Profiling Sexual Fantasy. How Do Millennial Non-Heterosexual Respondents Relate Sexual Fantasies to Reality?

Profiling Sexual Fantasy. How Do Millennial Non-Heterosexual Respondents Relate Sexual Fantasies to Reality? Piotr MichałChmielewski Student ID: 11091908 E-mail: [email protected] Master's Thesis University of Amsterdam Graduate School of Social Sciences Program: Gender, Sexuality and Society Supervisor: GertHekma 2nd reader: Margriet van Heesch Amsterdam, August 2017 ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS After an intensive period of ten months, today is the day: writing this note of thanks is the finishing touch on my dissertation. It has been a period of intense learning for me, not only in the scientific arena, but also on a personal level. Writing this dissertation has had a big impact on me. I would like to reflect on the people who have supported and helped me throughout this period. I would first like to thank my thesis advisor, Dr. Gert Hekma. I feel very fortunate to have worked with him throughout my studies. From day one his enthusiasm and knowledge helped to motivate my research process and his continued advice and encouragement has been invaluable. He consistently allowed this paper to be my own work, but steered me in the right the direction whenever he thought I needed it. I could not have imagined having a better advisor and mentor for my study. Besides my advisor, I would also like to acknowledge Dr. Margriet van Heesch as the second reader of this thesis, and I am gratefully indebted to her for her very valuable comments on this thesis. I would also like to express my profound gratitude to Arkadiusz Zagata, without whom none of this would be possible. Also, I like to thank the participants of the research, who have willingly shared their precious time during the process of interviewing. Piotr Chmielewski Amsterdam, August 2017 TABLE OF CONTENTS 1. Introduction and Research Question 1 1.1. Outline of The Research 4 2. Methodology 5 2.1. Overview of the data collection process 5 2.2. Sampling technique 5 2.3. Research methods 7 2.4. Limiting conditions 8 3. The Existing Body of Knowledge 9 3.1. Definition and Methodological Issues 9 3.2. Sexual Fantasy and Sexual Satisfaction 10 3.3. Age of Onset of Sexual Fantasies and Gender Differences 12 3.4. Theories of the Origins of Sexual Fantasy Preferences 14 4. The Respondents and Their Definition of Sexual Fantasy 16 5. How do the Respondents Relate Sexual Fantasies to Reality? 20 5.1. Initiation of Sexual Fantasy 20 5.2. Development of Sexual Fantasy Preferences 23 5.3. Circumstances of Sexual Fantasies 26 5.4. Sexual Fantasy and Sexual Behaviour 28 5.5. Origins of Preferred Fantasies 30 5.6. Fear and Sexual Fantasy 33 6. Conclusion and discussion 38 B I B L I O G R A P H Y 41 1. Introduction and Research Question Years ago a New York dominatrix told me about the client she called Turkey Man, a travelling businessman who hired her to come to his hotel room and act out a strange ritual. In his room he had a large brown cardboard box that was about three feet tall, three feet wide and four feet deep. He crudely drew a few knobs and dials on the front of the box with a marker to make it look like an old-fashioned oven. He also cut out a door that could be opened and closed. When the dominatrix arrived, this man stripped off his clothes, leaving only socks. He then climbed into the "oven" and lay down on his back, his feet sticking up and arms tucked in to his sides [...]. The dominatrix would then close the "oven" and perform a voice-over for Turkey Man's private porno fantasy. [...] She described to me her client's total immersion in his role as dinner-to-be. His eyes would glaze over and he would have an orgasm.(Gates 2000, p.4) The Turkey's man story serves as an anecdotal introduction to the topic of this study. To any reasonably thinking observer, the effort put by him might deserve ridicule and seem not worth the while. The case demonstrates that the execution of some fantasies and its techniques may require some additional arrangements. Whether it is more creative thinking, monetary expenses or exposure to health damage, the effort that people are willing to go through to act out their fantasies might indicate how arousing and important for an individual the perspective of acting out a fantasy can be. The importance of sexual fantasies is reflected in the truism that „one‟s brain is as important a sexual organ as one‟s genitals‟. What is more, sexual fantasies are nearly universally experienced, either as an activity in itself or in conjunction with other sexual activities (Leitenberg& Henning, 1995, p.469). However, because of the nature of some fantasies, the actual practicing of such fantasies is far less common. As frivolously treated the topic of sexual fantasy might be, fantasies remain to be the core of human sexuality and the key to an understanding of an important, yet the most obscure aspect of sexuality. Furthermore, sexual fantasy may be more revealing than one‟s sexual behaviour, simply due to the fact that a fantasy allows for one to think of any scenario, however unrealistic, without facing any consequences. On that account I find the subject matter to merit objective, impartial academic investigation. 1 The research aimed at tracing the development of sexual fantasy preferences and its implementation and correlation to reality. The central question the research therefore seeks to answers is: 'How do respondents relate their erotic/sexual fantasies to reality?'. The question opens up a floodgate for an exploration of the relationship between one‟s sexual fantasy and reality. An exploratory research on selected subjects may provide some clarification on a number of unanswered questions, as well as indicate how much is still to be learned. For example, when do the respondents first begin to have sexual fantasies, and how do frequency and content change with age and different sexual experience? How do the interviewees describe the origin of their sexual fantasies? How do the participants of this research act out their sexual fantasies? Do the respondents feel guilty and/or ashamed about sexual fantasies? What are the mechanisms behind the guilt and shame reactions evoked by certain mental imagery? Are fantasies shared between partners? How does pornography or erotica reflect internal sexual fantasies? The issue of correlation between sexual fantasy and reality was in the field of my interests for such a long period of time I am not able to recall precisely. Possibly, it is the reason for which I decided to advance my study in the field of society and sexuality. The discrepancy between what people are sexually fantasizing about and what people are actually acting out is one of the greatest puzzles for me. Through my personal observations, as well as through what I have heard from my peers, I noticed some contradicting, ambiguous attitudes towards the implementation of sexual fantasies and in the general understanding of them. I find the topic of sexual fantasies to be underexplored and, at the same time, of the greatest importance for the human sexuality. What strikes me the most about the topic is the guilt and shame reactions related to sexual fantasies and the reasoning for that. On the one hand, sexual fantasies are regarded as something morally free and out of the touch with reality, on the other hand, sexual imagery is burdened with great amount of negative, ambiguous feelings that significantly influence the general appeal of them. After reaching out to the existing studies on sexual fantasies, I could not find any relevant, or even accurate answers what prompt me to do further research on the topic. Moreover, the existing studies on the issue, however non- extensive, do not answer most of the aforementioned questions. The knowledge which is based on 'representative, heterosexual/homosexual, male/female' sample of population lacks in the personal, individual reports, and therefore the knowledge is somewhat defective for any cautious observer, and do not acknowledge elements that should be included in study, and thus many omissions are made. I strongly believe that knowledge which comes out from 2 individuals and their self-reports is the only way to detangle and understand the complex issue of correlation between sexual fantasy and reality. 'The dichotomy of homo- and heterosexual establishes the idea that the object of desire is a particular gender, male or female. But the object of sexual interest is always much more specific. Humans who like women don‟t like women in general, but black or white, young or old ones, with big breasts or nice bums, with certain personal characteristics or specific kinds of clothing, in certain situations (beach, red-light district, elevator, park, prison, army barracks, bedroom), and prefer certain acts. Sexual desire has a strongly fetishist character; it is specific and therefore never “normal” or straightforwardly homo or hetero. [...] The straight norm implies all heterosexual interests are quite similar, although the general term covers a wide variety of desires that have little in common. People with, for example, sadomasochist preferences might have more in common with each other across gay and straight lines than with others who are simply gay or straight.' (Hekma 2014,p.6-8). These considerations have piqued my interest in matters I would like to explore in the study. With the notion that sex requires fantasy and there is no sex without fantasy comes the claim that sexual preferences are mostly grounded in one‟s cultural background as well as in one's personal and individual development of certain preference.

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