Modern Family Season 2X01 Page.1 Home-Improvement Project That We've Undertaken Has Been a Gloria : Oh, I'm Sure One Won't Make a Difference
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Modern Family 2x01 : The Old Wagon [OPENING CREDITS] Claire : Honey, do you need me to move the car? Cameron : "while the spray-tanned starlet claims to be six weeks Phil : Ho, no! It's nothing. I'm alright. Oh no! Iron cross sober, sources down under say she has been bar-hopping like a coked-up kangaroo." Claire : Oh God... Phil... You okay? Mitchell : Ah, what's daddy reading to you? Phil : Yes. I am. I am okay. Cameron : If I have to read "the very hungry caterpillar" One more Claire : Honey, why do we keep this car? time, I will snap. Phil : It's a classic! Mitchell : Oh, it's not that bad. Claire : No, it just sits here. And the seatbelts don't work. The Cameron : I will snap! doors stick. It leaks fluids. We haven't put fluids in it in 10 years. Mitchell : So, um, I laid the toolbox outside, And all the supplies Phil : Well, I'm gonna fix all that anyway. And then, uh, it's gonna are ready, And I think we are good to go! be Haley's car. Cameron : Terrific. Claire : Oh, we're not giving this car to Haley. It's way too easy to fit a mattress in the back. Mitchell : Aren't you gonna change into a working man's outfit? Phil : Remember? Cameron : No, I'm good, And I don't think workmen really call them "outfits." Claire : Oh, no. We're selling it. Phil : What?! Mitchell : We are building a princess castle for Lily. Uh, it's Claire : Mm-hmm. Unless you don't think you can. something every father wants to be able to do for his daughter. Phil : Really? You know. And I fancy myself as a bit of a castle designer. I have Claire : Yeah. done a few sketches. Phil : Seriously? Cameron : Which we have archived so we can use the kit. Claire : You can't. Mitchell : Mm, yeah. Phil : You honestly think that's gonna work? Cameron : The kit. Claire : You can't sell it. Mitchell : Uh, the kit. Which, uh, we're gonna do together. Phil : You know what? You can insult a lot of things about me... Cameron : I am petrified to do this with Mitchell. He built a My hair, my voice, my balance-board exercises... But don't insult couple of theater sets in college or something, and now he thinks my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don't see it? he knows everything about building. Well, he doesn't. Every That's 'cause I just sold it. Modern Family Season 2x01 page.1 home-improvement project that we've undertaken has been a Gloria : Oh, I'm sure one won't make a difference. They're near-death experience. Manny's favorite! Manny : I...Think I'm going to stop eating trans fats, too. Cameron : Make the appetizers. And then we'll be... Luke : Mom? When was this from? Cameron : If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me... Claire : Oh... That's the year your dad and I went to the rose bowl. because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person. Phil : Incredible game. Claire : Yeah. Gloria : Honey, relax. She's not here yet. Luke : Mom, you look really pretty. Jay : You might want to play it a little cooler. You don't want to Claire : Thank you, sweetheart. scare off your girlfriend. Luke : So, what happened? Manny : She's not my girlfriend! She's just coming over to study Phil : Well, Lukey, everyone gets older. Just 'cause parts of your the life cycle of silkworms. Oh. She's here. She's here! Okay, how's mom aren't what they used to be, It doesn't me... my hair? Luke : I mean, what happened in the game? Jay : I thought it was just a friend. Phil : We got our butts kicked by penn state. The parade was Manny : I heard that. awesome, though. Angela Lansbury was the grand marshal. "good Jay : I wasn't whispering. time, she wrote." Gloria : Manny, open the door. Make her feel welcome. Claire : Okay, guys. Let's get back to it. No one's gonna buy this Manny : Kelly! Good morning. Uh, I'm glad you're here. Um, this heap looking this way. is my mom. Haley : Hey, mom, which one is the garbage can? Gloria : Nice to meet you! Claire : Um, it... Honey, you can't throw that away. It's blankety. Haley : It's disgusting. Gloria : In my culture, mothers are very clingy to their sons. In Claire : No, sweetie, you loved blankety. You wouldn't go fact, the leading cause of death among Colombian women is when anywhere without him. their sons get married. But I'm not like that. I just want my Manny Phil : Yeah, until Luke threw up on it. to be happy. Luke : yeah. I used to throw up all the time. Remember buckety? Claire : Oh! Oh, look at this. Gloria : Manny, why don't you give your friend Kelly an empanada? Haley : What is that? Kelly : Oh, no, thank you. I try to stay away from trans fats. Claire : We went to the beach one day, and had such a good time that he wanted to being home a jar of sunshine so he could always remember it. Do you remember, Honey? Modern Family Season 2x01 page.2 Luke : Oh, no... no, no, don't... don't open it. Claire : I'm sorry. I'm sorry. When I woke up this morning, I hated Alex : You really think you trapped sunshine in there? I'm just that car, And even thinking about it made me mad. but then when letting you know now, I'm not taking care of him when you guys we were going through it and blankety... all that stuff... I just... The die. thought of that whole part of our life driving away... Claire : Stop. It's sweet. Phil : We can keep blankety. Luke : Still feels hot. Mm. Claire : I don't want... Look at them. Come on. A minute ago, they were babies. And now they're driving. And soon we'll all be dead. Phil : Hey! It's that guy who came by earlier. He was really interested. What was his name? Shoot! Phil : Whoa! You're leaving out a few great minutes there. Retirement, old age... Cool chair that goes up the stairs. Claire : Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm...Being ridiculous. Phil : Well, you can't be in sales and not remember people's names. That's why I like to use what they call "minimonic" Phil : Don't apologize. I love you when you're human. Listen. devices. They're little tricks to help you remember. Um, like t other Hey! Listen! We don't have to sell the car. day, I met this guy named Carl. Now, I might forget that name, Claire : Oh, sweetie, of course we do. It doesn't make any sense to But he was wearing a grateful dead t-shirt. What's a band like the keep it. grateful dead? Phish. Where do fish live? The ocean. What else Phil : Well, what can I do to make you feel better? lives in the ocean? Coral. Hello, "coral." Claire : Nothing. Unless you can build me a time machine. Claire : I think it's "mnemonic." Phil : Honey... Until someone can figure out how to keep a Phil : I-I think I'd remember. wormhole from collapsing in on itself, that's just a pipe dream. Claire : Sure. Come on back, Phil. Phil : Okay. You can do it, d. Okay. He looked like the drummer from Foreigner. Now, Foreigner's from France. France rhymes with Mitchell : Well, I found the... I found the nail gun. "ants." Ants ruin a picnic. What's up, Nick? Really? Really? Well, that's great. Yeah, no, swing by anytime. We're here all day. Cameron : Oh. Yay. Thanks. Guess what? You said I couldn't sell this? Well, you're Mitchell : The weirdest thing... it was wrapped in an old towel gonna be eating humble pie stuffed with crow and a big side of Stuffed in a box on the top shelf of the closet. sorry, 'cause I just did. In your face, girl with the negative tattoo! Cameron : Well, just set it down on the counter. Honey... Wait. Jay : Heads up! Claire : No! Mitchell : Oh, dad, what are you doing here? Luke : Whoa. Someone doesn't like to lose. Jay : I'm, uh, just, uh, returning that crockpot that Gloria borrowed. Phil : Honey. Honey! Modern Family Season 2x01 page.3 Cameron : Oh, yeah, I forgot you had that crockpot, Jay. Well, Kelly : Maybe we should let Manny decide. we're just getting ready to build Lily a princess castle if you... Gloria : Okay. Here's the salt. We'll see what he likes. Want to help? Manny : Wow! That's really good! Try it, mom! Jay : Yeah, sure. Gloria : I don't care for it. Cameron : Oh. Well, if it's okay with you, Mitchell. Mitchell : Oh, yeah! Oh, no, dad. Oh, remember how much fun Gloria : It was delicious. we had when we built that bookshelf together? Cameron : I finally got Lily down for a nap. Where is Mitchell? Jay : That was my Vietnam. And I was in Vietnam. He's not supposed to be unsupervised! Jay : Don't worry. I got him in the garage putting flags on the Mitchell : Oh! Look at us! Three construction dudes! Dad, I'm spires.