The Transition from the Old Norm to the New

Speaking Out About Sexual Norms and Values: Part I

THE TRANSITION FROM THE OLD NORM TO THE NEW

Sexual Values for the 1990s

Sylvia S. Hacker, PhD, CSE

Associate Professor, Community Health Nursing and Population Planning/International Health The University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, Michigan

W ith our former restrictive, strictly procrea- husbands “gave at the office.” In order to understand our tive, sexual norms eroded, controls on sexual culture’s preoccupation with sexual intercourse, it may intercourse are currently severely weakened. Not be useful to take a brief look at our puritanical heritage yet having consistent guidelines on how to handle which has been steeped in the view that procreation is sexuality responsibly, we remain tenaciously tied the only legitimate reason for sexual activities. to the old morality or norm that “sex” equals sex- Our society, in fact, has been characterized as a ual intercourse only. This article suggests that we sexually restrictive one by anthropologists, restrictive should broaden our views and focus on pleasuring meaning one in which adults attempt to deny children with: or wIthout intercourse as a path to caring, re- any form of sexual expression - a public conspiracy spectful behavior between genders. against the acquisition of any sexual knowledge by chil- When people hear others saying that they are “hav- dren.3 We may no longer be as restrictive but, as will be ing sex,” that they are “sexually active,” “sexually in- addressed later, we do not yet have a new identity. After volved,” in a “sexual relationship,” or are “intimate” with examining the history of sexuality in our culture, I have someone, they simply assume that it means they are concluded that our norm has been one of denial:*5 a having sexual intercourse. When they consider male great deal of energy has been invested in hiding the fact homosexual couples, they take it for granted that there that Americans are sexual beings. is anal penetration, as it represents for many the equivalent of heterosexual intercourse. Yet, it has been found AN HISTORICAL PERSPECTIVE that anal intercourse is the least common mode of expression between gay men.’ With reference to lesbians, The Old Norm: Denial the feeling is, of course, that they would have to use The norm of denial, which operated quite success- dildos or vibrators in order to “really” be satisfied. We fully before World War II, and in many respects still lin- live in a heterosexist, phallus-focused society. gers, can be summarized simply as: SEX IS BAD, except Last year, an NBC special about HIV/AIDS was en- in marriage, and then you should not enjoy it too much, titled “Scared Sexless.” The implication was, that since especially if you are a woman, BUT PARENTHOOD IS sexual intercourse is a risk in the transmission of HIV, GOOD. There are three basic premises that underly this we must entirely give up our sexual lives to avoid be- norm: coming infected with the virus. 1. Sex = intercourse only. Moreover, reports abound in geriatric literature 2. Children and older people are asexual. Because they are about aging males who, when the normal phenomenon not reproductive, their sexuality is particularly denied. occurs of occasional difficulty in achieving erections, Therefore, whenever evidence emerges of any sexual incli- worry themselves into secondary impotence,2 and nation, strong sanctions are imposed. whose wives, as Dr. Ruth quips, start thinking that their 3. Sexual thoughts, emotions, and fantasies are equally as erectile failure, it can be blamed on their wives’ “fri- evil as sexual deeds. One is exhorted to think pure gidity.” Despite their complaints, however, they not thoughts -to sublimate. Cold showers, reading exten- only expect inhibition in their wives, but prize it as sively, sports, and needlework are considered good ways to a sign of purity. This yields another advantage for counteract sexual urges. men: virgins are not able to make comparisons. In our American sex-for-reproduction, matrimony-linked Also, because men deserve to be sexually satisfied at norm, sexual intercourse is the commodity traded for all times, they have the license to seek satisfaction marriage. outside of their marriages, Massage, oral and anal Stereotypically, the concept of sexual intercourse for sex, and mutual masturbation may be sought from women is manifested in the commonly accepted ma- “bad” or “loose” women, as one would not expect donna-whore complex, which suggeststhat men prefer such unseemly activities from one’s “pure” wife. to sleep with whores but marry madonnas. Women who Moreover, under the old norm, the phenomenon of dare to cross the boundary from madonna to whore risk sexual dysfunction is, in general, not recognized. permanent damage to their reputations. Thus women are Financial success means power, so males who exhorted to be “good girls,” which means being pure are financially successful also have power that can (preserving their virginity) and demure (feminine or sub- easily be abused. If a woman or a child becomes missive). They may act flirtatious and enticing, but they the object of abuse, they have, in most cases, little must “withhold sex” until they are married. What is the recourse, as they are the property of men and totally reward for doing this? They earn the security of mar- dependent upon them. riage. Women promise sexual intercourse to get “love” - and love means that they and their children will be cared for financially. Vol. 18 No.5 It is considered unimportant for women to be sexu- SIECUS Report June/July 1990 ally satisfied, since the pleasuring aspects of sexuality Sex Information and Education Council of the U.S. are considered deviant (prolonged sexual play, oral and anal sex, and mutual masturbation, for example) and Executive Director, Debra W. Haffner, MPH women are not supposed to enjoy any of them - ex- Editor, Janet Jamar ploratory or otherwise. The acceptance of just straight Editorial Assistant, Elizabeth Wilber penetration is what is expected. Women therefore have no expectations of satisfaction in regard to their sexual- The SIECUS Report is published bimonthly and distributed to ity, and it is highly suspect for them to admit to sexual SIECUS members, professionals, organizations, government offi- desires or to a desire for pleasuring. In essence, women cials, libraries, the media, and the general public. belong to men and are dependent upon their good will and productivity. (This is an attitude that made sense, to Annual membership fees: individual, $60; student (with validation), some, in an era in which women were not encouraged $30; senior citizen, $40; organization, $100 (includes two bimonthly copies of the SIECUS Report); and library, $60. SIECUS Report to develop themselves intellectually or professionally, subscription alone, $55 a year. Outside the U.S., add $10 per year and were socialized to submerge their identities in the to these fees (except Canada and Mexico, $5). The SIECUS Report service of their husbands’ identities.) is available on microftim from University Microfdms, 300 North Zeeb Men are the wooers and pursuers. They are the ones Road, Ann Arbor, MI 48106. who, after “sowing their wild oats,” use sweet words, All article and review submissions, advertising, and publication candy, flowers, and promises of protection (love), when inquiries should be addressed to the editor: ready to ‘settle down” in order to entice women to be their wives. In other words, they pledge “love” to “get sex.” Model married males work hard, are successful, Janet Jamar and are good providers. When men marry, they obtain Director of Publications SIECUS steady relationships designed to produce children who 130 West 42nd Street, Suite 2500 will carry on their names, loyal, obedient wives who will New York, New York 10036 take care of the whole family, and built-in housekeepers 212/819-9770 and social arrangers. They expect, and feel they deserve, to have all of their creature needs met. Since marriage is, Editorial Board for the most part, “till death do us part” - and is exclu- Wiiam L. Yarber, HSD, Chair sive for women - they also can stop the wooing after Barbara Beitch, PhD the ceremony. Moreover, they feel that they can also ask Jane Quinn, ACSW for, and in fact demand, sexual intercourse whenever Rt. Rev. David E. Richards thq desire it - they deserveto be sexually satisfied, at their convenience. Copyright 0 1990 by the Sex Information and Education Council of There is no concern about sexual performance, be- the U.S., Inc. No part of the SIECUS Report may be reproduced in cause women do not have to be sexually satisfied. Since any form without written permission. sex equals intercourse only, there is also no worry about Library of Congress catalog card number 72-627361. the wives’ enjoyment, and thus there is no reason to ISSN: 0091-3995 make any efforts to improve sexual techniques. More- over, if they should slacken in their desire or experience _

SIECUS Report, June/July l%N 2 Even today, while there is an increase in pre- and erotophobic attiudes lingered. Sex still equalled inter- extramarital sexual activities - and far more discussion course only, was still accompanied by shame, guilt, and about it - actual activity is still mainly confined to sex- embarrassment, and with no knowledge of, or training in, ual intercourse. Although certain pleasuring techniques how to handle it, unwanted pregnancy and sexually are part of sexual exploration, they still frequently occur transmitted disease (STD) rates started to climb among under a veil of secrecy and, sometimes, are accompa- youth until they reached an endemic level. nied by snickering and embarrassment. The new sense of choice and exploration affected not only youth, but gave impetus to the civil rights move- The Impact of Social Change ment, the gay rights movement, and the women’s move- The above stark, stereotypical norm, although its ment. The development of the pill, although not always narrow depictions may appear extreme, was generally used effectively because of persistent shame and guilt, functional (recognizing that there are always people for provided more “permission” for sexual exploration. As whom generalized norms do not fit> until World War II. time went on, sexual intercourse was no longer a com- Almost all institutions and authorities - e.g., parents, modity to be traded for marriage, and so the question churches, schools, and peers - reinforced it. However, arose as to what, indeed, should be the basis of a long- after World War II, with rapid, unprecedented social term relationship. If males could sleep with the “good” change taking place, the power of such authorities be- girls, then why get married? Even though women were gan to wane. This phenomenon is not difficult to under- becoming more economically independent, they were stand when it is examined according to Maslow’s “Hier- sexually finding themselves caught between the old tradi- archy of Needs Theory.“6 When a society is operating at tions and the new freedoms. They wanted choices, inde- the lowest levels of needs - i.e., of survival and secu- pendence, and self-development, but they also wanted to rity (which is where ours was prior to World War II) - legitimize themselves as wives and mothers. Once mar- the greatest effort is expended in simply making a living ried, however, they no longer wanted to be “owned,” and keeping hearth and home together. At such times, and the rates for divorce and single-mother families be- group cooperation tends to lx high and rules and regu- gan to rise precipitously. lations are generally adhered to. When, however, lower- Such phenomena stubbornly remain today. Moreover, level needs are met - when food, clothing, shelter, and the paralyzing fear of HIV/AIDS has been added, which a sense of belonging are present on a satisfactory level further complicates the picture with issues of “promiscu- - attention can then be given to what individuals need ity,” with worries about dating bisexuals, and with con- for themselves, that which will fulfill their ego needs. cerns about educating children in a time of great change Our country expended a herculean effort to develop and confusion, et cetera. The changes have been so rapid a technology that would win the war and, having suc- in fact that there has barely been time to stop and con- ceeded, began to apply this technology to peacetime sider the educational efforts needed to handle them. endeavors. A large middle class was created that en- We have now, at the beginning of this new decade, joyed a level of affluence never seen before in America, an even greater acceleration of the “fast lane” on which and the United States was propelled into an era of un- we embarked some 40 years ago. It is, therefore, no paralleled prosperity. The postwar, baby-boom genera- wonder that this is an era of enormous confusion. The tion had their basic needs more adequately met than old norm obviously no longer works, and the problem is any generation before, and they had the privilege of that we have not constructed a new one to take its place. being reared to address their ego needs directly. As they In an effort to cope with the problems, the resulting con- grew up, what began to emerge was thus the ume” gen- fusion has led to blaming, fear, and movements to restrict eration - vigorously declaring, “I’m gonna do my own freedoms. thing!” The ultimate goal - the top of Maslow’s hierar- chy of needs - was self-actualization. And, in the thrust Are We Really Sexually Permissive? to reach this, an exhilarating atmosphere of freedom This era may be defined as one of transition in which and choice was launched. there are two moralities existing uneasily side by side: one which encourages more sexual freedom; and the Rejection of the Old Norm other which is characterized by considerable discomfort In reaching for self-actualization - the quest to be with being sexual. To call our society today “sexually everything one is capable of being - one had to ex- permissive” (which many tend to do) may thus be a dis- plore new values and risk new adventures, Inevitably, tinct misnomer. the old norms began to be rejected as too limited and Truly permissive cultures, as identified by anthropolo- too restrictive - and with this, the power of authority gists, have an accepted norm of permissiveness (which began to erode. Not unexpectedly, the sexual norm was includes rules and regulations). Our culture, however, is one of the first to be rejected, since sexual drives are presently without a clearly identifiable sexual norm. strong and are difficult to control even under the strict- While our relatively recent tendency to explore uppeats est conditions, In the climate of “doing your own thing,” to be permissive, we are still governed by restrictive atti- and in rebellion against delayed sexual gratification, tudes. Consequently, teenagers, for example, do not ac- controls were virtually abandoned. With everyone feel- cept themselves as sexual beings and so do not plan for ing free to taste the new freedoms, the old sexual norm intercourse - this would be akin to “planning for sin.” In was severely weakened. However, even though addition, our lingering (albeit largely subconscious) sex- behaviors changed rapidly, the old, deeply ingrained, for-procreation attitudes continue to devalue other forms

3 SIECUS Report, June/July 1990 of sexual behaviors. Pleasuring is still suspect! There- vorce rate, and the specter of HIV/AIDS, it is no longer fore, engaging in alternatives to sexual intercourse, sim- acceptable to tolerate society’s ambivalence about sexu- ply for pleasuring per se, is still thought of only as pre- ality. In order to deal with the gravity of the problems, liminary foreplay to the “real thing.” we must move beyond the considerations of a small This explains a phenomenon that the author has ex- community’s sensitivities only, to a broader perspective perienced over the years. I often have had the good that addresses the greater good of the entire population, fortune of being able to address teenage audiences. as we are dealing with public health issues that call for When I tell my academic colleagues that I will be talk- concerted efforts. ing to a group of young people on the subject of sexu- It is now imperative that we work toward a new sex- ality, someone invariably responds, “What do you have ual norm - one that is no longer one of denial, but one to tell them anything for, they already know every- that acknowledges that human beings are sexual beings. thing.” However, many professionals who work in this This requires our moving from sexually negative attitudes field find this response puzzling, since they find that to those that are sexually positive, which could,be a students, and others, are knee-deep in sexual struggle because of the deeply ingrained messages we ignorance. carry around from the old norm that cause us discomfort, This comment, nonetheless, does address the tena- embarrassment, and even pain. If, however, we can ac- cious persistence of the premise that sex equals inter- cept the premise that knowledge is not harmful, it could course only, It exemplifies the assumption that if young become a challenge to wrestle with the expected value people are “doing it,” they must “know everything” al- conflicts that inevitably will arise. What might be learned ready! One impatient father, in a workshop, declared, could be exciting and could open up new areas of “What’s to know?“, implying that sexual intercourse is a knowledge - and it definitely would not be boring! It is simple act - “in and out.” Another wondermlly humor- now popular among students, and teachers too, to de- ous person, emphasizing this point, said, “Boy, in those clare, ‘Just say know!” days it would have been real easy to write a sex manual. It would have needed only two sentences: Thrust Concephdizing the New Norm in and out. Repeat if necessary.” The new norm that I suggest may be conceptualized There is a vocal minority of extremists who have as follows: SEXUALITY IS GOOD. UWMD PARENT- been pressuring for a return to the old norm of sexual HOOD IS BAa It should be noted that the word usex” ignorance and repression. They maintain that teenagers’ has now been replaced by the expanded word, “sexual- “loose” behavior in this country is due to sexuality edu- ity.” The old word, sex, which was restricted mainly to cation. The author’s response to this assertion is, “What sex equals intercourse only, has been expanded to in- sexuality education?” A national survey of sexuality clude all aspects of sexuality, including diverse sexual education curricula in the U.S. showed that only 10% of techniques. Also, in saying that sexuality is good, a cli- today’s youth are receiving comprehensive sexuality mate of acknowledgement, rather than denial, is created. education in the schools.’ Most of what passes for sexu- Our sexuality is an inextricable part of our identity. If we ality education consists of reproductive anatomy, with learn to celebrate it as something beautiful, pleasurable, some physiology thrown in, and many so-called and treasured, rather than as something dirty and shame- “courses” are limited to a lecture of an hour or tw~.~ ful, we will not allow it to be harmed or used; rather, we While one can certainly sympathize with the oppo- will be positively disposed and motivated toward protect- sition groups’ alarm over the many problems that re- ing such a wonderful gift. volve around sexuality, and with the need to introduce The second half of the norm, which states that un- some controls, it is both unrealistic and even potentially wanted parenthood is bad does not say unwanted dangerous to a democracy to advocate the restriction of pregnancy is bad; often an unintended pregnancy can be knowledge and to omit any discussion about healthy resolved positively. However, the psychological damage sexuality. Freedoms, once gained, are not easily relin- wrought to both parents and children from unwanted quished. Despite the inevitable pain that accompanies parenthood is profound.9 rapid change, many would be extremely reluctant to There are three major premises encompassed by the give up the positive gains, such as greater women’s proposed new norm: rights, the increased potential for emotional expression 1. Sexuality is far more than sexual intercourse. by men, and more freedom of choice in lifestyles and 2. Children and older people are sexual. jobs. The challenge may be to maintain the freedoms 3. Thoughts, feelings, and fantasies normally occur. gained and, at the same time, attack the existing prob- Our focus should be on the behaviotsthat must be lems. Possibly, then, the first step is to conceptualize monitored, disciplined, or changed. the goal to work toward, and then to devise the means for implementing it. Premise #Z: Sexuality Is Far More l%an Sexual Intercourse THE PROPOSED NEW NORM Human beings are undifferentiatedly lustful creatures who are susceptible to a multiplicity of sexual stimuli At present, with the continuing high incidence of and pleasuring. Throughout history and across cultures, teenage pregnancy, rising numbers of STDs, school they have engaged in, among other diverse activities, dropouts, unhappy young single parents, a high di- touching and massage, solo and mutual masturbation,

SIECUS Report, June/July 1990 4 and oral and anal sex. Such activities have often been my girlfriend to have an orgasm?” In response to why enhanced by the use of dildos and vibrators, and have they have sexual intercourse, females frequently say, “for been exchanged between same or opposite gender love,” because, although they may not always enjoy sex- partners, Furthermore, they have engaged in sexual ac- ual intercourse, they do enjoy the closeness and the tivities in all types of places (e.g., indoors or outdoors, status of having a “boyfriend.” The author has heard and in cars, telephone booths, bathrooms, etc.), and for many adolescent females tell each other: “Get it over various cultural, political, and social reasons.‘O The act with - that’s what guys want.” of sexual intercourse is only one small part of a smor- Yet, despite the fact that the act of sexual intercourse gasbord of sexual activities, and, in fact, has the poten- may be an overrated focal point, and that it can be haz- tial of becoming a health hazard. Also, the act itself is ardous to one’s health, the reality is that the expectation highly overrated in terms of sustained pleasure.11~12 in a dating relationship is not whether to have sexual in- When I suggest to young audiences that intercourse tercourse, but when. About 50% of young people engage may be a health hazard, sounds of derision sweep in sexual intercourse before they leave high school.‘* across the room. It is clear that they are girding them- If we acknowledge the sexuality of adolescents, we selves for another “preachy” lecture on how to say “no.” will get their attention. But, do we have the courage to With probing, however, I have elicited from the audi- acknowledge that teenagers become sexually aroused ence a number of sexual health problems revolving and enjoy different aspects of their sexuality, and to help around sexual intercourse that they have become aware them, at the same time, avoid the risks of unprotected in- of through their own and/or their peer’s experiences, tercourse? Such an approach has made a difference in and from abundant evidence in the media. other industrialized nations of the world where the teen- Responding to such evidence, a young lCyear-old age pregnancy rate is one-half or less than ours. As the female in one of these groups, who had already been Alan Guttmacher Institute has discovered, those countries sexually involved with two males, stood up defiantly are trying to wipe out teenage pregnancy, whereas in and declared: “Oh yeah, if you’re so smart, what do you our county we are trying to wipe out teenage sexual be- do if you get hot?” A friend, sitting next to her chimed havior. I5 in, baitingly, “and juicy.” The author congratulated them With current statistics as they are in this country, to on acknowledging their sexuality and for asking what to tell a sexually healthy teenager to say “no” may be do when they become aroused. Asking what to do is equivalent - as a person in one of my groups said - to the first step toward taking responsibility for one’s ac- telling a depressive psychotic to “have a nice day.” When tions. This may not have been their motive in asking the we talk about saying ‘no,” or about “abstinence,” we im- question, but by affirming their questions, the two be- ply that it is best to bite the bullet and avoid any sexual came more amenable to listening to the information that interaction that will be arousing, lest it inevitably lead to followed. sexual intercourse. In fact, there now exists a National How useful it might be to young adolescents, who Chastity Association which has guidelines that include are puzzled, excited, and worried about their burgeon- refraining from handholding during courtship.r6 The ing sexual feelings, if we could directly address such group’s overall recommendations may plunge those who questions as What Do You Do If You Get Hot?” Of the participate back into the old norm of denial. hundreds of written questions collected by the author When we hear, “Just say no,” we need to ask, “Just from teenagers over the years, the overwhelming major- say no to what?” Can we say =no” to intercourse but “yes” ity revolve around sexual urges and relationships, and to some of the pleasuring activities, even to orgasm? For what to do about them. For example, they ask: “How many, this is difficult to entertain, because pleasuring ac- much masturbation is normal?” “How do I know if I am tivities were considered deviant under the old norm and really in love?” “Is it harmful to have oral sex?” “At what they somehow seem much “dirtier” than sexual inter- age is it okay to have sex?” “When is the safe time?” course only. However, it may be far better to teach about “Will I lose him if I say ‘no’?” ‘HOW come boys want sex a wide range of pleasuring activities than to incur the more than girls?” Amazingly, not one question is ever higher risks that are involved in just sexual intercourse. asked about the fallopian tubes, epididymis, or the vas deferens. The Principles of Being a Great Lover When young people are asked why they have sex- Therapists across the country have learned from Mas- ual intercourse, most male responses revolve around “it ters’ and Johnson’s work - and from their own work - feels good” and most female responses revolve around that teaching people about pleasuring and postponing “love.” Moreover, when the author reveals that it is pos- intercourse may provide them with a basis for becoming sibly not intercourse that brings the greatest pleasure, “great lovers.” The author has discovered that, no matter that many females do not have orgasms, and that males what titles she gives her talks (even if they have the often have their biggest orgasms when talking about word, usex” in them), it is mainly females who attend, them in the locker room with their buddies,13 the audi- perhaps with a few loudly protesting boyfriends in tow. ence always expresses recognition with great roars of Many males will show up, however, if the talk is titled, laughter. Males, of course, do derive pleasure from “How to Be a Great Lover.” Why? Usually they are ex- ejaculation, but that can be accomplished through mas- pecting a description of explicit techniques that can be turbation; the real pleasure comes when 60th partners in used to enhance their sexual machismo. What I empha- a relationship have orgasms. Many males at some level size, however, are the principles of being a great lover, are aware of this, as they frequently ask, “How do I get not specific techniques.

5 SIECUS Report, June/July 1330 The principles of being a great lover are based on anyone- we are doing a lot of the things that you men- slowing down and getting in touch with one’s tioned, and (whispering) we use a heavy towel for the sensuality, i.e., what “turns you on” and what “turns semen.” (The implication of “don’t tell anyone” is that the your partner on.” First, exploration is carried on with no “other things” are perceived as so much more deviant genital touching permitted; then, when the genitals are than sexual intercourse). included, sexual intercourse is forbidden. Great orgasms “Are you enjoying it? can be achieved when partners concentrate just on “Oh, wow! We have fabulous orgasms.” bringing pleasure to each other, without an “agenda” of “Great! You are on your way to becoming great lov- sexual intercourse. Most importantly, however, great ers.” rewards occur in regard to intimacy when partners learn “Yes, but we are sort of worried because if we are gradually how to communicate what their sexual prefer- enjoying the other stuff so much, maybe it will prevent ences are, both nonverbally and verbally, with one an- us from enjoying the act of intercourse after we are mar- other. The willingness to slow down and do this may be ried?” (Again, the entire focus is on the legitimacy of sex- characteristic of a person who can give to another in a ual intercourse only.) truly loving way beyond just sexual expression. What difference does it make bow you enjoy it, as An interesting insight that the author has derived, long as you do? You can incorporate these discoveries since introducing the “great lover” concept, is that some into a sexual intercourse-related interaction or not. The skepticism and resistance seems to stem from a deep re- idea is to have choices, to enhance enjoyment, to com- luctance to deposit or experience semen on the outside municate, and to increase intimacy.” of the body. This may come from our culture’s persis- It is gratifying to see the happiness in the faces of tent reproductive imperative, but in the author’s experi- these individuals when alternatives are legitimized! ence it is also strongly associated with an aversion to The ability to appreciate one’s sexuality must include any of the body’s by-products. Semen is considered by recognition of the function and beauty of body fluids, in- many to be “yucky and sticky” and equivalent to other stead of the disgust with which they are presently “dirty” bodily excretions, like urine and feces. viewed. Such an example as the above represents the Testimony to this attitude comes from two anecdotal changes that must take place in our perceptions before sources. One is the experience of an older physician we will be able to view sexuality as healthy, and body who directs an adolescent clinic of a county health fluids as beautiful and nonoffensive. department. l7 Knowing that most teenage pregnancies occur in the first six months of sexual activity, and that The CXR Principle seeking contraception typically is delayed from 9 to 12 months after sexual intercourse has been initiated, the While further developing the concept of being a great doctor became curious about the young clients who lover, what I have called the CAR Principle (caring, at- were coming to his clinic for contraception and who, tentiveness, and respect) has emerged. This principle, although they had been in a sexual relationship for nine which seems to have a great deal of appeal among or more months, were not yet pregnant. What method young people, has three characteristics: were they using, and how had they used it? Instead of 1. (C)aring. Caring people are those who do not merely relying on quickly written responses to the ques- take their sexuality lightly but value it enough to take tions on the methods used, he interviewed each of his pride in it and avoid harm to themselves and to oth- young clients in greater depth. There was a great deal ers. of reticence in discussing the subject, but eventually he 2. (A)ttentiveness. Attentiveness means being inter- discovered that a substantial number were using with- ested in and paying close attention to what gives you drawal, despite the conventional knowledge that it is a and yourparhzer pleasure, and discussing who both less than perfect method of contraception. “Well, he of you are as unique individuals. pulls out,” is what they whispered. Where does he come?’ asked the doctor, and with much embarrassment 3. (R)espect. Having respect for yourself and your and discomfort, they would hesitatingly say, on their partner means not doing anything against your wishes and theirs - and not forcing anyone to do bellies or lower thighs. Only because they liked and anything. trusted the doctor were they were willing to disclose such “pornographic” behavior (semen is generally not Young people need to be trained in assessingtheir CAR shown in explicit sexual media as it is considered por- potential so that they can address the double standard of nographic) - one does not talk about that! males who want to “score” and females who feel com- This inordinate embarrassment about ejaculating pelled to submit so as not to “lose him.” It is important outside an acceptable orifice was also revealed recently for young females to know, for example, that although during a number of the author’s talks in college dorms. there are responsible young men, a great majority of the Some of the young female students in the audience males who impregnate females will leave them within a would linger patiently until everyone departed, and few years, married or not. I8 It is also crucial that males then, with much giggling and nervousness, would start learn that scoring is “stealing”19unless three conditions a facsimile of the following conversation: are present: “I am so glad you talked about alternatives to inter- 1. Time is taken to get to know one another so that course! My boyfriend and I are religious and so we have each can find out if and when both are ready to be decided to wait until we are married. But, don’t tell sexually intimate.

SIECUS Report, June/July 1990 6 2. They know how to protect themselves against un- ual pleasure offers opportunities for all of us to enjoy intended pregnancy and STDs. our sexuality at any and all times throughout our entire 3. They are knowledgeable enough to ensure enjoy- lifespans. Moreover, for those without partners, legiti- ment for 60th partners. mizing masturbation would also be wonderfully helpful. If the CAR Principle were incorporated into the edu- Premise #3: AU Thoughts, Feelings, and cation of young people from an early age, for example, Fantasies are Normal - It is the Behaviors we might begin to see significant changes in attitudes Tbat Need Monitoring, LIiscipline, aiad Control about sexuality, relationships, and love. As human beings, we are capable of all kinds of feelings, thoughts, and fantasies, from the vengeful to Condoms the loving, from the jealous to the empathetic, and from Consistent with the CAR Principle, if young people the murderous to the sympathetic - all are human. are not willing to consider alternatives to sexual inter- What we need to address, here, are not the thoughts or course, then they are morally obligated to use condoms. emotions, but the behaviors elicited that need to be Here, we must be explicit in our teaching, because it is monitored, disciplined, and/or controlled. We think and wrong to assume that young people know how to use feel whatever we like, but we may not do everything we condoms, how to get them, and why they are neces- like. Learning which feelings, thoughts, and fantasies sary. For example, they need to know about leaving are appropriate to translate into behaviors is the primary one-half inch on the end (a sketch of an erect penis task of becoming an adult. That is what sexuality educa- with a condom on it is very helpful, as is such a demon- tion should be about: learning about how to live to- stration on an anatomically correct model), and the im- gether, respectfully, with other human beings; how to portance of holding on to the condom when withdraw- understand our thoughts, feelings, and fantasies; and ing the penis. how to make informed choices about which behaviors When relevant, the author has suggested incorporat- are appropriate and which are not. The principle ing the condom into sexual playing. For instance, many around which this question should revolve is that of young males enjoy having their partners put the con- nonexploitation - what it means and how we must dom on for them. Young females, who often say they apply it in everyday living. This is the essence of moral- are not sure they want to “touch that thing,” would ity! benefit, along with the males, from having condoms passed around the room so they can touch and feel Applications for the New Norm them. For some females, this exclamation also means Parents and professionals constantly hear that they that they are reluctant to touch the penis. Part of their should be learning, teaching, advising, and counseling education, therefore, ought to be about the wonder and young people, patients, and their partners about sexual- beauty of an erection! ity. Yet, in this era of uncertainty, without adequate training, people are not comfortable with the subject, Premise 4f2: ChiIdreta and Ok&r and are, therefore, unsure of what to do. For example, People Are Sexual although there is ample evidence and information available that masturbation is normal, and that children are The second premise of the new proposed norm exploratory and curious, when parents actually see their contends that children and older people are sexual. The children masturbating, checking other children’s geni- author, and others, have been saying for years: “We are tals, or asking blunt sexual questions in public, they sexual from the cradle to the grave.” Recent evidence, panic. Nurses also tell many tales about their utter dis- however, from observing erections in male fetuses, indi- may and ineptitude with hospital patients who mastur- cates that the sexual response system is apparent as bate, deliberately expose themselves, or make sexual early as 29 weeks gestation.20This knowledge has remarks and passes. The principle that should be ex- prompted the enlargement of that assertion to: “We are plored in these situations is that it is okay to feel sexual from the womb to the tomb.” At a recent confer- aroused and to think sexual thoughts, but behaviors ence, a participant suggested a version of this with need to be looked at from the standpoint of privacy and more of a male orientation: “We are sexual from the exploitation. For example, both children and patients sperm to the worm.” We do not suddenly become sex- need to be gently, but firmly, confronted and assured ual at adolescence - we become reproductive only. that their sexual feelings are good and that masturbation Children are as naturally curious and exploratory about is normal, but that it is also a private behavior and sexuality as they are about everything else, and this can should only be done in a private place. They need to continue through life. It is known that older people learn that being an adult means to understand the im- who have enjoyed sexuality in their younger years will pact of one’s behaviors on others as well. In the case of continue to do so later on2’ However, the concept of the patients’ acting-out behaviors, professionals need removing the focus from intercourse can be extremely training in how to communicate with their clients about useful as we move into our later years. With normal de- their sexual needs and the reasons for them, and they cline, there is often a lack of erection in males, failure to need to make it clear to their clients that discussing lubricate in females (which may result in painful pene- such needs is important and welcome. However, their tration), and it may take longer to reach orgasm. Con- clients also need to be taught that acting on their needs centrating on other means of receiving and giving sex- without another’s consent is exploitation.

7 SIECUS Report, June/July 1990 Children’s natural curiosity about body parts can be pleasure, there may be more cooperation and less jeal- nicely satisfied when siblings or close friends bathe to- ous competition. Admittedly, it is a long, uphill battle, gether or ifthe parents feel comfortable with their own but a more worthwhile undertaking is hard to imagine. nudity in a child’s presence. However, if, as often happens, the child is found inspecting the genitals of other References children, they need to have their curiosity acknowl- 1. Bell, A & Weinberg, M. Homosexuality: A study of diversity edged and be told that it is normal. But they also need among men and women. New York: Simon & Schuster,1978. 2. Hogan, R. Human sexuality: A nursing perspective. Connecti- to consider other people’s values, comfort, and discom- cut: Appleton-Century-Crofts, 1985. fort (sometimes others, even adults, have reactions that 3. Ford, C & Beach, F. Patternsof Sexual Behavior. New York: differ from ours). They may derive benefit as well from Harper & Row, 1980. books and anatomically correct dolls that can periodi- 4. Hacker, S. AIDS education is sex education: rural and urban cally teach them about body differences and the challenges. Jouwaal of Social Work G Human Sexuali%y (special broader scope of human sexuality. They should know issue), 1989, 8(l), 155-170. that there are trusted and reliable sources for satisfying 5. Hacker, S. Sexuality: The omitted component in dealing with their curiosity. sexual abuse.Journal of SexEducation G Therapy, Spring/Sum- An alarming recent phenomenon is the increasing mer 1988, 14(l), 13-16. incidence of date and acquaintance rape in our soci- 6. Maslow, A. Motivation and personality. New York: Harper & ety.22 It may be that this is an expression of subcon- Row, 1970. 7. Scales,P. Barriersto sex education.Journal of School Health, scious anger by men, as women’s quest for equality 1980, soC61,337-342. threatens their former position of power. It is the 8. Gordon, S & Dickman, J. School and parents - partners in author’s view that the old norm attitudes are still influ- sex education. New York: Public Affairs Pamphlet X581, 1980. encing some males to think they deserve to have sexual 9. David, H. Unwanted children: A follow-up from Prague. intercourse anytime they want it, and now that women Family Planning Perspectiws, May/June, 1986, 18(3), 143. are acknowledging their sexuality, the men cannot un- 10. Ford, C & Beach, F, cited throughout. derstand why women will not just “give it to them” on a 11. Kolodny, R, Masters, W, &Johnson, V. Textbook of sexual date. They do not see women as persons with rights but medicine. Boston: Little, Brown & Co., 1979. only as ‘sex objects,” who should not object, for any 12. Zilbergeld, B. Male Sexuality: A Guide to Sexual Fulfillment. reason, to “going all the way.” Boston: Little, Brown & Co., 1978. 13. Gordon, S & Gordon J. Raising a child conservatively in a Therefore, if a woman objects to having intercourse, sexually permissive world. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1983, the man sees himself as deprived and, especially under 93. the influence of alcohol and other drugs, becomes an- 14. Coles, R & Stokes, G. Sex and the American teenager. New gry and goes after what he thinks he justly deserves. York: Harper & Row, 1985. There he is with a huge erection, and the female says, 15. Jones, E, et al. Teenage pregnancies in Industrialized Coun- “No”! It is typical for him to feel disappointed, and even tries. The Alan Guttmacher Institute. New Haven, CT: Yale Uni- angry, when frustrated in his sexual quest, but the adult versity Press, 1987. thing to do is to verbally communicate this and try to 16. Willing to wait. Ann Arbor Navs Qivm the N.Y. Times], April talk it out, and not force his date to have intercourse. 10, 1990, B3. 17. Personal communication, 1987. These men have not been schooled to see women 18. Gordon, S & Gordon, J, 99. as full human beings and, like the rest of us, as well, 19. Cassell, C. Straight from the heart. New York: Simon & have not had training in what it means to be an adult Schuster, 1987. (for example, which feelings are okay to act on and 20. Calderone, M. Fetal erection and its message to us. SIECUS which are not). Men and women need to be told that Report, 1983, 11(5/6& 9-10. no male ever died of an unresolved erection! It can go 21. Masters, W &Johnson, V. Sex and the aging process. Me&- away by itself, can be resolved by masturbation (which cal Aspects of Human Sexuality, 1982, 16(6). is not yet seen as the perfectly healthy outlet that it is), 22. Amick, A & Calhoun, K. Resistance to sexual aggression: or if they are in a caring relationship, by mutual mastur- personality, attitudinal, and situational factors. Arches of Sex- bation. ual Behavior, 1987, 16(2), 153-163.

CONCLUSION The fear is sometimes expressed that if we consider SIECUS THANKS AMFAR... sexuality as good, it is equivalent to saying, “If it feels The American Foundation for AIDS Research good, do it.” This is hardly what is being recommended (AmFAR) has donated a portion of its library con- under the new proposed norm. This norm is based on a tents to the Mary S. Calderone Library. AmFAR col- view of morality far more encompassing than our for- lected these materials in order to produce Leam- mer narrowly &fined norm. It entails a close examina- ingAIDS: An Information Resources Directory. The tion and an ongoing study of how to develop into Mary S. Calderone Library now has more 150 HIV/ healthy, whole human beings, sexually and otherwise, AIDS books in its collection. AmFAR’s gift will and how to become responsible adults in dealings with make it even more extensive. SIECUSwould like to others. ‘Ihe exciting potential is that this could lead to take this opportunity to thank AmFAR for its gen- greater equality. Basic differences and similarities may erosity in making this contribution. be appreciated and respected and, at the same time, by communicating more honestly and seeking mutual

SIECUS Report, June/July 19!X 8 “SE2WAL ETIQUEI’TE 101”

Robert A. Hatcher, MD, MPH Professor of Obstetrics and Gynecology, Emory University School of Medicine, and Director, Emory University/Grady Memorial Hospital Family Planning Program

Catherine A. Sanderson, Stanford University ‘90

Katherine L. Smith, Georgia State University ‘90

Today’s sexual world is dramatically different from that of the past. The changes that have occurred during the past 25 years - the sexual revolution, the development of the birth control pill, the legalization of abortion - have resulted in unprecedented sexual freedom. American youth are becoming sexually active with more partners at younger ages: 65% of 19 year olds engage in sexual intercourse. This sexual freedom has brought about greater acceptance of our sexuality, but it also has created a need for increased responsibility. Recent patterns of sexual behavior on university campuses, for example, suggest that significant problems exist regarding students’ consideration of these issues.It is possible that more responsible sexual decision-making may only occur through greater awareness of sexual etiquette, methods of contraception, and sexually transmitted diseases. Guidelines, therefore, are clearly needed that take into account the fact that all students are sexual beings, that each has individual feelings about sexual intimacy, and that sexual intercourse often has serious consequences. Such guidelines can be effective tools in making responsible sexual decisions. 10 Guidelines of Sexual Etiquette

1. Never use force. It is never appropriate to use force in sexual relationships. Regardless of whether you have previously agreed to have sex, are in a monogamous relationship, or are under the influence of alcohol or other drugs, force is not fun. 2. Respect the word “no.” At any point in a sexual relationship, either individual has the right to say ‘no” to physical contact. When a woman says “no,” she does not mean “try harder so I can be swept away.” When a man says “no,” it is not an invitation to be seduced. 3. Avoid potentially dif’&ult situations. Taking necessary precautions can increase your safety. While attend- ing a party, make sure you have a trusted friend to accompany you to and from the place. Be aware of your alcohol and other drug intake: it can impair your ability to effectively say “no,” and reduce your inhibitions to the use of force. 4. Be prepared. If there is a possibility that you will engage in sexual activity, carry a form of contraception. If you are not prepared, do not do it. 5. There is shared responsibility in a sexual relationship, Contraception is a shared responsibility. The consequences of a sexual encounter, pregnancy, or sexually transmissible disease (STD) affect both partners. 6. Communicate openly about contraception. Master the art of talking about contraceptives and your sexual history. Talking about these issues shows that you care about your partner’s feelings and health. It is difficult, but actively asking questions about contraception, infection, and previous risk factors is essential to your.sexual health. 7. Sexual privacy should be respected. It is inappropriate to talk about specific sexual experiences with a third party. Respect for privacy need not, however, restrict communication.about sexuality. 8. Be considerate of others. Public expression of sexual intimacy may embarrass or offend other people. Sex- ual expression is an individual choice. Be sensitive to the feelings of others. 9. Sexual harassment is not a joke. Sexual harassment is intrusive, thoughtless, insensitive, and a violation of personal privacy. 10. Most importantly, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Treat a sexual partner with the care and respect that you would expect in return.

7%e abow has been ercerpted and adapted&m A Special Supplement for Contraceptive Technology Update Readers (S@edw 1989) Ly the same authors. This DaPe only of the SIECUS Report may be repmduced without obtainingpmissionjvm SLTCUS, tbe authors, OT Contraceptive Technology Update.

9 SIECUS Report, June/July 1990 From The Executive Director

SHOULD WE DO IT THE SWEDISH WAY?

Debra W. Haffner, MPH

Llagine a world where: The debate on teenage sexual behavior so prevalent School sexuality education is compulsory. in the U.S. does not seem to exist in Sweden. The legal Contraceptives are readily available. age for both heterosexual and homosexual intercourse is Abortion is free until the 18th week of preg- 15; few teens are sexually involved before this age; most nancy. will have intercourse before they reach 20. Teenagers al- There is a law that states that “Cohabitation be- most always use contraception when they do have inter- tween people of the same sex is entirely ac- course. For example, when I asked a group of teenagers ceptable from society’s point of view.” at a youth clinic, “When might you have intercourse Teenage births and sexually transmitted dis- without using contraception?“, they were perplexed. eases among teens are rare. One of them answered, “Why would we do that? That would be silly.” Sound too good to be true? That world exists today In general, we were told that parents do not believe in Sweden. I have just returned from a one-week study they have the right to interfere with their children’s right tour in Stockholm, as a guest of The Swedish Institute. to sexuality education or sexual health services. Parents While in Sweden, I had the opportunity to visit and may not elect to take their children out of sexuality edu- meet with professionals at Riksforbundet for Sexuell cation classes, because the law states that all children Upplysning (RFSU), the Swedish Association for Sex have the right to this information. The government and Education; Manscentrum, a Crisis Center for Men; service providers concentrate on helping young people Noah’s Ark, the Swedish Red Cross Foundation on avoid pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. We AIDS; and the Lidingo Youth Health Clinic. saw no attempt to control teens’ sexual behaviors. Over the course of the week, I was most impressed Sweden’s liberal approach to sexuality, however, is by the sense that in Sweden sexuality is truly accepted not without its detractions. My colleagues on the study as a natural and healthy part of living. Young people tour and I discussed our feelings that the progressive atti- have a right to their sexual feelings and to sexual edu- tudes exemplified in the laws and policies did not appear cation. to be manifested in the actual daily lives of the Swedish In a youth clinic, a government poster, which exem- people. For example, despite expressed recognition and plifies this spirit, depicts a nude young man diving into comfort about sexual orientation, a heterosexual assump- a lake with a slogan saying, =Enjoy your body and its tion seemed to pervade many of the sites we visited. At good feelings.” A movie for teenagers, “Sex: A Manual one site, we were told that services were for heterosex- for Young People,” counsels, “You are the only one ual men only. Further, based on discussions with two who knows what is good for you” and tells the viewers psychologists at a men’s center, it appears that intimate to “wait to become involved until you are ready”; yet, relationships between men and women in Sweden often the film also discusses masturbation, oral sex, and parallel the situation in the United States, where divorce homosexuality in a nonjudgmental manner. In one seg- is common, sexual dysfunction is high, and misunder- ment, a picture of a same gender couple is followed by standings about gender roles are still problematical. Also, the narrator saying, “the problem is not your love; it as a parent I was uncomfortable with the lack of support may be other people.” In addition, Swedish govern- for parental involvement. Parents appear to have little ment-funded booklets on contraception and sexually input into school programs and the state educates young transmitted diseases feature loving illustrations. And, ev- people about values. ery teenager and young adult, who purchases a rail Swedish professionals explain that Sweden is a L(mon- ticket for European travel, receives a little travel pouch oculture,” and that the values of the culture are to be ac- that includes condoms, and a phrase booklet that tells cepted by its citizens. Several people spoke to us of the them how to say, among other things, “I love you,” “I “refugee problem,” and of their concern that immigrants want to sleep with you, I have condoms,” and “a packet quickly assimilate and accept Swedish values. There of condoms, please,” in English, German, French, Span- seems to be little tolerance for diversity outside of the ish, Italian, and Greek. monoculture’s stated values.

SIECUS Report, June/July 1!990 10 While on tour, my colleagues and I had many late night discussions about lifestyles in Sweden and lifestyles in the United States. James Freeman, director of NATIONAL COALITION the HIV Prevention Program in Atlanta, Georgia, summarized the difference well: “It is a trade-off between TO SUPPORT SEXUALITY liberty and sexuality. In America, we have great personal liberty with little economic or personal security. In EDUCATION FORiWED Sweden, there is great security with limited liberty.” And, although most of us happened to personally agree The Sex Information and Education Council of the with many of the values expressed by the Swedish United States (SIECUS) has announced the formation of monoculture, we missed the sense of an understanding the National Coalition to Support Sexuality Education. Twenty national organizations have joined together to of the strengths of diverse cultures and values. assure that all children and youth receive comprehen- As Sylvia Hacker points out in the cover article, the sive sexuality education by the year 2ooO. Other organi- U.S. has experienced dramatic changes in our cultural zations are invited to join. values about sexuality during the past 50 years and “We are very pleased that so many national organi- there is a compelling need to address our shifting ethics zations are committed to promoting sexuality educa- and values. In Sweden, there appears to be much more tion,” said Executive Director Debra Haffner. ‘These or- stability in this realm. Many of Sweden’s progressive ganizations, through their members, have the capacity laws around sexuality were adopted 50 years ago, and to provide sexuality education to more than 20 million the cultural consensus feels appealing. Yet, I would be of the nation’s young people. These organizations rep- most uncomfortable living in a monoculture. One of the resent physicians, teachers, school administrators, allied health care professionals, counselors, researchers, and true strengths of our culture is that we are able to deter- child development specialists. Their involvement clearly mine our own values about intimate issues, that we can indicates the broad support that exists to assure that all disagree on fundamental values and still live together, children and youth have the right to receive unbiased and that we have the right to educate our own children information about sexuality in order to make respon- about our personal values. Also, we are increasingly sible sexual choices.” aware of the need for sexuality education programs to The coalition’s goals are to advocate for sexuality lx both culturally specific and sensitive. education at the national and state level, to develop Shortly after I returned from Sweden, I appeared on strategies for assuring local implementation of sexuality both the Phil Donahue and the Today shows, where I education initiatives and efforts, to counteract the efforts debated with opponents of sexuality education. I was of those who would deny children this needed information, and to provide an opportunity for networking, re- struck by the thought that many of the opposition source sharing, and collaboration on a national level. would like America to be a monoculture, although one with values very different from the Swedish culture. On the Donahue show, Dr. William Donohue, affiliated with National Coalition to Support the Heritage Foundation, suggested that we return to Sexuality Education Members the 1950s when fear kept teenagers from pregnancy. On the Today Show, Dr. William Coulson stated that chil- The Alan Guttmacher Institute dren should be taught moral absolutes and that educa- American Association of School Administrators tion about decision-making may be harmful to children. American Association of Sex Educators, I think that most Americans would vehemently dis- Counselors and Therapists agree. We want our children to learn about different American Medical Association cultures, to develop self-esteem and the ability to make American Social Health Association good personal decisions. We want to provide an oppor- Associationfor the Advancement of Health Education tunity for young people to develop their own values Center for Population Options and attitudes. The challenge then is moving to a society The Coalition on Sexuality and Disability where sexuality is affirmed, tolerance for diversity is The Children’s Defense Fund supported, and there is respect for a wide range of val- ETR Associates ues. Girls Incorporated The Hetrick-Martin Institute, Inc. Planned Parenthood Federation of America, Inc. National Education Association Health Information Network 1 SIECUS HAS A NEW HOME 1 National Family Planning & Reproductive I I Health Association 130 West 42nd Street, Suite 2500 National Organization on Adolescent Pregnancy and Parenting New York, NY 10036 National Resource Center for .Youth Services 2X/819-9770 Sex Information and Education Council of the U.S. Society for Adolescent Medicine fax 2121819-9776 Society for the Scientific Study of Sex I I -

11 SIECUS Report, June/July 1990 SEXUALITY IN MIDDLE AND LATER LIFE A SIECUS Annotated Bibliography

S exuality education is not just for children. People able to offer information and treatment that can preserve and change physically and emotionally throughout life, and so enhance sexuality, despite the impact of the aging process, and does sexuality. SIECUS sees sexual learning as a process that even despite illness and disability. continues as we meet new rewards and challenges at each The following is a list of books and other resources for stage of development. general readers, health professionals, and educators. Though Just a few decades ago, the common public myth was that not exhaustive, it provides an introduction to the most common sexuality fades with middle age. Many people, of course, sexual concerns of men and women over 40. knew better from their own experiences, but there was scant Although SIECUS does not sell or distribute any of the ma- open recognition of sexuality in the second half of life, and terials listed in this bibliography, they are available for use at people who had questions or problems could find little medi- SIECUS’ Mary S. Calderone Library. cal or psychological help. Copies of this bibliography can be purchased from SIECUS Now the average life span has increased to roughly four Publications Department at the following costs: l-4 copies/ score, and there has been an explosion of knowledge about $2.50 each; 5-49/$2 each; 50+/$1.25 each; plus 15% postage sexuality in middie life (ages 40 to 60) and later life (after 60). and handling (p/h). SIECUS is located at 130 West 42nd Street, We now know how robust sexuality is for many people Suite 2500, New York, NY 10036; 212/819-9770, fax 819-9776. through age 80 and beyond. Today health professionals are This bibliography was prepared for SIECUS by Arno Karlen.

sexuality and relationships, and on the cardiovascular illnesses, hormone re- FOR HEALTH people close to them. Although written for placement therapy, arthritis, cancer, mental health professionals, this book, with chronic pain, etc. It emphasizes the PROFESSIONALS its wealth of clinical material, will interest helpfulness of psychological counseling AND EDUCATORS serious nonspecialists. Covers divorce at along with medical treatment. It also various ages, abandoned husbands, divorc- discusses ethical issues, cooperation by ing men who come out as homosexuals, medical and nonmedical personnel, and GEROSEX divorced men’s relationships with their health-care training. An extensive bibli- Robert Gemme C Jean-Marc children, therapeutic approaches, and com- ography is included. 1988, 357 pp., $35. Samson, Editors mon themes in treatment. 1989, 286 pp., Guilford Press, 72 Spring Street, New This is the most extensive bibliogra- $30. York, NY 1 a)12; 800/221-3966. phy of books and articles on sexuality GuiIford Press, 72 Spring Street, New and aging to have yet been published. York, NY IOOl2; 800/221-3PG6. SEXUALITY COUNSELING: ISSUES It contains listings of French and Eng- AND IMPLICATIONS lish articles from hundreds of Ameri- PRINCIPLES AND PRACTICE OF SEX Estelle Weinstein C Efrem Rosen can, Canadian, French, and Australian THERAPY: UPDATE FOR THE 1990s The authors aim this pragmatic book journals (194@1988), and includes Sandra R. Leiblum G Raymond C. specifically at counselors (rather than monographs and dissertations. Rudi- Rosen, Editors physicians, psychologists, or sex thera- mentary knowledge of French makes Most contributors to the revised edition pists). Included are chapters on the for- the book easier to use, but it will be of this highly regarded book are noted spe- merly married, the disabled, chronic helpful for those who read only Eng- cialists in sexual function and dysfunction illness, aging, and other subjects rele- lish. The book is updated periodically in fields from urology to psychiatry. A long vant to middle and later life. The ap- by the editors, who are associated with chapter is devoted to sex therapy with ag- pendices provide references, resources, the graduate sexology program at the ing adults, and additional information on case studies, and AASECT certification University of Montreal. 1988, 154 pp., older patients is scattered throughout the requirements. 1988, 344 pp., $33.25. $25. chapters that focus on various problems of Bmoks/Cok Publishing Company, Robert Gemme, Depaflment of Stzvol- men, women, and couples. A detailed bib- 511 Forest Laige Road, Pacific Grow, ogy, University of Quebec at Montreal, liography is included. Second edition 1989, CA 93950-50%; 800/354-P 706 Casepostak 8888, Montreal, H3C 3P8, 413 pp., $35. Canada. GuiIford Press, 72 Spring Street, New York, NY 10012; 800/221-39X FOR GENERAL MEN AND DIVORCE Michael F. Myers SEXUALITY AND CHRONIC ILLNESS READERS Most men have trouble coping with Ldk R. Scbover G Soren Buus Jensen divorce, says the psychiatrist author, This exhaustive, up-to-date book reviews 45 - AND SINGLE AGAIN yet they receive less help than many normal sexual aging and the sexual effects Mildred Hope Witkin G Burton other people in distress. Myers de- of common medical problems and proce- Lebrenbaum scribes the impact of divorce on men’s dures in middle and later life - diabetes, An exploration of the emotional and

SIECUS Report, June/July 1990 12 social tasks facing those who are sepa- after age 50 provides extensive information and explain the advantages and disad- rated, divorced, or widowed in middle on the physical, psychological, and social vantages of various treatment strategies. or later life. Both men and women will influences that affect later-life sexuality. Resource lists and a bibliography are find here a sensitive discussion of More than 4,000 men and women contrib- included. 1990, 210 pp., $12.95. separation, recovery, finding new part- uted extensive questionnaire data and per- 7be Boa’y pressJprice Stem Sloan, ners, and adapting to singlehood. Al- sonal histories; their first-person accounts 360 N. La Cietaega Blvd, Los Angeles, CA though meant for the general public, illuminate the statistical findings. The book 9004@ 800!421-0892. this book will be informative for many will be helpful to health professionals, health professionals and educators as teachers, lawyers, and others who deal SEX OVER 40 well. 1985, 204 pp., $15.95. with human behaviors and relationships Saul H. Rosenberg Dembner Books, 2841 Broadway, and to younger adults who wish to under- The author is a psychiatrist, sex New York, NY 10023; 800!!223-2584. stand middle and later life sexuality. 1984, therapist, and founder of the newsletter 441 pp., $19.95 hc, $12.95 pb. Sex Over Forty (see below). His book, GAY AND GRAY: THE OLDER Little, Brown G Co., 34 Beacon Street, basic and conversational, is addressed HOMOSEXUAL MAN Boston, MA 021 m; 800/343-92&f. primarily to married couples over 40 Raymond M. Beqer and describes the physical and psycho- This academic study of more than MENOPAUSE, NA TURALLY: PREPARING logical aspects of aging. It is a satisfac- 100 gay men, ranging from their 40s to FOR THE SECOND HALF OF LIFE tory introduction to the subject. 1987, their 7Os, is not definitive, but it is in- Sadja Greenwood &Marcia Quackenbusb 267 pp., $895. tensive and informative. General read- This chatty, encouraging, and positive Jeremy P. Tarcber, Inc., 9110 Sunset ers may want to skip some of the sta- book about menopause and aging, which BIvd, Los Angeles, CA ?ZXIOGg 800/225- tistical material, but they will be inter- emphasizes general health care, exercise, 32 74. ested in the in-depth interviews, where and nutrition, will especially appeal to older gay men describe their life expe- those with a holistic approach to health SEX OVER FORTY riences and ways of coping with care. 1988 revised edition, 202 pp., $11.95. E. Douglas Wbitebead G Shirley aging. 1982, 233 pp., $7.95. Volcano Press, 330 Ellis Street, San Fran- Zu.wnan, Editors Alyson Publications, 40 Plympton ciwo, c4 94102; 209/2%-3445. This practical monthly newsletter Streer, Boston, MA 02128; 617/542- contains short articles and news items 5679. MIDLIFE LOVE LIFE about the health and disease of the sex- Robert Butler G Myrna Lewis ual and reproductive systems, sexual HYSTERECTOMY: BEFORE This updated volume includes most of function and dysfunction, the effects of AND AFTER the information contained in the authors’ illness and medication on sexuality, and Winnifred B. Cutler books, Love and Sex Over 60 and Love and relationships in middle and later life. A detailed book about hysterectomy, Sex Over 40. The book focuses on recog- Annual subscription, $72. menopause, and general health in nizing and treating sexual problems in PPA, Inc., PO Box 1600, Chapel Hi14 midlife, with exhaustive references and middle life, before they become en- NC27515 919!929-2148. appendices. Although written for the trenched in later years. It emphasizes the general reader, it can also be used as a importance of talking about the sexual as- SOLITUDE reference for counselors and other pects of medical problems and provides Anthony Starr nonphysician providers of health care specific questions for one’s doctor or coun- The author, a famous British psychia- and social services. 1988, 449 pp., selor. 1988, 203 pp., $6.95. trist, ponders the importance and use $10.95. PerenniaUHarper and Row, 10 E. 53rd of solitude. Being and feeling alone Perenniamarper G Row, 10 E. 53rd Street, New York, NY 10011; 8OC?/247-3912. occur at all ages, but can have special Street, Nau York, NY 10022; 8OG!!242- force in the second half of life. Starr 773 7. OURSELVES, GROWING OLDER says that our society, which greatly val- Paula Brown Doress C Diana La&in Siegal ues relationships, often ignores the LONG TIME PASSING: LIVES OF Written in cooperation with the authors creative, sustaining, and healing power OLDER LESBIANS of ne New Our Bodies, Ourselves, this of solitude. Rich in philosophical obser- Marcy Adelman, Editor large, lengthy book covers physical, emo- vations and clinical insights, this book More than a score of older lesbians tional, social, and sexual health after early is tangentially, but importantly, related tell their life stories and explain how adulthood. It offers useful lists of resources to relationships and lifestyles in the they have changed as they have about sexuality, love, relationships, and the later years. 1988, 216 pp., $8.95. passed from youth to old age. Though many social, economic, legal, and lifestyle BalkantitatVRaruiom House, 201 E. not a systematic study, this book offers issues that affect sexuality and intimacy in 50th Street, New York, NY 10022; 8OC?? many memorable images, positive and the later years. Readable and thorough. 6386460. negative, of lesbians adapting to their 1987, 511 pp., $15.95. advancing years. It ends with several Touchstone/Simon and Scbust& 1230 appendices about further readings, Amue of the Americas, New York, NY STAY COOL THROUGH MENOPAUSE health, and legal and social supports 10021; 800/223-2348. Melvin Friscb for older lesbians. 1986, 260 pp., Complete and detailed medical information on menopause, in question- $7.95. THE POTENT MALE: FACTS, A&son Publications, 40 Plympton FICTION, FUTURE and-answer format, by a physician. Glossary and references included. 1989, Streeh Boston, MA 02118; 617/542- Irwin GoldsteinC Larry Rothstein 5679. A straightforward book on the causes 276 pp., $9.95. of, and the medical treatment for, erectile lbe Boa’y h&+-ice Stem Sloan, 360 LOVE, SEX, AND AGING dysfunction, which can occur at any age N. La Cienega Blvd, Los Angeles, CX Edward M. Brecher but is increasingly common after early PW@ 800/421-0892. This most thorough and readable childhood. The authors, a urologist and a book for general readers on sexuality medical writer, review the subject in detail

13 SIECUS Report, June/July 1990 BOOKS l BOOKS l BOOKS 0 BOOKS

acts. The most useful findings from the tion to sexual attitudes, social scientists SEX AND MORALITY IN THE U.S. 1970 Kinsey study dealt with homosexual need to ascertain reported behaviors, Albert Klassen, Cohn Williams & attitudes and reported behaviors before behavioral intentions, and situational Eugene Levitt HIV/AIDS. Almost 20% of men surveyed re- variables in order to be able to predict Middletown, CT: Wesleyan University ported homosexual contacts and 3% re- future sexual acts for specific social Press, 1989,462 pp., $35. ported engaging in homosexual acts occa- groups. Despite limited descriptive data, sionally or fairly often after age 20.3 It is however, the researchers here have at- Policymakers and educators cannot probable that the proportion of men who tempted to explain and to predict sex- make informed judgments about how are actively bisexual is between 1% and ual attitudes and norms. Moreover, the to prevent AIDS, other sexually trans- 10% - this also remains unclear. data are already nearly two decades old mitted diseases (STDs), teenage preg- Homosexual and bisexual behaviors are and do not reflect today’s sexual nancy, and other sexual problems un- critical areas for current research using na- choices. (The main reason for the 19- less they know what people do sexu- tional random samples. For example, the year publication lag is that the authors ally and why they do what they do. proportion of gay and bisexual men, the were arguing over who should be the Sexual acts and their motives and sexual behaviors engaged in (anal and oral first author.) Also, descriptive research meanings must be the focus of re- sex), the networks of partners, and the use cannot provide an adequate basis for search on human sexuality. If we con- or nonuse of condoms and spermicides or predictive models of human sexual be- tinue to guess about what Americans lubricants with nonoxynol-9 must be deter- haviors. Such models must be based on feel and do sexually, how can we ac- mined if we are to accurately gauge the both large random survey samples and curately identify target populations for likely spread of AIDS and other STDs smaller, more selective samples, col- safer sex campaigns and other inter- among this population. The same prin- lected sequentially to determine vari- ventions? Policy-oriented research also ciples should be applied to other segments ables that affect change in attitudes, must have a theoretical underpinning, of our population as well. behavioral intentions, and sexual acts. as sexuality symbolizes a wide range Sex and Morality in the U.S., a report by Nonetheless, the authors have of nonsexual motives and meanings - Albert Klassen, Cohn Williams, and Eugene concluded Corn their research that from love and sharing to power and Levitt on the research funded by the Na- there has not been a sexual revolu- exploitive control. Moreover, without tional Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) tion in terms of a significant change knowing what sexuality means to spe- and conducted by the National Opinion in sexual attitudes. They base their cific ethnic groups and social classes, Research Center (NORC) for the Kinsey conclusion on the finding that a major- one cannot expect to decrease sexual Institute, is a purely descriptive study of ity of those interviewed disapproved of problems within different groups. In sexual attitudes and behaviors in 1970. A prostitution, homosexuality, extramarital short, without an understanding of the national representative sample of 3,018 sex, and most forms of premarital sex. key variables that explain and predict mostly married people living in households Almost one-half disapproved of pre- sexual acts, policy and education will were interviewed and then given a self- marital sex, even when a couple is in remain misguided and impotent. administered questionnaire to assess more love, and of masturbation, even though For far too long those responsible delicate reported sexual behaviors. The this practice is nearly universal with for effective intervention strategies sample was not a random sample, where males and with a growing majority of have had to rely on Kinsey’s now out- everyone has an equal chance of being females. Although the authors dimly dated studies (his nonrandom, largely selected and where those not at home are believe that their 1970 data do not Midwestern samples were collected revisited - a bias which is difficult to esti- support a sexual revolution, their from 1938 to 1950).‘s2 Incredibly and mate in magnitude. The interviewers for conclusion is not supported by their sadly, however, the Kinsey studies still this study were instructed to fulfill quotas data, or by other research. Most re- offer the most thorough - even if ter- for specific representative groups of adults. cent studies lead us to estimate that ribly outdated - information that we The 1970 study involved more structured 80% of women and 90% of men experi- have with which to compare more re- interviews, but lacked the depth of the Kin- ence premarital intercourse.4 And, when cent studies. Even if his samples had sey approach. Kinsey’s in-depth interview we compare sociologist Ira Reiss’ 1963 been random and representative of method for assessing reported sexual be- NORC study with this 1970 NORC study adults, there were still many key ques- haviors yields richer and more accurate we find that 80% in 1963 disapproved tions that Kinsey never asked - ques- data, but it also depends on highly trained of premarital sex, even when in love, tions that are critical for the develop- interviewers who are comfortable talking compared to between a third to a half ment of reality-oriented policies to openly about sexuality. rejecting it, just seven years later, in the control STDs, including HIV/AIDS. The purpose of this study was to deter- 1970 study.5 By 1988, the NORC Gen- Kinsey largely focused on sexual out- mine whether a sexual revolution had oc- eral Social Survey found that only 26% lets that lead to orgasm and, although curred since Kinsey’s original studies. In felt premarital intercourse was “always his research yielded provocative con- order for a profile of sexual norms to wrong” and 11% said it was “almost clusions about nonmarital sexuality, emerge, the study emphasized attitude always wrong.“6 the networks of sexual partners Ameri- questions. However, social psychologists A sexual revolution - a rapid cans experience could not be analyzed have long known that attitudes alone are and signifkant change in sexual atti- from his data because the necessary but one predictor of behavior, which is tudes and behaviors - did occur be- questions were never asked. Yet, to- particularly true of sexual behavior; most tween 1970 and 1978. In fact, the day, a network analysis could help to Americans go further in their sexual behav- peak years were Corn 1970-1975 - explain and to predict specific sexual iors than their sexual beliefs allow. In addi- just after this study was completed.

SIECUS Report, June/July 1990 Melvin Zelnik and John Kanter’s stud- approach IS certain to lead to even more more rational about sexuality we will ies of unmarried women age 15 to 19 misery and death for countless Americans. not be able to control HIV/AIDS. This show an increase in premarital inter- Would Congress stifle research on breast is manifested by our heavy emphasis course over the years. About 30% of cancer or some other nonsexual disease on the promotion of limiting sexual teenage women, from ages 15 to 19, such as Altheimer’s? intercourse to monogamous marriage, were nonvirginal in 1971 compared to Last summer, Congress debated in the so-called sexuality education 43% in 1976 and 50% in 1979.7 In whether to fund the much-needed national programs that were recommended by 1979, by age 19,70% of teenage sexuality study, which is designed to up- former Secretary of Education William women and 80% of teenage men were date our sexual knowledge so we can bet- Bennett, and others. Professors Ira nonvirginaL The largest increase has ter understand and effectively prevent AIDS Reiss and Robert Leik of the University been among white teenagers, and not and other sexual crises. Virtually all profes- of Minnesota have developed probabil- among minorities. Zelnik and sional health and science groups have sup- ity models that show that the risk of Kantner’s findings were supported by ported the national sexuality survey pro- HIV infection increases far more by not retrospective research completed by posed by the National Institute of Child using condoms than by having sexual the National Survey of Family Growth and Human Development and strongly intercourse with multiple partriers with in 1982, which indicated that more supported by the Centers for Disease Con- condoms. Sexuality education, includ- than 80% of married women had ex- trol. In addition, the National Research ing contraceptive and STD education, is perienced premarital intercourse.9 Council recently called for more sexuality essential in our public schools, but we Abortion rates also peaked in 1978, research to help understand the epidemiol- will never deal with sexual problems and have remained relatively stable ogy and the spread of HIV, as well as the unless we take a pluralistic and realistic with slight decreases since then. In ad- social processes that are involved in behav- view of nonmarital sexuality. Research dition, teenage pregnancy rates ioral change. Even though the proposed designed to evaluate interventions, that peaked, and have gone down slightly study would be voluntary and confidential, range from “just say no” to “use a con- since 1974. And, gonorrhea rates some members of Congress wrongly claim dom if you say yes,” is vital if poli- peaked about 1976.These trends are that all sexuality research is an invasion of cymakers and educators are to be well additional indicators of a sexual revo- privacy. Until Congress recognizes that informed. lution in the early to mid-70s. There is sexuality has to be public in order, for ex- There is much that we do not know virtually no empirical support for the ample, to deal with the private and deadly about what Americans do sexually and contention that there has not been a virus, our sexuality will remain mired in about why they do what they do (what sexual revolution in both attitudes and deathly moralization. sexual acts really mean). This is true of behaviors. Congress and the White House seem to homosexual, bisexual and heterosexual Sex and Morality in tbe U.S. will believe that blood test studies are sufficient behaviors. We truly do not yet know not be widely read by the public. It to track HIV/AIDS. But, this naive position enough to predict and alter the course wiIl be used by other sexuality re- lacks the insight and moral commitment of HIV/AIDS and other STDs. Sexual searchers and by those determined that are required to control this and other science offers a critical compliment to to “prove” that there has not been sexual health problems. Nonmarital and epidemiological investigations, and in- a sexual revolution - which is an gay sexuality are also here to stay, and no terdisciplinary research and reality- absolute falsehood. Also, some of political body is going to greatly affect the based policy and education offer our the writing is awkward and there are strength of sexual urges. If Congress con- greatest hope for a more sexually safe laborious paragraphs filled with statis- tinues to try to reinforce abstinence and America. Hopefully, our next national tics. More crucial, however, is the fact monogamy, rather than take a life-saving sexuality study will be completed, and that the book is outdated and out- stance on sexuality and HIV/AIDS, lives reported, in far less than 19 years. moded. The emphasis on orgasm does will be needlessly lost. Do Congress and not allow for an analysis of sexual be- the current administration believe in sci- References haviors; STD transmission and un- ence enough to separate church and state 1. Kiey, A, Pomeroy, W, & Clyde, M. Sex- wanted pregnancy, for example, must and fund critical sexuality research? In or- ual behavior in the human male. Philadel- be tied to specific sexual behaviors. der to save lives, Congress must respect a phia, PA: WB Saunders, 1948. Additionally, the fact that 90% of those range of legitimate sexual choices and must 2. Kinsey, A, et al. Sexual behavior in the surveyed were married, or had been deal fairly with the varieties of sexual ex- human female. Philadelphia, PA: WB Saun- ders, 1953. married, shows little recognition of the pression found in all human societies. 3. Gagnon, J. Prevalence and patterns of importance of including a representa- Some policymakers who oppose sexu- same gender sexual contact among men. tive sample of never-married people to ality research claim that people lie when Science, January 1989, 243, 338-348. determine whether a revolution has asked about their sexual lives. Sexuality re- 4. Reiss, I & Lee, G. Family systems in Amer- occurred. searchers have long been aware of this po- ica. New York: Holt, Rinehart & Winston, This report from the Kinsey Insti- tential problem and have designed several 4th edition, 1988, 421. tute is too little too Iate, but it may be effective data collection and analysis proce- 5. Reiss, I. Premarital sexual permissiveness. a benchmark that can be compared dures to control for any distortions; the di- New York: Holt, Rinehart & Winston, 1967, with subsequent research. Even 29. rection of bias can be estimated and con- 6. Cumulative Codebook, July 1989. General though the+e has been a revolu- sidered during the course of data collection Social Surveys, 1972-1979, conducted for the tion, the authors may be correct and analysis. It is particularly difficult to lie, NORC. that the degree of our sexual libera- however, when a trained interviewer 7. Zelnik, M & Kanter, J. Sexual activity, con- tion may be overestimated. The probes and rephrases similar questions traceptive use, and pregnancy among metro- abortion backlash, the Adolescent while looking into the person’s eyes. politan area teenagers: 1971-1979. Family Family Life Act of 1981 (Chastity Bill> Researchers and policymakers cannot hamin, Pm#w.ct&s, 1980, 12(l), 230-537. passed by Congress, and the current be delicate about sexual issues if they are 8. Hofferth, S, Kahn, J & Baldwin, W. Pre- holdup of the proposed national sexu- to have a profound effect on HIV and other marital sexual activity among U.S. teenage ality survey in Congress are blatant in- serious sexuality-related problems, Relevant women over the past three decades. Family dicators of reactionary politics and education and policy without knowledge Planning Penpectiws, 1987, 19(Z), 46-53. sexual moralizing. Such a misguided are impossible. It is clear that until we are 9. Bachrach, C & Horn, M. Marriage and frst

15 SIECUS Report, June/July 1!?90 intercourse, marital dissolution, and remar- express anger over trivial matters. Dr. Grant merely recommend avoidance of this riage: U.S., 1982. U.S. Department of Health advises women to “outlast him with love” book. If I believed in book burning, and Human Services, Pub. No. 107. (p. 179) and to be patient and bite their which I do not, this title would be one HyattsviUe, MD: Public Health Service, tongues when disagreements erupt with of the first to be incinerated, if only for 1985. their husbands or lovers. this parting gift - these inspirational Roger Libby, PbD, formerly a pro- The sensationalism in parts of the book words of fairy tale wisdom for all wom- *fessor of human sexuality, is a rivals that of the National Enquirer. To ankind: freelance sociologist residingin At- substantiate her assertions about the Ama- lanta, Georgia and a guest speaker on zon woman of today she cites the case of a For it is only in giving that we ulti- mately receive. Even Hippolyta, who colkge campuses. He is a fellow of the woman divorced from an attorney. This fact, relating to the woman’s former marital found tremendous happiness as a Society for the Scienhfic Study of Sex, woman with her own great King an invited member of the Intewaatkmal partner, may serve as a rationale for the in- Theseus, had to give up much of me Academy of Sex Research, and has re- tensity of her vendetta: after strapping on a life she had known and enjoyed. She cently launched a new organization dildo, she had her lover perform fellatio, never did lose her Amazon ways called NOSE (National Organization of then penetrated him anally with the plastic completely. With her athletic prowess Sexual EntbwiastsJ phallus (pp. 50-51); he consequently left and disdain for female matters, she her for a 19-year-old virgin from Missis- was considered a bit peculiar within sippi. The reader is left with this highly the Athenian community. Nonethe- atypical and outrageous example, which less, she did embrace her femininity supposedly proves the nadir of decadence and devote herself to her King, BEING A WOMAN: FULFILLING to which a sexually-liberated American bringing new energy and joy to pal- ace life. She lovingly compromised YOUR FEMININITY AND woman will sink. FINDING LOVE her ways and moved into Theseus’ Thus, the solution to the quandary in world, bearing him a son and fmdmg Toni G. Grant which contemporary women fiid them- New York: Random House, 1988,200 great peace and serenity with him. selves is simple. Employing Jungian arche- Toward the end of her lie, when pp., $17.95. types and some Greek mythology with bo- surrounded by the Amazon Moon gus intellectualism, Dr. Grant recommends Maidens, who shouted, “Hippolyta! Remember Ihe Total Woman or that Amazon women become Amazon la- Where is your faith?” she responded, was it i%e “Total&d” Woman - that dies. They should tone down their aggres- “It is here! With my man and my book of advice for women by a de- sion and ambition, and allow the truly king!” (p. R36). pressed-turned-happy homemaker, feminine madonna, courtesan, and mother who found the recipe for making mar- - those aspects that please men and are Reukwed by Bette A. Speziak, PhD, riage work by literally interpreting the inherent in every woman - to predomi- assistant professor, Deparhnent of Bible and dressing in improvised nate. It is only then that feminine strength Health Education, Russell Sage Colkge, Frederick’s of Hollywood costumes and striving will be integrated and will Troy, New York. when greeting her husband at the bring all women the peace, happiness, and door? Well, sisterhood is indeed pow- love they need, above all else. erful. Marabel Morgan’s sister went to Toni Grant’s skewed eye views women Vassar for a BA in English and to as wholly responsible for their predica- MALE SEXUAL AWARENESS: IN- Syracuse University for a PhD. As a ment, and men as poor innocents who CREASING SEXUAL SATISFACTION practicing clinical psychologist and ra- have really been given a raw deal. The im- Barry McCarthy dio show celebrity with the name, Dr. pact of a patriarchal culture on women’s New York: Carroll & Graf, 1988, 294 Toni Grant, she has written an upscale lives and opportunities eludes her; her pp., $9.95. version of the previous “how-to” book myopia cannot envision any obstacles to entitled Being a Woman: FulfiUing intimate relationships in a sexist society. At FEMALE SEXUAL AWARENESS: Your Femininity and Finding Love. best, this treatise on the joy of being a steel ACHIEVING SEXUAL FULFILLMENT There is a not-so-subtle bias in Dr. magnolia would appear naive if written by Barry McCarthy & Emily McCarthy Grant’s fundamental premise: what has someone who did not possess the creden- New York: Carroll & Graf, 1988,311 gone wrong with modern American tials that Dr. Grant does. But now available pp., $9.95. women is that they have denied “the in paperback and on the shelves of dis- reality of their gender, marched into count stores across the country, it will the work force like men, and tried to likely be read and taken to heart by many Professionals in need of reading become their own heroes” (p. 91). vulnerable and not so “educated” women, material to recommend to their heter- This delusion of grandeur, according and will, undoubtedly, contribute to the in- asexually oriented clients will find Male to the wise Dr. Grant, has been fos- cidence of iatrogenic emotional distress Sexuul Awareness: Increasing Sexual tered by feminism and the media and, among them. Safifaction and Female Sexual Aware- of course, a malcontented mother who It is clear why Toni Grant has become ness: Achieving S-1 Fulfillment ex- “failed to communicate the pleasures popular in the media. She portrays the sexy cellent choices. The former volume of married life to her daughter and in- superwoman - the prize that upwardly written by Dr. Barry McCarthy, a clini- stead emphasized the world of mobile, success-oriented men desire and cal psychologist with a practice in mari- achievement and intellect” (pp. 91-92). one who can serve as a role model for her tal and sex therapy, and the latter vol- More sympathetic to men-bashing than sisters, promoting and perpetuating a re- ume written cooperatively with his mother-bashing, this psychologist fur- vised and updated version of the cult of spouse of 20 years, Emily McCarthy, ther contends that there is a plethora ‘The Stepford Wives.” This reviewer has who holds a degree in speech commu- of possible heroes, if only women trouble supporting such a role model for nication, are companion works. Their would stop playing “blemish,” that is women. express purpose is to enhance the un- fault-finding with ordinary but decent As a faculty member, who teaches hu- derstanding and enjoyment of individ- men who want nothing more than a man sexuality at an institution committed ual sexuality and promote intimacy and soft, feminine woman who does not to the advancement of women, I would not sexual pleasure between partners. To

SIECUS Report, June/July 1990 16 achieve this end the authors have pleasure, and thus encourage bodily explo- ness should have been expanded. One addressed succinctly and sensitively ration with touch, in order to develop need not write a medical text to pro- the common fears and anxieties that men’s capacity for, and appreciation, of vide some fundamental data on the men and women have about topics their own sensuality, in addition to alleviat- effects of the more prevalent cardiovas- like sexual functioning, gender roles, ing performance demands and sabotaging cular conditions and cancers - espe- contraception, pregnancy, masturba- competition with the self. cially breast and prostate - on the psy- tion, fantasies, partner selection, sex- Much more than “how-to-do-it” books, chological and physiological sexual ual exclusivity, marriage, divorce, and Male Sexual Awareness and Female Sexual functioning of patients and their part- the single lifestyle. Awareness deal deftly and compassionately ners. An affirming tone permeates the with the psychic pain of sexual jealousy, There is additional health-related in- writing and the content rests on a sexual rejection, and the loss of a partner. formation on STDs and contraception, value stance that views sexuality as a Their commentary is an aid to cognitive re- but the authors do not inundate the vital element of personal fulfillment structuring for those who are reactively de- reader with technical, biological facts; and interpersonal happiness. Despite pressed. In discussing the thoughts and instead, they offer enough to clarify the misleading covers - that is, fuch- feelings expected at this stage, the authors confusion and alleviate associated anxi- sia lettering on the female volume and will help readers who are divorced and es- eties. teal blue on the male volume - these tranged re-establish emotional equilibrium One major criticism is the liberal works are devoid of the sexism that af- and regain the sexual self-confidence use of undocumented percentages to flicts some other books of the self-help needed to try again in seeking intimate re- demonstrate what today are the statisti- genre. Throughout the chapters, the lationships. cal norms of many behaviors and prob- authors directly confront various mani- On the subject of sexual exclusivity, lems. Although these are not scholarly festations of the sexual double stan- both books offer a reasoned and balanced works, and are not intended as such, it dard that exists for men and women. discourse on the more volatile topic of ex- would have been helpful to have cited In the volume on males, Barry Mc- tramarital sexual behavior. Each volume in- sources, so that more sophisticated Carthy attempts to eliminate chauvin- cludes a chapter entitled “A Cost-Benefit readers could refer to the appropriate ism from the bedroom and to promote Approach to Extramarital Sex.” The authors research studies if they should desire equal opportunity and affirmative ac- delineate a typology of “affairs” (e.g., the further enlightenment. On the other tion. His discussion of oral sex is note- high opportunity/low involvement encoun- hand, the inclusion of vignettes, from worthy in this regard. For men, who ter, the ongoing type, and the comparison actual cases in Dr. McCarthy’s therapeu- have no qualms about being fellated type), discuss the advantages and disadvan- tic practice, are illustrative. The reader by a woman but would never deign to tages of each, and then allow readers to may readily identify with the dilemmas perform cunnilingus, he offers specific come to their own decisions. And, while of particular individuals and couples suggestions for overcoming learned the McCarthys candidly acknowledge their and acquire some genuine hope and aversion to female genitalia, while he personal preference for a monogamous help in learning how others have util- concomitantly counteracts irrational marital union and their skepticism about ized varying approaches and resources beliefs about the practice. the feasibility of alternatives, like open in resolving their sexual problems. Later, in the same volume, in a dis- marriage, for the majority of Americans, Ma& Sexual Awareness and Female cussion of erectile inhibition, Dr. Mc- they do not categorically condemn such Sexual Awareness are books that can be Carthy dispels the myth that women’s options. They also point out that discovery read with relative ease and comprehen- liberation is responsible for the sup- of a clandestine encounter or relationship sion by high school-educated, as well posed surge of male impotence when need not necessarily indicate that the unin- as college-educated, adults. But do not he elaborates on the traditional male volved spouse is no longer loved and that be misled by the simplicity of language adherence to dominant and submissive divorce is the only answer. Instead they and style. The concepts and ideas ar- roles during sexual interaction: caution against immediate and impulsive ticulated in these pages have yet to be action, and encourage exploration of the understood and integrated into the sex- The double standard has led them to possible motives and meanings of the be- ual identities and relationships of many believe that it is always the man havior with a professional therapist. In so adults with advanced academic de- who is the aggressor in sex and the doing, the marital dyad may determine one who enjoys it more, while grees. The content is substantive and other contributing issues, how such issues women are supposed to be coy and free of the socially ingrained biases and restrained. When a woman is asser- might be resolved, and what future appears unchallenged assumptions that fre- tive, highly responsive, and multior- probable for a particular coupling before quently distort our sexual lives and in- gasmic, these traditionalist men feel making any final decisions. teractions. These companion pieces will threatened and may react by losing Both volumes contain a chapter on be useful to a wide adult audience. their erectile confidence. Other men homosexuality that addresses the heter- Those of diverse ethnic backgrounds who are more aware and flexible osexist myths prevalent in our society and and economic circumstances will gain see the new sexual awareness works toward counteracting homophobia, by deriving concrete, practical informa- among women as a healthy devel- and the resultant discrimination, against opment, since it means that women tion and sensible, realistic guidelines are now motivated to become more gays and lesbians. There are also chapters that will foster thoughtful decisions and responsive, take more initiative, and on sexuality and aging. However, there is rewarding behaviors. may be more imaginative sexual some room for improvement here. The In short, Male Stzxual Awareness and partners (p. 213). normal changes in human sexual responses Female Sexual Awareness promote sex- that occur with the passing decades are ual self-growth and empathetic equal In the aforementioned, as well as clearly delineated, and the very real impact relationships between the sexes. They in other passages, the authors eluci- of ageist stereotyping and the social ob- assuredly are two of the better se&- date the benefits of non-sexist ideas, stacles that infringe on the sexual expres- tions available to the general public on attitudes, and behaviors for both men sion of older men and women, but given the current paperback market. and women. Sections that deal with the numbers of older persons living with Reviewed by Bette A. SpeziaLe, PhD. sexual dysfunction also attempt to cul- chronic diseases and disabling or limiting (See the above revimfor biographical tivate an expanded definition of male sequelae, the section on sexuality and ill- informdim .)

17 SIECUS Report, June/July 1990 sexuality for dealing with loneliness, such while, as a sexuality counselor, I am HIDDEN BEDROOM PARTNERS: as developing new interests and skills; cul- afraid that dangerously simplistic prom- NEEDS AND MOTIVES THAT tivating outside friendships among peers of ises do a real disservice to the average DESTROY SEXUAL PLEASURE the same gender; sharing feelings of loneli- individual or couple looking for real Frank Hajack & Patricia Garwood ness before engaging in sexual activities, answers. San Diego: Libra Publishers, Inc., 1987, rather than after; and adopting a healthy Revieuxd by Joan Nelson, EdD, sew- 229 pp., $17.95. attitude toward loneliness. ality educator/therapist inpnbateprac- The chapters include basic sexuality tice in San Francisco, who conducts Psychology has made it clear that therapy exercises such as reversing roles to Life, Love and hittnacy Skill Wo~khops repressed sexual needs can motivate develop a sense of empathy for one an- for singles as well a.5 couples. nonsexuai behaviors such as eating or other; trying expectations out on oneself artistic pursuits. This book examines before placing new demands on one’s part- the opposite possibility that repressed ner; and discussing sexual concerns ADULTERY: AN ANALYSIS OF nonsexual needs can influence and openly, and in detail, including the positive LOVE AND BETRAYAL control sexual behaviors. and negative aspects about what one feels, Annette Lawson Frank Hajack, PhD, and Patricia as well as sharing detailed fantasies about New York: Basic Books, 1988, 464 pp., Garwood, MS, anticipate resistance to what one would like. $19.95. their idea, that much of normal sexual Payt 2, Understanding Nons~l Sex, behavior may be motivated by nonsex- focuses on peoples’ lack of awareness that Good old-fashioned, classic, adul- ual needs. They compare the antici- they are abusing their sexuality and are tery is still, according to sociologist/re- pated resistance with the fact that soci- never resolving their conflicts. searcher Annette Lawson, the love story ety has taken a long time to recognize Part 3, Discovering Sexual Sex, makes of the Western world. Today, in the no- that rape is not a a sexual act, but a overblown and unsubstantiated claims that, fault, post-sexual-revolution era, this crime of violence. when nonsexual motives are barred from particular breach of the social order Part I, Nonsexual Sex, consists of the bedroom, sexual pleasure increases a goes by less stigmatic names: affairs, in- 18 chapters, each describing one hid- hundredfold. For example: volvements, relationships, extramarital den emotional reason that takes the sexuality, and infidelity. Whatever we pleasure out of the sexual act. These All energy and attention is directed to- call it, today’s undercover, dangerous include the nonsexual needs to get ward the same goal: good feelings. There liaison or fatal attraction remains an affection and to avoid conflict, inti- are no distracting conflicts or hidden adventure story that pulls people with macy, loneliness, boredom, and de- needs to interfere with the process of letting sexual energy and impulses flow the age-old promise of passion, pain, pression; the nonsexual needs for re- and fiid satisfaction. Your body and psy- and guilt - and, today, women as well bellion, revenge, atonement, domi- che are integrated. It happens the way as men can enjoy sexual intercourse nance, and control; and the needs to nature intended, unencumbered by non- purely for pleasure, separate from mari- safeguard fidelity and to confirm sexu- sexual baggage...You will feel swept tal commitment. ality and self-esteem. The author’s hy- away as your sexual needs press on to- Lawson, an English feminist scholar, pothesis is that sexuality loses its natu- ward satisfaction - lost in a barrage of is currently affiliated with the Institute ral pleasure and satisfaction to the ex- sexual feelings and impulses, each bring- of Human Development at the Univer- tent that it is divided among nonsexual ing more pleasure than the last. At each sity of California, Berkeley and the In- needs. Also, pleasure and satisfaction stage of the act you will feel that your body and mind have exceeded their natu- stitute for Research on Women and are not mutually dependent. Pleasure ral and spiritual capacities; you will ex- Gender at Stanford University. She consists of feelings experienced during plode in a paroxysm of delight. Your brings the time-honored practice of sexual activity, whereas satisfaction re- body will contract and relax in uncontrol- adultery into feminist perspective by fers to feelings that follow the act. lable spasms of pleasure. You will be outlining social changes in sexual be- Nonsexual sexuality affects couples certain that you have reached beyond haviors in terms of history, sociology, in long-term relationships primarily by yourself, beyond reality, to the end of the literature, and drama, while skillfully preventing emotional growth; prevent- universe. Your body and mind will inter- interweaving this information into a ing closeness and creating distance; twine with your partner’s, every muscle detailed scientific study of contempo- causing jealousy and resentment; and fiber and every nerve ending tingling and contracting with pleasure. rary marital infidelity. Written in a de- preventing sexual exploration and lightfully readable style, the book is growth. The theory is that by focusing The authors provide some cute car- replete with computer-analyzed data, on sexual intercourse one precludes toons, but they fail to provide the promised and transcripts (recounting 2,500 adul- resolution of the underlying conflict. magic solutions to the interesting problems teries) from almost 600 volunteers who Each short chapter includes de- they describe. Self-help exercises continue completed the questionnaires, were in- scriptions of couples who exhibit one to describe the problems without really terviewed, or participated in small- of the problems and a few reader-ori- helping the reader get to what anyone group discussions. The comprehensive ented exercises for solving the prob- would call really sexual sexuality. Toward narrative is supplemented with the lem. For example, the chapter “Avoid- the end of the book, the grimly unfulfilled study itself, as well as with extensive ing Loneliness Through Sex” describes reader is advised: “If either partner is not notes, a bibliography, and an index. those people who are likely to use sexually confident, it is usually better to The firsthand caSe histories are sexuality to avoid loneliness as inse- postpone sensitive discussions.” those of white, middle-class people, cure and not comfortable with them- Hajack, a clinical psychologist from who are either married or are involved selves; as having limited interests or West Chester, Pennsylvania, is described in long-term, live-in relationships. They hobbies; as undeveloped in their inner on the flyleaf as specializing in self-discov- are faithful and unfaithful, and they resources and needing to rely on oth- ery through creative intimacy. Next time, I conform to or deny marriage vows. ers for entertainment, direction or sup- hope he writes a book that captures the Their reasons for adultery include: rest- port; and as never having learned to important, but often elusive, balance be- lessness; rebellion; seeking to fill gaps cope with being alone. The authors tween serious theory and the light and in experience; a need for a wider view; suggest basic ways to prevent using playful spirit of healthy sexuality. Mean- a need for, or lack of, control; and a

SIECUS Report, June/July 1990 18 sense of self-worth. Lawson again Reviewed by Joan Nelson, EdD. (See the enjoyed for years, for a month, or even brings her feminist perspective to bear above reviewfor biographical information.) for a week. She stresses that abstinence when discussing the conflicts between from sex is never physically harmful to home and work, work and love, and human beings, and briefly explores domesticity and economic public activ- THE NEW CELIBACY: WHY MORE MEN psychological theory, from eastern mys- ity. She discusses suffering and be- AND WOMEN ARE ABSTAINING FROM ticism, Freud, and Tolstoy to Masters trayal, heroism in overcoming ob- SEX -AND ENJOYING IT and Johnston, which links celibacy to stacles, and the longing to possess the New York: McGraw-Hill, 1989 revised and creativity and “higher states of con- unobtainable, and penetrates even updated edition, 226 pp., $7.95 pb. sciousness.” Although modern sexuality more deeply into such areas as the Gabrielle Brown, PhD educators, who realize the contribution Indian spiritual discipline of tantric of a healthy sexual life to a happy, inte- sexuality (a system of controlling sexu- As we enter a new decade, the political ality which may include withholding grated, creative personality (through pendulum has once again come full swing. years of study or personal experience), ejaculation); goddess worship; the From the sexually permissive “anything drama of meetings and separations; might disagree with her view that one’s goes” attitudes of the 7Os, our society has sexuality can somehow sabotage crea- and the phenomenon of feeling pow- moved toward more traditional, conserva- erful while simultaneously being over- tivity or become an energy “drain,” tive sexual values, leaving many of us more Brown’s lack of self-righteousness taken by emotions. confused than ever. In this new era of Noting the broad cultural explosion makes such theories much easier to of information technology, Lawson AIDS, monogamy, and “just say no,” Gabri- consider. affirms knowledge as the new form of elle Brown is a voice of reason for those 7&e New Celibacy is an important exchange between intimate partners. children of the 60s and 70s who may be book - not only for those who are She also stresses the crucial difference wavering between their embarrassment celibate or considering celibacy as an between telling and talking and ex- over giving up their hard-won sexual free- option - but for those of us who feel plains that, in modern times, deceit doms, their fear of sexually transmitted dis- the need, in this new age, to expand rather than sexual infidelity is the eases, and their dissatisfaction with sexual our definition of a “healthy” and “nor- greater sin. However, although hon- promiscuity. In ne New Celibacy, Brown mal” sexual life. esty is important, the facts of adultery, offers us the freedom to value chastity Reuiewed by Carol Cassell, director she advises, should not be spewed out without returning to the puritan mores or of the Institute for Stmulity Education like vomit. Almost none of the couples repressive double standards of the past. and Equity. in her study sample, who were mar- She does this by acknowledging an age-old ried before 1960, discussed extramari- truth that we are all too often apt to forget: tal sexual intercourse before marriage. that sexuality means much more than the DESIGNING CHILD ABUSE PREVEN- After 1970, few did not talk about it. physical act of intercourse, that a person TION PROGRAMS: CURRENT AP- The volunteers told their stories for may be sexual without having sexual inter- PROACHES AND A PROPOSAL FOR various reasons: to help science, to course, and may express that sexuality THE PREVENTION, REDUCTION work through uncomfortable feelings, without physically engaging in coitus. AND IDENTIFICATION OF SEXUAL or to confess or to boast. Noting that today’s proportion of Brown introduces her readers to celi- MISUSE married women with adulterous liai- bate men and women of all ages and walks James J. Krivacska sons is nearly equal to that of men, of life, people who are single or married; Springfield, IL: Charles C. Thomas, Lawson sees a merging of male and people who became celibate for a variety 1990, 382 pp., $57.75. female attitudes and behavior patterns. of reasons but share a healthy commitment On one hand, there is a “feminization to their own growth as individuals; and Lucidly written and logically system- of love,” in which men are beginning people who are happy and comfortable atic, this book penetrates the toxic to value communication as a mainline with the life they have chosen for them- backwaters of victimology and child to intimacy. On the other hand, there selves. As I read these interviews, I was sexual abuse programs gone wrong, is a “masculinization of sex,” in which struck in nearly every case by the surpris- and opens a channel to an enlightened, adulterous women are finding their ing degree of self-assurance and self-es- new program of child sexual protection partners at work. Women make it clear teem expressed by these men and women. - PRISM: Prevention, Reduction, and that they have gained a great deal Most seemed comfortable with their own Identification of Sexual Misuse. from the entitlement to make decisions sexuality, and also with themselves as The PRISM program is designed to that affect their bodies, and that their people. Far from being androgynous or be in step with the age-related progres- sexuality often provides them with sexless, they see themselves as fully sexual sion of children’s cognitive and concep enormous pleasure - to say nothing beings who have consciously chosen to tualiting abilities. In addition, and very of providing them with a sense of who divert their sexual energy towards mental importantly, it progressively provides they are and of their own value. These or spiritual goals. Nonetheless, Brown children with accurate sexological in- trends seem to indicate that women’s formation prerequisite to a nontrauma- behaviors, thoughts, and feelings are stresses that celibacy can be a positive ex- becoming more like men. perience only if it is a conscious choice, titing understanding of the personal Annette Lawson has produced a not a reaction against sexual desire or fear significance of sexual abuse warnings. significant and readable book which of sexual expression. Though many of her The author quite correctly points out makes it clear that there are still sub- subjects seem to have chosen celibacy be- that failure to supply this information stantial gender differences in behaviors cause their promiscuity or sexual desires allows children to misinterpret warn- and feelings in regard to marriage and were diverting them from the true intimacy ings with potential traumatic and tragic adultery. However, she also lets the they valued in their relationships or dis- consequences, as when a child wrongly reader know that adultery is not just tracting them from dealing with the other reports a parent’s or grandparent’s af- about the relationships between men gender as people rather than as objects, fectionate or bathtub touching as mo- and women; it is also about the nature most claimed to have had satisfying sexual lestation. The resulting stigma, not to of our entire society, Moreover, its lives before becoming celibate. mention legal fees, is certainly not part causes and effects are still shaped by Brown emphasizes that celibacy is not of the contract of informed consent the arbitrary way society holds it. for everyone and that its benefits may be when parents sign permission for their

19 SIECUS Report, June/July 1!990 child to be given instruction in the that attend such changes are dissipated. Progress through the transsexual prevention of child sexual abuse. If Rites of passage have three phases: program was not a simple following of the consent form does not warn of the separation, transition, and incorporation. In medical-psychological policies and possibility of such an untoward out- the two years during which anthropologist guidelines. As individuals, and in sup- come, it is, therefore, invalid. Bolin immersed herself in the lives of 16 port groups, the transsexual individuals This means that school programs transsexual males on their way to full added much content and modified the for child sexual abuse prevention, as womanhood (she was accepted as a par- medical prescriptions; medical and presently designed, may have no legal ticipant/observer by the individuals and mental health professionals were only defense, if they are challenged on the their support group) she identified trans- part of the transsexual interaction field. basis of being experiments that do not sexual separation from the male role, tran- Bolin’s tone is warm, though schol- respect the rights of either the parents sition (in which the individual prepares arly, and is neither academic nor clini- or the child to informed consent. They and is prepared for her new status), and in- cal. One can understand how well her also will have no legal defense if chal- corporation (marked by the surgical con- basic study method, “hanging out,” lenged by ex-pupils as having had an version): worked in the University of Colorado excessively negative approach so as to (Boulder) community. The book’s Ir became apparent that I was watching a have permanently alienated them ‘tomb to womb’ transformation; males died flaws, such as careless proofreading, are from their own sexuality in adulthood. a social death and were reborn as women. minor aside from the smallness of the The author gives a brief history of Thii death and rebirth was symbolic and study population. In Search of Eve is the politics and ideology of sexual- actual as the transsexuals severed them- important. abuse prevention programs and their selves from a male past, forged new identi- Revieuxd by William F. Hewit& PhD, rise to popularity on the basis of un- ties as women, and feminized their bodies kcturer and listener at tbe Los Angeles tested pedagogical doctrines and so- through a hormonal management program Sex Information Helpline, a division of cial-science dogmas. He makes a spe- The culmination of this process was surgi- the Los Angeles Free Clinic, and author cal conversion. cial point, neglected by virtually all of A Handbook of Human Sexuality. other writers on child sexual abuse, that some pupils in the classrooms of abuse prevention are the very people who are the next generation of child SIECUS REPORT BACK ISSUES AVAILABLE! sexual abusers and molesters. Yet, ab- solutely nothing is done to identify Now $2 Each for as Long as They Last! them, and to intervene preventively, so as to put them on the path of Vol. 16, No. 2 Vol. 15, No. 5 healthy sexual development. So it is (November/December 1987) (May/June 1987) that prevention programs make a Public Policy, Part I: Statewide and National Catholic Sexual and Reproductive mockery of their own name and pur- Initiatives. Featured articles include: Ethics: A Historical Perspective pOSe! The New Jersey Statewide Family Life Judaism and Contemporary Sexuality To bring an end to this mockery Education Mandate: The Ongoing Story Krivacska has written a very important of One State’s Active Leadership Role in An Ecumenical Approach to Sexual- ity: Preparation for the 21st Century book. It is of great significance for all Developing and Implementing Public educators, law enforcement and child- Policy On the Vocabulary of Sexuality advocacy officials, social workers, sex National Intra-Organizational Policy: A therapists, pediatricians, and family Blueprint for Constructive Action in Pro- Vol. 15, No. 3 physicians. gram Development, Research, and Adve (January/February 1987) Reviewed by John Money, PhD, UCY Latino Culture and Sex Education professor emeritus of medicalpsychol- Empowering Teens: The National Iatina Women and AIDS ogy and ofpediutrics, Johns Hopkins YWCA’s PACT Program Uniwrsity and Hospital, Baltimore, A Time of Rare Opportunity Maryland. Vol. 16, No. 3 (January/February 1988) Vol. 15, No. 2 (November/December 1986) Public Policy, Part II: Community Initiatives Sex Education Must Be Stoppedl IN SEARCH OF EVE: TRANSSEXUAL Impact 88: Dallas’ Countywide Plan for RITES OF PASSAGE Reducing Teen Pregnancy Sex Education Curricula: Selection for Elementary and Secondary School Stu- Ann Bolin Restructuring Public Policy Priorities dents South Hadley, MA: Bergin & Garvey on Teen Pregnancy: A Holistic Approach to Teen Development and Teen Services Evaluation of Family Living Sex Edu- Publishers, Inc., 1988, 210 pp., $34.95, cation Programs $12.95. Sexuality Professionals: How We Can In- fluence Public Policy Teacher Selection for Sex Education Some readers may not be familiar with the anthropological concept, rite Vol. 16, No. 1 Vol. 13, No. 6 ofpassage, especially as it is used by (September/October 1987) WY 1985) Bolin in her examination of 16 trans- AIDS Prevention and Civil Liberties: The Censorship: An Elitist Weapon sexuals’ experiences in their progress. False Security of Mandatory Testing Being Ranned Generally the rite of passage is an Pre- and Post-Test Counseling for Indi- Contraceptive Product Advertising individual’s solution of a crisis that viduals Taking the HIV Antibody Teat arises biologically or culturally from ‘Are You Ready for Sex?“: lnfomxcl merely existing. In the rite of passage, The New York City Approach to AIDS Consent for Sexual Intimacy transitions between statuses are ritual- ized and people are eased into new Publications Dqartment, SIECUS, 130 West 42nd Street, Suite .Z?5OO, New York NY 10036. positions, while the stress and anxiety

SIECUS Report, June/July 19!30 20 Conference and Semimzr Calendar

AAPHR’S ANNUAL MEDICAL CONFERENCE, “LBARNING AIDS and AssociatedCancers in Africa, Nationalestraat155, TOGETHER,” August 16-18, 1990. Sponsoredby The Ameri- 2008Antwerpen, Belgium, 32-3-2385880, fax 32-3-216-143. can Associationof Physiciansfor Human Rights.This Sympo- sium will cover recent developmentsrelated to HIV, gay and I’WI’IONAI,A~DS NETWORK 1990 CONFERENCE, “THE lesbianhealth issues,and U.S. and Canadianmodels of health LEADERSHIP SKILLS BUILDING CONFERENCE,- October II- care financing. ChestnutPark Hotel, Toronto, Canada.Contact: 14, 1990. Will focus on partnering with public health officials, Dr. Michael Hutton, AAPHR, 416/%2-1200,or Agenda Man- legislativeand administrativelobbying, fundraising,and leader- agementServices, PO Box 1303,Postal Station “F,” Toronto, ship training in AIDS serviceorganizations. PalmerHouse, Chi- CanadaM4Y 2V9, 416/%2-3332. cago, Illinois. Contact: Betsy Ringed,National AIDS Network, 2033M Street NW, Suite 800, Washington, DC 20036,202/293- SEVXNTH ANNUAL FAMILY LIFE FDUCATION INSTITUTE: 2437. “Coping with Sexual Pressures,” August 20,1W; *AIDS Education: InvoIvhg Parents For A Successful Program,” PARENTS AND FRIENDS OF LESBIANS AND GAYS”NINTH August 23. Sponsoredby ETR Associates’Training Depart- ANNUAL CONFERENCE, October 12-14, 1990 SantaAna, ment, the Center for Health Training, and PlannedParenthood California.Contact: ElenaLayland, Parentsand Friendsof Les- of Massachusetts.Boston, Massachusetts.Contact: Bonnie biansand Gays, Orange County Chapter, PO BOX 28662,Santa Horn, ETR Associates,Network Publications,Training Depart- Ana, CA 92799,714/998-5844. ment, PO Box 1830,Santa Crut, CA 95061-1830,408/438-4060. 3RD NATIONAL FAMILY RESOURCE COALITION (FRC) PHYSICIANS ASSOCIATION FOR AIDS CARE TELECON- CONFERENCE, “BUILDING CO MMUNITIES: FAMILY RE- FERENCES: %Ianagement of AIDS Dementia,” .%ptmber SOURCE AND SUPPORT PROGRAMS,” October 17-21,1X0. 7 1, 1990; “Burnout iu Caregivers and Suicide in AIDS Pa- More than 1,700parents, educators,social workers, research- tients,” September 26; Wauagement of HIV Infection in ers, and public policy officials are expected to attend this con- Hemophibcs,” November 2-4; and ‘1nternutionaI AIDS ference offering more than 100 workshops, seminars,focus ses- Update,” December14, Chicago,Illinois. Contact: Physicians sions, program tours, and keynote speeches.Chicago, Illinois. Associationfor AIDS Care, AIDS SatelliteTelevision Network, Contact: Family ResourceCoalition, 230 N. Michigan Ave., Suite 101 West Grand Avenue, Suite 200, Chicago,IL 60610,312/ 1625, Chicago,IL 60601,3X/7264750. 222-1326,fax 312/222-0329. NATIONAL CONFERENCE FOR HUMAN SERVICE FIFTH HISPANIC MEDICAL CONGRESS, “CHALLENGES EDUCATION, =A,IDS, ABUSE AND ADDICTIONS: A PROAC- AND OPPORTUNITIESs NEW DIRECTIONS TO HISPANIC TIVE STANCE ON THE ISSUES OF THE NINETIES FOR ACCESS, EQUITY, AND REPRESENTATION IN HEALTH,” PRACTITIONERS, EDUCATORS, AND POLICY MAKERS,” September27-2gX 1990. Presentedby the InteramericanCol- October 17-21, 1990. Springfield,Massachusetts. Contact: Rick lege of Physiciansand Surgeonsand the National Confedera- Davila, Springfield College, Schoolof Human Services,263 tion of HispanicAmerican Medical Associations.Will discuss Alden Street, Springfield,MA 01109, 413/731-1615. health issuesaffecting the statusof this population. Washing- ton Plaza Hotel, Washington,DC. Contact: Maria Lourdes THE CHURCH AND AIDS FACE TO FACE, October 28-20, Garcia,Director of Medical Education, InteramericanCollege 1990 Sponsoredby the Urban Leagueof Greater Hartford; of Physiciansand Surgeons,1101 15th Street NW, Suite602, Connecticut Department of Health Services’Black and Hispanic Washington, DC 20005, 202/467-4756. LeadershipCouncils; and the Blackwell Memorial A.M.E. Zion Church. Hartford, Connecticut. Peggy Owens, Urban Leagueof AMERICAN PUBLIC HEALTH ASSOCL4TION’S 118TH AN- Greater Hartford, 1229Albany Avenue, Hartford, CT 06112, NUAL MEETING, ‘FORGING THE FUTURE: HEALTH OB- 203/527X)147. JECTIVES FOR THE YEAR 2000,” September JO-October 4, lB0. Sessionswill include: “Family Planning: what’s Sex Got ASSESSINGAIDS PREVENTION - INTERNATIONAL To Do With It?“; “Researchon RepeatTeen Pregnanciesin the CONFERENCE, October 29Notxrmber l,l990. Sponsoredby U.S.“; “HIV/STDs and Family Planning Services”;“Anti-Abor- the European CommunityWorking Party on AIDS, SwissNa- tion Harassmentof Abortion Service Providers: View From the tional ResearchFoundation, and SwissFederal Office of Public Frontlines”;and “Developing Live EducationalTheatre for Health. Montreaux, Switzerland. Contact: AssessingAIDS Pre- ComprehensiveSchool Health Prevention Programs:A Work- vention, University of Lausanne,Department of Socialand Pre- ing Model of Community Involvement.” New York, New York. ventive Medicine, Rue du Bugnon 17, CH-1005Lausanne, Swit- Contact: Bob Johnson,APHA, 1015 15th Street NW, Washing- zerland, 41-21-49-2@35. ton, DC 20005,202/789-5672. INTERNATIONAL CONFERENCE ON SEXUAL ASPECTS OF AMERICAN ASSOCIATION FOR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY CHRONIC ILLNESS OR DISABILITY, Nowmber 48,29%X THERAPY’S b3TI-I ANNUAL CONFERENCE, “STRENGTHEN- Organized by the Israel RehabilitationSociety in cooperation ING FAMILIES,” October 4-7, 1m. More than 200 clinical with RehabilitationInternational; DisabledPersons Unit, United workshopswill demonstratethe latest family therapy ap- NationsOffice at Vienna; and International PlannedParenthood proaches.Will include “Meet the Authors” receptions,a video Federation.Will provide for an inter& angeof knowledge and festival, networking events, and plenary sessionssuch as: “The understandingabout sexual function alnd responsesof persons Politics of Empowering Families”and “Family SystemsMedi- with a chronk illnessor a disability; present current techniques cine: Mobilizing Family Resources.”Washington, DC. Contact: of treatment, counseling,and therapy for sexual problemsre- El@ Grossman,Director of ConferenceAdministration, lated to chronic illnessor disability; and explore the possibili- AAMm Conference,171 K Street NW, Suite 407, Washington, ties for international and interdisciplinarycooperation, CO&b- DC 20006,202/429-1825. ration, and researchwith regard to the sexual aspectsof chronic illnessor disability, SharonHotel, Herzliya, Israel. Con- FIFTH INTERNATIONAL CONFERENCE ON AIDS AND --AS- tact: ConferenceSecretariat. Omega Chlventions, POB Box socuTEDcAN~RsINAFIucA, -_._-October --.-I- 10-12, 1W.--.- Kin- 71102,Jerusalem 91079, Israel, 9??12%.-.62989. __ 1 468070. fax 972- shasa,Zaire, Africa. Contact: Fifth Inltemational Conferenceon 2-665668.

21 SIECUS Report, June/July 1330 INSTRUCTIONS FOR AUTHOR SUBMISSIONS TO THE SIECUS REPORT

Now entering its 25th year, this journal of contemporary thought and research focuses on timely issues in the human sexuality field, and on sexuality and HIV/AIDS information and education. In each issue of the report, groundbreaking articles and commentary by leaders in the field are presented and news, special bibliographies on varied topics, book and audiovisual reviews, recommended resources, and a conference/seminar calendar are of- fered to members and interested subscribers. The SLKUS Report frequently focuses on particular themes. The SLKUS Report is prepared using a Macintosh desktop publishing system. Therefore, if possible, all submissions should be on diskette, with one copy printed out. All articles, book, and audiovisual reviews should be submitted on 81/2x11 paper, double-spaced, with indented paragraphs.

Most Ideal - Macintosh 3.5 inch hard diskette. The computer on which we prepare the SL7XlJ.S Report is a Macintosh II. Hard diskettes can be generated oni” by Macintosh Apple computers; others are non-compatible.

Less Ideal - 54 inch floppy diskettes. We network with IBM-PC compatible computers in our office. There- fore, we can convert documents generated on all IBM-PC compatible computers for use by our Macintosh. Floppy diskettes can thus be generated by most of your computers and sent to us for networking with compatible computers at SIECUS and can then be transferred to our Macintosh system. On all diskette labels (hard orfloppy> include the ollowing clearly written information: Name of tbe riocunzent (the way you named it on the diskettef , thetitk of tbe manuscript, theauthor’s name, thetype of computer/wordprocessor used (e.g., LBMPC, Macintosh), the t@e of software used (Word Wor@efectj. If Necessary - If you do not have access to a computer, send typewritten copy.

MANUSCRIPT FORMAT Articles: The article should include at the beginning: the title; subtitle; author’s name with professional degree(s); author’s title(s) and current affiliation. For example: NATIVE AMERICANS, STEREOTYPES, AND HIV/AIDS Our Continuing Struggle for Survival

Ronald M. Rowell, MPH Executive Director, National Native American AIDS Prevention Center

Articles may incorporate sidebars, special resources, and factual information of interest. Chart information should be incorporated into the body of the article, if possible, or if indispensible in chart form, should be submitted cam- era-ready for printing or in a form that is easily reproduced. It is helpful if captions/headings are used to demarcate different sections, as the article will normally be divided into separately headed sections; in some instances, this will not apply.

Book reviews: The beginning of book reviews should include the following information (not centered): the title of the book, author(s), or editors(s), what city and state the book is published in, the publishing company, year of copyright, number of pages, and price for hardcover and/or paperback editions.

Example: HOW TO Pm LOVE BACK INTO MAKING LOVE Dagmar O’Connor New York: Doubleday, 1989,222 pp., $16.95hc., $7.95 pb.

Book reviews should be informative, descriptive, and precise, and should provide a good overview of the book as well as the reviewer’s specific viewpoint. Please check any references, quotations, or other sources incorporated in the review for accuracy.

SIECUS Report, June/July 1990 22 Audiovisual reviews: The editor is open to discussion of creative ideas for the presentation of book and audiovisual reviews - multiple reviews together, interviews, summaries of topical subject areas, etc. For a single A/V review, a brief summary of the film and characters should be provided, positive commentary and negative observations, and mention should be made of the target audience(s) for the A/V and/or how it might best lo used. The heading (with pertinent information on the A/V) should be as follows:

THE AIDS MOVIE 1986, film or video, 26 min. Purchase, $450 (film), $385 (video) rental, $57. New Day Films, 22 Riverside Drive, Wayne, NJ 07470;201/633-0212. References - if included in the above articles and reviews: It is important that all references used are complete (including page numbers) and accurate. At the end of the manuscript, the references should be listed consecutively and numerically as they appear in the manuscript according to our style, as noted in the examples that follow:

For example: Book citation: Coles, R & Stokes, G. Sex and the American teenager. New York: Harper & Row, 1985. Multiple author/editor citations (more than three authors/editors) should be listed as follows, for example: Coles, R, et al.

Chapter in book citation: Faro, S. Sexually transmitted diseases. In RW Hale & JA Krieger, eds. Gynecology: A concise textbook. New York: Medical Examination Publishing Company, 1983, 198214. Journal article citation: Young, M. Self-esteem and sexual behavior among early adolescents. Furnib Life Educator, 1989, 7(4), 16-19. Conference, seminar, etc.: Conway, G & Hooper, EY. Risk of AIDS and HIV infection in American Indians and Alaskan Natives. Poster session presented at the Fifth International Conference on AIDS, Montreal, Quebec, Canada, June 4-9, 1989. Personal communication, unpublished: Cairns, KA. Computer-assisted learning program for adolescent sex education. Unpublished manuscript. University of Calgary, Calgary, Alberta, Canada, 1987. Rowell, R. Warning Signs: Intravenous drug abuse among American Indians/Alaskan Natives. Drugs and Society, (in press) 1990, 5(1,2).

Author’s biographical information: Please include a brief biographical statement.

Length The length varies for submissions. Speak with the editor about individual submissions. copyright: SIECUS holds the copyright for all the material printed in the SLFCUSReport unless otherwise designated. We, in general, print only original material.

Complimentary/bulk rate copies: Three copies of the SIECUSReport will be given to authors of articles and two to reviewers. Multiple copies of the SLECUSReport will be available to authors and reviewers at a 40% discount if the request is made prior to printing.

hquhies and Submissions: Ideally, a lead time of at least three months is requested for submssionsto the SZEClJSRepoti, although special considerations will be made to accomodate particular circumstances. All quest.ions and submissions should be addressed to the editor, Janet Jamar, by telephone, 212/819-9770, and/or sent to the following address:

Janet Jamar, Editor SIECUS Report SIECUS 130 West 42nd Street, Suite 2500 New York, NY 10036

SIECUS Report, June/July 1990