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Kramer dishes out some opinions on NFL draft

The NFL draft is the least exciting “event” in sports. Nothing really happens. A few big guys around our age sit in a big ballroom and wait to have their names called. It’s like high school graduation, but with 10 minutes of prognostication between the announcement of valedictorian and salutatorian. The draft is televised because many Americans will watch virtually anything about football, as evidenced by the success of Craig T. Nelson’s Coach. But the draft is not without its merits. It’s an utterly optimistic event; every fan thinks his/her team will improve through the draft, and it’s hard to fault their logic. Adding a talented young player should have only positive repercussions. But in the highly-monetized world of professional football, top draft picks demand exorbitant salaries based purely on perceived potential. JaMarcus Russell, Ryan Leaf, Charles Rogers, Courtney Brown, Joey Harrington, Robert Gallery, David Carr, etc. have all proven that if teams aren’t careful, they can waste millions of dollars and countless hours of time developing a player who just isn’t talented or hard-working enough to make it in the League.

But a track record of exalting failures like the schlubs listed above doesn’t stop the so-called experts from offering their opinion at every possible stage of the draft, including literally 364 days before. Draft experts release their asinine, make-believe mock drafts into the internet to poison the sports fan’s reading enjoyment of both the NFL and college seasons, like so many syringes being dumped into a pit of syringes, a la Saw II. Except not as gross—anybody who accuses football or hockey of being “violence porn” might first examine cinema’s obsession with torturous death. But anyway, draft commentators are wrong as much as they’re right because they don’t have access to the resources of every team’s front office and they don’t know any team’s exact plan. They don’t know if a team most values defense or offense, what positions are considered the most pressing, if the coach wants the most NFL-ready prospect or the one with the most potential, or a myriad of other things that affect a draft pick, but they keep trying, bless ‘em. All 32 franchises have a unique approach to the draft, and thus there is no such thing as a “best available” prospect at any given point in the draft. Nor is it yet possible to grade any team’s draft and say whether they succeeded or failed. That article can be written in like four years, when we actually know if is the of the future for the Denver Broncos or the youth leader of the future at some megachurch. I trust each team’s front office to make better decisions than a guy with hair like mine or Mel Kiper’s, so I’m not going to denigrate any team’s selections based on my incredibly limited knowledge. Instead, here are, in my opinion, the best and riskiest moves of the draft.

Best: and Ndumakong Suh as the top two picks

St. Louis and Detroit both did a nice job of not overthinking their positions atop the draft board and took players who filled obvious needs and who have gobs of talent exhibited both in college ball and in combine measurables. The Rams filled their most glaring need, a quarterback, by drafting Oklahoma’s Heisman-winning signal caller, Sam Bradford. Bradford is a smart pick not just because he has made opposing defenses look silly (50 , eight , and a 180.84 in 2008) and had a flawless pro day which alleviated any concerns about his injured throwing shoulder. Bradford also showed in three seasons under the microscope of a power program that he’s mature enough to be a franchise quarterback. Sam Bradford will spend his spare time learning how to assault defenses, not women, and that’s going to give him a competitive edge over less mature rookies and will rightfully make him a very marketable face of the franchise.

Suh, unlike Bradford, is almost sure to be a success on the field. He joins the Lions, a franchise that already has a marketable face in QB , so the weight of being the team savior does not fall on his burly shoulders. Instead of worrying about the hopes of a fan base on life support like Bradford and Stafford, Suh will be able to focus all of his energy on preparing for his rookie season. I think Suh will have the most impact of any rookie this season, stepping into the starting position from day one of training camp and spending so much time in the opposing backfield they’ll start to think he’s a fullback. Most scouts rate Suh as the most NFL-ready prospect in the draft, and his potential to make an immediate impact as a pass-rushing DT is clear from his stellar Senior season in which he recorded 12 sacks. Now that the Lions’ offense is finally back on track, look for their defense to improve markedly with the boy (OK, man) named Suh.

Riskiest: Denver Broncos draft Tim Tebow in the first round

Denver coach Josh McDaniels may take home the Gob Bluth Annual “I’ve Made a Huge Mistake” Award. Taking Tebow with the 25th pick was a huge gamble for the Broncos. Tebow is a proven winner and has exhibited truly once-in-a-generation leadership abilities. His teams lived up to quite considerable hype, but for once Tebow is in a different position. Nobody expects anything from him after his throwing motion has been picked apart and his ability to play quarterback in the NFL has been not just questioned but openly mocked (by esteemed drunk and Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, no less). Making Tebow an NFL quarterback is a project, but we know he will dedicate himself to learning as much as he can and I feel that, in a few years, Tebow will supplant in Denver only to be the same kind of barely competent game managing quarterback that Orton is. Or hey, maybe by that time he’ll be at the University of Florida and Urban Meyer’s cardiologist will finally be able to relax.

Kramer explains allure of baseball and golf

Ah, spring. The air is warm, the grass is fresh, the trees are newly green and the squirrels are less standoffish. Yes, it’s a wonderful time—especially for sports fans, who are treated to several entertaining spectacles. This month is for many athletics enthusiasts what a “Designing Women” marathon is to your divorced great-aunt—what shark week is for Tracy Morgan—what panda porn is for pandas. In college, we get the championship tournaments of men’s and women’s basketball and men’s hockey. In the professional realm, we get the Masters Tournament, MLB Opening Day, the NFL draft and the start of both NBA and NHL playoffs. But I approach April’s sporting smorgasbord skeptically. Sure, these events have a lot of fans, but I fear I will derive less enjoyment from this month. See, I’m willfully oblivious to professional baseball and, apologies to fellow S&B Sports columnist and ace golfer Kunal Bansal, but I would sooner watch grapes turn into raisins/a Major League Soccer (MLS) game than professional golf.

I’ll begin with why I don’t care a lick about the start of “America’s Pastime,” Major League Baseball (MLB). The number one reason, of course, is steroids. Performance-enhancing substances have tainted this entire era of baseball. The greatest players of our generation like Alex Rodriguez, Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, Manny Ramirez, David Ortiz, Gary Sheffield, Roger Clemens, etc. have been implicated in steroid use. At this point, if Albert Pujols or Derek Jeter is exposed as a user, the sport loses all credibility. There’s a part of me that loves the offense-driven play of the Steroid Era, but I can’t see records like Babe Ruth’s and Hank Aaron’s broken by cheaters. Besides, it’s a slippery slope from steroid use to more outlandish performance enhancements like, say, bionics. And nobody wants a bunch of buff, ill-tempered robots out there capable of taking control of our major cities. So unlike Lil Wayne, I do not support allowing all substances into baseball.

My other grievances with MLB are more fixable. I’m originally from Kansas City, so I’m a Royals fan. In recent history, this has meant that baseball has nothing to offer me. I needn’t pay any attention because the Royals will inevitably come in last in their division and near last in the league (if they don’t set a record for losses in a season). American League Cy Young Award Winner Zack Greinke has gotten my attention, but last year the Royals faded like it was their job after a great start. It would be one thing if the Royals were terrible because they were mismanaged, but I blame most of the Royals’ woes on their inability to keep the talent they scout and draft because of baseball’s lack of a salary cap. Teams from small markets like Kansas City simply don’t make the revenue from TV and marketing that teams from New York, Boston, and Los Angeles. So while there are some small-market success stories—the Devil Rays, Tigers, and Cardinals, come to mind—such teams are holographic Charizards amongst the multitude of Energy Card Yankees or BoSox that buy the best roster.

The reasons I’m not a golf fan are very different. I like watching baseball, I just don’t feel like the MLB has integrity as a league. In contrast, I take about as much sporting interest in golf as I do inAntiques Roadshow. I don’t like watching golf and could care less about its integrity issues, all which seem to take place away from the course in places like nightclubs frequented by Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods’ house, restaurants Tiger Woods ate at or Tiger Woods’ car. Before last weekend, I had never watched more than five minutes of televised golf, and I have played the game just a handful of times, miniature golf excluded. I changed that last Sunday, watching the final round of the Masters online all day and occasionally looking at my homework for stretches of up to five or 10 seconds at a time. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t really enjoy it either. I couldn’t get over the overly precious reverence of the TV commentary, for one thing. This sort or thing was pretty standard: ‘A picture, indeed a thousand words…The Masters,’ ‘A fist-pump from Westwood, a fist-pump from Mickelson!’ and ‘Once more, with feeling, Mickelson wins The Masters.’ At times the commentators’ bon mots were reminiscent of a certain loquacious, vaguely British Off-Campus Study Director.

I did see why some people obsess over televised golf, however. I understood why every single person in the crowd was positively grinning the whole time and exuberantly hollering “Phil!” after a good drive—the sport has some drama. The last few holes of the final round between Mickelson and Lee Westwood were genuine, edge-of-your-seat excitement, even though the Phil-harmonic’s lead was never less than two strokes. Golf also has plenty of visual appeal, especially when it takes place at sunset on a course as beautiful as Augusta National. Each shot carried its own modicum of suspense, but even in the most prestigious tournament in golf, I frequently found myself checking out the ridiculous clothing on the grinning white people who comprised the crowd (pastel polos and sun hats). But there’s too much down-time in the broadcast, too much time watching Phil line up a shot, then his caddy line up the shot, then Phil line it up again, then Phil practice swing eight times before missing the putt and doing it all again.

That’s why I want to play, rather than watch, more golf—all the fun, less waiting and much less stringent scoring. Who knows, with Kunal’s help maybe someday a golf announcer will shout, “And a fist-pump from McLuckie! Truly a thousand words!” Unless they put Lil Wayne in charge and I have to compete with the cyborgs.

Kramac the munificent divines NBA trades

I have to reveal something, dear readers. I have a secret ability—a power that few possess. Yes, like Encyclopedia Brown and Rasputin, I have a special mental faculty: the power to divine the response to a query from a sealed envelope. Johnny Carson had this power, and though he would joke about it on his show, Carnac the Magnificent’s abilities averted worldwide crises a number of times. You’re probably aware of his prediction about the role that Captain and Tennille’s hit “Do That to Me One More Time” played in securing the peaceful release of the American hostages from Iran in the ’80s, as depicted in the made-for-TV movie “Carson, the Captain, and the Ayatollah: Don’t Do That to Me Any More Times.” To share my ability, I have asked a made-up person to bring me some made-up sealed envelopes which contain a cosmic riddle that came to me after the second time I got tricked into huffing paint in the Kum & Go parking lot. Strangely enough, they’re all pretty lucid, and since they all have to do with NBA trades made before the league’s recent trade deadline, they’re perfect for this here sports column. I will divine the meaning of the riddle concealed in the envelope, then open it and transcribe its contents. The first envelope, please.

Kramac divines: An ant riot, a mime debate and a deaf mute poetry slam. Riddle: Name three things that make more noise than the San Antonio Spurs did before the trade deadline.

(In a dark cemetery somewhere, muffled staccato guffaws emanate from Ed McMahon’s grave.)

The Spurs have one of the NBA’s oldest rosters. Tim Duncan is 33, Michael Finley is 36, Antonio McDyess is 35 and Manu Ginobili is 32. Though slightly younger, Tony Parker (27 and coming off hip surgery) Richard Jefferson (29) and Roger Mason (29) probably only have a few good years left. So while the Spurs are in good position to make the playoffs this year, they will most likely be one of the bottom three seeds in the West, pitting them against superior, younger teams that will easily out-gun them. If the Spurs were a young team looking to gain playoff experience like the Thunder or last year’s Hawks, it would make sense for them to sneak into the playoffs and lose in the first round to the Lakers or Nuggets. The reasoning for leaving their roster virtually untouched is, I imagine, that the Spurs’ front office is deluded enough to believe this year’s team can compete for a championship, despite sitting at 11th overall in the league standings. It seems the Spurs would rather be an average team now and a terrible team within a few seasons than be only kind-of bad now but with the chance to win a championship within a few seasons.

But with a team as old as this one, there’s little logic against dumping some of the over-29 section of the roster in trades for younger players or future draft picks. Plenty of teams that are actually contenders this year would love to add some of those veteran players to contribute immediately, and would probably trade away their recent draftees in exchange. Through trades, the Spurs might have even been able to trim enough fat from their payroll to compete in the 2010 free- agency sweepstakes, a contest for the services of some of the NBA’s most talented players. Chris Bosh, Dwayne Wade, Carlos Boozer, Amar’e Stoudemire, Joe Johnson and The King himself, LeBron James. To quote Vizzini, it’s inconceivable for the Spurs not to try to ship out some of their older players to make room for a future star or possibly some of the above marquee names. Moving Ginobili and Jefferson, who, combined, earn around $25 million this season but score only 26 points per game, would bring enough cash to interest a top-tier free agent. Next envelope, please.

Kramac divines: James Cameron’s Avatar and the New York Knicks

Riddle: What has stars that are blue, seven feet tall, cost a ton of cash and exist in a harsh, unforgiving environment?

(More deep, obsequious laughter from McMahon. He is dead right? Or am I thinking of Wilford Brimley?)

The Knicks, currently owner of the league’s fifth-worst record, were part of this year’s blockbuster, multi-team deal that dealt Nate Robinson to the Celtics for Tracy McGrady, Sergio Rodriguez and Eddie House. On paper, the trade will have almost no positive repercussions for the Knicks this year. Their record will likely continue to fall—I wouldn’t be surprised if they have their second 50-loss season in a row. To make it all worse, the one bright spot for Knicks fans, McGrady, is so injured that he looks like John Grotberg ’09 trying to play in the NBA right now.

However, I really like the Knicks’ trade deadline moves this year. After they dump McGrady’s undeservedly generous contract, they will have the most salary cap room of any team in the league. They’re going all in on the free agent class of this summer, and they freed up much of that room by trading away frequent malcontent and fan-favorite (those two traits tend to combine in New York) Nate Robinson and adding Tracy McGrady’s astronomical, but very temporary deal. The Knicks are going to pay T-Mac about $23 million to do almost nothing this year, but it will be worth it when they have enough money to pay for TWO maximum-salary free agents. Imagine it: Coach Mike D’Antoni’s wide-open offense flying high with David Lee playing alongside LeBron and Chris Bosh, or Dwayne Wade and Carlos Boozer, or even Joe Johnson and Amar’e Stoudemire. With a successful summer from their front office, the Knicks can add the necessary pieces to become an elite team for years to come. They can transform almost overnight into a title contender. Oh, are we out of envelopes? Well, back to the Kum & Go.

– Kramer McLuckie ’12

Basketball Pioneers are the Team of the Future

Kramer’s Rules (do you guys get the math joke, by the way?) is usually dedicated to, in order, my narcissism and the national sports scene. With my immense level of sports expertise and training (I played middle school basketball and I read ESPN.com frequently), I like to sound off on the same issues as highly-paid TV analysts like Lou Holtz, Dick Vitale or (shudder) Charles Barkley, but with less florid idioms and a better vocabulary. But with Valentine’s Day coming up, I thought it was time to give some love to a couple of cutie- pies rather than myself or a nationally-known athlete. It’s time to give some credit to the purest form of college sports, Division III, and send a valentine to the Grinnell Men’s Basketball team. And don’t worry—this valentine doesn’t feature the Jonas Brothers. Especially not Kevin.

It may seem an odd time to choo-choo-choose the Pioneers, since this has not been a marquee year. Their record currently stands at 5-14 overall, 3-9 in Midwest Conference games with four such games remaining, though only three by the time we go to print. The Pioneers are, however, likely to avoid last place in the conference as two of those remaining contests are against MWC cellar-dweller Knox College (2-17). If those presumptive wins aren’t consolation enough for Grinnell basketball fans, one need only examine the Pioneers’ roster to find a yet more optimistic picture. After having to replace the top three scorers, John Grotberg, Bobby Long and Davey Arsenault, all of which averaged more than 20 points a game, from last year’s conference co-championship team, this year’s squad will lose only two seniors from its 19-man roster. The top six scorers will all return, including guards Griffin Lentsch ’13 (18.1 ppg), Matt Skelley ’12 (16.0 ppg) and Dylan Seelman ’13 (14.2 ppg). With formidable offensive production from such young players, we need only grab some plutonium from a corner drugstore and hop in my Delorean to see the 2011 Pioneers boisterously celebrating their MWC championship in Darby. I may be wrong about the team’s overall success next season—we may have to hit 88 mph again and check out 2012, instead.

But I’m steadfast in my belief that next year will be fun to watch. The balanced offense provided by the development of so many young scorers, along with the offensive rebounding of big men like Kale Knisley (5.1 rpg), will bring Grinnell back to its rightful place as national scoring leader. My point in previewing next season before this one has even finished is not to write off this season as a lost cause or in any way denigrate the hard work put forth by all the players and the coaching staff for so long. Rather, I think we, as a student body, need to come out and support the men’s team in their last home game on Saturday, Feb 20 at 4 p.m. against Monmouth’s Fightin’ Scots in Darby Gymnasium. At Grinnell, basketball is our sport. We have a strong winning tradition despite academic standards, both for admissions and in the classroom, that put much of the conference to shame, and the team is featured in national media from time to time for its high-scoring ways. If we can provide the kind of fan support that will make Darby the toughest place to play in the Midwest, there’s no limit (pun intended) to what they Pioneers can accomplish. So let’s come out in droves on the 20th and cheer the Pioneers to victory.

Additionally, the Grinnell Women’s Basketball team has also had a tough season and is deserving of our support—their last game is the same day at 2 p.m., also against Monmouth. Some possible ideas for signs to display at the game include: “Fightin’ Sucks” (not derogatory—pacifist) and “Not Even a Safety School” (to encourage the Scots to adopt better campus safety practices). Finally, their slogan seems to be “Monmouth—What college was meant to be,” which begs the response, “Monmouth—What high school was meant to be.”

Of arguably more global importance than Grinnell’s upcoming double-header against Monmouth, the 2010 Winter Olympics kick off this week in Vancouver. I, for one, am excited to root on Team USA in such riveting events as curling, speed skating and, my favorite, the biathlon. Home Depot’s enthusiasm, however, seems to have faltered as it has dropped its sponsorship of the Olympics this year. I’m saddened that we will no longer hear the inspiring tales of Home Depot employees past and present (Bode Miller) winning Olympic gold.

Lastly, I’d like to wish luck to the Grinnell Men’s and Women’s Swimming and Diving teams, which will travel to Appleton, Wisc. to compete for their respective 8th and 11th consecutive conference titles. I’m hoping they’ll throw up the dynasty sign à la Jay-Z after they take home the hardware. BCS match-ups promise play worth a pretty penny

The best thing about is its unceasing ability to surprise. This season had plenty of unexpected events in store for us, things that I never could have predicted in a million tries, and not just because I’m terrible at predicting things (not that I let it stop me.) Who would have thought that Oregon would usurp USC’s annual spot in the Rose Bowl after LaGarrette Blount KO’d his season by throwing a punch after losing to Boise State? Who might have guessed that , unranked in the preseason, would rise to the Sugar Bowl and the third spot in the BCS rankings with an undefeated record? Who would believe that even at this late point in the semester I would continue to debase my column by excessively employing such a tired device as rhetorical questions? Anyway, college football teaches us to expect the unexpected in most regards, except, perhaps, for one. Again this year we will surely see at least two and possibly three undefeated teams at the end of the season, and thus there will be no undisputed national champion. But in spite of this annual controversy, the commissioners of the major conferences have made it clear that the is here to stay—there will be no playoff as long as exorbitant amounts of money can be made. But in this initially upsetting fact of unresponsive corporate monopoly, we can take comfort. Raking in huge profits is contingent on providing games that people want to watch, which means Winter Break will always be chock-full of great, entertaining games. This year the BCS has provided us with a full slate of compelling match-ups. So, did the powers that be get it right this season? Does the system even need to be changed? Seriously, again with the rhetorical questions? The necessity of change is debatable, but what cannot be contested is that these games are going to be exciting. 1. BCS National Championship Game: No. 1 Alabama vs. No. 2 Texas Based on their respective conference championship games, in which Alabama dominated Florida, while Texas barely squeaked past Nebraska, some sports journalists have predicted that Alabama will destroy Texas in an even more awe-inspiring fashion than they did Florida. While I agree that ‘Bama will likely beat Texas, I think people are devaluing Nebraska in evaluating the Longhorns’ performance in the Big 12 Championship. Texas still has an elite defense and a Heisman-worthy quarterback in Colt McCoy, and I believe Texas will keep this game close. However, the Crimson Tide have too much firepower on offense with Heisman shoe-in halfback Mark Ingram along with the potent combination of quarterback Greg McElroy and receiver Julio Jones.Predicted Score: Alabama 24, Texas 17 2. Sugar Bowl: No. 5 Florida vs. No. 3 CincinnatiThis game could also end up a little lopsided, but I give the Cincinnati more respect than to immediately count them out. Florida has a lot of holes on offense, so the Gators’ strength lies in its defense. That ought to suit Coach Brian Kelly’s high-powered Bearcat offense just fine. Quarterback Tony Pike and receiver Mardy Gilyard are two of the top players in the nation at their respective positions, and Florida hero/messiah Tim Tebow has not been his usual superhuman self this season. I’m predicting a Bearcats upset on this one, after which Tim Tebow will sacrifice himself to prevent a 2012-like cataclysm and Ben Hill Griffin Stadium will be renamed Tebow Memorial Stadium. Predicted Score: Cincinnati 35, Florida 33 3. Fiesta Bowl: No. 6 Boise Sate vs. No. 4 Texas Christian Some fans of non-BCS schools have been crying foul over this matchup, saying they would prefer for the Broncos and Horned Frogs to face teams from major conferences to “expose” the weakness of the big boys. What these fans misunderstand is that this matchup shows respect for their teams, putting them on the same level as the other guys. This game pits the second best defense in the nation against the best passing team, with an undefeated season and thus a theoretical slice of the national title at stake. The Broncos’ signal-caller, Kellen Moore, deserves to be mentioned with the best in the nation, but I think the Horned Frogs will just be too strong, dictating pace and slowing the game down on both sides of the ball.Predicted Score: TCU 24, Boise St. 13 4. Rose Bowl: No. 8 State vs. No. 7 Oregon The media storyline around this game is pretty damn deep. , the Buckeyes’ freak-athlete of a quarterback, will get to see what might have been if he had instead gone to Oregon, where athletic quarterbacks are allowed to range free. This game will certainly be a lesson in opposing styles overall. Coach Jim Tressel’s OSU continues to bring boring football back while Chip Kelly’s offense scintillates. The Buckeyes have the best defense the Ducks have faced since Boise State in game one, but playing in the Big Ten has not prepared the Buckeyes for an offense of Oregon’s caliber. I’m going with the Ducks, and I hope Blount gets in a redemption TD. Predicted Score: Oregon 42, Ohio State 31 5. Orange Bowl: No. 10 Iowa vs. No. 9 Georgia Tech This game may make us forget all about the forward pass. Iowa’s Ricky Stanzi likes to throw them to the other team, and Georgia Tech’s Josh Nesbitt doesn’t like to throw them at all. Expect the ball to stay mostly on the ground in this game, especially for the Yellow Jackets and their triple-. Defense will win the day in this matchup of a couple smashmouth, old-school teams. Given that Iowa’s defense, particularly its interior line, has been superb all year, my money is on the Hawkeyes to come out on top, which, except for the helmets, will look a lot like football circa 1906. Predicted Score: Iowa 17, Georgia Tech 13

Kansas Jayhawks Represent Everything Wrong, Right With College Athletics

Ah, the changing of the seasons. For most Grinnell students, the annual transition from fall to winter brings to mind thoughts of newly barren trees, biting wind, gossamer snow flakes gracefully descending from their celestial realm, and avowedly sub-free first years timidly chugging Hawkeye for the very first time. But for the three or four Grinnell students who follow sports that they don’t play, Old Man Winter’s arrival signals the coming of the college basketball season and the conclusion of college football. It’s a change that can’t happen fast enough for the Kansas Jayhawks, whose football season is currently imploding but whose basketball team is ranked first in the nation and favored to win the national title. It’s the best of times, it’s the worst of times—it’s a tale of two sports, two programs that are run very differently by very different coaches that are each emblematic of how to succeed (or fail) in college athletics. I know that following only a single school risks boring what few readers remain here at word 184, but please, at least read this while you poop. Under the heavy tutelage of Coach Mark Mangino, Kansas Football has gone from oxymoron to a watermark of national prominence that many perennial powers haven’t reached for decades. In 2007, the Jayhawks went 12-1 and beat Virginia Tech in the Orange Bowl, garnering Coach Mangino shared Coach of the Year honors with Missouri’s Gary Pinkel. Mangino’s subsequent hefty contract extension certainly did earn him a fat paycheck to help put food on the table, but the 2008 season left fans hungry. Despite returning the offensive nucleus of the previous year’s team, the ‘hawks only made it to the Insight Bowl, where they beat Minnesota. This year, Mangino’s (very plump) goose might be cooked. After starting the year in the Top 25 and reaching as high as Number 16, the Jayhawks have dropped five in a row, including losses to lowly Colorado and in-state rival Kansas State. Mangino has even dabbled in benching three-year starting quarterback Todd Reesing, a one-time Heisman contender and the face of the program’s recent success. Their next two games are on the road at Texas, where they’ll be lucky to even put points on the board, and at Arrowhead Stadium against the , who just took down the aforementioned KSU Wildcats. If the Jayhawks do not reach bowl eligibility, it’s no reason to fire Mangino. However, internal investigations into Mangino’s conduct, including issues of player abuse and other angry outbursts that have surfaced over the years, might provide plenty of reasons to fire him and dump his already corpulent list of off-field issues. It goes without saying that football’s culture is largely one of masculine posturing and chauvinism, but there’s a line between “manly” toughness and outright abuse—if Mangino crossed it, he should not stay, regardless of his team’s success. Even without these issues, a 5-7 season would likely send Mangino packing. As for Kansas basketball, Coach Bill Self’s Jayhawks also know a thing or two about about controversy. First there was a hubbub over possible NCAA violations in the recruitment of 2011 NBA Rookie of the Year Xavier Henry and his 38 year-old brother—next was the famous series of brawls between the football and basketball in which guard Tyshawn Taylor injured his hand throwing a punch—last was guard Brady Morningstar’s DUI arrest, which resulted in his suspension for the first half of the season. However, Coach Self’s Jayhawks have not been subject to the scrutiny and chaos of their football counterparts for two reasons: Self has not been subject to any serious controversy like Mangino, which keeps the program stable and projects a front of tranquility, and, more importantly, they will get it done on the court. Despite a close call Tuesday night against Memphis, the Jayhawks return too much firepower, and have too good a freshman class, not to be considered favorites for the national title. I’m not going to say they’re a lock for the Final Four, but I would be shocked if they’re ranked worse than, say, fifth all season. The Jayhawks’ programs are different because Bill Self is scrupulous, disciplined, and handles himself adroitly with the media, his staff, and, most importantly, his players, while Mark Mangino is angry, potentially abusive, and has a face like a groundhog peeking out above a stack of pancakes. Personality matters a lot in a coach, but as always, winning comes first. For Self, that axiom equals a long career in Lawrence; for Mangino, perhaps one that is reaching its denouement.

Undefeated Iowa won’t make it to BCS champs

If AC/DC has taught us anything as a society, it’s that it certainly is a long way to the top if you wanna rock ‘n’ roll. It’s an aphorism that is proving very true of college football, as several teams without a loss vie for a chance to play in the BCS National Championship. There are now six teams that have a pretty good chance to finish undefeated—the SEC champion, which is either Alabama or Florida, Texas, Iowa, Cincinnati, TCU and Boise State. But thanks to college football’s current bowl system, only two will get to play for the national championship. Obviously this is stupid, an opinion that is so widely agreed upon that President even cited the need for a college football playoff. In fact, most years feature a team that could legitimately argue they deserved to play for the national championship instead of who actually did. Friggin’ Greek tragedy, right? I mean, we’re talking Haemon lying next to Antigone in a pile of blood, here! Don’t we need to grab our pitchforks and torches and go rescue Belle from the Beast storm the BCS castle? Nah. This year will not be a catalyst for a playoff revolution because at season’s end only two teams will have truly earned the right to compete for the national championship of college football. This year will be like many others in that Cadillac programs like Florida, Alabama and Texas will have the easiest path to the championship. Some might say this is because every season they at least contend for the championship according to the best objective measures, record and strength of schedule, and thus ascend the polls with greater ease than other programs. To these cynics, perennial powers like the aforementioned teams—USC, Ohio State, Virginia Tech or (inexplicably) Notre Dame—can always work their way into the upper echelon of the Top 25 with a body of work that’s more Dennis Franz than Kim Delaney, while a team with less football history—like Oregon or Cincinnati—must work much harder. The fact that USC, before being completely pulled apart by Oregon last weekend, managed to get back into the Top 5 after losing to good-but-not-great Washington gives some credence to this argument. Obviously, teams that are usually superb will get the benefit of a doubt over teams that are usually mediocre. I hear the indignant masses when they complain that after getting the pole position (pun intended) at the start of the season, these old guard teams will be in the championship game if they win out, even if another team that did not begin as highly touted also has a perfect record and as much or more objective credibility. “Isn’t this a travesty?” they cry from Salt Lake City, from Fort Worth, and from Boise. “Good teams with undefeated records sometimes don’t make it! How does this happen? Why?!” they incessantly screech on sports message boards (they just yell at their computers and I hear them. It’s the lamest superpower ever, but you take what you can get). Their grievance does, however, present a quandary. How can we be sure that a deserving team makes it to the national championship? By asking rhetorical questions, which are really annoying in a written format? The way we can determine who’s a contender and who’s a pretender is scheduling. Boise State ranks 84th in strength of schedule right now—the Broncos are good, but in no way do they deserve to supplant Texas (31st), Florida (5th), or Alabama (34th). The TCU Horned Frogs have a slightly more legitimate case with the 39th toughest schedule, but that’s still not nearly high enough to leapfrog a school from a major conference that has played opponents of approximately the same toughness. I therefore see no great injustice in the possible exclusion of an undefeated Boise State or TCU from this year’s championship because neither played enough BCS-conference foes to merit placement with teams whose entire schedule, save for a few early cupcakes, is major conference opponents. However, that logic gets thrown out the window when we consider the cases of Iowa and Cincinnati, two BCS-conference teams that could very well finish undefeated and out of the title game. But do these teams have a more legitimate gripe than TCU or Boise? Not really, if you look at their schedules. Iowa’s strength of schedule is ranked 12th overall, Cincinnati’s 46th. This is especially damning for the Bearcats because in addition to their weak schedule, the Big East has the reputation of being a terrible football conference. To most voters, it doesn’t deserve an automatic bowl bid any more than the Mountain West Conference, so I’m going to ignore Cincy’s championship hopes. That leaves Iowa as the only possible unbeaten that might deserve to play for the championship but be left out. While this would be unjust, nobody can honestly say that the Hawkeyes have looked better than Florida, Alabama or Texas, even though their strength of schedule, 12th, is exemplary and better than the Longhorns’ and Crimson Tide’s. The Hawkeyes simply do not have a championship-caliber quarterback. ’s Oregon could be even more deserving, but losing the first game of the college season on The Blue at Boise will keep them out of title contention. The Ducks should still be very proud of handing his worst loss as coach of USC and dominating the Trojans on both sides of the ball in Eugene. If anything, fault the Ducks for having too tough a schedule, which gave them their only loss and will relegate them to facing Iowa, where they’ll continue to assert their status as a new power program. The Ducks should take their lesson in scheduling from Florida. The Gators play three cupcakes and then a lot of good but unexceptional BCS schools through their SEC schedule. With proper scheduling, the road to the BCS doesn’t have to be a highway to hell, but rather a dirty deed, done dirt cheap. Or something.

Quarterback problems? Get another one

Let me begin this week by expressing my sincere condolences to the many disappointed Chicagoans who had been so hopeful about their chance to host the 2016 Summer Olympics. Their hopes were dashed by European antipathy towards American hegemony (who can blame them?) and a desire, it seems to me, for everyone to get to go to the beach. Maybe 2020, guys. For this week’s column, I’m changing up my style a little bit, and will be discussing, rather than obtuse prognostications based upon minimal expertise about teams you don’t care about from parts of the country that you’re not, something interesting. I bring you, this week, talk about teams from the same region as Iowa, the Lovely and Midwest! And with that winsome sales pitch, we’re off! In other disappointing news, it’s also been a terrible few weeks for ’s University of Illinois football team. The Fighting Illini are now 1-3, with their lone win coming against FCS competition, the fearsome Redbirds of Illinois State. The Redbirds, by the way, are currently outpacing their big brother with a 3-2 record. So now Coach Zook, who has always been ragged on for recruiting better than he coaches, is benching quarterback and former blue chip recruit Juice Williams for three-year back-up Eddie McGee. Juice Williams is capable of running and passing successfully, but in an offense where he is the sole focal point (due to the absence of injured receiver Arrelious Benn), he’s in over his head, Fray-style. The Wolverines have found a solution to their quarterback problem. The Wolverines just lost their first true road game to in-state rival Michigan State, and some of the blame for that loss can be placed on true freshman quarterback Tate Forcier. Forcier’s mistake, a key overtime , was one of youth and inexperience, not lack of skill. The Wolverines wouldn’t have been competitive without his 223 passing yards and two passes; he’s also been key to their previous success this season, especially with his clutch play against Notre Dame. In fact, Forcier has been stellar all season, throwing for 894 yards and nine touchdowns with only three interceptions. His quarterback rating is an impressive 142.69–the guy is like a Bizzaro Juice Williams! The reason he’s succeeding and Juice isn’t remains as obscured as the catacombs Ron Zook will be sent to at the end of this season. We can start by looking at Michigan Coach ’s decision to utilize multiple quarterbacks to mitigate the pressures of the job. Williams would clearly benefit from a scheme that would lessen his responsibility to pass the ball. Michigan has devised the perfect tactic for this scenario, and it’s one that Illinois would do well to copy. Tate Forcier can run all right, but the competition is worried about his passing, as his numbers indicate they should. When Rodriguez wants teams to have to worry about his quarterback scrambling, he’ll put in another true freshman, , who is more skilled at running, but can also throw the ball a little. Robinson is a lesser Juice Williams, and though Forcier is obviously better than McGee, Zook obviously feels confident starting him. It seems to me that Illinois could have a lot of success switching off quarterbacks depending on the situation rather than overburdening just one. If anyone doubts that switching quarterbacks can bring success, look at the 2007 BCS National Championship, in which Florida, using a combination of scrambler Tim Tebow and pocket-passer , stomped Ohio State. The Buckeyes only used one quarterback, Heisman-winner Troy Smith. Smith threw 30 touchdowns that year but only rushed for one, but against an elite defense like Florida’s, OSU’s one-dimensional offense wilted, only putting up 14 points. The NFL provides further evidence that two is better than one with the popularity of the Wildcat offense, which benefits tremendously from having a second quarterback who is a mostly a run threat, but can also complete a pass. Pat White of the Dolphins and of the Eagles both earned spots on their respective teams because of the dissemination of the Wildcat offense. Troy Smith now plays sparingly in the Wildcat for the Ravens, a likely prediction of Juice’s future. So, my advice to teams struggling with quarterback play–get another one. Using tandem signal-callers might be as much of a fad as that odd moment in the ’90s when swing made a comeback, but hey, Cherry Poppin’ Daddies still sold over a million copies of Zoot Suit Riot. Well, enough of my blathering. Here, with almost no analysis, are my forecasts:

Buy LSU: Tigers proved themselves with a big win at Georgia after taking some heat for being over-rated. : ’Canes got a huge win last week over Oklahoma after stumbling against Virginia Tech. Virginia Tech: Hokies beat Miami and Duke, have only one loss, and look like the probable ACC champ. Alabama: Tide keeps on rolling, but face some stiff competition in Ole Miss on the road. However, Jevan Snead hasn’t looked himself this season, and I predict ’Bama’s defense will pick him off at least twice en route to a big win. USC: The Trojans looked strong against Cal last week and face little opposition on the path to another Pac-10 Championship. Special Anachronistic, Possibly Embarrassing Pick–Missouri: While I don’t yet know this, I feel deep in my bones that Mizzou is going to crush Nebraska this Thursday night and position themselves for a third straight Big 12 North Championship. Go Tigers!

Sell : Jahvid Best and the Golden Bears have now taken two lop-sided losses to conference foes. Emerald Bowl, here we come! Florida State: Seminoles seem to be suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder after losing to Boston College, and some football prognosticators seem to feel Bobby Bowden has lost his touch. Houston: To make any real noise in the post-season, the Cougars needed to win out. They failed to do that, losing by 17 points to UTEP last Saturday.

Games of the Week: There are a couple big conference games this week that will have a major impact on bowl season. Florida at LSU is a matchup between two very hot teams right now and will go a long way towards determining who will win the SEC and thus go to the BCS National Championship. If Tim Tebow is healthy, the smart money is on the Gators. Michigan faces off against Iowa at Kinnick Stadium in another intriguing matchup. The Wolverines are good, but Iowa’s defense has been pretty dominant this season. If they can stop the run, I predict a big win for the Hawkeyes.

Mcluckie Abides

Welcome back to another edition of my college football forecasts. I’ll tell you my picks for teams on the rise, teams who are on the cusp of greatness but could also fall precipitously, and teams that are flailing around in the bath tub while being attacked by an amphibious rodent, metaphorically speaking. One team that is on the verge of such a crisis is USC, which is out of the top 10 for the first time in recent memory. And even with 3000 years of beautiful tradition from Moses to Sandy Koufax, Pete Carroll and the Trojan faithful can’t subsist on past success alone. Dropping one gimme game each season has become something of a trademark for USC, and it enrages their fans every time. At least Carroll was classy in defeat, unlike Tennessee coach , who began a juvenile spat with Florida’s Urban Meyer. Hopefully no other coaches will engage in this bush-league psyche-out stuff. It’s laughable, man! The action on the field is always more exciting, and with that in mind, let’s do it. One last note: this is just, like, my opinion, man.

Buy Alabama: The Crimson Tide just keep on rolling over the competition with a dominant defense and offense that has largely replaced last year’s departed talent. ‘Bama just finished the cupcake part of its schedule, and jumps into SEC play this week against Arkansas. If they look good this week, they may be the only legitimate threat to Florida’s reign atop the conference. Miami: The U has vaulted up the rankings and after only two games has gone from unranked to number nine in the country. The Hurricanes been very impressive in victories at Florida State and at home against Georgia Tech and, while I think it’s a little early to be putting Miami in the Top 10, they are a strong contender to win the ACC. We’ll see if Jacory Harris (this week’s Little McLuckie Football Achiever) can keep playing like a Heisman candidate when the ‘Canes travel to Blacksburg and face a very talented Virginia Tech defense in my Game of the Week. If they beat the Hokies and Oklahoma next week, they have a good shot at an undefeated season and a trip to the national title game. Florida State: The Seminoles looked good while crushing BYU, but they need to become more consistent. I have a feeling that under the tutelage of Bobby Bowden, this team will find its voice and contend for the ACC championship. California: The Golden Bears face a tough slate over the next few weeks, but quarterback Kevin Riley and stud tailback Jahvid Best provide the spark for a very potent offense and for once it looks like Cal’s defense can hold up their end of the bargain, too.

Hold USC: Matt Barkley seems to be the rug that really ties USC’s room together. Too bad the Ohio State defense peed on his shoulder. A week after taking out Ohio State at the Horseshoe, the Trojans fell to Washington without the freshman phenomenon at the helm of the offense. Granted, USC was suffering from other key injuries, but Trojans coach Pete Carroll adopted a far too conservative gameplan that allowed Washington to keep it close until finally pulling off a miraculous upset and sending spoiled Trojans fans into a tizzy. Oklahoma State: The Pokes’ offense looked good against Rice, but the defense, which can be mostly blamed for the embarrassing home loss to Houston, still gave up 24 points to the Owls. Their easy schedule over the next few weeks will let them tune up, but they’ll face a real test when my Missouri Tigers come to town on Oct. 17.

Sell Notre Dame: Things were finally looking up in South Bend after a 2-1 start for the Irish, but with star quarterback , leading rusher Armando Allen and leading receiver Michael Floyd all battling injuries, the next few weeks will be rough for Charlie Weis. If Clausen’s injury isn’t too serious, they still have hope, both for the season and Weis’ job. Bringham Young: The nascent season has already brought quite a few ins, outs and what-have-yous for BYU. The Cougars opened with a very impressive win over Oklahoma, but were subsequently pounded by Florida State. While they’re still better than most of their Mountain West competition, the Cougars will not be playing in a BCS bowl this winter. Georgia Tech: Say what you want about the tenets of the triple- option offense, but at least it’s an ethos. However, that ethos failed to the extreme against Miami, churning out only 95 yards on the ground from 35 carries. Utah: Though Oregon is bouncing back nicely after facing a lot of early adversity, last week’s loss to the Ducks proved that the Utes aren’t the force they were last year. Utah still plays in a fairly tough conference, too, so expect them to take their share of lumps this season.