Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology Rose-Hulman Scholar

The Rose Thorn Archive Student Newspaper

Spring 3-20-2009

Volume 44 - Issue 19 - Friday, March 20, 2009

Rose Thorn Staff Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology, [email protected]

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Recommended Citation Rose Thorn Staff, "Volume 44 - Issue 19 - Friday, March 20, 2009" (2009). The Rose Thorn Archive. 148. https://scholar.rose-hulman.edu/rosethorn/148

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This Book is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Newspaper at Rose-Hulman Scholar. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Rose Thorn Archive by an authorized administrator of Rose-Hulman Scholar. For more information, please contact [email protected]. T HE R OSE T HORN R OSE -H ULMAN I NSTITUTE OF T ECHNOLOGY T ERRE H AUTE , I NDIANA FRIDAY, MARCH 20, 2009 ROSE-HULMAN.EDU/THORN/ VOLUME 43, ISSUE 19 Dow VP speaks News Briefs Noel Spurgeon al;” business is no longer cen- By Andy Klusman N e w s E d i t o r tered on U.S. interests. Gam- brell first realized this in 1994, n March 16th, the when he moved to São Paulo Wal-Mart gives $2 Paustenbach lec- for Dow. The experience gave billion to US hourly Oture took place in him a sense of diversity, which, Rose-Hulman’s Hatfield hall. he said, is important for a lead- The lecture was named for er to grasp. As you expand, he workers and funded by Rose-Hulman said, “you have to get out of Wal-Mart Stores, Inc. has announced it alumnus Dennis Paustenbach, your engineering box;” that is, is increasing incentives to United States a toxicologist and industrial take an integrated approach hourly employeesto $2 billion. This hygienist who is president of and try to see the big picture award includes nearly $1 billion in bo- ChemRisk Inc. The lecture, of any situation. Gambrell re- nuses, $788 million in profit sharing and entitled “Thriving In Today’s marked that this is especially 401(k) contributions, and millions of dol- World- 5 Tips for Career Suc- the case with sustainability: lars in merchandise discounts and con- cess”, was delivered by Mi- engineers are going to be the tributions to employee stock purchase chael R. Gambrell of the Dow ones that have to “connect the plans, according to a memo released by chemical company, another dots,” and this generation of Wal-Mart CEO Mike Duke. Around one Rose-Hulman alumnus. Since engineers will be the first that million employees received a bonus on joining Dow in 1976, Gambrell have to do so. Thursday. These employees have an av- has served on the executive Building on the theme of erage hourly rate of $10.83. Wal-Mart is leadership, business opera- expansion, Gambrell’s second the second best performer on the Dow tions, management, and sus- tip for success is to “expand Tim Ekl / Rose Thorn Jones Industrial Average after McDon- tainability committees, and your abilities”. Although it is Dow executive vice president Mike Gambrell speaks at Rose-Hulman. ald’s Corp. currently serves as Dow’s Ex- an engineer’s job to “under- Gambrell, a Rose-Hulman alumnus, gave a lecture entitled “Thriving ecutive Vice President. stand the details,” this is only in Today’s World- 5 Steps for Career Success.” World economy to As the name suggests, the a small part of the skill needed speech was divided into five for a successful career. The shrink in 2009 sections, with an opportunity engineer’s role transforms as said Gambrell, “you’re going panies are looking for people for questions after the lecture a career matures: from under- to have to pull on everything who always have a ‘Plan B,’ and The International Monetary Fund pre- was completed. As Gambrell standing details to becoming a you’ve learned in order to know how to make tough calls. dicts a global contraction for the world became older, he said, he real- visionary, to being an innova- make elevated decisions… The more plans there are, the economy this year, the first in sixty years. ized that his role had become tor. In order to successfully ex- and you’re just beginning to lower the chance of failure. In their forecast for 2009, the economic that of a coach, mentor and pand one’s abilities, one must learn.” However, in order to make body cites the extended financial crisis as teacher to train and prepare understand what is happening Gambrell’s third tip for suc- these decisions, workers also having “battered global economic activ- the next generation of engi- in a global context, so one can cess was learning to adapt to have to learn to compartmen- ity beyond what was previously anticipat- neers. In his lecture, he said, determine which skills to fos- change. In fact, he said, Dow’s talize: to mentally separate ed.” Previously, the IMF predicted global he would attempt to condense ter. These skills become more need to respond to corporate the things one can and cannot growth at 0.5%. The IMF also predicts that thirty-three years of experi- important the higher a worker meltdowns and the global fi- control. The current econom- advanced economies will decline by three ence into twenty minutes. is in a company. “Everyone nancial crisis was a real-world ic climate is going to be very percent, and hardly grow in 2010, with a Gambrell’s first recommen- grapples with the same ques- example of the importance of complex, and decisions will be growth of less than 0.5%. In addition, the dation for career success was tions; but some of them have a this principle. This is why it is difficult for even the most ex- IMF warns that the banking crisis must be to “expand your worldview.” lot more zeroes behind them especially important for new perienced engineers. tackled head on by world governments to Today, “the world is truly glob- than others.” At some point, hires to be adaptable. Com- Continued on page 3... prevent the economic conditions from de- teriorating further. The Group of Twenty Finance Ministers and Central Bank Gov- Reception features local artists ernors are estimated to spend 1.8% of the Gross Domestic Product ($780 billion) in Tim Ekl schools in this regard,” Steve to give several more such hibition. Rather, his pieces on 2009 on fiscal stimulus, which is not far off Staff Writer Letsinger, Rose-Hulman art tours. display are meant to be a “30- from the IMF’s recommendation of 2%. curator, said. “I hope [this The Moench exhibition year retrospective on his work,” ose-Hulman offers opportunity] serves an edu- features a variety of works according to Letsinger. Dollar falls against its students many cational purpose and that from each artist. Some, such By contrast, Hines, Novak, Rinteresting and it’s a pleasure for people.” as Hines, have as few as six and Bekkering are all allowing unique opportunities. But Students have been mostly pieces on display; others, their works to be purchased euro, others one such recent event lay in receptive to the exhibition, like Carlson, have over 100. while on display. Although After the United States Federal Reserve an area completely unrelated The art- Rose-Hulman is displaying the announced the plan to buy $1.2 trillion of to engineering: the arts. It’s a... unique opprotunity we ists are pieces at no cost to the artists, debt to boost the US economy, the dollar Since January, Rose-Hul- have here... where we can show also all lo- the college does collect a 25% fell against all major world currencies. In man has exhibited the work cal. Three fee on any works sold. addition to falling 4.2% against the euro and of four local artists on the the arts. live in “[The artists] are very 3.9% against the British pound, the dollar first and second floors of the Terre pleased with this arrange- also declined against the yen, the Norwe- Moench Hall. Dave Novak, H a u t e ment,” Letsinger said. “Their gian krone, the Brazilian real, and the Aus- Karen Bekkering, Fred Carl- -Steve Lestinger a r e a , prices are very reasonable… tralian dollar. The Federal Reserve decision son, and Peggy Hines all w h i l e There seems to be a lot of in- to buy debt effectively creates new money, submitted selections of their “ Carlson is terest.” which has sparked concern from investors works to be shown at no cost with some going so far as to from Pennsylvania but has The works will be on dis- about the over-supply of dollars. The Fed through May 2009. purchase the works on dis- a son at Rose-Hulman and play through the end of the will buy $300 billion of government debt, “I think that we all know play. Letsinger has also ac- is active in the campus par- school year. Carlson will also which are US Treasury bills, over the next six it’s kind of a unique oppor- commodated some students ents’ association. be returning to Rose-Hul- months, in addition to $750 billion of mort- tunity we have here, where with requests for individual Carlson’s work is different man to speak and give guid- gage-backed securities. we can show the arts. We’re or small group tours through from” the other artists’ in that ed tours of his own work to unlike a lot of engineering the collection, and expects it is the for sale during the ex- Technical Communications In this issue of the Rose Thorn... Britney Spears Tim Cindric Making good + geese?

NEWS OPINIONS honored

impressions F

ENTERTAINMENT4 LIVING 6 LIPSIDE 3 Watchmen Losing friends 8 Wellness Fair 5

revisited 7SPORTS

8 PAGE -

NEWS - PAGE 3 ENTERTAINMENT - PAGE 4 LIVING - PAGE 5 OPINIONS - PAGE 6 SPORTS - PAGE 7 FLIPSIDE 2 PUZZLES & CLASSIFIEDS The Rose Thorn Strt Txtn! Crypto-Quote of the Week By Melissa Brumbaugh By Melissa Brumbaugh Instructions: Instructions: Convert each word from its keypad num- Solve the puzzle by deciphering the following quote bers. and figure out from which movie the quote is. Each letter represents a different letter in the alphabet.

777464 778477357 Hint (Solution = Crypto): A = E B = G C = Y GU PWX ETYHXTP MESJ QR YQFGEP, H 47336 2275382255 ______, _

EYYXLP PWX YWEMMXTOX QR PWX JQ 3747233 ______YEMMXZ “TEPHIXJ.” PWXU LMEONX QNC ______“______.” ______

5253 LXQLMX EP XIXCU PNCT, GNP RCQF PWHJ ______, ______87337 ZEU QNP, PWXU JWEMM LMEONX NJ TQ FQCX. ______, ______.

CLASSIFIEDS

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Editorial Staff The Rose Thorn Thorn Staff

Co-Editor in Chief Scott Gallmeier CM 5037, 5500 Wabash Ave. Staff Writers Eli Baca Co-Editor in Chief Andrew Klusman Terre Haute, IN 47803-3999 Matthew Bryant Co-Editor in Chief Jim Sedoff Phone:(812)877-8255 Annie Bullock Emeritus Fax: (812)877-8166 Andrew Ernster News Editor Noel Spurgeon E-mail: [email protected] Mitchell Ishmael Lindsey Saxton Entertainment Editor Ben Collins http://www.rose-hulman.edu/thorn Living Editor Melissa Brumbaugh Melissa Schwenk Opinions Editor Christine Price Elliot Simon Sports Editor Tim Boyer “Working to keep the Rose-Hulman community informed Hobey Tam Sports Editor Emeritus Mike Ferguson by providing an accurate and J.P. Verkamp Humor Editor James Zhou dependable source for news and information.” Humor Editor Emeritus Matt Melton Co-Copy Editor Clint Thompson The Rose Thorn is published on Fridays Co-Copy Editor Carly Baehr first through ninth week each quarter. Photo Editor Tim Ekl Photo Editor Emeritus Andrew Carlson Cartoonist Nick Easter Layout Manager Cari Harper

Administrative Staff Photographers Albert Mui Advertising Manager Lindsey Saxton Matt Vargo Business Manager Andrew Carlson Webmaster Tom W. Most Advisor Richard House

The Rose Thorn welcomes and encourages comments from its readers. We request that all letters to the editor be less than 600 words in length. THE DEADLINE FOR CONTENT SUBMISSION IS 5 P.M. THREE DAYS PRIOR TO PUBLICATION All content should be submitted to [email protected] or to the Rose Thorn Office (Hulman Memorial Union room 249). The editors reserve the right to edit submissions for clarity, grammar, length, and factual errors. The editors reserve the right to accept content changes submitted after deadline. All letters must contain the writer’s signature (electronic form is acceptable) and contact information (e-mail address and/or phone number). The views expressed in the Rose Thorn are those of the original author and do not necessarily represent the views of the Rose Thorn staff or Rose-Hulman community. Friday, March 20, 2009 NEWS 3 Students welcome Wellness Fair

Tim Boyer son’s wellness. Some of the ven- S p o r t s E d i t o r dors included Anderson Chiro- practic that gave a minor scan Yesterday, students had the on the neck to see the stress a opportunity to address their person has in that region, and wellness at the Rose-Hulman Rilassare Massage and Body- Wellness Fair. Hosted by Rose- work Studio who gave free mas- Hulman Wellness Committee sages and face scans to see if a and the Student Activities Of- person had any skin damage. fice, the Wellness Fair brought Freshman mechanical en- Rose-Hulman clubs and ven- gineering Jessica Haste com- dors from the area to the Kahn mented, “I really like that Rose Rooms in the Union. The got so many companies to come booths ranged from healthcare, out. Their sample products are to massage, to booths from dif- great, and I really wish I’d had ferent health and fitness clubs time for a chair massage. The around Rose-Hulman. free stuff was awesome! Now I Some of the Rose-Hulman don’t have to buy toothpaste for clubs included the Triathlon a year and I’m set on pens and Club and the Yoga Club, pro- sticky notes.” However, the free moting their clubs’ activities items were not the only draw that promote the student body’s for students. health. In addition, vendors Sophomore engineering Tim Ekl / Rose Thorn from around the region attend- physics major Emma Bar- ed, giving students and faculty rasso added “The chair mas- A vistor to the Rose-Hulman Wellness Fair talk with a booth representative. The Wellness Fair, held on March 19th, information on their specialty sages where great to release the featured booths covering many different aspects of health. that contributes to each per- stresses of the new quarter.”

Cuts force San Jose State U. to turn away Photo exposition comes to potential incoming freshmen Rose

Jessica Fromm cent growth because of the bud- County high schools who ap- Lindsey Saxton cemeteries of Southern Indi- Spartan Daily get crisis. That made it worse, plied before Nov. 20. Staff Writer ana. A recipient of multiple In- and made it come to a head.” Whitmore said these admis- diana Arts Commission grants, Thousands of qualified high Pat Lopes Harris, director of sion cuts would ultimately ben- On Thursday afternoon, Bower is mainly concerned with school seniors seeking admis- media relations at SJSU, said efit current SJSU students. students, faculty, and various preserving the heritage of In- sion to San Jose State University that administrators chose to “The advantage to that is if other Indiana residents poured diana. “To me, this is Indiana next fall will soon receive notic- channel these admission cuts we have fewer students, then into the GM Room to hear John history, more so than names, es in the mail saying they have onto 2009 freshman applicants we can spread the teaching out Bower talk about his Indiana dates, politicians, and battles,” been rejected. because the university’s first more,” Whitmore said. “We can photo collection. Bower and his he said. “I was using an instru- SJSU has been forced to turn priority is to maintain the edu- have a ratio of less students to wife travel all over Indiana tak- ment, a camera, to look into the away 4,400 eligible prospective cational quality of currently en- advisers, counselors, medical ing pictures of the sights. His past.” His attempts to preserve freshmen applicants for the Fall rolled students. professionals, career service presentation, called “Captur- the past have been recognized 2009 semester, more than any “Over the long term, impac- professionals, who provide ing the Soul of Indiana,” was “a and appreciated. At one of his other school in the California tion, which essentially means services to students. Quality celebration of our overlooked presentations, someone talked State University system. enrollment caps, should help should be allowed to be better cultural heritage.” He and his to him that was a priest at an With the state financial crisis continuing students by allow- if we serve a smaller set of stu- wife have published numerous old abandoned church that had cutting $283 million from the ing the university to bring its dents.” collections of photos. The most been torn down just after the CSU’s budget, CSU Chancellor resources in line with its en- Elizabeth Cara, president of memorable are Lingering Spirit, picture was taken. Most of the Charles Reed declared system- rollment,” Harris wrote in an the SJSU chapter of the Califor- a celebration of all of Indiana; places he’s taken pictures of are wide impaction last February. e-mail. “Right now, we have too nia Faculty Association, said she 2nd Stories, a collection of unknown buildings, long aban- This move mandated 10,000 many students, given our lim- is concerned about how many landmarks above the first floors doned, many of which have now students to be cut from CSU en- ited state funding.” qualified high school students of buildings; After the Harvest, been torn down. “We’ll never rollment in the coming year. SJSU administration is still will no longer be able to get into a series of grain elevators and know what the real story is, we SJSU must endure one-third working through admissions for the university, or to be able to feed mills; and Guardians of the can only observe, capture, and of these systemwide admission many Fall 2009 applicants, ac- pay for or get the classes they Soul, memorable statues in the imagine.” reductions, which will focus cording to the March 6 faculty need. All SJSU students will face predominantly on incoming memo. fee increases of about $300 next Fall 2009 freshmen. Mike La Fleur, a guidance semester due to the state cuts, Dow VP, continued from page 1 “This is perhaps the first time counselor at Wilcox High School according to the faculty asso- in history that state budget cuts in Santa Clara, said most of his ciation. have forced us to turn away graduating seniors who applied “I’m mostly concerned about Fourth, Gambrell said that en- to begin a relationship. However, qualified applicants, and this to SJSU have not been notified them being able to have access gineers need to have a passion. the most important relationship will cause consternation in our as to whether they will be ad- to education,” Cara said. “On “Passion drives motivation [and] of all is family. Gambrell stated community,” wrote SJSU Presi- mitted or not next fall. the students’ side, their ability passion drives commitment”; be- that although the business world dent Jon Whitmore in a March 6 “San Jose State is notori- to pay for an education is get- ing passionate and motivated of- is a busy place, “family has to be a faculty memo. ously late, they’ve always been ting increasingly costly, and ten makes a big difference in the priority, because you don’t know Admission will be denied to the last school to let anybody most of our students have to quality of work. In order to im- what’s going to happen the next freshman applicants attending know,” he said. “In the entire work. This just makes it even prove on what you are passionate day.” high schools outside of Santa CSU, the only school the kids more difficult.” about, you need to “think Clara County who applied after haven’t heard from is San Jose La Fleur, counselor at Wilcox about what you did well” Life is not just about you. Nov. 20, according to the memo. State. Cal Poly, San Diego, East High School, said the biggest and focus on improving All lower-division transfer stu- Bay, San Francisco, those no- challenge his graduating se- that. Focusing on the neg- dents from community colleges tices have been coming in for niors are facing is not being able ative is often a extremely -Mike Gambrell will also be rebuffed, along with weeks. The only one that hasn’t to afford to go to a university in frusutrating and fruitless those seeking second bachelor’s rolled out is San Jose State. So, the current economy. endeavor. By keeping life degrees. the kids where San Jose State SJSU, the university being the simple and following your Whitmore said in a March was their only choice, we don’t most popular choice for the high passions, said Gambrell, 11 news conference that SJSU know about them yet, we don’t school’s graduating seniors. La you will be on your way to“ has repeatedly exceeded its en- know what their situation is.” Fleur expects that number to be career success. rollment target of 2.5 percent Harris said that all prospective lower this year. Gambrell’s final tip for success On completion of the growth each year, bringing in SJSU applicants should know by “It’s just a matter if they can was to think about other people. speech,the lecture turned into an more students than the current April 1 if they will be allowed to afford to go there,” he said. “A “Life is not just about you,” com- open question-and-answer for- budget can handle. attend SJSU in the fall. significant number of our kids, mented Gamrbell; teamwork is mat. Gambrell was asked many “We’re definitely not kicking According to the March 6 fac- even though they get accepted also an essential part of life. In questions about his personal keys anybody out, we’re just not let- ulty memo, 10,680 new students to San Jose State, can’t afford to the business world, “your job is to success, and ” he continually ting as many in,” he said. “We will receive admission packets go to a four-year school, even if to make your boss look good.” emphasized the ability to adapt got way over [our enrollment to SJSU in the next few weeks. they get a Cal Grant.” If you do well and bring others and a background in business quota] very fast. It’s nobody’s Those accepted will include “That holds kids back. If they along for your success, they will as key factors in his career. The fault really, we just had more 4,200 upper-division local com- cut financial aid, which it seems take care of you. Also important most important thing to learn in students and a growing inter- munity college transfers and like they’re going to, most of to this final tip is cultivating re- college, he said, was to learn to est in wanting to come here. non-local transfers who applied these kids are going to end up at lationships. Gambrell said that foresee change—because quite Very quickly, we were over 3,000 before Nov. 20. a community college,” La Fleur talking to people and cultivating often, success hinges on our [students] than what the state Enrollment will also be of- added. “That’s basically the re- relationships are always underes- willingness to adapt and look at was funding us for. Then, they fered to all qualified freshman ality for a significant number of timated, and that once you need things from a different perspec- weren’t able to fund the 2.5 per- applicants from Santa Clara our kids.” help from someone, it is too late tive. 4 ENTERTAINMENT The Rose Thorn Editor’s Note: beating a dead The fi sh gets a shot horse known as “Watchmen” Abe Sapien: The Drowning Ben Collins movie as whole attempted. there would be some massive Eli Baca E n t e r t a i n m e n t As a fan of the original graphic riot building in the back seats. Staff Writer E d i t o r novel, I appreciated the effort Strangely, though, the fan boys to keep as much detail from the were all content. The general au- In 1994, Dark Horse Comics Since becoming an editor, I’ve text as possible in the screenplay, dience on the other hand was not released its first Hellboy mini- usually had the chance to take lengthening the movie to a size- as happy. series titled “Seed of Destruc- time with my reviews and be more able two and a half hours. Zack At the viewing I attended, I tion” that was, in part, the basis selective in what I try to publish. Snyder did the same for his pre- could hear the confusion and the for the first Hellboy movie. Con- “Watchmen” was, I hoped, going vious work, “300,” which is what distaste with the movie; unlike ceived and illustrated by Mike to be one of those reviews, but, I’d consider the near best “comic- prior “comic-book” movies from Mignola, the comic opened up as it turned out, I couldn’t fi nalize book” movie. the previous summer, this was an a new universe of paranormal my opinion on the movie to run “300,” in contrast to “Watch- intellectual power house of the weirdness and gave us the lov- with our other review. In publish- men,” had very little material to last two decades, which is not the able merman, Abraham “Abe” ing the piece, I have to say Eli Baca build from the original text and fl avor of choice for the general Sapien. “The Drowning” follows did an excellent job of expressing required that more content be movie-going audience. In fact, as Abe on his first solo mission to my most of my arguements in re- added. It may have been needed, I sat watching the scenes unfold, recover an ancient dagger used viewing the movie, but I feel I still but the story of Leonidas’ wife did I kept wondering if they really ex- to slay demons from the waters have a few thoughts left to lay out not feel tacked on; it raised the bar plained what was going on as ef- off a Spanish island. before I call this movie fully dis- of the movie, producing a much- fectively as they could have. The story takes place in 1981 cussed. needed balance to the main story. I asked several people who when the B.P.R.D. (Bureau for http://www.darkhorse.com To stress the previous review, This being said, “Watchmen” had had never read nor heard of the Paranormal Research and De- Jackie Haley’s performance as little content added and limited graphic novel, and it was a series fense) saw its pride and joy, late Mignola’s Hellboy art, and Rorschach was fantastic; there content taken away and, unlike of mixed reviews, some saying Hellboy, take a leave of absence. to that measure he overwhelm- can be no equal to his spot-on “300,” did not gain much from they barely could keep up with The Professor comes into some ingly succeeds. The ‘verse as a portrayal of the original printed going from print to movie. the story and the rest comment- information about a demon- whole has managed to keep its character. His performance was I can understand the enor- ing on the frequent male nudity. killing dagger that’s underwa- art from straying too far, which strong enough that he was com- mous pressure that the entire Really? That has to be the big is- ter and puts Abe Sapien on the provides a consistency that pared to Heath Ledger in his dedi- project was under, possibly as sue that comes out of this movie, job to recover the ancient relic. some comics don’t have, but cation to the core of the character, much or more than Peter Jackson a blue package belonging to the A simple grab job turns into a also takes the story away from though I doubt Haley will receive as he was working on “The Lord CGI man? fight for his life when deadly art and makes it more of a book. the universally accepted acclaim of the Rings,” constantly getting To lay it all out there, I’m glad monks try to bring their master Alexander still manages to get of “The Dark Knight” or his Joker fan opinion; that kind of pressure that the movie was cared for the back to life, using any means the dark and ominous tone of portrayal. has been what led to the con- way it was, being made with in- necessary to kill Abe. the comic, but it maintains the Purely based on the characters, tinual delays of the movie. If they tent to create a good movie, but Written by Mike Mignola, the series; it doesn’t expand it or Ledger made the Joker his own changed anything important, the without anything new, there was story continues with the Hell- provide anything over-the-top. while Haley, much like the rest of fan base would have been in an very little point in bringing it to boy-verse norm—an agent’s Abe’s journey is one that ev- the movie, was only playing the uproar, crying for blood. fi lm except to make money off sent into an area with one mis- ery side-kick must take—the part as it had been played out be- However, they appeased the a superhero fad. That is what sion, and ends up fighting bad one that sets him apart from his fore. He did it well, mind you, but fans to such an extent that they cheapened the experience for me guys to save themselves and the big hero and gives himself a real he did it more out of a an effort couldn’t possibly be upset. Every and makes me very cynical about day. Mignola’s formula for com- identity. Abe manages to make to reproduce what was already in time something was changed the need to make this project ics can seem a bit bland and himself known, but the kill to his the graphic novel, much like the for the movie, I felt a cringe that come to fruition. overused, especially to fans of confidence level in The Drown- the Hellboy series, but the plot ing leaves him still seeking ac- manages to tell a good story ceptance from his peers and his well, and give Abe a bit more boss. He’ll forever be Hellboy’s dimension character-wise. If companion, which, for him, is you’re looking for crazy plot just fine. Look for Abe Sapien twists and deaths of major char- and the team in the next install- acters, you may be a bit disap- ments of Hellboy and B.P.R.D.: pointed—but it’s a classic story “Hellboy: The Wild Hunt” and with a new Creature of the Black “B.P.R.D.: The Black Goddess.” Lagoon twist. Also squarely set in the status quo - the artwork. Jason Shawn Reviewer rating: 3.0 elephants Alexander takes his turn in a long line of artists paid to emu-

Music: Movies: The Decemberists Duplicity Hazards of Love Knowing Pete Doherty I Love You, Man Grace/Wastelands Games: Dan Hicks and Grand Theft Auto: the Hot Licks Chinatown Wars Tangled Tales Resistance: Papa Roach Retribution Metamorphosis World in Confl ict: Blue October Complete Edition Approaching Normal Ready 2 Rumble Revolution Friday, March 20, 2009 LIVING 5 How to: Make a bad first impression

Melissa Schwenk seriously, which professors (and step is im- Staff Writer employers) don’t seem to like. proved ex- Since you’re already in your ponentially It seems like every time grades pajamas, the next step should if you text come out, someone you know be easy: falling asleep in class. people in starts complaining about how While boring lectures tend to your class. their professor doesn’t like them facilitate this step, other things The more and that’s why they got such a can help as well. Try pulling an heads look- bad grade. Who isn’t jealous of all-nighter, playing your favor- ing into laps, their luck? All my bad grades are ite video game, or partaking in the better. my own fault and I’m sure many some dormitory shenanigans. W i t h of you out there are wondering This has a bonus if you can’t fall these few how you too could have such asleep in class since you can tips, you’ll broken rapport with your profes- distract the person next to you be able to sors. Here is your guide to mak- with stories about your awe- make a bad ing a bad impression during the some night and why you didn’t impression first weeks of class, your first step have time to do your home- and have a to an excuse for bad grades. work. better ex- First of all, show up late on Which brings us to our next cuse for your your first day. This shows you step: don’t turn in any home- bad grades don’t respect your professor or work. The best way to make at the end of fellow students. Be as conspicu- this step work is to not turn in the quarter ous as possible when you come any homework until week three. than a lack into the room, to disrupt the lec- Then, make sure you turn in ev- of effort on ture. Some slackers may suggest erything late. This will inconve- your part. just skipping the class. However, nience your professor enough to For the rest this will not automatically make irk them. Most professors don’t of you out the professor dislike you. In fact, weigh homework high enough there, if you they may think that you are sick for this step to cause you to fail, avoid all and bake get well cookies from so it’s the perfect way to get a these things, the whole class for you. The only bad grade without needing to your profes- http://thejosevilson.com/ way to guarantee that your repu- repeat the class. sors will be Do you want to make all your professors hate you so much you actually have an excuse for tation will affect your grade is to The final way you can make more will- your not-so-admirable grades at the end of the quarter? This week Melissa expalins exactly make sure the professor knows a bad impression is to spend ing to help how you can go about accomplishing this goal. who you are. more time looking at your you when The next step towards mak- phone, text messaging, than you need it, ing a bad impression is to looking at the board. This is as well as write a glowing letter dress sloppily. This goes for the more conspicuous than instant of recommendation for you. A girls’ guide for working world as well. Showing messaging during programming If you have something you up in the same pair of pajamas or math class. It also frustrates want explained, send your every day cuts down on your the professor because they can questions to the Rose Thorn at laundry and that you don’t care see you do it, but might not [email protected]. You guys what everyone thinks. It shows want to call you out in case it’s just might see a how-to article that you don’t take anything too about your sick mother. This about it! Lindsey Saxton move. I’ve found that it’s nice A d v e r t i sing Manager to at least be friends before be- coming more. That way, if you So, I’d like to start with a quick find out you’re not compatible apology about my last article. As romantically, you can still be What is living? someone who has dated a civil friends and can avoid a ‘bad and had a crush on an SE, I ac- breakup’. Hearing the phrase Mitchell Ishmael gling from week to week, scour- might erase any chance of my ar- tually started ‘We can still be Staff Writer ing my mind for an idea to write ticle reaching the paper, I decided out with good friends’ can about but finding nothing worthy against it. The living section al- intentions. Hearing the suck if you I’ve been having some trouble a newspaper. ready contains articles describing However, I want to be trying to find subjects to write So I began to brainstorm a way to how to do things and giving dating soon fell back phrase ‘We can more, but about for the living section of the fix this problem. A repetitive idea I advice, so those ideas were struck on clichés and still be friends’ friendship is newspaper, which seems ridicu- kept having was to write about my down as well. I thought about giv- overused jokes. better than lous because living is what we life, but after suggesting the idea to ing anti-dating advice because of So, I’m sorry. can suck if nothing, espe- do… unless of course, we are dead. a couple of friends and hearing the my ineptitude with the opposite I legitimately cially when you I should have a multitude of top- common response, “I don’t think sex, but I figure there is already was trying to you want to be feel you have ics to write about. I should have people want to hear about the an- enough of that around here. go against the “more... a connection so much to write about living that ticlimax that is your life,” and real- Once again I was stuck, so I de- stereotypes with someone. I don’t know where to begin. My izing that my editor, immediately cided to take a step back and really (though I do So, there are articles should be overflowing with after reading the article, would look at the section for which I was stand by my many ways you substance. Unfortunately, that isn’t throw her computer from the roof writing. I kept asking myself “What comment about Percopo.) can get to know someone and the case, and I find myself strug- of Logan Library in hopes that it is living?” And it hit me! I’ll just talk This week is all about ways build a friendship. Given the about what living is. I am going to get to know someone before choice, I would always rather be to write about the living everyone asking them out or making a ”friends than nothing at all. does day to day and break it down to its fundamentals. The first thing I did was define living as what peo- ple do on a daily basis, or a person’s Do Don’t actions that take place during the course of a normal day, which is • Find common interests. • Adopt their interests so you distinctly different from life which have something in common. encompasses the much broader • Talk about movies and music • Stalk their facebook and says spectrum from birth until death. you like. their favorites are yours. Living, I’ve found, can be di- • Participate in the same extra- • Join their extracurriculars. vided up into five pillars: eating, curriculars. sleeping, hygiene, activity, and re- • Ask them if they want to hang • Ask them if you can meet all lationships. I realize that these pil- out sometime. their friends. Way too soon… lars aren’t necessarily cut and dry. • Invite them over to hang out • Be offended if they can’t make Some are tough to categorize and and watch a movie. it. They’re probably busy. don’t come with an easy answer. • Give them your phone num- • Ask for theirs. It puts them Also, I feel that some pillars cover ber if you decide to make in an awkward position if they such a broad spectrum that they plans. aren’t sure about the plans. deserve to be divided into sub-pil- • Let them know you have a • Stalk or annoy them. Ten lars. Activity is a prime example of genuine interest in them. messages in a few days is a bit such a pillar, and I have divided it much. into play and work; relationships as well require a division into fam- ily, friends, enemies, and girl/boy- Basically, get to know them be- and nothing more. And, above friends. I would like to take spring fore making a move. If you’re all, don’t read too much into http://www.suddenlyisee.ca/ quarter as an opportunity to delve compatible, it’ll give them more things they say and do. Half the This week Mitchell explains what “living” is and how it can be broken into a discussion of the complexi- of a reason to be interested back. time, people misinterpret sig- down. ties and subtleties of these five pil- If not, you’ll quickly find out it’s nals from the person they’re in- lars. a good thing you’re just friends terested in. 6 OPINIONS The Rose Thorn A more perfect Rose Moving past roommate is on the tennis team. is that, while a schedule filled I don’t really know why she with only perpetual sleeping in joined. She claimes it is because and partying may be nice at first, Godwin’s law Price she loves the sport, but she prob- it may get old after a while. Or at Carley Baehr couple receiving the fertility ably just wants to acquire some least bad for the resume. Luck- Copy Editor treatments prefers, the extra of the fame that comes from be- ily, we go to Rose, which would embryos can be implanted in ing on a sports team at an engi- be sweet if there were no classes, Issues of morality are always the mother—who then takes neering school. Now she has to tests, or homework, and lots of difficult to resolve: different contraceptive drugs so that spend all this time “practicing” time for crazy engineering proj- people have different stan- none of them will be viable. and “going to competitions” and ects. Just imagine. Giant death dards for morals, and in the (That’s code for “they kill Christine Price “winning” and rubbish like that. lasers. Giant death robots. Gi- end everyone gets compared them.”) Basically, regardless Opinions Editor to a Nazi. So I will not try to of what happens, the hypo- argue the ethics of “baby-kill- thetical babies are all going to I keep losing friends to HPV. ing,” nor will I bicker about “die”. What’s wrong with us- It’s not their fault. They were whether or not a clump of ing the cells to do research? just not informed beforehand cells is really a (hypothetical) A few cells in a Petri dish are about the dangers. It started baby. I will not even insist rather less aware of what’s with just one friend, but now that the sacrifice of one hypo- happening to them than a that he is so heavily involved in thetical baby is nothing com- rabbit or a rat in a lab. Unlike the HPV “community,” I’ve come pared to the lives that could lab animals, a single cell or a in contact with others who are be saved by the research that group of embryonic stem cells sharing his sad fate, and found could be done with it, as that has no nerve endings and no they are, in general, decent folk. is often regarded as a form central nervous system; it And then, I lose them too. of “moral calculus,” which is cannot feel pain or fear or any For some things, such as do- generally abhorred. related emotions. Yet people mestic violence, flood evacu- Instead, I will try to appeal to who protest that animal re- ation, and drive-by fruitings, www.rose-hulman.edu practicality: the reason that search should be banned be- stem cell research doesn’t cause of the animals’ suffer- you can’t blame the victim. Be- To quote Ursula, “Poor unfortunate souls. So sad, so true.” ing lost to HPV is one of those need to be opposed is that the ing are sometimes regarded things. Do the members realize, Anyway, the result is that I don’t ant death hovercar to cross embryos would all die any- as crazy. I know, you’re going when they first join the club, that have nearly enough time with Speed Lake. Last year HPV team way, regardless of whether or to say that a bunny can’t grow they will soon devote almost the friends. When not involved with created the best human pow- not the cells are used. Most into a human, but stem cells entirety of their free time to cre- clubs and activities, most of us ered vehicle in America; without of the cells used for research can. The problem with that ating a human powered vehicle? have to deal with this “home- classes or homework, they could come from fertility clinics. is that, while the embryo it- That they will soon be getting work” stuff that professors keep do it again, and sleep for eight People have a large number self can develop into a person five hours of sleep or fewer? That assigning, because they falsely hours a night. No longer will I of embryos frozen and stored, under certain conditions, any their one break will be Buffalo assume we don’t have anything suffer losing friends to HPV; we so when the fertility treat- given stem cell can’t. It’s not Wild Wings late Thursday night? more entertaining to do. will have more time to watch ments are discontinued, for possible. And the occasional spot of Halo? You may have seen Facebook Onion videos, complain about whatever reason, there are So basically you’re using parts No, of course not. They prob- groups with names like, “College the bees, eat delicious First Wok some left over. The couples of a hypothetical baby, which ably think they just get to play Would Be Sweet If There Were and sit around writing songs are given a few choices: they would be dead in any case, with fiberglass and ride bikes. No Classes, Tests or Homework.” about cheese wheels. Which is can throw the cells away, keep and growing from it cultures A lot of clubs are like this. My What these groups fail to realize what college is really all about. them in storage indefinitely, of lots of cells that are not or donate them to stem cell hypothetical babies. I’m veg- research. etarian, so I would never eat The upshot of this is that a chicken, but I do eat eggs; Letter to the editor these embryos will never and as a scientist-in-train- grow into actual human be- ing, I would be more willing ings. They’ll either stay fro- to work on stem cell research Balancing a career and family zen forever or die. Or, if the than on bunnies.

Luanne Tilstra ask. She asked Mr. Gambrell to comment budgeting decisions for Dow Chemical. As and I compare our schedules and we make G u e s t W r i t e r on the likelihood of having career success he said, we all have our flat spots. a decision about whose meeting is least im- if one truly treasures family. She asked him Dealing with having children and a ca- portant; who can afford to take the child to I enjoyed the Paustenbach lecture on to talk about how it was possible to work the reer is something I know a lot about. Like see a physician. If either child forgets some- Monday. I’m usually too far behind in either twelve hour days while raising a family. She Mr. Gambrell, I am ready to start work at six thing at home, it may or may not make it to lecture preparation or grading to go to these asked him from the very real perspective of a in the morning; that’s when I go wake my school that day. lectures, but—because this one was early in young woman about to embark on a career children and—if necessary—help them get I do know about balancing raising a fam- the term—I felt comfortable taking the time. with hopes of, some day, having a family. ready for school. My early morning ‘time to ily while having a successful career. I do not Mr. Michael Gambrell had a lot of great Mr. Gambrell is as successful as he is be- think’ happens in the five minutes between agree with Mr. Gambrell’s comment that it is things to share and he presented his ideas cause he does not back away from the hard dropping off my daughter at school and not about balance. Maybe it’s not about bal- well. As promised, the question/answer questions. And this is a hard question. ancing any one day, but it is about balance session that followed his lecture was very At first, it seemed he was stepping over the long haul. There are periods of time interesting. The focus of this commentary around an answer, repeating com- when your children and your family MUST is one of the questions and his answer to ments he had made earlier in his talk, take priority. I’ve read extensively about it. You should know that —before publish- but not really addressing the apparent the physical, emotional, and psychological ing—I shared this essay with the individual dichotomy in his two career tips. I development of children so that when I am who asked the question. was quite impressed that he did come making my prioritizing decisions, I am us- During his talk, Mr. Gambrell identified back and answer one of the questions. ing both my head and my heart. There are I do know about balancing five tips for career success. One of his tips After a few minutes he declared that it periods of time when the job and career emphasized the importance of giving one- is possible for a woman to have both must take priority. Those are times when raising a family while having a self time to think. He explained how his usu- family and career success. As evi- your children coast on the base of support successful career... it is about al work day starts at six in the morning and dence, he referred to his daughter, an you’ve already given them. Those are also continues on to about six in the evening. He attorney with two children who is well times when you ask friends and family for abalnce over the long haul. stressed the importance of being there for on her way to making partner in her help. the early morning hours because that was law firm. He did not, to my hearing, Mostly I’m writing this to confirm Mr. when he could process information, make comment on how it is possible. I also Gambrell’s final answer. It is possible for a connections, and plan his day. Clearly, giv- got the impression that he came to woman to have a career and a family. I have ing himself time to think has served Mr. that answer because he felt he had to. a successful career and I have a great fam- Gambrell well. Throughout his career, he To say success is not possible is both ily. I’m about two to four years behind the has done an excellent job of understanding discouraging and against his general Rose News schedule I had imagined for myself when I his business, predicting market trends, and approach of focusing on what you can started this career, but I’m still married and ” placing himself where he needed to be to do and not on what you cannot do. I blame a glitch in the Matrix. my children are doing great—most of the best serve his company. In all fairness to Mr. Gambrell, I time. I add one career tip to Mr. Gambrell’s On a number of occasions during his talk, don’t think the question is one that he is walking into my office. In the afternoons, list. Be patient with yourself and your life; Mr. Gambrell referred to his two daughters. qualified to answer. That area is one of his my husband and I take turns, alternating be- keep working hard and success will come. He described how he advised them that, re- ‘flat spots’; his term for an area in which one tween staying in our offices until the desired You can have it all; you just can’t have it all gardless of their career choice, a technical is not an expert. I’m pretty confident that, six pm and chauffeuring the children to and at the same time. degree would serve them well. At one point, while Mr. Gambrell answers his phone when from school, activities, and home. We have he shared a story in which he felt the best a member of his family calls, he was not the a schedule for each term and each season; advice to give his younger daughter was to one who went to school to bring his daugh- it’s complex, so it’s posted on the refrigerator Have opinions? ask her mother. It was clear throughout his ter the finished science project that was left and in our PDA’s. Whoever gets home first talk that he treasures his family. Not surpris- on the dining room table. I’m also pretty makes dinner and helps with homework, Send them to ingly, another one of his tips for career suc- sure that he didn’t spend too many days piano practice, etc. Whoever gets home last cess was to treasure family. staying home with a child with a cold or flu. cleans up dinner. We ‘treasure our family’ opinions@ During the question period, one student Asking Mr. Gambrell how to balance raising with quality family time from about nine to (Mandy Kronmiller) asked a question that, children with the tasks necessary to rise in ten pm, as the children get ready for bed. If rose-hulman.edu I think, all the women in the hall wanted to a corporation is rather like asking me about one of the children becomes ill, my husband Friday, March 20, 2009 SPORTS 7 Engineer Scoreboard Baseball 10-3 (1-0) Kristen March 17 March 18 Rose-Hulman 12 Wabash College 9 at Franklin College 6 at Rose-Hulman 3

Greer Softball 6-6 (0-0) March 14 March 15 Rose-Hulman 6 Rose-Hulman 10 at Greenville College 1 at Blackburn College 6 Tim Boyer RT: Last year, the softball team a team, but strength as a unit is Sports Editor won the HCAC regular sea- what makes a difference. March 14 March 15 son championship but lost in Rose-Hulman 4 Rose-Hulman 0 Last spring, the Lady Engi- the conference tournament. RT: You currently lead the at Greenville College 0 at Blackburn College 1 neers softball team mounted an Is there anything you or the team with a hitting percent- impressive 25-12 overall record team learned from that expe- age over .500. What do you and captured the Heartland rience? do to help yourself perform at Collegiate Athletic Conference KG: Our performance from the this level? Men’s Tennis 3-7 (1-1) (HCAC) regular season title tournament last year was very KG: My performance this sea- March 14 March 15 - Greencastle, Ind. with a 13-3 conference record. disappointing for all of us. This son has been for the best inter- Rose-Hulman 2 Rose-Hulman 8 The Lady Engineers then went year we plan on keeping the est of my team. I knew we lost a at Transylvania Univ. 5 at Grand Valley State 1 1-2 in the conference tourna- same intensity throughout the few power hitters from last year ment, failing to qualify for the season so we can carry the same and I decided I wanted to step NCAA Division III Softball Tour- intensity into the tournament. up and help my team where we March 14 - Lexington, Ky. March 18 nament. Each game we play like we are needed it. Rose-Hulman 9 Rose-Hulman 3 With many starters returning, HCAC champions; we make vs. Manchester College 0 at Wabash College 6 Rose-Hulman looks to recap- sure we play as a team with RT: Do you have any activi- ture the title. Leading the Lady each player working towards ties or hobbies outside of soft- Engineers at the plate is junior our team goal. ball? Men’s Golf applied biology major Kristen KG: Outside of softball I am a Greer. She has the team’s high- RT: Is there something in par- member of the Chi Omega So- March 15 est hitting average at .500, with ticular you think will help the rority and participate in as many DePauw Spring Invitational 20 hits in the 12 games so far team do well again this sea- community service events as I Clayton, Ind. 5th of 5 this season. She has five runs so son? can. I love to volunteer at hos- far this season while also bring- KG: This year we constantly pitals and to see people of the ing in another eight runs off her remind ourselves that we are community in need that I can hits. HCAC champions and we work assist in helping them in their Greer recently took some on making each individual play- current situation. time to answer some questions er confident in their abilities in Tim Cindric for The Rose Thorn. order for the team as a whole to RT: What’s the most meaning- succeed. ful award/recognition that Rose Thorn: How long have you’ve received? you been involved in soft- RT: Are there any obstacles KG: In high school, I have re- honored in ball? this year’s team would have to ceived an award called “The Kristen Greer: I have been play- overcome to win the HCAC? Bulldog Award” which stood ing softball for all my life and KG: Our team consists of eleven for being a strong leader on the began playing competitively talented players and we all have team and leading by example on NCAA Hall of when I was 12 years old. It took to stay healthy and prevent inju- the softball field. I enjoy being a lot of hard work to be compet- ry in order to be perform as well in leadership positions to have itive but I’ve learned to love the as we did last season. Numbers the ability to help and motivate challenge. don’t determine the success of others reach their goals. Champions Rose-Hulman News ries. During an Indycar event week- Baseball routs Rose-Hulman Institute of Tech- end, Cindric joins team owner nology graduate Tim Cindric, who Roger Penske on the official team currently serves as the President of radios for the team’s two drivers. Wabash in rain- Penske Racing, has been honored He also serves as a coordinator with a plaque in the newly remod- for the team’s weekly NASCAR op- eled NCAA Hall of Champions that eration that features drivers Kurt reopens this Busch, Sam shortened game Thursday. Hornish Jr. and C i n d r i c David Stremme. Rose-Hulman News two earned runs. Jake Thomas is part of an At Rose-Hul- and Tanner Coggins paced the exhibit on man, Cindric Rose-Hulman Institute of Wabash offense with two hits former ath- scored 1,081 Technology relied on a pair of each. letes “who points dur- home runs by junior Keenan Rose-Hulman scored twice in have been ing his basket- Long to earn a rain shortened 9- the first inning on an RBI single successful in ball career and 3 victory over Wabash College in by Stemple and a double steal of something helped the En- non-league college home that featured other than gineers earn a baseball action on a run for Tepe. Wa- sports.” His trip to the NCAA Wednesday night. bash knotted the h e a d s h o t Tournament in Long blasted a score at 2-2, be- photo ap- 1989. He earned two-run home run fore the Engineers pears on a honorable men- in the fourth inning, scored twice in the plaque as tion Academic then launched a fourth on Long’s part of this All-American three-run shot in round tripper to new exhibit, honors before the fifth to pace the give Rose-Hulman along with a Rose-Hulman News graduating with Engineer offensive a 4-2 edge. description Tim Cindric, a Rose-Hulman graduate, a bachelor’s de- attack. The Engineers of his accom- serves as the President of Penske Racing. gree in mechan- Junior Tim Tepe added five runs in plishments. ical engineering smashed a double their final at bat Cindric currently serves as the in 1990. and a single with Rose-Hulman News to secure the final President of Penske Racing, which According to a news release by three runs scored Junior Keenan Lang blasted margin of victory. has captured four Indianapolis 500 the NCAA, the organization had and a steal of home two homeruns for five runs. Long provided titles and one Daytona 500 cham- planned to renovate the Hall of to provide support. three tallies with pionship since he joined the orga- Champions prior to damage suf- Sophomore Chris Stemple con- his home run to left field, with nization in 2000. Penske Racing fered on Nov. 14, 2007. The NCAA tributed two singles, one run, Tepe and junior Andrew Bilse has also earned one Indycar series Hall of Champions will reopen to one RBI and one stolen base. slapping RBI singles. championship with Sam Hornish the public on March 12 with hours Rose-Hulman smashed nine Rose-Hulman improved to 10- Jr. and two CART championships of 10 to 5 on Tuesday through Sat- hits in their five at bats in the 3 on the season and returns to with Gil De Ferran. urday and noon until 5 on Sun- rain shortened contest. Sopho- action with a three-game week- His role in Penske Racing in- day. Admission tickets to the Hall more Nick Rumpke picked up end series against Manchester cludes serving as a supervisor over of Champions are available for $5 the victory with four strong College on Friday and Saturday. the Indycar and NASCAR team for general admissions and $3 for innings on the mound, scat- Wabash College dropped to 3-5 operations, along with significant youth, students and senior citi- tering eight hits and allowing on the season. work in the American Le Mans Se- zens. Rose-Hulman News VIII FLIPSIDE The Rose Thorn Our mission: Offend just the right number of people every week Wacky prof quotes Only at Rose “I don’t know about you, but my voice goes up with the On pairs of pairs of pants number of beers.” — Dr. JP Verkamp Mason YEAH, YEAH, THIS Panting to discuss pants On the other hand (or leg), *hic* IS TRUTH, MAN. Only at Rose might a simple considering two pairs of pants *hic* conversation pertaining to the becomes much more interest- grammatical usage of the word ing, as you now have a pair of “I don’t give a damn about a ‘pairs’ deteriorate into determi- pairs of pants. So then, just single test score.” nation of just what constitutes how many pants do you have? — Dr. Kim. a pair of pants. Do you have the expected two I didn’t give a damn about At first glance, a pair of pants pairs of pants, or do you have that test score, either. is singular. Each pair of pants four pants? Overall, running refers to a single object of cloth- off to join a nudist colony is be- “Mind-reading 101 is some- ing, a singular entity as it were. coming a more viable option all Noel Spurgeon - The hotter you are, the less you have to work thing you take in HSS.” However, the question then be- the time, if only to escape the — Dr. Hanson, betraying comes what exactly do we have grammar. his department. a pair of? Following traditional Thus, I hereby propose that Top “10” Ten structural rules, you would all pants shall now be treated as “I thought girls were differ- have two pants. Considering single legs. Therefore, a pair of Rose Man Laws ent from boys, but we’re all the same.” — Dr. Aidoo, the singular, each individual is pants will literally refer to two Matt Melton a pant. But then what is a pant? individual objects. Perhaps this who needs to take AB101 M a n ? A single leg? Just picture a col- can be implemented by having Essential Biology. lection of grammatical purists pants with a full zipper so that 10. Men shall give a greeting, or nod, or a smile, or somehow acknowledge going about with a single pant individual legs can be pulled “I like silicon everywhere.” the presence of others when walking by and eye contact is established. — Dr. Thomas. I thought (and then promptly getting ar- apart and mixed and matched. Failure to do so should result in a prompt snowball or water balloon pro- rested for public indecency). Just imagine the benefits! silicon only goes well with pelled at the violator, targeting an area of comedic enjoyment. valleys and other depres- sions in the landscape. 9. All men shall take part in a laking at least once per year. SA’s are pre- Flipsi e: Mu ic Review ferred targets, followed by RA’s, people whose birthday it is, and anyone “Think about just not let- else who would otherwise deserve it. ting your whitespace If U Seek Amy - Britney Spears happen...” — Dr. 8. All men are required to watch The Boondock Saints, pull an all-nighter Livingston, sharing The for non-academic reasons, and engage in an FPS LAN game with their James Zhou Secret of the editors. fl oormates at least once per year. How was I supposed to know? “I had Irish cream in my 7. Nerd runs shall only be used when late for tests or quizzes, not regular Bailey’s this morning.” I take many issues with “If U Seek class. Amy,” the latest single from Brit- — Dr. Mrs. DeVasher, pioneering a new St. ney Spears’ album Circus. For one 6. Men shall hold the door open for all women within a distance of 15 ft. Patrick’s Day drink. thing, it is a chart topper, which For men approaching the door, this action is discretionary. sticks yet another hole in my the- “When I’m stressed, I eat ory that humans are a reasonably 5. Men’s laptop backgrounds shall not contain pictures of them with their more to increase my intelligent species. Another thing is girlfriends in awkwardly cute poses. Doing so in a creative attempt to cross-sectional area.” that it uses the letter U in the place somehow suck up is NOT an excuse. of the word you. The fi nal thing is — Dr. Stienstra, explain- ing why McDonald’s is the shocking disregard at which nary English. Unfortunately, that 4. Men shall not be creepers, and reform all other men immediately of now the best performer the modern songwriter mutilates sentence is also grammatically their creeper ways. the proper grammatical structure incorrect, as the progressive parti- in the NASDAQ. of sentences in their songs. Sure, ciple that must follow the present 3. Men shall know correct class etiquette, such as respectfully using their “You probably don’t have the bards of the past have long progressive “are begging,” is not laptop, discretely taking naps, and secretly imbibing adult beverages. forced innocent sentences into di- present; instead it is replaced by “if water softeners in dorms, you’re prob- abolical cages of iambic pentam- you seek Amy,” which as a simple 2. Men shall not hand-block a Frisbee, block a basktetball shot, intercept eter and other such abominations, present condition if clause, is likely a football thrown by a girl, or otherwise show excessive dominance dur- ably lucky to have water but thankfully demons like Shake- to be the start of a type-I condi- ing intramural sports while their team is in the lead. there.” — Dr. Morris. speare are now regularly cursed in tional sentence that is missing its Back in his day, he had our nation’s high schools. main clause. In short, this reviewer 1. Men shall not schedule dinner or social activities around WoW raiding to react hydrocarbons Look, I can understand that believes that due to sloppy copy times or other MMORPG events. “But my girlfriend plays too!” Is NOT a with oxygen in a con- gangster rap is simply another editing, the singer was forced to suitable excuse. Frankly, its disturbing. densation apparatus in language and does not obey Eng- incorrectly sing a grammatically order to have a shower. lish grammatical structure. I had unpleasant resection of a pair of Haikus... of protest!!! to spend roughly three days with a truncated sentences, whereas a ca- “Anyone in here biochem- copy of Marcus St. John III’s semi- sual music listener might mistake Will Fuqua istry oriented? It’s okay, INK, an art pamphlet nal work: “The English Gentle- her words as an announcement of Competitive inhibitor you can admit it.” — Dr. Rose, a school of engineers man’s Translation Guide between her sexual popularity. Still, due to Nicholson, out of the INK collects haikus Predictable end. Bastardized American English the fact that you can have a good closet, but still living in They’re posted in the union and Extremely Bastardized Ameri- time drunkenly dancing to the sin. Nobody reads them Extended deadline can Urban Vernacular English,” in song’s beat at a club, I shall award March 27th ‘09 order to review “Crank That,” by four upside-down elephants to “If “Suck, squeeze, bang, blow INK holds a contest Still nobody cares Soulja Boy. I eventually gave up af- U Seek Amy”. – and do it again!!!” They reject profanity ter I was unable to correctly trans- — Dr. White. No com- Offi cial Thorn rating: 4 elephants D@#$ m!@#$%^&*()!s All-campus emails late the line: “superman dat ho,” ment. INK has now sent ten of them even after consulting with leading Thunderbird fi lter comic book and agricultural au- “Everyone agree? If not I’ll thorities. However, Spears’ line: kill you.” — Dr. Butske, “All of the boys and all of the girls laying down the law. are begging to if you seek Amy,” is, as far as I can tell, perfectly ordi- “I never believed a 1 ton animal could jump. Boing!” — Dr. Holder. Inside the Relax, that pink el- ephant jumping around Flipside the room is not real. Just How to: Make 1 trillion dollars drink another shot. out of thin air. Page FED “I swear, the air was 80 proof.” — Dr. Houghtal- Hottest fashions: unique vectors en, happily recalling St. to wear your hat. Patrick’s day celebration. Page <0,30,4> “How much acid have we Thing: why you don’t get any. done?” — Dr. Mohan, who has done enough Page XXX acid to forget how much acid he has done. Nick Easter - Two time goose attack survivor

Hey there, Rose-Hulman, how’s second week? Horrible? Well, at least you did not have to spend your Thursday in a small room, surrounded by insane people. All unattributed material was unabashedly stolen or typed by James Zhou. I really have to start a meme. Perhaps ninjas? They are cool and very meme worthy, but they are invisible. So, in order to correctly honor their existence, I should simply leave a blank space in this disclaimer. Psst, there is a ninja over there, do not look or you’ll get sword in your eye ->