Profiling Sexual Fantasy. How Do Millennial Non-Heterosexual Respondents Relate Sexual Fantasies to Reality?

Piotr MichałChmielewski Student ID: 11091908 E-mail: [email protected]

Master's Thesis University of Amsterdam Graduate School of Social Sciences Program: Gender, Sexuality and Society

Supervisor: GertHekma 2nd reader: Margriet van Heesch

Amsterdam, August 2017

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

After an intensive period of ten months, today is the day: writing this note of thanks is the finishing touch on my dissertation. It has been a period of intense learning for me, not only in the scientific arena, but also on a personal level. Writing this dissertation has had a big impact on me. I would like to reflect on the people who have supported and helped me throughout this period.

I would first like to thank my thesis advisor, Dr. Gert Hekma. I feel very fortunate to have worked with him throughout my studies. From day one his enthusiasm and knowledge helped to motivate my research process and his continued advice and encouragement has been invaluable. He consistently allowed this paper to be my own work, but steered me in the right the direction whenever he thought I needed it. I could not have imagined having a better advisor and mentor for my study.

Besides my advisor, I would also like to acknowledge Dr. Margriet van Heesch as the second reader of this thesis, and I am gratefully indebted to her for her very valuable comments on this thesis.

I would also like to express my profound gratitude to Arkadiusz Zagata, without whom none of this would be possible.

Also, I like to thank the participants of the research, who have willingly shared their precious time during the process of interviewing.

Piotr Chmielewski Amsterdam, August 2017

TABLE OF CONTENTS

1. Introduction and Research Question 1 1.1. Outline of The Research 4 2. Methodology 5 2.1. Overview of the data collection process 5 2.2. Sampling technique 5 2.3. Research methods 7 2.4. Limiting conditions 8 3. The Existing Body of Knowledge 9 3.1. Definition and Methodological Issues 9 3.2. Sexual Fantasy and Sexual Satisfaction 10 3.3. Age of Onset of Sexual Fantasies and Gender Differences 12 3.4. Theories of the Origins of Sexual Fantasy Preferences 14 4. The Respondents and Their Definition of Sexual Fantasy 16 5. How do the Respondents Relate Sexual Fantasies to Reality? 20 5.1. Initiation of Sexual Fantasy 20 5.2. Development of Sexual Fantasy Preferences 23 5.3. Circumstances of Sexual Fantasies 26 5.4. Sexual Fantasy and Sexual Behaviour 28 5.5. Origins of Preferred Fantasies 30 5.6. Fear and Sexual Fantasy 33 6. Conclusion and discussion 38 B I B L I O G R A P H Y 41

1. Introduction and Research Question

Years ago a New York dominatrix told me about the client she called Turkey Man, a travelling businessman who hired her to come to his hotel room and act out a strange ritual. In his room he had a large brown cardboard box that was about three feet tall, three feet wide and four feet deep. He crudely drew a few knobs and dials on the front of the box with a marker to make it look like an old-fashioned oven. He also cut out a door that could be opened and closed. When the dominatrix arrived, this man stripped off his clothes, leaving only socks. He then climbed into the "oven" and lay down on his back, his feet sticking up and arms tucked in to his sides [...]. The dominatrix would then close the "oven" and perform a voice-over for Turkey Man's private porno fantasy. [...] She described to me her client's total immersion in his role as dinner-to-be. His eyes would glaze over and he would have an orgasm.(Gates 2000, p.4)

The Turkey's man story serves as an anecdotal introduction to the topic of this study. To any reasonably thinking observer, the effort put by him might deserve ridicule and seem not worth the while. The case demonstrates that the execution of some fantasies and its techniques may require some additional arrangements. Whether it is more creative thinking, monetary expenses or exposure to health damage, the effort that people are willing to go through to act out their fantasies might indicate how arousing and important for an individual the perspective of acting out a fantasy can be.

The importance of sexual fantasies is reflected in the truism that „one‟s brain is as important a sexual organ as one‟s genitals‟. What is more, sexual fantasies are nearly universally experienced, either as an activity in itself or in conjunction with other sexual activities (Leitenberg& Henning, 1995, p.469). However, because of the nature of some fantasies, the actual practicing of such fantasies is far less common. As frivolously treated the topic of sexual fantasy might be, fantasies remain to be the core of human sexuality and the key to an understanding of an important, yet the most obscure aspect of sexuality. Furthermore, sexual fantasy may be more revealing than one‟s sexual behaviour, simply due to the fact that a fantasy allows for one to think of any scenario, however unrealistic, without facing any consequences. On that account I find the subject matter to merit objective, impartial academic investigation.

1

The research aimed at tracing the development of sexual fantasy preferences and its implementation and correlation to reality. The central question the research therefore seeks to answers is: 'How do respondents relate their erotic/sexual fantasies to reality?'. The question opens up a floodgate for an exploration of the relationship between one‟s sexual fantasy and reality. An exploratory research on selected subjects may provide some clarification on a number of unanswered questions, as well as indicate how much is still to be learned. For example, when do the respondents first begin to have sexual fantasies, and how do frequency and content change with age and different sexual experience? How do the interviewees describe the origin of their sexual fantasies? How do the participants of this research act out their sexual fantasies? Do the respondents feel guilty and/or ashamed about sexual fantasies? What are the mechanisms behind the guilt and shame reactions evoked by certain mental imagery? Are fantasies shared between partners? How does pornography or erotica reflect internal sexual fantasies?

The issue of correlation between sexual fantasy and reality was in the field of my interests for such a long period of time I am not able to recall precisely. Possibly, it is the reason for which I decided to advance my study in the field of society and sexuality. The discrepancy between what people are sexually fantasizing about and what people are actually acting out is one of the greatest puzzles for me. Through my personal observations, as well as through what I have heard from my peers, I noticed some contradicting, ambiguous attitudes towards the implementation of sexual fantasies and in the general understanding of them. I find the topic of sexual fantasies to be underexplored and, at the same time, of the greatest importance for the human sexuality. What strikes me the most about the topic is the guilt and shame reactions related to sexual fantasies and the reasoning for that. On the one hand, sexual fantasies are regarded as something morally free and out of the touch with reality, on the other hand, sexual imagery is burdened with great amount of negative, ambiguous feelings that significantly influence the general appeal of them. After reaching out to the existing studies on sexual fantasies, I could not find any relevant, or even accurate answers what prompt me to do further research on the topic. Moreover, the existing studies on the issue, however non- extensive, do not answer most of the aforementioned questions. The knowledge which is based on 'representative, heterosexual/homosexual, male/female' sample of population lacks in the personal, individual reports, and therefore the knowledge is somewhat defective for any cautious observer, and do not acknowledge elements that should be included in study, and thus many omissions are made. I strongly believe that knowledge which comes out from

2 individuals and their self-reports is the only way to detangle and understand the complex issue of correlation between sexual fantasy and reality.

'The dichotomy of homo- and heterosexual establishes the idea that the object of desire is a particular gender, male or female. But the object of sexual interest is always much more specific. Humans who like women don‟t like women in general, but black or white, young or old ones, with big breasts or nice bums, with certain personal characteristics or specific kinds of clothing, in certain situations (beach, red-light district, elevator, park, prison, army barracks, bedroom), and prefer certain acts. Sexual desire has a strongly fetishist character; it is specific and therefore never “normal” or straightforwardly homo or hetero. [...] The straight norm implies all heterosexual interests are quite similar, although the general term covers a wide variety of desires that have little in common. People with, for example, sadomasochist preferences might have more in common with each other across gay and straight lines than with others who are simply gay or straight.' (Hekma 2014,p.6-8).

These considerations have piqued my interest in matters I would like to explore in the study. With the notion that sex requires fantasy and there is no sex without fantasy comes the claim that sexual preferences are mostly grounded in one‟s cultural background as well as in one's personal and individual development of certain preference. Therefore, one might say, we are dealing with a multiplicity of sexual preferences that can be shifted over time; all contributing to the notion that sexuality is fluid. Yet, the question arises – since in most cases there are certain limitations and hierarchies of perversions, does the notion reflect the actual state? Having said that, sexual fantasies and their multiplicity should be yet referred to reality, where the matter of mental and physical space brings forth severe turbulences on the line between fantasies and reality. Sexual desires, fetishes or perversions which should be explored are often seen as wrong by the society and for that reason eschewed. On that account I find the subject matter to merit objective, impartial academic investigation.

The research will focus on the specific group of subjects, namely non-heterosexual millennials. The millennials consolidate a demographic cohort entering the adulthood, whose birthday years are usually placed between mid - 1980s to mid - 1990s (Kolesinski et.al., 2014), thus the respondents of the research occupy the age range between the 22 to 26 years of age. One might deliberate that their sexual identities are not fully developed yet, and they are still in the learning process, exploring and establishing their sexualities. Therefore, the development of sexual fantasy preferences plays an important role in the process of shaping

3 their future lifestyle and identities. For that reason, scientific research on this topic may bring up thought-provoking findings which can be later on referred to previous generations. What is striking about the study of sexual fantasy amongst millennial respondents is the fact that a generation alone is speculated to have grown up in a circumstances considerably contrasting in relation to the previous generations, thus to develop specific traits, not to be found in other demographic cohorts. However, one of the reasons for deeming the study of sexual fantasy in millennials relevant, is that aside from the fact that it might give some unexpected outcomes, it may also significantly contribute to the understanding the social position of the generation, and moreover, a non-heterosexual young adults.

1.1. Outline of The Research

The Chapter 2. Methodology will explain some of the issues with the circumstances of interviews as well as some methodological complications. Furthermore, the section will present the overview of the process of data collection, as well as adjusted sampling technique and limiting conditions.

Before proceeding to the data analysis, in the Chapter 3. The Existing Body of Knowledge, the existing studies on sexual fantasies will be reviewed in order to acquaint the reader with scientific claims concerning sexual fantasies. The claims consolidated a basis which is later on compared to the findings of this research.

Then, in the section 4. The Respondents and Their Definition of Sexual Fantasy, the interviewees of the research will be introduced. The chapter was designed in order to provide a necessary information on the millennial respondents of the research. The reader's knowledge of such seems to be fundamental for understanding the findings of the study which are based on the respondents' self-reports.

Finally, the Chapter 5. How do the Respondents Relate Sexual Fantasies to Reality? will review the outcomes of the research and analyze the following: a) the association between incidence, frequency and content of sexual fantasies and variables such as age, sexual adjustment and satisfaction, guilt, and sexual experience, b) the association between sexual fantasy and sexual behaviour, c) the occurrence of invasive sexual thoughts and personal assessment of them, d) the influence of relationships on sexual fantasies, e) personal account of the origins of sexual fantasy preferences. The study ends with a summary of major findings and suggestion for future research and further discussion.

4

2. Methodology

2.1. Overview of the data collection process

Before proceeding to the analysis of the interviews, it seems beneficial to discuss some of the issues with the circumstances of interviews as well as some methodological complications. The materials from which this study draws were gathered between April 2017 and June 2017. The research centered on face-to-face and Skype interviews. All of the respondents have been found through mutual contacts. After reaching out to 54 potential interviewees and explaining the aims and purposes of the study, the research attracted 7 completions. The fact that 47 potential interviewees rejected or ignored the request to participate in the study shows how controversial and difficult to measure the subject of sexual fantasy still is. It proves how rigorous the research and its methods are and how difficult it was not only to pinpoint the relevant pool of persons but also find those of the potential interviewees who would be willing to participate in the discussion. Therefore, for the design of the research it was crucial to reach out to a group of people that would demonstrate a high level of self- acceptance and positive evaluation of sexual fantasies as well as social openness to the issue.

The research design demanded an admittedly thoughtful process of recruiting the group of respondents who would be able to provide personal and detailed stories about their sexual fantasies. The interviews were conducted in English and Polish (2 out of 7 were conducted in Polish and the rest was conducted in English), and each of them lasted between 45 minutes and one and a half hour. The face-to-face interview was the preferred form of questioning the respondents, however, due to the logistic reasons, 3 of them has been interviewed via Skype. The rest of the interviews have been performed at private homes and parks. All the interviews have been later on transcribed verbatim.

2.2. Sampling technique

Because the respondents were recruited opportunistically, the study makes no claims for the 'representativeness' of the responses. Apart from that, it remains unclear as to what one might count as the representative sample in such study. Instead, the study selected and described the case of respondents which provided an interesting, broad insight into the issue of sexual fantasy. The criteria by which potential interviewees were selected aimed at gathering the most deliberate and conscious description available.

5

The claims to be made when constructing the research were concerning respondents' sexuality, education and age. First of all, the study focuses on respondents who identify as non-heterosexual, as the development of sexual fantasies in such may bring up more complex and deeper insight into the issue. Moreover, the development of sexual fantasy preferences in non-heterosexual individual remains, without a doubt, more remarkable and far-reaching an account than in the case of heterosexual person. In other words, non- heterosexual respondents were believed to reflect on their sexual fantasies more deliberately and consciously.

For the same reasons, the respondents who obtained at least a higher education diploma were targeted. This requirement was made in order to gather data which would be explicit and rich in its description. Well educated individuals are willing to reflect on their sexuality and sex life more thoughtfully as well as this group is likely to have considerably more open attitudes towards sexuality. However, most of the respondents were either in the process of completing their higher education degree or starting their professional careers, all of them were residing in a bigger metropolitan areas what significantly contributes to their sex life. Furthermore, all of the analyzed respondents articulated the significant shift in their perception of sexuality and the change in their sex-life after moving from hometown to a bigger city where they had relatively more opportunities to develop their sexual identities. Aforementioned change in perception of their sexuality had greatly influenced their sexual fantasy repertoire as well as sexual fantasy preferences. Both, the educational background and the place of residence of respondents, remain the main concomitants creating the perception of their own sexuality, therefore they were more eager to reflect on their sexual fantasies more openly.

Finally, the research focuses on millennials, a demographic cohort, whose birthday years are usually placed between mid - 1980s to mid - 1990s (Kolesinski et.al., 2014), thus the respondents of the research occupy the age range between the 22 to 26 years of age. The generation is generally distinguished by 'an increase use and familiarity with communications, media and digital technologies' (Kolesinski et.al., 2014. p.18). It was noted that in most parts of the world their upbringing was accompanied by increasingly liberal approach to politics and economics. Before proceeding to the research design, it had been presumed that due to the broader access to the internet, millennials also have been exposed to pornography and/or erotica at an age that was younger than the previous generations. Through the data collection, most of the respondents confirmed that assumption, what comes

6 of a great importance for the study. In favour of the research, it has been also assumed that millennials would be more accessible and open for a dialogue group, because of their relatively liberal upbringing.

The millennials consolidate a demographic cohort entering the adulthood, exploring and establishing their sexual identities. Thus, fantasy and its implementation is quintessential concomitant in the process of shaping their future lifestyle. For that reason, scientific research on this topic may bring up thought-provoking findings which can be later on referred to previous generations. However, one of the reasons for deeming the study of sexual fantasy in millennials important, is that aside from the fact that it might give some unexpected outcomes, it may also significantly contribute to the understanding the social position of the generation, as sexual fantasy may be actually more revealing than actual behaviour.

2.3. Research methods

The interviews centered on qualitative questions without the possibility to quantify data; the primary goal of the research favours analyzing personal stories over the desire for generalizations. To collect the data, the non-standardized one-to-one interview seemed the most reasonable method. Considering the delicacy of the subject, the interviews were designed in such way as to avoid any discomfort and protect the emotional safety of the interviewee, as well as to create the space where personal and intimate questions could be raised. Having acknowledged delicacy and intimacy of the matter, the questions were more guiding than importunate. Moreover, there was no rigorous order in which they were asked, usually starting with questions of little depth, those aiming to gain information on respondents' background, followed by more in depth fantasy development questions. Additionally, there were requests to keep the confessions in confidence articulated by the respondents, therefore the names has been changed to avoid public exposure. I focused on following the direction in which the conversation organically steered. A conscious effort not to define sexual fantasy was made in order to prompt interviewees to define the term themselves. Instead, the respondents were encouraged to reflect on what they reckon constitutes a sexual fantasy themselves.

The interviews aimed at tracing the development of sexual fantasy preferences and its implementation and correlation to reality. The central question the research therefore advance

7 is: 'How do respondents relate sexual fantasies to reality?' and interview questions were oscillating around the issue. Topics of the interviews include:

 the association between incidence, frequency and content of sexual fantasies and variables such as age, sexual adjustment and satisfaction, guilt, and sexual experience,  the association between sexual fantasy and sexual behaviour,  the occurrence of invasive sexual thoughts and personal assessment of them,  the influence of relationships on sexual fantasies,  personal account of the origins of sexual fantasy preferences,  the correlation between erotica-pornography and respondents' internal sexual fantasies. 2.4. Limiting conditions

Because of the fact that sexual fantasies are covert, the only way to measure or study them is through one's personal record of them. Therefore, there is no choice but to rely on self-report, with all its shortcomings. Self-reports are based on retrospective recall, which may not be completely reliable as each and every memoir, especially the ones recalling the events from the early childhood are reflexive, thus only the narrative forms of the description serve as an reliable source of data. Whether the reports are accurate or not, they reflect the discourse which could be analyzed by the study. Aside from concerns about reliability of the interviews, there exists also a possibility that the respondents' self-reports vary greatly from the actual state, as the result of the either not acknowledging or simply denying their own fantasies. However, it is not the study's intention to create an objective knowledge but to give an account of personal stories of the respondents.

8

3. The Existing Body of Knowledge

3.1. Definition and Methodological Issues

The very word fantasy itself opens up a whole range of considerations and issues in the investigation of human sexuality. As blurred, dynamic and frivolous as they are, fantasies are one of the most obscure aspects of human sexuality, yet remaining to be the core of human sexuality as sexual pleasure itself is based on imagination and one's inner thoughts. 'Sex is composed of friction and fantasy' (Kaplan, 1974, p.84). Thus, sexual fantasy remains difficult to explore, not to mention to submit itself to succinct and concise a definition. There is little consistency in the available studies as to what exactly constitutes a sexual fantasy and how to measure it. However, before proceeding to any further contemplations, there are several findings about sexual fantasies which are worth to be noted down. Sexual fantasy has the appeal of being the safest, most innocent and simplest form of sexual activity. Yet, in the investigation of what sexual fantasy is, one might come to an opposite conclusion and ideally one should recognise that sexual fantasies are the key to an understanding of human sexual behaviour.

First and foremost, sexual fantasies are 'nearly universally experienced' (Leitenberg& Henning, 1995, p.469). The great majority of people (and probably every sexual being) engage in sexual fantasy, either as an activity in itself – outside of sexual activity (i.e., daydreaming) – or in relation to other sexual activities, such as masturbation and partnered sex (Laumann et al., 1994). People report a wide variety of content in their sexual thoughts (Byrne &Osland, 2000; Leitenberg& Henning, 1995) and tracing them all is nearly unfeasible. Sexual fantasies may 'involve memories of past events, or it can be a completely new imaginary experience' (Leitenberg& Henning, 1995, p.470). Sexual fantasy may be more revealing than one‟s actual sexual activity, merely due to the fact that a fantasy allows for one to play out any scenario they might think of, however unrealistic, without facing any consequences. As sexual fantasy may reflect past experiences, it might also affect one‟s behaviour in further life (Eisenman 1982; Malamuth, 1981). In general, the term sexual fantasy may be referred to 'any mental imagery that is sexually arousing or erotic to the individual' (Leitenberg& Henning, 1995, p.470).

According to Doskoch (1995), individuals are free to fantasize any time, have total control of it and the act of fantasizing itself does not call forth any (direct) consequences. However, this

9 statement might raise objections – what if one‟s sexual fantasies occur against their will? Consequences of developing some fantasies might also be far-reaching and could be deemed as severe. It is worth noting that in their review of a research conducted by Little and Byers (2000) it is demonstrated that people evaluate their sexual fantasies as either positive or negative. One might assume it indicates that humans – or sexual beings – have to deal with sexual thoughts for whatever reason undesirable. Therefore, it is clear one cannot claim that people are in position of control when it comes to what they fantasize about in the context of their sexuality. Sexual thoughts can take many forms and not all of them might happen to be pleasurable for the individual. This might be a result of deeply-rooted belief that thoughts alone can be sinful and in moral confusion about the distinction between fantasy and reality. Sexual fantasies 'can occur spontaneously or be intentionally imagined, or it can be provoked by other thoughts, feelings, or sensory cues' (Leitenberg& Henning, 1995, p.470).

It all adds considerably to the fact that sexual fantasies are exceptionally difficult to explore. Although people do talk about sexual desires in a whole variety of social spaces, sexual desires belong to the inner sphere of life of every human and can never be revealed completely. Where fantasies are deemed abnormal, people are even more keen that their thoughts should not be known. Even an aim to capture those thoughts will be restricted in both linguistic and cultural context, as 'we belong in history and society, and know ourselves within those' (Baker 2014, p.157). Fantasies are result of reality and might find an outlet in reality but the reality which will always be referred to a particular social background. Still, one's personal account of perceived origins, nature and implications of sexual fantasies might lead to a broader understanding of one's sexual behaviour as well as it may shed some light on different scripts that may underline sexual behaviour.

3.2. Sexual Fantasy and Sexual Satisfaction

Fantasies have a significant impact on human sexuality and a sexual fantasy alone can be the cause of an orgasm (Rathus et al., 2005, p.106). Sexual fantasies have been proven by various studies to drive sexual activity and to lay at the core of human sexuality. The research captured in a 1995 essay by Leitenberg and Henning shows that higher level of sexual satisfaction and, ultimately, the achievement of a climax are directly associated with the inclusion of fantasy into a person's sexual repertoire. 'Sexual fantasies occur most often in those people who exhibit the least number of sexual problems and the least sexual dissatisfaction' (Leitenberg and Henning, 1995, p.490). A 1986 research carried out on

10 married women indicated that sexual fantasies help to achieve arousal and orgasm (Nicholas 2004, p.38).

However, not always have sexual fantasies been praised. Some theorists, such as Freud, claimed that sexual fantasies are sign of sexual dissatisfaction and deprivation and they occur simply as a substitute for other enjoyable sexual stimulation. 'A happy person never phantasizes, only an unsatisfied one' (Freud, 1908/1962, p.146). Similar negative views about sexual fantasies were shared by other psychoanalytic theorists of the time, who connected sexual fantasies to 'sexual dissatisfaction, immaturity, frustration, inhibition, masochism, and unconscious sexual conflicts' (Deutsch, 1944; Hollender, 1963; Homey, 1967; Reich, 1942). These views were gradually replaced by contradicting assertions. In 1966 J.L. Singer argued otherwise – that sexual fantasies are a sign of healthy sexuality and are yet another form of sexual stimulation used to achieve sexual arousal and enjoyment. Recent studies are consistent in their claim that those people who have more sexual fantasies and fantasize more often tend to have less or no sexual problems and report greater sexual satisfaction than people who fantasize less often (Byrne &Osland, 2000; Leitenberg& Henning, 1995). In addition, creating hypothetical scenarios and images may serve as a coping mechanism in handling sexual dissatisfaction and/or depravation (Davidson & Hoffman, 1986). In general, the studies of sexual fantasies available thus far suggest that more frequent fantasy contributes positively to the general level of sexual satisfaction.

Correspondingly, the lack of sexual fantasies or the presence of feelings of guilt and disgust about fantasy in turn may reduce sexual satisfaction and pleasure, leading to sexual dysfunction (Cado&Leitenberg, 1990; Zimmer, Borchardt&Fischle, 1983). Feelings of guilt about sexual fantasies are strongly connected to feelings of guilt about sex in general. According to Leitenberg and Henning (1995, p.490), 'individuals who feel most guilt about having sexual fantasies during sexual activity with a partner tend to believe that such fantasizing is immoral, socially unacceptable, abnormal, uncommon, and indicative of something wrong with or their relationship, or both. Guilt about sexual fantasies is associated with more sexual problems and fewer fantasies'. The feelings of guilt and disgust about fantasizing might originate in a common belief that thoughts alone can be sinful and in the moral confusion about the distinction between fantasy and reality.

11

3.3. Age of Onset of Sexual Fantasies and Gender Differences

Some attention should be given to the topic of initiation of one‟s first sexual fantasies and to the changes in frequency of those across one‟s life span. Certainly, the record of such is not easy to reach as little is known about sexual fantasies and thoughts of children. The reasoning for that being a fact that sex still remains a taboo topic amongst children and most parents and institutions would not approve of any more explicit a research. Undoubtedly, children of age between 5 and 11 have occasional romantic-sexual fantasies but not much is known about them (Leitenberg& Henning, 1995, p.475). Retrospective studies suggest that adults recall having their first sexual fantasies at approximate ages between 11 and 13, during early adolescence, parallel to a general increase in sexual arousal. However, it is possible that adults simply may not remember their earlier fantasies clearly. The decreasing frequency of sexual fantasy is noted across the life span, and this tendency is linear to a decrease in the level of sexual drive in general as well as a decrease in the occurrence of sexual intercourse and masturbation during which sexual fantasies usually appear.

What should be noted is the fact that the age of first experiencing a sexual fantasy has been found to differ largely between sexes, with boys being more likely to report them earlier (Leitenberg& Henning, 1995, p.490). This may seem paradoxical as girls experience puberty sooner into their life than boys do. Yet, it is consistent with the finding that sexual arousal amongst girls comes later than amongst boys (Knoth et al., 1988) and girls usually start masturbating later than boys (Kinsey et al., 1948, 1953).

The gender differences which I deliberately skipped before are, however, equally present in the frequency of sexual fantasies, with males fantasizing more often during nonsexual activity and during masturbation, although not during actual intercourse. Furthermore, men appear to have more sexual fantasies throughout the day than women. 'These gender differences are consistent with both sociocultural and sociobiological theories of human sexual behaviour' (Leitenberg&Henning, 1995, p.490). The conclusions these theories make about sexual fantasies tend to be the same, so existing studies do not provide or support any evidence that could favour one theory above another. However, explaining gender differences with sociobiological theories of human sexual behaviour raise my objections. Human sexuality, as well as sexual fantasies, are generated externally, not internally, therefore women's fantasies are produced within society and women tend to be conditioned to fantasize in particular ways, what does not mean their sexuality should be referred to any biological reasoning. I found the

12 theory unfair and simply offensive, moreover, it proves how faulty the existing study on sexual fantasy is. The study previously carried out spotted a number of gender differences also in the content of sexual fantasies, and referred them to both theories, sociocultural and sociobiological. What is more, these differences found to be consistent with both theories. However, sociobiological theory should without a doubt be excluded from these contemplations as there is no evidence that women are born with tame sexuality and men are naturally promiscuous; it appears just as a mental shortcut. For instance, men are more willing to fantasize about doing something sexual to their partner than women, whereas women tend to fantasize more about being sexually passive. Men are also more explicit and visual in their fantasies, where amongst women, emotional and romantic imagery seem to be more common. What is more, the sexual fantasy of having sex with multiple partners at one time is also more common for men than for women. Sexual fantasy of being forced or overpowered is more usual for women than men. By the same token, men imagine being in a dominant position more often than women tend to (Leitenberg& Henning, 1995, p.491). These gender differences only show how men's and women's sexuality is produced and generated within the society and no assumption should be made out of it. One can speak about the biased and stereotypical nature of these notions - women craving romance and love, whereas men are simply looking for sex; women's sexual role is presented as strictly passive, whereas men's - strictly active. It should be noted one more time that there is no evidence to not only favour sociobiological theory over sociocultural one, but to acknowledge the sociobiological at all.

Undoubtedly, patterns in which commercial erotica is being consumed reflect these gender differences that are visible in the content of sexual fantasy; men usually reaching for pornography and women for romance novels or porn videos labelled as 'for women', which appear to be filmed and edited in a way that evokes more romantic feelings than casual porn videos do (Leitenberg& Henning, 1995, p.484). However, sociocultural and sociobiological theories should not serve as any clear evidence in the explanation of gender differences. For instance, women may have fewer sexual fantasies than man simply because they are not exposed to the external sexual images to the same extent as men are. In Western societies, women's body tend to be more sexualised and fashion alone accentuates the sexual features of their bodies more than those of men. According to Jones and Barlow (1990), difference between men and women lays in externally – as opposed to internally generated fantasies – and therefore both theories, sociobiological and sociocultural, may not reflect the actual state.

13

Another remarkable finding in the studies of sexual fantasy available so far could be found in the comparison of fantasies between gay and straight subjects. Price, Allensworth and Hillman (1985) 'found a striking similarity in the content of the fantasies of homosexual and heterosexual participants, except for the gender of the imagined partner'. The only difference is that gay men and lesbian women tend to fantasize about sex-same partners, whereas heterosexuals imagine opposite-sex partners. Therefore, gay men's sexual fantasies appear to be parallel to heterosexual men's fantasies, as well as lesbian women's fantasies are similar in the content to heterosexual women's fantasies.

3.4. Theories of the Origins of Sexual Fantasy Preferences

While the wide variety of content in sexual fantasies is reported, the process in which certain sexual imagery becomes more appealing and sexually exciting to one person than to another is a tangled issue that could bring in an entirely new area of research and perhaps several volumes worth of analysis. A number of studies (e.g. Gagnon & Simon,1973) point to the process of socialisation – in which people are conditioned to distinguish some cues and not the others as sexual – whereas others (e.g. Seligman, 1971) put emphasis on a biological predetermination. However, idiosyncratic experience may indeed affect and contribute to the process of developing sexual fantasy preferences. The difficulty of tracing the development of different fantasy preferences in people with similar experiences was illustrated by the case study conducted by Luria (1982). As a result of the investigation of two sisters, it was concluded that 'different aspects of personal experience and personality development combine in a complex manner with sexual experience to determine sexual fantasy preferences'. However, it is far from a firm understanding of all the concomitants that contribute to the process, not to mention the explanation of how individuals' fantasies develop and change over time. In this case, longitudinal studies that could trace the development of individuals' sexual fantasy preferences from early childhood to late adulthood seems to be called for.

The existing knowledge of sexual fantasies seems to rely mainly on statistical, closed-end data, sampled on a larger, 'more representative' number of population. The knowledge of sexual fantasy centers around the general recognition and lacks in personal records, coming out of individuals. The studies should include various aspects of experiencing sexual fantasies and every each of those reports should be of equal importance and approached carefully and in regarded depth. Therefore, the aim of the research is to generate new knowledge, ideally, challenging the already existing one. The qualitative research seems to be a suitable tool to

14 approach the topic. The complexity of the topic branches out far beyond the boundaries of a 15-minute questionnaire which is in the end simply not a comprehensive method of research. Open-ended, intimate interviews have the potential of exploring the tangled issue through self-reports. Furthermore, sexual fantasies are coded linguistically and thus belong to culture and are produced within it. Investigating them in relation to social conditions might therefore bring up completely new findings.

15

4. The Respondents and Their Definition of Sexual Fantasy

The chapter was designed in order to provide a vague impression on the described respondents of the research and to make it easier for the reader to merge into the further study. The reader's knowledge of such seems to be fundamental for understanding the whole study which relies on particular individuals and their self-reports. The respondents are introduced in order that the interviews were conducted by.

Jakub, a 26 years old man, grew up in a 20 thousand residents town in the south of Poland, moved to Cracow to complete his academic degree, has lived in Warsaw for 2 years now and works as a journalist; identifies himself as gay. Although he recalls growing up in an accepting environment, he would not openly express his sexuality until moving to Cracow.

He defines sexual fantasy as 'the imagery of ideal sexual act at one particular time, as the ideal reflection of his current sexual needs, and a mental portrayal of a certain sexual action.' He reports a wide variety in terms of the content of his sexual fantasies. However, rather than constituting the portrayal of an entire scenario of a sexual act, his fantasies focus instead on 'a certain element, move, part of a sexual act'. Although he has been in few monogamous relationships, he solely rejects the idea of engaging in an exclusive relationship in the future.

Batya, a 24 years old woman, grew up in New Jersey, US, finished school in New York and is currently studying and living in Amsterdam. She considers herself as bisexual and polyamorous.

She defines sexual fantasy as 'anything you can imagine, that has a sexual element to it; anything that you can put your mind to, any thought that can bring sexual arousal. It doesn't have to be necessarily sexual, it might be just drinking water on the beach, but it has to feel sexual to a person having those thoughts.'

16

Batya revealed that she could not engage in non-open relationship. 'I prefer to be in a relationship with a boy and a girl at the same time, so I can have both sides of everything, sexuality and personality wise.'

Wojciech, a 24 years old man. He was raised in ca. 200 thousand residents city in Poland, at the age of 19 moved to London, UK to study journalism. After completing his bachelor's degree he moved to Warsaw where he is currently working as a journalist. He recalls growing up in a strictly Catholic environment. He identifies himself as gay.

Sexual fantasies are, for him, 'thoughts about sexual activities that one finds pleasurable but is not acting out for some reasons'. He daydreams about sex and when having partnered sex but never while masturbating. Moreover, sexual thoughts are, in his case, intentionally imagined. He reflects on his first sexual fantasies which he experienced 'at the very young age' as strictly homosexual.

When he left his home country, he started experiencing with his sexuality and engaged in few relationships but none of them were committed; he reflects on them as 'relationships based on sex'. Recently, he engaged in a threesome with two other same-sex partners and this experiences significantly influenced his views on sex and relationships. He still considers himself as monogamous, however, he will not reject the possibility of engaging in an open relationship.

Jos, a 22 years old man, born and raised in a small village in the north of the Netherlands. At the age of 18, he moved to Groningen to complete his bachelor's degree and he has been studying and living in Amsterdam for 10 months; identifies himself as gay and polyamorous.

Jos considers himself religious as his parents were religious and he recalls receiving religious upbringing. Although he came out at the age of 15, he had discussed his sexuality with close friends beforehand.

For him, sexual fantasies are 'the process of thinking and planning about when, where, with whom and how to have sex'. He reports a wide variety in content of sexual fantasies. He reflects on fantasizing at least couple of times throughout a day.

17

He engaged in relationships before, one of which became an open relationship after some time. He also claims that his future relationships have to be at least open relationships, if not polyamorous. He has the feeling that he could not be completely exclusive to someone.

Deepjyoti, a 26 years old man who was born and raised in India, comes from a respected, intellectual family of the Bengali Brahmins caste. He received the Bachelor's and Master's diploma in Bengaluru, India. In the meantime, he had participated in the student exchange programme and had therefore lived in Aachen, Germany. Currently Deepjyoti is completing his PhD degree in Material Science Engineering in Stockholm, Sweden. He identifies himself as gay.

Deepjyoti defines sexual fantasy as 'anything sexual which one is dreaming about and hoping to be a real-life action but, in fact, it is not.'

The respondent reflects on growing up in isolation and being deprived of contact with peers until the age of 12. The purpose of this was to 'protect him' and to carry on the Bengali Brahmins legacy. He admits that during the last year of his Bachelor's he reached out to the religious cult in search of help with dealing with what he felt at the time - 'troublesome sexuality'. He was recommended meditation, which he believes that 'only pressurized the thoughts, not letting them out'. After his meditation exercises proved ineffective, he was referred by the members of the cult to a psychologist. The psychologist suggested him to 'keep his fantasies alive, but shift them onto women.' However, he has never tried this as he explains 'women were not sexually attractive to him' and he has never seen a psychologist since then. Finally, he came to terms with his own sexuality, still 'remaining in the closet' in front of his family in India.

He has never been in a committed relationship, nor has he ever encountered, as he puts it - 'full sexual intercourse' what he defined later on as having anal sex. Deepjyoti engaged in a few sexual encounters. After moving to Sweden, he started using gay dating mobile applications but despite having reached out to users of those services, none of them have been willing to meet up. He explains: 'Swedish guys don't want to date anyone of a darker skin tone' and he adds that he constantly faces rejection.

18

Chantel, a 25 year old woman, born and raised in Manchester, UK. She holds a Bachelor's degree in Social Sciences in Manchester. Currently, Chantel is studying and living in Amsterdam; identifies as a lesbian.

She defines sexual fantasy as 'something in your own mind, that you don't say out loud, a private thought that is somehow sexually arousing or satisfying in any way.' She fantasizes every time she masturbates. Furthermore, Chantel states that sexual fantasies come in a different circumstances; she experiences sexual fantasies as an activity in itself without the intention to reach an orgasm.

Chantel has been in a committed relationship with a female for 7 years. She is usually fantasizing about her partner but sexual fantasies about other people and past sexual encounters are also appearing. When fantasizing about someone other than her partner, she articulated experiencing feelings of tremendous guilt.

Sam, 24 year old man. He comes from Liège, Belgium, where he completed his Bachelor's degree in Political Sciences. One year ago, he moved to Amsterdam to study Sociology. He identifies himself as gay.

For him, sexual fantasy is a thought of any person, and situation or anything that he would be dreaming about not only sexually, but also erotically. 'Sexual fantasies are about something completely different than sexual activity itself'. Sam reports that ''fantasies about behaviours that could be deemed as 'extreme, or forbidden' are more exciting and sexual for him''.

He has been in a monogamous relationship with a male for 6 months now but they had already discussed and consensually accepted the fact that at some point they will probably open up to other sexual partners.

19

5. How do the Respondents Relate Sexual Fantasies to Reality? 5.1. Initiation of Sexual Fantasy

Since all of the respondents defined the sexual fantasy in a different way, it must be one more time acknowledged that the intention of the research is not to produce a selection of objective knowledge. The inconsistency in the respondents' answers is an accurate reflection of the disparity in the existing studies as to the definition of what exactly constitutes a sexual fantasy. In general, sexual fantasy was defined by the interviewees as any thought that one is finding sexually or erotically arousing. This interpretation of a sexual fantasy is the closest to the general scientific understanding of it and all of the respondents seem to be in line with the statement. In most cases, the definition was later on extended by the interviewees. Two respondents added that sexual fantasy refers not only to a thought of something sexually or erotically arousing, but to the whole process of thinking and planning the ideal sexual act. Elsewhere other two respondents – when asked to define a sexual fantasy – stressed out the existing disparity between sexual fantasy and practice. Those variations in understanding what a sexual fantasy is have led to the notion that there is no objectivity when it comes to measuring a sexual fantasy and that sexual fantasies are possibly experienced differently and there is no evident divergence between one sexual fantasy and another.

The disparities as to what sexual fantasies are have been followed by differences in marking the exact time of one‟s initiation of such. A number of studies have indicated that occasionally experienced romantic-sexual thoughts are common amongst prepubescent children (e.g. Ames, 1966; Abrams & Sutton-Smith, 1976;) and a vast majority of the respondents appeared to be confirming this claim. Those fantasies relied on the desire 'to be touchy', 'to be close' or 'to be acknowledged' by their sexual, or more strictly speaking - erotic objects. It should be noted at this point that fantasies of all the respondents had been gradually evolving - from those that could be dubbed as „vanilla‟ slowly shifting into the direction of more specific and explicit ones.

Although the most respondents reported the change of their fantasies into 'harsher' ones, the first had been deemed as 'innocent'. Those fantasies would often emerge even before the general understanding of sex and sexuality and any imaginary or recorded depiction of a sexual act. As the result of various factors and expositions to a discourse or visual stimulants,

20 the vanilla fantasies would eventually refashion into the more explicit ones. Those first sexual desires hardly ever been strictly homosexual, more commonly they have been focused on people from the respondents‟ close surroundings or representations of human's body.

Jakub stated that he started to fantasize and masturbate at the age of 7 to an image of unspecified female figure wearing a nurse uniform. He said: 'her body was never fully revealed'. He reported that for a very long time, it was a recurring figure in his fantasies. After discovering pornography at the age of 14 his fantasies became more specific, and he realized he was paying a „lot of” attention to male porn stars.

Wojciech was the only respondent who reported the surfacing of the fantasies 'very early on‟ which were strictly focused on the representation of men. He recalls being aroused by a figures of male fashion dolls. Wojciech reported exposure to pornography and the significant change of his fantasies which came only after it had happened.

Batya articulated having imaginary friend at the age of 8 and she describes their relationship as 'somewhat sexual'. Their playtime often took a form of a sexual game, in which Batya was listening to the orders of her imaginary friend. However, she still considers the playtime as innocent, as it did not go further than her touching herself. It appeared long before the understanding of what the act of sex is itself and she did not perceive it as homosexual or heterosexual. 'It was just sexual'. At the same time, she claims that at the very young age she felt attracted to girls, and wanted to 'be touchy with them', but she does not recognize those desires as sexual, but rather 'romantic'.

Similar tendency is to be found in another respondent, Sam, who recalls the desire to be erotically close with men at the age of around 7 and revealed that the object of his early desires was an older colleague from a scout group. However, he was later on fantasizing about women or sexual act in general, and only after discovering pornography at the age of 14, his fantasies would become more explicit and he started realizing his inclination for men through arousal caused by a glimpse at a male porn actor.

Deepjyoti recalls fantasizing about the images he had seen on TV at the very young age, when he did not have any knowledge of what sex or sexual act is. At the age of 14, when he still had a vague impression of what sex is, during the playground game he innocently touched and kissed one of his same-sex peers, what he recalls as the point when he started to fantasize more explicitly about men.

21

Chantel articulated being close with one of her childhood female friends between the ages of 4 and 8 and stated that they often had been holding hands and kissing innocently. She confessed that one day the mother of her friend caught them with hands in each other‟s underwear what was highly disapproved of and 'both of them associated their behaviour with something sexual, yet something inappropriate'. However, Chantel stated that her 'real fantasies came around at the age of 11' when she was exposed to sex, through discourse and conversations in the playground, as well as by 'soft porn which was played during night hours on TV'.

Jos who was the only one to report the onset of first sexual fantasies at the age of approximately 11, imagined 'very innocent' sexual actions with peers from his class. Those actions were mainly based on innocent cuddling, kissing, and sometimes mutual masturbation. He did not remember having any sexual or erotic thoughts before the age of 11.

The outcomes of the research are partially consistent with the existing studies. As retrospective studies suggest that adults recall having their first sexual fantasies at approximate ages between 11 and 13, parallel to a general increase in sexual arousal (Leitenberg& Henning, 1995, p.475), the respondents of this study articulated the surfacing of fantasies of a sexual nature long before that age. However, those thoughts were classified as 'innocent' and 'unidentified', probably because of their frivolous nature and of the fact that they came around before the general understanding of sex and sexuality, and the onset of first 'real sexual fantasies' is mainly marked by the interviewees between the ages of 11 and 14. The extensive use of a word 'innocent' in this section evidently indicates that the content of an early-experienced fantasy is slightly different to those experienced by the time one reaches puberty. But does it mean that early-experienced fantasies of a sexual nature do not deserve to be considered as sexual fantasies?

The existing studies acknowledge the fact that children of age between 5 and 11 have occasional romantic-sexual thoughts, but the notion somewhat has not received respectable academic attention and not much is known about them (Leitenberg& Henning, 1995, p.475), possibly due to the fact that more explicit research on that group could face social disapproval. There is no question that sexual arousal is a common part of development before the puberty (Rutter, 1971), however, the existing study on the issue is somehow lacking in the recognition of a sexual fantasy amongst prepubescent children, mostly acknowledging ones occurring during early adolescence. The fact that respondents had experienced sexual

22 thoughts before the general understanding of sex says something about humans' sexuality and deserves objective academic attention. Inclusion of such fantasies, however vague or differently formed they are in the study, may change the existing knowledge of sexual fantasy and sexuality in general.

5.2. Development of Sexual Fantasy Preferences

Since existing studies do not mention the explanation of how individuals' fantasies develop and change over time, the only change in sexual fantasies' occurrence noted by existing studies is the decrease in frequency across the life span, and this tendency is linear to a decrease in the level of sexual drive in general. As this research focuses on respondents in their early adulthood, such tendency has not been noted. Wojciech was the only respondent who reported that he fantasizes significantly less than he used to when he was a teenager, and his fantasies are 'less intense'. He points puberty and increased production of hormones as the reason for that. The rest of respondents do not report change between present and past state of the frequency of their fantasies. However, all of the respondents agreed on the fact that the content of their fantasies has changed over time. Moreover, with experience and ageing process, the fantasies has become more specific and 'kinky'. The report of opposing tendency has not surfaced.

Jos stated that his current sexual fantasies were greatly shaped by past sexual experiences. At the age of 16, he engaged in a relationship with more sexually experienced man in which he was able to explore his sexual preferences. He reported that he used to have unprotected sex with his partner what he recognizes as the potential reason for his current inclination for such practice. Before the first encounter, where he was sexually passive, he used to fantasize exclusively about being active, after experiencing the passive role he included fantasies about being passive into his fantasy repertoire. Moreover, after moving to Amsterdam, he found out much more possibilities and opportunities when it comes to implementation of diverse sexual practices. Multi-partnered sex in which he had engaged spontaneously at the age of 18 and had never thought about beforehand, now is the practice he is consistently looking for and fantasizing about. The circumstances and surrounding determine both, his sexual behaviour and fantasies.

In the case of Jakub, his puberty fantasies are reported to be 'very vanilla', and lacking in the elements that he is fantasizing about frequently now. Before his sexual initiation, he used to

23 fantasize about being both, passive and active. After his first relationship when he was merely passive, he did not enjoy this practice and is rarely taking the role of being passive now. Although he has had significantly more experiences with mature and older men, he has been 'always attracted to the same type of men, young and slender, ideally between the age of 17- 21' and those men are returning in his fantasies since he was 14 years old.

Wojciech's sexual fantasy preferences changed fluently over time but he reports the consistency in most of his sexual fantasies throughout the period of sexual awareness. Before the sexual initiation, he was fantasizing merely about being passive, what has changed slightly after that. Moreover, his fantasies were oscillating mostly around individuals from his environment, whereas now they are mainly focused on porn actors. Presently, his fantasies come from what he had seen in pornography. Recently, Wojciech has engaged in a threesome spontaneously and he did it couple of times since then, with every time enjoying this sexual practice more and more. The respondent included the imagery of the practice in his sexual fantasy repertoire.

Batya has sexual fantasies which are 'reoccurring for years' consistently, but she also reflects on fantasies that are coming out of the spur of the moment, certain situations. She noted the change in her fantasies over time, however, she also expresses that her fantasy preferences come periodically; she experienced the periods of being more attracted to one sex than another. Her fantasies about being submissive were suppressed until she engaged in a sexual act with her partner who convinced her. Later on, it became 'sort of a sexual identity' for her and she has fantasized about it since then. When it comes to being dominant, she also found out her inclination for that after being convinced by a partner. However, she is more likely to fantasize about dominating same-sex partners, as she puts it: 'my body feels irrelevant tool in dominating a grown-up guy'. Finally, she reflects on the fact that the features of men from her fantasies changed because of the partners she used to date.

Sam recalls that his teenage fantasies are significantly different than present ones and it is not the outcome of exposure to explicit materials but as the result of the change in general understanding and perception of the sexual act. Sam articulates that he finds the most pleasure fantasizing about practices that are somehow 'out of his reach at the moment'. His fantasies are reported to be greatly dependent on social circumstances and people surrounding him.

Chantel reported that the content of her fantasies has changed and is still changing. She noted that fantasies from early teenage years were more intense and she used to fantasies more

24

'wildly'. She also stated that her earlier fantasies relied mostly on the 'intimacy', and her current ones are more 'physical'. Before her relationship of 7 years, she used to fantasize about broader spectrum of sexual practices than she and her partner actually acted out. She noted that the frequency of her fantasies is certainly dependable on her lifestyle and 'how busy she is at the moment'. Chantel also articulated the existence of the reoccurring, consistent fantasies.

Deepjyoti reflects on slow process of changing his sexual fantasies. Due to relatively little experience, his fantasies has been changing mostly as the result of exposure to pornography and the development of his own sexual imagery. He also reported that he fantasizes more often and more 'aggressively' than he used to, as he puts it. He reflected on fantasizing about one particular person from his surrounding for a longer time, the one who he finds attractive at the time and developed love-related feelings towards this person. Deepjyoti consistently fantasizes about being passive.

The only claim possible to be made about sexual fantasy preferences is that they are changing in wild and frivolous ways, and shift in unexpected directions. Without any doubt, fantasies of the respondents has become more 'specific' and 'kinky' with age and experience and the process is still continuing. The reasoning for that being probably young age of respondents who are possibly still in the process of exploring their sexuality. It happens that some fantasies are being abandoned, played-out or are not as sexually arousing as they used to be. The surfacing of some of the preferred fantasies come later on, even after the period of puberty. Additionally, it was noted that preferred fantasies 'come and go' periodically. Also, new fantasies can be incorporated into the repertoire if they are found to be arousing. By the same token, sexual experience may lead to new fantasies or reinforce already existing ones.

As it is not possible to determine or predict the course of the development in one‟s sexual fantasy preferences, one may observe how they are determined by different aspects of personal experience and personality which combine in a complex manner with sexual experience. However, the question arises – how far can fantasies change over time and when does the process end? The existence of reoccurring, consistent fantasies, which dominate and possibly dictate the sexual orientation was reported amongst all of the respondents so can those well-established fantasies ever be changed?

25

5.3. Circumstances of Sexual Fantasies

When thinking about sexual fantasy, a question which emerges instinctively is in what circumstances people experience sexual fantasies. An answer to that question might contribute significantly to the general understanding of sexual fantasy and expose some conclusions and explanation. What is particularly striking is the fact that the vast majority of previous studies failed to make the distinction between the sexual fantasies as an activity in itself as opposed to those experienced during masturbation or partnered-sex. The contradistinction between different types of sexual fantasies has been absent in the research on sexual fantasies. Sexual fantasies occurring outside of sexual activities and those in relation to sexual activities were not separated or studied individually.

While the term sexual fantasy used to cover all of the sexual thoughts one is experiencing, the deeper differentiation is present neither in the existing knowledge nor in discourse and narratives surrounding sexual fantasy. The context and reasons for which people engage in sexual fantasies may have a deeper influence on both the nature and form of such fantasies. It should be noted that during the collection of data for this research, such differentiation was not made either in order to allow the interviewees to elaborate on the issue freely. However, the recognition of different types of sexual fantasies in the respondents' self-reports can be noted. After conducting the interviews, it had been made evident that such recognition is needed, however absent in the general discussion. Coherently, the thoughts which the respondents engage in when having a partnered sex differ in terms of form, content, purpose and length from those coming out as a daydream. The questions arises, then, how can the study frame and define those different types of fantasy? How to differentiate one fantasy from the other? Those differences might challenge the whole existing knowledge of sexual fantasy.

All of the respondents in their confessions confirmed that they had been experiencing different types of sexual fantasies and that they had been engaging in sexual fantasies for different purposes. All of the respondents had been engaging in sexual fantasies as an activity in itself and in relation to other sexual activities. However, the circumstances in which they had been experiencing sexual fantasies have changed as well. Furthermore, they have different approaches towards fantasies experienced in a different circumstances, therefore the thoughts occurring while having partnered sex are not of the same nature as those occurring while daydreaming.

26

Wojciech stated that he does not fantasize when masturbating, even though he is when having partnered sex. For him, fantasizing comes as an activity in itself, but then he must focus to evoke specific imagery and the whole process is consciously steered. The fantasizing takes, then, about 1 hour or more and it is the whole contemplation of a sexual nature. He is fantasizing mostly about people from his surrounding, with whom 'he would never like to have sex in real-life'. Whereas the fantasies occurring while having a partnered sex, include the images of practices observed in pornography.

Batya is experiencing fantasies that are coming out of the spur of the moment which she claimed 'to not have any control of it'. 'I can be riding a bike, and I could find something sexual about it, and I would start fantasizing.' She fantasizes mostly when masturbating as she is rarely supporting her arousal with X-rated materials. 'I find my imagination convincing enough to not reach out to pornography and I cannot find porn that would fully satisfy me.' She also articulates the strong consciousness of difference between sexual fantasies experienced upon different circumstances.

Jos is fantasizing throughout the day, as an activity in itself, and also as a support when having a sexual intercourse or masturbating. He fantasizes a lot but only fantasies without any physical stimulation regards he as a 'real sexual fantasies' as the others are deemed as 'natural by-products of an sexual act'. The occurrence of sexual thoughts when having sex sees he as natural and he claims that it is not possible to have sex without thinking about sex and being only driven by what one sees. 'Sex requires specific narrative and support of our mental imagination'.

Sam, however, whose recent masturbating practices excluded fantasizing, claimed that he came back to masturbating using his own imagination some time ago as he can fully adapt his imagery to his needs what is not to be found in pornography. His fantasies during masturbation tend to be more precise and more detailed, presenting the bigger picture of an sexual act, but those coming as a daydream tend to be more fragmentary and frivolous.

Chantel is often finding herself in a situation when a minor stimulus immediately triggers her to fantasize intensively for a longer time. 'It could be a shape of stranger's breast or the smell of my colleague's perfume.' She is also fantasizing while having a sexual intercourse and masturbating. What is more, her fantasizes are often evoked consciously: 'I fantasize about sex a lot just before falling asleep, when lying in bed. But I haven't done it in a long time, as I am working a lot lately.'

27

What can be, then, learned from these reports? Why the way one is experiencing sexual fantasies differs from the others? Without any doubt, sexual fantasies are being evoked and experienced differently, and the circumstances of sexual fantasies determine the nature, form and content of sexual fantasies therefore the whole perception of sexual fantasies and its origins is distorted and one cannot give a firm image of sexual fantasy.

Sexual thoughts may be related to thoughts in general, which differ one from another in a similar manner. Thoughts are experienced in a different circumstances by different personalities, influenced by various emotions and feelings. The context determines the nature of thoughts. Therefore, we have different narratives and dynamics surrounding the reports of thoughts of any nature.

While we might presume that different circumstances in which participants of the study fantasize evoke different imaginary, content and dynamics of fantasies, it is not clear how to separate those different images and which aspects should be considered when separating one from another. The questions arises, whether we should make an equal sign between all of these fantasies? The difference in the ways fantasies are experienced may influence the perceived origins of sexual fantasies, as well as the whole understanding of what constitute sexual fantasy. Is the study still reliable when there is no differentiation in terms of the context of sexual fantasies introduced? The other questions which emerge from this section are: Why do the respondents engage in sexual fantasies under different circumstances? Why some fantasize more during the day, while the others fantasize mostly in relation to sexual activity? And finally, how do the circumstances under which people experience sexual fantasies change?

5.4. Sexual Fantasy and Sexual Behaviour

The question how fantasy affects experience and how experience affects fantasy emerged already in the previous sections. As stated before, the respondents articulated the strong consciousness of the division between sexual fantasy and practice. However, during the interviews, they often used the expression: 'speaking hypothetically' to describe the ideal circumstances in which implementation of some fantasies would be feasible. Does this indicate, then, that if favourable circumstances ever occur, would they put all of their fantasies in practice?

28

As vague as contemplation on the issue may be, it shall be based on the selective analysis of the respondents' claims. It should be stated at this point that all the fantasies are related to and are coming from reality, there are no fantasies that would completely originate in one's imagination. Therefore, the questions arise again, how predictive of sexual behaviour are fantasies alone and how does reality affect fantasy?

Chantel reported that her inclination for an oral sex came with the sensual feelings and physical pleasure evoked during the first engagement in the practice. She had not been familiar with the feeling before, and after the execution she could have easily recalled the activity and the feelings associated with this practice. The same reasoning she provided when describing her inclination for the use of a strap-on. She included the practice in her sexual repertoire, only after execution of such. Moreover, Chantel also stated that implementation of fantasies including somebody else than her partner could 'ruin her relationship'.

Sam reflected on the situation when he acted out a long-term fantasy of having sex in public place, the execution of which did not meet his expectations and he has never tried it afterwards. However, he is still fantasizing about this one particular sexual intercourse and the whole situation is sexually arousing to him, 'excluding some parts of it'.

Batya claims that she abandoned some fantasies after she acted them out since they did not feel sexually exciting for her anymore. While Batya reports a wide variety of fantasies, implementing some is only possible with either men or women. 'Harsher BDSM fantasies' the respondent is acting out with men, while 'the fantasies of more gentle and sensual sex' are dominated by the practice with women. However, she is more likely to dominate same-sex partners, as she puts it: 'my body feels like an irrelevant tool for dominating a grown-up guy'. Batya claims that her sexual partners need to be physically attractive enough to engage in any sexual activity with. However, Jakub stated that the attractiveness of his partner is not of a great importance, his arousal is more dependent on an activity itself.

The respondents often stated the impossibility of execution of some fantasies due to the fact they are not in the possession of needed resources: 'I am not going to rent a huge ballroom just for screwing', says Batya. Especially, when the fantasy is non-recurring, the implementation is often said to be 'not worth a hassle', what means that engaging in such activity would be requiring extra arrangements, exceeding respondents' urge to participate in such action. Moreover, all of the respondents reported the existence of fantasies whose execution is restrained simply by 'a common sense' what is understood as the clear-headed

29 assessment of the possible consequences of particular sexual action. Amongst many 'controls', exposure to damage to health and public shame were usually mentioned by the respondents. The other types of fantasies, for instance, hard BDSM fantasies and/or rape-fantasies were deemed by the respondents as pleasurable only as a fantasy, 'I would never like to be trapped in the basement for days, deprived of water and food. The perspective of being forced to sex to get a glass of water or a warm meal is seductive only as fantasy, the implementation would be... traumatic, to put it mildly', says Batya.

Concluding, sexual fantasies are selective and fragmentary, and may focus on specific pieces of sexual activity, whereas reality means awareness in each and every second of real-life action, from the beginning till the end. As stated by the respondents, sexual fantasies could somewhat recall the feelings detected by senses, but they are incapable of evoking those feelings, therefore fantasy is far from being the actual real-life experience. Some of the interviewees' fantasies claim to be 'only good as fantasies', as respondents experience sexual fantasies without actual desire to put them in them practice for multiple reasons, including practical and ethical ones. The execution of some fantasies is often dependent on or restrained by controls, which may be of a various nature, from social to financial, or the fantasy alone can be simply unrealistic. It appears that to broke the barrier between fantasy and action, the stimuli associated with sexual action must be stronger than control itself. However, what strikes the most is the fact that the respondents who unanimously claim to recognize the division between sexual fantasy and reality, are still experiencing the feelings of shame and/or guilt when fantasizing, what would be discussed profusely in the next section of the study.

5.5. Origins of Preferred Fantasies

The existing study does not explain consistently how people are guided to attend some cues and not others as sexual, nor this research will answer this question. Instead, the study will review the respondents' personal account of origins of their preferred sexual fantasies.

Batya finds pleasure in being both dominant and submissive during sex. She explains her inclination for the latter as a result of her controlling personality. However, she cannot explain her inclination for being dominant. On the other hand, Sam stated that his well-established fantasies about being dominated come hand-in-hand with his personality; he stated that he prefers to be dominated in relationships. He reflected on his past relationships as build on the

30 difference between him and his partners, where power relations were highly unequal, and he was the one who was merely passive, sexually and personality-wise.

Sam confesses that he reflected on the origins of his homosexuality many times, usually without consolidating any firm answer on that. He said that his relatives explained it as the lack of the strong father figure around when Sam was growing up. He partially agreed with this hypothesis. Furthermore, he stated that he identifies and compares every female figure to his mother and/or sister, and he sees every vagina as motherly property. This vision is somewhat unbearable for him and simply repulses him.

The only comprehensive answer on the development of a certain preferred fantasy, was provided by Jakub, who described in detail the circumstances and past events that could be linked with his attraction for foot. He articulated the deeply-rooted belief of having 'highly unattractive feet' which was said to be the common thing amongst the members of his family. The respondent was convinced about his belief, however, he had never been ashamed of his feet. Furthermore, 'at the very young age, probably at the ages of 6 to 7 years old' he experienced the situation which made a memorable impression on him. He recalls putting his feet out the window on the 11th floor to cool them down what was his regular practice, when out of the sudden his mother entered the room screaming in panic. Jakub was confused for what he is being yelled at and he 'subconsciously connected his feet with something inappropriate'. Still, he is not sure whether the events and circumstances described contributed in any way to the development of his foot fetish.

As already depicted in the previous sections, pornography was an important element in the process of developing respondents' sexual (fantasy) preferences. The respondents often reflected on growing up in the era of increased popularization and use of internet's resources, where pornography was broadly accessible. All of the male respondents regard X-rated materials as an important part in the course of their fantasies. Moreover, all of them stated that pornography is often the place where some of their fantasies originated. Some of the practices observed firstly in porn had become their fantasies. Wojciech has favourite porn actors which he fantasizes about, even during the partnered sex he finds himself fantasize about porn stars. In all of the male interviewees' responses, pornography is certainly a place of origin of sexual fantasy preferences. Two interviewees, Sam and Jakub, while watching heterosexual pornography, realized (or established?) their inclination for same-sex individuals. Two other respondents have slightly different experiences with a pornography consumption: Wojciech

31 has been directly looking for homosexual X-rated materials, whereas Jos was looking at heterosexual porn, because it was more accessible, and then he looked up homosexual pornography on internet, and he has never come back to heterosexual one since then. Deepjyoti, however, was not exposed to pornography until the relatively late, when he moved out of his family house. Since then, his fantasies has become more specific and explicit in its content.

Two female respondents of this study do not regard pornography as important part in the process of shaping their sexualities. Furthermore, those two respondents do not consume pornography regularly and find it neither satisfactory nor exciting. Both articulated that they cannot find fully satisfying materials. What is striking about findings on the correlation between sexual fantasy and pornography is the fact that female respondents consistently articulated more negative attitudes towards this material than the male respondents did. What would validate the claim made by the studies on gender differences reflecting different consumption patterns of commercial erotica. Allegedly, men prefer pornography, whereas women prefer romance novels. The tendency seems to be the same amongst homosexual counterparts, except the fact that homosexuals imagine same-sex partners (Leitenberg& Henning, 1995, p.491). However, the study is not representative enough to make any claims out of that notion.

Few respondents stated that fantasies are coming out of the spur of the moment, certain situations. For Chantel, the inclination for sexual practices comes with the feelings provoked by sensory cues. For instance, her fantasies about having oral sex performed on her came with the feelings evoked by such action. As it was already stated, sexual experience may lead to new fantasies. Apart from the aforementioned, many respondents expressed the lack of will to explain and describe the possible origins of their sexual fantasy preferences, as they regard them as natural and innate.

Through the analysis of respondents' claims, many causes for surfacing sexual fantasies were numbered. It can involve memories of past events, or it can be a completely new imagery. It can be provoked by wide variety of thoughts, feelings, or sensory cues. While the respondents may be able to number the places in which sexual fantasy originate, the consistent, firm explanation of mechanisms in which preferred fantasies are reinforced or provoked, remain unknown, or unclear. In this area, longitudinal studies seem to be needed. What is remarkable about respondents' confessions is the fact that either they express little or no interest in the

32 origins of their sexual inclinations, or they have a vague impression of it. In many cases, respondents stated that before the interview they had never been contemplating on sexual fantasy alone.

5.6. Fear and Sexual Fantasy

Since the analysis of the research conducted by Little and Byers (2000) demonstrated that sexual fantasies may be evaluated as either positive or negative, it is understanded that human mind might be burdened with somewhat sexual thoughts which are for whatever reason undesirable. All of the respondents regarded sexual imagery as a morally free space and articulated the consciousness of the division between sexual fantasy and reality. They claimed not to see fantasies as something that might spill into an actual desire to take actions. Despite that, all of the interviewees reported the occurrences of 'invasive' sexual thoughts, and some of them reported the feelings of shame and/or guilt brought up by certain imagery. I shall begin this debate by quoting the notion that 'people don‟t control their sexual hang-ups; one may influence what to do with them but not their presence and contents' (Hekma 2013, p. 750). Therefore, one can decide whether to act upon sexual fantasies, however the presence of such fantasies is out of one‟s control. The existing science recognizes the occurrence of guilt and shame in relation to sexual fantasies but is consistently lacking in more complex and multidimensional research on the issue. In general, what the existing studies are missing is the knowledge of mechanisms in which people experience guilt reactions when it comes to sexual fantasies. As I observed, a large amount of people fantasize on a regular basis about someone different than their partner. This is is often followed by the feelings of shame and/or guilt. Some of the respondents of this research report experience frequent, recurring fantasies about other people during sex with their partner which also evokes the feelings of guilt. For that reason, to what extent do the respondents separate the world of sexual fantasy from reality? Why do they experience these feelings when reportedly they fail to make any connection between the two? Are fantasies something one should be afraid of? Is it the result of the deeply-rooted belief that one‟s fantasies would eventually become burning desires that must be satiated, or that they would take over their minds? In this section, the study will attempt to explore the reasons for which respondents self-regulate and self-discipline their own sexual fantasies. However, it should be noted already at this point that all of the negative feelings related to sexual fantasies come from the fear of social judgement or rejection,

33 therefore, all guilt reactions considering fantasies are socio-culturally based and it is the society and its perception of sexuality that are to be blamed.

Although people do talk about sexual desires in a whole variety of social spaces, rather impersonally, interviewees both articulated the lack of such space or platform to share their fantasies, nor do they find it called for to begin with. Even though none of the respondents claimed to have felt any internalized shame about their fantasies, most of them prefer not to divulge their fantasies to their partners in a straightforward manner. Most of the time, communicating them relies on 'dropping hints about what they would like to do'; fantasies are being communicated delicately and cautiously, but never completely openly. In fact, revealing their fantasies and desires was deemed 'pointless' by a few respondents. Reasoning for that being the fact that the desired action may surface spontaneously without prior disclosure. Additionally, as stated by the respondents, the urge to act out a fantasy may not be that particularly strong and the prospect of revealing the fantasy may be disproportionally more daunting. Therefore, the idea of executing one‟s sexual fantasy is aborted altogether. As far as the fantasy is not related to their partners, the disclosure might be unnecessary, but why communicating their needs and desires which include their partners causes such dread? Undisputedly, what keeps them from revealing their fantasies is fear of rejection and judgement. It may also originate in the belief that deeply-rooted fantasies may reveal true aspects of human personality and in this way, the „abnormal‟ aspect might surface. However, not enough is known about sexual fantasies and their connections to personality and behaviour to make any firm judgments. Some of the respondents acknowledged the fact that revealing their sexual thoughts to others might expose them to judgment and it has therefore never happened. Consequently, if it had never happened, how do they know that their fantasies would bring about judgement? In this case, the respondents are judging themselves, before the judgement of others. This self-regulating mechanism leads to internalized shame which none of the respondents have said to experience.

Chantel, who has been in a 7-year-long monogamous relationship, usually fantasizes about her partner but sexual fantasies about other people and past sexual encounters are also appearing. When fantasizing about someone other than her partner, she recalled experiencing feelings of tremendous guilt. She also articulates the strong consciousness of diversity between the world of fantasy and reality. One might ask: why is she, then, experiencing guilt? How far does she recognize this division? On the other hand, she might also experience guilt reactions because of idea of romantic, devoted love perpetuated by a society; love which she

34 is requiring from her partner, as well as from herself. When she is fantasizing about someone else than her partner, she feels like she is cheating on her partner, which leads to the feelings of guilt and shame. The idea of romantic love is strong enough to penetrate her consciousness.

Chantel also reported that if she ever found out that her partner was fantasizing about someone else, she would be jealous, especially when the fantasies included mutual acquaintances. “Hmm… I don‟t really care if it‟s some celebrity, but I would be definitely jealous if I knew she‟s thinking about someone else, especially if I knew this person as well.‟ The other respondents, who engage in non-monogamous relationships or do not exclude the possibility of such, reported that jealousy would probably occur when they knew their partners are fantasizing about someone else. Even still, they do fantasize about someone else themselves. Why would the practice which is also present in themselves upset them? Are relationships build on concealments and compromises then? Sam, who at the beginning of his relationship, felt jealous when his partner was expressing inclination for other men, eventually came to terms with it since he, as he explains, is also fantasizing about others.

All of the respondents experience, or have experienced invasive sexual thoughts that they found repulsive. Those fantasies often included sexual actions with relatives or mental portrayal of someone naked who, according to them, should not been seen as a sexual object. Moreover, few respondents reported the sporadic occurrence of 'deviant' sexual fantasies, the fantasies they firmly believe would face broader social disapproval, those fantasies include rape, harsh BDSM or bestiality. But how do the respondents know what is repulsive or what should or should not be seen as a sexual object? Without any doubt, societal norms condition them beforehand to perceive some behaviours as „normal‟, whereas others as „abnormal‟. Also, I believe that labelling some fantasies as „deviant‟ by the respondents reflects a fear of inability to fully control their minds and thoughts. Furthermore, there is no need to repulse fantasies, unless they are to be acted out. In some ways, respondents tend to believe that their fantasies can steer their behaviour, or that occasionally experience „abnormal‟ fantasies can define not only their sexuality, but also personality. The fantasy of the „threesome‟ with two women is regarded as ubiquitous among men, with some prevalence rates as high as 85% of males acknowledging a fantasy about such an event (Leitenberg& Henning, 1995, p.482). But how many men actually have such sexual experiences? I strongly believe that the percentage of men who actually act out their fantasies of the „threesome‟ is significantly smaller.

35

Moreover, three respondents - Wojciech, Sam and Deepjyoti - noted that sexual fantasies had become more intense and kinky across the span of their sexual awareness. Therefore, they articulated the fear that they would eventually be craving more and more specific and kinky stimuli to get sexually aroused. With age, their fantasies has become more explicit, aggressive, and more brutal. What is more, they describe that their recent sexual fantasies oscillate around sexual practices that could be marked as hedonistic and non-committal rather than sensual and romantic. Wojciech, who recently engaged in a threesome, expressed that the experience significantly affected his preferred fantasies and he stated that ultimately he has been seeking similar kinds of activities lately. He expressed frustration with it as sex with one partner 'sometimes feels not enough now' and his current partner refused to participate in such an activity. Sam remarked that 'the old kinky fantasies' has become 'the new vanilla ones' and he also articulated the surfacing of feelings of fear related to the expansion of his sexual fantasies. Deepjyoti is hoping that his fantasies will 'settle down' at some point so he could develop loving emotions to someone and be completely devoted to this person.All of them are concerned that fantasies would affect their future lifestyle and behaviour to an unwanted extent. „I hope that at some point of my life, I would be able to love someone and that my fantasies would be also focused on that one person. I hope it will happen when I fall in love. […] Sometimes, I am really bothered by my fantasies and I cannot imagine being with someone, while still experiencing them.‟, says Deepjyoti. The respondents who are in their early 20s articulated their worries about future, not the present state, as they are still in the age when the stabilization and stability is not pressured to such a great extent. At the same time, they are expecting themselves to be able to settle down at some point and to build meaningful, devoted relationships, although they are opening themselves towards open-relationships. The idea of romantic, devoted love which is perpetuated by society evokes anxiety amongst the respondents who would rather be devoted to one person at some point of their adulthood. Furthermore, the anxiety related to unruly sexual fantasies originate in the need to fit into the society, which somewhat rejects the idea of hedonistic sex. Moreover, the conviction that they fantasies would go into direction of more and more kinky ones is related to the inability to have a full control over thoughts.

Sexual thoughts may take many forms and not all of them might happen to be pleasurable for an individual. The sections demonstrates how ambiguously fantasies are viewed by the respondents. On the one hand, sexual imagery is deemed a morally free space, separated from reality by one's own strength of purpose. Yet, disclosing them alone brings up the fear of

36 rejection and/or judgment. The majority of the respondents reported also that they are occasionally experiencing the feelings of shame and/or guilt when imaging particular scenes. Where does it come from? This might be a result of deeply rooted belief that thoughts alone can be sinful and in moral confusion about the distinction between fantasy and morality. The fantasies are restrained by social conditioning and are strictly dependent on social views on sex and sexuality.

It comes to the notion that even the younger generations of queers, who are conventionally considered to be more sexually liberal, still have to deal with the consequences of a biased sexual culture, stagnation with the dichotomy around sex and a tendency to view the pursuit of sexual pleasure as hedonistic. The perpetually existing fear of losing the distinction between fantasy and reality appears as an illusory notion replicated in societies dominated by Christian values. One might fear as well the loss of the distinction between fiction and reality. Furthermore, the section illustrates the misguided perception of an open-relationships. The millennial respondents, who are entering adulthood, claim preparedness to engage in such relationships, yet, they are unanimously articulating values contradicting the idea of an open- relationship. The question, thus, arises, where this ambivalence comes from? How far this is the declaration of their own values and ideas and how far are they mislead by current fashions?

37

6. Conclusion and discussion

The major conclusions gleaned from this research are as follows.

1. Sexual fantasies often emerge even before the general understanding of sex and sexuality and any imaginary or recorded depiction of a sexual act. This claim is only partially consistent with the existing studies. 2. All of the respondents agreed on the fact that the content of their fantasies has changed over time. As the result of various factors and expositions to a discourse or visual stimulants, fantasies described by the respondents as 'vanilla' would eventually refashion into the more explicit ones. The report of opposing tendency has not surfaced. 3. Sexual fantasies are changing in wild and frivolous ways, and shift in unexpected directions, and the process is still continuing. The reasoning for that being probably young age of respondents who are possibly still in the process of exploring their sexuality. 4. Some fantasies are being abandoned, played-out or are not as sexually arousing as they used to be. The surfacing of some of the preferred fantasies come later on, even after the period of puberty. Additionally, it was noted that preferred fantasies 'come and go' periodically. Sexual experience may lead to new fantasies or reinforce already existing ones. 5. The circumstances in which sexual fantasies are evoked and experienced determine the nature, form and content of sexual fantasies therefore the whole perception of sexual fantasies and its origins is distorted and one cannot give a firm image of sexual fantasy. In other words, the context determines the nature of sexual thoughts. 6. Preferred sexual fantasies are determined by different aspects of personal experience and personality which combine in a complex manner with sexual experience. 7. The execution of some fantasies is often dependent on or restrained by controls, which may be of a various nature, or the fantasy alone can be simply unrealistic. It appears that to broke the barrier between fantasy and action, the stimuli associated with sexual action must be stronger than control itself. 8. Through the research, many causes for surfacing sexual fantasies were numbered. While the respondents may be able to number the places in which sexual fantasy originate, the consistent, firm explanation of mechanisms in which preferred fantasies are reinforced or provoked, remain unknown, or unclear. 9. The respondents of this study stated that either they have little or no interest in the origins of their sexual inclinations, or they have a vague impression of it. In many cases, respondents stated that they had never been contemplating on sexual fantasy before. In most cases, sexual fantasies are not being communicated openly. 10. All of the respondents are occasionally experiencing the feelings of shame and/or guilt when imaging particular scenes. In some ways, respondents tend to believe that their fantasies can steer their behaviour, or that occasionally experience „abnormal‟ fantasies can define not only their sexuality, but also personality. The fantasies are restrained by

38

social scripts and are strictly dependent on social views on sex and sexuality. All of the negative feelings related to sexual fantasies come from the fear of social judgement or rejection, therefore, all guilt reactions considering fantasies are socio-culturally based and it is the society and its perception of sexuality that are to be blamed. It comes to the notion that even the younger generations of queers have to deal with the consequences of a biased sexual culture.

Throughout this research, few gaps in the existing body of knowledge have been spotted. First, sexual fantasies in the prepubescent individuals have not been recognized. Therefore, the studies of the development of sexual fantasies in the children before the age of 11 are needed. Then, the longitudinal research that could trace the change of content and frequency, and contributing factors, across the period of sexual awareness, is of greater importance. Such research could contribute significantly to understanding how preferences are developed, how they change over time and how fantasy affects behaviour, and vice versa. The other questions which emerged through the study and the future research could focus on consider the habits in relation to sexual fantasy: What are the factors determining the habits in which individuals are fantasizing sexually? And how do the habits themselves change? Why do the respondents engage in sexual fantasies under different circumstances? Why some fantasize more during the day while the others fantasize mostly in relation to sexual activity? The recognition of different types of sexual fantasies could clarify some of the issues surrounding sexual fantasy and could possibly specify future research on the topic.

Due to the fact that the research focused on millennial respondents, a number of questions related to the issue of age and long-time relationships arises. Any future research could focus on profiling sexual fantasy in elderly respondents to draw a greater picture on the course of sexual fantasy. Furthermore, the future discussion may take up the issue of the correlations between sexual fantasies and relationships, which was barely touched upon in this study. Additional studies could examine the extent to which couples are acting out fantasies and how this affect their relationship, as well as how relationships are affecting fantasies.

While gathering the data, few methodological shortcomings, which could be corrected in future studies, have surfaced. During the self-report, the respondents of this research reported contradicting notions or stated one thing, to change it to another the minute later. Throughout the interviews, the notions and reports had been continually changing. It shows that retrospective recall is highly fragmentary and selective. When it comes to sexual fantasies, the self-monitoring seems to be more reliable method. Ideally, self-monitoring would be a longitudinal research in which the participants could trace the development of their sexual

39 fantasies at the time of occurrence of such, instead of recalling the events from the past which could be blurred or selective.

In conclusion, sexual fantasies are nearly universally experienced and the wide variety of content in sexual fantasies has been reported. Furthermore, the 'atypical' sexual fantasy preferences do not determine 'deviant' behaviour. Yet, the dialogue on sexual fantasies seems to be non-existent. Sexual fantasies require the same scientific respect or attention as any other aspects of human sexuality, and human behaviour in general. Without any doubt, the issue needs much more careful and consistent research to answer the questions that continue to exist.

40

B I B L I O G R A P H Y

Baker, M. (2014). The 'problem' of sexual fantasies. Porn Studies, 1(1-2), 143-160.

Beckmann, A. (2009). The social construction of sexuality and perversion: deconstructing sadomasochism. New York: Palgrave Macmillan.

Binet, A. (1888) Le fétichisme dans l’amour Paris: Payot, 2001.

Byrne, D., &Osland, J.A. (2000). Sexualfantasy and erotica/pornography: Internal and externalimagery. In L.T. Szuchman& F. Muscarella (Eds.), Psychological perspectives on humansexuality Toronto, ON: Wiley.

Cado, S., &Leitenberg, H. (1990). Guilt reactions to sexual fantasiesduring intercourse. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 19, 49-63.

Davidson, J. K.; Hoffman, L. E. (1986). Sexual fantasies and sexual satisfaction: An empirical analysis of erotic thought. Journal of Sex Research. 22: 184–205.

Deutsch, J. (1944). The psychology of women. New York: Grune&Stratton.

Dollimore, J. (1991). Perversion, Power, and Social Control. Sexual Dissidence.

Downing, L.(2008)The Cambridge Introduction to Michel Foucault Cambridge: Cambridge UP.

Doskoch, P. (1995). The safest sex. Psychology Today, 28, 46-49.

Eisenman, R. (1982). Sexual behavior as related to sex fantasies andexperimental manipulation of authoritarianism and creativity.Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 43, 853-860.

Foucault, M. (1980) The History of Sexuality: An introduction, New York: Vintage Books.

Fernbach, A. (2002) Fantasies of Fetishism: From Decadence to the Post-Human New Brunswick, New Jersey: Rutgers University Press.

Fisher, G. (1996). Gary in your pocket: stories and notebooks of Gary Fisher (E. K. Sedgwick, Ed.). Durham: Duke University Press.

Freud, S. (1905) Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality, The Standard Edition of the Complete Psychological Works of Sigmund Freud, ed. and trans. J. Strachey, vol. 7, London: The Hogarth Press and the Institute of Psycho-Analysis, 1960.

Freud, S. (1962). Creative writers and daydreaming. In J. Strachy(Ed.), The standard edition of the complete psychological works ofSigmund Freud(Vol. 9, pp. 142-152). London: Hogarth. (Originalwork published 1908)

Gagnon, J. H., & Simon, W. (1973). Sexual conduct. Chicago: Aldine.

Gates, K.. (2000) Deviant Desires: Incredibly Strange Sex New York: Juno Books.

Greene, G., & Greene, C. (2003). S-M: the last taboo. New York: Blue Moon Books.

41

Halperin, D. M. (1995). Saint Foucault: towards a gay hagiography. New York: Oxford University Press.

Hekma, G. (2013). Review of: M. Weiss (2011) Techniques of pleasure: BDSM and the circuits of sexuality [Abstract]. Sexualities, 16(5-6), 748-751.

Hekma,G. (2014), An Encyclopedia Of Perversions Amsterdam: SpeakEasy Press.

Hollender, M. H. (1963). Women's fantasies during sexual intercourse.Archives of General Psychiatry, 8, 86-90.

Homey, K. (1967). Feminine psychology. New York: Norton.

Jones, J. C, & Barlow, D. H. (1990). Self-reported frequency of sexual urges, fantasies, and masturbatory fantasies in heterosexual malesand females. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 19, 269-279.

Kaplan, H. S. (1974). Fiction and fantasy: No-nonsense therapyfor six sexual malfunctions. Psychology Today, pp. 77-86.

Kinsey, A. C, Pomeroy, W. B., & Martin, C. E. (1948). Sexual behaviorin the human male. Philadelphia: Saunders.

Kinsey, A. C, Pomeroy, W. B., Martin, C. E., &Gebhard, P. H. (1953).Sexual behavior in the human female. Philadelphia: Saunders.

Knoth, R., Boyd, K., & Singer, B. (1988). Empirical tests of sexualselection theory: Predictions of sex differences in onset, intensity, andtime course of sexual arousal. Journal of Sex Research, 24, 73-89.

Kolesinski, M. T., Diamond, D. L., & Nelson-Weaver, E. (2014). Digital solidarity in education: promoting equity, diversity, and academic excellence through innovative instructional programs. New York: Routledge.

Krafft-Ebing, R. (1886), PsychopatiaSexualis: A Medico-Forensic Study, New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, 1965.

Laumann, E. Q, Gagnon, J. H., Michael, R. T, & Michaels, S. (1994).The social organization of sexuality: Sexual practices in the UnitedStates. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.

Leitenberg, H., & Henning, K. (1995). Sexual fantasy. Psychological Bulletin, 117(3), 469-496.

Lindemann, D. J. (2012). Dominatrix: gender, eroticism, and control in the dungeon. Chicago: Univ. of Chicago Press.

Little, C.A., & Byers, E.S. (2000). Differences between positive and negative sexual cognitions. Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, 9(3), 167-179.

Luria, Z. (1982). Sexual fantasy and pornography: Two cases of girlsbrought up with pornography. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 11, 395-404.

Malamuth, N. M. (1981). Rape fantasies as a function of exposure toviolent sexual stimuli. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 10, 33-47.

42

Mitchell, T. (1998), editorial, Skin Two: Screwing with Technology: The New Frontiers of Fethisism, 26: 7.

Nicholas, L.J. (2004), The Association Between Religiosity, Sexual Fantasy, Participation in Sexual Acts, Sexual Enjoyment, Exposure, and Reaction to Sexual Materials Among Black South Africans, Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 30 (1): 37–42.

Oosterhuis, H. (2000) Stepchildren of Nature. Krafft-Ebing, Psychiatry, and the Making of Sexual Identity Chicago: The University of Chicago Press.

Peakman, J. (2013). The Pleasure's All Mine. A History of Perverse Sex. London: Reaktion Books.

Price, J. H., Allensworth, D. D., & Hillman, K. (1985). Comparisonof sexual fantasies of homosexuals and heterosexuals. PsychologicalReports, 57, 87'1-877.

Rathus, S.A., Nevid, J.S., Fichner-Rathus, L., Herold, E.S., McKenzie, S.W. (2005), Human sexuality in a world of diversity (Second ed.), New Jersey, USA: Pearson Education.

Reich, W. (1942). The discovery of the orgone: The function of the orgasm.New York: Noonsday.

Ricardo, J. (1991). Leathermen speak out: an anthology on leathersex. San Francisco, CA: Leyland Publications.

Rivas, T. (2013). Positive memories: cases of positive memories of erotic and platonic relationships and contacts of children with adults, as seen from the perspective of the former minor. Deventer: Ipce.

Schaffner, A.K. (2012), Freud, Literature and the Perversification of Mankind, in her Modernism and Perversion, Basingstoke: Palgrave, pp. 137-163.

Seligman, M. E. P. (1971). Phobias and preparedness. Behavior Therapy, 21, 307-320.

Zimmer, D., Borchardt, E., &Fischle, C. (1983). Sexual fantasies ofsexually distressed and nondistressed men and women: An empiricalcomparison. Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, 9, 38- 50.

43