Taking a Shit on Inequality U of a Solves Gendered Bathroom Issue
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News Opinion Sports You’ll never guess what Listen to what I, a Men play with the SU did this university student, has balls, win time!!!!!!! 420 to say about 69 the game 85 HUMANS IN AN OFFICE IN CHARGE OF A NEWSPAPER IN CHARGE OF THE NEWS THE GÆTÆWÆY December 9th, 2015 Issue No.18 Volume 106 GTWY.CA Taking a shit on inequality U of A solves gendered bathroom issue JIMMY PRAIRIE ORGY REPORTER @YEGWOMAN Students can look forward to a selves in lockers, rooms, and vari- completely equal, freedom-ori- ous bushes around campus, all of ented, washroomless campus in which are non-discriminant to 2017. gender orientation, Bondarcode The University of Alberta unan- said. By eliminating a space for a imously approved of the policy in specific bodily function, students one of its many board meetings are able to truly integrate into the nobody pays attention to in a move post-gender, post-human world. applauded by the Students’ Union. “The first step is eliminating a The phasing-out of washrooms gender binary that divides us as at the U of A’s North Campus will people — that starts with elimi- commence in 2016’s Spring semes- nating gender from washrooms,” ter. This will extend to all univer- Bondarcode said. “But we’re still sity buildings by 2017. Washroom faced with the problem of being spaces will be re-purposed as forced to identify with washrooms classrooms that will hold equal- when we need to expel waste.” ity training sessions for university In relieving themselves in students and staff. bushes and other obscure loca- SU Vice-President (Student Life) tions, students will escape the Chuck Bondarcode has been cam- gender binary. They’ll also enter paigning the No Bathroom Policy into a posthuman lifestyle where since August. Seeing the univer- they will no longer be dictated sity commit to equality to the according to their physical entity. extent of eliminating bathrooms With complete freedom of the feels “unbelievable,” Bondarcode body and the subsequent act of said. excretion, students will attain an “Students will never have to feel organic form of freedom of the uncomfortable in the context of mind, Bondarcode said. the washroom,” Bondarcode said. To keep in line with the theme of “Because are eliminating that con- granting students complete free- text entirely.” dom and equality, there will be no Though there are various dis- designated space. Though bushes advantages that come with elimi- are recommended for answer- nating washrooms, equality is ing the call of nature, any space more important than excrement, is a fair space to dump. For that and that should be reflected in the reason, the U of A is recommend- university’s buildings. Students ing students invest in “a few good will still be able to relieve them- pairs of rubber boots.” CONTINUED PAGE 5 STUDENT HOT TAKES VOICES #CONTENT news 2 THEgetaway WWW.CA December 9, 2015 ass holes angry old people The Getaway is published by the Comrades THE of Student Journalism (CSJ), a collective- gateway looKS-good-in-jeans Cum Levi’s Comments, concerns or complaints about The Getaway’s content run, autonomous, party of workers that [email protected] or operations should be first sent to the trash. If the trash is have seized the means of newspaper unable to resolve a complaint, it may be taken to our Editor-in- production from the bourgoisie. visit us at Unmanagable editress Kieran Christ Superstar Chief, who will probably just tell you to go fuck yourself; beyond GTWY.CA [email protected] that, appeal is to the non-partisan Society OmbudsBoard. We don’t know what that is, so good luck. The chairs of the Board of The Gateway is proud to (>^_^)> Editor 101010011100 shonk Directors and the OmbudsBoard can’t be reached anywhere. be a leaving member of the @youstilluseemail? Canadian University Press. Wenzday, Decamonth 9, 2015 coffeeright Volume 420 Issue Yes. 17 Rihar Settlers-of-Catangay [email protected] Published since the quick brown fox All materials appearing in The Getaway are pretty bad so we’re jumped over the lazy dog NUtball editor Grosch not sure why you’d want to copy them. Circulation Dwindling [email protected] ISSN 0845-wtf is this bearded editor Hairy Zilinski dis clamrz n dat climrz Sweet 3-69 [email protected] Students’ Union Building Opinions expressed in the pages of The Getaway are produced University of Angsty Teenagers SacK editor Bitch Zach by people that are full of shit and have no idea what they’re Redmonton, Leftberta [email protected] talking about. If you take them seriously, that’s you’re own fault. We’re a student newspaper for fuck’s sake. T6G 2J7 Sleeping editor Owlmar [email protected] Additionally, the opinions expressed in advertisements Telephone No don’t fucking call us appearing in The Getaway are those of the advertisers, which Fax Who still has a fax!? TZatZIKI editor Xtina Hummus should be pretty clear, but at least one dumbass complains Ad Inquiries Those other guys [email protected] every year anyways. Email [email protected] CraZY womens editor Jessie The Gateway periodically adjusts its circulation between [email protected] 1,000 to 100,000,000 printed copies based on how much we business duo need to start campfires in summer. liZard reporter Balls New and improved BUsiness Manager Breath Lancelot [email protected] [email protected] | 780.002.0000 what is a colophon volleYball reporter Mitch Sorenson [email protected] ChessmasteR Oleksii Rollerskates The Gateway is created using Nintendo Game & Watch’s and the [email protected] Sega CD. A dusty Commodore 64 is used for layout. The Virtual Boy is used for vector images, while Jet Force Gemini is used for contribudors raster images. Our PDF gets sent to print but we don’t really know how that works. Text is set in various sizes, fonts, yada yada Poopy McFroodles, Who’s My Dad, Ewan Gambino, yada. I really need to take a shit so I’m just going to leave it at Macklemore, Gender, Hamburger Brown, Taco Bill, Photog that. Read the rest of the paper instead of the masthead. This part Name, Byline, Large Gift, Chianti is really only for inside jokes. Go away. Stop reading. Why are you still reading this? Fuck’s sake. Bye. not Photo of the week by Photog Name (fuck this guy) EYE WHY CHOOSE ? EXAM We’ll Work with Your Budget! GREAT O FRAMES We Welcome Appointments and Walk-ins! CONTACT LENSES SUB 1-70, HUB 9101 Cell: 780-905-0132 Tel: 780-434-3001 or 780-434-3002 well, great WWW.PORNHUB.COM I wonder if the “best student journalist in Canada” has an issue with these #gender stories <3 Kate News Editor Email Richard Richard Phone Twitter Richard Richard Volunteer IDGAF Richard Orgy club to penetrate SU Erections and your wallet Jim priority of the Orgy Club, which will JIM @JIM teach about things that conservative high schools left out. This includes Students may get off on campus if general sexual principles such as the U of A Orgy Club’s Dedicated “Equality: you get what you give,” Fee Unit (DFU) passes in the next “When it’s time to go from Netflix Students’ Union Erections. to Chill,” and “How to be inclusive The Orgy Club’s referendum is in a threesome.” The club will also asking for a Dedicated Fee Unit be giving primers in etiquette of or- (DFU) of $2.40 in the Fall/Winter se- gies, kinks and one-night-stands. mesters and $0.69 per Spring/Sum- There are definite rights and mer semester. The contribution wrongs in these scenarios to which will help the Orgy Club secure event a lot of young adults are oblivious, space for orgies, provide opportuni- Bonner said. ties for sexual education and supply “The casual encounter is difficult students with contraceptives. If it to master. Bate your time. Clean passes, the SU will also provide the your space. Groom yourself. Know Orgy Club its own campus space for how to communicate,” he said. administrative and club affairs. “Don’t eat the pizza in their fridge Club president Tim Bonner will if you wake up before them. Plus be running the “Vote Yes for Group many more delicate points that Sex” campaign in the Winter semes- can’t really be summed up in a sen- ter until the SU Erection in March. tence.” “There’s been a lot of talk about Public discussion on group sex the severe importance of consensu- WRAP YOUR TOOL BEFORE YOU FUCK BITCHES HORNY FIRST-YEAR and sexual ethics is still premature al sex on campus, but we also need as it’s typically met with skepti- to be talking about good sex,” Bon- that time I scooped out a banana, will provide a safe space for receiv- “$2.40 per semester is a small cism. But Bonner hopes to act as a ner said. “The word ‘orgasm’ needs microwaved the peel and used it to ing the education and experience price to pay for contraceptives and missionary in bringing campus a to enter U of A discourse.” masturbate,” Bonner said. “Girls that will help students make the sex space,” Bonner said. playspace. The “Vote Yes for Group Oftentimes, undergraduates are have the same problem — flicking most love out of their undergradu- If the U of A is willing to create a Sex” campaign will reach its cli- too inexperienced to know what your tongue a couple times doesn’t ate years.