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February 2, 2003 The Antarctic Sun • 13 THE MIDNIGHT SUMMER JOURNA L OF A SOUTH POLE W INTER Wri t ing by Judi th Spanberger Photos by Jonathan Berry March 10, 2002 baby bee stings. I frostnipped my tongue (no joke). Everything fogs up at those We are three and a half weeks into the temps and I find it easiest to get around winter and the sun is low in the sky. He without eyewear. I pull my hat low and my moves along a track mere fingers above the neck gaiter up to my eyes, leaving a slit to horizon and parallel to the Earth, like a hair- look through, then put one foot in front of line on a monk’s head. Like 9 p.m. on a the other and hope for the best. I fall once summer’s day. The shadows are amazingly in a while but with 50 pounds of clothing long and feel foreboding, sending word of on I barely feel it. Getting back up is the the coming dark and cold. Soon the sun will hard part. die, and then the real winter will begin. to continue work on the new elevated sta- Sometimes as I walk out to get materi- Ending the summer was unexpectedly tion and fulfill my duties as the construc- als I wonder at how lucky I am to be here, emotional. Each day of that last week a tion materials person. She’s a beast whose despite the hardship of moving around plane took more of our comrades. We tracks clack and bang their way across the outdoors. Other times it seems so incredi- would all gather on the flight deck to hug polar plateau, but I love her. There’s a bly difficult, this life, and I want to shake and say goodbye. We’d eaten together, par- peace in trundling across “the long, flat my fist at the gods for this place. So I do. tied together, worked and functioned in the white” alone with my thoughts and the And it all snowballs into bigger questions same small spaces for four months. Once nighttime sky. of life and pain and hunger in the world, you’ve lived so closely to someone they are The atmosphere is more relaxed now. and children born into unloving situations part of your world, and now they were The community is jelling and we often and mean people and, and, and… going away, leaving little holes in your laugh together when we gather for meals And what could I possibly do about it heart. or parties. A settling-in is taking place. As all from here? Those were the times I sat The day the station began its winter one of my fellow winterers said, “The on my knees and wept, frustrated I could- isolation the last flight of the season cir- winter is the reward for living through the n’t overcome this place. Broken-hearted at cled overhead, bidding us farewell. That summer.” Amen. not just the pain of the world, but the pain night we gathered in the big heavy- in my own heart. Will I ever find my machinery garage and watched both ver- May 14, 2002 answers? Is the healing in learning not to sions of “The Thing” projected onto sev- want them anymore? eral large sheets sewn together and hung The sun set March 20. We had our sun- We see auroras now almost daily - from the ceiling. The first version takes down party in the new elevated station so sometimes they are painted across the sky place in the Arctic and is extremely silly. we could look out the windows as the as if with a broad sweep of God’s paint- The second version takes place in evening went on and see the giant yolk, brush. Sometimes they are the smoke curl- Antarctica and is even more ridiculous. sitting on its vast white, sinking lower and ing off a giant cigar and they shimmer We were wondering who the consultant lower. It looked like a radioactive egg high up in the heavens. Other times they was for that movie, or if John Carpenter glowing sunny-side up. The clouds were drip down on us like animated chandelier even thought he needed one... I mean, who pink around the edges as they nestled in crystals, dipping so low I feel I could would know whether his facts were cor- the darkening blue, much like a Georgia reach up and grab one. And if I could grab rect or not? Who actually goes to O’Keefe painting. A month later, it’s as one would I touch the face of this southern Antarctica? We got a pretty good laugh though we’ve never seen the sun at all. I God who challenges me so? out of it. It was a great way to start a win- feel I’ve lived half my life here already The moon rose this month and came up ter. Now we’re ready for anything...We and I still have six months to go. full. I wasn’t expecting it, but coming out just need to find the flame-throwers. The temps have been minus 80 or cold- of the dome that day there she was. Full, The temps are around minus 50, and I er. Unreal. Breathing is like sucking in big and low on the horizon with her light can stay outside for two hours before I spreading out from her like the dress of a have to come in and thaw. It amazes me princess in the depth of a curtsy. A mov- that I can survive this. I eat everything that ing sight. isn’t nailed down and I’m sure that helps. Our community continues to grow and Some of the adjustment to the cold has develop, and I’m finding I take a deep come from experience. I made the mistake pleasure in this. We had a wonderful time once... OK, twice, of putting my pencil in at the Cinco de Mayo party. We had home- my mouth while I readjusted my clip- made piñatas, margaritas in the juice board. It’s surprising to have a pencil machine, and great food. We decorated the freeze to your tongue by the lead. galley, the band played and we sang, When I’m not on foot I drive an ancient danced, laughed and grew easier with each Caterpillar track forklift named Felicia. other. By the end of the evening the place She helps me deliver the materials needed See Winter on page 14 14 • The Antarctic Sun February 2, 2003 Winter From page 13 was a mess and everyone was happily come and go that nothing would be a sur- everywhere... people forgetting the names chatting or dancing in it. prise, it all simply was. Sometimes I feel of their family members, why they walked like the gods are walking beside me. This into a room, etc. And what was so impor- June 27, 2002 beautiful and isolated place is showing me tant that it couldn’t be left till tomorrow? how to crawl around inside my own head Nothing. Life boiled down to a very sim- We’re still here. It’s still dark. and find comfort there. ple existence for me: put one foot in front We just passed the solstice, our half- The low temps are cooling off the polar of the other. Now do it again. Scientists way mark. Four months down, four more plateau to the point that we’re getting little call it T-3 syndrome and it has to do with to go. It’s tempting to start counting days. “ice quakes.” The ice contracts due to the the lack of a hormone that is produced Must resist. colder temps and makes noises like rail with the help of sunlight. Or something Mid-winter is a time of reflection and cars slamming into each other. Usually it like that. It was explained to me at one celebration. We’ve received mid-winter sounds like the rail yard is about a mile point, but of course I promptly forgot it. greeting cards via e-mail from probably away, but sometimes it can shake a build- What was interesting is the lack of moti- every station in Antarctica with a picture ing. vation and focus didn’t really bother any- of their winter crew and good wishes for The frost-cicles that fascinated me in one. It was as though we were all drugged safe travels home. We took our mid-winter October are once again hanging off the and that was fine with us. Nothing was picture just outside the dome entrance. It dome. The ceiling is full of fuzzy stalac- worth getting worked up over. It was all was minus 84. When it was time for the tites. They don’t have a strong hold and as getting very dreamy. flash to go off we all held our breath so they fall from 50 feet up they break up. We had a July 4 BBQ that felt weird in faces wouldn’t be obscured by the fog What falls on your head is akin to snow- the cold and dark. What made more sense from breathing. fall. South Pole: the only place where it was the “Christmas in July” party. We dec- Our mid-winter dinner was an elegant snows inside, but not out. orated the galley and bar and had a nice affair. We brought out the linen, china and The barometric pressure altitude jumps sit-down dinner.

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