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Issue 918 - Weekly Friday 31st October 1997 What made them see eye to eye?

Matt Pannell Editor

he Conservative MP for Guildford and the President of the National Union of TStudents spoke out together on Monday night against the Government’s proposed uni- versity tuition fees, at a public meeting held in the University Hall. For years, the two organisations have been in dispute over funding for Higher Education, yet the two men turned out to have plenty of common ground in opposing the cur- rent plans. Nick St Aubyn, who has represent- ed Guildford since the general election in May, said that the funding crisis in higher education “will get even worse....we can’t carry on like that.” Douglas Trainer, President of the National Union of Students attacked the Conservatives for having caused the cash shortage in the first place, but had some fierce criticism for the Labour Party, too, branding the Government “dead stupid” for introducing the proposals. Asked what realistic chance he stood of getting the proposals overturned by lobbying MP’s, he admitted that “our ability to get a revolt with a government majority of 170 is very limited.” Nick St.Aubyn,, Conservative MP for Guildford (above) Douglas Trainer , NUS President, Other speakers included a repreenta- And does anybody care? tive from the local Liberal Democrat Party, John Vincent, who in turn claimed that his party, too, was “100 % united against the Meningitis hits imposition of fees.” He said that the new scheme “will discourage students from taking up courses all around the country....Another Southampton aspect that I find particularly disagreeable is that a lot of New Labour MP’s are graduates themselves, and in doing this, they are turning University halls their tales on the next generation.” The organisers of the meeting, which niversity chiefs and Government health advisers were on was supposed to have ‘brought together any Tuesday trying to cope with an outbreak of meningitis in members of the local community affected by Ua Southampton University residence complex. fees’, were disappointed at the very low Antibiotics and vaccinations are being given to students in the turnout. Less than twenty people turned up to Wessex Lane Halls, following a fourth suspected case of the hear the speakers, leaving rows of seats potentially fatal disease. The Health Education Authority has unfilled (left). begun an advertising campaign in response to the outbreak, whilst stressing that instances have so far been confined to a rel- Empty chairs at Monday’s Tuition Fees meeting Dearing Special, Features Page 3.... atively small area.

News 1 n Features 3 n Letters 4 n Music 6 n Entertainments Guide 7 . Cinema and Arts 8 n Union News 9 n Notices & Personals 9 n Sports 11 . ED971031Issue 918.qxd 07/05/98 14:58 Page 2 (1,1)

2 News Friday 31st October 1997 n Driving Re-Tests Van Gogh A Fake!

ualified dri- max. permitted in Tania Rocks n 1987 a Japanese firm bought Tania Rocks limited to faking Van Gogh’s, he vers could France, the Vincent Van Gogh’s famous may have also faked Gauguins and be made to Netherlands, Austria Q Idepiction of sunflowers for sions, one with three flowers, one Cezannes. If this is so, the prices of retake their driving tests every 10 and Greece. £24.75 million from Christie’s auc- with five and two with twelve. The so called masterpieces may be years, if new EC regulations come Ministers in this country appear to tion. The painting was supposedly version with 14 sunflowers was greatly affected. Fakes do achieve into force. Anyone who fails the be against the scheme, saying that it painted by Van Gogh in 1888, just a never mentioned in his letters, respectable prices (around test would loose their licence. should be left to the courts to deal few years before his death in 1890. although all seven paintings are £45,000), but neither the Seiji Togo Members of the European with dangerous drivers. The AA is In a television documentary, art attributed to him. The piece itself is Yasyda Kasai Museum of Art or the Parliament believe that retaking also against the plans as it says that writer Geraldine Norman stated that a masterpiece, and has fooled Japanese insurance company which tests would reduce the number of it does not address the people who she believed that an obscure experts for a long time, having been purchased the painting have much road accidents. 45,000 people are cause the majority of accidents, the Parisian art teacher, Claude-Emile exhibited from 1901. It is thought to say on this matter. killed on Europe’s roads every year young drivers. Drivers who notch Schuffenecker, was the artist behind that Schuffenecker may have got It seems ironic that Van Gogh, the and MEPs argue that this scheme up 6 penalty points in 2 years of this version of the sunflowers. Ms his inspiration from restoring Van troubled painter, who was not able would mean that drivers would have gaining a full driving licence face a Norman is certain that the art Gogh’s original version, which now to sell his painting during his life, to correct bad and sometimes dan- re-test due to recent changes in teacher painted one of three which hangs in the National Gallery, had his work forged so soon after gerous driving habits. This scheme British law. It should also be noted depict 14 sunflowers. Van Gogh in London. his death, and that it went for such is in connection with plans to that despite the AA concerns about his letters wrote about three ver- Schuffenecker may not have been an unbelievable sum. reduce the drink-drive limit to a young drivers, Britain has the low- new EU- wide limit of 50mg per est road accident death rate in the 100ml, meaning that you can only EU, the roads are 7 times safer that safely have a pint of beer or two in Greece (which has the worst glasses of wine. This is already the record). Rag Week Beer Silly Spot

he Silly Night Merry toes, coleslaw, and various other Drinking Pranksters want you all to nibbly bits.RAG Sparklers will be Tknow that Wednesday Week available.The more people who 9 November 5th is bring fireworks the better the dis- FIRESTARTER NIGHT. The play. And your name(s) will be President has also asked me to tell announced before your firework Competition you all that this does not mean you goes up so remember your pride is can set fire to the building, any part at stake. of it or any people in it - as if! Dress like a firework, dress like the Wendy Bowater SILLY FIRESTARTER NIGHT, Prodigy, come as a door (think (Rag Chair) 7pm - 11pm, double and mixer £1 about it). whatever you wear, if, and only if, you bring a firework. remember remember the 5th of ll those who came along to All fireworks, conforming to EC November and bring some fire- this event know what a standard Prodigy 2.43D (i.e. not works. Agood time everyone had, some shoddy stuff you made in A note from the attorney at law: witnessing the records being bro- your room or picked up off the back Take care. This is the first event of ken. of a lorry), will be handed in at the its kind to take place here, and if Fastest blokes pint was Rob at an front door and checked by the Fire anyone puts himself or others at astounding 2.2 seconds, beating the Safety Officer. In exchange, you risk through careless use of fire- record set last year of 2.6 secs. will receive a FIRESTARTER card works, it will be the last. Fireworks Fastest birds pint was Bernie at 5.8 which will entitle you to doubles should only be carried in their orig- seconds, beating the record set last for £1 all night and all fireworks inal boxes, and in any case will will year of 2.6 secs. will be kept for the grand only be accepted if safely packaged. Fastest 2 pints was Rob.H. taking FIRESTARTER FIREWORK DIS- 7.2 seconds, not quite matching the PLAY by the lake, with jacket pota- From: The Fool time he set last year of 6.53 secs. Fastest stout was taken by Andy, taking 2.6 seconds, again breaking the record set from last year of 3.2 secs. Mech Eng. deigned us with their presence and beat both the rugby and football boat race teams, com- ing through with a time of 30.6 sec- onds to down 8 pints one after the other. It never looked so easy as The Austin Pearce Building as decorated fpr RAG they beat the time set last year by For those of you who saw the most I would personally like to thank the rugby club (33.6 secs). disgusting and erotic pint, it is Dickon for being excellent as a The female rugby team did not let something you wont forget for a compare; the Rag Committee and the side down however, by winning long time. Volunteers for timing, writing the fastest female boat race with a Erotic pint saw a bloke strip off to scores on boards and handling the time of 1minute 23 seconds. pour a pint down his chest for some beer; Jez and Dwain for making the The fastest wibbly-wobbly was brave woman to catch it from under- beer shower; to Crew; and to every- Jason, taking 20 seconds to spin neath his genitalia! one who took part. around a mop handle 10 times, then Disgusting pint (performed by the Oh, and cheers for the gunge guys, running to the table and downing his OLD Rag Chair and Vice-Chair)was I’m sure I’ll never forget that. What beer. similar, but instead of pouring the a storming night! The awesome beer shower made its beer down the chest, it was poured return, holding five pints of beer to down his back, for the other one to be forced (through gravity alone) drink it from underneath!! The down the contenders throat. Tom groans were heard for miles! returned to better his time of last An event not to be forgotten, espe- year (which was astonishingly 14.9 cially considering the cattle market secs) and he succeeded! He com- success half way through (I’m sure pleted the challenge in 14 seconds. the slaves wont forget it for a Will this man not be matched? while!) ED971031Issue 918.qxd 07/05/98 14:58 Page 3 (1,1)

n Friday 31st October 1997 Features 3 FEES WEEK: THE DEARING PAGE A special feature prepared for Bare Facts by Samantha Birmingham, Andy Gale, Sophie Rocks, Alex Cass, and Rob Dorey Should industry share the financial burden for higher education?

Some of the fastest growing These comments by David the companies Blunkett refers to given the influence that industry an increased financial burden. One and most successful companies Blunkett, Secretary of State for actually sit on University Governing must exert on Higher Education as a thing seems clear and that is that the “today are those which depend Education and Employment lead to bodies persons and others, such as consequence of its involvement’s, it weakest bargaining group has been not on plant and machinery but on one very important question and Dr Keith Taylor the Chairman and seems more than unfair that a part- given the heaviest financial burden intellectual capital. If this country is that is why British Industry has not Chief Executive of ESSO UK plc, nership approach to funding has not to shoulder and with this the over- to remain internationally competi- been asked to contribute to the are members of the Higher been adopted. Industry affects the riding priority of the Dearing tive in the 21st century, we need to improvement of the UK system of Education Funding Council for content of University courses, it all Report, to widen participation may invest in our people, mirroring the Higher Education when, by England (HEFCE). but dictates the skills which we soon be undermined. investment in fixed capital and Blunkett’s own admission, it gains Our own University has named its develop as a consequence of our equipment of the past.” (DfEE so much from it. What is doubly new building after an industrial time here, why then are students Website). perplexing is the fact that many of leader (Sir Austin Pearce) and, alone being called upon to shoulder The Nuts and Learning From Australia - Bolts Do Tuition Fees Really Affect Participation? ustralian student application education demolished, the flat rate ed maintenance grants when it intro- numbers have decreased by tuition fee was replaced by three duced tuition fees, unlike Labour’s A30% since the introduction bands of levy corresponding to the proposals for Britain. But the eligi- 1. TUITION FEES 2. LIVING COSTS of increased Higher Education fees students’ degree course in January bility requirements for financial For all UK and EU students starting The intention behind the this year. 1997. The NCIHE report records assistance have been tightened with full-time higher education from Governments scheme is that we In 1989 in response to the rapid these levys as Arts and Humanities the changes to the tuition fees. Not Autumn 1998, the student, or the move from the current mix of loans expansion of student numbers and fees (including Education and only do researchers predict that student’s family, will be required to and means tested LEA maintenance the decrease in the amount of fund- Nursing) which increased by 35%; these recent changes have “left pay the University up to £1,000 a grants to a loans-only system where ing per student, the Australian Maths, Sciences, Engineering and something of a financial black hole year towards the cost of their the level of loan available will be Government introduced its Higher Economics which increased by for young people aspiring to attend tuition. This payment will be means income-related. Education Contribution Scheme 92%; and the Clinical and Law University who do not come from tested. Loans or grants will not be To soften the blow for next years’ (HECS). This required students to options (including Dentistry and well-off families”, but Federal available from the Government to entrants (1998/99) the Government contribute to the cost of their Higher Veterinary Science) which Education Department figures indi- pay for the tuition fee contribution. intends a transitional arrangement Education at a flat rate levy of increased by 125%. These increases cate that , since the introduction of Tuition fees are payable in respect (a smaller, means-tested mainte- around 23% of average tuition costs have led to the current costs (as of tuition fees in 1989 there has only of all years of ‘sandwich’ courses, nance grant, and a bigger loan for with students having contribution 26th October) being $3300, $4700, been a 0.1% increase of the number including periods spent on profes- all who want it) for that academic payments deferred until they and $5500 respectively. These of students entering Universities sional training. The fees are again year only. From 1999/2000, stu- reached earnings of the annual aver- charges brought a fall in applica- from the lowest social economic means tested, and the maximum dents will be expected to be self age income or above. Money col- tions of 30% in applications. category. contribution for most students on a financed by means tested student lected went to the Higher Education Yet, the Australian Government did So, can Britain learn from these professional training year will be loans, and a maintenance grant will System. With the principle of free not completely abolish means-test- changes? £500. not be available. If You Think It’s Too Early To Save, Think Again! Think about it: food for thought Assembly Point: Main Entrance to New College in Southampton (A33) @ 12.45pm. Rally Begins at 2.30 p.m. in Hoglands Park.

his years first year under- the tuition fee fair? If it is students Two coaches will be transporting University of Surrey students to the event. We will be picking students up from graduates are the last Higher that you wish to see facing greater Hazel Farm at 10.30am and from Senate House at 11am. Please arrive early to ensure as seat as they will be given TEducation students ever to be costs for their education then there out on a first come first served basis. in receipt of a free education. In is no sense in means testing their future academic years, students will parents. Agree with this statement Tell Uncle Tony...... face a fee of £1000 per academic and it leads to a question about year to cover tuition and loans of why it was that Dearing did not approximately £3000 per year to choose to recommend a graduate Our agony uncle, Uncle Uncle Tony says: Look, it’s simple. Dear Uncle Tony, assist with living costs. You may tax. With a graduate tax students Tony, answers your con- In this New Britain of ours, every- And another thing, if I’m earning not be too troubled by these propos- are all hit equally hard and there’s cerns about being a stu- one loves each other, and the bond more, won’t I be paying more tax als, you may think they are entirely no way that more affluent students dent...... between parent and child grows anyway? reasonable, after all the individual can get out of it by having daddy ever stronger (though not as strong Yours, Disgruntled Dan from student is the greatest beneficiary of pull out his cheque book. You ear Uncle Tony, You say as we would like, because we are Dorking (again) their education, but think about it; never know you could also ask that because I will be earn- still working to the previous govern- How are you going to stop the those who have already had a ing a higher salary when I ment’s figures on this matter). The Uncle Tony says: Don’t get clever tuition fee levy from rising in the University education to contribute D end result is that when, like me, you with me, sunshine. There’s no place get my degree, I should stop spong- future? Whilst the fee does not to it as well. That way good old ing off the tax payer and pay my are earning so much that you will for clever people in New Britain. cover the entire cost of tuition at Tony Blair can’t be accused of own way. If this is so, why is it all have to refuse your next pay rise, present there are no safeguards to pulling the ladder up after him. means-tested on what my parents you will be able to chuck a couple prevent future Governments pass- Think about it and join us on earn now? of quid your mum & dad’s way. And ing measures to ensure that stu- Saturday November 1st in I’m sure they’d love it if you could dents bear the full cost of their Southampton to protest against the Yours, Disgruntled Dan from pop round every now and then for a tuition fees. Secondly, is the sys- Governments proposals. Be there, Dorking cup of tea and a garibaldi. tem of means testing parents for or pay later! ED971031Issue 918.qxd 07/05/98 14:58 Page 4 (1,1)

4 Letters/Editorial Friday 31st October 1997 n Student Initiatives Letters Pizzas: The final word reply to the suggestion that only etc.etc. The point which we feel we one person ‘sings the praises’ of must emphasise most strongly is Officer Dear Editor, Pizza +, if this is the case why is it that the customers are treated with that we have so many regular cus- the respect which they deserve. In reply to Simon Rose’s Big tomers? In response to the sugges- What else is to be expected of staff The University Educational Liaison Centre is seeking applicants for the whinge, we, as happy members of tion that students take responsibili- when the place is full of drunk, above post. If you would like to gain: the Pizza + workforce, feel the ty for the running of Pizza +, this inpatient, insulting idiots who treat need to bitch back! Firstly, what has in the past been attempted, staff with no respect at all. We too -An ability to help students develop their skills gives him the right to make such a resulting in it becoming unhygenic, are students and do not work at -Managerial, PR, and Marketing Experience gross assumption as to say that the inconsistent, apathetic and unpro- Pizza + in order to be treated as -The chance to deal with Industry, Business, Students’ Unions, and Large staff are demoralised? Secondly, fessional as well as it losing verbal punching bags. Finally, if -Organisations across the country since all the staff, with the excep- money. At least now a substantial you are dissatisfied with the ser- -Responsibility from day one...... tion of the very patient supervisor profit is made which is used to vice, you do have the option of -Then this could be the job for you! Alvin, are themselves students, we benefit the students by subsidising withdrawing your custom. find it hard to believe that students clubs, ents and the minibuses For more information contact Mrs Maggie Melhuish, Personnel Office, are ‘hated’ at Pizza +. Thirdly, in which run from the night-clubs Name and address supplied. 7th Floor, Senate House. Ext: 9370. Closing date: 7th November But What DO Dancers Do......

kay, in this short space I classes, rehearsals and fitness train- Anita Ewing all the issues it raises. Well, we read and not, as some like to think, next intend to put the record ing, we are a busy bunch! For all the body, and that raises a lot of to Planet Zog or whatever. The Ostraight. Your university has the people at FNO who have doubt- essays, do you?” issues too. department does have showings of a dance department, (one of the ed our skill-we are proberbly too ...By the time dancers get to the So now I’m getting carried away. student/professional work. SO most eminent in Europe no less) and knackered! final years, this question becomes Which is quite a good plus-we WHERE ARE YOU ALL? Come this is what we do. But perhaps we Because the course has a strong rare-that is because you never see us dancers enjoy what we do. In the and see our work. Come and dance should go into what we don’t do... emphasis on culture (it is in fact BA to ask because we are locked away final year, choroegraphy forms a big in our pieces. We get a bigger audi- (hons) Dance and Culture), we have writing those essays. Of course we chunk of the degree for those who ence to really show our stuff to. You Misconception number the option to study four techniques; write essays, this is an academic opt it. Far from simply making up get to see what we wear, how we contemporary, ballet, african and course in an academic university. pretty dances (although they do look dance, and what us dancers ‘really” One; kathak, a classical indian form. We Our subjects range from dance his- nice) the whole process is about do Watch this space...... “So, you just dance around are the first department in dance to tory and criticism, notation (have a organiastion, problem solv- in leotards all day then?” offer such a culturally diverse pro- look at Labanwriter on the Macs) ing, leading, following gramme, which also extends into arts policies, and teaching strate- through ideas. And we get to ...No. We do not dance around all our theoretical study of social dance gies. On the way, we look at gender experience all these employ- day. And the image of lycra, tights, forms, which does include what we issues, language, politics, sociology er friendly assets in our flesh (lots of flesh) and high kicks is all do on a Friday Night Out..... (yep, we know all about Foucault) tracky bums, in a studio, by truly a false one (sorry lads). Misconception Number semiology, anthropology, technolo- leading figures in the dance Practical dance lessons take up Two; gy, because what we deal with here world. is the body and all that it means. The dance world I speak of around 50% of our timetable, which “But you don’t write is quite a hefty one. What with extra Imagine reading Shakespeare, and is, in fact, part of this one ED971031Issue 918.qxd 07/05/98 14:58 Page 5 (1,1)

n Friday 31st October 1997 Features /Features 5 Come a Little Bit Closer

Closer - Lyttleton Theatre, South Bank, London.

Antonia Bayliss loser originally played in the Cottesloe Theatre but Chas transferred to the Lyttleton Theatre until mid November. The play was written in 1995 by Patrick Mauber specifi- cally for the National Theatre. The story follows the love lives of four Londoners who meet in quite unusual circumstances. The four characters interact with each other in a very unreserved way both face to face and in a very impressive dialogue conducted over the inter- net - this was probably the high- light of the play. The complex nature of the characters was por- trayed well but the excessive use of sexual references obscured the intricacies of the relationships the characters undertook. The props used in the play were very minimal but were well chosen because they immediately suggest- ed the location. This was enhanced by the ambient sounds which creat- ed the background hum of London well. Overall I enjoyed watching Closer but I would be cautious about rec- ommending it. The blatant style of the script could offend the English reserve. The cast of the play are Sally Dexter, Neil Dudgeon, Mark Strong and Liza Walker Season runs until 12 November 1997, student standby tickets are available on the day for £7.00. Phot: Hugh Glendinning A Life Less Ordinary (15)

Cameron Diaz, Ewan McGregor, Holly Hunter

ow do you follow up the The story line bounces to and fro pitch black humour scat- Bruce Chapman and at points gets quite confused Htered throughout Shallow exactly the best, nor confident kid- with itself. There is also a pointless Grave and Trainspotting - two of the napper, but he does succeed...with all singing, all dancing scene, clear- best films (note the absence of the the help of his victim! As it turns ly demonstrating that there is no word British) of the past three out, Celene hates her father even fear of Diaz exploring a musical years? With an upbeat, light-hearted more than Robert and has plans to career. comedy, that’s how. Take the star of extract as much money from him as That said, this is a great romantic your mega hits, transport him to the possible. comedy, with the novelty that the States, introduce a sex siren and let The contempt that initially exists normal roles have been reversed. nature take its course. This is exact- between the pair slowly erodes as McGregor is dappy and dare I say it, ly what fails to happen. Holly the film progresses and Celine con- sweet, whereas Diaz is strong, con- Hunter and Delroy Lindo are angels, stantly turns down frequent oppor- fident and just oozes sex. Both work sent to earth on a do or die mission tunities to escape, offering Robert well together, sharing obvious on- to attempt to make spoilt society advice on how to best contain her. screen chemistry. Forget the films bitch Celine Naville (Diaz) to fall in Contempt turns to respect and that proceeded this, forget the hype love with lowly cleaner Robert respect turns to, well I’m sure you surrounding it and see A Life Less (McGregor). know the rest already. Ordinary for what it really is...and Having lost his job, his lover and his Trainspotting this is not. Neither is don’t forget to watch the end cred- house in the space of one day, it as dark, slick or powerful as last its. Robert is understandably a bit low, year’s masterpiece - this film has 6/10 low enough to kidnap Celine, the ‘feel good’ written all over it. This daughter of his rich ex-employer Mr means that it doesn’t work as well as Naville (Ian Holm). Not having it could have done. You miss the fast done this before, Robert is not paced, honed to perfection dialogue. ED971031Issue 918.qxd 07/05/98 14:58 Page 6 (1,1)

6 Music Friday 31st October 1997 n

ASH - A Life Less Ordinary ALBUM OF THE WEEK (Infectious) V/A - What’s Up SINGLES Ash have been very quiet for the past ALBUMS Matador (Matador) year. Nice to know they’re out there SLEATER-KINNEY - Dig Me Out Both Guided By LADYSMITH BLACK MAMBAZO recording somewhere, and with a new (Matador) Voices and Tobin - Inkanyezi Nezazi (A&M) guitarist Charlotte Hatherley. ‘A Life In the early nineties there was Riot Sprout are represented Okay, so you feel really bloody stupid Less Ordinary’, the song of the film, is Grrrl. Riot Grrrl was a movement fea- on ‘What’s Up when the Heinz ad comes on and you not one of their best efforts. I personal- turing all girl bands who made up for Matador’, the stupen- feel like crying, don’t you? Well now ly prefer the b-side song ‘Where Is Our their lack of talent with lots of distor- dous 2CD compiled you can own this beautiful and soul Love Going’. A pretty good single, but tion and general noise. Come forward by indie titan Matador cleansing piece of music and hear it I’m still not too taken by it. 7/10 E.C. alone, without a baked bean in sight. to 1997 and we have Sleater-Kinneys’ Records - the spiritual third album, ‘Dig Me Out’. This album home of underground Utterly divine. 10/10 A.M. THE SOUNDTRACK OF OUR GUIDED BY VOICES is fast (no song longer than four min- rock. The first disc is LIVES - Mantra Slider (Coalition) utes!) and punky. They shout! They labelled best-of, and it’s amazing, when I listen to these 24 tracks, from as many ARMIN - Blue Fear (Xtravaganza) That band has a very original style scream! Actually, they are really good. artists, all at once, what a coherent aesthetic Matador has managed to cultivate. This was pleasant on the ears, the now- which can vary from a song to the Unlike many of their contemporaries Examined from some angles, the familiar Balearic style of house music other. The whole follows a psychedelic PIZZICATO FIVE (Veruca Salt and Hole being the most Japanese kitsch-pop band Pizzicato presented in four marvelous mixes, of line drawn somewhere in-between the obvious two) Sleater-Kinney continual- Five, the esoteric Canadian duo Mecca which the second ‘Extended Mix’ is Stooges and Velvet Underground. ly deliver quality songs throughout the Normal, the seemingly immortal British my favourite, taking you on a journey Quiet chaotic music but it does convey album. With songs about destruction, post-punk cynics The Fall and the through thumping bass-lines and a strong feeling. 7/10 T.V. Balearic samples into the techno side heartbreak, partying, and a million Scottish fuzz-pop band Teenage Fanclub other things Sleater-Kinney could be seem very different, but a pervasive of house. 10/10 M.B. ECHO AND THE BUNNYMEN- the surprise success of the year. 9/10 strangeness unifies them. The second Don’t Let It Get You Down A.T. disc, with 20 previously unreleased BLACK GRAPE - Get Higher (London) tracks, is there to justify your expendi- (Radioactive) This their third single to be taken from COMMON - Resurrection (Epic) ture should you decide to buy this won- Sizzling return for the ‘Grape, employ- their comeback album ‘Evergreen’. It’s Something cool comes our way in the derful compilation. GbV’s ‘My thoughts ing subtle drug references and ex-pres- a good, radio friendly, mid paced hip-hop scene!! Common, a Chicago Are a Gas’ is jangly reassuringly whole, idents of the USA to add vocal texture catchy song. It just seems that they are based MC brings something quite dif- Tobin Sprout’s ‘Small Parade’ is gentle to a highly relaxing tune. B-sides con- a long way off from how good they ferent to the table: attitude for starters!! and lilting, Liz Phair’s ‘Stuck on an tinue in this vein to prove that Black used to be and also how good they “I don’t just want to show the prob- Island’ is surprisingly elegant and folk- Grape are able to survive without the think they are now. 7/10 N.W. musical marvel of Bez. 9/10 D.J. lem” he states, “I want to offer a solu- ish. What else can I say except it’s end- tion...” And while this album isn’t lessly, endlessly charming! 10/10 D.A. ASIAN DUB FOUNDATION - exactly revolutionary, its jazzy and SINGLE OF Naxalite (Ffrr) soulful grooves are miles ahead of CHUMBAWAMBA - Tubthumper (EMI) THE WEEK Jungle meets ragga in an indie ALBUMS ROUND-UP many others... excellent. 9/10 G.C. Chumbawamba have been rocketed Audioweb style! ‘Naxalite’ is a song ABRA MOORE - Strangest Places (BMG) into superstardom by ‘Tubthumping’ a about an uprising of landless peasants REGURGITATOR - Tu Plang...Kon Anyone who has a problem with lyrics pub drinking anthem that had the would like this album. It’s crammed full of in the 1960s in Bengal. By the end it Uauk (Coalition) has crashed through all the pseudo- whole country in flames over the sum- ooh’s, ah’s, hey’s and yeah’s. Abra is not A really rather original band, in the mer. I’ve always been a bit suspect of afraid to experiment with different and political clichés of music with lyrics form of a three piece from Brisbane including, “take the power”, and, “we albums which have the best song first, unusual sounds in her backing tracks. who are master crossover craftsmen. what the rest of it like? Crap usually, Sometimes this works. Sometimes it does- will rise again”. Musically sound but Overall they maintain a kind of Foo n’t. 5/10 G.T. poorly delivered lyrically. 6/10 A.T. but in Chumba’s case its not true. The Fighters/Chili Peppers feel, but that’s whole album is a great bland of techno, TOENUT - Two In The Piñata (Mute) too simplistic. Loud guitars get laced indie and whatever else wandered into The album gets off to a promising start with GOD’S BOYFRIEND - Pond (Trade 2) a couple of poppy guitar fueled tracks that with all manner of styles which makes the studio that day. ‘Smalltown’ and The evening session will love them. them very difficult to define, other than sound vaguely like The Levellers (but ‘The Big Issue’ and great efforts and nowhere near as good); but after a while the Scottish, spunky and with a splendid being yummy and far outshining many name. They sound like Feeder and confirm the great quality of the album. whole thing flops. It all sounds the same. of the homegrown punkas trying to be 8/10 F.F. 5/10 G.C. Belly and the singer’s voice is divine this good. I refuse to call anything on the flipside acoustic-esque tracks. PIZZICATO FIVE - Happy End Of The alternative, due to semantic reasons World (Matador) Maybe not very original but the kids FEEDER - Polythene (Echo) and bloodymindedness, but this may When I first heard ‘High’, I became Hah, ha, ha, ha, These teeny popsters are can play and make a fine contribution just tempt me. Xfm listeners will be back, after last years ‘Quickie’ EP. They to the latest pool of indiekid bands. addicted, the soft vocals and catchy familiar with Regurgitator and on the tune made me want to hear more. sound like Bis or should it be Bis sound like 6/10 H.B. them? If you like high pitched singing over strength of this we all will be by next When I heard the album however I was year. Definitely worth the time to listen dull dancey music then this should be right frankly disappointed, as although the up your street. If not, avoid. 4/10 F.F. HIS NAME IS ALIVE - Nice Day (4AD) to it. 8/10 H.B. This single is pretty unremarkable, album is good, and in places (for V/A - Camp Skin Craft (Now Wave) example ‘Descend’), sparkles with sim- A sampler of American Punk/new wave middle of the road stuff. It is music FOREST FOR THE TREES - Forest that always seems to be in the back- ilar effervescence, it is impossible to music, a wide selection of punky indie rock, For The Trees (Dreamworks) but after 33 tracks they all tend to blur, in ground and not the foreground. Every listen to their indie/ rock meanderings This is really something for the sane, without comparing them to the single. fact none of them stand out. 4/10 F.F. track reminds me of another song. The clever and the inspired peoples out BIO.COM - Coming Up For Air last two tracks ‘Come’ and ‘Man’ are However not all is dismal and gloomy there. The opening track ‘dream’ puts as I feel that with listening to (Peepshow) the best because they sound more I feel depressed. When you hope for a Pink you in the mood....and when the album ‘Polythene’ more, it could grow on me. jazzy. 6/10 G.T. progresses on to ‘infinite cow’ you Floyd style breakthrough, you are instead MOBY - The James Bond Theme 8/10 D.N. given a piece of some of the most unimagi- know your onto a winner. Behind all (Moby’s Re-version) (Mute) REDWOOD - Falling Down (Almo) native and dull house music on the planet This is James Bond. If you like it and the flamenco beatbox and swirling HOLE - My Body The Hand (probably). At least the front cover’s cool. ‘Falling Down’ is a rocked out heavy Indian harmonic flavours there is a you like dance music, buy it. If you pop song with no floating guitars and Grenade (City Slang) 4/10 A.M. more simple but serious reasoning. BT - ESCM (Perfecto) don’t like James Bond, then this is several sniffs of late Beatles guitar riffs An album capturing the essence of a some very good house, so buy it. If Carl Stephenson toys with parallel uni- rock band, from its meagre beginnings Unfortunately, despite some very clear and that falls short in light of the fact its a verse theory and the fusion of pop with calculated efforts to make this a ground- you like neither, buy it anyway, bit boring. Their live efforts are far in the basements of LA, to the present environmental sensations. The album is day all out metal frenzy that is known breaking, boundary crossing record, it winds because you WILL like it. Six mixes, more riveting than this. 6/10 D.J. up confused and awkward. 3/10 A.M. including mixes by CJ Bolland and terrific, I won’t be putting it down for a as Hole. The tracks are in chronologi- long while. 8/10 I.U. CITIZEN’S UTILITIES - No More Grooverider. The mutt’s nuts! 10/10 BAMBINO - Little Darling... Little cal order showing Medicine (Mute) M.B. Angel... Little Monkey... Little Imp THE PIXIES the evolution of the Continuing a long line of Middle America (Broken) - Death To group. Early songs pop wannabes. The variety on the album THE INTERPRETERS - In There is only one striking feature The Pixies tend to have heavy would be very impressive if REM hadn’t covered all those bases ten years ago. 3/10 Remembrance Of That Fine Evening recognisable in the first instance with (4AD) guitar and vocals, (Volcano) with later songs J.B. this CD, that a monkey with a ‘Fisher Influential... V/A - A Life Less Ordinary (A+M) The Interpreters sound like a warped Price’ microphone could have blah, blah, sounding like the slightly more A very cheesy and pointless trash can type cross between Sex Pistols, and improved the production. Apart from blah... album full of mediocre tracks from people Jonathan Fire*Eater, the former in this huge influence on how they sound, ‘Smells Like refined present day who can do better than this. Try before you terms of their punky style and the latter the songs are O.K. with feminine Teen Spirit’... Hole. The album buy! 2/10 G.T. in terms of their kookiness. Just to hear Bjorkish vocals over ‘Heavy Pop’ gui- blah.. The kicks off with ROC - Virgin (Virgin) ‘Dogskin Report’ proves this, where a tar. 6/10 E.C. reason why ‘Turpentine’ the Errmm... well.... let’s just say this is a differ- French spy during World War 2 shaves The Pixies group’s first ever ent and diverse type of music. As an album as a whole it stinks, even though it may a dog, to tattoo secrets on it’s body, BUSTA RHYMES - Put Your Hands are so revered recording. only to have the war end before it’s Previously unre- sound different. 2/10 I.U. Where My Eyes Could See (Elektra) is because TOM LEACH - Tom Leach (Slow River) hair grows back, warped, but cool! If you were at the carnival this year they bothered leased, but well worth the wait. It It’s difficult to be constructive about a record 8/10 D.N. you would have seen him rock to write fan- like this. Country songs about running out of Westwood’s and Kiss FM’s stage. tastic songs. also includes their coffee and losin’ ya missus have little appeal. BECK - Deadweight (Geffen) Despite what people may say, his lyrics There are first two singles 2/10 A.M. This is from the new much hyped ‘A in this single are nowhere near explicit. seventeen ‘Retard Girl’ and V/A - Brandon Lock’s Ibiza Mix (Massive) Life Less Ordinary’ film and it sees The original mix sounds cheap and here, from ‘Dicknail’, along The CD apparently features “some of the Beck on top form, a kind of creepy unworked. The mix featuring Kwesi ‘Debaser’ to with some tracks best underground and pumping tunes”.. err, sadly this is not the case. Don’t bother. 1/10 blues style complete with crackly per- Be is, however a true piece of work. ‘Monkey’s taken from their cussion and a delightful acoustic guitar. 1995 MTV G.C. This single is nowhere near what Busta Gone To SIMON RAYMONDE - Blame Someone Cool. 7/10 A.M. is capable of. 5/10 I.U. Heaven’. Unplugged session. This CD should be Else (Bella Union) Classics all, driven by raucous guitars and with Black Herein are twelve “ballads” sung by the “tal- This weeks music bought to you by - Matthew Beal, Dean Arif, Emma Clarke, bought to “hear the Gemma Decent, Frank Fraulo, Alastair Mooney, Denise Nicholson, Thomas Van Waes, Francis screming his lungs out over the top. It is all so mag- ented” Simon Raymonde of Cocteau Twins Ikaraam Ullah, Nick Walsh, Georgina Tarrant, Honey Butcher, James Bloomfield, nificent. Buy this album. Then go and buy all their albums. w(Hole) story”. fame. This is nothing like the Cocteau Twins, Gabriel-Oliver Chamero, Daniel Jones,Nick Walsh,Andrew Thomas, Rob Winder Enjoy life with the Pixies. 9/10 R.W. 7/10 E.C. and certainly not recommended. 0/10 M.B. ED971031Issue 918.qxd 07/05/98 14:59 Page 7 (1,1)

n Friday 31st October 1997 Entertainments Guide 7

GIG GUIDE

It is always advisable to confirm with the venue before travelling.

21:00 Red Dwarf The Damned - Guildford Civic Hall (For details and bookings 21:30 Dangerfield (01483 444555) phone 01483 578017) Eddie Izzard - London Brixton Times subject to change - 22:00 Have I got News Academy please check before film for You La Bradford - London The Garage (0171 607 1818) 21:00 Friends Moreau’s Island - London SUNDAY - Upstairs at the Garage (0171 607 31st 22:30 Rory Bremner THURSDAY

Friday 1818) River - London Camden Barfly (0171 482 4808) Wilde (15) 12:15, 13:05, 17:55, 20:40 20:10 Casualty L.A. Confidential (18) 22:50 Match of the Day Eddie Izzard - London Brixton 13:15, 16:45, 20:10 Academy An American Werewolf in Paris 20:10 Decisive Moments: Hawkwind - Guildford Civic Hall (15) 12:55, 15:35, 18:10, 20:50 The Photos That Made History (01483 444555) A Life Less Ordinary (15) Sleater-Kinney, Comet Gain - 12:45, 15:25, 18:00, 20:40 19:15 Blind Date London Garage (0171 607 1818) 1st The Peacemaker (15) 22:35 Film: 3rd House Of Beef - Reading 14:15, 17:15, 20:20 Gunmen Alleycat (0118 956 1116) Hercules (U) Saturday 12:30, 14:50, 17:30 The Full Monty (15) 12:45, 15:15, 18:30, 21:00 20:00 Full Circle with AT YOUR Dustball - Shooting Fish (12) Michael Palin UNION Guildford University 14:55, 17:35, 20:20 Bevis Frond - London Garage A Simple Wish (U) 22:15 Film: (0171 607 1818) (NB Not Wednesday) 12:45 Pulp Fiction Lydia Lunch - London Jazz Cafe Free Willy 3: The Rescue (U) (0181 963 0940) 12:50 2nd 22:00 Jack Dee’s Sunday Contact (PG)

Sunday Service 20:00 My Best Friend’s Wedding (12) (NB not Weds or Thurs) 23:30 Film 97 with Barry 15:10, 17:50, 20:30 Norman Friday & Saturday BigBang Theory featuring Wilde (15) 22:00 I’m Alan Partridge Carwash - Reading Alleycat (0118 956 1116) 12:15, 15:05, 17:55, 20:40 L.A. Confidential (18) 12:15, 15:25, 18:40, 21:55 21:00 Equinox An American Werewolf in Paris 3rd (15) 14:30, 17:35, 20:20, 22:45 A Life Less Ordinary (15) Monday 14:15, 16:55, 19:30, 22:40 The Peacemaker (15) 23:30 Film: PICK The Beekeepers - 13:15, 16:15, 19:15, 22:20 Defence of the Realm OF THE London Kings Cross Water Hercules (U) WEEK Rats (0171 837 7269) 12:15, 14:35, 16:55, 19:25 23:15 Seinfeld Catatonia - London Astoria The Full Monty (15) The Hitchers, The Karelia - 14:00, 17:15, 20:15, 22:35 London Garage (0171 607 1818) Shooting Fish (12) 20:30 The Cook Report 16:55, 19:30, 22:15 4th The Jellys, The O, Novocaine - 21:00 Soldier, Soldier Reading Alleycat (o118 956 1116) A Simple Wish (U) 22:40 Film: Mark Owen, Northern Uproar - 12:20, 14:25 Tuesday Mad Max II Shepherds Bush Empire Free Willy 3: The Rescue (U) 12:45, 14:50 Contact (PG) 21:30 Absolutely Fabulous Asian Dub Foundation - 21:45 22:00 The X Files Portsmouth Wedgewood Rooms My Best Friend’s Wedding (12) Daft Punk - London Astoria 16:30, 19:00, 21:35 22:30 Newsnight Manbreak, A, Glitterbox - London Camden Barfly (0171 482 4808) Moke - London Club Moke

5th Northern Uproar - London Kings 19:30 UEFA Champions Cross Water Rats (0171 837 7269) League Son Volt - London Dingwalls Wednesday 22:00 They think it’s all over Asian Dub Foundation - 23:00 Question Time Farnham College Comet Gain - London Camden 20:30 Top Gear Underworld The Devils Own 22:30 Newsnight The Hitchers - London Mean Fiddler Lecture Theatre G Manbreak, A, Glitterbox - Sunday 5pm & 8pm, Monday at

6th 8pm 20:00 The Bill Portsmouth University 21:00 Thief Takers Melvins - London Garage (0171 Brassed Off 607 1818) Wednesday 8pm Thursday ED971031Issue 918.qxd 07/05/98 14:59 Page 8 (1,1)

8 Cinema and Arts Friday 31st October 1997 n LIGHTNING SEEDS The Peacemaker (15) Union House- Friday 24 October 1997 George Clooney, Bruce Chapman showing the audience the effects of o did you see the the bullet spraying antics going on Lightning Seeds Nicole Kidman proves that he has got what it takes screen, actually making you realise Slast Friday? ction movies have a fairly ‘Lucky You’! What on the big screen after luke warm that the body count is steadily ris- predictable format. did you think? performances in One Fine Day and ing. ‘Perfect? Introduce a bad guy who A Batman and Robin. Witty one liners This is a good film for its genre - ‘Marvellous’? make has a pretty serious grudge to bear. are spread evenly throughout this entertainment from the word go! you ‘Happy’ and Show your crowd what he’s going dance with ‘Joy’ with to do (jaws drop at the twisted a ‘Tingle Tingle’ feel- ing? nature of his cunning plan) and then I’m a Purely bring in the good guy who’s going ‘Jollification’ man to save the world and his stunningly myself not ‘Dizzy good looking accomplice, come Heights’ so I was love interest. The Peacemaker, the pleased then when the old favourites came first film from the new Spielberg along such as ‘The and Co’s new super studio, Life Of Riley’. Dreamworks, doesn’t differ on this ‘Blowing Bubbles’ count. was All I Wanted to Here we have an East European make it ‘My Best Day’ though. leader who decides that he’s going The crush on the to hold the West to ransom with a dance floor however at nuclear weapon. Only first he the beginning was hor- demonstrates his intentions by deto- rendous. I now realise nating a device quite spectacularly what Karen Swales in Central Russia. Enter straight meant in her open let- two hour man/bomb hunt. Kidman Don’t expect too much depth, as ter to Barefacts two laced nuclear weapon expert, Nicole is as good as she has ever been you certainly won’t get it here. weeks ago. People Kidman and her, rogue-like side (think Dead Calm and To Die For Maybe it is a bit too long and there jumping excitedly kick George Clooney who have to and you’re about there) and shows a are a few pointless parts at the made tidal waves stop the man from the East going pulse through the sensitive side to the shootings and beginning (speaking Russian for the atomic. crowd. One girl had to violence around her. For her first first ten minutes of the film would fight her way out saying she couldn’t superb haunting start of ‘Marvellous’ I For a low budget action movie The film, Mimi Leder shows great matu- be useful), but overall, for a first breathe. I was going to make fun of the will never know. The LS are best on Peacemaker does very well. There rity in her direction. There are some effort, it’s a bloody riot. Taken in phrase “a capacity 1600 crowd” but not CD, I feel. I’ve heard them do better are lots of thrill seeking set pieces, very clever shots which mimic the right frame of mind, you really anymore. but playing live they sound a tad too some of which hark back to classic I quit the dance floor and watched from indie for my ears. On the other hand Scorsese at times. However, she has can’t beat it. Bond movies. Clooney finally Hari’s Bar on the screen. The trouble they have tweaked a couple of their a fresh approach to action movies, 7/10 was I could hardly hear the music from songs, including a long extra bridge the amount of chatter. Were people section for ‘Marvellous’. there to watch and listen to a great For all my complaints I congratulate band or talk to each other?! USSU Ents for signing the Lightning Better the Devil you Know !! The end of every song was followed by Seeds. Personally though I would have chants for ‘Three Lions’. True, it paid a higher Price to see them at a would have lifted the roof off the union more suitable venue. The SU may be if played but I was kind of glad it was- ‘A Cool Place’ but perhaps not for owever, this weeks film is McGregor. So if you would like to n’t. While it is ace for a sing-a-long it major acts such as these. ‘Bound In A more concerned with the see this excellent British film then is a bit tacky compared to their other Nut Shell’ the Lightning Seeds are very HDevil you don’t know, in you can buy a ticket for two pounds material. talented but as a live act they remain the Devil’s Own. The film concerns from either the Arts Office or on the The Lightning Seeds write excellent ‘A Small Slice Of Heaven’. an escaped IRA terrorist (Brad Pitt) door. This film as usual will be songs and some brilliant intros to them. ‘Why Why Why’ people clapped to the James Buller who takes up residence with an shown in LTG at 8p.m. on American-Irish cop (Harrison Wednesday. Ford). Potential for Trouble ? I If anyone has any suggestions con- should think so and guess what ? cerning the showing of films, the THE JELLYS Trouble is exactly what the pair get. films you would like to see and Union House Sunday 19 October 1997 A film well worth seeing, so instead Chris Coffey even films you would like to see as of sitting around doing nothing why lateniters, then please put your ideas f the “crowd” 2 were not watch The Devil’s Own. your two pounds and choose a seat on paper and leave them if the OFU photographers and 3 of your liking. The film will be Owere stage crew, So if you like the idea of a good pigeon hole in the postroom. which was a crying shame. Irish-American tale, or you just showing on Sunday at 5p.m. and Finally if anyone would like to have The Jellys were damn fine. want something to do for an 8p.m. and again on Monday at a go at learning to project films, The three of them made up for evening. Then you can buy a ticket 8p.m. contribute to selecting next season’s the lack of support by filling by going along to the postroom in The Arts cinema will be showing films, or just fancy’s being involved the union with luxurious noise. the union, filling out a ticket and the the exceptionally funny Brassed Off in a fun society, then please come The set of eleven songs placing that ticket into the box. that boasts a very strong British cast along to our meeting on Tuesday at showed a quality of ability, if Then simply go along to LTG pay which of course includes Ewan 6p.m. in LTH. All are welcome. perhaps a little unvaried. It was refreshing, however, to see a band who do not do the obligatory acoustic ballad Another World Exists Next slosh. Instead the music bounced between punk and rock. The energy unfortuately didn’t transfer from band to To Us.... audience, but they seemed less than disheartened and made light of it. They looked partic- ularly at home on the stage ast Wednesday, ODEON observe and film. The action takes would never imaging or even and the performance was itch- Cinema gave the opportunity place in an ordinary meadow in believe exist, such as the interior of ing to be stunning but the to cinema goers to enjoy one ants’ nests. the mating of several union was less than enthusias- L of its “PROJECTIONS” occurring Martha Stefanidou insects, the creation of butterflies tic and killed the moment. Many songs reminded you of some- hours on a Sunday evening then you every such day. I attended it myself and ants’ struggling for mainte- thing else, although they avioded the deserve to miss out. I went, I loved it. and the film we saw was MICRO- Eveyron in France, a summers day, nance. The result is really fantastic cover version hellpit. Yes, it’s been COSMOS. and all the stars are garden pests. and surely the film is worth being done before, but The Jellys do it well Honey Butcher The film is basically a documentary The narrator is Christin Scott seen and applauded. and could easily give Green Day a run showing in every detail a day in the Thomas. The audience enters a world in for their money. If you like that sort of The Jellys with Novocaine and The O thing then you really missed out. But play Reading Alleycat on 4th Nov and life of several insects. The film The film is proud to have extraordi- miniature and visits a parallel uni- to be honest if you can’t be arsed to go London Garage on 8th Nov. makers Claude Nuridsany and nary macrophotography and sound. verse peopled by strange and won- and see a band, for free, for a couple of Marie Perennou spent a lifetime to The camera captures scenes one derful aliens. ED971031Issue 918.qxd 07/05/98 14:59 Page 9 (1,1)

n Friday 31st October 1997 Classified 9 Personals

n Too much lego makes Ben a dull n Calling the Fart Machine!! K.E n Simon, have you set a date yet? Tracy (4), you’re the only man for n Phil and Susie... you forgot your boy where R U?? Week12 me. James (1) union card numbers. n Conehead’s coming home! n Who needs a roofreack any- n Antonia ... damn I had to blow n Drink one oel for me, Jens. RK n Matt “I look like a grass hopper” n Nick, I was pushed!!! Fraggle. way?! up the lilo this time! - C the Viking Pannell!!! n Nicky says the waiter at The n Hello everybody at Surrey, just a n Catherine, I’ve booked an n Pannell, you know nothing... n Percy - What’s your game, you Green Man has no sense of little hi from Christina. appointment at the opticians for n this one’s about two inches big- dirty old ripper? humour!!! n DOK! bartman forgot! des- you next week. ger than the other one. n Duracell Bunny, How HARD n More service stations on the M3 paretely seeking seeker JB 4216 n Laura & Angela, wish I was n How do you turn out street lights was Fraggle’s floor on Friday please. n Everyone is then, and then there there!!! But this is O.K too, Rich ? night. Did you sleep or play ball? - n Alan M.. really needs a SHAG. is the others. Christina n Long live Austin Powers, Warren n Suz, what have you found? n Alex- Nice dancing to Barbie n A, C, K, R, A & S want a gag? International Building of Mystery. n SFTW - reserve your copy now n J.P., you have done worse than Girl on Wednesday!!! n Aren’t the Dust Junkies brilliant n Il faut dormir les nuits mon petit n Happy halloween Dean love getting on to the scoreboard n Temperature in the union during !!!!! n Look out lads, it’s a falling plane me***** n Tom, you are a Tart. the Lightening Seeds - Schorchio n AFAFAFAFAFA!!!!!! n What’s up with the tape recorder n Warren and Duracell have some n Thanks for the flowers N, love C !!! n Tricky + haggis, Vodca, spoor, Warren? talking to do, don’t we! You’re too n Chiquitilla: you are the most n When are we next “doing din- Saturday be there - Fraggle n One Car, two doors, four keys!! expensive you know. beautiful girl in the world ner” then? Your place or mine? n Will Kev, Psychology postgradu- n Can Andy who contacted Bare n Jeremy, you must think your n Trout Boy! You out there some- n Tich - Do you like playing stock ate please get in touch with me Facts about contributing please boat has come in. where my love? cars on the M3 or did you just like regarding the great ideas that he give us another call as the exten- n Doris -It’s nice when you have a n Mike - did she enjoy licking the girl in front?! Ummm wrote on Union suggestion slips. I sion number we have for you does- nice sandwish isn’t it? your sloblocks? n Has anyone got any PENNIES to want to know more. I want to know n’t work - Cheers Ed. n D.B. welcome to the world of n The verb: to bungle - bungler, go lend to Rob? Is there anything he your surname. Call me - Bob ext. n To the bestset boyfriend in the alcoholism - Fraggle & Chums bungling, to be bungled! Isn’t that HASN’T done?!! 9227 entire universe... mr jelly baby you n Julie at Twyford - woman, i miss right then? n So, down the back of the chair n How do you turn out street lights are just the best , and I think the ya. Hope you are surviving the n Come on pride - prrr prrr were they!! ‘but I checked there’ Rich ? world of you... heres to another 3 onslaught of size 8’s. Love Kazza n IT 2nd year, how are you n Chris Sturt- How is your Friday n Celebrating 20 all over again! years... love l.m.******* Mo. doing?? Is Marcin still fooling fresher? from club One Eleven. Only 4 months late! Thanks, I had n Thanks to those who did nothing n We may not have qualified this around with the machines, C_YA n A - So do you make a habit of a an Ab Fab time. Love you all, M. to stop a guy punching us at Bo’s, year, but we’ll be back... Chris!!! ‘tasting’ peoples hands then?!! n To the bloke who lifted me up to thanks for watching n Simon- Had any good Pizzas n BF 2am.... Bob 7.45pm We win n Rob D - are you sure sport gave take a photo of the Lightning Seeds n This week, I ‘ave mostly been recently- the cuddly toy is ours.... you those bruises - cheers mate, you’re a star! eating all the pies n Dolly - can I just have a sip of n K.E. nothing like projectile vom- n ‘Nel’ Mangle Tit’s, we love you. n Nothing happened in the tent, n Congratulations to Mark for your gin? itting!!! n All Diesel drinkers prepare for I’m innocent!!!! - Fraggle organising an excellant Rag n Gorjus, U R + 2 ,Gorjus’er n After three unsuccessful years, diesel fest ‘97 n Alicia: Have you got a bottle of Week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! n Heres to another three years now I get too many! n Warren - you may be 2 stars cruzcampo??? Te quiero n Sarah - lets try to beat 5! coco.... n Look, no more Crisis or catastro- higher than me but there’s nothing n Attention all cold students - Alex Wingnut, how’s the Dutch connec- n Look out lads, it’s a falling plane phes please, we’ve got enough at you could teach me!! DB & Matt’s double glazing service is tion? n BTW it’s your and not you’re. the moment. n Long live Austin Powers, now in n Jump on, do you want any coke n Mire needs some loft insulation! International Building of Mystery. n Andy - I can hold my own! with that malibu? Slag of x Notices

Hong Kong Society AGM 31st October ‘97 Sci Fi & Anime GM Sunday 9th November 6:00pm LTA 2:30pm LTA, contact ch61hm for more details. Canoe Club - Wednesday 5th November, Trip Judo AGM 12Nov 3:45 (after training) Dance to Hurley Wier, followed by fireworks at the Studio Campusport RAM cider house!!! ENJOY. Netgamer AGM Wed 12th Nov 7:30pm LTB Bare Facts Editorial Board Meetings 6pm Boat (Rowing) Club AGM 12th November every Monday in the Office in Union House 5:30pm Grant Mitchell Room. MetSoc AGM 21AB20 1pm 12th November We would just like to say a big thanks to all ‘97 those who gave us money during Rag week. We Taiwanese Soc AGM 31st October 6pm LTH raised over £100 in 2 hours. Screamer & Archery Club AGM 4th November 7:30pm Zombie. LTK Unplugged Postgraduate Association AGM 4th Thanks to all of you who came along last November 6pm LTA Tuesday to experience what turned out to be Jiu Jitsu AGM is Sunday 9th November, 8pm. another terrific ‘Unplugged’. If you want to Meet in Campusport Studio. join in the next one (week 11, 18th November) Oscar Film Unit (OFU) meet weekly on let me know through the Unplugged pigeon Tuesdays at 6pm in LT H, come along and help hole as soon as possible. The Unplugged band- choose next semester's films! Everyone wel- wagon is truly gaining momentum. The atmos- come! phere created in the Helyn Rose bar is brilliant The Singapore Students’ Society is having a so if you have yet to try it, what’s keeping you? Tea Reception on the 31st October 1997 at LT If you want to get involved, come along to D at 6:45pm and all students are welcome. Hari’s bar on a Turesday at 7pm. See you Postgrad Association AGM to take place on there.Tom Sherwen - Unplugged chairman Tuesday 4th November at 5pm at Wates House. ED971031Issue 918.qxd 07/05/98 14:59 Page 10 (1,1)

10 Sports and Features Friday 31st October 1997 n CHRISTMAS BALL!! The Minibusgate ARE YOU SWEET ENOUGH TO COME?!

or the first time ever in the history of the band?? Tickets will be £15 so now is your Affair University of Surrey, we are finally chance, how do you want your money spent? Fgoing to have a Christmas Ball on Any questions, opinions, ideas then please just Friday 19th December in the Students Union. come along to the Ents meeting/ fill in the ave you ever used a Union minibus?? figures I can find on hand at the moment it Preparations for this event have already begun form below and put it in the ‘Balls’ pigeon Used it to go to matches? To go on was £14,274 deficit. And insurance costs a but we need to know what YOU want to see hole in the Students Union building. If pre- sporting trips? As a society? Caught hell of a lot too. H there to make it a brilliant night. At the ferred then you could also email any of us: a bus to and from events? Ever caught one YES we would like to do more runs moment, there is just a small committee mak- Susie Westwell on Li61sw, Karen Hanmore back from Bo’s or Cindies?? YES we would like to take to do more ing all these important decisions on behalf of on Li61kh, Anna Butterworth on Li61ab or The Students’ Union currently owns 7 Hazel Farm runs the whole university which is obviously not Claire Wallace on ec61cw. We look forward to minibuses - 2 vans and 5 seated buses - YES we would like a whole new fleet of ideal so the more input we get from the stu- hearing from you! which are used to death for the following rea- buses dents, the better this event can be. If you want sons: YES we need more drivers CHARTER BALL to hear the latest developments in the plans for n Realistically, we need to buy two new buses The Charter Ball will be held in February ’98 BUSA matches this ball, we present them each week at the n which cost £15 000 each. Realisitcally we are and preparations are also already underway. 50 sports clubs Ents Committee meetings on Mondays at 6pm n looking for more than one driver to do the We are working to make this event the biggest 50 societies in technology Grant Mitchell meeting room n Club runs, more than two to do the Hazel and best yet but we want YOUR help!! Hazel farm runs on a Friday Night and (opposite the Bare Facts office). EVERYONE special events - For which the Farm runs, more than 4 to do BUSA - Charter Ball meetings are held every IS WELCOME! So please just come along Accomodation Office pay £10 per run, to MORE than the existant core of drivers. Wednesday , meeting at 4pm in the Students and you can honestly make a difference. The include payment of driver. We still have to So YES we would like you to take a test, its Union lobby first of all. Everybody is wel- Christmas Ball has a ‘sweets’ theme and we incur the costs for diesel and maintenance. only a tenner and then volunteer to be a reg- come, we already have some really exciting have already come up with many ideas to fol- n ular minibus driver - you can get paid for the ideas, Club runs back from Cindies on low this theme, any suggestions to make this Monday’s and Bo’s on Wednesday’s - the work you do. so come along and see what you think! Any event even sweeter and sticker (yes we have funding for which is split 3 ways between and YES we would like suggestions on how queries can also be put in the ‘Balls’ pigeon already thought of chocolate body paint!) then the Union, University Security and the to improve the current minibus situation. hole in the Union, or email to ms41cp, they will be very welcome. University Senate. Minibus runs to Bo’s on because YES we need more Buses. All our ideas are yet to be confirmed but we (Corinna Phillips). a Wednesday are run and payed for by Got any solutions/ buses/drivers/ piles of do have a professional photographer, tattooist, Union. cash that you’d like to offload?? Susie Westwell and amazing pictures already booked for the Union Amenities such as Stage Crew, getting Come and see Caz - Sports Officer evening. At present we are looking to get a the House Officers to the Bank safely, Other (ext.9981) who is also the person in charge of recognised DJ to play for the evening which Union stuff, getting equipment to gigs etc buses! we are waiting to hear a reply from, we do etc. need some input however as to whether or not n P.S As we are writing this article a bus was Transporting the EIHMS Nurses based a band would be preferred and if so what off campus. used to take a member of staff down to the n Intro week usage. Health Centre. Another bus was found to All University Departments both for have a flat battery coz someone left the lights Academic and Adminisatrative use. on. The Union Club incurrs all costs for mainte- nance and repair and as such runs the at a huge loss. At the year end 1995 (the only

The perfect Christmas bash? You decide..... ED971031Issue 918.qxd 07/05/98 14:59 Page 11 (1,1)

n Friday 31st October 1997 Sports 11 The Perfect Start... The Untouchables!!! Wednesday 22 October 1997, Merrick Park Golf Club, Bournmouth Burpham Res FC 0 Surrey 3 Bournmouth 3 he defend- quite funny for University of Surrey FC B XI 6 ing BUSA Jacques & Manky Rob. Mr Bean then TGolf hit it in the trees and he Surrey ‘B’ football team STIFFY CLIFFY after the break, Amigo Paulo, com- champions got off to a dismal start of course Jamie won the hole !!!! continued their meteoric rise pleted the Surreydomination as up the leaguetable with yet Burpham wilted in Surrey’s autumn of the season with a mediocre draw The rest of the match isn’t worth T despite theneanderthal tactics of the another storming victory. As yet sunshine. against Bournemouth. talking about really. Briefly, Ajay filthy Burpham scum! Solid centre The day started off poorly with “Nice Car!!!” Patel and Sandro undefeated, in the Guildfordand Football was thewinner on the day Woking Alliance League, the boys midfielddomination from Yannis with the boys proving beyond any Jamie O’Doherty turning up late “Italian Stallion” Carlotti both win- ‘Deep’ Boziaris and Andy ‘Kitman’ and proceeding to get us lost within ning. Mark “Ginga” Booker man- kept their first clean sheet of thesea- shadow of a doubt, thatthe ball to son. Stunning performances across Harkett provided astiff and erect feet is mightier than the hoof! a mile of university. Not bad con- aging to half his match ( Not bad backbone from which the limbs of sidering he lives within 2 minutes for a +1 handicapper who is in the the back from Yankee Doodle, The Many thanks to those who drove us BoySimone, Henri ‘Onions’ the team applied avice-like, choke to the ground; Spooner, Baldie and of the course we were playing at. England Youth Squad!!!) with a 5 hold on the game. Fantastic wing However he redeemed himself in handicaper who hit it like a tart !! . Gueydan, Mad Alex Pruthi and ‘themindoors’; and especially all Quincy Stiff ensured theSurrey net play from Gareth’Hat-Trick’ those chiselling Old Boys who amazing fashion by holing-in-one Rob “Ginga Lamp Chops” Alter Walters and Simon ‘Braice’ Roche, at the 243 yard opening hole. On managing a half against his Finnish was kept as free of balls as a made the Team ofthe Day success Eunachs underpants! provided 5 of the Surreygoals, with that much sweeter.” striking the shot he turned away in opponent and Chris “ Manky” the sixth coming as a result of a disgust and cursing that he hit the Manger losing his match against an A defiant team spirit and confi- All the Lads...... ” dence, far ahead of the years of a magnificent solo run from’Mad’ shot fat (i.e. crap for all you non- Eddie Large lookalike. Alex.Terrier like pressure and pin- golfers). His reaction on making his Oh well, still undefeated in over a relativelyyoung team, kept control of the game for a solid 90 minutes, point feeder play from the Golden first ace was an understandable “ year, better luck next week and boy Meads,Constitution Hill, and Oh shit !!!! I’m skint guys !!!!” hopefully we’ll never have to travel His Mr Bean lookalike opponent so bloody far again !!!! stepped up to the tee and Rob OOPS !!! Almost forgot, Jamie Men’s Water Polo Most (Jacques Villeneuve) Alter greeted ”Youdaman!!!” O’Doherty mirac- him with “ Well, this one for the ulously lost his match too. half mate !!!!” This was actually Sucessful Club ‘96/’97 CAMPUSPORT Achievements - colours ball Meeting times - Golf Course over the last few years Surrey will verify. The whole of last year If this is up your alley (though we University Mens Water Polo Club was filled with drunken antics wont be), then turn up outside sen- few places are still available for this 5 week course for beginners, has which ate starting on Tuesday 11th November 6.00 - 7.00 p.m. Come and sign progressively improved, culminat- improve team spirit and is an house at : Aup at the Sports Centre. ing in reaching the BUSA semi- important part in the teams out- Mondays : 8:15 pm finals and look. Thursdays : 8:45 pm Step Aerobics winning the Surrey County Cup. Sundays : 8:15 pm Which earnt us the prestigious title About Training - new 5-week course has been arranged for all those who missed the of Our Monday training sessions are Tuesday evening opportunity! It’s a great workout and Joanna is a Contacts - Most Successful Club of 1996 / 97. dedicated to improving you stami- If you want to find out more, con- Amotivating, professional teacher - do sign up for the course on or This success was heightened by the na and before 5th November to secure your place. tact : Alec does she swallow high stroke, and we also swim. Our Patterson on COURSE DETAILS: FRIDAYS 7TH NOVEMBER - 5TH DECEMBER contingent of new comers to the Thursday sessions are reserved for @ 5.20 pm x 4312 or Lex Philippidis on x team. tactical 4702 FEE: Card Holders £5/Non card holders £7.50/Staff £10 improvement and matches. Finally Social - on Sunday we endeavour to prac- LEX. Ballroom Dance Society The Men Water Polo Club is now tise our recognised as one of the major Ball Skills and other individual reminder that the first meeting and “Come and Try Ballroom socially water polo skills. Obviously after Dancing” is on Wednesday 5th November at 7.30 p.m. in the active sports team in the training an energy replenishing ail- University Hall. A University, as, those at last years ment, (i.e. mines a Stella guv.) Evening Row, row, row your boat

Aerobics in the Weybridge Silver Skulls - 18th October 1997

n just four weeks of the Freshers Stefano also entered in the novice arriving we entered our first Head Annie Preston Single Skull event and avoiding the University Hall Irace of the semester. The day was swans this time, finished an perfect, with glorious sunshine it was not only a day of impressive twelth out of thirty one other Clubs. racing, but a chance for all those (sexy!) rowers to show Well done guys, keep the training up - those early reminder that the classes Tuesdays 1.00 - 2.00 p.m. and 7.00 all and top up the fading summer tan. mornings ARE paying off, honest!! will be returning to their - 8.00 p.m. Stefano Predieri and Steve Poole represented Surrey If you fancy yourself in one of those lycra all-in-ones Aprogrammed time now the Thursdays 5.30 - 6.30 p.m. (Funky University in a Double Skull. The 3300m long course and can handle the commitment of being part of a crew Open University examinations have Aerobics!) was a test for these two who had a brilliant start and that relies on each member 100% then contact Stefano: finished. That is: Fridays 1.00 - 2.00 p.m. looked strong. Near the finish, as exhaustion set in, me61sp or Annie: bs61ap. Mondays 6.00 - 7.00 p.m. Sundays 11.00 a.m. - noon things got a little hairy with Stefano trying to behead a Wednesdays 5.00 - 6.00 p.m. passing swan and another crew careering into the Thursdays 6.30 - 7.30 p.m. bridge, our double finished an outstanding fourth. All abilities - both men and women Maybe not Redgrave and Pinsent, but give them time, - are welcome to these fun work- these two will be winning tankets for every member of outs which also include classes at our Club. the Sports Centre as follows: ED971031Issue 918.qxd 07/05/98 14:59 Page 12 (1,1)

12 Sports Friday 31st October 1997 n Diesel and White Water

he traditional Freshers White hugging wetsuits. (mine kindly Duracell Bunny’s very giggly effort sheep that Stef was so excited Water trip to Symonds Yat in donated by Warren - why did you Sally Hanning in the tent. Let’s just say it didn’t about!! TWales began with an 8 have a ladies wetsuit?!!) leave much to the imagination! Our last paddle of the rapids was o’clock start on Saturday. This The first paddle of the day involved then shovelled much needed Frog in (Don’t believe a word she followed by the traditional swim for proved somewhat of a struggle for advise and strokes to be used on the the Forests and fiery chicken curries says...DB) all those who dared. The long and most people due to a massive Friday rapids, voluntarily submerging our- down our gullets and started down- Naturally in the morning most peo- arduous journey stuck in traffic night out. However, everyone grad- selves into ice cold water, and final- ing the dreaded “diesel”. Yes you ple were feeling a little worse for jams improved on various attempts ually appeared and by 9 we were ly seal launching of a 10ft high rock name it, every single drinking game wear - not really surprising if your to pull other drivers (and their girl- well on the way to a wicked and cer- which seemed to be a great laugh - and stupid noise came out that tent is taken down in the middle of friends!) Haggis’ tactics were sim- tainly wet weekend on the River Yeah I know I’m a chicken!! We night. Including the Teletubbies and the night!! So we slowly made it ply to hurl himself out of the win- Wye. For those less experienced then made our way down the rapids, Spice Girls, which gave us disap- through the mist to the minibus and dow and make interesting gestures paddlers who were maybe a bit ner- cruising along very sophisticatidily proving looks from the locals, but back to the river. The adorning of at unassuming woman, which sur- vous about the white water, their and finished off with a bit of posing did we give a dam? - no! Being cold, wet wetsuits wasn’t every- prisingly enough didn’t work. fears were put to rest by Fraggles’ around at the bottom - some of us well tanked up, we made our way one’s idea of fun especially as the All in all the trip was a great laugh death deifying driving, as surely more than others!! back, entertaining ourselves with bush us ladies were changing and a huge confidence builder when nothing would be more scary than Paddling over, we made our way to dodgy renditions of Bohemian behind didn’t provide much cover it comes to white water! that. When we eventually arrived, a campsite and after huge stresses Rhapsody. The evening finished off from fascinated drivers. We spent in one piece, we were confronted about putting up dodgy tents we in a very merry way by a)being bol- the morning drifting down stream, with the mammoth task of squeez- descended on the local and made a locked by the warden and b) being singing horrifically out of tune ing into our very attractive, figure start to our evening piss up. We hugely entertained by Fraggle and songs and frightening all those Black Wednesday

We lost - enough said. All that I won - and by God do we know that wish to say is that I wish I had start- Cazza you won! And well done for those ed this results table a bit later on or when I suggested that I only wanted whe stayed to back me up when the that the Editior in his ultimate wis- to have a table when we won lots!! oppostion got nasty - thanks and I dom(?) wasn’t so cross (cross? Anyway, well done to those that love you all!! Me? Shurely some mistake? - Ed) ....The Results.....The Results....The Results.....Resul

Sporty Thang The Enemy Them Us Sporty Thang The Enemy Us Them FOOTBALL M1 SOUTHBANK 3 1 HOCKEY W1 DIDN’T PLAY FOOTBALL M2 SOUTHBANK 7 1 HOCKEY W2 PORTSMOUTH 0 12 FOOTBALL M3 PORTSMOUTH 4 1 NETBALL 1 READING 29 38 FOOTBALL M4 SUSSEX 3 2 NETBALL 2 READING 15 68 FOOTBALL W1 SOUTHAMPTON 4 3 RUGBY M1 KINGS COLLEGE 25 12 BADMINTON M1 PORTSMOUTH 5 4 RUGBY M2 KINGS COLLEGE 5 30 BADMINTON M2 PORTSMOUTH 5 4 RUGBY W1 SOUTHAMPTON INST. 0 39 BADMINTON W1 BUC 1 8 SQUASH M1 DIDN’T PLAY BASKETBALL KINGSTON LOST SQUASH M2 SOUTHAMPTON INST. LOST FENCING SUSSEX 20 7 SQUASH W DIDN’T PLAY GOLF BOURNEMOUTH 3 3 VOLLEYBALL M CANCELLED DOES THIS COUNT? AS A WIN? HOCKEY M1 SOUTHAMPTON INST. 4 1 VOLLEYBALL W SUSSEX 1 3 HOCKEY M2 DIDN’T PLAY TENNIS M DON’T TALK TO ME ABOUT TENNIS TENNIS W PORTSMOUTH 2 4 FOR THOSE PEOPLE WHO WON BASTARDS! FOR THOSE WHO LOST - THEY WERE ONLY SCUMMERS AND WE GOT RID OF THEM IN THE END!