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The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Lay Attitudes and Perceptions of Polyamory

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The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly: Lay Attitudes and Perceptions of Polyamory See discussions, stats, and author profiles for this publication at: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/319973662 The good, the bad, and the ugly: Lay attitudes and perceptions of polyamory Article in Sexualities · January 2019 DOI: 10.1177/1363460717713382 CITATIONS READS 13 3,577 1 author: Léa Séguin Université du Québec à Montréal 10 PUBLICATIONS 89 CITATIONS SEE PROFILE Some of the authors of this publication are also working on these related projects: Orgasm Beliefs and Sexual Communication Study View project All content following this page was uploaded by Léa Séguin on 06 February 2018. The user has requested enhancement of the downloaded file. The good, the bad, and the ugly: Lay attitudes and perceptions of polyamory Léa J. Séguin Léa J. Séguin, MSc Family Relations and Human Development PhD Candidate, Department of Sexology Université du Québec à Montréal (UQAM) 455, René Levesque Est, room W-R270 Montréal (Québec) H2L 4Y2 [email protected] Biographical note: Léa Séguin completed a BA in Psychology at the University of Ottawa before completing an MSc at the University of Guelph in Family Relations and Human Development, where she conducted research on individuals’ motives for pretending orgasm. She is currently pursuing doctoral studies in Sexology at the Université du Québec à Montréal (UQÀM) under the supervision of Martin Blais. Her research interests include sexual meanings and motives, orgasm-simulation, relationship quality, and consensual non-monogamies. 1 Abstract Although consensual non-monogamies have grown in exposure and popularity among both the public and academics, they remain largely marginalized and stigmatized. While some research examined individuals’ perceptions of non-monogamies as a whole, few have focused specifically on perceptions of polyamory. The aim of this study was to explore and render explicit such attitudes and perceptions using an inductive approach to research. Online unsolicited narratives were sought for the purpose of this study. A total of 482 comments posted in response to three articles on the topic of polyamory were collected and analyzed using thematic analysis. Five overarching themes were identified: polyamory as 1) valid and beneficial; 2) unsustainable; 3) perverse, amoral, and unappealing; 4) acceptable; and 5) deficient. The findings provide insight on individuals’ reactions to polyamorous relationships and beliefs surrounding monogamy, and are further discussed in light of previous research on stigma, and of contemporary discourses on relationships, love, and commitment. Keywords: attitudes, polyamory, stigma, consensual non-monogamy, qualitative 2 The good, the bad, and the ugly: Lay attitudes and perceptions of polyamory Although consensual non-monogamies (CNMs; i.e., relationships in which partners have openly agreed to emotional and/or sexual non-exclusivity; e.g., Conley, Zeigler, Moors, Matsick, and Valentine, 2012), have grown in exposure and popularity among both the public and academics (Barker and Landridge, 2010), they remain largely stigmatized and misunderstood (Conley et al., 2012; Young, 2014). There are strong norms against non-monogamy (Anderson, 2010), as well as strong opposition and negative reactions to the concept of polygamy or plural marriage in Western cultures (Barnett, 2014; Saad, 2011). CNMs are also generally negatively portrayed, and have been described as psychologically damaging, immature, and unethical in several media sources (e.g., Salmansohn, 2009; 2010; Slick, 2010). Further, mononormativity (Pieper and Bauer, 2006), the dominant discourse of monogamy which is reproduced and perpetuated in everyday conversation and saturates mainstream media depictions, also perpetuates a language of partnerships, infidelities, and jealousy that further constrains and misrepresents CNMs (e.g., mistress, “the other woman”, cheating, etc.; Ritchie and Baker, 2006). In view of better understanding the different forms of stigma surrounding polyamory and those who practice it, the present investigation sought to explore and define individuals’ attitudes and perceptions of polyamory, using an inductive approach to research. Defining Consensual Non-Monogamies Existing research on CNMs illustrates their extensive variability and diversity. Several types of CNMs involving some form of romantic relationship commitment have been identified and examined in previous research. Specifically, open relationships are those in which both partners can engage in extra-dyadic sex but maintain emotional (i.e., romantic) monogamy (e.g., Adam, 2010; LaSala, 2004). Similarly to open relationships, monogamish (Parsons and Grov, 3 2012) or threesome-only (Hosking, 2013), and swinging relationships (e.g., Jenks, 1998) imply emotional, but not sexual monogamy. However, unlike open relationships, partners in the latter types of relationships have an agreement to have sex with others only while together (i.e., both partners present). As for swinging relationships more specifically, sex with other people tends to be restricted to social settings, including swinging parties or conventions (Jenks, 1998). Lastly, polyamorous relationships distinguish themselves from other CNMs in that they are explicitly grounded in emotional non-monogamy, which may or may not also include sexual non-monogamy (e.g., Sheff, 2005; 2014). Elizabeth Sheff (2005) describes individuals who practice polyamory as having multiple romantic and/or sexual partners with whom they focus on building commitments, sharing intimacy, and establishing honesty. All of the aforementioned relationship configurations involve some level of relationship commitment, unlike casual sexual relationships such as “one night stands”, “friends with benefits”, “fuck buddies”, and “booty call” relationships (e.g., Wentland and Reissing, 2011). Attitudes, Perceptions, and Stigmatization of Consensual Non-Monogamies While few studies examined individuals’ attitudes and perceptions of CNMs, academic interest on this topic has grown in recent years. Monogamy is often perceived as having several benefits, including an improved or enhanced sex life (e.g., increased frequency and quality of sex), a lower or non-existent risk of contracting a sexually transmitted infection, and an increase in relationship quality (e.g., reduced jealousy and increased trust and satisfaction), and these benefits are perceived to be threatened or abolished when non-monogamy is practiced (for a review, see Conley, Ziegler, Moors, Matsick, and Valentine, 2012). Some research investigated differences between individuals’ perceptions of monogamy and different CNMs. For instance, in an online American survey study involving a sample of 1,101 individuals, participants rated monogamous 4 relationships significantly more favourably than CNMs on many relationship dimensions including levels of trust, intimacy, respect, honesty, and closeness (Conley, Moors, Matsick, and Ziegler, 2013). In another online American survey study, participants perceived swinging relationships as less responsible and moral, and ‘dirtier’ than polyamorous relationships (Matsick, Conley, Ziegler, Moors, and Rubin, 2014). Other studies examined associations between personal characteristics and attitudes toward polyamory. For example, in a recent American scale validation study in which two online and one university sample completed an online survey assessing personality traits, sociodemographic background, and attitudes towards polyamory, Johnson, Giuliano, Herselman, and Hutzler (2015) found that several sociocultural factors including political conservatism, religious fundamentalism, and favourable attitudes toward monogamy were negatively associated with positive views of polyamory. These findings suggest that people who hold more traditional values and who endorse more conventional relationship structures (i.e., marriage or exclusive dating) feel more negatively about a relationship type that conflicts with their values and conventional social norms. Likewise, in another online survey study involving two online American samples, participants who reported higher levels of political conservatism and religiosity reported more negative attitudes toward polyamory (Hutzler, Giuliano, Herselman, and Johnson, 2015). However, participants with prior exposure to polyamory reported more positive perceptions than individuals who had never been exposed to polyamory (Hutzler et al., 2015). Thus, while endorsing traditional values seem to be consistently associated with negative attitudes towards polyamory, these findings suggest that such attitudes may be amenable to change through exposure to polyamorous relationships and individuals. Similarly to exposure, love was also found to play a significant role in individuals’ perceptions of polyamorous people (Burris, 2014). In a Canadian study in which undergraduate students read vignettes about a person involved 5 in a committed relationship who had met someone with whom they wanted to be sexually involved, participants rated them as more loving, warm, sensitive, and needy when they were described as being in love with both their committed partner and the other person, compared to when love was not mentioned (Burris, 2014). Negative societal attitudes toward CNMs have led to the stigmatization of CNM behaviours and relationships, and of individuals who engage in CNMs. Specific to polyamory, some studies found that polyamorous individuals face misconceptions and stigma outside of their communities, including from family, friends, therapists,
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