Volume 47, Issue 2 student newspaper November 2010 since 1966

f10

m

D) inqi -J

* #• November EleSopis page 5

Dig For The Cure page 9

The University Avenue Project page 14

Johnny Knoxville Interview page 15

Follow the Sword on kuiilefeerl @ CSPnewsupdater Concordia UN ! \' E R SIT Y- S A1 N T PAUL

I r •me SWORD

TABLE OF CONTENTS COVER A student potter at work in Concordia's clay studio

NEWS

Student Outburst p.3 ' Parking Tickets p.3 Ayd Mill Standstill p.3 Promoting Human Dignity p.4 Presidential Support p.4 Columbus & Thanksgiving p.5 Student Complaints p.5 Greetings students, faculty and staff of Concordia University St. Paul, Election Recoimt p.6 Kyle Herman Bill p.6 I would like to open with a brief explanation of our cover page. It is a pic­ C.A.B. Overview p.6-7 ture taken by Professor Vermeland at the University Avenue Project (Article Student Assault p.7 p.14). This particular picture contains a huge projection monitor that is displaying some of the photos that had been taken so far. Vermeland is a OPINION/EDITORIAL volunteer for this ongoing project. "Smart" Phone p.7 As I mentioned last issue, the main goal for the year is to coimect with the My Fake Butt p.8 Ode to the Dining Hall p.8 student body more and more each month. I have received a few emails in response to certain articles and an overflow of Post Secret art clips (p.16). SPORTS The Sword is making strides, but we need to continue to hear from you; your interests are our interests. Follow the Sword on Twitter (CSPnewsupdater) Women's Gold Recap p.9 and on Facebook (The Sword) so we can continue to improve for you. Football Interview p.9 i As the temperatures cpntinue to decline, keep high spirits, keep warm, and Dig For the Cure p.9 ^ keep reading. CU Dance Team p.10 Cross Country Success p.10 Speaking on behalf of the entire staff, New Lacrosse Club p. 10 Soccer Struggling p. 11 VoUeyball Hype p. 11 Stephen Lybeck Men's Gold Doing Well p. 11 Editor-in-Chief, The Sword

ARTS AND VARIETY

The University Avenue Project p.12 Music Department p.12 Waiting For Superman p.13 r- CU Art Club p.13 Three Cups of Tea p.13 President Hoist Goes to Israel p.14 Hubble p.14 Open Mic Night p.14 Music Review p. 14 Jackass 3D p. 15 Bearly Confidential p. 15-16 THIS PAPER IS A bTUDFNT PUBLICATION NOT AN OFFICIAL C.ONLORDIA PIJBLICA7I0N AND THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ARE NOT NECESSARIl Y THAT OF THE UNIVERSITY BUT OF THE WRITERS AND STAFF INVOLVED IN THE PUBLICATION.

THE SWORD STAFF

LAYOUT-'DESIG-N DIRJiClOR EDITOR IN CHIEF Clil

"1 s(v f * siw i£ ~ -«¥ 1 TWe SWORD "*^ "*" * 1 •••••• »»?; Concordia Student Has Parking Tickets an Outburst in Meyer Parking Tickets on CSP Campus By: Kaitlen Young Hall • Many of us arc ready to empty our wallets purchasing expensive books we need for classcs. But, who's ready to open their wallets for parking tickets? After only a few weeks of school, there Student Disrupts Classes on September 28, 201JO are always those whirt envelopes with the green stripes wrapped around them, or the colored papers. The differences between these two arc, the white ones are from the county and the other By: Victoria Vasterling ones are from CSP. There arc ways to avoid getting tickets here on campus. The Incident: 1 asked Mark Heiser, assistant director of security, to find out the ins and outs on their decision "I wouldn't have known about it if I hadn't heard him screaming," making for giving out tickets. "Tickets are issued for violations of the university parking rules, says a Concordia student named Briar-Rose, in relation to the regulations, and policies. A ticket may be issued for things such as not having a valid Concordia issue that occurred on Concordia's campus on September 28"', parking permit, not paying a parking meter, letting a parking meter expire, parking overnight in 2010 at around 10am. On this day a student was reported to have a lot that isn't designated for overnight parking, or parking in an area not designated as a parking gone from classroom to classroom yelling obscenities at teachers. space. These are the most common tickets issued," According to Heiser. since he has worked at Michael Mulso, Head of Security for Concordia University, said CSP (over 14 years), there has always been a need for parking permits. This is for security to be that the student was walking into classrooms and telling the teacher able to regulate whose vehicles arc parked on campus and to make sure it is only staff, students, and the classes his opinion, and then would move on to the next classroom. In the emciil sent to the entirety of the student body, Heiser said. "At the beginning of each school year we give out parking warnings 2-3 weeks it was reported that the student avoided security—^who had been before we start issuing tickets. This gives campus community members time to ensure they alerted to the situation—for a while longer than expected. When have an updated parking permit. We issued over 200 parking warnings this year before we security finally met up with him, he was escorted from the building. started tickcting. Signs are also hung up around campus and information goes out in university According to Michael Mulso, the individual was "emotionally publications to remind campus community members that parking permits are needed." distressed and acted out of response to emotional distress." He said that the student's intentions were not to harm anyone, but that he just wanted to let his feelings be knovra. Accord^g to Mulso, officers were alerted eeirly on and began looking for the student right way. He continued on to say that the student was escorted off campus and is now receiving assistance. Keep Yourself in Good Mental Health Ayd Mill Standstill Concordia's on-campus RN, Cher Rafferey, had some information Both persistence and resistance have kept the long-debated project on how to keep students from sucoimbing to such a situation. She says that students should not get overly tired, because when a in limbo person is overly tired they are usually more sixsceptible to becoming overly stressed, and as a result could have some kind of breakdown. By Charlie Wirth She also said that it is important to eat well and to avoid excessive alcohol and drug use. Though the nurse reports that it is unknown if the student had any of these problems, these are all things that Winter and road construction, aren't those the two seasons in Minnesota? The projects seem end­ could lead to a breakdown and are things that can be easily ayoided. less, but there's a potential one that has an influence here at Concordia University St. Paul and sur- Continuing on, Rafferey says that students should take advantage roimding areas. The plan; finish connecting Ayd Mill Road to Interstates 94 and 35E.As of now, of their access to free and confidential counseling, and any other Ayd Mill Road (also nicknamed The Short Line) is a four-lane stretch of roadway that runs from an health service that they might need. She stresses that all of these interchange at Jefferson Avenue, which eventually feeds into Selby Avenue near Snelling Avenue. The services are free—included in every students tuition—and that they route also has intersections at Hamline, Grand, and St. Clair Avenues. If this project were to happen, are confidential. Unless the student chooses to share what services it "will have both positive and negative impacts on Conco rdia," according to Dr. Eric LaMott, they have taken advantage of, then it will remain between the Vice President of Administration, and professor at Concordia St. PauLStarting with the potential student and the counselor/nurse that they visit with. Another fbing negatives, LaMott says a "significant portion" of Concordia property such as Parking Lot D and the that Rafferey recommends is using Concordia's tutoring programs Kolar buildings would be lost due to the project. Which in turn, would hinder school expansion on if you are feeling overwhelmed with school work and feeling like that side of the campus as well.However, students, visitors, and faculty who fmd crossing the street you can't manage everything. If any student is feeling like they or along Hamline Avenue or surrounding roads would see an improvement in that area, as traffic would someone that they know could use emy of these services, all health be significantly reduced due to the smaller number of ceirs using these roads as routes to 1-94. The 'information is located in the offices above the dining hall. Tutoring project would edso set up the possibility of makirig Hamline Avenue a two-lane road like it was before services is located in the Tunnel. it turned into a 4-lane road.LaMott also states that Concordia would see an "increased marketing op­ Keep Yourself Safe portunity" because of the larger amount of traffic passing by the campus. The connection between the Michael Mulso says that the first step to preventing situationis two interstates would make commuting easier and more accessible to off' campus students and visitors from occurring and keeping students safe is to have Concordia's because an intersection would be created at Marshall and Concordia Avenue. Security office number programmed into personal ceU phones. If A rail system called the Short Line ran the original foundation of the route. Later, the students dial 651-641-8777 they will be able to receive assistance Short Line Road was constructed, wdth the intention of being a direct route from 1-35E from the Security Switchboard. Mulso continues on to say that "if to 1-94. There's opposition from residents living in the Merriam Park and Summit neigh­ something is strange or something is not right, then they can call," borhoods that halted the full project from happening because of concerns vwth traffic, pollution and and according to him, this the best way that students can prevent noise. Opposition has even pushed to turn the road into a park, or reduce it into a two-way street. Such situations from happening. As a result of the incident on September studies and proposals on what to do with Ayd Mill Road have gone on four to "five decades. 28*^, teachers are required to shut and lock their doors while class Current St. Paul Mayor Chris Coleman has shown interest to open work and finish the original proj­ is in session. Mulso says that students should show up on time to ect, but "there are many facets related to the project," says Dr. LaMott, and with so many positives class, and encourage teachers to shut/lock doors. However, Mulso and negatives from many different sources weighed within the plan, there's much more consulting says students should always be aware of their surroundings and that that needs to be done in order to find a solution to Ayd Mill Road. they should report anything that's just not right or seems different.

r 4 '", '1.V SSl ITHe sword Promoting Human Dignity Appears at Concordia Two Presidents, One Students and Faculty Put on Demonstrations Against Women's Violence Weekend By C. Cody Wilcoxson If people can put everything from the week together Will Clark and Dayton's Presidential St. Paul, Minn.- The much anticipated Promoting it might raise effectiveness. But I liked that it forced Supports Help thenrr to get ahead in the Human Dignity campaign arrived at Concordia people to stop and think." Jacobson also University on October 18*. The weeklong event had similar feelings on the impact saying, "I felt that Polls? to raise awareness against women's violence was it was very effective. A lot of people stopped to listen, headlined by two marquee events. On Tuesday, and I also saw a lot of good responses throughout the By Briar-Rose Jacobson October 19*^, students and faculty did an essay campus during the day." The DFL (Democratic Farmers Labor) had a big rallying and poetry reading in the Pearson Commons, £ind Both FitzPatrick and Jacobson expressed some initial weekend on October 23rd and 24"'; with Former President on Wednesday, October 20* a convocation was doubts about how the project would go over, but Bill Clinton and current President Barack Obama coming held with special guest speaker Jim McDonough, both ended up pleased with the successfiilness of the to Minnesota to fimdraise for their Democratic peers in this the PoUce Commissioner of East Saint Paul, demonstrations. Fitzpatrick finished her statements upcoming midterm election. speaking about violence against women. with, "I was very please with people stopping to pay Starting Saturday afternoon, the 23"^, at the University The main purpose of this campaign was to raise attention, especially during the second reading. I was of Minnesota, thousands gathered at the Field House for awareness against women's violence throughout gubernatorial candidate Mark Dayton. The event had many the Concordia community. The student and special speakers such as: US Senators A1 Franken and Amy faculty essay and poetry readings were an IGobuchar, Mayor of St. Paul Christopher B. Coleman, State idea by Concordia English professor Theresa Auditor Rebecca Otto, and of course Mark Dayton himself. FitzPatrick. The concept, as many members The most popular speaker, though, was none other than of the Concordia community witnessed on President Barack Obama. Tuesday, was for students and faculty to read Obama closed a four-day campaign of the Nov. 2 elections with anonymous readings revolving around the theme a spirited rally imploring supporters to defeat the conventional of violence against women. When asked about wisdom that Demoaats face steep losses, He cast the choice her expectations for the readings FitzPatrick Election Day as one between the economic policies "that got said, "We wanted to make an impact on the us into this mess" and the pohcies leading the nation out. community, even if we could just get people to Cheered at large stop and glance up once, they would be getting rallies at every stop, something out of it." Obama begins his Many of the essays were descriptive accounts basic speech with of domestic and sexual assaults taking place some flattering against women, while others were a connection talk about the local of words read by multiple students that when candidate. Then he read together painted the picture of our violent worried we might be ignored, but the community launches into his world. showed up." While Jacobson concluded her interview message that voting The readings took place in vcuious times on by saying, "I was very pleased. I noticed that as the Republican would Tuesday with readers up on stage between 9:50am day went on with the readings the number of people be a mistake for the and 10:10am, 11:50am and 12:10pm, and 2:50pm who stopped to listen grew. All of the speakers did an country. to 3:10pm. The readers were up on a stage in the Sunday night, the commons, with their voices filling the room from amazing job capturing the attention of the audience." From the words of the participating members, and 24"', started off with from reactions aroimd school cill week, it appears approximately 100 |One student, people standing ifho read during that the campaign is starting to make an impact. The only true impact is if this campaign can lead to outside of the aultiple reading Teamsters Local sessions, was Briar- an end to violence against women. The poetry and essay readings in the commons was a step in the right 120 Hall in Blaine, lose Jacobson. Minnesota. People lined up around the building to get in and Jacobson described direction, as Concordia students and faculty came together to help promote an end to violence against watch the Vikings-Packers game with Congressional candidate ler experience with Tarryl Clark and Former President Bill Clinton. Some of le project as, "It women. the same speakers that attended Dayton's event at the U of vas amazing, and M spoke at Senator Clark's Viking's ftmdraiser including A1 ll'm very honored Franken and Amy Klobuchar who spoke during the half time |to be a part of festivities. lis experience. After the excruciating loss to the Green Bay Packers, Minnesota This is a big issue fans awaited the main event while they chanted "BUI, Bill, •and I'm glad that Bill." Finally Former President Bill Clinton emerged from the our campus is doing something to promote the back with Congressional Candidate Tarryl Clark. "I did not prevention of this abuse. When Miss Fitzpatrick mean to do this when I started; I did not mean to do it," said asked me to be a part of this back in the beginning Clinton, before laxmching into a major defense of Democratic of September, I was more than happy to do it. leadership and offering praise for Clark. "I reaUy like your It's a great experience, I think anyone who was candidate." involved could tell you that." And yet Clark's opponent. Rep. Michele Bachmaim, and other As for the effectiveness of the project, that can Republicans, Clinton said, have staked their campaigns on only be fiilly understood with the actions of the criticism of it. "We elect people like her opponent who say, community, but Miss FitzPatrick said, "I think it 'Don't think. You know hovp you feeL Don't bother vrith the made an impact, but I don't know, my hope is that facts," Clinton said to the cheering crowd. Clark to date has it drew awareness to the issue because awareness racked up every significant newspaper endorsement in the race, can lead to change in behavior, or at least a but nonetheless faces an uphill challenge in the Republican- knowledge tiiat behaviors do need to change. Former President Bill Clinton with CSLAT Photo -Briar Rose leaning district. » % % ^ ^ ^%:«« % ^,

In the United States, Columbus Day is celebrated on the second Monday of October. October on Campus experiences 11"*, 2010 marked an annual celebration which represents what most of the people growing up in the United States have been taught: Christopher Columbus discovered America. By: Latashia White Likewise, Thanksgiving Day is celebrated in the United States on the fourth Thursday of November, which will be on the 25"^ of November for the year 2010 A.D. Both of these Every school has it problems and Concordia is no different. Students all stories center around the travels of Europeans to the continent of America, but few have been over campus have let their voices be heard about some of the problems taught of other Nations which have contributed to the discovery of the New World which is they feel they have about campus. Students everjfwhere have problems particular to the case of Christopher Columbus. While traveling along the island known now not only in their dorms but about the campus itself Ericson Saye, a as Trinidad, Columbus described the scarves the natives wore on their heads from a distance freshman on campus states "I have no problems with the dorm but the as appearing silk in nature and almaizares. Almaizares is translated as material made from a food is gross." While another freshman Lisa Gibson says "I'm more Moorish scarf; in fact, Columbus was using Arabized Spanish in his description of the scarf worried about paying for college than the stress of the work." Yet not Almaizares was a word incorporated into the Spanish language due to the Moors, who were only freshman have things which bother them on campus, even some Muslims from North Africa, who ruled Spain from 711-1492 A.D. Christopher Columbus seniors are having some issues. One student has a problem about the also used the word almirante to sign letters and documents of the utmost importance. trash doors in the Residence Life Center not currently being open on Almirante is translated as "commander", which stems from the Arabic words al-emir (the various floors. Miracle Ehiman, a senior who is a current citizen of the commander). Almirante del Mar Oceano (Commander of the Ocean Sea) is RLC does not like that Concordia students are given both flex dollars the full title given to him by Queen Isabella. The 9* century Muslim astronomer Abu as well as Comet cash. Miracle beheves that comet cash and flex dollars a 1 - A b b a s Ahmad al-Farghani was credited by Christopher Columbus as being one should be able to be used for the same things. He also believes that there of the five reasons why he believed he could discover the Indies. Columbus would study should be more than one public bathroom in the RLC. The RLC has Al-Farghani's calculations within a work titled Imago Mundi. This latter fact is attested to by quiet hours at 11pm. Miracle Ehiman believes that this should not exist Christopher Columbus's son, Fernando. The Arab geographer Abu Abdullah Muhammad because most of the students are sophomores or older. His position is al-idrisi created advanced cartography which set standards of accuracy within the late Middle that being older should have its privilege, while stating that having no Ages. Christopher Columbus, as well as other European explorers, studied these maps. Even quiet hour curfews are something that he would like to put into effect in European ships were contoured to replicate Arab designs, which allowed them to manipulate particular to the RLC. Another issue that I have encountered students the wind to the ship's advantage; apart from the square sails the Europeans relied on prior having, is that which states that students can only work 20hours a week. to the caravel's advent. The caravel was adopted from the Arabic qarib, which was built with This amount is not the University's fault but it is a problem for students triangular shapes and angular settings. The qarib was in use centuries prior to European who have to work to pay off their tuition. ' adoption. While there are problems everywhere, it seems as though that the freshman Christopher Columbus did not reach what some deem to be the continental. United States boys residing in Wollaeger Hall do not really have any issues with their It is in San Salvador, what is now known as the Bahamas, where Columbus first set foot on living conditions. One freshman guy thinks that the food is not the best. American soil. Christopher Columbus had set out on a voyage to reach India, and he went to While others are more upset about people living on campus, but going his grave believing he had discovered the eastern edge of India, to the point where he gave the off campus almost every weekend. Other freshman guys feel that unless people he encountered the brand name of "Indians." The legacy of Christopher Columbus there is an event happening on campus, during the weekend it feels like can be debated upon grounds dealing with torture of the native people of America as well as everyone is gone when noting is happening outside. Meanwhile in Luther Spaniards who crossed him, but regardless of thij many people in the United States see his Hall, a student named Chiquila McCall has a list of her own problems. arrival as the dawn of modern history. She thinks that the carpets in Luther smell funny, causing you to always have your window open just to be able to breathe.. Another student in Luther Hall believes that the bathrooms are not cleaned enough. Some other students in Luther say that the rooms are not air conditioned at all and it can be extremely uncomfortable. Another problem that has been pointed out by some students is that the front main entrance door jams in Luther. They say the doors will randomly ajar and anyone can just walk in. Another problem that was brought to my attention was from a student in Hyatt. This student feels that the way the rooms are lit are not the best, because the lights are only above the dresser and not in the middle of the room, which makes it very dark in the room. This student believes that there should be a light in the middle of the room so that it is better illuminated. Although students who hve on campus have a few problems, that does not mean that students who commute do not. Some students Concordia Student Special who commute have some trouble with parking on some days. On campus there are parking areas where an automobile needs a permit, and some students who commute don't really know where those areas are or how %733 LARGE One Topping Pizza to obtain a permit. Something that had been brought up in many occasions by many freshmen was the fact that they had to take College Transitions. Many 651-228-0252 students believe that this class can offer great things, but is mostly a waste of time. They feel that most of the topics that some classes go over are 504 South Lexington Parkway common knowledge. One freshman does have a solution to this class, "I think that this class should be more laid back. It offers great things, but it shouldn't be as serious as some teachers make it. They should have one Valid Anytime with Student Id curriculum and use it for all the classes." • * Bi

There are many exciting events coming up this semester to keep an eye Concordia Student Assaulted out for. There virill be a blood drive on Wednesday, November 10th in the chapel. CAB will also host "stump the prof" and a coffee house in September has gone and past, but sadly not without some unfortunate news. On September thirteen, a November as well. In December, keep your eyes open for information Monday in a residence hall, a female student was sexuaUy assaulted by male. Both parties knew each other about the Winter ForAal, as well as, coolde decorating and letter and alcohol was mvolved but was not the came, as stated by the head of Concordia's security department writing to servicemen. Michael Mulso. Security received the call at l-2am on Monday morning and the event continued on into the late morning. "What we normaUy do is we respond and we offer assistance to the victim," began Mr. The Concordia Activities Board is always looking for new ideas for Mulso. "We offer counseling or offer to hook them to people who can help out like professional staff. We activities. Ideas can be sent to [email protected] or told to one of the CAB can get them medical attention. We can get the police involved to help them file a report." For the most members: Ashley Leiding, Sarah Petersen, Gretchen Hintze, or Dylan part. Security will evaluate the situation and assist anyway they can. OAerwise any precise details are kept Olson. CAB can also be found on Facebook under Concordia Activities imder vsraps. Mr. Mulso also had this to say about the protection of parties: "Part of this is tough because Board (CAB), or on Twitter under CSP4fun. it's a criminal case and also a Concordia case. Where the criminal case is protected and the Concordia case is protected as well, so it's one of these situations where there's not a whole lot we can share. The CAB is an important part of memy student's college experience. The security alert is all we can give out". But there is still very little to fear. What security does when they find board hosts an event each night of welcome week, besides the normal any action or event threatening the campus's welfare, is launch a security alert. If the crime was committed weekly activities, to give new students an opportunity to meet other by a stranger then security may also be ramped up to combat the threat. Security would like to leave with new students and returning students. Latashia White spoke about how these helpfizl tips to keep you safe: CAB events have affected her coUege adventure, "I met new people, and Alcohol can affect dedsinn makiiip. be aware of your siirrminditigs. I got to connect to Concordia, and it was just a reeiUy great experience." If YOU sec aavone siispicioas roaming the campus notify secaritv imnn'rfiatflY f651-641-8777^. Lauren Erath added, "CAB is allowing me to have new experiences that Traveling in groups is highly recommended, and nse the secaritv escort pro^rram ^651.641-8278^. I wouldn't be able to have anywhere else." Anna Dauffenbach affirmed, Most imPOTtantlY Concordia security is here to keep stadents^ faculty and staff ont of harm's way. "Into the year it's been great just to go with fiiends to have a break firom sitting in your room and studying or just studying in general." COLUMNS r "Smart" Phone By: Ashley Marzolf My "smart phone" is stupid. Do not buy one...whatever you do. It is false advertising! I recently had to buy a new phone because my 2008 Sidekick stopped work­ ing (do not even get me started on Sidekicks). So, I thought I would play it safe and get the new Blackberry Bold. I was also duped into purchasing the insiwance for the phone, because I am the type of person who has a tenden­ cy to destroy extremely expensive pieces of technology (I am sure none of you can relate to that). For the first week, things seemed to be going fine-1 had a bright shiny new phone, what more could a technology conscientious college student ask for? Then things start­ ed to go oh so very wrong. I was driving The board is supervised by the Dean of Students, Jason :feahn. along, and thought I would call a fiiend (I Applicants for CAB are interviewed in the spring by the executive know, driving and talking on the phone...I am a bad person...but at board of Student Senate. CAB often works vwth other groups around least I was not texting...seriously, texting and driving is dangerous...it campus on events. was on Oprah... .so it must be true). Anyway, so I thought I would call a fiiend, and you know what my phone did? It beeped in my ear and told Ashley Leiding, a member of CAB, explained the important impact me I had insufficient data entry...1 do not even Imow what that means! CAB has had in the past and continues to have at Concordia: "People It does that all the time! I do not remember any of my other phones get so caught up in the stresses of school and relationships and deadlines saying that, and this thing is supposed to be "smart" are you kidding and everything going on that it's nice to just take a break ft'om your me? It cannot even make a simple phone caU, which, if I am not very Studies every once in a while and just go have fun, be carefi-ee, and much mistaken, is the point of having a phone in the first place. I have relax. It's also nice because it brings the CSP community together; it to tell you one of my pet peeves. It is those people. You know, those connects students, and just brings us closer together. You are able to people that come to class and leave their phones on. Now I always turn relate to different people... and get to know more people as weU." my phone on silent (I am so neurotic about it that I check my phone at least three times to make sure it is indeed on silent...I am certain that means I have some deep-seated problem that I will spend my mid- for­ ties whining to a therapist about). Now this "smart" phone apparently Need ycwjr NEvyspAPERS publbhed? still talks if a certain button on the side gets pressed even if you have put it on silent and even locked the keyboard. My worst fear is realized. In a dead silent dass my phone says, "Say a command.. .please try agam, say a command." Of course I am LILUE SUBURBAN politely invited to leave the dassroom until my phone is turned off, and of course the door locks behind me so I have to spend the next five minutes waiting at the door for one of my classmates to let me in, and NEWSPAPERS, INC. then walk back to my seat ashamed. Speaking of voice commands, that seems like a pretty cool feature right? Wrong! When my phone asks me to "say a command" for the eighth time a day I kindly tell it to FAli«n.ir shut up. It proceeds to ask me if I would like to call my fiiend Stephen. The fiiistration never ends.Do 2515 E. AVENUE not, I repeat, Do not buy a smart phone. It will eat your soul. Plus, by the time you get so frastrated that NORtH ST. PAUU MN 55! 09 you chuck it against the waU, you will realize that you paid fifty extra bucks for the idiot- proof warranty <65t>777-e®00 so they are just going to send you another "smart" phone. WWW.UUJENEWS.COM

I r Q 1 COLUMNS November 20101 csp.edu/sword TWe sword My Fake Butt: A Tale of Triumph and Trickery An Ode to the By Chloe Taipale Dining Hall: Why My favorite,channel, aside from Discovery Health and A&E, is MTV Jams. For those of you poor souls without premium cable who are still reading books and Concordia's Cafeteria is my kicking cans for entertainment, MTV Jams is a channel completely dedicated to rap, hip-hop, and R&B videos. Over the years, MTV Jams and I have spent so much time favorite restaurant together that we are completely in sync, and it knows all of my deepest desires—and that's not limited to music videos. Yes, it's truly remarkable that MTV Jams knows By: Arielle Stims6h (your local dming hall ac­ exactly when I could use an hour of Hies music videos (tip: always), but the real feat tivist) lies in its advertisements. Do you have a certain ritual you do with cer­ The only commercials they play are for Proactiv Solution, the Bump-It, the Rush tain foods, like putting ketchup on your vege­ Card, and die Shake Wei^t. This would lead you to believe that their target audi­ tables or munching on chalk? I like to call this ence is the young (flabby) woman with bad skin, lifeless hair, and no money. Otir sort of thing a "sick pleasure," which is com­ connection is uncanny. It reached truly outlandish levels, however, the day I was monly looked down upon by fiiends, frimily, shown the commercial for Booty Pop Panties. and or our culture as a whole. It vras a day Uke any other. I was sitting on the couch, editing dirty words into Wiki- My confession that I feel necessary to shout pedia articles and blowing spit bubbles while MTV Jams blared in the background. out on top of the football's shrine of a rock The "Rude Boy" video ended, and dius began die commercial break. I had every intention of ignoring these upcoming to the student body of Concordia's campus is commercials, as is customary, until my attention was captured. djat I LOVE THE DINING HALL FOOD "What do all women look at when buying jeans? Thafs right! Their sexy—or not so sexy—^bottoms!" My eyes were and I'm sick of being looked down upon in wrenched from the computer screen. It was at diis moment the TV showed a young blonde Becky gazing at her sorry this subculture of Sodexho-haters. I'm not go­ tundra of a bottom in the mirror, a pained e35)ression on her face. My heartstrings were pulled. ing to sit back and be the outeast anymore. The next shot, however, showed that same Becky, standing in front of diat same mirror, only fliis time running her I'm taking a stand against this horrible in­ hands over a luscious pair of hams encased within her pants. "Imagine being able to reshape your backside and achieve tolerance that is so commonly widespread that ultimate shapely, lifted booty instantly!" I closed my computer and screimbled to die TV, smearing the screen with amongst our people. my nose grease. I am proposing to make a school wide taste I want a butt more than anything. I'm convinced it's the only thing standing between me and true, lasting happiness. testing scene. I will take any students who I didn't become officially, cripphng^y aware of my backyard inadequacy until high school, when I started listening to deemed the dining hall inedible and blind fold rap music exclusively. Prior to my immersion in hip hop culture, I thought nothing of vi^t I looked like from behind, diem. I will then proceed to personally spoon but after several years of watching BET tJncut and Tweik Team YouTube videos, I began to feel the pressure. I was feed them different food items and ask diem doomed to an eternity of tunic-length tops and heavily embellished back pockets. I became obsessed with Jmtts. I zero what they think. in on them in public, narrowing my eyes, the bile of pure hostility stinging the back of my diroat. The whole answer to fixing this dining ball The Booty Pop, a sensible brief panty with two foam cudets sewn into the back, promised to turn a "droopy demere" hatred is easy! Take away the visual and you into a "youthful-looking, head-turning, bootylicious booty." It would transform my desolate grassland into a breath­ will never notice the brown lettuce, weeping taking pladow! of a moimtain range. Waist-down fulfillment was, at last, within my gra^. bananas, glistening pizza, crusty hard brown­ The official website greets you with a warning; "Wearing Booty Pop Panties has been known to make men notice. ies, frothy soup, or hair in any of the food The makers of Booty Pop are not responsible for all of the extra attention you will remve as a result of wearing our items. After the blind fold is taken off, die product. Subsequently the hiring of, and costs related to, additional personal security is the sole responsibility of the students will fall back in their chairs to find Booty Pop customer." out that all this hatred had been a form of The possibility of sexual assault? Extra expenses? How did diey know? I went to the ordering page, only to discover ignorance at its finest. that euphoric wholeness in the form of stuffed undies would set me back about $30 after shipping and handling. This I predict this wiU turn Concordia's dreaded was a heartbreaking development, but I was still game, until I saw that they only went up to a size large. The paradox dining hall experience into a big happy Italian of being both big and flat, the Hell in which! dwelled every day, was apparendy somediing few other women were feast. It's time for a change my fellow patriots familiar with. My booty would never be popped. I despaired. The wine flowed. in this war of famine and displeased palates. One fateful day this summer, I vras sitting at hom^ amusing myself in the typical fashion—playing Legos, making faces at myself in the mirror, piddng my nose—^when I received a phone call from my fiiend Kamieka. "Chloe," she breathed. Something about her tone of voice suggested that there was a bomb about to be dropped. "The day we've been waiting for has finally arrived." Now, there are a lot of days I'm waiting for to arrive—^when Midway Walmart becomes 24 hours, when Chipotle in­ stalls drive-thrus—so, initially, I was a litde lost. "No, I'm not at Chipotle," she growled. "The Booty Pop is finally in stores." My vision flickered. I peed a Utde bit. I was sure I had had a stroke. It was too good to be true. She told me that Bed Bath & Beyond had a whole display of them—up to extra large. Adding to the exdtement was the fact that she was purchasing one of her own at that very moment, even diough I could hear her mom protesting in the background. Later that night, I sped to her house to see it for myself. It was glorious. I had never felt such jealousy, such burning inadequacy, in my life. Having the missing piece of my body's puzzle dangled ri^t in front of my eyes made me hunger for the Booty Pop witii an unprecedented ferocity. The next day, I set off for Woodbury. As I was standing in the checkout line, it occurred to me that this was probably one of those horribly embarrassing purchases, like Vagisil, clinical-strength antiperspirant, or psoriasis cream. I should've felt ashamed, but my mind was far away fi"om Tamarack Village at that point. I was picturing me with my glorious new booty, dandng merrily in my sparkly evening dress just as the women in the commerdal had done, bodyguards in tow. It was a dream. Once home, I slipped into those beloved briefs, a Hallelujah chorus echoing through my head. I tried on every pair of pants I owned, striking my best "Haaaaay!" poses m the mirror and sending pictures to my fiiends. No longer would I Google pictures of Kim Kardashian, envy coursing hot through my veins. No longer would I watch my beloved urban music videos with an ache in my heart. No longer would my body be mistaken for a giant Dilly Bar from the back. Combined with my industrial-strength Spanx, Kymaro body shaper, padded bra, corrective lenses to keep my lazy eye under control, full-coverage foundation, and Hair in a Can, I had completed my metamorphosis. I was looking good. the sword Novem W1 rp *«''* **«" • * •* * cr SPORTS Women's Golf Caps Fall Season CU Football:

in Second Place, Look to make run at Krason Speaks NSIC Championship in the spring By Kevin Jose By C Cody Wilcoxson The Concordia Football team is off to a pretty hot start this season. With an overall record of 5-3, they are in control of their outcome. The Concordia University women's golf team finished up their fall season at the NSIC Fall Overcoming injuries is going to be a huge factor in whether or not CU Championships October 9-10, 2010. The Bears played strong all weekend finishing the will make it to the post season. Junior offensive guard Aaron Krason tournament in third place. The solid finish allowed tlxe girls to end the fall in second place was able to give some insight on the season. in the NSIC Team Championship standings and give them an opportunity to play for a How has the team atmosphere been now that they have a shot of conference championship in the spring. Augustana College (S.D.) is currendy in first place. making the playofiGs? The women competed in six team tournaments this fall, and finished no lower than fifth place in any of them, including four top three finishes. They carded a team scoring average "Making the playoffs is something that we wanted to do for our se­ of 325.4 per round, which ranks them second in the NSIC. niors. Being in the playoff hunt was something that brought a breath On an individual level, the team was led aU fall by senior Kaytie Spangler, who was the top of fi-esh air into the program. This season, there was a upbeat feeling in scorer for the Golden Bears all fall, averaging 80 strokes per 18 holes. That average ties her the locker room that didn't exist in seasons for the eighth best individual scoring average in the NSIC this season. Spangler finished prior to this season." in the top 10 four times this fall, eind is currently in 15th place in the NSIC Individual Championship standings. How much does the loss to Winona affect The team got large contributions fi-om Senior Molly Noser, sophomores Taylor Auman the team's playoff hopes? and Laura Petterson, and fi^shman Monica EnderUn. Noser had the second best scoring average on the team at 81.8, meaning the Golden Bears are definitely getting sti-ong play "Despite our winning record, the playoflfe fiom dieir two senior leaders. Head coach Matt Higgins echoed this idea saying, "Our are not likely. We do have a chance at play­ semors have led the way for us all fall, and if we are going to compete for a conference ing in the Mineral Water Bowl, which is diampionship in the spring diey will need to continue to play well." awarded to the NSIC team with die best record to not reach the play­ Enderlin broke into the starting five from the beginning of die season and has shown off." strong consistent play all season. The pair of sophomores, Auman and Petterson, have played well. Both girls were members of the NSIC All-Toumament team last spring as What has been the biggest challenge they have faced this sei^n? freshman, a tribute to their stellar play in the postseason last year. The girls will have time off now, before returning to golf in the spring for the second half "Our biggest challenge this season has been our ability to overcome of the season. The spring season concludes with the NSIC Championships in Brandon, injuries. Captains Travis Meyer and Calvin Simon both missed signifi­ S.D. where the team and individual NSIC Champions for 2011 will be crowned. Following cant time this season due to injuries. One of the main reasons for oiu- the conference tournament the girls hope to retiom to the NCAA Regionals. success this season can be attributed to underclassmen being able to fill The senior Spangler said fliis about transitioning into the spring season, "We didn't have as in for these seniors and maintain a high level of play." great of a fell season as we had hoped, but that doesn't discourage us for the spring. It will just help motivate us in ofF-season workouts and development. We have a very talented What does the rest of the season look like? team. We're just working on tiidng to realize that talent. In spite of the fall season, we are still sitting okay in terms of standing, which will give us some good opportunities in the "We play an Upper Iowa team who took us to double overtime last year spring." and our season finale at Southwest State in Marshall. Both of these games are must wins for us to have any shot at playing in the bowl."

DiQ For thG Cur© Concordla students raising money for the SusanG. Komen Foundation.

By Savannah Nolen

On Tuesday, November 2, 2010, two events were hosted by the Concordia University Department of Athletics. They coincided at the volleyball match versus Minnesota-Duluth. Roast the Dogs VI took place prior to the game at 5:30 pm, with free hot dogs and pop for fans. Doors for the game opened at 6:00, and the first 100 Concordia fans received a free t-shirt in honor of Roast the Dogs, as well as the department's annual Dig for a Cure event.

Dig for the Cure, the main event of the night, was a fundraiser for the Susan G. Koman foundation in support of finding a cure for breast cancer. Money was raised in creative ways, with all proceeds directly benefiting the'^^usan G. Komen Foundation, Miimesota Chapter. The night included both volleyball teams in pink jerseys, pink ice cream, a raffle (with prizes), and many other fimdraising activities. The raffle included prizes firom firee Chipofle to a one night stay at the Roseville Radisson.

Many fans came to the event dressed in pink to support Dig for the Cure, and donated lots of money to help fund the search for acure.

r lOl SPORTS November 2010| csp.edu/sword THe SWORD Bringing Spirit BackToThe Sidelines Concordia University Dance Team Cross Country By Philip Barlow The Concordia Dance team may be small this year, but their passion is enormous. Unlike the sports teams Running on campus, the dance team is not allotted any scholarships to distribute between their members. This means that they are strictly in it for the love of dance. The team is made up of eight members ranging in experience from first time Circles Around the dancers to some that have been dancing almost their entire life. There are two seasons for the Competition dance team: fall and winter,. Tryouts for the winter dance team will be coming up some CU Runners Getting time in November. Look out for signs around campus giv­ Better as the Season Goes ing more information with the date and location. During the fall season, the team only dances during half time at ByT.G. Schoenberg home football games and any special event that they get in­ After taking homcco'ming weekend off, Concordia's cross­ vited to perform at. Not only country team took a trip up to Duhith to take part in the Pine do they perform during half Hill Invitational. The name "Pine Hill" is a little deceptive, time, they also incorporate cheering into their routine throughout the games. however, as the course was one of the flattest the team will The winter team performs at both men's and women's home basketball games. Although they do not par­ encounter all year long. The meet was a smaller one, with ticipate in dance competitions, the goal is to be competitive within two years. In order to get ready for their teams fronn University of Minnesota-Duluth, Bemidji State. performances, they practice Tuesdays and Thursdays for three hours. Their practices are mostiy made up St. Cloud State, College of St. Scholasti(.a, University of Wis­ of practicing their routine for their upcoming performance, but they also spend time working on condition­ consin-Superior, and Concordia participating. ing and stretching. For every performance the team has a different routine. The coach, student coach, Having a smaller race was a nice change of pace for Concor­ and the team help to come up with the music and routine for each performance. Junior Nicole Zauhar said dia, after the massive Roy Griak Invite. Running alongside she dances "because the CU dance team is an amazing experience and the work you put in is extremely fewer teams benefitted the Golden Bears because, "we can gratifying in the end." If anyone is interested in joining the winter team, be on the lookout for flyers with tocus on running our race, as opposed to the big mass race", info on when tryouts are. said Coach Jonathan Breitbarth. in order to prepare for run­ ning their race, CU's cross country team increased the inten- Lacrosse becomes Concordia's Newest Club sit>' of their workouts, running for longer distances, doing hill workouts, and even practicing twice a day. Team Fall 2010 marks first year the sport is offered The hard work paid off, as five CU runners- Katie Monahan, Becca Richter, Jake Womeldorf. Travis Wagers, and Jonathan By Kristi Loobeek Erber- all recorded personal best times in their c\'ents. With a Concordia has a new team on campus: men's laaosse. This will be the first year in school history that the time of 24:12.6, Monahan became the 7th fastest female run­ sport will be offered. ner in Concordia's history. For those new to the sport, lacrosse is a high contact and physically demanding sport, played on soccer Intending to take their success to the University of Wiscon­ or football fields. The sport allows ten players on the field from each team at a time, one of those being a sin-Lacrosse the following weekend, the Golden Bears opted goalkeeper. Players run and pass a rubber ball with sticks called "crosses" in order to work their way up for a last-minute location change to Crown College, in order the field and score in the opposing teams net Think a mix of hockey, football and soccer. to remain closer to home. The shorter travel time paid off, OjaScially, the organization on campus is considered a club team for the imiversity. The team had its as Concordia's runners again set personal best times. Coach first practice this last Sept. 16 and as of May 7 the tefmi was accepted into the Upper Midwest Lacrosse Breitbarth was very pleased with how the team performed, League (UMLL). Division II teams from the UMLL include ten teams, including the new Concordia having this to say about the meet: team. Competitors for the bears will include the Augsbwg, Bethel, St. Olaf and St. Thomas. "The CU Cross-Country Team accomplished what we ex­ In order to grow into strong competition, the team is looking to start at home and grow a supportive base pected to accomplish by traveling to the Crown College In­ here at Concordia. Ben Nelson, sophomore newcomer to laaosse, explains, "Behind every successful vite. We were set on building confidence in our racing. The team or club..,there is a supportive fan base. If we can get the student CU athletes ran up to their capability by not only finishing body interested then we can grow as a commimity and hopefully get more high, but have the best time of the year." players for our team." Jake Womeldorf finished first in the men's race, setting a per­ The head coach for the new team will be Jeff Kohotek and the assistant sonal best time of 26:49.8 in the men's 8k race. This is also 9th coach is Nathan Syring. If anyone is interested in joining the team, all-time at Concordia for the men's 8k. Travis Wagers placed spots are available; they are encouraged to contact Kohotek or Syring at 10th with a time of 27:31.8, which puts him at 13th best all- [email protected] or [email protected] respectively. Experience is helpM but not needed and sticks will be provided at the Katie Monahan decided that 7th place all-time wasn't good practices for players. Syring comments, "We would just encourage all to enough and posted a time of 24:08.0, which bumped her up come out and give it a try. It is a mix between all sports and is a blast to to 6th on the list. Becca Richter placed 8th, with a personal play" best time of 25:09.0, the 4th best time in the 6k by any CU The team is looking forward to a bright season. "We (the team) wiU all women's runner. Concordia's cross countrjl team will look to be getting better togetiher and that we should be successfiil because of the continue their steDar season when they travel to Wayne, Ne­ athletic people and back^oimd we all have," said Nelson. braska on November 6th for the NSIC Championships. Syring said the team expects to play on Seafoam and added, "I expect to come out of this season v/ith the team to gain knowledge and skills of laaosse, to be able to compete with the teams in the conference." THe SWORD « n Women's Soccer Concordia's Offense Struggling Men's Golf in position to By Will Lange Concordia has been consistent wilh creating good scoring opportunities, but in their last few confer­ ence games, they have been unable to capitaUze on them. In their first nine conference gemies, the make run at NSIC Cham­ Bears have been outscored, 15 to 13. The CU soccer team has to capitalize on their fast breeiks. "We get our chances, we just can't put it away," said senior midfielder Lauren Nelson. She went on to say, pionship Currently in third place "in warm-ups we make our shots and look good.. .we're just having an unlucky streak." The Bears' coach Joe Alianeillo (Winningest Coach in CU soccer history) has to put the best players on the field at in the conference standings the same time. Once they £ire together, they must capitalize on their counter attacks and take smarter By C. Cody Wilcoxson shots. As their season vsdnds down, Concordia must win out if they wish to achieve their goal of host­ Senior Nick Jarrett has led the Concordia men's golf team all fall ing a playoff game. To finish the season the way they started, the Bears need to get back to playing with his scoring average of 75.8. He is currently on pace to set a their style of soccer. They also need their bench to be productive. When their bench performs well, it new school record for scoring average in a season, and his perfor­ rubs off on the starters. mance in the Twin Cities Classic October 9-11,2010 shattered the school record for 54 holes. Jarrett fired 221 over the three days, eclipsing the old record by seven strokes. Head coach Matt Hig­ gins has been impressed with his senior this fall saying, "Nick has been the lynchpin of this team this season, he has played great for us. He is capable of being one of the top players in our conference. Hopefully he can carry the momentum ftom the Twin Cities Clas­ sic into the spring." Jarrett has not been the only major contributor thus far. The Gold­ en Bears finished the fall section of the NSIC Championships in third place in large part because of the play of junior Jeremy Tet- rault and sophomore John Potter. The pair shot identical scores of 80-74 at the fall championships to tie them for 14th place in the individual standings. Both seniors Jarrett and Kyle Lewis also finished the fall in the top 20 of the NSIC Individual standings at 18th and 19th place respectively. The NSIC Championship for the men, will be decided the second week of April at the Jewel Course in Lake City, Minn. The men have plenty of time to prepare, and wiU have a fijll schedule of spring tournaments leading up to the Spring NSIC Champion­ ships. Coach Higgins is excited to see what the men can do this spring sajring, "I think the guys played weU at times. We definitely had our ups and downs, but we didn't play ourselves out of conten­ tion. If we keep getting strong play from our seniors and get other guys hot towards the NSIC Championships, we can be as good as , any team in the conference."

Women's Volleyball Team Lives Up To The Hype, Palkert Secret toTeann's Success By Aaron Krason The expectations for the 2010 women's volleyball team are incredibly high. For the past three seasons, Con­ cordia has been given the privilege to be able to host championship quality volleyball. This year's team was able to maintain the same level of play associated with Concordia. With the season at just past the midway point, it is clear that this year's team is different that last year's team. The CU volleyball team has proven their resiliency by overcoming two consecutive early season losses to Tampa and Wayne State. Since brushing off the loses, the team was able to rattie off several conference wins in a row, which included a convincing win against a twelfth ranked Minnesota State team. When asked how they were able to shrug off their early losses, senior captain Emily Palkert simply replied, "Practice." She also emphasized how the team, "fried to le£irn from every loss, made the team realize what they we needed to do to strive to for perfection". IronicaOy, these losses may have been a blessing in disguise, testing their team's fortitude, and I feel like they are a better team for overcoming them. A combination of graduation and injuries has provided opportunities for several freshmen to step up and help their team. When asked about the involvement of this year's class of freshman, Palkert had nothing but positive things to say. She went into detail how important the development of freshman setter Amanda Konetchy, and right side player Kalya Koencke have been pivotal to the success of the team this season. Palkert stated, "Their contributions on offense and defense have both been huge parts of the team." This year, the NSIC has been even more competitive than in years past. This year's conference is comprised of several teams that are ranked inTihe top ten. While most of their tough matchups are behind them, the remain­ ing teams on their schedule are stiU going to be hard-fought and competitive. When asked about the rematch with the Bulldogs, Palkert expressed to excitement for her team to be able to convey their ability to play against when they are high under pressure situations. A tough win against a conference opponent would help them gain some much needed momentum that they could take into post season play. This is a can't miss game for anyone that considers themselves a fan of Concordia Volleyball. The game will be hosted at the Gangelhoff Center, on November second, at seven P.M. Palkert looks to break multiple Concordia records by the end of the season.

r - 1 12 ARTS&VARIET csp.ec THe SWORD

• The University Avenue Project Community Art in the Heart of Saint Paul By chioe Weinberg Wing Young Huie is not a native of Saint Paul but the integrity in which he has executed TTie University Avenue Project: The Language of Urbanism could fool any local resident. This "six-mile photographic inquiry" has been a gradual and subtle addition to the street if you're not looking for it, but once you spot one photo in a storefront or painted onto the side of a building the others seem to pop up everywhere. Wing, a professional photographer and Duluth native, began displaying over 400 photos in 70 storefronts or painted on buildings in May 2010. Every photo was taken on University of people who Wing believes demonstrate the essence of the street's culture and diversity. Not only did he photograph people involved in their everyday routines, he carried around a small chalkboard for residents to write down answers to a series of questions he asked them, and would then photograph them holding the chalkboard. These questions included: Who are you? What advice would you give a stranger? How do you think others see you? What don't others see? How has race affected you? This thought-provoking concept does not discriminate between age, race, or religion, though it touches on all three subjects, and it Who are you? brings a new dimension to what locals may What advice would you have previously seen on the surface of Uni­ give a stranger? versity Avenue's restaurants, schools, stores, bars, and everything in between. How do you think others Along with the photos being displayed be­ see you? tween the state capitol and the Minneapolis border, there is an outdoor slideshow pro­ What don't others see? jected every Wednesday at 1433 University How has race affected Avenue, beginning at dusk and the show you? is played alongside music from local musi­ cians for two hours. Last week one of our own professors and University Avenue Project volunteers, Cate Vermeland, had the chance to lead a discussion with Wing at the landmark site as she is currently catapulting her own place-based photo project on Heimepin Avenue in Minneapolis. "We're going to discuss the creative process", she stated in her opening words to Wing and the crowd. A small but engrossed group which was peppered with numerous Concordia staff and students listened to the two artists discuss their starting points, motivations, and project goals some of which even participated in the dialogue. Cate kicked off the discussion by asking the audience to think of or name a street that they had an emotional connection to, one that they resonated with. While some partici­ pated and discussed local streets that were of importance to them, the notable development was the ongoing discussion of place, how people attach to their surroundings, and what their emotional memories of a place are formed by. In short, Wing Young Huie captures the concept of a culture and a people in a place, refer­ ring, of course, to University Avenue, encompassing the culture of this street and the ever- changing community that thrives on it right now.

"This is not only a six mile public art exhibition, this is a six mile classroom that explores the changing cultural landscape of urban life in Saint Paul." A quote from Wing states on the projects web­ site: www.theuniversityaveproject.com.

Photos taken by Wing Young Huie

Concordia's Music Happenings Must see events from the Music Department By: Savannah Nolen

The music department is in full force year round, but this month they have some very exciting events coming up that they would like the student body to be a part of. The first event will take place on November 5th and 6th at St. John's University. Ten students will be competiag at the Minnesota statewide singers' festival for the National Association of Teachers of Singing. In the previous year, Lindsey French, a senior music education student, placed first in the upper soprano divisioft. There have been many other winners and finalists in the past as well. Vox 9 (Concordia's vocal jazz ensemble), Concordia Jazz Band, and Contemporary Ensemble will present their fall concert in the Buetow Auditorium at 7:30 pm, on November 12th. This lasts around one hour, and is free and open to the public. This concert has been known to be a high- energized performance of ballads, jazz, and jazz/rock fusion. Also to be noted is Sarah Jensen's senior recital on Saturday, November 20 at 3:30 pm. Jensen has a beautiftil program prepared and will be the only student with a recital that is held in the fall. There will be other anticipated events held fey the music department throughout the year, but these are November's most anticipated happenings. th© sword ^ &"• vc• -• "b New Documentary's Message: Little Club, Big City: We Can't Afford to-'Wait' Concordia's Art Club By Chloe Weinberg ByT.G. Schoenberg The Art Club at Concordia University may not be as large in numbers as Waiting for Superman is the newest documentary out by director Davis Guggenheim. participating students would like, but their ambition to expand arts appre­ Guggenheim has become famous in recent years for his previous work, which, includes the ciation spreads far beyond the confines of the campus. Art Club was estab­ documentary An Inconvenient Truth, as well as feature films and TV shows like Training Day, lished as an extension of the school's Art Department in 1993 and has since NYPD Blue, 24, and ER. This time around, Guggenheim examines the flaws of the American been involved in numerous student led art sales as weU as many trips to local school system, and how you can do your art events, galleries, and museums, particulMy The Walker Art Center and part to help remedy the situation. The Miimeapolis Institute of Art. Tlu-oughout the film, Guggenheim fol­ President and Senior Art History Major, Amanda Bruggemeier describes lows the lives of students from all across the student organization; "The meaning behind Art Club is basically to get the country. To give the audience per­ students exposed to art that is going on around us. Here in the Twin Cities, spective, he follows three families up we have a large art scene so we have a great advantage to go around and see close in their struggle to provide a quali­ various types of art. By doing this, students get a good idea of where they ty education for their kids. All three fam­ need to go with their art and what the art scene is like out in the real world. " ilies have children attending less than In addition to attending events outside of campus, the ten to fifteen students stellar schools, so they apply to the top who are involved help set up and school in their respective areas. There is, bring attention to on-campus however, a catch. Since so many fami­ exhibitions and they collaborate "The meaning behind Art lies apply each year and there is only so with the theater department in Club is basically to get stu­ much room for enrollment, lotteries are creating their annual Halloween held to see who gets accepted into the Hauntitorium. dents exposed to art that is better schools and who gets left behind. Art Professor and Art Club going on around us." Looking at how some schools operate enthusiast Keith WiUiams ex­ across the nation, it is hard to believe plains his perception; "It was sometimes that what you are seeing is first created as a vehicle to bring taking place in the United States. We art students together and visiting artists onto campus. Our one-day annual always take pride in being one of the sales in the Student Union were very successful and those monies facilitated _best nations in the world, when in fact many supplemental learning experiences for CSP students. Since that time our education system is not even close to the activities have shifted more travel activities to local exhibitions, or arts being one of the best, and is continually locations like Chicago or New York, and they have expanded into social slipping in the rankings. activities as well. " The film makes great use of statistics to When asked what her what her best memory of the Art Club is Amanda get its point across, and some of them replied, "Every Fall we go to Franconia Sculpture Park which is about an are downnght shocking. Concepts like charter schools, district fimding, and how rules come hour drive North/Eeist. It's this big area out in the middle of nowhere with to be are expldned very well. Neeir the end, there is information provided that shows you, the big sculptures. Everyone seems to really enjoy that place so I look forward viewer, how you can do your part to help remedy our ailing sdiools. The message is simple; going there every yeax. " saving our schools won't be easy, but it is very possible, and we need everyone to pitch in and There are no prerequisites necessary to join Art Club aside form an interest help. in art, it is a great way to meet new people on campus and explore the art While a documentary may sound boring, don't be fooled. I found myself engrossed through­ world in the Twin Cities. The Art Club has many outings and events in the out the entire film, and I learned a lot of new information that I was previously tmaware of. I works for this academic year including the brand new "Art Movie Night"., highly recommend seeing this film, and I hope that you will be proactive in helping our school If you have any interest in joining or any questions about upcoming events systems, rather than waiting for a superman. please contact Amanda at [email protected].

ThrGG Cups of TG^^ One Man's Mission to Promote Peace, One School •p At a Time By Tara Ruplper Three This year, Concordia is recognizing a book of fabulous triumphs and down-faEs. The book that Concordia has _Ct!ps chosen to recognize is Three Cups of Tea; One Man's Mission to Promote Peace... One School at a Time, by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin. This is an epic story of a man going to great lengths and measures to help the people of Pakistan. After a failed attempt at climbing the enormous mountain, K2, Mortensen finds himself connected to the people of Pakistan. Overwhelmed with their kindness, he had made a promise to return and help build proper schools for the children of Pakistan. Mortenson returns to Pakistan to help build schools in the some of the most danger­ ous areas of Pakistan, especially for the little girls that reside in the area. Three Cups of Tea holds tremendous power. The influence that it captures on bettering the world, is One to be i-eckoned with. I thought that this book was very touching and heartfelt. It was a little scary at timps it was hard to even want to imagine. For example, Mortenson climbing K2 and the troubles he came across such as freezing to death and being stranded alcaie. Lisa Gibson, a student at Concordia, explained, "It was great to see someone who saw need and acted on it, spurring on a whole chain of reactions. The newly educated people of the Pakistan will change the lives of their fellow countrymen." She also went on to say that it was interesting to see that education is a great step to peace and of course deters ignorance which leads to greater respect for others. Although she thought that Mortenson's "do it yourself" approach was unique, it could have gotten him and the organization in trouble. This is truly an inspiring story that will catch the hearts of readers young and old.

r . ARTS&VARIEP THe SWORD r x&hWMaA*. * President Hoist Travels to Israel Hubble at Science Museunn of Trip to be hosted in Early January Minnesota visually striking scenes of ByrVictoria Vasterling space Concordia University, St. Paul—According to President Hoist, there will be a trip to By: Levi Gribbon Israel in the first few weeks of January that will be lead by the Hoist himself. The trip will be primarily for students wishing to travel and learn about the different areas of The Hubble Space Telescope has been in orbit around the earth since 1990. Israel. The hope is that all the necessary things wiU be able to be paid for with 2,000 That is twenty years of orbit. NaturaUy in these twenty years the Hubble doUars. Hoist hopes to spend about three or four days in Jerusalem, Galilee, Nazareth, Space Telescope has seen some amazing things and beautiful sights. These Capernaum, and possibly a night in Bethlehem. Basically, students would be visiting and beautiful sights are definitely the highlight of Imax Hubble film opening at dealing with biblical sites. Though they will witaess the current conflict that is going on the omnitheatre at the Science Museum of Minnesota on Friday, November in Israel, Hoist encourages that this is not to be a political science trip. 5. Admission is $8 for adults and $7 for kids and seniors. Thursday evenings Hoist used to teach Old and New Testament, and he says that students learn more on after 5 p.m. admission is only $6.00 with a valid high school or coUege stu­ trips like these because it seems more real for them. The students' relationships to what dent ID. happened so long ago changes because of their proximity to the places where events happened. For example, during a walk from Jerusalem to Bethlehem, students might feel a different type of connection to what happened in the bible on that very same road. Hoist, who lived in Israel for six months, says that the experience opens one's eyes to the realities of other countries, along with how religion is part of life in places like Israel. At the Western Wall, students will see Jews praying, enlightenmg a different experience for most students. These Jews will dance while they worship, while men and women are on different sides of the way, not being able to worship with one another. Hoist says that it is very interesting for students to see these different parts of the culture. Students may enjoy the bartering that happens in Israel, along with other countries. Bartering is part of the culture and the people are not insulted by bartering, rather it's a game for people to test each other out. According to Hoist, some students really get into it and fhinV that it's a very unique thing to be a part of. President Hoist is very encouraged that student's who chose to take this trip will enjoy the time that is spent on this trip, and that they will walk away with a broader sense of different cultures.

Funk City Music Review: The Black Keys Stay­

ing True to Roots,Two Men See Continuing Success By: Sam Campbell

When you think of the blues, a few different places come to mind: Chicago, Mississippi, Detroit, Dallas, and St. Louis—too name a few. When the Black Keys formed in 2001, it came as a shock to some when they learned that they hailed from Akron, Ohio. It's an even bigger surprise when new listeners learn that it is only two musicians producing that blues rock sound.Dan Auerbach and Patrick Carney have come a long way since first becoming the Black Keys. Their first two albums. The Big Come Up (2002) and Thickf- reakness (2003), were recorded in Carney's basement studio. Their third. Rubber Factory (2004), was recorded in an abandoned factory. Since then Auerbach and Carney have released four more albums—the most recent being Brothers was released this year—and several EPs. The Black Keys have been described as a blues rock, garage rock kind of band. Think of the White Stripes with a much The film follows the astronauts from the Atiantis STS^125 crew on their mis­ better drummer. sion to repair and service the Hubble Space Telescope in May of 2009. The Auerbach uses only fUm includes scenes showing the audience what it's like to be in zero-g, the asfronauts space walk and work on the telescope, and general shots of space. his fingers to thrash out riffs that would have the blues leg­ The movie was entertaining and had astonishmg visuals. The views of the ends of old smiling Orion nebula were especiaUy colorful. The views of nebulae, solar systems, stars, and distant galaxies far, far away are a perfect fit for the 90-foot Imax proudly. His lyrics screen. It is hard to accurately describe the movie since most of the movie are authentic and relied on the visuals which must be seen to fiiUy enjoy While narrator Leon­ stay true to the blues ardo DiCaprio is no Morgan Freeman he gets the job done with a compara­ roots. It may appear that Carney is try­ bly dreamy voice. Some moments in the movie that focused on the mission ing to kill his dnmis, seemed less tense than they could have been. Moments where astronauts but his rather unique lives where at risk or where the mission could have been a success or failure seemed to be passed by without any sense of urgency or tension. Consider­ style wiU have you in awe. Something has ing the astronauts were hurtling around the planet earth at 17,500 mUes per hour there should not be a lack of tension. been working for the • Black Keys in order for them to reach as high as 14th on the Billboard 200. It may be For most of the population this movie will be the closest they wiU ever come Auerbach's heavUy distorted guitar, it may be Auerbach's powerful vocals, or it may be to being an astronaut and the images were quite breathtaking. With that in Carney's disregard for the crowd's ear drums when he is pounding on his set, but one mind, I would highly recommend this movie to anyone who is a fan of outer thing is for sure the soul of the blues is preveilent throughout the number of songs the space, NASA, astronomy, or Leonardo DiCaprio's voice. More information twp have created. It jiwt goes to shQ%; sometiraes you only need t\vo to rock the blues. can be found at: http://www.smm.org/. ¥ Interview with a Jackass: How One Call Fantastical Open Changed My Life Forever ByT.G. Schoeri^rg Mic Night

If you could choose one person, dead or alive, to interview, who would it be? Abraham Lin­ "Hexadactylism" coln? Mother Teresa? How about Johnny Knoxville? After making a few calls and pulling a By: Levi Gribbon few strings, this reporter wa^ able to sit down and have a nice fireside chat with the glorious Mr. KnoxviUe, the man who has storred in classic films like The Dukes of Hazzard and Men On Friday October 8th, 2010 Concordia's writing club and U.M.O.J.A. in Black II. Okay, so maybe it wasn't a fireside chat. I did, however, get the chance to talk to (United Minds of Joint Action) hosted an Open Mic night in the black box this "jackass" of a man over the telephone. (theater lab 111). Students were encouraged to participate and a fiin time Using cutting edge technology caUed "conference calling", I, along with fifteen other re­ was had by all who were present. There was a wide variety of performances porters ft'om colleges and imiversities across the country, had a round-robin question-aind- from spoken word poetry to comedy. answer session with the great Mr. Knoxville. Among those who participated were represen­ Comedian Will Buckner told a humorous story based off of those "Need a tatives ft'om use, Georgia, UCLA, and NYU. Obviously, Concordia's prestige outshone moment? Grab a Twix," commercials. Michael Richter played some songs them all, but we were forced to take turns asking questions at random. on his guitar and sang while Briar Rose Jacobsen danced and sang along. The call commenced around 1:30pm. Mr. Knoxville was nmning late (as a man of his Gonkama Johnson A.K.A. Kama performed his poem, "Burning Constitu­ importance should be allowed to do), so the call was to fee shortened from twenty minutes tion Paper" and proceeded to freestyle with Brandon Harris. Ian Barding (as originally planned) to ten. This meant that with the number of schools calliag in, only a sang some songs while playing his guitar including a popular cover of No­ select few would be allowed to ask Johnny a question. torious B.I.G.'s "Juicy." Marcel Doe performed some spoken poetry as did We began by taking roll call; the operator called out the names of the schools that were Chris Gibson. signed up to be on the call, and wait­ The night of ftin and variety concluded with Kama performing a song caUed ed for a response from each. Once ev­ "Hexadactyhsm" which was not only catchy but popular. If there is another eryone was checked in, the operator Open Mic night in the fiiture I would highly reconunend going to see Con­ put us on hold to wait for Mr. Knox- cordia's talented students. For one it is free and there were free drinks and ville's arrival- for forty five minutes. you might even get to hear "Hexadactylism." This reporter used the time we were on hold to prepare lunch, eat it, and even squeeze in an episode of That 70s Show (Kelso bought a pinball machine). When we were fmally connected, the operator introduced Johnny and the questions began. After a few lame Follow the Sword on questions about filming in 3D and what Johpny's favorite stunt was, the caU reached its climax as Concordia's name was caUed. I had several questions written down, in case a lesser reporter decided to @ CSPnewsupdater steal my ideas. At this point, most of them had been used, but I stUl had a few heavy hitters in my arsenal. I knew that Johnny had done hundreds of interviews of the course of his career, most of fuBHlfiA secster Foa THB SnJoizDit them being fiUed with questions about Jackass. True, the show is what gave him his start in HoUywood, but I knew there was more to this man than being hit in the testicles or getting l.&csoomiTf APMrrcAttb | gored by bulls. When my turn to ask a question came, I took fijU advantage. Using my rich, baritone voice, 2..WIO secttiBT 1 I dropped an inquisitive bomb on Johimy's ears. The conversation went as follows: mpmVBoxonrsiee i T.G.: How do you like producing compared to acting? I know you've done some work with the Dude- sons and, umm, Nitro Circus and stuff, so how do you like being a producer as compared to being an y ttem seciCis IN wsuc OFTIW JwaitK actor? Johnny: Uuh... I enjoy every aspect of you know...uuh... doing movies and TV shows. If it'saperson I think, or people I think are interesting I'll just kind of, uuh, lend my services where needed. So... I \ 1 think I think I can bourwe back and forth between things pretty easily. (Then a pause... I panic! But wait, I regain my cooljust in time with this smooth reply:) T.G.: Alright thanks. ^ i Just like that, the greatest interview question Mr. Knoxville has ever heard or wiU ever hear, was answered. A fiiendship was formed that day- nay, a bond. Johnny and I stay in contact ^ 1 regularly now. Whether it is through me 'liking' the Jackass page on Facebook, or him ignoring my many caUs, we manage to maintain a close, personal friendship. Who knows, maybe someday I'U use my newfound fiiend to get me started in HoUywood. Until tiiat day comes, I'll have to settle for watching Jackass re-runs or The Ringer to stay in touch with my pal. Fortunately, Jackass 3D is finaUy in theaters, so I can hang out u \ with Johnny whenever I want for just ten bucks (I'll probably go see the matinee show). The \ I * boys of Jaickass brought the whole crew beick for the epic third instaUment in their trilogy of idiocy, including aU of the fan favorites like Preston and Wee Man. zdy 1 Even if you haven't seen the first two movies, it's okay. There is no back story to catch up on, the movie is just pure fim; and witih this one being in 3D, it's sxire to be the best of the toee movies. Don't be a jack-1 mean idiot, get some fiiends together and go see this i movie! 1 1<5 ARTS & VARIETY November 2010) csp.edu/sword •me SWORD

It scares me I hxd n&ver cbnccd a dahce

T|^'C-v J^^2i22;^mini93°®<

4 /'^ 1t* ^ft^pweftVendiI iead -HTedartt I Pm SooKcd of cotMvg nbwe !| I mMVssra a,' I mH mom -kmW]

1 ¥^P I ba¥ X V>ol>ilNO 'nmg -to i \)ic5rtov4^-.0^n

I ^iiiiiiittiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiniiimiiiirr mlillllliB •red

'TV^6 ^hofiCr uj6'r6 "lb

' keep pluqqei> gj M DorrA,. rooms TPLUfeiC-fi) a Bench€S c>\/ ' ihJ...

XT'S VA\DD6K!XH HNCLDS6T