Black Nerd By Jon Carr Jon Carr [email protected] (404)394-9115 SETTING The set should be minimal. Marcus is on stage the entire time so a change in scene should just be him walking to a new part of the stage. In fact it should feel like he is walking into each scene. So black outs will not be true black outs. He and the audience should be moving from one scene to the other. There is a video screen center stage. It will show the name of the movie that the scene is referencing along with any other details as they are needed. 2. ACT I Scene 1 Up beat hip hop music is playing. It under scores the scene and plays until otherwise indicated. It should not be apparent that Marcus is the lead until he starts talking. There is a park table stage right and Cheeto enters stage left. He is a black male dressed casually in a black t-shirt and jeans. He enters the stage lightly jogging and turns in order to catch a football that is thrown from off stage. His shirt has the words "Russell Family Reunion 2017" print on the front. CHEETO There you go, boy. That’s how a Russell throws a ball. He is laughing and throws the ball back. Cheeto walks over to the table and begins to set it. He is dancing a little with each thing he sets up. When it is completed he full on dances. A woman enters stage left. She is also wearing the black shirt with the same text. Cheeto is up stage from the woman so he does not see her for a while. She watches him for a few beats with a smile on her face. SHANTEL Ah shit. Look at skinny Usher workin’ it. CHEETO Usher wishes he had moves like this and don’t even stand there actin’ like just ’cause you my cousin this ain’t workin’ for you. SHANTEL You always gotta make it nasty. She runs over to him and gives him a big hug. CHEETO Look at ya. You lookin’ good. You pilatin’ or some shit? SHANTEL No. I just ain’t sittin’ around eating pork every meal. Keepin’ it pure, you know. CHEETO Well you gonna need to leave that asalamalakim shit at the door ’cause I spent too much god damn money on a grill full of cloven hoofed animals covered in BBQ (MORE) (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 3. CHEETO (cont’d) sauce. Speaking of keepin’ it pure, you still with that ... Jamal enters stage left. He is a white male and is wearing a baggy version of the black t-shirt. He also has a doo rag and gold chain around his neck. JAMAL What up, cus. CHEETO There’s my favorite "Dawson’s Creek" lookin’ mutha fucka. Come here and gimme some love. They embrace. CHEETO How you doin’? JAMAL You know, just keepin’ it one hundred. Survivin’ the streets. CHEETO (Sarcastic) Word? JAMAL Word. SHANTEL Stop messing with him. We got big news. Shantel takes Jamal’s hand and takes a deep breath. SHANTEL We’re pregnant! CHEETO For real?! SHANTEL For real! Shantel and Cheeto hug and laugh. CHEETO With yo ass and his credit score dat baby’s gonna be unstoppable. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 4. JAMAL Just so you know we gon’ make sure he don’t forget who his people is. CHEETO My brother. JAMAL My brother. CHEETO Come here. They hug. Marcus enters stage right. He is wearing the black shirt as well. CHEETO Marcus! Now it’s a family reunion. SHANTEL Hey Marcus. Guess what? You got a new little cousin on the way. JAMAL When I pop off I don’t miss, you know what I’m sayin’. Marcus is about to say something when the Electric Slide starts playing on the boombox. Everyone except Marcus gets excited. CHEETO Ah hell! This my jam. You think you still got it Shanty. SHANTEL Shit. I came out the womb Slidin’. Everyone starts doing the electric slide. They are all facing stage left and following Cheeto. CHEETO It’s coming around to you Marcus. Take it! They all seamlessly turn to face the audience. Marcus is now leading the dance. He does the first few moves correctly and then begins to move randomly as if he has no idea how to do it but he is trying as hard as he can to fake it. Everyone stops dancing and looks shocked for a few beats as Marcus desperately tries to fake his way through the moves. Cheeto slowly moves over to the boombox and stops the music. Everyone is frozen for a moment. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 5. CHEETO Nigga, I need you to answer this question very carefully, do you know the electric slide? MARCUS What? Come on . No. SHANTEL This nigga don’t slide? MARCUS I mean . Come on . it ain’t no thang my niggers. Everyone cringes. CHEETO Why do you say it like that! SHANTEL How do you make it sound so bad! JAMAL That’s just offensive. Marcus puts his hands in the timeout position. Everyone freezes. There is a lighting change that indicates Marcus has frozen the scene. Whenever Marcus freezes a scene he makes the timeout gesture with his hands. Marcus addresses the crowd. MARCUS This is my family reunion. I’d love to tell you this is as bad as it got but I can’t. It just got worse . Marcus makes a circular motion with his finger. Everyone on stage moves quickly to a new position as if the scene was fast forwarded. When Marcus stops making the motion everyone freezes again and then he does the timeout sign and everyone unfreezes at normal speed. MARCUS . .So that’s when I told him Kendrick Lamar is terrible! CHEETO Excuse me? MARCUS It’s like, just because the girls in your videos are slightly less attractive then the girls in the average (MORE) (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 6. MARCUS (cont’d) videos, all of a sudden, you’re a "conscious" rapper. Now Weird Al Yankovic on the other hand . Marcus makes the timeout sign with his hand and the scene freezes again. MARCUS . And worse. Marcus makes the circular motion and everyone else on stage changes position as if being fast forwarded. Marcus stops the motion and everyone freezes. Then he puts himself in a new spot on stage and makes the timeout sign with his hands as everyone unfreezes. SHANTEL . He had this cute little suit on lookin’ like America’s greatest President and everyone at the same time said little . Everyone and Marcus speaks at the same time. EVERYONE Obama! MARCUS Roosevelt! Beat of silence. MARCUS New Deal! Marcus makes the circular motion and everyone else on stage changes position MARCUS . And worse. Everyone looks super annoyed and bothered by what Marcus is saying but he doesn’t seem to notice. MARCUS . so now Luke’s stuck in the house with ALL the Gilmore Girls. It’s at that moment I realize that while my favorite Gilmore Girl is Loralie there is a small part of me that fears I’m actually more of a Emily. Marcus makes the circular motion and everyone else on stage changes position (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 7. MARCUS . And worse. Everyone is silent and seems very awkward. The silence should go on for a good 10 seconds. It feels like a moment when everyone is trying to think of something to say but no one can. MARCUS You know O.J. did it. SHANTEL What’s wrong with you CHEETO That’s it! You’re done. MARCUS What? Come on. CHEETO I’m done with you MARCUS OK. You do this every year. "You’re done Marcus" but its all . CHEETO No. This is for real. No joke. You are done with this reunion. You’re out. MARCUS Why?! CHEETO We’ve been sitting here tryin’ to tolerate yo dumb ass and I’m done. Actin’ all condsencedin’ like you know everything. I’m not letting you ruin a perfectly good reunion. For today consider yo self disowned. Marcus makes and apeal to Shantel and Jamal but they just look down. Marcus makes the timeout sign and everyone freezes. MARCUS I can’t blame them. If I’m being honest I never really fit in and it shows at things like this. The other characters are still frozen. Marcus walks up to each character and introduces them. (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 8. MARCUS Over here we have Shantel. She is an incredibly sweet woman and basically everyone’s little sister. Grandma enters stage left. She is just slowly walking across stage and never stops. MARCUS Next to her as always is Jamal. He’s odd but he loves Shantel and so we love him. He has been with her for seven years now and at this point he’s basically family. GRANDMA I know you ain’t introducing characters and not talking about me. MARCUS I was just gettin’ to you. GRANDMA Uh hu. MARCUS Then there is Grandma. She’s a strong eighty . GRANDMA Nigga don’t you tell my age. MARCUS She’s a strong woman with a lot of opinions. GRANDMA (mumbling) I don’t know why you make an old woman do a stage cross. Don’t make no goddamn sense. MARCUS Lastly there is Cheeto. Everyone loves Cheeto. He’s funny, cool, and confident as hell. He’s a colorful, complex and interesting character with an engaging back story. Unfortunately for you . I’m the protagonist.