COORDINATES O.Z. By Austen Fisher
Int. of Teen Tower- Night
Cyborg, Beast Boy, and Raven sit on the couch watching the news.
Int. of News Studio.
On the screen we see two news anchors.
News Anchor 1 And that’s the wrong way to lick an ice cream cone.
News Anchor 2 Thanks for that… in depth story, Martha…. In other news, it looks like we’re going to have some bad weather coming our way tonight. For that, we go to our Weatherwoman, Grace Kies. Grace?
We see Grace Kies standing in front of a weather green screen.
Grace Kies Thanks, Phil. It looks like we have a storm coming tonight that could develop into something dangerous, so keep an ear out for tornado sirens.
Int. Teen Tower- Night.
Robin walks through the room blasting Beethoven in his earbuds. The Titans on the couch watch him walk through, annoyed. Starfire enters.
Starfire What are you watching friends?
Cyborg Just some boring news update.
Beast Boy Ugh. They turned off Monster Truck Madness for this?!
Raven Lame.
Starfire I’m sorry that your madness for monsterous trucks has not been satiated. But look what I have bought!
Starfire excitedly holds up a pair of shiny red shoes. A choir sings the shoes’ heavenly praises.
Beast Boy Okay.
Cyborg So?
Raven Lame.
Starfire No. No. You do not understand. On my planet, the color red is banned because it reminds us of our economic archrivals: The Martians.
Raven You sound like the news.
Starfire What is “the news”?
Beast Boy It’s what’s getting in the way of Monster Truck Madness! That’s what it is!
Cyborg I wanna see cars jumping over smaller cars! Plus, I hear they have a monkey that rides a dog.
Starfire Ooh. Now this I would like to see.
Robin enters, struggling under the weight of two hay bales.
Robin Who ordered two tons of hay to Teen Tower?!
We cut to a farmer sitting in an old-fashioned truck full of hay. The farmer is chewing cud like a cow. All the Titans slowly turn their heads to look at Beast Boy.
Beast Boy Yeahhhhhh. I got REALLY into being a horse last week and I must have done some online shopping.
Cyborg How did you shop online while you were a horse?
Robin Nevermind that! Where are we supposed to keep all this?
Beast Boy Relax. We’ll keep it in your room.
Robin (Buying it) Oh, that’s a great idea, I’ll just- Wait. What?!
Beast Boy It can’t go in my room. It’s like a jungle in there.
We cut to Beast Boys room, which looks like an actual jungle complete with Kookaburra sounds. We cut back.
Robin No way. I’m not keeping two tons of hay in my room. Cyborg, what about you?
Cyborg I don’t think it’ll fit.
As Cyborg replies he walks over to a tiny space in the wall and morphs to fit inside of it perfectly.
Robin (desperately) Raven? Starfire?
Starfire Raven No, thank you. I’m allergic.
Robin sighs, accepting defeat. Then he puts his earbuds back in, playing a sad indie version of “Do You Know the Muffin Man.” He picks up the hay bales and takes them to his room. There is a huge burst of lightning and a thunderclap shakes Teen Tower.
Cyborg Whoa. Maybe those news people were right.
Starfire goes to the window. We see a huge storm outside.
Starfire It looks like a terrible storm.
Robin pokes his head into the room.
Robin Will somebody make sure my bike is inside while I take care of all this hay?
Raven Fine.
Raven flies away.
Starfire I will make sure my shoes are safe!
Starfire flies away.
Int. Robin’s Room- night.
Robin is sitting amongst bales of hay. His earbuds are playing Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of The Moon. He finishes putting the last bale of hay down and wipes his brow.
Robin Whew! Now. Back to doing real superhero work.
We see Robin grab a tweezers and pick up something from the table. We zoom in on the intensity and focus of his face as he gets closer to reaching his goal. Finally…
Robin There! All finished!
We zoom out to see he has completed a model airplane.
Robin A real 450 Bluestreet Fighter Plane, complete with dual engines and window seats. Wait till the Titans see this!
Robin’s room is wracked by another thunder clap. His model plane falls to pieces in his hands.
Robin (To the heavens) NOOOOOOOOOO!
Robin throws a temper-tantrum, stomps over to his bed, and jumps in. A bale of hay falls on him.
Robin Ow.
Int. Starfire’s Room - night.
Starfire is asleep in her bed. Her new red shoes are still on her feet and poking out from under the covers. Suddenly a thunderclap shakes her room. The roof comes off. Starfire stays asleep. There is another louder thunderclap and the bed is picked up and then dropped by wind. Starfire is still asleep. Then, as if the wind has a mind of its own, it picks up the bed and tosses it around the room like a ragdoll, while thunder violently shakes the earth. Starfire is unshaken and sleeping soundly. Finally, a tornado hits Teen Tower and Starfire’s whole bed is picked up.
Int. Tornado - night.
Starfire’s bed is spinning in the middle of a twister. She is still asleep. We see Beast Boy fly by.
Beast Boy AHHHHH.
Beast Boy turns into a butterfly, then a pigeon, then a hawk. He is trying to fly against the wind. Then Cyborg falls into Beast Boy, knocking him out of the shot. A moment later Robin flies by, covered in hay and with his model airplane in tow. We see Raven on Robin’s bike. There’s a burst of smoke as everything crashes down into silence.
Int. Teen Tower - night.
Jinx is looking into a giant crystal ball with Mammoth standing next to her.
Jinx It worked Mammoth. The storm worked! Now that we’ve thrown the Titans miles away we’ve taken Teen Tower for our own! Bwahaha!
Mammoth laughs but it sounds like a monkey screeching.
Jinx Woah. Are you okay?
Mammoth coughs up a chicken bone.
Mammoth Sorry. Something in my throat.
The resume laughing as they stare into the crystal ball. It shows Starfire in a bed in the woods. Zoom in, until…
Ext. The Woods - day
Starfire is asleep. A fly lands on Starfire’s nose. She wakes up immediately and yawns.
Starfire What a beautiful woodland scene to awake to!
She notices a pair of feet under her bed.
Starfire Oh my!
The feet struggle, while a muffled voice yells from under the bed.
Starfire Let me help you, friend.
Starfire pulls the socked-figure from under her bed. It’s Gizmo. They immediately get into battle positions.
Starfire Gizmo You! You!
Starfire How did you get underneath my bed?
Gizmo I- I- I don’t know… I went to sleep and then I woke up with your bed on top of me!
Starfire (looking around) Where are we?
Gizmo checks his high tech watch. Its broken and only half the screen works. The top of the screen only has the letter “O” and the bottom only has “Z”.
Gizmo Ugh. Beats me. Let me calibrate my navigational system to see if I can get a more accurate reading on the-
Starfire We are doomed!
Gizmo No we’re not! Look at my watch! It says Oz. That has to mean something… It looks like “O” and “Z” are the coordinates to the nearest town… Now if I can just-
Gizmo goes back to his tech, trying to figure out what OZ means. Starfire has a stark realization.
Starfire Wait! Where are my shoes?
Gizmo Your shoes? I think the bigger problem is-
Starfire There they are!
Starfire points to a cornfield. Her shoes are poking out of the corn. We hear the same chorus as before, when she showed the shoes to the rest of the Titans. She flies to the cornfield.
Gizmo (trailing off as he gets farther away) Hey! Wait a minute! I think we’re supposed to follow that yellow brick road!
Ext. Cornfield - day.
Starfire lands in the cornfield. Her shoes are perched on the top of a scarecrow’s post. Starfire grabs the shoes and gives them a hug.
Starfire Oh, red shoes. Never scare me like that ever again.
Suddenly the scarecrow wiggles. We hear Robin’s voice.
Robin Starfire! Oh thank Commissioner Gordon you found me.
Starfire (not seeing Robin) Robin? Is that you? I cannot see you.
Robin I’m right here!
Starfire Where? All I see is a cornfield and this scarecrow.
Starfire accidentally drops a shoe on the scarecrow’s head.
Robin Ow! Starfire! It’s me!
We see that the scarecrow is Robin. The airplane glue has stuck the bales of hay to him and the remnants of the plane sit on top of his head like a hat.
Starfire Oh my! How did you get like this?
Robin It was the tornado. I was working on my 450 Bluestreet Fighter Plane, complete with dual engines and window seats when I got picked up by the storm and ended up on this stick. I can’t get off.
We watch Robin struggle to get off the stick he’s on. It is a sad, flailing attempt.
Robin Can you help me?
Starfire What are the magical words?
Robin Starfire, as the leader of the Teen Titans I order you to get me down!
Starfire Those words don’t sound magical to me.
Robin flails one last time in another hopeless attempt. He fails again.
Robin (pouting) ...Please.
Starfire lifts Robin down from the post.
Starfire We seem to be a long way away from Teen Tower.
Robin Yeah, the storm must have taken us miles away. How are we going to get home?
Gizmo’s voice pops out of nowhere…
Gizmo Follow the yellow brick road!
Starfire I think we are to follow the road of yellow brick!
Robin Well let’s go. But first let me grab my plane…
Robin looks around for his plane until he realizes it’s broken and glued on his head. He tries to pull it off.
Robin Ow, ow, ow, ow.
Robin fails.
Robin … I guess I need a new plane.
Starfire We’ll get you a new plane. But first we need to find Oz.
Robin Oz? What’s Oz?
Robin looks for Starfire, but she has flown off and we see her in the distance, following the yellow brick road.
Robin Wait a minute!
Ext. Woods- day.
Robin and Starfire are walking in the woods eating apples. Robin is explaining something and Starfire is obviously bored.
Robin And that’s why the Bluestreet is better than the Greenstreet. Because in the 1940s, Dr. Henry David-
(Voice) (muffled) Pizza…
Starfire What was that?
(Voice) (muffled) Pizza…
We see that the voice is Cyborg and that he is frozen, poised to bite into a piece of pizza.
Starfire & Robin Cyborg?
Cyborg (muffled) Pizza…
Starfire and Robin run/fly over to Cyborg.
Starfire What was that, Cyborg?
Cyborg (exasperated and muffled) Piz. za!
Starfire You want us to throw you a tea-party?
Starfire, Cyborg, and Robin are having a tea-party. Robin is eating Cyborg’s pizza and Cyborg is obviously not having a good time because he’s still frozen. He is also dressed in a fancy hat.
Robin This pizza is sooo gooooood.
Starfire Would you like more tea, Mrs. Gillimead?
Cyborg Arrrrgggghhhh.
Starfire What’s this? Another teapot?
Starfire picks up an oil can.
Starfire Here you go Mrs. Gillimead!
Starfire pours Cyborg a cup of oil and makes him drink it. Cyborg can speak again.
Cyborg Finally! It took you long enough! Quick, give me more of that tea!
Starfire First you must say the magic words…
Cyborg GIVE ME THE TEA.
Starfire Those don’t sound very magical…
Robin Trust me, Cyborg. Just say the magic words.
Cyborg Pleeeeeease.
Starfire tries to get Cyborg to drink again but Cyborg tilts back and forth knocking the tea cup and spilling the tea all over himself. He gets up as good as new.
Cyborg Whew! I can move again! Woohoo! I feel like dancing!
Cyborg starts to disco complete with disco ball and light up floor. There is a record scratch as Robin interrupts.
Robin Now’s not the time Titans. We need to find our way home. Cyborg, do you know where we are?
A map projects from Cyborg’s eye but it is incomplete and fuzzy.
Cyborg Ummm… It looks like something must’ve gotten loose...
Cyborg hits his head like a dad trying to get the tv to work. The projection goes away.
Cyborg Darn! I don’t know what’s wrong…
Cyborg turns around and we see a hatch opened in his back. Gears are falling out. Robin and Starfire gasp.
Cyborg What? How bad is it?
We see that Cyborg is obviously missing a piece inside of him. Cyborg’s head extends to take a look.
Cyborg Wahhh! I’m missing a part!
Robin Don’t worry, Cyborg. We’ll get you fixed up in the next town.
Starfire Oz!
Robin What?
Starfire The next town is called Oz.
Cyborg That’s a dumb name for a town. Oz? That’s more of a sound than an actual name.
Starfire The funny little man told me to follow the yellow brick road and I’ll find Oz.
Cyborg and Robin stare at Starfire like she’s lost it.
Starfire Come with me to Oz!
Starfire flies along the yellow brick road. Cyborg and Robin look at each other, shrug, and follow.
Ext. Woods- night.
The woods are spooky and foggy. We hear scary jungle sounds, as well as see tiny eyes poking out of the trees.
Robin (scared) It’s getting late. Maybe we should set up camp for the night.
Cyborg Man, I hate camping!
Starfire I’m too hungry to camp…
Cyborg And how are we supposed to even see what we’re doing in all this fog?
Starfire’s stomach growls
Robin We’ll make a fire and then I’ll find you some food, Starfire. Titans, spread out and get me some kindling.
Cyborg plucks some hay off of Robin and lights it with a lighter in his finger.
Robin Well. That was easier than I thought. Now we just have to-
We hear a loud growl.
Robin Alright Starfire, let’s get you some food. You must be really hungry.
Starfire That wasn’t my stomach.
Robin Well then who’s was it?
Cyborg Don’t look at me. Although you DID eat my pizza.
Another, louder growl. It’s definitely not someone’s stomach. Starfire, Robin, and Cyborg all freeze and slowly turn around to see a green lion.
Cyborg, Robin, & Starfire Beast boy!!!
The lion turns into Beast Boy.
Beast Boy Hey, guys. What’s up?
Starfire We’re trying to find Oz by following the yellow brick road!
Robin Yeahhhh. We’re just taking the path to the next town to see if they can help us with directions.
Beast Boy Sweet! Can I come with you guys? These animals are a total drag.
A squirrel runs up to Beast Boy and waves a furry fist at him, cursing in squirrel.
Starfire Of course! Let’s go to Oz!
Starfire flies off
Int. Teen Tower - night.
Jinx is humming as she walks into Teen Tower’s kitchen. She gasps. We see a HUGE pile of dirty dishes.
Jinx Mammoth!
Mammoth sticks his head in the kitchen.
Mammoth What?
Jinx Why didn’t you do the dishes?
Mammoth shrugs.
Jinx (sighing) You’re a terrible roommate.
Ext. woods - day.
Some classical music is playing as Robin wakes up and yawns. He stops and stares. The town is right next to their campsite but there is a huge wall all along the perimeter.
Robin Titans! Look! We’re here!
The Teen Titans look up at the walls.
Beast Boy How are we gonna get in-
Starfire I found a door.
Starfire has opened a chunk of the wall like a door.
Int. Town - day.
The Teen Titans walk along the town. It’s kind of creepy because no one is around. A black cat crosses the Titans’ patch.
Beast Boy A cat!
Beast Boy turns into a scottish terrier and chases the cat.
Cyborg Beast Boy! Come back!
They all chase Beast Boy as a dog into a large building. It’s so dark that all we can see is their eyeballs.
Starfire Hello?
Robin Beast Boy? Are you in here?
Suddenly, two giant flames explode from the ground.
Int. Great Chamber - day
A giant projection of a face is seen, framed by fire.
Face WHO ARE YOU?
Beast Boy jumps into Cyborg’s arms, turning back into his original form.
Cyborg (scared) We- We- We-
Face WHO ARE YOU?!
Starfire We are travelers seeking our home.
Robin And a plane.
Cyborg And a part.
Beast Boy Why not throw in a Playstation?
Face SILENCE! STOP BEING SO DEMANDING. YOU COME INTO MY HOME AND JUST ASK ME FOR STUFF? NO, “HEY. HOW ARE YOU? HOW WAS YOUR DAY”? NOPE, JUST ASK THE BIG FLOATING HEAD-
Starfire We’re sorry, great big floating head. How are you?
Face I’M DOING OKAY. THANKS FOR ASKING. I COULD REALLY USE A DRINK OF WATER.
Starfire Awww. Let me go get you a drink-
Robin Wait! Giant Face, if we get you a glass of water will you tell us the way home?... And maybe a plane?
Cyborg And a part?
Beast Boy And a Playstation?
Face UHHHHHH. YEAH. SURE. WHATEVER.
The Teen Titans all cheer and run out of the Great Chamber to get a glass of water.
Int. Hallway - day.
Beast Boy There’s gotta be a drinking fountain around here somewhere….
All of a sudden the Titans round the corner to see Jinx and Mammoth fighting next to the crystal ball.
Jinx You have to take your stuff out of the drier! Otherwise my clothes just sit there and get moldy!
Jinx and Mammoth see the Titans.
Mammoth Wuh-oh.
Robin Titans! Attack!
The Titans all run at Jinx and Mammoth. Starfire hits Mammoth with two blasts of energy. Mammoth shrugs them off. Beast Boy, as a scottish terrier, latches onto Mammoth’s arm. He cries out. Meanwhile, Robin tries to wack Jinx with his staff but slips and falls into Cyborg. Jinx backs up to run away, smirking at her good luck. She runs smack dab into the crystal ball. It breaks open and water pours out, drenching everyone and pushing them against the wall. Close up on Jinx’s face.
Jinx I’m melting! I’m melting! I’m-
We zoom out to see Jinx is soaking wet.
Jinx Nevermind. It’s just water.
Beast Boy (changing back to original form)
Water!
Beast Boy collects the water in a thermos.
Starfire Perfect! Now the giant face man can tell us how to get home!
Int. Great Chamber - day.
The giant face is still visible. It is on the phone and doesn’t notice the Titans come in.
Face AND LET’S SUPERSIZE THAT. HOLD ON- I THINK I HAVE A COUPON. LET ME GET MY WALLET...
The Titans look at each other. Gizmo walks out from behind a curtain and grabs his wallet on a side table. As he picks up the wallet he sees the Titans see him. He rushes back behind the curtain. The face clears his throat.
Face BOOOOOO. HOW DARE YOU COME INTO THE GREAT CHAMBER WITHOUT KNOCKING
Beast Boy Dude. We totally know its you back there…
Face PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE TALL, HANDSOME MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN.
Starfire You are neither tall nor handsome Gizmo.
Robin Yeah, Gizmo. Come out and face the music.
Gizmo reluctantly slinks out from behind the curtain.
Cyborg Gizmo! What the heck, man? How are we supposed to get the stuff we want?!
Beast Boy Seriously! I was really looking forward to that Playstation.
Starfire
Wait. Gizmo. How did you get here before us? We left at the same time.
Gizmo I took the other yellow brick road.
We cut to see two yellow brick roads, one that loops around and goes through the cornfield. The other just goes straight to the town. We cut back. Cyborg picks up Gizmo by the front of his shirt. He’s about to punch him when...
Gizmo Wait! Wait! I can help you! Let me fix you!
Cyborg drops Gizmo. Gizmo then rushes into a fast-paced fixing of Cyborg. He finishes and Cyborg projects an image of two kittens playing with a ball of yarn.
Cyborg Hey! I’m working again!
Gizmo And Robin. You’re not the only one who plays with toy planes…
Robin They are NOT toys! They’re models. Each plane is identical to its-
Gizmo pulls out a new 450 Bluestreet Fighter Plane. Robin lets out a high pitched scream.
Robin Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh.
Robin runs away with his new plane. Beast Boy turns into a lion and is about to bite Gizmo when Gizmo pulls out a Playstation system to protect himself. Beast Boy transforms back.
Beast Boy MY PLAYSTATION!
Beast Boy grabs the system.
Robin Looks like everything turned out alright, Titans. Now what do we do with Gizmo?
Beast Boy Who cares? I got a playstation!
Beast Boy and Cyborg are immediately in front of the tv playing a car racing game. There are lots of explosions in the game.
Robin Alright Gizmo… Gizmo?
Gizmo is gone. There is a giant hole in the wall.
Cyborg Weird… You would’ve thought we’d have heard a crash or something…
Starfire But Gizmo never told us how to get home? How will we ever find our way back? We’re going to stay here forever!
Starfire starts to cry.
Robin It’s okay Starfire. We’ll figure out something… Cyborg. Why don’t you use your navigational system to-
Raven floats in.
Raven Hey guys. What’s up?
Starfire Raven! Thank the goodness! How did you find us?
Raven Find you?
Starfire We are so far from home! Can you show us the way back?
Raven Umm… Sure.
Raven leads them into the next room.
Int. Teen Tower - day.
Raven Here we are.
Starfire You mean we have been nearly home this whole time?
Raven Pretty much.
Cyborg Man. I need to get out more.
END OF EPISODE.