Geoff's commentary on the NRL

Firstly, the team in the purple shorts and the big V on their shirt, known as the , were really big guys with thighs as large as tree trunks. They were much heavier than their opponents, the , dressed in black with a red OAK on their chest. I wondered was OAK meant to be 'One of A Kind' ?. We would soon find out!

In the first half the purple shorts cut their way through their opponents like rhinos charging into a swamp. It was sheer danger to stand in their way. I felt sorry that the men in black were pitted against this ruthless team in purple shorts. A knee to the neck and a headlock and dump twist was all part of the punishment inflicted on the guys in black. I murmured, "call it off - this is murder". At times the umpire threw his arms up into the air in desperation and made the sign of a square hole. I could not see what this was about, oh yes, everyone stopped as they played a replay which magnified this rare achievement called 'TRY'. Then both teams reached an armistice, the battle was over for a minute or two while the judges examined the film footage, backwards and forwards several times and then 'NO TRY' was announced. After this disappointment, both teams then joined together in a ring and from somewhere in the circle the ball magically popped out and the battle raged again. Players were being dumped and flattened, but this was all part of the game - there did not appear to be any retribution. I had heard that this game was played in heaven - maybe they forgave each other for the treatment metered out. By interval the purple shorts were up 22 points to zero. "Told you so - they should have called it off."

Then after interval the gladiators appeared again, and the battle resumed. A nice bit of work and somehow the ball shot out to the far side, and ready to receive it was yes - you guessed - a guy in purple shorts who ran the length of the field and fell over, as was the custom, as he crossed the white line - another TRY and the purple pants led 26 to zero. Yes, I was right - not a fair battle, but the team in black sensed that the big guys in purple were running out of puff. They were right, and against the odds scored a TRY, in fact another three, although there was some heated discussion when a fellow called bunker got in the way and a TRY was incorrectly declared. I could see the coach of the purple shorts was livid, shouting and gesticulating, although no-one could hear him. Maybe the umpire tried to even up the contest.

The team in black sensed they had a chance - and the crowd did too. Give us a bit more time and we have a chance to beat the purple pants, but the umpire had decided he had had enough and for the last time lifted his weary arms and time was called - the battle was over.