University of Central Florida STARS Honors Undergraduate Theses UCF Theses and Dissertations 2021 Memoria: Re(member)ing How to Heal Vilma E. Portocarrero University of Central Florida Part of the Creative Writing Commons Find similar works at: https://stars.library.ucf.edu/honorstheses University of Central Florida Libraries http://library.ucf.edu This Open Access is brought to you for free and open access by the UCF Theses and Dissertations at STARS. It has been accepted for inclusion in Honors Undergraduate Theses by an authorized administrator of STARS. For more information, please contact [email protected]. Recommended Citation Portocarrero, Vilma E., "Memoria: Re(member)ing How to Heal" (2021). Honors Undergraduate Theses. 970. https://stars.library.ucf.edu/honorstheses/970 MEMORIA: RE(MEMBER)ING HOW TO HEAL by VILMA PORTOCARRERO B.A. University of Central Florida, 2021 A thesis submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Bachelor of Arts in the Department of English in the College of Arts and Humanities at the University of Central Florida Orlando Florida Spring Term 2021 Thesis Chair: Cecilia Rodríguez Milanés i Abstract This serves as a contextualization of my family history and a reflection of my lived experience as a first-generation Nicaraguan American woman living in the United States. In my writing, I explore displacement caused by political unrest and the intergenerational impact of war on families. This work is multi-genre, incorporating elements of creative nonfiction, memoir, poetry, and oral history. i Acknowledgments Completing this creative project would have been impossible without the participation, assistance, and support of so many individuals whose names may not all be enumerated. Foremost, I am indebted to my esteemed advisor, Dr. Cecilia Rodríguez Milanés, who throughout my undergraduate career has not only been an excellent mentor but an even greater friend. I consider her family. Her support has been endless and unconditional. Her teaching and enthusiasm for Latino literature inspired me to write a thesis in the first place, and she has been with me every step of the way. This project would not exist without her persistent encouragement, compassion, and dedication. Thank you for your invaluable expertise and guidance. I would also like to pay special regards to my mentor and committee member, Dr. Martha Brenckle, who has offered significant insight into the planning and development of this thesis. She has served as a second advisor to me during this process, helping me with the structure, organization, and layout of this project; I am eternally grateful to have her on my team. Moreover, I want to extend my sincere gratitude to the Burnett Honors College for providing me the opportunity to complete this creative project. Their resources, workshops, and overall academic support have been vital to the success of this project. I would also like to recognize my prior English professors' fundamental role in cultivating my understanding of narrative power and writing across genres. Their teachings have been foundational in helping me develop my writing. Thank you to the following professors: Laurie Uttich, Chrissy Kolaya, Deborah Weaver, Stephen Ethridge, Farrah Cato, Adele Richardson, Jake Wolff, Obi Nwakanma, Carmen Mathes, and Judith Rooney for teaching me to trust my voice. I must also show my most profound appreciation to the UCF Writing Center and my fellow peer-writing consultants who helped me throughout the writing process: from brainstorming, to development, to editing, and polishing. Without their feedback, I would not have moved past the first draft of this paper. My sincerest thanks to all the people whose moral support has kept me going these past four years. They are the people who have been by my side on good days and bad days. These individuals have talked through ideas with me, read my drafts, shared their stories, and pushed me to be better than I was yesterday. Without their kindness, love, and support, I would never have made it this far. Thank you to Suze Bryan, Nicolas Claro, Mariela Florentino, Stephany Fuentes, Isaac Salazar, and Sarah Siclait. Lastly, I would like to thank my family for allowing me to conduct oral interviews. They are the inspiration for this thesis. They have always been my biggest supporters throughout my life, and I would not be where I am today if it wasn’t for my parents, who have given me everything, and my sisters, who have been with me through everything. ii Dedication Este proyecto es dedicado a mi familia. iii TABLE OF CONTENTS Introduction ................................................................................................................ 2 Chapter 1: Mi Patria, Mi Familia, Mi Ciudad ........................................................... 7 A Brief History of U.S. Intervention in Latin America .............................................................. 7 Las Memorias de Mis Padres .................................................................................................... 14 La Cultura de Miami ................................................................................................................. 26 Chapter 2: Identidad ................................................................................................. 36 Mi/Tu Nombre........................................................................................................................... 36 Representation Matters .............................................................................................................. 38 Superaló (Get Over It) ............................................................................................................... 42 Chapter 3: Mujeres de Mi Vida ............................................................................... 46 Memorias de Ti ......................................................................................................................... 46 To my Abuelitas ........................................................................................................................ 49 La Doña ..................................................................................................................................... 51 Chapter 4: Home ...................................................................................................... 55 I Long for Home ........................................................................................................................ 55 Nicaragua, Nicaragüita .............................................................................................................. 56 Conclusion ............................................................................................................... 58 Work Cited ............................................................................................................... 60 Works Consulted ...................................................................................................... 64 iv Figure 1: Portocarrero Chavez Family Picture 1999 Figure 2: Portocarrero Chavez Family Picture 2004 Figure 3: Portocarrero Chavez Wedding Family Figure 4: Portocarrero Chavez Family Portrait 2019 Picture 2011 1 Introduction1 Diaspora refers to the dispersion of specific populations displaced by war, poverty, political conflict, and environmental disasters. Families leave their homeland and migrate to other countries seeking refuge and asylum. They make these countries their new home. The Central American diaspora includes those El Salvadorians, Panamanians, Guatemalans, Hondurans, and Nicaraguans who fled Central America and migrated to the United States in search of safety and security. My family is a product of the Central American diaspora. My parents left Nicaragua in the late 1970s to escape the political conflict and economic instability that emerged in their country and throughout the region. They now hold dual citizenship in Nicaragua and the United States, claiming two patrias. Living within the diaspora is an experience of loss— leaving means sacrificing culture, history, and memory of the place once called home. Immigrants adopt new cultural customs and languages to assimilate, often at the expense of losing touch with their own cultural identity. Survival requires adaptation. The pain and trauma of loss are passed down from generation to generation, and I feel this loss within my own family. Our knowledge, history, and memory of Nicaragua are fractured, damaged by a combination of political war and assimilation. As a child of diaspora, being born and raised in the United States has disconnected me from my patria. This has motivated me to learn more about Nicaragua and my family history. By learning more about where my family is from, I hope to learn more about my identity as a Nicaraguan woman and start to heal our generational pain. 1 The figures of family photos incorporated throughout the text are from the author’s personal collection. 2 Initially, this thesis was conceptualized as a sociological inquiry exploring Central American first and second-generation immigrant families' lived experiences. However, as I investigated, it transformed into a personal exploration of my relationship with my family and our ties with Nicaragua and the United States. I conducted four oral history interviews with my immediate family members: my mother, Lissette Maria Portocarrero, my father Enrique Portocarrero, and my two older sisters, Lissette Marie Portocarrero and Natalia