A New Classification for Evaluating Trolls by JOEL AVERY and FRED SHEALY

Home , Ross Hunter, Troll (gay slang)

VOLUME XXVIII MEDICAL COLLEGE OF GEORGIA, OCTOBER 5, 1973 NUMBER4 A New Classification For Evaluating Trolls By JOEL AVERY and FRED SHEALY

Some classic features of Trolls we have seen at Medical Centers through Old chart weighs more than 1 lb. ( 1 point); is more than 12 inches thick the years. (Since being a Troll is a relative thing there is no minimal (2 points). score needed to qualify.) However, points are included to confer some degree of trollism. The final diagnosis lies, as always, in the clinical Ataxia manifested by scratch marks on forehead secondary to impression of the examiner. The following suggest the patient is a Troll. attempted nose picking (7 points). (All points double after midnight.) 5 0-100 points - common run of the More than 3 green blow flies on patient at one time (10 points); Flies mill troll. 100-150. points - super troll. Over 150 points qualifies for refuse to light on patient ( 15 points). blue surgery service. Frequently overlooked on ward rounds (12 points). Patient's clothes are refused by the laundry and subsequently have to Patient answers all questions asked in an open ward: 4 bed ward· (2 be destroyed ( 13 points). points); 8 bed ward ( 4 points). Admitting orders include "bath, STAT" (2 points). Drinking from urinal (3 points). If the patient is referred to as "what's his name" for longer than 36 Feces under fingernails (2 points); If guaiac positive (3 points). hours (4 points). If patient has any two of the following: beard, lice, jaundice, confusion, Painless ulcerations great~.:r titan 1 em. deep: If only on buttocks (5 fecal impaction (4 points). points); if elsewhere ( 10 points). Presenting complain on ER sheet begins " . . . . found unresponsive If patient has hip fracture older than 3 weeks at time of admission for in .. . . "(5 points). the fracture (6 points). If the concentr:o.tion of Airwick necessary in patient's room causes Sent back from X-ray without barium enema being completed ( 10 conjunctivitis among visiting personnel ( 12 points). points). Schlossman's sign: toenail curved down so it stimulates sole .to produce If catheter straight drainage tu hi ng is under more than 10 pounds continued Babinski ( 10 points). tension without any complaint fron1 the patient (5 points). Chews through Foley catheter (5 points). BUN greater than age (8 points). More than one pound of dirt washed off at first hath ( 5 points). Found to have lice when cast is windowed (4 points). Has more than 5 major diseases ( 10 points). Lice on patient survive 5 Kwellings (8 points). If patient has had more than 4 major surgical procedures (7 points). Patient is able to remove Foley catheter with inflated 30 cc bag (15 points); while in full restraints (20 points). ER nurse gags as she leaves patient's room in ER ( '5 points). Remove an I.V. (1 point); N-G tube (2 points). Only had two beers to drink before arrival in ER (S points). Patient seen in ER by 2 other services and refused admission before Remove a cut down (2 points); between midnight and 4 AM (4 points); if hypotensive (.8 points). blue surgery resident was called (3 points). If patient's toenails cannot be cut with clippers or a drill (3 points). If patient is a caucasian who is thought to be a negro on admission ( 4 Blood Is Thicker Than points). -- By ARMAND GLASSMAN, M.D. Urinating on roommate, physician or visitor ( 8 points); medical student (2 points); physician's assistant ( 4 points). Approximately &,000 units of States obtain a continuous. fresh blood are used at the Talmadge donor source from a variety of If semiformed, guaiac positive stool is found more than 10 feet from Hospital every year. Less than 15% sources. These includ! The the bed of the source (8 points). of these are collected .from within American Red Cross, their own the Central Savannah River area. At Donor Programs, purchase of a Patient goes into congestive failure and pulmonary edema when flowers present, less t han 300 people are on portion of their blood or blood in room are watered ( 5 points). the ETMH Active Donor List. Being components and combinations of Patient has gangrene of foot (5 points); both feet ( 10 points). a Major Medical Center and these. involved with procedures that use In order to obtain the 85% of Herniates after lumbar puncture when opening pressure was less than large quantities of blood and blood our blood supply from outside the 60 mm. (1 0 points). products results in a very tenuous CSRA, a delay time for collecting Femoral puncture required for daily pro time (12 points). situation regarding an adequate and shipping of 24 hours is supply for such things as support of necessary.. Difficulties are readily If abdomen is higher than patient's head despite 30 gatch of bed, or if cardiopulmonary bypass operative apparent in those instances when patient diureses more than 75 lbs. (2 points each). procedures or of platelets to scheduled surgery is .cancelled or Found in bed with another patient (3 points for each patient). support patients undergoing chemo projected use of blood "is. not or radiotherapy. Other .large followed through with actual If patient is unable to talk (3 points). teaching institutions in the United (See BLOOD, Page 5) Page2 TH~1J).I.JER October 5,1973 A. Review Of Current Films By LARRY DAVIS

Before you prepare yourself for another one of Davis' attacks on 4 Stars - Excellent entertainment and/or technically superior. entertainment, perhaps I should warn you that this article is a real live Example: French Connection. attempt at a serious critique of the current movie menu. Notice, I did not specify that these movies are now or will ever play in the Augusta 3 Stars - Entertaining movie but lacking in subtelties of technique. area. Nevertheless, I have eyeballed them all during one of my flic-ins (a Example: Poseidon Adventure. flic-in is defined as se.eing 2 or 3 movies in one day. This concept was 2 Stars - Flop in all attempts at being a better movie. May be introduced to me by· Dr. Benton Bridges; world famous Orthopedist slightly entertaining. Example: Topaz. and holder of the international award for blood shot eyes and popcorn bezoars). The rating system is relatively simple: · 1 Star- Dog. Save your money. Example: "X, Y, and Z." 5 Stars - Fantastic entertainment value and exceptionally well done. 4 Stars- Day of the Jackal - Sl<>w but absorbing adaptation of the Should be nominated for New York Film Critics A wiud and Academy current best seller by Frederick Forsyth (also author of current be.st Award as best picture. Example: Cabaret. seller - Odessa File). Director Fred Zinneman displays the technical excellence he previously utilized in such movies as "A Man For All Seas.ons" and "High Noon". Mr. Zinneman also directed "From Here to Senior Editorial Eternity," "Oklahoma," and "The Member of the Wedding." Do you get the same feeling I do about his movies; i.e. they are very good but The words of welcome our new students heard a few weeks ago, not greats. Something is lacking - maybe it's a certain tingle you get forgotten now, have gone to the great down your spine during scenes from other movies. I don't love good-intention-graveyard-in-the-sky, welcoming words subdivision and Zinneman movies but they are damn good. Edward Fox gives me the are even now preparing a suitable welcome for this also. However, the impression he will never get another role of this magnitude. What ever thought that to be forgotten, words must first be heard or read, sustains happened to his brother - James Fox ("Magnificent Men and Their the effort to .present them. Thusly, I would like to add my welcome to Flying Machines," "Thoroughly Modern Millie," "The Chase")? all new students at the Medical College of Georgia, starry-eyed fools 2 Stars - Class of 44 - Any sequel is usually the studio's attempt to that you may be. Your dreams will be destroyed here, not made. No cash in on a previous success, and it usually flops like a lead tit. matter if your role is a member of the health services team, you will see "Summer of 42" was, in my opinion, the best nostalgia piece to date. incompetance, waste, arrogance, selfishness and nonsense beyond Now we follow the adventures of Benjy and Oscie as they go off to imagination. You will see sickness, suffering, death and grief over and college. What emerges is reminiscent of all the previous movies about over. You will see those in training for the highest responsibility life as we thought it was yesterday; (connotation of nostalgia) - diminish themselves through cynicism, disappointment and greed. Your faithful in detail but entirely lacking in love. Thts love is the misty, training will teach you things you don't want to know, things you memory evoking feelings produced by "Summer of 42" WQn't ever use, and things that aren't even true. Not exactly the stuff dreams are made of. 1Y2 Stars - Last Tango in Paris - I think everyone should see Marlon The point, though, is that you aren't in training to make your dreams Branda get a rectal exam from his girlfriend using Imperial margarine as come true. As confused, as redundant as your experience here may be, a lubricant. I hope you don't have to pay $4.00 for your seat as I did. Bertolucci (the Director) is recognized as an international giant as you live through it, you will learn the basics required to allow you to although I am not familiar with his work. His artistry is evident with gain experience and competence within your chosen field. Don't judge long, sweeping shots beautifully interwoven with a class sound track. the training you receive here how closely it mold'> you to your dream of Other than this it's a lack of story-line and a trite climax (guess who what you might or even should be. Rather, judge it on the good you are dies again?). It's as though the endings of all Branda's movies must able to do once you leave here. show him writhing in death-throes. Nordhoff and Hall are still spinning in their graves after witnessing the end of "Mutiny on the Bounty". Don't take me wrong, Branda's acting pre and post "Godfather" is always hypnotic. Plenty of skin and fur here but it is all Branda's girlfriend. Bran do doesn't have the decency to lay down or take off his clothes in most of the coupling scenes. In fact, the canine position he assumes in one part may let the viewer fully realize that he is out $4.00 and has gotten it in the rear.

4~ Stars - Paper Moon - This movie would have lost 2 Stars if it had been in color. Bognannouich may be criticized for capturing Hhe techniques of others and having none of his own; but I think this~ his technique. Who else has captured all the techniques of forties comedies The Cadaver is an ex-cathedra campus yellow sheet and ("What's Up Doc?") and life in the South/Southwest/West in the fifties sandwich wrap published by the students of the Medical College ("Last Picture Show"). Now we witness the Class B comedies and of Georgia. Views expressed by"'~ readers are not necessarily pseudo melodrama of the thirties in "Paper Moon". True to the blaring those of the editorial staff. In . fact, views expressed by tht> boast on the marquee, I did fall in love with Tatum O'Neill. I did not editors do not necessarily reflect those of the editorial staff. fall in love with her papa, Ryan. He seems to be the weak sister,. not father, in this excellent nostalgia art work. Where did Bognanovich dig Our Mo tto: Dyspareunia is better than no pareunia at all. up that crooked sheriff and his deputy? By the way, the other weak sister is that black girl who the critics rave is a female Stephan Fetchit. Senior Editor ...... , ...... Jack Rogers Any of the Torpin Clinic regulars could have done as well. She had lines written to evoke that kind of critical bravo. It reeks of the kind of Junior Editor ...... :-...... Joe Keenan script written for Eddie Albert in "The Heartbreak Kid". With those Busine~ Manager and Associate Editor .. ~ ...... Frank Pratt kind of lines Gene Autry could get an Academy Award nomination.

-WRITERS- 1 Star - Cries and Whispers - Ingmar Bergman leaves me cold. I can glean meanings out of "Dick and Jane" deeper than the kind of Steve Ellen, Bruce Johnston, Dave Crippen Swedish crap this movie hands out. Granted . his early movies wet..e Buzzy Meyer, Ray Moody, Larry Hudson internationally haunting and possibly greats. But everything his Scandanavian cameras grind out now is earmarked as "superb, thou~ht Cartoonists ...... Dr. Larry (Wart) Davis; Dr; C. J., III provoking masterpieces". Bullshit. Faculty Advisor & 1¥2 Stars- Deep Throat- Porno flic with a gimmick. What else can I Trenchant Columnist ...... Dr. R. B. Greenblatt say that hasn't already been said. I paid $4.00 to see this rag also and it (See CURRENT FILMS, Page 5) OctoberS, 19'73 Page3 In Defense Of Practical Jokes By RAYMOND MOODY Next to the punster, the most onto her front porch, knocked on had a whole wardrobe of glass eyes forehead , slumps over in the sleigh. widely despised variety of humorist the door, and ran. of every color and design, including (2) A large crowd is assembled in is no doubt the practical joker. This Despite such unfortunate abuses, one with an American flag painted an advantageous spot to view a scorn is · partly ju~tified because however, it is a great shame that all on it. Occasionally he would wear a much-heralded total eclipse of the run-of-the-mill pranks tend to be practical jokers are so universally normal-appearing glass eye and sun. The day is perfect - not a either dumb or mean. Dumb condemned. One might as well absently scratch it with a fork while cloud in the sky_ so everyone feels practical jokes include putting refuse to appreciate ~ paintings, studying menus in restaurants. great relief that the weather has whoopee cushions · in chairs, even Rembrandt's, just because I submit that, when carried out turned out not to be an short-sheeting beds, and handing some people's painti~gs are bad. with such a high degree of finesse, impediment to the spectacle. It is out pepper chewing gum. A classic One mustn't forget that some really the practical joke can become a 10 minutes before totality. example of a mean practical joke is classical practical jokes have been true art form. In order to qualify as But . . . off in the distance .. . the one done by my grandfather when carried out - like that of the band a work of art, however, it should engine of a crop dusting plane is he was a boy. An old lady in his of Londoners who disguised as meet certain conditions; for heard. Piloting the craft, I made town had a pet calf upon which she street workmen, dug an enormous instance, it must be a highly several low passes over the area, showered affection. The calf died hole in Piccadilly Circus and then dramatic event, witnessed by an rele a ~ ing artificial fog. Within and she had it buried, whereupon disappeared. Another great artist appreciable number of persons, and minutes, no one can see his hand in my grandfather dug it up, drug it was the man who, missing one eye, causing widespread consternation front of his face. or disgust. It should be well-planned and skillfully (3) I find out that someone - executed, and illustrate some basic say Mr. Smith - who lives in a weakness or foible of human beings high-rise apartment complex, owes their gullibility, excitability, a small sum (five or six dollars) t o a greed, etc. It ought not to harm medium sized company, and has others irreparably, and, also, it neglected to pay the bill for two should be funny. months or so. I emblazon the name One of my life-long ambitions, I of the company in large red letters must confess, has been to pull off a on the side of a rented helicopter prank on such a grand scale. The which has been equipped with an ones I've done so far have failed electric bullhorn and a powerful THE SECOND ANNUAL WONDER FROG CONTEST CO NCERNS ITSELF MA I NLY WITH TiiAT GREATEST OF TIMES fully to live up to those noble searchlight. One night at 3 AM , "THE FABULOUS FIFTIES". WE WERE INSPIRED BY A RECENT CONCERT PERFCRMED BY THE SHA-NA - NA IN COLUMBIA (THIS IS TilE GROUP THAT OOES ALL 'mE FIFTIES MUSIC) AND TilE UP -COMING FILM standards. For instance, there was with engines roaring, the machine "AMERICAN GRAFFITTI " (BEST NOSTALGIA FlU! TO DATE). the time Dad (a surgeon) gave me a swoops down out of the sky and REMEMBER THE RULES : miniature metal sundial which came hovers close beside the apartment

1) SEND ANSWERS TO WONDER FROG C/O MCG POST OFFICE to him from the Pfizer Company as building. The searchlight is aimed 2) FROG 1 S DECISIONS ARE FINAL a drug advertisement. I promptly straight into Smith's window, while 3) TIEBREAKER WI LL BE ANNOUNCED IF NECESSARY 4) DEADLINE FOR ANSWERS OCT . 20 , 1973 took it to a jeweler's and had a the bullhorn blares out the musical 5) PRIZE WILL BE SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL ,watch band attached to it. When jingle of the company. Then, my A. WHAT GROUPS WERE THE FOLLOOING ASSOCIATED WITH. ·people asked me for the time, I voice screeches out over the horn: 1) DION 6) HERMAN 2) LITTLE ANTHONY 7) DIANE ROSS would pretend to read it from the "O.K., Smith, we know you're in 3 ) BILL HALEY B) SAM THE SHAM 4) FRANKIE LYMON 9) GARY LEWIS dial. Another time, when I was an there! Come to the window! " The 5) RAY CHARLES 10) GLEN CAMPBELL impoverished graduate student, I trembling victim you have an B. , WHAT ARTICLE(S) OR PARTS OF CLOTH I NG WAS I MMORTILIZED BY THE FOLLCMING ARTISTS . went to the bank and cashed a outstanding bill with us. You'd 1) PAT BOONE 6) BR I AN HYLAND 2) ED BYRNES 7) · MARTY ROB BINS $100 check, specifying that I better pay up soon or we'll be 3) CARL PERKINS 8) CONNIE FRANCIS 4) DOOlE STEVENS 9) EDDIE FI SHER wanted 95 crisp new ones (with forced to take sterner measures." 5) THE BIG BOPPER 10 ) SGT. BARRY SADLER serial numbers in order) and one Then, lights flashing, the apparition C. WHAT DANCE CRAZE WAS STARTED BY. 1) DA NNY & 'mE JUNIClltS 6) THE ORLONS new five. I cut some stacks of green moves slowly away and disappears 2) CHUBBY CHECKER 7) THE DIAMONDS paper of the same color and size as into the night sky . 3) DEE DEE SHARP 8) DAVID ROSE 4) JIMMY MC CRACKLIN 9) THE PENGUINS the bills, and placed the ones on ( 4) I pose as an astronomer, and 5) BOBBY FREEMAN 10) FOUR PREPS D. WHAT COLOR IS MENTIONED IN A HIT SONG BY. top of one stack and the five on the together with a company of my 1) SAMMY TURNER . 6) OON CHERRY other. I then took them to a printer cohortsconvmc e a large group of 2) JlM LOOE 7) OOMINICO MODUGNO 3) FATS DOMINO 8) PREZ PRAOO and had him stick them together victims that the earth will soon be 4) NINO TEMPLE & APRIL STEVENS 9) THE FLEEniOODS 5) GUY MITCHELL 10) SHEB WOOLEY with that red gummy backing you destroyed by a collision with an E. WHAT SINGER IS ASSOCIATED (BECAUSE OF HIT SONG TITLES) WITH THE FO LLOOING ANIMALS. find on pads of writing paper·. I errant asteroid. They are also told 1) PONY 6) DOG 2) PUSSYCAT 7) DRAGON then put the two pads in a fold-out that they are among the few to be 3) DOVE B) LION checkbook. When I would buy chosen to escape to another planet 4) ALLIGATOR 9) CHIPMONKS 5) CAMEL 10) LADY BUG something, I would whip out the (Katar, on the other side of the F . WHAT SI NGERS HAD SONGS ABOUT THESE CITIES. book and drop it on the sun) in the flying saucers of 1) TALLAHASSEE 6) SAN JOSE 2 ) PASADE NA. 7) SANFRANCISCO counter . . . "How much did you benevolent Katarians who want to 3) CAPE COD B) NEW ORLEANS 4) CAPISTRANO 9) SANTA CATALINA say that was? Three dollars? Here restoc}<: their under-populated 5) MEMPHIS 10) SAVANNAH you go ... one ... two .. . three," world. Meanwhile, we have been G. MATCH THESE EARLY ROCK & ROLL HITS WI TH THE ARTISTS . 1) LING TING TONG A) GEORGIA GIBBS I would say as I peeled out the bills. constructing, on an isolated farm, a 2) HEARTS OF STONE B) THE FIVE KEYS One clerk, quite awed by my fake flying saucer, which is really 3) TWEEDLE DEE C) LA VERNE BAKER 4) DANCE WITH ME HENRY D) GA LE STORM performance, turned to me humbly just a large gas balloon with a fancy 5) I HEAR YOU KNOCKING E) THE CHARMS and said, "Heh! I wish ~had a book movie-set cabin attached. A few H . MATCH 'm.ESE ARTISTS WITH THEIR LABELS . 1) ELVIS PRES LEY A) RCA VI CTOR of money." nights before the predicted 2) JOHNNY MATHE B) CAPITAL 3) THE BEATLES C) SUN So, thus far I haven't succeeded holocaust the victims are 4) JERRY LEE LEWIS D) Dar in my lofty aim. Still, I've dreamed transported in a bus to the farm. As 5) PAT BOONE E) COWMBIA I. FOLLOOING EACH ARTIST CROSS OUT THE SONG HE DI DN 1 T MAKE. up some which might fill the bill. they approach, they see the glowing 1) JIMMY CLANTON A) PRIMROSE LANE B) VENUS IN BWE JEANS C) .JUST A DREA> 2) BILL HALEY A) SHAKE RATTLE AND ROLL B) DID DIM THE LITES C) LET THE GOOD Here are some scenarios: saucer floating above the ground. It TI MES ROLL 3) COASTERS A) YAKETTY YAK B) SEARCHI N C) LOVE PGriON #9 (I) I bribe the guy who is Santa is drawn down by unseen cables as 4) OOANE EDDY . A) FORTY MILES OF BAD ROAD B)WALK, OON ' T RUN C) RAMROD Claus in a nationally televised they arrive. The victims are 5) FATS DOMINO A)MAYBELLINE B) COQUETTE C) WHOLE LOTTA LOVIN J . TO SEPARATE THE MEN FROM THE BOYS FI LL IN TilE BLANKS. Christmas parade to participate in shepherded into the cabin of the l ) HOW MANY GI RlS WERE SITTING IN THE BACKSEAT ON TilE HIT SONG BY PAUL EVANS? my plot. As Santa's float comes co11:tr aption and treate_d to a sh?w 2) WHO WAS THE INDIAN PRINCESS WHO DRowNED WITH RUNNING BEAR? 3) WH ERE WAS LITTLE SUSIE THAT THE EVERJ:.Y BROTHERS COULDN ' T WAKE UP? down the street TV cameras · deSJ.gn ed to fool them mto thmking 4) WHAT KIND OF CAR WERE TilE PlAYMATES !RIVING WHEN 'lREY PASSED THE CADILLAC H "BEEP-BEEP"? focused on him I ~m in the crowd that they are really in outer space. 5) WHAT IS THE HIT. BY DANNY & THE JUNIORS ADOPTED BY ROCK FANS AS TilE ANTHEM TO FIFTIES MIJSIC? with a pistol 1daded with blanks. I ~eanwhile, the sau c e~ has been put run up to the side and fire, and he, mto a ~ruck and earned to a forest slapping a stage blood capsule to his (See PRACfiCAL JOKES, Page 6) Plrge 4 October 5, 1973

.· New Graduate Nursing Students School of Dentistry Anderson, Michael Remig, Wayne Banks, Maria Richardson, Mary Burden, Thomas Sisson, Wretha Anthony, Robert . Lewis, James M., Jr. Clarke, Gladys Smith, Nancy Austin, Gordon T: Mackert, Jolm R., Jr. Crumbley, Fathie Stamey, Nancy Bell, Leroy Madson, Dale C. Cranford, Helen T. Sumner, Jean Bellamy, Jimmy D. Marshall, De Verne E., Jr. Deaton, Pamela Trent, Sylvia Black, Harry W. · Massey, Joe C. Dotson, Pamela Brady, Gordon L. McCorkle, David B., Jr. Douglas, Mary K. Brown, Alan W. Mclain, Steve B. Giles, Gloria Special - Brown, James D. Meek, John R. Hickman, Bonita Buchanan, Jack P., Jr. O'Fallon, Michael T. Johnson, Mirian Carden, Sammy L. Pafford, Paul E. Mims, Jobyna Graduate Nursing Cates, Lewis R. Parsons, Ronald 0. Mitchell, Carol Collins, James R. Pashley, Edna L. Mullins, Ruth Bruno, Susan Culpepper, Hope T. Pellerin, William E. Orrington, Mary Erlandson, Betty Dawson, Don K. Pendergrast, Phyllis Geer, Melvin E. Phillips, George Gillis, Hilton L. Piede, Robert J. Graduate Students Glass, Richard S. Poston, Robert D. Guinn, Lonnie D. Ryder, Art W. Bornstein, William A. Owen, Mary P. Harris, Hugh C. Smith, Wendell Boyter, Charles H. Panicali, Dennis Louis Hauser, Paul R. Stewart, Roger P. Chambers, Barbara B. Patel, Parsottam J. Henderson, William J. Stringer, Linda M. Dobbs, Charles L. Phung, TI10 Thi Holton, Isaac F., Jr. Tadsen, Wayne T. Hosmer, fior d E. Rice, Robert R., Jr. Howard, Clinton W. Teaver, Steven P. Hunter, f dwanl, Jr. Robbins, Gillium Andrew Huey, Richard D. Utermark, Barbara llutcheson , Phillip E. Ruddel, Mark E. Jackson, Lindsey, Jr. Wagner, John B. Upcomhe, Margaret J. Schenk, Michael P. Jernigan, Ben W., Jr. Watts, Gary L. Manter, John 0. Wiggins, Thomas L. Jones, Donovan D., Jr. Waugh, Gary A. Obayuwana, Alphonsus 0 , Wilson, Jim C. Landau, Louis W., Jr. Weinman, Richard A. O'Conner, Dr . .James L. Woosley, John T.

School of Medicine

Akins, Dcrene E. Duncan, Charles A. *Kauffman, Richard Richwine, Samuel Austin, Walter K.,Jr. Edmondson, Michael L. Kempler, Gary S. Roberts, Don W. Barnhill, James E. Elstein, Morris M. Kinstrey, Thomas Rodriguez, Adriana M. Batson, Walter A., Jr. Fishman, Gerald A. *Laipple, Douglas K. Runyon, William G. Beckmann, James H. Fleischer, Arthur C. Lane, John Davis Saunoweher, Martin, Jr. *Bell, Eugene D. *Fowler, Raymond L. Lewis, David M. *Savage, John B., Jr. Belson, Susan W. Frazier, David J. Lewis, Gloria L. Saville, Augustus, Jr. Benator, Victor A. Gainer, James S., Jr. Long, Eugene R. Scarborough, David W. Blount, Linden V. Gattis, Larry D. Lovett, C.athy C. Schwartz, Steven B. *Bond, Robert K. Godwin, Thomas A. Maddox, William T., Jr. Simon, Harold E. Bowen, Natalie L. Goodrich, Jacob A. Martin, Fredrick W. Sisley, John R. Bowman, Mac Andrew Graves, Benjamin H., III McClelland, John S. Sloan, Wyman P., III Brannen, Cerie A. Greenwall, Kurt McLeod, Wallace N. Smith, Douglas Lee Breckenridge, Homer Grimes, George W., III McCord, John M. Smith, Robert R. Brinson, Robert E. Gundry, Steven Robert McCoy, Michael J. Starke, Suzanne Brown, William M. Hall, Michael A. McCoy, Myra V. Steelman, David D. Brudno, Douglas S. Hammond, William J. McMillan, James H. Stewart, John P. Burns, John A. Hanna, Magdi McNab, James F. Strickland, Daniel M. Bussey, Mary E. *Harris, Michael N. Mikell, Oswald L. *Strickland, Samuel L. Butler, Thomas W. *Harrison, Wayne L. *Miller, James F. Swann, Ralph W., Jr. Cady, Mary I. Hart, Catherine J. Moretz, Richard E. Takasltirna, Herbert T. Caldwell, Craig Hawkins, John C. Morgan, Sidney J., Jr. Tardy, Charlotte A. Calhoun, Clarence Hazlehurst, Thomas B. Murray, Patrick E. Taylor, James E. Capallo, David V. Herrington, Chauncey E., Jr. Murrell, Kevin Taylor, Jerry V. Carr, John Pierce, Jr. Hill, James W. Olansky, Alan J. *Torch, Evan M. Carter, John L. Hirsch, RobertJ. *Paris, Ray B. Vann,ScottW. Causey, David A. *Ho, Wan Lye *Perkerson, Martha D. *Vickery, Diane M. Chandler, Jolm C. Holloway, Margaret Ann *Pigg, William.L. Voyles, Wyatt F. Cherer, Allen J. Hudson, Ida Renee Polatty, Rose C. Walter, Robert E. Clark, Patricia D. Hudson, James H., Jr. Powell, Jack H., III Walters, David Cohen, Howard J. Hurst, David B. Powell, Roy Jr. Ware, John R. Cole, Evangeline G. Hurst, Larry L. Primm, Daniel D., Jr. Warkentin, Pamela A. f'..ollier, Kathryn W. Jabaley, Steven D. Prine, Joe R. Warren, Robert M. Cook, Charlotte E. Jackson, Freeman R. Prisant, Louis M. Weihe, James H. Daniels, Gary M. Jackson, Henry C., Jr. Pruitt, Don L. Weinberg, Winkler Davidow, Daniel N. Jackson, Robert W. *Pruitt, James C. Weiner, Carl P. Dekle, Andrew A. Joe, Clarence Pryor, Gary J. Welcher, Freddie L. DeSimone, John W. Jones, Frank Stanley Ravelo, Juan Luis Wells, Ora John Diaz, Francisco M. Jones, Gloria Y. Reed, William Thomas Welsh, Thomas Dobson, Franklin M. Jones, Mark M. Retterbush, David W. Wikert, Gary A. Dodson, Barbara A. Jones, Sandra K. Revell, William S. Williams, Joe C. Dohn, Henry H. · Willis, Sandra E. Dopson, James E. *Worsllam, Stephen T. Drake, Charles E. * = "Special 18" Program Wyant, John R. October 5, 1973 PageS ... BLOOD IS THICKER THAN transfusion. On an average, each Division of Laboratory Medicine) is available from within our days after entering the plan . unit of blood has been at one time outdating units of blood is down to community. Further information an d de tails or another separately typed and approximately 15%. This figure Without a continuous and ready can be obtained by contacting Ms. crossmatched on the average for compares favorably with that of supply of fresh donor blood, Joyce Larison or Mrs. Vickie Boyd three successive patients. Despite other active University Hospital con tinued patient care in terms of in the Blood Bank at extension this sort of internal management C~nters . The average outdating blood and blood components will 8081. and reapplication of units of blood across the United States is be compromised. To avoid this and Volunteer donations of blood to successive patients, the outdating estimated to be approximately to encourage every member of the will assure the best possible supply percentage of our units was 35%, 25%. Further reductions in Medical College of Georgia Family of blood for the greatest number of for a dollar wastage of outdating will be possible as the to donate blood, the following plan people. There is a positive approximately $50,000 in the fiscal Immunohematology and is proposed: correlation with social economic year 1970-1971. At the present Hemotherapy (Blood Bank) and educational background time with application of additional laboratory section becomes more 1. Any individual donating a single regarding blood donations. As a inventory sparing mechanisms (such involved with the immediate unit of blood will be covered for member of the MCG Blood as return of units of blood from the separation of blood into its his/her blood needs for a period Assurance Program you can be surgical suite when not used within components for appropriate of two years. assured of blood credits anywhere a 24-hour period of time and with specific blood component therapy, 2. An individual may donate for in the United States through our active consultative participation fre ezing of red cells for oxygen him/herself and family up to five recognition as an Accredited Blood from Senior Staff Members in the carrying capacity and if more blood total members for a single year Bank by the American Association for their blood needs. of Blood Banks and their National 3. Exclusions: Any pre-existing Clearinghouse for .Blood which ... CURRENT FILMS hemorrhagic disease, neoplasm cooperates with both the AABB and American National Red Cross. lasts a little over one hour. There is already a sequel, "The Devil in Miss or neoplastic disease, chronic renal failure, congenital heart Your blood donations will aid in Jones," that features a bowl of fruit and a tale~tted snake. Move over assuring an otherwise unav ailable Miss Lovelace and say "AAAAAH". disease, or contemplated elective surgery to take place within 45 commodity for the MCG Family and patients. 2 Stars - Lost Horizon - Guess I'm a sucker for Bacharach music. It doesn't go well in this bland remake of the 1937 Masterpiece. As usual Sally Kellerman looks perpetually em barressed (this time it's because she's in a bad flic). Ross Hunter has come up with a musical "Airport". His movies are big budget nothings that appear to be directed by a smart 5th grader. Bobby Van (I despised him until this movie) turns out Cells Are People Too to be the only loveable character with whom you can identify. I think! turned old waiting for this elephant to end. By STEVE ElLEN 3 Stars - Marjoe - Best full length documentary last year's academy awards. Could have used more original footage of this child - evangelist's early days and less of the current clips showing us how agnostic he has become. It seems he. overdoes his point of proving he is indifferent now to drugs, greed and miscegnation. Otherwise, you can't beat the hand clapping, soul scathing, bible thumping preaching and singing sessions, thank yew- Jesus.

3 Stars - Walking Tall - See Sheriff Pusser beat the doo-dooout of the badies in this hell-raising eye for eye action movie. What it lacks in technique and orthopedic know-how (did you see that arm-body combo on one of the gangsters?) it makes up for in spleen-venting action. This movie seems to reflect a current trend of making semi-documentaries out of real life semi-heroes (French Connection, etc.). Keep up the good work. 1 Star - Man of La Mancha - Take a musical with only 2 decent songs in it; film it on the brown and white plains of Spain and direct it by Arthur Hiller who brought us such greats as "The Wheeler Dealers" and "The Americanization of Emily"; and what do you have? A 2-songed brown and white floperoo. I thought James Coco did a lot better in "Such Good Friends" during the fellatio scene with Dyan Cannon. Sophia Loren never looked as sluttish. Surprisingly, the only thing of interest in this flic is Peter O'Toole's unusual Don Quixote. For the first time he is not cast as some starry-eyed hero who must take the sins of the world on his soul. Maybe its just that hoaky beard .... I don't know. The makers of this dog were dreaming the impossiblt< making this into a movie.

2 Stars - Live & Let Die - Possibly the worst of the nine Bond movies except Casino Royale which at least fessed up to being a spoof. · McCartney's title song, which has been to the top of the charts already, is about the only music in the entire movie. John Barry ("Born Free" and "Midnight Cowboy") had written the music for the previous Bond movies (except main title and of course Bacharach's "Casino Royale"). I guess ·Saltzman and Broccoli tired of his talent. As for Roger Moore YOUR CYTOPLASM (Saint's preserve us) - he does have a tough act to follow and ain't too IS DIRTY. GET bad. Guess I ~.as disappointed that the only gadget in the flic was his THE VACUOLE one way wrist watch. CLEANER! COMING ATTRACTIONS: "Scarecrow" - with Al Pacino and Gene Hackman; "0-Lucky Man" - with Malcolm MacDowel; "Jesus Christ Superstar" and "Badge 373" (sequel to "French Connection"). Page6 THU~JER October.S, 1973 Wit's End By JACK ROGERS

My spies tell me that the First * * * * * * makes you feel better, more secure, work on finding a geological defect Annual Moretz Invitational Tennis What's the easiest ·safe to crack? more confident already. which could lead to such a Tournament Annex to the Fat Cats -A San Andreas Vault. Symbolically satisfying, too. The satisfying tragedy. And about the Club Cup play went smoothly at * * * * * * dam breaking and the glush of date, would any of you care to put our MCG courts. The non-students Have you ever noticed how water hearkens back to the some money on it? In college, the smoothly moved onto the courts, carefree, well adjusted and primordial "bag of waters" and Golden Gate Bridge Jump Pool was smoothly pre-empting students off self-assured all Californians are? birth trauma (heavy stuff). Then always a favorite. Send your money for a smooth two days. Remember what's-his-name, the there is the image of bodies swirling and the date you select to the * * * * * * T-surgeon? Now you know what I round and round in eddies of Cadaver and one of the editors will Students that know all the mean. Well, I was trying to figure murky water. That image act as bagman. "But who will be answers are an inspiration to out just what it was in the immediately reminds one of his left around to . collect once the everyone - it is those few who try environment or sOcial milieu of toilet training wherein the tragedy strikes?" you say. Well, to show you they know a}.l the California that turned out such personality functions of generosity, that's just water over the dam, so to questions, too, who are obnoxious. sterling characters we all try to truthfullness, and willingness to speak. * * * * * * emulate. Well, I found the answer share are carefully imprinted. The * * * * * * Part II, National Boards was like in Statistics. Californians consume only questions that remain are the Gastroentenology - the study of a re-run of a bad dream - the bad more food, more beverage and how and when. Well, I'll put the digestion and all that entrails. dream being the Sophomore year of more Mary Jane than any other faultfinders of the Cadaver Staph to the current Senior Class in state population. Let's see Medicine. The answers to too many now ... eats ... drinks ... Mary - questions depended on who was ... That's it! Eat, drink and make Pointers For Freshmen doing the asking! And Lord, those Mary, for tomorrow we shall die! godawful Community Medicine They all have that attitude and they questions. AT LEAST 10 questions have it because they believe that Medical Students tested if the examinee knew the one of these days the whole state is (how to win friends and influence difference between "prevalence" going to flush right into the last the clods around you) and "incidence." Questions so long great toilet of mankind, the Pacific that one tended to forget what was Ocean. The only difference By DAVE CRIPPEN being asked 1/3 of the way between them and us is that the" In this day of ever increasing social complexity, a major problem of through, and the sheer number of function so superbly due to the the individual is how to maintain your individuality and be respected them was enough to tire even a psychic compensation using the even in the face of ever increasing pressures to conform. speed reader. During one of the idea of reference of sliding into the This problem is especially acute for the freshman medical student breaks in the test the observation sea. Well, fellow Disgustans, we too: was · made that our own Dr. can compensate for our inferiority who is penned up all day with his peers in a classroom and a dormatory Garrison believes that there doesn't complexes so carefully nurtured all night. exist an M.D. shortage, but rather a here in Medical School. All we have Conventional methods of conforming to non-conformism fail maldistribution of M.D.'s. to do is find a potential natural dismally in situations such as this. The old standbys simply don't cover Apparently surgery, .neurosurgery disaster to use as an "idea fixee". every conceivable eventuality that can occur. and coprology are specialties which The proposal to use the potential of Therefore, it behooves me to offer up some time tested advice on· are oversubscribed. I think there are a nuclear accident at the Savannah how to be sure you aren't just passed off as another face in the crowd too many Community River Plant is rejected. j[oo messy, by the faculty and your new found friends (including uppe~lassmen) . Medicinemen. At least half spend too mechanical, unnatural too, and As a first recommendation, I must refer to a time honored axiom of medicine, that being the concept of trying conservative treatment first all their time thinking up besides, the1 c is nothing romantic before going on to more .serious efforts. Try these little hints first and unanswerable questions, while the about being knocked off by a see if you can achieve the desired result: rest eke out an existence in schools crummy little atom. The symbolism wasting valuable lecture hours is all wrong, too - it smacks of the during the Sophomore year. Don't Baptist influence of hellfire and 1. Encourage a cat to sleep on your face. get me wrong - they are all damnation. By damn, that's it! 2. Buy a duck. excellent physicians, as judged by ·clarks Hill Dam could rupture and 3. Develop a whithering sneer, and say "nyaaa . .. " a lot. their low malpractice suit rate. kill us all. Just the thought of it 4. Wear a bright green lab coat with orange polkadots spread over it. 5. Be seen holding hands with a cadaver. ... PRACTICAL JOKES 6. Be seen carrying a copy of the "Journal of Irreproducable Results" around the R & E bldg. area where a fenced-in compound would do. In the middle of the of cabins has been built for them night we put the still-slumbering These little tips have about a 50% probability of really setting you and stocked with food, water, and Eskimo out on a sidewalk on the out from the crowd. If, however, you still feel like a lost soul, stronger medical supplies. The saucer is main . street. When the locals measures are in order. Viz, taken off, the truck drives away, discover his presence, they and they are brought out of the gradually come to realize that a 1. Encourage yourself to sleep on a eat's face. spaceship. They are told that they denizen of another' culture is are on Katar, and given instructions actually in their midst. It is several 2. Claim to be Dr. Bresnick's illegitimate offspring. not to leave the reservation. Before days . before communication is 3. Walk on all fours and bark a lot. (Unless you happen to be a female their eyes, the "pilots" re-enter the established through a linguist at a freshman med student, in which case you're already doing this.) saucer, ballast is dropped, and the university. Meanwhile, I lie low and 4. Smell like a goat. balloon rises into the air and flies cackle over such newspaper away. Some days later hunters headlines as "Eskimo Riddle Still 5. Walk in on your first Biochem exam, take a look at it, collapse stumble onto the complex in the Unsolved." laughing and have to be carried from the room. woods. Such, then, are the schemes 6. Write little phrases of wisdom like "tis a wise man who knows on (5) My helpers and I fly to the which I envision. I have so far been which side his broad is bettered" on the blackboard in room 2J2. far reaches of the Arctic and spot a deterred from such atrocities. For 7. Wear a bone in your nose when you attend Anatomy lecture. lone Eskimo hunting on the tundra. one thing, they would be expensive, (Maybe Dr. Wellband will "hone in on iC'.) We land, capture him, and put him and I don't have much money. to sleep. Flying back south What might I do if I were rich? The above little jewels, when done conscienciously and in proper immediately, we pr~ceed to a small Sometimes the thought of it taste, will guarantee you a niche in the class for the duration. Brace Georgia town - Porterdale or Alma frightens me. yourselves for more pearls to come in future editions.