12A Why hackers love thedigital currency c y Shortcuts

Pop Why fans think Avril Lavigne is actually a clone

id you know Avril D Lavigne was replaced by a lookalike named Melissa in 200 3? At least, that’s what the internet would have you believe. The old conspiracy theory that Lavigne was “cloned” resurfaced on Twitter over the weekend , but it has been bandied about the internet since 2005. The theory claims Lavigne (below), struggling with fame at the beginning of her career, began using a body double named Melissa. At some point, the real Lavigne is said to have died, so the record company replaced her with Melissa full-time . Paul McCartney Taylor Swift Beyoncé But Lavigne is not the fi rst Possibly the best known Moving away from the “clone Beyoncé and Jay Z have celebrity to be subject to an example is the claim that Paul replaces celebrity” genre, theorists long been associated with the unverifi ed cloning conspiracy McCartney was replaced with believe Taylor Swift is, in fact, the Illuminati on certain pockets of theory, as these examples show. a lookalike after he had been clone of a former satanic priestess. the internet – so much so that Elena Cresci killed in a car accident. The Seems reasonable. The theory, Beyoncé referenced it in her urban legend took root in 1969, which dates back to 2011, claims song Formation . It is also claimed following the release of the Swift is an Illuminati clone of Zeena that the Illuminati uses clones Beatles’ Abbey Road. Fans hunted LaVey (below), the daughter of to brainwash society. Sometimes, for clues – they were convinced the founder of the Church of Satan. all it takes to set the conspiracy John Lennon was saying “I buried Essentially, the two look similar. wheels in motion is two diff erent Paul” in Strawberry Fields Forever, There are thousands of videos pictures of the same person, for example (Lennon said he on YouTube comparing the two, and the Beyoncé cloning theory was actually saying “cranberry which surely counts as proof. gained a fl urry of attention sauce” ). Unlike some more recent last year when a Facebook post conspiracy theories, the person that compared images of the at the centre actually rebutted singer from 2010 and 2016 went the claim. In an interview with viral. It read: “Fans the chick on Life magazine in November 1969, the left is her but the chick on McCartney said: “Perhaps the the right is not. This high degree rumour started because I haven’t masonry witch on the right been much in the press lately.” is a cloned [sic].”

Literature vinyl! We urgently need more That year, Travelodge released With 80m copies sold, The records to ... make more money a list of its most left-behind books. Da Vinci Code is the second-most Which books for Oxfam.” The top fi ve started with Fifty popular book of modern times, Three years ago, at the height Shades and included J S Scott’s so it is no surprise that it turns clog up Britain’s of Fifty Shades mania , Broadhurst Shades-esque Billionaire series. up in large numbers. But not charity shops? and staff made a fort out of cop- Travelodge’s list is a fascinat- everything that appears again ies of EL James’s wooden prose. ing dip into the ephemera of doesn’t sell . Helen Fielding’s As now, they asked donors for changing times. In 2007, Alastair Bridget Jones series enjoys a “60s and 70s vinyl” instead. Campbell’s The Blair Years lively karmic cycle. Crime writer branch of Oxfam in topped the chart. By 2010 it was Ian Rankin ranked as the third- A Swansea has receiv ed an “unauthorised” biography most donated author in one poll, a copy a week of The of Simon Cowell. The website yet he was listed in the same Da Vinci Code since its staff can webuybooks.co.uk keeps tabs poll as the bestselling charity remember. Lately, manager Phil on which tomes it receives most shop author. You can’t please Broadhurst has make a tower with often . In 2015, the second-most all of the people all of the time, the books, at the foot of which he unwanted book was The Fault in but some of the people all of has posted this note: “You could Our Stars – John Green’s young the time should be enough to give us another Da Vinci Code ... adult romance – with GCSE per- get rid of the towers. but we would rather have your ennial An Inspector Calls at No 1. Gavin Haynes

2 The Guardian 16.05.17 Food fatty acid in the brain . Eggs, like broccoli, contain choline, which Pass notes How to order a seems to improve scores in mem- No 3,855 ory tests. Legumes and pulses healthy student are high in folic acid, which is Forest Green Rovers takeaway crucial for proper brain function; the active ingredient in turmeric is good for stress; and olives, rosemary, capers, tomato sauce, tudents are not a breed curry powder, cumin, cocoa and S known for their gastro- red wine are all excellent sources nomic discernment – of the polyphenols linked to the voyage of intellectual healthy brain function. discovery often rides the waves But for all the stock photos of suspiciously cheap pizzas and of vibrant bunches of herbs and late-night kebabs. After three plump peppers on takeaway years at university, I emerged fl yers, such things are not always COLD COMFORT knowing only that the correct easy to fi nd on the menus response to: “Garlic sauce?” is: themselves. Here’s a guide to Age: 128 years old. “ Yes, please.” what to order where. Appearance: A bit wan, but successful However, with exam season nonetheless. looming, one might hope that Japanese: Salmon or mackerel Forest Green? Ha! That sounds like a dish you these keen, young minds would sashimi; brown rice; spinach goma would fi nd at a crappy vegetarian restaurant. be bright enough to adoptp a more salad with sesame sauce; avocado You’re not too far off the mark there. sensible diet: brain-n- and ppocket-ocket- rolls ((pictured)picture . Really? I’d assumed that this was about football. friendly tinned sardinesrdines on It is about football, but a specifi c type of football. brown toast, perhaps,aps, C Chinese:hin Steamed fi sh; Following a rise in Vegan football. or wholesome broccoli ccoli eggegg-fried rice (pref- cases of ‘avocado Let me guess, vegan football is like normal foot- soup . Yet, as any studenttudent eraerably brown) with hand’, Iceland has ball, but you have to spend the entirety of the launched bags will tell you, whenn ststir-friedi broccoli or match telling everyone about the YouTube video of pre-stoned, you have been pan-n- ChChinese greens. pre-peeled frozen of an abattoir you just watched. Stupid carnivore. icking in the libraryy avocado slices. In any I’m talking about Forest Green Rovers, the vegan all day and mainliningning I Indian: Fish or seafood case, frozen avocado football team that has just been promoted to the double espressos, yyouou cucurryr with plenty of halves have been Football League for the fi rst time in its history. don’t tend to fancyy tturmericurm ; dal; brown rice; available in Tesco How are they vegan, exactly? The club’s owner is something sensiblee . ssaagaag ((spinach)spinach or brinjal (auber- since 2015 – long Dale Vince, a eco-warrior millionaire who made Fortunately, a takeaway kd need gine)i ) bbahji hji; m attar paneer (peas before last week’s his fortune by selling renewable electricity to health warning. But n ot be one of the things to blame and cheese). the national grid. When he bought the club, he who has time to

for your bad results, according defrost brunch? banned red meat from all its menus. to research by nutritionist Ruth Italian: Fiorentina pizza with Avoiding red meat doesn’t make you vegan. Ah, Tongue . Unsurprisingly, fresh spinach, egg, olives and tomato but that was just the fi rst step. The club became fruit, vegetables, nuts and seeds sauce. If you can run to extra 100% vegan in 2015. No animal products of any get a nutritional A grade: the anchovies, do it. description are on sale anywhere in the club. You more colourful, the better. Leafy can’t even get cow’s milk in your tea any more. greens such as spinach, which Middle Eastern: Falafel in a whole- Yuck. Well, hold on. The club’s Q pie – a Quorn have been shown to increase meal pitta with plenty of tomatoes and leek pie made with soya milk b echamel – memory power in rodents , are and parsley and a dollop of tahini. just won a podium spot at this year’s British Pie particularly good. Regular con- Food for thought … awards . That doesn’t sound too bad, does it? sumption of fi sh and seafood is Finish off with some dark choco- eating eggs, as found I suppose not. Still, at least the club’s success GETTY/iSTOCKPHOTO; REX GETTY/iSTOCKPHOTO; linked to a larger hippocampus, late and a small glass of red wine; on Fiorentina pizza, proves that athleticism isn’t necessarily the area responsible for learning both are packed with polyphenols. may boost memory dimmed by a commitment to a vegan lifestyle. and memory, and oily fi sh are a That’s one glass of wine. Hang on, Yes, about that. rich source of docosahexaenoic you’re not doing maths, are you? What? The players are all vegan, right? I mean,

PHOTOGRAPHS PHOTOGRAPHS acid, the most abundant omega-3 Felicity Cloake there was that photo from a year ago, which appeared to show the club’s players and staff shovelling meat pies into their faces outside the Stroud branch of Greggs … Oh, really? I knew it! Hypocrites! To be fair, the club’s veganism isn’t enforced out of work. Plus, they have just been promoted and they are more successful than at any other time in their history, so they must be doing something right. Well, this is either a towering vindication of the vegan lifestyle, or a towering vindication of the Greggs sausage and bean melt. Great, now I’m hungry. Do say: “Zigzag to the onion bag.” Don’t say: “Incidentally, the onion bag is also tomorrow’s dinner.”

16.05.17 The Guardian 3

Paul Mason It’s now clear what Corbynism represents – so what do the centrists do next?

he leak of Labour’s manifesto last Labour has counterpart, has put on fi ve percentage points in week was accompanied by so much three weeks by discovering its inner Bevanite. By T white noise that its true signifi cance put on five contrast, it is the liberal centre that has become was missed. In the Blair and Brown percentage disorganised and incoherent. era, the “clause V” meeting was a At every well-heeled political gathering, denial fi lter whereby any radical proposals that slipped points in refl exes are stronger than coherent plans of through the party conference could be jettisoned the past few action. Each week, a new straw emerges to clutch from the manifesto. But Jeremy Corbyn turned the at: maybe the involvement of foreign tech fi rms fi lter inside out: he used the meeting to make party weeks, makes the referendum illegal; maybe Gina Miller policy on a scale, and with a rapidity, no conference will work her magic in the courtroom; maybe the has achieved since he took offi ce. Labour pledged while the deal will be so bad that parliament will have to not just to reverse cuts to public services; it pledged liberal call a second referendum. itself to a universalist concept of the welfare I have noticed that this denial refl ex becomes state, including a Nordic-style childcare system. centre is stronger the further people are from having It pledged to renationalise railways, energy com- incoherent to inter act with the majority of the electorate, panies and the postal service. And it adopted the which has accepted Brexit and wants to “make philosophy of taxing wealth, not just the incomes the best of it”. It is stronger among rock stars and of companies and high earners, to pay for it. celebrity comedians than it is, say, among Lib The party’s rules are quite clear: all this is now Dem candidates in south-west England. Labour party policy – not some glitterball of slogans The formation of a centrist party after the elec- to be spun before the electorate for a few weeks tion would force the liberal-centrist part of civil and then forgotten. In a single afternoon, Labour society to focus on what it wants: to stop Brexit or became the fi rst major social democratic party to to mitigate its impact; to keep Trident or ditch it; jettison neoliberal economics in its entirety. to fi ght more wars like Iraq or to forswear them? As a result, three things have changed. First, If a new centrist party emerges, I am in favour there is clarity about what Corbynism represents; of Labour seeking a formal alliance with it, its ambitions and its limits. Faced with the choice, and with the progressive nationalist parties, to Corbyn opted to send 18-year-olds to university oppose hard Brexit and pick up the pieces once for free rather than reverse all cuts to welfare ben- economic chaos begins, and the victimisation of efi ts. Faced with necessity, he disavowed pacifi sm minorities starts in earnest. and pledged to authorise war in the last resort. There are far better examples than Macron v Second, from the experience on the doorstep Mélenchon for the left to follow. In Berlin, for and on the high street this weekend, the example, the city council is Red-Red-Green – an manifesto is popular, even if Corbyn himself One Corbyn alliance between the social democrats, the former remains “Marmite” to some voters. Third, it supporter who might communists and the Greens. They don’t like each accelerates the possibility of a new centre party benefit from a Nordic other, but they have to work together and nego- emerging after the 8 June election. childcare system tiate a platform through give and take. It is much The centrist Labour MPs trying to defend their better to do it this way than the “winner takes all” seats on a local-only platform are doing more battle that led to Labour’s new manifesto. than simply omitting Corbyn’s name from leafl ets. For the forseeable future, progressive politics A script seen by the BBC tells supporters: “Admit in Britain will be a story of alliances. Those Jeremy Corbyn won’t win. Tell voters the country inside Labour who cannot stomach the decisive needs good independent-minded MPs.” What to rejectionr of free-market economics say about Labour’s radical manifesto pledges is and adventurista war should have the not in that script – but its authors will decencyd to campaign on the manifesto, have to come up with something. whichw was democratically scrutinised Because if, as reported, some are anda agreed. planning to resign the whip and They should be proud of Labour’s go independent , there is no moral pledgep s to end the health cuts, make basis for doing so if they cam- universityu tuition free, end the elderly paigned on Labour’s manifesto. care crisis and begin the move to At this point you have to a Nordic model of childcare. If they can’t consider what’s happening in the be,b they will feel happier elsewhere. liberal centre. When everybody Like tens of thousands of party activists, from Conservative Anna Soubry to Vince I feel this is a manifesto Labour could win

PHIL NOBLE/REUTERS Cable, through to those on the Progress wing of on, even if it may not in the extraordinary Labour is talking about a new centrist party, it is circumstances of 2017. It has taken my gener- logical to assume someone has a plan to form one. ationa of the left half a lifetime to end Labour’s I think it would be a positive development . addictiona to free-market capitalism and expe-

PHOTOGRAPH PHOTOGRAPH Labour, far from collapsing like its French ditionaryd warfare. We are not going back.

16.05.17 The Guardian 5 6 The Guardian 16.05.17 Hostage to fortune Last week’s ransomware attackers demanded payment in the cryptocurrency Bitcoin to release the fi les they took hostage. But its use in the ‘clean’ economy is growing, too, and could revolutionise how we use money. Simon Usborne reports

n March 2009, representatives received a simple message on their Then came bitcoin, a virtual or of crime agencies including computer screens: if you want to see cryptocurrency invented by Satoshi I MI6 and the FBI, as well as your computer fi les again, pay us $300 Nakamoto, the alias for an anony- HM Revenue and Customs, (£230) inside the next 72 hours and mous programmer or collective, and gathered for a closed session at we’ll unlock them for you, no ques- launched in 2009. It off ers two major a conference in a central-London hotel. tions asked. The ransomware had advantages for cybercriminals: by The topic: the potential use of virtual spread automatically between comput- operating as a decentralised currency, currencies by organised criminals and ers with out-of-date security patches, in which people pay each other with- terrorists. aff ecting hundreds of thousands out a middleman (like a bank or credit “At the time, everyone was get- of users at dozens of organisations card company), it provides a lot of ting very exercised about Second including the NHS , as well as railways anonymity. Bitcoins, which are now Life,” recalls Dr Simon Moores, a for- in Australia and a car plant in France. worth more than £1,300 each (there mer technology ambassador for the In the earliest days of ransomware are smaller denominations, naturally) UK government, who convened the attacks, which often gain initial entry to can be held in virtual wallets identifi ed session as chair of the international a system via an innocuous-looking email only by a number. According to a e-Crime Congress. The online virtual containing a link that, when clicked, recent University of Cambridge study world, launched in 2003, allowed users off ers a hacker access to a network, pay- published last month , as many as six to buy virtual goods in virtual Linden ment methods were limited. “The odd million people around the world have Dollars, named after Linden Lab, the hacker here or there could deliver a mes- such a wallet, spending bitcoins on company behind the game. sage to send money via Western Union goods such as theatre tickets and beer “Bad guys were using this currency or to a bank account, but that transfer from a growing number of retailers to buy virtual Picassos for $500,000 was always traceable once the autho- now accepting the currency, as well as a way of laundering the money,” rities were involved,” says Dr Kevin as illicit goods including drugs and Moores adds. Later that day, he wrote Curran, professor of cybersecurity weapons on the virtual black market. in his notes: “I’m still trying to digest at Ulster University. Perhaps the fi rst Using the currency is increasingly the fantastic scale of the criminal ransomware attack came in 1989, when easy to do, and that also applies to opportunities and the money that can the Aids trojan horse virus threatened cybercriminals seeking to launch be made and laundered outside the to encrypt fi les unless a ransom of $189 ransomware attacks. “If you have the control of law- enforcement agencies was sent to a PO Box address in Panama. skills to get an iTunes account you and governments.” can probably download a ransomware Almost a decade later, the same toolkit, an automated bit of software, agencies are absorbing the impact of and start distributing it,” says David The WannaCry a rather diff erent and wider ranging Prince, a cyber security specialist cyber-attack breach of cybersecurity, and the poten- and a director at Baringa Partners, a produced a tially vast implications for the current London-based tech consultancy. “You message on criminal currency of choice: bitcoin, can then go on the darknet and ‘wash’ computer screens which quietly landed online just weeks your bitcoins and convert them back demanding before the London conference. into cash.” payment using Victims of the WannaCry ransom- The developers of these tools bitcoin ware attack, which started on Friday, make money themselves by →

16.05.17 The Guardian 7 including a means for taking a cut mer chair of the UK Digital Currency ← of any criminal proceeds gained Association. He points out that some by the user. That is automated, too, studies suggest as little as 1% of bitcoin and the sophistication and accessibility transactions take place on the dark- of the software means attacks can be web. “I also think attitudes are chang- launched at scale. Ransom demands are The accounts used to collect the ransom ing,” he adds. “Two or three years made aff ordable, with instructions for ago, with an attack like this, the fi nger how to create a virtual wallet and buy payments in Friday’s cyber-attack would be pointed at bitcoin, but I sense suffi cient bitcoins to pay the money in showed a haul of only $50,000 but that’s not happening after this attack.” return for a code that will unlock the Moores says part of the currency’s data on a computer or network. The there are extortion attempts that power is in its use as a speculative ransomware industry is so rife that, make this look like child’s play instrument for trading – a digital gold – according to research by cybersecurity but also as a way for companies to make fi rm Malwarebytes last summer, 40% lence” in cyber-ransom scenarios is payments more cheaply and perform of companies surveyed had been tar- lower, he says the job is pretty much other functions. IBM and the Danish geted worldwide, and 54% in Britain. the same. “Basically, people are people shipping giant Maersk announced last Increasingly, analysts say, targeted are people,” he adds. month a new strategy to use blockchain, companies are choosing to cough up Where the ends are illicit, the means the digital database that records bitcoin and move on. While he declines to almost always involve bitcoins. Andres transactions, to help manage and track name names, Moores says big banks Baravalle, a computer scientist at the worldwide shipping transactions. are stockpiling bitcoin as ransom University of East London, studies retail For consumers, Gordon envisages reserves. Prince has found the same on the darkweb, the sort of parallel bitcoin being used as the fi nancial across other industries, but warns internet where websites sit on heavily machinery behind popular services. companies to hesitate, lest organised encrypted networks where identities Already, people wishing to send money gangs add them to a known list of can be easily hidden. Online market- abroad may use Abra, which uses bit- payers, increasing the likelihood of places such as AlphaBay are booming coin to make a traditionally expensive further attacks. “There’s also nothing and, when they are accessed, can be process faster and cheaper. “Users don’t stopping them from adding a back- as user friendly as eBay or Amazon. touch the bitcoin directly,” he says. door,” he says, by which he means a Drugs and guns can be bought, as well “Think of it as a raw tech with layers on way for the attacker to copy or pass on as black-market goods and even stolen top. People won’t know they’re using it, the data they promise supposedly to Uber accounts or forged train tickets. but they’ll know that the cost and speed release on payment of the ransom. Last year, AlphaBay began accepting of transactions will make what we use The potential for bitcoin to enable Monero, an alternative cryptocurrency, today look very out of date.” ever bigger cybercrime is hard to launched in 2014, that off ers yet more But Gordon accepts that credibility assess, but there are extortion attempts security. Another emerging rival is issues are limiting bitcoin’s legitimate taking place that make WannaCry look Ethereum, a more sophisticated system spread. Tax collectors don’t love its like child’s play (notably, by this morn- seen by many as bitcoin’s successor. anonymity, apart from anything. ing, monitoring of the anonymous “There’s a lot of work going on to build accounts used to collect the ransom ight now, though, bitcoin identifi cation systems to run in parallel payments in Friday’s attack showed a dominates. But even Bara- and when they come together with bit- total haul of only $50,000). “For some R valle is keen to point out coin it could make it more effi cient but companies, sometimes ransomware that not everything about also more trusted and transparent than demands aren’t even worth the time the currency is dark, nor it is now,” Gordon says. He calls this the it takes to call IT to try to fi nd out if was it intended for criminal use. “Most “holy grail”, when the cryptocurrency there’s a backup,” says Moty Cristal, of the use is actually in the clean econ- revolution really gathers steam. Even a professional negotiator at Nest omy – or clean enough,” he says. And in the meantime, Gordon attributes the Negotiation Strategies in Tel Aviv. while the currency’s popular associa- steep recent rise in the value of bitcoin When the stakes are higher, bitcoin tion, not least this week, is with crime, to a growing trust in its potential – in sums demanded in extortion cases can the potential and momentum it has to spite of its popularity among criminals. amount to millions of dollars. That’s transform industries is, its proponents Despite the initial alarm he observed in when big corporations and govern- argue, enough to combat the bad PR. 2009, Moore is similarly optimistic about ments call in Cristal, a former Lt Col in “Every fi nancial-services fi rm and the power of Bitcoin to change lives, and the Israeli Defence Force. He learned beyond are recognising the potential believes its momentum is irresistible. his trade in hostage situations. He of the underlying tech and are spend- “You and I are probably unrepresentative says he helped secure the release in ing a lot of money to use it,” says of so many people who may not have 2002 of Franciscan monks being held Paul Gordon, founder of Coinscrum, access to bank accounts and credit cards,” by suspected Palestinian militants a cryptocurrency networking event he says. “There will always be millions of inside a West Bank church. “In extor- in London, and the founder and for- people who need ways to transact outside tion scenarios, they threaten to leak the immediate control of large institu- data to competitors or steal identities,” tions.” Closer to home, he says his own he says from Moscow, where he is on daughter, who has started working for a business (he won’t elaborate). “Then cyber security company, is ineligible for a the owner of that data is willing to credit card. “For her generation, bitcoin pay a lot of money.” Cristal says last ‘Most of the use is something attractive.” His only regret year he negotiated with the hackers is in the clean about bitcoin is that he didn’t buy any in of a major fi nancial company, getting economy’: 2009. Six hundred dollars bought even as them to drop their ransom demand by a publican serves late as 2011, when the bitcoin achieved half. “That was one of my best results,” a customer in parity with the US dollar, would today he says. While the “emotional turbu- Sydney, Australia be worth a million dollars.

8 The Guardian 16.05.17 First past the post David Squires on the election

David Squires’ election column will appear in G2 every Tuesday

16.05.17 The Guardian 9 Left to right: Goldie Hawn and Kate Hudson in New York, 1992; Seinfeld in 1990; and Sex and the City’s Carrie Bradshaw. Right: A$AP Rocky in New York this year

Thanks to Gucci, the 90s revival, Carrie Bradshaw and A$AP Rocky, the bumbag has gone from fashion joke to street-style hit. Morwenna Ferrier reports The bumbag comeback

ew accessories are more Could laughable than the bumbag. F They are not even worn ‘le banane’ on your bum – adding overtake “fashion’s greatest semiotic mystery” to their list of questionable the baguette achievements. Yet somehow these small, sensible waist pouches are back, bag? thanks to Gucci, the 1990s streetwear Fashion revival and, of course, the French, who have fallen for le banane, as thinks so they are known. Could the banana now overtake the baguette b bag ? Fashion thinks so. They have been on the Kenzo and Stella McCartney catwalks, and have crossed over from Coachella to become every- day items thanks to endorsement from i-D and Parisian label Aswad . The Gucci money belt, as rapped about by Chance the Rapper, is the gold standard of bumbags, although they are also bestsellers at Asos. In womenswear, their most popular style Left to right: is oversized with fl at pockets, akin to a Adwoa Aboah at toolbelt . In menswear, pink, tie-dyed Milan fashion and silver versions have been sell- week, 2017; ing out. Asos’s menswear accessories Kendall Jenner designer puts this down to bumbags in Paris this year; worn across the chest – see Skepta’s Nike and Skepta, bag forb reference, which she claims to be London, 2015

10 The Guardian 16.05.17 How to wear it Loose – or like a holster

1. Tight, as a belt Given that bumbags have little to do with bums, beltbags would be a morere fi tting word for them (seeee Asos menswear AW17, above). In that spirit, Manan Repeller might be on to something – she uses hersers to cinch an oversized coat.oat.

2. Loose, as decorationon With suffi cient slack, seen here on the Stella McCartney catwalk (far right), this turns something quite naff into more of a decoration. Clever, if a bit boho.

3. Like a gun holster Apparently the only wayay too the most masculine of all manbags. to carry Nars cosmetics and keys across wear one if you’re a man,an, Spring/summer 2017 is far from dancefl oors. And A$AP Rocky, ever it’s a good way to show the fi rst sighting of the bumbag. In the litmus test, has a Balenciaga one. off a logo (see Asos AW17,17, 15th-century France, it was called a Bumbags carry a lot of baggage. above). Hence the brand- chatelaine and hung from a waist band More than freedom and drug use, they heavy Wavey Garms’ like an ornate sporran. It also bears lean towards organisation and airport 90s styling, while a resemblance to the 19th-century paranoia, being commonly used to pretending you’re buff alo pouch, which was used to carry carry passports and receipts. The Rock in AC-12. tools and supplies across plains. may use his to carry “Pop-Tarts and The modern bumbag was actually condoms” but other versions are used 4. As a bridge invented in 1962 by Melba Stone, an to carry lip balm or foreign currency, … between your Australian, who was possibly inspired or even wet wipes by well-organised top and your by kangaroo pouches, although it took Disneyland mums. Will their fashion waistband (see Asos another 20 years for fashion to catch credentials and practicality ever save slim bumbag, right). on. In the 1990s, it found a purpose them from parody? Don’t forget that There’s a lot of mileage on the rave scene, allowing dancers to Weird Al highlighted their lameness in in this one. Regret the crop go hands-free, and keep their illegal White and Nerdy, while Jerry once told top? Cover your belly with a substances dry, a use that would George in Seinfeld: “It looks like your belt. Too tight to wear over later contribute to another nickname belt is digesting a small animal.” a coat? Wear it over bare – “hash bags”. The issue is perhaps the name, which skin. A nice marriage of Bumbags have since become staples led Vivienne Westwood to create a sensible and sexy. of the WWE wrestler uniform, been tribute bag for Louis Vuitton in the mid- renamed “manny packs” by men such 1990s, designed to actually perch on 5. A bag as a bum bag as Matthew McConaughey, the Rock your backside like a bustle . One solution Afraid of bumbags? Happily and Jared Leto, and appeared in Sex and is to rebrand them moneybags (smaller, Kenzo’s bumbag (right) CHRISTIAN VIERIG/GETTY IMAGES the City (Carrie wore her Gucci bag at an fl atter, usually worn under clothes), doesn’t look like a bumbag . angle on her hip). Sexy, corrupt police fannypacks (in the US, fanny is slang If you’re priced out, then offi cers in the BBC drama Line of Duty for bum) or the aforementioned banana do as this model does, have them for their guns. In 2011, Diane bags. Or you could wear yours in a new and wear a cross-body von Furstenberg brought out a line of and interesting way, to distance yourself bag round your hip.

MAIN PHOTOGRAPH MAIN PHOTOGRAPH hands-free bags – although hers tended from the Rock. See right, for inspiration. MF

16.05.17 The Guardian 11 Women

on what cynics might call a proviso that you’re never too young to need salvation via a shampoo , 2006’s Daugh- ters video discussed body-shaming, bulimia and self-loathing via a series of interviews with young girls. Mean- while, in 2007, Dove released Pro-Age, a product range aimed at older women via a TV ad featuring highly attractive, centrally casted specimens from the genre (tagline: beauty has no age limit). Over the years, it’s fair to say that Dove has never rested on its laurels. Once won, its market share has always been aggressively defended, albeit in a way that is perhaps best described as a thorough, 360-degree approach to exploring female insecurity. But it wasn’t until 2013’s Real Beauty Sketches fi lm that Dove scored its most impactful success since its campaign began. Highlighting women’s penchant for self-criticism by showing them fl at- hat is real beauty? tering artists’ interpretations of them- A newborn baby? Kate selves, the fi lm packed an emotional W Moss? A gently melt- punch that quickly sent it viral: within ing brie? It’s a question Abandon a week of its release, more than 15 that toiletries giant million people had watched it online . Dove has been pondering for decades. After Bottle gate, however, more of Posing it has made its owners a mint , us will perhaps be questioning whether too: last year, valuers Brand Finance soap it actually is or not. “Dove celebrates estimated the company to be worth real women of all ages, shapes, sizes, $4.1bn (£3.2bn), and the 10th most Dove was one of the fi rst brands and ethnicities in our campaigns, valuable beauty brand in the world. because they represent the real beauty However, recent developments have to embrace ‘femvertising, but its diversity in society. The custom bot- tarnished its reputation as one of the body-shaped bottles have been tles … were designed to celebrate this few beauty brands that felt as if it was diversity with others who share in our on a woman’s side. Even though its roundly ridiculed. Can it repair mission; they are not available for con- Real Beauty bottles – made to refl ect Laura Craikk sumers to purchase,” Sophie Galvani, the diversity of women’s body shapes – the damage? By Dove global brand vice- president, says allegedly aren’t going into production, in an offi cial statement. “We take wom- damage limitation is impossible in an en’s beauty confi dence very seriously. age of Facebook and Twitter memes. Through the Dove self- esteem project The question is: why? The concept – we have reached more than 20 million six diff erently shaped bottles of shower young people with body-confi dence gel, designed to “evoke the shapes, education, and we aim to reach 20 mil- sizes, curves and edges that combine four times the average price. But it was The 2004 ‘Real lion more by 2020.” to make every woman their very own only in 2004 that it really distinguished Women’ ad; one Given that the beauty industry has limited edition” – might have seemed itself. Its Real Women campaign, of the body- traditionally spent millions making compelling in an energetic brainstorm- devised by Ogilvy & Mather, shot by shape bottles women feel bad about themselves to ing meeting , but that’s where it should leading fashion photographer Rankin then sell them products to make them have stayed. Packaging is one of the and featuring six ordinary women in feel good, any messages of positiv- most important ways a brand commu- their underwear, was an early exam- ity are no bad thing. Is Dove cynically nicates with its customers, and trans- ple of hashtag-heavy femvertising, a exploiting the real girls and women it lating a bunch of diff erent body shapes precursor to campaigns such as Pan- is purporting to help? No more than into plastic is crass. As one Twitter user tene’s #ShineStrong and #LikeAGirl the rest of them. All brands want us to pointed out: “The Dove bottle with from Always. However dubious the buy their products. Few have scruples my body type hurts my feelings.” And concept of female empowerment for How did a about how they do it. This is probably therein lies the rub: allowing custom- commercial gain, it worked: within a why we feel so well-disposed towards ers to “choose” a bottle that mirrors month, sales of Dove’s fi rming cream brand that those who appear to care – and so their body shape is the opposite of had doubled. In the minds of its cus- has always dismayed when they let us down. empowering . Suddenly, shower gel is tomers, Dove had established itself as a But back to the original question. as fraught with body-image dilemmas purpose-driven brand – with a purpose got it so What is real beauty? Clearly, not a bottle as their jeans purchase. more commendable than most. right of shower gel. Possibly, being at peace How did a brand that has always got After assuring us it loved women with yourself – your unbuff ed, product- it so right suddenly get it so wrong? of all shapes, colours and sizes, Dove suddenly free body – without needing to draw When Dove launched in 1997, it was swiftly moved on to make money out get it so your self-worth from a pear-shaped an anomaly; a soap that claimed to of – sorry, support – other traditional bottle. And if that’s too hokey for you, moisturise, with the audacity to charge areas of female insecurity. Working wrong? well, a nice brie is pretty beautiful, too. 12 The Guardian 16.05.17 ‘Nature is your lover’ Meet Annie Sprinkle, a pioneer of ecosexuality A certain age Michele Hanson

ook at that!” Annie Sprinkle Some encouraging news . A senior fam- ‘L says, marvelling at the ily judge, Sir James Munby, has stated blossom of a cherry tree. it is inhuman to separate elderly cou- “Flowers are tree genitals. Basically, ples who have spent decades together, you’re looking at porn.” I’m in San and stick them in diff erent care homes. Francisco and the pioneering, X-rated I hope social services pay attention feminist is taking me on a walk. It’s because , as he points out, people really part of her bold new idea: ecosexuality. do die “from what we colloquially “We’re trying to make the envi- call a broken heart”. But will councils ronmental movement more fun and stop this wretched carry-on? I suspect diverse – it has become very dry and not, because more than a decade ago boring,” Sprinkle, 62, tells me, pointing they were warned that they might be to a suggestive hibiscus stamen. in breach of the Human Rights Act by Sprinkle and her partner, Beth Annie Sprinkle and Beth Stephens forcing elderly married couples to live Stephens, co-creator of the ecosexual apart, and here they are, still at it. It’s movement and an art professor will be demonstrating “ grassilingus” usually to do with money, but one dou- from the University of Santa Cruz on the lawn. ble hotel room is always cheaper than in California, have staged about 15 The movement presents a debate two singles, so why not in care homes? large -scale weddings to the the Earth, around gender. Most cultures around There seems to be a general the moon, the sun and the sea. They the world have traditionally seen the stinginess towards older people. I have “came out” as ecosexuals in 2009 after Earth as female, but Stephens insists long banged on about the rubbish food their wedding to the Earth . Until then, that nature “can be trans ”. I fi rst heard provided in many care homes, but has the word “ecosexual” had been kicking nature referred to as “they” at Queer it made a smidgin of diff erence? No . around as an obscure dating category. Spirit festival in Somerset last summer. Perhaps they think our taste buds die But now, with the advent of Donald “In a misogynistic society, when On the web out, along with our sight, hearing, and Trump’s presidency, things have people imagine the Earth as a “she”, Meet real-life capacity and need for love. As there moved up a gear. On 18 and 19 May, they think she is less important than a Girlboss Sophia is a “loneliness epidemic aff ecting 1.2 Sprinkle and Stephens will be hosting he, ” she explains. In any case, Sprinkle Amoruso million older people in England ” , why their fourth and biggest ecosexual suggests we shouldn’t sweat the fi ner theguardian.com/ on earth split up the ones who do symposium yet. Scientists, artists, details . Ecosexuality is a burgeoning lifeandstyle/women have a beloved partner to live with? sex commentators and more than queer identity for some and a way to Perhaps councils should learn from 300 ecosexuals from around the world get more primal in your sex life for animal sanctuaries. Did you hear of will be congregating at the University others, but you don’t have to be a the rescued goat who stopped eating of Santa Cruz to enjoy performances gender studies student to join the club. for days and almost pegged out when and debates, and muse on the “Most people get sensual pleasure separated from his companion of 10 intersection between sex and ecology. from the smell of a fl ower. We just years, a donkey ? Luckily, the rescuers

DOVE Peaches , the cult musician and want people to love the Earth more.” understood the problem, reunited ecosexual champion, has written a Stephanie Theobald them and Mr Goat perked up at once. poem; Luke Dixon, co-founder of the • The Explorer’s Guide to Planet If chums, cuddles and aff ection are UK’s Theatre Nomad will be providing Orgasm by Annie Sprinkle (Greenery vital for goats and donkeys, why not “ecosexy Shakespeare”; and Sprinkle Press, £11.99) is published on 8 June. for elderly humans? PHOTOGRAPHS PHOTOGRAPHS

16.05.17 The Guardian 13 Theatres London

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fashion? (Yes.) Is it completely Macron’s mother you wouldn’t be opening the Ask Hadley embarrassing that political wives champagne if your teenage son The age gap in this country are marched up initially thought her was having long romantic phone on stage to give their husbands son had taken a shine conversations with a woman your adoring stares at the end of the age, would you? is no big deal, party conferences? (Yes.) to Brigitte’s daughter. Brigitte has insisted: “He Brigitte Macron presents wasn’t a teenager” – fact check: but that a whole new set of issues, and ‘We couldn’t believe he was – “He had a relationship bless her for it. Mon dieu, je vous it,’ she said of equals with other adults.” doesn’t make it adore, Brigitte – vraiment, vous Mmmm, well, that’s one way of êtes ma favorite! For a start, as and she was his 40-year-old putting it, Brigitte. wrong to raise regular readers may recall , I married, mother-of-three teacher Look, few were happier than an eyebrow am a massive fan of nomina- – anyone who is pretending that me when Emmanuel won the tive determinism, so imagine it is unfeminist, or parochial, or presidency, so I’m obviously not at how the – imagine! – my delight when I don’t know what, to raise an saying that the beginnings of I found out Brigitte’s family eyebrow at this is not helping their relationship should preclude Macrons got makes ... luxury macaroons, AKA anything. Of course we should either of them from anything, or macaron in French. I swear I’m celebrate a relationship in which that it in anyway denigrates their together not making this up! Who’s been the usual gender and age diff er- relationship. If anything, I fi nd burying THAT lede? So, Brigitte ences are swapped; the only it even more impressive that Hadley Freeman had my heart from pretty much celebrity couple I am genuinely they’re still together, despite what the get-go, and that’s even before interested in is Sam and Aaron Emmanuel has described as their I saw how good she looks in Taylor-Johnson, who have a “unconventional” beginnings. But leather leggings, clearly the most similar age diff erence between it is absurd for people to act as if absurd garment ever created, them as the Macrons, and I would commenting on the weirdness of after sleeveless coats. be far more upset if they split up those beginnings is tantamount Others, though, get in quite than I should be about a couple to saying older women shouldn’t a tangle about her. Many people IThis have is never met. But to confl ate date younger men. They only seem to feel the need to defend theappropriate idea of older woman/younger do this because his supporters the pair, as summed up in this GQ mandummy relationships text with a woman don’t want to acknowledge the standfi rst: “Emmanuel Macron’s shackingthat is being up with her student is weirdness themselves, but would wife Brigitte Trogneux is 24 years justemployed de trop in. they really be quite as forgiving if his senior. So what?” Yes, so what orderMy tofavourite quote about the Emmanuel had been the 40-year- People seem to be very confused indeed. An age gap does seem Macrons’ relationship came from old teacher and Brigitte the with regards to how to talk about like quite an odd thing to focus his mother, who initially thought 15-year-old student? France’s fi rst lady. Can you settle on here. For a start, has no one that her son had taken a shine to As an older woman myself the matter once and for all? else heard about the macaroons? Brigitte’s daughter. “We couldn’t (ooh la la!), I can simultaneously Marcus, by email Secondly, as we’ve all heard ad believe it,” Francoise Noguès- acknowledge the weirdness and nauseam, that is pretty much Macron says in Anne Fulda’s cheer him on, her on and them Zut alors! Qu’est-ce qu’on peut the same age gap as between the biography, Emmanuel Macron: on. And that is because, like faire? J’adore quand quelque Trumps, and of all the things Such a Perfect Young Man. “What 15-year-old Emmanuel Macron, chose happens en France parce people have said about that is clear is that when Emmanuel I am an adult. Would that others que je peux utiliser mes Fran- relationship, I’ve never once met Brigitte we couldn’t just say: were as mature as us. çais A-level skills. Ils sont heard anyone cite their age ‘That’s great.’” Post your questions to Hadley Freeman, incroyables, n’est-ce pas? gapga as the weird part. Quelle surprise! (I can do Ask Hadley, The Guardian, Kings Place, So, as some of you might But here’s the thing. I this all day.) I mean, I don’t 90 York Way, London N1 9GU. Email have heard, apparently haven’t actually heard care how Frrrrrrrench you are, [email protected]. there was an election ? many people talk about In France? And there’s the Macrons’ age gap, a new fi rst lady ? Does either. Some, sure, but talking with this uptick theret will always be make me sound idiotsi in the world. Australian or just more ButB what I have heard American? peoplep note – and in As is invariably a slightly nervous the way with new tone,t like they’re fi rst ladies, there notn supposed to talk has been a fl urry of abouta this – is that angsting and tutting theth way the Macrons about what this womann metm is totally weird. represents and how she ForF goodness sake, should be discussed. So, he was a 15-year- for example, was it weird that old schoolboy the extremely brilliant and GETTY; WIREIMAGE GETTY; accomplished Michelle Obama Brigitte Macron was shunted off into being a with her spokesperson solely for suppos- - husband (right) edly feminine pursuits, such and her leather

PHOTOGRAPHS PHOTOGRAPHS as gardening, nutrition and leggings (left)

16.05.17 The Guardian 15 Arts

n upbeat shout-out for the The main show is a woolly walk through hand-wringing enduring power and vitality hippydom and fl owerpot trainers. But elsewhere, writes A of art, Viva Arte Viva provides the title of both the 57th Venice Adrian Searle, the Venice Biennale bares its teeth in Biennale and its main exhibition. Filling the central pavilion in the Giardini, works of danger and daring. Pictures by David Levene and running the length of the Arsenale in the medieval dockyard, Viva Arte Viva begins with photographs of Austrian sculptor Franz West, having a nice lie down in 1973, and Zagreb conceptualist Mladen Stilinović taking On the prowl a nap in 1978. Meanwhile, tousled hair peeks from under a blanket in a real bed, in a 1996 mock-up of a bedroom by Yelena Voroyeva and Viktor Vorobyev. Curated by Christine Macel of the Pompidou centre, Viva Arte Viva begins in casual, insouciant style but soon drifts off into a solipsistic trance of its own creation. Has Macel also been sleeping? It is now 2017.

16 The Guardian 16.05.17 History is a nightmare and what would any of small, skeletal polyhedrons and fi tting them Clockwise from left, Sheila Hicks’ balls of us do for a good night’s kip? All the doubts and with fl ex and little green lights. Visitors Dobermans in Faust, wool; Geoff rey quibbles I have had over previous biennales can buy the lamps for €250 a pop. If you Anne Imhof’s Golden Farmer smashes the are nothing compared with the qualms I buy several, you can begin fi tting them Lion-winning work at Canadian pavilion; feel wandering the nine sections of Macel’s all together into something resembling an the German pavilion; a performer in Faust exhibition, including a Pavilion of Joys and Eliasson sculpture. Fears, a Pavilion of the Shamans, a Pavilion of Later, we come to a kind of supermarket and irrelevance, the usual iterations of the the Dionysian (a celebration, we are told, of whose shelves are fi lled with Hassan Sharif’s artist-as-tormented-visionary, weedy sops to the female body and sexuality) and a Pavilion accumulation of years of sculptures. Here’s a environmental concerns, woolly thinking and of Colours. The rubrics themselves feel as fl attened teapot, there hundreds of little bits things made from wool. It gets worse as we dated as much of the art. of coloured plastic and dozens of cardboard trudge through the Arsenale. Instead of telling I saw grown adults recoiling, not so much at boxes. The UAE artist died last year and his contrasts, dissonance and confrontation, the work but at the wall panels. One explains installation has been transferred to Venice Macel’s exhibition veers between the that, in a world shaken by confl icts, wars and from his studio. These accumulations of sanctimonious and kitsch, weak art and increasing inequality, we need to “reconsider intricately ordered and bound together weaker ideas. the human being … capable of building a detritus have, paradoxically, a lively air, not of In a world “where the need for care and new, free and fraternal world”. Where is this collected rubbish but of thinking – one thing spirituality is greater than ever”, Macel world exactly and when will it appear? What leading to another, then another. gives us the shaman and Ernesto Neto’s big about the here and now? Bringing many Of course, there are some good things in tent, in which Amazonian Huni Kuin people lesser-known artists to the biennale – 103 out Viva Arte Viva, but also a lot of mediocrity perform songs and ritual rites. Later, we are of the show’s 120 artists have never exhibited treated to a video installation of coloured here before – Macel nevertheless appears balloons fl oating on water, rooms of feeble almost wholly out of touch with the moment. geometric abstractions, fi lms of happy- Perhaps she is trying to provide a balm. clappy togetherness in the mountains, and As he works at his desk, Edi Rama, the an installation of giant balls of coloured wool. artist who became Albania’s prime minister, These are meant to provide some sort of makes convoluted doodles in unconscious solace, but don’t. response to the problems of state. Turned The challenge, if this art is challenging into a kind of monstrous wallpaper, these in any way, is to stay awake. Where are the organic diagrams proliferate over a huge insights into the grave situation humanity is wall in the central pavilion. You wonder in? The refugee crisis, statelessness and exile, what each writhing cluster means. Rama’s the real political and ecological crises facing wall decorates a workshop set up by Olafur us, are reduced to nostalgic handwringing, Eliasson, where refugees, migrants, asylum- nods of hippyish concern and pairs of seekers and students toil away, manufacturing trainers used as fl owerpots. Macel has →

16.05.17 The Guardian 17 Arts

given us an enervating biennale. I want in the Giardini, day after day. I saw someone between voyeuristic desire, baffl ement and ← to see things anew, see new things, slapping someone else, someone getting rejection. and encounter them diff erently, not be told hosed down, and sung laments rising from Imhof’s collaborators arrange themselves things I already know too well. I want to be below the elevated glass fl oor in the pavilion, as though for a fashion shoot, then drift confronted and surprised, challenged even. where Imhof’s collaborators squirm and clasp away. Doberman pinschers lounge and pad I’m getting this long hard stare from a lean one another, sing, and light little fi res. about behind glass walls outside the pavilion. youth of indeterminate gender in the German All this happens under our feet. Sometimes They are being rather than performing, but pavilion, so I give one back. Eye contact is they appear among us, or up on glass ledges alert to our presence. Someone’s on the roof, just one of the elements of Faust, a “fi ve-hour built above our heads. Lassitude and abjection sitting on the parapet, swinging one leg, production and a seven-month scenario” by swerve into menace and dangerous games. nonchalantly smoking and looking down. I Anne Imhof. I kept going back to the pavilion The audience plays their own game, caught think I saw derision in that look. Compelling

18 The Guardian 16.05.17 Clockwise from main, Nasrin, a refugee Mark Bradford’s from Iran, making mixture of painting lamps in Olafur and obstacle; Rachel Eliasson’s Green Maclean’s Spite Light workshop – Your Face, about the fi nished products the adventures of a are on sale for €250; post-truth Pinocchio; Hassan Sharif’s the wall of doodles by studio, which was Edi Rama, the artist transported to who became prime Venice after his death minister of Albania; last year

and addictive, Imhof’s Faust won the Golden wars, a Swiss water trough, and much besides. of the Spanish pavilion with models of the Lion for best pavilion. I’m soaked. I’m drowning. It’s great. tourist housing complexes that infest the In Rachel Maclean’s Spite Your Face, the I like the fact that Mark Bradford has Mediterranean coast. Beyond, videos are set offi cial Scottish representation in Venice, littered the ground outside the US pavilion, up above bleachers, as though for a sports we follow the picaresque adventures of a making it look unloved, just like his country event. The works record various collective post-truth Pinocchio in a corrupt world. these days. You have to sidle round a huge street actions and fi esta-like celebrations Maclean plays all the parts herself, in a high- hanging object – part unstretched painting, devised by the artist. Three women – actor production mix of live action and animation, part gigantic obstacle – on your way in. A Laura Weissmahr, writer and performance and mouthing the voices of actors. This is Medusa of curdled paint and garbage-sack artist Lydia Lunch and dancer Anita Deb – clever but deeply irritating. plastic stands in one room, writhing broodily. move through housing estates, take road Riskier by far is a fi lm by Wales’s James The pavilion’s usual entrance has been redone trips and donkey rides through liminal zones Richards. The centrepiece of his complex show as some sort of gorgon’s lair. In a video in the between the city and the coast, picking up is a frightening video, What Weakens the Flesh fi nal room, we see a black kid on the street, participants and followers as they go. Both Is the Flesh Itself, made with collaborator Steve full of confi dence, fi lmed from behind and joyful and sardonic, Colomer’s ¡Únete! Join Reinke. The medical footage, crawling ants and walking away from us. Bradford made the Us! is an invitation and a demand, a gloriously dancing skeletons, lost young men forced to video in 2005. Twelve years on, where is that daft celebration and a protest, and a good masturbate in a cellar until the end of time, are boy now? Does this black life matter? rejoinder to Macel’s exhibition. but a prelude to a section of the fi lm devoted to Facing the camera, actors Alec Baldwin A stone’s throw from the Spanish pavilion, the photographic archive of Albrecht Becker, a and Julianne Moore retell the testimonies battleship-sized luxury yachts lined the quay gay man imprisoned by the Nazis. Becker’s self- of individuals forced to fl ee their countries. outside the Giardini during opening week, portraits show us alarming exercises in body The stories of desperate exiles slide back the collectors who own them immune to modifi cation, along with piercings and tattoos. and forth, including a gay Venezuelan collective action. It is diffi cult not to become This was a man taking back control of his body. professor, a former child soldier and an cynical about the power of art and the Geoff rey Farmer has destroyed the Indian transgender activist. On monitors, power of money. Perhaps something of this Canadian pavilion. A geyser erupts noisily we can watch the full length, faltering revulsion to the steady commercialisation of through the demolished roof. The fl oor is narratives of these exiles themselves. The contemporary art and of the biennale itself a lumberyard of weeping timbers. I was best work I have ever seen by Candice Breitz, led Macel to retreat into shamanism and the drenched and so was the grandfather clock Love Story is subtle, tragic and mesmerising, joy of colour. But so much of what she off ers and the sculpture of Rodin’s thinker, redone not only in its shuttling glide between us feels secondary, a bloodless paean to as a praying mantis in the style of French diff erent people and their histories, but artistic individuality. In Colomer’s show, in existentialist sculptor Germaine Richier. This also between the direct and the translation, Imhof’s Faust and in Breitz’s Love Story, you is just the beginning of a work that involves between evidence and interpretation, fame feel a recognition of the fraught complexities Allen Ginsberg, Farmer’s grandfather, New and anonymity. of being alive. Somehow, we are all in it York’s Washington Square, the Napoleonic Jordi Colomer has fi lled the fi rst room together. Viva Arte, indeed.

16.05.17 The Guardian 19 How we made ... Leftfi eld’s Leftism ‘We ploughed everything into it, re-examining the whole history of pop – admittedly on drugs’

Neil Barnes, producer ‘Damon Albarn the backing track and called the result admittedly on drugs. Paul Daley and I were both playing said one track Original . We did that with everybody, All sorts of people came into bongos in a London club called was so loud, he tricking them really. the studio. One day, I was playing Fred’s . But Paul was also in a band felt it vibrating in At the time, a lot of people thought Inspection (Check One) and, when I and they had a record deal, so he was his throat’ … Neil dance music was this fake thing . turned round, there was this bloke far ahead of me. Then I nicked my Barnes, above left, When Original was played on Radio going: “Play that again.” I had the brother’s keyboard, got a loan to buy and Paul Daley; 1’s Round Table, they said: “It’s just hump because I wanted to get on . a sampler, and made a track called below, their two chords.” Which it was. But the Only afterwards did I realise it was Joe Not Forgotten. Paul did a remix of it 1995 album album had impetus. It came out in Strummer of the Clash . We became and, before we knew it, we were in the 1995, right in the middle of Britpop, good mates. studio together. which we didn’t really understand. But Leftism was half sampled and We wanted to make an album Noel Gallagher came to our live show half live. Some of it was just sounds of songs that would work in a club and Damon Albarn said one of our we made, bent up in the samplers. environment, which nobody had tracks was so loud, he felt it vibrating For Afro Left , we got a guy in to done before. I’d met John Lydon in his throat. play a berimbau, a single-string and spent this amazing night at his When we played a gig in percussion instrument. Everything house listening to pumping reggae. Brixton, plaster fell from the felt underground. I was quite anti- So I said to Paul: “I’ve got this mad ceiling. We only found out corporate and didn’t want to do Top idea.” And I badgered John to come recently that the guy who used to of the Pops. But in the end we played down to the studio. mix us was slightly deaf. Original between Simple Minds and He sang Open Up , a track about Duran Duran . I don’t think people burning Hollywood down. It refl ected Paul Daley, producer knew what to make of us. John’s anger at not being off ered acting I moved to London in the early I love Leftism now, but the album roles, but everyone thought it was 80s and spent 10 years going was hard work and I didn’t really like a call to revolution. Th ere had been out every weekend. It was it at the time. And all these corporate some forest fi res in LA – they’d even the time of the Wag Club, bods kept telling me: “You’ve come close to John’s house – and the the post-Blitz scene, acid house. By made a great record.” It felt like a radio stopped playing it. the end of the decade, I was fl ying: in bombardment. But it’s better than

Toni Halliday, the singer with Curve, the studio during the week, DJ ing at people saying it’s shit . STEVE DOUBLE/CAMERA PRESS liked Open Up so much she came in weekends. Everything I’d ever been to work with us. We put together a into came together and we ploughed Interviews by Dave Simpson. Leftism 22 is dark punk backing track and she sang it into Leftism. Suddenly, you could out now. Leftfield tour until 27 May, then

over it. Then we completely rebuilt re-examine the whole history of pop – play festivals. Details: leftfieldmusic.com PHOTOGRAPH

20 The Guardian 16.05.17 Television

uiz question: who was the Daddy’s girl … Ivanka Trump making fi rst female US president? a speech in Washington DC this month Q There hasn’t been one? No, this is a quiz in the future, relationship and her apparent accept- so there has. Elizabeth ance of it. And the thing he does when Warren? Michelle Obama? Hillary Clin- he introduces her to a rally crowd: “I’m ton? Catherine Cortez Masto, maybe? sure most of you have never heard of No, no, no and no. The correct answer her,” and: “Has anyone heard of Ivanka is … Ivanka Trump! Trump?” What’s that about? “Not impossible” is the conclusion What about the actual fi rst lady, Matt Frei reaches in Ivanka Trump: Melania? Invisible. “She seems to have America’s Real First Lady? (Channel 4). gone into a witness protection pro- “Stranger things have happened.” gramme,” say Frei. Or to Guantánamo, First, though, we get a little Ivanka Last night's TV maybe? The colour of her jumpsuit a refresher. Like Mum Ivana, she did cruel reminder of her husband’s face … some modelling before joining the Ivanka for president? Anyway, this isn’t about her, it’s family business and rising to becoming about Ivanka. A Princeton prof, Julian executive vice-president and, Stranger things have Zelizer, makes most sense; he says her everyone agrees, Daddy’s favourite. infl uence is signifi cant “because we She was with him on his famous TV have a president who doesn’t know show, too. Today, she is assistant to happened … what he is supposed to do”. And then, the president. Assistant, possibly on the possibility of an Ivanka presi- apprentice, now that the presidency is dency: “We have to imagine everyone something between a family business can run for presidency at this point.” and a gameshow. So, in the photo of her with her Those Donald-Ivanka clips are not father and Canadian president Justin just peak weird-Trump, they’re some Trudeau in the Oval Offi ce, her in the of the creepiest television ever, aren’t president’s chair, is she trying it out for they? What do the two of them have in By Sam Wollaston size? “Don’t laugh,” says Frei. “America common, they are asked. “Real estate loves a dynasty.” and golf,” she says. “Well, I was going confl ict of interest that poisons this Why stop there, then? Back to the to say sex,” says Donald. (What does administration, she’s being used as a quiz. A bit trickier this time: the second he even mean?) And: “I’ve said that if tool to whitewash his behaviour, she’s female US president? Arabella Rose Ivanka weren’t my daughter perhaps his best weapon, he couldn’t have been Kushner, daughter of “Javanka”? Good I’d be dating her.” elected without her, she softens the guess, but unfortunately Arabella She laughs. Instead of shouting: edges, her conversion to Judaism in didn’t have the right surname, the one “Dad! No! That is so inappropriate!”, order to marry Jared Kushner shows emblazoned on the White House (we’re which would be a better response. Or, dedication, she’s beautiful, successful, in the future, remember). The correct as he seems to suggest that he has said graceful, a champion of women, LGBT answer is in fact Chloe Sophia Trump, it before, calling 911. Frei is not really rights and climate change, even … daughter of Donald Jr. helping by asking if she is “simply a fi g Actually, she gets a reasonably easy So (returning to the present), Chloe leaf for her father’s policies” – now I’ve ride . So, for example, we see the look may not yet have reached the age got a picture of Donald, nude, orange of surprise on Christine Lagarde’ s AND ANOTHER of three, but word is she is already all over, with his “policies” covered by face, surprise perhaps that Ivanka is THING showing excellent leadership qualities, his daughter. Eurgh, God, I’m sorry. on a panel with her and Angela Merkel as well as being very pretty and Frei has assembled a reasonable at a women’s summit. But we don’t Three Girls is on graceful. No offi cial role yet, although tonight, about the

KEVIN LAMARQUE/REUTERS bunch: writers and journalists, hear the jeers from the audience as she is beginning to sit in on the Rochdale grooming academics, a psychologist, a Ivanka defends her father’s treatment and child abuse meetings. The Middle East is an area of rabbi, neighbours, fundraisers for, of women. And I wanted more – some scandal (BBC1, 9pm). particular interest, apparently. About campaigners against, antis and pros. serious (psycho)analysis – on The Harrowing, but which Grandad holds her opinion in

PHOTOGRAPH PHOTOGRAPH They say that Ivanka embodies the Weirdness, the odd father-daughter important. Watch it. high regard. Exciting times.

16.05.17 The Guardian 21 Film of the day TV and radio Filth (10.55pm, Film4) James McAvoy gives a powerhouse performance as a very bad cop in Jon S Baird’s grimy, brutal adaptation of Irvine Welsh’s misanthropic novel

BBC1 BBC2

6.0 Breakfast (T) 9.15 Rip Off Britain: 6.0 My Life in Books (T) (R) 6.30 A1: Live (T) 10.0 Homes Under the Britain’s Longest Road (T) (R) Hammer (T) 11.0 A1: Britain’s 7.15 Put Your Money Where Longest Road (T) 11.45 Close Your Mouth Is (T) (R) 8.0 Great Calls: On Camera (T) 12.15 Bargain American Railroad Journeys (T) Hunt (T) (R) 1.0 News; Weather (R) 9.0 Victoria Derbyshire (T) (T) 1.30 Regional News; Weather 11.0 Newsroom Live (T) 12.0 Daily (T) 1.45 Doctors (T) 2.15 The Boss Politics (T) 1.0 Two Tribes (T) (R) (T) 3.0 Escape to the Country 1.30 Channel Patrol (T) (R) 2.15 (T) 3.45 Garden Rescue (T) (R) Red Rock (T) (R) 3.0 Hairy Bikers’ 4.30 Put Your Money Where Best of British 3.45 Rise of the Three Girls, BBC1 Your Mouth Is (T) 5.15 Pointless Continents (T) 5.15 Antiques (T) 6.0 News; Weather (T) 6.30 Road Trip (T) 6.0 Celebrity Watch this News; Weather (T) 7.0 The One Eggheads (T) 6.45 Debatable Show (T) 7.30 EastEnders (T) 7.30 Great British Menu (T) 8.0 Holby City (T) Jac’s job and 8.0 Bake Off: Creme de la Creme livelihood are at risk when (T) Angus Deayton presents the Three Girls Elizabeth I: The a mystery patient arrives on fi rst semi-fi nal, which begins with 9pm, BBC1 Enemy Within Darwin and seeks her help, while the teams having to create six At the very least, this new 9pm, Channel 5 a short-staff ed Keller welcomes a identical and multi-layered large drama – shown in three parts Episode two of the workmanlike new face to the team. circular sharing desserts called 9.0 Three Girls (T) New series. Drama crown entremet. across the week – is bold, dealing series charting the life of Good telling the true story of three girls 9.0 Horizon: Strange Signals unfl inchingly with the sexual Queen Bess and we’ve reached drawn into the frightening world from Outer Space! (T) The abuse scandal that unfolded in the early part of her reign. These of sexual exploitation. scientists searching for signs of Rochdale between 1997 and 2013. were years when Elizabeth extraterrestrial life. The performances are startling Tudor’s rivalry with her English 10.0 BBC News at Ten (T) 10.0 Later Live… With Jools Holland (T) – particularly from the actors throne-coveting cousin, Mary 10.30 BBC Regional News and Weather 10.30 Newsnight; Weather (T) playing the trio of vulnerable Queen of Scots, was a defi ning (T) Includes lottery update. 11.15 Dara and Ed’s Road to girls at the story’s heart – and the feature of political life on both 10.45 The Truth About Sleep (T) (R) Mandalay (T) (R) 12.15 Sign Zone Contaminated Blood: horror of incrementally escalating sides of the border. Suzannah Michael Mosley investigates the world of sleep. The Search for the Truth (T) (R) male aggression is expertly Lipscomb and Dan Jones relate 11.45 Life After Suicide 1.15 MasterChef (T) (R) 2.15 evoked. But it’s gruelling; it’s the history, while Lily Cole, 12.45 Weather for the Week Ahead The Great Pottery Throw Down a story that needed to be told, showing off her best angry face, (T) 12.50 BBC News (T) (T) (R) 3.10 This Is BBC2 (T) but one that is near impossible to plays Elizabeth in docudrama watch. Phil Harrison segments. Jonathan Wright

Don’t Ask Me Ask Britain Later Live – With 8pm, ITV Jools Holland You are Alexander Armstrong, 10pm, BBC2 and you are asked to present Live edition with Jools welcoming 5.50 Vet on the Hill 6.55 Other channels ITV2 The Secret Life of 6 Year another lowbrow stats-based back groovy mucker Paul Weller. 6.0am Zara Larsson: Olds 7.55 Grand Designs The Hot Desk 6.10 9.0 Selling Houses with gameshow. Do you a) Get back to Of course, given the frequency of CBBC E4 You’ve Been Framed! Amanda Lamb 10.0 exploring Italy and calling your- his appearances, the Modfather Gold 6.35 Below Deck Britain’s Weirdest Council 7.0am Arthur 7.10 All programmes from 7.20 The Ellen DeGeneres Houses 11.05 Ramsay’s self “Xander”; b) See if there’s can probably rely on muscle League of Super Evil 7.25 7am to 7pm are double Show 8.0 Emmerdale Kitchen Nightmares Dennis the Menace 7.40 bills 6.0am Hollyoaks 8.30 Coronation Street USA 12.0 24 Hours in another opening on Death in memory to reach the Maidstone Newsround 7.45 The 6.30 Coach Trip: Road to 9.0 Coronation Street A&E 1.05 Selling Houses Paradise; or c) Bank the cheque Studios these days. Lesser- Dumping Ground 8.0 Odd Marbs 7.0 Baby Daddy 8.0 9.35 Scorpion 10.25 with Amanda Lamb 2.05 Squad 8.15 Newsround Rules of Engagement 9.0 Below Deck 11.20 Britain’s Weirdest Council and get on with it? That’s the spotted performers tonight 8.20 Little Roy 8.35 Melissa & Joey 10.0 Baby Who’s Doing the Dishes? Houses 3.10 8 Out of 10 Millie Inbetween 9.05 Daddy 11.0 How I Met 12.25 Emmerdale 12.55 Cats: Jimmy, Sean & Jon’s story here, pretty much: an inter- include electro-rocking Alt-J, Millie Inbetween 9.30 Your Mother 12.0 New Coronation Street 1.30 Best Bits active show where the public vote London rapper Dave, Gothenburg The Dumping Ground Girl 1.0 Brooklyn Nine- Coronation Street 2.0 The 10.0 Wolfblood 10.30 Nine 2.0 The Big Bang Ellen DeGeneres Show Sky1 on questions of moral scruple. electropoppers Little Dragon, Operation Ouch! 10.55 Theory 3.0 How I Met 2.50 The Jeremy Kyle 6.0am Hawaii Five-0 7.0 The answers might surprise, but Maryland singer-songwriter Our School 11.25 Wild Your Mother 4.0 Brooklyn Show 3.55 The Jeremy Hawaii Five-0 8.0 Monkey & Weird 11.40 Marrying Nine-Nine 5.0 New Girl Kyle Show 5.0 Judge Life 8.30 Monkey Life that’s democracy. John Robinson Maggie Rogers and New York’s Mum and Dad 12.10 6.0 The Big Bang Theory Rinder 6.0 You’ve Been 9.0 It’s Me or the Dog Rank the Prank 12.35 7.0 Hollyoaks 7.30 Black- Framed! Gold 6.30 You’ve 9.30 It’s Me or the Dog a cappella septet Naturally 7. Roy 12.35 Zig and Zag’s ish 8.0 The Goldbergs Been Framed! Gold 7.0 10.0 Nothing to Declare Horizon: Strange Signals Mark Gibbings-Jones Zogcasts 1.05 Shaun 8.30 The Goldbergs You’ve Been Framed! 10.30 Nothing to Declare the Sheep 1.10 Shaun 9.0 Rude Tube 10.0 8 Gold 7.30 You’ve Been 11.0 Forever 12.0 NCIS: from Outer Space! the Sheep 1.20 Class Out of 10 Cats 10.55 Framed! Gold 8.0 Two Los Angeles 1.0 Hawaii 9pm, BBC2 Dismissed 1.35 The Bizarre ER 12.0 The Big and a Half Men 8.30 Five-0 2.0 Hawaii Five-0 Dumping Ground 2.05 Bang Theory 12.30 The Two and a Half Men 9.0 3.0 NCIS: Los Angeles For some reason, ET still hasn’t Operation Ouch! 2.30 Big Bang Theory 12.55  The Expendables 4.0 Haven 5.0 Modern Our School 3.0 Dennis Tattoo Fixers 1.55 Rude (2010) (10pm FYI Daily) Family 5.30 Modern bothered to pick up the phone the Menace 3.15 Zig and Tube 2.45 8 Out of 10 11.05 Family Guy 11.35 Family 6.0 Futurama (what scientists call “the great Zag 3.25 Bottersnikes & Cats 3.25 The Goldbergs Family Guy 12.0 Family 6.30 The Simpsons 7.0 Gumbles 3.40 Odd Squad 3.45 Black-ish 4.10 Rules Guy 12.30 American The Simpsons 7.30 The silence”), but that hasn’t deterred 3.50 The Dengineers 4.20 of Engagement 4.35 Dad! 12.55 American Simpsons 8.0 Supergirl Newsround 4.25 Help! Rules of Engagement Dad! 1.30 Celebrity 9.0 The Flash 10.0 The astronomers from scouring the My Mini School Trip Is 4.55 Melissa & Joey Juice 2.30 Teleshopping Force: Essex 11.0 School cosmos. This sober look at the Magic 4.35 The Next Step of Hard Knocks 12.0 5.0 The Next Step 5.20 Film4 More4 Hawaii Five-0 1.0 Hawaii alien-hunting business meets a Lifebabble 5.30 Operation 11.0am  The Mouse 8.55am A Place in the Five-0 2.0 Legends former member of the X-Files-like Ouch! 6.0 Scream Street That Roared (1959) Sun: Summer Sun 9.55 3.0 DC’s Legends of 6.10 Dragons: Riders 12.40  Face of a A Place in the Sun: Tomorrow 4.0 Got to Order of the Dolphin, dedicated of Berk 6.35 Dennis the Fugitive (1959) 2.20 Summer Sun 11.0 Four Dance 5.15 Road Wars Menace 6.45 Danger  The Comancheros in a Bed 11.30 Four in a to ferreting out extraterrestrial Mouse 7.0 Horrible (1961) 4.35  Billion Bed 12.05 Four in a Bed Sky Arts intelligence, and the current buzz Histories 7.30 Blue Peter: Dollar Brain (1967) 6.45 12.35 Four in a Bed 1.05 6.0am The South Bank We Love Eurovision! 8.0  Shallow Hal (2001) Four in a Bed 1.40 A Place Show Originals 6.30 surrounding a star called KIC The Dumping Ground 9.0  Closed Circuit in the Sun: Summer Sun The South Bank Show 8462852 – or, more memorably, 8.30 The Next Step 8.50 (2013) 10.55  Filth 2.40 A Place in the Sun: Originals 7.0 Auction Elizabeth I: The Enemy Within, Channel 5 Help! My Mini School (2013) 12.55  The Summer Sun 3.40 Time 7.30 Auction 8.0 Tales Tabby’s Star. Ali Catterall Trip Is Magic Sacrifice (1986) Team 4.45 Time Team of the Unexpected 8.30

22 The Guardian 16.05.17 Much more on TV For news, reviews, series, liveblogs and recaps, go to theguardian.com/tv-and-radio

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6.0 Good Morning Britain (T) 8.30 6.0 Countdown (T) (R) 6.45 Will & 6.0 Milkshake! 9.15 The Wright Stuff Lorraine (T) 9.25 The Jeremy Grace (T) (R) 7.35 Everybody Loves 11.15 The Hotel Inspector (T) (R) Kyle Show (T) 10.30 This Morning Raymond (T) (R) 9.05 Frasier (T) 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (T) 12.15 (T) 12.30 Loose Women (T) 1.30 (R) 9.35 Frasier (T) (R) 10.05 Car On Benefi ts: Famours & Claiming ITV Lunchtime News (T) 1.55 Local SOS (T) (R) 11.05 Hotel Hell (T) 1.15 Home and Away (T) 1.45 News (T) 2.0 Dickinson’s Real Deal (R) 12.0 News (T) 12.05 Couples Neighbours (T) 2.15 NCIS (T) (R) (T) 3.0 Masterpiece with Alan Come Dine with Me (T) (R) 1.05 3.15  Dead On Campus (Curtis 3.59 2.10 5.0 Titchmarsh (T) Local News/ Posh Pawnbrokers (T) (R) Crawford, 2014) (T) 5 News 7.0 100 Days+ (T) 7.30 Insect Worlds 4.0 3.0 5.30 Weather (T) Tipping Point (T) Countdown (T) Fifteen to One at 5 (T) Neighbours (T) (R) (T) (R) The infl uence of insects, 5.0 6.0 4.0 5.0 6.0 6.30 Babushka (T) Local News (T) Coast vs Country (T) Home and Away (T) (R) arachnids and crustaceans on the 6.25 5.30 6.55 (T) Party Election Broadcast Four in a Bed (T) Extreme 5 News Tonight (T) Party planet’s ecosystems. (T) (R) 6.30 ITV Evening News Cake Makers (T) 6.0 The Simpsons Election Broadcast (T) 7.0 Police (T) 7.0 Emmerdale (T) 7.30 Save (T) (R) 6.30 Hollyoaks (T) 7.0 Interceptors (T) (R) Money: Good Food (T) News (T) 7.55 Party Election Broadcast (T) 8.0 Don’t Ask Me Ask Britain (T) 8.0 Location, Location, Location (T) 8.0 The Yorkshire Vet (T) Julian Norton 8.0 Burma, My Father and the Interactive comedy gameshow Kirstie Allsopp and Phil Spencer is called out to a poorly three-day- Forgotten Army (T) (R) The hosted by Alexander Armstrong, help house-hunters in Bath. old calf. Includes 5 News Update. stories of Africans and Asians with Frank Skinner and Jonathan 9.0 One Born Every Minute (T) 9.0 Elizabeth I: The Enemy Within who fought for the allies during Ross as team captains. With their fi rst baby on the (T) Lily Cole stars in the drama- the second world war. 9.0 Long Lost Family: What Happened way, “tattooed lady” Sazzie documentary. 9.0 Dan Snow on Lloyd George: My Next (T) People whose lives have and “scary biker” boyfriend Great Great Grandfather (T) (R) been changed in ways they Adam hope they will be judged The presenter traces the story could never have imagined. like any other parents and not of his illustrious forebear David because of how they look. Lloyd George.

10.0 ITV News at Ten (T) 10.0 First Dates (T) 10.0 Liberace: In Life and Death (T) 10.0 OJ: Made In America Documentary 10.40 Local News (T) 11.05 Gogglebox (T) (R) 11.05  Hannibal (Ridley Scott, series chronicling the rise and fall of 10.50 Little Boy Blue (T) (R) 12.10 The Island with Bear Grylls (T) 2001) (T) Thriller sequel starring OJ Simpson. (T) Fact-based crime drama. (R) 1.05 Surviving the Island with Anthony Hopkins and Julianne 11.35 Timewatch: The Real 11.50 Car Crash Britain: Caught on Bear Grylls (T) (R) 2.0 The Secret Moore. Bonnie and Clyde (T) (R) Camera (T) (R) Documentary Life of the Zoo (T) (R) 2.55 Rescue 1.25 SuperCasino 3.10 Top 20 Funniest 12.30 Storyville: Circus Elephant looking at crashes, miracle Dog to Super Dog (T) (R) 3.50 (T) 4.0 Tribal Teens (T) (R) 4.45 Rampage (T) (R) 1.30 The Story of escapes and bad driving. Location, Location (T) (R) 4.45 House Doctor (T) (R) 5.10 House Scottish Art (T) (R) 2.30 Dan Snow 12.45 Jackpot247 3.0 Loose Women Kirstie’s Handmade Treasures Busters (T) (R) 5.35 Wildlife SOS on Lloyd George: My Great Great (R) 3.50 ITV Nightscreen 5.05 5.05 Fifteen to One (T) (R) (T) (R) Grandfather (T) (R) The Jeremy Kyle Show (T) (R)

Tales of the Unexpected Isle 10.0 Veep 10.35 Mekong Delta Blues. Twenty Players (1/6) 9.0 Discovering: Lauren The Trip to Spain 11.10 Radio Radio 4 Peter Hadfield reports Radio 4 Extra 11.45 Steven Appleby’s Bacall 10.0 Master Blue Bloods 12.10 Public 92.4-94.6 MHz; 198kHz from the Mekong on the Digital only Normal Life (1/6) 12.0 of Photography 11.0 Enemy 1.25 Midnight Sun 6.0 Today 9.0 The Life new hydroelectric dams 6.0 Boxer and Doberman Understand (1/4) 12.30 Classical Destinations 2.30 The Borgias 3.35 Scientific: Ottoline Leyser which threaten life on (3/4) 6.30 The Art of Fry’s English Delight (3/4) 11.35 Jonas Kaufmann: Girls 4.10 Urban Secrets Radio 1 Melt, I Burn; O Ruddier on How Plants Decide one of South-East Asia’s Travel 7.0 Girlies (2/4) 1.0 Boxer and Doberman You Mean the World 5.05 Urban Secrets 97.6-99.8 MHz Than the Cherry (Acis and What to Do. With Jim Al- vital rivers. 4.0 Word of 7.30 Rob Newman’s (3/4) 1.30 The Art of to Me 1.0 Tales of the 6.33 The Breakfast Show Galatea). Christopher Khalili. 9.30 One to One Mouth: Game On – The Neuropolis (4/4) 8.0 Travel 2.0 Dinner at the Unexpected 1.30 Tales TCM With Nick Grimshaw Purves (baritone), (8/8) 9.45 (LW) Daily Language of Video Games Steptoe and Son (3/6) Homesick Restaurant of the Unexpected 2.0 6.0am Hollywood’s 10.0 Clara Amfo 12.45 Simon Lepper (piano). Service 9.45 (FM) Book (6/7) 4.30 Great Lives: 8.30 The Men from the (2/10) 2.15 Life at 24 Auction 2.30 Auction Best Film Directors: Mel Newsbeat 1.0 Scott Mills Mozart: String Quartet of the Week: Admissions Emma of Normandy. Ministry 9.0 The News Frames a Second (2/10) 3.0 Guitar Star 2016 4.0 Gibson 6.30 Hollywood’s 4.0 Greg James 5.45 in B flat, K458 (The – A Life in Brain Surgery, Championed by Sue Quiz Extra (4/8) 9.45 2.30 Ladies of Letters Go Master of Photography Best Film Directors: Newsbeat 6.0 Greg James Hunt). Cuarteto Casals. by Henry Marsh. (2/5) Cameron. (7/9) 5.0 Hearing with Hegley Green (2/5) 2.45 Writing 5.0 Tales of the Kenneth Branagh 7.0 7.0 MistaJam 9.0 Stories Schubert: Piano Sonata 10.0 Woman’s Hour. PM 5.54 (LW) Shipping (4/8) 10.0 The Mayor of at the Kitchen Table Unexpected 5.30 Tales Bonanza: The Gunmen 10.02 Huw Stephens No 13 in A, D664. Javier Includes at 10.45 Drama: Forecast 6.0 News 6.30 Casterbridge (2/4) 11.0 (2/5) 3.0 The Mayor of of the Unexpected 6.0 8.0 Bonanza: The Fear 1.0 Annie Nightingale Perianes. 2.0 Afternoon The Forsytes Concludes, Small Scenes (R) 7.0 Tea at the Midland (2/5) Casterbridge (2/4) 4.0 Discovering: Deborah Merchants 9.05  A 4.0 Adele Roberts on 3. Live from Ulster by John Galsworthy. The Archers 7.15 Front 11.15 Miss St Andrews Whose Line Is It Anyway? Kerr 7.0 Tim Marlow: Thunder of Drums (1961) Hall, Belfast. Nielsen: (3/8) 11.0 In Their Row 7.45 The Forsytes 12.0 Steptoe and Son (5/6) 4.30 Ballylenon Art’s Greatest Failures 11.05  The Ride Back Radio 2 Saga-Drøm, Op 39. Element: Carbon – the Concludes (R) (3/8) 8.0 (3/6) 12.30 The Men from (4/6) 5.0 Girlies (2/4) 8.0 Fake! The Great (1957) 12.50 Bonanza: 88-91 MHz Bruch: Scottish Fantasy, Chemical Story of Our File on 4: Policing the the Ministry 1.0 Boxer and 5.30 Rob Newman’s Masterpiece Challenge The Spanish Grant 1.55 6.30 Chris Evans 9.30 Ken Op 46. Mendelssohn: Lives (4/4) 11.30 Tales Police. Investigating a Doberman (3/4) 1.30 The Neuropolis (4/4) 9.0 Tate Britain’s Great Bonanza: Blood on the Bruce 12.0 Jeremy Vine Calm Sea and Prosperous from the Stave: Puccini’s series of cases of alleged Art of Travel 2.0 Dinner at British Walks 10.0 Land 3.0  The Iron 2.0 Jo Whiley 5.0 Simon Voyage, Op 27. Jack La bohème (3/3) 12.0 wrongdoing brought the Homesick Restaurant 5 Live Discovering: Peter Sheriff (1957) 4.30 Mayo 7.0 Jamie Cullum Liebeck (violin), Ulster News 12.01 (LW) against the police. (1/10) (2/10) 2.15 Life at 24 693, 909 kHz Sellers 11.0 Billy Wilder:  The Big Trees 8.0 Ana Matronic 10.0 Orchestra, Giordano Shipping Forecast 12.04 8.40 In Touch 9.0 All in Frames a Second (2/10) 6.0 Breakfast 10.0 5 Live Nobody’s Perfect (1952) 6.20  Saddle Levi Roots 11.0 Nigel Bellincampi. Then Home Front: 16 May the Mind: The Everyday 2.30 Ladies of Letters Go Daily With Adrian Chiles 12.0 Fake! The Great the Wind (1958) 8.0 Ogden 11.30 Listen to Bartók. Concerto for 1917 – Kitty Lumley, by Effect of Unconscious Green (2/5) 2.45 Writing 1.0 Afternoon Edition Masterpiece Challenge  The Hunt for Red the Band 12.0 Sounds of Orchestra. Peter Eötvös: Sarah Daniels. Starring Bias. Claudia Hammond at the Kitchen Table 4.0 Drive 7.0 5 Live Sport 1.0 Tate Britain’s Great October (1990) 10.45 the 80s (R) 2.0 Radio 2 Senza sangue. Russell Ami Metcalf and Rosie hosts a special show in (2/5) 3.0 The Mayor of 7.45 Premier League British Walks 2.0 Dag  Highlander: Playlists: Folk, Morning Braun (tenor), Albane Cavaliero. (22/40) 12.15 front of an audience at Casterbridge (2/4) 4.0 Football 2016-17 10.0 2.40 Arts Scholarships Endgame (2000) 12.35 Acoustic & Wednesday Carrere (mezzo), BBC SO, Call You and Yours 1.0 the Royal Institution in Whose Line Is It Anyway? Football Social 10.30 Phil – Sky Academy 2.50 Conspiracy Theory : Workout 5.0 Vanessa Feltz Simone Young. 4.30 In The World at One 1.45 London, joined by a panel (5/6) 4.30 Ballylenon Williams 1.0 Up All Night Soulpower 3.50 Bill Evans JFK Assassination 1.35 Tune. With Suzy Klein. Our Man in the Middle of experts. (4/10) 9.30 (4/6) 5.0 Girlies (2/4) 5.0 Morning Reports Live In ’64-’75 Conspiracy Theory: The Radio 3 6.30 Composer of the East: All Flesh Is Grass. The Life Scientific (R) 5.30 Rob Newman’s 5.15 Wake Up to Money Billionaire Boys’ Club 2.30 90.2-92.4 MHz Week (R) (2/5) 7.30 In Jeremy Bowen recalls the 10.0 The World Tonight. Neuropolis (4/4) 6.0 Sky Atlantic Hollywood’s Best Film 6.30 Breakfast. With Concert. Recorded at devastation of the first 10.45 Book at Bedtime: Understand (1/4) 6.30 6 Music 6.0am Fish Town 7.0 Directors: John Landis Petroc Trelawny. 9.0 the Wigmore Hall on Gulf war as he witnessed Golden Hill, by Francis Fry’s English Delight Digital only Fish Town 8.0 The Guest 3.0 Hollywood’s Best Film Essential Classics. Rob Monday. Takács Quartet. the aftermath of the Spufford. (2/10) 11.0 (3/4) 7.0 Steptoe and Son 7.0 Shaun Keaveny 10.0 Wing 9.0 The West Wing Directors: John Glen 3.30 Cowan’s guest is Katie Beethoven: String bombing of a shelter in That Was The Tweet That (3/6) 7.30 The Men from Lauren Laverne 1.0 10.0 The West Wing 11.0 Hollywood’s Best Film Mitchell. 12.0 Composer Quartet in B flat, Op 18 Baghdad, which killed Was 11.30 My Muse (R) the Ministry 8.0 Boxer and Mark Radcliffe 4.0 Steve Cold Case 12.0 House 1.0 Directors: Mike Figgis of the Week: Monteverdi No 6; String Quartet in 400 civilians. (2/25) 12.0 News 12.30 Book Doberman (3/4) 8.30 The Lamacq 7.0 Marc Riley Blue Bloods 2.0 Richard 4.0 Hollywood’s Best 450 – First Steps in F, Op 135. 8.35 Interval 2.0 The Archers (R) of the Week Admissions Art of Travel 9.0 Tea at the 9.0 Gideon Coe 12.0 6 E Grant’s Hotel Secrets Film Directors: Michael Opera (2/5) 1.0 News music. 8.55 Beethoven: 2.15 Drama: Tumanbay (2/5) 12.48 Shipping Midland (2/5) 9.15 Miss Music Recommends 1.0 3.0 The West Wing 4.0 Apted 4.30 Hollywood’s 1.02 Lunchtime Concert. String Quartet in C, Op – Healing the Sick, by Forecast 1.0 As World St Andrews 10.0 Comedy The Atlantic Records The West Wing 5.0 Cold Best Film Directors: Mike Highlights from concerts 59 No 3 (Razumovsky). Andy Mulligan. (4/8) 3.0 Service 5.20 Shipping Club: Rob Newman’s Story (4/13) 2.0 Behind Case 6.0 House 7.0 Newell 5.0 Hollywood’s recorded earlier this year 10.0 Free Thinking 10.45 Short Cuts: Postcards. Forecast 5.30 News 5.43 Neuropolis (4/4) 10.30 the Brel: The Story of Blue Bloods 8.0 David Best Film Directors: Jon during the 78th season of The Essay: Staging Arthur Josie Long presents Prayer for the Day 5.45 Shappi Talk (1/4) 11.0 a Musical Genius (2/3) Attenborough’s Conquest Favreau 5.30 Hollywood’s concerts at the renowned Miller – Margot Leicester stories of messages sent Farming Today 5.58 Strap In: It’s Clever Peter 2.30 6 Music Live Hour of the Skies 9.0 Alan Best Film Directors: M Frick Collection in New (R) 11.0 Late Junction across borders . (1/6) Tweet of the Day: Black (4/4) 11.15 Before They 3.30 6 Music’s Jukebox Partridge’s Scissored Night Shyamalan York. Handel: I Rage, I 12.30 Through the Night 3.30 Costing the Earth: Browed Albatross Were Famous (2/4) 11.30 5.0 Chris Hawkins

16.05.17 The Guardian 23 On the web Puzzles For tips and all manner of crossword debates, go to theguardian.com/crosswords

Quick crossword no 14,671 Sudoku no 3,749

Across 1234 5 Pleasing to the ear (11) 56 7 Downcast (4) 8 Rank above corporal (8) 351 9 Hazelnut (7) 78 11 Large broad bay (5) 13 Nose and mouth of a 3689 4 mammal (5) 14,16,17 Pugnacious 91011 aquarium species — 68 shagginess, if I’m thief 12 (anag) (7,8,4) 13 14 39 267 18 Paris landmark, constructed 1889 (6,5) 15 12 Down 16 17 . 1 Dark bluish-red — fruit (4) 173 2 Crevice (7) 18 3 Behave amorously, 27 34 0330 333 6846 without serious

intentions (5) or call 4 Ungrammatical use of 821 words — breach of good Solution no 14,670 manners (8) BEHIND CLOSED Medium. Fill the grid so that each row, column Solution to no 3,748 5 Airline limo (anag) — OOO OPO and 3x3 box contains the numbers 1-9. rich person (11) DOORS PUZZLED Printable version at theguardian.com/sudoku 764523918 IDEUEID 592418376 6 Electronic keyboard guardianbooks.co.uk Stuck? For help call 0906 200 83 83 or text CALLS IN NATAL 381769452 instrument (11) GUARDIANQ followed by a space, the day EU CG E 10 Curt rejection (5-3) and date the crossword appeared followed MAT CHL E S S 217946835 by another space and the CLUE reference BOLUP 853271649 12 Restless (7) (e.g GUARDIANQ Wednesday24 Down20) to 88010. Calls cost £1.10 per minute, plus AVOID INCENSE 649835127 15 Striped cat (5) your phone company’s access charge. Texts NODNARW GAZELLE BOOST Stuck? For help call 0906 200 83 83. Calls cost 135692784 17 Poultry (4) cost £1 per clue plus standard network £1.10 per minute, plus your phone company’s access charges. Service supplied by ATS. Call 0330 LEE LOE 426387591 333 6946 for customer service (charged at ENSURE REEFER charge. Service supplied by ATS. Call 0330 333 6946 978154263 standard rate). for customer service (charged at standard rate). . Buy all four Guardian quick crosswords books for only £20 inc UK p&p (save £7.96). Visit . Buy all four Guardian quick crosswords books for only £20 inc UK p&p (save Doonesbury classic Doonesbury Garry Trudeau theguardian.com/crossword

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24 The Guardian 16.05.17