7 AC;T I - SCENE 1 No.1 Overture Seep. 85 IOrchestra) Music seg11es as one. No. 2 Sweet And Lowdown 5-.:e p. 85 (Jimmy, Jeannie, Cirls & Cuys)

Lights Up: A speakeasy in New York Cih;. JEANNIE leads a gaggle of CHORUS GIRLS. The surrounding tables are full of handsome YOUNG MEN. We are at a society bachelor party - rich boys having fun.

JEANNIE & GIRLS. Grab a cab and go down To where the band is playing; Where milk and honey flow down Where ev'ry one is saying "Blow that sweet and low-down!" Busy as a beaver, You'll dance until you totter; You're sure to get the fever For nothing could be hotter Oh, that sweet and low-down!

JEANNIE. (Over music) All right, peoples, peoples - listen up! Now this is a very sad occasion, 'cause tomorrow morning, our own Jimmy Winter is gettin' married for the third time!

JIMMY. (Stands up) Fourth time!

EVERYBODY cheers.

JlMMY. (Continued) But this time, I'm not marrying some cheap chorus girl!

JEANNIE & GIRLS. Awww.

JIMMY. Sorry, cheap chorus girls.

EVERYBODY cheers.

JIMMY. (sung) There's a cabaret in this city I can recommend to you; Peps you up like electricity When the band is blowing blue.

\:IC - l'rompt Book 8 .. I

(JJ MY. They play nothing classic, Oh no• Down there, They crave nothing e se Bu he low-down there I you need a on·c nd he need is chron c If you're in a crisis. my advice is }EA lE & L Grab a cab and go down Grab a cab and go down To where the band 1s playin : Where he band i playing; Where milk and honey flow down Where ev'ry one is sayin' E IR Blow Blow that eet and low-d wnl" Low low down t Busy as a beaver, Busy as a beaver. You'll dan e until you to er, Dance un ii you otter; You' e sure toge the fever Fo nothing could be hotter. For nothing could be hotter. Oh, Oh, tha swee and low-down! Phiosopherordeacon OooEe You simply have wea e Ooo Eee Hear those shuffling feet ear those huffling feet You can't keep your eat ou ca • eep your seat (sp. ;, rl1yll1m Professor Y ah? art your beat! T/1 rrnm r build nnd build . Jl :fY lt•nd tlir A (md GUYS in a bo

Come along, get in 1 Come a ong, get in it love he syncopa ion Love the syncopa ion, The minute hey begin it, The minute they begin it, You're shou ng to the nation: You're shouttng to the nation: Oh! Oh! That sweet and low-down! Low, low own! I said lo down Low, low own! Lowdown! Low, low down! That low down! That low down! Music segues on applause.

No. 2a Outside The Speakeasy Seep. 89 (Orchestra} The scene changes.

NIC - Prompt Book 9 ACT ONE - SCENE 2 A dimly lit dock, outside the speakeasy.

A slzadow11 figure appears, smoking a cigarette. A SPEAKEASY MANAGER enters. MANAGER . Hey, shake a leg, buddy! I need two more cases of giggle juice, pronto!

The man turns to reveal that he is actually BILLIE, dressed in men's clothing. The MANAGER exits. BILLIE . I'm hurryin', I'm hurryin'!

C OOKIE and DUKE enter. COOKIE . So Billie, how many more cases they buyin' ?

BILLIE. Two .. .

COOKIE. Just two?!

BILLIE. Yeah, take 'em in, Duke. DUKE. Okay, someone help me count. COOKIE . One, two - DUKE . Thank you!

D UKE exits into the speakeasy. COOKIE . And what're we gonna do with the other 400 cases we got on the boat? We been docked here for two days and we barely unloaded any of 'em. BILLIE . That's 'cause of the damn Feds are swarmin' all over Manhattan. You dirty screws!

A searchlight cu ts across the stage. C OOKIE ducks. COOKIE. Whoa! BILLIE. Hey coppers, we're providing a valuable service to the community! COOKIE. Whoa, whoa, easy, easy. Billie, you're the toughest bootlegger in the business, but we gotta use our noggins here. We gotta find a safe place to store the stash till the heat calms down.

DUKE rushes back on from the speakeasy. DUKE. Some guy's on my tail! I think he's a cop! I'll see ya!

NJC - Prompt Book TO

Kl . Ta care of him, Billi '

c IE auJ 0 t . ·1t as Ji. Y, hllPI tly dru11k 1md cnrryiri bottl , enter_ f MY. {a 11ella) Grab a cab a d go down To where the ban is ... ) He , fellah. Brtu y u y ' r oin ?

d . But t, I'm · g t u'r n at ah. Wh t' y urn m ? B.1 ever um d

JM II,

a cappeJln) Busy as a beaver

BIL I

JIMM 81 ? JI M

? BILLJ

JIMMY. D n't w, Bl U . I right, time for you to hightail it here. JI Y. Oh no, you're falling in love with m , aren't you?

BILLIE. Oh yeah, I never knew it c uld be this good. JIMMY. Oh, please don't fall in love with me.

BILLIE. Hey, love is for suckers!

JIMMY. Then I'm a sucker w'th a swank Manhattan penthouse and a huge Long Island beach house that I never ever, ever, ever use. JI

NIC - Prompt Book 1 l

Bnr Ir. A huge Long Island beach house vou ''ever use1

No. 3 Nice Work If You Can Get It 1J1111m11

BlLLJE. (c)'''" ;1111:;ic) The one on Bayville Lane?

fMMY. That's it'

BILLIE. All right now take a powder

JIMMY The man who BILLIE. (c;pokcn) only lives tor making money Oh, boy Lives a life that isn't necessarily sunny. Likewise the man who works tor tame There's no guarantee that time won't erase his name. Oh 1 I ]l)ve drunk rich people The fact is, The only work that really brings enjoyment Is the kind that is for girl and boy meant. Fall in love, you won't regret it, That's the best work of all you can get it 1f Some people have to work for a living. Holding hands at midnight, Hey, no touchin' 1 'Neath a starry sky, Nice work if you can get rt, And you can get it if you try.

Strolling with the one girl, Sighing sigh after sigh. Nice work if you can get it, And you can get it if you try.

Just imagine someone Waiting at the cottage door, Where two hearts become one, Who could ask for anything more?

Loving one who loves you. And then taking that vow. Nice work if you can get it And if you get it, won't you tell me how?

J1MMY. C'mon, Never-You-Mind, dance with me1

\.[( - i'rnmpt Kon~ 12 Act One - Scene 2

BILLIE. I don't know nothin' about no dancin'.

JIMMY . Perfect! Me neither!

(sung) Nice work if you can get it, (Whistles) And you can get it if you try.

Dance.

Loving one who loves you, And then taking that vow. S'nice work if you can get it, And if you get it. Won't you tell me how?

It looks as if JIMMY is about to lean in and kiss BILLIE, but instead, he passes out as music ends.

BILLIE. Whoa! You all right there, uh, uh .. . (Looks in JIMMY'S wallet to get his name.) Jimmy Winter.

Music in.

No. 4 Nice Work If You Can Get It (Reprise) see p. 92 (Billie)

BILLIE. (Over music) You're a funny kind of guy Jimmy Winter.

(sung) Just imagine someone Waiting at the cottage door, Where two hearts become one, Who could ask for anything more? (Whistles.)

Nice work if you can get it And if you get it, won't you tell me .. .

A police siren screams. JEANNIE rushes on.

JEANNIE. Ah! The coppers are raidin' the joint! Everybody scram!

Music segues.

No. 4a Raidin' The Joint See p. 92 (Orchestra)

JEANNIE. (Over music) Ah!

The panicked DENIZENS of the speakeasy run on, racing across the dock and sweeping JIMMY away with them. Music continues under dialogue.

,!\;IC - Prompt Book \_ 1 ll)klF Bingol Where:

KI! 111 long Island'

Bl\!. IF Wait' I gotta find Jirnmy 1

1 "-' Who':-.. lirnm

!)II l.ll r!w m

( OOKlf· What're you talkin' about? We're crooks, Wt' don't rdurn things

111!·1 \l lf/c;/11,..;11•11111111'<,,;t1J'l11>1/1) l'h1s 1:-.. the police: We have the plan· surroundc•d 1 Ex,·t>pl for the back'

CoOKI! l mon 1

No. 4b Chief Berry Enters

Bil.I IF DL.'Kl and ((JOKI! rns/J oft a.c; t/1c '-

«.. H!Fl Ah, iu:-,t missed them agam, Senator Ew'rgreen'

')r·~,-, i OJ~ /\nd vou re certain they were Brov.-nbeard .., henchmen /

H''' Yep. they were in that speakeasy. c.aucin' up the party of some plastered plavbov

-;F '< 'UP ln1 up tor re-elect?un, Chief. \Vt' must \.atch then•' So f'-, e brought al.mg the most nghteous wornan I knnv,- 2 1 ·p 93 . 5

TO . ( m n'

than any ne

OUCH s. UJI ) Demon rum. We'll efface you Demon rum. You disgrace. you You're an evil too many men crave!

Devil s brew, Satan's nectar• Soon shall you Be a specter! For we re digging your liquory grave! SENA o & CHIEF. (Sp. in rhythm ) Down! Down with sinl Alcohol we'll thro le. When we win The ba tie of the bO le.

11 r mu i ) l adnure y ur w r , ma'm. CHI . ( myVice uad. u'll reall The ud hey proct VICE SQUAD. o uc Demon rum! Demon rum, We'll efface you! Demon rum! Demon rum, You disgrace, you! Rum, rum, You're an ev\ Rum, many men crave! Too many men crave! They crave that demon. Devil's brew! Devil's bre , Satan's nectar! Soon shall you Soon shall you be a specter! Dig! Dig! For we're digging Dig! Uquory grave! Your liquory grave! Gonna dig that grave!

NIC - Prompt Book (DL'CHF5S ) VJCF SQUAD, SENATO!,: & ' H!EF Down with sin 1 Down' Alcohol we'll throttle. When we win When we win The battle of the bottle The battle of the bottle

Demon rum. Oh, that You're a goner' demon, demon. Demon rum, Down with On my honor, demon, demon, Lips that taste of wine Lips that taste of wine Shall never touch Shall never touch

Mine' Demon rum, Down with demon rum, Down with Down . Demon! Demon' Demon! Demont Demont Demon rum t With demon rumt Rumt

/l!lz.1~h segues 011 npplausr

No. Sa Jimmy's Beach House seep. 96 !Urcheqra)

The scene changes. 1

Jimmy'

rmticolly n1sl1 back and rtli, loadin crat ri1 I on, n aring a butler' '"" rm.

ya . a? lm llin' th eel ! 0 y

u et ri th m tw :rv that a h re' ?

?

?

y u W dan • I with him?

DUKE.

BI LI 0 y!

COOKIE. y!

BILLIE. yl D Coo y! Ok y! Li ten you two's, w otta keep our heads here. are real tumin' up the heat, and B be r just sent us t hipment of lau hin' syrup ever! So stop your yappin' unload th h r crates! Okay?

BILLIE. Okay!

DUKE. Okay!

COOKIE. Okay!

NIC - Prompt Book Act One - Scene 3 17

No. Sb Eileen Enters Seep. 96 (Orchestra )

As they ALL rush off, JIMMY and EILEEN e11ter. JIMMY carries a "Just Married" suitcase.

JIMMY. Okay! Mom's place. EILEEN. Okay.

COOKIE sees them from the house and enters. COOKIE. Oh, boy! Who are you two? JIMMY. Ah yes, you must be the butler the agency sent over. COOKIE. Why would I be the butler? (Realizes) Because I'm wearin' the butler's uniform, son-of-a ... ! JIMMY. I'm Jimmy Winter and this is my mother's beach house.

COOKIE. Whoa! But I thought you never use this place! EILEEN. Now then, servant, take these bags to my room. COOKIE. Fat chance, sister. JIMMY. How dare you talk to my wife that way!

EILEEN. Jimsy, I don't even think this person realizes who he's in the presence of. JIMMY . Why, this is Eileen Evergreen, the finest interpreter of modem dance in the whole world! Why she's so brilliant, when she steps on stage, no one has any idea what she's doing. EILEEN. So little person, when we require you, with what name shall we beckon? COOKIE . Cookie McGee, that's right, Cookie. JIMMY. Oh sweetheart, who cares, it's our honeymoon! EILEEN. Oh Jimsy, kiss me! JIMMY. Finally! EILEEN. False alarm! I need breakfast first! JIMMY. McGee, have your wife make breakfast fast!

COOKIE. Sure thing, 'cept I ain't married. JIMMY. But the agency telegrammed that you and your wife arrived this morning.

'\IC - Prompt Book l

ya m n JIM m t be de a tat ! c u b c y u.r cell r? , can l u? E.

}IMM . l ha ttl

, l ave i y u th re'

It.

y lat , ti ti lia s) h, j z.

1 unhappily gra till' bn and exits.

}lMMY.

tome! nt papers yesterday., I'm a free man! EIL

JIMMY. Yes! (' EILEEN. No! I need to bathe · t. And thence, this body - the most celebrated body in the Americ theatre - you will be the first man to ever touch it.

JIMMY. Really?

EILEEN. Give or take.

NIC - Prompt Book Act One - Scene 3 19

No. Sc Eileen Exits Seep. 96 (Orchestra)

EILEEN exits as BILLE rushes on, carrying a crate. BILLIE. Hi, Jimmy. JIMMY. Hiya.

BILLIE. (Stopping short) Jimmy? No, you're not supposed to be here! JIMMY. Have we met? BILLIE. Yeah, last night. That's when you told me you never, ever use this place! JIMMY. Boy, was I loaded! Well, nice to see you again, uh ... BILLIE. Gertrude. JIMMY. Of course! Hey, can I help you with that crate? BILLIE. No! It's just, uh, books. JIMMY. What're you, like a college gal? BILLIE. Yeah, right. JIMMY. Which college? BILLIE. Oh, that, um ... big one. With the ivy. JIMMY. Harvard? BILLIE. Okay. JIMMY . I was kicked out of Harvard. Also Yale, Rutgers and a few others. I'm not book smart. BILLIE. Are you street smart? JIMMY. No, just rich and good-looking, turns out, that's enough. So what're you doing here? BILLIE. Never you mind. JIMMY. Hey, now I remember! BILLIE. What do you remember? JIMMY. I remember kissing you. BILLIE. Nope, never happened. JIMMY . You sure?

NIC - Prompt Book ...... ______~

20 Act One - Scene 3

BILLIE. Trust me, I ain't never been kissed . (BILLI JIMMY. How tragic! Do you know what you've been missing? BILLIE. Yeah. Three seconds of nothin'. D UKf JIMMY. Listen to me, Gertrude, I am a mature and responsible married man now, so what I am about to do is for educational purposes only, I will derive absolutely no pleasure from this. BILL No. Sd Jimmy & Billie Kiss Seep. 96 (Orchestra)

JIMMY takes BILLIE in his arm and kisses her. Gershwin's "Rhapsody In Blue" plays. JIMMY. So was that educational? BILLIE kisses JIMMY. "Rhapsody In Blue" plays again. They pull apart and gaze at one another for an extended moment. EILEEN. (offstage) Jimsy! JIMMY . Well, the love of my life calls. BILLIE . But you don't really love her. JIMMY . What? Who said that? BILLIE. You did last, oh, um, no, I'm mistaken.

JIMMY . You're a funny kind of girl, Gertie. I really hope I see you around. And I hope you learned something here today.

JIMMY exits.

No. 6 Someone To Watch Over Me Seep. 97 (Billie)

BI LLIE. There's a saying old, Says that love is blind. Still we're often told, "Seek and ye shall find." So I'm going to seek A certain lad I've had in mind. Looking ev'rywhere, Haven't found him yet. He's the big affair I will not forget Only man I'll never Think of with regret.

0:1C ··Prom pl Book Act One - Scene 3 21

(BILLIE) I'd like to add his initial to my monogram. Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

DUKE rushes on.

DUKE. (OPer music) Billie, I think the Feds are on our tail! Take my gun! Shoot to kill!

DUKE rushes off leaving BILLIE holding the gun. BILLIE. There's a somebody I'm longing to see. I hope that he turns out to be Someone who'll watch over me. I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood. I know I could always be good To one who'll watch over me. Although he may not be the man some Girls think of as handsome, To my heart he'll carry the key. Won't you tell him please to put on some speed, Follow my lead. Oh, how I need Someone to watch over me. Someone to watch over me.

Music segues on applause. No. 6a Ritzy Bathroom Seep. 98 (Orchestra) The scene changes.

NJC - Prumpt Book 22

ubblc• bntl1.

rLEE uffl ! JIMMY. ? Et

JIMMY h m Wint r, pam r! t, t, tl

M1 i i11 a· JIM . 7 Delishiou p. h ru-.)

amp r, pam , p r! (H Id up Jinn m · int it ) h, il n.

1111 ) Wha can I say To sing my praise of you? I mu t eveal the hings I feel. They've said you're marvelous, They've said you're wonder ul· And ye hat's no r Now le me see, thin I've o itl

I'm o delishrous And so capr shious. I grow ambishious To have you care for me

In that connecshlon, ou 're y se ecs ton or rue affecshion For aJI the time o be. 0 he's had one, o, three tour five Six, seven, e gh , nine. en girls before; Bu now there's on , and Im the one The on he do adore,

I - P mp Boo '!

·cause I'm delishious. And so caprish1ous. If Im repetishious. it's cause I'm so delishious

110.~ You're so delish1ous EJLf::E'-. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And so caprishious: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I grow ambishious Lala lalala To have you care La :ala la la for me. in that connecshion Me me me me me me me' Ah. Ah ah! You're my selecshion Ah ah 1 For true affecshion Ahl For all the time Ah! to be' Ah. me! Oh, he's had one, two. three, Four. five, six, seven. eight. nine. Ten girls before; But now there's one. And I'm the one, One he does adore. The one he does adore MEN (O(f) 'Cause you're Gans. EILEEN. Delishious, Delishious You're delish' And so caprishious Caprishious And so capnsh t If I'm repetishious, You're repet1shious You're repetishious. It's 'cause I'm so 'Cause you are so 'Cause you are so Delishioust Delishious' Delishiousi Delishious! Delishious1 Delishious' Dellshioust Delishiousl Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hat The scene changes. No. 7a Ritzy Living Room Seep I03 10rchestraJ

.'d( l'n>mpt Boo~ 24

ACT ONCE - SCENE 5 c The ritzy living room. B

COOKIE en ters, angrily mopping.

COOKIE. (Under his breath) I know, I'll wear the butler uniform in case Jr the cops come snoopin'! Of all the stupid ideas I ever had. c The doorbell rings. Music stops. Jr Someone wanna get the door! (Realizes ) Jumpin' butterballs!

COOKIE goes to get the door but C HIEF BERRY bursts in. CHIEF. All right, butler, listen up! I'm Chief Bartholomew Berry, L.I.P.D! And I got inside info that dangerous bootleggers are hidin' out 'round here. COOKIE. What?! You know what they look like? C< CHIEF . All we know is they're ugly. You seen anyone like that? JI~ COOKIE . Nope, well thanks for droppin' by. C< CHIEF. Servant, I see fear in your eyes. Well fear not! You are safe here. For I will find JI I\ them, and when I do, I will shoot them, and I will kill them. Have a nice day. CHIEF BERRY exits as BILLIE enters. N BILLIE. Cookie! COOKIE. Billie, did you just hear that flat foot? He means business! BILLIE. Yeah, we gotta keep distractin' everyone away from that cellar! C11 Especially that Jimmy Winter! JIM COOKIE. You know what distracts that pair of pants more than anything? Dames! Co

BrLLIE. Then we'll get us a dame! .• \\ en COOKIE. Great! Where? JIM BILLIE. Let's think! JEA COOKIE. Okay! Got it! JI M BILLIE . What? Ro :: COOKIE. You' re a dame! Uh, no, we need a dame. }rM; BILUE . Well, I can be a dame! Cookie, I'm gonna distract Jimmy Winter! Yeah, I'm gonna get me some of them stockings, paint my mug, slink around all sultry like, and then I'll distract him with my female stuff! So what do you think of this?

.'\! IC - Prompt Book Act One - Scene 5 25

BILLIE over-puckers her lips and rolls her shoulder. COOKIE. Something wrong with your shoulder? BILLIE. I got this!

BILLIE rushes off JIMMY enters. JIMMY. McGee, is my wife still in the bath? COOKIE. Yep, and this telegram came for ya. JIMMY. Oh, probably congratulations on my latest marriage! (Takes the telegrams and reads.) "Once again, you have deeply disappointed me." (Looks up, excited) It's from Mother! (Reads) "This isn't the way I taught you to live, you simpleton. You've got your father's glorious profile. Unfortunately, like him, you're also a complete imbecile. Love, Mother." Boy, I miss her! Hey McGee, have you seen a funny kind of girl around here? COOKIE. How funny? JIMMY. Just different funny. COOKIE. You mean Billie? JIMMY. No, that wasn't her name.

No. 7b Chorus Girls Enter Seep. 103 (Jeannie & Girls)

COOKIE starts to exit as JEANNIE and CHORUS GIRLS enter. GIRLS. Hiya, Jimmy! JIMMY. Hi, girls. COOKIE. I'm Cookie .. GIRLS. Hi Cookie!

JIMMY. (Pushing Cookie off> Bye-a, Cookie. JEANNIE. We were just in the neighborhood, wondered if you'd care to go for a swim?

JIMMY. Gee, I don't know. Did you bring your bathing suits? ROSIE. Who needs a bathing suit?

JIMMY. Oh, I like where this is going. But perhaps seven girls and no bathing suits isn't a good idea for a newlywed.

NIC - Prompt Book 26 Act One - Scene 5

No. 8 I've Got To Be There Seep. 103 (Jimmy, Jeannie & Chorus Girls)

JIMMY. When I keep seeing things and going places, My life has color; Without new songs, Without new friends and faces 'Twould be much duller. Whenever people step up To say, "let's step tonight" If I've been low, I pep up; Again the future's bright! Whenever there's a party I can go to, It makes the world seem right! When music is playing And couples are swaying, Say! I've got to be there! I've got to be there! When joy's in the making And ceilings are shaking, And there's never a care, I've got to be there! Check my hat And throw the stub away, I'm a lamb Who's gone astray! When bottles are popping And dignity's dropping, And the women are fair I've got to be there! Dance.

JIMMY. I've got to be there!

FLO & MIDGE.

You've got to be there! { ( Dance.

JIMMY. I've got to be there!

JEANNIE & ROSIE. You 've got to be there! Dance.

NIC - Prompt Book 27

JI MMY. (Spokcn) Lindbergh me, ladies!

The CiRLS lift Jl\.1MY nnd ,·arn; hill! 11 cro:.s the room. ALL. When bottles are popping { ' ~ '· And dignity's dropping, ~ And the women are fair .~ ·;; JIMM Y. :1' I've got to be there! :4 ";f GIRLS. You've get to be there' ~ ~ ~ Dance. II ROSIE DOTTIE. 1 JEANN fE, & 1i" Check his hat, -~ Just his hat 1 And throw the stub away, He's a lamb Just a little lamb Who's gone astray! I A LL.. When bottles are popping And dignity's dropping And the women are fair JIMMY I've got to be there! I JEANN IE & G IR LS . You 've got to be there' You 've got to be there! You 've got to be there! I've got to be there' You 've got to be there! You 've got to be there! You 've got to be there' I've got to be there! You 've got to be there! You've got to be there! You 've got to be there! I've got to be You 've got to be The C HORUS G IRLS, who are no longer wearing much, have their hands all over JIMMY, undressing him as C OOKIE steps out on the landing above. COOKfE. Announcing the end of the bath of H er Cleanliness. (Noticing the girls) Holy cow, boss, the missus is done with her suds! JIM MY . Quick girls, hide!

JEANNIE. But wait! H ow will w e know when the coast is clear?

JIM MY. Right! You com e out when you hear m e shout the word "love."

GIRLS. (Drea mily) Love.

C OOKIE . Scram, scra m, scram ...

\:JC Prompt Book 0

JIM r 'tzy

C 1. tumin down fimm 1 0111 id tlrn I! a t nn. JI l'JY ent r • Bn Jl I tum in, I just' ant to of rn JIM 0 01 Bn

}Itv id i I a Bn

Ju, IMM . Invr Br

BI ttl ? Jn

JI Jll c t ha a Bl Jl JIMMY. ? B

Coo I . But nah, you c uJd never run a racket this size, y 'd ha to work for a Ii ·ng.

JIMMY. h, I've read about people who work for a living.

COOKIE. Ye ~ well nightie night, boss. B JIMMY. Love you.

COOKIE. Love you, too.

NIC - Prompt Book Act One - Scene 6 31

COOKIE flips off the main light and exits. SFX: Offstage gun shot.

JIMMY. McGee! That sounded like gunfire! McGee!

SFX: a crack of thunder. The lights go out and a moment later, the lights go back on. BILLIE (dimly lit) is standing over JIMMY and pointing a gun at him.

BILLIE. Don't move!

JIMMY. My goodness, it's a girl!

BILLIE. And I've got a gun!

JIMMY. (putting his hands up) It's a girl with a gun!

BILLIE. And this girl knows how to use it!

SFX: thunder. JIMMY grabs the gun from BILLIE.

JIMMY. Aha! Hands up!

BILLIE. It's not loaded!

JIMMY. I should've guessed!

JIMMY hands BILLIE back the gun.

BILLIE. (points it at him again) I lied!

JIMMY. (throwing his hands back up) Ah!

BILLIE turns on a light and gets a clear look at JIMMY.

JIMMY. Holy mackerel! It's Gertie! And you're packin' a pistol.

BILLIE. (lowering the gun) Sorry, I just had to make sure this was your bedroom.

JIMMY. I understand. No, I don't. Why would you want to break into my bedroom?

BILLIE To show you this ...

No.10 Treat Me Rough Seep. 107 (Billie)

Music in. BILLIE removes her raincoat. She is all dolled up and can barely remain upright standing in her heels.

BILLIE. (In fermata) Slink, slink, bat the eyes, bat the eyes, shake the hips, shake the hips, female stuff, female stuff ...

BILLIE begins to pucker her lips in and out and move her shoulder.

NIC - Prompt Book 2

n ethin wron Yi y Treat m rough Muss my hair, Don't you dare to han le me wi h care. r m no innocent child, baby, Keep on treating me wild Treat me rough, Pinch my cheek. Kiss and hug and squeeze me till I'm ea I've been pampered enough, bab Keep on reating me rough JIM 1Y, but lu:. - t mbl Q II , pltli

reat me rough, Pinch my cheek. ·ss and hug and sq eeze me till rm weak. I've been pampered enough baby, Keep on treating me rough Keep on trea1ing me Keep on treating me o gh! reat me rough! pl urr und

in

81 I ?

JIM . V m fLLI exit mto the tJnll1 m

d tli b hroom doo a:; HlE · B R Y burst in. c [ .

J IMM Y ' who? ! Wher ' he Ii le bootl I com in e fyourwind

Jt MY. Bootl r?l A ash from the batJ room.

, I - Pro pt ( Hf FT :\ ' \Nhu '•in tlit•re

1 ! \1\J\ Thit' f'l1af:.. upi1;c. usi m,11T1ed thi" n111rnin,~ 111\ l!t°\\ \\ik'

CHIEF Ht·v that makes thi." vnur Wt>cldin1e; night

CH!FF ( )l \vait, J'm in the \vav. ,1in't I'

]11\.11\lY Uh, veah

CHrH Ah no, I'm iike a third wheeJI

J1rv11\;n Thc1r.., right, b-bye.

(I JIH. Uh gosh, I am so L'mbarrassed

JIMMY. Okav, bbw

l l JIFI I'm alwzw..., doin' stuff like thJ:-.

lHIU lt.., 1.vhy l nvver get 111vited anywhere

IIMMY Hev, what's behind that do<1rl

ff.\1'vJY Y\)U

fit\l\1Y sl!lms fir!' door n1 ( 1111.1 Buun ·.., fi1L1' B111 il l'11fn, /1.'\1\!l Coast is clear

811 I IF Well, I guess the scam is up, so

B11u1 hexins to !eaz>c }iMMY Wait a rninute1 At least tell me this, whv on earth would a Harvard girl becorne a bootlegger)

BiLLfF Oh, vou know tuition

JI 'vHv! Y Don' t go.

B1u IE Didn't vou hear the man:> I rn a criminal

IJMl\;!y ".Jot to me, Certic. To me you re JUSt a hard-workmg girl putting hersdl thruugh college. And I've never met anyone like you. Hey Gertie, ! have a confession to make You know when f kissed you this afternoon and I said I wouldn't derive anv Pleasure frorn it B1 eriv d pl e? JH y ,, BIL JIM Bn I . H wd m m re pie u e?

Ji If ow if IL 81 Lf • th ? IM h e he f und ut IL

IM

IL I uld ju t ki BO'. HI 1- B Y bu m. CH Hf c min with m , . th JIM JMM a terribJ t atm !

BIL BIL I ow m ing, ... lock her up! BO' BrLL .

JI ht, and I'm i f it! · hat I'm l 1 · 'about? JIM I LJ . 11 BIL he le hing See p.108 1mmy, Billie & Chief Berry) JIM JIMMY. You ay eet er, and I say eyether; BIL BILLIE. (spoken) Huh? : \ .. JIM JIMMY. You say ne er, and I say nyther; t W

(spoken under his brenth, to BlLLIE). Follow along. Eether, eyether, neether, nyther, Bu Let's call the whole thing off! Cn (spoken) C' mon now. Bn

NIC - Prompt Book Act ( lnc Scl'nc h 35

(sung) You like potato and I like . BILLIE. Po-tah-to

JIMMY. (spoken) Yeah! (sung) You like tomato, and I like BILLIE. To-mah-to JIMMY. Potato

BILLIE. Po-tah-to JIMMY. To-mato BILLIE. To-mah-to BOTH. Let's call the whole thing off!

CHIEF. (spoken) Fine, it's off and she's comin' with me! JIMMY. But oh' if we call the whole thing off, Then we must part. BOTH. And oh! If we ever part, Then that might break my heart'

BILLIE. So, if you like pajamas, and I like - Pa-jah-mas! I'll wear pajamas - And give up pa-jah-mas! BOTH. For we know we Need each other so we Better call the calling off off. Let's call the whole thing off. JIMMY. Officer, I knew this girl was special the day we met. BILLIE. But then this jerk made me fall for him even though he was already taken - twice! JIMMY. So we got into this big fight, sort of like the one we're having now, until she let me explain myself. Remember my explanation, honey? BILLIE. No.

JIMMY. I said how could you blame me for being married to other people when I hadn't even met you yet. Why, if I met you first, you would've been the only one I ever would have married. Easy. BILLIE. Ya mean that? CHIEF. Hold on. That still don't solve your problem. BILLIE. What problem?

\:JC·· Prompt Book 36

CH!EF. (s 1111g) She says laughter, and you say lawfter You say after. and he says awfterl

CHIEF . Laughter Bl LLIL Laughter j!MMY. Lawfter Lawfter After After Awfter Awfter c( JI MMY & BILLIE. Let's call the whole thing off I

BIL LlE. I like vanilla, and you like vanella,

JIMM Y You sasparilla, and I sasparella;

BILLIE. Van illa De JIMMY. Vanella Co CHIEF . Choc'late' Strawb'ry'

JIMMY & BILLIE. DL.., Let's call the whole thing off!

CHIEF. But oh! If you call the whole thing off, Then you must part . ) EA And oh! If you ever part. Cci Then that might break my heart. JEA Au. THREE. So , if you go for oysters, and I go for ersters. , _ I'll order oysters, and cancel the ersters.

CHTEF . For you know you C 1_) 1 Need each other, so you 1 Better call the calling-off off . f F., ' ' (s poken ) Have a sw ell honeym oon, you two' And don' t you 's w orry, 1 got the whole Co l place surrounded, so no one's gettin' in or outta this bedroom tonight.

CHIEF B ERR Y 1ui11ks at the11111 11d C.rtts. J l ;\ JI M MY & BI LLI E. Let 's call the whole thing ... Cl. )1.

JrMM Y. Gertie, I know we iust met, but 1 a lready love you more than a ny of m y wives. ]E/, ;

Jl\H vf'r & BrL L! i: ki ss 11.;:, 11111 sic fi11ishes Mu sic ,;t'g ucs t1 11 a pp/au > f) L. ~

No. lla Cookie Staggers In Sec I' 7 11 ('.( )<. (( )rchl''1 tJ«l J Du

I E;\ ... 37 ACT ONE - SCENE 7 The front lawn.

COOKIE staggers on, takes a swig. COOKIE. Oh boy, that's some good gin.

DUKE enters. DUKE. Cookie! COOKIE . Duke, what you

Cookie. She's been here, tryin' to scam the mark. I tell ya, though, this lover boy's got some set-up. You should see the dames that hang around here. Holy cow! DUKE. Dames make me nervous. I ain't no good with dames.

JEANNIE enters. JEANNIE. I'm lookin' for Jimmy? He still married? COOKIE. The guy's only been married twenty-four hours. JEANNIE. Al1 right, I'll try back tomorrow.

JEANNIE begins to leave. COOKIE. Hey, you seem like a classy dame who's lookin' for a handsome fellow to love. JEANNIE. And what's it to a tiny little butler like you? COOKIE. Nothin'. But my friend over here ...

JEANNIE gives the once over to DUKE.

~-:. JEA NNIE . Eh. Sorry, not interested. COOKIE. That's too bad, Duke!

JEANNIE. (stops) Duke? Duke of what? ( DUKE. Naw, ya see it's just that my name is .. . ··~ COOKIE. The Duke of England!

DUKE & JEANNIE. What?! COOKIE. That's right! Duke of England, please meet ...

JEA NN IE. The very available Miss Jeannie Muldoon. A pleasure.

N JC - Prompt Book 1 l ln I I' 7

Du oww minut ... J

J II,

! I al a . ant hav ab ut!

. , I! . J! ..

' tum-; aro11 1d fcl ' l't' J \ 1 • th , · ·du 11 ·Iv >.· •11. ms

n d ?

IF in, th th ? IE to brut ! H w Ill b.) ?•

2 I 't p 112 (j nm· Du •

ff Tell me. tell me. what id ou do to me? in'. I jus got a thrill hat was new to me, When your wo hp were pr sed o mine. u u y u . ' When you held me. I asn't nuggling, You should now I really was trugghng. u w r n't

) A IE . I ve only met you. and I shouldn't let you, but .. Oh, do 1t agai . UKE. wh t again? 39

I may say. "No. no. no, no, no·· But do it again. DUKE. Someone help me. }EANJ\,'IE. My lips just ache to have you take The kiss that's waiting for you. You know if you do You won't regret it, come and get it. Oh, no one is near, DUKE. l really should head back to England now. JEANNIE. I may cry, "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh" But no one will hear. Mama may scold me 'Cause she told me it is naughty, but then, Oh, do it again, Please do it again.

Dance break. as ]EA'.\:NIE sed11cr•.;; DUKF Boop boop boo boo boo, Boo boop boo Boo bah boo Boop boop boo wah Oh! Oh! JEANNIE lzu111s. You know if you do You won't regret it, Come and get it. (starts to walk away) DUKE. Uh ... (heads for the door) (sung) Oh, do it again,

JEANNIE. (spoken) Sing it, Dukie!

DUKE. I may say, "No, no, no, no. no" But do it again. JEANNIE Mama may scold me 'Cause she told me it is naughty, but then, BOTH. Oh, do it again, Please do it again. JEANNIE. (spoken) How big's your kingdom? DUKE. It's huge! Music stops

.'-' tC Prom pt flnok 40

JIM ACT ONE - SCENE 8 BIL The ritzy living room. JIM No 12a Billie Floats In Seep.114 BIL (Orchestra) BILLIE enters, practically floating in. JIM BILLIE. Tomato! Tom-a-toh! Brt Chocolate, strawberry ... COOKIE enters from the cellar. COOKIE . Hey, Billie good news! All is safe and sound in the cellar. So how' d the distracting go? Bn BILLIE. Fantastic, Cookie, I was distracting him all night! Jnv COOKIE. Whoa, Billie, you didn't go and ... BIT BILLIE. No, no, we just mostly talked! He told me all about his life as a wealthy playboy, Jnv and I told him all about mine as a bootlegging honors student from Harvard. Bii COOKIE. Okay, okay, say that last part again. Jrrv BILLIE . You know, he's really not that bad of a guy. COOKIE. Holy cow, you ain't fallin' for this joker? N BILLI E. What? Me? No! I'm a professional here. JIMMY. (offstage) McGee, my breakfast!! }It\ COOKIE. All right, while I'm scrambling Valentino's eggs, give him this telegram. It's from a Ginger. BILLIE grabs the telegram and reads it. BILLI E. That's one of his wives! COOKIE. Are you listenin' to yourself? "One of his wives?" "i ! BILLIE. Hey, Ginger signed the annulment papers! :\ COOKIE. And what's that got to do with you? BILLI E. Nothin'. I'm just, ya know, happy for him. COOKIE. Oh, I'm gettin' a bad feelin' about this. BILLIE. Cookie, c'mon, I'm

:.: re .... Prompt Book Act One - Scene 8 41

JIMMY. There's my, girl! BILLIE. Jimmy, I gotta ask ya, all those pretty things you said to me last night were they just lies? JIMMY . Oh, I'd never lie to you, Gertie! Just like I know you'd never lie to me. BILLIE. Yeah, about that, see, you know how I told ya the whole truth about me? Well, the whole truth is only partly true. JIMMY. Oh, thank goodness you're not a wanted bootlegger felon! BILLIE. No, that's the true part. See, the not true part is ... my name's not Gertrude. It's Billie, Billie Bendix. And I come from a long line of nothin'. And I never went to no Harvard. And I got a bunch of gin stashed in your cellar. JIMMY turns away, as if he's upset. BILLIE. Jimmy? JIMMY. Well, to tell you the truth, I suspected you never went to Harvard. BILLIE. You did? JIMMY. You see, there are no girls at Harvard. BILLIE. You crumb! Why didn't you say somethin'! JIMMY . 'Cause I was afraid if I did I'd never see you again.

No.13 'S Wonderful Seep. 114 (Jimmy & Billie) JIMMY. (Over music) Billie, I'm not exactly certain if I have one wife or two wives, but if you agree to be my fourth or maybe fifth wife. I promise you, you'll be the one I'm with for the rest of my life. (Sung) Life has just begun, Jack has found his Jill, Don't know what you 've done, But I'm all a-thrill. How can words express Your divine appeal? You can never guess All the love I feel. From now on, lady, I insist. For me no other girls exist. BOTH. 'S wonderful! 'S marvelous! You should care for me! 'S awful nice! 'S paradise! 'S what I love to see! JIMMY. You 've made my life so glamorous, You can't blame me for feeling amorous! I

N IC ·- Prompt Book 81 Oh ! 'S wonderful TM tY. ·s marvelous! BOTH. That you should care for me! BILLIE. Don' mind elling you In my humble f ash, That you thnll me through With a ender pash. When you said you car , 'Magine my emosh: I swore then and there Permanent devosh. You made all other boys seem blah, Just you alone filled me with Aah H (nit mntiu 'S wonderful! 'S marvellous You should care for me• S awful nice! 'S paradise! 'S what I love to seel BOT1f. My dear, it's four leaf clover time. From now on my hear's working overtime! S wonderful! 'S marvelous! That you should care to ...

I M a11d 1 r da11u bu 11n111/y arrd '011, II as two FtJpl in love. BOTH. You 've made my life so g amorous, You can' blame me for f e ling amorous! 'S wonderful! 'S marvelou I Tha you should care or ...

D1111 • Mu i 11druJ.e:; thet1 u on plnuse. ILE ttnl No.1 d Seep. 118

Music pauses. J EILEEN. 'S me! '" J IMM . Eileen! What are you d ing here?! EILEEN. I've got a better question. Who is this happy, pretty person? J JIMMY. Oh, why this is, um ...

The DUCHESS enters. Music cont111u DUCHESS. I smell demon rum! J

NIC - Prompt Book -IJ

EILEEN. Oh Jimmy, this is my Auntie Estonia, the Duchess of Woodford and noted prohibitionist! DL'CHESS. I came back to these shores to search for bootleggers! Never did 1 expect to find a bigamist!

JIMMY. Now, I can explain.

COOKIE enters aird BILLIE s11c11ks off COOKIE. Whaddya know, whaddya say, no more visitors! l ain't makin' no more omelets' DUCHESS. And exactly who are you? COOKIE. Unfortunately, the butler. And exactly who are you? DUCHESS. The Duchess of Woodford' COOKIE. Yeah, did ya bring your duke with ya? DUCHESS. My husband passed on shortly after we were married. COOKIE. So he got lucky. D UC HESS. l beg your ...

No. 13b Evergreen Enters See p. 11 8 (Orchvstra l

SENATOR EVERGREEN enters. SENA TOR. There you are, you animal!

JIMMY. Senator Evergreen, I can explain! SENATOR. You'll have plenty time to explain from the state penitentiary!

JIMMY. Senator Evergreen, I can't hold my liquor! And one night I had a few drinks and the next thing I know ... I woke up married to Ginger. This woman I barely knew! DU CHESS. Another victim of demon rum!

JIMMY. Yes, that's good. I'm a victim! SENA TOR. But I'm in the midst of a re-election campaign! I have no choice but to put out a warrant for your arrest'

JIMMY. You can't do that! SENATOR. I can, too! I'm also a judge!

JIMMY. You're a senator and a judge? SENATOR. And a reverend.

\; IC - Prompt Book Bl H· . ' them t ral man in meri a! d y u're the tw man!

OUCHE • Butl r, I u n a I on

C. 'IF. to have a dream.

JIMMY Get h r

[ Jl M m ' J: SE ur ham m au ht r u d. E

I 0 e dB. te p. 11 I

TH VI llSI to I jJMM Wh a!

SENATOR. Bo , arr him!

t1d l EF. ' ren I i111ult1111 •ou Iv.

JIMMY. s u E tL No l ! I beg ou up!

B ILLI ru.11 ll

BILLIE. Wait! He's n t m .ri an

JIMMY, Ar , Due & EILE . What?! EILEEN. Jimmy, who is thi woman?!

JIMMY. Her? Oh, why she's ... she's ... you know, it's a funny st , she's ...

Music finish.es. BILLIE throws off her raincoat to reveal she's wearing a maid' -outfit.

BILLIE. (with an accent) Your cockney maid, Bobbi!

JIMMY. Bobbi?

NIC - Prompt Book Act One - Scene ii 45

BILLIE. Yes, guv'ner?

EILEEN . But I thought the maid was married to the butler and she left him yesterday. BILLIE. Oh. Well, I've come crawlin' back to 'im, I 'ave!

DUKE rushes in.

DUKE . BIIIIIIILLLLLIEEEEE! (n otices everybody) Whoops! 'Scuse me.

DUKE begins to rush off

DUCHESS. Stop right there! (DUKE stops) Sir, you called her Billie. She said her name was Bobbi.

JIMMY. Yes, it's ... Bobbi Billie! She's from the South. Of England. BILLIE. And this 'ere is me good mate, Duke.

EILEEN. The servants brought along a friend? BILLIE. Oh no, me lady, he's no friend. He's a chef! The agency sent him as a weddin' gift! DUKE . Huh?

COOKIE enters.

COOKIE. Here's your blasted glass of ... whoa! Look at all these Feds! EILEEN. Butler, is this woman your wife?!

COOKIE . What? You gotta be ... ?

BILLIE takes COOKIE in her arms and kisses him, hard and quick.

COOKIE. Yep, that's the little woman, all right.

SENATOR. For goodness sake, what does it matter who these servants are! What is this about Mr. Winter not being married anymore?

BILLIE. This 'ere telegram arrived this morning, sir. From a Missus Ginger.

JIMMY . (Taking the telegram and reading). Ginger got the money I wired her! She signed the annulment!

SENATOR. Why this is splendid news! Now we can have the wedding this very afternoon! EILEEN . Yay!

JIMMY. This afternoon? No! I mean, wouldn't it be better to wait?

NI C - Prompt Book d I will Jan th in lun n. h f l EE Du E What? D TCI EI ££1 . h. I'm FLOY Rosr o. 3d h nte t! p JI

cmt r, hatttTI11 awa . 0 0 lR . (in rl1 l1m) Hiya, imm ! JIMtv

in la night! EILE Due E AT R. ell, I h m r my au h r. _oc JI Y. W 11, that' t it, · r w manh JIM~ ur Coe ·r, J m an, n ir' JIMJ t ur mi ? SE?\ JlMM y rmthr ... J JIM Co ' t what? JIM LU Cc

JI~ Jl y Cc BI LI 11. li et y ... " " }It. C< Jn u 0 Jll c E J Y. o! c Ji M ou can't g m th c Uar! JI 47

COOKIE. None of vou'.,; can!

Ell En-.: Of course we can Right, Daddy" DL:CHESS. Men, to the cellar' FLOYD. Hey girls, c'mon along! ROSIE. Party in the cellar!

ALL head to11 1ards tlu· c//ar as COOKIE & JlMMY throw tile111scl<1es in front of the cellar door COOKIE & JIMMY. Stop! JIMMY. Everybody move away from this door!

EILEEN. Daddy1 I don't understand.

DUCHESS. Max, I'm beginning to smell the devil's brew. I demand to see the cellar!

COOKIE. No, that ain1 t it! Ycrn's just can't see the cellar 'cause ... JIMMY. 'Cause .. COOKIE 'Cause. JIMMY. 'Cause. SENATOR. 'Cause why?' COOKIE 'Cause the boss has somethin' to say to you's! JIMMY I do? COOKIE. You do. JIMMY. You sure? COOKIE. I'm sure. JIMMY. You positive? COOKIE. I'm positive.

JIMMY. Maybe I forgot it. COOKIE. No, you didn't. JIMMY. I think I did. COOKIE. I think you didn't JIMMY Well, I think you have something to say. COOKIE. I do?

JIMMY You do COOKIE. You sure?

JIMMY . I'm sure.

COOKIE. You ... JI M

SENATOR. Oh, enough with this song and dance. Bo

JIMMY. Wait! Say that again! SE! SENATOR. Enough with this song and dance ... ? JHv JIMMY. That's it!

JI iv No.14 Fascinating Rhythm Seep 118 (Jimmy, Cookie, Vi ce Squad & Chorus Ci rls)

JIMMY . Got a little rhythm, a rhythm, a rhythm, That pit-a-pats through my brain. Al So darn persistent, The day isn 't distant When it'll drive me insane. Comes in the morning COOKIE. G I Without any warning, And hangs around me all day. JIMMY . Someday I'll sneak up to it , COOKIE . And then I'll speak up to it ; JIMMY. I hope it listens when I say: BOTH . Fascinating rhythm, You 've got me on the go; c Fascinating rhythm, I'm all a-quiver. What a mess you 're making! The neighbors want to know Why I'm always shaking, Just like a flivver. JIMM Y. Each morning I get up with the sun . COOKI E. Start a-hopping, never stopping JIMMY. To find at night no work has been done. BOTH . I know that Once it didn 't matter. But now you 're doing wrong , When you start to patter, I'm so unhappy. Won 't you take a day off?

:\IL - l'ro rn pl Bue>!-. -J.9

Decide to run along Somewhere far away off. And make it snappy. }TMMY. Oh. how I long to be the man I used to be BOTH. Fascinating rhythm. Oh, won't you stop picking on me'

SENATOR. (Spoken ouer 11n1sic') Well that was rather amusing, but the cellar ... JIMMY. (Spoken) Help me out, girls! (s1111g) Got a little rhythm!

JIMMY & GIRLS. Got a little rhythm!

JIMMY. Got a little rhythm! VICE SQUAD. Got a little rhythm! ·s got me on the go! 'S got me on the go! ALL. Got a little rhythm! 'S got me on the got Gotta go! Gotta go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

GIRLS. VlCE SQUAD. Fascinating rhythm's Got me on the go, that Ooh, Fascinating rhythm's That fascinating Got me on the go, that Ooh I got that fascinating rhythm! That fascinating rhythm! I got that fascinating rhythm' That fascinating GIRLS & VICE SQUAD. Got a little rhythm, A rhythm, a rhythm Got a little rhythm, A rhythm, a rhythm Got a little rhythm, 'S got me on the go! Gotta go! Gotta go! Gotta go! Gotta go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

The DUCHESS, the SENATOR and El LEEN exzt

Dance. During the dance, JIMMY, COOKIE and DCKE moue the furniture to block the cellar door. ALL get caught up in the spirit and pair up and dance. JEANNIE enters. She puts on a tiara during her cross, wlnle calling out, "Dukie! Dukie!" ALL exit as the DUCHESS giz1es COOKIE a list of things to do. COOKIE crumples the list as they exit. JIMMY approaches BILLIE.

:\JC - ['rum pt lfo(lk ('I I -

JIMMY . ri m ! N Bl LIE. a he, n' it? JIM rv .

J

BILUE. (Coe ' aca11t pla , Gu n r! I ot m BLLLI

JlM "r . Billi 1 81 llie'

CHOR lRL V1 Got a little rhythm, A rhythm, a rhythm Got a little rhythm, A rhythm, a rhythm Bl Got a little rhythm, A rhythm, a rhythm Rhythm! Rhythm! Once i didn' mat er, But now you're doing wrong When you start to patter, I'm so unhappy Won't you ake a day of ? Decide o run long ome.where far aw y off, And make it snappy. JIMMY. Oh, how I long to be the man I used to be. CH RUS .... JRLS & Vt U Fascinating rhythm Oh, won you s op picking on me! Rhythm. It's got me! Rhythm It's got me! Rhythm! It's got me! Rhythm!

END OF ACT I

NIC - Prompt Book .'.'il

,-.,, ., . /' ! 24 No.15 Entr'acte

ACT TWO - SCENE 1 The ritzy veranda. Sn·p 124 No.16 Lady Be Good (( )r d1e ~ tr,1)

T lic VICL SQU AD nnd CHORCS CtRLS nrc dn11t"i11s 111111 ~ turl/1 . As they fi 11ic;/J, BILLIE enters nndf(Jrfornly watcl1ec; the VlCL SQCAD 1111d CH ORUS GIRLS dnncc of(. Sec p. 124 No. 17 But Not For Me (BJ\lil'l

BIU.IE Old man sunshine, listen, you' Never tell me, "dreams come true" Just try it . and I'll start a riot. Beatrice Fairfax, don't you dare Ever tell me he will care; I'm certain it's the final curtain I never want to hear From any cheerful Pollyannas Who tell you fate supplies a mate: It's all bananas' They're writing songs of love, But not for me. A lucky star's above. But not for me. With love to lead the way, I found more clouds of grey, Than any Russian play could guarantee I was a fool to fall and get that way ; Hi ho' Alas' and also , Lack a day' Although I can't dismiss The memory of his kiss , I guess he 's not for me . i know that love's a game. I'm puzzled just the same. Was I the moth or flame? I'm all at sea. - -- --·····------... 52

I: ( BILLIE.) It s arted off so swell Th s 'let's pretend B It all began so well, but wha an endt The climax of the plo c hould be the marriage not [ But here's no no for me. E I MY 11ter I JIMMY. But I m for ou, Billie, i t ..

l 7 Eileen' Wedding D nee p. 125 h r )

dn11ce. 11 , i11termpti11

IL uch brilliant ne ln in I'm in m happi thr u

rE. c11t ?!

B ILL

lJ immy Wi r?

BtL t "n "r m n ah OtJ , u arm tta h Lp m

BILLIE. W l, l'm in a bi er j m!

I . W 'r all in a ·am! and ed ibl Du in I ve?

Bil.LIE. Yeah, A ct Two - Scene 1 53

DUKE . Then I'm in love with Jeannie Muldoon. BILLIE. Ah. COOKIE . Oh, for cryin' out loud .. . DUKE. But to win her love, there's something I gotta do. BILLIE. What? DUKE. Become king of England. (Begins to weep.) Once she finds out the truth, I ain't never gonna see her again. And then I'll die ... (Weeps some more.) BILLIE. Ah, Duke. COOKIE. Wait a minute here! This ain't no lonelyhearts club! We gotta get these jokers outta this house fast so we can get om four hundred cases of hootch and scram! So, I don't wanna hear no more about no leaving or about becomin' the head of no monarchy, or we're all gonna wind up in the slammer. And I, for one, ain't goin' back to prison 'cause that's gonna mean spendin' more time with my family! Now we got a job to do and we're gonna do it! Got it?! BILLIE. Got it. COOKIE . Got it?! DUKE. (Still weeping) Got it. DUCHESS. (Offstage) Butler! Oh Butler! COOKIE . Okay scram! Here comes the Grand Duchess of heartburn.

DUKE and BILLIE rush off as the DUCHESS enters.

DUCHESS. (Bellowing) HEY, BUTLER! COOKIE. I heard ya, I heard ya, dead people heard ya! DUCHESS. Butler, we have frightfully little time to plan this afternoon's nuptials, so listen up, perfection is required! COOKIE . Oh, boy. DUCHESS. Now then, you and Bobbi Billie will be in charge of the food and drink. No spirits! COOKIE . No booze at a wedding? Who's gonna come? DUCHESS . Silence! As for music ... COOKIE. Music, now you're talking! I know just the gang to bang it out for ya! DUCHESS. Gang? Certainly not! We'll be hiring a string quartet.

'\J IC - Prompt Book 54 Act Two - Scene 1

COOKIE. Ah, string quartets put people to sleep! How'd you like to hear some red-hot rhythms?! The latest sounds! The biggest wow on every stage in New York! Ne DUCHESS. I'd rather die! COOKIE. I'd like to help ya. Co< DUCHESS. Do you know what they put on the stage nowadays! Frothy comedies! Frivolous boy-meets-girl sex farces! And the music, don't even talk to me about the music! No.18 Due By Strauss Seep. 126 (Duchess) Coe DUCHESS. Away with the music of Broadway! Due Be off with your Irving Berlin! Coe Oh, I'd give no quarter To Kern or Cole Porter, And Gershwin keeps pounding on tin. How can I be civil When hearing this drivel? BOTJ It's only for nightclubbing souses. Due Oh, give me the free'n'easy Waltz that is Viennesey And, go tell the band Coo If they want a hand, The waltz must be Strauss's. Due Ya, ya, ya - give me oom-pah-pah! When I want a melody Lilting through the house, Then I want a melody By Strauss. DUCJ It laughs! It sings! The world is in rhyme, Swinging to three-quarter time. DUCI Let the Danube flow along, And the Fledermaus! Keep the wine and give me song By Strauss! By Jo, by Jing! By Strauss is the thing! So I say to ha-cha-cha Heruas! Just give me an oom-pah-pah By Strauss! Music segues directly. COOKIE. Well, I got a better idea.

NIC - Prompt Book 55 No. 18a Sweet And Low-Down (Reprise) Sec p. 127 l(clokil' & Duche"")

COOKIE. Grab a cab and go down To where the band is playing; Where milk and honey flow down Where ev'ry one is saying "Blow ...

DUCHESS. By Jo! By Jing!

COOKIE. .. . That sweet and low down"

DUCHESS By Strauss is the thing!

COOKIE. Come along, get in it You'll love the syncopation The minute they begin it You're shouting to the nation BOTH. Oh,

DUCHESS. How can I be civil When hearing this drivel? It's only for nightclubbing souses. COOKIE. (Spoken) Souses?!

DUCHESS. Oh give me the free 'n' easy Waltz that is Viennesey Ah ah ah ah

COOKIE tap dances.

DUCJ-IESS. Ah, ah, ah, ahl

COOKIE tap dances again

DUCHESS. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! COOKIE. Ha cha cha cha! Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! Ha cha cha cha! Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha'

When I want a My advice is Melody Grab a cab and go Where the Lilting through the house Band is play Milk and honey flow Everyone is say ... Then I want a melody Blow that sweet and By Strauss Low down Low down

.'.:fl J>rumpt Boo!-- 5 T1 t - e I

U H laughs/ It lngsl Ha The world 1s in rhyme, La!

(spo en i Swinging to three uarter t(ime) . . Four quarterl Swinging to lhree quarter t ime) Three quarter Four quarter' Three quarter Four quarter Swing ng to Four qua er Three quarter imel By Joi Four quarter time! By Jing By Jo! By Strauss is the thing! By Jing 11) Zin ! So I say to Ha-cha-cha, "Her-aus" Ha-cha-cha-cha-cha! Just give me an Oom-pah-pah Ha-cha--cha-chal Go on, and blow! By Strauss! That sweet and low-down! By Strauss! Low-down By Strauss! Low-down Low-down! Low-down! Low-down! By Strauss! Grab a cab and go Where the band is Play Mil and honey flow, Ah Ev'ryone is say ... Ah!

Ut: lll/ app/Q11. .

. 1 Ritz oom Seep.131 tra)

NIC - Prompt Book 57 ACT TWO - SCENE 2 The ritzy dining room.

BILLJE is setting the table for an ornate luncheon. JIMMY enters. JIMMY. Billie, I've been looking all over for you! I was afraid you might've left! BILLIE. And why would you care about that? JIMMY. Listen to me, if I don't marry Eileen today, the Senator Reverend Judge will throw me in jail! But great news, I came up with a plan! BILLIE. A plan? JIMMY. To stop my wedding! BILLIE. Look, I fell for your pretty-talkin' tricks once, I ain't fallin' for 'em again!

CHIEF BERRY enters.

CHIEF. And how's the happy honeymooners?!

JIMMY and BILLIE quickly embrace. JIMMY. Oh, we're fine, officer, if you could just give us some honeymoon privacy.

CHIEF. Sure, but first, I just wanna take a little peek in your cellar. BILLIE. What?! JIMMY. What for?

CHIEF. It's just standard. Hey, what's your wife

BILLIE quickly bends JIMMY over her knee and spanks him. BILLIE. Bad Jimmy! JIMMY. Yes!

BILLIE. Bad Jimmy! JIMMY. Yes!

CHIEF. Ah, I remember when the ex-missus used to do that to me. Good times, good times. Well, I'll leave you two kids alone. Good times, good times.

CHIEF BERRY exits. JIMMY. Gee Billie, thanks for helpin' me get out of a real jam there!

NJC - Prompt Book 2

·th m nd u bl it! n' thin l id i r y u! B lE.

JI 1Y

BIL TE . brin b J u am.in a Bn. Fr m wh n . JrM p. 1 1 o. 19 Do, Do, o 1mn &Vi

I remember the bliss JI MY Of that wonderful kiss. I knew that a boy Could never have more joy From any little miss. w t-talkin'!

l remember it quite 1'"was a wonderful nigh Oh, how I'd adore it, If you would encore it. I p odu a<> a uk11l le fr111 1 Iii 1d tlr di11i11g table an begins to strum.

Do , o, do, do,do, do. o, do Do, do, do, do Boo pa doo bee doo

Oh, do, do, do What you've done, done. done Before, baby Do, do , do What I do, do, do Adore baby.

Let's try again, Sigh again, Fly agam o heaven. Baby, see, It's A, B, C, I love you and you love me.

NIC - Prompt Book Act Two - Scene 2 59

Do do do do do do do do do do Boo pa doo ba dee doo pa doo bee doo

JIMMY leads on THREE VICE SQUAD MEN, sporting a collegiate look, who back up his serenade.

JIMMY. Won't cha do, TRIO. Won't cha do, Won't cha do do do? Won't cha do do do? Won't cha do, Won't cha do, Won't cha do do do? Won't cha do do do? Won't cha do, Won't cha do, What cha done, done, done before? What cha done, done, done before?

Zwat do wot do wot do wot do wot Ziggety bop ziggety bop doot

So do, do, do So do, do, do Won't cha do? Won't cha do? What cha done, done, done, What cha done, done, done,

What cha done What cha done Before! Won't cha do, won't cha do, Won't cha do What cha done before? What cha done before? Baby! Baby!

Do, do, do Do, do, do Won't cha do? Won't cha do? What I do, do, do What I do, do, do What I do adore What he do ah What I do adore What he do, what he do adore Ba-baby! Ba-ba-ba-baby

Let's try again, Let's try again, Sigh! Fly again to heaven, Fly! Baby see, it's A, B, C! Baby see, it's A, B, C! He loves you, you love he!

Me dear, dear, dear Dear Little dear, dear, dear Dear Come here! Come here!

Snappy! Snappy! And see, see, see See Little me, me, me Me Make you You're gonna be, you're gonna be

NIC - Prompt Book 60 Act Two - Scene 2

JIMMY. Hap! TRIO. So hap! Hap! Hap! Hap! Happy! Happy!

My heart His heart Begins Begins To sigh Ah! Vo-do-dee-oh Di dee di dee di di di Didi

VICE SQUAD TRIO exits.

JIMMY . So do, do, do What you've done, done, done Before VICE SQUAD TRIO peek their heads back in. TRIO. Ah!

VICE SQUAD TRIO exits. BILLIE. Thanks for the sweet talk.in' but I ain't no sucker. BILLIE throws a drink in JIMMY'S face. SENATOR EVERGREEN, EILEEN and the DUCHESS enter. DUCHESS. Good heavens! SENA TOR. Bobbi Billie just assaulted you with lemonade! JIMMY. Oh no, it wasn't like that! It's just that, well ... BILLIE. It's a cockney tradition, it is, that after you toast the groom, you throw the drink in his face. Here's to ya, sir!

BILLlE tosses another glass of lemonade in JIMMY'S face. JIMMY. Thank you! SENATOR. She is too divine! Don't you just adore unthreatening foreigners? EILEEN . Oh Jimsy, just think! Soon, we will be joined together in happiness till death do us part! JIMMY . Wait! I have an announcement to make! I'm terribly sorry, but I can't get married today! EILEEN. What? SEN ATOR. Why the hell not? JIMMY. It's just that I have ... malaria! SENATOR. Malaria? JIMMY. Bad case ... (Cough s.)

"JIC - Prompt Book Act Two ·· Scene 1 61

EILEEN. Oh Jimsy, this can't be true! JIMMY. I know, we have no choice but to postpone the wedding! EILEEN. No, it can't be true because don't you get malaria in Africa?

JIMMY. What? EILEEN. Yes, one contracts malaria from mosquitoes in Africa. JIMMY. I ... I thought it was Long Island. EILEEN. No, it's Africa - DUCHESS. Yes, Africa - SENATOR. Definitely Africa. JIMMY. Damn. BILLIE. Jolly good plan, guv'ner! BILLIE exits. SENATOR EVERGREEN pulls JIMMY aside. SENATOR. Now you listen to me, James Winter, I assume you just have a case of pre-wedding jitters. But my baby wants to marry you, so you will marry her! EILEEN. Daddy, why don't you begin our luncheon by saying a few words?

ALL applaud. SENATOR. Thank you, thank you. And how thankful we are that we live in America! Where a clubfooted little fat girl can grow up to become the finest interpreter of modern dance in the world. COOKIE enters, banging a pot. COOKIE. All right, listen up! We're gonna be servin' some food, and you're gonna be eatin' it fast! We got bread, soup, salad, and ... if we can find the cat ... fish.

COOKIE exits. SENATOR. Yes, America! Where all men are created equal and the wealthiest men govern them. DUKE, crying hysterically, enters and throws down a huge loaf of bread in the middle of the table. DUKE. Bread ... DUKE exits, weeping. SENATOR. Yes, America! Where we will destroy every beady-eyed, lowlife bootlegger! COOKIE enters. COOKIE. Okay, that's it for the bread! SENATOR. But we haven't even touched it yet!

l\JIC: - Pfl)rnpt Book 2 ct I

it. wed n'lin' ht e ee eart. an houl ur. d. tltt: lemo11atf{ . Really n n like man. yl k , th r ' F. ott .itzg d!

Kl· /1 nrhlv I I ' 1lri11A pe, f

CX/h; G n,

my pl Wh r w t? c At e d!

N

. 19 an 1 ' oun Wit 0 r p. 136 ( 11li BILLIE. And now a special C y tribu t rit ntleman m! JIMMY. Oh there's no need t

B LLIE. Oh, what's the use of hanging around wi h you Hanging around with you Hanging around with you, arie? I never know I never now Just wh e I stand. JIMMY. (spoken) Okay, tha

BILLIE. Shut it!

(sung) What's the use of banging around with you Banging around with you

rromp k \\<

nq1ng :uc1unci N1F· dea1 !e ou .,,,e 1c1 ih:s i!tlle ~mi n1qge:

''.~ • vou re not acting the oeau That 1 ' "',.-e used to know : rT1 beg1• 1ning to see That 1·m :ikely to be On the shelf If you want me hanging around w1tt• you Hanging around with you Hanging around with you deane ·iou·ve got to learn you veto learn to

Be yourself 1

l) I ! i ! I (, u l ... t(-·. ( (. h l" 11 1 it""_/ u _.. ; Jf

'·, i\ d

!)1 ( flf:C,'-. Butler, m21y I have some more nf th1:" unusual lenwnadei

' '· •I<. If •k. tlwn 'c, Charlie Chaplrn 1

Oi// --- !11 •It

CUUJ

Music starts as BILLIE enters with another steaming bowl.

No. 19b Hangin' Around With You (Part 2) Seep. 137 (Billie) BILLIE. Oh, what's the use of hanging around with you Hanging around with you Hanging around with you, dearie? You've got to learn You've got to learn to act your age!

BILLIE pours the soup right into JIMMY'S lap. Music out.

JIMMY. Ahh! BILLIE. (Spoken) Butterfingers!

BILLIE exits as DUKE rushes in. DUKE. Okay, any of you's see a cat run by with a big chunk of salmon in its mouth?

SFX: Loud cat noise from off-stage. COOKIE rushes in . j COOKIE. He went that-a-way!

·•1 COOKIE and DUKE rush off SFX: A louder cat noise from off-stage. ): DUKE and COOKIE rush back across stage. 1 Ii DUKE . I got the salmon! u - ~ COOKIE. (Swinging the feline by its tail) I got the cat!

DUKE & COOKIE rush off Music in as BILLIE enters with more steaming soup.

No. 19c Hangin' Around With You (Part 3) Seep. 137 (Billie)

BILLIE. Oh, what's the use of hanging around with you! JIMMY. (spoken) Hanging around with you No! Hanging around with you , dearie? No! You've got to learn No! You've got to learn to be a man!

JIMMY jumps out of the way causing BILLIE to pour soup on EILEEN. Music out. EILEEN. Ah! How dare you! You're fired! JIMMY. Now, there's no need to do that. SENATOR. Why ever not?

JIMMY. Well, I'm sure it was just an accident!

NIC - Prompt Book E1LEEN Jimsy, vvhy are you defending this Oh my gosh, do you have feelings for Bobbi Billie?

SE'.'J ATOR What?' JIMM Y. Of course not! She means absolutely n othin' to me!

BILLJE . What? SENATOR. James Winter, 1 have suffered through this outrageous meal, so you must tell me and tell me now, han ~ you behaved inappropriately with this common cockney maid? DUCHESS. Ah, don't tell him nothin', pretty boy'

SENATO R. Estonia? DUCHESS. Me likee the Cockney chickie. Here's to you, honey bun! DUCHESS drains ITcr glnss . thc11 IJ/lrp5. SENATOJ,. My gosh, Estonia, l believe ... l believe you're drunk! OlJCHESS. lmpossible' I'm the founder of the Society of Dry Women! That's an unfortunate name, isn't it? Cheers! DUCHESS mises the pitcher o(/en1011adc and chugs 11. SENA TOR. Estonia! Stop that this instant!

DUCHESS. Nol SENA TOR. Pardon? DUCHESS. Why should P I' m a grown woman! SENATOR. Well, you're certainly not behaving like a grown woman! DUCHESS. Oh my gosh, you're right. No. 20 Looking For A Boy Sec p BS (Duchess & Cookie)

My pompous big brother is right.

DUCHESS. I am just a little girl SENATOF. (spoken) Estonia ...

DU CH ESS. Who's looking for a little boy

:'' SENATOF What? ,:,

D UCl--!E SS. Who's looking for a girl to love COOKIE enters. COOKIE. All right, here's the dessert then you're done! r -

u HE . Tell me please. where n he be,

D HEE The lov ng he who II bring to me The harmony I'm dreaming of? It wtll be goodbye, I know, to my tale o woe When he say 'Hello .. So, I am just a little girl Who's looking for a little boy Who's looking fo a girl o love.

( P'3 butl r?

J, ( "" ) You are just a little girl

• ( 11)

Who's looking for a httle boy

H b

Kt Who's looking tor a girl to love

H ! und land. ell me, please where can he be The loving he who'll bring o me The harmony I'm dreaming of? It'll be goodbye, I now, to my tale of woe When he says "Hello "

Tl1 u lh s climb_ cmt tl1 lal>fe rid I ru ds to swing from t Jumd lier. I am just a I' le girl Who's looking for a little boy Who s ooking for a girl to lov

Tlr UU I fl - 0 11 t

Co IE. ( kn) ei r lem nad .

811. I tmtrrs . .. SENATOR. James Wint r, you have · n us the worst wedding luncheon ever!

EILEEN. Oh D ddy, it w n't his fault, it w 1 her fault! Bobbi Bmi , you will pack y ur things and

SENATOR. All right, let's get this wedding done with before I change my mind! Eileen, follow me. Butler, r the Duchess!

NIC - Prompt Book Ad Two - Scene 2 67

The SENA TOR and EILEEN exit.

COOKIE. Oh, Jeez ... (Drags the DUCHESS off>

DUCHESS. (sung, a cappella) I am just a little girl ...

JIMMY Well I hope you're happy with yourself! BILLIE. You really gonna marry that drip?

JIMMY. Hey, that drip happens to be mature and responsible and at least there's no warrant out for her arrest. BILLIE. Hey, I could go straight if I wanted to! JIMMY. Yeah, what would you do?

BILLIE. I'm pretty good at running' things! I could run a business! JIMMY. As if anyone would hire a common criminal like you!

BILLIE fr; stung by this comment.

JIMMY (Continued) Oh Billie, I'm sorry, you know I didn't mean that. But you and me ... who were we kidding anyway, right? BILLIE. Right.

JIMMY exits. JEANNIE enters. JEANNIE. Excuse me.

BILLIE turns away.

JEANNIE. (Continued) Say, you okay, honey?

BILLIE. Yeah, it's just ... I guess I don't know much about men. JEANNIE. Oh, men are nothin' but two-bit stinkin' liars! You can't believe one little word they say. Fortunately, I found myself a duke. BILLIE. A duke?

JEANNIE. Yeah. I'm gonna be his duchess. BILLIE. You don't mean my friend, Duke? JEANNIE. Depends. He Duke of England? BILLIE. Duke of what?

JEANNIE. England. It's a country.

BILLIE. No, he's duke of nothin'. He's just common and not-so-bright. Like me.

'0 IC ·· Prompt Book 68 Act Two - Scene 2

DUKE enters, crying,

BILLIE . Oh, hi, Duke. Dt DUKE. Hey, Billie. JEANNIE. Wait a minute! DUKE. Jeannie! (sp. JEANNIE. Is this your friend? The one who's duke of nothin'? I · (Sll ' .· BILLIE . I should scram! Bye!

BILLIE exits. JEANNIE . Is she your friend?! DUKE . Yeah. And she's always lying! JEANNIE. Oh, I knew something was funny when you didn't have no English accent! DUKE. Honey bunch, I can explain! JEANNIE . I don't want none of your explaining. I only want one thing ...

DUKE . What? Dl JEANNIE. To be Queen of England! DUKE. I know, honey, and I've been tryin' to think of how I would make it up to ya. And all I could think of was writin' something romantic-like. But while I was (su writin', see, I realized ... well, I ain't that good with words. To be honest, I don't really know a lot of them. But I love you so much, sweetie pie.

No. 21 Blah, Blah, Blah See p. 140 (Duke)

DUKE. I've written you a song A beautiful routine. I hope you like it. Dl JEANNIE. Hm!

DUKE . My technique can't be wrong: I learned it from the screen. N I hope you like it.

JEANNIE . (spoken) I bet I don't.

DUKE . I studied all the rhymes That all the lovers sing; Then just for you I wrote this little thing:

\:fC ··· Prompt Book DLKF rc111oz 1 c~ n piece ofpnpcr fro111 Iii~ p<1ckcl . 11oisilt1 c/cnr~ Iii ~ f/min! 11 11d rend~

Dt KL (~ u11.:,;) Blah , blah . blah, blah, moon. Blah. blah . blah. above. Blah . blah. blah. blah, croon . Blah . blah . blah , blah . love. Tra la la la. tra la la la la, merry month of May:

( ~ poke11) I \i ke that part. Tra la la la, tr a la la la la, ·neath the clouds of gray Blah , blah , blah , your hair , Blah. blah, blah, your eyes;

Blah . blah, blah. blah, care, Blah, blah , blah, blah, skies. Tra la la la , tra la la la la, cottage for two Blah , blah, blah, blah, blah, darling with you .

J E1\NN lE tn kes ti!!' pnpcr.fnJ11 1 OU~ E.

JEAN NIE. (spoken) Lemme see that. (S he looks nl th e note. ) That's really nice. But you really ~ don't have a kingdom? Not even a sm all one?

~7: DUKE (spoken) Honey, I don't even got a decent pair of shoes. I'm just an average mug from Jersey who was named Duke, after our fa mily dog. But all that doesn't matter, see. All that matters is .. .

(s 1111g) Blah, blah, blah , your hair, Blah, blah, blah, your eyes ; Blah, blah, blah, blah, care, Blah, blah, blah , blah, skies. Tra la la la, tra la la la la, cottage for two Blah , blah, blah, blah, blah, darling with you!

JEANNlE. Oh Dukie' J EANNJE rushes off

D UKE. (spoken) Sweetheart, I meant every word .

M11 0. ic ~ cgu e~ on applau se.

Seep 141 No. 2la Jimmy Prepares For The Wedding (Orchestra) Jim KJ 11elps Jl Jl ·ri, · n' he?

thinkm' her!

, Birn thin · ' u nna rry ... ?

BIL 1 ive u m in ?!

d it w n w met. basement?

JI in ... he's the best butl r I ever had. c JI th r wallets, so you can keep that one to remember me by. n' anna m u, So here, take it back. Take it back. JIMMY takes back his wallet. BILLI . ( 11ti11utd , I'm not just some common criminal.

JIMMY. J when y u said you loved me, orn ?

BILL n't really know. l just ever since I met you, you've been driving me crazy. One rrunut you act so nice to me and the next you act like the world's biggest heel. I'm so confused I was even thinkin' of givin' up bootleggin'. COOKIE. Really?

JIMMY. Really?

NIC - Prompt Book 71 7

i ·in' m 'm n t you?

I MY .

BI LLIE. Th n ra. u th probl Ill i • 2 5 Ip. I 2

Br LIE. I say potato, and you say po-tah-to. I say tomato, and you say JIMMY. To-mah-to BILL • Pota o IMMY. Po-tah-to Bll LI To-mato IM To-mah-to 1recl ~ gw: .

2 w· I ? See p.142

BILLIE. When I go my way, AJong some highway, Will you emember me? When you are lonesome, I'd like to own some Place in your memory I know that you II p ay a part In my hear when I sta ; That's something I can guarantee. But when I stray off, Somewhere away off, Will you remember me? (spoken) Goodbye, Jimmy. BILLIE exits. Music underscores. COOKIE. Holy mackerel. I had no idea.

JIMMY. What?

COOKIE. That she's really got it that bad for ya. Hey, do you feel the same way about her? JIMMY. How could anyone not feel the same way about her?

NIC - Prompt Book 72 h o-

ah

IE. Wo

Kl tmt-.

)I ( un ) Now that I am starting, I cannot deny 'd pref er a 'see you later' To a mere 'goodbye.' But before departing, Do I hope in vain? Something makes me won er whether You'll forget me altogether If we never meet again. When you go your way Out through my doorwa Will you remember me?

Will you rememb r me? Jt \'. n t • When you are lonesome, When you're alone I d like to own some I'd like to own ome Some plac in your memory Place m your memory I know that ou 'II p ay a part In my heart when start. That's something I can guaran ee. But •hen you s ray off, ut wh n you stray off, Somewhere away off, Some re away off Wil you remember me? Will you remember me? Will you rememb r me?

Music seg11ts ot1 applau. .

lL-P pl 73 ACT TWO - SCENE 4 The ritzy living room.

CHORUS GIRLS & VICE SQUAD set up the room as they sing. At some point during the song, the DUCHESS staggers on.

No. 22a We!ve Got To Be There (Reprise) Seep. 145 (Girls & Vice Squad)

GIRLS & VICE SQUAD. When music is playing And couples are swaying say! We've got to be there! We've got to be there! When joy's in the making And ceilings are shaking, And there's never a care, We've got to be there! Check my hat And throw the stub away, I'm a lamb Who's gone astray! When bottles are popping And dignity's dropping and The women are fair

GIRLS. We've got to be there VICE SQUAD. We've got to be there We've got to be there We've got to be there SENATOR EVERGREEN enters. Music underscores. SENATOR. All right, let's get this wedding done! Estonia, I take it you're feeling like your proper self?

The DUCHESS moans. SENATOR. We will discuss your chandelier shenanigans later. Now where is the groom?

JIMMY enters. JIMMY. Here I am! SENATOR. Splendid! And did you hear the news? Dear Eileen has written her own vows. Music almost segues.

NIC - f'rompt Book SE~c\TOR . Estonia, what're you doing!

OL..: (_ HES::--. ! can't help it I' m 111 love with a bootleggin butler named Cookie'

COOKIE. What?'

SE:\ATOR Estonia, don't be ridiculous~ You're a duchess and he's a servant1

No. 24a A Glass of Lemonade .-: t'C p J -f.7 l Cln:lwstra)

!v111::;ic 1111dcrsco res .

Due HESS Ever since my husband died, [' ve spent my time trying to be just like my big brother here; judging people, telling them how to live their lives. But then this man, this odd little man, poured me a glass of lemonade, and he gave me a taste of what it was like to sing and dance and be gay again! Music out.

SENATOR. For God's sake, Estonia, he·s married to the maid.

D UKE. Oh, he ain't married.

COOKLE. Quiet!

DUCHESS He's not?

COOKIE. All right, it's true, I ain't married! But lady, ever since I met you, you' ve done nothin' but drive me crazy, give mt.' stomach pains, and stick in my mind till my head's about to explode' Oun:. Hey Cookie, you know what that means?

No. 25 Looking For A Boy (Reprise) Sec v 1-/. () l(.ookic & fludw..,.._)

COOKIE I have found my little girl

OUCHE~S And I have found my little boy

COOKIE & 0LCHESS And we have found that thing called love'

i __ H! Enuugh lovey-doveyi You're all going to pill

)E AN\dL Uh Dukie'

Di_ KE Oh, )eannie1

\)L( HE'-,'~. Uh, 1. ookie' Act Two - Scene 4 77

EILEEN. Oh, Daddy! SENATOR. Oh, Eileen! MILLICENT. Oh, James! JIMMY . Mama!

No. 25a Millicent Enters Seep. 148 (Orchestra)

MILLICENT en ters. MILLICENT. Jamie darling, I came as soon as I received your telegram announcing yet another ridiculous wedding! Now what in the hell is going on? JIMMY. Well, it seems I've made some bad decisions.

MILLICENT. And that's why Mama is here. (to CHIEF BERRY) But first who are you and why are you bothering my boy. CHIEF . I'm the top cop and I just found out your son is none other than Brownbeard! MILLI CENT. My son, Brownbeard? Oh for goodness sake, take a look at the boy. Do you really think he's capable of running a multi-million dollar bootlegging operation?

JIMMY smiles, sheepishly. CHIEF. I see your point, but he confessed! MILLICENT. You confessed, Jamie? JIMMY. Well, yeah ... CHIEF. Should I arrest the whole gang, Senator? MILLICENT. Not just yet, Chief. Hello, Max. EILEEN. Father, you know Jimmy's mother? SENATOR. We're ... we're old friends. MILLICENT. Ha! We're old lovers!

ALL gasp. SENA TOR . I was young and a bachelor! MILLICENT. I was young and an idiot. Now speaking of young idiots, Jamie darling, were you about to marry Max's daughter? JIMMY . Yes. MILLICENT. Then thank goodness I got here in time!

:\'IC - Prompt Book 7 ct T1 -

. E I e CU me,. bu ar you awar who n marryin ?

ur .

nt!

li

ch!

and we ma a ch? A 0 ach! T

an't m a Wh l'm ... I'm ... Ju w I'm ... I'm ...

I'm ... with indignati n! ation! e U l d a ve all 1

C Kl T' m in love with the butler!

S A TOR. I'm in love with the butler!

J COOKIE kisses SENATOR EVERGREEN. ; S T . R. hat's it! Chief, arrest Brownbeard and his gang!

MILLICENT. Stop! Chief, I can assure you that my boy is not Brownbeard. S NA TOR. And why should we believe a harlot like you?!

MILLICENT. Oh, Max, I hate to have it come to this, but it's time this harlot told the world your secret.

ALL lean in to hear. SENATOR. What secret? I have no secrets!

NIC - Prompt Book Act Two - Scene 4 79

MILLICENT. Max, although we never made love on the beach, we did make love in other locations ... .. SENATOR. I deny that! You have no proof. MILLICENT. Actually, I do have proof. SENATOR. Ha! What kind of proof could you possibly have? MILLICENT. He's standing right here.

JIMMY & SENATOR EVERGREEN look at one another. JIMMY. Mother, you mean he's my ... ? SENATOR. Millicent, he's my ... ? MILLICENT. I'm sorry, Jamie, I should have told you sooner, it's just I couldn't bear the thought of you being raised by a Republican. JIMMY. Dad? SENATOR. Sonny?

JIMMY and SENATOR EVERGREEN hug. ALL. Aww .. . EILEEN. Wait a minute! Daddy, if you' re Jimmy's father, then I was about to marry my ... JIMMY. Well, this is just awkward. CHIEF. But I'm still arrestin' Brownbeard's gang! SENATOR. Chief, this is a happy day! I am the new father of a boy. A large, beautiful boy. There will be no arresting. DUCHESS. But Max, what about the election? Your family now consists of nothing but drunkards, adulterers and illegitimate children. SENATOR. You're right, Estonia there's only one thing I can do now. I'll have to run as a Democrat.

ALL cheer. JIMMY. Hey, this means I'm free to marry Billie! MILLICENT. Oh Jamie, not another wedding! JIMMY. Who knows where she is?! DUKE. I bet she's gone back to the boat! COOKIE. You better stop her before she's twelve miles off-shore! JIMMY. Mother, you know how I've disappointed you my entire life?

NI C - Prompt Book 80 Act Two - Scene 4

MILLICENT. Yes. JIMMY. Well I'm not about to stop now! And whatever you do Mother, don't follow me! I have to do this alone!

JIMMY rushes off MILLICENT. Well, that's just ridiculous. Max, come! SENATOR. But I ... MILLICENT . I said come! SENATOR. Alright.

MILLICENT and SENA TOR EVERGREEN follow JIMMY off COOKIE . As for all of you's .. . to the cellar! We're havin' a party tonight!

No. 25b To The Cellar! Seep. 148 (Orchestra)

A LL cheer and rush off except EILEEN, who forlornly lingers . C HIEF BERRY sees her. CHIEF. Excuse me. EILEEN. Please, I want to be alone. CHIEF . Yeah, I had a lousy day, too, but are you the Eileen Evergreen? EILEEN. Why, yes. CHIEF . Maybe I should keep my trap shut, but I seen you on stage once, and what you did by taking the techniques of classical ballet and giving them a modem, ironic twist, there by creating a new, perhaps revolutionary vernacular for modem movement. Quite frankly, I find you ...

No. 26 Delishious (Reprise) Seep 148 (Chief Berry & Ei leen ) CHIEF . So delishious EILEEN . Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And so caprishious Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha If I'm repititious, If I'm repititious, It's 'cause you 're so delishious! It's 'cause you 're so delishious!

EILEEN kisses CHIEF BERRY and music segues.

No. 26 The Boathouse Seep. 149 (Orchestra)

The scene changes.

NIC - Prompt Book 81 ACT TWO - SCENE 5 The boat house.

BILLIE is preparing to board her row boat. JIMMY rushes on.

JIMMY. Billie, wait! Where you going?

BILLIE. I'm going back out to the boat. I hope you enjoy your marriage to that dancing dame!

JIMMY. But I didn't marry Eileen!

BILLIE. What?

JIMMY. Oh Billie, I'm a new man. I no longer care what my mother thinks! Notice how I didn't even bring her along.

MILLICENT and SENA TOR EVERGREEN enter.

MILLICENT. Jamie!

JIMMY. At least that was my plan. Billie, this is my mother.

SEN ATOR. And I'm his daddy!

BILLIE. What?

JIMMY . Mother, this is Billie Bendix, the love of my life and the best bootlegger in the business!

MILLICENT. A bootlegger!

JIMMY. I know you don't approve, Mother, so disinherit me!

MILLICENT. Jamie, shut up for a moment.

JIMMY . No, for we will live like poor people; we'll make our own lunch, we'll draw our own baths, we'll move to New Jersey. You see, all money is good for is buying big homes and fancy cars and delicious food. But Billie Bendix is worth more to me than all that. I'm poor now, but for the first time in my life, I'm happy, Mama.

MILLICENT . Oh Jamie, I'm not going to disinherit you.

JIM MY . Oh, thank God, 'cause that sounded awful.

NIC - Prompt Book u,

JJM . Wow, I'm 1 d I 1 n't marry my

BIL I

JIMMY. So how a ut it Btlli ?

BILLIE. Well ... no.

MILLICENT. Did y u .

BILLI . I don't who y u are, lady, I can't marry him. Every time I'm near the· er, I make one bad n af r another.

MILLICENT. Oh my dear, that's what love does. It turru; ~ff""~'" rational women like us int c plete idi . Look at though charming to look at, he's a porn limited intellectual capa -ty. He h d no 01ce but to go into politics. But I followed my foolish heart and look what I wound up with, my darling Jamie. And now, I need a successor.

NIC - Prompt Book Act Two - Scene 5 83

JIMMY. Mother, you want me to take over the family business?

MILLICENT. Don't be an ass! I want Billie to take over the family business.

JIMMY. Oh yeah, that's better.

BILLIE. Lady, I'd be happy to be your new Brownbeard.

SENATOR. And son, I would like you to take over ;my seat in the United States Senate.

JIMMY. That sounds like a lot of work.

SENATOR. No, it's the Senate.

JIMMY. Then how 'bout it, Billie?

No27 Someone To Watch Over Me (Reprise) seep. 149 (Jimmy & Billie)

JIMMY. (continued) I'll be one of the highest-ranking politicians in Washington, and you'll be doing something important. Let me be the last bad decision you'll ever make.

(sung) And this world would be like heaven if she'd Follow my lead

BILLIE. Oh, how I need

JIMMY & BILLIE. Someone to watch over me. Someone to watch over me.

BILLIE takes JIMMY in her arms and kisses him. Music segues on applause.

"!IC - Prompt Book ~------... 84 ACT TWO - SCENE 6 The ritzy veranda that evening.

No. 28 Bows Seep. 149 (Company)

In the midst of shimmering, glittering party, roaring-twenties style. The MEN look terrific in tuxedos, the WOMEN look even better in drop-dead dresses. One by one, our PRINCIPAL COUPLES enter and join in the merriment.

ALL. Loving one who loves you, And then taking that vow. It's nice work if you can get it, And if you get it, Won't you tell me how?

END OF ACT TWO.

Music segues on applause.

No. 29 Exit Music Seep. 150 (Orchestra)

41 2090

NIC - Prompt Book