Warriors vs. Bearcats TuesDAY Sports | page 8 The Voice of Hawai‘i November 26, 2002 Inside Weather | Surf 2 Features 7 Opinions 4,5 Comics | Crossword 6 Ka Leo O Hawai‘i Sports 3,8 Vol. XCVII Issue 64 The University of Hawai‘i at MAno¯ a www.kaleo.org Roving Reporter: Warriors and Bearcats scrap What do you think of the proposed plus/ minus grading system for UH Manoa?

“I view it as a good thing, being that it can give a more accurate description of your grade.”

Keith Anthony Senior, Painting “I’m a transfer student. I was graded on a plus-minus scale. I feel it is much better. The teacher has room for addi- Andrew shimabuku • Ka Leo O Hawai‘i tional comments and more Police hold back Wayne Hunter as they break up a brawl that erupted after the game against Cincinnati, Saturday. feedback.”

Trisha Tanaka Junior, Japanese - Minor in English. Baths may be an easy

“In a way, I don’t like it. If I get an A it says that I can work hard, but not as hard as other way to relieve stress people. If I get an A, I should get a 4.0” Bathtime rejuvenates after a long day

Kevin Clegg By Corinne Gallet De St. Aurin Hans Selye. An individual’s posterior is not Sophomore, Biology FSView & Florida Flambeau According to a study conducted the only body part that can benefit (Florida State U.) by Selye, stress can be linked with from this long forgotten practice. A depression, muscle aches, heart dis- delicately prepared bath not only (U-WIRE) TALLAHASSEE, Fla. ease or a weakened immune sys- will wash away the day’s soil, it — Children often take baths until tem. will also hydrate the skin, relax they are able to take care of their “Anything that can keep some- the muscles and provide a time for “It either makes me feel bet- own hygiene. It gives a parent easy one’s mind off of their stress such renewal. ter or worse. It can be good or access to help their child with- “Baths help me to reflect on it can be bad, depending on out becoming soaking wet. Moms my life,” freshman Danny Diaz scrub the dirt-filled body from head said. what the grade is.” to toe. But, along with this gritty “Warm baths can Athletes especially are aware task comes the playtime. Time with of the muscle tenderness that can Akiko Kitahara the bath toys makes children want help relax mus- become of a long day of training. A to stay in the tub until they’re bath can become the perfect solu- Hawaiian Studies completely pruned. It seems as cles due to the tion. “Well, actually, I had a philoso- though the college-age population “Baths can cause a physio- phy professor that made a good has abandoned the bath. College increased blood logical effect on muscles,” physi- life is a very fast and upbeat type of cal therapist, of Physical Rehab point: it gives a more accurate lifestyle. The ultimate goal of life flow provided by Specialist, Sandy Schmookler said. grade. Every Ivy League goes is to fit as many things in a day as “Warm baths can help relax mus- by this grading system, many possible; students balance school, the warm water” cles due to the increased blood flow work and a social life — finding - Sandy Schmookler, provided by the warm water.” schools on the mainland go by time to take a breather is few and Physical Therapist Periodically, a person should this grading system.” far between. take the time to give their skin a People can associate the bath little special treatment. According as a time consuming task. First, the to the June 2002 issue of the Body Micheal Kao student has to make sure the tub is as aromatherapy, laughter, music or Bulletin, using bath oils helps to Sophomore, undecided clean, and, if it’s not, then forget relaxation such as a bath, will help trap moisture on the skin as the it. Most students won’t put in the (stress),” said Dr. Jan Daly, Ph.D. person is soaking. effort to clean it. If, however, it is Daly is the Director of the Health Detergent free brands are gen- clean, then the student has to get the Enhancement Clinic at Thagard tler on the skin. Applying body right water temperature and then Student Health Clinic. lotion after the student steps out of they have to wait for the tub to fill Stress can also be linked with the tub will also tap the moisture up. By the time the bath is ready, painful things such as hemor- that the skin received from the it is quite possible that 20 minutes rhoids. water. “I think it’s good because it have already passed, 20 minutes “Hemorrhoids, which can be Students should be careful not shows more depth. An A- is that could have been spent sleeping a factor of stress, one of the treat- to fall asleep in the tub. Soaking too better than a B.” or doing homework. ments is called a Sitz bath,” Health long in hot water can begin to strip But college life is not only full Enhancement Assistant George the skin of its newly replenished of activities, but also full of stress. Cannella said. “That’s where you natural moisture. Dermatologists Sean Akiu “Stress is the nonspecif- sit in hot water and it helps with recommend bathing in warm to ic response of the body to any the swelling of the blood vessels to tepid water for no longer than 15 Sophomore, Journalism demand made upon it,” said Dr. reduce inflammation.” minutes. Ka Leo O Hawai‘i TODAY IN HISTORY SURF FORECAST TODAY’S WEATHER On November 26, 1941, President South Shore ...... 1-3 feet Partly Cloudy Franklin D. Roosevelt signs a bill East Shore ...... 1-3 feet Isolated Showers establishing the fourth Thursday in West Shore...... 8-14 feet November as Thanksgiving day. North Shore ...... 25-30 feet 80-85º High Surf Advisory – NW-facing Shores Trades 5-15 m.p.h. NEWSPage 2 | Tuesday, November 26, 2002 Associate Editors: Beth Fukumoto and Lisa Huynh | (808) 956-3221 | [email protected]

The Voice of Hawai‘i Concert: Ka Leo O Hawai‘i Fish is currently looking for impress News Writers the critics Features Writers Copy Editors From page 7 Photographers Page Designers slower tempo, but it was so shock- ingly well-done that I think Sting Associate Opinions himself would have bought the Editor band Jim Beam shots if he had been there. Other great obscure hits for the Fall 2002 and jon kessler • Ka Leo O Hawai‘i included “The Setup,” “Boss D.J.” Spring 2003 semesters. An unnamed vocalist lays down the (Sublime) and the highly antici- funky-funky bugaloo! pated first single, “Sellout.” Right Pick up an application in the before this song, I gave up my Ka Leo Office. position on the side of the band in order to be covered in a cloak of strangers, sweating, skanking and singing to one of the most jon kessler • Ka Leo O Hawai‘i talented ska bands this side of the Mississippi. Lead singer James “Bison” Friedman of Go Jimmy Go, gets into his music. Ka Leo O Hawai‘i

SPORTSLori Ann Saeki | Benjamin Chaffin | (808) 956-3215 | [email protected] Tuesday, November 26, 2002 | Page 3 Editor: Associate Editor: Cincy: UH defense stops cats for win

From page 8 goal to help Cincinnati reclaim With the stadium literally shak- a 16-14 lead. Ruffin later added ing, Chang who was playing with a another 25-yard with brace on his injured left knee, engi- another 1-yard run to 10:53 remaining in the fourth quar- neered a comeback drive capped put Hawai‘i up 14-7. Mitchell fin- ter to increase the Bearcats’ lead to off with a 33-yard go-ahead touch- ished with 52 yards on 9 carries. 19-14. down pass to junior wide receiver Later in the second quarter, Cincinnati’s running back Jeremiah Cockheran. The 2-point Justin Ayat attempted a 51-yard DeMarco McCleskey proved to be conversion was unsuccessful, but field goal, but the Bearcats’ high- a tough assignment for the Warrior Hawai‘i held on to the 20-19 lead flying Antwan Peek blocked the defense, especially in the second for the eventual win. attempt. Prior to last Saturday’s half. McCleskey ran behind a Chang, who finished the game game, Peek, an All-Conference solid Cincinnati offensive line and 23 of 42 for 219 yards, including USA selection, had six career accounted for 132 yards on 31 car- a gutsy 11-yard scramble in the blocked kicks (5 field goals, 1 ries in the game. fourth quarter, had to be wheel- ). Cincinnati took advantage The Hawai‘i offense seemed to chaired to the locker rooms min- and closed the Warriors lead to have stumbled on a road block in utes prior to the conclusion of the 14-10 at the half on a 47-yard the second half. A Hawai‘i drive game. Chang is listed as probable field goal from senior place kicker late in the third quarter ended for this weekend’s game against Jonathan Ruffin. Ruffin was the when Withy-Allen threw his sec- Alabama. recipient of the 2000 Lou Groza ond interception of the season to “(Timmy’s) a tough guy. Award, which honors the nation’s cornerback Blue Adams. Adams Hopefully he’ll be back but if not, top kicker. recorded his fifth interception I have to step up and lead this team In the first half, Hawai‘i suffered of the season but was called for to victory,” said Withy-Allen. setbacks in the war against injuries. unsportsmanlike conduct for exces- After the game, Hawai‘i ath- Andrew Shimabuku • Ka Leo O Hawai‘i Junior left guard Shayne Kajioka sive celebration. letic director Herman Frazier com- went down briefly in the first half “It was a tough game. Hats mended the Hawai‘i coaching staff Timmy Chang is helped off the field, Saturday, after a controversial late hit. with a sprained knee but managed off to (Cincinnati),” said senior for their efforts in breaking up the to return to play in the second half. Lui Fuata, the Warriors’ center. “I brawl “as much as they (could).” Said Kajioka: “I guess I’m lucky give a lot of props to our defense that I didn’t completely blow out because they hung in there when On Sunday, Cincinnati officials my knee.” the offense couldn’t score and offered excuses for their loss to the McBriar: Senior Chang, the Warriors’ starting they kept them off the board and Warriors, including “inconsistent quarterback, also went down with a they only gave them field goals officiating throughout the contest” sprained left knee. Although he was instead of . Our defense and bad game management. pondering NFL future replaced by senior Shawn Withy- deserves a lot of the credit for the “I feel as if this game was taken Allen for the remainder of the win.” away from us by the officials and But he would rather see his team second quarter and all of the third One of the exceptional per- our kids were cheated out of a vic- From page 8 score points than punt. formances for the Warriors last tory,” said Cincinnati Director of quarter, Chang managed to return “I don’t mind coming in, but Saturday night was the punting Athletics Bob Goin on the bearcats’ in the fourth quarter only to see June Jones in praise of the 6-foot when I don’t, it means we’re scor- of McBriar. The native of East Web site. “This game was not his left knee damaged again due to senior. ing. Its a win-win situation,” he said. Hagler’s controversial late hit. Brighton, Australia punted the ball decided on the field.” When Cincinnati held Hawai‘i But when he did come in against “We were really upset with what 6 times and averaged 50.2 yards per “This is the worst game manage- scoreless in the first and third quar- Cincinnati, he drew “oohs” and happened with Timmy. It was a punt, including an incredible 66- ment operation that I have encoun- ters, McBriar booted his team out “ahhs” from the Aloha Stadium totally uncalled for shot that just yard punt early in the fourth quar- tered during my career in intercol- of trouble. While he averages three crowd as he punted for 301 yards. really ticked us off a lot,” said UH ter. legiate athletics,” Goin continued appearances a game, he came in for McBriar doesn’t know what the senior linebacker Chris Brown. The Warriors caught a break on the Bearcats’ Web site. “To give six punts that averagd 50 yards, one future holds for him. With a 42.2 “Nobody comes into our house in the fourth quarter when Brown unrestricted access to the sideline was a season-long 66 yards. yard punting average, he could and pushes us around, so we were intercepted Guidugli’s pass and area to as many boosters that were “I don’t usually pin them (oppo- become an NFL quality kicker. pretty fired up.” returned it to the Cincinnati 12-yard present this evening is irresponsi- nents) back that far,”said McBriar, However, his limited three years’ Cincinnati opened up the sec- line. Hawai‘i would give it right ble. We were subjected to a barrage “that was pretty awesome.” experience could hinder his NFL ond half with a 62-yard drive of back however when Chang’s next of verbal abuse from these individ- Although McBriar could be the hopes. 11 plays that culminated with a pass was intercepted by Bearcat uals all evening long that I believe Western Athletic Conference’s best “I never played prep or pop- 35-yard Ruffin field goal to close Ivan Fields. is way outside the bounds of what I punter in terms of punting average warner football like everyone else. Hawaii’s lead to 14-13. At this point, the Hawai‘i fans, consider good sportsmanship.” (42.2 yards), the potent Hawai‘i I’m still learning,” McBriar said. He In Hawaii’s first possession which numbered 33,961, erupted in “It’s one of those things that offense does not give him the added that going to the NFL “would of the second half, Withy-Allen unison with the rarely heard chant, hopefully ... is over with and we opportunity to punt the necessary be terrific, but we’ll just have to see. fumbled, and the Bearcats’ defense “Defense.” The “12th man” for the just go on from here,” Frazier said. 3.6 times a game to be included in It would be nice if someone took a recovered the loose ball. The turn- Warriors helped the defense hold conference and national leaders lists. chance on me.” over led to a 25-yard Ruffin field the Bearcats to three-and-out. SportsBriefs

placed three runners in the top 20 to Wahine volleyball team won its Chang runs in help edge out second place Stanford third consecutive Western Athletic by 28 points. North Carolina junior Conference championship. The Cross Country Shalane Flanagan was the first Wahine beat the hosting Nevada team runner to cross the finish line in in the tournament’s final match (30- Championship 19:36.0. 19, 30-32, 30-13, 30-23). Chang became the second The ‘Bows played two matches By Stanley Lee runner in University of Hawai‘i to reach the championship, win- Ka Leo Senior Staff Writer history to compete at the NCAA ning both in three straight sets. The Championships, joining Cheryl Wahine defeated Louisiana Tech (30- In 36 degree weather with a wind Smith from last year. Before 16, 30-19, 30-13) on Friday and San chill of 30 degrees, junior Victoria the Rainbow Wahine joined the Jose State on Saturday (30-24, 30-25, Chang finished the NCAA Cross NCAA in 1982, they competed in 30-24). Country Championships in 177th the Association of Intercollegiate Following Sunday’s match against place at the Wabash Valley Family Athletics for Women, sending seven Nevada, in which she hit 26 kills, Sports Center in Terre Haute, Ind. runners to the cross country champi- junior left side hitter Kim Willoughby yesterday. onship in 1977 and 1978. was voted the tournament’s Most Chang completed the 6-kilometer Valuable Player. The All-Tournament LaVern Gibson Championship Cross Wahine Volleyball Team included three other Wahine Country Course in 21 minutes and who all performed well against 54.7 seconds, her third fastest 6K Wins WAC Third Nevada. Senior Jennifer Carey came time this season. She achieved her up with 39 sets. Senior middle block- fastest 6K time of 21:46.7 at the Straight Year er Laura Duggins hit 15 kills with Triton Classic in La Jolla, Calif. last a .789 attack percentage. Junior left month. Ka Leo Staff side hitter Lily Kahumoku contrib- Top-ranked Brigham Young uted 19 kills to Hawaii’s offense. University defended their national The Wahine now continue on the title from last season, winning this Sunday, in Reno, Nev., the road, playing BYU today and Utah year with 85 points. The Cougars University of Hawai‘i Rainbow tomorrow. Ka Leo O Hawai‘i

OPINIONSPage 4 | Tuesday, November 26, 2002 Editor: Lance Collins | (808) 956-3214 | [email protected] Horoscopes offer false hopes for saps in search of love

granted, and you know they are. Even though you are naturally a Nebulous giving and generous person, cut- Noticings ting off your ties and dependency Nick M.W. Wong on this person is crucial for your Ka Leo Staff Columnist future happiness. Leo (July 23- Aug. 22) — Presentations and perform- Have you ever noticed how ances may go awry because of a the small things in life can have lack of preparation. Know that the greatest impact? For example, everyone makes mistakes once paper cuts, that unsightly pimple in a while. At the end of the day, before the big date, that pebble a nice evening with some good that gets stuck in your shoe, and/ music and a few bottles of wine or that solitary, super swimmer maybe just the ticket you need. who turns your life upside down, Companionship optional. from the inside out. Virgo (Aug. 23- Sept. 22) Little things may be lovely, but — Take your Self-Confidence pill they sure can be bastards. before you go out today, and peo- Daily horoscopes are one of ple will notice. You have waited these bastards. long enough for something you I mean how often have you want. Take it today! If you have Honest deeds make heroes read your horoscope which no fear you’ll get it. told you that a new love would Libra (Sept. 23- Oct. 23) — “Impossible,” you think silently to card was still in its slot. They had come into your life that day and Someone whom you forgot about yourself as you continue to search because of it you had your eyes not taken it out yet! I ran to the or wrote off comes back into your for it. But, sure enough, you are peeled, faster than a gorilla with a The Way machine and pushed the button to life. This time things will work unable to recover the missing ATM banana, only to realize after a day I See It retrieve the card. Grabbing both out if you both stay sober. Dinner card. Solemnly, you look at your of waiting, that no one was com- Spencer Harris the card and the receipt, which I and movie dates work well. date and explain the situation. ing? Or not followed your heart Ka Leo Staff Columnist threw away instantly, I ran up to Scorpio (Oct. 24- Nov. 21) Upset, angry and confused, you with that special person because the couple and returned the card — After a period of chaos in make a mad dash home so you can your horoscope advised you to to its rightful owner. Then, I con- your life, things start cooling off. It’s Saturday night. You are sit- cancel your card before anyone hold back? tinued about my usual path home Take the day off if you can, and ting in a restaurant, eating dinner starts a shopping spree with it. A few times I bet. Me too. after receiving nothing more than a spend some quality time with a with someone you have been try- Does the above scenario seem Yet what’s even worse than thank you. loved one you’ve been neglecting ing to go out with for a fairly long familiar to anyone? Well, it has realizing that your horoscope Why would I write about some- recently. time. While on the date, you are fortunately not happened to me didn’t come true is that we con- thing like this? Well, it seems that listening to the person discuss their yet, but the other day something tinually believe they will! “Maybe Sagittarius (Nov. 22- Dec. past, and you two share giggles and sometimes we fail to realize that today, they’ll finally show up.” 21) — You are at the top of your stories about commonalities in your there are still honest people in the I think horoscopes give valida- game, Sagittarius. No one can lives. In the background, romantic “Well, it seems world. There are still those people tion to the idea behind the power stop your progress except for music is playing, and everything who are “heroes” in their own way. of suggestion and the idea of a yourself. Don’t be so paranoid, seems just perfect. Finally, after I would not go as far as to say self-fulfilling prophecy because stop smoking so much pot. that sometimes eating dinner, you two are discuss- that I am a hero, for I was only act- it plays off of universal themes Capricorn (Dec. 22- Jan. 19) ing what you would like to do next. ing upon what I felt was morally as well as everyone’s longing to — A new love may come into The idea of going to a movie aris- we fail to realize right at the moment. Having expe- be complimented. ... And, since your life today. Don’t be afraid es, and, to pay for the tickets, you rienced the loss of my credit cards we here at Ka Leo do not have a to lead, but know that looks can need to visit the friendly neighbor- and the anguish of calling up the daily horoscope, I have written often deceive. that there are still hood ATM to make a withdrawal. credit card companies to cancel my one for everyone to prove my Aquarius (Jan. 20- Feb. 18) After paying the bill, you and cards and have new ones mailed point. — Family get-togethers help honest people in you forget about your problems. your date, hand in hand, laughing out to me, I felt the need to return Be disillusioned and disbelieve and smiling, walk dreamily to an if you can. Your daily A secret you hear from a family the card without much thinking. member helps recharge your zest ATM, and you make your with- the world.” I remember being young horoscope: drawal. After receiving your cash Taurus (April 20- May 20) for life and gives you focus for and reading comic books about the future. and bursting into laughter about the Spiderman, Superman or Batman — Work place relations prove dif- joke your date just unveiled, you remotely similar to my story did Pieces (Feb. 19- March 20) — and constantly thinking, “Gee, I ficult today because of your high both walk away. Two hours later, occur. However, I was not the one The tumult in your life will only wish I were bit by a radioactive work standard. Be patient Taurus, after a four-star movie and enough on the date, I was actually the get worse if you remain insecure. spider (recently genetically-altered but don’t forget the old maxim, popcorn to quell your craving for person who happened to be in the Stand up for what you believe in spider), so I could have super “No guts, no glory.” nearly a week, you are prepared right spot at the right time. and set yourself free. You may Gemini (May 21- June 21) to go home; however, wouldn’t Leaving the movies, I heard a powers and use them to save the attract a love interest in the proc- — Your learning may be impeded ice cream put icing on a wonder- loud beeping sound coming from world.” But this particular incident by a blitzkrieg of noise. Those ess. ful date? Without hesitation, you an ATM machine. I looked around made me realize we do not need around you will hear this cacoph- Aries (March 21- April 19) decide to make one more trip to and noticed that the couple who superhuman powers to be heroes; onous attack. Prevent it and it’s — The person you’ve had your the ATM to withdraw ice cream was standing about 20 feet away we can be heroes through our daily humiliating effect by eating some- eye on for a while is somewhat money. from the machine had not taken actions. Just think about how many thing before you go out. Then the hesitant to get with you because As you open your wallet to pull notice of the beeping ATM. people’s lives you personally have world is yours. of your overbearing personality. out your ATM card, you freeze in Curious, I glanced at the touched just by being in the right Cancer (June 22- July 22) Leave him or her for a Ka Leo horror. Your ATM card in missing. machine and realized that the place at the right time. — Someone is taking you for columnist. Don’t be hesitant.

Ka Leo O Hawai‘i is the campus newspaper of Editor-in-Chief Associate Sports Editor Visual Editor The Voice of Hawai‘i the University of Hawai‘i at Manoa¯ . It is Mary Vorsino Benjamin Chaffin Brian Russo published by the Board of Publications five Associate Visual Editor Managing Editor Copy Editors Justin Fujioka times a week except on holidays and during Keanuenue Gannet exam periods. Circulation is 14,000. Ka Leo is Sacha Mendelsohn Jaclynn Hall Ka Leo O Hawai‘i also published once a week during summer Associate News Editors The Ka Leo Building sessions with a circulation of 6,000. Ka Leo is Beth Fukumoto Christine Hirai Stephanie Kong Comics Page Designer University of Hawai‘i at Manoa¯ funded by student fees and advertising. Its Lisa Huynh editorial content reflects only the views of its Travis Quezon Dawn Kuranaga Features Editor 1755 Pope Road 31-D editors, writers, columnists and contributors, Brad Takemura Mikey Campbell Honolulu, HI 96822 who are solely responsible for its content. No Photo Editor Page Designers material that appears in Ka Leo may be Associate Features Editor Andrew Shimabuku Matt Bell Michelle Chan reprinted or republished in any medium without Jason Paz Webmaster Newsroom: (808) 956-7043 permission. The first newsstand copy is free; Darren Stroman Opinions Editor Luke Artiaga Kristina Wong Advertising: (808) 956-7043 for additional copies, please come to the Ka Lance Collins Assistant Webmaster Coordinator for Student Publications Facsimile: (808) 956-9962 Leo Building. Subscription rates are $36 for one James Reis semester and $54 for one year. Sports Editor Christine Hitt Editorial Advisor E-mail: [email protected] © 2002 Ka Leo O Hawai‘i Lori Ann Saeki Jay Hartwell OPINIONS | Tuesday, November 26, 2002 | Ka Leo O Hawai‘i | Page 5 Recording confirms Osama alive, and han- gin’ with his peeps

OBL: See? Buzz kill. (Silence, followed by the sound of a The Way phone ringing) I See It Voice 2: Hello? OK, hold on. Bin Spencer Harris Bin, it is for you. Ka Leo Staff Columnist OBL: Who is it? Voice 2: Saddam. He’s depressed A tape containing the voice of again. Osama bin Laden threatening new OBL: Hello?! Saddam! Good to hear terror attacks has recently surfaced, from you again. No, providing definite proof that the I’m not dead yet. terrorist mastermind is indeed still (Laughter, then silence) alive despite the best efforts of OBL: Yes. Yes. I will take care. You the U.S. military. While the main do, too. Watch out message is the focus of the media for those bombs. and government officials, a surpris- (Laughter) ing 10 minutes of unintentionally OBL: OK. Bye bye. recorded conversation between the Voice 4: What did he say? voice confirmed as bin Laden and OBL: Your mom is a capitalist pig. Which one: food or girls? approximately four or five others (Laughter) gives insight into the mannerisms of Voice 4: She’s a goat herder! I came across a box of Dunkin’ Donuts. desires of mine. I fear the day these the most hated man in the Western thought we went over As I thought of which one to try, I two will come into conflict. world. that! heard a voice say, “Ooh, donuts.” This is quite possibly the hardest These 10 minutes were translated If Can, Can (Silence, followed by murmuring) I looked up to see a man heading dilemma because either choice will and transcribed by government offi- OBL: Wait a second. Be quiet. toward the box. Almost instantly, his result in disappointment. The dilemma cials. I present this transcription to Matthew Ernst (Silence, followed by the sound of a wife saw him and grabbed his arm. only allows for one or the other. There you in its entirety. OBL indicates Ka Leo Staff Columnist phone being “No,” she said and proceeded to pull the voice of Osama bin Laden, and are a few possible treatments but dialed) him away from sweet temptation. no solutions to this problem. A man the voices of the other unidentified I come to you today to write While he could have probably gotten OBL: Hello? Operator? The could: people are numbered to differentiate about man’s greatest dilemma. No, free and given in to food, he gave in American Embassy in Pakistan, 1. Marry a chef. them from each other. it isn’t choosing whether to go to to his wife. Since I did not have a girl- please. war or not, it’s having to decide friend, the dilemma of woman or food 2. Cut out his tongue so good food is (End of main message, beginning of (Silence) between woman and good food. was not there to impede me. I grabbed no longer a great desire. unintentional recording begins 10 OBL: OK, thank you. Capitalist This problem has existed since the glazed one and was satisfied. 3. Become a eunuch (by castration) so seconds afterwards) operator.(Laughter) the beginning of mankind, when Some other possible situations as to not desire woman. OBL: I am sure, praise Allah, the OBL: Shhh, be quiet! It’s ringing. cavemen had to chose between could include going to a crappy res- Rather than talk to food, I shall Americans will tremble when they (Silence) fresh meat and the demands of taurant to make your girlfriend happy talk to the women. Women of the hear this. OBL: Hello? American Embassy? his woman. Since then, women or going to a good restaurant that your world, it is important that you know Voice 1: They have grown compla- Waaaassssuuuuuup?! have gotten better and food has girlfriend hates to make your stomach of this dilemma to men. We need your cent again; we will be sure to shake (Loud laughter for approximately become tastier, making the deci- happy. An extreme example would be help! Please work with the food so their comfort. two minutes) sion even tougher. All men will having to make the decision to either that we are not strained with such hard (Indiscernible murmuring) OBL: Wait, wait! be faced with this dilemma in give up great food forever or a great decisions. When presented with this their lifetimes. The decision of OBL: Put that in your pipe and (The sound of a phone dialing again) woman forever. If you met the woman dilemma, it is important to remember “ugh woman, grunt, ugh food.” smoke it, Bush. of your dreams but she was a vegan, to remain calm. You must quickly OBL: Hello? White House? This is Dilemma make brain go bad. (Laughter) could you give up eating animal prod- evaluate your options and make an Osama. No, seriously. Sometimes we may be faced Voice 2: Every time we make a tape ucts to marry her, or would you give I have a message for Bush. Are you with easy decisions, such as the educated decision. like this, the Americans look like up the woman of your dreams so you Try to come up with suggestions ready? woman of our dreams vs. warm could continue to eat meat? ants after we kick their hill. that prevent food and woman from Waaaassssuuuuuup?! macaroni salad, or a crazy lady Though I am lucky enough to have Voice 3: And we shall crush them Voice 4: Look at me! I am George vs. grandma’s chicken katsu. competing for your attention. There like ants and kill them with poison. not yet been faced with this dilemma, Bush! Unfortunately, life will not always is a basic plan you can follow to help OBL: I guess we’ll be having some I know it looms. I have had some (Laughter and donkey sounds) present you with such easy choices you out. Breathe. Assess. Rate. Figure “Raid” of our own on them. pretty good food in my lifetime, and OBL: So you are Bush, yes? — you will be challenged. The out. Together, these steps form the (Laughter) I can imagine how this problem may Voice 4: Yes! I am an infidel! I eat day may come where you must one day present itself. My grandma’s easy-to-remember acronym, BARF. Voice 4: I don’t get it. choose between all you can eat at chicken katsu, teriyaki chicken and When you follow these basic guide- OBL: Abdul, why must you be such pork and defile my grandma’s house and a date with especially her rice are forces to lines, it is possible that you will be a buzz kill? own mother! the girl of your dreams. be reckoned with. Both finding a able to intelligently choose the lesser Voice 4: I’m sorry. I don’t get the (Laughter followed by a gunshot and While I have presented the girlfriend and eating great food are of two tortures. joke. What is it? silence) dilemma, I have yet to figure a Voice 3: Oh, shut up! Your mom is a OBL: What? He seemed so real, I solution to the situation. Women goat herder. couldn’t help it. vs. food may be one of life’s great (Laughter) (Laughter) unanswerable questions. Voice 4: She is. You know that. Why Voice 2: I think the tape is still on. At a potluck not too long ago, must you always bring that up? OBL: Oh, son of a —- I was rummaging through what (Silence) (End of recording) was left on the dessert table, and I Ka Leo O Hawai‘i

COMICSPage 6 | Tuesday, November 26, 2002& CROSSWORD

SOLUTIONS FOR 11/25/05

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FEATURESEditor: Mikey Campbell | Associate Editor: Jason Paz | (808) 956-3218 | [email protected] Tuesday, November 26, 2002 | Page 7 Fish keeps crowd swimming at Worlds

By Jon Kessler from onstage. Since there wasn’t of their latest release, “Cheer Up.” Ka Leo Contributing Writer a barrier set up in front, I knew I As the first note dropped, the crowd would be fighting frantic die-hard lunged forward and, like the bibli- “You’re not on the list,” the fans, so my only other option was to cal parting of the Red Sea, made a woman behind the VIP booth said shoot from the side of the stage. circle for sweat-drenched dancers. to me without lifting her eyes. I Since World Cafe was the last leg Then RBF hyped the crowd’s had stated my own name without of the RBF “Cheer Up” World Tour, enthusiasm simply by asking if they the assumption might be that a band any kind of insecurity, expecting to were having a good time. It felt of this caliber, fresh off international receive a press pass. Her rejection more like a house party than a con- acclaim, would be sick and tired of hit harder than being turned down cert because their style interlaced by the hot cheerleader at a middle playing the same songs to crowds of braces-wearing teenyboppers. seamlessly with relaxation and school dance. obvious drunk antics. Throughout I had been e-mailing the band’s Instead, it was the exact opposite. After Ska/Soul survivor Go the night, their new, nameless trum- very helpful manager for the past Jimmy Go set the pace, I positioned pet player, a large black man with month and had been promised a myself at the side of the stage with an Afro, downed beers like bottles photo pass for the Go Jimmy Go/ three other photographers and a of Evian, so when his trumpet Reel Big Fish show at World Cafe limited view. Much to the delight flew out of his hands and into the on Sunday, Nov. 17. Since the days of the crowd, RBF emerged from crowd’s frenzy, it came as no real of awkwardness and strife I had backstage to the intro of Michael surprise. heard only great things about Reel Jackson’s “Thriller.” What was surprising was that for Big Fish, a seven-piece ska ensem- From that point on, it was like some reason, fat sweaty girls love ble, and their first CD could always my own experience thus far in be found cranking in my stereo. ska music and aren’t afraid to show Hawai‘i — a never-ending ska song. it. With arms flailing and knees So, given the opportunity to see Even if you weren’t a fan of ska and lifting, these bundles of joy danced them live and shoot the show was its simple chord strumming, you as if they were on a cardiovascular perfect. Almost too perfect. After could have appreciated the band’s high. Strewing alongside them were much persuasion and name-drop- high level of energy and enthusiasm jon kessler • Ka Leo O Hawai‘i ping, we cleared the confusion and for their music. the other fans, school night curfew- they granted me “limited entry” — Much to the appreciation of the breaking, angst-driven, music-lov- Trumpet-man, Scott Klopfenstein expresses the nail-biting mayhem of a Reel by this, they meant no flash photog- swarming crowd, Reel Big Fish ing teens. These are the kids who Big Fish guitar splash. Reel Big Fish played World Cafe Nov. 17. raphy, and I wasn’t allowed to shoot opened the set with the title track beg, borrow and steal just to see live music. It was merely a few years ago that I would have done about any- thing to go to a show like this, and now, I am a boring, passionless 20-year-old. I’m not sure what happened, but on Sunday night it came back, the excitement and energy that I thought I left in my yearbook’s last will and testament. Reel Big Fish played an eclec- tic mix of songs from all of their albums, along with a surplus of covers and teases. They weren’t just going through the motions either, they were egging the fans on to dance through nonstop sessions. Arguably, the best cover of the night was “So Lonely,” originally by the Police. It didn’t receive as much crowd appreciation as the jon kessler • Ka Leo O Hawai‘i other songs, especially since it has a Lead singer Aaron Barett likes to sing, play guitar and make fish faces on stage, hence the name “Reel Big Fish”. See Concert, page 2 Ka Leo O Hawai‘i

SPORTSPage 8 | Tuesday, November 26, 2002 Editor: Lori Ann Saeki | Associate Editor: Benjamin Chaffin | (808) 956-3215 | [email protected] Warriors scratch up the Bearcats

By William Ching ning back Thero Mitchell. “There in Chang’s pass that would have Ka Leo Staff Writer was a lot of bad blood going given the Warriors the first touch- throughout the whole game. They down of the game. That drive later In the closest game of the played kind of dirty down at the stalled and resulted in a punt by season thus far, the Hawai‘i bottom of the pile.” senior Mat McBriar. fans assisted the home team to a “I really don’t know what initi- On the Warriors next drive resounding victory that saw soph- ated the fight,” said UH senior opportunity, senior wide receiver omore quarterback Timmy Chang linebacker Matt Wright. “All I Britton Komine, although clearly playing the role of hero, and two know was my teammates were in open, dropped a Chang pass teams brawling with each other there so I went running right in that could have easily resulted after play. after them.” in a Hawai‘i touchdown. That The 24th-ranked University The game also saw the return play would prove costly as the of Hawai‘i Warrior football of Chad Owens, the electrify- Warriors failed in their attempt to team (9-2, 7-1 Western Athletic ing sophomore, who had been score from 1-yard out. Hawai‘i Conference), which had learned sidelined with a sprained right had first-and-goal from the earlier in the day that they fin- knee since the homecoming game Bearcat 3-yard line but failed ished second in the WAC stand- against Nevada. Owens returned to punch it in on four attempts. ings because of Boise State’s 44-7 the game’s opening kickoff, which On fourth-and-goal, Chang was victory over Nevada, continued thrilled the crowd, and also saw stopped short of the goal line on a their impressive play at home to duty as the punt returner. On the quarterback sneak. defeat the Cincinnati Bearcats night, he amassed 222 all-purpose Hawaii’s failed attempt placed (5-6, 4-2 Conference USA) 20- yards with 118 yards on kickoff the ball at the Cincinnati 1-yard jordan Murph • Ka Leo O Hawai‘i 19 last Saturday night at Aloha returns, 81 yards on punt returns line for the Bearcats. A loud and Cincinnati assistant coach Amos Jones runs for cover during the on-field Stadium. The Warriors have now and one reception for 23 yards. wild Hawai‘i crowd, perhaps skirmish following their Saturday loss to Hawai‘i. won nine straight games at home Unfortunately for Hawai‘i fans, the loudest crowd of the season, dating back to last season. In the Cincinnati struck first on a 5-yard helped stall the Bearcat drive to a latest ESPN/USA Today Coaches touchdown pass from Cincinnati three-and-out series. Poll, the Warriors received 157 quarterback Gino Guidugli to Hawai‘i then answered back votes and moved up one spot from running back Booker Vann to in the second quarter on a 1-yard 25th last week. put Cincinnati up 7-0 in the first power run by Mitchell to tie the McBriar punts team A late hit by Cincinnati line- quarter. The score was sparked by game at 7-7. The score was set up backer Tyjuan Hagler to Chang’s a 34-yard pass completion from by a 17-yard pass from Chang to sprained left knee prompted Guidugli to wide receiver Tye redshirt freshman wide receiver tension between both teams. Keith. Nate Ilaoa to put the ball at the into winning position Emotions ran high as the game “It was an intense game,” Bearcat one. For the game, Ilaoa concluded. The ugly scene result- Wright said. “It was two really finished with 5 receptions for 43 By Stefanie Nakasone deep into their own territory, allowing ed in players with bloodied noses, good teams going up against yards. Ka Leo Staff Writer the Warrior defense a little cushion. and Hawai‘i fans and Cincinnati each other. They’re really athletic Mitchell struck again midway Whenever the offense sputtered, players hurling debris toward each because they have a lot of weap- through the second quarter on With the University of Hawai‘i Hawai‘i sent out punter Mat McBriar. other near the Cincinnati locker ons.” another 1-yard touchdown run to Warrior football team scoring a sea- “I’ve never seen quality punting rooms. The Warriors missed some key put Hawai‘i up 14-7. Mitchell fin- son low 20 points on Saturday night like that,” said Hawai‘i head coach “One of their players swung at opportunities early in the game. against the University of Cincinnati, one of our players that didn’t have On Hawaii’s second drive, a wide one player was called upon to help a helmet on,” said UH senior run- open Justin Colbert could not haul See Cincy, page 3 out. He pinned the Bearcat offense See McBriar, page 3 UH tramples foes in Tip-Off Tourney

By Daniel Nunes nearly made it seven players, as he basketball, fun to watch.” and get the hugs after the game.” while going 3-for-4 from three-point Ka Leo Staff Writer scored eight points on 4-5 shooting. A good sign for this season is Hawaii’s three-point shooting, range. “Our offense is designed to have the improvement of the ‘Bows post which set school records last season, If Hawai‘i showed any weak- Balance, balance and more bal- everybody score,” said English, play. This year, Hawai‘i looks to has not missed a beat so far this year nesses this weekend, it came defen- ance. a senior guard who made the All- have a solid inside game to compli- as the ‘Bows converted 10-19 triples sively. Texas A&M Corpus Christi That’s quickly becoming the forte Tournament team. “It’s a motion ment their outside shooters. Junior on Sunday for a 52.6 percentage. managed to score 81 points on the of this year’s University of Hawai‘i offense that involves everybody. We forward/center Haim Shimonovich, The newest Rainbows made an Rainbow Warrior defense, while Rainbow Warrior basketball team. get everybody moving with good was named Tournament Most immediate impact this weekend. shooting 48 percent for the game. The ‘Bows (2-0) won the picks. It’s not centered around one Valuable Player, scoring 18 points Clackamas junior college transfer “We gave up 81 points at home,” Hawaiian Airlines Tip-Off guard or one big man.” on both nights. The 6-foot-10 Israeli Michael Kuebler displayed his said tournament Most Valuable Tournament this past weekend by The displayed the ability to make hook shooting ability as he scored 17 Player Haim Shimonovich. “We beating the University of Arkansas- ‘Bows also shots, fade away jumpers, and also points on Friday and 12 on Sunday. can’t score 100 points every night so Little Rock (1-1) 81-65 on Friday, proved open jump shots. Kuebler, a junior guard/forward who we gotta pick it up (defensively).” and Texas A&M-Corpus Christi they are an Junior forward Phil Martin also made the All-Tournament team, said But overall, Wallace was pleased (1-1) 100-81 on Sunday in the Stan unselfish had a good night Sunday, going 6- he enjoys the challenge of playing at with his team’s performance on Sheriff Center. team, with for-7 from the floor and scoring 15 the Division I level. opening weekend. Hawai‘i was out to prove that 27 assists points. But it was perhaps crowd- “(Division I is) different in “We got the inside play estab- even without graduates Predrag out of 39 favorite Akpan who stole the show. practically every aspect you can lished, and we have shooters,” Savovic, Mike McIntyre and field goals The smiling Nigerian came off the imagine,” he said. “Guys are bigger, Wallace said after Sunday’s game. Mindaugas Burneika, they could on Sunday. SHIMONOVICH bench and sparked the team with his stronger, more athletic. Every facet “Overall, the team’s playing good put points on the board. And they As a result, rugged, physical style of play. of the game is just 10 notches up. basketball. They’re fun to watch. did. Hawaii’s flex offense was run- Hawai‘i shot The “Beast” really got the crowd My adrenaline was going so high. You don’t have to dunk basketballs ning on all cylinders both nights. 60 percent from the field. UH also excited by going 4-5 from the field, When I sat down, I was kind of in a to have crowds come and like you. On Sunday, the Rainbow Warriors showed that they can play good, all of which were perimeter jump daze. But the first game, coming out When you make good passes and scored 100 points for the first time fundamental basketball without shots. and playing, it was a lot of fun.” play team basketball like that, the since February of 2001. making many mistakes. The team “Tony’s a pretty good shooter Sophomore Weatherford junior fans ought to like In addition, the ‘Bows had committed just 12 turnovers against if he doesn’t take bad shots,” said college transfer Vaidotas Peciukas that.” six players score in double-fig- a quick Texas A&M Corpus Christi head coach Riley Wallace. “He hits started at small forward and tallied The Rainbow Warriors don’t play ures (Haim Shimonovich 18, Carl defense. his jumpers from 10 to 12 feet all 10 points and six rebounds on for another two weeks. The ‘Bows English 17, Phil Martin 15, Michael “We were passing the ball well, the time. But he’s got to keep his Sunday. Junior guard Jason “J.C.” will host UH-Hilo in an exhibition Kuebler 12, Jason Carter 12, playing good as a team,” English concentration. He loves to play, he Carter, from Barton County game on Dec. 9 before hitting the Vaidotas Peciukas 10). Sophomore said. “When we look for each other, wants the fans to love him. But he’s Community College, provided light- road for a game at San Diego State forward Nkeruwem “Tony” Akpan we get a lot of open looks. It’s good got to do all that, let them love him ning off the bench, scoring 12 points on Dec. 14.