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THE ELECTRIFYING PROSPECT “I know histhry isn’t thrue, Hinnissy, because it ain’t like what I see ivry day in Halsted Street. If any wan comes along with a histhry iv Greece or Rome that’ll show me th’ people fightin’, gettin’ dhrunk, makin’ love, gettin’ married, owin’ th’ grocery man an’ bein’ without hard coal, I’ll believe they was a Greece or Rome, but not befur.” — Dunne, Finley Peter, OBSERVATIONS BY MR. DOOLEY, New York, 1902 HDT WHAT? INDEX ELECTRICITY ELECTRICITY 1681 In Rhode Island families were depending upon resinous pine wood for lighting the interiors of their homes at night. They were fashioning this material into sticks of convenient length, which they were referring to as “Candelles” (candles).1 A story spread in Providence, that they were about to be deprived, by someone, of the “Great Benniffitt yt they haue had by there pitchwood for Candell light”: There is a bruite abroade that some person or persons are Determined to propagate the runing of Tarr from pitchwood; As also of pitchwood to make Coale: The Towne Well weighing ye premises, & Considering ye Great damage which will Accrew in Case such a designe be put in Execution, see Cause the same timely to prevent; And doe hereby declare against, and forbid any persons from this day forward to make any Coale of pitchwood, or runn any Tarr from pitchwood, or be a procurer or employer of any so to do, (Except it be to ye quantety of Tenn Gallons for his own proper use, and he being an Inhabetant of this Towne,) and All ye Tarr and Coale soe made shall be fforfit, one halfe thereof unto ye informer, and ye other halfe unto ye Towne Treasurey: The which shall be seized either by a warrant from any one of Majestrates or by order from ye Towne. And that the sayd person or persons who make ye sayd Tarr & Coales, and theire imployers and procureres for Each Defect, from time to time shall forfitt Each of them ye sum of ffifty shillings and if any person or persons whatsoever shall remoue, desspose of or Conveye away any Tarr or Coales that thereby ye seasure thereof might be obstructed, or shall be instrumentall to ye propagateing of the same, Each person soe offending, shall from time to time for Each Defect fortfitt ye sum of Tenn pounds in mony, which shall be recovered by a due Course of Law; one Third part of which ffort1iture shall be to ye Informer, and ye other two parts shall be to ye Towne Treasurey. And this order to stand in force any former Act or Clawes therein by our towne at any time made to ye Contrarey here of in any wise not withstanding. LIGHTING THE NIGHT The town voted that “a Coppie of this order about pitchwood be sett up in some publick place of this Towne.”2 YOU WILL UNDERSTAND MY GREEN-LETTER COMMENTARIES SUCH AS THIS ONE, AS SOON AS YOU GRASP THAT YOU ARE DEALING HERE WITH A COMMITTED BERGSONIAN. IN 1922 IN PARIS, WHEN ALBERT EINSTEIN AND HENRI-LOUIS BERGSON FACED OFF OVER THE NATURE OF TIME, EINSTEIN CONSIDERED BERGSON’S CONCEPTION OF TIME TO BE UNSCIENTIFIC, AMOUNTING TO A MERE PIECE OF SUBJECTIVITY, 1. Of course there were also candles fashioned from tallow, which might be fitted into candlesticks made of brass or of iron — but this would have been somewhat more expensive. 2. We trust that someone would be able to decypher the spelling on this broadside, and make out its intent: that it was not as problematic as a sign I once saw posted at the entrance to a public library, “GUIDE DOGS FOR THE BLIND ONLY.” HDT WHAT? INDEX ELECTRICITY ELECTRICITY WHEREAS BERGSON CONSIDERED EINSTEIN’S CONCEPTION OF TIME TO BE UNSCIENTIFIC, AMOUNTING TO A MERE PIECE OF PRESUMPTUOUS ILL-CONSIDERED METAPHYSICS. ILYA PRIGOGINE WOULD POINT OUT THAT “IT IS TRUE THAT BERGSON HAD NOT UNDERSTOOD EINSTEIN. BUT IT IS ALSO TRUE THAT EINSTEIN HAD NOT UNDERSTOOD BERGSON. BERGSON WAS FASCINATED BY THE ROLE OF CREATIVITY, OF NOVELTY IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE. BUT EINSTEIN DID NOT WANT ANY DIRECTED TIME. HE REPEATED OFTEN THAT TIME, MORE PRECISELY THE ARROW OF TIME, IS AN ‘ILLUSION.’ SO, THESE IDEOLOGIES SEEM TO BE IRRECONCILABLE.” AS LONG AS YOU ARE TRAPPED IN THE ILL-CONSIDERED EINSTEINIAN MINDSET, TRAPPED BY THE PRESUMPTUOUS ILL-CONSIDERED METAPHYSICS OF SPURIOUS METAPHORS THAT HAD TRAPPED HIS GREAT MIND — YOU WILL HAVE NO CLUE WHATEVER WHAT I AM RANTING AT YOU ABOUT. RATHER THAN BEING OF THE OPINION OF BOETHIUS, WHO WROTE IN 523AD THAT GOD, BEING ETERNAL, MUST BE “OUTSIDE” TIME AND ABLE TO VIEW THE PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE AS INDIFFERENTLY AND UNCHANGINGLY PRESENT IN HIS ONE WHOLE CREATION, I AM OF THE OPINION OF MAIMONIDES, WHO WROTE IN THE 12TH CENTURY THAT ACCORDING TO THE TALMUD FREE WILL IS GRANTED TO EVERY PERSON BY GOD SO THAT WE MAY BE JUDGED ACCORDING TO OUR ACTIONS. AS GERSONIDES POINTED OUT IN THE 14TH CENTURY, THERE ARE DECIDED LIMITS TO FOREKNOWLEDGE, AS GOD CANNOT KNOW IN ADVANCE WHICH CHOICE A FREE INDIVIDUAL, IN HIS OR HER FREEDOM, WILL MAKE: “I HAVE SET BEFORE YOU LIFE AND DEATH, BLESSING AND CURSE: THEREFORE CHOOSE LIFE.” HDT WHAT? INDEX ELECTRICITY ELECTRICITY 1745 October 11, Friday (Old Style): The jurist and Lutheran cleric Ewald Jurgens von Kleist, Bishop of Pomerania, devised a “Kleistian” glass apparatus by which he was able to “store” static electricity in significant quantities. He had coated the glass on the inside and on the outside with a layer of metal foil cemented to the glass, and his jar had 2 electrodes at its top, one connected to the outside foil and the other to the inside foil. This would come to be known as a Leyden jar, or Leiden jar, because experiments would be conducted at Leyden University in Leiden, Germany. Later such a device would be referred to as a “condenser” because it is able to “condense” or “concentrate” the static charge, or as a “capacitor” because it has a “capacity” or “capability” of storing an electric charge (the term “capacitor” is preferred, since the unit of “capacitance” is the “farad,” so named in honor of Michael Faraday, equal to one “coulomb,” so named in honor of Charles-Augustin de Coulomb, per “volt,” so named in honor of Alessandro Volta — shockingly, here we can be found guilty of having awarded credit where credit is due). I AM A NEGATIVE PHILOSOPHER, NOT A POSITIVE ONE: PHILOSOPHY NOT BEING ANY SORT OF SCIENCE, I WOULD HOLD THAT ANY PHILOSOPHICAL ASSERTION THAT TRAVELS UNDER THE PRETENSE THAT IT IS FACTUAL AND ACTUAL MUST BE, TO THE CONTRARY, NECESSARILY SPURIOUS AND UNSUBSTANTIATED. A GOOD EXAMPLE IS THE OFT-HEARD SUPPOSITION “GOD KNOWS THE FUTURE.” AS A NEGATIVIST I NEGATE ANY AND ALL SUCH ASSERTIONS. THAT DOES NOT REQUIRE ME TO REPLACE THESE PSEUDOFACTUAL PHILOSOPHICAL ASSERTIONS WITH MY OWN COUNTERCLAIMS, SUCH AS A POSITIVE ASSERTION THAT IN ORDER TO ALLOW FOR FREE WILL AND FREEDOM OF DECISION “GOD CANNOT KNOW THE FUTURE.” I DO NOT INTEND TO TAKE YOUR GRITTY, GRIMY TEDDY BEAR AWAY FROM YOU AND PRESENT YOU WITH A CUTE CUDDLY PANDA. I WILL TAKE AWAY YOUR TEDDY LEAVING YOU EMPTY-ARMED. I HAVE SAID THAT RATHER THAN BEING OF THE OPINION OF BOETHIUS, WHO WROTE IN 523AD THAT GOD, BEING ETERNAL, MUST BE “OUTSIDE” TIME AND ABLE TO VIEW THE PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE AS INDIFFERENTLY AND UNCHANGINGLY PRESENT IN HIS ONE WHOLE CREATION, I AM INCLINED TO THE OPINION OF MAIMONIDES, WHO WROTE IN THE 12TH CENTURY THAT ACCORDING TO THE TALMUD FREE WILL IS GRANTED TO EVERY PERSON BY GOD SO THAT WE MAY BE JUDGED ACCORDING TO OUR ACTIONS. AS GERSONIDES POINTED OUT IN THE 14TH CENTURY, THERE ARE DECIDED LIMITS TO HDT WHAT? INDEX ELECTRICITY ELECTRICITY FOREKNOWLEDGE, AS GOD CANNOT KNOW IN ADVANCE WHICH CHOICE A FREE INDIVIDUAL, IN HIS OR HER FREEDOM, WILL MAKE: “I HAVE SET BEFORE YOU LIFE AND DEATH, BLESSING AND CURSE: THEREFORE CHOOSE LIFE.” HOWEVER, I WAS LYING WHEN I SAID THAT. ACTUALLY I HAVE NO PREFERENCE FOR THE PSEUDOPHILOSOPHICAL RANTINGS OF MAIMONIDES AND GERSONIDES OVER THE PSEUDOPHILOSOPHICAL RANTINGS OF BOETHIUS. I AM ENTIRELY NEGATIVE. THERE IS NOT A POSITIVE BONE IN MY BODY. HDT WHAT? INDEX ELECTRICITY ELECTRICITY 1746 January (1745, Old Style): James Burgh’s BRITAIN’S REMEMBRANCER: OR, THE DANGER NOT OVER, BEING SOME THOUGHTS ON THE PROPER IMPROVEMENTS OF THE PRESENT JUNCTURE, a warning occasioned by the Jacobite rebellion of 1745. England needed to purge itself of luxury and corruption, needed to get this accomplished like yesterday, in order to dilute the divine retribution of a wrathful God, a retribution that was inevitable! This would be rated as a spectacularly successful message since it would generate sales of in excess of 10,000 copies in England and its American colonies (Burgh would spend the remainder of his life attempting to reduplicate his publication triumph). Ewald Jurgens von Kleist, Bishop of Pomerania had in the previous year devised a “Kleistian” apparatus by which he was able to “store” static electricity in significant quantities. He had coated a glass jar on the inside and outside with a layer of metal foil, cemented to the glass, and his jar had 2 electrodes at its top, one connected to the outside foil and the other to the inside foil. However, at Leyden University in Leiden, Germany, Professor of Mathematics, Philosophy, Medicine, and Astronomy Pieter van Musschenbroek had not yet been told of this Lutheran bishop’s discovery.

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