##2244 AugAug -- SeptSept 20200088 Design | Art | Film | Web | Business | Magic Dartboard and Dog by Niko Sunglasses (models own) T-Shirts Bantum Clothing, Rikki Finn and ‘Schoolboy tee’ by fourmost films 2 Ilkeston Road Canning Circus Nottingham NG7 3GD www.viewtheshop.co.uk “IN NOTTINGHAM I learned to read and write, and how to spell - lucky! I went hungry now and again, but then was fed by the City; the place nurtured me, for a start in life, because I worked there for a living - which was good; got bombed in 1941 and didn’t get hit! A youth in Nottingham was rich with lovely girls, and friendships never to be forgotten, a town built into my bones and heart, carried with me forever. Always part of me, impossible not to make it live for others as it lived and still does for me - something given back with more than thanks.” Alan Sillitoe, 2008 LeftLion Magazine Issue 24 contents August-September 2008 editorial Youths and Ducks, Have the students gone, then? Wahey! No disrespect, but thank Baby Jesus that Nottingham can stop being so bleddy vibrant and eclectic for a couple of months, and we can all go bear-baiting and morris dancing in the Square again and break our necks running after a massive cheese that’s been rolled down Mansfield Road. And maybe even pull our trousers back over our arses for a bit, because that’s sucky. This issue, LeftLion makes no apologies whatsoever for clearing the decks and devoting the entire mag to 16 two subjects very close to our hearts - Alan Sillitoe and 10 going out on the batter. The former is unquestionably the man who crystallised the Notts attitude, the absolute May Contain Notts Artists Profiles Don when it comes to Nottingham culture, and a huge 04 Your latest blast of NewsChelp. 18 Terry Shave, Naomi Terry, Chie influence on all of us here at Lion Towers. I remember Hosaka and Ben Judd. absolutely devouring his short stories when I was a lad at school, and being knocked bandy by the fact that someone A Canadian In New Basford was writing about our town, in our language, and I’d 05 Rob recalls his first night out in Touched By The Hand Of Gubb like to thank him for his contribution to this issue’s cover, town. Warning: descriptions of 20 Judas Priest, the miner’s strike, the which knocked me even bandier when it arrived in the projectile vomiting. Berlin Wall and skate parks = Art. office. As for the latter…well, say no more. Actually, we say Can You Finish Your Drinks, Please? LeftLion Listings much more in this ish, as we’ve taken the time to pin 06 The government want us to calm 22 Your complete guide to non-worky down the people who work their arses off on Saturday down on the boozing. After you’ve japery for the next two months. night, sent photographers on reconnaissance missions in stopped laughing, read this. town, and even interviewed people in Chambers while a Sorry, I Don’t Speak Geek stripper whacked some lad’s bare arse with his belt. This 28 The Word from our Nerds. issue is dedicated to the hundreds of people who work in The Saturday Night Special the pub trade in Notts, especially the ones that carry our 09 Your complete guide to the book, mag. If it wasn’t for them, you wouldn’t be reading this. the movie and the event, starring Reviews Alan Sillitoe, Sir Ian McKellen, limo 29 Our not-as-new-as-it-was-before Word to your Nana, and - in case you forgot - don’t let the drivers, cabbies, bar staff, someone look at the latest books and CDs. bastards grind you down. who survived working at the Worst Pub In Notts, Nottingham’s top Al Needham novelists, the bloke who runs the Nottts Trumps [email protected] hot dog stand outside Ocean, and 30 Plus Rocky Horrorscopes, The virtually everyone who has ever got Arthole, and LeftLion Abroad. battered in town on a Saturday. James Walker Literature Editor James was ace at marbles at school but hasn’t amounted to credits much since. He once went on holiday and read eight books in Editor Contributors “The magnet of the East Midlands had a self- seven days. His girlfriend left Al Needham ([email protected]) Michael Abbot confidence no one could fault, a cosmopolitan go- soon after. Unable to afford plastic Frances Ashton ahead conurbation whose unique pulse animated surgery on his teaching wages, he Editor in Chief Jane Bluett young and old alike” is training to be a beekeeper in the Jared Wilson ([email protected]) Wayne Burrows Alan Sillitoe, Birthday, 2001 Rob Cutforth hope that the stings will give him Deputy Editor Hugh Dichmont an adolescent look. He has written Nathan Miller ([email protected]) Alison Emm Correspondence Address for LeftLion for three years, one Charlotte Kingsbury ([email protected]) Lauren Evett LeftLion, care of Stone Soup, The Oldknows as Literature Editor. For more info on his writing, please see Colin The Geek Factory, St Anns Hill Road, NG3 4GP www.jameskwalker.co.uk Technical Director Tom Hawkey Alan Gilby ([email protected]) Camillo Hortez If you would like to reach our readers by John Humphries advertising your company in these pages Marketing and Sales Manager Howard Jacks please contact Ben on 07984 275453 or email Al Needham Ben Hacking ([email protected]) Nathanya Laurant [email protected] Paper Lad Roger Mean Who’s that bald chap, a- Art Director James Nash dragging his sack trolley David Blenkey ([email protected]) Johnny Royall LeftLion has an estimated readership of 40,000 in through the town, trying not to Alan Sillitoe the city of Nottingham. LeftLion.co.uk received Art Editor Jack Tunnecliff over 4 million page views in the last 12 months. scratch people’s cars up and Amanda Young ([email protected]) James Urqhuart swearing to himself whenever the wind blows dozens of Theatre Editor Photographers This magazine is printed on paper sourced from LeftLions across the street? Adrian Bhagat ([email protected]) David Baird sustainable forests. Our printers are ISO 14001 Why, ‘tis our Al, doing his paper Alison Emm certified by the British Accreditation Bureau for round. When he’s not doing Literature Editor their environmental management system. that, he’s a freelance writer for James Walker ([email protected]) Illustrators Sasha Leech Scarlet, Cosmo, When Saturday Music Editor Rob White Comes and loads of other mags and newspapers. Natasha Chowdhury ([email protected]) Rikki Marr A retired male stripper and former presenter of a sports Benjamin Nelson show on a satellite porn channel, Al also writes for Listings Editor male sex blog www.todgertalk.com which has been Tim Bates ([email protected]) Sound Bloke shortlisted as Blog of the Year at the Erotic Awards. Photography Editor Mike Cheque The dirty bogger. Dominic Henry ([email protected]) www.leftlion.co.uk/issue24 3 MAY CONTAIN Tabholing Other People’s Mentalist with Nottingham’s Conversations on the Bus ‘Mr. Sex’, Al Needham “Nah man, as if meh Nana’s getting a spray tan on NOTTS Saturday” June-July 2008 theonelikethe “Did you know that sperm per gram contains more protein than steak?” June 2 July 3 Derby County nick Chris Commons off A tarantula dies in a house fire in “My God! Really? No wonder I was so chubby at Forest. Bestwood. Uni” 44ton June 4 July 7 Forest buy Robert Earnshaw off Derby. A woman from Hucknall gets a police “Milk is 80% pus.” caution for smuggling endangered “Noooooooo! Milk is well jokes!” June 5 spur-thighed tortoises into the country BassRooster Notts County take delivery of a chest from Tunisia in pizza boxes. So if any freezer in ‘decent enough condition’ of you rang up for some garlic dough- “I had to walk fooking miles to a petrol station to from an advert in the Topper. balls the other month and found them get me smokes” a bit too deep-crust for your liking, now “Jokes, innit? But they can only put a petrol station June 9 you know why. where there’s petrol in the ground” A couple from Hucknall get caught in Dirty Lyle Turkey trying to get shot of fake bank July 8 notes. Apparently, the authorities were And completing the animal-badness “My Dad would go mad if I went out with a alerted to the forgery by the words hat-trick, thirty six grand’s worth of Blackeh” ‘SUM MUNNEH’ and a watermark of koi carp get nicked from the Japanese Su Pollard when held to the light. Water Gardens in Stapleford. So if you “I know another word for them” chucked away your garlic doughballs “What?” June 12 and had to take out a second mortgage “Caucasians” Nottingham Trent announce a big name just to pay for some fish, chips and Lord of the Nish as their new Chancellor. No, not Su mushy peas, now you know why. Pollard (because I’ve already done that “So ‘e comes hobblin’ aht the pub and goes well joke) - Michael Parkinson. LeftLion is July 9 mad at Dez’s girlfriend, yea?” currently organising a whip-round to Following the tragic demise of Bar give to the first graduating student to Schnapps - the greatest licensed cor- “So what ya do?” ram an Emu puppet onto their arm and ridor in the world - Gatecrasher gets its “I took ‘is crutches off of ‘im and battered ‘im wi’ slowly take their certificate out of his hand, whilst flexing their application to stay open until 6.30am knocked back.