When a child dies Information for parents, families and carers 2 When a child dies – Information for parents, families and carers 3

If the cause of your child’s death is The Coroner will then decide Help for you following uncertain, for example if it happened whether or not a post mortem after an operation, within 24 hours examination is needed. of admission to the hospital or The Coroner has a legal right to the death of your child following an accident, the Coroner order a post mortem even if this is may wish to investigate the death against your wishes. He or she will further. Under these circumstances make the necessary arrangements The death of a child is a very distressing and painful time. the doctors will not issue a medical and give the Registrar’s office the certificate of cause of death or forms that will enable you to register Even at this most difficult of times there are certain things neonatal death certificate. your child’s death. that have to be dealt with, and this booklet aims to provide some help and advice during the early days of your The Coroner’s office and You will not receive a medical bereavement. We hope you find it useful. If you have any certificate of cause of death or post mortems neonatal death certificate from the questions or want to discuss anything relating to the hospital, Some deaths are reported by hospital when a Coroner’s post please feel free to contact the ward or our bereavement care hospital doctors to the Coroner’s mortem examination is carried out. team on 023 8120 4587. office, for example those where: If there is a post mortem, the results go only to the Coroner in the first • the cause of death is uncertain instance, but can be obtained later by your GP. When you leave the hospital we Collecting the medical • death was sudden, violent or will continue to care for your child caused by an accident We will also make arrangements for until you have been able to make certificate of cause of death you to discuss the results with your contact with a funeral director. • the death occurred during an child’s medical team here at the You and your family will still be In most cases a medical certificate operation, before recovering hospital if you wish. We will contact able to visit your child, but will of cause of death (or neonatal from the effects of an you by post, normally within 6-8 need to ring either the ward or the death certificate if the death anaesthetic or within 24 hours of weeks, to make an appointment bereavement care team so that occurred within 28 days of the hospital admission for this. the staff can make the necessary birth) will be issued by the hospital arrangements. You will also have doctors. You will need this in order Please tell your funeral director if the opportunity to see your child at to register your child’s death at the you child’s death has been reported the funeral director’s premises and Registrar’s office (see page 4-5). to the Coroner. He or she will liaise in some circumstances it might be Please telephone the ward who with the Coroner’s office on your possible for you to take your child will arrange for you to collect the behalf and let you know when you home. The ward staff, a member of certificate if it was not issued to you can register your child’s death at the the bereavement care team or your at the time. Registrar’s office. funeral director should be able to discuss these choices with you. 4 When a child dies – Information for parents, families and carers 5

Hospital post mortems for another relative or a member of The Registrar will ask you the This information will form the hospital staff to do this (unless the following questions: entry in the Death Register. After The doctor who certified your child’s birth has not been registered). registering the death the Registrar • your child’s full name and date death may ask for your permission to will give you: carry out a post mortem examination If it is a baby that has died and you of birth to help them understand more about • Copies of the death certificate. have been unable to register the • the date and place of death your child’s illness and advance birth, you can do this at the same The Registrar will ask you how many copies of the certificate medical knowledge and teaching. time. If you and your baby’s other • your child’s home address, you will need. A fee is payable for parent are not married, you both including the post code (or the all copies. It is entirely up to you whether or need to be present at the registration mother’s home address if your not you choose to grant permission. of the birth for both names to be on child has not left hospital) • A green form to hand to the If you do, the examination should the birth certificate. funeral director unless the not delay the funeral arrangements. • the parents’ full names (including Registrar states otherwise. You will still receive a medical Registering a death out mother’s maiden name, if certificate of cause of death or applicable), occupations and neonatal death certificate from of the district where home addresses the hospital. the death occurred (registering Registering the death by declaration) Your child’s death needs to be If it is not possible for you to register Southampton formally registered with the Registrar the death in Southampton, you may General Hospital of Births, Deaths & Marriages. be able to ‘register by declaration’ in Brownhill Way You have up to five days from the Coxford Rd your home town. The local Registrar The Avenue

M271 date of death to do this. will not be able to register the death Romsey Rd or issue you with any certificates, The Registrar’s office is in Bugle but will take the necessary Street, Southampton. There is a information and then forward it to Hill Lane A35 small car park and the office is open the Registrar’s office in Southampton. Shirley High Street Monday, Wednesday and Thursday They will then register the death and 9.00am to 4.30pm, Tuesday 10.00am issue the relevant certificates. to 4.30pm and Friday 9.00am to These will be posted to you, which A33 4.00pm. It is advisable to telephone may therefore cause delays in the office on 023 8063 1422 to make organising the funeral. an appointment.

Bugle St Please check that you can register At the Registrar’s office the death – only certain people are Please take the medical certificate Registrar’s qualified to do so. Usually this will be of cause of death or neonatal death O ce one of the parents, but it is possible certificate with you if you have it. 6 When a child dies – Information for parents, families and carers 7

Tell Us Once If you receive certain benefits, you How you might feel Don’t be afraid to share your can apply for help towards the cost feelings with people, including If you wish, when you register of the funeral. Benefits may include Grief is a very individual process any children who may also find it your child’s death, you can one of the following: income and we all react differently. What is difficult to express their grief. request assistance to notify other support; housing or council tax important is that you allow yourself Even though at first it may seem government departments and local benefit; family credit; job seeker’s time to grieve and come to terms difficult to include them in councils. This includes those dealing allowance or working tax credit. with your loss in whatever way is conversations about the child with state benefits, child benefits, Ask for form SF200 (Funeral right for you. who has died and the funeral disability living allowance and payment from the Social Fund), arrangements, it is important to talk passports. You will need to take your which is available at the Registrar’s Many parents find it useful to return to them about what has happened; child’s NHS number with you. office and most funeral directors. to the hospital sometime after their they need honest and appropriate For more information please see Please check the details carefully so child’s death to talk to the staff who explanations in language that www.gov.uk/after-a-death. that you understand which costs the helped care for them. The ward they can understand which The Registrar will be able to help Department of Work and Pensions will write to you and invite you to acknowledges their loss. you complete the forms. (DWP) will cover. attend a meeting if you feel that Children are no different to adults would be helpful. when it comes to bereavement; Arranging the funeral there is no right way to react and Remembering The death of someone you love is It is important to contact the funeral every child will respond differently. Everyone will have their own ways a devastating experience and can It is important to remember though director of your choice as soon you to remember a child who has died. bring about very strong emotions. feel ready, so that they can start that children may not have the It is natural to want to talk about Even if you have known that your words to express their feelings and making arrangements on your behalf. them and look back at both the child was dying, there is still a sense You don’t have to wait until the death may show how they feel through happy and sad times. This does not of shock when the death occurs. their behaviour. certificate has been issued. make things worse. Members of the You may feel cold, numb or empty family, including young children or and you might experience anger, Most funeral directors are available You might also wish to seek the close friends, might appreciate a panic, guilt and sadness or feel support of a minister or priest, seven days a week and are usually photograph or a small object as a restless and find it hard to sleep. happy to visit you at home to help regardless of your religious beliefs. reminder. The ward staff can also You may become irritable or critical The hospital chaplains will be happy and advise you. You may wish to arrange for you to have hand and of yourself and others, which can contact several funeral directors to offer their support and/or put foot prints, or a lock of your child’s lead to feelings of despair. These are you in touch with a minister of your and compare prices before you hair, if you wish. natural reactions to bereavement make a decision, as prices for own denomination or faith. You can and are not a sign that you cannot contact them on 023 8120 8517 or funerals vary and some funeral cope anymore. directors make no charge to carry ask the ward staff to do it for you. out a child’s funeral. 8 When a child dies – Information for parents, families and carers 9

Organisations that can help CRUSE Bereavement Care Provides face-to-face, telephone, e-mail and website support. If you feel unable to see a way forward or would like to talk to someone about how you feel, there is a variety of Tel: 023 8023 2500 (South Hampshire branch) professional help and guidance available. The following Tel: 0844 477 9400 (National Helpline) telephone numbers may be helpful: Web: www.cruse.org.uk

Child Death Helpline Manned by bereaved parents who provide a listening service that offers Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society (SANDS) emotional support to all those affected by the death of a child. Provides support for bereaved parents when their baby dies at, or soon after, birth. Helpline: 0800 282986 Helpline: 020 7436 5881 Web: www.childdeathhelpline.org.uk Web: www.uk-sands.org Compassionate Friends Provide help and support for bereaved parents and their families. Child Funeral Charity Provides financial support to help with funeral costs, together with Helpline: 0845 123 2304 practical advice and guidance. Please speak to the ward that cared for your child or your funeral director who will be able to make a referral Web: www.tcf.org.uk on your behalf.

Tel: 01480 276088

Web: www.childfuneralcharity.org.uk 10 When a child dies – Information for parents, families and carers 11

Organisations for children Helpful books explaining death to children Muddles, Puddles and Sunshine by Diana Crossley, Hawthorn Press. and young people ISBN: 1869890582 Badger’s Parting Gifts by Susan Varley, Picture Lions. ISBN: 0006643175 Child Bereavement Charity Remembering My Brother by Ginny Perkins and Leon Morris, Provide support for bereaved children and teenagers. A & C Black. ISBN: 0713645415

Tel: 01494 568900 The Tenth Good Thing About Barney by Judith Viorst, Prentice Hall. ISBN: 0689712030 Web: www.childbereavement.org.uk

Books for parents and families CRUSE Bereavement Care The Bereaved Parent by Harriet Sarnoff Schiff, Souvenir Press Ltd. Helpline: 0808 808 1677 ISBN: 0285648918

RD4U web: www.RD4U.org.uk A Heartbeat Away by Flappy Lane-Thomas, The Child Bereavement Trust. ISBN: 095216616X

Simon Says Losing a Child: Explorations in Grief by Linda Hurcombe, Sheldon Press. ISBN: 0859698866 Provide information and support to bereaved children and their families throughout Hampshire.

Tel: 023 8064 7550 Useful contacts Paediatric intensive care unit (PICU): 023 8120 6972 Web: www.simonsays.org.uk Child health: 023 8077 7222 bleep 2209

Ocean ward (E1): 023 8120 6470

Psychology team: 023 8120 4657 or via PICU

Bereavement care team: 023 8120 4587 Bereavement care team University Hospital Southampton NHS Foundation Trust Victoria House (MP310) Tremona Road Southampton SO16 6YD Tel: 023 8120 4587

Web: www.uhs.nhs.uk/childhealth

If you need a translation of this document, an interpreter or a version in large print, Braille or on audio tape, please telephone 023 8120 4688 for help.

Version 2. Published September 2014. Due for review September 2017 . 2014-657 (2)