Black Nerd By Jon Carr

Jon Carr [email protected] (404)394-9115 SETTING The set should be minimal. Marcus is on stage the entire time so a change in scene should just be him walking to a new part of the stage. In fact it should feel like he is walking into each scene. So black outs will not be true black outs. He and the audience should be moving from one scene to the other. There is a video screen center stage. It will show the name of the movie that the scene is referencing along with any other details as they are needed. 2.

ACT I Scene 1 Up beat hip hop music is playing. It under scores the scene and plays until otherwise indicated. It should not be apparent that Marcus is the lead until he starts talking. There is a park table stage right and Cheeto enters stage left. He is a black male dressed casually in a black t-shirt and jeans. He enters the stage lightly jogging and turns in order to catch a football that is thrown from off stage. His shirt has the words "Russell Family Reunion 2017" print on the front. CHEETO There you go, boy. That’s how a Russell throws a ball.

He is laughing and throws the ball back. Cheeto walks over to the table and begins to set it. He is dancing a little with each thing he sets up. When it is completed he full on dances. A woman enters stage left. She is also wearing the black shirt with the same text. Cheeto is up stage from the woman so he does not see her for a while. She watches him for a few beats with a smile on her face. SHANTEL Ah shit. Look at skinny Usher workin’ it. CHEETO Usher wishes he had moves like this and don’t even stand there actin’ like just ’cause you my cousin this ain’t workin’ for you.

SHANTEL You always gotta make it nasty. She runs over to him and gives him a big hug.

CHEETO Look at ya. You lookin’ good. You pilatin’ or some shit? SHANTEL No. I just ain’t sittin’ around eating pork every meal. Keepin’ it pure, you know. CHEETO Well you gonna need to leave that asalamalakim shit at the door ’cause I spent too much god damn money on a grill full of cloven hoofed animals covered in BBQ (MORE) (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 3.

CHEETO (cont’d) sauce. Speaking of keepin’ it pure, you still with that ... Jamal enters stage left. He is a white male and is wearing a baggy version of the black t-shirt. He also has a doo rag and gold chain around his neck. JAMAL What up, cus.

CHEETO There’s my favorite "Dawson’s Creek" lookin’ mutha fucka. Come here and gimme some love. They embrace.

CHEETO How you doin’? JAMAL You know, just keepin’ it one hundred. Survivin’ the streets.

CHEETO (Sarcastic) Word? JAMAL Word. SHANTEL Stop messing with him. We got big news.

Shantel takes Jamal’s hand and takes a deep breath. SHANTEL We’re pregnant!

CHEETO For real?! SHANTEL For real!

Shantel and Cheeto hug and laugh. CHEETO With yo ass and his credit score dat baby’s gonna be unstoppable.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 4.

JAMAL Just so you know we gon’ make sure he don’t forget who his people is. CHEETO My brother. JAMAL My brother. CHEETO Come here. They hug. Marcus enters stage right. He is wearing the black shirt as well. CHEETO Marcus! Now it’s a family reunion. SHANTEL Hey Marcus. Guess what? You got a new little cousin on the way.

JAMAL When I pop off I don’t miss, you know what I’m sayin’. Marcus is about to say something when the Electric Slide starts playing on the boombox. Everyone except Marcus gets excited. CHEETO Ah hell! This my jam. You think you still got it Shanty.

SHANTEL Shit. I came out the womb Slidin’. Everyone starts doing the electric slide. They are all facing stage left and following Cheeto.

CHEETO It’s coming around to you Marcus. Take it! They all seamlessly turn to face the audience. Marcus is now leading the dance. He does the first few moves correctly and then begins to move randomly as if he has no idea how to do it but he is trying as hard as he can to fake it. Everyone stops dancing and looks shocked for a few beats as Marcus desperately tries to fake his way through the moves. Cheeto slowly moves over to the boombox and stops the music. Everyone is frozen for a moment.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 5.

CHEETO Nigga, I need you to answer this question very carefully, do you know the electric slide? MARCUS What? Come on . . . No. SHANTEL This nigga don’t slide? MARCUS I mean . . . Come on . . . it ain’t no thang my niggers. Everyone cringes. CHEETO Why do you say it like that! SHANTEL How do you make it sound so bad! JAMAL That’s just offensive. Marcus puts his hands in the timeout position. Everyone freezes. There is a lighting change that indicates Marcus has frozen the scene. Whenever Marcus freezes a scene he makes the timeout gesture with his hands. Marcus addresses the crowd. MARCUS This is my family reunion. I’d love to tell you this is as bad as it got but I can’t. It just got worse . . .

Marcus makes a circular motion with his finger. Everyone on stage moves quickly to a new position as if the scene was fast forwarded. When Marcus stops making the motion everyone freezes again and then he does the timeout sign and everyone unfreezes at normal speed. MARCUS . . .So that’s when I told him Kendrick Lamar is terrible!

CHEETO Excuse me? MARCUS It’s like, just because the girls in your videos are slightly less attractive then the girls in the average (MORE) (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 6.

MARCUS (cont’d) videos, all of a sudden, you’re a "conscious" rapper. Now Weird Al Yankovic on the other hand . . . Marcus makes the timeout sign with his hand and the scene freezes again. MARCUS . . . And worse. Marcus makes the circular motion and everyone else on stage changes position as if being fast forwarded. Marcus stops the motion and everyone freezes. Then he puts himself in a new spot on stage and makes the timeout sign with his hands as everyone unfreezes.

SHANTEL . . . He had this cute little suit on lookin’ like America’s greatest President and everyone at the same time said little . . . Everyone and Marcus speaks at the same time.

EVERYONE Obama! MARCUS Roosevelt! Beat of silence. MARCUS New Deal!

Marcus makes the circular motion and everyone else on stage changes position MARCUS . . . And worse.

Everyone looks super annoyed and bothered by what Marcus is saying but he doesn’t seem to notice. MARCUS . . . so now Luke’s stuck in the house with ALL the Gilmore Girls. It’s at that moment I realize that while my favorite Gilmore Girl is Loralie there is a small part of me that fears I’m actually more of a Emily. Marcus makes the circular motion and everyone else on stage changes position

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 7.

MARCUS . . . And worse. Everyone is silent and seems very awkward. The silence should go on for a good 10 seconds. It feels like a moment when everyone is trying to think of something to say but no one can. MARCUS You know O.J. did it.

SHANTEL What’s wrong with you CHEETO That’s it! You’re done.

MARCUS What? Come on. CHEETO I’m done with you

MARCUS OK. You do this every year. "You’re done Marcus" but its all . . . CHEETO No. This is for real. No joke. You are done with this reunion. You’re out. MARCUS Why?! CHEETO We’ve been sitting here tryin’ to tolerate yo dumb ass and I’m done. Actin’ all condsencedin’ like you know everything. I’m not letting you ruin a perfectly good reunion. For today consider yo self disowned.

Marcus makes and apeal to Shantel and Jamal but they just look down. Marcus makes the timeout sign and everyone freezes. MARCUS I can’t blame them. If I’m being honest I never really fit in and it shows at things like this. The other characters are still frozen. Marcus walks up to each character and introduces them.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 8.

MARCUS Over here we have Shantel. She is an incredibly sweet woman and basically everyone’s little sister. Grandma enters stage left. She is just slowly walking across stage and never stops. MARCUS Next to her as always is Jamal. He’s odd but he loves Shantel and so we love him. He has been with her for seven years now and at this point he’s basically family. GRANDMA I know you ain’t introducing characters and not talking about me.

MARCUS I was just gettin’ to you. GRANDMA Uh hu.

MARCUS Then there is Grandma. She’s a strong eighty . . . GRANDMA Nigga don’t you tell my age.

MARCUS She’s a strong woman with a lot of opinions. GRANDMA (mumbling) I don’t know why you make an old woman do a stage cross. Don’t make no goddamn sense. MARCUS Lastly there is Cheeto. Everyone loves Cheeto. He’s funny, cool, and confident as hell. He’s a colorful, complex and interesting character with an engaging back story. Unfortunately for you . . . I’m the protagonist. So no refunds, (ackward laugh). But seriously you might have fucked up. Blackout. On the video screen we see the words "Black Nerd". 9.

Scene 2 Marcus is still standing on stage facing the audience. MARCUS In case you haven’t figured it out a lot of this show is going to be dealing with race. I try not to see it but regardless of how I feel it is a major part of my life and it makes a difference. Race changes the story.

Black out. We hear the Back to the Future theme song. We hear the classic sound of the Delorean stretching to a halt. Lights up. Marcus is standing center stage wearing an orange vest jacket and a Doc Brown type character enters stage left. DOC I’m glad I found you Marty. It’s your parents. MARCUS What about my parents, Doc. DOC They need your help. We gotta go back in time. MARCUS To when? DOC 1955 Marcus puts his hands up, shakes his head no, and slowly backs away. Black out. Scene 3 Marcus is on his knees looking through an old trunk. He is looking at costume pieces for Dragon Con. We hear his grandmas voice from off stage. GRANDMA Hello? Someone there? MARCUS It’s just me. GRANDMA Marcus. Is that you?

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 10.

MARCUS Yes Grandma. We hear a shuffling and Grandma enters stage left. She is moving slowly as she enters. Marcus never looks up when Grandma enters.

GRANDMA Oh hello. I didn’t hear you knock when you came in. MARCUS Hey. Marcus get up from the trunk and puts his hands together in the time out motion. He immediately takes center stage and moves down stage a few steps.

MARCUS Every year in Atlanta there is a Comic Book and Sci Fi Convention called Dragon Con. Grandma freezes for a beat in order to give the audience the appearance that she is frozen. After that beat she then turns her head to give him a "what the fuck" look. Because of Marcus’s staging he can not see Grandma behind him. As Marcus talks she slowly moves towards him, no longer shuffling, she is now stalking him.

MARCUS People from all over the world come and dress up as their favorite characters. It’s the one time of year you can be anything you want. Grandma’s attic is my little Dragon Con secret. She has got every kind of . . . She slaps him hard on the back of the head and then grabs his ear as she leads him over to a chair.

GRANDMA Nigga, don’t you ever break the forth wall while I’m talkin’ to you. Playin’ around with your high concept bullshit art. You know I got guns. I’m too hood for you to act like this is your house you too dark, low rent, Lin-Manuel. She sits him down in a chair and then takes a seat in the chair opposite his.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 11.

GRANDMA Good lard. You know how to get an old woman riled up. She begins coughing. It’s not over the top but she coughs long enough that you notice something is wrong.

MARCUS You ok?. GRANDMA I’m fine. Now what kinda play is this? MARCUS What? GRANDMA Is it a black play or a white play? MARCUS I don’t know. Why? GRANDMA ’Cause if it is a white play you and I are about to have a heart felt conversation about the importance of respecting other people’s property and maybe even learn a little something about respecting ourselves. If it is a black play I’m gonna get my belt, beat the shit outta that ass and then have a heart felt conversation about respecting other people’s property. MARCUS It’s a white play! A white play. GRANDMA Um hmmm. MARCUS But I’m sorry Grandma.

GRANDMA So why you going through Grandma’s things? MARCUS Just getting ready for Dragon Con.

GRANDMA Ah. You gonna be doin’ all that cus playin’ MARCUS Cos-Play and yes.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 12.

GRANDMA You need to cus play Jesus. You know that. MARCUS (Sadly) I’ll keep that in mind.

GRANDMA Now why you say it like that. Normally dressing up like devil people gets yo lil’ heathen panties in a bunch.

MARCUS I’m just kinda distracted. GRANDMA Was that what you were gonna monologue about?

MARCUS Maybe. GRANDMA Come on. You can tell your Grandma.

MARCUS It’s nothing you’d get. GRANDMA Try your Grandma. You’d be surprised what I get.

MARCUS I was just gonna talk about . . . you know everything that went down at the family reunion with me getting kicked out. That kinda stuff is always bad but this time it felt worse then usual. I guess I don’t feel like I fit in or whatever. You wouldn’t understand.

GRANDMA Well two things. First of all I hope you appreciate what me, yo grandfather, and people like us have done and sacrificed so that you could be in a situation that allowed you to . . . ask dumb ass questions like that. Second, you don’t know the first thing about not fitting in. What you know about yo Granddad? MARCUS I mean he was a fireman or something.

GRANDMA He was the first fireman. First Black Fireman in Clayton County. How well you think he fit in?

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 13.

MARCUS Not well. GRANDMA You damn right. They spent everyday reminding him that he didn’t fit in. There ain’t no coming outta a black closet and there ain’t no amount of Krispy Kreme for the office that’s gonna make people forget it’s 1968 and he’s black. But even if he could have "tried to fit in" he wouldn’t have. He was what he was and there was no changin’ that. He choose to be proud of who he was regardless of what anyone else thought. He wore his blackness with pride. MARCUS Hmm. That’s pretty bad ass.

GRANDMA It’s the baddess assed. MARCUS Thanks grandma.

He gives her a hug but she doesn’t respond much to it. GRANDMA You’re welcome. I got one more thang for ya. It’s in that box.

Marcus looks over and sees the box. He gets up and heads for it. Grandma also gets up and begins to slowly make her way off stage. GRANDMA It belonged to ya granddad and I think you should use it. Marcus opens the box and pulls out a small gun.

MARCUS Oh. It’s a gun? I don’t think I need a gun. GRANDMA You just got Chekhov-ed bitch!

As grandma exits stage left Marcus’s friend Cosmo enters stage left. They pass each other. COSMO Oh hello Mary.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 14.

GRANDMA ’scuse me? COSMO uh I mean . . .

GRANDMA Are we old friends? COSMO No ma’am.

GRANDMA Did we go to high school together? COSMO No ma’am

GRANDMA Were you there with me during those intimate moments in our adolescent journey to discovering who we were both sexually and as adults?

COSMO No ma’am. GRANDMA Then what’s my name?

COSMO Grandma GRANDMA You goddamn right. This nigga calling me by my legal name like he knows me. MARCUS! Whities here.

Grandma continues to exit as she mumbles under her breath. Cosmo joins Marcus at the boxes.

COSMO Check it out. I got’em. MARCUS Dragon Con passes! That’s awesome. How much do I owe you? COSMO Nothing. After all we’ve been through there is no way I’m doing DCon without my best friend.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 15.

MARCUS Thanks man. They begin going through boxes. They are looking at the pieces and deciding rather to return them to the box or set them aside. They don’t stop this activity as they are talking. COSMO I’m thinking of going as John Snow on Friday. I could do John Snow on Friday and John Wick on Saturday. The only real difference is a jacket and a shower. What about you? MARCUS Not sure yet. I really want to do something different this year.

COSMO So no big 5? MARCUS Yup. No big 5.

Marcus makes the timeout sign and Cosomo freezes in place. Marcus is about to go to the audience but turns and checks to make sure Cosmo is actually frozen. He then turns towards the audience.

MARCUS I should explain the big 5. When it comes to Dragon Con there are 5 standard characters a black person can be; The screen should display the pictures of the listed characters. Lando Calrissian, Morpheus, Wesley Snipes’ Blade, Nick Fury, and for some reason the Old Spice guy. Every year we get a new popular black guy. Maybe a Luke Cage or a Black Panther but the big 5 are always there in force.

Marcus makes the timeout sign, unfreezes Cosmo and continues his activity. Marcus turns back to Cosmo. MARCUS I just want to do something different. COSMO Well there is a small character in the 3rd season of the Cartoon Network show Venture Brothers. He’s called Jefferson Twilight Blackula Hunter.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 16.

MARCUS Never seen the show. COSMO Yea but he’s . . .

BOTH black. MARCUS Maybe. I just want something different. Like I could go as Captain Picard from Star Trek Next Generation. COSMO (Laughing) Oh my god that would be hilarious. Black Captain Picard.

MARCUS No. I meant . . . ok how about Ant-Man but like the 2015 Marvel movie version of Ant-Man played by Paul Rudd. COSMO (Laughing) Oh my god. That would be hilarious. You would be the 2015 Marvel version of Ant-Man played by Paul Rudd . . . and black! Hilarious. MARCUS Damn it no. How about Captain America?

COSMO Oh that could be cool. MARCUS But not funny? COSMO Not at all. That’s . . . political.

MARCUS Fuck. Marcus thinks for a second. MARCUS I just want this year to be different. COSMO Well it’s gonna be super different for me.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 17.

MARCUS How? COSMO I’m gonna get LAIDDDDDD!

MARCUS No your not. COSMO I won’t with that kind of attitude.

MARCUS You know as well as I do that Dragon Con has a very specific sexual hierarchy. It starts with straight women at the top.

COSMO Their word is law. MARCUS Then it is gay men, gay women, straight white guys in shape, straight white guys out of shape, and then black guys. COSMO What?! Black guys are cool. You guys get laid all the time.

MARCUS We’re a category on porn hub. COSMO What?

MARCUS Have you ever seen the Menu on Porn Hub. It lists bondage, Henti, Feet, and consensual sex with African American man. We’re a fetish.

COSMO Well this years gonna be different. It’s gonna be different for both of us. I know it’s been while since you had a girl and there was no way I wasn’t gonna make this year awesome for my pal so . . .

MARCUS Oh god. COSMO I’m fixing you up.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 18.

MARCUS Please don’t. COSMO She is great and you guys would totally get along. She’s super nice and sweet. Great personality. She doesn’t drink or smoke weed. MARCUS How are those positives?

COSMO She is super into music and loves hip hop. Big Kendrick Lemar fan. MARCUS Wait, what? COSMO She doesn’t like to be labeled any type of religion but if she had to choose it would be a combo Satanist/Anarchist.

MARCUS She’s black isn’t she. COSMO And she is black. You guys would look so cute together.

Marcus makes the timeout sign with his hands and pauses the scene. As Marcus talks Cosmo slowly moves off stage. MARCUS Well at least he was trying. If I’m being honest I really don’t fit in anywhere. Whether it’s a Tyler Perry or Michael Bay movie I’m that funny friend that makes you laugh but you don’t worry too much about. It’s the Lisa Turtle rule.)

GRANDMA (from off stage) Context. Context motha fucker! MARCUS I should explain the Lisa Turtle rule. The lights dim and the screen shows a picture of Lisa Turtle. A stage hand enters and hands a clicker to Marcus. Throughout this speech Marcus flips through the slides that correspond with what he is saying. The first slide is a picture of Lisa Turtle.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 19.

MARCUS It is based on Lisa Turtle from Saved by The Bell. The show lasted 5 seasons totaling 126 episodes not including The College Years and the New Class spin offs. Through out the series run they tried ever relationship combination you could think of. Zack and Kelly, Zach and Jesse, Jesse and Slater, Kelly and Slater. Every combo except Lisa and . . . anyone. Every party and dance they went to Lisa some how magically produced a mute black kid that we had never seen before and would never see again. She was the queen of the B story line. Zach, Kelly, Slater, and Jesse handled the A story line while Screech and Lisa generally dealt with the B story line. It’s the Lisa Turtle rule. You can do whatever you want but ultimately the story is not about you and above all you don’t get the girl/guy. Sure, you can get A girl/guy but not THE girl/guy. It’s Lando Calrissian in Star Wars, Finn Galfridian in the new Star Wars, Calvin in Freaks and Geeks, the secretary from Third Rock from the Sun, Astrid from Fringe, Charles Gunn from Angel, Jazz the Robot from Transformers and it is why Winston from New Girl will never get Zooey Deschanel. But over the next hour I’d like to break that rule. If you’ll indulge me I’d like to take a crack at this A story line and just see what happens. Black out

Scene 4 It’s still black but we hear the Toy Story theme song play. As the lights come on the music slowly fades and someone dressed as Woody walks on to the stage.

WOODY Reach for the sky partner. Someone dressed as Buzz Light year enters.

BUZZ To infinity and beyond! Marcus is dressed in an all black cone that vaguely resembles a dildo.

MARCUS I’ll help you forget about your ex husband. There is a beat of silence. Woody and Buzz look uncomfortable.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 20.

WOODY Are you a toy? MARCUS Hell yea.

WOODY Oh well Andy . . . MARCUS Oh no. I ain’t for kids.

He starts vibrating. black out Scene 5

Marcus is standing up stage facing the audience. Cheeto stands to his left and Cosmo stands at his right. All three men are holding Solo Cups and only put them down when specifically indicated. Marcus is at a black club when talking to Cheeto and a white club when talking to Cosmo. There are two women on either side of the stage, one is black and the other is white. They are dancing by themselves and are visibly responding to Cosmo and Cheeto based on what they are saying. Cosmo references the white woman and Cheeto the black woman. There is loud hip hop music playing (All I Do Is Win by DJ Khaled) and background crowd noise. There is a lighting change when Marcus moves back and forth between each character but the music stays the same. Marcus starts by facing towards Cheeto.

CHEETO Ah, shit. This club is poppin’. Look at all these fine ass bitches. MARCUS (Clearly uncomfortable) Yup. All these very pretty (whisper) bitches. CHEETO You know I’m only out here wich you ’cus Grandma made me? MARCUS I know.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 21.

CHEETO You walkin’ pussy repellent. MARCUS You mentioned that in the car.

CHEETO Just need you to be real clear on that. Turns towards Cosmo

COSMO Oh shit. Look at this place. It’s wall to wall LADIES. MARCUS I think I’m the only Black person in this club.

COSMO Between my good looks and your air of danger there is no stopping us. Look dangerous. Marcus does nothing.

COSMO Yea. That’s it. MARCUS But I didn’t do . . .

COSMO Any chick within a 100 feet radius that wants to piss off her Dad is gonna be ours. Turns toward Cheeto

CHEETO You ready for this? MARCUS Yes!

CHEETO Now look,I actually know people here. So don’t be weird. MARCUS Nope. I’m totally normal. Let’s do this! Marcus finishes the drink in his hand and starts to walk forward. Cheeto grabs him by the shoulder and pulls him back.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 22.

CHEETO What the hell are you doing? MARCUS I’m headed to the dance floor. Gonna put my sweet dance moves on a girl.

CHEETO Nigga, we don’t dance. MARCUS We? Turns toward Cosmo MARCUS We?

COSMO Men. Turns toward Cheeto

CHEETO Brothas. Turns toward Cosmo COSMO We’re like vampires. We don’t enter unless invited. Turns toward Cheeto CHEETO Everything she needs to know is right here.

Cheeto gestures to his face. CHEETO You gotta have that swag.

Turns toward Cosmo COSMO Put out that vibe.

Turns toward Cheeto CHEETO Like you don’t even care. Turns toward Cosmo

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 23.

COSMO Until you see her. Marcus turns to face the audience. Cheeto and Cosmo are looking at their respective women and giving them "the eye".

BOTH Then you let her know what’s up. Turns to Cheeto. Cheeto is still focused on a his woman. CHEETO What’s up girl. How ’bout you come over here and fuck wit a real nigga.

Turns to Cosmo. Cosmo is still focused on his woman. COSMO Hey girl. What are you doing here with us sexual predators around?

MARCUS I don’t think you can . . . COSMO (towards the woman) I know what you’re thinking and don’t even sweat it. I like my ladies with a little bit of junk in the trunk. Turns towards Cheeto. CHEETO Bring dat fat ass over here. Marcus grabs Cheeto and pulls him back a little. He says the next lines in a lower voice. MARCUS What are you doing? Turns toward Cosmo and pull him aside. MARCUS Why would you say that? COSMO Don’t worry. It’s called Negging. It’s this thing were you insult women and that makes them like you more. Women love a good negger.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 24.

Turns towards Cheeto CHEETO Women love a good nigga. Turns to Cosmo. He is focused on the woman again. She is now making a very disapproving face and might have a hand gesture for Cosmo. COSMO Oh come on. Don’t be like that. I was joking.

Turns toward Cheeto. Cheeto is focused on his women who is also has a disapproving face. CHEETO Forget you. Nobody wanted yo stuck up ass anyway. (beat) Probably a lesbian anyway. Turns toward Cosmo. COSMO There are A LOT of lesbians here tonight.

MARCUS Alright. Great. Thanks. I think I’ve got it now. Let me try. Marcus straightens up and tries to put himself together. Cheeto and Cosmo slowly fade up stage. As they fade into the background you can see them mouthing words that indicate encouragement. As they fade the two women fill in the spots that Cosmo and Cheeto left. Marcus turns to the white woman,

MARCUS Hi. I’m Marcus. Turns toward the black woman.

MARCUS I saw you from over there and thought you were beautiful. Figured I’d come over and say hi. Marcus turns toward the white girl.

JESS That’s really sweet. I’m Jess by the way. Marcus turns toward the black girl.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 25.

NIKKI That’s cute. I’m Nikki. Turns toward the Jess. JESS You wanna dance? Marcus nods yes and smiles. Marcus turns toward Nikki.

NIKKI Let’s see those moves. Marcus turns toward Jess.

MARCUS I have to warn you, I’m not a great dancer. JESS Me neither. I guess we’ll have to be bad together.

They both start to dance in a casual way. They are dancing but they are not super close to each other. Marcus turns to Nikki. Nikki has her back to Marcus and is grinding her ass into his crotch. She throws a few moves in but the ass never leave the crotch. Marcus is frozen and wide eyed. His breath is panicked and only coming from his nose. MARCUS I WANT YOUR NUMBER!

Nikki smiles. Marcus pulls out his phone and Nikki takes it. She puts her number in and hands it back to him.

Marcus turns to Jess Jess takes his phone and puts her number in it. She hands it back. Nikki and Jess both give Marcus a kiss on the check and then walk off stage. Marcus just stands there smiling.

Black out 26.

Scene 6 Harry Potter Theme plays and we see the title card says "Harry Potter". Marcus is center stage as Draco Malfoy type character enters stage left. He has a Harry Potter rob on a slicked back white hair. He has an English accent and says everything as if he is better then everyone. DRACO So you must be the new student I’ve heard so much about. Just so you know, I don’t want your kind playing on my field. MARCUS Excuse me.

DRACO I come from a long line of great Quidditch players and in the history of our game we’ve never had one of you play. I HATE the idea of playing with a . . . Muggle. MARCUS What the fuck did you just call me. They both turn so they are face to face. DRACO You heard me. You are a dirty, disgusting . . .

Draco suddenly realizes what is going on and drops aggressiveness and accent. DRACO Oh god. Wait. It’s not a race thing! It’s a none magic user . . . I am so sorry. I am not a racist at ALL. You can ask anybody . . . I’ve had like 2 black girl friends . . . My brother in law is black and I’m all like super supportive of that.

MARCUS Oh ok. DRACO I’m so sorry for that. No. I hate you because you don’t come from a magic family.

MARCUS Got it. Ok. Now we are on the same page. DRACO Haha. Yea. I can totally see how you would take that. I’m sure you were like, "Whach you talkin’ about (MORE) (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 27.

DRACO (cont’d) Willis." . . . Yup. Nope. I heard that as I was saying it and . . . Again so sorry. MARCUS No problem. Awkward beat DRACO Can we just pick this up tomorrow. I’m just not feelin’ it right now. MARCUS No worries. Black out 28.

ACT 2 Scene 1 Stage right there is a bar with two bar stools behind it. Cosmo is drinking and slightly intoxicated without it being over the top. Marcus is seated next to him. They both have drinks. COSMO Oh shit. You got kicked out of your own family reunion?

MARCUS Shut up. COSMO I’m just messing with you. Don’t worry about it. You got your nerd brother right here. MARCUS Thanks. COSMO I don’t want to make it weird but I feel like I get you. MARCUS I guess.

COSMO Come on. I know that when you’re feeling low a great Rick and Morty episode really cheers you up. MARCUS Yes. That’s true

COSMO You believe that science is only two years away from creating a truly healthy hotdog. Which is why we have to eat as many of the unhealthy ones while we still can. MARCUS Correct again. COSMO And you think accepting people for who they are is the most important thing. MARCUS Maybe you do get me.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 29.

COSMO Just a brother from another mother. Marcus seems to be lost in thought as Cosmo takes another drink.

MARCUS It just sucks when you don’t feel like you fit in with your own family. COSMO Everyone kinda feels like that. MARCUS Yea but this is different. COSMO Oh my god. You’re so whiny. MARCUS No I’m not. COSMO Yes. You are! MARCUS Fuck you. COSMO Don’t be like that. It’s not your fault. I’m your brother. I know you. It’s just a cultural thing. MARCUS What?

COSMO You know being kinda whiny. MARCUS You’re gonna need to explain that one.

COSMO Don’t be sensitive. Let’s be honest with each other.(Cosmo looks around) It’s just you and me here. In general black guys can get kinda whiny about stuff.

MARCUS When are black guys whiny? COSMO Look, all I’m saying is that the highest paid musicians and athletes are black. We had a black President. You can basically get a free ride to whatever college you (MORE) (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 30.

COSMO (cont’d) want because you’re black and you get to say the N word. The N WORD! Which is like half the lyrics to every rap song but I can’t say it because of the color of my skin. At this point you pretty much have it better then me. Cosmo and Marcus sit silently for a few beats. Marcus can’t seem to find the words to respond. COSMO I’m 100 percent against racism, slavery and all that kind of stuff. AND I totally get that you all have experienced some really crappy things but, you know, it was like a million years ago. It’s over. It’s done. When is it finally time to . . . get over it.

Cosmo and Marcus are silent. Cosmo gives Marcus a knowing look as if you say "You know I’m right". COSMO Oh man, I feel like I can tell you anything. I guess that’s why we get along so well. You’re not like the average "thug". You’re different. I don’t even consider you black. Marcus is clearly upset about this. He takes a moment to recover from the shock and is about to respond when we hear the chimes of a text message. Marcus looks at his phone and becomes panicked. He jumps off the stool and starts running towards stage left. He stops runs back to the bar. MARCUS Fuck You! Cosmo seems surprised and has no idea why Marcus would say that. Marcus starts running stage left again. Scene 2

A hospital bed with Grandma in it is rolled out stage left. She is sitting up and looks fine as she talks to the doctor. Marcus arrives just as they are finishing up their conversation.

DOCTOR . . . so you’re gonna have to make those changes. Can’t keep coming in here like this.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 31.

GRANDMA Alright Jared. The doctor turns to leave. As he turns Grandma gives him a quick smack on the ass. The doctor looks back at her and smiles.

GRANDMA Look at you with that tight ass. Marcus is running up as this exchange takes place. He is caught off guard by Grandma and the doctors interaction. MARCUS Uh. You’re real friendly with that doctor. How do you know him?

GRANDMA Tinder. MARCUS Oh god. I’m sorry I asked.

GRANDMA You pay for health insurance your way and I’ll pay for it mine. MARCUS Please stop talking. GRANDMA A hell of a lot more fun then Obamacare. Marcus desperately tried to change the subject.

MARCUS Why are you in a hospital!? GRANDMA ’Cause I’m an old lady.

MARCUS That’s not a medical diagnoises. GRANDMA Well that’s about all the information yo gonna get from me. Marcus is about to say something else and she just gives him a look. He accepts it and flops down in a chair next to her.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 32.

GRANDMA So why you flushed and out of breath. MARCUS Because I ran here.

GRANDMA That it? MARCUS No.

GRANDMA Alright. What are you angry ’bout now. MARCUS Nothing. I’m just . . . I’m just pissed off.

GRANDMA Who you pissed off at? MARCUS Everyone. People. My friend for saying stupid shit. Me for not responding the way I should. GRANDMA How were you suppose to respond. MARCUS I shoulda punched him in his damn mouth. GRANDMA Now I don’t know what he said and I’m a pretty outspoken fan of violence but I get the feelin’ that wouldn’t had been the best way to respond.

MARCUS Maybe. They sit silently for a beat as Grandma just looks at how angry Marcus is. GRANDMA I never told you the rest of the story. MARCUS What story. GRANDMA ’bout ya granddad. I never told you why he went through what he did ta be a Fireman.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 33.

MARCUS I’m mean he had to. He didn’t have . . . GRANDMA He had a choice. He could have gone home and worked a farm like his Daddy or do one of the jobs nergos were suppose to do like taking care of someones yard or bein’ a smilin’ bellhop. MARCUS So why’d he do it?

GRANDMA For you. MARCUS What? I never meet him.

GRANDMA I know. He dead before you were born but it didn’t change the fact that he put up with all that for you. Because one day someone would tell you the story I’m telling you now. You see there has always gotta be the first black. Regardless of if it’s Fireman, President, or person to eat a scone. It’s always hard for that first black. They are always going to suffer but they do it because they know that whatever they go through will make it easier for the second black, and even easier for the third black. You’re Granddaddy knew you would one day hear his story and he wanted to make sure the story you heard was one of a proud black man. Because one day you’ll be a first black. Maybe the first black man to eat a scone.

MARCUS I think there has already been one of those. GRANDMA Doubt it. The point is you ain’t the first black man to love Dungeons and Lizards, cus-play, and an afternoon of Poke-A-Man Go. Grandma pulls out a weed pipe. She starts packing it as she is talking. GRANDMA There just ain’t a lot of you. It’s not gonna be easy and you may never feel like you fit in but you have to ask yo’ self, if my grandson heard my story what would would it be. Live life that way and you’ll be fine.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 34.

MARCUS Yea. I guess you’re right. Marcus is silent for a moment. His grandma is about to light the pipe.

MARCUS Uh. The doctor said . . . GRANDMA Excuse me. I’m sorry. I didn’t hear that. Were you about to make a comment? MARCUS No. Ma’am. GRANDMA Good ’cause it kinda looked like you were gonna share some wisdom with me. Maybe comment on my life choices. MARCUS No. Ma’am.

GRANDMA ’Cause I wanna make sure we have a full understanding of our relationship dynamic. This ain’t no two way street. We ain’t doing that "I learn just as much from you" bullshit. What have you taught me?

MARCUS Nothing. GRANDMA Not a god damn thing. So keep your little opinions to yourself.

Grandma is mumbling as Marcus smiles and gives her a hug as she lights up. Black out

Scene 3 The screen shows the title card "When Harry Meet Sally". Marcus and a black woman are sitting at a table. They are at a restaurant and we can hear the low rumble of ambient noise in the background. Off to the side is a second table with a woman sitting alone. This should look like the classic scene from "When Harry Meet Sally".

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 35.

BLACK WOMAN All men are sure it has never happen to them and most women at one time or another have done it so you do that math.

MARCUS You don’t think I can tell the difference? BLACK WOMAN No.

MARCUS Get outta here. The woman takes a moment and gathers her self. She then begins making moaning noises like similar to the scene from the movie. It stays true to the movie until she starts speaking. BLACK WOMAN Oh yes. Oh god. Yes. Give it to me daddy. Yea daddy. Give it to me. Fuck me like a man. Don’t bring that weak ass shit. You call that fuckin’? You need to get up in it nigga. You need ta fuck dis shit. FUCK THIS PUSSY! Fuck! This! Pussy! OLD WOMAN I’ll have what that bitch is having.

Black out Scene 4 Marcus is standing center stage facing the audience. As he is talking as the stage is being set. MARCUS The thing about not fitting in is that there are so many unique and interesting ways to be the odd one out.

There is a swivel chair or stool center stage. The important thing is that the person on the chair can turn 180 degrees easily. On either side of the chair is a nicely set table. Something you would find at an average restaurant. On the far end of each table is a chair. Those chairs are the type of chair you would find at a restaurant. In each of the standard chairs sits a black woman and a white woman respectively. As the scene moves forward he will swivel between tables indicating which date he is on.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 36.

Marcus sits facing the audience. He straightens himself up and then swivels to face the white woman. MARCUS Hi Jess Swivels MARCUS Hi Nikki

Swivel. A waiter enters. He switches sides along with Marcus. It could be something as simple as a side hop. WAITER Will this be on one check? JESS (Directed at Marcus) I’d be more comfortable if we did separate checks.

MARCUS Two checks please. Swivel WAITER Will that be on one check? The black woman looks at Marcus for a beat. MARCUS One check.

Swivel. JESS I love black people’s skin.

MARCUS Thanks? JESS Like, I can’t even tell how old you are.

Swivel MARCUS Why do they always need to guess our age?

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 37.

NIKKI Thank you! If I wanted you to know how old I was I would have told you. MARCUS And it’s always that same tired joke. . . Swivel Jess has her hands on Marcus’s face.

JESS . . . Black don’t crack! Let me guess. You’re 25 . . . wait no 58 . . . MARCUS I love what’s happening right now.

JESS Can I touch your face? Swivel

MARCUS So what do you like to do for fun? NIKKI The usual stuff I guess. Goin’ out to da club with my girls. Dancing and shit.

Swivel JESS Hiking and camping for a few days. My last boyfriend and I actually hiked the Appalachian Trail.

Swivel NIKKI My last boyfriend would get us bottle service for days. He used to play for the Hawks. Swivel JESS He used to play for the Braves.

Swivel MARCUS Oh yea. I try to go to the club every weekend. I love it.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 38.

Swivel MARCUS Oh yea. I try to go hiking every weekend. I love it. JESS So what do you like to do for fun? MARCUS Lot’s of things. Right now I’m just gearing up for Dragon Con.

JESS Like you dress up and stuff? Swivel

NIKKI What the hell is that? Swivel MARCUS It’s not like Halloween costumes. It’s more of an art. It’s Cos-play. Swivel NIKKI (Laughing hysterically) Hey. Hey Waiter. Listen to what this nigga does for fun. Swivel

MARCUS I’m having a really nice time with you. JESS Listen, I gotta be honest. We had fun at the club but I don’t think this is going to work. You’re super sweet and seem like the perfect guy . . . on paper. There is just something missing. That spark. That passion. Swivel

NIKKI I need a man. MARCUS But I’m a . . .

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 39.

NIKKI A real man. A ride or die. When shit goes down he’s gotta have my back and can hold his own.

MARCUS When shit goes down? What kinda shit? NIKKI I need someone that doesn’t need the specifics of the shit before he gets in said shit. Swivel JESS Someone that will be there no matter what. A strong man that I can lean on. I need a Channing Tatum and not a Sheldon Swivel NIKKI I need a Tyrese not an Urkle. Swivel MARCUS I can be those things. I can be . . .

JESS It doesn’t matter. In the long run it wouldn’t have worked. We’re just too different. Swivel

NIKKI Too different. Swivel

JESS We come from two very different cultures. There are just going to be somethings I don’t get or understand. If I’m with someone I want to understand everything about them and I can’t do that with you.

Swivel NIKKI With all this Dragon Con and comic book shit it’s like dating a white boy. I don’t date white boys. I don’t have anything against them but if I’m with someone I want them to understand me and my culture. Dating you would basically be the same thing as dating one of them.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 40.

Swivel JESS I just feel like you’ll have more success dating your people.

Swivel NIKKI You should just stick with your people.

Swivel JESS I’m gonna go. Swivel

NIKKI Bye. They both leave. The waiter comes over to the table.

WAITER Your check. Marcus pays the waiter. Swivel

WAITER Will you be taking care of both checks? Marcus pays the waiter and stands up. He looks pretty sad but takes a moment and pulls himself together.

Scene 5 Marcus walks down stage and addresses the audience.

MARCUS You don’t win them all and sometimes you loss them both at the same time. Normally I would have talked to Cosmo about this but we haven’t talked in a few months. Thank god for family.

Marcus walks back up stage to a door and knocks. Cheeto answers it looking annoyed. CHEETO Wach you want.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 41.

MARCUS I don’t know. Kinda going through some shit and figured I’d come talk to family. You know. CHEETO What kinda shit? MARCUS Like with (whispers) bitches. CHEETO Let me guess. You went out with some white bitch and got shut down so now you want me to make you feel better. MARCUS It’s not just that. I’ve been thinking a lot. With everything I’ve been going through it’s making me see how important family is. When everything else is going crazy you need to stick with family and your people. CHEETO Your people?

MARCUS Yea. My people. CHEETO (He becomes very upset) Your people?! Nigga you need to get this straight. There is no "Your People". You don’t get to turn this shit off and on whenever you want. MARCUS Come on man. We’re cousin, we fam. CHEETO We Fam? Why the fuck you talkin’ like that. What you do, pick up the black Rosetta Stone on your way over here? You ain’t hood. Talkin’ this "we fam" shit. You don’t get to say shit like that. Nigga, let me be real clear about this. It’s true you are my cousin and there ain’t nothin’ I can do about that. But I don’t have to be yo friend. I don’t know if you hate black people so you did everything in your power to be nothin like us or there is just a trapped and frighten little white boy inside you trying to free it self. I don’t know and I don’t care. Bottom line is you don’t turn your back on your culture for 25 years and then one day decided I’m gonna go to the club and learn to be black. You’re not black. And if there was some magic wand that somehow turned you into a semi normal nigga I wouldn’t use it. You don’t get to decide to be black all of the (MORE) (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 42.

CHEETO (cont’d) sudden. You made your decision about whose side you were gonna be on when you started talkin’ that way and dressin’ that way. You may not be white but there ain’t nothing about you that’s black.

MARCUS But I . . . CHEETO You’re not my brotha and YOU’RE NOT BLACK.

Cheeto slams the door. Scene 6 The lights change with the stage going dark around Marcus. He stands quietly for a moment. A stage hand with a headset sheepishly enters stage right. They are upstage from Marcus so he can’t see them. The stagehand looks like they have something to say but can’t find the right moment.

Marcus smiles and looks like he is about to launch into another monologue but he pulls back at the last moment. He seems to be trying to shrug off the last thing his cousin said to him but he keeps getting choked up. He wants to appear strong but he is doing everything to hold back tears.

Finally the stagehand pushes forward. They walk up to Marcus and hands him a piece of paper. Marcus slowly opens it and reads. His face changes as he reads the letter and he slowly slips into shock. He sits down on the stage and buries his head in his arms. The audience can hear him crying. With his head still in his arms he manages a question.

MARCUS When? STAGEHAND This morning. She went in her sleep.

Marcus continues to cry. The sound only getting louder. The Stagehand clearly looks uncomfortable. They look at the sound booth and motion that they should stop. They mouth the words "Let’s go to Intermission" and nods at the booth.

Lights out. 43.

ACT 3 Scene 1 Everything is black. We hear the Star Trek theme song. When the lights go up we see two Star Trek Officers standing stage left. One is wearing the blue uniform and the other is wearing the yellow uniform. BLUE OFFICER I’m scanning the cave up ahead and there seems to be unknown life forms, pockets of poisonous gas, and . . my Tricorder just says death. Like a lot of death. I didn’t know that was an option. YELLOW OFFICER (best attempted at an Irish accent) We need to send in the ensign. Marcus walks on stage. He is wearing normal street clothes and has a balled up red uniform in his hand. He looks pretty sad and his entrance makes the other two characters stop and look. MARCUS Hey guys. I know we had a whole thing worked out but can we hold off on this for right now.

BLUE OFFICER Uh yea Marcus. It’s cool. Marcus tosses them the uniform and sadly walks to the stage right area.

BLUE OFFICER I guess you’ll have handle this . . . Beat of silence

YELLOW OFFICER Fuck you. They exit. Scene 2

A hospital bed is rolled on to the stage. Shantel is sitting up in the bed. She is clearly holding a new born baby. Jamal sits in a chair next to the bed. They are both looking and quietly talking to this baby. Marcus gingerly enters the room.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 44.

MARCUS Hey. SHANTEL Hey. Come in. Say hey to yo niece.

Marcus walks over to the bed. SHANTEL You wanna hold her?

MARCUS Yea. Shantel holds her up. Marcus carefully takes the baby.

MARCUS I’m not great . . . JAMAL You good. Just support her head. You got this.

Marcus adjusts slightly and takes the baby. He looks at her and smiles as he lightly rocks her. SHANTEL I just wish she could have meet Grandma.

MARCUS I know she was excited for you two. SHANTEL At least we are able to honor her in our own way. Marcus I’d like to introduce you to Mary. Mary meet your uncle Marcus. MARCUS Mary. You named her after Grandma. She would have loved that.

SHANTEL She’d act like she hated it but yea, she’d have loved it. MARCUS She’s beautiful. Marcus takes a moment to admire his niece. MARCUS How are you all feeling?

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 45.

SHANTEL About as good as I can after pushing his big headed baby out. JAMAL She was amazin’ and strong. I’m just tryin’ not ta look as scared as I feel. You know. I mean like last year all I cared ’bout was this women and special edition Nikes. Now all da sudden I got this human being that lives or dies on whether I fuck up and dog, I fuck a lot. I can barely handle taking care of me and I can’t even imagine doin’ this without this incredible chick right here. MARCUS Well, I’m sure she’s not going anywhere soon.

SHANTEL No I ain’t. He made sure of that. Shantel holds up her hand and there is a ring on her finger.

MARCUS Oh wow! Congratulations. JAMAL Thanks dog. This shoulda happened a long time ago. I guess Mary just put things in perspective for me.

MARCUS Well welcome to . . . It’s kinda weird saying welcome to the family.

JAMAL Why? MARCUS I guess I don’t think of this family without you. You’re already my brother. In a lot of ways you’re probably more family then me. Marcus gets quite for a moment. Shantel and Jamal give each other a knowing look. SHANTEL That’s kinda why we asked you here. Marcus we want you to be Mary’s Godfather. MARCUS Really!? I mean I’m honored and everything but . . . why?

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 46.

JAMAL I’m a be real honest. You weren’t our first choice. SHANTEL Not even close.

JAMAL Like I got dis unc’ who made bank on dis app that let’s you input yo height and weight and it estimates yo dick size. Surprisingly accurate. Anyway he’s got a yacht. A fuckin’ yacht! And I’m all like, if anything happens to me and Shanty I want my baby to have a yacht. SHANTEL I mean it was about more then just a yacht JAMAL It was mainly about that yacht for me. SHANTEL We thought about Cheeto ’cause we knew he’d love her and really care for her. You know.

MARCUS Ok. Well I guess I’m honored to be your third choice. JAMAL Nah. Then we thought about Mark, Big Tommy, Darius, Patrick . . .

SHANTEL . . . Simon, Sarah, Alicia . . . JAMAL . . . Bill, Little Tommy, and that mailman. What’s his name, Eddie? SHANTEL Nah. It’s like Steve or maybe Kevin . . .

MARCUS Alright. I get it. Thanks? SHANTEL No. It’s not like that. We thought about all these people but they weren’t right.

JAMAL If she were white then my unc’ would be perfect. He’d teach her about her culture and the whole yacht thing.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 47.

SHANTEL If she were black Cheeto would be perfect. He’d care for her and teach her about who she was but well . . . When you look at her what do you see?

MARCUS A beautiful little face. SHANTEL We see that but I don’t know that everyone else will. How she suppose to talk? What’s she suppose to dress like? JAMAL You know what they say about mixed people? MARCUS No. I don’t. JAMAL Me neither. I have no idea what they say. I know what they say about white people and I know what they say about black people and I can prep her for that but I don’t know what they gonna say about her. SHANTEL Marcus when you’re real, like being yo real self and not trying to be someone else, you’re amazin’. Nothing you do is making sense but you own it. Even if that means you’re by yourself you own it. She needs her . . . MARCUS . . . first black.

JAMAL Her first black what? MARCUS It’s a thing grandma use to say. People need to see that first black. Someone that did what you’re trying to. Someone that just let’s you know it’s possible and you’ll survive. JAMAL I get dat.

Jamal pulls out the chain he is wearing under his shirt. On the end of it is the word Eminem. MARCUS Uh yea. I guess I’m just worried . . .

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 48.

Marcus is trying to think of what to say next. He begins to put his hands in the time out gesture but Shantel grabs his hands and stops him. SHANTEL Just say yes. MARCUS Yes. Marcus looks down at the baby he is holding.

MARCUS When you’re old enough I’ll show you how to eat a scone. He smiles and hands the baby back to Shantel.

JAMAL Isn’t that dress up thing this weekend? MARCUS Dragon Con. Yea but I’m not going. I’ve got to get ready for the funeral. SHANTEL You should go. She would have wanted you to. She made her jokes but she liked that you went. That you did something . . . different.

Marcus thinks about it for a second. Scene 3 Marcus takes center stage. A stage hand comes on stage and hands Marcus pieces to his He-Man costume. Marcus is putting it on as he talks. He is speaking to the audience and as he speaks we hear the instrumental version of the song "Don’t Stop Believin’" by Journey.

MARCUS She was right of course. As much as I hated being me she loved it. She loved that I was different. She would have wanted me to go to Dragon Con and so even though I wasn’t feelin’ it, I went. But that’s the thing about Dragon Con. It doesn’t matter. You could be feeling down or super depressed but none of that matters at the con. Because it’s 80,000 people across 5 hotels smack dab in the middle of downtown Atlanta and regardless of what you’ve been feeling up to that point when you get there and you step onto the floor of the Marriott hotel you can’t feel anything but excitement. It’s 80,000 (MORE) (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 49.

MARCUS (cont’d) people and for the only time all year you feel like you fit in.

Marcus should take a step forward as if he is stepping into the Marriott hotel. This should be timed with the beginning of the chorus of the song. As the chorus plays he should make his way across the stage like he is dancing. He’ll start up stage left. As he dance/walks from stage left to stage right he’ll stop at different points and interact with a people from Dragon Con. The first thing he sees is a table with someone sitting across from him. There is another person sitting at the upstage side of the table. They have a board in front of their face like a Dungeon Master. Marcus will walk/dance over the table, roll dice, and the whole table has a big reaction to the number he rolls.

Marcus moves across the stage to a microphone on a stand. Two people are in line behind him. He mimes like he is asking a question and at the end both people lean out so they can be seen but there faces show an expression that says they are impressed with the question. Marcus moves across the stage to a table with someone in sunglasses behind it. Marcus hands him a paper and he signs it. Marcus starts to dance walk/dance across the stage but the guy in sunglasses holds out his hand indicating he wants money. Marcus stops smiling struggles to get his wallet out, pulls out some money and hands it to the guy. Marcus smiles. Marcus moves across stage to a person completely covered in in LSU gear. They are standing still and waving an LSU flag. Marcus looks confused and moves on. Marcus moves across the stage to a person in a full body furry costume. They do a choreographed dance. Marcus moves across the stage to a karaoke machine. The machine has a sign that reads Klingon Karaoke. The walk/dance should be timed so that by the time Marcus gets to the karaoke machine and begins singing it is at the point where the lyrics are, "Don’t Stop Belivein’" However Marcus should sing guttural noises as if he is singing the song in Klingon.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 50.

MARCUS 80,000 people laughing, drinking and having a great time. But for some reason 40,000 of those people love to gather a Pulse Bar. This bar is a balcony hanging over the Marriott lobby and it is ALWAYS crowded.

Marcus moves down stage center. On the screen should be a picture of the Pulse Bar at full capacity during Dragon Con. All the performers except the actor playing Cosmo should come on stage with some sort of costume on. They should bunch together so they look uncomfortable. There should be a small opening in the clump for Marcus to slide into. Marcus will then move into the clump of people and next to him is a black female in costume.

BLACK WOMAN So this is how we die. MARCUS You know this thing wobbles. When you’re looking at it from a distance you can actually see it move up and down. BLACK WOMAN I know. Whenever I see this thing packed all I can think is, what kind of idiot would go to that bar. Yet somehow . . .

BOTH I always end up here. MARCUS Exactly. So how are you enjoying the Con? BLACK WOMAN I’m having a blast! I come every year and it never disappoints.

MARCUS Same here. This past year has been really crappy so I needed the distraction. It’s just nice to feel like I fit in. Like I’m with . . . BLACK WOMAN Your people. MARCUS Yea!

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 51.

BLACK WOMAN I understand that. The beauty of this thing is that this is your one chance to be anything you want to be. They are quite for a beat.

BLACK WOMAN What are you drinking? MARCUS Hoth Totty. You?

BLACK WOMAN It’s a TRAPIST! MARCUS Nice.

The next series of lines can come from anyone in the pile of people. The pacing of the comments should get faster until Marcus explodes. OFF STAGE Black He-Man! Alright! MARCUS No. It’s just He-Man . . . PILE Oh dude. That’s hilarious. MARCUS No. I’m not making a joke . . . BLACK WOMAN Of course. Not it’s very political. MARCUS No. It’s . . .

OFF STAGE Black He-Man come here and take a picture with Prince. It’s gonna be so funny. MARCUS No.

PILE Hey Black He-Man . . . MARCUS (yelling) ENOUGH!

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 52.

Everyone is surprised by Marcus’s outburst. They all stare at him. MARCUS I’m changing costumes.

Marcus begins to take his He-Man pieces off. Then he begins taking all of his clothes off until he is standing in only socks and tighty whitties. He talks as he undresses.

BLACK WOMAN What? MARCUS You were right.

BLACK WOMAN About the political thing? MARCUS No. What you said before that. You can be anything at Dragon Con. I know what I want to be.

At this point Marcus should be finishing undressing. He takes a step forward so he is free of the pile. MARCUS I’m not wearing any more costumes. I’m not trying to be anything to anyone. From this day forward I am cos-playing as . . . Marcus! Marcus stands proudly but no one responds.

PILE From what? MARCUS From Atlanta!

PILE The TV show? MARCUS No. Me. I’m cos-playing as me.

PILE I think I’ve seen that Anime character. MARCUS No. You haven’t seen . . .

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 53.

PILE Angelic Layer. 3rd season. That one guy that . . . MARCUS No! That’s not what I’m saying.

PILE Good because he wore A LOT more clothes. MARCUS I’m cos-playing as me. Myself. I am Marcus and I am dressing up as Marcus. PILE Oh shit. Your going IRL! MARCUS Yes! I’m going real! Dragon Con is truly the one time a year we can be be anything we want. We can dress as the thing we love and care about the most. We can be the version of ourselves we’ve always wanted to be but here’s the thing, I do that everyday. I put on a costume and try to act like the people in my life. But I’m terrible at it and find myself hating myself more and more with each failure. But it stops today. Today I choose my version of me. I HATE HIKING. I HATE THE CLUB. I LOVE Marcus! COSMO Le Roy Jenkins! Cosmo comes running into the scene. He is wearing nothing but a solo cup around his crotch. Marcus and Cosmo stare at each other. Cosmo is clearly very drunk. COSMO Why are you naked? MARCUS Having a moment of self realization. COSMO Me Too!! They stare at each other for a moment. Cosmo holds up his car keys and begins swing them around as he starts walking off stage. COSMO Time for home. Gonna drunk drive the shit outta these streets. Get ready to get fucked Atlanta traffic!

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 54.

Marcus grabs his keys and begins leading him in the opposite direction. MARCUS Nope!

Marcus leads Cosmo off stage right but he does not leave the stage. Scene 4

A stage hand enters stage left carrying a chair, beach hat, board shorts and sunglasses. The stage hand sets the chair center stage. After leading Cosmo off stage Marcus walks back to center stage and takes the sunglasses, shorts and beach hat from the stage hand and puts it on. The stage hand exits as all the black actors enter carrying their own chairs and snacks. One actor hands Marcus a box of popcorn and they all get settled in. After a bet the title card "Jaws" appears on the screen and we hear the classic music. It builds to a crescendo and we hear yelling and splashing sound effect. Everyone on stage is calm and eating their snacks. MARCUS I don’t why they don’t just get out of the water.

BLACK ACTOR That’s what I said! Black Out Scene 5

Marcus puts on a shirt. Marcus and Cosmo sit next to each other. They are in a car and Marcus is driving them home from Dragon Con. Cosmo seems drunk and is talking excitedly. Marcus is quite and doesn’t seem happy with Cosmo.

COSMO God damn, I love Dragon Con! Day 2 was sick but day 3 is going to be even better.

MARCUS (unenthusiastically) Yea. It’s been crazy. COSMO Oh man. I love that you went with Black He-Man. That’s shits hilarious.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 55.

MARCUS (deadpan) Just He-man. COSMO Haha. Right. (beat) What’s up with you? You’re pretty grumpy. I haven’t even seen you most of the con. MARCUS It’s nothing.

COSMO Whatever. It’s Con weekend baby! No one can be sad during Con weekend! They sit in silence for a beat.

COSMO PS. Thanks for driving me home. MARCUS Kinda had to.

COSMO Haha! I’m so drunk. Suddenly blue lights are seen in the background and a police siren is heard.

COSMO OH Shit! Oh Shit! MARCUS Calm down.

COSMO I’m so drunk! MARCUS You’re not driving.

COSMO Yes! You’re right. You can’t get a DUI if you’re not driving. That’s the law. MARCUS I’m gonna need you to not talk through this whole process. COSMO You got it. I’m not talking my way into a DUI again.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 56.

Marcus pulls over. He is completely calm throughout this process as if this is routine for him. He is not shaken or emotionally reacts to any of the questions.

The officer walks over to the driver side window and motions for Marcus to roll it down. Marcus complies. MARCUS Officer.

POLICE OFFICER Do you know why I pulled you over? MARCUS No sir.

POLICE OFFICER You were swerving back there. You looked a little out of control. MARCUS Sorry sir. POLICE OFFICER I’m gonna need you to step out of the vehicle. Marcus opens the car door and steps out of the car. POLICE OFFICER Place your hands on the car and spread your legs.

Marcus walks around to the back of the car and places his hands on the trunk. He spreads his legs and he stands facing the audience. The Police Officer has a flash light and is pointing it in the car. He is focused on shining the light on the back seat looking for any illegal substances. Once he does that he walks over to Marcus and quickly pats him down. POLICE OFFICER Where you coming from?

MARCUS Downtown. POLICE OFFICER How do you two know each other?

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 57.

MARCUS We are friends. We were attending Dragon Con together. The Police Officer looks at Marcus for a moment and glance at his drivers license. He then moves over the passenger side and addresses Cosmo. Cosmo looks nervous. He doesn’t want to say anything dumb. POLICE OFFICER Are you ok?

COSMO I’m sorry? POLICE OFFICER Are you in any danger?

Cosmo is surprised and caught off guard by the question. COSMO In danger? No I’m fine.

POLICE OFFICER Are you being forced in anyway to ride with this young man? Cosmo is again shocked by the question. He answered but is clearly annoyed. COSMO No. Marcus is my friend. The Officer looks at Cosmo and then walks back to Marcus. Marcus still has his legs spread and his hands on the trunk of the car. POLICE OFFICER You’re pretty far from downtown. You live around here?

MARCUS No sir. POLICE OFFICER You come to this part of town often?

MARCUS No sir. Just taking my friend home. The Police Officer takes another look at Marcus and his driver license and then hands it back.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 58.

POLICE OFFICER Stay out of trouble. MARCUS Yes sir.

The officer walks back to his car. Marcus gets in his car and begins to drive. Cosmo and Marcus sit in silence for a little bit. COSMO He never asked if we had been drinking. MARCUS Nope. COSMO But that’s why he pulled us over. He said we were swerving but there was no breathalyzer, no walking a line, he didn’t even ask if he had drinks. MARCUS That’s not why he pulled us over.

COSMO What was he doing? MARCUS Sending a message.

COSMO A message? The only thing that whole ordeal made me want to do is never come back to this part of town. MARCUS Exactly. COSMO Why? We didn’t do anything wrong. Why would he care if we’re driving through . . .

Marcus looks at Cosmo. Cosmo stops talking. They sit in silence for a little while. COSMO Why are you so calm?

MARCUS Not my first time. COSMO Well let’s report that son of a bitch. We can . . .

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 59.

MARCUS Cosmo. COSMO Yea.

MARCUS Stop whining. They both sit in silence. Black out Scene 6

There are a few boxes on stage and Marcus walks over to them. He is in his grandmother’s attic. He is folding items and placing them in a box. He’s going through the motions of cleaning out someones home after they die but it is clear he is sad and truly alone. He takes a moment to look at each specific item before putting them away as he tries to deal with his loss. We hear a noise and footsteps from off stage. Marcus stands up and looks to see who it is. Cheeto comes in faster then he meant to and stops himself before running into Marcus. They have a moment. Cheeto regains his composure and starts going through some of Grandma’s stuff. He also has a box. They work in silence for a while.

CHEETO Oh shit. Cheeto holds up a brightly colored shirt and is smiling.

CHEETO My old Cross Color shirt. I remember when I got this jacket. Cost $200 bucks. Had to sale 2 pairs of shoes and a video game system for this but goddamn it, did I strut down the street with this on. I looked like a 16 year old George Jefferson. MARCUS Why’d she keep it?

CHEETO Insisted it’d come back in style. Said I’d come running in her house looking for this thing. It might be the year 2070 but I’d come looking for it one day.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 60.

MARCUS Guess she was right. CHEETO Yea.

They continue to work in silence for a few beats. CHEETO You know she loved you.

MARCUS She loved everyone. CHEETO Yea. But she really loved you. You were her favorite.

MARCUS I don’t know about all . . . CHEETO What did she like to say (Grandma impression) "Just so you know Marcus is my favorite. I want to be clear about this I love him more then you. Now hand me my weed." MARCUS That sounds like her.

CHEETO Yea. I guess . . . You should just know she did. MARCUS Well at least someone thought I was black enough for them.

Cheeto appears hurt by the words but goes back to work. They are silent for a few beats. CHEETO Look man. I’m . . .

MARCUS Don’t even start. CHEETO Come on dog. I’m tryin’ to make things right MARCUS You said what you said and I heard it. Message received.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 61.

CHEETO Don’t get all girly and shit. You pissed me off, I said some shit. Now I’m sayin’ I’m sorry. Don’t make it a thing.

MARCUS Save your bullshit. Cheeto gets up and walks over to Marcus CHEETO Bullshit? You ungratefully little . . . Marcus gets up and gets in Cheetos face. MARCUS No! I may not be black enough for you. I may not be like other black guys but I gotta walk around every day in this black skin and every thing that comes with it. The convenience store clerks don’t follow me around less because I’m not black enough for you. I didn’t gain 5 points on my credit score when you excommunicated me from my blackness. I sure as fuck didn’t start getting pulled over less. So I may not be black enough for you but I’m black enough for everyone else. Marcus stares at Cheeto for a beat. They should be face to face. Then Marcus makes the timeout sign. Cheeto freezes and Marcus immediately grabs his knees as if almost hyperventilating. He regains his composure, gets back in Cheetos face and makes the timeout sign again unfreezing the scene. They stare at each other for another beat. Cheeto shakes his head approvingly and slowly returns to going through boxes. Scene 7 Marcus steps forward and take a moment to regain his composure after confronting Cheeto. He pulls out his phone and presses a few buttons. A stagehand walks on stage with a black jacket a mirror. Marcus puts the jacket on and looks into the mirror to straighten himself out. There is a notifcation sound on his phone and he looks at it. He is surprised when he looks at it. Cosmo and a stagehand enter stage left. Cosmo is holding a chair with one hand and miming driving with the other. The stagehand has a second chair. The stage hand sets the chair down and then faces towards the audience along with Cosmo. Cosmo has set his chair down as if the car has stopped and sits in

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 62.

it. The stagehand sits Indian style in front of Cosmo and pulls a pink mustache out of their pocket and holds it in front of them. Marcus gets into the chair next to Cosmo. They both get quite. COSMO 568 Barkley St? MARCUS Yup. They sit in silence for a few beats. MARCUS So Theodore’s your real name?

COSMO Yea. You can see why I would go by something else. MARCUS I don’t know. Theordore not a bad name. Like Theo. It’s very Cosby. COSMO Yea but like pre Cosby MARCUS Yea. Definitely pre Cosby. They sit silently for a moment. MARCUS So you drive Lyft now?

COSMO Gotta make some extra money. Gotta start saving up for next year’s Con.

MARCUS You doing a group thing? COSMO Nope.

MARCUS I’d figure you and your friends . . . COSMO You were pretty much my only friend.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 63.

MARCUS That’s not true. COSMO It is. People tend to not want to hangout with me because I have a tendency to . . . you know. . .

BOTH Say stupid shit. COSMO Yea. Like a lot. MARCUS I’m sorry to hear that. They sit in silence for a beat.

COSMO Atlanta weather . . . MARCUS We don’t have to talk.

COSMO We kinda do. At least I need to. MARCUS It’s cool.

COSMO No It’s not. Look I . . . MARCUS Say stupid shit. That’s been well established.

COSMO But I say stupid shit because I don’t think about it. I don’t take two seconds and think about the shit I’m saying. I’m not racist.

MARCUS I know. COSMO I’m an idiot.

MARCUS I know. COSMO I keep replaying our conversation in my head. Hearing what I said but standing on the other side of those (MORE) (CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 64.

COSMO (cont’d) words. Then I remember the car ride. I knew people had different experiences in life but I didn’t . . . I’m trying to say that . . . I’m . . . MARCUS You’re sorry. COSMO No. I’m ashamed. I’m embarrassed. I really felt like a piece of shit. I am a piece of shit. I don’t even know how to ask for this but could you ever forgive me. MARCUS I guess I have to. Holding a grudge would be a shitty way to honor grandma. COSMO Oh yea. I heard about that. I’m sorry man. That where you headed now.

MARCUS Yea. Her funeral. COSMO Oh wow. She was an amazing woman.

MARCUS Yes she was. COSMO She said some really hurtful things to me.

MARCUS Yes, she did. COSMO Like really specific things. I cried a lot.

MARCUS You couldn’t show weakness around her. COSMO It’s like she fed on it.

Marcus looks up and points at a corner. MARCUS Right here.

They pull to a stop. Marcus gets out of the car. Cosmo gets out as well. He starts walk towards the funeral home with Marcus. Marcus stops and looks at Cosmo.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 65.

COSMO If it’s ok with you. MARCUS She would have wanted you there.

They both start walking towards the funeral home. Marcus says his next lines without looking at Cosmo. MARCUS You wanna make sure she’s dead, don’t you? COSMO I won’t be able to sleep tonight. Scene 8

The rest of the cast comes out except Grandma. They make a line center stage with chairs. Everyone looks dressed for a funeral. A woman in a traditional choir robe walks on stage as she sings a soulful spiritual. In front of them would be a church podium. It would be facing out towards the audience. The woman would finish her song and from off stage we would hear the voice of the minister. MINISTER Thank you Sister Shantel for that beautiful song. In her will Sister Mary had a number of special requests. A LOT of weirdly specific requests. One of the less strange ones is that Marcus give her eulogy. Marcus why don’t you come on up. Marcus hesitates. Marcus takes a deep breath and walks up to the podium. He takes a moment to gather his thoughts and then begins to speak. MARCUS Mary Susan Parks or Grandma as most of us knew her, was many things to all of us. A mother, adviser, weed dealer but for me she was just my best friend. She constantly encouraged me to be myself which sounds generic but with her it meant so much more. She was my grandmother but she didn’t check off a single box in the grandma checklist. She was a terrible cook, she was NOT nice, and she put incredible pressure on me to do drugs. She didn’t fit into a category. She was undefinable and she loved every second of it. She was my best friend because she was my only friend that allowed me to be my true self. And now she’s gone . . .

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 66.

Marcus pauses for a beat. He starts getting emotional. He makes the timeout sign and the lights change indicating everything is frozen. He takes a moment and then addresses the audience. As he talks he steps out in front of the podium and takes a seat on the edge of the stage. MARCUS I’m standing there trying to wrap this thing up in a nice little bow and it is NOT happening. I don’t know how to end this because nothing is actually fixed. Cosmo seems sorry but I don’t even know if he knows what he is sorry for. Cheeto was sorry for blowing up at me but he still believes what he said. Nothing changed. No one is different we’re just all on speaking terms now.

As he is talking Grandma enters up stage right. She is casually strolling with some type of food in her hand. MARCUS When I think over the last few . . .

Marcus looks behind him. MARCUS Grandma!

GRANDMA What? MARCUS What are you doing? How are you here? Your suppose to be dead? Grandma stops and looks at Marcus as if he is an idiot. GRANDMA It’s a fucking play. MARCUS I... GRANDMA Also yo craft services table in the back is shit. MARCUS Sorry?

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 67.

GRANDMA But I did hear what you were sayin’ and it was all real nice. Grandma walks over to Marcus and sits next to him.

MARCUS I guess. I just don’t know. I mean nothing has really changed we haven’t solved anything. GRANDMA One thing has change. It’s probably the most important thing. MARCUS What?

GRANDMA You. You’ve changed. You finally got it. You don’t need to be black or white. The only thing you need to be is you. MARCUS Yea. I get that but I don’t know if I’m going to be able to do this without you. Marcus looks down and grandma gentle places her finger under his chin and lefts so he is looking into her eyes.

GRANDMA Oh baby . . . I’m a plot device. This ain’t my story. If it was it would be much sexier and staged at Serenbe. But . . .

Grandma motions around her. GRANDMA This is your nerdy ass story. You can’t truly be yourself until you’re relying on youself. The only one you need in order to be happy and whole is you. Marcus thinks about that for a beat. MARCUS Yea. You’re right.

GRANDMA Now get yo ass up to the podium and give your grandma a half way decent eulogy.

(CONTINUED) CONTINUED: 68.

They stand up. Marcus gives Grandma a big hug. She smiles. Grandma makes her way to the back and Marcus takes the podium. Marcus waits for Grandma to be out of sight and then unpauses the scene.

MARCUS I’ve lost my best friend but I’m going to spend the rest of my life honoring that amazing woman by doing my best to be undefinable and to just be me. I hope you will too. (Pause for a beat). Reverend Gary I think we’re ready to fulfill her last wish.

Shantel begins a very soulful version of Missy Elliot’s "Work It". As she sings Marcus pulls OUT A 40 from the podium and hands it to the singer. Marcus then pulls out a gun from the podium. The singer takes the contents of the 40 and pours it on the ground as Marcus fires the gun into the air. Black out.