Issue 24 - Friday, May 1, 2009

Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology Rose-Hulman Scholar

The Rose Thorn Archive Student Newspaper

Spring 5-1-2009

Volume 44 - Issue 24 - Friday, May 1, 2009

Rose Thorn Staff Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology, [email protected]

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Recommended Citation Rose Thorn Staff, "Volume 44 - Issue 24 - Friday, May 1, 2009" (2009). The Rose Thorn Archive. 153. https://scholar.rose-hulman.edu/rosethorn/153

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T HE R OSE T HORN R OSE -H ULMAN I NSTITUTE OF T ECHNOLOGY T ERRE H AUTE , I NDIANA FRIDAY, MAY 1, 2009 ROSE-HULMAN.EDU/THORN/ VOLUME 43, ISSUE 24 A return to Sudan News Briefs Noel Spurgeon there they started getting By Andy Klusman N e w s E d i t o r into some water filter work through an organization White House takes photo fter over twenty years called Convoy of Hope. at Rose-Hulman, civil These were ‘appropriate op in New York City Aengineering professor technology’ filters, or water The White House Office of Military Af- Dr. Robert Houghtalen has filters that would be built fairs ordered the backup plane for Air Force announced his retirement for home use, and by that One to fly low over the Statue of Liberty in from the institute at the end I mean an extended fam- New York City on Wednesday this week. of this year. However, for Dr. ily. A lot of times, what you The low-flying 747 triggered fears of a new Houghtalen, retirement does have over there is the mom 9/11 for New Yorkers on the ground. The not mean the end of his ca- and dad living with all the Federal Aviation Administration said that reer. For his retirement, Dr. married children and their the agency was aware that a Department of Houghtalen will be return- grandchildren, so it’s more Defense plane flying at low altitudes in New ing to Sudan, where he spent of a homestead, maybe 10 York City could trigger public concern, but a year on sabbatical, to do to 20 people. These con- still demanded total secrecy from the New humanitarian work. Re- crete water filters were point York Police Department, the Secret Service, cently, the Rose Thorn had of use treatment, were they the Federal Bureau of Investigation, and an opportunity to talk to Dr. would go off to a river canal the mayor’s office, even threatening feder- Houghtalen about his ex- and get the water they would al sanctions if the news was released. The periences in Sudan and his normally drink that would fly-over was ordered so that the souvenir plans for the future. make them sick, and pour it Rose-Hulman photos of Air Force One could be updated. through this biosand filter, Civil engineering professor Robert Houghtalen (left), pictured New York Police Commissioner Ray Kelly Rose Thorn: You spent a and get relatively pure wa- with fellow professor Michael Robinson. Houghtalen will be re- said, “It was quite insensitive.” year in the Sudan [for your ter, somewhere between 90- turning to Sudan, the site of his sabbatical, for his retirement. sabbatical last year]. Can 95% of the pathogens would Vice President says you describe some of the be removed by the biological work you did over there? filtration process. tual capacity. He decided to don’t you come to Sudan?” to avoid “confined go over for a year and teach And after checking my top Dr. Robert Houghtalen: RT: What initially inspired English at an English cen- ten list of places to go and spaces” When I went over there, I you to take your sabbatical ter over there. After he was not seeing Sudan on it, we worked for a Sudanese hu- in Africa? there for 3 or 4 months, I told all laughed and ended that On NBC’s “Today Show” Thursday manitarian organization him we were looking at the conversation. He kept com- morning, Vice President Joe Biden has called EDOS: the Educa- RH: It’s a long story, but I’ll opportunity for a sabbati- ing back to it, and he finally said that he advised his family to avoid tional Development Orga- try to make it as short as pos- cal. My number one option asked me what I wanted to “confined places” such as planes, sub- nization of Sudan. Up until sible. My son Jesse gradu- was to go to India and set do on my sabbatical. I said I ways, and classrooms because of the risk that point, they did mostly ated from here in 2006, and up a sister school for Rose- wanted to work on the fourth of contracting swine flu. Biden also said, educational work: health decided he didn’t want to Hulman, because I thought edition of the book that I “So, from my perspective, what it relates education, preschool and work as a civil engineer. He that many of our graduates coauthored. He said, “You to is mitigation. If you’re out in the mid- primary school education. was looking more broadly would be working with the can do that anywhere in the dle of a field and someone sneezes, that’s They would get grants, pri- at his opportunities and op- Chinese and Indians in the world. You can do that in Su- one thing, if you’re in a closed aircraft, or marily from European coun- tions, and he ran into some- future… but nothing was dan. We have internet here”. closed container, or closed car, or closed tries, to do this, but about six one who worked in Sudan in working out. classroom, it’s a different thing.” The months prior to me getting a humanitarian and spiri- So one time he said ,“Why Continued on page 3... Center for Disease Control and Preven- tion is advising people to avoid nones- sential travel to Mexico, which is where Graduation requirements change the first cases of the virus were detected. Lindsay Saxton As stated on the Humani- Technical and Professional five courses for a total of An American Airlines spokesman said ties Department webpage, Communications, which twenty credits must be taken A d M a n a g e r Biden’s comment borders on “fearmon- “Our goal is to better prepare counts for another humani- in order to receive a minor in gering.” students for the changing ties course. Additionally, any subject. he graduation require- dynamics of the world they all students must take two Student reactions to the Justice David Souter ments set by the Hu- will enter on graduation.” classes in each of the three changes were varied. Some Tmanities Department The purpose of the restruc- main categories, and two sudents are oblivious to the to retire are changing for the 2009-10 turing of the humanities re- others from any category. changes, while others have Supreme Court Justice David Souter is academic year. In the past, quirements is “[…] to offer There are also radical strong positive opinions. planning to retire at the end of the court’s there were four main catego- more options for students, changes to the foreign lan- Very few have voiced any current term, reports National Public Ra- ries of humanities classes: reduce potential schedul- guage requirements. Two negative opinions. Fresh- dio. The Supreme Court has heard all oral Global Studies (GL), Rhetoric ing conflicts, and improve successive classes in any man Will Kolbus said, “I arguments for the year, and is set to issue and Expression (RH), Self and the clarity and rationale for language must be taken to don’t really mind. I think hu- rulings and opinions until the end of June. Society (SL), and Values and placing courses in particular receive humanities credit, manities are important even Until a successor has been chosen and con- Contemporary Issues (VA). categories.” and a few other technicali- though this is an ’engineer- firmed, Souter is expected to remain on the Now, the curriculum is being The new graduation re- ties have changed. Under ing school.’” bench. He is the sixth oldest member on the reclassified into three main quirements are as follows: the new guidlines, a foreign For a complete list of Supreme Court. Souter has informed the categories, which are Global In order to graduate, all language class can fulfill one changes, a list of all the White House of his decision to retire. His Studies (GS), Ideas and Arts students must complete of the humanities require- courses offered and their retirement will give President Obama his (IA), and Society and Values nine humanities courses for ments in each of the three course numbers, go to the first appointment to the Supreme Court. An (SV). These changes will only a total of 36 credits, which main categories. Also, a for- Rose-Hulman Humani- Obama nominee is unlikely to change the affect current freshmen and includes Rhetoric and Com- eign language class may ful- ties department website at ideological makeup of the Supreme Court, sophomores. Juniors and se- position. Also, many stu- fill one of the two ‘free’ class http://www.rose-hulman. as Souter generally votes with the liberal niors will be evaluated with dents may be required by slots. Furthermore, under edu/hss/gradrequirements. members of the court. regards to the current gradu- their major programs to take the current requirements, htm. ation requirements. In this issue of the Rose Thorn... We have Athlete of the

Facebook stalking solutions!

NEWS OPINIONS Week:

F Sutton Coleman LIPSIDE ENTERTAINMENT4 LIVING 6 3 Cut off your Torture and 8 Native American culture 5

hands wedding bells 7SPORTS

8 PAGE -

NEWS - PAGE 3 ENTERTAINMENT - PAGE 4 LIVING - PAGE 5 OPINIONS - PAGE 6 SPORTS - PAGE 7 FLIPSIDE 2 PUZZLES & CLASSIFIEDS The Rose Thorn The Magic Number Crypto-Quote of the Week

thorn By Melissa Brumbaugh

By Melissa Brumbaugh / Instructions: Instructions: Using addition (+), subtraction (-), mul- Solve the puzzle by deciphering the following quote and tiplication (x), and division (/), solve the ﬁgure out from which movie the quote is. Each letter puzzle by using all the given numbers represents a different letter in the alphabet. only once to equal the Magic Number. Hint (Solution = Crypto): 33 38 41 56 84 A = F B = J C = Y ___ - ___ + ___ + ___ x ___ = 2283 LS Z JPZGU F LMYSOB SOM. UEFU LFOH ZOUS ______. ______10 22 58 62 89 ___ - ___ - ___ + ___ + ___ = 19 UEM LKFTW. LS Z JPZGU F UEZAB. UEFU ______. ______. _ _ _ _ 10 11 24 60 62 http://www.rose-hulman.edu ___ + ___ + ___ - ___ + ___ = 43 AOMB BSKO, NMGG SXMA, UEMO LFOH ZOUS ______, ______, ______6 39 60 68 91 ___ / ___ * ___ - ___ + ___ = 628 UEM LKFTW. JPU UEM NSPAUE SOM LUFRMB PW. ______. ______.

Find the answers to all Rose Thorn puzzles at: CLASSIFIEDS

Sharp Flats, LLC 32nd Strassenfest Free admission Check out Sharp Flats East, just the first light after Apr. 30, May 1-2, 4pm-midnight House for Rent RHIT’s campus. It is the closest off campus hous- Food - Drink - Live Music ing offering one bedrooms starting at ($460), studios 9th and Cherry, downtown Terre Haute 3bd., 4bd., spacious, quiet for study, EXTRA NICE! Call starting at($395) and efficiencies starting at ($360) . 232-6977 after 11 am, leave ph #. Our student community has clean, furnished and un- www.terrehauteoberlandlerclub.org furnished flats, on site laundry, lots of parking, basket- ball, free WiFi, and some recycling. Our flats include Apartment for rent all or some utilities too! Large, furnished three bedroom apartment. Call 812-877-1146 to schedule a visit at your conve- Nine month lease available, $600 per month rent 3 Two 6 Bedroom Houses For Rent nience! Or check us out on the web at sharpflats.com. includes all utilities except phone and cable. Reserve your housing NOW for 09/10 school year. Contact Dr. Ditteon (CL104, Box 171, ext. 8247 or Several 5 minute drive to campus from town, several 299-5182) for more information. near S. 6th and College Ave. Large, private bedrooms, House for Rent 2 plus baths, C/A, 2 car garages, all utilities included, Apartments for rent washer / dryer / fridge / range / and dishwasher. Clean Studious, non-smoking, animal loving person to share Summer or Fall 1 to 3 bedroom apts. Stove/Refrig furn. and well maintained with 24/7 service. 9-12 Mo Leases. house in 25th and Poplar area. $350 per month plus half Also available 5 bedroom house, $995. per mo plus utili- In better neighborhood with ample parking. Rose and of utilities. 317-598-0912. ISU occupied. 812-478-9286 ties Gibson Apts 234-4884

Editorial Staff The Rose Thorn Thorn Staff

Co-Editor in Chief Scott Gallmeier CM 5037, 5500 Wabash Ave. Staff Writers Eli Baca Co-Editor in Chief Andrew Klusman Terre Haute, IN 47803-3999 Matthew Bryant Co-Editor in Chief Jim Sedoff Phone:(812)877-8255 Annie Bullock Emeritus Fax: (812)877-8166 Andrew Ernster News Editor Noel Spurgeon E-mail: [email protected] Mitchell Ishmael Lindsey Saxton Entertainment Editor Ben Collins http://www.rose-hulman.edu/thorn Living Editor Melissa Brumbaugh Melissa Schwenk Opinions Editor Christine Price Elliot Simon Sports Editor Tim Boyer “Working to keep the Rose-Hulman community informed Hobey Tam Sports Editor Emeritus Mike Ferguson by providing an accurate and J.P. Verkamp Humor Editor James Zhou dependable source for news and information.” Humor Editor Emeritus Matt Melton Co-Copy Editor Clint Thompson The Rose Thorn is published on Fridays Co-Copy Editor Carly Baehr ﬁrst through ninth week each quarter. Photo Editor Tim Ekl Photo Editor Emeritus Andrew Carlson Cartoonist Nick Easter Layout Manager Cari Harper

Administrative Staff Photographers Albert Mui Advertising Manager Lindsey Saxton Matt Vargo Business Manager Andrew Carlson Webmaster Tom W. Most Advisor Richard House

The Rose Thorn welcomes and encourages comments from its readers. We request that all letters to the editor be less than 600 words in length. THE DEADLINE FOR CONTENT SUBMISSION IS 5 P.M. THREE DAYS PRIOR TO PUBLICATION All content should be submitted to [email protected] or to the Rose Thorn Ofﬁce (Hulman Memorial Union room 249). The editors reserve the right to edit submissions for clarity, grammar, length, and factual errors. The editors reserve the right to accept content changes submitted after deadline. All letters must contain the writer’s signature (electronic form is acceptable) and contact information (e-mail address and/or phone number). The views expressed in the Rose Thorn are those of the original author and do not necessarily represent the views of the Rose Thorn staff or Rose-Hulman community. Friday, May 1, 2009 NEWS 3 Sudan, from page 1

Again, he continued to pursue thought more of as a Christian asked me if I would ever go back. Sudan needs us, and we leave it, and found this opportunity RT: What did you enjoy most country, or at least agnostic, but I said I hadn’t thought about it, knowing that we needed Sudan.” with the water filters, because about your experience? over there, at least in Khartoum, and she told me to think about That’s the way we felt too. I’d said I wanted to do some- it’s certainly Islamic. Their reli- it. Also, before we left, we had an thing else on behalf of Rose and RH: The immersion into a new gious life and public life are so opportunity to have a conversa- RT: You mentioned you’re go- our students, and something in culture. It was so totally differ- closely intertwined. There were tion with a couple of professors ing back to the same location. the water and environmental ent than the US, and the people prayer calls five times a day from at the University of Khartoum. field. Then all the other doors there are so friendly and kind. the mosques in every neighbor- They said they might be open RH: Yes, Khartoum, the capi- closed, and this one opened, and Even though the governments of hood, and the men would scurry to an expatriate teaching at the tal. It’s a city of about ten mil- Judy and I decided to do this. Sudan and the US don’t neces- off five times a day and partici- university, even though for the lion, where the White and the other doors closed, and this one sarily get along, the people were pate in that prayer. It was actu- most part it’s Sudanese that are Blue Nile converge. So it’s a big opened, and Judy [my wife] and I very friendly, welcoming, and ally very refreshing to talk about teaching there. And when we city population-wise, but it re- decided to do this. just accepted Judy and I with spiritual things. came back, we continued to ally doesn’t feel that big. open arms. I worked think and pray about RT: What’s the actual trip like with a number of south- it, and eventually it RT: Will you get involved with between Terre Haute and Khar- ern Sudanese, but the just seemed like that the water filter project again? toum? people we were serv- It was a very good year for was what we wanted ing were more north- both my wife and I. We grew to do for the rest of our RH: I don’t know. I think at RH: It’s usually at least four ern Sudanese, so there’s careers. this point in time, the possibility stops. You’re going to fly from the cultural immersion. so much spiritually and as exists that I could possibly go to Indianapolis to New York City, What I didn’t like about RT: At the university, the University of Khartoum, and and then from there either onto it was trying to learn people. do they mostly speak I’m not sure there’s any Western London or Germany, and then Arabic; I have a difficult in English? influence at all, or very little. I’d from there, there’s usually anoth- time with foreign lan- just like to leave with the skills er stop in the Middle East before guages, and Arabic isn’t “-Dr. Robert Houghtalen RH: No, it’s mostly I gained here at Rose-Hulman, you get to Khartoum. Khartoum’s easy. As I understand it, Arabic, but they said and be able to utilize them and like a short hop between Jordan it gets harder to learn a they would welcome hopefully make a difference and and Kenya, almost like a drop-off new language the older me teaching classes in make an impact. Judy is an ac- point. It’s a long trip, and tiring, you get. We took Arabic for the They were very open about it, English and that some of the stu- countant, and is actually going and when you get there… you year, but it was difficult. We got unlike many Americans. It’s not dents would want to take classes to be working with a Swedish suffer from jet lag. When we got to where we could use some necessarily a topic that a lot of in English. humanitarian organization that there last year, it took about four street Arabic, greetings, shop- people are comfortable with. does water work. They drill wells or five days before we were actu- ping, directions for public trans- ”RT: Do you intend to stay there for remote villages and even ally sleeping at night. portation, and things like that, RT: Was there anything spe- for a long period of time? out in Darfur, as well as refu- but not any great facility with cific about your experience that gee camps, to supply fresh wa- RT: How much of a time differ- the language. has made you decide to return RH: Yes, however long our ter and drinking water to those ence is it? for your retirement? health holds out, and however people. They’re also getting into RT: What do you think was the long we feel we can be use- surface water work, and looking RH: It’s either seven or eight biggest culture shock? RH: There is. It was a very good ful—which is funny, because into getting some small water hours, depending on if you’re us- year for both my wife and I. We the leader of our team when we supply dams and reservoirs. So ing Eastern Standard or Eastern RH: I suspect being in an Islam- grew so much spiritually and as came over there said “Most of [working for the organization] is Daylight Time. ic country. The US is probably people. Even before we left, Judy us come over here thinking that a second possibility. Students sample Native American culture Tim Ekl making, drum-making, and each had their own areas of re- P h o t o E d i t o r manufacturing moccasins, a sponsibility. type of traditional Native Amer- “We worked with the Native eligious groups are no ican footwear. American museum staff, ar- rarity at Rose-Hulman. “[The presenters] were very, chaeologist, and curator, and RBetween InterVarsity and very happy to be involved, and then we just sort of searched for the recent religious diversity it was an educational event for contacts and the subcommittee presentations, almost every ma- them as well as us,” Kimberly developed from there,” LaCom- jor world religion is represented LaComba, organizer of the event ba said. “The subcommittee met on campus. But earlier this and assistant Homework Hot- weekly for about five weeks, but week, the campus was treated line director, said. “They really then everyone was working on to a new kind of prayer: tradi- enjoyed talking to the students their own specified tasks in be- tional Native American. as they came through.” tween those times as well.” Rose-Hulman hosted sev- LaComba was a member of In addition to the crafting pre- eral traditional Native Ameri- the Diversity Council subcom- sentations, the Diversity Council can crafters on Tuesday in the mittee that organized the pre- provided Native American food, Union. In addition to demon- sentation. Other members of such as cornbread and berry strating their skills and selling the subcommittee included drinks. Over 100 people were in their products, one man offered John Robson, librarian; Steve attendance at the event, which an extended prayer in Navajo Letsinger, art curator; Karen De- is the most recent in a series of and English for the students of Grange, director of international culturally centered gatherings RHIT. student services, and professors to take place this year. Following the prayer, the Mark Minster, Gustavo Garcia, “I thought it went fantastical- crafters each gave a demon- and Mihaela Radu. ly,” LaComba said. “The purpose stration of their respective arts According to LaComba, the of the event is to increase Native to attentive students. The five subcommitee that organized American cultural awareness in crafters showed their skills at the event was largely ad hoc. the Rose community, and I think beading, woodcarving, ribbon- Members of the subcommittee we reached that goal.”

Tim Ekl/Rose-Hulman A presenter demonstrates woodcarving at the Rose-Hulman Celebra- tion of Native American Cultures.

Tim Ekl / Rose Thorn Librarian John Robson helps serve traditional Native American food for the Rose-Hulman Celebration of Native American Cultures. Over 100 students attended the event, which included food and craft demonstra- tions. 4 ENTERTAINMENT The Rose Thorn “Fighting:” if you have expectations, lose ‘em Music Reviews Eli Baca for, namely Zulay Valez (played by not cool. Staff Writer Zulay Henao). However, she has Bare-knuckle brawls are the Xander Huff a daughter, a crazy grandmother, specialty of the movie, and each G u e s t W r i t e r Dito Montiel won big in 2006 and is pals with Harvey. I know fi ght is natural and delivers some with his directorial debut, “A what you’re thinking, because I awesome scenes. The audience Cut Off Your Hands’s debut Guide to Recognizing Your Saints,” was thinking the exact same thing; may love these fi ghts, but if they album “You and I” is everything but as the co-writer and director Harvey and Zulay are…something! do, they are most likely the group one could hope for from a bright of “Fighting,” he missed a couple This is false. They really are just that’ll shout ‘Fight! Fight! Fight!’ guitar pop band out of New Zea- steps. friends. I know, I was saddened by on the playground. We also quick- land. Their sound is appealing, Channing Tatum stars as the this loss of drama, too. ly learn that Shawn is more lucky bringing comparisons to Franz good-guy-with-a-past, Shawn The movie itself is very real— than good—evidence of this can Ferdinand and Maximo Park, MacArthur, who starts the movie be seen in his fi rst fi ght, where and even a little Cure. selling fake Harry Potter books most of the audience is laughing. This being said, their live http://www.cdbay.com in order to get off the streets. Ter- “Formulaic” doesn’t even be- shows separate them from any rence Howard plays a two-bit gin to describe this movie: boxer obviousness that may come phisticated feel the earlier half hustler, Harvey Boarden, trying is found, boxer fi ghts to gain rec- from their influences. The songs was aiming for. Though the ma- to make it big using Shawn in ognition, boxer fi nds love, and on this album boast upbeat bass jority of the more interesting the underground. However, he’s then boxer has to face an unbeat- lines, soaring choruses, and tracks may not be as tasteful, it just a mid-management scalper able foe. And in this hustler-spun plenty of rhythm. The first half shows that Cut Off Your Hands who knows everyone (he really movie, the old ‘throw it or we’re all of the album is full of stand- certainly has the personality to doesn’t—he’s “that guy” whom dead’ line is even used, making the alone tracks, especially the develop into a deeper band, us- nobody likes). The movie opens movie bland with some ridiculous harsher “Expectations” which ing their solid pop backing as with Harvey’s gang trying to rip off fi ght scenes. The actors do a good brings The Strokes to mind. a launch pad. Certainly, they’ll Shawn—who does his thing and job to make their characters more However, once the second half gain fans with the raw energy of beats those boys down—but still believable and more real but a lot rolls around with “Heartbreak” their live shows. ends up with some of his money of them are one-dimensional by the band shows their more cre- going to Harvey. In a stroke of luck, the script, which is just hard to ative side. While not all in the Shawn stumbles onto Harvey, who work with. latter half hit home, tracks like Reviewer rating: 4.0 elephants gives him his money back, but of- “Fighting” is an interesting “Still Fond” maintain their al- fers more money if Shawn fi ghts movie, but at the end of the fi lm, lure while adding a more so- for him. Ladies and gentlemen, we http://www.empiremovies.com something just feels off. Whether have a movie! it’s the lack of character develop- Ben Collins Shawn’s character seems to be from the small apartments in ment—Shawn has a violent fall- Entertainment driven by some need involving his Manhattan to the gritty fi ght ing out with his father, though E d i t o r father; it’s a fi ghting movie—the scenes. If there’s one bright spot that’s all that is said—or the lack of guy always has issues with his dad. of the movie, it’s that the details build-up to the fi nal fi ght, “Fight- “One Verse @ a Time,” the latest The main issue is Shawn’s dad had of the surroundings and the fi ghts ing” is exactly what it says: a movie studio album from Indianapolis picked his former friend, now pro- are about as real as ever. The only with some really cool fi ght scenes. local artist Hum.V, has been on fessional fi ghter Evan Hailey (Bri- issue with this reality is that dur- For the die-hard boxer-type genre my review calendar for the past an White), over Shawn way back ing some of the dialogue scenes, movies, there are plenty of better few months; they have been gru- when. The climax of the movie, the movie comes to a grinding choices. eling ones as I’ve tried to consoli- which had no build-up, is the fi nal halt. Along those lines, the gang- date my opinion on not only the fi ght between Shawn and Hailey. ster meetings are about as bland album, but also the style of Hum. Reviewer rating: 2.5 elephants How unexpected. as most department meetings; for V. For those unaware of the cur- http://www.cdbay.com Since Fighting is a “fi ghting” a movie that should be fast-paced rently unsigned artist, his style of movie, Shawn needs a girl to fi ght and high-intensity, this is really music falls into the expansive void traordinary, but the album content known as hip-hop. is appealing. The darker, more life- That said, the album shares a oriented songs like “Choices (in lot of sounds and general charac- My Head)” and “Don’t Go Home” teristics already seen in the main- aren’t as entertaining as they are stream. If I were to compare Hum. compelling, showing off Hum. V’s general feel lyrically and mu- V’s skill as a writer. The music for sically, I would say it follows the these thoughtful songs is some- styles of Gym Class Heroes and what broody but appropriate for Eminem. The latter comparison is the subject matter he’s singing a bit of a stretch, but Hum.V’s lyr- about. This is where he does com- ics touch on the trials and tribu- pare to Eminem in being pensive lations of life that Eminem has about fame and life. made his staple. The Gym Class The points where I think the al- Heroes comparison, however, bum faults, as a whole, is that it is seems pretty spot on; in my initial very bland and very easily mesh- listen through the album, “Look in es together in the hour it lasts. It Your Eyes” reminded me strongly works as a lump of his music, but it of “Cupid’s Chokehold.” That’s not isn’t a unifi ed piece of work, mak- necessarily anything on him as an ing it fall short of anything outside artist; he has a voice that sounds of an underground fan base. similar to another act, not a big deal. Reviewer rating: 2.5 elephants The lyrics and beats aren’t what I’d consider above and beyond ex-

Music: Movies: Ben Harper and X-Men Orgins: Relentless 7 Wolverine White Lies for Dark Times Ghosts of Girlfriend’s Past Ziggy Marley Family Time Games: Klonoa (Wii) Hatebreed For the Lions Patapon 2 (PSP) Friday, May 1, 2009 LIVING 5 A girls’ guide for guys: Facebook Lindsey Saxon Section Do Don’t Advertising Manager Profile Page Glance to see if they’ve done Pore over it, analyzing every post Facebook stalking is creepy. anything cool recently. People and notification. Very few wall posts It’s true that people should only generally delete things they don’t are actually significant. Unless it’s an ‘I put information online that want people seeing. love you’ from their significant other. they’re comfortable with peo- You’re out of luck then. ple reading, but not everyone thoroughly scans everything Profile Pic Laugh at it if it’s funny or post Judge their choice or tell them it’s they put on Facebook. Face it, a quick comment. Remember, it’s stupid to have something like that as a sometimes people post some- their profile pic, so it’s how they profile picture. It’s their profile picture, thing and forget to update it want to be seen by people. not yours. for months or even years. I myself don’t remember what my ‘About Me’ says or the last time Status Read it. It’s up there for other Read too much into it. Sometimes I changed it. When looking at www.facebook.com people to see, so reading it and re- they’re song lyrics. Other times, they’re someone’s profile, remember thing you find. acting appropriately are ok. Com- in a weird mood. Unless you’re men- that it’s a chosen representation One last bit of advice: if you ments are good too. tioned by name, definitely don’t as- of that person and might not be do happen to Facebook stalk sume it’s about you. a valid picture because it is bi- someone, don’t tell them or get ased. If you decide to Facebook caught doing it. While it’s flat- Relationship Status Glance to see what they list Assume it’s the truth. People some- stalk someone, make sure you tering that you show interest, it themselves as. times forget to update or don’t put it don’t read too much into any- can be creepy and a turn-off. up.

Pictures Glance at the ones that pop up Go through them one by one, look- on the news feed or ones you’re ing at all of them. Don’t reference Table manners tagged in. Comments are ok, but anything you see in live conversation. nothing creepy. (Ex: “You wore that Both are creepy. And definitely don’t shirt last Tuesday” or “you spend a save them to your hard drive (some- for students lot of time in that person’s room.”) thing I’ve seen someone do). About Me Look at it if you so desire. Some- Accept it as gospel. Again, it’s a bi- times the information is valid, and ased portrayal. Also, something like Andrew Klusman of others (for example burping, you might learn something about “Talk to me to find out” is not permis- C o-Editor in Chief passing gas, or anything else), them. sion to internet stalk. simply quietly say “excuse me,” Eating is something done by put your napkin to your mouth, Interests/Activities Look through to see if you share Talk about their interests to them everyone everywhere. Location and continue on eating. any common interests. in person. Most girls find Facebook might determine the amount of Fifth, don’t be afraid to play stalking and memorizing information food and the frequency of food “follow the leader.” If you are at creepy. eaten by a given person, but a formal dinner (or something without fail, every human must more formal than that to which Movies/Music/ Look to see if you have any fa- Think you’re soulmates because you ingest food to survive. Over the you are accustomed) and do not TV Shows vorites that you could talk about both like Terminator and Zoolander. A years, society determined stan- know what to do (with which some time. lot of people do. dards addressing the proper way utensil to use, which glass is yours, to comport oneself whilst eating. or even how to hold the utensils), Contact NOTHING Visit them or mention you looked at Typically parents instruct their pause and observe what your Information it. It’s bordering on real stalking. children in the proper way of eat- neighbor is doing. If the dinner is ing and dining, and at some point not a buffet-style dinner, be sure someone began to call these rules to wait until your host, in addi- “table manners.” In recent years, tion to those sitting immediately it seems as though these have fall- around and in front of you, have en by the wayside. Well, as school been served their food before be- enters the final stretch, and stu- ginning to eat. This is simply an dents begin to go out into the in- act of courtesy to those around ternship world, or graduates go you. Sixth, should someone ask out into the working world, here you to pass something, be sure is a little re- to take the fresher course item (if you on proper You are not a cow are closest table man- to it) and ners (but it is and you are not eat- place it on by no means the table exhaustive). ing grass. On the next to him First, be or her (do sure to sit same note, do not not pass it up straight h a n d - t o - and do not “talk with food in hand). If slouch. Your s o m e o n e grade school your mouth. should ask teachers and for the salt mother were or pepper to correct in be passed, instructing you to not slouch be sure to pass them both. They at the table. Second, when eat- are like that couple that you see ing, be sure to keep your mouth ”go everywhere with each other, closed. You are not a cow and they simply do not enjoy being you are not eating grass. On the separated from one another, also same note, do not talk with food be sure to not use an item that in your mouth. Once food enters has been requested. Let the re- your mouth, it should stay closed quester receive and use the item, until there is no food remaining. and then ask for it to be passed to This also goes for drinking. It is you. considered rude to “wash food In general, be sure to use com- down” with a drink while you are mon sense and always mind your still chewing food. As a corollary manners when eating. These lit- to this, be sure to eat bite-sized tle acts of courtesy may not seem pieces. This will slow your eating, like much, but they certainly which some allege is healthier, help improve your public im- and will help you avoid talking age. Besides, they are not terribly with food in your mouth or look- complex, nor are they hard to un- ing like a cow. derstand. Surely if children can Third, be sure to keep your el- learn to properly use them, then bows off the table. You can put those who can learn to calculate your forearms or your wrists on the Fourier approximation of a the table, but the elbows do not second-order differential equa- belong. Fourth, if you do any- tion can learn to employ table thing to offend the sensibilities manners. 6 OPINIONS The Rose Thorn Notes to an “extremist” seriously. Mark Minster Kyle Schmelz previous document, entitled group membership. After Des- S t a f f W r i t e r In three weeks, I’m getting mar- she can cook, too, and grow veg- “Leftwing Extremists Likely to ert Storm in the early ‘90s, there ried, and when I think about the etables, and preserve them, and I am writing this in response Increase Use of Cyber Attacks was a small group of returning event and what it means and when help start a community garden, to an article written by Elliot over the Coming Decade,” con- veterans, including Timothy I consider the hard work Candace and work at a farmer’s market. But Simon and published by the cerns me or Keith Olbermann. McVeigh, who joined rightwing and I have put into it, I realize how I make a mean omelet. Thorn last week. extremist groups incredibly, unbelievably lucky she When you think about it, she’s Elliot’s article and caused prob- is. She’s a lucky, lucky woman. really very fortunate she hap- concerns a docu- [The “Rightwing Extremism” docu- lems. They have Talk about trophy wives: I’m go- pened to walk into that bookstore ment released by now found that ing to be the trophy husband. seven years ago when I was mind- the Department ment] cites militias and white there are some We could start with my massive ing my own business, reading for of Homeland Se- supremacist groups as those most veterans who are guns, which come from years of my dissertation, drinking coffee as curity entitled joining extremist e x e r c i s e s only I can. If “Rightwing Ex- likely to cause problems. I don’t groups, including with ball- she hadn’t tremism: Current white supremacy points and sat down Economic and think the average conservative can groups. While I re- notebooks. and started Political Climate alize that the gov- She gets r e a d i n g Fueling Resur- “be counted among the members ernment is far from them. and look- gence in Radi- of either of those groups. perfect, they are Move on ing—I’ll ad- calization and certainly not going to the myo- mit—a little Recruitment.” to throw suspicion pia, which bit smart A large portion on veterans if it’s comes from and maybe of the media, as well as Elliot, As it says in the title, this not at least partially warranted. my having even a little seems to be convinced that this document concerns extrem- While I relish the irony of worn glasses bit cute, memo is a scathing criticism ist groups. When it talks about conservatives getting angry at since before I would of all conservatives. However, groups stockpiling arms, it is Homeland Security, there are my parents have never that’s not true. It is just what it not referring to every person” more important things to focus met. I could been able who bought a handgun after on right now. For instance, Sen- take off my to grace her seeing Obama come into of- ator Arlen Spector just jumped glasses and life with my Next time you read fice. It’s talking about that ship from the Republican Party you could presence. very small percentage of peo- to the Democrats. On a more drive a Ta- I wouldn’t something, try to ple who would gather guns global scale, we’re still stuck in hoe up to have left my and ammunition for the pur- a war that supposedly ended six me, and it a m a z i n g read the words poses of fomenting violence years ago today. Overall, I sup- would have poems on on the paper with and assaulting the govern- pose my main point here is that to bump my her table, ment. When referring to ille- it’s not a big deal. Next time corneas be- http://www.daholt.net or chatted the intent of the gal immigration, it cites mi- you read something, try to read fore it was Wedding bells, wedding bells. Soon it will her up with litias and white supremacist the words on the paper with the in focus. So be Minster’s day. my scintil- “authors, not the groups as those most likely to intent of the authors, not the C a n d a c e lating elo- meanings you cause problems. I don’t think meanings you want it to have. marries me and gets a pair of cutionary genius (“So, um, are you the average conservative multi-colored near-sighted eye- like, an English person? I mean, want it to have. can be counted among balls, and the genetic certainty of you were reading a big book”) or the members of either of While I relish the colorblind offspring. taken her out for sushi and video- those groups. What else does she get? She gets games and a walk under the ging- The document’s oft- irony of conserva- someone who brags about his ko trees. She never had it so good. claims to be – an investigation quoted reference to dis- prowess at Boggle, only to have Think how dull her life would be into rightwing extremists. By gruntled veterans is un- tives getting angry his backside handed to him by if I hadn’t astonished her with my definition, that means radicals fortunately worded, but at Homeland Secu- John Rickert, who’s on another wit and charm and stunning good and fanatics. I realize that most when placed into context, planet with his skills (impossible looks: she would have met some conservatives do not” want to be it makes more sense. The rity, there are more speed; and he never misses a studly musician or dotcom mil- associated with domestic terror document focuses on how thing), and by Ella Ingram, and by lionaire who’d bore her to tears or violent militias. They should today’s political climate is “important things to Kelly’s mom. Who is Kelly’s mom, with his boring piles of dull dollars keep in mind, then, that this similar to that of the 1990s focus on right now. you say? Kelly is Ella’s friend, who and banal mounds of stupid cavi- memo has no more to do with and how that is fueling a FLEW IN FROM CALIFORNIA ar. They’d never talk about Boggle them than the Department’s resurgence in extremist WITH HER MOTHER JUST TO or myopia. They’d talk of their trips BEAT ME AT BOGGLE. So, yes, I’m to Tashkent, parties with stars. a big mouth, without the skills to I rescued her from all that. back it up. That’s how lucky Can- So hopefully, when she’s saying dace is. her vows, she’ll remember how On torture I can cook. That’s actually true. lucky she is. ” She’s pretty lucky there. I mean, I know I will. Carley Baehr him or a third person, or for any rea- high ground we think we have when peo- (sleep deprivation, extreme heat or cold, S t a f f W r i t e r son based on discrimination of any ple are mistreated in our custody. prolonged isolation sensory deprivation, Recently, Dick Cheney has started de- kind, when such pain or suffering is As to what does or does not constitute etc.) should be considered torture not manding that some confidential files be inflicted by or at the instigation of torture, it would behoove us to err on the only because of what they do to people declassified (just in time for him to use or with the consent or acquiescence side of morality and refrain from com- physically, but because of the psycho- them to write his autobiography, inci- of a public official or other person mitting acts which might, possibly, be logical effects of the techniques. It is im- dentally), files that he claims prove that acting in an official capacity.” considered torture even a little. By some portant to note the phrase “physical or “enhanced interrogation techniques,” extremely narrow defini- mental” in the UN definition of torture, also known as torture, are effective. The tions, waterboarding, for because it is here that many people draw debate has been raging for longer than it example, cannot be torture a line that should be drawn much closer. should: does torture work or doesn’t it? I because there is no real, I repeat, it is always wrong to intention- could write a long opinion explaining the physical danger (supposed- ally cause harm to another person, but probability of extracting false informa- ly) inherent to the practice. physical wounds heal, and the pain even- tion, the effort required to “break” de- However, after the asser- tually goes away. But the psychological tainees who are determined not to give tion was made that water- damage that can be inflicted is harder up any information, the effectiveness of boarding is a completely to deal with. Detainees don’t know how other, non-enhanced interrogation tech- safe practice, it transpired long they will be in custody; they don’t niques, and the loss of international re- that by “safe” the CIA actu- know what they will be doing from day gard when people are tortured in US cus- ally meant that they would to day; they don’t know what is going to tody, but to do that would miss the larger have a physician nearby happen to them every time they enter the issue: it is always morally wrong to inten- who could perform an interrogation room; and they don’t know tionally harm another human being, es- emergency tracheotomy if when it is going to stop. Add to that the pecially when that person is completely anything went wrong. Is it effects of the other techniques, which under your control. just me, or is there a mas- put a person in a vulnerable psychologi- The United Nations Convention Against http://www.huffingtonpost.com sive difference between “it’s cal state, and the effects can be mentally Torture defines torture as: Our previous vice president, Dick Cheney perfectly safe” and “we’ll crippling. “... Any act by which severe pain save you if you almost die?” Though sadly not unusual, such meth- or suffering, whether physical or By this definition and all reasonable It was also claimed that waterboarding ods are still cruel, and by performing mental, is intentionally inflicted on ones, the US has undoubtedly tortured couldn’t be that bad because it would be them on anyone, even people who are a male or female person for such detainees in its custody, most recently used for only ten or twenty seconds at considered a threat, the US loses any purposes as obtaining from him, and most notoriously at Guantanamo a time. What that actually meant was it right to name its enemies criminals. It or a third person, information or a Bay and Abu Ghraib prison. If this con- would be done for twenty seconds, then doesn’t matter what a person has done confession, punishing him for an cept is not an affront to your idea of what they would stop… and then they would in the past; as soon as the interrogator act he or a third person has commit- America is supposed to stand for, I don’t do it for twenty more seconds, over and commits an act of evil against the de- ted or is suspected of having com- want to live in your idea of America. It is over. tainee, the terrorist becomes the victim mitted, or intimidating or coercing impossible for the US to be on the moral Waterboarding and other practices and the interrogator the criminal. Friday, May 1, 2009 SPORTS 7 Engineer Scoreboard Baseball ~ 25-11 (13-6) Sutton April 25 April 25 Rose-Hulman 6 Rose-Hulman 7 at Robert Morris-Springfield 2 at Robert Morris-Springfield 0 Coleman Softball ~ 12-20 (5-11) April 24 April 26 Rose-Hulman 4 Rose-Hulman 10 Tim Boyer Sutton Coleman: Well it didn’t re- RT: You competed in a couple at Anderson University 6 at Franklin College 4 Sports Editor ally hit me until a few days later, events with Marcus Peck and it was definitely a great feeling. Michael Burris, including the April 24 April 26 If you saw Sutton Coleman The best feeling was winning 400m hurdles where the three Rose-Hulman 1 Rose-Hulman 6 this past Saturday afternoon the team championship though. of you took the top three spots. at Anderson University 4 at Franklin College 1 after the awards ceremony for Everyone has put so much hard How does it feel to have that the Heartland Collegiate Ath- work into this season, and the collective success? letic Conference Championship coaches have spent a lot of time SC: It has been our goal all year Meet, you would need all the working with us and it’s a really to sweep the hurdle races and we Men’s Tennis ~ 11-7 (7-1) fingers on one hand to count great feeling for it to finally pay did that in the 400 hurdles. I love his awards. The freshman me- off. Nothing feels better than these guys to death and it was April 25 April 29 chanical engineering major winning the team championship the best feeling in the world for Rose-Hulman 9 Vincennes University 7 walked away from the meet hav- and I’m really glad I was able to us to cross the finish line in the at Anderson University 0 at Rose-Hulman 2 ing captured an unprecedented contribute. top three spots. Being a fresh- four first place awards, subse- man I didn’t really know what quently earning him the Male RT: You are currently have the to expect coming into this year Men’s Golf Freshman of the Meet award by 12th best time in the country for and Michael and Marcus took April 25 & 26 a long shot. Coleman not only the 400m hurdles, with a better me under their wing and helped Heartland Championships earned the most points out of time than last years qualifying teach me along the way. Without all the male freshman athletes, mark. Do you plan on trying to these guys I would probably be Terre Haute, Ind. 3rd of 8 but out of any other athlete at impove that time before the lost. It’s awesome going to prac- (Through Day 2 of 4) the meet. national selection on May 17? tice every day with these guys, I The four events that Cole- SC: I’m taking this weekend off but owe a lot to them and It’s great to man captured titles in include I have a few more chances to im- be part of a hurdle crew like we Track and Field the 110m hurdles, the 400m prove my time before the 17th. I’m have. April 24 & 25 hurdles, the triple jump and the going to a meet at Indiana on May Heartland Championships 4x400m relay with teammates 8th which will put me up against RT: As Saturday wore on, you Paul Bouagnon, Travis Vander- some really tough competition Terre Haute, Ind. Men — 1st continued to win events. How berg and Calvin Bueltel. In ad- which should help push me along. did you stay strong when the Women — 5th dition, Coleman came in third Then after that I have another meet competition began to falter? in the 4x100m relay with team- in Chicago. I’ll still have to keep my SC: It was definitely a hot day but mates Jordan Oja, Bouagnon, fingers crossed because there is our whole team seemed to get Ultimate Fribee Club and Bueltel. Perhaps one of the still a lot of time left for people to stronger and stronger as the day more notable highlights of his move up the board. wore on. The coaches definitely victories would be the 1-2-3 had us prepared for this meet and battles through sweep of the 400m hurdles by RT: How much does this nation- it was evident that Rose track was Coleman and teammates Mar- al ranking enter your mind on a in a lot better shape than some cus Peck and Michael Burris, competition day? other schools. Everybody came helping the Rose men reinforce SC: I try to not even think about prepared and in top condition tough games their large lead. it on competition day. I just try to from our training throughout the The Rose men’s track and field focus on running as hard as I can year and it paid off at the end of Will Eckert Rose was still recovering from captured the HCAC Crown with and if my time improves that’s the day. Guest Writer the previous game and trying to 191 points, a 53.5 point cushion great but if not I know I left it all get into the swing of things but over second place Manchester on the track. RT: What is your favorite event? [Editor’s Note: The Ultimate lost with a score of 11-7 Loyola. College. (On the women’s side, BK: I would have to say it is a tie Frisbee Club was asked to provide Determined to end Saturday on a the difference between first and RT: Will you try and work on an- between 400 hurdles and triple a recap of their most recent tour- high note, Rose came out strong second place was 1.5 points.) other event to try and qualify jump. I love doing both of them nament competition. The captain against North Park’s B team with Coleman took some time to for one of those? and they are pretty different to of the Ultimate Frisbee Club sub- many players contributing to the answer some questions for the SC: I would like to keep work- prepare for mentally on race day. mitted the following article.] score line. Saturday came to a Rose Thorn. ing on triple jump over the next Triple jump is all adrenaline and close with Rose going 2-3 but still month. I still haven’t jumped as technique, while 400 hurdles The last weekend of spring holding seed. This placed Rose in Rose Thorn: You walked away far as I did during indoor season is more endurance and mental break, Rose-Hulman’s Ultimate the bracket playing for seventh from the HCAC meet this past but I’m just a few inches away power at the end of the race. 400 Club made the trek up to Naper- place. weekend with five awards in from qualifying so hopefully I hurdles is definitely the hardest ville, Ill., a suburb of Chicago. On Sunday, with the team sore hand. (One for each event can improve on that. It helps to race I have ever been a part of The tournament to be played was from previous day, Rose was bol- and the Freshman of the Meet have another event to do to keep but it is a lot of fun to compete the first round of Ultimate Play- stered with the arrival of senior award.) When did you start to your mind occupied while wait- in, and gives you a great feeling ers Associations (UPA) College cutter Jordan Meehl. The first realize what you had accom- ing for the 400 hurdle race, keeps crossing the finish line knowing Championship Series; Sectionals. game, now to 15, Rose played was plished? the nerves a little calmer. that your still alive! The top seven teams of Section- against Wheaton College with als go on to play at Regionals. Go- senior Dan Rinckel being the ing in Rose-Hulman was ranked playmaker in Rose’s offense. In a penny for the coach’s thoughts 15th and was in Pool B consisting a tough ending, Wheaton pulled of Illinois University (2), Purdue ahead at the end of the game to Jeff Jekins With the cancellation of the in game two with a sparkling University (8), Loyola University take it with a score of 15-11. The Head Baseball Sunday game versus Illinois three hit performance over five (9), Illinois-Chicago University next game was against North- C o a c h College the Engineers were only innings with Nick Rumpke and (23), and North Park University’s ern Illinois, which Rose cruised slated to play a doubleheader Ben Stenger sealing the shutout ‘B’ team (18). Saturday was pool through with a score of 15-7. It was a short week for the versus Robert Morris College win with a scoreless inning each. play with games to 11 which de- Next game was against Illinois’ B Rose baseball team beginning in Springfield, Ill. Pitching and The three pitchers combined to termined your seed for tourna- team; a close game had substan- with the only conference game defense ruled the day as the give Rose its second shutout of ment play on Sunday. tial contributions from seniors of the week at home versus windy conditions playing havoc the season. Michael Kovacs led First game of Sectionals was Dan Rinckel, Jordan Meehl, and Anderson. The Rose bats were with every ball hit. Nick Malo- the offense with three hits to against Illinois-Chicago, in which Dusty Hughes. The game ended alive with Chandler Kent and ney got the day started off well raise his average to 0.274 for the Rose got out the kinks in prepar- with a score of 15-12. The last Michael Kovacs leading the way for the Engineers pitching five season. The Engineer defense ing for a long day of Ultimate. game of the tournament was for with three and four hits respec- innings giving up only one run was brilliant with errorless base- After beating Illinois-Chicago, eleventh place. The team to play tively. Kovacs has been hot of with two strikeouts for his fifth ball and turned three double Rose faced a strong Purdue team was Wheaton, the team Rose late and was moved to the three win against only one loss. Jared plays giving them thirty-eight on ranked eighth overall. This game played at the beginning of the hole in the batting order to take Kronable and Andrew Markow- the season. was a rough one for Rose which day. This game was a battle back advantage of the hot streak. itz gave up one run in relief and This weekend the team will ended up 11-6 in Purdue’s favor. and forth throughout the entire Derek Eitel garnered his seventh the Engineers came away with a finish the regular season at home The next opponent was Illinois time and unfortunately, like the win against only one loss with a six to two win. The bats were led with senior day against Defiance University, a powerhouse in our first game, Wheaton pulled ahead six strikeout performance. The by Keenan Longs perfect day at on Saturday following a single region ranked overall second and at the very end of the game to win Rose bullpen was stellar with the plate including a home- nine inning contest on Friday won this tournament the previ- 15-13. Rose-Hulman finished the Gannon Sadzeck, Jared Kro- run, double and two walks. night. The team has qualified for ous year. Illinois was on a differ- tournament in twelfth place, nable, Andrew Markowitz and His eighth home run and three the four team HCAC tourney be- ent level of play and quickly de- breaking seed and showing great Ben Stenger allowing no runs in RBI’s lead the team in those cat- ginning next Thursday with the feated Rose 11-3. Following that, improvements the second day of the final three and one third in- egories. site and times determined after Rose played Loyola University. competition. nings of relief. Gannon Sadzeck led the way this weekends games. VIII FLIPSIDE The Rose Thorn Due to complaints, we will now actively destroy environment The one where I solve all the Would you rather?: Wacky prof quotes problems that plague humanity “Everyone will notice you Heroes Edition and kill you right away.” during my lunch break — Dr. Bagheri-Tar. This Hobey Tam James Zhou is why you should not Exposed to a radioactive pencil wear red during finals Problems are to be solved, with extreme impoliteness week. Would you rather be able to fly (far, far away from here)... As I was eating my sandwich for lunch, I recalled the words of Peter Singer about luxuries and how every penny that I spend on anything “I’m getting high on my that is not necessary for my personal survival is unethical as long as marker. Hoo!” there are other humans worse off in life than myself who would ben- — Dr. Bremmer. efit from the aforementioned penny. This is, of course, rather unset- No wonder he has so tling, as I like to believe that I am an ethical person and I prefer eating much energy during his luxuries like sandwiches instead of trying to live on what those poor presentations. people eat, which I assume to be some combination of dirt and air, and perhaps McDonald’s. Sure, I can dress in rags and refuse to show- “Is that because I have less er and become indistinguishable from the common CS, but I’m just money than you do? My not willing to sacrifice so much to help people whose existence I have guess is no.” never confirmed. Then, I had a revelation. — Dr. Mason, gold Much like baking cookies, there is more than one way to solve my hoarder. dilemma of hunger and moral ethics. For one thing, I should stop using the ground up extract of endangered Esculentus stipes herb in my “If you don’t know that by chocolate chips, since while they do contrast wonderfully with the now, you ought to be chocolate, this herb is also a rapidly disappearing cure for cancer and or... Be able to read minds? spanked.” wrinkles. The now obvious way for me to reconcile my opinion of my- — Dr. Wagner, who sup- self as an ethical person and still enjoy the luxuries of American life is This day... ports torture of dumb to simply kill them all. My modest proposal is perfect, because with- people. out anyone alive who is worse off than me, I will never have to feel Pluto officially became known as a dwarf planet. bad about spending money on sandwiches, 56” plasma TV’s, and gi- 1930: It was later stripped of this title when it answered “I am the master of all ant death rays. But, being at Rose has taught me to think big and make a politically motivated question in a manner not expected by the things living and nonex- more detailed proposals. questioner. istant.” — Dr. DeVasher, I now realize that most of humanity’s problems are a direct result of who does not realize that humans being present on this planet. So I probably should expand my there are no shared sets modest proposal to killing all humans. After all, without any humans, ...in history between the two do- there will be no one around to worry or complain about global warm- mains. ing, the over harvesting of the seas, and random people trying to kill each other. But, how best to kill all humans without screwing up and Top “10” Ten “This is a relatively funky accidently not killing everyone? Obviously, atomic weapons would be grading system, but I’m out, since they are expensive and unsanitary. It would take way to long Top Ten Reasons America a funky guy.” to actually shoot or blow everyone up, setting up the skynet uprising — Dr. Moloney, who has would be rather pointless. Engineering a deadly disease is so cliché by may be down right now… learned from bees to now, not to mention it is really hard to correctly balance virulence and Matt Melton communicate by danc- ing, to jazz. infection rate. Of course, I could just do nothing and wait for human- Questioned with e n h a n c e d m e t h o d s ity to wipe itself out, which given the current shape of human prog- ress I assume would happen fairly soon. Perhaps I should just set fire 10. Obama is president… “I’d prefer the butt if I was to the world’s oil reserves, which should throw industrialized world the injector.” into chaos and result in massive levels of panic and destruction. This 9. Facebook changed their page structure AGAIN. — Dr. Brophy, who has would have the advantage of being reasonably easy and pretty cheap, done a carefully con- but the disadvantage is that there will remain some people, such as 8. Chrysler’s going bankrupt, the Pontiac line is being shut down... structed study of the those poor people in the backwaters of the globe who do not depend psychology of medical on the rest of the world or any sort of industry. And being humans, 7. The war in the Middle East hasn’t ended yet. devices. those groups will probably only take another few thousand years the before world goes to hell again. 6. Global warming is getting worse. “Let’s go green. Everyone is going green these days!” 5. The swine flu’s spreading. — Dr. Lautzenheiser, cel- ebrating Saint Patrick’s 4. The economy is in shambles. day a bit too late.

3. This year’s job placement rate is terribly low for us. “I think you should be at least 18 to look at pic- 2. Federal bailouts are going to corporate execs who get to use our tures of cleavage.” — Dr. taxpayer money for their lavish lifestyles. Stienstra, who was an awkward teenager. 1. The girl to guy ratio is still about one to one. “Make sure your balls always hit the sweet spot.” — Dr. Kirtley, trajectory …But it’s still awesome at Rose! expert. Matt Melton “Zombie russian roulette!” High on Terre H a u t e a i r — Dr. Inlow, creating a 10. Obama is president! amazing new game for Russian zombies with a 9. It’ll take the stalkers at least two weeks to ﬁgure it all out! death (again) wish.

8. Who’s dream car is a Chrysler or Pontiac anyways? (Don’t even men- “I have two speeds, slow tion the Dodge Viper…) and slower.” — Dr. Holder, who is capable of 7. Well, If you think about it, we’re lucky that (thanks to Bush, really) it’s slowing down time dur- the War in the Middle East and not the War in America. (Democrats, ing all of his classes. send all your well-thought out responses to meltonmr@rose-hulman. edu) “It is big to me, but not to you.” — Dr. White, play- 6. Longer laking season! ing the relativity card.

5. Can you imagine how much video games we could play while stuck “You can’t fit that many in quarantine? backhoes in a hole.” — Dr. Hanson, who 4. We don’t go to Purdue, we can still get jobs! knows quite a lot about the packing properties of 3. Grad school’s looking better than ever! hoes.

2. 30 years from now, we get to be those execs!

1. …Ok, you got one on us… Nick Easter - Anti-heterospecies relationships, pro-T-shirts.

Overheard at the Office qoutes, go! “Rose-Hulman, where pleasure goes to die.” “I have mad swine flu!” “Does the 40-year old virgin makes you feel better about Rose?” “Hey, did you know what I found in my pants?” This week’s overheard at the office is brought to you by the wonderful staff at the Thorn Office, who works hard all Thursday night long to inform you about the occasional punctuation in our tedious existence. All unattributed content was written by James Zhou. Has anyone seen my towel? It is blue and smokes MJ.