IRS Guide to Medical Terms and Their Meanings

February 2013 for display on eFanzines at: www.efanzines.com Feedback encouraged Please e-mail your letter of comment to: [email protected]

Marvellous Melbourne 1910 – scenes of the City of Melbourne, Australia at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wuVH8dgKymU Readers may be interested in these views of old Melbourne, filmed in 1910. The clip runs for about fourteen minutes. Still photos of the time are common, but movies are rare. Note the people wandering all over the road between the cable trams and horse-drawn vehicles. There were no traffic lights then. Apart from the buildings and the traffic, studying the people of an era long gone is interesting in itself. In 1910, Melbourne’s population was 650,000, compared with 4,200,000 today. Contents This issue’s cover ...... 3 The nature of happiness ...... 3 Vale Michael Waite (1936 - 2013) ...... 4 Memories of Michael ...... 4 Michael Waite – perfection in print ...... 8 Letters from (North) America ...... 26 Relativistic travel (continued) - Was Heinlein wrong? ...... 30 Norma K Hemming Award 2013 ...... 34 Synonyms and Antonyms ...... 34 Current information on Australian Fan Funds: GUFF, NAFF, FFANZ & DUFF ...... 35 Conventions on the horizon ...... 38 Hugo Award Nomination Period Is Open ...... 43 Press the red button ...... 47 Mind reading ...... 47 Stefan zone ...... 48 Converting just about anything to anything else ...... 50 The IRS Guide to Medical Terms and their Meanings ...... 50 Views of China ...... 51

This issue’s cover Goin’ ‘ome

Cover and notes by Dick Jenssen

Well, there’s not much of a story behind the cover illustration – just the fact that the blu-ray of the restored Lawrence of Arabia has appeared, and the film was in my mind as I constructed the graphic. The last lines of the film have always resonated with me: Lawrence huddled in the roofless car, almost indistinguishable behind the insect- and dust- covered windscreen, with his driver almost as obscured. Poor Lawrence, seemingly a broken figure, haunted by his inner passions, which, for the main, are an ugly lot, quite antagonistic to what he would wish himself to be. And the driver, oblivious to Lawrence’s pain, thinking only of the joy of returning to England, saying again and again: “Goin’ ‘ome, Sir…goin’ ‘ome…”. So the cover was born from my doodling – without, I hope, the sadness, the melancholy of the film, but with, again I hope, a gentle elegiac effect. Returning to a peaceful, welcoming abode. The locale of the action has been used previously for a few covers for Interstellar Ramjet Scoop (see, for example, the October and December 2010 issues at http://efanzines.com/IRS/index.htm). It is a planet where the dominant technology is based on the energy stored in tightly coiled ribbons of metal – as the band is allowed to unwind slowly, in a controlled manner, the energy is released. Technical Notes The usual stuff: the graphic was created in E-on’s Vue Complete 11, the resulting image was then tweaked, and text added, using Adobe’s PhotoShop CS6. Ditmar The nature of happiness The ancient Athenian philosopher Socrates (470 – 369 BCE) taught that happiness is not a state of mind achieved on a daily basis. There might be moments of “happiness” but it is not a constant state of being. Happiness was to Socrates the culmination of a life well lived - to be able to come to the end of one’s life and know that one has lived as best as one can, having arrived at a final conclusion of contentment in a life well spent. And I would suppose that means a life lived with integrity and honesty, not a life defined by extremes such as obsession with perfection or giving oneself up to the pursuit of daily pleasure. So, happiness is not an end to be strived for, but rather a state of general wellbeing that one enjoys at serendipitous occasions on our journey through life. In that connection, Ditmar’s cover graphic and his “goin’ ‘ome” interpretation are apposite. This cover graphic incorporates many metaphors. Unseen in it, but implied, is a person in the sunset of years whose awareness encompasses the stony ground on which he must travel and the vision of a glorious coming home to the Source. Michael Waite, a dear friend of Ditmar and myself, died on New Year’s Day 1st January 2013 in the fullness of years. As readers will see from the Obituary to Michael that follows, here was a man who, despite adversity and infirmity, had found his measure of happiness in life and in the circumstances of his death in palliative care with an attentive carer. In terms of Michael’s Catholic faith, may the perpetual light shine upon him, and may he rest in peace. Bill Wright

Vale Michael Waite (1936 - 2013) reprinted from Robert Lichtman’s obituary posted to File 770 (News of Science Fiction Fandom) on 17-Jan-2013 Michael Waite, fanzine publisher and member of the Fantasy Amateur Press Association, died January 1 at home in Ypsilanti, MI with hospice care. He was 76 years old. Among the details in the full obituary posted by the funeral home are his military service – four years in the Air Force, his education – an MFA (1983) in photography and art history, and his faith – he converted from Lutheran to Catholic in 1960. Michael worked as a photographer in the 1970s and thereafter before beginning a career in human resources at SOS Community Services where he was employed from 1985 until 2011. <>------<> Memories of Michael Dick Jenssen

I am positive, though not absolutely sure, that it was Bill Bowers who put me in touch with Michael Waite early in 2000 - early enough for Michael to have sent me the first issue, February 2000, of his fanzine Trial and Air. In that issue Michael introduced himself to FAPA members by a short autobiography, which is appended below. Michael also listed his favourite authors and composers, and it seemed to me that anyone who was fond of Dante, Shakespeare, Flaubert and Hesse in literature, and Bruckner, Bartok and Puccini in music (a few of those mentioned by Michael) would most likely be a compatible correspondent. It was the Bruckner which was the deciding factor. And so we corresponded.

I soon discovered that Michael and I also shared an interest in theological writings – Michael because of his deep religious beliefs, and I from the standpoint of an interested bystander. Here, although we had read a few of the same texts, Michael was much more informed than I. The same held in poetry, where also we were fond of, perhaps passionate about, some of the same poets. I mentioned to Michael that I found the poetry of Basho and Wang Wei much to my taste, and received a reply in which Michael discussed Basho at length. Michael was very keen on contemporary poets, and often sent me names of those he thought I should read.

It was the third issue of Trial and Air, though, which marked a transformation in the ‘zine, and made it one of the best produced and attractive magazines I had encountered. It featured another facet of Michael’s creativity – his photography. There were four pages of his art (and I repeat, art) – with an introductory quote from Diane Arbus – to which I responded enthusiastically. And so discovered that Michael was also interested in film, where again we shared a passion. I asked him if he had any photos of himself, perhaps some self-portraits, but here Michael seemed rather coy. He sent me his visiting card (below) and pointed out that he was six years old in the photograph and had not changed much in the intervening years, even to the extent of still wearing the same ‘uniform’ of overalls. What was quite wonderful about the card was first of all his delineation of himself as “Bibliophile”, and second the list of authors bordering the card.

Michael some time later sent me a photo in which he did not appear, but, as he carefully pointed out, the shadow on the background wall was his.

Bill Wright, a local science fiction fan (and editor/creator of the ANZAPA ‘zine Interstellar Ramjet Scoop), was also in touch with Michael who seemed keenly interested in aspects of Melbourne fandom. At least in a small group of them: the old farts brigade. Michael had four pages devoted to the survivors of the original founding members of the Melbourne Science Fiction Club in his third issue of Trial and Air. Over the years Michael printed many pages of correspondence from Bill Wright and me in what he called the International Edition of Trial and Air. (How that edition differed from the ‘regular’ edition, I do not know). In my early correspondence with Michael I told him that here in Australia we were, in the 1950s, starved for adult science fiction – and that the first true SF magazine I had read was the October 1950 edition of Astounding Science Fiction, given to me by my school-friend Race Mathews. That magazine had since disappeared from my collection (as did quite a few books when I moved to Wisconsin for a couple of years, and my father was not as possessive as I was about printed matter). Well! – a few weeks later a parcel from Michael arrived containing ASF Oct. 1950. This was unexpected, and very touching. But I soon discovered that this was just part of Michael’s generosity. We continued to discuss films, and the process of creating films, and science fiction writing, and science fiction writers. Michael’s great heart then revealed itself, and he began to send me every issue of American Cinematographer and Locus. The former magazine was passed on to Lee Harding, and then to Bruce Gillespie, while the latter was given to Merv and Helena Binns, so that the contributors to Michael’s articles – well, gossip, rather – about the Melbourne Old Farts all benefitted. Helena Binns, by the way, took most of the photos which Michael published in the articles. And then disaster. About a year ago Michael wrote to say that he had collapsed at work, had been taken to hospital where it was discovered that he had diabetes and hypertension. Things only became worse – a foot was amputated, cancer of the neck and head…and more, but I will not dwell on the decline. At this time, Peggyann Chevalier got in touch with me since it was too difficult for Michael to do so. She sent me photos of Michael, one of which, cropped, is below. Although I never met Michael, I considered him a great, generous, intelligent and loving friend. As a very dear friend of mine, also a staunch Catholic, would put it, Michael has been gathered: and thus we are all the poorer for it.

I believe that one of Michael’s beloved authors should have the last words. ...all mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated; God employs several translators; ... but God's hand is in every translation, and his hand shall bind up all our scattered leaves again, for that library where every book shall lie open to one another... John Donne MEDITATION XVII. Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions Ditmar

A Mini-autobiography

This autobiography appeared in Volume 1 Number 2 of Michael’s FAPAzine Trial and Air published February 2000.

BY WAY OF INTRODUCTION self-employed isn’t all it's cracked up to be. I became disillusioned with professional photography. It had I've been around since 1936. I still live within 9 miles become drudgery and I was beginning to hate it. of the city of my birth -- Ann Arbor, Michigan. In 1940, my family moved from Ann Arbor to Brighton, Four years after striking out on my own, I left Michigan, where I bided my time until I was old the "security" of self-employment behind me and enough to enter kindergarten. entered college. Returning to college at the age of 38 After graduating from Brighton High School, I was a real challenge. My primary objective was to enlisted enlisted in the U.S.A.F., where I spent the obtain a liberal arts education, not necessarily to fmd next four four years gallivanting from city to city – lucrative employment. I received my B.F.A and San Antonio, Denver, Fort Walton Beach and M.F.A. degrees from Eastem Michigan University finally settling in London, England, where I spent the (1980 and 1983, respectively). I majored in last 2½ years of my enlistment. I was fortunate that the photography with a minor in art history. It was a labor United States was between wars (September 1956- of love. September 1960). I was too late for the Korean police With eight years of college, and a Masters degree action and too early for the Vietnam conflict. under my belt, I found myself out of work for the first On September 25, 1960, I was discharged from the Air time in my life. I eventually found a job at a local non- Force and immediately went to work for my father. He profit community crisis center. I've been on the staff was a carpenter and general contractor. After six for nearly 15 years. It's a low stress job, on my end of months of working for my father, I realized that I the flow-chart. We are making a difference in the didn't want to make the construction business my life's community. The dress code is casual and my co- pursuit. I entered college, majoring in accounting. My workers are an enjoyable and committed group of father died in 1961, during my second term of college. people. I'm within walking distance of home. My mother's only source of income was social Bottom line: I enjoy going to work. security. I dropped out of college and took a job with the post office, where I worked for the next ten years. I'm a creature of habit that is content to take the path of least resistance but am often, through circumstance, My mother died January 1971. Three months after her pushed down "the one less traveled by..." Books and death, I resigned my position at the post office and music are an important part of my life. I have never started my own business - Michael Waite been married. I have no children. I share my home Photography. I had been an amateur photographer with a 12-year-old cat named Graystroke. since 1956. It didn't take long to find out that being

Michael Waite Trial and Air Vol. 1, No. 1. February 2000

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In all, Michael published twenty-three issues of Trial and Air from February 2000 to May 2013; and, additionally, seven International editions whose contents might differ from material in his FAPAzine (e.g. mailing comments excised from International editions).

Photographs on the next page are from: http://obits.mlive.com/obituaries/annarbor/obituary.aspx?pid=162133439#fbLoggedOut

The following photographs depicting the Ages of Michael Waite are from the Ann Arbor Obituaries website:

http://obits.mlive.com/obituaries/annarbor/obituary.aspx?pid=162133439#fbLoggedOut

Dick Jenssen

Michael Waite – perfection in print Bill Wright

Knowing Michael Waite in print has been like living a poem. The man had a passion for art in photography that enhanced his appreciation of film and shone through in the elegant prose and tasteful arrangements of text and images in his FAPAzine*, Trial and Air. He and I were contemporaries, entering the noughties as elderly apahacks whose communications in print were at the long, slow pace of the growth of trees. * FAPA (Fantasy Amateur Press Association) and Anzapa (Australia and New Zealand Amateur Publishing Association) are North American and Australasian amateur press associations, respectively. An amateur press association (APA) is a group of people who produce individual pages or magazines that are sent to a Central Mailer for collation and distribution to all members of the group. APAs were a way for widely distributed groups of people to discuss a common interest together in a single forum before the advent of electronic bulletin boards or the Internet. Many were founded in the 1930s and later by fans of science fiction, comics, music, cinema and other topics as a way to develop writing, design and illustration skills. Many professional journalists, creative writers and artists practiced in APAs and some still participate. To some extent APAs have now been supplanted by internet chat groups and email mailing lists. The difference is that, whilst I remained an apahack circulating my fanzine Interstellar Ramjet Scoop via Anzapa* and on eFanzines, he elevated Trial and Air into an art form for the delectation of FAPA members and the fortunate recipients of Trial and Air’s international editions. Michael began Trial and Air by voluming in Roman numerals, i.e. all four quarterly issues in 2000 were numbered Vol. 1 No. 1, II, III and IV, respectively. The first issue in 2001 was numbered Vol. II No. 1. But he learned quickly and, from the sixth issue onwards, the numbering system was sequential, i.e. Number 6, 7, 8, etc., making it easier to refer to individual zines. The first portfolio of his photographs in black & white appeared in the third issue in August 2000. Here is the front cover featuring three of those images, followed by his four-page essay ‘Photography and Travel’ in pages 6 to 9.

Trial and Air international editions began with the fourth issue, Volume 1 Number IV, November 2000.

Inside is his editorial, ‘The Joy of Remembering’ that begins, “I never met a science fiction fan from my generation – class of ’36 – who didn’t like Astronomy.” Michael goes on to describe the telescopes he used from the age of twelve. Then there is an extract from Stephen King’s iconic treatise: On Writing – A Memoir of the Craft concerning King’s recollections on reading a Murray Leinster novel (pp. 145-146).

But Michael’s interest in publishing information about Australian science fiction fans had already started with the third issue of Trial and Air in August 2000, where he published these photos of fans from Melbourne, Australia, first as young guns in 1952, then as old farts in 2000…

The Graying of Australian Fandom

After Dick ‘Ditmar’ Jenssen discovered Michael Waite due to the good offices of the late, lamented Doyen of fanzine editors Bill Bowers (1943-2005), I sent him the June 2000 issue of Interstellar Ramjet Scoop, together with a letter of comment on the first issue of Trial and Air in FAPA mailing #250 February 2000. He responded with a paean of praise of IRS in the lead article of Trial and Air no. 3 August 2000. In 2001, Michael began mailing his North American and Overseas friends Christmas Cards featuring Santa Claus- related Galaxy covers. I have had experience in making greeting cards for special birthdays and know how much work is involved in setting up a copy-ready matrix for printing. Following are front and back of the Christmas card he sent me in December 2001…

In all, Michael Waite published twenty-three issues of Trial and Air between February 2000 and May 2012 for distribution in FAPA.

Seven of those had separate International editions. The full list of International editions is… Volume 1 Number IV International Edition November 2000 Number 7 International Edition August 2001 Number 8 International Edition November 2001 Number 10/11 International Edition August 2002 Number 12 International Edition November 2002 Number 13 International Edition February 2003 Number 14 International Edition May 2003 A common characteristic of Michael’s International editions was the presence of one or more pieces by overseas contributors. Those by Dick Jenssen are lavishly illustrated with Ditmar artwork and photographs of Australian fan activities. Bur each International edition had its own special appeal for me. For example, in No. 7 Aug 2001, it was Michael’s whimsical, albeit factual piece on ‘Ace Doubles that Never Were’

Trial and Air Number 8 November 2001 continued the theme of Ace Doubles that Aren’t, but this time it was to pen a graceful tribute to author Poul Anderson (November 1926 – August 2001)…

The issue also contained two of the best Ditmar graphics I’ve seen. Below is ‘Fake Bonstell’, which Michael called “Ditmar’s digital homage to Chesley Bonstell”… Michael prevailed upon Dick Jenssen to write a few words on Bonestell. Dick complied with reminiscences going back to when he was sixteen and most impressed with ‘The Conquest of Space’ by Chesley Bonestell and Willy Ley. He remarked, “Looking at Bonstell’s paintings of the Moon was close to being there.” But it was Michael Waite who had brought to Dick’s attention a newly published book called The Art of Chesley Bonestell by Ron Miller and Frederick Durant III, creating fertile ground for the inspiration that led to this Ditmar masterpiece. What, Dick asks, could Bonestell have done with modern computer graphics technology?

For me, the highlight of Trial and Air Number 10/11 August 2002 (International edition) is Dick Jenssen’s essay titled, The Approach to Abraham Merritt – a personal journey on ‘The Ship of Ishtar’. There is no room for the text here, but I expect it’s been republished somewhere among the plethora of e-zines on eFanzines. But, I suspect, of greater interest to a wider spectrum of readers is Michael ‘Fanzines Observed’ section, where he comments on eight fanzines from Melbourne, Australia, that had been sent to him for review…

And, for the sheer charm, nostalgia and biting satire of it all, I can’t resist reproducing Michael Waite’s depiction of the covers of some of the parodies and imitations of Lewis Carroll’s ‘Alice in Wonderland’ that abound in literature.

Michael’s next International edition, Trial and Air Number 13 February 2003, reviewed a more eclectic selection of fanzines received from fan editors from all over the world. His style was economy of description, relying more on tasteful displays of fanzine covers than wordy descriptions of what’s inside. The zine starts with a long (six pages), lavishly illustrated piece giving specific generalisations of what science fiction has meant to Dick Jenssen. Then follow Michael’s book, film and fanzine reviews. One of those, on Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, is reprinted here, followed by Harry Potter’s Secret Treasury of Bad Poetry by Bill Wright that you will find instructive…

Trial and Air Number 14 May 2003 was the biggest thus far, the International edition running to 78 pages. Two very significant science fiction fans died in the first half of that year, viz. John Maxwell Foyster (1941 – 2003) in the Antipodes and Harry Warner Jr (1922 – 2003) in the Northern Hemisphere. Much of the issue was taken up by obituaries and examples of their fan activities and their stature at home and in the world science fiction community. Much of the zine was devoted to those matters. Dick Jenssen contributed a fine article on The Word and the Image in Science Fiction, and Michael Waite kindly completed my research into Spawn of Eternal Thought by Eando Binder, the finest science fiction novel ever written. There was another globe-spanning fanzine review section. Following is Michael Waite’s review of Issue 10 of John Foyster’s fanzine Satura published in 1964. Of particular interest is the photograph of ‘Rim Worlds’ author A. Bertram Chandler (1912 – 1984) talking to writer Lee Harding, author of the acclaimed novella ‘Dancing Gerontius’.

Trial and Air’s publication schedule was sporadic from 2004 until the last issue in May 2012, with Michael managing to produce only one or two issues a year. Issue No. 15 August 2005 was labelled, ‘FAPA membership rescue issue’. He was feeling mortal, and that awareness was heightened by the deaths of high profile science fiction icons in the ten years since the turn of the Millennium that I refer to as ‘the noughties’. In Trial and Air Number 16 November 2006, he wrote in the Editorial, “Belated but hard felt: the loss of Bill Bowers, Howard De Vore and Helen Wesson has left measurable void in the world of fandom. Word has just come down the tube that Arthur Wilson ‘Bob’ Tucker passed away on October 6th, 2006. Bob had a productive life and would have been 92 (November 23).” There were obituaries in Issue 16 November 2006 for Howard De Vore May 26, 1925 - Dec 31, 2005 Anna Russell Dec 27, 1911 - Oct 18, 2006 Helen Wesson 1923 - Sep 7, 2005 Bill Bowers 1943 - Apr 18, 2005 and Arthur Wilson ‘Bob’ Tucker Nov 23, 1914 - Oct 6, 2006. There were obituaries in Issue 18 August 2008 for Arthur C Clarke Dec 16, 1917 - Mar 19, 2008 Thomas M Disch Feb 2, 1940 - Jul 4, 2008 Algis Budrys Jan 9, 1931 - Jun 9, 2008 and Robert L Asprin Jun 28, 1946 - May 23, 2008. Also included was my retro-obituary for writer James Branch Cabell (1978 – 1958), author of the seminal classic Jurgen. A Comedy of Justice, whose influence on generations of writers is incalculable. There were obituaries in Issue 19 November 2009 for James Graham Ballard Nov 15, 1930 - Apr 19, 2009 Philip José Farmer Jan 26, 1918 - Feb 25, 2009 Forrest J Ackerman Nov 24, 1916 - Dec 4, 2008 Edd Cartier 1914 - Dec 25, 2008 and Manchester Dudley Cuthbert Oct 16, 1912 - Mar 20, 2009. There were obituaries in Issue 21 November 2011 for Terry Jeeves Oct 1, 1922 - May 29, 2011 and Mike Glicksohn May 20, 1946 - Mar 18, 2011. And, in the last issue of Trial and Air, Number 23 May 2012, there was an obituary for an Australian fan Bruno Kautzner May 28, 1942 - Apr 9, 2012.

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Michael Waite kept up e-mail correspondence with his Australian friend Dick Jenssen until, in late 2012, he became too ill to do so. His ‘Good Samaritan’ carer, Peggyann Chevalier, continued the conversation by reading Dick’s e-mails to Michael and relaying Michael’s replies. Michael had hoped that there was at least one more Trial and Air in the offing and I kept sending him stuff to publish, but it was not to be.

His final illness took him and he passed away on January 1st, 2013.

Bill Wright

Letters from (North) America Loc from Lloyd Penney Lloyd Penney is a well-known Canadian letter-hack and fanzine editor. He has won the FAAn Award for Best Letterhack four times for his LoCs, which are widely enjoyed by science fiction fanzine editors and their readers. 1706-24 Eva Rd., Etobicoke, Ontario, CANADA M9C 2B2 January 15, 2012 Dear Bill: Thank you for the newest Interstellar Ramjet Scoop for December 2012. Hope your Christmas and New Year’s were wonderful fun. Time for another letter, on the issue at hand. Good to see more about Dick Jenssen’s career. So few of us take more to the science part of science fiction than the fiction part. His take on the recent near-lethal heatwave…Was it predicted? I think it was definitely unprecedented. News about this heat went around the world; we definitely saw reports on it on our own news. An observatory was undamaged, but surrounding buildings were a little scorched, was what we heard most recently. Just amazing…the weather service had to add new colours to their visual charts to indicate temperatures they’d never had to report on before. If we are wet weeds and drongos, we need SF clubs in which to gather, commiserate, and realize that we are not alone, and that we like ideas that stretch the imagination. When did being intelligent and curious become such a negative concept in the public’s eyes? On the CSIRAC photo and the magazine on the desk…not long ago, Chris Garcia commented on that very cover, the October 1957 cover of Astounding Science Fiction. He was saying something about whether Emsh wondered if the magazine’s readers would notice the computers on the far upper right had three reels instead of two. My loc…our Christmas and New Year’s were great fun, and we even got an invitation to a Twelfth Night party, a great time with good food and lots of prizes. Unfortunately, I am looking for work once again, but this time, I have a fairly positive outlook, and I think I will find other work very soon. This past November, I met Jo Walton at a local convention in Toronto. A lovely lady, and she seemed to know me well, in spite of the fact this had been the first time we’d met. Perhaps she’s the kind of person who can put you at your ease quickly. I have to start thinking about going to the evening job, so I will wrap. Many thanks for this newest one, and I’ll try to respond to it a little sooner next time. I am slowly but surely catching up with all the zines I receive. See you with the next issue. Yours, Lloyd Penney Lloyd Thanks for the LoC. On the recent near lethal heat wave (and more to come, we are told), Australia has recently had a visit from 2007 Nobel Prize winner Dr Rajendra Pashauri chairperson of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC). He says that heatwaves are occurring more frequently, and will increase further with global warming. But he stops short of directly linking Australia’s New Year heatwave across much of the country to climate change. ”Whilst it could be part of a trend,” he remarked, “conclusions cannot be drawn from a single event. I think you have to take the whole aggregation over a period of time, then come up with the conclusion; which is precisely what we have done.'' Dr Pachauri was in Hobart for a meeting of scientists working on the IPCC's fifth climate assessment, which is prepared for the UN every five or six years. “Our findings are very, very clear,” he said.”Heatwaves are on the increase, extreme precipitation events are on the increase, and on that there is really no room for doubt any more.” From a global perspective, events parallel with remarkable fidelity the dire predictions of scientists dating from decades ago. There is now enough scientific evidence available to attest to the validity of projections indicating that, as climate change intensified, heatwaves will occur more often and with more intensity. The projections in a 2012 IPCC special report found that a heretofore one-in-twenty-year hottest day will instead occur once every two years by the end of the century in most regions of the world, if rising greenhouse-gas emissions are not reduced. Al Gore, and scientists on whose predictions he based his presentations, have been vindicated on climate change. Where, now, are the apologies? Not forthcoming, I’m afraid. Instead, a continuing stream of the same vituperation. You are not the only one to comment on October 1957 cover of Astounding Science Fiction in Dick Jenssen’s CSIRAC picture. That Ed Emshwiller cover sits behind Chris Garcia’s desk at work, blown up to 5 feet by 3 feet. For details, see Chris’s LoC on the next page. Ed.

Loc from Chris Garcia Mountain View CA 94943, United States of America Christopher J Garcia is the archetypal prolific faned. His many productions, accessible on line via eFanzines, include The Drink Tank, Journey Planet, SF in SF, Claims Department, Exhibition Hall, PrintZine, The Pork Authority and more. He won a Hugo Award for The Drink Tank at Renovation (69th Worldcon, Nevada, August 2011) with co-editor James Bacon. Chris co-edits Journey Planet with James Bacon. Guest editors have been Pete Young, Yvonne Rowse, Emilly McLeay, Emma King and Helen Montgomery. In 2010 Journey Planet won the Nova Award for best fanzine. In addition to his prodigious fanzine output (and even more prodigious beard), Chris Garcia is known for running fan lounges at science fiction conventions. He was the TAFF laureate at the British Eastercon in 2008. Christmas Eve, Monday Dec 24, 2012 Dear Bill Thank you for IRS December 2012. It's good to be in at work on Christmas Eve and have a zine to comment on! I like to see the words "The highly probable discovery of the Higgs Boson" because it's a totally scientific phrase! I also love that cover! I seem to say that a lot about Ditmar art pieces, but this one is a spectacular example. I also love it when he talks about what he creates! Great stuff! And then there's CSIRAC. I've always wanted to see it, to get a look at the machine that the first computer music was done on! Someday I'll visit Melbourne to see it. It's likely the third 'complete' computer. Certainly the IAS machines precedes it, and the Manchester Baby, but that's all I think. It's an impressive machines, and the funny thing is that the IAS is still around, almost complete in the Smithsonian, and there's CSIRAC which is also complete. There aren't a lot of those icons of the era left, the IAS, Johnniac, WIZEAC, I believe a couple of Swedish machines, the Pilot Ace, and I think a LEO in the Science Museum in London. AND there's the magazine cover (Astounding, Oct 1957) in Ditmar’s CSIRAC article. That Ed Emshwiller cover is sitting behind my desk, blown up to 5 by 3 feet. It's what people see when they poke their head into my cubicle! I'm writing up a lot of Emsh lately, especially his work with Alvy Ray Smith called Sunstone. And I've been trying to get his films, especially Sunstone, on the National FIlm Registry. There's so many different ways in which I intersect with Emsh's interests, and I only wish I had met him. I know my Dad knew him, which only makes me sadder that I never got to talk to him! He was even at CalArts, a school I've visited and hung out at, but after he was there as Dead and Provost and head of their Film department. Go figure. On the Relativistic Travel piece, I loved Prometheus, probably because I know nothing about science, so even if there's bad science, I'll never know. I still think travel faster than the speed-of-light must be possible. I mean, why should that be a problem? If you can make something go fast, it can always go faster! There's a lot of cons listed, only a couple of which I'm actually going to be at. LoneStarCon, WFC Brighton, those I'll be at, and I'd love to be at the Swedish con, first because Jo Walton is awesome (we were GoHs at SFCOntario last month) and Lavie Tidhar is a great writer) and I would love to be in Sweden! Can't even make CorFlu because it's in the part of the year where I am nothing but busy! Such is the world... As for the Fan Funds, they are amazing things. My TAFF trip changed my life, and as always, I made sure to vote in the GUFF race. I've got hopes for the winner, we even gave her a bit of space in Journey Planet. Wish I could run for DUFF someday. Maybe 2050 (where the theme for my race would be Chris for TAFF 2: This time for DUFF!. Great issue, and the CSIRAC page you linked to is slowly eating my entire work day, which is nice! Regards from Chris Hmm, Chris, there’s a limit (i.e. the speed of light) on making things go faster. At light speed, mass becomes infinite and time stops, both being impossible conditions. Only in Wonderland can one believe impossible things before breakfast. And in science fiction, if the writer is skilful enough, we can believe impossible things for the duration of the story. Australians would like to see you at a Natcon or one of our Regionals well before 2050 (when your beard is likely to have become a bit ragged). And I’m sure New Zealanders would like to see you at their Worldcon in 2020. All you have to do is stand for DUFF and the rest is up to us to get you there. Ed.

Loc from Eric Mayer Pennsylvania USA

Eric Mayer discovered fandom in 1972. From 1978 to 1995 he published Groggy, a mostly dittoed perzine that often featured hectographed covers. He spent 2011 producing E-Ditto, an electronic version of the personalzines he used to enjoy back in the 1970s. All 17 issues of E-Ditto are available on e-Fanzines: http://efanzines.com. His 2012 zine, with a slightly changed format, is called Revenant. It also is available on e-Fanzines. Thursday December 27th, 2012

Dear Bill IRS December 2012 is a very entertaining issue. That Ditmar cover is intriguing as usual. The golden "plumbing" is really striking and mysterious. (Well, maybe mysterious isn't quite what I mean. The plumbing in my bathroom is mysterious to me.) And I see you have balanced the front cover with a golden beetle on the back cover. One of those insects is attractive. Countless numbers of them on trees -- no thanks! We don't have any Christmas insects here in the north eastern part of the US. They'd freeze. At least as far as I know; I have never seen any snow spiders. Not even tracks. I've read only a bit about the Higgs field, enough to make it sound like the modern equivalent of the Victorian aether. But the whole concept is certainly more fundamental and far reaching than any single type of particle. FTL is always an interesting topic but I have to admit even "simple" math is beyond me. I had a hard time with long division and the idea that I might brush up my algebra skills from high school -- well, if only I had done more than barely pass. When Sputnik went into orbit I was in grades school. The US went science mad. We were trailing the enemy. It was all hands on the science deck. My intelligence was verbal, much to the disgust of my teachers and school guidance counselors. And much to my own disappointment, to be truthful. I had to confine myself to reading books. Although the tools of science are beyond me I have always been fascinated by scientific discoveries and speculation. Growing up I devoured science fiction of course. Occasionally I still read some sf from the time periods I like most, forties up to the mid-sixties. I reread Tau Zero a few months ago. What a great book. It has the huge scope and wild ideas of the best old time sf but is much more plausible. I recall as a teenager trying to keep up with astronomy and the latest thing was the radio telescope. I am surprised to see the obit for Sir Bernard Lovell. Somehow I missed that in the news. It must have been in the news surely. But considering what is considered newsworthy today, who knows. Best Eric

Eric Most Australians never experience snow in their lifetimes. Miserably cold, damp winds sweeping in horizontally from the Antarctic in Wintertime, yes; but never the ‘deep and crisp and even’ snow we sing about in Christmas carols in the blazing heat of Summer. Given an opportunity to endure each other’s climate at its worst, I opine we’d both be pining to get back home within two or three days. My worst days (and nights) are when the atmospheric temperature exceeds body temperature, e.g. when it’s 45 degrees Celsius (113 degrees Fahrenheit) in the shade. The point of the Relativistic Travel piece was to remind Generation Y how lucky they are to have grown up with the concept of relativity in their understanding of cosmology (i.e. the universe defined in relation to matter, energy, space and time). The article sought to tease out the literary, mathematical and existential dimensions of Einstein’s Special Relativity. Sadly, such has been the parlous state of science in education that there have grown up a couple of generations of Westerners with no real understanding of, nor respect for, the scientific method. No wonder we are sitting ducks for nut cults like creation science to take root and fester. Not to worry. Even people with no feel for math can read ‘Relativistic Travel’ two or three times and (skipping the math to get to the results pages) gain a conceptual understanding of Special Relativity. In this issue, Dick ‘ Ditmar’ Jenssen’s LoC can give an attentive reader a conceptual understanding of General Relativity, which is a big bonus. I think the reason why the recent passing of Sir Bernard Lovell didn’t make a splash in the U.S. is that he wasn’t American. That angered me a little, which is why I went to the trouble of putting together an obit of him in IRS. Ed.

More from Eric Mayer Eric considered the editor’s comments on the previous page and responded thus… Thursday December 27th, 2012 Dear Bill I didn't realize Australians rarely saw snow. I can assure you I have never experienced temperatures as high as 113F. It got to 102F one summer when I lived in New York City. I don't think it has risen above 97 or 98 degrees while I've been in Pennsylvania. On the other end of the scale we have got down to 16 below zero. Right now we have the seven inches of snow that fell last night with a high today of 28F. I am aghast at the huge and apparently growing portion of our population that not only shrugs science off but seems to actively detest and disbelieve it. Well, I guess they believe that their television sets work -- by magic perhaps? I am living proof that you don't have to grasp math, or any of the tools of science, to understand the basic concepts behind it and respect it for little achievements like...well...allowing us to live in a civilization (however quickly deteriorating) rather than hunting our food with sticks in the jungle. In the US it isn't just science that is despised though. Tens of millions of people hate any sign of intelligence, learning, intellectual endeavour. They hate school teachers and think college professors should be shot on sight. Politicians pander to them. Basically we have rule by angry mob here. I am not sure why so many people feel that way. It can be frightening if you stop and think about it too much. Best Eric Eric I think I have an answer for you on why so many people hate any sign of intelligence, learning or intellectual endeavour. It is exemplified by this letter from a 14-year-old girl raised in idealogical isolation...

Duck theology

Source: the archive of ant-intellectualism

Childhood is a time of formation influenced by parental guidance, education, genetic inheritance, experience and personal choice. This poor girl is misinformed, bigoted and rationally handicapped, most probably not by personal choice. Being part of her culture, she struggles in her letter to express its imperatives. Her disbelief in evolution, for example, is a sign of institutionalized intellectual hatred reinforced by narrow and prescriptive religious instruction. The girl has clearly been taught to hate. To counter such malign influences on young people of impressionable age, we need to encourage a secular bias in education. Ed.

LoC from Dick Jenssen Monday 31st December 2012 Relativistic travel (continued) - Was Heinlein wrong? Following the article (Relativistic Travel) in the previous issue of Interstellar Ramjet Scoop on travel at sub-light speed, by Bill Wright and me, I have a small addendum. The examples given in the issue of distance travelled and time dilation for a constant acceleration and observed time of travel used non-calculus mathematics (at the editor’s insistence). However, it is much more efficient – especially in computer time – to use calculus. Without going into details, the relevant explanation is provided below. For a constant acceleration of αg (where g is the acceleration due to gravity which we experience here on Earth, and α is a scaling factor) and a travel time of t, the distance travelled (x) is: Equation (1) where c is the speed of light. The time , τ, which is experienced by the mover is less than the time of the journey (t, again) as seen by the stationary observer. The relevant mathematics gives the relation as: Equation (2) where ArcSinh is the inverse hyperbolic sine function. Programming these two equations into Mathematics 9 yields the plot on the right. The axes are (left-to- right) the constant acceleration as a factor of earth gravity, and (bottom- to-top) the time of travel as seen by the stationary observer. The solid contours (with background shading and white labels) are for the distance moved, the dashed, overlaid, contours (with yellow labels) are the travel times as experienced by the mover. An example – illustrated next page Suppose we wish to see how far we have moved, and what the dilation will be, if we travel for 15 years at an acceleration of 0.55 that of Earth gravity. The vertical white line is at the acceleration (0.55g), and the horizontal white line is at the time of travel of 15 years. The intersection of these two lines shows that the mover believes that only about 5 and a bit years have elapsed (interpolating between the dashed contours – with yellow labels), and that the distance travelled is about 80.5 light years (interpolating between the black contours with white labels). Look at the very top of the plot: as the constant acceleration increases from 0.1 Earth gravities to 1.0 Earth gravities, the experienced time of travel falls from about 16 years to less than 4 years (yellow labelled contours), but the distance travelled has a range of about 115 light years to about 150 light years.

Look at the very top of the plot: as the constant

acceleration increases from 0.1 Earth gravities to 1.0 Earth gravities, the experienced time of travel falls from about 16 years to less than 4 years (yellow labelled contours), but the distance travelled has a range of about 115 light years to about 150 light years. Relativity and infinity from ‘The Life of Pi and other infinities’ by Natalie Angier in NY Times on Tuesday 2nd January 2013 “With his majestic theory of relativity, Einstein knitted together time and space, quashing old Aristotelian distinctions between actual and potential infinity and ushering in the contemporary era of infinity seeking.” Tying mathematics into human life and thought is best done in childhood as part of a well rounded education. But if you missed out on that all is not lost. Inquisitive readers of IRS who are mathematically challenged can still gain a conceptual understanding of reality as uncovered by thinkers since the dawn of history and elucidated by educators like Dick ‘Ditmar’ Jenssen. On the next page, Dick Jenssen shows us how Heinlein’s science went awry in Time for the Stars.

Heinlein was wrong In the article mentioned above (Relativistic Travel), Bill Wright drew attention to Robert Heinlein’s novel Time for the Stars in which a pair of telepathic twins is in contact with each other, as one (twinA) accelerates away from the other (twinB). According to Heinlein, twinA will experience a slower passage of time in accordance with Special Relativity, so that twinB will hear twinA’s thoughts slowing down – but he also posits that therefore twinA will hear twinB’s thoughts speeding up. And that is incorrect. Both twins will think the other is slowing in thought. Below are my reasons. 1. The situation is symmetric. Both twins will see the other moving away at an ever-increasing speed. Both will, therefore experience an identical time dilation as falling on the other. 2. Special relativity tells us that the faster the speed, the slower will time pass for the mover – the stationary observer sees the mover slowing down. Both twins see the other moving away. 3. Although twinA is accelerating, the time dilation effect of special relativity will hold in general relativity – which deals with non-inertial frames. In fact, time dilation in general relativity is due to gravity – a stronger field will make time run slower.(See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time_dilation#Time_dilation:_special_vs._general_theories_of_relativity). 4. There is no example I can find in which special, or general, relativity has time increasing as speed increases. 5. Particle accelerators – whether linear or circular – accelerate the particles in their beams via magnetic means. Although the process is not for inertial frames of reference (that is, uniform and not accelerated motion) the particle beams on striking their target are moving so close to light speed that their time of decay is much greater than would be if they were moving slowly – and that time is in full accord with special relativity. 6. And then – to pass from the microscopic to the macroscopic – there is the Universe which is expanding, and, from recent results, at an accelerated rate. Here on Earth we see the stars receding, as evidenced by their red shift (time slows, so that the frequency of the radiation decreases, but since the speed of light is constant, the wavelength must increase – that is, shift to the red end of the spectrum). If we were at Beta Centaurus, for example, we would see our sun shifted to the red as it moves away. It will not be shifted to the blue end of the spectrum. 7. And so on… Pity about that, but as Bill Wright said: Time for the Stars is a fun read. And that is all too rare. Dick Jenssen Editorial interpolation To sum up Dick’s reasoning, - The telepathic twins are moving apart. - Each will see the other flying away. - So each will see the other as slowing down. This is for uniform motion (no acceleration) and so for Special Relativity. Both twins see each other accelerating away. When TwinA travels at speeds near the speed of light, special relativity says that time is dilated. Thus, relative to Earth’s inertial frame (where TwinB is), time for the moving twin is slowing down. Hence the stationary twin is aging faster. While the moving twin remains in an inertial frame (that is, continues to move at a constant velocity) the moving twin will observe time running slower for the stationary twin. Albert Einstein has shown us that, contrary to intuitive reasoning (common sense), the same is true for the stationary twin; i.e. the stationary twin will also observe time running slower for the moving twin. Dick’s calculations ignore changes to relative velocity that are needed to return TwinA to Earth at the same place and time so he and TwinB can compare their ages. This will necessarily require changes in velocity and therefore a number of accelerations. But an accelerating frame is not an inertial frame. Nevertheless, if (without knowing the details of how we bring the twins back together) TwinA does return, then special relativity shows that he will be the younger twin. The mathematical proof of that is in equation (4) over leaf, but such has long been proven by experiment in particle accelerators; first in synchrotrons and now, more spectacularly, in the Large Hadron Collider. Those devices illustrate the twin paradox inasmuch as the particles have been accelerated to almost light-speed, and so their decay times on collision – as the experimenters see them – are longer than if the particles were moving much more slowly. For details, see: http://www.einstein-online.info/elementary/specialRT/relativity_space_time. Ed.

Relativistic Travel – exact by Dick Jenssen Velocity as a function of time Newton’s third law of motion states that a force acting on a body changes the momentum of that body. The change is instantaneous. The momentum, p, is the product of the mass of the moving body (M) and the velocity (v), both taken as averages over the infinitesimal interval dt. That is: p = Mv Here it is assumed that the force is constant in time and is given by αmg where α is a constant, g is the acceleration due to gravity (that is gravity at the surface of the Earth), and m is the mass of the body when it is not moving. If the body moves, then Einstein’s Special Relativity says that the mass of the body increases. Thus the equation of motion is: Equation (0) For a body moving with a speed v, the mass increases to a value M:

where c is the speed of light. Hence the differential equation (0) becomes:

Since m is a constant (it’s the mass when the object is stationary), we have:

So that, on integrating:

Equation (1)

Rearranging and solving for v results in: Equation(2) That is:

Integrating this yields: Equation(3) Time dilation Let τ be the time as experienced I the moving frame. Then from Special Relativity the relation between small times in the stationary and moving frames is:

(So one unit of time in the moving frame corresponds to greater than a unit time in the stationary frame). Substituting from equations (1) and (2) gives:

From which, noting that τ = 0 when t = 0, integration results in Equation (4)

Ditmar Norma K Hemming Award 2013 The Norma K Hemming Award is a jury award given by the Australian Science Fiction Foundation (ASFF) for excellence in the exploration of themes of race, gender, sexuality, class and disability in long form speculative fiction. Rules for the 2013 competition were posted on the ASFF website on 6th August 2012. Entries for the 2013 competition closed on 16th January 2013. Only works first published in Australia in calendar year 2012, or works by an Australian citizen first published anywhere in calendar year 2012, were eligible. Twenty-four works were nominated by book publishers and individual authors, comprising 22 novels, 1 novella and, remarkably, one trilogy where all three novels were published in calendar year 2012. Jurors for the award are writer and editor Russell Blackford, writer Tess Williams, editor and publisher Rob Gerrand and editor Sarah Endacott. They may, at their discretion, publish their short list. They also may, at their discretion, award Honourable Mentions for works of exceptional merit that nevertheless fall short of the standard achieved by the winner. The award trophy will be presented the winning author at Conflux 9 (52nd Natcon) in Canberra on 28th April 2013. Co- presenters will be ASFF awards administrator Bill Wright, and polymath Grant Stone, presenter of Perth’s Faster Than Light Radio Show which has been going to air regularly on RTR-FM since the 1970s. Bill Wright Synonyms and Antonyms No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between the words COMPLETE and FINISHED. A tale of questionable authenticity is doing the rounds on the Internet. It tells of a linguistic competition in London where one Samsundar Balgobin from Guyana was the clear winner. The question put to him was this: "How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand?" Balgobin’s astute answer, for which he received a standing ovation, an invitation to dine with the Queen, a world trip and a case of twenty-five-year-old Eldorado rum, is… "When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. “When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. “And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED.” The cartoon at left illustrates the antonyms of Complete and Finished, viz. INCOMPLETE and UNFINISHED It was perpetrated by popular Melbourne editorial cartoonist William Ellis Green (1923–2008) who signed his cartoons WEG. His work appeared in Melbourne’s biggest circulation daily newspaper The Sun News Pictorial and its evening broadsheet counterpart The Herald. Bill Green retired from his job as a political cartoonist in 1986 after 40 years service in the role. In 1954 he began producing VFL (now AFL) Grand Final posters with sales of 100,000 each year until his death in 2008. He also produced posters for all the Grand Finals back to 1897 to satisfy demand. I don’t know of any collector who has the complete set. WEG connected with the Melbourne Science Fiction Club in its early years. If the club was running a convention, WEG would exert his influence to get us lavish (and priceless) publicity in the daily papers. In 1970-71 the late Noel Kerr edited the then club newszine The Somerset Gazette. The back cover of issue 5, published in January 1971 is given over entirely to the WEG cartoon shown here. Inside is WEG’s article on cartoons in science fiction. Bill Wright

Current information on Australian Fan Funds: GUFF, NAFF, FFANZ & DUFF GUFF 2013 The 2013 Going Under Fan Fund (Europe to Australasia) race has been run and won. The candidates were Julie McMurray nominated by: James Bacon, Emma King, Jim Mowatt, Dave Cake and Richard Crawshaw; and Mihaela Marija Perković nominated by: Cheryl Morgan, Carolina Gómez Lagerlöf, Cristian Tamas, Anna Hepworth and Adrian Smith.

The winner is Mihaela Marija Perković who will be the GUFF laureate at Conflux 9 / Aussie Natcon 52 in Canberra on 25-28 January 2013, and at other fan centres in Australia and New Zealand as her schedule permits. Mihaela is a Croatian fan who earned her degree wit00h a paper on “SF tropes in Peter Carey's short fiction”. Active in fandom since 2004, she has participated at Croatian conventions as lecturer, moderator and GoH host. She runs the SFERA Award Jury and writing workshops, is PR manager of SFera and SFeraKon, and coordinated Kontakt Special Track at Eurocon 2012. Enthusiastic, cheerful and chatty, she is an active blogger and lousy photographer. She plans to attend Swancon and Conflux, visit Sydney, Melbourne and New Zealand. Her report will be fun to read. The Fund’s European administrator, Irish fan James Shields, reports that voting ended on Monday 7th January 2013. He has provided the following analysis of the ballot... A total of 86 votes were cast by fans from 15 countries, viz. Australia, Austria, Belgium, Canada, Channel Islands, Croatia, Ireland, Italy, Malaysia, Netherlands, Poland, Sweden, UK, Ukraine and USA.  Julie McMurray received 30 first preferences, comprising 19 European, 5 Australasian and 6 from other countries.  Mihaela Marija Perković received 49 first preferences, i.e. 31 European, 12 Austalasian and 6 from other countries.  The ‘No Preference’ option received 7 first preferences, i.e. 4 Europen, 2 Australasian and 1 from other countries.  There were no first preference votes for the ‘Hold Over Funds’ option. As Mihaela received over 50% of the first preference votes, she is deemed to be elected as the 2013 GUFF delegate. Thanks to the generous donations of voters, this year's race raised £715.71, which is €879.51 or AU$1,098.02. This, along with other fund raising activities, and the support of LFF (League of Fan Funds) will fund Mihaela's trip. Congratulations to Mihaela on a successful race. We look forward to reading her trip report, and we're sure she will be an excellent ambassador for European fandom. The administrators would like to thank Julie for taking part, and hope she'll run again another year. We'd also like to take thank everyone who voted in this race. We are very grateful for the donations that make the GUFF trip possible. We depend on the generosity of the international science fiction community to fund the trips, and we were delighted by the number of people who donated more than the minimum amount. There will also be auctions to support the fan funds at both Conflux the Australian national convention, and EightSquaredCon, the UK national convention so please consider attending these and bringing items to donate. For more information, please visit: http://guff.lostcarpark.com/news/20130113/201213-guff-race-results James Shields (Ireland) and Kylie Ding (Australia) GUFF Administrators: James Shields (Ireland) and Kylie Ding (Australia) News flash on the 2013 TAFF race http://taff.org.uk/ is the official website for news about the 2013 TAFF race to select a delegate from Europe to attend LoneStarCon 3 / 71st Worldcon in San Antonio, Texas, on Aug 29 to Sep 2, 2013. However, on 8 January 2013, before any official announcement from TAFF itself, the two 2013 candidates have declared themselves in public: They are Theresa Derwin and Jim Mowatt. The current TAFF administrators are: Europe: John Coxon, 14 Chapel Lane, Werrington, Peterborough, PE4 6RS. Email [email protected] . North America: Jacqueline Monahan, 2991 El Cajon Street, Las Vegas, NV 89169, USA. Email [email protected].

NAFF 2013 On 9th January 2013, Sarah Parker (with John Parker, the current NAFF administrator) announced: If you've ever considered running for NAFF, now might be the time! This year the Natcon is Conflux 9 at the Rydges Capital Hill in Canberra on the 25-28th of April. NAFF contributes the cost of your travelling arrangements, your hotel room, and your convention pass. In return you need to be your fannish self and meet people, make friends and have a good time. Other duties will include writing a trip report, becoming an Administrator, and fundraising to ensure the fund's continued survival. If you'd like to nominate, there's a $20 bond, and you need to find three fans to nominate you. You also need to send a 100 word bio on yourself, describing what you would bring to the convention0 and some of your fannish history. For the forms, and more information, click the link: http://www.saucysarahs.com/naff-fund/ YOUR NOMINATION AND PAYMENT MUST REACH ME BEFORE THE 30TH OF JANUARY. That date has passed, so nominations are closed. If there have been any nominations, voting will open on the 18th of February and close on the Monday 1st April 2013, the last day of Swancon 13 in Perth on March 29 – April 1, 2013. FFANZ 2013 FFANZ (Fan Fund of Australia and New Zealand) administrators Edwina Harvey (Australia) and Jan Butterworth (New Zealand) are looking for New Zealand fans to enter a competition to represent the local science fiction community at Conflux 9 / Aussie Natcon 52 in Canberra on 25-28 April 2013. Candidates supply a platform explaining who they are and why they should chosen and a ballot form is circulated to Australasian fans. A small donation is made with each completed ballot form to pay for the trip. The winner will be the FFANZ laureate at Conflux 9, is expected to write a trip report after the event, and will become the New Zealand FFANZ administrator for the ensuing two years. Edwina can explain what documents are needed from each candidate, but the important thing now is to get nominations in, as the closing date for filing the required documents is fast approaching (see below). So, if there anyone you know in New Zealand whom you think is qualified and might like to stand for FFAZN 2013, please contact them to confirm they will be a candidate, then e-mail Edwina Harvey at: [email protected]. They will need both New Zealand and Australian nominators. Edwina can help to find those for you if that’s a problem. Closing date for filing the required documentation is 10th February 2013, so you’ll have to act soon. DUFF 2013 Irwin Hirsh: http://ozfanfunds.com/ reports that DUFF’s Australian administrator David Cake released the following information on 1st February 2013… DUFF is the Down Under Fan Fund which transports SF fans from North America to Australasia, and vice versa. Nominations are now open for the 2013 race, which will be a northbound race, to transport a fan (or fans) from Australian or New Zealand to LoneStarCon 3, the 71st World Science Fiction Convention, to be held in San Antonio, Texas, in the USA, from August 29th to September 2, 2013. The winner may also wish to attend other conventions, and meet other fans, from North America, as they are able. The winner will also be required to take over the administration of the fund for the next northbound and southbound races. If you wish to stand, please contact us at the postal or email address below. You will then need three Australasian nominators, and two North American nominators (who will each need to confirm their nominations), a 100-word platform to appear on the ballot, and a bond of £15/€20/AU$25 guaranteeing to attend the 2013 Worldcon if you win. If you are interested in running for DUFF, but either need help with some aspect of your nomination, or simply wish to learn more about DUFF and what is required of delegates and administrators, please feel free to contact the current Australasian DUFF administrator, David Cake, with any questions. Nominations are open until March 31. The nominees will be announced as soon as practical after that, and it is anticipated voting will run until May 31. Nominations should be sent to David Cake, via email at [email protected] or by post at David Cake, 6 Florence Road, Nedlands, Western Australia 6009.

About fan funds

TAFF DUFF GUFF NAFF FFANZ CUFF Fan Funds Home · DUFF · GUFF · FFANZ · NAFF · Other Funds

About Fan Funds, their origin, what they’re for, and how they work It started in the 1950s when a group of fans in the United Kingdom decided it would be nice to send their mate Walt Willis to a Worldcon in Chicago. Walt was very appreciative and went out of his way to help the convention and represent his country to the best of his ability. On his return, he filled several fanzines with reports from the convention. Remember, this was well before the Internet so fanzines were the only way people got to hear about far away conventions. From this small beginning, the Trans Atlantic Fan Fund (TAFF) that sends a European representative to North America, and vice versa, in alternate years, was born. The Down Under Fan Fund ( DUFF) alternately sending fans between the US and Australia was the next major fan fund, and this was followed by GUFF, which stands for either Going Under Fan Fund or Get Up- and-over Fan Fund, sending fans between Europe and Australia. The Fan Fund of Australia and New Zealand (FFANZ) sends delegates to each other’s National SF Convention. As well as Inter-national fan fund there are also Intra-national fan funds. Examples are the Canadian Unity Fan Fund (CUFF) and the National Australia Fan Fund (NAFF) that take fans from one region to a major convention in another region. Still other funds are "one offs" that raise money to bring a specific fan to a specific convention. For example, the Tucker Bag fund brought the late Bob Tucker from the USA. to the 1975 Aussiecon, and the Bring Bruce Bayside fund enabled Australian fan Bruce Gillespie to attend the Corflu and Potlatch conventions in California in 2005. Current information about Fan Funds General information about Fan Funds, including links to the most up to date information about each, is available at: Irwin Hirsh's site at: http://ozfanfunds.com/ The Live Journal site at: http://aust-sf-fan-fun.livejournal.com There are a couple of Facebook groups, GUFF and DUFF as well. There is also a global Fan Funds site: http://fanac.org/fan_funds/fan-funds.html originally located at the LACon III website and now run by the Fan History Project of the World Science Fiction Society, Go there if you want a global perspective (and details) on Fan Funds, but the information on Australasian Fan funds may not always be up to date. Why you should support Fan Funds Fan Fund laureates represent the best their country has to offer at the host country’s top convention. They enrich fandom globally and their delegates are good company. That’s why you should support them with your donation when the time comes to vote for the candidate of your choice. Fan Fund laureates at Conflux 9 / Natcon 52 Winners of the GUFF, FFANZ and NAFF races conducted early in 2013 will attend Conflux 9 / Natcon 52 at the Rydges Capital Hill Hotel in Canberra on 25-28 April 2013. The GUFF laureate at Conflux 9 is Croation fan Mihaela Marija Perković, whose photo and fannish biography appear earlier under that Fan Fund’s information. The FFANZ and NAFF winners have yet to be voted on and the winners announced. Fan Funds session at Conflux 9 A 55-minutes program space has been reserved for a Fan Funds panel at Conflux 9 at a date-and-time-slot to be announced. Panellists will be the Australian administrators of DUFF, GUFF, FFANZ and NAFF or their nominees, and the GUFF, FFANZ and NAFF laureates. Known panellists at this stage are: Bill Wright representing GUFF Australian administrator Kylie Ding; FFANZ Australian administrator Edwina Harvey; and GUFF laureate Mihaela Marija Perković. Bill Wright

Conventions on the horizon

The 38th Annual Western Australian Science Fiction and Fantasy Convention Perception -- Discovery -- Emergence will take place on the Easter long weekend – March 29th to April 1st, 2013 at a venue to be decided

Guests of Honour: Gail Simone, Charles Stross, Lucy Sussex and John Birmingham Fan Guests of Honour: John and Sarah Parker Visit the website at: https://2013.swancon.com.au/

Conflux 9 2013 Natcon Thursday 25th to Sunday 28th April 2013 at Rydges Capital Hill, Barton, Australian Capital Territory http://confluxnatcon2013.wordpress.com

Guests: International Guest of Honour: Nalo Hopkinson International Editor Guest of Honour: Marc Gascoigne Fan Guest of Honour: Rose Mitchell Australian Guest of Honour: Karen Miller Special Guest: Kaaron Warren Conventions on the horizon (cont)

The fanzine editors summit

Conventions on the horizon (cont)

Continuum is an annual Melbourne speculative fiction and pop culture convention celebrating creativity across genre and media. From hard-edge science fiction to high-flown fantasy, comic books to film noir, high culture to sub-culture… we sink our teeth into it all! The Continuum conventions are supported by the Continuum Foundation and we are grateful for their support. Continuum 9 will take place on the Queen’s Birthday Weekend, June 7 — 10, 2013. Our guests of honour this year are Waris Hussein and N.K. Jemisin. Supporting them will be a wide range of other speakers and panellists in a fabulous line up of panels, presentations and special events. To contact the convention committee, please email [email protected]. We’ll make sure your query gets to the right person! Continuum 9 Committee Chair Stephanie Lai Treasurer and Chronos convener Emilly McLeay Programming Liz Barr Venue Liaison and Events Julia Svaganovic Website, Publications, Social Media and Events Danielle Madeley Memberships Fran La Fontaine Guest Liaison Michael Wauchope Volunteer Liaison Hespa

Conventions on the horizon (cont)

34th New Zealand Natcon Friday 12 to Sunday 14 July, 2013 at Quality Hotel, Cuba Street in the heart of Wellington

Guest of Honour: Jennifer Fallon Jennifer Fallon is the author of 15 full-length novels, and a number of published short stories. In addition to her own fantasy series - theDemon Child trilogy, the Hythrun Chronicles, the Second Sons trilogy, theTide Lords quadrilogy, and the Rift Runners series - she has written both a tie-in novel and short fiction for the TV series Stargate SG1, an official Zorro story for Disney, a novella for the Legends of Australian Fantasyanthology, and has her own superhero - the Violet Valet. Fan Guest of Honour: Anna Klein Anna Klein, has been instrumental in the development of both the Auckland and the wider national live action role playing community. She has been a driving force behind the New Zealand Live Action Roleplaying Society, a funding and advisory organisation for the hobby. Additionally, she has run a popular three year larp campaign "St Wolfgang's Vampire Hunters," along with writing and running one-off games. Anna has also led the organisation of Chimera, the original larp convention in New Zealand.

Contact us Visit the website at: http://www.aucontraire.org.nz/2013/index.php Get venue info at: http://www.aucontraire.org.nz/2013/venue.php Join Au Contraire at: http://www.aucontraire.org.nz/2013/membership.php

Conventions on the horizon (cont)

First it was LoneStar Con 2 – 45th Worldcon in 1997 in San Antonio, Texas

Now it’s

LoneStar Con 3 71st Worldcon in 2013 in San Antonio, Texas

Hugo Award design for LoneStar Con 2 First Texas Worldcon

August 29 through September 2, 2013

Guests: Ellen DATLOW • James GUNN • Willie SIROS • Norman SPINRAD • Darrell K. SWEET*

Toastmaster: Paul CORNELL

Special Guests: Leslie FISH & Joe R. LANSDAL

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Conventions on the horizon (cont) Hugo Award Nomination Period Is Open LoneStarCon 3, the 71st World Science Fiction Convention San Antonio, Texas, August 29 - September 2, 2013

Postal queries to: P.O. Box 27277, Austin, TX 78755

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE - Wednesday, January 2, 2013 SAN ANTONIO, Texas: LoneStarCon 3, the 71st World Science Fiction Convention ("Worldcon"), is delighted to announce that the 2013 Hugo Award nomination period is now open.

Nomination ballots for the prestigious Hugo Awards and the John W. Campbell Award for Best New Writer will be accepted until Sunday, March 10, 2013, 11:59 p.m. EDT (Sunday, March 10, 2013, 8:59 p.m. PDT; Monday, March 11, 2013, 6:59 a.m. UTC/GMT). Members of LoneStarCon 3 and Loncon 3 (the 2014 Worldcon) who join by January 31, 2013, and all members of Chicon 7, the 2012 Worldcon, are invited to submit nomination ballots.

The Hugo Awards are the premier award of the science fiction genre, honoring science fiction literature and media as well as fans of the genre. The Hugo Awards were first presented at the 1953 World Science Fiction Convention in Philadelphia (Philcon II), and they have continued to honor science fiction and fantasy notables for nearly 60 years.

More information about the Hugo Awards, including details on how to submit a nomination ballot, is available through the LoneStarCon 3 Hugo Nominating Website or by paper ballot by mail. . Ballots may be submitted by postal mail or online. Online voters will need a unique LoneStarCon 3 Personal Identification Number (PIN) to enter their ballot; these were issued by email in early January 2013 and were also distributed during January along with Progress Report 3, for LoneStarCon 3 members receiving printed progress reports.

For additional information, please contact: [email protected].

ABOUT THE WORLD SCIENCE FICTION CONVENTION

Founded in 1939, the World Science Fiction Convention is one of the largest international gatherings of authors, artists, editors, publishers, and fans of science fiction and fantasy. The annual Hugo Awards, the leading award for excellence in the fields of science fiction and fantasy, are voted on by Worldcon membership and presented during the convention.

LoneStarCon 3 is sponsored by ALAMO, Inc., (Alamo Literary Arts Maintenance Organization), a 501(c)(3) organization. For information about memberships or hotel accommodation, please visit our website at: Hugo Award given at LACon 1972 http://www.lonestarcon3.org/. Send general queries to [email protected]. -- "World Science Fiction Society," "WSFS," "World Science Fiction Convention," "Worldcon," "NASFiC," "Hugo Award," and the distinctive design of the Hugo Award Rocket are service marks of the World Science Fiction Society, an unincorporated literary society.

It will be expensive to go, but Australian science fiction fans, artists, authors, faneds and other aficionados of popular culture are cordially invited to attend… Swecon 2013 ‘Fantastica’ Swedish National Science Fiction Convention 18 – 20 October 2013 For more details, and news updates closer to the event, please visit: http://www.fantastika2013.com/ and click on the ‘English’ tab.

Swecon 2013, also known as Fantastika 2013, is the national annual Science Fiction and Fantasy Convention in Sweden. It will take place in Sickla, close to the center of Stockholm, capital city of Sweden, on October 18-20, 2013. The programming will be in Swedish and English, and almost always there will be some programme in English.

Author Guests of Honour are Jo Walton and Lavie Tidhar.

Jo Walton is a Welsh-born novelist w ho migrated to Canada ten years ago. She won both the Hugo and Nebula awards in 2012 for her ‘mirror image’ Harry Potter-style novel Among others, about a young girl brought up in a magical family who is sent to a mundane, non-magical school. Hugo awards are popular awards voted on by members of the World Science Fiction Society and presented annually at the World Science Fiction Convention which, in 2012 took place in Chicago, U.S.A. Nebula Awards are given annually by Science Fiction Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America, a non-profit association of professional science fiction and fantasy writers. Winning those two prestigious awards puts her in the running for the World Fantasy Award to be presented at the World Fantasy Convention, to be held in Toronto, Canada, on 1-4 November 2012. Lavie Tidhar is an Israeli born (1976) write r who is more a citizen of the world, having lived for long periods of time in the United Kingdom and South Africa, as well as in Vanuatu and Laos. His novel Osama was nominated for the 2012 World Fantasy Award, A postscript to the novel called The Last Osama, available as an e-book via Epub and Mobi, was supposedly written by Tidmar and his alter-ego Mike Longshott after bin Laden’s assassination and two months before Osama’s publication release date. The Last Osama explores the world after the capture of Osama bin Laden in the Abbottabad Compound on May 2nd, 2011. In a world profoundly altered by bin Laden’s death, a bounty hunter is hired by the remnants of an army to travel down the Euphrates. His mission is to track down and eliminate the last of the Osamas. But how do you kill an idea? Fan Guest of Honour (at left) is Johan Anglemark, well-known both in Sweden and abroad. Swedish Author Guest of Honour (at righ) is Karin Tidbeck. British author John Meaney (photo not available) will also attend Swecon 2013 due to kind sponsoring from the SF Book Shop in Sweden and the UK publisher Orion Books.

World fantasy convention 2013

Guests of honour RICHARD MATHESON & RICHARD CHRISTIAN MATHESON

Artist Guest of Honour Special Guests ALAN LEE BRIAN ALDISS TESSA FARMER

Master of Ceremonies CHINA MIÉVILLE

The Royal Pavilion at Brighton, UK

ATTENDING PUBLISHERS Ace Books/Penguin (USA) Grant Books (USA) The RAS Press (UK) Allen & Unwin (Australia) HarperCollins Publishers (UK) Screaming Dreams (UK) Angry Robot Books (UK) Headline Publishing (UK) Shadow Publishing (UK) Baen Books (USA) Hodder and Stoughton (UK) Solaris Books/Rebellion Publishing (UK) Borderlands Press (USA) Immersion Press (UK) Subterranean Press (USA) Centipede Press (USA) Jo Fletcher Books/Quercus (UK) Tartarus Press (UK) ChiZine Publications (Canada) Little, Brown Book Group (UK) Ticonderoga Publications (Australia) Dream Press (France) Meulenhoff Boekerij (Netherlands) Titan Books (UK/USA) Eibonvale Press (UK) Newcon Press (UK) Tor Books (UK) Editions Bragelonne (France) Noose and Gibbet Publishing (UK) Tor Books (USA) Editions Gallimard (France) Orbit Books (UK) Transworld Publishers (UK) Fablecroft Publishing (Australia) Pan Macmillan (UK) TTA Press (UK) Festa (Germany) Prime Books (USA) Twelfth Planet Press (Australia) Gollancz/Orion (UK) PS Publishing (UK) This is your opportunity to participate in one of the most exciting and exhilarating conventions ever held in Europe for professionals and fans alike. If you are serious about your writing career or just enjoy reading in the genre, then you really can't afford to miss it .

Conventions on the horizon (cont)

The 72nd World Science Fiction Convention Thursday 14 to Monday 18 August 2014 International Conference Centre, ExCeL, London Docklands

Join Loncon 3 at: http://www.loncon3.org/ Membership rates:

Adult £95.00 US$160.00 Young Adult £65.00 US$110.00

Child £30.00 US$50.00 Infant £2.00 US$3.00

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Guests of Honour: Iain M Banks came to widespread and controversial public notice with the publication of his first novel, The Wasp Factory, in 1984. His first science fiction novel, Consider Phlebas, was published in 1987. He has continued to write both mainstream fiction (as Iain Banks) and science fiction, John Clute has won awards (including Hugo Awards) for individual books. He was associate editor of the first edition of the Encyclopedia of Science Fiction (general editor Peter Nicholls), co-edited the second edition with Nicholls, and is co-editing the third editionwith David Langford. Chris Foss, whose ground-breaking science fiction art revolutionised paperback covers from the early 1970s, raising the bar for realism and invention. His battle-weary spacecraft, alien landscapes and crumbling brutalist architecture irrevocably changed the aesthetic of science fiction art and cinema. Malcolm Edwards is a science fiction editor and critic who joined fandom in 1970, when he was initially confused with a pseudonym invented by Peter Weston. He has worked for Victor Gollancz, Grafton and HarperCollins and is currently deputy CEO and publisher at the Orion Publishing Group. He launched the SF Masterworks series in 1999 and was the instigator of the SF Gateway for eBooks. Jeanne Gomoll discovered fandom in the want ads of a Madison University (Wisconsin) newspaper in 1974 and soon began contributing art, articles and fiction as well as co-editing the fanzine Janus. She has been nominated for Hugo Awards as a fan editor and fan artist. After joining the women’s APA, she began planning the first Wiscon, the world’s leading feminist science fiction convention. Robin Hobb is the author of the Rain Wilds Chronicles, The Farseer Trilogy, The Liveship Traders Trilogy, The Tawny Man Trilogy, and The Soldier Son Trilogy. Her books under the pseudonym Megan Lindholm include Wizard of the Pigeons, The Windsingers, and Cloven Hooves. Bryan Talbot has won many comic awards, including an Eisner award, the Prix SNCF and several Eagles. He has produced underground and alternative comics, notably Brainstorm!, science fiction and superhero stories such as Judge Dredd, Nemesis the Warlock, Teknophage, The Nazz and Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight. After a career spanning thirty years he is now published in over twenty countries.

Press the red button Warning: Please don’t try this in the United States of America, where the National Rifle Association has arranged for everyone to have access to war grade semi-automatic weapons.

Happy New Year, everybody. Turn up the sound. Press the red button.

Disclaimer: Contrary to popular inderstanding outside the United States, fully automatic weapons are not available to everyone there. It takes an expensive and very detailed permit to buy one, and that permit is only available from the Federal Government. The NRA has no authority or influence over that process. There is confusion on that point because some people think that military grade and fully automatic are somehow synonymous. The freely available Bushmaster used in the elementary school massacre at Sandy Hook, Kentucky, on 14th December 2013 was semi-automatic and based on a military design. It's an assault rifle and military grade, as was so horrifically demonstrated.

Mind reading

CONROL+CLICK ON THIS HOUSE At the end, choose your door, get the right answer, then open the other doors. Amazing, huh? Well, not really. Here’s how it works… You choose a number. Then you tell it which colour the number is. That reduces the list of possible numbers to 5. You are then (after some hoo-hah) told to choose a box that contains your number. Surprise! There are 5 boxes, and each contains only one of the 5 possible numbers. So in this step you have told the machine what your number is. Of course it's behind the final door - you have already told the program what number to reveal. It's not as if the number is there behind the door waiting. It's a computer program that executes the instruction 'When any door is clicked, show the number identified in those two earlier steps.' (And, for those who will then go to click on the other doors, 'If another door is clicked *after* that, show some other number'.) It relies on the illusion that you are dealing with fixed objects, but of course you are not. It’s still a pretty slick presentation, though.

Ed.

Stefan zone SHY LAWYERS Hi, I'm Erin Berocca and I'm doing this advertisement who has a number of cases open at the moment. on behalf of Shy Lawyers who are too shy to appear Apparently she's very keen on getting her hands on on TV themselves. some settlement cash to help balance a budget. Shy Lawyers have been in operation for over 20 years Even if you haven’t had a Personal Stupidity or and have won an unknown number of cases. They've Overly Sensitive event, there’s still money to be had also lost a lot more, but that's not an important fact. from the Money Tree. Join one of our many syndicate What IS important is they operate under a "No Fee, claims or take a quick pick and allow us to make a No Win" arrangement – If you don't pay their upfront choice for you ? It pays better than a Tattslotto fee, there’s no chance of you winning your case. syndicate. We group together many claimants and Shy Lawyers operate in the Personal Stupidity arena then try to sue big companies over minor matters in of the legal system. If you've ever injured yourself as the hope they throw us a few thousand dollars to make a result of your own stupidity but think someone else us go away. In our most recent case, we were able to is to blame, then come and see us. Have a chat to one provide the claimants 15 cents, each !, from a claim of our lawyers, who will remain hidden behind a made against a multi-national. closed door, and it's very likely we'll take your case Our costs are very low compared to other law firms in mainly because business has been very slow lately. the industry. A big reason for this is that we don't Shy Lawyers also operate in the Overly Sensitive area actually do much. Another reason is Shy Lawyers where people who take offence at anything, sue never appear in court so we save you all those pesky everyone in sight. What do I mean by that ? Oh, I'm filing fees. sorry, I didn't mean to offend... We've even held talks Shy Lawyers, please stop confusing us with Shyster recently with a high profile member of the Labor party lawyers ! THE NEW WEAKLY GREEN SEFAN Well, I've finally gone green. I realise it is possibly * I will also get $500 per month after telling them I'm due to food poisoning, but that's not the point. The going into wind and gas production. I blame my diet Labor government is now paying me to stay green. I for this. don't know why I didn't think of it before. Why bother * A further $1,000 per month is to be received under working for a living when I can live off the the "Clean Energy Future Initiative" because I'm government for the rest of my life ? currently 'investigating' the 'possibility' of 'alternate There's not really much I have to do to get the money - sources' of 'clean energy' 'at some 'future time'. just fill out a bunch of forms. Keeping with the green (Words and phrases taken at random from other 'green theme, I've asked them to pay me in $100 bills. energy' sites). This futuristic work is apparently very * I'll be paid $100 per month after telling them I'd expensive, even if the production of energy isn't change my WG - Weekly Garbage to WG - Weekly expected to take place for another 70 years. Greens. I may have inadvertently misspelled Weekly This Green money is also tax free and there's an Greens as Weakly Greens on the form, but that didn't unending supply of it floating about, so feel free to seem to bother them. join in and grab your share. Tell your family and * Then they'll pay me $200 per month for NOT going friends about it. The bill is being picked up by the Nuclear. Considering all the stuffups and wasted 'Australian Taxpayer', whoever he is. billions of dollars under Labor, I don't really know What a nutter he must be, working instead of raking in how I haven't gone nuclear already. this free money. SMOKERS BEWARE! As part of my green contract, I now have to include at I heard on the news tonight someone had proposed least 1 "Green Fact" in each WG e-mail. This won't that smokers should have a licence to smoke and that bother me too much as Green Facts are mostly fakes there should also be a limit on them lighting up. I so I'll have no trouble in making them up. By the way, agree. If they can just set the limit on the number of you can’t contradict any of them as the science is in, people smoking per day to 2, I wouldn't have to walk the debate is over. No further discussion or I'll beat so fast in an attempt to avoid the smoke clouds on the you with a hockey stick ... graph. way to the station.

I do like the idea of a licence. If James Bond needed a I'd like to add another tangent to the proposed licence to kill, and we need a licence to drive, why smoking crackdown. We apparently still have an issue can't smokers need a licence to smoke ? It would cut with too many plastic bags. We also have an issue out some of this underage smoking. It would also with dog owners letting their pets use other people's make it easier for Governments to tax smokers if they nature strips as a toilet and not cleaning it up. Let's knew who they were. combine all three issues and force smokers to wear a plastic bag containing dog poo over their head each The limit on cigarettes would be harder to enforce, time they want to have a smoke. That way they may especially if smokers do what some people do and begin to realise the smell non-smokers have to put up pick up discarded, partially finished cigarettes from with. the ground to finish them off. Someone may only buy a pack of 20 but may end up smoking 25. The other Unfortunately the government has just realised that if issue on limits is they'd end up like Wilkie's pokie the new proposals are effective, they’d end up limits and would not get passed through Parliament collecting about the same amount in taxes as what is after Juliar’s stuffed around with the legislation. currently coming in from the mining tax. They’ve now had a change of lungs and are now thinking of The measures are an attempt to help people give up making smoking compulsory. smoking. As we know, smoking pollutes the atmosphere more than all the coal-fired power stations Smokers, start your lighters put together. (Green Fact #1: If all the smokers gave up smoking, we wouldn't have needed the Carbon Tax.) WESTERN SUBURBS NEW YEAR CELEBRATIONS It's the New Year and the Western suburbs of mandatory) followed by looting of local stores for the Melbourne celebrated it in style. latest moccasins and track suit pants. It all started at 5pm with fireworks when two local There was also a laser light display that started at 8pm bikie gangs faced off. The running street battles and when the locals started targeting planes landing at and drive by shootings lasted until 9pm, when the gangs taking off from Tullamarine with lasers. tag-teamed the local drug cartels who carried on the At the stroke of midnight, there were synchronised feuding until midnight. drug labs exploding in rented houses around the The residential street burnouts started at 6pm, suburbs, followed by a power surge due to dodgy finishing whenever the stolen cars ran out of petrol home wiring. and there were no more to carjack. If you missed it, you can catch the highlights on TV in Then it was off to the local shopping centre for some the comfort of your own lounge room. Tune your face smashing and knifings (audience participation illegally-accessed satellite dish to Stefan Satellite Channel 6 Stefan

Stefan Zone Exit

Converting just about anything to anything else

If you’re old enough to remember being taught about Imperial measurements at school, you are probably still thinking in terms of rods, poles, perches, chains, yards, feet and inches when given measurements in metres, centimetres and millimetres. And, if you live in a zone where temperature is measured in degrees Celsius, you can get mightily confused when someone living in another zone writes about temperatures in degrees Fahrenheit. Oh for a universal converter to instantly arrive at equivalents. Fortunately, there are quite a few universal converters on the Internet. One of the best of them is at: http://www.onlineconversion.com/. What do you do when you need a table of equivalents but don’t have access to the Internet? Mothers with small children come to mind. Pictured at right is a baby bottle that measures in three measurement systems. Everyone should have a foot long ruler in their desk drawer with inches and sixteenths- of-an-inch on one scale and centimetres and tenths-of-a-centimetre on the other.

The IRS Guide to Medical Terms and their Meanings reprinted from IRS June 1997

Artery The study of painting Morbid High offer Bacteria Back door to the cafeteria Nitrate Cheaper than day rate Barium What to do after the doctor’s Node Well aware of treatment fails Outpatient Person who has fainted Bowell A, E, I, O or U Pap Smear Fatherhood test Caesarian Section District of Rome Post Operative Mailman Cat Scan Searching for Kitty Prostate Flat on your back Cauterise Made eye contact with her Recovery Room Place to do the upholstery Colic Sheep dog Rectum Nearly killed him Coma Punctuation mark Rheumatic Amorous Congenital Friendly Secretion Hiding something D&C Where Washington is Seizure Roman emperor Dilate To live long Tablet Small table Enema Not a friend Terminal Illness Getting sick at the airport Genital Not Jewish Tibia Country in North Africa GI Series Soldier ball game Tumor More than one more Grippe Suitcase Urine Opposite to ‘You’re out!” Hangnail Coat hook Varicose Nearby High Colonic Religious holiday Vein Conceited Impotent Distinguished

Labour Pain Getting hurt at work

Views of China Wildflowers

The great wall

IRS February 2013 was prepared in Melbourne, Australia, for display on eFanzines at: http://www.efanzines.com