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Guardian and Observer Editorial 20 The Guardian | Wednesday June 21 2006 World Cup Xxxxxx v Xxxxxx Tomorrow England expects Richard Williams Royal Ascot ≥ Kevin McCarra leads On Argentina against Fallon goes for big-race our coverage as the Holland, a meeting of double in the second round looms true heavyweights Prince of Wales Stakes Delia’s delights A meal you and cook at half-time Smoked haddock with crème fraîche serves two This is a great recipe, i) because it is the most wonderful combination of flavours and ii) because it takes just 12 minutes ANDREW RAE from start to finish. Which means it can be cooked within the time-span of half- time (turn the volume up if you want to Oh Lord, my World Cup runneth over hear the pundits). You could even cook some baby new potatoes and equally “baby” leaf spinach if you get organised for the off before the match starts. greater power than myself that can pride in my personal appearance, I have the legendary Lionel Ritchie restore me to sanity. At FA meetings we failed to apply sufficient deodorant, and persuasively argued “Karamu, fiesta, 12-14 oz (350-400g) smoked haddock, or the same start with the following short serenity I have on occasion retired to bed forever. Come on and sing along. We're weight of golden haddock cutlets, skinned prayer. Even as an atheist, I find the without brushing my teeth. I am a man going to party", he failed to point out 2 rounded tablespoons crème fraîche words appropriate — because, just like in moral and physical decay. that a party where everybody is obliged 1 heaped tablespoon snipped chives the poet and artist William Blake, my I realise how foolish I have been, that to sing from the same hymn sheet is not 1 oz (10g) butter, diced God resides within. football eats the soul, as the great film a happy party, even if it does last all 5 fl.oz (150ml) milk “God grant me the serenity to accept has it, that football has reduced my life night long. Freshly-milled black pepper Simon Hattenstone the results I cannot change, to a suffocating ball of sheep fluff. I am Now I wish to make amends to all Courage to change those I can, a dullard, devoid of conversation and those I have harmed, except when to do You will also need a 10-inch (25.5cm) And the wisdom to know the purpose. Despite the aesthetic delight so would injure them or others. I have diameter frying pan difference” and head-butting drama of the matches, apologised to family and friends, I have Have all the ingredients to hand to Having made the decision to turn my they no longer pleasure me. I am sated. phoned the Big Brother hotline to start with. Then, when the whistle goes y name is Simon will and life over to the care of God as I I can no longer distinguish between apologise for ignoring the respective for half-time, place the fish in the frying Hattenstone, and understand Her, I have made a searching Angola and Argentina. Only yesterday plights of Grace and Sezer the Geezer. I pan and add a little pepper — but no salt. I am a football and fearless moral inventory of myself my lady friend asked what match I was have written directly to Huw Edwards at Pour in the milk (it won’t cover the fish, addict. Over the and admitted to God, and to myself, and watching — I stared hard at the screen, the BBC to apologise for not tuning in at but no matter), bring it up to simmering past 12 days I have to another human being who best unable to answer. I was on the verge of 10pm on weekdays. point and simmer gently (uncovered) for watched around remain nameless, the exact nature of my madness. I am now ready to ask God to I am continuing to take a personal eight to 10 minutes if you’re using pieces M50 hours of live wrongs. Excessive football watching is remove all these defects of character. inventory and when I lapse, as I of smoked haddock, or eight minutes for football. I have pointless and solipsistic. Sacrificing I cheated myself. I convinced myself inevitably will, I hope to promptly admit golden haddock cutlets. You will be able seen almost 80 balls fly into the net and oneself to football will not help save the that a football fiesta would loosen my it. I have sought through prayer and to see quite clearly when they are admired many of the goals for their rainforests, nor will it prevent war and inhibitions and bring me endless joy. meditation to ask God to keep me from cooked, as the whole thing will become swerving beauty. I have heard famine and disease, let alone stop my Now I realise there is more to life than football and lead me towards the path of pale and opaque. comments such as “Here today, Ghana kids' local comp, Fortismere, become a joy. Indeed, enforced jollity can, and goodness. I will take note of other Now carefully remove the fish to a tomorrow” and “Togo or not Togo" from foundation school. often does, result in much misery. While sporting affairs, such as when Tiger plate using a fish slice, increase the heat puntastic commentators and not Over the past 12 days, I have Woods fails to make the cut at the the US and add the crème fraîche. Continue to blinked an eye. I have watched withdrawn into a hermetic world of Open (and Monty throws away his best simmer, uncovered, until the sauce highlights programmes on ITV and BBC football. I have not listened to the views chance of winning a major), England get reduces and thickens slightly, then and then switched to Sky Sports of others, least of all my children and my I have deluded myself with smashed by Australia at rugby, little whisk in the butter and return the fish to through the night. Although I have lady friend. I have dribbled on to Timmy Henman wins four matches on the sauce briefly. experienced short-term pleasure, I beanbags in a manner wholly the promise of ‘just one the trot, and Asafa Powell equals the 100 Scatter in the chives, let it bubble for realise I have a problem. unacceptable to civilised society. I have more match’. I am a man in metres world record in Gateshead. about 30 seconds and it’s ready to serve With the help of my mentors at lost the ability to speak in sentences. I Having had a spiritual awakening as in time for the second half. Football Anonymous, I have come to have become a football grunter. I have moral and physical decay the result of these steps, I will try to realise that I have been in the grip of a deluded myself with the empty promise carry this message to all football Delia Smith’s fee is going to Norwich greater power that has made my life “just one more match" and then passed addicts, and to practise these principles City Football Club’s academy unmanageable. I have also discovered a out through over-indulgence. I have lost in all my affairs. www.deliaonline.com Soccerball Referendum Graphic of the day What we miss about the World Cup Today Will an African team qualify Argentina and Holland’s World Cup for the second round? records against Hispanic nations suggest at the they should want to play Mexico next The Ivory Coast and Togo are out, goals Argentina have World have been scarce and the big European prospered against L 1 and South American teams are in form. teams who speak Series But Ghana’s stirring win over the Czech the same language Republic, Angola’s resilience and but Portuguese- Holland v Argentina Tunisia’s easier draw mean they are still speaking sides Two of the world's top franchises go alive. Can any of them make it through? have beaten them W 6 head-to-head in a thrilling clash today. Vote now by visiting three times in four And won't Iran v Angola be a soccering sport.guardian.co.uk/referendum classic! The Dutch also But I'm more interested in the lesser Yesterday’s result fare well against L 1 clash between Holland and Argentinia. Spanish-speaking The Argentinians are fresh from the six- Are England’s players spending too nations, and went W 3 zip pummelling of two-nation franchise much time with wives and girlfriends? out to a former Serbia & Montenegro, which must go Portuguese D 2 down as one of the biggest shocks in colony, Brazil, in Hitting the road To take his mind off the 1970 finals Jimmy Greaves co-drove an world soccer! Just to beat two countries Yes 76% No 24% 1994 and 1998 Escort in the Daily Mirror World Cup rally. Jermain Defoe, your dusty Focus awaits at the same time is impressive, but to do it six scores to zero is incredible. The second of the six scores was one of the best that the World Series has ever Nancy’s diary The people v the fish seen, with 24 inter-roster kick-plays before the score was completed by Estefan Cambiasso. There was also a Apéritifs: 4 (buono) Minutes spent “I can’t remember ending,” I say Each day we pit the expertise of Guardian readers against that of Der Kaiser — a sunset score for Lionel Messi, who is known as thinking about football: 0 (fantastico) quickly.
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