In This Issue

4 Editorial Team 5 Editor’s Letter 6 Entre Guillemets 9 Tops and Flops of First Term from a Fresher’s Perspective 10 Christmas Cocktails 14 Restaurant Guide for the New Year 16 Who are you going to be in 2017? 18 Why you should make your 2017 Britney into a 2007 Britney 20 Can 2017 be any worse than 2016? 22 Agony Aunt 24 And a partridge with a French Studies degree 27 Alumni Article by Ryan Spooner 28 Alumni Q&A 31 Film Review 32 Horoscopes

3 Editorial Team

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Katy Phipps

DESIGN EDITOR Chloë Prestwich

EDITORIAL TEAM Francesca Sheeka Kavita Desai

CONTRIBUTORS Eva Tumel Tom Ibbotson Francesca Sheeka Kavita Desai Mike Johnson Elizabeth da Costa Dan Baker Louie Watson Ikin Adrian Green Samuel Meah Ryan Spooner Alice Matthews Charlotte Yardley Nahida Ullah

4 Editor’s Letter

t was the best of times, it was the worst of times, there was only one term left of Katy Phipps uni but it was really difficult and hard Iand nobody could really be bothered to do it. Parlons welcomes you to the New Year, full of hope and the possibility to find bet- Chloë Prestwich ter, more exciting ways to procrastinate and scrape/crawl through your deadlines (dead being the operative word). Basically, Parlons Francesca Sheeka hopes you had a great Christmas, that you did absolutely bugger all and that you intend Kavita Desai to take the same attitude into the New Year. Yay 2017!

Our New Year issue is packed full of ways to make 2017 your bitch and Eva Tumel to get over the absolute monstrosity that was 2016. We’ll also help you all grow as people by telling you what you to need to change about your- Tom Ibbotson selves and what the stars have in store for you (oooooohhhh!). We’ve also Francesca Sheeka been in touch with some alumni to see how 2016 went for them post-UL- Kavita Desai IP and how they’re getting on. New Year, New You and all that, maybe 2017 will be a fun-filled year with zero celebrity deaths. Probably not, but Mike Johnson at least everything is better with Parlons at your side. Elizabeth da Costa Dan Baker Buckle your seatbelts for a corker of an issue! Louie Watson Ikin Adrian Green Samuel Meah Ryan Spooner katy Alice Matthews Katy Phipps, Editor-in-Chief Charlotte Yardley / Nahida Ullah

5 Entre ‘‘ Guillemets

“It’s pretty dank feta.” Emily Wilcox (BA1)

“Asia IS a lovely country.” Callum Rye (BA3)

“We can all be in the nude.” Tom Ibbotson (BA3)

“I want to play with Edouard.” Emily Wilcox (BA1)

“I really need to adulterate my essay tonight.” Jasmine Gee (BA3)

“I really need to stop slutdropping in tailored trousers.” Eva Tumel (BA3)

“I signed my essay off as Geoffrey Rogers, rue d’Ecosse.” Tom Manfield (BA3)

“The only reason I was born in England was to get a British passport.” Katherine Hughes (BA3)

To Anne-Pauline Crepet: “Est-ce que vous avez entendu parler de ‘pig-gate’?” Eva Tumel (BA3)

“I need to buy food but I can’t afford food because I keep buying useless books.” Katy Phipps (BA3)

“I think my perfect day out would be drinking pastis and throwing balls at other people.” Adrian Green (BA1) submits his own quote to Entre Guillemets

*After a night out at Corcoran’s* “Ended up taking this guy called John from South Africa home purely to just help me finish packing and he was fucking useless.” Amelia Gilby (BA3) ‘‘ 6 *Lies down and puts lighter in nose, lights* “Look at me I’m a cake!” ‘‘ Olly Ainsworth (BA1)

“At the end of the day, how big was her butthole for that to happen?” Hannah Larvin (BA2)

“Sometimes I’m a common Jasmine, sometimes I’m a true Jasmine.” Jasmine Gee (BA3)

“I’ve seen more coasters than kitchen roll since I got here.” Piers Verstage (BA1)

“You did not just Entre Guillemets yourself.” Kavita Desai (BA3) responds to Adrian Green (BA1)

“You see me as a person but there’s deeper shit to me.” Luke Sexton (BA1)

“I’ve had Catholic shoved down me since neigh high.” Jack Kelly (BA2)

“It’s a shame what’s happened to the milk industry.” Andrew Morgan (BA2)

“My Spanish teacher used to touch me.” Andrew Morgan (BA2)

“I haven’t worn a v-neck in so long.” Piers Verstage (BA1)

“This is the face of chlamydia.” Georgia Hawley (BA3)

“These balls are dangerous.” Callum Rye (BA3)

“I just love life so much.” Katherine Hughes (BA3)

*Phoebe cracks an egg* “Isn’t that an abortion?” Tom Manfield (BA3)

“Oh, I just love pooing.” Alex Greenway (BA3)

“I’ll put the tip in.” Tom Manfield (BA3) ‘‘ 7 Christmas at ULIP

8 Tops and Flops of First Term From a Fresher’s Perspective

Tops Flops • Fresher’s Week: learning that after a heavy • Finding a place to live. night out and sleep, you can still wake up drunk. • Opening a French bank account. • Successfully passing the gruesome initiations and rituals for the AULD Alliance football team • Paying to have doctor’s appointment just so and becoming valuable contributors to their you can play sport. most successful season to date. • Paying for licenses to play sport. • Having six candidates as BA1 rep, the most ever, showing how many people care about the • THAT Ecrit exam- need I say more? welfare of the year. • Spending your maintenance loan that should • Having the privilege to see Dr Morena’s in- last you three months in three weeks- thank you credible fashion sense, wearing shirts too small UK government. and his belt on the wrong side every Monday morning lecture. • Realising every conversation you have with Adrian Green leads to politics- you’ve been • Discovering that Simon Cooper from The In- warned! betweeners actually exists in real life, in the form of Piers Verstage. • Parisian Men

Attending sporting events at Stade de France and • Parisian Women Parc des Princes at fractions of the price BA2s paid- sorry Ella. • Spending 5€-9€ on a pint. Pre-drinking on Kronenbourg packs of 12 at 5€ seems to be the • Learning to build the stamina to stay out till only solution so far… 5am because you’ve missed your last metro… Bastille anyone? • Having to devise excuses as to why you’ve bunked class in formal emails in French- can’t • Realising that History TD preparation is they just accept that I’m too tired and/or hun- unnecessary because Dr Morena does what he gover? wants in the seminar anyway. One less thing to rush on a Tuesday night. • Spending the first two weeks of university learning not to plagiarise instead of actually • Tea bagging Piers Verstage. learning how to write essays.

• Having Luke Sexton do his best Kim Jong Un • Being a victim of the thieves and pickpockets impression with a bowlcut haircut. of Paris.

• Foiling Luke Sexton’s room during Reading Week. Samuel Meah

• Fraping Kavita Desai and making updates as she transitions from human to goat. 9 CHRISTMAS COCKTAILS

by Louie Watson Ikin and Adrian Green

hristmas is such a wonderful time for me and my family, as I’m sure it is for most of us here at ULIP. As the festive period approaches, the Ikin household focuses its attention on tradition. The things that we do, eat and, of course, drink each year have not been plucked out of thin air: Cthey all play a vital role on and around the big day.

Personally, my ideal Christmas Day begins at around 1 o’clock with a good old bottle of Moët & Chan- don alongside gift opening in readiness for Her Majesty’s broadcast at 3. Despite hearing poor professional opinions of Moët, I still love it and it reminds me of Christmas, so I drink it and enjoy it. However, as Her Majesty always declares, the world is a dynamic place and change is the only constant. Christmas is a great time to mix tradition with something new and exciting. So, if you’re looking to give your festive season a little alcohol-based revamp, you’ve come to the right place. Here are three marvelous Christmas cocktails I’ve recently discovered.

The first and sharpest is the Christmas Tea Punch inspired by Fortum & Mason. It’s simply loose tea, sugar syrup and gin, obviously. My second cocktail of choice comes from all-round goddess Nigella Lawson and is called Poinsettia. As always with Nigella, simplicity is key. As we’re in Paris, the delightful Rachel Khoo has the final word with her pomegranate party spritzer.

Joyeux Noël! Louie Watson Ikin

Christmas Tea Pu n ch Serves 2

• 50ml brewed and chilled loose tea • 10ml sugar syrup • 50ml sloe gin

Add all ingredients to a cocktail shaker Poinsettia and shake to serve. Serves 8

• Bottle of Prosecco • 125 ml orange liqueur • 500 ml chilled cranberry juice

Mix all ingredients in a large pitcher. To serve, pour into champagne flutes, wine glasses or keep it in the pitcher and use a straw. Whatever floats your boat. It’s Christmas, after all. 10 Pomegranate Party Spritzer Serves 6

• Bottle of prosecco • 200 ml of pomegranate juice • Fresh mint • Ice cubes

Mix and enjoy.

Hot Rum Xmas Punch

Serves around 25

A fantastic alternative to mulled wine!

• 3.75 litres of cloudy apple juice • 2.5 litres of water • 2 thumb-sized pieces of fresh ginger • 2 lemons • 1 cinnamon stick • 1 bottle of spiced rum • 100 ml honey

Pour the apple juice into a deep casserole dish, add the water and turn up the heat. Slice the ginger (leaving the skin on) and add it into the pot, al- lowing the ginger to infuse into the mixture. If you really love ginger and want a fiery kick, make this the day before, let the ginger go cold in the water and leave overnight to infuse. Squeeze the juice out of the lemons then add both the juice and the lemons into the punch. Add in the cinnamon stick and bring to the boil. Let it simmer (turn down to a low heat) for at least 20 minutes. Have a glass of wine and chat whilst you’re waiting. Pour in the whole bottle of rum and the honey then bring the punch to the boil. Serve whilst still hot.

11 Parisian Vodka Tatin Serves 4

• 160ml vodka • 160ml cloudy apple juice • 50ml caramel syrup • 50g sugar • 1 lemon

For the caramel syrup, mix 50ml of water and 50g of sugar in a saucepan with a few drops of lemon juice and let simmer on a medium-low heat. As soon as the sugar starts to brown, start stirring it so that it doesn’t burn or harden, then take the mixture out of the pan. Mix the vodka, apple juice and caramel together and enjoy!

My favourite After-dinner Digestif • 1 bottle of chilled grappa • 3 bunches of frozen grapes (Muscat grapes are particularly good) • A few bars of good dark chocolate

Put the grappa and grapes in the freezer for 2 hours beforehand. Break the chocolate into large pieces and stack them onto a wooden board. Place the grapes onto the board next to the chocolate and serve the cold grappa and watch everything disappear. Simple, but absolutely delicious.

Party Prosecco I love Champagne, but this is a fantastic and affordable option. Serves 6

• Champagne flutes / wine glasses (keep them in the freezer for 1 hour before) • Juice of 1 clementine, 1 lime, 1/2 pomegranate, 1/4 grape- fruit (in separate cups)

When you’re ready to serve, pour the juices into the chilled glasses, top up with Prosecco and serve. Feel free to play around with different combinations, add pieces of fruit to the glasses, whatever you like! 12 Grey Goose Le Fizz A very special, super-simple, refreshing vodka cocktail with a hint of elderflower. Serves 2

• 2 Champagne flutes • Cocktail shaker • Ice cubes • 2 limes • 100ml vodka (ideally Grey Goose and keep the bottle in the freezer) • 50ml St. Germain elderflower liqueur • 150ml soda water

Fill both the Champagne flutes and cocktail shaker with ice cubes, then roll and halve 2 limes and squeeze enough lime juice to fill a 50ml shot glass. Pour the lime juice, vodka, and elderflower liqueur into the shaker and shake for about 20 seconds. Strain your cocktail into the 2 flutes and top each with 75ml of soda water and give it a quick stir with a spoon. If you plan on making this for a big soirée, feel free to mix everything except for the soda water in a jug and keep it on ice. Top up each drink with soda water. Santé!

Classic Mulled Wine

Serves 10 • 6 cloves • 1 cinnamon stick • 2 bottles of Merlot / • 3 fresh bay leaves Syrah or Bordeaux • 1 whole nutmeg (op- • 2 clementines tional for grating) • 1 lemon • 1 vanilla pod • 1 lime • 2 star anise • 200g sugar

Peel large sections of peel from the clementines, lemon and lime and put in a large saucepan over a medium heat with the sugar and clementine juice. Add the cloves, cinnamon stick, bay leaves and about 10 gratings of nutmeg. Halve the vanilla pod lengthways and add to the pan, then stir in just enough red wine to cover the sugar. Let it simmer until the sugar has dissolved into the red wine, then bring to the boil. Keep on a rolling boil for about 4 to 5 minutes, or until you’ve got a beautiful thick syrup. It’s a bit of effort but the reason why I’m doing this first is to create a wonderful flavour base by getting the sugar and spices infused in the wine. It’s important to make a syrup base first because it needs to be reasonably hot, and if you do this with both bottles of wine then you’ll burn off all the alcohol. When your syrup is ready, turn the heat down to low and add the star anise and the rest of the wine. Gently heat the wine and after roughly 5 minutes, when it’s warm and delicious, ladle it into heatproof glasses and enjoy.

13 Restaurant Guide For The New Year

by Elizabeth da Costa

Welcome one and all to 2017! The New Year is a time for making new promises to yourself, like I will speak to more French people, I will sleep with more French people, and I will gain EU citizenship via said French person. Or you could resolve to eating healthier. Anyone who knows me will know that health shops scare me. They tend to serve fancy sandwiches, with ingredients that I’ve never heard of, and taste like they shouldn’t be raw. Nonetheless, I risked it for you dear readers. Below are a few sugges- tions to both make and break your New Year’s resolutions. Enjoy!

Keeping my resolutions... Iyo Woodies 19 Rue de Mogador, 75009 51 Rue de Paradis, 75010

Food: 3/5 Food: 4/5 Atmosphere: 3/5 Atmosphere: 5/5 Price: Under 10 euros Price: Under 10 euros Value for money: 3.75/5 Value for money: 4/5

Iyo falls into both categories. Yes, you can eat You’ve got a friend in this place. I was cautious healthily here, but you can also not. It’s up to when I entered for the above reasons –I’m a bit you! Iyo is a canteen-style restaurant serving a distrusting of places where there are more vege- range of food from sushi (healthy) to noodles tables than meat on the menu. Woodies, howev- and deep-fried crispy chicken (not healthy). I er, was pleasantly surprising. The sandwiches are liked this place. The sushi was good quality, and hand-made to order. I ordered the chicken sand- you definitely get your money’s worth. I made wich which in retrospect was the most boring the mistake of ordering an ordinary formule option on the menu. When it arrived, it took up when I could have saved money by ordering the whole plate and there was so much chicken from the student menu, so make sure that you in it that I didn’t know where to begin! The café ask for it. The food was tasty and healthy, but not is cute, the sort of place you could study whilst overt ‘health food’. A good choice if you want to drinking tea. Overall, confronting my fears has pretend that you are having a binge day! My one made me more likely to go to these sorts of place bugbear was that they microwaved their nems. in future. I felt healthier for the rest of the day. They were okay, but definitely inferior to Wen Would go again. Zhou (see below). However, if you are trying to keep your resolutions I’m sure you’ll want to avoid deep-fried nems anyway!

14 Breaking my resolutions...

Wen Zhou Pletzer 24 Rue de Belleville, 75020 23 Rue des Rosiers, 75004

Food: 5/5 Food: 5/5 Atmosphere: 3/5 Atmosphere: 4/5 Price: 5 euros and above Price: 12 euros and above Value for money: 5/5 Value for money: 4/5

Wen in doubt, Wen Zhou is the place for fantastic I only recently noticed this restaurant in the Chinese food. From €5 for a plate of food, you Marais. What caught my eye was the €12 fish and cannot beat this place for quality or value for chips sign. What made me go in was the smell money. I started with a portion of chicken nems of their burgers. It’s no secret that I love a good (like a spring roll, but not), followed by ravioli burger place and this one tops my list! The food chinois (otherwise known as steamed dump- is served in a baking tray with a huge portion of lings). Please note that I shared the starters; I fries and freshly fried crisps. The patty was served couldn’t eat all that on my own! I then moved on medium-rare steak and came with an assortment to duck and rice in some kind of sauce. Whilst of salad and in-house sauces. I felt like such a the presentation is more rough and ready, the hipster eating here. At €15 for a formule (burger, food was incredibly tasty and filling. The restau- chips and a drink) it is a bit pricey, but you get rant is fairly quiet and the service is friendly, if both quality and quantity for your money. Next a little slow to bring you the bill. I am definitely time I’m there I’ll be trying the fish and chips! going back!

15 Who are you going to be career a w y om l an st o in 2017? m by Eva Tumel

Who are you going to be in 2017?

A handy quiz from a rejected Buzzfeed content provider to help you figure out your future and plan accordingly for the year ahead.

1 Would you describe yourself as. . .? 6 What’s your favourite ULIP class? A Sporty A History B Arty B Art C Nerdy C Grammar D Sleepy D The weekend

What are your average grades What’s your marital status? 2 like? 7 A Single A Fails and some 2.2s B Married B A good mix of 2.2s and 2.1s C Divorced C Mostly firsts with a few other grades D Widowed the mixed in (curse you Averis) gay D I get at least 80% on all my work Which Britney lyric would best c co ly us describe your sex life? st in o Why did you move to Paris? 8 m 3 A ‘Gimme gimme more’ A Cheap wine B ‘Not a girl, not yet a woman’ B Cheap food C ‘All the boys and all the girls are begging C To learn French to if you seek Amy’ D To get away from my parents D ‘I’m not that innocent’

What season were you born in? Which ABBA song best describes 4 your bank account? A Summer 9 B Autumn A Super Trouper C Winter B When All Is Said And Done D Spring C I Have A Dream D Money Money Money

Which of these do you identify What is your favourite French 5 most with? 10 accent? A A flower A Accent grave B A rug B Accent aigu C A chaise longue C Circonflexe D A remote control D Cédille

16 career hot m a w B es y om y s l an l st st o o m m

You’re going to have a busy and pro- If you thought you drank a lot in ductive 2017, full of work and brief- 2016 then get ready for a year that cases and tailored suits. You’re going will blow your socks off. Literally. to ignore all your other responsibilities Never mix alcoholic drinks, fences and irreparably ruin all your relation- and fireworks children. ships while achieving your goals but man is that four-figure salary going to be worth it – not to mention all the tickets resto. Besides, with that much money who needs friends?

the ga the ( b c y c eau y ou d ty l s ly s st in t c o s h m o o m o l )

u t

If you haven’t already come out to Wow. It’s only been a few weeks since your family, 2017 is your year. Get you were talking shit about people ready for weird looks, being socially dropping out of ULIP a few weeks into ostracised and arguments during big the semester but now it’s your turn. Your family dinners. Fear not though, it’s grades weren’t as good as expected, you not all bad - you will inexplicably haven’t really made any friends, and you start to dress well. really miss Doncaster. Can’t say I blame you.

17 WHY YOU SHOULD MAKE YOUR 2017 BRITNEY INTO A 2007 BRITNEY

by Tom Ibbotson

ome might say, why would you want to give It was a simpler time. Blackberry were reigning up your wildly successful Vegas show and supreme and pink flip phones were still readily a cemented place in the music industry as available. Keeping up with the Kardashians was Sthe Princess of Pop for a highly publicised break- only in its first series. Gordon Brown had just down? One word: Blackout. somehow become Prime Minister… Okay, we can ignore that last one. Nevertheless, 2007 was Blackout. Blackout. Blackout. much much cooler. I mean who doesn’t miss the satisfying sound of slamming your Motorola Brit’s fifth studio album is the one to beat. -Re Razr shut after breaking up with your boyfriend leased October 25th 2007, Blackout was the al- because he wore bootcut jeans? bum that gave Britney back her crown after a year of being splashed all over the tabloids. Like Now let’s take off the rose tinted glasses for just a phoenix rising from the ashes of TMZ, Britney a moment, put down your surprisingly extensive Spears delivered to us mere mortals a miracle in collection of Britney Spears perfumes and stop the form of jam after jam with a 43 minute run clutching her entire discography. If you want time. Now THAT is the raison principale why to make a real commitment and pretend you’ve you have to change your 2017 Britney into a 2007 actually time travelled 10 years into the past, be mega Britney. aware of a few things. This was a pre-Snapchat world, Facebook was still a little baby and Netflix Winding back the clock 10 years allows us to ig- still mainly rented DVDs. It’s gonna be difficult, nore all the terrible things that have happened but as it says in the Holy Book, ‘now I’m stronger since then. Just in the last year we’ve had Brexit, than yesterday, My loneliness ain’t killing me no Trump and all those celebrity deaths. Also Spears’ more, I’m Stronger.’ Glory is better left forgotten. And don’t you even dare mention Britney Jean. Don’t you dare. But don’t fret my young Britney Queer, it’s not as

18 terrifying as it sounds. You’ve still got at least 3 ident singing the US national anthem to the tune or 4 years before that friend request from your of Piece of Me. I’m voting for Britney, bitch. parents, The Sims 2 can still keep you company and I’ll say it again. Blackout. You may as well Tom Jean Ibbotson, Undergraduate at Toxic Uni- start listening to it non-stop now, because you’ll versity studying towards a BA (Britney of Arts) be doing the same in 10 years’ time anyway. Just in Blackout Studies. me, then? Also, if you do manage to actually time If you’d like to read more of my work, here is a travel for real, do me a little favour and tell my brief selection: past self to not sell his PlayStation. ‘Oops!… I did it again : An analysis of the return to power of Charles de Gaulle’

‘Comparative study of The Communist Manifes- to and Work Bitch’

‘The cultural impact of Britney Spears’ 2003 film Crossroads’

‘Kevin Federline: The real Womanizer?’ ‘She was a star, but was she really Lucky? An in depth discussion of celebrity politics’

‘Petition for the album Britney Jean to be official- ly designated a war crime in accordance with the UN charter’

‘How to make your partner a Slave 4 U with one word’

‘Not yet a girl, never a Woman. How Mil- lennials refuse to grow up’

‘Aren’t we all a bit Overprotected: The Wel- fare state, a history’

‘Dancing Till the World Ends, how to survive the apocalypse’

‘Sometimes I run, most of the time I hide: Deal- I haven’t ing with chronic anxiety’ played Crash Bandicoot in a decade and I’m pretty sure that’s why I’m failing at life. ‘You cycle me crazy: green alternatives for your daily life’ However if you do decide to stay in the admittedly bleak year of 2017 as we are all sadly forced to, ‘I don’t love Rock ‘n’ Roll: The nefarious effects of join me in my campaign for a Spears presidency. Toxic Masculinity’ Britney 2020 has a certain ring to it, and could you think of a better inauguration than the Pres- ‘If U Seek Amy: dating in the modern age’

19 Can

2017Be Any Worse Than 2016

e haven’t yet truly earnt our title of regions to create a sustainable solution. Homo sapiens. But we need not de- spair. Closer to home populist anger is returning to W haunt Europe. We’re likely to see François Fillon I remember the tears of joy I shed when Barack vs Marine Le Pen in 2017: a delightful choice be- Hussein Obama was elected as the first black tween Margaret Thatcher 2.0 and Le Pen, whose president of the United States. How proud would father created the Front National with ex-mem- Dr Martin Luther King, Harriet Tubman, and bers of the Waffen SS, a founder of La Milice and W.E.B. Du Bois would have been. Dr Cornel West multiple collaborators, some even having partici- hoped Obama would be “a Progressive Lincoln” pated in the Holocaust.

and he aspired “to be the Frederick Douglass to { put pressure on him.” Yet, Mr President, you have been a huge disappointment.

The man who built his legitimacy on ending the “Whilst Jordan spends disastrous failures of Bush not only failed to shift 25% of its entire budget American foreign policy, but exacerbated chaos on refugees, our European in Iraq by removing American troops premature- politicians refuse to work ly to secure his re-election rather than stability in the Middle East. The abysmal failure of the ‘War with destabilised regions on Drugs’ continues to plague global politics and to create a sustainable has metastasised into a new form of Jim Crow solution”. where African-Americans are disproportionately sentenced and jailed in private prisons and subju- gated to modern slavery (Michelle Alexander, The { Nation). The African-American community “cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi Donald Trump. The Democratic Party lost to a cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he neon orange clown. The most unqualified, inex- has nothing for which to vote.” perienced, charlatan of a candidate to ever run for the most powerful job in the world, who should The destruction of the Iraqi State and continued have been easily beaten, crushed Clinton. Pre- chaos in the Middle East, created by Saudi Arabia’s cisely when the DNC should have put Country poisonous Wahabist ideology and maintained by before Party and choose either Bernie Sanders or American incompetence, has created the largest Joe Biden, they chose the epitome of the politi- refugee crisis in living memory, on the same scale cal establishment. Hillary Rodham Clinton was to the Second World War. Whilst Jordan spends the most inappropriate choice possible to take on 25% of its entire budget on refugees, our Euro- the Trump campaign's brash populist fury, sim- pean politicians refuse to work with destabilised ply because it was 'her turn'. Thomas Frank of the

20 Guardian summed it up perfectly: “An insider Do you want to be happy and make others hap- when the country was screaming for an outsider. py? It’s easier than you might think. A technocrat who offered fine-tuning when the Happiness is not a final destination, a goal to country wanted to take a sledgehammer to the strive for, or a trophy to acquire. It’s something machine.” Trump’s appointments, notably Steve we all can work for every day. We don’t need to Bannon who will be there to whisper the rhetori- unnecessarily complicate our lives and try to find cal poison of white-nationalism in his ear, give us interpretations where there may be nothing to an insight into what we can look forward to over find. the next 4 years. Our absurd, bizarre and crazy world is funda- The failure of our politicians walking down the mentally indifferent to us. But we can care for corridors of power to notice and care for the ourselves and for each other. Appreciate the daily grievances of their people has led to their collec- pleasures of life: a chat with a friend, kiss as the tive punishment in elections. Future leaders will sun goes down, enjoy an espresso as you watch hopefully dust off the pages of history and re- the world go by. member to never take their electorate for granted. We don’t need to be superman/woman and save the world everyday to improve it. One action of I completely understand why people find no time kindness, one joke in someone’s ear, one hug to to read the news. Even though politics and inter- a friend will do. Happiness is free. Sprinkle that national relations fascinates me, it exhausts me shit everywhere. emotionally. I understand that we have enough difficulties in our lives already without having to think of the “L’espoir, au contraire de ce qu’on croit, équivaut à struggles of others. la résignation. Et vivre, c’est ne pas se résigner.” And that’s ok. ~Albert Camus~

Adrian Green

21 Agony Aunt Aunty E and Uncle T solve all your problems... sort of

As a Paranoid Patricia, I’m worried for what 2017 alcohol here is cheap, so you’ll drink yourself to will bring. What TV series do you recommend to death quicker. escape the angst and turmoil of a world flushing itself down the loo? T: Personally, I’ve found that pain de mie can absorb your tears, and screams, better than your T: 203% would recommend The Man in the High everyday baguette. Maybe it’s the added sugar? Castle. Isn’t it funny how a show portraying an If you’re feeling particularly patriotic for the UK alternative history of the Nazi re- (has it really gotten that bad?), gime and their ideologies in con- M&S’s country farmhouse loaf trol of the US and Europe is odd- works surprisingly well at drown- ly emblematic of our so-called ing out your cries of “POUR- “modern” 21st century society? QUOI?” when you have to send Like, really funny. your birth certificate to CAF for the seventh time. E: Inspired by a 12hr hangover/ puke session/Wikipedia binge, Sex with my boyfriend is great. my recommendation is a lit- At least that’s what his co-worker tle more esoteric. After reading said. Any advice on moving out about Italian-American cuisine, and living alone? which led me to an article about different types of pizza, which led E: I know finding the perfect to me an article about the found- place in Paris is difficult. Believe ing of Shakey’s pizza, which led me. I know. No, seriously. I know. me to reading about the demographic makeup I don’t really have any advice to offer you, just my of the Greater Los Angeles Area, which led me empathy. Also if it’s a studio you’re looking for to reading an article about the Iranian diaspora, there’s one in the 20th that’s becoming available which finally led me to a little-known show called very soon, so contact your local agony aunt for the Shahs of Sunset. So if you’ve overloaded on more information if you’re interested. Kardashian but want to keep up with some other ludicrously rich people getting into slap fights in sunny California, look no further. T: Put off finding your own place and move into his office. I’d suggest finding a cute spot in HR I’ve been living in France for a while now. I don’t since they’ll not think twice about someone sit- really have a question for you, I’m just question- ting on the floor doing nothing. That way, Sarah ing my own decisions. from Sales will never hear the end of the heart- break she caused. After approximatively 3-4 E: All I can say is keep reminding yourself that months, she’ll have had enough and your beau there is now a whole body of water between you will come skipping back to you. This is of course and your family and that, thanks to Trump’s elec- after some minor dabbling in blackmail, mind tion, the exchange rate between the pound and control and electric shock therapy. Eventually, the euro is nowhere near as terrifying as it was you’ll be able to continue working towards that post-Brexit. Hey, it could be worse. At least the healthy relationship you’ve always wanted!

22 3rd party reviews of E+T’s ground-breaking advice column:

I only read E + T’s column because I ran out of battery and couldn’t find any receipts to read Someone rude

Who ?? Anonymous

It really is one of my favourite things in Parlons. It made my colonialism essay sound amazing in comparison! Theo, 28 (More like TheNO, 200-and late)

If I had to mark this article, they’d have to go and see their course tutor Becky with the BAD attitude

10 out of 1 Tom Ibbotson, 20, on the floor crying

Absolutely hilarious. Oh wait, are you asking about the advice column? Then no. Just no A confused Carol

Katy Phipps paid me 10€ to read this. I don’t even go to ULIP Rumours by Lindsay Lohan

As an arsonist, this page in particular burns extremely well Mr. Burns

Non Confidential source (it rhymes with Fate Schmaveris)

My favourite part of this article is the third party reviews. No wait, I just really like the Third Republic A spokesperson for Les Républicains erroneously interviewed

At the end of the day, you have to give this article credit for something Mysterious Marg leaves us wondering

I heard they don’t even get any questions, they write them themselves! No comment

Eva Tumel and Tom Ibbotson

23 (and a Partridge with a French Studies degree)

t would be a mistake to label myself a Fran- many other job advertisements, being bilingual cophile. There’s plenty of them about, par- with good work experience is simply not good ticularly around ULIP, but after almost 3 enough. Iyears I have to say that I’m not overwhelmed by the magic of Paris or the charm of France. It’s also A Masters is a minimum for many career paths, pretty clear that they’re equally not sold on “the another year of scrambling around for funding Mike Johnson effect”. Exchanges of perceived and jumping the classic academic hoops designed banter leave me clinking around a room of lead to blow your mind and add an extra stress-line to balloons and more awkward turtles than a spin- your already crowded forehead. If you don’t have off of Finding Nemo. It’s true that my level of one it’s down to the bottom of the job market you French is not what I would have had expected it go to fight it out for an internship that you’re not to be at this stage in my university career, howev- so sure that you really want. Most people have er the words “Bilingual English/French” still fea- a degree these days and unless you’re prepared ture on my CV because quite frankly “sod ‘em”. to lower yourself to overt public displays of ar- As a wide-eyed first year, I would have thought se-licking and brown-nosing (“networking” or that the job hunt in the final half of third year “LinkedIn”), or unless you have the necessary would have been a bright and exhilarating expe- nepotistic or financial contacts to make you too rience rather than the lob-sided wheel of doom it big to fail, it’s a jungle of people just like you after is currently proving to be. the jobs that you want.

Am I scared of hard graft? Quite the opposite. As a working class idiot with no contacts of any I’ve worked since before Noddy was animated, tangibility outside of Blackpool, I’m not too big shifting boxes of books for my Dad and doing to do anything and am small enough to be traded his order sheets on “t’computer”. My first paid job and exploited by capitalist interests as they see fit. was shifting sheds around a mate’s Dad’s lockup, I look at some of the people who I went to school followed by fishing used tampons out of blocked with who sacked off academia and dove into the toilets and wiping down pissed-on chairs fea- work force. They now have 5 years experience in tured in my next job cleaning a school and my industry, are financially stable with a house and two jobs in Paris, as a “Brand Ambassador” and a laugh at me and my Mickey Mouse degree, not “Translator and information analyst”, have aver- to mention my quite shoddy bank balance. Do I aged an hourly pay of €2.50 at around 40 hours a regret going to university? Not one bit. I’ve lived week. It’s not hard graft that I’m scared of. What abroad for 3 years and learnt invaluable lessons, terrifies me is the lack of prospects for some- met incredible people and added strings to my one who I consider to be quite a strong candi- bow. However, I do envy those who are steadi- date. Apparently not. According to Indeed.fr and ly working themselves up to 30k a year knowing

24 (and a Partridge with a French Studies degree)

that, if indeed.fr and other job advertisements day to Friday, hate every second of it and line the are the norm, it will be a long time before I’m on pockets of some crooked fat cat who doesn’t pay any kind of salary that will pay off my student tax and is as equally clueless as 50% of contest- debt, provide proof of earning for a deposit on a ants on the Weakest Link. house, provide for a family and do all the things that any young adult might want to do. Educa- Blackpool FC’s current position in the fourth tion is everything and I hope that one day it pays tier of English football, staring Non-league in off, but for once my anxiety is not concerned the face, is how leaving uni feels for me. Half a with translations, dissertations and exams but year left of cushty professional surroundings to the abyss of l’avenir. be followed by a parachute payment in Summer (fingers fucking crossed student fucking finance) Yes, you can start at the bottom and work your to be flitted away into the next phase of my life way up, but in that case what was the point of the scratting around in a hostile environment with last 3 years? It seems that college and university little or no money. are just the inevitable next steps after school, cre- ating a UK population that is far more educated As T.May would say: “Just About Managing”. All than ever before and, regrettably, feels a greater A’s and A*s at GCSE, A* A B at A level and on sense of entitlement for success, cash and power. for a cushty 2:1 (fingers crossed don’t jinx it!) and However, given that people are far more quali- after it all, I believe the technical term is, JAM- fied, the knock-on effect is that it swells the mid- MING BABY! Rented accommodation, beans on dle of the job market, leaving little opportunity toast, living for the weekend, 10 pints on a Satur- for graduates as almost all jobs, if not all of them, day night to wake up on Sunday morning with now require “Experience”. Therefore, unless you a banging headache followed by a worse one on happen to exert influence, you receive funding to Monday. Happy days. continue down the academic path or live in and around London, there isn’t much to get excited about.

“Take your destiny into your own hands”. Okay Mike Johnson then, that sounds ideal, lend me 10k and I’ll start a business that may or may not be a success and go on the Apprentice. Join the public sector, serve your country, and get verbally abused until your retirement aged 80 with a pension of thruppence a week. Join the private sector, work 9-6 Mon-

I SIGNED MY‘‘ ESSAY OFF AS GEOFFREY ROGERS, RUE D’ECOSSE.‘‘

~Tom Manfield (BA3)~

26 ULIP alumni Ryan Spooner shares his post-university experience with us.

I began work in September at a private Catholic was very touched! school in the 20th arrondissement and I enjoy it immensely. My job title is surveillant, supervisor, I love the job. It requires, naturally, an enjoyment which doesn’t seem to have an equivalent role in of young people’s company, a good level of pa- the English system. We work as part of the Vie tience for the sort of world-ending problems they scolaire, our boss being the CPE – the Conseill- will bombard you with from all directions, all day er principal d’éducation – whose responsibilities long, and an excellent level of spoken French in largely revolve around discipline and keeping order to do battle with the more quick-witted tabs on students. Therefore, the job of the surveil- and craft complex and intimidating threats to lant is more or less to keep order in various places persuade your charges to behave themselves. I and at various points throughout the school day. have been extremely lucky to find such a good school. My colleagues are all excellent, and in We stand on the gates when the pupils arrive, and particular our little Vie scolaire team has a great when they leave. We patrol the cour de récréation sense of camaraderie and esprit de corps. I also and encourage the more boisterous pupils to enjoy the sense of responsibility which I have – a calm down by threatening them with detention. sense that I am doing something actively useful We supervise all the DSTs – devoir sur table – for to help achieve something worthwhile. the collégiens (easy, they always last an hour) and the lycéens (terrifying at first – some of them Living in Paris post-ULIP is hard to arrange in are only about 3 years younger than me, most/ some cases – I admit that I have been very lucky all of them are taller and in possession of great- – but worth doing. I was fortunate, when apply- er quantities of facial hair, and when you have a ing for the job, that I had gained experience with room of about 40 or 50 of them to organise, they children of various ages throughout my time at smell your fear and pounce on the slightest sign university, which I could talk about. No matter of weakness). DSTs in the lycée can last anything how French you try to feel at university, I never from 2 to 4 hours. We supervise either the pri- felt able – or indeed ready and willing – to es- mary school children or the collégiens in the can- cape the Britishness of ULIP. Now, though, I get teen. If a teacher is absent, we’ll take their class up, go to work, and come home exhausted, not and try and get them to do some work. I also having spoken a word of English all day (except have 4 hours of English teaching in the primary if I taught it that day, but that isn’t really a con- school which is extremely rewarding – the chil- versation). For the first time, I feel less like a tem- dren are little bundles of hyperactive, talkative porary, foreign visitor to this beautiful city, and energy but they love their lessons and are fast, more like a part of it, and the best part is, when I enthusiastic learners. Highlights of the job so far am done for the day, Paris is mine to enjoy, with include being told I’m the best English teacher not an essay in sight! (Sorry, maybe that was a bit in the world (probably true…) and one of them insensitive… good luck, guys!) bringing me back a present from his holiday – I 27 Q&AAlumni by Kavita Desai

Usually the start of second term fills me with joy: refreshers, pre-exam drinking, exam-drinking… you get the picture. But this year I was filled with another sensation altogether: DREAD. It’s sprung up all of a sudden and I have no idea where from! All of first term whenever anyone asked what I planned to do after graduation I would just smile and put together some rubbish about not being worried about graduating, life giving you lemons and ‘finding my path’, and I actually started to believe it. Denial. It was all denial and now I’m starting to realise that I have squat diddly squat planned for after graduation (that’s presuming that it actually happens lol not lol). With all this in mind I decided to catch up with some of my past ULIP faves to see what post-ULIP life has in store.

Kavita: Hey gals! Could you give us a brief over- tor of the French website which is pretty cool. I view of what you’re up to right now in your first translate articles into French and write my own year after ULIP? in both languages. Check it out here: http://www. electronicspecifier.fr/. I had my first business trip Charlotte: Right now I’m working as an Event to Munich in November which was certainly an Planner and Wedding Coordinator. I’m also a experience… part-time A-Level French assistant. I hate it. Kavita: Wow, it seems like you’ve all gone in such Nahida: I’m halfway through my masters in different directions after graduating! But you’ve all Qualifying Law, about to take on my first ever ended up going back to the U.K. What was it that law exams! It’s exciting, but stressful… I hope it’s made you decide to leave Paris after having lived all worth it! here for 3 years?

Alice: I’m working as an Editorial Assistant for Nahida: It was the end of an era for me and I an electronics magazine in Kent. I’m the Edi- was desperate to get on to the next chapter. I'll

28 always go back of course, but I felt like I didn't have much keeping me there and wanted to be closer to my family for a bit.

Charlotte: The main reason I left Paris was to move back home and work to save enough money to go travelling in June (and keep up with my burger spending habits). I really would like to move back to Paris in a few years, but right now I'm enjoying the peace and quiet of rural England.

Alice: It suddenly became apparent to me that I had to leave Paris when I had spent the summer struggling with a super intense job, housing nightmare etc. It certainly wasn't my intention to leave but hey, les choses arrivent...

Kavita: So you’re all loving life back home, but is there anything you miss about living in Paris?

Alice: I miss the freedom to do what I want, when I want. And I miss the sushi. I miss the social aspect, I loved getting involved with the SU, my job at M&S etc. It's not the same in Kent!

Nahida: My Uni pals and the family I used to work for... Don't take for granted the support you have! I also miss the view from my balcony and getting my daily kick out of saying bonne journée to the people who work there...

Charlotte: The things I miss most about Paris are: Ober Mamma, drunk vélib rides and les apéros en térrasse.

Kavita: And finally, what’s next in your post-grad life plans?

Charlotte: If I get accepted onto my dream Masters course, I’ll be doing that come September. If not, I might try and apply for a working visa abroad and live la vida loca somewhere exotic.

Alice: Ultimately I'd like to run my own coffee shop in Lyon, so I need to start researching how to make that a reality. Q&A Nahida: I am hoping to get some legal experience abroad, then complete a Legal Practice Course, work at a top firm, become partner, get me a toyboy... and I'll leave the rest to your imagination!

‘‘ YOU DID NOT JUST ENTRE

GUILLEMETS YOURSELF. ~Kavita Desai (BA3)~‘‘

30 Film Review

umanising the dehumanised: Ken is skilled in his honest trade but becomes com- Loach's uncomfortable revelation of the pletely alienated by the inhumane responses to H truth behind Britain’s poverty epidemic: his precarious condition. I, Daniel Blake holds a mirror up at the venom- ous society in which we live and the reflection is Forced to play by the system’s rules just for the uncomfortable. prospect of an appeal, Daniel painstakingly must spend 35 hours a week looking for work, unable Taking home the most prestigious film award of to prove he has done so due to his lack of com- the year, the Palme d’Or at Cannes film festival, puter skills. He meets Katie (Hayley Squires), I, Daniel Blake offers a heart wrenching look at and forms a relationship with the single mother the British social ‘security’ system, presenting a of two who herself is battling the woes of an ad- real juxtaposition to the ubiquitous 'scroungers' ministrative system that is not designed with real tabloid headlines to which we have become so people in mind. Both in need of assistance, the accustomed. Although it’s inevitable that people story highlights how those with so little can come will label this film demagogic, it takes a special together when they are faced with going under. kind of bigotry to deny the social relevance this film highlights. Despite the good intentions, Laverty’s screenplay invents clumsy developments that are bordering ‘Can you raise your arms above your head, as if on too sentimental, using Katie’s persona to ex- you were putting a hat on?’ The scripted health tract tears after her financial desperation leads care professional asks 59-year-old heart attack her down a less-than-glamourous route. Laverty survivor Daniel Blake (Dave Johns) during his almost succeeded in selling out the film’s honest cross examination for the Department of Work message, overpowering Loach’s subtle emotive and Pensions in a scene emblematic of Loach’s touches. The film has a social conscience and a naturalist approach. stout political message but is unfortunately un- dercut by contrived situations that almost cari- ‘You’re getting further away from my heart, it’s my cature the poor, anesthetizing the emotive effect. heart the problem,’ Daniel interjects. Warm, funny, raw and brutal, one could say ‘Sir, if you are going to speak to me in that tone, it Loach gives us a quasi-Dickensian outlook on may reflect badly on your application.’ 21st Century Britain, speaking with a simple voice filled with thought and emotion. Loach’s The incessant questioning regarding motor re- signature simplicity and tenderness speaks to the sponses and cognitive ability throws us into the heart. painful bureaucratic paradox of Daniel’s world. However, the real beauty of this film is in its sen- sitive portrayal of Daniel’s warm character, who Dan Baker

31 Horoscopes

December 22nd – January 19th It’s your time to goddamn shine, Capricorn. Shake off 2016’s (horrendously, ridiculous- ly) bad vibes and be prepared to enter a new chapter of your life. Unfortunately, there’s a cruel twist: Mercury retrograde is in your sign until January 8th. This will call for a j more cautious advancement, so think everything through before you commit and don’t Capricorn leave any room for misinterpretation. Be prepared to run into people you really don’t want to see and situations you really don’t want to be in. However, all is not complete shit. After Mercury exits retrograde, a marvelous array of new possibilities, opportunities and contacts will be coming your way. Hold your head high.

January 20 – February 18 Things are going to get tiring and hectic these next few months, but Aquarius is the sign of innovation, and you will deal (or pretend to deal) with the added stress accordingly. To further complicate things, this Mercury retrograde is occurring in Capricorn, the k sign right behind you on the zodiac wheel, so watch your back. You should be consider- ing what's happening in your personal life - decipher the friends you can trust from the Aquarius ones you can’t and whether certain people or situations are good for you. And lighten up. It’s almost your birthday, and you’ll forget about all your problems once you neck 6 tequila shots and someone puts on Come on Eileen.

February 19 – March 20 A lot will be changing in the next few months, Pisces, so be prepared to dethrone Kylie as the poster child for realising things. Anticipate some rough altercations with people you thought were always on your side. However, Mercury retrograde is all about reflection and reassessment, so use this time to reevaluate certain aspects of your life, l be it decisions you make or the people you choose to spend your time with. As a Pi- sces, you’re deeply creative and inspired, and personal projects and passions might Pisces take focus in the next few months. However, you’re also notoriously a bit of a scatter- brain-cum-fuckhead, so try not to lose sight of uni work.

March 21 – April 19 You live life headfirst, Aries, but try not to collide with too many people this New Year - you will have enough on your plate. 2017 will present several new opportunities, which will result in you expending more energy than usual. It is imperative you keep yourself a healthy during this time; get enough sleep, make a veg-heavy meal and maybe take a rain check on those few nights on the lash at Corcoran’s in order to relax. You’ve also al- Aries ways been very affectionate despite your high-key narcissism, so be sure extend a loving hand to those closest to you in the upcoming months. 32 April 20th – May 20th An uncharacteristic boost in energy and happiness levels will be one of the first things you experience in 2017, Taurus. You probably won’t know where it came from or what the hell to do with it, but do not waste it. Use it to work on your relationships or hobbies, try new things for once (you stubborn shit), or start planning your future. You struggle to step out of your comfort zone, but now is the best time to do it. Unfortunately, thanks to Mercury in retrograde until January 8th, these high energy levels and hedonistic tenden- b cies may result in certain people not being too pleased with your antics, leading to certain misunderstandings. You may be too inclined to tell it like it is, especially after having Taurus a few, so make sure to have a good friend who keeps you bound and gagged at all times.

May 21st – June 20th You’ve got a bad rap, Geminem, but 2017 is the year to prove everyone wrong. The New Year will allow you to advance substantially in many different ways, so accept the change with open arms. You will experience a boost in both romantic and friendly relationships, along with a significant decrease in stress levels. Though February will be a very work- c heavy month, January will be an extremely favourable and low-stress, so make sure to enjoy it while it lasts. Make the most of your sometimes (almost) excellent people skills, Gemini and advance your goals for the future in 2017. You have endless ideas and insight, but they mean nothing if you don’t push yourself.

June 21st – July 22nd You’re a spontaneous and creative soul, Cancer, especially when you’re doing things that you love (and not crying yourself to sleep). 2017 will pair well with your natural optimism and boundless energy, which you might have been lacking in the final few months of 2016. Admittedly, last year was quite difficult and you’re ready for a major turning point d concerning relationships and work. In the first week on 2017, Mercury retrograde will Cancer bring several delays and miscommunications, so try not to make any important decisions until the 8th. Although 2016 wasn’t the best year for Cancer, keep your head up. 2017 brings better vibes. Probably.

July 23rd – August 22nd You’re probably the most confident and passionate sign there is, Leo, and you definitely make sure everyone knows it. You’re a badass bitch and quite enjoy a fair bit of attention on you. With this comes some hardship, and you definitely don’t shy away from butt- ing heads with others. Try to learn how to diffuse conflict this year and take the time to finally learn how to relax. This will be the perfect time as 2017 will be a bit slow for e you, which probably isn’t something you’re used to. Take it easy and take everything in Leo stride – with time feeling like it’s moving at a slower place, you will be able to achieve more this year. Mercury retrograde in January isn’t doing you any gastronomic favours, though. Gird up your loins.

August 23rd – September 22nd Virgo belongs to the house of work and ritual, and 2017 is going to bring several em- ployment opportunities your way. Remember to keep your head and work ethic high, f because after the Christmas holidays, you’re probably feeling a bit unmotivated. You’ve had a, like, really difficult first semester and you’re unsure how these next few months Virgo will pan out. Just don’t lose sight of the ultimate goal – the New Year will give you time to relax before your work schedule becomes truly tedious. You will probably be fine. 33 September 23rd – October 22nd Party. 2017 is definitely in favour of all Librans, with Jupiter, the planet of luck and good karma, bringing you all kinds of good vibes and beneficial opportunities. But you better play your cards right. Try not to second-guess and doubt yourself too much - being g pessimistic about your future or destiny will weaken Jupiter’s energy and karmic gifts. Libra The beginning of the year will also be a stellar time for you to express your feelings so that you can be sincere with yourself and the ones you love the most. Be open to new realities and allow yourself to develop and change.

October 23rd – November 21st Hate to be the bearer of bad astrological news, but this year is going to be a bit unpre- dictable, Scorpio. There will be a fair few ups and downs, and it’ll be very important for you to stay positive and optimistic. Mars begins the year in your love sector, so you should focus on your love life and letting the people closest to you know how much h they truly mean to you. This year would also be the ideal time to fulfill the projects or Scorpio aspirations you have forgotten about as your ambitions and dreams will become much clearer in 2017. Try not to let your own pessimism rule over your senses and bring your downfall. Let the essays do that for you.

November 22nd – December 21st Be prepared for a very fast-paced year, Sagittarius. Think Usain Bolt racing a caffein- ated cheetah on a burning TGV - 2017 is going to fly by very quickly. Keep yourself as composed as physically possible. You’re very wise, even philosophical, and you should i remind yourself that getting stressed out will only do more damage. However, on a Sagittarius brighter note, 2017 will bring lots of adventures and excitement, so be prepared to try new things and do whatever necessary to satisfy your own excitement. Saturn in your sign also continues his two and a half year journey asking you to step up and establish something via experience, so work hard this year. Don’t let 2017 ride you hard then put you away wet.

xo Francesca Sheeka