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Saturday Nighters to Do AU

Saturday Nighters to Do AU

Volume No. 85 April 21, 1993 Issue No. 12 FIAT LUX THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF ALFRED UNIVERSITY Saturday nighters to do AU

Nealon, Sandler City. Now Kevin Nealon, one of SNL's "ALFORD? [sic] I'M DEFINITELY stage not as a comedian, but as a musi- most constant participants, and Adam COMIN'!" cian; his singing career turned out to be to play McLane Sandler, one of its newcomers, are Known for his role as the Weekend short lived. Nealon got his big break as a bringing their patented brand of humor Update anchorperson, Nealon also stand up in Hollywood, where he met to Alfred. spoke at a teleconference last , who also got him an this Saturday You may remember Sandler from his Wednesday of his creation on Mr. audition on SNL. Nealon prefers the by Dave Bachrach, contributor part on MTV's "Remote Control" game Subliminal. He related that in addition to "straight" news delivery pioneered by For those of us who have thought of the show, or his handful of stand-up spots a movie about Mr. Subliminal in the Chevy Chase, who he cites as a positive Hot Dog Day concerts of recent years as on Late Night With David Letterman, works for HBO, plans for "Hans and influence. He starred as "Drunk #2" in jokes, this year's extravaganza is no but you are more likely to be laughing Franz: The Girlyman Dilemma," co- Roxanne with Steve Martin. "If you were exception. Except this time the joke is these days at his multitude of imperson- starring Arnold Schwartzenegger, are getting popcorn you would have missed intentional. ations and off-the-wall raving. SNL has also on the drawing board. When asked me," he quipped. Since Robert Klein attended Alfred shown him as Iraqi Pete, Crazy what possessed him to come to Alfred, Sandler and Nealon will be performing University, we haven't come close to the Spoonhead terrorizing the neighborhood the vegetarian replied that he had at McLane Center on Saturday, April 24, comedy greats that have emerged with for candy on Halloween, or the melodi- adopted a steer, ducks, goats, and sheep at 730 p.m. with opening comedian help from , an hour ous Operaman, among others. When at a Watkins Glen farm sanctuary that he Tony V. The cost for AU students is $6, and a half of live performance broadcast some Friday Night Live crew, including had never visited before. and general admission price is $9. on NBC each weekend from New York myself, met him at NBC, he exclaimed, Originally, Nealon was drawn to the Tickets are available at South Hall. Coll and company deliver state of AU address Susann« Dunn « ~ ^ ; HI ï - by Darcia Harris, news editor fjyMfiMM'eSßB President Edward G. Coll,Jr., flanked the student senate approved it. by Provost Richard Ott, Associate When questioned about further plans Provost Susan Strong, and Peter for remodeling other residence halls, Fackler, vice president of student Coll said "we know what shape they're finance, spent the greater part of the in as well as you do." According to evening after his "state of the Coll, AU had plans to remodel another University" address, fielding students' hall this past year but there were too questions concerning housing, tuition many students to close one down. increase and the future of the Provost Ott announced that Cannon Steinheim. "will be coming off the line" for Coll announced that tuition and room remodeling in the 1993 academic year. i• and board cost increased by the annual Many students also seemed con- six percent, making a total of $22,480. cerned about what may be in store for Coll also explained the increase in the the Steinheim castle. student activity fee from one hundred "Two architects came in and said to two hundred dollars, effective fall restoration would be terribly expen- 1993. According to the president, a sive," said Coll in reference to the gradual increase over a four year approximated million-dollar cost. Coll period was approved by the 1989 insisted that until a practical use was student senate and is intended to cover found for the building, the expense to the deficit for the financing of the new restore it cannot be justified. "I love that building just as much as everyone Peter Fackler, vice president of business and finance, watches campus center. Coll assured students that the activity else," insisted Coll. "It would make a "as Tanya Matos, vice president of senate, questions President fee would not be increased again unless great president's office." Edward G. Coll, Jr. during the "State of the University Address.'

Kingsbury refuses recognition to new fraternity / /!/ g / D £... Opinion by Marcus Sperling, staff writer The seems to be a misunderstanding tarnished." at AU," said Kingsbury, commenting on with the Alpha Delta Omega, the new Another misunderstanding is that, the fact hat Alpha Delta Omega is taking Grunge is local fraternity, unaffiliated with AU or according to Alpha Delta Ctaega Vice members from both schools. commercialized Alfred State College. President, Keith Bellomo, greek opinions Alpha Delta Omega currently has five Page 5 Alpha Delta Omega sent out form of them are either positive or neutral; but pledges; four males and one female. letters to chapter presidents and admin- the impression of the greeks is negative. Only one student is from Alfred State, istrators; however, the letters stated "I don't think we need anymore according to Bellomo. different things. fraternities. We need more sororities to "We want to start off with a group that The letter to the chapter presidents said balance it out, but seven fraternities for a is dedicated, then open it to other Students debate that it was important to Alpha Delta campus this size is enough," said Sigma people," said Bellomo. Malcolm X Omega to maintain good relations with Alpha Mu brother D. Bradley Seymour. The reason they are doing this, accordr Page 3 the current greeks. It also mentioned that According to Paul Kingsbury, AU ing to Bellomo, is because they feel it would be a social fraternity. greek advisor, he met with the members there's enough people out there who The letters to the administrators only of the new fraternity and gave them don't want to pledge an existing house, Sports mentioned that Alpha Delta Omega was options they could take, such as becom- but do want the friendships, connec- a co-ed fraternity "based on Christian ing a national co-ed fraternity. tions, and closeness a fraternity AU falls to Hobart principles." Au has a policy, according to provides. The letter also stated that "In recent Kingsbury, that won't allow local The fraternity meets at St. Jude's church Back Page times, the community's image of the fraternities to be recognized. on the ASC campus but, according greek institutions at Alfred has grown "Organizations at AU are for students Bellomo, is not a church group. Fiat Lux • April 21 • Page 3Arts

Depression brings Feature Pnoto CLmU Neu change to AU by Ann-Marie Bramer, features editor part ten in a series Being a Pacifist," and in 1936, there The Depression Era was full of change were so many peace societies they for the AU community. The period were getting into each others' hair. saw three presidents, the school's first Other new occurrences at AU includ- radio station was founded, AU ed: a new radio station called W8LHK, celebrated its centennial and, of a new moving picture outfit that course, there were the typical finance included sound, and a series of forum and building developments. lectures with speakers that included a President Davis resigned in 1932, governor from Wisconsin and an ending the forty year presidency that under sea explorer. was often referred to as the Golden AU celebrated 100 years of quality Age of AU. He was replaced by Paul education in June of 1936. The festivi- Emerson Titsworth, whose acceptance ties started with an Alumni Humor of the position fulfilled his childhood Association dinner: its menu featured dream. a birthday cake with 100 candles with Titsworth and his family were the fifty of each. Later in the ceremonies, New sport at AU first presidential family to live in King Alfred (actually, an AU student Crandall Hall, which was newly dressed appropriately) made an by David P. Holmes, staff writer designed for that purpose. appearance. After Asser, his secretary AU's Business and Finance depart- practiced for the scream-a-thon. I Unfortunately they were not able to (actually an AU professor) explained ment has been collaborating with the guess I needed more practice, because enjoy it for very long, as Titsworth to the king what wonders had been physical education department to add I still had to go back to Financial Aid. died on his way to a church service in wrought in the century old school, the another varsity sport to AU: The run- As I caught my breath, the lady at December, 1933. king demanded to see the "worker of around. Financial Aid laid the most difficult obstacle of the course before me. To Following the funeral. Dean John miracles" who had brought these The run-around has several distinct pick up my paycheck, I must apply for Nelson Norwood was named as acting things to pass. President Emeritus parts to it, as well as some non- a new social security card. I built up president, and by the following June, Davis stepped forward, and the king essential obstacles. Let me tell you my leg muscles running up and down the "acting" was cut. gave him a "royal jewel" as a symbol about a run-around I was sent through earlier in the year. the stairs of my residence hall getting Norwood had a number of things to of King Alfred's love for AU, com- I started the course down in business the necessary information. deal with during his time in office. manding "Let it pass from hand to and Finance. All I wanted to do was I returned to the Financial Aid office, One was the sudden rise in pacifistic hand through all coming years." pick up my paycheck. However, my I- and got an application in the mail. The attitudes amongst the students. Davis then passed the symbol on to 9 form wasn't properly registered or starter's gun went off as the secretary Speakers came to the area and gave President Norwood to symbolize the something like that. So I was told to there called the secretary at Business speeches such as "Possibilities of present and future. go up to Alumni Hall and get it taken and Finance. I got my paycheck, and FIAT QuickBit — Dictionary Affairs care of. I ran up the hill. Good for the was home free! Peach a tree with round, juicy, orange-yellow fruit having a fuzzy skin and rough pit cardiovascular system. Unfortunately, all my exercise Libel any written or printed matter tending to injure a person's reputation unjustly At Alumni Hall, in the financial aid proved for naught when I arrived at office, I was told that I didn't need to Key Bank. It had just closed. I had do anything, really, and that there been doing the run-around since one should be no problem and I could o'clock that afternoon. pick up my pay-check. In my haste to Earlier today, my heart skipped a get down a flight of stairs, I tripped beat as I entered the Business and and fell. Tumbling. Good for flexibili- Finance office for the first time since ty- my encounter with AU's new varsity My breath was coming in short sport. I went to pick up a paycheck. bursts as a secretary at Business and The secretary behind the desk told me Finance called up to Alumni and "You don't seem to have an 1-9 on file. explained the problem. I stretched out Why don't you go on up to Financial the taught muscles in my neck and Aid in Alumni Hall?" TEST YOUR KNOWLEDGE VOL 1 NO. 4 1. What name of God was Moses commanded to use? 2. Why did Moses' face shine after getting the 10 laws? 3. Does God require that we keep the 10 laws? 4. Who was the prophet like Moses that would come? 5. Why was Moses willing to suffer with God's people? 6. Why couldn't the nation of Isreal enter their land?

To check your answers by recording, dial 607-2766720 THE ALFRED ASSEMBLY OF CHRISTIANS

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We will be Open Hot Dog Day weekend, Coupon expires end of spring semester 1993. Sat & Sun 10-5 j Arts H Fiat Lux • April 21 • Page 3 Alfred University Juan guns down squid Students Sports/Recreation Survey by Juan, the mexican bandito lobster It is with great regret that I announce Horoscope Today: Forge Your Own The University is considering additional sports/recreational facilities for the campus. the untimely demise of Madame Squid, Future by Shooting People Who The input of students is essential in the planning of these facilities. We appreciate former horoscope contributor to the Fiat Annoy You. I, Juan, would also be your assistance in completing this survey. Lux. My brothers and I have taken it more than happy to provide personal The eventual construction off an athletic recreationat facility is not a certainty at this upon ourselves to replace her Squidness advice to our readers. You may address time as the necessary funding has not yet been determined. Nevertheless, this preplan- with our own column. your letters to Dear Mexican Bandito ning phase is important and necessary for us to define the parameters of the project so You see, in my opinion, lobsters with Lobster, care of the Fiat Lux, South Hall that the necessary fund raising efforts can proceed. Thank you for your help. large mustaches arid tiny revolvers are Campus Center. far more amusing than a deeply dis- My Mexican Bandito brothers and I 1. Do you participant in campus recreation activities? Yes Q No Q turbed sea creature. In taking this up look forward to providing the people of with Madame Squid it became neces- Alfred with our services. For now I 2. Do your participate in the intramural program? Yes Q No Q sary to shoot her quite a bit in order to have run out of space, but remember, make her see my side of things. "Never put off until tomorrow what 3. Do you participate in intercollegiate sports? Yes Q No Q Those of you who watched The you can eliminate entirely by shooting Muppet Show as children may recall someone in the face." 4. Year in college: Freshman Q Sophomore Q Junior O Senior Q my big break in a segment featuring that gringo butcher, the Swedish Chef. Disclaimer: Juan the Mexican Bandito 5. Gender: Male • Female Q My mexican bandito gang and I rescue Lobster is pure fabrication. This column one of our lobster comrades before the is written by Fiat Lux Copy Manager 6. How important are the following factors in your use of the existing Chef can boil him. Phil Elmore, who is laregly regarded as sports/recreational facilities? While many members of the audience a psychopath. could relate to a group of lobsters A = Very Important B = Important C = Not Important (mark A, B, or C) banning together to rescue one of their FIAT ShamelessPlug own, they questioned the basis for The FIAT LUX is looking for students to Activities available making the lobsters Mexican, heavily work on the production staff next year. Can meet / make friends armed, and hairy. It became necessary Experience with the Macintosh helpful, but Convenient hours to shoot them, too. not a must. Approx. 4 to 5 hours every two Availability of Equipment In future issues of the Fiat Lux my weeks, sometimes less. If interested, write General atmosphere brothers and I shall co-author Your to the FIAT LUX office, VAX the FIAT LUX Feels safe to me account (FIATLUX), or call x2192. =) Instruction available Relaxing outlet YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO CRAM Convenient to dorm ON YOUR WAY HOME! recreation facilities? (circle one in each category) 0 1 Í m 4 5 $Ë£ 7 8 9 IO ili more Squash courts 0 1 ti 11 111 5 6 7 8 9 111! CHT more Fitness Center Iii È Iii II fil 6 lin 8 Iii io II more McLane Gym o 1 2 II ¡11 5 •M 8 Iii # pit more Davis Gym 0 I 2 3 111 5 lim in II 9 10 III more Davis Track - 0 1 2' 3 §¡|i;:;*:; :# 1 ili 8 9 - io or more Tennis Courts 0 4 ill 3 Iii 5 6 "7 8 9 io or more If more facilities were available, how many time a week would you use the No Other Bus Line Offers Lower Fares For Students! sports / recreation facilities? (circle one in each category) Special Student Discounts OVER $10 OFF Pool 0 • m 2 3 WMS 6 flÜ il ill 10 Or illlli Regular One Way to New York City! Squash Courts ÈÊMI É¡p m '-4 'M 6 gif Iii 9 10 or more Fitness Center 0 1 mm M Iii "f 6 7 8 9 ili or more For schedule and tare information call: Alfred.....587-9144 McLane Gym , 0 1 3 III 5 6 7 ! 8 9 ¡11 or more Alfred Village store, 3 North Main St. Davis Gym 1 2 3 4 5 ' Ék 7-^ 8 Épi 10 or mbre Davis Track 1 '2 A3 HI: 5 6 8 9< ili or me»« WHORTLJNE Tennis Courts 0 1 2 ü 4 •SÉ 6 ìli 8 9 10 òr more

9. If Alfred University was to consider / additional sports/ recreation facilities. What facilities would you want to see added? What facilities would you persona'ly use? (mark with a check mark or x)

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10. In addition to the above list, are there sports and recreation activities or facilities that should be considered? Please drop the completed surveys off at the foBowing location: Brick Dining Hall, Ade Dining HaH, ¿choles Library, Herrick Library (main Desk) or Fitness Center Sports Fiat Lux • April 21 • Page 8 Hobart tops LaX team by Andrew Whitley Some teams know how to win playoff best attackmen in the country in Cabell games. Other teams learn. Against the Maddux, shut down the potent Hobart twelve time Division III champion attack. Maddux was held to two goals Hobart Statesmen, the Alfred Saxon and an assist and did not score in the lacrosse team learned. second half. Despite ultimetely losing 9-8, the Goalie Jim Antonetti played one of his Saxons led 8-7 with just under two best games of the season, stopping minutes to go. The Statesmen used fourteen shots. ¡•¡•¡¡»B goals, their only two shots the entire "The defense rose to the occasion, fourth period, from a second string today. This was our first game without midfielder and a second string attack- a cheap goal. Considering the quality SüPftiiS men to sneak away with the win with a of our opponent, this game was pretty gig mere twenty-six seconds remaining. error free," said defenseman Mike SI Despite their first loss of the season, Johnson, who along with Jimmy ill o ÉÉH the Saxons remain optimistic that a Coromilas spent the afternoon shad- title is within their grasp. owing Maddux. AU battles top-ranked Hobart "We'll rebound [from this game] a "Mike did a great job on Maddux. stronger team. We know we outplayed He's one of the best attackmen in the We just need to put in that little extra The brothers of Kajlpa them and are capable of beating country and he was shut down today," effort and to move to the next level," Psi Upsilon ask the | anyone in the country," said Brian said Johnson. said Mike Johnson. students of Alfred " \ Johnson, who had two goals and four The game was tied seven times and The Saxons can take heart in their one assists. their were five lead changes. goal loss, though. After the game University tdife^ The Saxons had more shots (43-24 "We realized we are a top 5 team and Assistant coach Joe Alberici reminded consideraflof l|l Alfred advantage) and ground balls (46-28), we just have to keep playing up to the the Saxons that Nazareth College lost University residents. and had only two penalties despite potential we showed today," said by one goal to Hobart during the playing very aggressive defense. captain Darren Kraft. season and is currently defending their The defense, playing against one of the "We're close to be at that next level. national championship. Plfase respect tie There was an old woman had three sons, There was a little man, Ladybug, ladybug, fly away home, [ privacy of our m ¿C Jerry and James and John, And he had a little gun, Your house is on fire, neighbors when going o And your children will burn. 3 Jerry was hanged, James was drowned, And bullets made of lead, lead, lead; t6 .anci leifing social O o John was lost and never found; He went to the brook, All but one, her name is Ann, functions. £ -2 And there was an end of her three sons, And saw a little duck, And she crept under the frying pan. < os Selection of Children's Poems =) E O Jerry and James and John! And shot it through the head, head, head. NOW ACCEPTING The Collegiate THE WOODEN SHUTTLE APPLICATIONS I X. Uiii Si. AlficJ, NT 14101 Alfred's Family Restaurant FOR EMPLOYMENT Open everyday until 9 p.m. ffjSMDl Serving Breakfast Anytime! FOR SALES CLERKS Beads FOR 93-94 Postcards Lunches and Dinners! Daily Specials! SCHOOL YEAR. Alfred Pottery Please stop in for 'Wizardry Candles Sundaes an application. Chocolate Candy Shakes Pies OLLEGE Open: 10-5 Mon.-Fri. C QUPPLIERS 12-5 Sunday The finest food at the lowest price11 CD OF ALFRED 15 Church St. 7 N. Main St. Alfred 607-587-9293 April is JRTQ1RVED NATIONAL RING MONTH Cheeseburgers All Graduation SAVE Rings on Sale up to $100 Crandall's

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