FEBRUARY 2006

★ AMERICA IN YOUR POCKET ★

* 172 Confidence GUARNACCIA STEVEN How to Get It, How to Use It SALLY KOSLOW Surprising secrets that tap your inner strength.

* 92 What Your 126 Charting a Dreams Really Mean New Course LAWRENCE ELLIOTT MICHAEL J. WEISS In a boat-building shop on the Science reveals that what happens Potomac River, teens in deep in your head at night is more trouble are launching new lives. important than you think. TIM TADDER * 108 Face to Face * BOOK BONUS With Geena Davis SARA DAVIDSON She’s playing the first female MY President—and winning the popular vote. WAKEUP * 116 The New Game Killing Kids MARY A. FISCHER They’re taking risks in shocking C LL and dangerous new ways. A 123 RD NEED TO KNOW Better Than a Pill? 180 MIMI GUARNERI, MD NEENA SAMUEL Every one of my patients More and more medicines was a heart attack waiting come in a patch. Are they to happen. Turns out right for you? I was too. 2 * ON THE COVER 100 Three Hours of Fear and Hope KENNETH MILLER The inside story of JetBlue’s harrowing Flight 292.

132 Greatest Show 154 Hunt for the on Earth Green Mountain Killer PHOTOGRAPHS BY BERNHARD EDMAIER ROBERT KIENER Natural wonders as you’ve For 13 years, Ann and David Scoville never seen them. made it their mission to solve their GILLES MINGASSON/GETTY GILLES daughter’s murder. 138 Knockout! DAVID MARGOLICK 160 Buff Your Shoes The prize fight lasted only two With a Banana ANDY SIMMONS minutes, but it stayed with me … and 17 other extraordinary uses for a lifetime. for ordinary things. 144 A Healing Force 164 Spirited Away LYNN ROSELLINI RANDALL SULLIVAN How one heroic doctor is helping Kids near death report surprisingly her hurricane-ravaged town get similar experiences. What can back on the map. we learn from them?

COVER: (DAVIS) ANDREW ECCLES/JBGPHOTO.COM; (PADLOCK) IAN MCKINNELL/IMAGESTATE/PICTUREQUEST 3 FEBRUARY 2006

COLUMNS

42 That’s Outrageous! MICHAEL CROWLEY

45 My Planet MARY ROACH

57 Money Talks MARIA BARTIROMO When Money Comes Between You

87 Ask Laskas JEANNE MARIE LASKAS 32 Attorney Michael Taub, a fighter for forgotten vets. 224 RD Challenge GUNNAR JOHNSON ZAVE SMITH ZAVE DEPARTMENTS 17 You Said It 23 Only in America 32 Everyday Heroes 39 Word Power 49 Medical Update 51 Turning Point 61 All in a Day’s Work TIMMONS BONNIE 65 Humor in Uniform 45 How to load 79 Unforgettable a dishwasher 91 Quotable Quotes 152 Laughter, the Best Medicine 199 Editors’ Choice 221 Life in These United States

201 RDLIVING 202 Health Flu-proofing Fido, body lotions 205 Food that multi-task, a no-budget 208 Pets family room makeover, your 210 Cars own doc in a box, and the best treats for your 212 Home sweet—and you. 214 You OUR CONTRIBUTORS

Kenneth Miller is a writer based in Los Angeles. He fre- quently contributes to RD, and his work has also appeared in TIME, Rolling Stone, Discover and LIFE.

Sara Davidson is a bestselling novelist, jour- nalist and radio host. She has interviewed many actors, including Tom Hanks, Angelina Jolie, Meg Ryan and Ray Romano, for RD. She can be reached at saradavidson.com.

David Margolick’s Beyond Glory was recently named a New York Times Notable Book for 2005. He is a contributing editor at Vanity Fair and was national legal affairs editor at The New York Times. He lives in New York.

Michael J. Weiss is an award-winning journalist and market researcher who has written for The Atlantic Monthly, Newsweek and The New York Times Magazine. He lives with his family in North Potomac, Maryland.

RD contributing editor Lynn Rosellini is a prize-winning journalist. Her sto- ries have appeared in The New York Times, U.S. News & World Report and Newsday. She lives in Washington, D.C., with her husband and daughter. 5A EDITORS’ NOTE

Do You Ever Dream?

ot the “someday I’ll win the lottery” kind of daydream. But the kind that taps into the hidden Npart of your brain. The kind that comes out only in the still of the night. These are the dreams that can overtake you. They can cause you to sweat ice pellets or prompt you to make love in the middle of the day. And even when they fade as consciousness looms, they can cast a spell on your day. People have speculated about dreams since primitive humans drew pictures on the walls of caves. Because dreams couldn’t be controlled, they were attributed to the gods and the supernatural. Shakespeare used dreams as a dramatic device. Remember the sleepwalking Lady Macbeth who rubbed her hands repeatedly in an effort to cleanse the blood from her hands? “Out, damned spot!” But it wasn’t until Freud came up with what is now thought of as a highly flawed theory (that dreams repre- sent latent desires) that analyzing and demystifying dreams became a credible area of study. Not much changed since Freud. Until now. Our cover story on page 92 shows how researchers are unlocking the hidden meaning of dreams and how these nocturnal videos impact our lives. Now if they could only figure out why we need to sleep in the first place ... THE EDITORS PHOTOS: (MILLER) JULIE RIES; (DAVIDSON) VALARI JACK; (MARGOLICK) ELENA SEIBERT; (WEISS) ROBERT SHERBOW ROBERT (WEISS) ELENA SEIBERT; (MARGOLICK) JACK; VALARI (DAVIDSON) JULIE RIES; (MILLER) PHOTOS:

5B RD Presents Give Us Your Best It’s that time of year again! Our third annual Best of America issue (May 2006) is well underway, and we’d love to know what’s tops by you. We’re especially looking for the best sandwich Check This Out! in the country. Got a great one? If so, Have you rush your recipe to seen our digital edition yet? It’s [email protected] by delivered right to February 20, 2006, your computer each along with a month—no waiting at the picture of mailbox—and includes your sand- all the RD content you’ve wich, your name, come to rely on. Click on address and phone. a hyperlinked table of If we pick your recipe, contents, and use digital you may be featured in our Best of Amer- features to search and high- ica issue. It’s a tantalizing prospect—so light stories. To learn more, hurry! For details, go to rd.com/boa06. go to rd.com/digital.

Winning With WORDS ▲ ▲▲ SUBSCRIBE Give a gift or subscribe to Join the Reader’s Digest National Word Power the magazine with the Challenge—a program dedicated to building vocab- touch of a button. ulary skills for kids in grades 4-8. Students are SIGN UP Get the competing now for the titles of state champ and RD Insider, a free all-expense-paid trips with their teacher-escorts to monthly e-mail that the national competition this spring. Contestants highlights our newest will be guests at the Portofino Bay Hotel at Univer- offerings online. sal Orlando®, A Loews Hotel and sponsor of the SAVE TIME ERIC ANTHONY JOHNSON/NONSTOCK RIGHT: MICHAEL SLOAN; LEFT: program. The top three winners earn a Payments, changes total of $50,000 in college scholarships. of address and other To register for the 2006-07 pro- inquiries can be made gram, call 866-523-6388 or visit at rd.com/help. wordpowerchallenge.com. 6 GO AHEAD: MAKE US LAUGH

veryone has a funny story. Just send us yours, and Eif we publish it in Reader’s Digest, you’ll be laughing all the way to the bank. Here’s how it works: WE PAY $300 for true, never-before- published stories we print in Life in These United States, All in a Day’s Work, or Humor in Uniform. WE PAY $100 for the submission of a previously published or original item we print in Laughter, the Best Medicine; in Quotable Quotes; or elsewhere, as a short item. THE RULES Please note your name, address and phone number with all submissions. Previously published material must include the name, date, page number, Web address or other source identification. Original items should be less than 100 words, and if we select and pay for your item, we will own all rights. All contributions may be edited and cannot be acknowledged or returned. We may run your item in any section of our magazines, or elsewhere. If we receive more than one copy of the same or a similar item, we pay only for the one we select. HOW TO SUBMIT JOKES AND ANECDOTES ■ Go to rd.com to submit original material (Click on “Submit a Joke”) ■ To enclose funny items clipped from other sources, mail to: Humor, Reader’s Digest, Box 100, Pleasantville, New York 10572-0100

Rates are subject to change; for current information, please visit rd.com.

10 ILLUSTRATED BY GEORGE B. ABBOTT YOU SAID IT LETTERS ON THE DECEMBER ISSUE

Silent Epidemic an ferber’s article, “The Checkup That Can Save DYour Life,” compellingly reinforces dentistry’s long- held tenet that the mouth is the window to the body. On- going scientific study is adding rapidly to our knowl- edge base on possible associa- tions between oral health and systemic health issues such as car- diovascular diseases, diabetes and premature births. Losing Our Edge? The American Dental Association s an american, I am saddened and its more than 152,000 members by the state of our education salute Dan Ferber for bringing this Asystem. Kathryn Wallace’s important aspect of oral health into report on why our scientists are dis- focus, and unveiling why “the den- appearing tells it like it is (“Amer- tist may be the most important doc- ica’s Brain Drain Crisis”). With tor you see this year.” China, India and Japan concentrat- ROBERT M. BRANDJORD, DDS, ing on math and science, and work- President, American Dental Association, Chicago, Illinois ing to upgrade their universities, America will soon be on the outside The example of Ken Michener’s looking in. life-threatening dental infection The idea of people with industry was eye-opening because he suf- experience teaching in high schools fered unnecessarily. I had already and colleges seems like a great solu- planned to become a dentist, and tion. People who love what they do this article just confirmed that deci- can instill their passion in those sion. I want the chance to save they teach. S.W., via Internet even one person’s life. DAVID PAINTER, Forsyth, Illinois Let’s see … I’m a scientist with a PhD. Should I teach high school Now everyone go floss! with a starting salary of … what? ANGIE ENGLISH, R.D.H., Idaho Falls, Idaho Maybe $25,000, if I’m lucky. Or

ILLUSTRATED BY ANASTASIA VASILAKIS 17 RD I FEBRUARY 2006 should I get a research job making Pay Day $40,000 to $50,000? No decision to be made there! aving worked in human re- KIMBERLY ENGEL, Batavia, Ohio sources in both the private and Hpublic sectors, I, too, was con- Let the market work. If there is cerned about government workers truly a shortage, then the invisible who save unused sick days and cash hand of the market will bring out at retirement (That’s Outra- companies to offer rewards and op- geous! “Just Sick of It”). Most good portunity that will draw talented companies today provide some form people into the field. of sick days for “an unexpected flu CARL MALLY, Cedar Rapids, Iowa and nothing more.” If it were a program designed to We will continue to have a hard reward employees who were well time inspiring more kids to pursue and able to work, it would have been the sciences until a top science stu- called a “wellness bonus” or “attend- dent is awarded a multimillion- ance reward.” It was never intended dollar contract just like the one that to be an “entitlement program,” or the D-average standout athlete next outright gift, that you can bank or to him in class will get. cash in later. DAVE OBERG, Anchorage, Alaska To pay employees extra for com- RD Giving to the Gulf

egina Benjamin, MD, our “Everyday Hero” in January 2003, runs a nonprofit clinic in Bayou RLa Batre, Alabama, where seafood is the main source of income. She takes care of everybody, regard- less of their ability to pay. So when Katrina hit the Gulf Coast, we wanted to know how she made out. Turns out the clinic was destroyed and most resi- dents were out of work. Contributing editor Lynn Rosellini caught up with Dr. B as she struggled to rebuild. See our story on page 144. Reader’s Digest also reached out in a very personal way to the hard-hit region. Employees donated more Dr. B, in front of her clinic. It than $50,000 to the American Red Cross and the Sal- will be bigger and better. vation Army, and every dollar was matched by the company. In addition, The Reader’s Digest Foundation gave $50,000 to Boys & Girls Clubs of America to assist in reopening clubs along the coast, and $75,000 to Opera- tion Comeback of the Preservation Alliance of New Orleans. And we sent Dr. B $25,000 to help restore her clinic. For more information, go to rd.com/hurricanehelp.

18 PHOTOGRAPHED BY BENJAMIN LOWY RD I FEBRUARY 2006 ing to work is not only illogical but caught the disgusting perpetrator in very costly. It becomes a form of the process. What an amazing “double dipping.” woman! PAM FALLER, Celina, Ohio ROBERT G. HANSON, Surprise, Arizona Hold That Line! I am a private-school teacher and my husband is a firefighter. When eanne marie laskas invited we are absent from work, our “com- readers to share any effective panies” must hire substitutes. In my Jzingers for express-line check- husband’s case it is usually a costly out hogs (“Ask Laskas”). I tell them, “callback,” which means another “Pardon me, but are you a math firefighter is paid time and a half to major who never learned to read, or work his shift. In my case, a substi- an English major who never learned tute must have the required educa- to count?” They get the message! tion and must be fingerprinted, KEN DIXON, Escondido, California a costly and time-consuming en- deavor. Both of these scenarios cost HOW TO more than paying our earned sick REACH US days. You may have reached an erro- Letters to the Editor neous conclusion about the real cost ■ [email protected] of sick days. ■ You Said It, Reader’s Digest, Box 200, BRENDA DESCALSO, Carmichael, California Pleasantville, New York 10572-0200 Include your full name, address, e-mail We shouldn’t have to watch our and daytime phone number. We may edit letters, and use them in all print and hard-earned money go to someone electronic media. else’s luxuries. The bottom line? If Submissions you need the sick day, take it. But if For short humor items, please see page you don’t, we’re not rewarding you 10. We regret that we cannot accept or acknowledge unsolicited artwork, pho- for it. BILL WILLNER, Brooklyn, New York tographs or article-length manuscripts. Save Time Go Online Subscriptions, payments, changes of A Great Save address, account information, inquiries o many people see bad things at 877-732-4438 or rd.com/help. happen and turn their heads. Subscriptions ■ RD, Box 7823, SSome are afraid, but many don’t Red Oak, Iowa 51591-0823 care enough to get involved. When Moving? Monique Williams saw a man order ■ RD, Dept. CHADD, ten-year-old Chiara Rufus into his Box 7809, Red Oak, Iowa 51591-0809 car, she reacted instinctively (Every- Reprints day Heroes: “Get Out of That Car!”). ■ rd.com/reprints (min. 500 copies) Not only did she save Chiara, she 20 ONLYAmerica IN IDEAS, TRENDS, AND INTERESTING BITS FROM ALL OVER

Cupid Narrows His Aim Online e’re in the mood for love. TheAtlasphere.com (for single fans And, from what we’ve of writer Ayn Rand). Wheard, it’s out there on the Still, looking for love this way Internet. At least that’s what the 40 doesn’t ensure happiness. “It lures million Americans who’ve tried on- you into believing that you can cus- line dating would have us believe. tomize a partner the way you can a They may be right. Using the car,” says Jillian Straus, author of the Internet to find that perfect some- new Unhooked Generation: The one does open up a vast field of op- Truth About Why We’re Still Single. tions. And you can evaluate the Online or off, it takes more than one prospects while in your pajamas. shared interest for a couple to click. But too much choice may not be ideal. In 2003, revenue at online- dating sites rose by 77 percent. By 47% 2005, though, traffic at top sites like of U.S. small- Match.com had slowed. business owners say Happily, Cupid hasn’t quit the they’d keep working even Web. He’s just gotten choosier. Now, if they won $10 million what’s hot are niche sites that link the like-minded: FarmersOnly.com, in the lottery. SOURCE: Gallup DatingforSmokers.com, even 23 M a hsadGv Me20 Give and This Eat each to dopull-upsbefore andafter amarch. That’s good. With 280caloriesin found thatsoldiers who ate thebars showed a19 percent increase inability sistency andtaste. But canithelpget you into fightingshape? Onestudy resembled a100 Grand candy bar incon- “Chocolate Crisp” version test, the for themilitaryrallying cryandnow available to civilians—isn’t bad. Inour Department-developed snacknamed 24 RD Yet the Bonus Pt. Attract Could Potential Bruise Bump & Big Bucks Winner? Ratings Origins I FEBRUARY 2006 HOOAH! sports andnutrition bars. to betasty. Neither are the ilitary food HOOAH! One sport toOne sport give clowns a big role. see acar crash. whether for thefast actionorto Those whotune into NASCAR, riding events account for half. cussions, ribdamage) ayear. Bull- treats 6,000 rodeo injuries (con- High. Justin Team Sportsmedicine Wrangler NFR purse: $5.3 million. gler NationalFinals Rodeo (NFR). viewers for December ’05Wran- Association event: 10millionESPN for aProfessional Rodeo Cowboys Peak television audience to date , you’ll needto dolotsofmarching andplenty ofpull-ups. and otherranching chores. bar—a Defense competed athorse breaking gathering inDeerTrail, Bull Ridesvs. Bull’s-Eyes Colorado, where cowboys Historians pointto an1864 OE DARTS RODEO isn’t known American entry(rodeo) against aUK import (darts).import Let thegames begin. The next bigsport? We pitanAll- TV poker fans, says booster—and player issuddenlyunableto throw. dition called “dartitis” inwhich juries dooccur. Also, amental con- Limited. Shoulderandwrist in- World Series prize: upto $1million. Phil Taylor onBritain’s SkySports. for match featuring 12-time champ ence to date: 2.2millionviewers Goes well withanadultbeverage. Millionaire A Be creator—Michael Davies. To Wants Who ESPN set to airnew First majorcompetition: 1928. British pubs post–World War I. (also called “arrows”) emerged in archery, thegame With roots in of Darts of this summer. Peak audi- World Series World

SARAH UNDERHILL/SOLDIER SYSTEMS CENTER (FAR LEFT) HUGH BEEBOWER/CORBIS RD I FEBRUARY 2006

THE BIG IDEA Wired by the Sun As an Air Force engineer, Ben Adams always played the bad guy in military war games. Sometimes, this bad guy had to send e-mail from remote areas. Finding the power to do that could be tough. Once, in the Nevada desert, he used a rental-car cigarette lighter. There must be a better MINT U.S. COURTESY way, he recalls thinking. A Money That inspired Adams when, after leaving the service in 2002, he co-founded Lumin Innovative Products, a Colo- Makeover, rado-based company that uses solar technology to power wireless networks. The firm’s first big success—Boulder’s Completed Pearl Street Mall, an open-air downtown shopping zone— he humble went online last summer. Suitcase-sized rooftop panels nickel is get- collect the sun’s rays (even on cloudy days) to charge bat- Tting lots of at- teries. The batteries, in turn, power a wireless (Wi-Fi) net- tention these days. work that shoppers can tap into. The cost to set up this That’s because it’s six-block network: $10,000, half of what rival bidders being used to mark wanted for installing a conventional network. Operating the Louisiana Pur- costs are limited to the $100-per-unit charge for replac- chase and the Lewis ing each battery every 3-5 years. and Clark bicenten- Costs notwithstanding, Adams says solar-powered net- nials. Now—after works are best suited to areas where there’s no existing four new takes on electrical or phone lines. the “tails” side After all, he notes, the sun Lumin IP’s Zak Adams and since 2004—comes works everywhere. Might Sally Lyon with one of the the version shown as well plug in. panels that feed Boulder’s above. It’s just the solar-powered Wi-Fi second update of network. Thomas Jefferson’s image in 68 years— and the first time any U.S. President has faced forward on a coin. Those are two reasons to hold onto it. An- other? A nickel just doesn’t buy that

much anymore. IMPROVEMENT BUSINESS BOULDER COTE/DOWNTOWN GERALD COURTESY RD I FEBRUARY 2006

When You’ve Got to Go Good news for anyone who’s been away from home and searched unsuccessfully for a clean public bath- room: More and more U.S. cities are heeding na- ture’s call. Boston recently installed several self-cleaning toilets. Atlanta’s subway system is adding more loos. Washington, D.C., is testing a New Zealand model. Even potty-poor New York City— where security fears now keep many buildings, and their restrooms, off-limits to the public—is bringing in a batch. And with public toilets now rated on TheBathroomDiaries.com (over 8,000 reviewed) and in Arthur Frommer’s Where to Stop & Where to Go, trav- elers now have a shot at finding relief just around the corner. COOPERPHOTO/CORBIS

RD INDEX A quick review of some of the good, bad and ugly to appear on our radar recently. YEA NAY Heritage Preservation For reporting on Congressman Joe Barton For holding the decaying state of 190 million a hearing on college football’s method books, photos and other items in insti- of picking a national champ. Doesn’t tutions across America. By publicizing the Texas Republican have better ways the problem, the conservation group to spend time and taxpayer money took a key step toward fixing it. than this grandstand play?

IBM For vowing not to use Verizon For freezing the pension plans genetic data in decisions of 50,000 managers. The firm is just on hiring or benefits. one of the latest to scale The tech giant’s move back retirement bene- is reassuring to those fits, but this grim move who see gene tests as a boon to medi- could well lead others to cine, but want to protect privacy. follow.

Random 1 For being a reality-TV pro- Kurt Busch For being cited for reckless gram that actually reflects reality. The driving in Arizona. While officers said show, which tracks two do-gooders the NASCAR star smelled of booze, he who help needy folks, doesn’t pretend passed a sobriety test. He still got a that all’s fine when its hour is up. two-race suspension—a smart pit stop.

28 EVERYDAY HEROES

Michael Taub with Vietnam vet John Lavery.

On the Front Lines BY WILLIAM M. HENDRYX

alking to his office one a business card into the man’s day in Philadelphia’s hand. “Stop by my office. Maybe historic downtown, I can help.” WMichael Taub saw a Several weeks later, the vet disheveled panhandler in a wheel- wheeled into the headquarters of chair, parked under the awning of the Homeless Advocacy Project. an old movie theater. The heavyset Taub works there as a staff attorney man had only one leg. He clutched specializing in disability benefits for a worn cardboard sign reading homeless veterans. “Vietnam Veteran.” “Looks like you’re wearing your Rather than avoid eye contact, as Sunday best,” Taub said, noting the so many would, Taub walked right man’s neatly pressed clothes. “You up to him and smiled. “Thank you don’t have to do that for me.” for having served,” he said, pressing Taub escorted the man, who in-

32 PHOTOGRAPHED BY ZAVE SMITH troduced himself as Kertis Daniels, grant worker who’d fallen from to his cramped office, pushing aside some scaffolding, Taub fought to get stacks of case files—some 18 inches the man the workers’ compensation thick—so that Daniels could wheel he deserved, even though his boss himself in. initially refused to pay. The handouts weren’t for him, “The man spoke no English and Daniels explained. He was pan- felt helpless against the system, as handling to help his daughter Robin do many of our veterans today,” ex- with college. The $845 from the plains Taub. “I knew then that my VA every month just didn’t go far law degree would be used to im- enough. Daniels lived in a second- prove the lives of others, though I floor apartment. Because the build- wasn’t sure how.” ing had no elevator or handicap access, he was forced to go through he “how” appeared a few an alley to get inside and leave his months after graduation, wheelchair near the back door. when Taub learned of an Then he had to hop up the stairs to T opening at the Homeless get to his apartment. Advocacy Project. It felt right, By the end of their meeting, like he’d found his calling. He ago- Taub had added another case to his nized briefly over taking a huge pay docket. In a typical year he works cut—$65,000—from the job he’d on about 80 benefits claims to the lined up with a private law firm. Department of Veterans Affairs—all But even though he owed $75,000 at no charge to the vets. If they qual- in student loans, drove an old Su- ify for additional benefits, Taub baru with 114,000 miles on it and makes sure they get what they’re lived in a tiny one-bedroom apart- entitled to. ment with his fiancée, ultimately, Today Kertis Daniels lives in a the decision was easy. basement apartment with handicap “It’s enough,” Taub said of his access. He also receives an addi- new, smaller salary. “I use money tional $250 a month in dependency for things that are important to me, benefits for Robin, who is a senior and those aren’t material things.” at Edinboro University of Pennsyl- Taub’s clients mostly come from vania, majoring in criminal justice. a day shelter for homeless vets Since he was in elementary (estimated to number more than school, Michael Taub has wanted 2,000 in the Philadelphia area). to help people who couldn’t help The facility is known as the Perime- themselves. A class assignment at ter, a military term that suggests Villanova University School of Law protection from the outside, a safe cemented his resolve to fight injus- place. tice. Assigned to represent a mi- At 33, Taub is young enough to be 33 RD I FEBRUARY 2006 a son to most of these men. On time in Vietnam Vet chat rooms, one of his recent trips, he sat with eventually tracking down men who about 20 vets, listening to their sto- had served with Lavery and could ries one by one. By the end of the help verify his story. day, he had six new cases. Deemed 100 percent disabled, Among Taub’s most dramatic Lavery was awarded $40,000 in back success stories is John Lavery, a 56- benefits, plus a monthly stipend. year-old veteran who’d been turned He now lives with dignity in his own apartment and volun- teers every day at a shelter Deemed 100 percent for recovering alcoholics disabled, Lavery was and addicts. “Michael wouldn’t awarded $40,000 take any credit. He said I earned it,” explains Lavery, in back benefits. who regularly sends other veterans Taub’s way. “He’s down for disability four times, dat- very humble.” ing back to 1977. Subject to fits of In typically modest fashion, Taub violent rage due to undiagnosed downplays his success. “We rarely bipolar disorder, Lavery had been win that big, and we certainly don’t all but banned from the Perimeter win every claim,” he elaborates. except to pick up his meds and mail. “But these men come out ahead For 30 years, he’d been sleeping even when losing, because we give in doorways, hospital emergency them something they’ve not experi- rooms and abandoned cars. He ate enced in a long while—fair treat- from trash bins and smoked butts ment, kindness and some closure he found on the street. Plagued by to a difficult chapter in their lives. depression, the decorated former They leave here each feeling like a Army specialist had attempted person of value.” suicide eight times. In his initial There is, however, a catch. meeting with Michael Taub, Lavery Funding for Taub’s $40,000 salary found hope for the first time has vanished. If new underwriting in decades. is not found by June 2006, the man “When you look into Michael’s John Lavery calls “my knight in eyes and hear the sincerity in his shining armor” may be looking for voice,” says Lavery, “you know he’s a new job. for real.” Still, Michael Taub is optimistic. Taub spent months trying to sort “Surely, the community will re- out the troubled man’s jagged life. spond to these men who sacrificed At home in the evenings, he spent so much.” ■ 36 WORD POWER ®

Tan-talizing As a girl, Amy Tan recalls her fa- 12. fetter v.—A: to ther making RD’s Word Power quiz seem like “the restrain. B: rot. C: make most fun a body could have.” So to help celebrate bitter. D: enable to fly. her birthday (February 19), we used words from 13. keloid n.—A: scar. her current novel, Saving Fish From Dying. Dad B: unit of energy. would surely be proud. Answers on the next page. C: developed film. 1. grotto n.—A: frighten- 7. abhor v.—A: to haunt. D: seaweed. ing statue. B: cave or B: detest. C: plant. 14. proletarian adj. — cavern. C: neighbor- D: steal. A: abundant. hood. D: type of moth. B: of the work- ing class. C: introductory. 2. fabulist D: snobbish. n.—one who 15. wield v.—A: to A: tells lies. back down. B: use B: takes or exercise. C: fuse notes. C: makes clothing. together. D: criticize. 16. megalomaniac n.— D: is conceited. one who A: loves shopping. B: fears 3. sonorous adj.— 8. cheroot n.—A: kind big cities. C: exagger- A: dreamy. B: bright. of quartz. B: cigar. ates his importance. C: loud. D: indulgent. C: chubby child. D: compliments others. 4. serigraph n.—A: short D: herb of the parsley poem. B: earthquake family. Author! Author! measurement. C: angel. 9. quash v.—A: to sup- It may be the shortest month, D: silkscreen print. press. B: destroy. but February marks the birth of many well-known writers. 5. solicitously adv.— C: clean thoroughly. Unscramble some names A: with concern or anx- D: divide up. below (places of birth as 10. morose iety. B: persuasively. adj.—A: stag- clues). Answers on next page. C: in an alluring way. nant. B: overly talkative. D: with a menacing C: embarrassing. D: ex- MEAJS YOCEJ (Ireland) HOJN IENTSCKBE (California) tone. pressing gloom. AURAL GNALSLI DLIREW 6. idyllic adj.—A: show- 11. lagniappe n.—A: rope (Wisconsin) ing devotion. B: overly trick. B: small gift. SAJEM CREENIMH (NYC) positive. C: peaceful. C: complicated story. CTOVIR OHUG (France) D: charmingly simple. D: lengthy delay. CLSIARIN SWLEI (Minnesota)

ILLUSTRATED BY DAVID SHELDON 39 RD I FEBRUARY 2006 ANSWERS 1. grotto—[B] Cave or 8. cheroot—[B] A cigar 13. keloid—[A] A prolifer- cavern; recessed structure. with open, untapered ation of scar tissue, espe- We toured the countryside ends. The villagers leaned cially at the site of a and found a number of in doorways, talking to surgical incision. Fearing shrines that were housed one another and smoking that her keloid would be in grottoes. their cheroots. too visible, my cousin opted not to wear a strapless dress. 2. fabulist—[A] 14. proletarian—[B] Of One who tells lies the working class, espe- cially wage earners who or invents fables. lack capital or property. The reporter Thanks to his proletarian roots, the mayoral can- was more of didate won the endorse- ment of nearly every a fabulist than labor union in the city. a newsman. 15. wield—[B] To use (as a weapon) effectively; exercise power 3. sonorous—[C] Loud; 9. quash—[A] To or influence. In her vivid resonating with sound. suppress or put down. The nightmare, the professor The room was sonorous zoning committee quashed saw the shadow of the with the echoes of his plans for a new mall. Grim Reaper wielding a snoring. 10. morose—[D] Express- scythe. 4. serigraph —[D] A print ing gloom; ill-humored. 16. megalomaniac—[C] made by the silkscreen My colleague’s morose One who exaggerates his process. The little shop nature was hard on the own importance, or who boasted limited-edition rest of us. is obsessed with grand serigraphs by a local artist. 11. lagniappe (lan YAP)— things. It wasn’t long be- 5. solicitously—[A] With [B] Small gift given by a fore the film’s cast and concern or anxiety. My merchant to a customer crew realized that a mega- aunt solicitously asked all for making a purchase; a lomaniac was sitting in the about my love life. tip, gratuity. He opened director’s chair. 6. idyllic—[D] Charm- a shipment of bookmarks, VOCABULARY RATINGS ingly simple or rustic. Our lagniappes for shoppers 8-10 Good 11-13 Excellent neighbors love weekends who spent more than $50. 14-16 Exceptional

in the city, but we prefer 12. fetter—[A] To re- Lewis Sinclair

our idyllic mountain cabin.

strain; confine with chains Hugo, Victor Michener,

7. abhor—[B] To detest; or shackles. Her husband James Wilder, Ingalls Laura

regard with aversion. I was fettered by the tasks Steinbeck, John Joyce, James abhor my friend’s habit necessitated by his duty to Answers: Author! Author! of arriving late. care for his ailing mother. Are you amative? Play Super Word Power and find out. Go to rd.com/word.

40 THAT’S OUTRAGEOUS! ® MICHAEL CROWLEY

Anger for Hire You can’t always believe what you see— especially if you’re looking at political protests

t’s hard to know who to trust ple thought the rally was genuine—a these days. When we see peo- local radio station even broadcast it ple staging protests we think, live. But listeners had no idea this IWow! These folks are passion- was just a crowd for hire. ate about their cause—otherwise, Near Washington, D.C., a local why would they stand in the rain for carpenters union has hired around hours? But sometimes it’s a sham: 100 homeless men, according to You and even your Congressman union official George Eisner. The may have been set up by manipula- men, paid $8 per hour, are “another tive marketers who pay serious source” of manpower for rallies and money to hire protesters. protests. It’s a sneaky trick. Let’s say you want to stage a political rally, but you just can’t find enough people for a good turnout. What you need are folks with lots of time on their hands, who can be persuaded to make a fuss over almost anything. Solution: Head down to a homeless shelter and dole out cash. No joke—hiring the homeless is catching on. Last October, a Georgia activist pushing a state law to crack down on illegal immigrants paid 14 homeless men $10 each to hold signs and march around. It worked. Peo- Michael Crowley is a senior editor

at The New Republic. KAREN BALLARD/REDUX BY PHOTOGRAPHED

42 ILLUSTRATED BY VICTOR JUHASZ The scheme is so effective that Say you get a call from someone who unions across the country are get- says he’s with a citizens’ group that’s ting in on the act too. fighting a bill to raise taxes. He may Pay for rage works—the homeless offer to connect you directly to your get a little income and the lobbying Congressman’s office so you can ex- group gets a crowd. The only losers press your outrage. You may never are citizens and the media, who know you’ve been duped—a pawn think the whole show is legit. After of a tobacco industry front group a Phoenix TV station recently no- battling a cigarette-tax hike. ticed rallies featuring the homeless, Astroturf lobbyists have even been they asked some of the protesters, known to “borrow” people’s names. who were holding signs about a In one case a few years ago, mem- local labor dispute, what they were bers of Congress were swamped so upset about. Many had no idea. with telegrams about a telecom bill. “All we do is stand out here and But some constituents were con- hold the signs,” said one. fused when they got phone calls from their concerned Congress- hese are small examples of men—because they’d never written what’s happening at every in to begin with. It turned out that level of society. In business, thousands of the telegrams were T“stealth marketers” are pay- faked by a telecom-industry PR ing people to casually talk up their firm. And guess what? No aspect of products to friends and co-workers this campaign appears to have vio- and get word-of-mouth buzz going. lated Postal Service regulations. And in politics, the biggest special- That means your name could be interest racket is so-called “Astro- used next in support of a corporate turf” lobbying. cause you’ve never heard of. If you want to create the illusion All of this amounts to a corrup- of grass-roots support to help sway tion of our democratic system: You Congress, you might have to pay. can’t trust someone who’s calling “Contrived and organized, it’s you about a political issue, and if known as Astroturf lobbying,” says you write to your Congressman, he Jeffrey Birnbaum, a Washington Post might not trust that you haven’t reporter and lobbying expert. Spe- been manipulated. cial interests spend millions on As- Maybe the solution starts with troturf campaigns in which they set unmasking all those protest rallies up front groups, gather signatures, that are just outrage-for-hire pur- and hire telemarketers without dis- chased down at the local shelter. ■ closing their real agendas. And you could become an unwit- Outraged? Write to Michael Crowley ting tool of these special interests. at [email protected]. 43 MY PLANET MARY ROACH

Dishing Dirt t is not necessary to rinse have time to go off and pursue their dishes before putting them dreams, so they can write the Great into the dishwasher.” This American Novel, or the great ‘‘I is line one, page five of our American Dishwasher Use and Care dishwasher’s instruction manual. I Manual or whatever it is they dream recited these words to my husband, of writing. Ed, last week, so he would under- I believe prewashing is demean- stand that it is not just me that holds ing to the dishwasher. If people this opinion, it is also the authors of wash the dishes first, the dishwasher the Frigidaire Dishwasher Use and is reduced to a sort of unneeded Care Manual, and if anyone should front-loading autoclave. Imagine the have the last word on rinsing, it is scorn of the other large appliances. these fine people. REFRIGERATOR: “So, what do you And Ed doesn’t merely rinse do around here?” the dishes before putting them in. DISHWASHER: “I make perfectly He all-out washes them—thereby clean dishes scalding hot for a defeating the machine’s purpose. while.” If I’d known I could get my husband to wash dishes for me, I wouldn’t have insisted we buy a dish- washer. This is a device that washes dishes so that people don’t

PHOTOGRAPHED BY JOHN MADERE BY PHOTOGRAPHED have to, so they

Mary Roach’s latest bestseller is Spook, published last October by W.W. Norton & Co.

ILLUSTRATED BY BONNIE TIMMONS 45 RD I FEBRUARY 2006

REFRIGERATOR: “Why on earth washer is for washing dishes, not would you do that?” pots and pans. He pointed out the DISHWASHER: “No reason. Utterly drawing in the manual of a properly pointless. I’m so depressed.” loaded top rack. In the drawing, the Ed says he rinses the dishes be- area where I typically wedge frying fore putting them in because if you pans and macaroni dishes is filled don’t, they dry out while you wait with neat rows of dessert plates, for a full load to accrue, and then lit- cups and saucers. In other words, the entire top half of your dish- The dishwasher was washer is reserved for those evenings when the Queen of supposed to free us to Norway and her entourage drop in for dinner. Outside of the write the Great mold community, we don’t get many visitors. Or not the saucer American Novel. type, anyway. At our house, cof- fee goes in mugs, and dessert is tle bits of cereal and egg fuse to the eaten out of the carton or, in the surfaces. True enough. So you don’t case of cookies, held in the hand. If put the dishes in until you’ve got a the Queen of Norway makes a stink, full load; you leave them stacked in you serve her her Nutter Butters on the sink with water in them. I ac- a paper towel. knowledge that there are drawbacks There will be no saucers in my to this method, such as the floating top rack. If I’m going to have a ma- communities of mold and decom- chine help with the dishwashing, posing lunch matter and such that I’m going to give the machine all the show up after a day or so. disgusting, greasy things, and I’ll I picked up the Use and Care handle the saucers. Manual. Page 10: “Should mold ap- Ed and I have reached a compro- pear on soaking dishes, stop looking mise, though Ed isn’t aware of it in the sink.” Ed grabbed the manual yet. Here’s how it works. When Ed from me. Page 16: “If your wife finds glasses and cereal bowls in the thinks leaving dirty dishes in the sink, he can go ahead and prewash sink for days on end is acceptable them and put them in the top rack adult behavior, call our toll-free of the dishwasher. Then, when I number and have her committed at need that space for the lasagna pan, absolutely no cost to you.” I remove the glasses and bowls and Ed also believes that the dish- put them back in the cupboard. So basically, I have two dishwashers. What’s tickling your funny bone? Write The Queen of Norway couldn’t have to Mary Roach at [email protected]. it much better. ■ 46 MEDICAL UPDATE THE LATEST ADVANCES IN RESEARCH, TREATMENT AND TECHNOLOGY

Headache? Check Your Blood Pressure oes high blood the drugs were less pressure cause likely to have head- Dheadaches? It aches than those who may, say British re- didn’t. And the more searchers, because patients’ blood pres- blood pressure-lower- sure was lowered, the ing drugs seem to more likely they were prevent them. In a re- to eradicate their view of 94 studies of headaches. people using thia- Other ways of low- zides, beta blockers, ering blood pressure, ACE inhibitors or an- such as eating a giotensin II receptor antagonists to healthy diet and exercising, might treat hypertension, those who took have the same effect.

45% of heart patients use alternative therapies such as herbal supplements, but only 56% of their cardiologists know about it. SOURCE: University of Toronto

statins prevent some skin they help our brains? The Truth cancers. But in a review of UCLA doctors say they About Statins 13 studies, scientists at may reverse certain learn- the Denver VA Medical ing disabilities. In tests on Read the news, and it Center didn’t find a signifi- mice with attention deficits seems we should all be cant decrease in mela- and learning and motor- taking statins. They lower noma, the deadliest form coordination problems, cholesterol and they’ve of skin cancer, in people UCLA researcher Alcino also shown promise in taking statins. Until the re- Silva found that injecting preventing Alzheimer’s sults are confirmed, avoid- them daily with a statin and cancer. Now, research ing the midday sun is your decreased harmful brain finds one more way the best protection against activity and reversed learn- drugs may help us—and skin cancer. ing impairments. Next up: one they may not. Okay, so statins won’t testing statins in humans It’s been suggested that save our skin. But can with these disabilities.

ILLUSTRATED BY DAN PAGE 49 RD I FEBRUARY 2006 Safe Pain Relief Hope or hen jada owen, 37, of Hype? Charleston, South Carolina, By Dr. Roizen Wdeveloped osteoarthritis of & Dr. Oz the foot, the avid hiker took a glu- MICHELLE WASHBURN J. cosamine/chondroitin supplement. Are there any health benefits In weeks, she was back on the trails. Q to love and sex? Now a study funded by the Na- Greeting card companies and tional Institutes of Health says these A tattoo artists aren't the only natural substances may really ones capitalizing on love. You can, help—for those with the most pain. too: Strong intimate relationships Some 1,600 people with knee osteo- can benefit your health as well as arthritis took any drug. Let us, as the sonnet says, glucosamine, count the ways: chondroitin, At a romantic dinner Red wine both supple- contains resveratrol, an antioxidant ments, Cele- that increases HDL cholesterol, and brex or a flavonoids that reduce damage to ar- placebo. Six teries. Real cocoa-based chocolate months later, also contains healthy flavonoids. about three- Every day Studies suggest married quarters of men are less likely to have heart dis- ease than single men; happily mar- those with moderate to severe pain ried women are less likely to develop who took glucosamine and chon- heart disease than their unhappily droitin together or Celebrex had wed peers. pain relief, versus only half of peo- In bed A study found that men ple on a placebo. Those suffering who had sex at least twice a week the most fared best, likely because were half as likely to die over a ten- the more pain you have, the easier it year period as men who had sex less is to see a response, says researcher than once a month. For women, Daniel Furst. better—not more—sex is the key. The study used a formulation of Though it's unclear how sex might glucosamine and chondroitin not improve health, it’s likely the thera- found in stores. Don’t let that stop peutic value: Quality sex decreases you from trying it, says Furst, but stress, promotes companionship and check with your doctor first. increases emotional satisfaction. Going forward, researchers will Mehmet Oz, MD, and Michael Roizen, be looking at X-rays to determine if MD, are authors of the bestseller You: glucosamine and chondroitin actu- The Owner’s Manual. ally slow cartilage damage. 50 TURNING POINT

The Last Chapter Their marriage was no fairy tale

BY ELIZABETH LIVINGSTON

FROM NEWSWEEK

love you, Bob.” “I love you, too, Nancy.” It was 2 a.m. and I was ‘‘I hearing my parents’ voices through the thin wall separating my bedroom from theirs. Their loving reassurances Republican, she an ardent Demo- were sweet, touching—and crat. They fought at the bridge table, surprising. at the dinner table, over money, My parents married on September over the perceived failings of their 14, 1940, after a brief courtship. She respective in-laws. To make matters was nearing 30 and knew it was worse, they owned a business time to start a family. The hand- together, and the everyday frustra- some, well-educated man who came tions of life at the office came to by the office where she worked roost at home. looked like a good bet. He was cap- There was a hope that they would tivated by her figure, her blue eyes. change once they retired, and the The romance didn’t last long. furious winds did calm somewhat, Seeds of difference sprouted but what remained steeled itself almost immediately. She liked to into bright, hard bitterness. “I al- travel; he hated the thought. He ways thought we’d ...” my mother loved golf; she did not. He was a would begin, before launching into

ILLUSTRATED BY EDEL RODRIGUEZ 51 RD I FEBRUARY 2006 a precise listing of my father’s soon after, things began to change faults. The litany was recited so for my parents. As debilitating often, I can reel it off by heart today. dementia settled in, their marriage As he listened, my father would was about the only thing they mutter angry threats and curses. wouldn’t lose. It was a miserable duet. It began when their memories It wasn’t the happiest marriage, started to fade. Added to the fre- but as their 60th anniversary ap- quent house-wide hunts for glasses proached, my sister and I decided and car keys were the groceries left to throw a party. Sixty years was a behind on the counter, notices of long time, after all; why not try to bills left unpaid. Soon my parents make the best of things? We’d pro- couldn’t remember names of vide the cake, the balloons, the friends, then of their grandchildren. toasts, and they’d abide by one rule: Finally they didn’t remember that no fighting. they had grandchildren. The truce was honored. We had These crises would have at one a wonderful day. In hindsight it was time set them at each other’s an important celebration, because throats, but now they acted as a

NEWSWEEK (JANUARY 10, ’05), © 2005 BY NEWSWEEK, INC., 251 W. 57 ST., NEW YORK, NEW YORK 10019 TURNING POINT team, helping each other with one knew how things got paid; searches, consoling each other with no one saw how the columns that “Everyone does that” or “It’s noth- spelled their fortunes compared. ing; you’re just tired.” They found Next I hired a housekeeper. Cook- new roles—bolstering each other ing and cleaning, chores my mother against the fear of loss. had long complained about, were Financial control was the next suddenly gone. Finally—on doctors’ thing to go. For all of their marriage, orders—we cleared the house my parents stubbornly kept separate of alcohol, the fuel that turned accounts. Sharing being unthink- more than one quarrel into a raging able, they’d devised financial fire. arrangements so elaborate they You could say my parents’ lives could trigger war at any time. He, had been whittled away, that they for example, was to pay for every- could no longer engage in the busi- thing outside the house, she for ness of living. But at the same time, whatever went on inside. The who- something that had been buried pays dilemma was so complex for deep was coming up and taking one trip that they finally gave up shape. I saw it when my father came traveling entirely. home after a brief hospital stay. I took over the books. Now no We’d tried to explain my father’s RD I FEBRUARY 2006 absence to my mother, but because and father magically regained their of her memory, she could not keep old vigor, they’d be back fighting. it in her head why he had disap- But I now see that something came peared. She asked again and again of all those years of shared days— where he was, and again and again days of sitting at the same table, we told her. And each day her anxi- waking to the same sun, working ety grew. and raising children together. Even When I finally brought him home, the very fury they lavished on each we opened the front door to see other was a brick in this unseen my mother sitting on the sofa. As creation, a structure that reveals he stepped in the room, she rose itself increasingly as the world with a cry. I stayed back as he around them falls apart. slowly walked toward her and she In the early morning I once again toward him. As they approached heard the voices through the wall. each other on legs rickety with “Where are we?” my father asked. age, her hands fluttered over his “I don’t know,” my mother replied face. “Oh, there you are,” she said. softly. “There you are.” How lucky they are, I thought, to I don’t doubt that if my mother have each other.

MODEL BEHAVIOR

Linda Evangelista insists that simply because she’s a model doesn’t mean she’s one-dimensional. “I can do anything you want me to do, so long as I don’t have to speak.”

Model Beverly Johnson is aghast that some Americans are doing without, insisting, “Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery.”

Pamela Anderson can’t get enough of her new shoe line. “I always feel taller when I swim with my shoes on.” From In Touch Weekly, submitted by CHRISTINE SEXTON

On the reality TV show America’s Next Top Model, when the girls went out for pizza, Elyse ordered oatmeal. This horrified fellow model Giselle, who voiced concern that her friend might have an eating disorder. Although annoyed, Elyse decided not to be rude, saying, “I’m not willing to alienate Giselle, because she’s the only one with a straightening iron.” From The Tribe Has Spoken by DAVID VOLK (Andrews McMeel)

54 FILLERS ILLUSTRATED BY JAMES MCMULLAN MONEY TALKS MARIA BARTIROMO

Married, With Money You fight over finances, right? Here’s how to keep the cash—and the passion.

rian greenberg is a college complicated incorporation process, financial planner, but on a re- but felt pressured by her husband. cent morning he felt more “He was saying, ‘I’m entitled to do Blike a marriage counselor. what I want because I’m making the The couple sitting in his office, near money that pays the bills,’ ” recalls Cherry Hill, New Jersey, was seek- Greenberg. “That kind of thinking ing advice about applying for finan- undermines a relationship.” cial aid for the man’s son from a Much of this type of animosity previous marriage. “When they can be avoided if only couples walked in,” Greenberg recalls, would talk about money before “I could feel the hostility.” they get married, says Mary The income from the Claire Allvine, a certified wife’s business, which financial planner in she had started before Chicago and Atlanta and they married, was mod- co-author of The 7 Most est, but it was just Important Money Decisions enough to limit the You’ll Ever Make. Without amount of aid the son this talk, it’s unlikely could receive. The that couples have an husband wanted her actual plan for their lives to incorporate to together. reduce their in- Studies have shown that come, thereby al- disagreements over money lowing the son to are the No. 1 cause of friction qualify for more aid. She didn’t Maria Bartiromo is host and managing editor of the syndicated pro- want to go gram The Wall Street Journal Report, as

NBC UNIVERSAL TELEVISION UNIVERSAL NBC through the well as host of CNBC’s Closing Bell.

ILLUSTRATED BY RANDALL ENOS 57 RD I FEBRUARY 2006 in a marriage. And for some, they’re the No. 1 reason for divorce. So why can some couples weather financial ups and downs while oth- ers split over a household budget? The key to success is to find the common ground—the shared values about how, as partners, you want to live your lives together. Here are some tips for executing a money plan without losing the passion.

Think big and put it in buckets. After couples have paid their fixed expenses, they often find themselves disagreeing over how to spend what’s left—pay off the credit cards or get that HDTV one of them has been craving. To avoid such clashes, talk about your dreams. Allvine’s research says couples who don’t get bogged down with day-to-day budgeting details are usually the most successful with their money. “You can’t say to the spender, ‘Okay, you can only spend $50 a month.’ It’s like putting people on a diet where they can last for a while but then they just binge and eat a loaf of bread. The spender will say, ‘I’ll cut back.’ And then they start cutting out the extra cup of coffee. But it’s rarely the coffee that puts them in debt. It’s the home they can’t afford or the car they shouldn’t be driving.” Allvine recommends sorting your big dreams—starting a business, owning a home, saving for a vaca- tion—into categories, or buckets. “When you name the bucket, you 58 MONEY TALKS know what that money is for, and you won’t use it for anything else. PLANTERS NUT•rition.™ That’s how couples get to their FURTHER PROOF THAT goals—they pay themselves first for the big things.” MR. PEANUT IS ALL HEART. Everyone needs the prenup talk. As today’s couples marry later, or re- marry, they face big challenges com- bining resources. One spouse may bring children from a previous mar- riage; another might be caring for el- derly parents. The new-think says, rich or not, you may need a prenup- tial agreement. “It makes sense to think things through early on,” says Mellody Hobson, president of Ariel Capital Management in Chicago. ® But Carrie Schwab-Pomerantz, co-author, with her father, Charles Schwab, of It Pays to Talk, has a Only Planters NUT•rition offers different take: “Not everyone needs to sign a prenup document—but the perfect, lightly salted mix everyone should have the prenup conversation.” of peanuts, almonds, pecans, The point, says Schwab-Pomer- hazelnuts, pistachios and now antz, is to get an idea of each other’s money personality. “If someone has walnuts. These nuts may reduce a lot of debt, that can reflect some the risk of heart disease.* In other personality issues that his or her partner needs to know about. How words, NUT•rition is NUT•rific. you deal with money is a reflection of who you are as a person.”

Put your goals on paper. “When LEARN MORE @ NUTnutrition.com *Scientific evidence suggests, but does not prove, that eating 1.5 ounces per day of a couple can agree on their spend- most nuts, such as peanuts, almonds, pistachios, pecans, hazelnuts and walnuts, as part of a diet low in saturated fat and cholesterol and ing,” says nationally syndicated radio not resulting in increased caloric intake, may reduce the risk of coronary heart disease. • 0g Trans Fat talk-show host Dave Ramsey, “then Contains 1.5g Sat. Fat Per Serving 1.5 ounces of Heart Healthy Mix equals 1-1/2 servings, which • Lightly Salted–50% Less they have agreed on their fears, and Sodium Than Planters provides 260 calories and 24 grams total fat (2.5g saturated, Mixed Nuts 12g monounsaturated, 8g polyunsaturated, 0g trans fat). See Nutrition Information their goals. We don’t really fight For Fat Content about money. We are fighting about Contains 50% less sodium than Planters® Regular Mixed Nuts. ©2006 KF Holdings. 59 RD I FEBRUARY 2006 priorities, fears and power. A plan become confrontational. We can’t on paper brings a level of promise get mad and walk to another room. and cooperation and unity.” It’s just the two of us, and we get a Ramsey also recommends sched- lot of conversation in there about uling regular money meetings to our goals and our priorities in life.” talk about expenses. “It’s all about being open and on the same page. Get it together. Financial inde- There are no secret credit cards, no pendence is empowering, but many secret debt, no secret student loans. counselors say that living separate No deception. It’s a matter of under- financial lives imperils a marriage. standing what the expenses are. How “Having his and her money is a much do we have to spend on birth- recipe for disaster,” advises Green- days? What about the groceries and berg. “That says one person is taking cable bills, the soccer expenses? care only of herself or himself.” Life starts to show up in a real way The joint account sends a power- when you talk about it in a meeting ful message that your marriage and put it on paper.” matters. The account should be for joint goals: building a reserve fund, Take a hike. How and where you saving for college. A shared account, discuss your finances is critical to however, shouldn’t cancel out indi- keeping the peace, says Schwab- vidual accounts. Pomerantz. “You want to make sure Managing your money together both parties are in a comfortable, may not seem like a romantic ven- neutral place. It’s also important to ture, says Greenberg. “But if there is know ahead of time what you’re a good financial foundation, there going to talk about.” are a lot fewer issues for strife.” Schwab-Pomerantz and her hus- As for the couple seeking finan- band hike every weekend in the cial-aid advice from Greenberg, they mountains near their home in the left his office, smiling, after he pro- San Francisco Bay area. “We’re away posed a novel solution. The path to from our kids. We’re not sitting financial happiness is clear: there facing each other, which can communicate and plan together.

YOU WON’T HAVE THESE PROBLEMS PLAYING GO FISH

Smoke billowed out of the slot machine in the casino we were visiting. As a fireman extinguished the flames, we got a clear view of the machine’s name: Money to Burn. FLORI SEEGER 60 ALL IN A DAY’S WORK ®

fter a hard day Aat work, the last thing my husband wanted was to get stuck in line at the grocery store. But stuck he was when the cans of tuna belonging to the woman in front of him would not scan. Off toddled the clerk to check the price herself. “I can’t believe this,” the annoyed customer growled to Derek. “I'm the one this always happens to!” “And I,” Derek said, sighing, “am always standing behind you.” BEVERLY O'BRIEN lossing my teeth is a giant “I need to revise Fpain. But my dentist insists upon it. the death certificate I “It’s just so hard to reach some of my teeth,” I just handed you,” my complained. fellow doctor said to a “All right, let’s compromise,” he finally offered. nurse I was working “Just floss the teeth you want to keep.” with. DENISE MCCONKEY “What’s wrong?” she asked. The flight I was piloting to Cleveland was “It’s a little embarrass- overbooked. So the gate agent came aboard with ing,” he said. Then, an offer. In exchange for deplaning, two volunteers pulling her aside, he would get free hotel rooms, meal vouchers and whispered, “I was in a tickets on the next morning’s flight. When nobody hurry when I signed it volunteered, I decided to try a little levity. “Ladies and gentlemen,” I said over the PA, “if it and, well, I accidentally helps, I’m not a very good pilot.” wrote my name under A loud voice from the back yelled, “Then YOU ‘Cause of Death.’ ” get off!” QUINCY NELSON LAUREANO AGBISIT, JR.

ILLUSTRATED BY DAVE CARPENTER 61 RD I FEBRUARY 2006

It seems the Newspaper editors have the keys to the shed. A manager of the tough jobs. After all, it’s man who was mowing vegetable department at not always easy finding the lawn offered to help. my grocery store doesn’t just the right words. Picking up a hammer, he tolerate picky customers. Take these headlines, for gave the lock two sharp He posted this sign: example. taps, and it magically “Notice! Take lettuce • “Health Department opened. “Wow,” said from top of stack, or Wants Mayor’s Ear”— Mom. “How did you do heads will roll!” Deseret Morning News that so quickly?” RICK PARKER (Salt Lake City) Handing back the ham- • “Death Doesn’t Deter mer, the prisoner said, he company I work Students From Drink- “Ma’am, I’m not in this Tfor encourages its ing”—The Roanoke place for nothing.” employees to quit smok- (Virginia) Times LANE BECKER ing by making a number • “Conceiving a Way to of in-house smoking- Get More Babies”—The As luck would have it, cessation programs avail- Sydney Morning Herald I drew the name of my able to us. I was looking • “Brain Removal principal at our school’s at one of the brochures Study Finds Few Secret Santa Christmas when a co-worker, an Volunteers”—Kenosha party. A first-year teacher, avid smoker, walked by. (Wisconsin) News I had no clue what to get “I’m not interested in Submitted by RONALD A. YOUNG her. I threw out a few any of that,” she said. “I’m AND TIM BOWERS ideas to some colleagues, trying hypnosis instead.” but they always re- “Think that’ll work?” y father was a sponded the same: “She I asked. Mguard at San already has one.” “It should,” she said, as Quentin, and we lived on Desperate, I asked a she headed out the door the prison grounds. Oc- doctor friend, “What do for a smoke. “It worked casionally, inmates came you give to a woman the first time.” by and helped with yard who has everything?” GARY ALMQUIST work. One day, Mom lost He thought a moment before telling me what On her first full day working at a discount store, he gives in such situa- my niece encountered her first cranky customer. tions: “Penicillin.” The man had brought over mouse poison and DALE DAVIS demanded to know why it cost so much. “What’s in there?” he said sarcastically. “Steak?” You could earn “Well, sir,”said my niece, $300 for your own funny story. Click on “Submit a “it is their last meal.” Joke” at rd.com or see BELINDA ANDERSON page 10 for details.

62 HUMOR IN UNIFORM ®

eeling thoroughly Fsorry for myself after being trans- ferred clear across the continent to Spokane, Washington, I reached out to the one person I knew would sympa- thize: my mother. “Dear Mom,” I wrote, “I have no money and no friends.” “Dear Bill,” she wrote When i was stationed at Tinker Air Force Base in back. “Make friends.” Oklahoma, we had a sergeant who made sure every- WILLIAM SOLOMON one knew who was boss. “You have one stripe on your arm, and I have four,” he yelled in the face of one airman third class. My daughter “That makes you nothing! So when I bark, I expect recently returned you to move. Because I’m in charge!” from Iraq on “Big deal,” said the unimpressed airman. “A a civilian airplane. sergeant in charge of nothing.” MARVIN WARD Before boarding, she and her squad went through the metal de- efore we could go “If you find that you tectors. She’d forgotten on leave, my divi- are going to be delayed,” she had her Swiss B army knife in her sion had to endure a said the commander, pocket, and it was safety briefing from the “you need to call 555- confiscated. Upset, she base commander. As you 1234. If you are arrested, joined the other sol- can imagine, the Army is call 555-1235. And finally, diers as they boarded very thorough, and she call 555-1236 if you are a the plane, carrying left nothing to chance. fatality.” SGT. SHAWN BOIKO their M16 rifles. MICHAEL DELUCA You could earn $300 for your own funny story. Click on “Submit a Joke” at rd.com or see page 10 for details.

ILLUSTRATED BY STEVE SMELTZER 65 UNFORGETTABLE

The Two of Us I asked her out, and she said no. So I kept at it. That was so unlike me.

BY JEFF BRIDGES

don’t know how it is for women or for other guys, but when I was young and in my I20s, I had a fear of marriage. I thought it was a giant step toward Susan and Jeff Bridges, now married death. So I did everything in my 28 years, at the Oscars, March 2000. power to resist it—the idea was frightening to me, man. Then I met had this fantasy that she’d been Susan Geston in 1974 while I was beaten up by a boyfriend and that shooting the film Rancho Deluxe in I was going to save her. Actually she Montana, up in Paradise Valley at had been in a car accident a few Chico Hot Springs, and I thought, days earlier. I did what lots of guys Now, this is interesting. do when they see a girl but don’t Susan, who was from Fargo, North want her to see them: I held up a Dakota, the daughter of a profes- magazine, looked over the edge, and sional couple (an architect and a then ducked back behind it when university professor), was waitress- she walked by. It took me all day to ing at the time. She was doing what- finally get up the nerve to ask her ever needed to be done at the ranch, out. And she said no. and I noticed her right away. Not Just then the makeup man on the only was she beautiful, she had a film snapped a photo of the two of

COURTESY JEFF BRIDGES COURTESY broken nose and two black eyes. I us. About 15 years ago the guy sent 79 When I got back to Los Angeles, I realized I had fallen in love with her in that week. It was shocking.

I hatched a plan that in- volved renting a motor home and enlisting the help of my best friend, David Greenwalt, who became the producer of the TV series Buffy the Vam-

pire Slayer. The two of us drove S from Los Angeles to Montana so I could “kidnap” the girl I was in love with. Sue agreed to leave the ranch to be with me, and eventually she came COURTESY JEFF BRIDGE COURTESY In 1974, Bridges asked his wife out to live with me in L.A. for a date. She said no—the first time. After a few years, she was ready to get married. When I mentioned it to me, saying, “Here you are ask- my “marital death” theory, she ing a local girl for a date.” He didn’t laughed at me at first. Then she real- know that that “local girl” became ized I wasn’t kidding. Sue wanted to my wife. I still carry that photo move along in her life, make a com- around today. It’s one of my most mitment, have children. I wasn’t prized possessions. ready. So we ended up living apart After she turned me down, I ran for six months, though we still saw into Sue again at the film’s wrap each other. Then, when Sue got a party, and I asked her to dance. We job offer in Montana, it struck me danced together, and then I asked that she was really leaving. her to go look at some property She actually talked to my mother with me. We drove to Yellowstone about what she should do; they’d Ranch, and as I was looking at the become the best of friends. And my land and looking back at Sue, I mom, Dorothy—my own, wonder- started thinking that I was looking ful, loving mother—counseled Sue at my wife-to-be. She was so relaxed to leave, forcing me to make a deci- and easy to be with. She had a fun sion. My mother said, “Don’t stay attitude, and I had a feeling of being with him.” at home—a soothing feeling of The pressure was on! Finally I being where I belonged. came to my senses. I thought, If I 80 RD I FEBRUARY 2006 let this girl go, I will always know had our two-year-old toddler, Jessie, she was the one. So I got down on and Sue was seven months pregnant my knees and asked Sue to marry with our third daughter, Haley. me. She said, “Yes. When do you Even when Haley was born and want to do it?” And I said, “This Sue had an infant to care for on top week.” Five days after I proposed, of everything else, she pulled us we tied the knot, on June 5, 1977. all through the crisis. She drove Sue’s always given me room to be back and forth to the hospital, and myself. Still, the first few years of then to rehab with Isabelle, to take our marriage were a challenge for care of everyone and everything. me. There were some bumps, which She had enormous strength and we got through together. Then we focus, and was such a natural care- had our first beautiful surprise when giver. I just looked at her in awe. our oldest daughter, Isabelle, was It took Isabelle a year and a half born in 1981. You always hear people to recover. She had to learn to sit up, say that having kids changes every- crawl and walk all over again, and thing, but you can’t fully realize it Sue helped her, without complaint, until you have children yourself. every day. When times are tough This is when Sue showed how like this, that’s when you gain truly incredible she is. Isabelle strength and wisdom for life. became sick with a swelling of her In the 28 years we’ve been mar- brain when she was four years old. I ried, we’ve done 50 movies together. was off doing 8 Million Ways to Die I say “we” because Sue deserves a at the time, while my family was in credit too. I’m the guy who makes Montana. Sue handled everything the buck, but she’s the one who herself up to this critical point. takes care of everything else. I really When Isabelle was diagnosed with am more in love with her than ever. encephalitis, a viral brain infection, As told to N.F. MENDOZA we didn’t know whether she was Artist and actor Jeff Bridges stars in going to live or die. By then we also the upcoming Disney comedy “Stick It.”

THE LIFE OF THE PARTY

When my quiet grandfather, Jack, passed away, my family gathered at the funeral parlor to pay their respects. Since family members from across the country were getting together for the first time in years, the atmosphere quickly became festive. My grandmother, ever the party girl, commented: “Well, isn’t this just like old times. We’re all here having a great time, and there’s Jack in the corner not saying a word!” DARREN WHITE 82 ASK LASKAS YOU’VE GOT QUESTIONS, SHE’S GOT ANSWERS

I was in a bad marriage for ten years. My best friend was Q with me the whole way. When the marriage ended, I began to date her brother. And the friend- ship screeched to a halt. She said she wanted more for her brother than a ready-made family. (I have a son, age five.) I love both brother and sister. What can I do? CAUGHT BETWEEN

Dear Caught, Dear Hopeful, A Some people can be friends A Your wife is in despair, not only with the miserable. Heroic denial. She’s aching to be a when times are bad, but when good mother—and that’s a real ache. times start to roll, they lose interest Counseling is a good step. And also and move on. Or even do hideous consider adoption. Meet people things like saying you’re “not good who, like my husband and me, have enough for my brother”! A person built their families in this way. who needs to feel superior to a There are tens of thousands of chil- friend is not a friend—and you dren in the world who need moms don’t need her approval to love her as badly as your wife needs to be a brother. mom. I can assure you that the in- stant you and your wife hold your My wife and I have been trying baby, the importance of the manner Q to have a child for almost three in which the child was delivered years. After countless IVF doctors, will dissolve in tears of joy. ovulation kits and more, we’re out of money. I’ve accepted that we I checked myself out on a site might not have kids. My wife won’t. Q about personality disorders. She gets upset when friends become I’m an “avoidant personality.” I duck pregnant and is obsessed with all out of social situations for fear of things “baby.” Now, her denial is humiliation, and appear unfriendly affecting our intimate relations. or shy to others. I create fantasy What can I do? HOPEFUL HUSBAND worlds to escape to. Any sugges-

PHOTO-ILLUSTRATION BY JOHN CORBITT; PHOTO: KAREN MEYERS 87 RD I FEBRUARY 2006 tions about how to win friends and Dear Silent, encounter people? TOO TIMID A Try the truth. People over- endowed with the gift of gab are Dear Timid, usually unaware of how painfully A Holding up a mirror is the first annoying they have become to oth- step toward change, but there comes ers. Chances are, she’s pushing away a time to put it down. You may be so her friends and those darlin’ grand- preoccupied with yourself that you kids too. As the spouse, you are in have little room in your world for the unique and dutiful position to others. Join a volunteer organization help. Do her a favor. Say, “Honey, that helps people in need, get out you just talk too much.” Say, “Honey, and do for someone else, and watch you need to dial back the blabbing.” your world become so enriched Say, “Honey, I love you, and that’s you’ll forget about the mirror. why I’m telling you this.”

An etiquette question: Should a Question of the Month Q person polish her toenails in the office? Our office is very public. We live in a rural area where Don’t you think this sort of thing Q folks burn trash in their yards. Not just leaves—tires, plastics, fab- should be done at home? MS. PRIM rics. Our kids have had bad reac- tions to the fumes. I’m very worried Dear Ms. Prim, about my four-year-old, but I’m also A I do. I believe all forms of per- worried about the social repercus- sonal hygiene and grooming should sions of confronting neighbors be performed in private. Not in about this. Any ideas? TOXIC AVENGER cubicles, on public transportation or on reality TV. Benighted millions, Dear Avenger, however, seem to disagree with us. A If your children’s health is in danger, it’s not an etiquette issue. My beloved wife is a nonstop Burning trash is illegal in many Q talker. I call her ramblings the states because it spews dioxins into 3-Ds because she goes on and on the air. Be bold. Talk to your neigh- about her Darlin’s (grandchildren), bors. Toxins stink, but your ap- her D--- job, and her Drugs (all legal proach doesn’t have to. Most people prescriptions). She thinks aloud all will respond with feeling for kids, the time. I ignore her, but every and find another means of disposal. half-hour or so she wants me to re- QUESTIONS ABOUT LOVE OR LIFE? spond, and when I can’t, she hits me E-mail Jeanne Marie Laskas at with the classic “You never listen to [email protected]. Sending gives us me.” How can I get her to hush for permission to edit and publish. five minutes? STRONG SILENT TYPE 88 QUOTABLE QUOTES ®

There “are a lot of things happening that show us that this, right now,

is a time to love. STEVIE WONDER in People

You know how they say we only use 10 percent of our brains? I think we It’s useless to hold a only use 10 percent of our hearts. person to anything he OWEN WILSON in Wedding Crashers says when he’s in love, One of the few articles drunk or running for DONALD KRAVITZ/GETTY IMAGES DONALD KRAVITZ/GETTY of clothing that a man office. SHIRLEY MACLAINE won’t try to remove from a woman is an apron. Sometimes when almost everything is wrong, one thing is so right you MARILYN VOS SAVANT in Parade would do it all again. ALICE RANDALL in Elle There’s no one way to dance. And that’s kind of my philosophy about I know love everything. ELLEN DEGENERES in People at first sight can work. It happened Who to my parents. RUFUS F. FOLKKS/CORBIS F. RUFUS saıd it GEORGE CLOONEY on contactmusic.com My real-life wife? If the marriage needs help, wouldn’t be with me the answer almost always for more than two is have more fun. Drop your days if I acted the list of grievances and way I do on TV. go rid e a GARRISON KEILLOR rol on salon.com a) KEVIN JAMES ler . b) JIM BELUSHI coaster c) LARRY DAVID FOR ANSWER, SEE BELOW We pay $100 for the wit and wisdom of

$ famous contemporary people. See page 10. c) Larry David Larry c) 91

DreamDare to What happens in your head at night, new science reveals, is more important than you think I BY MICHAEL J. WEISS

Our dreams may affect our lives (and vice versa) more than we ever realized, says groundbreaking new research. For 11 years, a 58-year-old anthropologist kept a journal of nearly 5,000 dreams. By analyzing color patterns in the dreams, Arizona-based researcher Robert Hoss could accurately predict certain things about the man’s emotional state. Hoss correctly identified two separate years when the man experienced crises in his life. The anthropologist confirmed that in 1997 he had clashed with a colleague

ILLUSTRATED BY ANN ELLIOTT CUTTING 93 RD I FEBRUARY 2006 over a management issue, and in 2003 a presentation at work or playing he’d had a falling out with a friend that sports, can enhance your performance. left deep emotional scars. And cognitive neuroscientists have How was Hoss able to gauge the discovered that dreams and the rapid dreamer’s turmoil? “The clues were eye movement (REM) that happens in the colors,” he says. The anthropol- while you’re dreaming are linked to ogist’s dominant dream hues were our ability to learn and remember. reds and blacks, which spiked during Dreaming is a “mood regulatory Dreams help people work through the day’s emotional quandaries. It’s like having a built-in therapist. difficult times. “Even without knowing system,” says Rosalind Cartwright, the events in his life,” Hoss observes, PhD, chairman of the psychology “we accurately determined the emo- department at Rush University Medi- tional states based on those colors in cal Center in Chicago. She’s found that his dreams.” dreams help people work through the Hoss is among a growing group of day’s emotional quandaries. “It’s like researchers who, thanks to cutting- having a built-in therapist,” says edge medical technology and inno- Cartwright. While we sleep, dreams vative psychological research, are compare new emotional experience beginning to decipher the secrets to old memories, creating plaid-like hidden in our dreams and the role patterns of old images laid on top of dreaming plays in our lives. A look at new ones. As she puts it, “You may some of their latest discoveries can wake up and think, What was Uncle give us new insights into the language Harry doing in my dream? I haven’t of dreams and help us make the most seen him for 50 years. But the old and of our time asleep. new images are emotionally related.” It’s the job of the conscious mind to Why Do We Dream? figure out the relationship. Dreams are a way for the subcon- In fact, dream emotions can help scious to communicate with the con- real therapists treat patients under- scious mind. Dreaming of something going traumatic life events. In a new you’re worried about, researchers say, study of 30 recently divorced adults, is the brain’s way of helping you re- Cartwright tracked their dreams over hearse for a disaster in case it occurs. a five-month period, measuring their Dreaming of a challenge, like giving feelings toward their ex-spouses. She 94 DARE TO DREAM discovered that those who were an- Forget Freud’s notion that dreams con- griest at the spouse while dreaming tain images with universal meanings had the best chance of successfully (e.g., cigar=penis). A new generation of coping with divorce. “If their dreams psychologists insists that dream sym- were bland,” Cartwright says, “they bols differ depending on the dreamer. hadn’t started to work through their In a recent study, University of Ottawa emotions and deal with the divorce.” psychology professor Joseph De Kon- For therapists, this finding will help inck asked 13 volunteers to make two determine whether divorced men or lists: one of details recalled from women need counseling or have recent dreams, and another of recent already dreamed their troubles away. events in their waking lives. When an- alysts were asked to match which vol- One Interpretation unteer experienced which dream, they failed. De Koninck’s conclusion: Each Doesn’t Fit All person understands his or her dreams No device lets researchers probe the better than anyone else—including tra- content of dreams while we sleep, but ditional psychoanalysts. In a dream, scientists are finding new ways to in- sometimes a cigar is just a cigar—or terpret dreams once we’ve awakened. almost anything else. Your Brain on Dreams A century after Sigmund Freud pioneered the field of dream analysis, scientists are only now decoding the biology of how we manufacture dreams. At the Sleep Neuroimaging Research Program at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center, re- searcher Eric Nofzinger, MD, delves into the brains of sleeping subjects using PET scans normally employed to detect cancer and other diseases. (The orange color, right, signals brain activ- ity in the cortex.) By injecting subjects with mildly radioactive Awake state glucose, he’s traced the source of dreams to the limbic system, a primitive part of the brain that controls emotions. During dreaming, the limbic system explodes like fireworks with neural activity, suffusing our dreams with drama. “That’s why so many dreams are emotional events,” says Nofzinger, “where we’re running from danger or facing an anx- ious situation. The part of the brain that controls dreams also orchestrates our instincts, drives, sexual behavior and fight-or- flight response.” Meanwhile, the frontal lobes of the brain that govern logic disengage, explaining why dreams are often bizarre combinations of events and people. REM sleep RD I FEBRUARY 2006

“There’s just no evidence of univer- tent of dreams. Hoss uses a computer- sal dream symbols,” says De Koninck. based approach called content analy- “My advice is to throw away your sis to interpret the colors in dreams. dream dictionary if you really want More than 80 percent of people to interpret your dreams.” dream in color, he says, though only a quarter of them recall the shades Decoding the the next morning. To collect data, he analyzed nearly 24,000 dreams, cat- Meanings alogued in two databases at the Uni- Today, psychologists are applying versity of California, Santa Cruz, and modern technology to probe the con- Bridgewater State College in Massa- Upgrade Your Dreams What can you do to recall your dreams more often and interpret them more clearly? The experts offer these tips: Incubate an idea. Before you go to sleep, consciously think about a topic or a person you’d like to dream about. Pose a question that’s troubling you and see how your dream responds to it. Keep track. Next to your bed, place a pad and pen, or a tape recorder or lap- top, to record your dreams as soon as you wake up. Try to awaken naturally, without the help of an alarm clock or barking dog that can disrupt your dream cycle. If your schedule doesn’t allow you to sleep in dur- ing the week, begin your dream journal on a weekend or during a vacation. Wake up slowly. For the first moment after you awaken, lie still and keep your eyes closed, because your dream may be connected to your body position while you slept. Try to recollect the dream and then store it in your memory by giving it a name like “Late for an Exam” or “My Date with Ashley Judd.” When you rise, immediately write down as many images, feelings and impressions as you can. Connect the dots. To better interpret your dreams, try to make connections between your recalled dreams and recent events. Do you recognize people from the present or past? Can you detect any themes from the dream? Look for pat- terns over several dreams that might help explain an individual dream. Change the outcome. If you have recurring nightmares that make it difficult to sleep, try to change the endings. Once you awaken from a bad dream, visualize a change in the action to create a more positive outcome. If you are trapped, try to fly. In your dream, you can do what you want! Be patient. It may take days or weeks before you’re able to recall your dreams in detail, but the experts advise to keep practicing. Dream memories are fragile, and trying to recall all the plot twists and turns on consecutive nights seems to have a cumulative effect. 96 DARE TO DREAM chusetts. His study suggested that Delaney tells of one client who specific colors represent particular dreamed of her new boyfriend swim- emotions (for example, red means ming in the ocean. Above the water, action, excitement and desire; blue he looked like an adorable seal, but equals calmness, tranquility and below the water he was a vicious harmony; black connotes fear, anxi- shark. When asked about her ety and intimidation). boyfriend’s personality, the woman But, as with symbols and action, one conceded that he had a violent More than 80% of people dream in color, and specific colors may represent particular emotions. size doesn’t fit all when it comes to streak—a fact she consciously tried interpretation. Every dreamer draws to ignore. “It was clear that this on a different palette to reflect per- woman had misgivings about a darker sonal associations. “Using color is side to her boyfriend,” says Delaney. your brain’s way of painting your “The dreaming mind is more insight- dreams with your emotion,” says Hoss, ful about the people in your life than who just published his results in your waking mind.” The woman broke Dream Language (Innersource, 2005). up with her boyfriend soon afterward. Some researchers scoff at the need for computers or even therapists to What Dreams Can interpret dreams. Psychologist Gayle Delaney, PhD, founding president of Do for You the International Association for the Psychologists have long known that Study of Dreams, believes that dream- people can solve their problems at ers themselves are the best inter- work and home by “sleeping on it.” preters of their time in dreamland. The challenge has always been to train She supports a “dream interview” yourself to dream up the solutions. technique, which asks people to an- Deirdre Barrett, PhD, an assistant psy- swer a series of straightforward ques- chology professor at Harvard Medi- tions in order to gain insights into cal School and editor of the journal their recollections. From her office in Dreaming, advises individuals to pon- San Francisco, Delaney uses this der questions just before falling asleep process to help single people analyze (Should I take this job? Should I marry and better understand their romantic that guy?) and then let the subcon- relationships through their dreams. scious provide the answers. “I’ve 97 RD I FEBRUARY 2006 known artists looking for inspiration man’s Tahiti,” says LaBerge, a psy- who simply dream up a future show of chophysiologist who directs the their art and wake up with plenty of Lucidity Institute in Palo Alto, Cali- new painting ideas,” says Barrett. fornia. “Just being in a lucid dream is “More and more people are learning a turn-on for people.” these techniques to control their According to LaBerge, lucid dream- dreams.” ers can use the experience for a vari- Some researchers believe that you ety of purposes: problem solving, can guide your dreams while you’re developing creative ideas and heal- sleeping. In recent years, Stephen ing. Patricia Keelin, a 55-year-old LaBerge, PhD, has pioneered a way of graphic cartographer from northern directing the sleeping mind through California, has used lucid dreaming “lucid dreaming,” in which a sleeping for everything from talking to her person realizes he or she is dreaming long-dead father to gorging on sweets. while it is happening. Lucid dreamers “Chocolate always tastes better in a can experience fantasy adventures— lucid dream because you don’t have like flying to the moon, traveling to worry about the calories,” she says. through time or making love on a A weak swimmer in her waking life, beach—while being fully aware that she often likes to go skin diving when they’re dreaming. “It’s like a poor she realizes she’s having a lucid Making Peace With Grief Our dreams can help us untangle our emotions about people who are no longer with us, according to psychologist Patricia Garfield, PhD, who’s written nine books on dreams. After her husband of 33 years died in 2002, Garfield developed a theory that grieving people experience “dream seasons” while mourning the loss of loved ones. During the first season, akin to the traditional period of grief, people dream destructive images. “I dreamed of sweeping up shattered glass, like the shatter- ing of a life,” Garfield recalls. Later, in the second dream season, people experi- ence chaotic dreams filled with swirling emotions of sadness and guilt. “People feel isolated in this season,” she says. “Older women get depressed and the sui- cide rate among older men shoots up.” Finally, in the third dream season, individuals transfer their recollections to precious memories, and their dream images turn positive with new life. “I dreamed of babies, reflecting the length of time since my husband died,” says Garfield, who’s interviewing other widows about their dreams for a forthcoming book on the subject. “After three months, I dreamed of looking at an infant in a baby carriage. After six months, I dreamed of an adorable baby sitting up and laughing. Dreams have a special power to help us let go of someone we love.” 98 DARE TO DREAM dream, diving to the bottom of the wearer is experiencing REM sleep dream ocean without worrying about characteristic of dreaming, it emits a breathing (or her swimming skills). flashing red light that is designed to “It’s exhilarating,” she says. “Lucid seep into the person’s dream. “It’s like dreaming is great because it’s free and being at the opera and realizing the available to everybody.” flashing lights at intermission mean Well, not entirely free. Although the opera is about to start again,” says everyone has the potential to dream LaBerge. “The cue says that you’re lucidly, it rarely happens routinely dreaming so you can open yourself up without special training or tempera- to any kind of experience you want. ment. The Lucidity Institute operates After all, it’s your dream.” instructional workshops and retreats Indeed, your dreams are like private to spread the gospel. LaBerge has even movies where you are the star, direc- developed a $500 device—called the tor and writer all at once. And as the NovaDreamer (novadreamer.com)— latest research indicates, you are also which helps individuals become par- the most insightful movie critic— ticipants in their dreams. Once the without the need of a couch. The best sleep-mask-like device recognizes the interpreter of your dreams is you.

IT’S ACADEMIC

There was a time when college courses had titles like Math 101, English Literature and Introduction to Modern History. Not anymore. Here’s the new curriculum. In Philosophy and Star Trek, Georgetown University students can figure out the trouble with Tribbles as they discuss time travel, whether computers can think, and philosophical dilemmas facing the crew of the starship Enterprise. Discover how Brick really felt when Opal left him for his neighbor’s best friend’s sister in the University of Wisconsin course Daytime Serials: Family and Social Roles. Students analyze themes and char- acters and their impact on men’s and women’s roles in real life. Kaplan Test Prep and Admissions

So you thought there was nothing more to drinking beer than opening your mouth and guzzling it down? Guess again, says SFGate.com. In Introduction to Beer and Brewing, taught at the University of Cali- fornia, Davis, you’ll learn the art of making your own brew. The term is capped by a beer tasting. 99

FearThree Hours of and Hope The inside story of Flight 292

BY KENNETH MILLER Zachary mastoon thought he was finished with his fear of death. In the past few years, he had lost his mother to cancer and a friend to suicide. He’d been traveling in Thailand in December 2004 when a tsunami claimed more than 200,000 lives across South Asia; by chance, he was in another part of the country when the big waves hit. He believed that when his time came, he would take it calmly. But as he watched the news reports about JetBlue Flight 292, his eyes filled with anxious tears. “Some of the experts

(WINDOW) ROGER WRIGHT/STONE/GETTY IMAGES; (WING) STEVEN PUETZER/PHOTONICA/GETTY IMAGES PUETZER/PHOTONICA/GETTY STEVEN (WING) IMAGES; WRIGHT/STONE/GETTY ROGER (WINDOW) were saying there could be a loud crash, a large fire,” he

101 RD I FEBRUARY 2006 recalls. “Others were saying it’s not a and another 25 percent become hys- big deal at all.” For the 27-year-old terical. “For someone with a pre-exist- electronic musician, the debate held ing issue—a divorce or another more than academic significance: difficulty—this could be a trigger for a Zachary Mastoon was aboard the significant reaction,” says psycholo- crippled plane, hoping he would make gist Robert Scott, the chief trauma it home to Brooklyn, and the odds- specialist for the Los Angeles Fire makers were squabbling on his seat- Department. In general, however, back screen. says Dr. Don Nance, director of the On September 21, a mechanical Counseling and Testing Center at Wi- glitch on a medium-sized airliner chita State University, “you cannot seized the attention of millions around predict who is going to freak in those the world. Among them were the situations.” plane’s passengers, who followed the live coverage via satellite TV being The first signal that something was fed to the cabin. Hurtling toward an amiss occurred about 15 minutes after emergency landing would be harrow- takeoff, when the pilot—a calm-voiced ing enough, even without the added North Carolinian named Scott Burke— stress of starring in a bizarre reality came on the intercom. “For those of show. But that was where Zachary you who may have noticed,” he said, Mastoon and 139 others found them- selves on an otherwise ordinary Zachary Mastoon switched off the Wednesday afternoon. news on his seatback screen and Almost every air traveler has at instead watched Comedy Central. some point wondered: What would I do if my plane ran into serious trouble? How would my fellow passengers behave? The ticket-holders on the 3:17 p.m. flight from Burbank to New York City, and their loved ones on the ground, had three long hours to grapple with such questions—and their very real fear. Experts say that when dis- aster threatens, about 50 per- cent of people manage to hold themselves together and func- tion well; 25 percent go into shock and become withdrawn, 102 THREE HOURS OF FEAR & HOPE

a chance the plane could spin right off the runway when it tried to land. Some wept or prayed. And many began reaching out to one another. For Mastoon, hunkered in the rearmost row, help came in the form of a large plastic seltzer bottle. “Take a swig of this,” offered his seatmate, a 40-something real estate broker. “It’s leaded.” The man had smuggled aboard a liter of vodka and tonic, and as Mas- toon drank, his courage re- turned. There’s two ways you can react to this situation, he Christiana Lund comforted a admonished himself. You can be re- passenger sitting in front of her on ally negative and freak out, or you can the disabled JetBlue aircraft. say, This is completely out of my con- trol. If I’m going to die, I don’t want to “we are flying in circles.” The plane’s spend my last two hours biting my front landing gear had failed to retract, nails and watching MSNBC. Mastoon Burke explained, and he would keep took out his camera and snapped everyone posted as he investigated the some digital photos of the televised problem. Few worried until he per- image of the plane. Then he switched formed a low flyby of the Long Beach to Comedy Central, and spent the next Airport air traffic control tower so that two hours laughing at Jon Stewart. observers with binoculars could get At the front of the cabin, Lisa Schiff a close look. Fire trucks and ambu- was floundering in the negative. An lances were lined up below, clearly L.A. gallery owner with clients on visible from the aircraft’s windows. both coasts, Schiff, 34, had never been Moments later, a woman sitting a nervous flyer. But when the captain toward the rear of the cabin yelled, confirmed the wheel trouble and said “Hey, we’re on TV!” While waiting for the plane would have to make an the pilot to report on the Long Beach emergency landing, she says, “I started tower’s diagnosis, passengers began to fall apart pretty quickly.” Panick- flipping between the all-news chan- ing, she tried to call her mother on nels. That’s how many first heard that her cell phone, but couldn’t get a sig- the nose-gear wheels were skewed at nal. “I was aching to hear her voice,” a 90-degree angle, and that there was Schiff recalls. “I wrote her a text mes-

PHOTOGRAPHED BY ANDREW HETHERINGTON/REDUX 103 RD I FEBRUARY 2006 sage saying not to worry—if some- publicist. Lund returned to her seat, thing happened, I would be watching feeling ready to contend with what- over her and my father and my ever lay ahead. brother.” She typed messages to other In row 22, Sam and Janel Meza were family members, to friends and busi- talking about their past. Married for 35 ness partners, to her boyfriend and an years and the parents of three grown ex, even though there was no signal children, the Mezas, both 56, are pas- to send them with. She couldn’t stop tors of the Living Hope Community crying. The seat beside her was empty, Church in Mission Hills, California. and she felt utterly alone. “If there’s anything I’ve ever done that Suddenly, a hand touched her shoul- you haven’t forgiven me for,” said Sam, der. A dark-haired young woman “I ask you to forgive me today.” Janel named Christiana Lund was smiling couldn’t think of a thing. “Sam,” she at Schiff over the headrest. “It’s going said, “there’s no one I’d rather enter to be all right,” said Lund, 25, an as- into eternity with than you.” The cou- piring singer who had recently moved ple sang Psalm 34, with its line, “The from Los Angeles to New York and angel of the Lord encamps around was flying back with her cat. “Do you those who fear him.” Beside them, a really think so?” Schiff asked. “Or are hip New Yorker grimly clutched his you just saying that to make me feel water bottle. “Look out the window,” better?” Lund insisted that she meant Janel told him. “Do you see the an- it. Says Schiff: “She just reached gels?” The young man looked. “I see around and held me for a while. It was them,” he whispered. the most comforting thing.” Lund, in fact, was less tranquil than n truth, the angels who most she appeared. “I was in denial, really,” impressed the Mezas—and she says. She tried to believe the pilot’s many other passengers—were assurances that there was little dan- the six members of the flight ger, and to disregard the worst-case crew. As the plane circled low scenarios on TV. Still, she would soon over the Pacific Ocean, burn- type a text message on her phone to Iing off heavy fuel to make a controlled her younger sister, saying, “Pray for landing somewhat easier, attendants me.” Although she hungered for in- circulated in the cabin. They were formation, she couldn’t watch the generous with jokes, reassuring words, news shows for long without needing and pats on the shoulder. When they to get up and walk off her nerves. On began to redistribute the plane’s one such stroll, she ran into a flight weight, passing carry-on luggage to attendant, who saw the tension in her the rear in a kind of bucket brigade, face and gave her a warm hug. So did Janel was again moved to prayer. “I Taryn Manning, who co-stars in the said, ‘Lord, that’s how I want to be, film Hustle & Flow, and Manning’s fulfilling our purpose. If you give us an 104 The stuck nose gear sparked and smoked during the terrifying landing.

opportunity to land, that’s how we photographer for TV and films (he want to live.’ ” shot the Manhattan skyline that hangs The flight attendants soon moved behind Jay Leno on The Tonight some passengers rearward too. Lisa Show), was driving to a set when he Schiff found herself beside a woman heard on the car radio that his daugh-

AP/WIDE WORLD PHOTOS WORLD AP/WIDE her age, who was as distraught as ter’s plane was in trouble. “I thought, Schiff had been not long before. Whatever’s going to happen, I’ve got To calm her new seatmate, Schiff to be there,” he says. He sped to Costa spoke of a psychic reading she’d once Mesa, told his producer he couldn’t had. “I said, ‘Don’t worry, I’m going work, and then headed north toward to live to be 84, so we’re all good.’ ” LAX, where newscasters said Flight She held the woman’s hand for the 292 would be arriving within the hour. rest of the flight. Richard sobbed as he weaved Christiana Lund wound up next to through heavy traffic, thinking about an elderly couple who’d been through what life would be like without Chris- an emergency landing 44 years before. tiana. The previous night, she’d come “They said, ‘If we survived that, I’m home late from a friend’s TV shoot, sure we can survive this,’ ” she recalls. and he had gone to work early that But far below, on a Los Angeles free- morning, without saying goodbye. In way, her father was wrestling with a desperation, he now called his daugh- darker memory: an Alaska Airlines ter’s cell phone and left a message: flight that crashed in January 2000, “Chrissy, I don’t know if you’ll ever killing all aboard, while attempting an hear this, but I just wanted to tell you emergency landing at LAX. that I love you.” Then he barreled Richard Lund, 54, a background down an exit ramp near the airport, 105 Richard Lund stands near Los Angeles Airport, where he raced to meet his daughter’s plane. In the moments before the landing, he feared the worst. hoping to find a vantage point where wrapped around the knees. Flight at- he could witness either his worst tendants began chanting, “Brace! nightmare or his greatest reprieve. Brace! Brace!” and the passengers re- On the plane, the crew had given peated the mantra, drowning out the passengers their final instructions for engines. the emergency landing. To avoid in- Parked on an industrial street, jury if escape slides were deployed, Richard watched the jet roar overhead; women wearing high heels were asked then he lost sight of it behind a ware- to remove them. Those carrying ID house. For agonizing minutes, he lis- cards in their hand baggage were ad- tened to the radio for news of a crash. vised to place them in their pockets. But the JetBlue pilot knew precisely (The attendants didn’t mention that what he was doing. At 6:19 p.m., Scott this would make it easier for bodies Burke brought Flight 292 down on its to be identified, but many people fig- rear wheels, and then settled the nose ured it out for themselves.) As the de- as gently as a mother laying her new- scent began, everyone assumed the born in a bassinet. Twenty ambu- emergency position: feet flat on the lances were standing by on the scene, floor, head between legs and arms along with 24 fire trucks; many of

106 PHOTOGRAPHED BY GILLES MINGASSON/GETTY THREE HOURS OF FEAR & HOPE them chased the plane along the many of them a nerve-racking but 11,000-foot runway. The front tires uneventful flight to JFK. At last, burned away, filling the air with acrid though, life returned to something like smoke, but the landing gear held firm. normal. Mastoon went back to his When the craft coasted to a stop, near sampling equipment and turntables, the end of the tarmac, there was a Schiff to her gallery, the Mezas to their deep silence on board. church, Christiana to her songwrit- Finally, Burke announced, “There ing—and to her night job as a cock- is no fire,” and the cabin exploded in tail waitress. cheers. Christiana wept for the first By then, the investigation of the time that day. She called her father’s near-disaster on Flight 292 had un- cell phone, told him she was safe. She covered some startling news: At least phoned her mother, who was at a wed- seven other Airbus A320s had suffered ding in Minnesota. Last, she checked similar malfunctions in recent years, her voice mail, listened to her dad’s though all had touched down safely. farewell message, and could barely Still, no one on board Flight 292 breathe for bawling. walked away unaltered. “There’s Father and daughter found each something really great about flirting other in the baggage-claim area, and with death,” observes Schiff, “… if you clung together for a while. Then they don’t die.” joined several other passengers near As Christiana Lund puts it: “I’m the entrance to the terminal, where a more focused now. I want the people horde of reporters and cameramen in my life to know I care about them. jostled for a sound bite. The next few And I don’t want to waste any more days were crazy for the “survivors,” time messing around. I want to take as some news outlets took to calling advantage of every day.” them. There were interviews and lim- For more, and to watch the harrowing ousines and JetBlue freebies, and for footage of this landing, go to rd.com/jetblue.

YES, BUT ...

My family has a combustible relationship. Nevertheless, as my mom’s 80th birthday approached, one of my brothers suggested throwing a surprise party. It would just be the six of us: Mom and her five kids. Knowing my mom, I thought I’d run the plan by her. “That’s not a bad idea,” she said. “As long as you don’t all come at once.” ALICE S. POTTER

If nothing else, the one thing I’ll take away from my high school chemistry class is to beware what type of salt I pour on my eggs. “Can you eat sodium sulfate?” a friend asked our teacher. “Once,” she replied. TALI MARGULIS 107 RD Face to Face In Command Playing the first female President, Geena Davis is winning the popular vote BY SARA DAVIDSON

For once, the President of the United States is speechless. Can’t say a word, can’t utter a peep. No, we didn’t ask an outrageous question, or spill cof- fee on the Oval Office rug. It’s just that Geena Davis, who plays the first American woman to run the White House on the ABC breakout hit Commander in Chief, has a node, or growth, on a vocal cord. Her doctor has advised her not even to whisper for two weeks or risk permanent damage to her voice. But the show—and the interview—must go on. So we ask questions, and she pecks out answers on a laptop.

ABC, INC./BOB D'AMICO 109 RD I FEBRUARY 2006

Davis slides into a booth at the Polo At 26, she made a splashy big-screen Lounge of the Beverly Hills Hotel. debut in Tootsie, with Dustin Hoff- When the waiter asks what she’d like, man. She went on to play some quirky she pulls out a white marking board characters, including a ghost in Beetle with a blue erasable pen and writes, Juice and a reporter in The Fly. Her “Hot water with honey and lemon.” ability to render strong women won For the next two and a half hours, we her roles like Thelma in Thelma & carry on a strange conversation—the Louise, and the dog trainer in The Ac- questioner speaking and laughing cidental Tourist, for which she re- aloud as Davis types her responses ceived an Oscar. and silently giggles. The Hollywood Last year, Davis, 50, leapt at the regulars in the surrounding booths chance to play President Mackenzie gawk and wonder. Allen, in part because she knew the Surprising onlookers is nothing new role would provoke conversation and for Davis. Growing up in a small town debate. And she senses that the show, in Massachusetts, which attracted nearly 17 million view- she was the first ers when it debuted, is triggering a in her family to powerful response. “Today, a couple enter show of women I met in the store said, business. ‘Thank you for what you’re doing,’ ” COURTESY EVERETT COLLECTION; MGM/CORBIS COLLECTION; EVERETT COURTESY

Davis won Best Supporting Actress for The Accidental Tourist in 1989, and co-starred with Susan Sarandon in Thelma & Louise. IN COMMAND says Davis. “That’s just different than, learned to be quite strong and to stand ‘I liked you in Beetle Juice.’ ” up for myself, but to remain that cool is very hard. One of the great things RD: I’ve heard that your character was about playing Mac is being able to modeled on Hillary Clinton or Con- look people in the eye and let them doleezza Rice or former ABC Enter- know that I know what we’re really tainment president Susan Lyne, who talking about. I get the hidden code. now runs Martha Stewart’s company. Any of that true? RD: Mackenzie is a force for good. Davis: The creator of the show, Rod She’s against torture, she’s for better Lurie, did have Susan Lyne in mind education, but she’s not afraid to bomb when he thought of the character. other countries. There is really nothing drawn from Davis: In the first five episodes she anyone else, including Senator Clinton whipped out the military three times. or Ms. Rice. This is a pretty unique I think this is part of what we would individual. First and foremost, she is want a President to be like, and per- an Independent, which neither of haps why male viewers are enjoying them are. the character as much as women. We feel we can trust someone who is not RD: She’s a fantasy, then. afraid to back up what she says. Davis: She is, yes, a sort of fantasy President. I mean, we wish our Pres- RD: I haven’t seen her blow up at her idents would make decisions based kids, either. You’ve got three little on what they think is right for the ones. Are you this way? American people rather than to please Davis: I can be rattled, but I never the party or for political gain. have lost my temper or raised my voice. Ever. Maybe this comes from RD: How much is Mackenzie Allen having spilt my milk too many times like you? as a kid and hearing about it. I’m just Davis: I have learned to trust my in- not into yelling or shaming. stincts, which is something I have in common with Mac. However, she al- RD: You had your children in your late ways knows what to say at the time, 40s. Why did you wait so long? which I am not blessed with. Davis: I knew I would have kids, but waiting is not exactly the wisest RD: The politics on this show are ugly. course. Still, I believe it worked this You have to smile and keep working way because that’s how it was sup- with somebody who’s knifing you in posed to work. I am a much better the back. Are you able to do that in mother now than I would have been. your own life? I think the way I am able to be an in- Davis: No, I’m not that tough. I have tegrated person is a better role model. 111 RD I FEBRUARY 2006

RD: Your two most beloved roles— dream date. I was so happy when I Thelma in Thelma & Louise and now stopped growing. Mackenzie—have been women who break tradition. RD: Surely you didn’t really suffer Davis: I look for roles that break the from a lack of dates? mold, both because I want to do the Davis: I had one date in high school, fun stuff and because I want to play and he didn’t ask again. Then I went roles women can enjoy and feel good off to Sweden for my senior year, about. and suddenly I had a fresh start. They didn’t think of me as the really tall RD: Watching your movies, I never re- girl there! alized you were six feet tall. Did you ever have a complex about that? RD: How do you manage a high-pres- Davis: Oh, God, yes. I was always not sure job, a marriage—to a plastic sur- just the tallest girl, but the tallest kid, geon no less—and kids? in the class. Even in the kindergarten Davis: The job is just a killer. Hour- graduation picture, there’s me in the long TV dramas are the hardest job back—huge. And when other kids in the business. But frankly I am able were having boyfriends, I was a lot of to make it work because actors have

people’s funny friend, but nobody’s it easier than your average bear. We ANNE GALLAIS/BLACKBIRD/ABACA SYGMA; RICK MAIMAN/ CORBIS

Davis took up archery, and in 1999 made the Olympic trials. She and hubby Reza Jarrahy (below) have a daughter, three, and twin boys, age one.

112 IN COMMAND get indulged, no question. My kids RD: How does he handle being Mr. come to the set every day, trash the Geena Davis? Oval Office, whatever … Someone who Davis: I’ve always been more well has a demanding job as head of a cor- known than him; that was always part poration can’t have the kids underfoot of the deal. And I think younger men in the boardroom. My husband is in are just more comfortable with a dis- surgical training. We never thought it parity like that—age or income or sta- could happen that I would work more, tus. They are more likely to have been but he finishes work and comes to the raised by a woman who thinks differ- set too. ently about women’s roles and such. Or maybe their fathers are cooler. And RD: Your husband, Reza, is from Iran, Reza has tremendous self-confidence. right? He’s not judging his worth compared Davis: No, he’s from Queens, New to me. York. His folks came over from Iran a few years before he was born. RD: Is part of the strength of the mar- riage that he’s a “civilian,” meaning RD: How did you meet? not in show business? Davis: My dog bit him. Davis: It makes it interesting that we have jobs the other knows nothing RD: You’re kidding. Where? about, and can amuse each other that Davis: Do you mean “in a parking lot” way. But it’s his character and person- or “on the ass”? [Silently laughs.] Ac- ality that make the difference—his tually, it was in a friend’s house. I had ability to not only accept but embrace stashed my dog in my friend’s house, the things I do. He jokes about it. a neighbor of Reza’s, and Reza “How am I going to compete with an dropped over to say hi. No one was actress who almost made it to the there but this unfamiliar dog, who de- Olympics?” I don’t have to pretend to cided she should protect the house. be “less” to get approval. She bit him on the butt—broke the skin but nothing lethal—as he jumped RD: Tell us about archery. How did the fence to get away. When we met, you choose that sport? I thought, Who is this cute guy who’s Davis: I had learned so many sports going to sue me? I knew we were both for my roles in the ’90s—baseball, pis- attracted. He was very sweet. tol shooting, fencing, tae kwon do, horseback riding—and I finally real- RD: He’s 34. Was he bothered by your ized I had untapped athletic ability. age difference? My shooting coach said I had such a Davis: No, not really. And now it natural ability that I could compete, doesn’t even cross our minds. We are and I thought, How fun! But, guns? very much in sync. You can’t exactly practice in your yard. 113 Then I saw archery on TV at the At- Davis as President Mackenzie Allen lanta Olympics and was taken by how in Commander in Chief, with Kyle beautiful and dramatic it is. I found a Secor, who plays her husband. coach. It turned out I was good at it, worked really hard, and was at the cool stuff. People announcing you Olympic trials two and a half years whenever you enter the room. later. RD: How is it to walk into the Oval RD: How did it compare to acting? Office, or are you used to it now? Davis: There are no opinions involved, Davis: Of course we’re talking about nothing but your actual skill. It was a model of the Oval Office, with no such a difference from my day job. ceiling, but I do get a sense of history And that is why I would never do when I’m there. When we shot the skating or gymnastics. There are scene in the first episode where she JUDGES!! enters the Oval as the President for the first time, I actually had goose RD: What’s the most fun about play- bumps—as myself and the character. COLLECTION EVERETT PETER STONE/ABC/COURTESY ing Mackenzie Allen? I couldn’t help thinking that one day, Davis: I am ashamed to admit I love all this exact thing will happen to a the trappings—saluting the generals, woman, and she will feel the sense of stepping off Air Force One, all that history that I am feeling now. 114 IN COMMAND

RD: Do you think the show is paving that we should put women in these the way for a woman President? important positions because of some Davis: We all know how much media special “woman-ness” they will bring, images affect us. Now, to be clear, we are putting aside the more rele- that’s not the intention of the show vant notion that women should be in and not why ABC bought the pilot! So half of these positions because they many people ask me that, and you’ve make up half the human race! Equal got to figure that the folks at ABC have rights shouldn’t be based on deserved- other things on their minds than send- ness or specialness. ing covert political messages. How about ratings? Making money? RD: Are you a feminist? Davis: Yes. And I am always happy to RD: At the beginning of the women’s be asked that question because I like movement, we thought that if women to show I won’t suddenly immolate if had power they would lead differently. I use the word. Women have been They would be more compassionate, taught to be afraid of the term, that it inclusive and sensitive. And yet Mac- means all kinds of things it really kenzie is tough. doesn’t, like “against men” or “unat- Davis: First, about the idea from the tractive, strident.” Feminism simply women’s movement that we need means a belief in women having women because they will be differ- social and political rights equal to ent, I’ve come to feel differently about men. I know. I looked it up. [Laughs that over the years. If the argument is silently.]

YOU LOOK MAH-VELOUS

I was in New York’s Grand Central Terminal on my way to visit friends in Connecticut. I had never taken the trip before and was wondering if I needed to switch trains in Stamford. Walking to the train, I saw a conductor and asked, “Do I need to change?” “No,” he replied immediately. “You’re fine the way you are. Your bag matches your shoes and your earrings are the same color as your outfit. Very coordinated.” JOAN MENSCHENFREUR from The New York Times

Scene: East Side coffee shop. Dramatis personae: Two women, both 50-ish. First Woman: “What did you do to your hair? It looks like a wig.” Second woman: “It is a wig.” First woman: “You’d never know it.” BOB LEVOY from The New York Times 115 Robert and Phyllis Evans hold a photo of their son Joel, 14. They believe he died while playing the choking game. Kids are taking risks in dangerous new ways ThrillsThat

KILLBY MARY A. FISCHER

Robert and Phyllis Evans considered themselves lucky. They had three wonderful children whom they adored and, after 26 years of mar- riage, their relationship was still solid. They owned a four-bedroom, two-story house in the woodsy, close-knit town of Mill Valley, California. In their yard, surrounded by wild blackberry bushes, they often saw fawns and bucks with giant antlers. One evening in November 1999, the Evanses became concerned when they noticed a red, indented mark on their son Joel’s neck. It looked like the 14-year-old high school student had pulled his T-shirt tight around his throat. Or maybe someone at school had been rough with him, his father thought. “What happened to your neck?” his mother asked. “Oh, it’s nothing,” Joel said, and went back to playing video games on his computer. Joel was not a kid you had to worry about, so his parents let it go. He wasn’t wild, and he didn’t take drugs or drink. He was smart, responsible, even “a little nerdy,” by his mother’s estimation. He hadn’t developed an interest in girls yet; he’d rather spend time on

PHOTOGRAPHED BY ERIK BUTLER 117 RD I FEBRUARY 2006 his computer and with his pet rabbit, believe they finally know what hap- Fafner. He didn’t care that his jeans pened. The red mark on Joel’s neck were too short, or that his straight was evidence, they contend, that he bangs made him look like a little boy. had been experimenting with the risky His older brother, Daniel, 16, was suffocation game in which kids cut off the risk-taker. He’d recently been oxygen to their brains momentarily sneaking out of the house late at night to achieve a euphoric drug-like high. to meet with friends. Joel, on the other Tragically, it appears that Joel, like hand, was a more cautious type. Or some 1,000 youths each year, acciden- so his parents thought until March tally strangled himself while playing 2000, some months after noticing the around with the cord. As for how he mark on his neck, when they came learned about the bizarre practice, the home one afternoon and couldn’t find Evanses are convinced it was from him. Thinking he was playing a fa- friends and the Internet. vorite game—hiding so he could pop out and surprise them—they contin- lsewhere in California, ued looking. Phyllis Evans surveyed in the southern coastal her son’s bedroom a second time and town of Palos Verdes, in the dark she saw a shadow by the 14-year-old Caitlin Scafati window. “That’s when I found him,” retreated after dinner she says, her voice trembling. “He had most evenings and spent the cord from the mini-blind wrapped two hours glued to her around his neck, and he was just hang- Ecomputer. Nothing unusual about that, ing there. It was such a nightmare. You her parents thought. That’s what kids just can’t believe something like this do these days; they instant message can happen.” their friends and “chat” for hours at a Robert Evans immediately called time. Only Caitlin had other reasons 911. He cut down his son, laid him on for going online. the bed and administered CPR—but it A high school freshman, she had was too late. The coroner ruled the trouble adjusting to her school’s death a suicide, but in part because of social cliques and their emphasis on Joel’s young age, questioned whether being thin and fashionable. Over- it was intentional. None of it made weight much of her life and struggling any sense to his parents. This wasn’t with depression, she felt like an a troubled kid, or a kid who suffered outcast when she became the target from depression. of cruel teasing by some of her Recently, after seeing TV reports classmates. “Are you really going to about a disturbing trend popular eat that?” a boy once asked Caitlin among teens that goes by various when he saw her nibbling on a donut. names—pass out, space monkey and In swim class, a girl took a picture of the choking game—the Evanses Caitlin in her swimsuit and posted it 118 in the locker room. “I ripped it up, threw it away and cried most of the night,” she says. In the privacy of her room, Caitlin would log onto the Internet and type in the search words “anorexia” and “cutting.” Instantly, dozens of web- sites appeared that dis- cussed and even pro- moted the behaviors. Caitlin had turned to both as a way of dealing with her painful emo- tions and feeling of worthlessness. When she cut her arms and legs, “It made me feel better,” Caitlin explains. “I hurt so much inside Caitlin Scafati, now that this was a way 23, began cutting and of shifting my pain starving herself at the to the outside.” age of 14 and found ferring to the direction of the What Caitlin acceptance for the incision, “Always down the found online was behaviors online. road, not across the street.” what she thought Unfortunately, experts say, she never could in real life—accept- the stories of Joel and Caitlin are not ance and understanding from others, uncommon and represent a growing, many of whom were participating in destructive trend among kids across the same self-destructive behaviors the United States and around that she was. Instantly available to her the world. “These practices are were anonymous website contribu- spreading like wildfire because of the tors who posted comments like: “The Internet,” says Dr. Thomas Andrew, a thinner I got, the happier I felt,” or “I pediatrician who, in his position as cannot change certain circumstances New Hampshire’s chief medical in my life, but at least I have the power examiner, has seen several accidental to control what I do and do not eat.” suffocation deaths among teens in the On a cutting website were tips such last few years. According to a 2005 as, “Cut on a full stomach,” and, re- Pew Internet research project, 21 mil-

PHOTOGRAPHED BY LORI STOLL 119 RD I FEBRUARY 2006

lion—or 87 percent of American youth sites provided motivational messages: (ranging in age from 12 to 17)—use the “Say it now and say it loud: I’m Internet as a source of information; anorexic and I’m proud.” Still others 22 percent of them go online to learn bombarded her with color photos of more about hard-to-discuss topics like Kate Moss, Calista Flockhart and drug use, sexual health or depression. other thin, beautiful actresses and Psychologists, pediatricians and models to “inspire” her to avoid food. youth counselors contend that under In May, the first study that exam- the radar, hundreds of websites and ined the impact of eating-disorder chat rooms are fueling an explosion websites confirmed their destructive of self-destructive practices consid- influence. Researchers at Lucile ered in vogue by a surprising number Packard Children’s Hospital at Stan- Many kids play these games alone, think of where it can lead. Death of kids. They swap techniques about ford University in Palo Alto, Califor- how to injure themselves—and, like nia, found that 40 percent of Joel and Caitlin, keep it all hidden adolescents who had been hospital- from their parents. ized for eating disorders had spent “Clearly, the Internet is a major tool time on pro-ana websites. for good,” says Ken Mueller, co-direc- When Caitlin clicked on cutting tor of CPYU.org, an informational websites, she found short bios of website about youth culture. “But as famous self-injurers, including Prin- we’re seeing now, it can also lead to cess Diana and singer Fiona Apple, great harm. Kids become addicted to which, she says, “made it seem cool these sites, and suddenly behaviors and okay.” She even discovered sites that used to be considered taboo are that gave her tips on how to hide her no longer hidden, which makes them wounds. On one discussion board, a seem more acceptable—even cool.” cutter suggested, “Depending on wear On the Internet, Caitlin found “pro- [sic] the cuts are … sweatbands will ana” (short for pro-anorexia) websites work very well.” that view anorexia nervosa in a “I was amazed to find so many other positive light—a lifestyle choice rather people with my same problems,” than a psychological disorder. Suffer- Caitlin says. “I felt so isolated, but on- ing from the illness, and losing so line I found solidarity from strangers much weight that she fainted, the last who I felt some connection to.” thing Caitlin needed were tips on how Though not as common as ano- to avoid consuming food—“drink lots rexia—approximately 7 million fe- and lots of water” or “adopt a dog and males and 1 million males suffer from feed him your food.” Some pro-ana eating disorders—cutting is a grow- 120 THRILLS THAT KILL

ing epidemic among teenage girls. and holding your breath—have been Experts who study self-injury estimate around for decades. One version, that as many as one out of every 200 autoerotic asphyxia, is used by some teen girls hurt themselves, resulting older boys and men as a way of in 2 million reported cases per year. intensifying sexual climax. The chok- “Because of the awareness created by ing game, done mostly for thrills and these websites,” says CPYU.org’s often in groups, does not derive from Mueller, “cutting has gone from being the darker psychological motives a way to cope to the hip thing to do.” behind anorexia and self-injury, but In fact, studies suggest that there the Internet is fueling more extreme are 3 million self-injurers in the United methods. States. Two million of them cut or Google certain keywords and with which is so dangerous. They don’t is not on their radar screens. burn themselves, while the other a few clicks on the right links you’ll million hit, brand, scar, or excessively be connected to a spirited discussion pierce themselves. “People who cut about the choking game. One teen themselves believe they are horribly calls it “overrated,” while another pro- flawed in some way,” says Wendy vides directions about how to play it, Lader, PhD, clinical director of S.A.F.E. including the recommendation: “Have Alternatives, a referral and treatment your friend or ‘spotter’ use his inner program for self-injurers. “It makes wrist to apply pressure to the jugular them feel strong. They think, I’m not vein NOT THE WINDPIPE!!!” like the rest of you. I’m tough. I can “It’s about pushing the envelope far- tolerate pain or starvation better than ther to have an extreme experience,” you. But no matter how much they says pediatrician Thomas Andrew, cut or starve themselves, they’re not who points to popular television pro- dealing with the real issue—their grams like Fear Factor to further ex- out-of-control emotions.” plain the growing popularity of the choking trend. “We’re living in an ‘I obert evans now be- dare you’ culture.” Andrew says that lieves that for his son kids are adding ropes, belts and plas- Joel, the pass-out game tic bags to the game. “And many are “was something that he playing alone, which is so dangerous. thought he could con- They don’t think of where it can lead. trol—something that Death is not on their radar screen.” was secret from us. He For several years, Yahoo and AOL Rdidn’t have the intent to hurt himself.” have been shutting down self-injury Asphyxia games—hyperventilating sites on their servers. But this kind of 121 RD I FEBRUARY 2006 information is still available in online seling she needed. Now 23, recovered chat rooms, which are much harder from her disorders and hoping to be- to police. And short of violating the come a social worker, Caitlin says she First Amendment’s guaranteed right had to scar her body and lose an un- to free speech, there is frankly no way healthy amount of weight before she to eliminate these sites altogether. recognized the danger of the sites she What parents need to do, say child- was visiting. She has never accessed care professionals, is to pay more at- them again. tention. “There are usually signs, some Last April, Joel Evans would have very obvious, to watch out for,” says turned 20. It was around that time that Lynn Grefe, CEO of the National Eat- his father, Robert, having learned ing Disorders Association. Excessive more about the choking game, felt a exercise regimens and developing sense of relief. He could in some way rituals around eating are anorexia finally understand how his son’s death tip-offs. A rash of cuts on the body came about. are signs of self-injury. Bloodshot “We initially had so many questions,” eyes, dizziness and red marks on a says Phyllis Evans, “and doubts.” The child’s neck are indications of the memory of finding her son that March choking game. night will never leave her. But, she In 1998, when Caitlin Scafati was 15, says, “five years later, your heart heals she finally decided to talk to her a little. The pain is a little less intense.” parents about her cutting habits. They Learn more about protecting your helped her to begin getting the coun- kids. Go to rd.com/protectkids.

IT’S NOT WHETHER YOU WIN OR LOSE, IT’S HOW LOUD YOU YELL AT THE TV SET

Dad loves football, but he can’t stand losing. Unfortunately, his teams all stink. One Sunday afternoon, my mother and I endured his cursing the television from the safety of the kitchen. Then everything went silent. Positive he’d given himself a heart attack, Mom flew into the den. There, she found Dad quietly watching a World War II movie. “I just switched over to some- thing that I knew our side would win,” he explained. becquet.com 122 RD NEED TO KNOW Better Than a Pill? More and more medicines come in a patch. Are they right for you?

BY NEENA SAMUEL

It all started with a motion- sickness patch in 1981. Today, you can slap on a patch to avoid pregnancy, stop smoking or treat pain. Soon, you may see patches for Alzheimer’s, depression, ADHD and diabetes. What’s the point? “A patch is more convenient, so you’re more likely to follow through on using it,” says Larry S. Fields, MD, president of the American Academy of Family Physi- cians. Instead of remembering several pills a day, you can just stick a patch on your arm, belly or butt—sometimes as infre- quently as once a week—and you’re done. You get the same drug, through a different delivery system. And in certain cases, there are even fewer side effects. Here’s what’s available now:

ILLUSTRATED BY ASA SHATKIN 123 RD NEED TO Better Than a Pill? KNOW Patch What it does How it compares to other options

PAIN RELIEF Prescription-only Duragesic A 72-hour Duragesic patch was as Duragesic (fen- relieves constant pain, like effective as IV morphine in one study. tanyl), Lidoderm that of cancer patients. Pre- It causes less constipation and may (lidocaine) scription-only Lidoderm is for be less sedating. Lidoderm can be as localized pain, such as shin- effective as certain NSAIDs for OA, gles or osteoarthritis (OA). without the increased heart risks.

BIRTH CONTROL Prevents pregnancy in 99% It’s as effective as the Pill, but its Ortho Evra of cases when used correctly. maker recently disclosed that the (norelgestromin/ It delivers the hormones patch exposes women to 60% more ethinyl estradiol) estrogen and progestin, estrogen than the Pill, increasing the preventing ovulation. risk of side effects. Both forms may cause blood clots and hypertension.

NICOTINE Delivers nicotine to Since you may chew up to 24 pieces REPLACEMENT help reduce withdrawal of NR gum per day, a patch is easier NicoDerm CQ, symptoms when quitting on your jaw—and stomach. Zyban, a Habitrol (nicotine) smoking. pill that’s been proven helpful, has been linked to depression and suici- dal thoughts. The patch has not.

CHEST PAIN Relaxes blood vessels, It’s as effective as a long-acting pill in Nitro-Dur increasing preventing angina, but neither will (nitroglycerin) oxygen and help in an acute attack. Your MD blood flow to may also prescribe short-acting the heart. pills to treat sudden attacks.

MENOPAUSE These estrogen- The patch is easier on Alora ETS, only patches relieve the liver than the pill. A Climara, hot flashes. They combination estrogen/pro- Estraderm, Vivelle may also prevent gestin patch is also available, (estradiol) osteoporosis. and is best for women who have not had a hysterectomy.

HIGH BLOOD Relaxes blood vessels so It seems to be as effective PRESSURE the heart doesn’t need to as the pill form, which Catapres-TTS work as hard to pump blood; is taken 2-3 times a day; (clonidine) may also help smokers the patch is applied fight cravings. once a week. Who should avoid? Side effects/warnings*

Those with a history of As with most patches, mild tingling, burning or depression or drug or alcohol redness may occur at the patch site, and if you’re abuse should avoid Duragesic. allergic to the pill form of a drug, you’ll be allergic Lidoderm appears to be safe to the patch form too. The FDA is investigating for most people. reports of deaths related to Duragesic, possibly due to unintentional overdose.

Smokers, especially those Skin irritation, headache, bloating, cramps. over 35, and those with a Talk to your MD if you’re taking drugs for history of blood clots, severe heart conditions or blood pressure. migraines or very high blood Antibiotics and herbs may interfere pressure. with effectiveness.

Pregnant or breast- Smoking while on the patch can cause feeding women; peo- increased heart rate, irritability, night- ple with heart disease mares, headaches, dizziness, upset (unless you have a doc- stomach and more. Tell your MD if you use tor’s okay). caffeine, acetaminophen or vitamins, or if you’ve had heart, thyroid or skin problems.

People with low blood Headache, lightheadedness. Inform pressure; men on erectile your MD about any drugs you’re taking, dysfunction drugs; anyone especially aspirin, beta blockers or taking long-acting calcium-channel blockers. nitroglycerin.

Women with a history of breast Breakthrough bleeding, breast tenderness, nausea, cancer or blood clots. Those who swelling, vision problems. Smokers over 35 are have not had a hysterectomy at increased risk of blood clots. Many drugs, alcohol, should avoid estrogen-only caffeine, vitamin C and herbal products can patches, which can increase their affect how the patch works, so tell your MD if risk of endometrial cancer. you use them.

People who are prone to Dry mouth, drowsiness, headache, decreased sexual sudden drops in blood pressure. ability, fatigue. Inform your doctor about your alcohol Those on drugs that may affect intake and any drugs you use, and tell her if you faint, blood pressure should talk to have swollen feet or notice changes in heartbeat. their MDs. *Additional side effects may occur. Consult your doctor and the package insert for more information. 125 Charting a New Course In a boat-building shop on the Potomac River, teens in deep trouble launch new lives

BY LAWRENCE ELLIOTT

Victor zelaya had the look of someone who wished he was almost anywhere else. He stood with his probation officer in front of a small building that looked like a seaside cottage, two stories with dormer windows. Except that it was a boat-building shop, floating on the gentle waters of the Potomac River. Walking inside, Zelaya was enveloped by the shriek of power saws and the stinging smell of var- nish and fresh-cut lumber. Poker-faced youths hov-

126 PHOTOGRAPHED BY JOHN LOOMIS/REDUX A former gang member, Victor Zelaya (right) found an anchor and mentor in Joe Youcha. RD I FEBRUARY 2006 ered over wood and canvas, giving dria Seaport Foundation (ASF), an shape to a mini-flotilla of new boats. apprentice boat-building program that The 16-year-old was taken over to steers young outcasts onto the straight a middle-aged man who stood chat- and narrow. ting with a young worker. Joe Youcha Coming out of college, Youcha had glanced up and took in this newest tried other jobs, including writing arrival: a husky kid with his pants technical manuals for a company in slung low, his arms splashed with Colorado. But the inspiration of his tattoos, and a face boiling with anger. father, a tough street kid from New Youcha was used to it. So many ap- York City who “could have gotten in prentices were like this, at first. That’s trouble but went to college instead to why they came to his workshop in become a social worker,” kept tugging Alexandria, Virginia. It was a chance him toward helping kids who were to turn things around—for some, falling through the cracks. Youcha probably a last chance. found a perfect way to combine this On that spring morning in 2000, goal with a lifelong love of boats when, Vick Zelaya was getting his shot at a in 1992, he signed on with ASF as a new life after serving 18 months in the volunteer instructor. state reformatory. Over the clatter and Almost immediately, Youcha was banging, Youcha told him the way it put in charge. He and the volunteers works: “You start at $6.50 an hour and who worked for him—many retired go up 50 cents for every two weeks of from the military—also served as perfect attendance. If you’re absent or surrogate guardians to the youths. late, you’re docked. If you miss two It wasn’t enough for Youcha, though. days, you’re out.” He wanted to reach the truly hard- Zelaya merely shrugged. Youcha’s core—the kids who’d been expelled eyes remained locked on his, as if from school, plea-bargained out of challenging the young man to prove court, bailed out of jail. Gang mem- everyone wrong. bers, drug dealers, thieves. So he went to probation officers and juvenile court oucha’s lifework is built judges to get their advice. And his idea around a simple fact: He became a plan. His program would has a rare knack for con- take in kids already in deep trouble, necting with kids in trou- pay them above minimum wage to Yble. Which is remarkable build boats, give them an education because Youcha doesn’t come from leading to a high school general equiv- their world. He was raised in a com- alency diploma (GED), and help them fortable, close-knit family in Rockland find a job. County, New York, and graduated Youcha drummed up funding from from Columbia University. But for 13 corporations, foundations and indi- years he has spearheaded the Alexan- viduals. The biggest break came after 128 Joe Youcha (right) instructs a new the night streets with them, coming apprentice, 19-year-old Eder Romero. home after drinking, and reeking of marijuana. At 14, after he was expelled he made his pitch to Doug McCarron, from school, his mother begged him to president of the United Brotherhood quit hanging out with thugs. “The of Carpenters. “Tell me what you gang is my family,” Vick said to her, need,” McCarron said. and he left home. “Jobs for my kids.” Soon he had become the keeper of McCarron delivered. Those who the gang’s weapons. One night, Zelaya graduated from the program with a was told that gang members were GED and professional level skills were going to “take care” of some people; guaranteed a four-year apprenticeship he produced a pistol and a sawed-off with the carpenters union. shotgun. But he refused to go along With that, Youcha could offer his on the mission, saying, “I can’t shoot students a tangible future. a guy for nothing.” The police swiftly rounded up the Vick zelaya was an infant when his triggermen and traced the weapons mother, an immigrant housemaid, sent to Zelaya. He spent the next year and him to El Salvador to live with rela- a half in a state reformatory, mulling tives. She didn’t come get him until over the dead end he’d reached at he was five. He grew up just outside 15. In the reformatory school, he of Washington, D.C.—fatherless, his completed the 7th and 8th grades in mother always working, mocked at one year and came out wanting to get school for his floundering English. his life on track. At 12 he joined a gang and roamed Shortly after his release, his gang 129 RD I FEBRUARY 2006

“family,” convinced that he had be- a month to the shopkeeper. At 19, trayed them, cornered him on the Benis left to raise his infant daughter street and beat him bloody before po- alone when the mother “took a walk”; lice intervened. Zelaya didn’t know ASF works with him to find a perma- where to go now, or what to do. But his nent caregiver. probation officer thought of some- One in three youths fall out of the thing. “I know a program that takes program. Among those whom Youcha guys in situations like yours,” he told failed to help was an 18-year-old Vick. “I could call down there.” That’s apprentice who got in a fight outside when Joe Youcha entered Zelaya’s life. school, fled prosecution, and was fi- nally jailed for two years. Another kid y the time Vick arrived at graduated from ASF, only to slide back ASF, Youcha had built things into the street life and die of a bullet up to the point where he’d to the head during a drug transaction. graduated 120 apprentices. BToday, Youcha can count at For many weeks, Youcha couldn’t tell least 230 kids who’ve been through how Vick Zelaya would fare. On his his program. Paid instructors, as well first day on the job, Youcha gave him as volunteers, see to it that the youths some sandpaper and a strip of ply- earn their GED on-site. Experienced wood and told him to go with the teachers handle courses like English grain. Then he walked away. and history, while math is incorpo- He thinks I’m just another piece of rated into the workshop regimen. dirt from the street, Zelaya thought to Each instructor works with no more himself: That’s the last I’ll see of the than six apprentices. A plan, tailored big boss. for each individual, includes counsel- Ten minutes later, Youcha was back ing, continuing education, and help to take a look and assured Zelaya he with such needs as drug treatment. was doing okay. And thereafter Those qualifying for the apprentice- Youcha was rarely more than a raised ship with the carpenters union are hand away, telling the boy things he given a tool set and a starting salary of needed to know—like there were 12 $28,000 a year, plus benefits. After that, inches in a foot. “He told it to me as the future is theirs to claim or forfeit. though he was sharing a secret,” Given their backgrounds, it’s not an Zelaya says. “I didn’t feel ashamed.” easy path for most of the kids. Al- Still, Vick resisted the discipline that fredo* has to pay restitution for wreck- ASF demands. It was “do this, do that, ing a mall shop; his instructor, Steve study, work,” he recalls. He snuck out Hernandez, helps him set up a bank at night, against Youcha’s rules, to go account that automatically sends $50 drinking with buddies. Less than a *Some names have been changed to protect year into the program, he suddenly privacy. quit and took a job at a local seafood 130 CHARTING A NEW COURSE restaurant. It was near ASF, and Vick news in an unexpected way. Joe set all kept running into Joe, who would hands working on a model of an In- urge him to return to his apprentice- donesian crab boat, thousands of ship. Within a few weeks, Zelaya was which had been destroyed in the dis- back. aster. It became the most compelling Even then, he balked at taking aca- display in a fund-raising tour to re- demic classes. “I’ve had enough place the lost crabbers. In one swing school,” he would say. “I’ll learn what around the country, it helped raise I need to know [on the shop floor].” enough to build 80 boats, sending “You’ll learn enough to earn mini- hundreds of beached fisherman back mum wage here,” said Youcha. “You to sea. A local television station can be better. You are better. This is named Youcha a “Hometown Hero” only a launching pad, Vick.” for initiating the idea. Over time, Youcha got through to Victor Zelaya has his own success Zelaya. No one told Vick to buy a belt story at last. He stayed on at ASF for and hoist his pants up to his waist, three years, and has volunteered since but he did, and he began wearing a then as an instructor. In 2003, he set long-sleeved shirt to cover his tattoos. out with his GED and a van the foun- When an older trainee spit on the dation helped him buy—and Youcha floor one day, Zelaya said to him, “Hey, taught him to drive. Now Zelaya has a man, that’s not professional; this is our wife, a baby son and a home. workplace.” The youth was feeling an With his new skills, he’s had no unfamiliar emotion—pride. trouble finding rewarding work, but “I couldn’t see into this future they he hasn’t yet joined the carpenters kept telling me about,” he says. “That union. When Youcha asked him why, was too far away. But I could see the Vick said, “I was afraid I’d goof and boat I was working on take shape, and make you look bad.” I could see my new life.” “You, goof?” said Joe. “Never. You’re the reason I’m in this business.” After the devastating tsunami in the It’s something that Youcha says to Indian Ocean, Youcha’s boys made the all his kids. And it’s always true.

GENDER BENDER

Asked on NPR how she went from writing romance novels to mysteries, author Janet Evanovich answered, “I hit menopause and began to have more thoughts of murder than romance.” Submitted by JO CARR 131 Greatest Show on EARTH Natural wonders as you’ve never seen them

PHOTOGRAPHS BY BERNHARD EDMAIER FROM “EARTHSONG” 132 In the Groove Aerial photographs of Earth in all its startling, untouched beauty are the specialty of Bernhard Edmaier, who is also a geologist. On this page is the Gorner Glacier in the Valais region of Switzerland. When the surface thaws, the water runoff creates deep channels in the ice that form in a temporary lake. Edmaier, known for photographing from unusual perspectives, took this shot near the glacier’s northern edge.

ALL PHOTOGRAPHS © BERNHARD EDMAIER Hot Rocks Yellowstone’s Grand Prismatic Free Flow Spring (above) gets its One small, solitary hue from microscopic island (below) rises creatures that thrive out of a desert-like in scalding water. sweep of sea in the Bahamas.

Bloom, Baby, Bloom! Is it a field of vivid flowers studded with pools of water? Guess again. It’s actually the surface of a hot spring at Dallol in northern Ethiopia, where salts and minerals have dried to a gorgeous crust. “EARTHSONG” BY BERNHARD EDMAIER, PUBLISHED BY PHAIDON PRESS LIMITED © 2004 PHAIDON PRESS LIMITED. $59.95. Carved in Stone In southern Namibia’s Huns Mountains, canyons put fanciful whorls into 600-million-year-old layers of limestone. How Vein! New land (above) forms It’s a Wrap from silt deposited by Utah’s Green River the Tiroler Achen River (below) cuts through into the Chiemsee, a the Colorado Plateau, lake southeast of gathering minerals that Munich, Germany. give it vivid color.

KNOCKOU The prize fight lasted T only 2 minutes, but it stayed with me for a lifetime

BY DAVID MARGOLICK FROM “BEYOND GLORY”

s a kid growing up in tory). No single sporting event had the small mill town of ever borne such worldwide impact as Putnam, Connecticut, the second bout. It implicated the fu- AI listened, transfixed, ture of race relations and the prestige to a recording my fa- of two powerful nations—which, only ther, Moses, brought home called three years later, would be at war. I Can Hear It Now. Narrated by Ed- One Boston sportswriter, using the ward R. Murrow, the record contained lingo of the day, wrote, “Louis repre- vivid snippets of history, including sents democracy in its purest form: FDR’s fireside chats and the eerie The Negro boy who would be permit- sounds of Pearl Harbor being bombed. ted to become a world champion with- But the standout moment for me was out regard for race, creed or color, Clem McCarthy’s call of the great 1938 [while] Schmeling represents a coun- boxing match between Joe Louis and try which does not recognize this idea Max Schmeling. and ideal.” The country was Hitler’s Louis was 24 years old, a black Nazi Germany, with which Schmeling American and the world heavyweight had become increasingly entangled. champion. Schmeling, a German nine Sitting in our den, listening to that years older, was the only man ever to clip, I was brought ringside to Yankee have beaten Louis in his pro career Stadium, along with some 70,000 (which he did two years earlier, in one other fans and the tens of millions of of the greatest upsets in sports his- people—the largest radio audience at

ILLUSTRATED BY OWEN SMITH 139 RD I FEBRUARY 2006 that time—listening worldwide. So around. There were lots of cheers, but embedded did McCarthy’s gruff voice boos too—some undoubtedly racial, become in my consciousness that 35 some from Schmeling supporters. years later I began writing a book Then, over millions of radios, came about the second Louis-Schmeling the voice of Clem McCarthy, the an- fight. After seven years, I finished it. nouncer who had honed his reputa- Seven years to write about two min- tion covering horse races. He growled, utes and four seconds: It hardly makes “Aaaaand, boxing fans, Arthur Dono- sense until you realize how pregnant van [the referee] has the two princi- those 124 seconds were. pals in the ring.” Shortly afterward, McCarthy croaked, “The old slogan he eyes of the world of boxing, ‘May the best man win,’ and will be focused on a she’s about to start, with this Yankee two-man battle in a Stadium packed to the doors!” “Tribbon of light stab- The two boxers retreated. bing the darkness of For a few seconds the only noises Yankee Stadium,” said the New York came from the crowd. “Unchain Mirror on the morning of June 22, 1938. them!” someone shouted. In the dis- Just after ten o’clock that night, ring tant seats, fans struggled to see. Joe announcer Harry Balogh introduced Louis continued to dance about. He the principals: “This is the featured “had the look of a murderer in his attraction, 15 rounds, for the world’s eye,” one eyewitness said. To Ernest heavyweight championship. Weigh- Hemingway, also in attendance, Louis ing 193, wearing purple trunks, out- seemed “nervous and jumpy as a standing contender for heavyweight doped racehorse.” Max Schmeling honors, the former heavyweight title- stood still, waiting. holder, Max … Schmeling.” “They’re ready with the bell just The dark-haired German rose from about to ring,” McCarthy said. Ring it his stool, took a few steps, and bowed did, at 10:08 p.m. “And there it is,” in courtly European fashion to two McCarthy declared. sides of Yankee Stadium. As the crowd “The gong!” added Arno Hellmis, a roared, Schmeling smiled. sports reporter for a leading Nazi The bell sounded two more times. newspaper. “Weighing 198 and three-quarters,” As many times as I’ve listened to Balogh intoned, “wearing black trunks, McCarthy’s call of the fight, it still the famous Detroit Brown Bomber, gives me goose bumps. Baseball had world heavyweight champion, Joe its innings; football, hockey, soccer, Louis.” Idolized in black America as and basketball had their clocks. All no man before him, Louis rose, had teams, and all lasted a couple of skipped a few steps, and turned hours, come what may. Here, two men

ADAPTED FROM “BEYOND GLORY: JOE LOUIS VS. MAX SCHMELING, AND A WORLD ON THE BRINK,” COPYRIGHT © 2005 BY DAVID MARGOLICK, PUBLISHED AT $26.95 BY ALFRED A. KNOPF, A DIVISION OF RANDOM HOUSE, INC., 1745 BROADWAY, NEW YORK, NEW YORK 10019 were squaring off in something that could end at any time.

Schmeling walked out of his corner, while Louis bounded out of his. The two feinted for just seven seconds before Louis hit, and hurt, Schmeling with a left jab. Two more jabs snapped Schmeling’s head back. Next came a left hook to the body, and the men fell into a clinch. Louis’s fans, burned by the last time the two men fought, took nothing for granted. “Look out, Joe!” they shouted. Then, suddenly, Louis had Schmeling against the ropes, connecting with a series of devastating blows to the head. The crowd roared. “Louis hooks a left The program from the 1938 boxing to Max’s head!” McCarthy declared. match between Louis and Schmeling— “And shoots over a hard right to Max’s the fight heard ’round the world. head! Louis, a left to Max’s jaw! A right to his head! Louis with the old one- They fell into another clinch. Coming two! First the left and then the right! out of it, Louis hit Schmeling. He fol- He’s landed more blows in this one lowed with two more lefts to the face round than he landed in any five and a right to the temple before they rounds of the other fight!” clinched once more. Referee Donovan had never seen Louis stalked Schmeling, searching anything like it. After that first left to for an opening. Back to the ropes, he the head, Schmeling’s face seemed to missed a roundhouse left. Next he de- swell and turn a faint bluish green. livered a right uppercut, a left, and a Then came the right. It was so hard devastating right to Schmeling’s face. that Schmeling’s head seemed to spin, Schmeling staggered back. then “bobbed up and down like a Hal- Louis, his gloves now a brownish loween apple in a tub,” wrote a re- blur, then landed a series of body porter for the New York Mirror. The punches—to the side, to the stomach, contest was not yet 30 seconds old. to the left kidney. “The Negro swung, Nearly a minute in, Louis chased hooked, swung and hooked at him as Schmeling back toward the ropes. though he were the big bag,” Heming- 141 RD I FEBRUARY 2006 way wrote. Even in the press box, ward tentatively. Louis resumed work. where partisan cheering was forbid- He stung Schmeling with another den, there were cries of excitement, vicious right that sent him sprawling astonishment and horror. and then rolling over. The knockdown Schmeling grimaced, letting out a timekeeper fumbled for his mallet. high-pitched cry that echoed through- This time Schmeling was up at four. out the stadium. Some heard, “Oh! Two years earlier Schmeling had Oh!” To others, it was “Genug! pooh-poohed Louis for failing to take Genug!”—Enough! Enough! Many peo- a count: a sure sign of his inexperi- ple, Louis among them, thought the ence, he sniffed. Now, befuddled, he scream came not from Schmeling but had done the same thing. from a woman at ringside. “Louis attacks again!” Hellmis Immobilized, Schmeling then ab- shrieked. “Why, this is madness!” sorbed five colossal punches to his “And Schmeling … is … down! face. Louis concluded the fusillade Schmeling is down!” McCarthy with two mighty rights. Schmeling exclaimed. “The count is four. It’s …” sank, his knees collapsing halfway to “Get up, Max! Max!” pleaded the canvas. “Schmeling is going Hellmis. “No, he is down for good— down!” McCarthy shrieked. “But he’s No, he gets up!” held to his feet, held to the ropes, Schmeling was up again, but only looked to his corner in helplessness!” for an instant. Another powerful A minute and a half had passed. combo sent him to his knees. He got “Hitler’s wilted pet looked like a soft up quickly once more, and then a piece of molasses candy left out in the horrified Hellmis declared, “Joe Louis sun,” the famous African American throws himself again at him.” author Richard Wright later wrote. Clem McCarthy rattled off the punches. “Right and left to the head! A onovan rushed to the two left to the jaw! A right to the head! And boxers. Though Schmeling Donovan is watching carefully! Louis remained on his feet, only measures him. Right to the body! A Dthe ropes were keeping him left hook to the jaw! And Schmeling upright. To the referee it was is down!” For the third time, Schmel- a knockdown; for one thing, he feared ing was on the canvas, trying desper- that another blow from Louis at ately to get back up. that moment might kill Schmeling. With a final right to the face, Louis Donovan shooed Louis away and, “abandoned all science and new- arms raised, began a count. He had fangled lessons,” wrote Caswell only reached one when Schmeling Adams of the New York Herald Tri- righted himself. bune. “Schmeling was no longer a Donovan gestured for the fight to man,” author Paul Gallico stated. continue, and Schmeling moved for- Donovan counted to five; then, as 142 KNOCKOUT

Schmeling’s trainer rushed into the fight on peanut farmer Earl Carter’s ring, the referee declared the fight radio thanked him for the privilege. over. McCarthy exclaimed, “The count “Then,” President Jimmy Carter later is five. Five! Six! Seven! Eight! The wrote, “our visitors walked silently men are in the ring! The fight is over, out of the yard, crossed the road and on a technical knockout! Max Schmel- the railroad tracks, entered the ten- ing is beaten in one round!” ant house, and closed the door. Then all hell broke loose.” In the stands there was bedlam. In the ring, the bruised and battered Actress Tallulah Bankhead sprang to Schmeling threw his arm around her feet and screamed to the Schmel- Louis’s shoulders. “Joe, you are a real ing fans behind her, “I told you so, you champion,” he said. He went back to S.O.B.’s!” Whites were hugging blacks. his corner and began to cry. “The happiest people I saw at this Louis, meantime, headed to his fight were not the Negroes but the dressing room to celebrate. “I got what Jews,” a black writer observed. For folks call revenge, and how,” he told them, Joe Louis seemed to be the only the gathered newspapermen. man standing up to Hitler. In one The boxers, their entourages, and round, freedom had defeated fascism. all but a handful of the 70,000 specta- Elsewhere, people leaped out of tors that night are gone. So, too, are their chairs. In Hollywood, Bette Davis nearly all the people who covered the celebrated; she had won $66 in the fight. But their reports live on. As does Warner Bros. fight pool. “Everybody McCarthy’s. Two-thirds of a century danced and sang,” Woody Guthrie after it was first uttered and 40 years wrote from Santa Fe. “I heard ‘Hooray after I first heard it, it for Joe Louis!’ and ‘To hell with helped me re-create Max Schmeling!’ in Indian, Mexican, what is, to me, still Spanish, all kinds of tongues.” the most unforget- Miles across the country, the black table moment in the field hands who had listened to the history of sports.

MR. FIX-IT

I took a favorite necklace to the jewelry store to have a broken clasp fixed. It was one I always wore on Valentine’s Day, and I made the jew- eler promise it would be ready by February 14. Before leaving, I studied the receipt. He had indeed understood my urgency. Beneath the description he’d written, “Repair a broken heart.” CELIA BOON 143 HealingA Force

How one heroic doctor is helping her hurricane-ravaged town get

back on the map I BY LYNN ROSELLINI

It looks okay, thought Regina Benjamin, as she maneuvered her light blue Toyota pickup through the mud-slick streets of Bayou La Batre, Alabama. Maybe we missed the worst of it. It was August 30, the day after Hurricane Katrina, and all along the bayou, shrimp boats lay tossed onto dry land, masts and rigging tangled in tree branches. Crumpled piles of lumber marked where homes had stood, and a wash of slime inches deep seeped from

144 PHOTOGRAPHED BY BENJAMIN LOWY Dr. Regina Benjamin stands on the banks of the bayou that rose 13 feet during Hurricane Katrina’s onslaught. RD I FEBRUARY 2006 the open doors of shops and restau- rants. Benjamin pulled up to her medi- cal clinic. The tidy gray building looked unscathed. But when she opened the door, the stench was almost enough to make her sit down. Seawater, old fish and dead crabs mingled with raw sewage. Chairs and tables were tossed about as if they’d been in a washing machine. Dr. Regina Benjamin, 49, had laid out $800 to open her family-practice clinic in this impoverished commu- Every day Dr. Benjamin drives the back nity in 1990, and many thousands more roads around town, making house calls. to keep it going. If people couldn’t Even months after the hurricane, the pay—and many couldn’t—she treated cleanup effort continues. them for free. Clearly, she wasn’t in it for the money. But now her head midmorning, as waters rose rapidly swirled as she stared into the ruins of around them, terror-stricken residents her life’s dream. Then she steeled her- climbed onto rooftops and into self: I can be sad and depressed later. trees. Out on the gulf, beachfront homes built on eight-foot pilings van- ayou la batre is a hapless ished into the 100 mph winds. Days little village tucked along a later, fishermen trawling 20 miles waterway that reaches like offshore found doors, paneling and a long blue-black finger furniture. Bfrom the Gulf of Mexico Though there were no fatalities, several miles into the pine-dotted Al- 2,000 of the town’s 2,300 residents abama interior. Seafood is the town’s were left homeless. Few had insur- main livelihood, but foreign imports ance on their homes or their boats. and rising fuel costs have driven the industry into decline. One-third of the As benjamin surveyed the damage, population is from Vietnam, Cambo- Nell Bosarge Stoddard, 75, whom lo- dia and Laos, and more than one in cals call “Granny,” pulled up in her five families live below poverty level. Ford. “Oh, my goodness,” said Ben- When the hurricane sent a 13-foot jamin’s longtime nurse, her voice tidal surge sweeping through, it sub- catching. “Here we go again.” merged shipyards, flooded seven feet Stoddard had been with Benjamin up the walls of First Oriental Market, when Hurricane Georges ripped and lapped up State Highway 188 a through the clinic in 1998. Together, full two miles north of the gulf. By the two women had carefully placed 146 1

patient files out in the sun to dry. Then bail bond if someone was in trouble. Benjamin rebuilt farther inland, jack- So Regina, after finishing with med ing the structure up onto four-foot school, ignored lucrative job offers stilts. She still owed $170,000 on elsewhere and returned to the region, the new building. But now it had been laboring at the clinic from 7 a.m. until destroyed too. past midnight. On weekends, she It was hot and humid—90 degrees— traveled across three states to work but the two women put on rubber as an itinerant emergency room physi- gloves and set to stripping the reek- cian to pay the bills. ing clinic. If they didn’t get it dried out There was never any question that quickly, mold and bacteria would she would rebuild. Again, the ques- render the building useless—even tion was “How?” hazardous. As Benjamin dragged out dripping “Bill me.” benjamin, in a white lab chairs, lamps and carpet, she made a coat with a stethoscope around her plan. She had grown up in nearby neck, was on the phone with the phar- Daphne and learned early on the macist at CVS. The week after Katrina, importance of doing for others. Dur- she had begun treating patients at ing the Depression, her grandmother, the community center, where 240 a matriarch of the rural community, cots were set up for homeless towns- left lemonade and sandwiches for people. Benjamin’s “office” was now the hobos who hitchhiked along the the stage of the auditorium. She con- highway. Her mother was always ducted examinations right there, with- available to feed a crowd or sign a out even a curtain for privacy. The 147 RD I FEBRUARY 2006 nearest bathroom was downstairs. For hours, the tiny crew plucked People arrived with ugly gashes people from the water: an amputee from clearing debris, infections from with one leg, clinging to a mattress; the foul water, and allergies from the a man and woman floating in a chil- mold. All Benjamin could do was ask dren’s wading pool; another terrified them about their medical history; she couple in a tree. had no records to consult. Patients’ Since then, Wright had barely slept lifesaving medications for diabetes, or seen his wife. He had 30 people asthma and blood pressure had been staying at his home. At the commu- washed away in the storm. Benjamin nity center, he supervised the feeding treated them all at no charge. of 17,000 evacuees from across the Before Katrina, the clinic had just county, as well as a drive-through sup- begun to pay its own bills, even if ply center. But for Regina Benjamin, the doctor still couldn’t pay herself he always made time. Benjamin, he a salary. But now, with expenses felt, had about the biggest heart of mounting, she mortgaged her house anyone in town. “She’s always been for $210,000 and maxed out her credit there for people,” he says. In fact, she cards—$60,000 in debt. It would cost was the mayor’s personal physician. $300,000 to start over. Meanwhile, “Stan. This is Regina. Think you how could she continue treating peo- could get us a trailer?” The mayor, ple here? wearing his customary blue work shirt One day, gazing across the cacoph- and ball cap, didn’t even hesitate. “Yah, onous scene at the community center, babe,” he said. “Whatever you want.” she had a sudden thought: A trailer In ensuing days, county officials would be good. took on the job of locating a mobile medical trailer. Meanwhile, a bunch tan wright, a tobacco- of students from Iowa’s Vennard chewing oysterman serving College showed up in T-shirts and his second term as mayor of boots to chain-saw the pecan and oak Bayou La Batre, got the call trees behind Benjamin’s clinic, making Son his cell phone. On the room for temporary quarters. morning of the hurricane, with 100 Four weeks after the mayor’s call, mph winds still blowing, Wright had two halves of a double-wide trailer launched his 18-foot fishing skiff into rumbled down Bayou La Batre Irving- the roiling waters that lapped up High- ton Highway from Mississippi. After way 188. Using the police radio in his the long trip, the trailer was infested Ford pickup, he dispatched his son- with bugs and caked with dirt. But an- in-law, a cousin and a good friend to other contingent of volunteers—this rescue survivors by boat, while he one from Mercy Ships—was ready to stood at the water line, shuttling each fumigate and scrub. load to the safety of a nearby church. A nun from St. Vincent’s Hospital 148 With the arrival of a temporary tiny white trailer homes next to the trailer, things got closer to normal rubble of destroyed houses and in neat for Dr. B and her nurse, “Granny.” rows in a local park. Life in Bayou La Batre began to resume. Except for one in Birmingham drove down in a rental thing. “People were starting to under- truck loaded with burgundy armchairs stand the severity of their situation,” and framed prints for the waiting Benjamin said. “They wouldn’t have room. A relief organization from the jobs for a long time, and [they had] West Coast supplied worn wooden no houses.” examining tables and cartons of Now, she expanded her mission to antibiotics, insulin and other drugs. provide more than just medical care. Benjamin paid for $1,200 worth of In the late afternoons, she climbed gravel to put on the muddy field, then into her pickup. Cell phone to her ear hired a plumber and electrician for and eating cashews from a plastic jar, another $3,000. she rumbled down the dirt roads On October 17, seven weeks after making house calls. the disaster, the clinic reopened. “How you doin’, Miz Lee?” she With scarred walls, cracked li- called one day in November to Mary noleum, and a hallway so narrow that Alice Lee, 77, a short, white-haired two people could barely pass, the woman with diabetes, who poked her trailer hardly seemed a symbol of head out the doorway of her FEMA modern medical care. But to Ben- trailer. Behind it lay the ruins of her jamin, it was beautiful. three-bedroom house. A colossal black By now, FEMA had begun to deposit pig rooted in the dust. 149 “I miss my home,” said the frail With the good doctor’s help, the woman, stepping onto the porch with Schultz family was able to move the aid of a three-pronged cane. “This back into their house. is a little too small.” Benjamin was her friend, Lee said. Alabama state legislator. Within a day, “I rely on her. She takes everyone in.” the Schultzes got a permit to rebuild. The doctor continued down the “It was my grandmother’s house,” said road, stopping at a small white frame Jody Schultz. “She helped save it.” house across from the bayou. There, another family greeted her warmly. Back at the clinic these days, condi- “She came by to check on us after the tions have begun to improve. Work- storm,” said Jody Schultz, a lanky boat ers from a Mobile construction builder whose home was inundated company tore up the old wood floor of with seven feet of water. “She does the original 2,000-square-foot struc- that from time to time. Just like a ture, ripped out wiring and insulation, neighbor.” and bleached the walls. Volunteers An inspector had slated the Schultz from Clark Construction in Bethesda, family home for demolition. The Maryland, are rebuilding the interior. young couple desperately wanted to Benjamin, meanwhile, collected keep it, but didn’t know how to navi- $73,000 from her insurance company. gate the government bureaucracy. She doesn’t worry so much anymore Benjamin did. Back at the office, she about paying the bills. “I figure I’ll find telephoned one of the clinic’s board a way,” she says, adding that she’s cur- members, Joseph Mitchell, who is an rently bringing in some extra money 150 A HEALING FORCE giving speeches to health care groups. bank. Many will have to find other Unlike many New Orleans resi- livelihoods. dents, most townspeople of Bayou La As for the town, a real estate devel- Batre plan to stay put, despite their oper plans to build an upscale tourist losses. Benjamin has applied for grants resort, complete with high-rise con- to get a part-time psychiatrist to help dominiums and a marina. The project patients handle the hardship. At press may eventually create hundreds of time, she hoped the clinic would re- jobs for local residents. open shortly after the first of the year. For the short term, though, Bayou “There’s a lot of anxiety and depres- La Batre remains a melancholy place. sion now,” she says. “People who Pine trees, usually green all year, are worked all their lives and never asked windburned and brown. Mounds of for anything are having to ask for refuse still line the streets, and blue everything.” tarps cover damaged roofs. But every The seafood industry in the gulf re- evening, as daylight wanes, there are gion is not expected to recover. Prices two reminders that life holds hope. in the past year—before the hurri- One is the glorious, orange-hued sky cane—were among the lowest in his- as the sun slips silently into the Gulf tory, with cheaper farm-raised foreign of Mexico. The other beacon is the imports accounting for 90 percent of light blue pickup with the white- U.S. shrimp consumption. Many of the coated doctor at the wheel, rumbling shrimp processing plants wiped out across piny back roads toward the by Katrina won’t be rebuilt. Most lonely lights of another distant trailer. shrimpers who lost their boats had Want to help hurricane victims? Get neither insurance nor money in the involved. Go to rd.com/hurricanehelp.

COME AGAIN?

When the Hecker Pass, in Gilroy, California, had to be closed last sum- mer to widen the shoulder, no one really knew how bad the situation was. That is, until the local paper announced on its front page, “Major route will close for 40 days in August.” Submitted by MARILYN J. MITRI

It’s Night of the Living Dead all over again! The State (Columbia, South Carolina) reported, “The funeral business has launched a national effort to boost repeat business.” Submitted by J. FREEMAN

Not crazy about a word? Change the meaning. That’s what the Acupuncture Board of California is doing. Its recent policy statement review stated, “The board proposes to amend Section 1399.480 to change the definition of one hour.” Submitted by TERRI BEALS 151 ® LAUGHTER, THE BEST MEDICINE

Love Is in the Air Funny Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine? He fell in love with a pincushion.

Funnier couple’s meal had Two snowmen are Why did the Ajust arrived in a standing in a field when cannibal break one says to the other, cast-iron pot when the up with his girl? top lifted. Spotting two “Do you smell carrots?” beady little eyes, the Submitted by RYAN PATRICK HIGGINS She didn’t suit woman gasped and the his taste. lid slammed down. Buffalo were roaming “Did you see that?” she the range when a tourist asked her husband. passed by. Funniest “See what?” “Those are the mangi- Why didn’t Just then, the top rose, est-looking beasts I’ve Cupid shoot again revealing two eyes. ever seen!” he exclaimed. “Waiter!” the man called. One buffalo turned to his arrow at the “There’s something another and said, “I think lawyer’s heart? strange in that pot.” I just heard a discourag- “What did you order?” ing word.” Are you kid- “The chicken sur- Submitted by JONATHAN BELL ding? Even prise,” the man said. Cupid can’t hit “Oh, I apologize, sir,” I asked my banker for a a target that the waiter replied. “This statement, and he said, is the peeking duck.” “Get a better job.” small. Submitted by MIKE PILOTTI BUZZ NUTLEY

152 ILLUSTRATED BY IAN BAKER What would you call an instruction manual : for ventriloquists? Q A: Dummies for Dummies. Submitted by MICHAEL DOOLEY

Did you hear they hree guys were stein’s equations on the arrested the devil? Tfishing when one of theory of relativity. Yeah, they got him on them hooked a mermaid. “That’s amazing!” possession. GREGG SIEGEL She promised to grant the third fisherman each of them a wish if yelled. “Quintuple my they’d let her go. intelligence.” n american A history “Deal,” the first fisher- “Are you sure?” the professor was lecturing man said. “I’d like you to mermaid asked. “You his freshman class on the double my intelligence.” might not like the Puritans. “Does anybody Immediately, he began to outcome.” know what type of peo- recite Shakespeare’s “I’m sure. Just do it,” ple were punished in the Macbeth. the guy said. stocks?” he asked. “Wow!” the second He closed his eyes A kid near the door guy exclaimed. “Could to wait for the wish yelled, “Small investors?” you triple my intelli- to be granted and— gence?” He’d no sooner poof!—he became a n a recent poll I , one in made the request than woman. four people said they’d Submitted by he started spouting Ein- DANNY HOCHSTETLER donate a kidney to a complete stranger. Yeah, sure. Ninety percent Finish This Joke won’t even let a stranger Johnny swallowed a quarter. A man walking by turned merge in traffic. Johnny upside down and patted his back with great JAY LENO The Tonight Show (NBC) precision. The quarter popped out. “You must be a quarterback. Thank you!” said many How college stu- Johnny’s mom. Submitted by STEVEN SHWE dents does it take to screw in a light bulb? What did the man say to the grateful mom? You tell One, but he waits until us! E-mail your funniest original punch line to us at [email protected], subject: February, and if it’s the best the last minute to cram it (and the first of its kind), you’ll win fame and riches. in. Submitted by GREG MADDEN Well, not really, but you’ll get a cool $100. Your favorite new So what’s black and white and purple all over? joke or one-liner might be A nun with a grape jelly habit. December’s winning worth $$$. Click on “Submit punch line came from Jimmy Polhamus of Ellsworth, a Joke” at rd.com or see Wisconsin. page 10 for details. 153 For 13 years, Ann and David Scoville made it their mission to solve their daughter’s murder

BY ROBERT KIENER

When patricia scoville left boston for the picturesque town of Stowe, Vermont, her parents were relieved that she would be in a safer place. Small-town folks themselves, they were con- cerned about their daughter living in the big city. So when their phone calls went unanswered not long after Patty moved in, Ann and David were not unduly alarmed. An outgoing girl, a former cheerleader and the president of her sorority at Cornell, 28-year-old Patty had always been a trust- ing, caring child. The oldest of three children, she was a respon- sible kid, one who made good decisions. A biker, hiker and skier, she’d fallen in love with the village tucked into the Green Moun- tains where her friend Neil Hillmer’s family had a vacation home. She answered an ad, found a roommate and moved in. After three days of unreturned calls, David and Ann became apprehensive. That night in October 1991, they stood together

in the kitchen and Ann called again. Patty’s roommate, Annette REPORTER GLEN CALLAHAN/STOWE SCOVILLE) & DAVID (ANN FAMILY; SCOVILLE COURTESY SCOVILLE) (PATTY

154 ILLUSTRATED BY TIM MARRS

RD I FEBRUARY 2006

Dickinson, answered. She explained so from the top of 150-foot-high Moss that Patty had gone to stay for the Glen Falls. The stunningly beautiful, weekend at the Hillmers’ house, but crystal-clear drop of water was an in- was due back by now. And she’d congruous backdrop to the horror missed several appointments. Anyone who knew Patty knew she didn’t be- have like that. After talking with the Scovilles, Annette called the police. David then called Neil Hillmer’s home, and a Stowe police officer an- swered. He told David that someone would call him right back. In the meantime, he said they’d be putting out a missing person’s report on the Burlington TV station at 11 o’clock that night. It was just after midnight when the chief of police called. In response to the news report, he told them, a tip had come in. Someone had seen Patty’s green Fuji 10-speed bike at Moss Glen Falls, four miles north of Stowe, earlier that day. “I think you better come up here,” he told David. After a long pause he added, “Bring her dental records if you have them, just in case.”

Scores of police officers, search per- sonnel, spotter planes, rescue dogs, volunteers and hunters familiar with the rugged area surrounding Moss Glen Falls joined the search. On the sixth day, Tuesday, October 29, as the that had taken place there. Patty had weary and frightened Scovilles waited been hit on the back of her head, in their motel room, Stowe police raped, strangled. Capt. Kenneth Kaplan came to the door. Murder was a rarity in this safe lit- He was sorry, he said, but they’d tle corner of the country—Patty’s was found Patricia. Her body had been only the third in 22 years. “We’ve got discovered covered with twigs, pine this guy’s DNA,” Bruce Merriam, the

boughs and branches just 200 feet or 28-year-old Stowe detective heading REPORTER GLEN CALLAHAN/STOWE 156 HUNT FOR THE GREEN MOUNTAIN KILLER the investigation, reassured the Sco- Merriam, suggesting it might be the villes. “It’s just a matter of time be- same killer. He investigated, but again, fore we find him.” there was no link. Police questioned Patty’s roommate, The Scovilles felt impotent. And Neil Hillmer and everyone in her frightened. When a strange car pulled wider circle of friends. They all had up in front of their house in the mid- alibis. The police combed through dle of the night, Ann panicked. She Patty’s address books, checked out old peeked through the bedroom blinds. boyfriends, acquaintances, landlords Could someone be stalking them? and even former employers. They Now she locked car doors as soon as asked prime suspects for their DNA she got in. And she and David never and most complied. Psychics called let one another out of their sight. in with tips. Disturbed people came Crime shows on TV were so disturb-

forward and confessed, falsely, to the ing that they stopped watching them. killing. There was no DNA match. Po- Another year passed. On each an- lice tracked down hundreds of leads niversary of their daughter’s murder, but came up empty. Patty’s killer was the Scovilles made the painful 350- likely still nearby. But he had made mile journey to Stowe to plant a tree, himself invisible. donate a bench or do something to Conventional wisdom says a case keep her case in the public eye. is best solved in 72 hours; it becomes Friends and family increased the re- less likely as time passes and leads dry ward for information leading to the up. With Patty’s murder, nothing arrest of her killer to $15,000. Noth- panned out. ing worked, and as the fifth anniver- sary approached, David and Ann were By the first anniversary of their deeply disillusioned. daughter’s murder, the Scovilles had At a meeting with Bruce Merriam grown increasingly frustrated about in the tiny air-conditioned reception the lack of progress. Why hadn’t police room at the Stowe police office, they caught the killer, and why didn’t they asked again and again what more demand that every adult male within they could do. Together the three of 100 miles of Stowe give his DNA? them began to formulate a new strat- The couple prodded the police re- egy. The Scovilles would move from lentlessly. Hearing about the murder hovering on the sidelines of the in- of a girl in Massachusetts approxi- vestigation, and commit themselves mately Patty’s age, Ann called Bruce to advocacy. 157 RD I FEBRUARY 2006

Vermont and nearby Rhode Island, likely suspects were often serial of- along with six other states, had yet to fenders, already in prison for horri- pass laws requiring violent criminals bly similar crimes. And in interview to give DNA samples. And neither had after interview, they told reporters: established a DNA databank. If those “Patty’s murderer may already be in two things were put into place, Mer- jail somewhere, but without a DNA riam told them, they had a better record, how do we know?” chance to catch the killer. Seven years after Patty’s murder, thanks to the Scovilles and the work of A dusting of snow blew across the others who joined the cause, Vermont New York State Thruway in January and Rhode Island passed laws setting 1997 as David and Ann Scoville headed up DNA registries and requiring vio- toward Montpelier, Vermont. They lent criminals to give DNA samples.

had driven the route many times, but There was no breakthrough for the this would be the first time they’d tell Scovilles, however. The process of Vermont legislators the story of los- collecting and profiling DNA records ing Patty—with the hope they’d pass a would take years. bill establishing a DNA databank. It was wrenching to describe their In march 2005, David and Ann were daughter’s death over and over, but vacationing in Florida. They’d spent sitting at a long oak table in front of a lazy day on a golden Gulf Coast the Vermont House Judiciary Com- beach, reading and lying in the sun. mittee inside the gold-domed state Returning to their seaside hotel room, capitol in Montpelier, they replayed they checked their messages at home. it all one more time. Holding her type- One was from Kenneth Kaplan, now written script, flanked by two pictures Stowe’s chief of police. of Patty, Ann took a deep breath and They called back immediately. began. Slowly, with great self-control, “I need to tell you something,” he she gave her testimony to the legisla- began, “but you have to keep this tors. She did not cry. strictly confidential. We had a hit—a Hard as it was, David and Ann never DNA match.” In a scenario much like turned down a chance to advocate for one David had predicted, a man who’d change. They wanted to encourage once been in prison in Vermont, but every state to establish a DNA registry, was paroled and presently out free, because in their crusade for Patty, they had tested as a strong suspect. had come to realize that the most In 1997 Howard G. Godfrey had 158 HUNT FOR THE GREEN MOUNTAIN KILLER been convicted of aggravated assault. in February 2005 to compare with He had hit a woman on the back of DNA from unsolved crimes. Within her head with a wooden mallet, then days, the FBI notified Vermont author- shoved a shotgun in her abdomen and ities that they had matched a sample threatened to shoot her. She was about from “Convicted Offender ID# 2000- Patty’s age. At the time of Patricia’s 0043” with that from Patty’s case. It murder, Godfrey had lived only six was Howard Godfrey’s DNA. miles from Moss Glen Falls. Godfrey had been there all along, On march 31, Ann and David sat in but undetectable until the Scovilles the Vermont District Court in Hyde pushed, prodded and helped move the Park and listened to Godfrey, 58, plead state of Vermont to require violent not guilty to the aggravated murder criminals to give their DNA for an of- of their daughter. Now being held fenders’ databank. It was this law that without bail, Godfrey is expected to finally drew Howard Godfrey into the go on trial in 2006 or 2007. light. Thirteen torturous years after “At the end of TV crime shows, the Patty was killed, the Scovilles had case is always closed,” the Scovilles their breakthrough. explain. “When you lose a child, the In September 2004, DNA samples case is never closed. We worked for taken from violent criminals, includ- DNA legislation so Patty would not be ing Godfrey’s, were sent to a private forgotten, and in the hope that new lab for profiling. The lab’s results were laws would help other victims and loaded into the FBI’s national database their families find peace and justice.”

A CHUCKLE OF JOKES

A pride of lions? A crash of rhinos? What were the wordsmiths drinking when they came up with those terms? Sounds like anyone can write these things. And at OjoHaven.com they did. Witty readers suggested their own words that describe groups. Here are a few: An absence of waiters An attitude of teenagers A brace of orthodontists A clutch of auto mechanics A drove of cabbies A fidget of altar boys A flood of plumbers A giggle of little girls A quarrel of lawyers A groan of puns Submitted by JOHN CHANESKI 159 Buff Your BShoesan aWithn aa … and 17 other extraordinary uses for ordinary things

BY ANDY SIMMONS

M y parents dropped her tackle a carpet stain with the vine- by to help with a gar. I thought it a bit odd, but less so project I’d put off— than her sniffing my bookshelf. When cleaning the house. one book caused her nose to wrinkle, Now, Mom and Dad are—hmm, how she walked it over to the kitchen and do I put this delicately?—cheap! So deposited it into the freezer. when I offered to pick up cleaning “That’ll get rid of that stale odor for supplies, they said, “Never mind. We a while,” she said. I nodded in agree- have everything we need right here ment, although I wasn’t sure what I in the house. Where’s the vinegar?” was agreeing to. “Hey, there’s broken “Here,” I said, bringing out the 12- glass here. Did you do it?” year-old balsamic. Mom pushed past I shrugged. Grabbing the sandwich me and found the distilled white vine- out of my hand, Mom threw the ham gar. She instructed me to make a sand- to the dog, wiped the mayo across my wich and get out of her way. scalp, and carefully mopped up the As I ate my ham on white, I watched glass shards with the fresh bread.

160 PHOTOGRAPHED BY CHIP SIMONS

From the Pantry Dry up pimples: The only thing worse than being a teen with a to Your od zit is being an adult with one. B y Crush an aspirin and add a bit of water. Apply the paste to the Remove makeup: pimple, wait a few minutes, and Bear with us on this then wash off. It will re- one, but if you’re duce the redness and all out of makeup relieve the sting. remover, a dab of shortening will do Soften dry, scaly the trick. elbows: Suffer from dinosaur elbows? Get chewing gum out Treat them with a of your hair: Some- lemon juice/baking how, Junior’s bub- soda paste. blegum ended up stuck in your hair. No problem. Remove a splinter: If dig- Apply peanut butter, and rub ging around your finger the gum till it comes out. with a needle to get a splin- ter doesn’t appeal to you, Facial: Don’t waste mustard then cover the wound with on a hot dog—spread it on tape. After three days, pull your face instead! Use a off the tape and the splinter mild yellow brand to soothe may come with it. and stimulate your skin. But keep away from your Eliminate odors from hands: eyes and test on a small You’ve made shrimp with gar- area first to make sure lic and Limburger cheese, and it doesn’t irritate you. now your hands stink. Rubbing a few coffee beans together Smelly armpits: Not releases oil from the beans, only will splashing a which absorbs the smell. little vinegar under your arms reduce B.O., this Sneaker deodorizer: If the cat method also does away passes out every time you take with deodorant stains off your sneakers, it’s time to on your blouse or shirt. act. Fill a couple of old socks Emergency shaving with scented cat litter, tie them cream: Out of shaving shut, and stuff them in your cream? Take the but- sneakers overnight. ter from your toast and slather it onto your wet skin for a smooth shave. BUFF YOUR SHOES WITH A BANANA

“Hey!” I protested. Before I had a chance to call 911, a “Mayonnaise is a hair conditioner,” curious thing happened—my back she said. “And picking up tiny slivers began to feel better! The enzymes in of glass is easy with white bread.” the meat tenderizer were soothing my Mom had lost her marbles, and I aching muscles. And the beanbag sock thought it only fitting that her hus- worked like a heating pad. band should know. I found Dad in the Suddenly, I saw things anew. My yard mixing an ounce of vodka, some shoes were clean. And though the car- liquid dish soap, and two cups of pet smelled like salad dressing, the water in a spray bottle. stain was gone. Out in the yard stood “I’m hunting weeds,” he said, see- Dad, sipping his weed killer and ad- ing my puzzled expression. miring his handiwork: shriveled weeds. “With vodka?” As crazy as it sounds, my parents “Apply this mixture on a sunny day.” were right. We don’t always have to Spritz. “It won’t kill the weeds.” Spritz. buy specialized cleaners or expensive “But the alcohol does dry ’em up.” chemical-filled concoctions. We al- Spritz, spritz. ready own many of the things we need “You do realize that’s the Grey to clean a house, mend a household Goose?” He didn’t care. item, or soothe a bruised back. Is everyone crazy? I thought as I To celebrate my clean house, I in- walked back into the house, where vited them to stay for dinner. They Mom was buffing my shoes with ba- declined. They had company coming nana peels. over and had to make a big salad. “Mom, what are you …” BAM! I “First,” said Mom, “I have to throw slipped on a banana peel. “Ooh, my the lettuce into the washing machine.” back ...” Huh?* “Don’t move,” she yelled. “I’ll get the meat tenderizer!” This practical wisdom is as much But first she pulled off my shoe, art as it is science. So whether grabbed a sock and disappeared into the solutions work for you in all the kitchen. I tried to run for my life, situations isn’t guaranteed. In other but Mom was quick. She returned words, your mileage may vary. with a paste made from meat tender- Interested in 1,120 other ways to save money and time? Order Extra- izer and water, and rubbed it on the ordinary Uses for Ordinary Things small of my back. She then placed my at rd.com/extraordinaryuses, call sock—which she’d filled with dried 800-336-1238, or pick up a copy at kidney beans and microwaved for newsstands next month. thirty seconds—over the paste.

*Place a pillowcase inside another; fill with rinsed lettuce leaves; tie both pillowcases with string and throw into the washing machine with a towel for balance. Run the spin cycle, and you’ve turned your washer into a giant salad spinner. 163

AwaySpirited Kids near death report surprisingly similar experiences. What can we learn from them?

BY RANDALL SULLIVAN FROM ROLLING STONE

When she arrived at the hospital in Pocatello, Idaho, in the spring of 1982, seven-year-old Kristle Merzlock was in a coma after spending 20 minutes at the bottom of a swimming pool. Bill Longhurst, the lanky physician who received Kristle in the emergency room, quickly sum- moned pediatric intern Melvin Morse, then 27, the only doctor at the hos- pital who had performed a significant number of resuscitations. But even Morse, with all his experience, and his outstanding academic cre- dentials—a medical degree from The George Washington University and a research fellowship funded by the National Cancer Institute— was not prepared for what was about to happen. Kristle’s pupils were fixed and dilated, Morse recalls, and she had no gag reflex. A CAT scan showed massive swelling of her brain. A ma- chine was doing her breathing, and her blood pH was extremely aci- dotic, a clear indication of imminent death. “There was little we could do at that point,” Morse says.

ILLUSTRATED BY GERARD DUBOIS 165 RD I FEBRUARY 2006

So when Kristle survived, emerg- Morse was entering a field that had ing from her coma three days later not existed a decade earlier. The first with full brain function, Morse was public consideration of “near-death amazed. More extraordinary still, his experience” came in 1975, when medi- worldview was profoundly altered cal student Raymond Moody pub- when Kristle recognized him. “That’s lished a bestselling book titled Life the one with the beard,” she told her After Life. Based on his interviews of mother. “First there was this tall doc- resuscitated patients, Moody de- tor who didn’t have a beard, and then scribed the elements found to be he came in.” That was true. Morse common in such experiences: a sen- sported a beard, while Dr. Longhurst sation of serenity, separation from the was clean-shaven. body, entrance into a dark tunnel, a Kristle then described the emer- vision of light, and the appearance She described details of the ER, even though she’d been comatose the whole time. gency room with astonishing accu- of family members who offer help. racy. “She had the right equipment, Seven years later, The Seattle Study the right number of people—every- focused on 147 critically ill kids—26 thing was just as it had been that day,” of whom came close to dying—at Morse explains. She even correctly Children’s Hospital in Seattle. Their recited the procedures that had been ages ranged from 3 to 17. Working with performed on her. “Even though her kids had clear advantages. “The adult eyes had been closed and she had near-death experience is cluttered by been profoundly comatose during the cultural references and contaminated entire experience, she still ‘saw’ what by the need for validation,” explains was going on.” Morse. “But in kids, it’s pure. Kids Suddenly, everything Morse had don’t repress the memory or fear the been working on previously struck ridicule that might come from talking him as being “quite boring.” He about it.” teamed up with Kimberly Clark Sharp, Over the course of the study’s 10- a clinical social worker in Seattle, year span, Morse discovered that of to begin researching near-death ex- the 26 children who came close to periences (NDEs) in children. Their dying, all but two reported NDEs that work would come to be known as The were eerily similar to what Moody had Seattle Study. described. Yet of the 121 patients who

ROLLING STONE (APRIL 29, ’04), © 2004 BY ROLLING STONE LLC, 166 1290 AVENUE OF THE AMERICAS, NEW YORK, NEW YORK 10104 Dr. Melvin Morse, in 1995, with Jessie were less ill but still uncon- Lott and Jamie scious, not one reported an Untinen, who drew NDE. “That was our most pictures of their important finding,” Morse near-death says. “Only those who are experiences. actually near death have near-death experiences, suggesting that these are not psychological or physi- ological events.” Nor, it would seem, are they tied to anesthesia, medication or pain itself. In addition, Morse stum- bled upon one more twist. While Moody suggests that those crossing into an- other realm share similar experiences (e.g., serenity, separation from the body, going to the light), Morse found that NDEs were, in fact, quite idiosyncratic. Eight-year-old Chris Eg-

RICH FRISHMAN gleston, who had been trapped inside his family’s car when it him, Morse says he was determined to plunged into a river, recalled going “produce a study that would hold up into a “huge noodle” and entering an under the most stringent peer review.” “animal tunnel,” where a bee gave him To that end, he pored over the medi- honey and took him to heaven. cal records of each patient, document- Michelle Wilson emerged from a di- ing the drugs they took, the anesthesia abetic coma to describe finding herself used on them and the level of oxygen aboard a rowdy school bus where two in their blood. His team of med stu- tall doctors showed her a green button dents combed the literature in search she could push to wake up. Seven- of reports of drug use, psychological year-old Chris Davis, who was res- states or oxygen deprivation that might cued from a collapsed tunnel on a have produced hallucinations similar beach, reported that a “wizard all to near-death experiences. dressed in white came to me and said, By the time he published his results ‘Struggle, and you shall live.’ ” in the American Journal of Diseases of As powerfully as such stories moved Children, Morse felt he was on solid 167 RD I FEBRUARY 2006 ground in asserting near-death expe- Perhaps the most original theory riences are not the result of drugs or was suggested by Carl Sagan, the sleep deprivation, nor are they merely renowned astronomer, who proposed bad dreams. And as provocative as the that these events are actually psycho- experiences he’d documented were, logical replays of being born—travel- he was careful to stay on firm scien- ing through a tunnel (the birth canal) tific ground, labeling them “natural toward a lighted environment. But, psychological processes associated says Morse, many of the children who with dying.” In other words, while were close to dying and had reported he could not explain what caused passing through a tunnel were born NDEs, he could prove that something by C-section. Prepared to be hailed for a major breakthrough, Melvin Morse instead found scorn. consistently strange—something be- Still, there are few scientific studies yond explanation—was happening. that Melvin Morse can cite to bolster Prepared to be hailed for what his own case. And even some admir- he saw as a major breakthrough, ers of his work say that he some- Morse found himself scorned. Soon, times blurs the line between science prominent physicians questioned and spirituality. “I look on some of whether he could even deliver good Melvin’s ideas not as established facts, patient care. but rather as provocative proposals that stimulate others to gather the Skeptics have advanced a number of data required to test them,” explains theories to explain the visions of Bruce Greyson, the Carlson Profes- dying patients. Some doctors attribute sor of Psychiatry at the University of them to “anesthetic agents” adminis- Virginia. tered in the hospital, even though Morse found that many of these same Morse believes that the medical com- people were dying far from a hospi- munity rejects his conclusions for a tal setting. Others consider the visions variety of reasons—one being his to be hallucinations produced by nar- willingness to talk about death as a cotics, endorphins or profound oxy- positive experience. gen deprivation—none of which, “There’s a feeling that people come insists Morse, have been shown to cor- to doctors to keep living,” he says, relate with the near-death experiences “that if death is treated as a result that he documented. isn’t necessarily negative, then we 168 RD I FEBRUARY 2006 may not do all we can to avoid it.” that line, I’m no longer a scientist.” Consider the case of Jessie Lott. She And it is because he is a scientist was nine years old when her heart that Morse despairs of ever adequately stopped. She later told Morse she’d explaining near-death experiences. seen her dead grandmother. Now in He recalls a conversation he had with her mid-20s, Lott hasn’t forgotten a Ian Stevenson, a University of Virginia single detail of that encounter, includ- research professor best known for his ing what it felt like. “I was never more studies of children from India who re- alive than when I was dead,” she says. call past lives. “I still feel that way, and I refuse to be “Okay, Ian. What’s the bottom line?” ashamed of it.” Morse said. “Is reincarnation real or Are such visions real? “I don’t not? You’ve studied it for 25 years now. know,” says Morse. “I don’t think we’re What conclusion have you reached?” supposed to know.” What he does “It’s a gray area,” Stevenson replied. know is that they offer his young pa- That answer stuck with Morse. “I’ve tients tremendous peace and the started to wonder if that’s the best an- courage to face their illnesses. swer any of us in this field will ever be able to give.” Morse himself wonders more and Morse takes a deep breath. At times, more about where exactly the bound- it seems as if the universe itself is pre- aries of his inquiry lie. “I admit that venting him from finding the answers the older I get, the more important he seeks. the spiritual dimension of this is to “I tell you, there’s a mind at work me,” he observes. “But I’m deliber- here,” he says. “One that is perversely ately holding back from dealing with skewed toward keeping us from ever it. Because I know that once I cross proving its existence.”

CUPID, DRAW BACK YOUR BEAU

“Eeeww!” That’s the reaction most women have to the average pickup line. Seeing as how Valentine’s Day is nigh, we thought we’d unveil some “romantic don’ts.” • Are you a parking ticket? ’Cause you’ve got fine written all over you. • Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I’m here after. • Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you. • Do you have any raisins? No? How ’bout a date? pickuphelp.com 170 Surprising Secrets to Unshakeable Confidence Get the high-performance payoff that gives you

an edge I BY SALLY KOSLOW

ILLUSTRATED BY STEVEN GUARNACCIA Imagine two people of equal skill ap- you to hear. In the business world, plying for a job. Would you pick the confidence bridges the chasm be- person who is less confident? Ever? tween the person who’ll ask for and Quite simply, a positive sense of self receive a raise, and the employee who can transform your life. accepts the status quo; between the Rosabeth Moss Kanter, PhD and au- salesperson who gets bummed out by thor of the bestselling book Confi- rejection and stops cold-calling, and dence: How Winning Streaks and the one who forges ahead and scores Losing Streaks Begin and End, has the mega sale. honed the definition down to its If, like most people, your confidence essence: “Confidence is the expecta- could use a boost, here are strategies tion of a positive outcome,” says Kan- on how to develop it quickly—and ter. A professor at Harvard Business keep it working for you the rest of School, Kanter helps translate text- your life. book concepts about success and at- titude into practical results. “The fact The toes and is,” she says, “confidence makes you 1 shoulders test willing to try harder and attracts the Remember how Eliza Doolittle was kind of support from others that transformed from a lowly flower seller makes ‘winning’ possible.” into a confident grande dame in My In marriage, it makes you more Fair Lady? In the 1960s, Harvard re- capable of hearing the feelings and searcher Robert Rosenthal studied criticisms your partner really needs how you can make people succeed simply by labeling them “successful.” Students were randomly assigned to two groups, “high-potentials” and “low-potentials.” Those singled out as more successful … were. Even a hint of praise or scorn can affect our performance. A recent study, published in Perceptual and Motor Skills, demonstrated how powerful a few words can be. Forty competitive tennis play- ers were shown digital images of balls coming their way. Just be- fore each ball appeared, the play- ers saw or heard comments like “Good shot” or “Bad shot.” The reaction times of players hear- ing negative remarks were 173 RD I FEBRUARY 2006 measurably slower. And these were not beautiful by accident: “The sur- athletes who trained frequently to play roundings inspire people to live up to a consistent game and not make un- high standards,” she says. “And don’t forced errors. assume that treating yourself to a good What’s the explanation? Negative haircut or a stylish suit is frivolous, feedback undermines anyone’s belief either,” Kanter adds. “You don’t do in his or her ability to succeed. But if those things to dazzle someone, you can hold on to a winning attitude, but to build confidence in advance you’ll make a greater effort and also of victory.” create positive momentum. Confident people inspire others; opportunities How to get to seem to come their way more often. 2 Carnegie Hall They become magnets for success. “Learn the importance of giving At the most basic level of daily ac- yourself pep talks, and keep the voice tivity, confidence shows itself in body in your head positive,” says Kanter. language, demeanor and in one’s sur- “I’ve observed this in athletes, who roundings. Chris Wallace, general talk to themselves before and during manager of the Boston Celtics, used competition. The best athletes’ suc- the “toes and shoulders test” to see if cess is rarely due to raw talent alone. pro basketball players were likely to It’s because they’re simply better pre- win. He looked at whether players pared.” They stay focused, they’re were sticking close to the willing to work as hard as they need ground or were up on their to, and they keep the positive toes; whether their shoul- voice in their heads ders were sagging or they switched on. were standing tall—all to de- “If I’m going into termine if they were really a meeting feeling rot- fully focused on the ten—because I have game. a cold or have had a Your body language tough day,” says Kan- and attitude send sig- ter, “I make a deliber- nals. Often the first ate effort to not let thing Kanter suggests my bad mood show. executives do to boost I smile and work morale in a business harder than usual to that’s failing is to refur- act positive. Similarly, bish the workplace. It’s if you are having one more way of label- trouble finding ing yourself successful. confidence in one Harvard Business School, area of your life, where Kanter teaches, is another way 174 SURPRISING SECRETS OF CONFIDENCE to ‘coach’ yourself is to create confi- dence in a different area and leverage it. If you walk into a situation smil- ing because of satisfaction you’ve gotten elsewhere—even something that’s as simple as a book club you’ve joined—you are more likely to provoke a positive response,” Kanter comments. “There’s evidence that these feelings are contagious.” who see you at your best, and remind Perhaps the most important aspect you about it every so often. Pessimists of being your own coach is to do what drag you down, as do whiners and any outside adviser—or a good par- critics. ent, for that matter—would preach: At work especially, stay away from practice, practice, practice. Even gripe sessions. “If there are legitimate though Kanter has been a top-gun concerns, you should express them, consultant for years, she admits that but make it a rule not to complain she still “almost always over-prepares unless you all agree to try to solve for lectures,” and suggests that others problems,” says Kanter. “Confident do the same. Recently she traveled to people have the sense that they are in India to consult with a group of exec- control, and can take action that will utives. “I had to leave two days early make things happen. in order to arrive on time,” she says. “I love a story from Continental Air- “Practically all I did for those two lines,” Kanter adds, “where the boss days was rehearse. When the flight wanted each employee to help reach attendants on the plane spoke to me, the goal of making sure the planes I literally didn’t hear them. Whenever took off on time. One day a flight I travel for business, I work on the attendant noticed that they were de- plane, and try to avoid chatting with layed because the catering department those around me.” hadn’t provided spoons. She took it upon herself to say, ‘Okay, we’re going Flying without to fly anyway, and I’ll explain it to the 3 spoons passengers.’ It’s a small thing that was Avoid individuals who suck your big: She showed she had the confi- energy and diminish your confidence. dence to be in charge because she You know who they are: Steer clear knew she was surrounded by people of them. Hang out with the people who would support her.” 175 RD I FEBRUARY 2006

The angry e-mail I’ve seen this in sports, where athletes 4 file forget to do what they know well and If there’s one winning behavior that start making stupid mistakes.” Your people building confidence should basic rule of thumb: Panic makes a model, Kanter emphasizes, it’s the small fumble worse. willingness to get back into the game after a setback. “Don’t whine or nurse Let the Confidence your wounds,” she says. Yes, you’ve 5 Games begin heard it before, and, yes, you need to When Kanter advises executives, get in there and try again. she stresses the importance of recog- There are, however, important cav- nition and praise: “Bosses who have eats. Panicking can compound a small both big plans and the human touch, misstep by causing you to lose your who walk through corridors acknowl- head and forget to think clearly. “If edging and complimenting people, can you suffer a terrible loss, give your- make a huge difference in the confi- self time to absorb the blow,” Kanter dence level—and in the success of stresses. “Don’t deny the hurt or try their companies.” to solve the problem immediately. The recognition itself does not need Gather your support system around to be a big deal, but it does need to be you and simply get nurtured. This is genuine. When Tom McCraw coached what I did when I lost both of my for the Houston Astros, he offered a parents within a few years of $100 reward to the player one another. We were very who drove in the winning close, and I missed them terri- run. “Guys making million- bly. I made a point of reaching dollar salaries chased me out to friends—I called people around after the game for that and asked if we could go for money,” he said. The cash itself a walk, or if I could come to wasn’t the point: It was the dinner. Sitting around and recognition of the contribu- thinking about your loss is the tion. Continental Airlines worst thing you can do to solve found success with the your problem.” same practice. One year, Panic following a stressful they offered a $65 bonus situation may cause you to to all employees if Continen- seek an instant—and often tal managed to score in the wrong—solution. “Write the angry top four airlines in on-time e-mail—but don’t send it in the cold arrivals. The results speak for light of day,” says Kanter. “If you are themselves. The airline’s per- feeling panicked, it is not the mo- formance went from seventh ment to spring into action, be- place to first—and some cause you’ll be too emotional. $2.5 million in bonus 176 Confidence Jump-Starters • Keep trying. “I always feel I must speak up, I went on to grad school hoped I’d get confidence literally rehearse,” says and moved my kids cross for Hanukkah,” admits Betsy Teutsch, 52, a country, it took years, actor, producer and Philadelphia artist. “I and therapy, to see my- director Henry Winkler, often do this when walk- self as someone who 60, who spent years au- ing. I used to be uncom- could really manage on ditioning or doing com- fortable wandering my own. My emotional mercials before his big around my neighbor- self-assurance led to break, The Fonz. Win- hood talking to myself, confidence. kler, a dyslexic, has said but since everyone “Later, my confidence that reading lines cold started using head- ebbed as I stayed in a was “out of the ques- phones, I figure people second marriage longer tion.” Now he’s added will presume I’m talking than I should have be- writing to his career. to someone else!” cause I was afraid of Winkler’s books encour- • Give yourself a break. loneliness. When I fi- age kids with learning At 29, with three small nally divorced, it was challenges to be more children, Barbara Bar- like seeing the sunlight confident. His latest tocci of Kansas City was after a dark night, and is Hank Zipzer: The Se- widowed. “I felt I was my self-confidence re- cret Life of a Ping Pong drowning without a hus- turned. I was surprised Wizard. band to say, ‘I love you,’ ” to realize I’d been lonely • Keep talking. “When I she recalls. “Although I in my marriage.”

checks were distributed to Continen- pecially, not everyone gets the praise tal employees. they need to feel confident. Kanter “Find the strength in somebody else, suggests the reason may be that your and tell them how you feel about boss is getting no recognition from them,” says Kanter. “Be specific in his or her boss: “People who don’t sharing with people what they’ve done have anything to feel good about can that pleases you. Even in marriage, become petty simply to prove how husbands and wives often don’t know important they are. what their partner really likes about “If you get stuck working for them. My husband is extremely cheer- someone like this, it can sap your ful, especially in the morning. I tell confidence. You may start thinking him how much it means to me that he you’re a loser. If that happens, find a wakes up happy, when I may not situation in which you can win. Look feel that way. It’s a small thing, but for another job, get together with after 33 years we have a very close, co-workers to try to change things, or solid marriage.” put your efforts into something out- Unfortunately, in the workplace es- side of work.” 177 RD I FEBRUARY 2006

Remember Kanter’s goal in the final seconds, after many 6 Law: Everything spectators had already gotten up from can look like a failure their seats to make their way out of in the middle. the stadium. This event got fans say- Winning is often the result of per- ing, “It’s not over until Vinatieri kicks.” sistence, of not giving up when your Sure enough, in the 2004 Super Bowl, goal appears to be in jeopardy. “When Vinatieri kicked the game-winning you adopt the attitude that if you do points for the Pats in the final few something it will make a difference, seconds. that’s confidence,” she says. “Look at your situation and think of yourself Certainly, there will still be moments as being in the middle of it. The story and situations that just aren’t going to is rarely over, even when the great ma- go your way, and this is the time when jority think it is—something every confidence needs to be tempered by sports fans knows.” realism. If you believe in yourself so Kicker Adam Vinatieri helped the strongly that you act rashly, confi- New England Patriots defeat the Mi- dence can actually make you “stupid.” ami Dolphins 27-24 on December 29, So handle it with care—and use 2002, when he kicked a 42-yard field your new confidence wisely.

A FULL-BODIED WHINE

While sitting in New York City’s Central Park, I watched a little girl as she dragged herself up a path behind her mother. “Mommy,” she griped loudly, “my feet are so tired.” “Well, of course your feet are tired,” said the intrepid mother, still charging ahead. “They’re only five years old. You’ve got to break them in.” KARI MORRIS

Our newborn son, Noah, was resting comfortably in my father’s arms when our minister stopped by one day. Suddenly, Noah burst into tears. “That’s odd,” the pastor observed. “He should be used to my voice. He’s been hearing my sermons every Sunday for nine months.” “Yeah,” Dad said, “but this is the first chance he’s had to comment on them.” TARA RUEL 178 BOOK BONUS MY CWAKEUPL EVERY ONE OF MY PATIENTSL WAS AA HEART ATTACK WAITING TO HAPPEN. TURNS OUT I WAS TOO.

BY MIMI GUARNERI, MD FROM “THE HEART SPEAKS”

180 PHOTOGRAPHED BY TIM TADDER L WHENEVER I’M ASKED WHETHER STRESS CAN ACTUALLY CAUSE a heart attack, I think of Paul Ross. When he became my patient, I had already finished my cardiac fellowship at Bellevue Hospital in New1 YorkI and moved to San Diego, not for the beaches but for the cardiac catheterization lab at Scripps Clinic in La Jolla, where the coronary stent was pioneered. Most patients didn’t walk into my office but were ushered in, ashen and terrified, having glimpsed their own mortality. Some 335,000 people succumb each year to coronary heart disease, most from sudden death. Paul could have been one of them. In his late 40s, burly and bearded, this CEO of an alternative health care company was a classic workaholic who oversaw everything from profit margins to product place- ment. He was the type of guy who talked on the phone, perused The New York Times, and kept an eye on CNN while jogging on a treadmill. Except he’d omitted the treadmill lately. Having recently hiked to 10,000 feet in the Swiss Alps and fathered a baby daughter, he felt not only at the apex of his life but invincible. He reminded me of the guy who said, “I thought death might make an exception with me.” In 2002, Paul’s company had fallen into financial trouble. Standing at the podium during a tense shareholders’ meeting, he felt a pressure in his chest and a massive wave of nausea. He tried to ignore it.

“THE HEART SPEAKS,” COPYRIGHT © 2006 BY ERMINIA GUARNERI, MD, IS PUBLISHED AT $23 BY SIMON & SCHUSTER, 1230 AVENUE OF THE AMERICAS, NEW YORK, NEW YORK 10020 MY WAKEUP CALL

“As you can see, the dip in our valuation is a result of the nationwide equity slump,” Paul explained, delivering his PowerPoint presentation. As angry questions came at him, Paul began to sweat profusely. He con- tinued to feel discomfort in his chest—classic signs of a heart attack. Paul was, in fact, harboring blockages in three major arteries. Fatty deposits called plaque had been forming for years, caused by a rich diet, genetics, in- activity and chronic stress. Over time, the deposits had narrowed Paul’s ar- teries and reduced blood flow to his heart. Now, under pressure, he began to produce stress hormones, which caused his blood pressure and heart rate to increase and his arteries to grow even narrower. A blockage caused by plaque is like a pimple in the arterial wall. As Paul grew more stressed, the cap on one of these pimples ruptured, the blood be- came exposed to the sticky material in the plaque, platelets began to stick, and a clot formed, closing off an artery. It wasn’t until Paul became light- headed and developed shortness of breath that he understood he was in trouble. “I need to be excused,” he blurted, staggering offstage. He lay down on the floor in an anteroom, and a colleague found him and called 911.

AS A CHILD GROWING UP IN BENSONHURST, BROOKLYN, I was fascinated with hearts. In science class I studied the red anatomical model that showed mysterious chambers, vessels and 2valves. SometimesI I pressed my hand over my heart, amazed that I could actually feel it, a perpetual drumbeat that kept me alive. Nothing, though, prepared me for the demise of my vivacious mother, Sarah, when I was eight years old. One night, saying she had pain in her chest, she climbed into bed and promptly died of a heart attack. She was just 40 years old. It was a defining event for me, the shock of my young life. Nearly a decade later, my father, Joseph, died from heart disease, too, at age 50. I became a cardiologist partly to overcome the powerlessness I felt as a girl, trying in some symbolic way to heal the hearts of my family. Now Paul Ross, with chest tightness, sweating and shortness of breath, would become my patient. EMTs had taken him to the ER, calling out, “White male, MI, BP 190 over 100, pulse 130.” Seeing the test results, the attending physician muttered, “It’s the widow-maker,” referring to a particular All patients’ names have been changed to protect privacy. 183 RD BOOK BONUS I FEBRUARY 2006 ‘PAUL, YOU’RE ON THE TRACKS AND THE TRAIN’S COMING. YOU CAN STAND THERE, OR YOU CAN GET OFF. IT’S YOUR CHOICE.’ blockage in one of the main blood vessels—the left anterior descending. An emergency angioplasty was done. A catheter with a small balloon at the tip was threaded into Paul’s blocked artery and inflated to stretch it and flatten the plaque. In 48 hours, he was released from the hospital. That’s when the heavy lifting began. He arrived in my office a week later, pale and shaken, flanked by his slender wife, Julie, and his infant daughter, Aimee. For me, working with a heart patient is a collaboration. For lasting change to occur, I can’t just be a mechanic, unblocking an artery or fixing a leak- ing valve; a patient has to be involved in his or her own healing. I drew a picture for Paul of his blocked arteries, outlining a treatment plan. Paul had many key risk factors. He carried his weight in the midline. He had high blood pressure and low HDL, or “good” cholesterol. He had high triglycerides. He was underexercised. The only things he didn’t have against him were diabetes and cigarette smoking. His blood tests, though, revealed

It’s fast. Maybe too fast.

©2005The Clorox Company. MY WAKEUP CALL

that he had metabolic syndrome, which predisposed him to diabetes mel- litus. “First, we’ll tackle your diet,” I told him. “Triglycerides come from simple carbohydrates and sugar.” “I don’t eat any of that,” he insisted. Then I began to recite a list of common high-glycemic-index foods— honey, bagels, pretzels, white rice, white bread, potatoes, alcohol, cookies, cake, candy, popcorn. I could tell Paul hadn’t realized how many foods were included. “From now on, eat only low-glycemic-index foods that won’t in- crease your insulin level or create weight around the midline,” I said. “Have plenty of green vegetables and omega-3 fatty acids, such as in wild salmon and trout.” Instead of fruit juices, I steered Paul toward water and herbal teas. Instead of tropical fruits such as pineapple and mango, I recommended low-sugar fruits like apples, berries, pears, peaches and plums. Finally I showed him the results of the Lyon Diet Heart Study, one of the best nutritional studies in cardiology. Published in 1999, it was a four-year follow-up of more than 600 men and women in France who had experi- enced a first heart attack, which put them at risk for a second. Nearly half the participants were advised to eat a Mediterranean-style diet rich in fruits, vegetables, fish, olive oil, and beans. The data showed a marked decrease in cardiovascular events, including death, in randomized participants. But Paul still had stress. He jiggled his leg and fumbled with a cell phone, his anxiety apparent. “How could this have happened? I’m not even 50!” he exclaimed. His wife replied softly, “You’re a work junkie, Paul.”

I’M ALWAYS AWARE THAT IT ISN’T A DISEASE SITTING ACROSS from me but a person with a complex history. Paul had shown me what lurked beneath his sweet-faced demeanor: fidgety legs, 3red face,I anxious manner. His wife and I were silent as he got up and paced the room. Then, when he sat down, I said, “Paul, you’re on the tracks and the train’s coming. You can stand there, or you can get off. It’s your choice.” He looked at his daughter, who, on cue, began to cry. “She’s getting a tooth. God, I hadn’t even noticed,” he said. Then his own face collapsed; he bowed his head. “I want off the tracks,” he finally said. “Help me. Please.” Athletes, actors, and currency traders all thrive on adrenaline. They take advantage of a spike in stress hormones during the day for performance 185 RD BOOK BONUS I FEBRUARY 2006 and allow the levels to drop back to normal at night. But most of us regis- ter stress much more deeply. An alarm startles us from sleep, beginning a flow of stress hormones throughout the day. Honking horns, looming dead- lines, ringing phones shift our heart into high gear. As blood pounds with extra force, it’s as if our body is screaming, “Fire!” Chronic activation of this stress response harms our cardiovascular system, causing high blood pressure, inflammation and blood-vessel damage. How could Paul minimize his risk of stress? One way was to identify and avoid personal triggers—situations like getting stuck in a bank line that sent him through the roof. He could also learn techniques that allowed him to control anxious sensations. Research has shown that stress reducers such as visualization, hypnosis, deep breathing, meditation and yoga have meas- urable effects on cardiac risk, helping to relax arteries and reduce levels of stress hormones. But what if your whole life is stressful? In Paul, I recognized a set of behaviors and beliefs that were all faintly familiar. Overbooked, overworked and full of denial. Smart, strong-willed and yet almost blind to certain aspects of life. Who exactly did he remind me of? One night, looking in the mirror, I got it. It had been me.

IN MY 30S, I WAS A CLASSIC TYPE A OVERACHIEVER, STRESSED out, underexercised, with my own complicated heart and his- tory. For years I’d led a typical doctor’s lifestyle, working long hours4 and Igrabbing pizza and cookies at the nurses station. My prime ex- ercise was walking across the parking lot to my car. The single-mindedness that had gotten me out of Bensonhurst and through medical school had started showing. My cholesterol level was higher than that of some of my sickest patients—over 300 at one count. Heart disease ran like a river on both sides of my family; those waters formed a tributary in me. On the other hand, I knew that I wasn’t simply my genes. I’d spent my life proving how different I was from the girls I’d grown up with in the tight- knit world of Brooklyn in the ’60s. I was independent, free and educated, beholden to no one. I was an expert, a doctor. I had answers; I knew the lat- est techniques. Nothing could be wrong with my heart. Right? But I was perpetually on call, juggling patients, obligations, meetings. Often a patient was waiting for me while I was in the middle of a catheter- 186 ization on someone else. I knew the research: A healing team: Stress was comparable to hypertension as a risk nurse Rauni King factor for heart disease; the American Institute (left) and Dr. Mimi of Stress reported that 75-90 percent of all visits Guarneri, in to health care practitioners were due to stress- December 2005. related disorders; and Mayo Clinic studies had shown that psychological stress was a strong pre- dictor of future cardiac events in patients with established cardiac disease. Job stresses with time pressure, repetitive assembly-line work, overwork and increased responsibility all raised serum cholesterol. Even so, I felt apart from, even above, my patients and illness. Then, as I continued my work at Scripps in 1995, I began to have a series of realizations. One was an awareness that my medical practice was making me less a doc- tor than a high-tech plumber, trained to sit and wait for someone to have a heart attack rather than to prevent it from happening. When I’d first arrived in 1994, I’d been so excited about my work that I didn’t question why a guy who’d had bypass surgery was back to see me with reclogged arteries five years later. I stented him and moved on. As time passed, I began to feel that someone had installed a revolving door in the cardiac catheterization lab. My schedule resembled an alumni gathering; I liked my patients, but I was getting together with them too often. 190 MY WAKEUP CALL

The admitting clerk shrugged when I seemed alarmed, as if to say “Be grateful. We’re busy.” It was true: This was our business, treating sick peo- ple. Who was going to pay us if everyone was well? But it also became clear that stenting arteries was creating a new prob- lem. In some patients the artery reacted as if it had been injured and began repairing itself. And we found ourselves with restenosis, the formation of scar tissue inside the artery. It occurred about 20 percent of the time.

ONE WAY TO HALT THIS PROCESS, WE FOUND, WAS BY PLACING gamma radiation, iridium 192, inside the artery. In 1995 this was a major advance in interventional cardiology, pioneered by 5Dr. Paul ITeirstein. With intracoronary radiation, about 70 percent of those who formed scar tissue never formed it again. Today we have new stents, coated with antibiotics and chemotherapeutic agents, and capable of block- ing scar tissue from forming about 90 percent of the time. Still, I felt some- thing profound was being hinted at. Suppressing natural healing, while beneficial for stent success, seemed like progress in the wrong direction. We were blocking the heart’s healing power, not learning how to harness it. And despite all our interventions—despite over a million open-heart or bypass surgeries in 2002 and 500,000 stents—cardiovascular disease was still America’s biggest killer. The public was spending billions of dollars on cut- ting and pasting, yet after we mopped up the mess and sent our patients to intensive care, I’d see them sitting up in bed happily eating roast-beef sand- wiches slathered with mayo. They were already in the process of reclosing the arteries I had just opened. My patients were also starting to come to me with new questions. One afternoon, while stopped at a light in downtown San Diego, I saw a patient of mine, Roger, emerge from a storefront. I looked up at the sign, but it was written in Chinese. My first thought was that he’d just visited a massage parlor. As the light changed, he saw me and waved jauntily as I sped past. At our next appointment, he told me, “I saw you when I was coming out of my treatment.” “Treatment?” “I’ve been going for acupuncture, and I really think it’s helping. Dr. Yee was a medical doctor in Beijing before moving here. He does energy work. 191 RD BOOK BONUS I FEBRUARY 2006 ‘I’M COMPLETELY TRAUMATIZED,’ SAID MY PATIENT. ‘DO YOU HAVE A SUPPORT GROUP? I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEONE.’ He says stress was showing up in my upper body. He’s working to balance my chi—he said something about meridians.” Standing in my sparkling clean office, I had the typical Westerner’s blend of cynicism and condescension about these treatments. But when I looked at the data, I learned that nearly half of all Americans used mind-body interventions, from deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation to hypnosis, guided imagery and meditation. I knew that traditional medicine was good at many things. We excelled at acute care and trauma. If you have a heart attack, you need an ER in a conventional medical facility. Then another event caught my attention. I’d inserted a stent into a 54-year- old man, Joe, who’d had a recent heart attack—a procedure I’d done a thou- sand times. After he got home, he called my office, frantic. “Last week, I thought I was healthy,” he told my secretary. “Now I’m on six medications and there’s a metal sleeve in my artery. I’m completely trau- matized. Do you have a support group? I need to talk to someone.” I dismissed the notion: We didn’t have a stent support group. But later that day, while at my local car dealership, I watched a technician stand over the hood of a patron’s car, explaining his transmission problem and all the op- tions he had. It dawned on me that the technician was spending more time with this guy’s car than I’d spent with my stent patient’s heart.

I COULDN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT MY PATIENT’S CALL FOR help. Around this time, in 1995, I was approached by Dean Ornish and asked if I’d take part in his research. Ornish was a physi- 6cian well knownI for showing that coronary disease could be reversed with- out surgery by using diet, exercise, yoga, meditation and group support. I still had difficulty accepting that my heart patients would benefit from these interventions instead of hardware and medication. But I knew there was a paradigm shift going on, and that it was coming from patients. I agreed that Scripps Clinic would be part of the Multicenter Lifestyle Heart Trial. When we started the project, we needed a nurse, and Rauni King came 192 The author, on the in for an interview. A certified holistic nurse with beach in Del Mar, 20 years’ experience in intensive care, she was California, now involved in energy healing based on Eastern mod- practices yoga els. She described using healing touch with ICU regularly. “I do it patients, but when the talk shifted to auras and for me,” she says. chakras, my attention wandered. Half of me was still rooted in the old scientific world—the other half tilted toward this alternative one. On my skeptical side, a hectoring voice felt like screaming out, “Meridians! Energy tracts! What are you talking about?” Rauni was serene and self-assured, and we hired her, though I wasn’t to- tally convinced. And then I caught a viral infection from a patient. A naturally hardy person, I was proud of my constitution and ability to ward off viruses and bugs. But suddenly I was transformed into a pale, weak and listless body draped over the bed. My lymph nodes were swollen, and I had sores in my mouth and throat. Like Paul, it wasn’t until I was literally knocked off my feet that I was able to see what I couldn’t discern when I was up on my physician’s pedestal—that being ill challenged your whole sense of self. It was a chastening thought. After a week of being unable to move, I pulled myself up to attend an im- portant meeting at work. I ran into Rauni. “You really look sick,” she said. 193 RD BOOK BONUS I FEBRUARY 2006 MY JOB WAS STILL STRESSFUL, OF COURSE. BUT SLOWLY, SURELY, I BEGAN SEEING RESULTS. I FELT STRONGER, SLEPT BETTER. “I am. I can’t seem to shake it,” I told her. “Let’s go into a treatment room. I want to check your energy field.” “I don’t think I have one,” I said, but I staggered after her anyway. Rauni scanned “my field.” Later I discovered that the practice of healing touch is based on the idea that the body, mind and emotions form a com- plex energy field. Practitioners believe that in a healthy person, the energy field is patterned and ordered—and that illness occurs when it’s disrupted. I decided that I shouldn’t ask my patients to try anything that I wasn’t will- ing to do myself. So I changed my life right alongside them.

I SAT IN SUPPORT GROUPS, LISTENING TO HOW TERRIFYING it was to be told your heart was ailing. I made an abrupt about- face, gave up my slices of pizza and became vegetarian. I sat in 7yoga, strugglingI to empty my mind of a clutter of worries. I mimicked the woman beside me, a survivor of two heart attacks, who was meditating, her face serene. It was the patients who were teaching me. I told my secretary, Cynthia, “One thing at a time from now on; don’t overbook me. I’m taking a lunch break starting this week.” I began emerg- ing from the windowless cath lab to inhale the brilliant salt and spume of ocean air. I took a full breath from deep in my abdomen as they taught me in yoga, not the little hyperventilating breaths I usually took. It was liber- ating to make these changes; I felt them in the core of my body. My job was still stressful, of course, but slowly, surely, I began seeing re- sults. I found myself feeling stronger, sleeping better. Eventually my cho- lesterol numbers lowered, without medication, from 320 to 99. Rauni and I began wondering if we could bring these two worlds together—combine the best of both. This resulted in the formation of the Scripps Center for Integrative Medicine, where modern high technology, nu- trition and exercise meet evidence-based alternative therapies such as acupuncture, meditation, healing touch and yoga. So when I suggested to Paul Ross that he needed to make drastic changes in order to live, I felt cer- 194 RD BOOK BONUS I FEBRUARY 2006 tain of what I was saying. Because, by then, I was living proof myself. Luckily, for many of Paul’s specific problems, there were fairly straight- forward answers. To change his sedentary lifestyle, he hired a personal trainer. To lose weight, he radically altered his diet. But there’s no way I could have written a prescription for the profound advice he eventually decided to follow. As the poet Rilke wrote, “There is no place that does not see you. You must change your life.” For the last piece of the puzzle—Paul’s very stressful lifestyle—he decided to step away from the daily operations of his business and let others handle it. He re- mained chairman and CEO, but he moved out of the hot seat. This was huge. Ultimately, Paul and his family left California and moved to a farm on the East Coast, where he rekindled an old passion, playing the cello, and concentrated on appreciating his family. For patients like him, heart attacks are often wakeup calls. The drastic upheaval of illness throws into stark relief how cut off from meaning their lives have become. Paul now says that the day of his heart attack was the best day of his life. As the months passed, he realized that he was receiving a gift—a chance to hang up the phone, log off the computer and embrace life. Paul and I have this gift in common. Because the other person I think of when I’m asked whether stress can cause a heart attack is that earlier, harried version of myself, the hunted creature I used to be, trying to outpace the fate of her own complex heart.

THE SOUND AND THE FURRY

From the News of Record department of The (Sonora, California) Union Democrat: “A woman on the 500 block of Gold Oak Road said she needed the fire department because her cat was stuck in a high tree. When the caller was told the fire department would not respond for a cat in a tree, the caller said that her mother was also stuck in the tree.” Submitted by TERRIE CHASE

Protecting ball fields is priority No. 1 in Lancaster, Massachusetts. According to The Lancaster Times & Clinton Courier, “Thayer Field has been posted ‘No dogs allowed.’ Any dog found on the playing field, leashed or unleashed, will be fined.” Submitted by ROGER O. LEONARD 196 EDITORS’ CHOICE

We’re chock-full of sugges- tions for good reads this frosty month of February:

■ CURRENTS Sergey Brin and Larry Page met a little over ten years ago, when they were stu- dents at Stanford. They went on to create one of the biggest Internet successes of our time— and they’re not done yet. The Google Story by David A. Vise and Mark Malseed shares their intriguing tale. In Talk to the Hand, Lynne Truss sounds off about manners today—or, rather, a scary lack of them. And Rachael Scdoris, with Rick Steber, offers a dramatic account of competing in the Iditarod sled dog race in No End in Sight.

■ HISTORY Which President soaked his feet in cold water to ward off germs? (Thomas Jefferson.) Which man started the baseball tradition of throwing out the “first pitch”? (William Howard Taft.) These and other fun factoids are compiled NOTEWORTHY in The Essential Book of Presidential Trivia For a compelling by Noah McCullough. And Alan Axelrod’s 1001 look at the life of an Events That Made America offers an entertain- African American ing, lively chronology. heroine, check out the biography Rosa ■ HEART “After thirteen years of marriage, our Parks by historian life had certain rhythms,” writes Mark S. Weiss in Douglas Brinkley. When Your Wife Has Breast Cancer. The sud- den diagnosis of his wife, Cathy, in 2002, was defi- To see past nitely not part of those rhythms. This moving recommendations, discuss books, and post your chronicle of crisis and recovery tells an intimate own favorites, go to story, and includes insight and advice for others. rd.com/editorschoice. 199 HEALTH ■ FOOD ■ PETS ■ CARS ■ HOME ■ YOU Sweet Eats 205 These unique chocolates will make your Valentine melt

Joe Montana’s Health Scare 202 Dog Flu Alert 208 NASCAR Gal’s Gutsy Win 210 Light Up Your Living Room 212 New Skin Soothers 214

PHOTOGRAPHED BY JOHN BLAIS 201 RDHEALTH A Hero With High Blood Pressure ootball star Joe made some changes. kids, and simply keeps Montana thought “Instead of the 18-ounce moving. And he found Fhe’d be the last porterhouse steak, we’ll a drug that works for person to have high make the 6-ounce filet,” him. Now his reading is blood pressure. “I’m an he says. His kids keep a healthy 117/80. athlete,” says Montana, the saltshaker away For tips on how 49. “I’d been working from him. At fast food you can follow Joe out all my life, so I restaurants, they tell Montana’s lead, visit thought, It won’t affect him: “You don’t need getbpdown.com. me.” But it did. Mon- a cheeseburger, Dad,” CYNTHIA DERMODY tana, whose blood pres- or “You don’t want to sure had always been finish that, Dad. I’ll normal, retired at age do it.” 39. He felt fine, but a Montana is back on family history of the the treadmill or Stair- DO YOU condition, combined Master every day, KNOW CPR? with his love of salty tosses the ball with his When 24-year-old Corey foods, burgers and Blow’s heart stopped steaks and the fact that beating, a co-worker he’d taken a break from helped save his life with exercise, took their toll. CPR. Could you do the At age 46, at a physi- same? If not, it’s time to cal that his wife urged relearn this technique. him to get, his blood The American Heart As- pressure was sky high. sociation’s CPR Anytime for Family and Friends

His doctor sent him BRONICO CHRISTINE BY PHOTOGRAPHED (ABOVE) straight to a cardiolo- Personal Learning Pro- gist, who found a clot gram includes an inflat- able mini-dummy, forming in one of Mon- instructional DVD and tana’s arteries booklet. Learn—and and started practice—the basics at him on home, on your schedule. medication. The kit will be updated But it to include new CPR didn’t work. guidelines in March. So, with the Get the kit for $29.95 help of his and more details at

family, he americanheart.org. GUILBURT/CORBIS DAVID 202 RDHEALTH Go for the Gold! nowboarding will be hot at this month’s XX Olympic Win- Ster Games. Olympic hopeful Andy Finch talks about how he stays in shape to flip, twist and corkscrew his way to victory: How do you get a good night’s sleep before you hit the slopes? AF: I put my headphones on and listen to mellow music to fall asleep. Andy Finch What do you eat to perform those amazing moves? What’s your good luck charm AF: I eat fresh foods and not too or ritual before a competition? many processed foods. I’m always AF: I have this thing for my red up in the air, which means you’ve socks. When I put them on, I feel got to come down sometime. The I’m going to ride better. I also pray more you weigh, the harder you hit. right before I do something gnarly. JED JACOBSOHN/GETTY IMAGES JED JACOBSOHN/GETTY HOW’S YOUR Lifesaving Gadget HEART? our doctor will You can find every- tell you if the thing from clothes to Ydrug he’s just food to tools at Wal- prescribed will in- Mart. And this month, teract with your other you can even get a medications, vitamins or herbal free health check. Hit supplements. So will RxWise, a computer- any Wal-Mart or based medication-safety checking system. For Sam’s Club on Satur- PCs only, it’s available online or as a portable USB day, February 18, and drive. Simply input all drugs you take, plus your get a free cholesterol medical conditions and allergies. The system and blood pressure culls a variety of sources, including drug manu- screening. You can facturers and medical journals, and develops a re- also pick up free samples of heart- port about potential problems. healthy products. The RxWise portable USB drive is $40; the Web Visit walmart.com for version is $24. After the first year, updates are $19 more information. annually. It’s available now at rxwise.com, but may soon be in drugstores too. LISA MILLER FIELDS 204 RDFOOD

Treats for Your Sweet 4 It was tough, but we did it. Reader’s Digest staffers tried hundreds of chocolates to bring you the very best edible Valentines. How dedicated! Our favorites:

3

2 5 1

6

1. Chocolove 2. Michel 3. Anna 4. Jacques 5. Shari’s 6. SweetBliss Eight unique Cluizel Shea Each Torres; Rec- Berries Your Treats from bars, in fla- These so- hand- chiuti Hot sweetheart the Moo vors such as phisticated painted, chocolate! will think Collection ginger, or- Parisian filled choco- Torres’s is she’s open- call to mind ange peel sweets have late is al- spiced ing a box of Mallomars, and extra- a manly most too powder; roses, but in yummy strong dark. feel—all the beautiful to Recchiuti’s inside it’s flavors Each bar way down to eat. Created has choco- even better: such as ba- lists the the cocoa- by an artist late chunks a dozen de- nana, peanut cocoa colored box turned (Recchiuti lectably butter and content and (chocolat chocolatier confections. dipped marshmallow includes a michel (annashea com; $20; strawberries (sweet love poem cluizel.com; chocolates. MrChoco (berries. bliss.com; (chocolove. $65 per com; $19 late.com; com; $85). $45 for 6). com; $23). pound). for 12). $16). CYNTHIA DERMODY

PHOTOGRAPHED BY CHRISTINE BRONICO 205 RDFOOD Dark Chocolate Granola Bars

1 ⁄4 cup sugar 1 Eat Your ⁄4 cup maple syrup 1 ⁄4 cup honey Heart Out 2 tbsp. reduced-fat peanut butter 1 egg white hen you think about 1 tbsp. fat-free evaporated milk a healthy dessert, 1 tsp. vanilla extract Wfresh fruit 1 cup whole wheat flour 1 probably comes ⁄2 tsp. baking soda 1 to mind. And ⁄2 tsp. ground cinnamon 1 yes, that’s a ⁄4 tsp. ground allspice good choice, if a 2 cups old-fashioned oats 1 little boring. But you 1 ⁄2 cups crisp rice cereal 1 can have a chocolatey, chewy, ⁄3 cup dark chocolate chips 1 nutty indulgence—and boost ⁄4 cup dried cranberries 1 your heart health. ⁄4 cup chopped walnuts This treat, adapted from Combine first 7 ingredients. Combine next 4 one we discovered with the ingredients; add to sugar mixture. Add remain- Recipe Finder at rd.com, is ing ingredients. Press into 13-in. x 9-in. baking loaded with dark chocolate, pan coated with cooking spray. Bake at 350° walnuts and oats—all good for 18-20 minutes. Score surface with shallow for your heart! cuts to make bars. Cool on wire rack. PER SERVING: 110 CALORIES; 3 G FAT; 1 G SATURATED FAT; 2 G FIBER; Ready to get healthy? Check 2 G PROTEIN; 21 G CARBOHYDRATE. ADAPTED FROM LIGHT & TASTY out changeonediet/newyearoffer. Dinner for Two—in Aisle Three an-seared snapper with shrimp sauce and pork loin with braised fennel are just two Pspecialties of Culinary Institute of Amer- ica-trained chef Chuck Berardi. You’ll find his dishes not in a trendy downtown restaurant, but in the Downingtown, Pennsylvania, Weg- mans. He’s one of over 100 CIA graduates working in supermarkets. That’s right, supermar- kets. Today’s grocers are offering upscale dishes in chic dining areas. Many Safeway stores have a pizza kitchen, sushi bar or Starbucks counter. They also offer stylish side dishes, such as orzo salad and couscous. So the next time you don’t feel like cooking, skip the drive- through and hit your grocer’s express lane. C.D.

206 PHOTOGRAPHED BY CHRISTINE BRONICO; ILLUSTRATED BY WARD SCHUMAKER RDPETS

otics to treat the symptoms. Doggie Got Avoid other pets with these telltale signs. the Flu? Groom and board anine flu has spread carefully Infection is through kennels, more likely to spread C clinics and shelters in dirty facilities. nationwide. But you Ask if brushes can protect your four- are cleaned after legged pal from the each grooming, highly contagious and check that condition, says kennels Margret disinfect L. Casal daily. of the Keep her healthy Make sure University of Pennsylvania School your dog gets her regular shots, and of Veterinary Medicine. don’t neglect flea and tick control. A Keep a watchful eye The flu is healthy dog can better fight the flu. marked by a drop in energy, and by The good news: A vaccine is in fever, wheezing, coughing or nasal the works, and there’s no evidence discharge. There’s no cure for this that this flu can spread to humans. flu, but a vet can prescribe antibi- LUCIA RAATMA

more symptoms, says Scratch Shirlee Kalstone, author of Allergic to Pets? Those • Vacuum and dust often Allergies to eliminate sneeze- inducing dander and fur. • Bathe and brush your pet often, especially if he sheds. If your symptoms are severe, have some- one else do it for you. Does cuddling your kitty • Ban pets from the • Getting a new cat? make you sneeze? No bedroom, and get a Consider a light-colored need to get rid of her, HEPA air purifier. female. One study found says allergist Clifford • No pet is completely that dark male cats Bassett, MD. Take steps hypoallergenic, but those create more allergic to ease symptoms: that shed more trigger reactions. NANCY COVENEY

208 RDCARS IT’S MY Born to DRIVE RACE BY KELLY SUTTON

ascar has always been in my blood. NI was raised in a racing family and I’ve been competing myself for 14 of my 34 years. I love get- ting behind the wheel and being in control of something on the verge of being out of control. It’s a challenge that’s a lot like living with multiple sclerosis. I was diagnosed at 16. My gait was off, I had overwhelming fatigue—I thought my dreams of being a race- car driver were over. Then one day my dad asked me if I still wanted to drive. I said, “Yeah, but how can I?” He said I was a fighter, not a quitter. I’ve been going strong ever since. So I went on steroids and grew It’s like when we were running strong enough to start racing at 19. 13th in the Goody’s Dash Series, in It hasn’t always been a clear 2001. We had two laps to go and my course. At 24, a car accident spurred Pontiac Sunfire conked out. I drifted an attack that made me so weak I into our pit and they started work- needed help taking showers and get- ing on it. We finally got it fired up, ting into bed—no way could I have and I took off. I could have just rid- gotten in a race car. So one day Dad den into the pits, got out of my car showed up at my house with a train- and quit, but I didn’t. I came in ing car without wheels. He told me 21st—a great finish for my first time when I could do 100 laps in that, at Daytona. we were going racing again. That With MS, sometimes you have to gave me the extra kick in the make a pit stop because you’re not butt to work with my doctor and feeling good, but you never give up find a new drug that really helped. the race. As told to CYNTHIA DERMODY 210 RDHOME Winter Is the Perfect Time to … … Get More Light eborah burnett of the American As- sociation of Interior Designers, who Dhas seasonal affective disorder, shares tips to brighten rooms and lift spirits: Use halogens They keep the light bright, white and crisp till they die; standard bulbs grow dim and yellow. Make mirror magic Display an 8" x 11" framed mirror on a tabletop easel ($6 at craft stores) behind a green plant to reflect light and lend a springtime feel to the room. Plug in accent lights Also called “uplights.” Use with warm white com- pact fluorescents on the floor of dark corners. Under $10 at home stores. … Redo a Room (on No Budget!) ixes for common decorating problems that can really transform your family room, from FHGTV’s FreeStyle host Aaron Foster: Photographs everywhere Mat them and use similar frames. Consolidate in one or two spots, say, atop the TV cabinet and a table, or on a wall. Furniture pushed against walls This before after gives you less space, not more, says Fos- ter. Floating the couch and chairs and facing them together makes a room more inviting. Many people have one or two more pieces of furni- ture than they need. Remove a few to see if they’re missed. Cluttered mantels This space should showcase what’s important to you—but not everything at once. Hang art or a painting over the fire- place, and place just three or four pieces on the mantel that highlight it. 212 RDHOMEPROJECT OF THE … Make STACKING TOTES MONTH he less clutter lying around, the better your home will look. These stacking totes 1 1 1 ⁄4"x 5" Tfrom the Complete Do-It-Yourself Manual 1 ⁄2" finish nails store everything from toys to tools, magazines to mittens—and you can make four from just one 4 ft. x 8 ft. sheet of half-inch plywood. You’ll also need a hammer, nail set, screw- 1 14" 14- ⁄8" driver, wood glue, straightedge guide, circular 12" saw and jigsaw (borrow or rent the last two tools if you don’t own them). 15" 1. Cut the eight smaller square-cornered side panels and the four bottom panels for the totes with the circular saw. Cut the contoured side panels to size. You’ll need eight of these, 13"

1 but make one finished piece first and use it to 14 ⁄8" mark the others for cutting. 2. Use a jigsaw to cut the rounded corners and the handle slots. Then lay this pattern on top of each of the other blanks and trace the outline. You can cut the other panels freehand with the jigsaw. 3. Glue and nail the parts together as shown. Use the nail set to sink the nailheads below the plywood’s surface, fill the holes with a dab of wood putty and paint the boxes. If you like, add casters.

Buy the Reader’s Digest Complete Do-It-Yourself Manual ($29 plus S&H) at familyhandyman.com. 213 RDYOU Body Lotions With a Twist ot dry, itchy winter skin? Get relief: The Gnew crop of creams, which multi-task brilliantly, have added ingredients that promise everything from sun protection to skin re- pair. Eight to try:

IF YOU ... TRY WHY Hate Aveeno Posi- Soy and skin conditioners make leg hair softer and less shaving tively Smooth noticeable, so you can go longer between shaves. ($7.99)

Don’t have Johnson’s It smells great and absorbs quickly without leaving a time to wait Softlotion residue or greasy feel, so you can get dressed pronto Light Care without stains. ($5.25)

Like to Olay You use this lotion in the shower. The warmth and multi-task Moisturinse humidity help it to penetrate the skin. ($3.99)

Want to Dove Skin repairs itself best overnight, and micro-pearls of wake up Regenerating shea butter are designed to boost this process. ($5.99) softer Night Lotion

Get outside Lubriderm You use sunblock on your face every day. Why not a lot UV SPF 15 protect the rest of your body from the sun’s harmful wrinkle- and cancer-causing rays? ($8.99)

Don’t get Jergens A moisturizer and self-tanner in one that really works! outside Natural Glow It darkens skin in just a few days—with only a mild odor a lot and no orange coloration or streaks. ($5.99)

Need some Nivea Silky No more dull skin! Natural light-reflecting pigments dazzle Shimmer induce a subtle shimmer. ($6.79)

Feel like Gold Bond It penetrates fast, but still soothes dry, cracked sandpaper Ultimate or irritated skin—for up to 24 hours after you apply Healing it. ($7.04) CYNTHIA DERMODY

214 PHOTOGRAPHED BY CHRISTINE BRONICO LIFE IN THESE UNITED STATES ®

ur extended fam- Oily traveled to Chicago for a relative’s wedding. While the rest of us waited in the car, my grandfather went to check us in. “Do you have a reser- vation for a group of Hicks from Kalamazoo?” he asked the desk clerk. “I’ll check, sir,” the man replied smoothly. “What’s your name?” ROBERT HICKS, Grand Rapids, Michigan

Returning home from dinner out one night, I started feeling sick. Suspecting food poisoning, I called the restaurant’s manager. “I cannot believe that happened,” the y brother-in-law was a lay minister, so woman said. She when his sister wanted a small, casual sounded genuinely M shocked. “What did wedding, she asked him to officiate. He had never you order?” performed a marriage ceremony before, so he “I had the stuffing.” decided to ask his pastor for advice. “That’s weird,” she “My sister has asked me to marry her,” he began, observed. “Usually it’s “and I’m not sure what to do.” the meat loaf.” The minister answered, “Try telling her you just JANCY QUINN, Denver, Colorado want to be friends.” HEIDI MORTON, Belle Fourche, South Dakota

The local market has a bin where employees keep returned items. The bin is labeled “Spoils.” I never thought much about it until one afternoon I heard an announcement over the loudspeaker: “Victor to the spoils. Thank you.” CHRIS DEJONG, San Francisco, California

ILLUSTRATED BY DAN REYNOLDS 221 RD I FEBRUARY 2006

alk about My mom drove cross-country to visit me a freak in college. Heading south from Tucson, we were on Taccident. My uncle our way to spend the day in Mexico when a state was driving to a hockey trooper pulled us over. “What seems to be the prob- game with his two sons lem?” Mom asked. when their car hit a low- “Drug smugglers use this road a lot,” he explained, flying duck. “and a suspicious-acting Buick with Pennsylvania After absorbing the plates has been spotted going up and down it.” shock of what just hap- “I just got in yesterday,” Mom said. “And I’m pened, Uncle Mike broke hardly a smuggler. Just a teacher on sabbatical.” the silence with, “There’s The patrolman eyed her suspiciously. “Do you a bird that didn’t live up have a prescription for that?” to his name.” JOSEPH BLUMBERG, North Brunswick, New Jersey JASON BULBUK, Novi, Michigan

s super bowl week neared, the supervisor Even though my wife Afor the contractor I work for posted an intimi- is in her 20s, her mind dating memo reminding the day shift that betting on is sometimes stuck in the game was verboten. “9 to 5 employees caught the ’80s. Watching a participating in Super Bowl pools will be severely movie promo for the reprimanded.” remake of King Kong, An inveterate gambler from the night shift added she gasped, “I can’t his own postscript: “7 to 1 says they won’t.” believe it.” LESLIE MATTESON, Long Beach, California “What?” I asked. “They made a movie Billy graham tells the story of a time early in his out of Donkey Kong.” NAZEER KHALEELUDDIN, career when he arrived in a small town and asked a Plano, Texas boy where the post office was. When the boy told him, Billy invited him to come to the meeting that You could earn evening. “You can hear me telling everyone how to $300 for your own funny get to heaven.” story. Click on “Submit a “I don’t think so,” the boy said. “You don’t even Joke” at rd.com or see know your way to the post office.” page 10 for details.

Consumer Information Reader’s Digest may share information about you with reputable companies in order for them to offer you products and services of interest to you. If you would rather we not share information, please write to Reader’s Digest Customer Service, P.O. Box 7823, Red Oak, Iowa 51591-0823. Published monthly by The Reader’s Digest Association, Inc., 1 Reader’s Digest Rd., Pleasantville, N.Y. 10570. Rates: $2.99 a copy; $27.98 per year in the U.S. and territories; $38.95 (includes shipping by air where available) for the U.S. edition delivered outside the U.S. and territories. A special Reader’s Digest Large Print for Easier Reading with selected articles from The Digest is published by Reader’s Digest Large Edition, Inc. For details write: Reader’s Digest Large Print for Easier Reading, P.O. Box 8177, Red Oak, Iowa 51591-1177. Reader’s Digest, (ISSN 0034-0375) (USPS 865-820), Vol. 168, No. 1006, February 2006. © 2006 The Reader’s Digest Association, Inc. All rights reserved. Unauthorized reproduction, in any manner, is prohibited. Reader’s Digest, The Digest, and the Pegasus logo are registered trademarks of The Reader’s Digest Association, Inc. Marca Registrada. Printed in U.S.A. Periodicals postage paid at Pleasantville, N.Y., and at additional mailing offices. You may cancel your subscription at any time and receive a refund for copies not previously addressed. Your subscription will expire with the issue identified above your name on the address label. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Reader’s Digest, Box 7809, Red Oak, Iowa 51591-0809. SUBSCRIBERS: If the Post Office alerts us that your magazine is undeliverable, we have no further obligation unless we receive a corrected address within one year. 222 RDCHALLENGE BY GUNNAR JOHNSON

Who loves political animals? Plenty of First Families, as it turns out. See how much you know about these pets who have called the White House home.

1. George W. Bush’s dog, Barney, 4. Before he went to Washing- is a Scottish Terrier, just like the ton, Abe Lincoln had an adoring famous pet of a family who pre- mutt who followed him every- ceded Bush in the White House. where. What was his name? a. Fala (Franklin Roosevelt) a. Liberty b. Checkers (Richard Nixon) b. Lucky c. Buddy (Bill Clinton) c. Fido

2. The son of this President 5. Benjamin Harrison once owned a macaw, which he chased this ornery pet down named Eli Yale—even though Pennsylvania Avenue, where it his dad went to Harvard. had run off with the grandkids. a. John Kennedy a. A pig named Congress b. Theodore Roosevelt b. A goat dubbed His Whiskers c. John Adams c. A cow called Mr. President

3. This well-known First Daughter galloped around the White House grounds on her pony Macaroni. a. Caroline Kennedy b. Amy Carter

c. Susan Ford

1. (a) 2. (b) 3. (a) 4. (c) 5. (b) 5. (c) 4. (a) 3. (b) 2. (a) 1. Answers:

224 ILLUSTRATED BY JOHN CUNEO OUR AMERICA

“CLASSIC ROCK” BY C. F. PAYNE EXCLUSIVELY FOR READER’S DIGEST For more great C.F. Payne images, go to rd.com/CFPayne