Royal Flush Con Te Partiro #Metoo
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Royal Flush Con Te Partiro #metoo Astrid Crosland tells the tale of a mysterious A farewell to Craccum with a fair Jordan Margetts discusses sharing on social card-carrier on campus few tears media [1] The University of Auckland School of Architecture and Planning MODOS Architecture Design Thesis Show Jeffrey Jiang, Spaces of Making as Spaces of Learning. Perspective from Wakefield Street, 2016. Over 50 architecture design projects Gus Fisher Gallery 74 Shortland Street 10 –12 NOV Auckland Central 10am – 4pm Free entry ISSUE TWENTY-FOUR CONTENTS 5 10 NEWS COMMUNITY FLAPPIN’ HECK TALES OF BENEFICIARIES Bird of the Year competition ruffling some feathers A chat with Sam Orchard about “We Are Beneficiaries” 13 20 LIFESTYLE FEATURES MUNCHIN’ ON SOME A BOOTYLICIOUS DEBATE SAMMIES Hamish Liddy on the negative We got you covered with the aspects of National’s bootcamp best sandwich joints in town policy 30 32 ARTS COLUMNS WE’RE CRYING A LOT, FAREWELL FROM OUR OKAY? POPSTAR Bear with the Craccum team as Michael Clark does his Oscars we recount our favourite movie thank-yous in his final column friendships New name. Same DNA. ubiq.co.nz 100% Student owned - your store on campus [3] EDITORIAL Catriona Britton Samantha Gianotti And the Fellowship of the Ring, Though Eternally Bound by Friendship and Love, Was Ended The final issue ofCraccum has arrived and we are crying hunt down the pack of orcs who held their Hobbit friends into our keyboards, wiping snotty tears onto our yet-to- hostage, the Craccum team resolved to hunt down (less be-reimbursed receipts, eating past issues of the magazine literally, more figuratively) certain members of a certain so that they will live inside us always like the Holy Spirit student association who held their Hobbit-sized budget to doing just fine. Over the past twenty-three issues—or the ransom (and are certainly not being likened to orcs for the past three years, to speak more accurately—Craccum has sake of this comparison). While Frodo held the One Ring provided us with a home, a wee band of loveable larrik- close, carrying the burden alone, those who have worked ins who have always welcomed the ideas, the dreams, the tirelessly on this 40-page manifesto week in and week out great joys and the low points of their fellow members with have helped each other carry the load that life oftentimes open arms. Across the divides of age, choice in degree, and callously drops on us—this magazine’s name that once differing levels of love for John Denver’s seminal albumPo - inspired visions of butt cracks and ejaculatory ropes now ems, Prayers & Promises, this little team has come together means so much more, synonymous with family and love to discuss and deliberate and encourage each other with and having the absolute best time with your buddies. reckless abandon. For that, we could never express enough A day may come when the bonds of the Craccum fami- gratitude. ly fail, but it is not this day. While this age of the magazine Much like the formation of the Fellowship of the Ring, comes to an end, a new age will begin, and we encourage banding together before the Council of Elrond, offering anyone who has ever thought about writing, drawing or their individual strengths and distinct skill-set to the un- contributing to this magazine in any way, to go for it. You’ll enviable task that lay before them, the editors, writers and get some experience, a reference to put on your CV, sure— artists of this rag have each brought their own piece to the but more than that, you’ll find a nook for yourself in this glorious puzzle of producing a weekly student magazine, big, all too often all-consuming campus; a foothold to on the back of little money or praise, but at the promise draw yourself up on when times get tough. A place where of a whole lotta love. (While Tolkien may turn in his grave the tiny thoughts and inspirations you’ve let simmer inside at seeing his sentiments of courage and friendship and the will be puffed from a flighty ember into a strong flame. damning ramifications of war published in a magazine As the lava of Mt Doom cascaded around them, that has routinely said things like “cumrag” and “wank- exhausted and believing all hope to be lost, Frodo whis- stain” and “cricket isn’t boring it’s actually cool”, at least pered to his truest companion: “I’m glad to be with you, we didn’t let Orlando Bloom parkour down a river on two Samwise Gamgee. Here at the end of all things”. For the barrels in a Hobbit adaptation more engorged than Stuart moment, the end of Craccum does feel like the end of all McLuncheon’s paycheck.) things, as the reason we each had to congregate each week, The Fellowship faced down the armies of Mordor, the to discuss what we loved and what we hated and whether it heights of Mt Doom, and a spiney, greedy, crazed fiend in would be worth having sex with Christopher Walken just the course of their venture; the Craccum team has had to for the story, has come to an end. But, as we read over the overcome a slashed budget, Subway Chicken Classic-in- words of this last issue, and look at the faces of the hilari- duced shits, and a spiney, greedy, crazed fiend on their ous, brilliant and beautiful team who have buoyed this lil unexpected journey (but Mark is only ever greedy for publication for so long, we can safely say that we are so gobstoppers). As Gimli, Legolas and Aragorn resolved to very glad to be with them, here at the end of all things. ◆ [4] NEWS “Bird Of The Year” Hacked (Again) BY ELOISE SIMS Forest and Bird’s “Bird Of The Year” compe- in the US, UK and New Zealand elections to "But what we do hope is that the person tition has been rocked by a fraudulent voting track the votes coming in at real-time. that made the vote actually makes a donation scandal, after a Christchurch resident cast However, when he noted the large spike in to ease their guilt," she said to Newstalk ZB. more than 100 votes for the white-faced her- votes for the heron, he alerted Forest and Bird, In a further twist, the Instagram account on. which has since taken security precautions to “@gullforglory”, advocating a win for the low- The regulations state that people are only prevent further fraud. ly seagull, has been called out for referring to allowed one vote in the competition—but “We suspect their plan was to sneakily in- the kiwi as a “fat flightless fuck”. last Monday night, more than 112 votes were crease the heron's numbers by a few hundred When questioned by NZ Herald as to cast for the heron from the same IP address in each night while we were all sleeping. Thank their disparaging take on our national bird, Christchurch. goodness Yvan was watching," Collins said. account-runner Mike Lane of Radio Hauraki The spike in the number of votes was The hundreds of extra votes have subse- simply examined a picture of said fat, flightless picked up by a Wellington data scientist, Yvan quently been deleted—and at time of print, fuck and asked, “Well, what is incorrect about Richard, who also noted another significant the white-faced heron is far behind its com- that statement?” batch of fraudulent votes being cast at 11am petitors on merely 91 votes. Voting for Bird Of The Year closes at 5pm on Tuesday. This is not the first time Bird of the Year on Monday 23rd October. Kimberly Collins, the coordinator of Bird has been rocked by accusations of voter fraud. Currently, the kea looks set to take the title of the Year, told The AM Show that the votes In 2015, the native kōkako received 200 fraud- on 4492 votes—although the kererū is in hot had been cast with multiple disposable email ulent votes by two 15-year-old girls who used pursuit with 2419 votes, following an enthu- servers to “sneakily increase the number of their parents’ business account to make fake siastic social media campaign conducted by votes”. emails to vote with. “Bad Memes for Suffering Victoria University “We’re not mad, just impressed that some- The incident made international head- Teens” and Patrick Gower. ◆ one cares enough about New Zealand’s native lines, with coverage from The Telegraph. THE WINNER OF “BIRD OF THE YEAR” WILL BE AN- birds to rig the competition,” she commented. However, this year Collins has said they’re NOUNCED IN RADIO NEW ZEALAND’S “MORNING REPORT” ON TUESDAY 24TH OCTOBER AT 9AM. FUR- Richard uncovered the voter fraud by still trying to figure out who the white her- THER INFORMATION AND VOTING IS AVAILABLE utilising a computer programme he had used on-loving culprit is. HERE: HTTPS://WWW.BIRDOFTHEYEAR.ORG.NZ/. [5] NEWS Fees Are Going To Rise (Again) BY LAURA KVIGSTAD The University of Auckland Council has voted tic student fee increase will bring in $3.5 mil- “The way they hire, pay people and oversee, to raise domestic student fees by 2% last week. lion—so that still leaves us $11.8 million short.” particularly tutors and administrative staff, is The New Zealand Consumer Price Index Since 2014, the cost of a Bachelor of Arts not well thought out. They could do with a big states that 2% is the maximum a university is degree has increased by $600—and even the audit,” Berry said.