Examining the Stages of Relationships IN A N UTSHELL In modern theatre, we have found evidence of all stages of relationships except for the last, true love stage called “Agape Through a Theatrical Lens Love.” The lack of representation of this stage in our media may be both a cause and effect for our increasing divorce COMBINING PSYCHOLOGY AND THEATRE ARTS THROUGH SCRIPT ANALYSIS rate and lack of satisfaction among couples today. Dana Strothenke | Faculty Mentor: Arthur Grothe | Department of Music and Theatre Arts

TAGE NE Closer by Patrick Marber S O : ATTRACTION STAGE THREE : POWER STRUGGLE DAN: Anna, you want to believe he’s… STAGE FOUR : AGAPE LOVE Attraction occurs when two people’s Imagos This stage is like the hangover of the crazy Romantic “the one”… it’s not real , you’re scared of If couples do not break up during the Power are highly correlated, even if they are very Love, also similar to withdrawal from all the this. Struggle, they may move on to Agape Love. This is different in personality. Your Imago is an chemicals your brain was just on. In this stage, you ANNA: There is no “this.” I Love him. the highest form of love; it is pure, charitable, and unconscious and composite image of the realize that your partner is not who you thought DAN: Why ? honest. Partners accept each other as they are, people who have influenced you most they were. Suddenly the things you were once ANNA: He’s kind. recognizing the flaws both of them have. In this strongly at an early age. Your Imago serves attracted to seem irritating and even threatening. DAN: Don’t give me “kind.” “Kind” is stage, you know that you cannot look for healing as a template for picking mates in the future. This stage contains the Stages of Grief put forward dull, “kind” will kill you. Alice is “kind,” even I’m “kind,” anyone can be f**king from your partner but rather from yourself. You see by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross: Shock, Denial, Anger, KIND. I cannot live without you. your partner not as a savior, but as another Quake by Melanie Marnich Bargaining, and Depression. Some of these stages ANNA: You can… you do. wounded person trying to heal. LUCY: That’s kind of cool. I’m Lucy. may happen out of order, overlap, or may even be DAN: This is not me, I don’t do this. All ROGER: I’m Roger. skipped all together. the language is old, there are no new There few to no scenes to represent Agape Love in LUCY: Hi, Roger. words… I love you . modern theatre. We rarely show this stage of a ROGER: Hi, Lucy. ANNA: No, you don’t. STAGES OF GRIEF relationship because people do not want to watch it. LUCY: Rog. DAN: Yes… I do. I need you. The times we do see this kind of love are small and ROGER: Luce. SHOCK fleeting. Audiences prefer to see conflict and quick ROGER: Luce. This stage is the realization that the person you’re Key Exchange by Kevin Wade resolutions. LUCY: Rog. with is the person you thought they were. With LISA: Jesus, I ask you out for a dinner (They giggle like high school kids.) the disillusionment of Romantic Love stripped and you make it sound like the last People strive to find Agape Love in their own lives ROGER: Do you like- away, you see your partner as who they really supper. but it is hard to find because they have so few LUCY: Blue eyes? are, flaws and all. As demonstrated here: PHILIP: No, you made it sound like that. examples to base their search from. Our visual ROGER: Yes. You stuffed all those words in my mouth, representations of the world in plays and movies you do that so you can make me wrong. LUCY: Oh yes. encourage us to solve problems quicker and easier. DENIAL LISA: You hear the same spiel enough, This stage is where you deny the flaws and issues We want entertainment media to wrap up quickly In this scene we watch Lucy’s immediate Philip, you get a feel for when it’s with your partner. You feel your partner has and easily. We want dating sites that do half of the attraction to Roger. This scene uses a coming. PHILIP: That’s good. Why should I come work for us. We are being not being taught how to heightened reality and shortened time, to changed or you’ve been deceived all along about their true nature. As demonstrated here: to dinner? You don’t need me, you sustain love, we are just learning how to have less perfectly show the Attraction phase of a know so f**king much, you could just commitment because it’s all we ever see. relationship. keep switching seats and be both of us. ANGER LISA: What are you so scared of? We are bombarded with Power Struggles on This stage is exactly what it states. Frustration PHILIP: Christ, Lisa, come on. television and have begun to see it as commonplace STAGE TWO : ROMANTIC LOVE and even resentment come out as a result of LISA: No Philip, you come on. When in Romantic Love, you do not see the and even entertaining. It is no wonder half of the your failing relationship. Partners cut each other recent marriages in the US will end in divorce. flaws in your partner because your brain is down in order to gain power and perceived being flooded with the neurotransmitters control over the relationship. As demonstrated Maple and Vine by Jordan Harrison Our over 8,000 dating websites emphasize the Oxytocin, Dopamine, and Serotonin, creating here: ROGER: Jason, don’t hang up. Jason? feelings of excitement and wellbeing with I’m sick for you. I was scared that if I importance of the search for a partner by giving us your partner. In this state, the world and didn’t play along… But it’s worse being unlimited choices. We have so many choices that we your partner are seen with rose colored BARGAINING here and not seeing you. Or seeing you can even go back for 2nds and 3rds if our first course This stage is where partners try to reason out on the street and you look like you don’t did not work out. However Agape Love is not about glasses and ignore any potential to be hurt even know me. That used to be hard for by your mate. issues. The idea is that if one partner does searching for “the right one,” Agape Love is striving something, then the other partner will do you too. What if we just walked away? to get past the Power Struggle and make it work something else. There is a trade off, hoping to It would be so easy. We could just keep with the person you are with. Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare walking ‘till there’s highways and electric ROMEO: But, soft! what light through yonder give up bad qualities in return for positive signs and Toyotas. I’ll go without you if I window breaks? outcomes. As demonstrated here: have to. Since we are constantly shown that relationships are It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. not supposed to work out and we know Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, DESPAIR Betrayal by Harold Pinter dysfunctional relationships like the back of our Who is already sick and pale with grief, This stage is where all hope is lost for finding EMMA: You didn’t ever see it as a home, hands, it is not surprising that we struggle to reach That thou her maid art far more fair than she happiness or love within a relationship. There is in any sense, did you? Agape Love. JERRY: No, I saw it as a flat… you know. no push forward beyond the Power Struggle EMMA: For f**king. These partners are convinced the other is because there is no use. Essentially there is no JERRY: No, for loving. perfect and even worth dying for. In this possibility for happiness in this relationship EMMA: Well, there’s not much of that scene, we see Romeo both proclaim his anymore. As demonstrated here: left, is there? passionate love for Juliet and also idealize JERRY: I don’t think we don’t love each Juliet, ignoring any flaws she has. other.

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