CCC v Wiltshire Queries – Sunday 10th June, 2018

Chilmark’s winning streak came to an inglorious end on Sunday as an over strength Wiltshire Queries cricketed far better than the home team.

The writing was on the wall early when pictures filtered through from lakeside in France, where CCC chairman Carl Jacobs had bagged himself a carp the size of a submarine. With the world’s supply of luck being channelled by Jacobs, there wasn’t much to go around Cleeves Farm. This showed on the first ball of the day, when Pete Corbin managed to tempt the batsman into a hook shot that resulted in a top edge. Wicketkeeper Jason Stearman lost sight of it and first slip brand King was still picking his breakfast from his teeth. The ball fell safely and the batsman went on to score 26 before Paul Butler took a sharp caught and bowled chance.

It was that kind of day. Butler’s success was followed by an over that saw four sixes hit from it. Seeing this carnage captain Patrick Craig-McFeely decided Reg ‘Golden Arm’ Allen should be injected into the attack. Four more sixes promptly followed. By this time the opener responsible for the onslaught had reached his century (racing from 54 to 102 in 10 balls) and mercifully retired.

It was a good time to be tossed the ball. Brand King and Jake Taylor benefitted and started bringing some respectability back to proceedings. When King jagged one between bat and pad Chilmark had their second wicket at the princely sum of 155 runs. If not up, things were certainly no longer looking terminal. Then Darren Lee joined the attack and finally added another wicket to his collection when he produced a hallmark dipping in swinger that bamboozled everyone who witnessed it. Despite these successes 172-3 at drinks saw the game poised indelicately in favour of the visiting team.

The post refreshment period saw the introduction of Ned Pattenden to the bowling crease. His first over defied description. The scorebook where it should be indicated resembles a sketch from an abstract painter’s concept journal. It genuinely looks as though the scorer cried tears onto the page and tried to dry them off with confetti. In Pattenden’s defence he hasn’t seen a cricket ball since about this time last year (when it was last seen sailing into the car park). None-the-less The Doc gave him a second over and to his credit Pattenden improved greatly, finding the pitch with almost every delivery (sometimes three or four times before it reached the batsman).

The Doc, of course, is not the kind of leader that allows his troops to take all the punishment without taking a little himself. Consequently he brought himself on from the Pettigrew end and nobly allowed the batsmen to take 17 runs from him so that Pattenden, Butler, Allen et al could feel better about themselves.

Look, it was a lovely day. The sun was out and Archie Small was becoming Dave Ullyot’s eight year old daughter’s boyfriend. Max Allen was somehow managing to study for his GCSE’s whilst simultaneously being at the ground waiting for cake. Claire Allen was probably onto her third glass of Sauvignon Blanc already. Everyone was having a good time. It doesn’t really matter what happened on the field. I mean, Ben Fowles got a wicket, but.. whatever.

After the Wiltshire Queries had tired of batting the teams broke for tea. It was the highlight of the day. Blanche Stearman, in lieu of providing her son to bat for Chilmark, made a Victorian sponge cake; Jo Ullyot somehow found time away from her throng of children to make an orange cake; while Claire Allen emptied the sweet section of her fridge into a bowl and presented it as ‘Eton Mess’. I’m told this is a quintessential English dish named for the eponymous college. So that’s two messes David Cameron has gotten himself into.

Needing a little over nine runs an over to chase down the Queries’ 324, Chilmark’s Brand King got things under way by blocking out a maiden. At the other end Ben Fowles had already broken into a sweat beneath his big blue helmet before he was required to run the length of the pitch to get off the mark. A boundary to King soon after and Chilmark were really racing along. In fact, things were going along so nicely that after King swept a six into Mr Pelham’s vegetable patch and five minutes were spent trying to retrieve the ball, he and Fowles discussed the possibility of each bringing up half centuries and then perhaps launching an unlikely assault on the total. It was a fatal discussion. Two overs later King drove a ball uppishly to cover and was caught out for 23.

This brought Jake Taylor to the crease and after nudging a couple around he nonchalantly despatched the ball into the horse paddock for six. Fowles, by this stage, was nearing cardiac arrest. He’d run a handful of singles to square leg and despite this nearly killing him he was now addicted. He was a singles junky. Consequently he tapped another ball in the same direction and set off down the pitch wide eyed and delirious. Taylor, the younger and more sensible one, had seen however that a fielder had been moved into this position and the ball had travelled straight to him. He stayed in his crease. Fowles, oblivious, barrelled towards him as if to a buffet. By the time he realised what was unfolding the ball had been returned to the ‘keeper and the bails removed.

Dave Ullyot joined Taylor and bashed an entertaining 20 runs before he was bowled, and then Ned Pattenden survived five balls before popping a catch back to the bowler. When Taylor’s stumps were knocked over shortly after Chilmark were on the ropes at 100-5 in the 18th over.

It was a relatively slow death after the drinks break. Reg Allen bats like he’s chopping down trees; it’s rarely a successful technique but is strangely compelling to watch. On Sunday he was good for 19 runs before being bowled. Pete Corbin chipped in with seven, Darren Lee with a typically mercurial 19 of his own, before Paul Butler got a three ball duck and Jason Stearman a quick fire 12. This left The Doc undefeated and the innings, along with Chilmark’s winning streak, over.

So that’s the review of the cricket. Too long? Perhaps I should take a note from Claire Allen’s book, who provided the following critique of this week’s player tea slave Ben Fowles’s performance in helping the ladies with preparations in the kitchen: “The only time we saw Bengy in the tea room was when he came in for food at the tea break…clearly he needs more practice, as I might add does his batting!!”

Claire will be writing next week’s match report.

Wiltshire Queries CC 323-5 (B King 2-33; B Fowles 1-15) defeated Chilmark CC 155 (J Taylor 31; B King 23)