San Francisco Herald Service in Pacifica, also passed away. Autographs Please” – so I skipped the Rest in peace. idea. Apparently they’re still around, January 2019 playing the Whiskey A GoGo in L.A. “I XXXXXXXXXX Had Too Much to Dream (Last Night)” SanFranciscoHerald.Net is probably the greatest title for a song I’ve been meaning to write about these ever. At least of that era. It’s a lousy two low-watt radio stations I was XXXXXXXXXX song, but a great title for one. Though listening to, but I have this habit of putting “Last Night” in parenthesis is a The Society Page putting things off, so here it is now. bit puzzling. It must have been for By Gene Mahoney KCEA, at 89.1 FM, broadcasts out of people with short attention spans. “In the Atherton and is operated by the Sequoia Year 2525” was my favorite song in Russian Hill Upholstery & Décor is still High School District. It plays Big Band, kindergarten. located in Nob Hill, not Russian Hill. Swing, and similar music - songs like Woops, looks like all that devil music “Small Fry” by Hoagy Carmichael and XXXXXXXXXX caught up to KRSA - in late 2017 it “The House of Blue Lights” by Ella Mae became K-LOVE, a Christian Morse and Freddie Slack. You can listen It’s a shame about Ray: In 2014 I ran Contemporary station. So I guess you to it online. into former KGO radio legend Ray can’t check it out. See, I told you I have Taliaferro in North Beach. I saw a guy KRSA – “Relax 103.3” – plays a song this habit of putting things off. who looked like him, yelled his name, by the Eagles, a song by Phil Collins, and he approached and shook my hand. I XXXXXXXXXX and a song by Stevie Nicks era asked what he was up to since the mass Fleetwood Mac every hour. Songs on firing of talent at the once proud talk And now, more old news… heavy rotation include good but station, and he replied that he was forgotten ones by famous artists, like working on some documentaries in Los “Emotional Rescue” by the Rolling Angeles. I was going to let it go at that, Stones and “All Those Years Ago” by but I just had to say it: “Ray, I disagree George Harrison. There’s also bad with just about everything you say, but forgotten songs like “Love Touch” by good luck.” His smile disappeared and Rod Stewart and “Sara” by Jefferson he uttered, “Uh... yeah” before walking Starship. Oops, I mean Starship. off. I must have irritated him because I got “Uh.... yeah.” I didn't get his famous And if you want to transcend to another “Hmmm... Yes!” in that Paul Robeson dimension, man, KRSA plays imitating Ed McMahon delivery. The 2018 inductees to the Rock and Roll psychedelic rock. Not the standard Pink Hall of Fame were announced a while Floyd, Moody Blues, or Jefferson Check out the hilarious YouTube video back, and Strawberry Alarm Clock and Airplane trip. Stuff like “Incense and of a caller asking Ray if he’s gay. the Electric Prunes didn’t make it. But Peppermints” by Strawberry Alarm Bon Jovi, The Cars, The Moody Blues, R.I.P. Ray Taliaferro. Clock, “I Had Too Much to Dream (Last Nina Simone, Sister Rosetta Tharpe, and Night)” by the Electric Prunes, and “In Dire Straits did. Never liked Bon Jovi, Oh, and a belated R.I.P. to another KGO the Year 2525” by Zager and Evans. I The Cars were the first “New Wave” host I agreed with a lot more – Ray’s kept humming “Incense and band I liked, I went through a Moody nemesis, Dr. Bill Wattenburg. Peppermints” for a week back in 2001, Blues phase, my mother was into Nina so I thought I’d interview Strawberry Simone during her high school years, I XXXXXXXXXX Alarm Clock for the Herald when it was had to look up Sister Rosetta Tharpe, and a newspaper and make their day. Then I And one of the nicest guys you could then there’s the odd case of Dire Straits went on their web site and it claimed that ever hope to meet, my accountant – (apparently the band’s leader Mark they were the greatest band in the world James Greenbach of One Day Tax Knopfler refused to show up because his and the whole tone was really “No travel expenses there wouldn’t be compensated – eat your heart out, Sinead quality rock album that wasn't hip, by a was tough as nails, having grown up in O’Connor). band that didn't care if they were hip. New York City, the son of Irish immigrants, and an ex-Marine to boot. Here’s something I wrote in 2016 about I had just moved to California in the We were still surprised at how long he the last band mentioned… summer of 1985, and the Brothers in was hanging on, though. Arms cassette was a great soundtrack for Well, it's been about 31 years since it driving around the Bay Area in a gas- Then my dad answered the phone, and it came out, and I didn't hear any 30th guzzling '77 Camaro. A friend of mine went something like this: anniversary buzz about it. That probably from Long Island visited, and as we suits the mastermind of it just fine, as he drove down Highway One, the sun was “Oh, hi! How are ya? Na, he’s still voluntarily left the limelight because he setting, and the album's title track began hanging in there. I tell ya, this guy’s a thought he was getting too famous. to play on the car stereo. I could tell that pain in the ass. Heh heh. Huh? Oh yeah! was the moment my friend decided he I forgot about that! Hey, thanks. Bye.” What am I going on about? The album wanted to move to the Golden State. Brothers in Arms by the former rock Then Dad pulled out the Dire Straits Years later he did. group known as Dire Straits. This thing Alchemy CD and played it. Uncle Mike just kind of crept up and took everyone The most famous song off the album is passed away before the third track, by surprise in the summer of 1985 and “Money for Nothing.” Knopfler was “Espresso Love,” came on. proceeded to become one of the best- inspired to write it while frequenting an He was a great uncle. I’m pretty sure he selling albums in history. Dire Straits appliance shop, and the song's lyrics are loved me. But I know he loved Dire had been putting out quality music since the mutterings of an employee at the Straits.### their inception nearly a decade earlier, store, bitter that he's working there while but were they anybody's favorite band? rock stars are living lives of luxury. And just two years earlier they had Here's an excerpt: released their weakest effort, a four track EP with a stupid song called “Twisting The little faggot with the earring and the by the Pool” as its highlight. makeup/ Yeah buddy that's his own hair/ That little faggot got his own jet Though it didn't sell more than Michael airplane/ That little faggot, he's a Jackson's Thriller (nothing has), it did millionaire beat Synchronicity by the Police, Purple Rain by Prince, and other heavyweights It took a while to find those lyrics online, of the era. It’s the best-selling album of as some sites have deleted that verse the 1980s in the UK. while others have put ****** where the new f-word is. But does it sound like it was recorded in the 1980s? It wasn't post-punk or dance “Money for Nothing” couldn't have been music. Actually, what was it? The band's recorded in 1955 because its lyrics Wikipedia page likens them to pub rock would have been considered profane. Uncle Mike in the 1950s (Dr. Feelgood, Joe Strummer and the And it couldn't have been recorded in The San Francisco Herald is published 101ers, etc.), the mid-1970s warmup act 2015 because its lyrics would have been monthly by Gene Mahoney. All contents for punk rock. considered politically incorrect. ©2019 by Gene Mahoney (except work not done by Mr. Mahoney as artists So since it came out a decade later, does Let's end this column with something I retain the copyright to their own work). that make it post-pub? No, that would be wrote in 2006: The characters and situations in Good punk. Post-punk? No, that would be New Clean Fun comics are fictitious; any Wave. Post-New Wave? Hmmm... I also remember how much my Uncle similarity to persons living, dead, or in there's a thought. Mark Knopfler's Mike loved Dire Straits. He used to have hiding is purely coincidental. Though mesmerizing yet understated guitar work a few drinks and listen to Alchemy, their well-known people and places appear alternated between finger-picking blues great live album that had the Ralph it’s a work of fiction and the usual rules apply. None of these events ever took and folk strumming, and he sang like Steadman-ish cover art. Maybe Ralph place. The Mr. Fabulous stories are Bob Dylan with a British accent. So it's Steadman did draw the cover art, I forget. complete fiction. Herald logo by James up to you if you want to call it blues rock Dylan. Ads do not appear in online or folk rock. Or maybe post-New Wave What I won’t forget is how two years version. would be more accurate after all. As a ago Uncle Mike laid in bed dying, we then-20 year old who was burned out Contact: Gene Mahoney, P.O. Box 843, were all waiting for the inevitable, but he from the hip New Wave music of my Redwood City, California 94064 was hanging on longer than expected. He teens, it was refreshing to listen to a

Telegraph from Berkeley his laboratory creating this new monster new things that Kap could do to keep on the slab. And Kaep took the Niners the defenses guessing. But, all the way to the Super Bowl that year, unfortunately, Kaep didn’t have any The Saga of and came within one play of winning it. more tricks in his bag of tricks. Colin And then in his second year as starter Then the hot topic among all the sports Kaep took the Niners all the way to the fans became: “What’s wrong with NFL Finals before his pass was Colin Kaepernick??” He had started out Kaepernick intercepted by Richard Sherman of the so great. And now he sucked. I used to Seahawks in the end zone on the last listen to Steve Young’s weekly radio By Ace Backwords play of the game, preventing a second show every week. Young was a Hall of trip to the Super Bowl. That would Fame quarterback and an expert on I’m just a casual football fan. But I’ve pretty much be Kaep’s last highlight quarterbacks. He said, “To be been following Colin Kaepernick’s reel. And the end of his glory years consistently successful in the NFL a career pretty much from the beginning. (which really only lasted a year and a quarterback has to master the pocket. And watched just about every game he half). Colin hasn’t been able to do that. And I played for the San Francisco 49ers. So I don’t think he ever will.” Kaep had have a pretty good appreciation for In the off season Kaep was heralded as always gotten by on his pure athletic Kaepernick’s game and his skill set. the next great NFL superstar and his skills. But he never really mastered the picture was on the cover of all the nuances of quarterbacking. Football is I first became aware of Colin football magazines and the experts were like a chess match after all. The defense Kaepernick when he was still in college predicting he would be the face of the makes its move, then the quarterback and playing for this little school in new NFL (which he turned out to be, makes his counter-move, then the Nevada. And he single-handedly ironically enough, but in a different defense makes their counter-counter- demolished the mighty Cal Bears, ran way from how they predicted). move, and then the quarterback makes them into the dirt. You could tell he his counter-counter-counter-move. And was a special talent from the very But a funny thing happened on his way so on. The quarterback has to be able to beginning. to the Hall of Fame. In his next season instantly “read the defense” and deliver Kaep got worse not better. And the the ball to the hole in the defense. No And then in his very first start with the Niners slipped to mediocrity at 8-8. easy task, because the defenses all try 49ers he ran for 180 yards (against the Coach Harbaugh knew what the to camouflage their alignments. Not Green Bay Packers) and set the record problem was before everyone else. All only that, the quarterback only has like for most rushing yards by a the other coaches had been studying two seconds to make all of these split- quarterback. Off to a darn good start. Kaep on film, and they had figured out second decisions after the ball is Kaep completely took the defenses by his weaknesses and how to stop him. snapped, while 300-pound monsters are surprise. No one had ever seen that kind Kaep was like a rookie phenom in charging at him trying to take his head of skill set before — that combination baseball who’s called up to the big off. Quarterbacking is one of the most of size, speed and agility. leagues and starts hitting the ball all exacting and difficult positions in all of over the field. And everyone predicts he Then in his second season, when sports. And Kaep was unable to master will be the next great superstar. But starting quarterback Alex Smith was it on the highest level. then the pitchers figure out his out for 2 games with a concussion, weakness — the “hole in his swing” — Kaep took over as starter. But then after The other thing we only realized in he can’t hit the inside curveball (or 2 games everyone assumed Smith retrospect, regarding Kaep’s initial whatever). So all the pitchers start would be back as the starter — Smith success. Kaep had everything going for throwing him the inside curveball, over was a damn good quarterback after all him when he first started out. He had a and over, and now they’re all getting and had taken the Niners to within one great coach who knew exactly how to him out left and right. And now the play of going to the Super Bowl the use him — how to play to his strengths phenom has to either adjust and fix the previous year. But to everyone’s and minimize his weaknesses. The hole in his swing. Or he gets run out of surprise Coach Harbaugh kept Kaep as Niners also had the number one defense the Big Leagues (which is usually what the starter. Harbaugh was kind of a in the league. They usually gave Kap happens). That’s what happened to mad-genius football coach. And he great field position. And the team was Kaep. The defenses figured out the hole couldn’t resist playing around with this usually in the lead. So Kaep rarely had in his game. Coach Harbaugh even once-in-a-lifetime talent like Kaep. to march down the whole field and hired a full-time coach just to come up Harbaugh was like Dr. Frankenstein in deliver a come-from-behind victory. All with new game plans every week for he had to do was not make any mistakes and let the others do their and had his moments of glory, and She laughed. “Right. I hear that.” jobs. The Niners were loaded with accomplished something that playmakers at all the skill positions — transcended sports, and (unlike most I nodded. “Yeah, I’m a little all-pro receivers like Vernon Davis and players) got out of the game before he nervous…” Michael Crabtree, and all-pro running was seriously crippled by injuries. And She started to walk away. “I’m sure back Frank Gore. All Kaep had to do he could still get a ton of money if he you’ll be great.” was run around back there and then gets a good lawyer to take over his dump the ball off to one of his stars and lawsuit against the NFL.### I smiled. “Thanks, baby.” let them make plays. Herald Archives The girl stopped suddenly. She spun It finally got so bad for Kaep, he ended around. “What did you say?” up demoted to being a back-up to a Editor’s Note: This next piece is from career back-up. When he finally won “What’s that?” 2014. Look for Steven Capozzola’s the starting job back in mid-season, he latest book – a collection of his Mr. still sucked, and only managed to win “Did you call me ‘baby?’” Fabulous stories, available online. one game all year (and only barely that Some are new, most are from years ago “Oh…yeah. Is that bad?” by one point). And the Niners ended up in the SF Herald. The story after it is a miserable 2-14. Kaep would be 4-20 from way back. Must have been early “You called me ‘baby?’” in his last 24 starts. And that just 2000s. Another chapter in Lee doesn’t cut it in the NFL. So Kaep was “I call everybody baby.” Vilensky’s adventures as a taxi driver. released at the end of the season. “You’re auditioning for GIRLS and When none of the other teams signed The Naked Truth you called me ‘baby?’” Kaep after he was dumped by the Niners, Kaep claimed the owners were By Mr. Fabulous “I didn’t think—” “colluding” against him because of his She dropped her pile of scripts on a political beliefs — his controversial I had found a new agent, and one of the coffee table. “Do you know who I am?” “sitting for the National Anthem” thing. first auditions he sent me on was for an HBO series. I would be reading for the But believe me, that’s not the reason “Are you one of the PA’s?” why nobody would sign him. At least part of a father. It was an older, more not the primary reason. NFL teams mature role than I was used to. My “OH-MY-GOD…” would sign Charles Manson if they agent told me to dress conservatively, thought he could win games for them. maybe wear a suit. “Baby, wait—” But the NFL always had this double- “OH-MY-GOD.” She put her hand to standard. If a star player commits a I flew to New York the next day and her head. “I don’t believe it…” serious felony or creates a big off-field took a taxi over to HBO’s offices. I distraction, you can bet some NFL team checked in at the main desk and rode an elevator up to the 11th floor. The I tried to get her attention. “Wait, will get up there and sanctimoniously listen—this is TV, right?” say: “We believe this fine young man elevator opened and a receptionist greeted me. She walked me into a small deserves a second chance.” But if an She was rubbing her forehead and waiting area and told me to take a seat. average or mediocre player commits a looking at the floor. I waved to get her serious felony or off-field distraction, I was sitting alone in the waiting area attention. “This is TV, right? We say the same NFL teams will say: “We when one of the show’s production ‘baby’ all the—” won’t tolerate this kind of behavior in assistants walked through. She was our organization.” And they’ll cut his The girl stepped in front of me. She carrying a stack of scripts. She saw me ass so quick it isn’t funny. Kaep is no stuck out her hand to shake mine. “Hi. sitting in a chair and stopped. “Hi, are doubt better than a lot of other back-up My name’s Lena. This is my show. you here for the audition?” quarterbacks in the NFL. But back-up You’re auditioning for my show. Do quarterbacks are a dime-a-dozen. And I stood up. “Yes.” you know why I started this show?” Kaep’s just not good enough for teams “Listen, I really thought you were a to want to put up with his off-field “Can I get you some coffee?” PA—” baggage. I shook my head. “No, thanks. A beer, But don’t feel sorry for Colin maybe…” Kaepernick. He made a ton of money, “Let me tell you why. So that women The elevator opened. I stepped in, pathological introversion. His public wouldn’t have to be called ‘baby’ and pressed ‘Lobby,’ and rode the elevator face. The one he’s showing me. I point take crap from guys like you.” down to the street.### towards downtown and he nods. I ask him if he wants BART, and he utters “I call everybody ‘baby.’ Men, too.” some kind of assent. I drive him to the Shoo Fly Montgomery BART station. “Well, you must be very proud.” By Lee Vilensky As I pull over at Montgomery and She was standing very close. Suddenly, Market, the man gets out and heads I recognized her. “WAIT—you’re the Young Asian man shyly flags me at the down the escalator toward the trains. I girl who always takes her clothes off, corner of Broadway and Columbus. By jump out of the cab, get in front of him, right?” shyly, I mean he quickly flicks his wrist and ask for my money. He backs away in my general direction, as if shooing a She was rubbing her forehead. “Listen, terrified and mutters something I can’t fly. I am annoyed by this cab flagging just forget the audition. Just pack up understand. I point to the cab and say, technique, as I am by most peoples’ your stuff and leave. Now.” “You owe me what’s on the meter... pathetic attempts to get my attention. you have to pay me!” “I’m sorry.” How hard is it to step off the curb and calmly and confidently raise one’s I pull out a five and show him what it is She waved her arms. “Please. Just go.” hand? You don’t have to do a little that he has to give me in exchange for dance, or wave your arms frantically as the livery service. I wave the five in his I picked up my coat. “But you’re the if there’s an impending shark attack, or face. He screams and runs down the girl who doesn’t wear any clothes, scream, or show some leg, or stare escalator. I might as well have tried to right?” defiantly, or do anything but look at me explain the “infield fly rule” to a shrub. and raise your hand high and proud. I let him go, laughing at my attempt to “What?” You know the answer to the question, make this strange person pay me for “I mean, that’s you, right? You do all and as your teacher I’ll call on you if something he felt was owed to him. I’m the nude scenes?” you don’t act retarded. sure his mother and father don’t charge him for rides. This is the only time I’ve “Yes, that’s me.” I pull over and the man gets in the ever laughed off a “runner”. Hell, if I front and says nothing. He is carrying had that fake blonde waitin’ for me at I smiled. “Wow, I’ve seen you...” several pornographic magazines, has home, I’d run too.### greasy hair and is clearly retarded. “OH-MY-GOD-OH-MY-GOD — Actually he is probably autistic. He Jeff—JEFF!” can’t look at me and is shaking. Literally vibrating. I am empathetic to A man came running into the room. his condition and hope that he gets right “YEAH?” back out of my cab. (Empathy does not The girl pointed at me. “GET HIM necessarily make allowances for loss of OUT OF HERE. NOW.” revenue in times of recession.) I ask him what he wants and he yells, The guy stepped in front of me. “Sir, I “BARRR!” 3 times. I try to decipher need to ask you to leave.” what he’s just said. I don’t think he wants a drinking establishment, but I already had my coat in my hand. “BARRR” isn’t ringing any bells. He “Sure thing.” looks out his window and moans, “barrr”. I started to walk to the elevator. I could hear the girl stomping her foot behind I ask the man where he lives and get no me. I pushed the elevator button and answer. He can’t look at me. One of his turned to look back. She was pointing magazines has a picture of a fake Thanks, Lee. That’s all for her finger at me. “You will never work blonde woman spreading her ass in New York again. Do you hear me? I cheeks, and I wonder what he thinks of this issue. One more time, can promise you that.” that. Bet he can’t wait to get home and though… Let’s hear it for flail away with an uninhibited passion that can only be matched by his Uncle Mike!