse of intercountry or transracial/transcultural groups of people who have been affected by adoption). If they were adopted as older adoption. Every affected by adoption children, they may also lose friends, foster may not experience all seven issues or families, pets, schools, neighborhoods, and encounter them in the in which they familiar surroundings. Adoptive parents are described here. Experiences can manifest may have experienced loss associated with differently depending on a person's age and incomplete , failed fertility developmental stage, the situation in which treatments, and dreams of raising a child with they were adopted, and their personal whom they are genetically connected. or life situation. Regardless of your adoption experience—whether you were adopted; Adoption-related loss may be vague and whether you adopted an infant, child, or difficult to understand, especially for birth young person through an agency, the foster parents and adoptees. Adoption-related care system, or another country; or whether loss is described as a feeling of distress and the adoption was voluntary or involuntary— confusion about people who are physically these lifelong challenges will likely affect you absent but psychologically present in your at some point. life (sometimes called "ambiguous loss") (FosterParentCollege.com, 2016). With To read more about the content in the ambiguous loss, you may think often about 2019 update, visit https://www.nacac.org/ the person or people you miss and wonder resource/seven-core-issues-in-adoption- whether they are alive, if you will see them and-permanency/. again, and if they think about you. What makes this type of loss difficult is that it's not

Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: [email protected] | https://www.childwelfare.gov 2 well recognized by the larger society (Roszia a sign of and valuable communication, & Maxon, 2019). The uncertainty of adoption- and to model compassion and acceptance. To related loss makes it difficult for birth parents learn more, refer to Gateway's and people who were adopted to grieve and Helping Your Child Transition From Foster delays the grieving process. Care to Adoption (https://www.childwelfare. gov/pubs/f-transition/). Support groups can help create a sense of and shared experience, and they may provide a good outlet for coping with residual feelings related to an adoption, Search and Reunion such as loss or grief. If you are interested in finding a , see Child Welfare Thanks to advances in technology, Information Gateway's National Foster Care specifically the internet—including social & Adoption Directory Search (https://www. media—and more accessible DNA testing, childwelfare.gov/nfcad/). birth families and people who were adopted are more easily able to research REJECTION family information and establish

The loss experienced in adoption is connections than in the past. Since search often heightened by feelings of rejection, and reunion can be emotional and may particularly for those who have been adopted. tap into strong feelings of separation People who were adopted commonly feel and loss, adoption professionals strongly rejected by their birth parents, even if they recommend emotional preparation before were adopted as infants. If you were adopted, conducting search and reunion efforts. It that sense of rejection may lead to challenges helps to think through expectations and with self-esteem and a sense of belonging, as prepare for a range of potential outcomes well as a tendency to avoid certain situations and reactions, including rejection, from or relationships for fear of being hurt. the other party. For more information, Feelings of rejection are normal and common see the Information Gateway publication, for members of the adoption triad. If you're Searching for Birth Relatives (https://www. an adoptive , you may wonder if you childwelfare.gov/pubs/f-search/). were meant to be a parent and may watch for signs of rejection from your child. Some children or young people, particularly those adopted from foster care, may unintentionally SHAME AND GUILT project their feelings of rejection, anger, and Shame and guilt about adoption or being abandonment onto their adoptive parents. adopted may worsen feelings of grief. The This experience can be painful for the parents. shame of being involved in adoption may be It is wise for adoptive parents to prepare for subconscious. Shame and guilt associated this possibility, to recognize the behavior as with adoption may affect your self-esteem,

Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: [email protected] | https://www.childwelfare.gov 3 discourage you from thinking positively Adoption-related grief isn't widely known or about yourself, and limit you from loving and understood by society at large. We lack formal receiving from others (Roszia & Maxon, rituals or ceremonies to mark the loss caused 2019). by adoption and the resulting grief. If you are a member of the triad, you may not be aware For example, an adoptive parent may feel that you are grieving. Because our culture ashamed for being unable to have a biological considers people who were adopted "lucky" child. If you were adopted, you may feel to have been chosen by another family, you ashamed because your birth parents were may not feel like you should be grieving, and unable to raise you themselves. A birth parent many of your friends may not recognize or may feel guilty and ashamed for having an understand your grief. unplanned and admitting the situation to parents, friends, coworkers, and Unattended grief may manifest itself in others. After the birth, the decision to choose destructive behaviors, self-medication, adoption for the child may prompt new anger, or denial. Children and young people, feelings of guilt about “rejecting” the child, especially those in foster care, need help no matter how thoughtful the decision or labeling their feelings and understanding difficult the circumstances of the adoption. when their struggles are expressions of grief. Even experienced child welfare workers and For more information about shame in therapists who do not specialize in adoption adoption, visit the Pact website (http:// may not understand the relationship between www.pactadopt.org/resources/shame-and- loss and grief that is experienced by members -in-adoption.html). of the triad. To assist children and adults who are dealing with adoption-related grief, the GRIEF importance of knowledgeable caseworkers Grief is the pain that stems from loss and and adoption-competent therapists cannot be the recognition of the family or life that was overstated. lost through adoption. It is natural and often For information to help your child deal with occurs throughout the lifelong journey of grief and loss, visit Information Gateway's adoption. Birth parents tend to experience Helping Adopted Children Cope With Grief intense grief at the time of the adoption, and Loss webpage (https://www.childwelfare. and that grief may reemerge periodically, gov/topics/adoption/adopt-parenting/ including at milestones such as the child's helping/). birthday or when he or she is old enough to start school. During adolescence, people who To read about adoptive parents' experiences were adopted may feel intense grief as they helping their children heal from grief, visit become more aware of the separation from the North American Council on Adoptable their birth families and further develop their Children website (https://www.nacac.org/ identities (Roszia & Maxon, 2019). resource/helping-children-recover-from- grief/).

Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: [email protected] | https://www.childwelfare.gov 4 To cope with grief, help is available through adoptive family. Having access to genetic and professional therapists who have significant information is critically important in experience with adoption and bereavement. terms of wellness. These professionals understand that Adoptive parents and birth parents may be adoption-related grief looks and behaves uncertain about their identities and roles in a differently from other kinds of grief. Referrals child's life. Adoptive parents may not feel like for therapists may come from friends, "real" parents or like they are entitled to be support groups, or the adoption agency or parents, and birth parents may be unsure of attorney who helped with your adoption. their role in their child's life since they are not For more information, refer to Information actively parenting that child. These identity Gateway's Finding and Working With issues may change over time due to various Adoption-Competent Therapists (https://www. factors, such as formal changes to the level of childwelfare.gov/pubs/f-therapist/). ongoing contact between adoptive and birth IDENTITY families or the wishes of the child who was adopted. These feelings can also come up As a life-altering event, adoption affects during the search and reunion process. For the identities of all those involved. If you more information, visit Information Gateway's were adopted, you may have experienced Ongoing Contact With Birth Families in adoption-related identity issues throughout Adoption webpage (https://www.childwelfare. your life, especially around milestones such gov/topics/adoption/adoptive/before- as birthdays, holidays, births, and deaths. adoption/openness/). You may see your identity as incomplete, unsteady, or contradictory. Your birth parents are your parents, but they aren't parenting you. You were born into one family and "Lifebooks" can help children and adopted into another. young people who were adopted better understand themselves and their identity If you were adopted and lack genetic, medical, within their adoptive family. For more on religious, and other historical information these books, visit Information Gateway's about your birth family, you may want Lifebooks webpage (https://www. answers to questions that would help form childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/adopt- your identity, such as why your birth parents placed you for adoption, what became of parenting/lifebooks/). those parents, whether you have siblings, and whether you resemble your birth parents or of origin in appearance or Due to adoption-related identity issues, in other characteristics. You may struggle to it may be hard for parents and people find answers to these questions and may feel who were adopted to talk about adoption out of place or as if you don't belong in your with others, including their own families.

Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: [email protected] | https://www.childwelfare.gov 5 Identity formation begins in childhood and Adoptive and birth parents may also becomes more important during the teenage experience intimacy-related difficulties. If years. Gaps in identity and lack of access to you are a birth parent, sex, pregnancy, and individuals and information may be more closeness to others may be emotionally pronounced when a child starts school or has painful. Birth parents may be especially a family-oriented classroom assignment (e.g., reluctant to form relationships with family or creating a ). For more information children who later come into their lives. and resources, visit the following Information The of the adoptive Gateway webpages: parents may have been hurt by the inability ƒ Talking About Adoption to conceive. This may shape the couple's (https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/ relationship and affect the family dynamic into adoption/adopt-parenting/talking/) which they bring an adopted child. If you are an adoptive parent, you may struggle to help ƒ Adoption and School your child who is also experiencing attachment (https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/ issues. Attachment challenges range from adoption/adopt-parenting/school/) difficulties relating to others to severe social- For more information about identity issues, functioning disorders. Appropriate treatments including support for those who were adopted can help parents nurture secure attachments and education for adoptive parents, visit the and cope with behaviors that may result from Pact website (http://www.pactadopt.org/ earlier attachment disruptions. resources/identity-issues.html). For more information about helping children form attachments, visit the AdoptUSKids INTIMACY website (https://www.adoptuskids.org/ People who were adopted may be challenged adoption-and-foster-care/how-to-adopt- by intimacy or becoming close to others due and-foster/receiving-a-placement/forming- to losses resulting from adoption. They may attachments). subconsciously try to avoid experiencing a new loss by keeping an emotional distance MASTERY AND CONTROL from or not committing to someone else. Adoption requires birth parents, adoptive Intimacy or attachment may be difficult for parents, and people who were adopted to give members of the triad due to related feelings of up some sense of control. For birth parents rejection, shame, grief, and uncertainty about who experience an unplanned pregnancy or identity. Attachment issues can occur when become unable to care for their child, neglect a secure, emotional bond formed between a or may result, and a dire situation may child and a parent is disrupted. Involvement be resolved through adoption. Relinquishing with adoption may affect your ability to form your parental or having your child healthy attachments, making it more difficult enter foster care can lead to feelings of to trust and to form meaningful relationships victimization and powerlessness that may throughout life. continue to affect your life and identity.

Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: [email protected] | https://www.childwelfare.gov 6 If you were adopted, you may have not been ƒ Parenting After Adoption [webpage] involved in the decisions that led to adoption, (https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/ especially if the adoption occurred when adoption/adopt-parenting/) you were an infant or young child. Adults made life-altering choices for you that were out of your control. These decisions may Building Resilience to Regain a Sense have hindered your growth toward self- of Control actualization and self-control and led to a lowered sense of self-responsibility. Teens Resilience can help all members of the and older who were adopted frequently adoption triad regain a sense of control. engage in power struggles with adoptive According to the American Psychological parents and other authority figures (e.g., Association (APA), resilience is the ability to teachers, coaches, counselors). Such behavior adapt or cope in a positive way to adversity, may be an attempt to regain the loss of including trauma, tragedy, threats, and control experienced in adoption. significant stress. If you were adopted, For an adoptive parent, the adoption resilience can help you thrive despite the process can be cumbersome and may lead accompanying grief, rejection, guilt, and to feelings of helplessness. You may view shame you may have experienced or will yourself as powerless or unworthy of being experience at different times in your life. a parent, which can lead to a less engaged Resilience involves behaviors, thoughts, parenting . Conversely, you may try to and actions that can be learned over time regain the control lost by becoming strict, and nurtured through positive and healthy overprotective, and domineering. This can relationships with other adults, parents, cause the relationship with your child to or caregivers. For general information on become inflexible and result in additional resilience, including ways to build it, visit tension. For information on this topic, refer to Information Gateway's Parenting Your Adopted the APA website (https://www.apa.org/ Teenager (https://www.childwelfare.gov/ helpcenter/road-resilience). pubs/factsheets/parent-teenager/). For adoptive parents, building your Refer to the following Information Gateway resilience can help support your child’s resources for additional information on resilience and improve your family’s long- adoption support and parenting your adopted term well-being. For ways to help children child: build resilience, refer to Information Gateway’s Building Resilience in Children ƒ Accessing Adoption Support and and Teens (https://www.childwelfare.gov/ Preservation Services [factsheet] (https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f- pubPDFs/resilience_ts_2019.pdf) or visit the postadoption/) APA website (https://www.apa.org/topics/ parenting/resilience-tip-tool).

Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: [email protected] | https://www.childwelfare.gov 7 CONCLUSION ƒ Impact of Adoption on Birth Parents and Relatives (https://www.childwelfare.gov/ Adoption often marks the joyous beginning topics/adoption/preplacement/working- of a new family embarking on a rich journey parents-families/impacts/) together. Adoption often marks an ending, as well, and the separation of children from their ƒ Lifelong Impact of Adoption (https://www. parents and families of origin. Even in the childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/adopt- most ideal circumstances where some level people/impact/) of ongoing contact continues with extended ƒ Maintaining Connections After Adoption family members, adoption-related issues will (https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/ likely arise at different points in the lives of adoption/birthfor/connections/) people who were adopted and their birth or adoptive parents. A willingness to learn about ƒ Parenting Your Adopted Preschooler (https:// these issues and seek support if necessary can www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/ help ensure that parents and those who were preschool/) adopted experience happy and healthy family ƒ lives. Parenting Your Adopted School-Age Child (https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/ RESOURCES factsheets/parent-school-age/)

Child Welfare Information Gateway. This ƒ Understanding the Emotional Impact of service of the Children's Bureau provides Adoption (https://www.childwelfare.gov/ information and publications on a wide range topics/adoption/birthfor/emotional-impact/) of adoption topics. Adoption Exchange. The Adoption Exchange ƒ Adoption Materials for Specific Audiences provides expertise and support before, during, (https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/ and after the adoption process. It also provides adoption/intro/adoption-materials/) educational support nationally to adoptive families. (http://www.adoptex.org) ƒ Adoption Options: Where Do I Start? (https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f- AdoptUSKids. This national project of the adoptoption/) Children's Bureau provides information on subsidies, services, and training to help ƒ For Adopted People (https://www. parents and children or youth throughout the childwelfare.gov/topics/adoption/adopt- adoption process. It also features adoption people/) stories from families that describe the ƒ For Expectant Parents Considering Adoption challenges and lessons they have learned. and Birth Parents (https://www.childwelfare. (https://www.adoptuskids.org/) gov/topics/adoption/birthfor/) American Adoption Congress. This ƒ Helping Your Adopted Children Maintain nonprofit membership organization provides Important Relationships With Family (https:// education, advocacy, and support for all www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets- families touched by adoption. (http://www. families-maintainrelationships/) americanadoptioncongress.org/)

Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: [email protected] | https://www.childwelfare.gov 8 Center for Adoption Support and Education Pact, an Adoption Alliance. Pact offers a (C.A.S.E.). The C.A.S.E. website includes comprehensive site addressing issues for information on adoption-competent therapy, adopted children of color, offering informative adoption training, and community education. articles on related topics as well as family It also offers publications, including the profiles, links to other resources, and a W.I.S.E. Up! Powerbook, which empowers reference guide with a searchable database. adopted children to answer questions about (http://www.pactadopt.org/) adoption if, when, and how they choose. (http://adoptionsupport.org/) REFERENCES FosterParentCollege.com. (2016). Families Adopting in Response (FAIR). Understanding ambiguous loss. Retrieved FAIR is an all-volunteer organization that from http://azfamilyresources.org/pdf/ offers information, education, support, and UnderstandingAmbiguousLoss.pdf fellowship to adoptive and preadoptive families. Members include families who Roszia, S. K., & Maxon, A. D. (2019). Seven have adopted children through public and core issues in adoption and permanency: private agencies from the and A comprehensive guide to promoting from many other countries. (http://www. understanding and healing in adoption, fairfamilies.org) foster care, kinship families and third party reproduction. Philadelphia, PA: Jessica Institute for Services. The Institute Kingsley Publishers. for Human Services provides child welfare training and offers a number of resources SUGGESTED CITATION: to support parents who foster and adopt children from the child welfare system. Child Welfare Information Gateway. (2019). (http://www.ihs-trainet.com/) The impact of adoption. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, North American Council on Adoptable Administration for Children and Families, Children (NACAC). NACAC, founded by Children's Bureau. adoptive parents, supports, educates, and empowers adoptive parents and children or youth who were adopted. It also provides training for parents and youth to create, develop, and enhance support networks. (https://www.nacac.org/)

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Administration for Children and Families Administration on Children, Youth and Families Children’s Bureau

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed. However, when doing so, please credit Child Welfare Information Gateway. This publication is available online at https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets-families-adoptionimpact/.

Children’s Bureau/ACYF/ACF/HHS | 800.394.3366 | Email: [email protected] | https://www.childwelfare.gov 9