A"Boy"Named"Cindy" " Thesis"" " Presented
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A"Boy"Named"Cindy" " Thesis"" " Presented"in"partial"fulfillment"of"the"requirements"for"the"degree"Master"of"Fine" Arts"in"Creative"Writing"–"Nonfiction"in"the"Graduate"School"of"The"Ohio"State" University." " " By" " Cindy"Gaillard,"B.S." Graduate"Program"in"English" " The"Ohio"State"University" 2015" " Thesis"Committee:" Lee"Martin,"Advisor" Erin"McGraw" " " ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Copyright!by! ! Cindy!Gaillard! ! 2015! Abstract! ! ! This!work!is!a!partial!memoir!about!a!journey!I!took!at!twelve!years!of!age!in!1973! encompassing!the!states!of!New!Mexico,!Arizona,!Utah,!Wyoming!and!Colorado.!!It!is! a!personal!story!of!both!spiritual!and!sexual!awakening.!!Set!in!a!time!when! homosexuality!was!condemned,!it!traces!the!personal!obstacles!of!selfJidentity!as!a! young!lesbian!who!struggles!with!her!love!of!God.! ! ii! Dedication! ! ! ! ! For!the!GLBT!community,!both!young!and!old;!! God!made!you!beautiful.! ! iii! Acknowledgments! ! ! ! Many!thanks!to!Andrew!Hudgins!for!kicking!me!in!the!ass!to!complete!my!thesis! while!plying!me!with!single!malt!scotch;!Erin!McGraw!who!taught!me!how!to!craft! scenes!with!the!patience!of!an!impatient!saint;!to!Lee!Martin!for!never!giving!up!on! me!and!sharing!a!love!of!music!on!and!off!the!page;!to!Susanne!Jaffe!who!told!me!to! stop!writing!crap!and!embrace!what!I!love;!to!Janet!McAdams!for!our!Saturday! morning!writing!sessions!and!pushing!to!write!down!the!river!story,!full!of!legend! and!oh,!so!many!truths.! Thanks!to!Mary!Coleman!for!guiding!so!many!students,!this!one!included,!to! embrace!their!purpose.!! Many!thanks!to!the!collaborative,!supportive,!loving,!inspiring!artistic!community! that!is!Columbus,!Ohio!–!may!you!always!shine.! Thanks!to!my!mother,!Pat!and!father,!Ken,!for!their!enduring!faith!in!my!abilities! and!constant!prayers!for!my!wellJbeing.! And!to!Jules!Angel:!my!wife,!my!love,!my!inspiration.!!You!hold!the!bar!high!for!my! humor!writing!and!when!you!laugh,!I!know!it’s!good!and!my!heart!sings.! ! iv! Vita! ! ! May!1986………………………………………………B.S.!Psychology,!University!of!New!Mexico! ! 1986……………………………………………………..Begin!career!in!PuBlic!Broadcasting,!KNME! ! 1993,!1999……………………………………………2!Emmy!Awards,!Best!Documentary! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!Program,!Producer.! ! 2001!to!present………………………………….....Television!Producer,!WOSU!TV!–!The!Ohio!! ! ! ! ! ! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!State!University.! ! 2006!–!present………………………………………7!Emmy!Awards,!Best!Documentary! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!Program,!Best!Magazine!Program,!Best!! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!Documentary!Series,!Producer,!Director,!! ! !!!!!!!!!!!!Editor.! ! ! ! Publications! ! Gaillard,!Cindy.!!“Shards.”!!In!The$People$Who$Stayed:$Southeastern$Indian$Writing$ after$Removal,!edited!By!Geary!HoBson,!Janet!McAdams,!Kathryn!Walkiewicz,!262[ 264.!!University!of!Oklahoma!Press:!Norman,!2010.!!! ! ! ! Fields!of!Study! ! Major!Field:!!English! Creative!Writing!–!Nonfiction.! ! v! Table!of!Contents! ! ! ! ! Abstract!...............................................................................................................................................!ii! ! Dedication!..........................................................................................................................................!iii! ! Acknowledgements!.......................................................................................................................!iv! ! Vita!........................................................................................................................................................!v! ! Table!of!Contents!............................................................................................................................!vi! ! Chapter!1:!!August!1973:!Green!River!Wyoming!..............................................................!1! ! Chapter!2:!!July!1973:!Albuquerque!to!Holbrook!.............................................................!13! ! ! Chapter!3:!!Holbrook,!Arizona!..................................................................................................!31! ! Chapter!4:!!Phoenix!Arizona!......................................................................................................!49! ! Chapter!5:!!Phoenix!to!the!Grand!Canyon!............................................................................!76! ! ! Chapter!6:!!Grand!Canyon!to!Lake!Powell!............................................................................!115! ! Chapter!7:!!Lake!Powell!...............................................................................................................!160! ! Chapter!8:!!Lake!Powell!to!Route!89!......................................................................................!193! ! Chapter!9:!!Route!89!......................................................................................................................!220! ! Chapter!10:!The!Great!Salt!Lake!...............................................................................................!253! ! Chapter!11:!Salt!Lake!City!...........................................................................................................!283! ! vi! ! ! ! ! ! Chapter!1:!August!1973!–!Green!River,!Wyoming! ! The!raft!bobbed!in!the!water.!!Right!in!front!of!my!eyes,!the!raft!made!tiny! ripples!in!the!shallows!of!the!Green!River!instead!of!sinking!to!the!rocky!bottom.!! Goosebumps!ran!across!my!sunburnt!arms.!!I!puffed!out!my!chest!and!saluted.!!! “It!floats,!Sergeant!”!I!said!to!Connie.!!!My!hand!hovered!near!my!brow.!!I! wanted!her!to!salute!back,!like!Sergeant!Carter!saluted!Gomer!Pyle.!!I!wanted!her!to! recognize!this!magnificent!event!with!the!grand!gesture!it!deserved.!!Instead,!she! smiled!the!kind!of!smile!that!says!‘you’re!my!best!friend!and!you’re!an!idiot.’!!I!knew! what!her!look!meant.!!I!didn’t!mind.!!I!tilted!my!head!to!the!sky!and!saluted!the!hot! midday!sun.!! We!stood!together!on!the!bank!of!the!river!about!a!halfPmile!from!camp.!!I! was!twelve,!Connie!was!ten,!and!we!were!best!friends,!the!kind!of!friends!who!are! sisters!by!heart.!!And!we!were!on!an!adventure,!the!absolute!best!thing!that!can! happen!to!two!best!friends.!! Our!days!were!spent!on!the!riverbank!and!our!nights!at!the!campsite,! listening!to!the!fire!hiss!and!spit!while!Connie’s!dad!opened!beer!after!beer,!handing! ! 1!! ! me!the!tabs!he!pulled!from!each!can.!!We!ate!baloney!sandwiches!that!Carol,! Connie’s!stepPmom,!made!with!mayonnaise!and!two!slices!of!American!cheese.!! Connie!and!I!shared!cans!of!CocaPcola!like!prized!rations.!!We!put!the!cans!in!the! river!to!keep!them!cold,!right!next!to!the!beer;!the!cans!bobbed!together!in!a!fishing! net!weighted!down!with!rocks.!!While!we!ate,!we!listened!to!Connie’s!dad!tell!us! about!his!day!working!at!the!construction!site.!!Carol!called!him!“babe”!and! depending!on!Connie’s!mood!she!called!him!“dad”!or!“father.”!!I!called!him!Uncle! Don!because!he!and!my!dad!were!best!friends,!not!brothers!but!closer,!the!kind!of! friend!you’d!pick!to!be!your!brother!if!you!had!the!chance.!!I’d!known!him!all!my!life! and!while!I!worked!on!adding!that!night’s!tabs!to!an!everPgrowing!chain!of!pullPtabs,! he!described!his!day!wielding!IPbeams!three,!four,!sometimes!five!stories!in!the!air.! He!would!say!things!like,!“That!crazy!Navajo!ain’t!afraid!a!nothing,”!or!“Them! boys!nearly!done!me!in!today.”!!He!drew!us!in!every!time!‘cause!we!knew!how! dangerous!the!work!could!be!so!we!asked!question!after!question!until!we!learned! the!details!of!what!happened.!!The!whole!stories!weren’t!as!exciting!as!the!first!bit!–! the!Navajo!climbed!faster!than!Uncle!Don!did,!taunting!him!to!hurry!up!because!the! boys!wanted!to!skip!lunch!so!they!could!all!leave!early!which!meant!no!breaks!in!an! already!hard!day!–!but!Uncle!Don!hooked!us!with!that!first!line!and!we!appreciated! the!excitement!because!after!days!at!this!particular!camp!site!–!Tex’s!Travel!Camp! outside!the!town!of!Green!River,!Wyoming!–!and!after!hours!and!hours!all!on!our! own!every!day!on!a!rocky!bank!of!a!river!that!had!little!to!offer!except!blinding!sun! ! 2!! ! and!miles!and!miles!of!rocks!and!scratchy!bushes,!Connie!and!I!fell!into!a!deep!and! mighty!boredom.!!! To!pass!the!time,!she!and!I!had!scavenged!the!bank!and!categorized!the!rocks! into!shapes!we!knew,!like!pancakes!and!axe!heads,!robin’s!eggs!and!softballs.!!We! acknowledged!that!many!of!the!rocks!looked!like!what!we!thought!a!penis!looked! like.!!But!since!neither!of!us!had!actually!seen!a!penis,!our!speculation!included! shapes!that!were!clearly,!in!hindsight,!mechanically!impossible.!!We!hiked!up!the! river,!soaked!our!Keds!in!the!shallows!while!the!Indian!grass!whipped!our!shins.!! When!the!trail!disappeared,!we!spent!an!afternoon!skipping!stones.!!I!counted!27! skips!with!one!throw,!a!disputed!claim!since!Connie!counted!a!mere!22!and!did!not! give!in!to!my!protests!that!she!missed!the!first!5!looking!instead!at!a!redPheaded! woodpecker!creeping!along!a!branch.!!We!tried!to!build!a!sand!castle!with!sand!so! riddled!with!pebbles!it!refused!to!keep!a!shape.!!I!discovered!that!there!are!no! respectable!noises!you!can!make!with!a!blade!of!Indian!grass!between!your!thumbs.!!! For!a!while!I!worked!on!a!concerto!of!fart!noises!–!a!base!line!run!followed!by!a! fanfare.!!!Mozart!might!have!appreciated!it!but!Connie!will!tell!you!that!more!than! 20!minutes!of!this!was!her!breaking!point.!!! Finally,!we!found!a!bunch!of!driftwood!and!an!old!ragPrug,!the!kind!I’d!seen! in!my!grandma’s!house!that!she!made!with!old!scraps!of!clothes.!!Connie!suggested! we!unwind!the!rug!and!use!it!as!rope!to!build!a!raft.!!That!sounded!good!to!me.!!I!