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The Lived Experiences of Openly Gay Undergraduate Men Involved in Elected Student Government: a Phenomenological Queering

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The Lived Experiences of Openly Gay Undergraduate Men Involved in Elected Student Government: a Phenomenological Queering ABSTRACT Title of Dissertation: THE LIVED EXPERIENCES OF OPENLY GAY UNDERGRADUATE MEN INVOLVED IN ELECTED STUDENT GOVERNMENT: A PHENOMENOLOGICAL QUEERING Michael Anthony Goodman Doctor of Philosophy, 2020 Dissertation directed by: Dr. Francine Hultgren, Professor and Chair, Department of Teaching and Learning, Policy and Leadership, College of Education This is a study at the intersection of sexuality and student involvement in higher education. Exploring the lived experiences of openly gay undergraduate men involved in elected student government, this study enlists a phenomenological queering that unconceals and reveals that which is otherwise hidden in elected student leadership. Eight men were selected for participation in this study, and all identified as openly gay before and after their election to undergraduate student government. These men come from varying U.S. geographies and positions, and conversations and themes were rendered through the methodological approach of hermeneutic phenomenology. Four major themes came from multiple participant conversations and journals. First, these men understood coming out and being out as deeply related to visibility and their work as leaders. They are more than just gay, and at the same time, they just so happen to be gay. Additionally, participants displayed independent ways of being within their outness. For example, some represented a palatable kind of being gay, and some navigated deep religious dissonance and other tensions within the (queer) margins. Re(-)presentation was also a major theme, as participants were advocates for their peers, and were “called” to this work of leadership. Finally, these men were leaders through their identities, and engaged in undergraduate student government as something that was bigger than them, but better because of them. This includes their call to leadership and student government, the political nature of this work, and a desire for things to be better. From this study, insights were gleaned that capture the nuances of this intersection of sexuality and student involvement in higher education. Specifically, this study is a calling to better understand what it means to live and work alongside students who hold these dual identities (out and elected in student government, and within student affairs). This includes a queering of student government and phenomenology, as well as a queering of van Manen’s (1997) existentials of lived space (spatiality), lived body (corporeality), lived time (temporality), and lived relationship to others (sociality). THE LIVED EXPERIENCES OF OPENLY GAY UNDERGRADUATE MEN INVOLVED IN ELECTED STUDENT GOVERNMENT: A PHENOMENOLOGICAL QUEERING by Michael Anthony Goodman Dissertation submitted to the Faculty of the Graduate School of the University of Maryland, College Park, in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy 2020 Advisory Committee: Dr. Francine Hultgren, Chair Dr. Kimberly A. Griffin, Advisor Dr. Wallace Eddy Dr. William Ming Liu Dr. Margaret Polizos Peterson © Copyright by Michael Anthony Goodman 2020 DEDICATION To the out, not-out, not-yet-out, never-out, and out-adjacent. May you find your way, and write about it. March on, march often. Onward. ii ACKNOWLEDGMENTS This dissertation is nothing without the out men who gave up hours of their time to speak with me about their experiences in student government. Ben, Bradley, Christopher, Edward, Hunter, Jack, Owen, and Sam, I cannot thank you enough for being in- community with me. You showed me parts of your life that not many get to see, and I am forever in debt to your generous gift of time. This project is only possible because of you. Additionally, thank you to Professor Roger Platizky and Timothy Arliss O’Brien for granting me permission to use some of your beautiful poetry. To my partner, Mark W. Smith, thank you for trusting that this storm would end. Thank you for allowing books to pile up, tears to flow, milestones to be achieved, anxiety to be un/managed, and schedules to be im/balanced. Thank you for caring for me. Thank you for reminding & assuring me that I would make it to the other side. We did it! I love you. Dr. Francine Hultgren, the hundreds of hours you spent with me and my writing, to develop and push me, to encourage and challenge me, to illuminate beauty, and to celebrate the process of writing to get to where we are today… I am forever in debt to you. You talk of Anam Ċara within your community of writers, and I am honored to be alongside you as a fellow inquirer, wonderer, and friend. Thank you for everything. Dr. Kimberly A. Griffin, you saw phenomenology in me, and I am forever thankful. You have been a true guide during this doctoral process, leading and supporting me even when I did not think I had it in me (and even when I drafted unsent emails that promised you made a mistake by letting me in). Thank you for admitting me, and opening up opportunities I never saw possible. Thank you for seeing value in my work, and value in me. You have been an incredible advisor and friend, and I am better because of you. To my dissertation committee: Dr. Wallace Eddy, Dr. William Ming Liu, and Dr. Margaret Polizos Peterson, thank you. Agreeing to be on a dissertation committee of this form of inquiry contains an agreement to time spent reading and reflecting, and to think differently about research and inquiry as it is often taught in academia. Your feedback has been invaluable, and I am thankful to you for your support and guidance. To my Student Affairs and Higher Education cohort(s), it has been quite a journey. To Yvette I. Lerma Jones, thank you (& Sara) for taking me in as family, and for everything that you are to so many people. To Steffon Grey, Lindsey Templeton, and Dawn Culpepper, thank you for being incredible classmates, friends, and academic colleagues. I am better because of each of you, and I am forever thankful to have been in your company. To Leah Tobin, I am forever thankful for our countless writing-coffee dates and endless checking-in. Thank you for your friendship and your accountability. To Moya Malcolm, Cinthya Salazar, Shelvia English, and Jeanette Snider, I am glad to have been honorary cohort-mates with you, and to have worked through the dissertation process together. Thank you to my cohort-mate from afar, Kaleb Briscoe. You lit so many paths for me, and have been a faithful friend. This community has been everything. iii To my phenomenology writing family, Anam Ċara! Katie, Steve, Annie, Joel, Buffy, and Camille, thank you for listening to me read my work, providing feedback, and questioning and unconcealing together as we danced through Phenomenology I and II. We may not be philosophers (sans Steve!), but we are surely phenomenologists. To the Student Legal Aid Office, thank you for your trust and understanding through coursework, comprehensive exams, and writing. Thank you for funding my doctoral studies, and for allowing me to “come and go” as I needed. To Syndy Shilling, thank you for being there for me through some of my more difficult experiences, and for forever believing in me and lifting me up even when I did not know I was capable. To my colleagues in the Department of Fraternity and Sorority Life, thank you for allowing me to join your community. To Dr. Matt Supple, thank you for lighting the way, and for being a friend, colleague, and excellent supervisor. Having been through this process, your insights were consistently valued and taken to heart (even when I resisted, and even when I chose a different path). I am lucky to learn from you every day. To Kahlin McKeown, thank you for being such a great supporter, collaborator, and friend. I am thankful that we have been able to journey through this field and program together. Finally, I am nothing without the people who supported, pushed, and encouraged me over the years. From those at the Tinker Air Force Base Boys and Girls Club, to teachers and mentors who believed in me - some who still cheer me on from the sidelines, and others who are no longer with us, but absolutely with me in spirit. From those who wrote my recommendation letters to those who “showed” me Student Affairs as a career; from my camp family to my Book Club brothers; from my chosen family to the family I inherited when I found Mark; thank you. For every missed call, email, or text; for every canceled meeting or dinner; for every scattered assignment - I am better because of this process, and I am (re)new(ed) because of this outcome. As such, I emerge as a new person. • • • I am only able to write this dissertation as an out, gay man because of the many openly LGBTQ+ people who came (out) before me, many of whom are featured in this dissertation. And still, there are scholars and leaders who will never have the ability or safety to come out, or to be out. I do this for them, to open doors (or windows) to further uplift our stories—our voices—and our histories. To Kathy Kozachenko, Elaine Noble, and of course, Harvey Milk, Tammy Baldwin, and even Pete Buttigieg…thank you. You are seen and heard. You resonate. You truly paved the way, and continue(d) to do so. To Chris Armstrong, Bobby Brooks, and of course, Jack Baker…thank you. You led in student government in ways that I was never able. You were bold and fearless. You were unapologetically you. Each of you sit at the intersection of being openly gay and being elected, and your histories are ones we can never forget. To the LGBTQ+ people and allies who boldly write, highlight, and research LGBTQ+ people, identity, and current events…thank you.
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