Breaking Business Felixfel Interviews the CEO of Teachfirst Andand the VP Sales of CSC

“Keep the Cat Free”

09/11/12 Issue 1530 felixonline.co.uk Breaking business FelixFel interviews the CEO of TeachFirst andand the VP Sales of CSC. Pages 10-11 Inside...>> Here’s your report POLITICS

2012 entry Report card will have degrees,

indication of containing A small election performance information occurred right? >>16 in Horizons on extra- FOOD courses they curricular Degree: Physics take. Exact activities, Area Grade wording is to may be Physics B 6 Football B Spanish B be decided. introduced? German C Socialising U Spending every Reviewing a Jam single day in a A Yulia Negreskul Reporter new Higher Education Achievement computer room Cupboard 18 Record (HEAR) which extrapolates >> further the idea of the European Di- Higher Education Achievement Re- ploma Supplement and represents a cord (HEAR) have recently been sug- school-type report which will come in gested as an alternative to just receiv- addition to the degree transcript. Th e FILM ing a single grade. document will include all the extra- Following GCSEs and A-levels, uni- curriculum achievements including versities experience grade inﬂ ation relevant work experience, volunteer- with the last graduation being the ing, prizes and positions held at the most successful ever with ﬁ rst class clubs and societies throughout a stu- degrees being awarded to a sixth of dent’s time at university. As for the students which is more than twice academic matters, the report will aim the number seen a decade ago. As a to give a better insight into the taken Drowning result, degrees seem to be losing their degree and the progress accomplished value making it very hard for the em- throughout by providing the informa- in fees? ployers to distinguish between good tion about every module and exam and bad job applicants. taken. It is thought that the introduc- Special report on International fees. Awful, but great, In 2007, Universities UK and Guild- tion of the scheme would encourage 34 HE in their report came up with a students to participate more fully in films... >> solution which was to introduce a the university life taking full ad- >> 4 Page 5 2 FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER EDITOR’S PICKS 16 22 39 POLITICS >> SCIENCE >> GAMES >> Letter from USA Professor Nutt Halo 4 and more We’ve gone hard on the US Professor Nutt is a badman A report from Imperial’s Election. A report from in- (in the good way) as he Gaming Society as they take side the US, and a calcula- stands up for what he be- on UCL. Plus, a quick review tion of what you could buy lieves and for science. His of Halo 4. There’s also some with the campaign spends. book is reviewed in Science. odd crediting going on?

CLASSIFIEDS Medical Summarizer Wanted Fee’ding well? Looking for 4th, 5th or 6th year medical student with medical understanding. 15 hours a week. Crompton Medical Centre London W2 1ND For further details please contact Mr. Faisal Ahmed on 07776126204 Tim Arbabzadah Job Description - Summarizing all medical letters and discharge summaries from Secondary Care (Hospitals) into the medical records for each patient at Editor-in-Chief the practice, clinical software used is EMIS LV. Feedom of IC that’s happening? Or is there a cheeky Well, yes, they are if they are here. Part-Time PA/Tech Person little extra bonus of Imperial chucked However, just because you can do Another week and another late night. in there? something doesn’t mean you should. Good with Apple computers and technology Also, of course, another hasty and Why are people willing to pay the Allow me to make a rushed analogy: Someone who wants to come in ground level start-up with new tech frantic sprint to the fi nish. fees? Well, one word: prestige. It’s a I could, perhaps, if I were more co-or- company and dealing with tracking device sector. This week, we looked into all of the good degree, so therefore is a good dinated and had bigger pockets in my Researcher and highly organised to work with the proprietor and fees charged to international students “investment”, but degrees shouldn’t coat, steal a chocolate bar from the Li- by the Russell Group. What we found be purely an investment, and fees brary. I choose not to (JCR has a wider teams in London and Silicone Valley, California was that Imperial was signifi cantly shouldn’t be charged based purely on selection... I really hope no-one looks General Offi ce duties higher than the average, and that in that. at the CCTV images – joking, obvi- Preferably CRB checked most cases we were the highest. Only I’m worried that they are essentially ously) because I deem it to be wrong. Start off at 2 days per week Oxford tipped us off the top spot for pricing out a lot of people from apply- Total 8 to 10 hours per week at £10 per hour some categories (however, if you take ing to Imperial. Yes, as an international HEAR me now the cost of living into account it is student, you would have to pay higher Please send CV to [email protected] once again Imperial that is on top). fees anyway. So you could argue The Higher Education Achievement Why are the fees so high? There are that some international students are Record was recently announced. This is the understandable points about the priced out from the off, but you should big news, as it could essentially change fact that we are in London and that we aim to let as many people as possible how your degree looks. I, personally, LOLCAT OF TEH WEEK: Finding these is a perk of the job are a purely science university, which be able to apply (ideally all, but that’s think that having a permanent and dif- means each student takes more mon- not going to happen). Then you can fi cult to make up record of extra-curric- ey to train. Although the London point pick the best, not the richest. ular interests is a good idea. It benefi ts is lessened by UCL, Kings, et al (I feel Another point is that it really isn’t everyone. You gain from it, as it shows like I’m referencing again) being much fair to international students to use you are more than just one single grade lower than us. Even taking into ac- the fact that they are willing to pay on a piece of paper, as well as allowing count those points, some of the fees such high fees as an excuse to just you to be credited offi cially for things seem just way too high. pick a high fi gure and charge away. you like to do anyway (bit like me with Medicine is the highest, at £40,000 Unfortunately, systems are systems: this paper actually...). Employers will fi nd a year. A year! Ouch, that hurts. Here now, everything is set in place, and so it useful as it means they can see what is the question though: for what? money is going to be allocated with sort of person they want, and choose They get exactly the same lecturers, an expected income. This means it’s more easily. Also, it means they don’t fi rms, and so forth, as the home stu- likely that fees will only rise. That’s a play a cat and mouse game in terms of dents, so why are they charged so depressing thought. the classic “is this person in front of me much more? Possibly it’s to subsidise Are international students willing to exaggerating the truth when they say the home students, but is it okay that pay that much for the Imperial degree? they once out sprinted Usain Bolt”.

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. THIS BROUGHT Printed by Iliffe Print Cambridge, Winship Road, Cambridge. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2012. WEEK WASTO YOUBY Editor-in-Chief Tim Arbabzadah Deputy Editor Saskia Verhagen Assistant Editor Matt Colvin News Editor Aemun Reza Features Editors Caroline Wood, Stephen Smith Business Editor Deepka Rana Science Editors Philip Kent, Laurence Pope, Philippa Skett Politics Editors Padraic Calpin, Marie-Laure Hicks Food Editors Carol Ann Cheah, Sophia Goldberg, Yiango Mavrocostanti Comment Editors George Barnett, Navid Nabijou, James Simpson Fashion Editors Alex Ramadan, Saskia Verhagen, Alice Yang Arts Editors Eva Rosenthal, Meredith Thomas Books Editor Maciej Matuszewski Music Editors Mark England, Ross Gray, Simon Hunter, Íñigo Martínez De Rituerto Television Editor Lucia Podhorska Film Editors Katy Bettany, John Park, Lucy Wiles Games Editor Ross Webster Technology Editor Jason Parmar Coffee Break Boss Matt Colvin Travel Editors Veronika McQuade, Simon Carnochan Sports Editors Oli Benton, Sorcha Cotter, Margot Pikovsky Online Editors Philip Kent, Jonathan Kim Puzzles Commanders Louisa Byrne, Sotirios Karamitsos Copy Chief Annina Sartor Copy Editors Jonathan Peek, Al Norman, Matt Colvin, Christopher Witham, Laurence de Lussy Kubisa, Illustrators Hamish Muir, Outi Supponen, Lizzy Griffiths Illustration on cover Lizzy Griffiths FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER 3

News Editor: Aemun Reza [email protected] NEWS Imperial physicist dies in Perth Maciej Matuszewski Reporter on my condolences to both of those by the scientiﬁ c community. Our families and tell them we will provide thoughts and condolences are with Dr Sean Barett all the support that is possible to both Dr Barrett’s family, friends and col- An Imperial College physicist was of them.” leagues at this tragic time.” killed in a car crash in Austalia in the Dr Barrett had studied at Cam- Professor Myungshik Kin and Dr early hours of 19 October 2012. Dr bridge University for his undergradu- Terry Rudolph wrote a tribute to Sean Barrett, a Royal Society Univer- ate and postgraduate degree. His their friend and colleague on the Im- sity Research Fellow and a member doctoral work was on quantum in- perial College website. In this, they of the Controlled Quantum Dynam- formation processing in a condensed described working with him as “a joy” ics Group, had been in the country matter system. He moved on to a and remembered that he “organised for less than an hour when the taxi junior position at HP Labs in Bristol, Wednesday breakfast meetings for he was in was hit by a speeding 4x4 and after an initial spell at Imperial, the Controlled Quantum Dynamics that had previously ran a red light. Dr eventually returned to Imperial Col- groups for two years”. Th ey said that Barrett, 36, and his driver, Kuldeep lege London where he held the Royal “his hugely charismatic personality Singh, are believed to have died in- Society University Research Fellow- was a crucial part of their success”. stantly. ship. At the time of the accident, he Th ey ended the tribute by saying: Th e larger car had been reported had only been lecturing for one year. “We will miss Sean’s humour, his re- stolen on 16 October 2012 and police Dr Barret had been due to speak liability, his basic ‘mateship’ and his believe it had been used in a number at a quantum physics conference the fundamental decency as a human be- of crimes prior to the crash. Th e car following week. In light of his death ing”. had been involved in a high-speed the conference was rededicated in Speaking to the Manchester Even- chase with the authorities, but the his memory. Th e Universities of ing News, his mother, Jan Barrett, police withdrew when continuing Western Australia and Queensland, described her great loss saying: “Eve- was deemed to dangerous. Th e driver, who organised the event, released a rybody absolutely loved him and had who was taken to a local hospital with statement praising “Sean’s strength great respect for the work he was broken legs, has been charged with of character and insight”. It went on doing. He would have gone on to do manslaughter. to say: “He was at the height of his more great things.” A statement from In a statement, Assistant Police career and leaves an outstanding re- the family added: “[Sean] was a char- Commissioner Gary Budge said that search record. His tragic and sudden ismatic man who had the rare gift to the police chase ended “a long, long death is a profound loss to the re- light up any room. He is a loss to sci- way from where the crash occurred”. search community.” ence, and to life. He was cut short in He added: “It is diﬃ cult to imagine A statement from Imperial College his prime. Rightly, his family, friends the trauma that two families must be also praised Dr Barrett’s research, and his colleagues whom he leaves feeling out there today. I want to pass adding: “His loss will be greatly felt behind are devastated.”

Sponsored Editorial Most kisses in one minute record broken at Imperial More student cuts Tim Arbabzadah Editor-in-Chief Ethos? Or Metric? Discount haircuts for Imperial On Tuesday 6 November 2012, Sa- rah Greasley, a newly arrived PhD students at Fresh Hairdressers student in the Materials department at Imperial, broke a World Record in Ethos. Th e record was for most kisses near South Kensington received in one minute. Shockingly, at Imperial there must have been Men’s cuts £22 (normally £35) We use only the best products, plenty of men out there willing to Women’s shampoo and cut and Wella, Moroccan Oil, L’Oreal, and help her achieve this aim. rough dry £28 KMS and offer free coffee and Sarah told Felix via email that she Women’s shampoo cut and sa- herbal teas. is “really happy” about the feat, and lon ﬁ nish blow-dry £38 (normally Come to FRESH, ask for a student that she “would like to thank every- £55) discount and bring your student ID one who helped, especially those who FRESH Hairdressers has been we look forward to seeing you agreed to come along at the last mo- offering high quality, fashionable To book an appointment call 0207 ment!” haircuts for over 20 years, all of 823 8968. Sarah had previously broken three our haircuts are by highly experi- Tuesday to Saturdays 9.30 to 5.30 Guinness World Records. Th e three enced stylists, NOT trainees. We are only 70 metres from South records were all broken last year. Kensington tube station Th ese were for most sticky notes on TO GET A GREAT HAIRCUT the body simultaneously, most CDs 1) You don’t have to spend more ﬂ ipped and caught in one minute, money on expensive known High and most champagne bottles opened St. salons in one minute. She had previously at- 2) You don’t have to spend hours tempted the most kisses received in as a Guinea pig at a training school one minute record, however the re- 3) You don’t have to be butch- cord was discounted due to techni- ered at some cheap Barbers who calities. Th erefore she re-attempted Exact same doesn’t know how to leave a little to break the record, and was success- Rallying the troops expression as length ful. the guy above 4 FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER

News Editor: Aemun Reza NEWS [email protected]

£5000 challenge launched

Reporter Niall Jeffrey Armani glasses: don’t know if he won the Th e Institute of Global Health Inno- competition, but he won vation (IGHI) has announced that it the “guy with highest is holding its student challenges com- levels of swag” award petition, with an increased prize of £5000 to develop the winning project further. Th is is the second year that the competition will be running, and the award is aimed at supporting research at Imperial that has a focus on tackling health problems and challenges throughout the world. Th e IGHI want the competition to be “an opportunity to showcase work”. Th e project is open to those studying BSc, MSc, MEng, MPH, MRes or MBA. Th e students’ fi nal-year projects will be the basis for their entry. Th e evaluation criteria of submit- ted work will include the technical or ! " business innovation, but also analysis " of global health impact and economic application and feasibility. Th e Insti- #$ tute wants encouragement of novel concepts that can cover any feature of global health in devolved and developing countries. larger study and has goals in develop- to their respective department’s fi nal ###% % %" Last year’s £2000 prize was awarded ing a urine dipstick to detect the can- year project guideline of the home de- to John Chetwood, then a fi fth year cer earlier and more accurately. partment and submit their completed medic, whose project used urinary Th e 2012 competition was chaired thesis with 250 words abstract with biomarkers to create a new diagnostic by Sir Liam Donaldson, former Chief their supervisor’s covering letter of tool in order to detect an aggressive Medical Offi cer and Chair of Public support to the competition. A thesis form of liver-fl uke associated cancer, Health Policy at Imperial. Jane Dreap- should be emailed to ighi@imperial. Cholangiocarcinoma (CGA). vCGA er, BBC health correspondent, and ac.uk by 14 January 2013 in order to has increasing incidents worldwide Sarah Brown, maternal health activist enter the competition. and has very high rates in areas of and wife of Gordon Brown, were also South East Asia. John aims to use the included in last year’s judging panel. For further information you should prize money to validate fi ndings in a Entrants are going to have to adhere contact: [email protected]

Last Council results HEAR rejected by Oxbridge announced continued from the front page Th ere is some confl ict evidence of of this year Imperial introduced Im- tion of them are involved with clubs >> what the general position of the uni- perial Horizons which is a program & societies and the academic repre- Tim Arbabzadah Editor-in-Chief versities regarding the scheme is. So off ering the undergraduates to en- sentation system. Th is would make vantage of what higher education has far 109 have signed up for it and this hance their university experience them stand out when they are going to off er as well as, according to Sir is more than a half of all the higher with a short course in a wide variety through the application process for an Th e election results for the outstanding Robert Burgess, vice-chancellor of the education institutions, however, this of humanities’ subjects. According internship, job or possibly a PhD. Council positions have been announced. University of Leicester, who was the only includes 14 out of 24 members of to Th e Head of Co-Curricular Stud- However Union Council will be dis- In the incredibly catchily named Faculty author of the report, will stop “dam- the Russell Group. Furthermore, Ox- ies, Eryl Price-Davies, their team are cussing Imperial College Union’s offi - of Engineering Undergraduate Coun- aging obsession” with fi rst and upper bridge has already completely rejected “committed to representing, on a stu- cial view on this next Tuesday, 18:30 cil Ordinary Member Election, Joseph second class degrees. Furthermore, the idea with Oxford being concerned dent’s transcript, that they have taken in the Union Dining Hall. If you are Gibbs, Oladipupo and Th omas Lim were HEAR will allow employers to get a with “a lack of interest from employ- and achieved in Imperial Horizons interested, then please do come along all elected with 64, 30, and 21 votes in better picture of who their applicants ers” and Cambridge giving no rea- courses” which essentially follows the and read the related paper that Paul the fi rst round respectively. Joseph Gibbs are as well as to be more certain about son at all. Nevertheless, it’s too early idea of HEAR. But the fi nal decision Beaumont wrote via www.imperial- was elected in Round 1, with the other the claims made on applicants’ CVs. to give up – Peter Williams, one of is still to come and is partially up to collegeunion.org/your-union/how- two being elected in Round 2. Th e faced Since then, Th e Burgess Implementa- the members of BISG, is certain that students: “We are consulting with stu- were-run/committee competition from four other students, as tion Steering Group (BISG) created Oxbridge will eventually adopt the dents on the best form of wording. We Along with the fi nal decision on Im- well as the ever present, infamous RON by Universities UK and GuildHE have scheme “but only if the HEAR catches wouldn’t want to do it without con- perial Horizons, the decision regard- (Re-Open Nominations). tested the new scheme in 30 diff erent up generally”, stating that “Oxbrige sulting students” ing the HEAR is also to be made as the Th e even catchier titled Faculty of institutions across the country and the [is] not generally ‘leading’ universities Doug Hunt, Deputy President (Edu- position of Imperial on the matter is Medicine Postgraduate Council Ordi- fi nal report was published in October when it comes to innovations of this cation) was asked for comment on the still not clear. However, Imperial Col- nary Member Electioon was won by this year where universities were rec- sort.” matter and said: “My personal opinion lege London produces a degree sup- Maia Kavanagh Williamson with 7 votes. ommended to include the new report Having previously recognized that a is that the HEAR or a similar record- plement, which is similar to this and Th e other candidate gaining 1 vote. for the students who enrolled this degree on its own is no longer good ing system would be good for Imperial includes much of the extra-curricular Th erefore Williamson was elected. Th is year. enough to get a job, at the beginning undergraduates, since a large propor- material that the report focuses on. singles the end of Council election fever. FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER 5

News Editor: Aemun Reza [email protected] NEWS Imperial has highest international fees Aemun Reza and Matt Proctor compare Russell Group International fees Illustration by Lizzy Griffiths mperial College has been ever, Oxbridge have additional col- found to charge the most for lege fees(£6157 for Cambridge and their International student £4500-5500 for Oxford) which means Ituition fees out of the Russell that the overall costs of Oxbridge are group universities. Th e data higher than Imperial. When the living shows that Imperial’s international expenses of London are taken into ac- students who do clinical medicine are count, Imperial still comes out on top. charged a massive £39,150. A third year medical student, Minaal International fees are broken down Khan said “International fees are ridic- into bands. Band 1 is class-room based ulously high as everyone knows, but subjects and include humanities and when applying I don’t think I realised social sciences. Band 2 is laboratory how high they really were and I know based subjects and applies to most of it will take me over 10 years to make the courses at Imperial, for example the amount of money I have spent on Chemistry or Engineering. coming to university! But I don’t regret Medicine is broken up into pre-clini- choosing this fi eld because you can’t cal and clinical medicine and for some put a price on the benefi ts that are universities there is a diff erence be- given to me by having this education”. tween the fees. Clinical medicine usu- Another student, who wished to really costs a great deal more than pre- main anonymous, replied: “Th ere is clinical medicine and is consistently no doubt that international students the highest of the international fees. should pay more as their places are not Source: universitiesuk.ac.uk For Band 2 subjects, Imperial charg- subsidized by the government in any- between Imperial’s overseas fees and es their international students £25,000 way. However, I do not really see how those of our direct competitors are a which is followed by the University of this comes to £23,500 a year even in bit more complex. Although London Cambridge which costs £19,800. Th e comparison to new £9, 000 home fees. is a very expensive city, we are aware lowest is £10,600 from Queen Mary’s In addition, tuition fees keep going up that London is also home to some of University. every year by a considerable amount as our Russell Group colleagues whose International fees are known to be for me this year ended up being over fees diff er from ours. Th e bottom line substantially higher than Home stu- a £1000 more expensive than the last is that the vast majority of Imperial’s dents but this is due to the fact that one. We’ll see what is there to come courses are quite expensive to teach the government subsidises the fees for next year.” given our focus on STEM subjects, Home students. Imperial College London were asked whereas other multi-Faculty institu- European Union (EU) students also about the fees and the reason for the tions off er a variety of arts courses count as Home students and pay the disparity, and replied with: “When the which can in eff ect subsidise the other same fees. Non-EU students count as International Recruitment team visits Faculties. Being at a specialist univer- International students, even if their overseas schools, we are often asked sity has many benefi ts however includ- country is in Europe but not a part of why there is such a diff erence between ing excellent job prospects after grad- the EU. Home and Overseas fees. Firstly, it is uation. We would hope that students

An anonymous biomedical student important to note that UK government see the value in being part of such an or workshop based courses Count of Undergraduate Degree - laboratory said, “I’d much rather pay less but then still partially funds Home and EU stu- elite technical institution and make taking into account the prestige, the dents at universities in England. Al- the most of their time with us by tak- environment and such things, I felt a though with the new £9000 fees Home ing advantage of all the academic and lot more at home here than compared and EU students are shouldering more non-academic opportunities Imperial £9,500 to Oxbridge. It’s silly, I don’t get why of the ﬁ nancial burden of paying for has to oﬀ er.” £10,000 £10,500 £11,000 £11,500 £12,000 £12,500 £13,000 £13,500 £14,000 £14,500 £15,000 £15,500 £16,000 £16,500 £17,000 £17,500 £18,000 £18,500 £19,000 £19,500 £20,000 £20,500 £21,000 £21,500 £22,000 £22,500 £23,000 £23,500 £24,000 £24,500 they charge so much to be honest.” their teaching than they were previ- As has been previously reported in Above is a graph (just to remind you all of the wonders of Excel!) that was Compared to Oxbridge, the raw ously, they are still not paying the full Felix, the job prospects for Imperial produced by UniversitiesUK from a 2012-13 year survey of universities’ fees for Imperial are still higher than costs of running the courses. graduates are very high compared to fees. The graph shows the fees for lab based subjects (which Imperial does) both Oxford andCambridge. How- Th e reasons behind the disparities competing universities.

International Fees for Russell Group Universities

Average Band 2 fees Russell Group Universities Band 2 fees Average Band 2 fees Average: £16,223 Imperial College London London Universities Ranges: £10,600 - £19,800 £25,000 £15,633

Average Clinical Medicine fees Russell Group Universities Clinical Medicine fees Average: £27,611 Imperial College London Average Clinical Medical fees Ranges: £15,150 - £34,850 £39,150 London Universities £29,566 6 FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER

News Editor: Aemun Reza NEWS [email protected]

Imperial students create online learning database

Nia John Reporter ate the online resource EdX – set- during the summer. “By December we ting aside $60million and aiming to had the fi rst version of the site ready “educate 1 billion people around the with enough material to take it live, Students who met at Imperial College world”. but not enough to bring it to the level have created a website off ering free Individuals have also started to that we wanted it to be”. online education courses. teach online for all subjects, from At present 7 people are working on Th e Open Academy (theopenacade- music to maths. Salman Khan, an the project, handling programming, my.com) is a free-to-use website with MIT alumnus, quit his job at a hedge legal issues and PR, as well as contin- over 7000 classes and covering a range fund to teach on YouTube, eventually uing research and development. With of topics including Science, Mathe- founding the Khan Academy. one of the creators of the site saying “I matics, Engineering, Law, Arts, Medi- Th e Open Academy was found- spend about 20 hours a week on the cine, Social Sciences and the Humani- ed on similar ideals. Th ey say that project”. ties. Representing 20 of the world’s educational background defi nes “so All of the material is arranged on top universities, Th e Open Academy much of us”. Th e team say they were the website by subject. Th e team hope has lecture material including videos, keen to off er people the opportunity to expand the website as much as pos- slides, exercises and practice exams, to educate themselves at their own sible, building up an extensive library from introductory to advanced level. pace. Th ey said: “Having all the avail- of PDF notes and exercises. Open Th ey are not the fi rst to do this. In able educational resources under our Academy hope to pursue partner- 2002 MIT announced that it would hands made sense as this was the way ships with the universities themselves be “opening” its classrooms, off ering we learned. Making a website out of it (it already off ers some courses run by its courses online for free. Since then, just came as a natural outcome. Th is Oxford) and help them expand their others have followed suit including was something that we wanted to ex- online presence. create new content”. saying: “Th e Open Academy a truly Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Stanford ist.” Th e hope is to for the amount of Th ey say they are “really excited” diverse and unique academic centre in and Columbia. Th e movement has Th e students came up with the idea content on the website to increase, about all of the future plans that they the Web. We realized the sheer num- now reached over 200 universities in 2011, and gathered people that and say that they have “a bunch of have, but don’t want to “spoil the sur- ber of things that can be done to en- across continents. MIT and Harvard they thought could help them. Th ey ideas that we think will enhance user prise”. rich it and have never been as excited have recently joined forces to cre- then worked on building the website interactiveness and at the same time Th e Open Academy team ended by about it as we are now. “

"Ki d s li v e i n a technical world CHANGE THEIR LIVES – I’m helping AND CHANGE YOURS t h e m to ma k e s e n s e o f i t " Teach First Employer Presentation G o p al R a o, ‘09 Wednesday 14 November 6pm – 8pm Studied: Manufacturing Engineering N o w : Fo u n d e r o f Ta r G e t M o r e Read Lecture Theatre, Sherﬁeld Building (a s o c i al e n t e rp r i s e ) Hear from Imperial Alumni who have joined Teach First Sign up via JobsLive or http://graduates.teachﬁrst.org.uk/events/index.html

*Royal Society, 2012 Teach First is a registered charity, no:1098294

www.teachﬁrst.org.uk FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER 7

News Editor: Aemun Reza [email protected] NEWS Down to business? Nida Mahmud probes the latest ranking of the Business School

mperial College London has consistently ranked within the World Top 10 in the QS rank- Imperial 9 placesaces from Iings as well as in other respect- able league tables. However, last year in Globallobal MBA Imperial’s Business school rankings for the MBA programme are slipping, with Rankings Imperial’s MBA currently being ranked 46th place in the Financial Times. Th ese QS Rankings place Imperial rankings are a signifi cant decrease MBA 12th in EuropeEurope from previous years, when the business school took 37th place last year and was ranked 32nd in 2010, which was the highest ranking achieved by Imperial’s MBA programme. Imperial’s business 93% of graduates school entered the top 90 in 2002, it fi rst broke into the Financial Times world’s are in employment top 50 MBA rankings in 2006. Th is one year after equated to an impressive rise of 30 places within 3 years. Yet the 14 place slip over the last 3 years may suggest that the rapid boom was short lived. FT rankings overview Th is year, Imperial’s MBA ranking positions it lower than LSB (4th), Oxford (20th), Cambridge (26th), Warwrick (27th ), Manchester (31st), Cranfi eld (36th) and Cass (38th). Within the sub categories, Imperial’s highest was for career progress, where it came in at 19. Imperial’s value for money was ranked in 38th position. Th e tuition fees for the full time MBA are £36,000; this is a fairly competitive value in terms of cost if compare to London Business School (LBS), where the MBA tuition fees were almost 60% more than Imperial’s at a tremendous £57,500. Th e FT ranks LBS 4th and this was the highest ranking achieved by any UK business school. Stanford ranked 1st in the rankings. Th e data is compiled questionnaire investigates factors such ry, Imperial makes the global top 50 for lot of emphasis on MBA league tables place, it has a tuition fees of $106,236, from online surveys completed by the as diversity of teaching staff and MBA two categories: Entrepreneurship and is placed on the average salary received which equates to £66,496. It may seem school as well as former students. 20 dif- students as well as the international Finance, at positions 24 and 22 respec- after graduation, yet this fi gure varies like the tuition fees of an MBA pro- ferent criteria are used to determine the reach of the MBA. Th e fi nal criteria tively for 2012. QS also off er a person- drastically depending on the geographic gramme increases with its ranking, fi nal ranking. Data from alumni con- is the research rank, it calculates the alised score card service, which is an in- location. Additionally, the MBA league however, the cost not always correlated tributes to 8 of the 20 categories, which number of articles published by staff teractive tool that personalises the MBA table produced by the Economist has to its position in the league table. Th e carries 59% of the rankings weight. Data members in 45 diff erent journals. Con- rankings depending on the criteria most not considered Imperial within its top MBA off ered by India’s Institue of Man- collected in 2012 carries 50% of the fi nal sequently, a fi nal score is calculated for important to the student. 100 rank, the reason behind this is un- agement Ahmedabad was ranked 11th weight, the remaining data is from the each school that can be used to rank the clear. Taken from the FT by the FT; the tuition fees were Rs. 15 2010 and 2011 rankings that contribute MBA. And Finally…. Lakhs, which equates to £17,280. 25% each. Th e fi rst two categories inves- Nevertheless, uni- tigate the diff erence in the alumni salary The QS rankings versity rankings How are the FT rankings compiled? from the start of their MBA to 2012, this Th e QS Global 200 Business Schools should also be To be considered for the FT ranking, the gives the current and weighted salary Report ranks business schools with re- taken with cau- business school must be internationally for the business school. 11 other crite- spect to geographic location or MBA tion as diff erent accredited as well as have run the course ria contribute to 31% of the fi nal rank, specialisation. Imperial was ranked 12th methodologies for at least four consecutive years. In they are determined by a questionnaire within the Europe business school cat- are used to com- 2012, 150 business schools participated completed by the business school. Th is egory. For the specialised MBA catego- pile the rankings. It is sometimes Business School 2012 Ranking 2011 Ranking 2010 Ranking 3 year average rank diffi cult to know how the rankings London School of Business 4 1 1 2 are compiled and Oxford (Saïd) 20 27 16 20 what sources have Cambridge (Judge) 26 26 21 24 been considered. Warwick 27 58 42 42 Furthermore, tak- Manchester 31 29 40 33 ing a global view of Cranfield 36 34 260 32 the MBA rankings Cass 38 32 41 37 may be mislead- Imperial 46 37 32 38 ing. For example, a 8 FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER

News Editor: Aemun Reza NEWS [email protected] Sexism call for evidence launched at Imperial Becky Lane, Deputy President (Welfare) launches a call for everyone, lecturers and students, to share their experiences of sexism

Let me start by introducing attitudes towards this email that I have myself, I am Becky Lane come across have been at times quite and I am this year’s Deputy frankly horrifying. Such as ‘the person LPresident (Welfare) and who sent this email was a female so I have just fi nished my therefore it can’t be sexist’. Comments Physics degree at Imperial College. of this nature are not down to the gen- Although my experiences here as an der of the person that made them or undergraduate here at Imperial have indeed the intent of how they were generally been fi ne (aside from the made; the only concern should be that OH-MY-GOD-EXAMS-ARE-SO- individuals found them off ensive. I BAD) there are times that I have felt am proud to say that this year things marginalised because of my gender. I are being highlighted to me passed on Becky Lane seemed to blunder through the years from the Gender Equality offi cer; it of my undergraduate course in bliss- worries me that in the past incidents ful ignorance of this undercurrent of may have gone unreported. Deputy President sexism, which I feel is often part of the So, what are we going to do? I can’t Imperial culture. In my little bubble of help but feel that there might be a cul- tion and Imperial College. way; I also plan to produce the Sexism (Welfare) friends I remained on the whole obliv- tural issue here at Imperial. Is it be- I might be completely off the mark @ Imperial report to present to Col- ious, until I stepped into the spotlight cause we are an institution with the here but I hope to gain answers to lege. An institutional problem needs cast by Union politics and elections. I percentage of females fl uctuating be- some of these questions. Is Impe- an institutional shift in attitude to was generally an outsider to the Un- tween 34-36%? Honestly I don’t know rial College a sexist environment? At make a change. Th is is also creating ion fold before I ran for my Sabbatical but I want to fi nd out. Th e answer I times do both male and female stu- an anonymous way for students to re- position. I won’t dredge up the past, feel is not to hold a Sexism survey, dents fell discriminated against be- port issues of sexism even after the re- but during campaigning I was sub- but to adopt the approach that the cause of their gender? Have you ever port is made. To make an anonymous jected to derogatory comments based government takes when gathering felt during your studies you have been submission you can just create a hot- upon my gender. I was incredibly an- information about Higher Education. treated diff erently because of your mail account merely for the purpose gry, taking the point of view that I am So this article is here to introduce my gender? Th ese are just some of the of making the submission, or if you happy for people to criticise me based call for evidence. Th e email account questions that I hope to get the an- send it from your personal account upon my views, but not my looks. [email protected] is now active. swers to. your name will never be mentioned. Th is year, the Physics society has I am happy to receive anonymous or Making a call for evidence is all very Th e only people with access will be already been mentioned in the Inde- named responses from any student or well and good, but what am I going the Deputy President (Welfare) and pendent regarding an email sent out staff member who would like to get to do with this information? Well I the Gender Equality offi cer. Help us which caused off ence to some female down their attitudes towards sexism plan to display the submissions in a answer some of these questions and fi rst year students and rightly so. Th e and experiences of gender discrimina- public place in College in an artistic make a diff erence.

Millions of pounds of extra Report suggests 15% cap on year abroad fees Tim Arbabzadah Editor-in-Chief the current fi gure charged by Imperial, the number of students studying over- funding for Imperial which is 50%. seas.” David Willetts, Universities and Th e aim of the reduced cap is to Science Minister, praised year abroad Tim Arbabzadah Editor-in-Chief forming universities in knowledge A government report by Professor boost the number of students gaining schemes as off ering a “huge range of exchange an additional £6m. Impe- Colin Riordan, Chair of the UK HE international experience from over- benefi ts for students taking part” and rial was amongst the twelve universi- International Unit, suggested that the seas study. that they also help “our universities Imperial are to be one of twelve ties that will be allocated the fund- cap on fees for year abroads should be Th e cap would apply to all students and the wider UK economy”. universities that are going to ben- ing. Th e aim of the extra funding, as 15% of the fee charged for a normal doing a year abroad inside or outside At the minute, it is only a suggestion efi t from £6m of funding from the stated on the HEFCE website, is to year, which is £9000 for most Imperial of the EU. and not a law. Th erefore universities Higher Education Funding Council “stimulate economic growth through undergraduate courses. Th is means Professor Riordan commented: are not obliged to charge the suggested for England (HEFCE). research commercialisation activi- that the fee would be £1350, which “Studying, working or volunteering 15% cap. In a speech at the UUK conference, ties”. could be seen as an incentive for stu- abroad increases the employability and David Willetts, Mnister for Univer- Imperial was one of the highest per- dents to save money by going on a year fi nancial rewards for students in the in- Comment on year abroad scheme by sities and Science, announced that forming universities in the area of abroad. ternational labour market. Despite this Doug Hunt, Deputy President (Educa- HEFCE will give the highest per- knowledge exchange. Th e new limit would be a decrease in the UK ranks just 25th in the world for tion) p14. everynation.co.uk

SUNDAYS ACTIVITY SPACE 1

Free café – 5:30 10 FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER

Features Editors: Stephen Smith, FEATURES Caroline Wood [email protected] Being the First to Teach Tim Arbabzadah gets schooled in the aims of TeachFirst

mmm, ummm, water). “ ummm. Okay, I’ll Brett casually walks in and greets get off at West- me, with a coffee in a Thermos flask Uminster and in his hand. He seems laid back and change, that will that puts me at ease. be quick right?”. That was what was This first thing that strikes me is going through my head as I franti- that he is American. I don’t know cally scrambled to make it to my in- why this was a surprise, given his terview with Brett Wigdortz. Turns name, but for some reason I ex- out I was wrong by the way (about pected him to be English because of the trains being delayed, not having TeachFirst being UK. Well, that was the interview: this would be a very going to be mistake two. “One of short Feature if that were to have our alumni is opening up a Teach- been the case). First in Australia” Brett tells me. It Having chosen probably the turns out it’s going global in only weirdest way possible to get to Lon- ten years since it’s founding. don Bridge, thinking that it would Brett’s mother was a teacher, so be “faster”, I sat on the tube. I was perhaps teaching has always been doing that thing where you nerv- in his blood. He tells me of how he ously play music (to no avail, as still “visits the schools that we are when you’re in a rush you can never working with”. actually hear or enjoy any songs) Brett tells me about how inspir- and fidget in the chair, willing the ing it is to see the children doing tube driver to choose today to at- so well, and how statistics show tempt to break some kind of World that great teachers do make a dif- Record for “speediest delivery of ference. That seems to be his vision, late man to interview”. The driver that students want to go into teach- wasn’t in any way trying to become ing. He doesn’t want it to stop just a World Record Holder. I guess there though. Brett explains how some just don’t have the hero genes he wants “the graduates to become in them. Arsehole. ambassadors”. TeachFirst, in his Having run out of London Bridge, mind, leads students to being inter- with a James Bond theme on my iP- ested in education for life, and not hone (name dropping both, terri- just for however long they are at the ble, I know, but this is 100% true), I company and on the scheme. Brett promptly grabbed what all students wants the TeachFirst graduates to refer to as their one and only sav- be governors of schools, or even tu- iour, i.e. Google Maps (thank God I tors in their spare time. He says he haven’t upgraded phones and don’t doesn’t mind if someone does the have Apple Maps, I would have nev- TeachFirst plan and then goes off to er arrived). I then managed to get work for a consultancy, as long as turned around and walked in the they keep being involved in educat- complete and utter wrong direction. ing young people. A fact that didn’t register with me He believes firmly that “you can until I’d walked a little bit too far. not give up on people and forget Luckily, sort of, my phone was about those who are older”. He ringing, so I had to look at my doesn’t want to just target those at a screen and realise what I had done. younger age and leave a generation Unluckily, it was TeachFirst calling of children behind, he wants to be to see where I was and note that I able to get everyone from disadvan- was late for the interview. A quick taged backgrounds into having bet- bit of apologising, and some less ter prospects for the future. He also than dignified walk/jogging later talks about how there is a shortage – you know what I mean; it’s that of highly qualified teachers in the thing you do where you jog a few STEM (Science, Technology, Engi- metres, walk a few, jog a few, walk neering, and Medicine) subjects in a few, and so on – I was on track. schools, particularly lower achiev- Finally, I arrived at TeachFirst’s ing schools with pupils from disad- shiny, swish office in London. Well, vantaged backgrounds. there was an incident involving me I move the interview on to more of work are big points that he flags up new offices can really be soulless, Brett Wigdortz’s book ‘Success and not being able to find the en- the entrepreneurship side of Teach- as being important for any budding but they’ve managed to bring a hu- Against The Odds’ packed with trance, but that was uneventful/em- First to get what “buzzwords” he entrepreneurs. man touch to it. There’s even an as- start-up tips and business advice is barrassing so I won’t go into it. would say are the most important. The interview wraps up and I sessment centre going on, and the available to buy now. Very graciously, Brett has decided A charity that has grown so quickly realise that I’ve also slightly over- man on the door was on the Teach- If you would like to find out more to give me his time. I feel terrible is definitely, without a shadow of a run the allotted time. Brett doesn’t First scheme and now works there. about Teach First, sign up to the for being late and hoped it wasn’t doubt, an impressive feat. Now be- seem to mind too much. I’m then All of the staff there genuinely Teach First Employer Presenta- too much of a bother. I walking into ing the third highest recruiter in the taken around the plush offices. It’s seemed very engaged and enthusi- tion on Wednesday 14th November the office and sat down in a modern UK, I wondered what he thought all new, but still manages to retain astic about the general ethos of the at 6pm in Read Theatre, Sherfield conference room (I even got free you needed. Perseverance and hard some character: sometimes brand company. Building via JobsLive. FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER 11

Features Editors: Stephen Smith, Caroline Wood FEATURES [email protected] A view from the top Alice Yang interivews Amanda Brumpton, CSC UK&IR, VP Sales

Undoubtedly one of the most recog- Changes in Technology nised modern buildings in the UK, Th e Gherkin (offi cially known as 30 On the topic of issues, I question St Mary Axe) is magnifi cently impres- Amanda on how recent developments sive from the outside, yet even more in the global markets both in terms of so from the 19th fl oor up. Th e view of fi nancial turmoil and improvements London from such a height is incred- in technology are aff ecting her role. ible, and on a clear sunny day there is “Th ere’s been a lot of changes over more than just a pang of jealousy as the last 15 to 20 years, but the pace of Amanda Brumpton welcomes me into change is speeding up exponentially. her glass offi ce. What’s happening is that the way Having fi nished University in the you get IT services at home is tripping 80s, Amanda began her career at over into what we call the “enterprise Guardian Royal Exchange following a space” of big companies, something summer internship with the insurance we call “consumerisation”. Th e chal- company in the actuarial department, lenge now is keeping things secure before leaving for the Social Services. and complying with regulations in or- “Big organisations are never boring, der to protect people’s data and client because there’s always something dif- information. ferent you could be doing,” Amanda Th is has caused a big change in the states. way companies operate their services, Amanda’s career history also in- but it also off ers a huge opportunity cludes an impressive 10 years running for them to become more fl exible in large outsourcing accounts for IBM, how they deliver front line services and a brief stint at Japanese ICT com- and internal operations to their cus- not carry this burden of guilt around because I enjoy what I do, I’m com- women in male dominated environ- pany Fujitsu. tomers. trying to be superwoman, because petitive, and I push myself to succeed.” ments because we’ve a diff erent kit Today, Amanda is at the world lead- Our job is to help our customers un- frankly, you’ll burn out.” “You’ve got to learn how to manage bag of skills and interact with people ing IT company CSC where manages derstand how they can get maximum In regards to the compromises she’s success, but fundamentally, what I get diff erently.” the operations of the company’s sales value out of these opportunities whilst had to make, Amanda refers to when enthralled by are the roles and their department based on a model she cre- still delivering all of their obligations she chose to return to work just 4 challenges. Work doesn’t defi ne me, ated from scratch. from a regulatory perspective.” months after having twins. but it’s a big part of who I am.” 80:20 “I’m good at realigning businesses “At times I’ve thought “I’m not doing Given that work plays such an obvi- that are not performing, and trans- this anymore, I want to stay at home ously large part in her life, I question Continuing, Amanda says, “psycho- forming business from one state to Being “superwoman” with my sons”. But for me, I was the whether Amanda feels that a glass logically if there’s an opportunity for another. A lot people can strategize main breadwinner so I needed to work ceiling exists. After a good laugh at the progression, women naturally think of and create a plan, but it’s a diff erent Having covered how the company and I also wanted my career – I’ve irony of such a question being posed all the reasons as to why they can’t do skill set to be able to take that plan and deals with its challenges, we turn to learnt to accept that the choice I made from inside the Gherkin, she replies “I that. Th ey may have 80% of the skills execute it. I’m all about execution.” talk about how Amanda deals with the doesn’t make me a bad mother, but it can’t see it and I’ve never hit it – but nailed down, but they’ll think of the “I probably work at least 10-12 hours challenges in her personal life. isn’t always easy.” I think in other companies it’s possi- 20% they can’t do. When a man looks a day, 5 days a week, full on. Everyday “Th e biggest challenge is how to bal- ble, and the lack of senior female ex- at the same thing, he naturally looks is diff erent, there’s some common ance being a working mum and wife ecutives across business demonstrates at all the things he can do, and even if themes: choosing which business op- with the demands of the job, and try Managing Success that there are issues.” he’s only got 20% of the skills required, portunities to go after, helping my and be successful at it all. “You’ve got to be careful that you he will probably apply for the role if he team shape the conversations they As women, we have the natural ten- “I think today, men and women ex- stay true to yourself and your values, wants it and really go for it. have with clients and meeting clients dency to want to be the best at eve- pect both parties to work. Th ere’s that you don’t try and be a bloke – Women don’t push as hard, we don’t themselves to talk about their busi- rything; we want to be the best mum, fewer and fewer stay-at-home-mums, women are diff erent and that’s impor- have conversations with our bosses nesses.” best wife, and the best in our jobs, so but we still get hit with all these ste- tant for business and for ourselves.” about our next role and our career Yet despite such success, Amanda we push ourselves really hard to be reotypes – everything in the media “For example, I always wear col- development plan. But, if you sit and admits that she didn’t even know what “superwoman” and it just isn’t possible and on TV, even fairy tales you read ours, I have blonde hair, and I wear my wait, you get passed by. It’s our psyche sales was at university. “Selling is just a to do everything.” your children – working women don’t jewellery – I subconsciously empha- we have to manage in order to pro- conversation with purpose. If you ap- “Th ere are some stereotypes that match the model.” sise all the time that I am a female. I gress rather then the company holding pear to be a brash shiny sales person, make the bar really high about what “I learnt the hard way that whilst used to live in dark trouser suits and I us down. If you’ve got the skills for the people back off . So actually, the art of is perceived as the right thing. I think some men like the lifestyle that comes don’t now; I live in a business world of job, you should go for it.” selling is for people to not think it’s a the biggest challenge is learning to be with success, they are very competi- men in dark suits, but I don’t need to sales conversation, but rather a busi- content with the choices you’ve made, tive and sometimes can’t cope with emulate that to be successful. Women Read more at: ness conversation about them and to forgive yourself for the fact that the feeling of having a lesser role. But bring diff erent skills and styles, and its their issues.” you’ve got to make compromises, and has this stopped me in my career? No, very valuable in business, particularly www.title-mag.com

Inspiring Interviews with Successful Women. [TITLE] Written by students, for students www.title-mag.com Read, Aspire, Write. @EditorTITLE titlemagonline 12 FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER

Comment Editors: George Barnett, COMMENT Navid Nabijou, James Simpson [email protected] Remembrance and regret Remembrance day is increasingly going against its original meaning, argues Angry Geek

ou’d think that ‘anti- war’ would be a pretty easy position to present, Y wouldn’t you? When you think of things that we name Horsemen of the Apocalypse after, it’s not exactly a list of things that split opinion. Th ere is no pro-Pestilence lobby. Th ere is no Society for the Ad- vancement of Famine. Famine especially, Famine’s a right dick. Keeps enough Angry Geek food around to keep an undead horse running for all eternity, and then goes around taking away everyone else’s dinner? Th at’s the sort of thing that makes it hard to run Horseman PR eff ectively. I digress. Of all the Horsemen that the Bible mentions, War doesn’t stand out as one that is particularly defensi- ble. When you look at his discography, it’s a greatest hits list littered with more genuine war crimes than the average Eighties mix that used to pass for music in the Felix offi ce. Scientists being paid to research gases that shut down human respiratory systems; mass acceptance of genocide and the killing of civilians; shady deals that prolong bloodshed and suff ering in order to benefi t the few. War is shit. I don’t even know why I’m The reason arguing this like it’s a contentious position. Everyone knows that war is shit. we wore One of the things I respected over the years was wearing poppies in No- shit ideas. Only a mounted dickbag like the wars that came after, right up to patriotism and an implied support of vember. For those of you who might War could come up with a concept so the ones we fi nd ourselves in today. anything done by a soldier allied to the poppies be spending their fi rst November in utterly stupid as the fi rst one, and then Th at poses a problem, however. Where British army. the UK, every year around this time we follow up with the worst second album we once fought wars against unspeak- Th e reason we wore poppies, so I make donations to a charity in exchange anyone has ever seen. Why am I even able evil, in genuine defence not just thought, was to remember that war is ... was to for a bright red paper poppy, which we arguing this with you. Th ere is no way of our country but of all countries, ugly, unnecessary, and a last resort. Pop- pin onto our clothes in the days leading anyone on this planet thinks those wars we now fi nd ourselves being asked to pies were supposed to be a begrudging remember up to the 11th November – a special day were good ideas. Th at’s why we wore remember and help out people who nod to the fact that War is a arsehole, marking the end of World War One. poppies. Th at’s why we fell silent every fought in far murkier wars. Wars fur- not a suggestion that his horse needs Poppies became iconic largely thanks to year on the 11th November. Th at’s why ther afi eld. Wars fought in pursuit of a good stroke and a fresh saddlebag that war a poem describing the fl owers that grew we donate money to charity, to help out less noble goals. Wars we are told are of mangled corpses to munch on. Th e in the battlefi elds of the fi rst World the few soldiers that remain that fought being fought for our benefi t. closer we get to associating Remem- War, fertilised with the blood and gore in those wars, that off ered themselves Th e shift in the advertising tone of brance Day with condoning or support- is ugly, of man’s inhumanity to man. We wear up to defend the world at large. the Poppy Appeal, from one of remem- ing the actions of those who serve today, paper versions of the blood-red fl owers But things have changed. Under- brance and regret that war happens, to the further we get from what I feel the unnecessary, to remember the huge sacrifi ces that standably so in some ways – the char- one of optimism and support for the ceremony should really be about, and were made to fi ght relatively morally- ity behind the Poppy Appeal, the Brit- ‘heroes’ fi ghting in modern arenas, is the closer we come to being a country straightforward fi ghts in defence of ish Legion, have had to change tack as one that will leave me behind. I won’t like America, a nation of people who “and a last people. the last few soldiers from World War be wearing or buying a poppy this year, erupt in tear-fi lled elation at the news Th at was how it used to be. I’d hap- One pass away, and the veterans of and nor should you. While the char- of people being murdered by their na- pily wear a fl ower each and every year, World War Two begin to follow suit. ity still does good work, the attitude it tions’s armed forces. resort. because the two World Wars fought at Now they have a diff erent duty - to adopts and wishes us to adopt is not one War is hell. Don’t let anyone trick you the start of the last century were really look after the soldiers who fought in that is healthy. It is a sloppy mix of dark into thinking otherwise.

Care about any of this? Write” for us! Send your articles or letters to [email protected] FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER 13

Comment Editors: George Barnett, Navid Nabijou, James Simpson COMMENT [email protected]

Parliamentary privilege my arse Politicians have legal immunity for a reason. We should call them out when they abuse it.

hen the expenses scandal originally W broke in 2009, my opinion was succinctly summarised by a Guard- ian feature wherein an MP of the time described the story as a “wonderful moment of British fi ddling, but more on a Dad’s Army scale than the real corruption of politics.” Yes, the MPs Adam Clancy had decided against buying their own hobnobs/tampons/moats but MP pay is poor for a thankless, gruelling job and I envisioned the majority of expenses as a deserved bonus. Not to mention the whole thing was worth it to offi cially see that toilet seats were not designed to support John Prescott. Th e exception was of course second homes, with four MPs and two Lords jailed for false accounting (although notably David Laws escaped criminal action despite renting his second Laughing all the home out to his partner). Here, peo- way to court ple had stepped beyond taking liberties with reclaiming work-related moats and had willingly and crimi- nally abused their position for fi nancial gain to the cost of the taxpayer. In taking advantage of expenses. He too ity of false accusations tarring their ever, we can at least expect the state I don’t want R v Chaytor it was argued that these looks like he will be employing Par- role. Th e problem is that some of the to hold its representatives account- MPs could hide behind Parliamentary liamentary privilege as his fi rst line of elite few fail to recognise this is a two able. In 1997 a Georgian ambassa- privilege which says that MPs cannot defence against any potential criminal way street. Th ese rules are there to dor killed a girl through drink driv- him to walk be charged for what they say in Parlia- charge, which seems ridiculous given protect the integrity of the offi ce, not ing and Georgia waived immunity as ment and parliamentary paperwork the precedent set down earlier in the the freedom of its occupier. Anyone they knew he was in the wrong – it is cannot be used as evidence in court. same scandal. Th e unfortunate thing off ered such a shield can and should this behaviour that lends diplomatic free by Th ey were told to MTFU [sic] by the however, isn’t just that he could be use it when they have held themselves immunity a great deal of credibility. Supreme Court, sent to jail and the successful in his defence, but that he to a higher moral standard but should Similarly, should MacShane be tried, sacrifi cing whole debacle was put to bed. is employing it at all. not cower behind it when they have I believe the state has every right to And now it has been reawakened Immunity from prosecution is im- sullied the position itself. waive a law as he is abusing his privi- by a Mr MacShane: the very man who portant for political heavyweights, In an ideal world, people granted lege as much as he allegedly abused the integrity once eloquently described expenses as as lawmakers must be able to throw such a position would agree to forgo his fi nancial power. If he did nothing a Dad’s Army scale issue. It is alleged anything up for debate with unlim- their get-out-of-jail-free card when criminal, let him prove it himself. If that he willingly deceived with 19 of ited free speech and ambassadors they know themselves to be guilty, he is guilty, I don’t want him to walk of our laws his invoices, a markedly more serious must know that they can continue but expecting such self-sacrifi ce free by sacrifi cing the integrity of our allegation than telling the truth about their mission without the possibil- would be naïve. Realistically how- laws.

felixonline.co.uk/contact capitalism when it emerged that the A consumer develops. students and staff of the many harms layout has been changed – yet again! A particularly egregious exam- of inconsiderate walking. “Letters Allegedly it is for our own benefit. A ple of this is the Sherfield atrium, For instance, at the top and bottom new pharmacy has been promised, Sir, in which dozens of people can have of the Sherfield stairway, we could alongside the intriguingly named their journey abruptly halted, so position some signs reading: “Please ‘Euphorium Bakery’, or something to I would like to express my annoy- that Michael can tell Paul how many do not enter this staircase unless you Sirs, that effect at least. I simply cannot ance with those members of college yards of ale he downed the night be- are committed to traversing its entire carry out my shopping in peace when who seem unable to grasp the way fore. length without stopping.” This would I know not whether any of your avid faced with so much constant change in which transport around campus Such flagrant obstruction of certainly give those who might other- readers venture past Big Sainsbury’s at every opportunity. Perhaps I will operates. I am speaking, of course, a major transportation conduit wise have not considered the conse- on Cromwell Road, but I simply must have to take my business to the self- about those who insist on travelling would certainly not be tolerated on quences of their actions some pause take the opportunity to thoroughly service tills of Big Sainsbury’s, or even to pivotal high-traffic areas, before the road, and neither should it be for thought. whinge about the Big Tesco near (gasp!) Tesco Express on Gloucester pausing there to engage in a jovial around campus. Therefore I propose Earls Court. Imagine my dismay Road. chat, while on either side of them the launching of a public-informa- Yours, ” Yours in triumphant worry, A concerned citizen upon venturing inside those walls of something akin to a freeway pile-up tion campaign, in order to inform 14 FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER

Comment Editors: George Barnett, COMMENT Navid Nabijou, James Simpson [email protected] A call to remembrance Margot Pikovsky despairs at the College’s apathy

nybody who has ever FIFA 12 on their minds), all sniffl ing recovering from last night’s hangover people care about paying homage and seen Th e History Boys, and knocking their knees together in in this stuff y lecture theatre, safe in the respect to (or even just refl ecting on) whether on stage or on the bitter cold whilst some pompous knowledge that outside of it is a free the vast number of men and women A screen, will remem- red-nosed headmaster calls them to country. Th at your lives are free from who suff ered unspeakable brutalities, ber the moment when attention, sounds the bugle and bul- fear. Th at you won’t be persecuted for ultimately for our sakes. We can argue Irwin, that world-wise and world- lies them into a minute’s worth of si- being the ‘wrong’ race or religion, nor for hours over whether commemorat- weary teacher, turns round to his pu- lence, my 11am on 11/11/12 will be as come home to fi nd a relative missing ing with all those wreaths and all those pils observing a monument to fallen unremarkable as the 11am of the day because they said the ‘wrong’ thing out poppies actually does anything, but it’s soldiers and says: “All this mourning before, or the day before that. No one loud. Th at you won’t, in your majority, unquestionable that in making no ef- has veiled the truth. Because you shall force me to pause my day for 60 ever experience the horrors of war.” fort whatsoever to commemorate the should realise... there’s no better way seconds. No one will take to a brass Granted, Remembrance Day this deaths of those who gave up their lives of forgetting something than by com- instrument to squawk out some piti- year falls on a Sunday, so if I’m sitting for our freedoms, we are in eff ect trivi- Margot Pikovsky memorating it.” But whilst I’m a huge ful notes. No one will recite ‘Th ey shall in a lecture theatre then, I really will alising their sacrifi ce. fan of Alan Bennett’s play otherwise, grow not old, as we that are left...’ and question whether I live in a free coun- Which is why I want to appeal to you. I couldn’t disagree more with this place a wreath. try. But last year and the year before To you, the reader of this piece who statement. Moreover, it saddens me No. My lecturer will do none of that it didn’t, and no one interrupted a has made it this far down the page. To that so many people choose neither to those things. “And WHY NOT?!” I snoozing room then to announce that you who also thinks that the signifi - mourn, nor commemorate, on what want to ask. Let’s be honest here, if I it was in fact, the 11th hour of the 11th cance of Remembrance Day shouldn’t I see as one of the most important don’t do as well as I’d hoped in my end day, etc etc. dissolve in our minds. To you who re- dates in our calendar: Remembrance of year exams (or God forbid, fail them Don’t get me wrong, I’m one of the alises that just because you may never Day. outright), it won’t be because 8 months most politically obtuse people I know. have met somebody, it doesn’t mean And it’s almost funny, how whilst before that a Professor stopped what I don’t religiously watch Question that their actions and their bravery are I’m certain my 10 year old brother he was saying, lowered his glasses and Time every Th ursday evening (or in worth forgetting about. (who has only thoughts of FIFA 12 on looked up at the room to say: “Boys fact, at all), and whilst I was distressed Please, buy a poppy to show that you his mind) will be standing at 11 o’clock and girls, I want us to take a minute by the proposed rise in tuition fees, care. Wear it with pride and tell some- in the middle of some school yard, to think, to REALLY think about the mine was not a face that you could one else about why you’re doing it. Or surrounded by three or four hundred incredible sacrifi ce some people not have found at the street protests. But I just take a minute out of your busy day other boys and girls (who for sure do so unlike you or me gave some tens of do fi ercely ‘mind’ that with each pass- to think and to Remember: it’s the very not have anything more profound than years ago so that you can be here now, ing year, it seems that fewer and fewer least you can do. United States of Eurasia The college’s Europe-centric approach to overseas study is something we should change.

ne of my manifesto university the Big Bang Th eory show and I am doing my job by representing - Some current and potential pro- points was that there is set), while chemistry at Imperial is your views. To make sure I am being spective students aren’t willing to needs to be more non- the only department within the Fac- a good DPE, I have set up the one-off learn a language in order to carry out OEuropean study abroad ulty of Natural Sciences with study International Mobility Survey that an exchange programme. Th is can opportunities as part abroad partners outside Europe – will start next Monday and you can fi ll lead to potentially disgruntled stu- of our undergraduate degrees. I be- Emory University (Atlanta, Georgia, it in via www.imperialcollegeunion. dents and Imperial missing out on lieve this because when you bench- USA) and Nanyang Technological imsurvey. You also have the chance of talented undergraduates to our com- mark some Imperial departments University (Singapore). winning a Kindle Fire - not bad for less petitors. against others you will see some have So if Imperial is supposed to be one than fi ve minutes work! - A competitive year abroad scheme the University of California and the of the top 10 institutions in the world Th is will not just focus on study acts as an incentive for undergradu- University of Melbourne as partners, (according to both the QS and Times abroad options but also whether Im- ates to work harder within their fi rst while others only have partners inside Higher Education world rankings), perial should be off ering more funded 2 or 3 years of their degree, which I Doug Hunt Europe. then why do not all departments of- summer research placements around believe will lead to a better quality of Furthermore, when you compare fer these study abroad placements the world. Something MIT has been Imperial graduates. certain departments to others at rival around the globe at other world class doing since 2009, branded under the - To help Imperial’s international Deputy President institutions that we compete with for institutions? And why are Imperial’s name of MISTI and has proven popu- reputation grow, graduates now need UCAS applications, we are far behind competitors off ering these opportuni- lar with their undergraduate cohort. to be internationally mobile. (Education) them with respect to our partners ties, while we seem content with the I am not going to spend forever giv- - According to a recent British outside Europe. One example is that ones we currently off er? ing reasons to why I think more inter- Council Survey: 54% of 18 -24 year- the Biochemistry, Physics, Chemistry As you can see this is something I national opportunities outside Europe olds feel their career prospects would and Mathematics courses at UCL of- feel passionately about, but I need to should be given to our students, but have been better if they had studied or fer a chance to study at Caltech (the make sure I am not being delusional here are a few I want to leave you with: worked abroad. HOLY SHIT. THE CAT HAS THE CHEESEBURGER.

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Politics Editors: Padraic Calpin POLITICS Marie-Laure Hicks [email protected] Obama Claims Second Term Emilie Beauchamp has the results from America. ast Tuesday, 6 November the country. Th is explains why while But Democrats heading the country 2012, Americans re-elect- the map of the US can seem over- means more in terms of state liberties. ed Barack Obama as the whelmingly crimson at fi rst glance Take for example Maine and Mary- LPresident of the United with a large band of sworn Republican land’s population, who have already States, for a second and states in the middle of the country; the rushed to put in place same-sex mar- last four year mandate. It was a slim dedicated Democratic coastal states riage legislations. Similarly, Colorado What can you do with $6bn? victory after a harrowing campaign, prove to be more populous. Th is last and Washington became the fi rst U.S. nothing as glamorous as his fi rst ‘Yes election was considered particularly states to legalize the possession and he total cost of the US election this year is not yet known precisely, we can’ pinnacle, but still a win. Shall competitive, as eight ‘swing’ states sale of marijuana for recreational use but it’s been estimated that the figure will run in at close to $6bn. we fi nally see Obama power through (representing 18% of the US popula- just last Tuesday. Advertising alone in this election cycle ran over $2bn. with his close-hearted healthcare and tion) were oscillating between camps T Better news for us than the US But this is an astounding amount of money; in 2010, the total elec- tax reforms? Does this mean new belong into Election Day: Colorado, tion spend from all UK parties was a mere $49m, less than 1% of the American ginnings of hope for peace on Earth? Florida, Iowa, Nevada, New Hamp- With regards to foreign policy, not total. This week, Felix Poltics asks: what exactly can you do with $6bn? Far from it. For those who have slept shire, Ohio, Virginia, and Wisconsin. much change is expected either but through the most important politi- In the wee hours of the morning, Iowa this is rather good news for the world. • Build the LHC – The estimated construction costs of the Large Handron cal event of the year, here is a blitz on swayed for Obama, making him clear In fact, the continuation of the Obama Collider were $4.7bn and it’s annual running cost is about $1.2bn. So this what needs to be known about what the magic 270 mark to get re-elected. administration is an immense sigh of election could cover construction and one year of experimentation at happened, what to expect in the US relief for most countries. Embroiled in the LHC. over the next four years and what it Dark clouds will linger its economic crisis, the last thing the • Bail Out US Towns (and then some) – In the past 4 years, 10 US mu- means for the rest of the world. While Obama won a second term, he EU needs is a distraction from inter- nicipalities have had to file for bankruptcy, but outstanding debts are will still be dragging relics of his past. nal aff airs in lieu of new Republican a drop in the ocean compared to this expenditure: most recently, San And the exhausted winner is… First, the President will be facing a foreign policy, having built joint po- Bernardino in California filed with debts of $45m, again less than 1%. Th e 2012 race to Presidency was one gridlocked Congress, which will keep sitions with the Democrats over the • Boost Federal Budgets – The Federal Budgets for both NASA and the of the most competitive in ages, with on making it hard for him to press on past four years. While there are no Department of Education this year run at about $18bn apiece. So, with polls swaying left and right for a new his agenda. As a brief recap, the Presi- grand strategies over international aid the US Election spend, the nation could increase either of these by 33%. favourite candidate every hour. Both dent can only sign a law once the Con- and development in Africa and Asia, • Make a Downpayment on Sandy – Hurricane Sandy, which struck the hopefuls spent relentless weeks and gress has passed it as a bill. But this in we can expect a closing of trade rela- US last week, is estimated to cause anywhere from $20-60bn in dam- altogether more than $1.5 billion on turn requires that the two Houses of tionships in Central and South Ameri- ages, of which $6bn is no small fraction. Indeed, $6bn is roughly the aggressive campaigns. Last Wednes- the Congress, or the Senate and the ca – yet nothing out of the bloom. annual budget of the Federal Emergency Management Agency. day 7 November, at approximately 6 House of Representatives, agree to- America’s current focus on the Mid- GMT, President Obama was declared gether. Th e intended purpose of this dle East is likely to remain too. Troops re-elected with a total of 302 votes intricate political system is to prevent will continue to withdraw from Af- Padraic Calpin Politics Editor hence securing the 270 votes required anything less than a wildly popular ghanistan, but new confl icts have to get elected. On his side, Romney President passing unilateral laws with- taken the spotlight: the war in Syria won 206 votes, while 29 remained un- out checks. In other words, it usually only ever expanding to neighbouring allocated – meaning the voters simply makes legislating very slow to avoid states, and Iran’s nuclear aff ront will Trollbama Strikes Again didn’t turn up. In parallel, the Demo- politicians infringing on individual have to be addressed soon. One of the crats retained a majority in the Senate, rights and liberties of the American trickiest tasks will probably be taming but the House of Representative is still populace. the new generation of Arab leaders dominated by the Republicans. Against that background, Obama that emerged from the Arab Spring, What does this all mean? As an ap- faces the enormous task of tack- most of which do not count the US as parte, in the US, it is good to remem- ling the national economy. Amongst their favourite pal. Add on top of that ber that individuals vote through the others, this means addressing the a mounting rivalry with China and electoral college, who are pledged stagnant 7.9% unemployment rate, head-butts with Russia, and the Presi- to presidential and vice-presidential dealing with a $1 trillion in annual dent has his hands full! candidates based on the popular vote. defi cits, trimming the $16 trillion na- Overall, the grey clouds hanging Each state and the District of Colum- tional debt and facing a fi scal policy over Obama’s head seem like they are bia have diff erent quantities of votes reform legally planned for the begin- here to stay, forecasting nothing more allocated pro rata to their population. ning of 2013. One might wonder why than a lingering status quo in domes- To be elected President one has to gain Obama still wishes to be Head of the tic and foreign policy. Yet instead of 270 of the 538 votes dispersed across US in such ominous circumstances. losing patience or accusing Obama to have failed his original leftist programme, one should always consider what our world would look like in four The Invisible Candidates years’ time if Americans would have chosen to elect their fi rst Mormon s stated by the Federal Election Commission, 413 people have President rather than give Obama a filed a Statement of Candidacy, meaning that they are effectively second chance. Arunning for President of the United States of America. Two of these candidates have access to 270 or more electoral council votes, so it is possible for them to get the job if they win enough states. Gary Johnson, former Governor of New Mexico, is running for the Libertar- ian Party, following his initial unsuccessful campaign for the Republican nomi- nation, centred on balancing the budget by reducing government spending by 43%. The Green Party has nominated Jill Stein, a physician from Massachusetts. One of her main proposals is a “Green New Deal”, aiming to create public sector jobs in the clean energy sector to reduce unemployment and boost the AAWWWW MMAN.AN. I llost,ost, bbutut aatt economy. She has been endorsed, amongst others, by the infamous political lleasteast I cancan sstilltill writewrite forfor FelixFelix critic and linguist Noam Chomsky. PPolitics:olitics: Marie-Laure Hicks Politics Editor [email protected]@imperial.ac.uk FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER 17

Politics Editors: Padraic Calpin Marie-Laure Hicks POLITICS [email protected] A Letter From America

Arthur Turrell Politics Writer the Americans at my hotel didn’t seem tion appoints new ones’. Th e Supreme overly concerned by the election, even Court has nine members, in the sim- though television channels pumped plest terms four are liberal, four are t 6am on Monday out endless predictions, analysis and conservative and one is a conserva- morning, groggy from sound bites. Barely a soul looked up as tive who occasionally sides with the jetlag and the 15mg of the American football game showing liberals. Th is last member often calls Avalium I took on the at the bar was interrupted by short in- which way the 5-4 split will fall. My plane, I sat in a taxi in terviews with each of the candidates, American friends felt that the consti- downtown San Francisco waiting to Obama looking weary but confi dent, tutional right to abortion, established be driven to a car rental company. Romney with a background of care- by the famous Roe v. Wade case, could Th e driver asked if it was my fi rst time fully placed football paraphernalia. be threatened by a Romney victory, in San Francisco and I told him that I am not a US citizen but I did man- as a pro-choice member is likely to it was. In the blunt light of dawn, we age to vote on election day, in a ballot be replaced. Th is would mean states crashed up and down San Francisco’s run by the organisers of my confer- setting their own abortion laws, with inclined streets, and I noticed steam ence. Our vote was a landslide 90% some undoubtedly opting to enact a rising from the man-hole covers. It victory for Obama. Later, at the con- complete ban. of the party. a good start. Th ose on the right are was America as I had imagined it. ference dinner, whispers of an Obama Obama’s victory means that this But it is not just moral issues that are unlikely to abandon a more moder- Lurching down another main road, victory in the real election were whirl- won’t now happen, but the extent to the cause of the bitter divisions in con- ate Republican presidential candidate he pointed and said, “Th ere’s a lone ing around the room by the time we which this election was infl uenced by temporary American politics. Repub- because there would not be a more at- midget hooker”. When I looked I saw were onto the second course. I called moral issues is surprising. In Britain, licans and Democrats at the national tractive alternative. a dwarf in an uncompromising red over an American colleague whose MPs are increasingly given a free vote level seem incapable of understanding Obama needs to build bridges with dress checking her long, blonde hair face was lit up by their smart phone on moral issues. It feels like America one another’s point of view, let alone the Republicans; the Democrat Senate in a shop window. Th ere was no hint and asked what was happening. “It’s is heading in the other direction, with forging the kind of compromises that majority is not big enough to stop fi li- of judgement by the taxi driver. Th is Fox news,” he said, “they’ve called increasing politicisation them since are required for eff ective government. busters, and the house remains under was not America as I had imagined it. it for Obama.” We knew then that a Roe v. Wade. Opinions on abortion In Britain, we are still getting used to GOP control. More importantly, the Nor was the needlessly large but hy- Democrat victory was certain. Back in and gay marriage are held strongly, life under a coalition, but, so far, it has national vote only gave Obama a pa- brid rental car I was given; I’d wanted a the bar, as Obama spoke, the feeling in and defended vigorously, and the bat- functioned. In the United States, a per thin mandate. To really represent beat up ’49 Hudson à la Jack Kerouac’s the room was one of relief rather than tles fought over them have inevitably uniting of parties is unthinkable. the interests of the US people, he has On Th e Road. However, it struck me excitement. ‘Four more years’ does not aff ected the outcome of the election. And yet the elephant and the don- to factor in that half of the voting pop- as I drove over the Golden Gate bridge hold the same promise that ‘yes we Two Republicans aiming for seats key have much to gain from work- ulation did not want to see his policies and stopped at a vantage point on the can’ did. A group of Republicans half- in the Senate were brought down by ing together, even though consensus enacted. north side of the bay that what I had heartedly booed as everyone else was their comments on abortion. Todd seems to be so diffi cult to achieve. Th e In the few tired and exciting days received was more refl ective of mod- glued to the victory speech. Akin fundamentally misunderstood Republicans face a demographic col- that I have spent here, America has ern America, with its inherent con- Th e day before the election, I had biology when he talked about the body lapse over the next decade as many of proven itself to be split in two. Now tradictions and confl icts. Presidential been chatting to an American couple shutting down in cases of ‘legitimate their supporters are subject to what that the battle for the presidency has elections are reminders that such a who were sharing a beer outside the rape’, and Richard Mourdock implied can only be politely called natural abated for ‘four more years’, this vast vast country has to accommodate the bar. She and her husband joked that that abortion was unacceptable be- wastage. Th ey need to broaden their country, so variable in geography, diff erent views of 300 million people. it didn’t much matter who got elected. cause, horrible as rape might be, God appeal if they are to win back moder- wealth and mentality, needs its politi- California has voted Democrat for ‘It’s the Supreme Court I’m worried must have intended the victim to be ates, women, ethnic minorities and cians to forge the compromises that the last fi ve elections, and it is no sur- about,’ she said, ‘there’s a good chance pregnant. Th is is not the mainstream the young. A rejection of the aggres- will cater for all of its people, from prise that this liberal state has gone two of the members will die in the next Republican view, but it has cost seats sively partisan politics represented the hard-line Republicans to the hard- Obama’s way again. Perhaps that’s why four years and whoever wins the elec- in the Senate and damaged the image by the Tea Party movement would be working hookers of San Francisco. Miliband opens debate on mental health

Kirstin Hay Politics Writer about his depression. attacked by Ed for his insensitive be considered an easy way to gain ‘mental disorder’ is banned from jury Th e government have cut £150m comments – “Jeremy Clarkson, who media coverage over the Coalition service, and any person who has been from services for people suff ering with may have at least acknowledged the by the government, but things are sectioned for more than 6 months According to the World Health Or- mental health problems, and outreach tragedy of people who end their own changing across the political spectrum is barred from serving as an MP, ganisation, one in four of us will have programmes. Imagine, he asked, if lives, goes on to call them ‘Johnny in the way that mental health is talked school governor or company director, a mental illness at some point in our this was from funding for strokes, or Suicides’ whose bodies should be about. In September, the Conservative irrespective of their current state of life, and that by 2030 depression will heart disease. left on train tracks rather than delay and Labour front benches supported mental health. be the largest cause of disease around He emphasises that mental health journeys.” Clarkson responded by Conservative MP, Gavin Barwell’s Th e tide is not just changing in the world. Th at’s a scary statistic. problems will not go away if we asking if Ed Miliband was “right in the Mental Health Discrimination Bill, political circles, but the celebrity Mental health issues, be them our ignore them, so we have to tackle the head.” which would prevent discrimination world is opening up about mental own or someone else’s, aff ect us all, prejudice and the taboo. Mental health Despite the taboo around talking based on mental health. Currently any health too, trying to emphasise that and yet we don’t talk about them. Th is provisions need to be properly funded, about mental health, the speech could person who has ever suff ered from a mental health aff ects us all. Actor, is the problem cited by Ed Miliband in and health and social care providers Rebecca Front started a twitter his speech to the Royal College of Psy- need to be better educated to deal with Time To Change hashtag, #whatstigma, in February chiatrists last week. the demands that increased rates of last year – it trended for days as users Miliband highlights that we are mental health conditions are putting shared their experiences of mental ignoring a problem that aff ects all on the NHS and especially the prison health. Th ere is still a long way to go of us from every walk of life, and service, where 70% of inmates have to tackle the stigma, but as more and proposes to challenge the lack of a mental health condition. Miliband more people feel able to talk openly focus the government has on the issue recognises that not all conditions can about mental health issues, we are of mental health. He cites personal be cured, but we can and should off er slowly seeing change and a big speech experience of counselling after the more support for those suff ering. from a UK party leader is a sight that death of his father, Ralph Miliband, Perhaps the most coverage of this should be encouraged. and talks about the brave decision of speech was in the reaction it received Labour MP Kevan Jones to talk openly from Jeremy Clarkson, who was http://www.mind.org.uk/ 18 FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER Food Editors: Carol Ann Cheah, Sophia Goldberg, Yiango FOOD Mavrocostanti [email protected] Preserving your judgement Alex Savell avoids sticking a knife in his eye at the Jam Cupboard

t’s a hard thing, striking a bal- ance between hotel dining room and proper restaurant. ITh e prospect instantly calls to mind several possibilities: the over cushioned, shag-pile of a seaside resort; or the soulless, white- washed canteen – scrubbed so hard it removed all personality in its quest to achieve the Scandinavian, fl at-pack fi nish. Th ough it perhaps strays a little into the undertow of this second swirling maelstrom, the Jam Cup- board on Gloucester Road does seem to manage to navigate the dangerous straits between Scylla and Charybdis without capsizing horribly along the way. Upon fi rst impressions, the restaurant, associated with the Rydges Ho- The main problem with it is tel complex, does appear to be a fairly the lack of real people. You seaworthy vessel in the same way that only find silhouttes next to you a P&O ferry is – it doesn’t look like it’s about to spring a leak or unleash a colony of rats from the galley, but you’re not necessarily overwhelmed by the luxury of the surroundings. However, as you settle, your attention starts to be drawn to details that belie this early judgement. Much like a good suit, it’s this eye for detail that marks it out. From the gently unique wine glasses and the crisp, leather-bound menus; through to the ‘unobtrusive but out there’ lightshade and the subtly minimalist feature wall, the restaurant isn’t just cut to highlight its broad shoul- ders and slim waist – it’s also been paired with a carefully selected shirt, tie and cuffl ink combination. Th ere’s one more important thing curate metaphor for the menu. Th e Th e Blonde, and Ham Hock Terrine London restaurants. However, there well as a convenient and friendly spot to comment on before the food in best I can do is to say that it’s like Delia with Piccalilli plus Slow-Cooked Beef is a niche for places that bridge the for a quick, intimate meal. Th e food any dining experience, and that’s the Smith: everything there makes your Cheek for me. On arrival, the presen- gap between pub grub and the upper is a little pricier than what you might wine. I have no pretentions to the ti- mouth water – quintessentially Brit- tation stands up to that of the restau- echelons of the culinary world, and it usually pay, but it won’t break the bank tle of wine connoisseur, nor any real ish and guaranteed to be satisfying. rant, with my only slight gripe being probably speaks in the Jam Cupboard’s for a special occasion. As well as the knowledge on the matter. However, I But if you’re anything like me (or as it its predictability compared with the favour that I started to think of it in very worthwhile Wine of Th e Month, like a glass of red and feel I ought to be turns out Th e Blonde, which was a lit- eclectic choices of the room. this category. Clearly, its pretentions the Hotel retains a down-to-earth atable to get something pretty palatable tle bit of a surprise), chances are you’re Th e food itself did just edge, ten- to sneak quietly out of the hotel-din- titude, off ering a free membership without the pain in my back pocket going to get more excited by Nigella. tatively, into that bracket of cuisine ing-room cliché have been successful. scheme and various off ers on sites like reaching excruciating levels. With Put plainly, though we were enjoy- where you feel the urge to consume I’ve managed all this before com- TopTable without the condescension its satisfying length and breadth, the ing the exquisite frustration of paring slightly slower and savour it slightly menting on the mains. Th e slow- shown only by those in a position too Jam Cupboard’s wine list does cater down our eventual meal from a num- more. For me, the terrine was a little cooked beef cheek fell apart in my shaky to pull it off . As such we man- for this – it includes everything from ber of appetising options, we realised too chilled; partially losing the fl avour mouth like a male fresher chatting up aged to keep a meal for two with a de- a few aff ordable wines by the glass or that this was partially due to how safe I was hoping for – though I couldn’t a girl in FiveSixEight. Th e bleu onglet cent bottle of wine to about £25 a head bottle, up to something to splash out the selection was. Personally, I don’t complain about the Piccalilli which arrived looking moist but worryingly (all in), which isn’t a particularly high on. Th at said, however, we ended up think you need your entire menu to be satisfi ed my love for all things pickled. cooked, however with the fi rst cut the price for treating someone special. gambling on the £17.50 Wine of Th e strange and innovative combinations Th e Blonde was perfectly happy with enjoyably red centre was revealed. My Month. With a wager like this, even a of fl avours to be appealing, but I think her tart, having to fulfi l her “grum- mash was given just the barest hint of Th e Jam Cupboard good restaurant can choose to stitch the menu here slightly missed the bal- bling quota” with some choice re- wholegrain mustard whispering sweet Rydges Hotel you up worse than a Mexican sur- ance between dishes that jump out as marks about the validity of slinging an nothings of fl avour to my tongue – the 61 Gloucester Road, Kensington, Lon- geon who’s just watched that episode ‘interesting’ and things that lean a lit- assault of Eastern fl avour (in this case, entire aff air was extremely tasty. For don, SW7 4PE of Top Gear. But we were pleasantly tle bit towards good, rural pub grub. coriander leaf) like a kamikaze plane both my and Th e Blonde’s taste it was surprised by the Primitivo that ar- Still, in the grand scheme of things, into an otherwise perfectly good sal- slightly under-seasoned, but knowing Opening hours: rived, which Th e Blonde (possessing this is clearly a minor sin and com- ad. Th is is the problem with food in a my predilection to add black pepper to Breakfast – 7am-10am Monday to Fri- a better palate than mine) decreed to plaining about having too many place somewhat nicer than my normal practically anything, I’d give the ben- day, 7.30am-10.30am Saturday and have a pleasantly nutty bouquet. Even perfectly adequate choices seems boozer of choice; you are fi guratively efi t of the doubt on this. In any case, Sunday I could appreciate its fairly light and rather ungrateful. So we quickly shut poking your head above the comfort- they certainly raised their game. Lunch – 12.00pm to 5.30pm, Monday mellow fl avour lacking the acidy kick up and plumped for our respective able trench of adequate mediocrity Overall, it’s not a place I’d tell people to Friday only of a cheaper wine. meals – Pea and Asparagus Tart fol- and into the fi ring line of real culi- to walk across hot lava (or Central Lon- Dinner – Seven days a week from It’s diffi cult to come up with an ac- lowed by Onglet Steak done bleu for nary prowess from a wealth of good don) to go to, but it works extremely 5.30pm, last orders at 10.30pm FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER 19 Food Editors: Carol Ann Cheah, Sophia Goldberg, Yiango Mavrocostanti FOOD [email protected]

Berry yourself in twelve strawberry cupcakes

Yiango Mavrocostanti Procedure:

Preheat the oven at 180 degrees Ingredients: Celsius. Mix milk and vinegar and set 1 cup almond milk (or any milk aside. In a diff erent bowl mix all of your preference) the dry ingredients. In the milk 1 tsp white wine vinegar add the rest of the liquid ingre- Pinch of salt dients including the strawber- 1 ¼ cups fl our ries and mix. Th en, add the liq- ¾ tsp baking powder uid mixture to the dry mixture ½ tsp baking soda and stir until most of the fl our is 1/3 cup sunfl ower oil dissolved. Do not overmix. Fill ¾ cup sugar the cupcake cases up to 2/3 of 2 tsp vanilla extract the way and bake for about 20 10 strawberries cut in slices minutes. Enjoy!

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First person to email [email protected] will get their meal reimbursed (within reason, obviously).

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Website Visit us felixonline.co.uk Twitter Follow us @feliximperial Facebook Like us facebook.com/FelixImperial 20 FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER Travel Editors: Simon Carnochan, Veronika TRAVEL McQuade [email protected] Wallowing in the Wadden Stephanie Walton takes an unusual walk by the sea

Hey there horses, how you doin’?

doubt many visitors to Th e the local guided tour costs a hefty When we happened upon a single Netherlands stray far beyond forty Euros and included the dubious shoe abandoned in the mud, we re- the amazing museums, ca- pleasure of spending three hours in a alised that our eff orts were futile and Inals and liberal attractions fi shing boat, the fi ve of us decided to that we would never even reach the of Amsterdam. So it was per- go it alone. How hard could it be? sea. Exhausted and humbled by na- haps unsurprising that I was met with Staying in the vibrant university ture, we turned back to fi rm land. quizzical looks when I announced city of Groningen (which, incidental- For those defeated by, or uninter- that I was off to Th e Netherlands to ly, boasts a truly excellent children’s ested in, mud, the North thankfully go Wadlopen. Wadlopen, the art of play ground), we found that our near- has lots more to off er, primarily beau- walking on mudfl ats exposed at low est entrance to the Wadden Sea was tiful windmills, castles, and a rare tide by the Wadden Sea, was some- due north, near Usquert. On arrival, star-shaped fort at Bourtange: our thing that until recently I had never however, although we could see the trip was by no means a disappoint- even heard of, let alone considered sea (indeed tantalisingly close), there ment. doing. When I read about it in my were many muddy fi elds between it Would I advise you to try Wadlopen guide book, however, I was very keen and us, hampering our advance. Not yourself? Defi nitely. It is an oppor- to try this unusual activity. to be deterred, we took off our shoes tunity to try an extraordinary sport Websites and locals warn against and started our Wadlopen there and in some beautiful scenery far away attempting this niche sport without then. But within two hours we had from the tourist trail. Pack warm old a guide. Not only is it important to moved a total displacement of 20 clothes which you don’t mind get- minimise ecological disturbance, but metres; the tar-like mud was deep ting muddy. And above all, be sure to the tide can turn quickly, leaving you and treacherous, and getting stuck bring a good book for the three hours’ stranded out at sea. However, since in it was an all-too-likely possibility. ride in the fi shing boat.

Yeah, mud party! Everybody dance real slow...

I know it looks like mud but I promise it tastes just like chocolate. London Forum

24 & 25 NOVEMBER Imperial College London

Tickets available now online www.londonclimateforum.org 22 FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER

Science Editors: Philip Kent, SCIENCE Laurence Pope, Philippa Skett [email protected] Colour change test for HIV tcetoday.com Laurence Pope Science Editor tate-specifi c antigen, a biomarker for colour change is visible to the naked ods. As quoted by Dr Roberto de la prostate cancer, at ultralow concen- eye and not just a machine. Th e actual Rica, one of the principal research- A new, cheap method of detecting tration of 1 × 10-18 g ml-1, far lower test would use a disposable vial capa- ers: “Th is test could be signifi cantly ultralow concentrations of HIV and than the concentrations detectable via ble of analysing serum derived from cheaper to administer, which could some cancers through a colour chang- current gold-standard tests. the patient’s blood. pave the way for more widespread use ing solution, visible to the human eye, Th e solution uses gold nanoparticles Th e potential impact on HIV-rav- of HIV testing in poorer parts of the has been developed by biomedical en- as a method of detection. If the bio- aged nations cannot be understated. world.” gineers at Imperial College. marker is present the gold nanoparti- Current methods of HIV detection, Th e research team are now looking Th e test relies on a solution that cles aggregate into irregular clumps, especially at ultralow concentrations, towards not-for-profi t global health changes colour depending on whether producing a blue-tone, i.e. a positive are expensive and require sophisticat- organizations for additional funding, or not the biomarker, an indicator of result. If the biomarker isn’t present ed equipment. As a result many coun- and help to bring the test from the lab the disease, is present — red for nega- the nanoparticles form spherical, non- tries cannot aff ord to have a reliable and into the nations that need it the tive, blue for positive. Th e solution aggregated structures that produce a system of testing; the colour change most. was able to detect concentrations of red tone, i.e. a negative result. As can Red vial good, blue vial bad solution test is predicted to be around both HIV biomarker p24 and pros- be seen on the image to the right, the ten times cheaper than current meth- DOI: doi:10.1038/nnano.2012.186v Executing Justice at the Dana Centre

Lily Le Writer tist with the Imperial College Health- lation is not completely in a vein, po- was presented by Maya Fao, head of care NHS Trust described the drugs tassium leak-out can induce death of the Stop the Lethal Injection Project It turned out that 52% of the audience used in the procedure. She then ex- surrounding tissue which is terribly at Reprieve UK. Each time the prisons at a recent event at the Dana Centre plained the huge problems when in- Accidental painful. try to buy drugs, the non-profi t organ- would prefer to be executed by lethal jections are being administered by Despite the fact that these drugs isation tries to block this by writing to injection than hanging, electrocution prison wardens, who are not medi- potassium come from medical application, it was the suppliers and governments aff ect- or being shot. Th is was before they cally trained, causing undue suff ering surprising to fi nd out from Vivienne ed. So far they have been successful. were given information about what to dying prisoners. Nathanson, Director of Professional European countries ban these exports exactly occurs when a lethal injection It is diffi cult to judge the specifi c leak-out can Activities at the British Medical As- and many pharmaceutical companies is carried out. amount of anaesthetic which is need- sociation, that doctors must not take are unwilling to tarnish their reputa- A member of the audience was se- ed, and sometimes prisoners wake up part in administering lethal injections tion for money from executioners. Re- lected to lie on a death bed with a plas- during their execution. As they are induce an because it is an abuse of their medical cently, the US government tried con- tic arm to demonstrate venous can- injected with enough drug to para- knowledge. However, they are able to cocting the lethal cocktail themselves, nulation. Tim Crocker-Buque, Junior lyse their striated muscles for a week, agonizingly confi rm death and can even prescribe but this did not produce a successful Doctor and Public health researcher they have no way of indicating their “ the deadly drugs to prisons. execution. chaired the evening and then showed consciousness. Finally, a high dose of Many US prisons are having dif- As a result, only 24% of the Dana how the lethal cocktail is adminis- potassium decelerates heart palpita- painful fi culty in carrying out executions as Centre audience decided that they tered. tions until it completely stops and the they have depleted their drug supply would prefer to be executed by lethal Felicity Plaat, consultant anaesthe- prisoner dies. However if the cannu- and cannot source new supplies, as injection. Sex, drugs and Professor David Nutt

kalwnews.org Andy Roast Writer should accurately notify the public ing into therapies for people living on the harms done by certain drugs: death” with mental-health disorders, such a Until the recent “Ecstasy Live” TV a more harmful drug should be in a depression and schizophrenia. show, Professor David Nutt was higher class. In reality, Prof Nutt ar- His book contains a broad, varied best known as “the scientist who got gues, much of the time harms are and detailed discussion of the eff ects, sacked”. After giving a lecture that little considered and moral reasons histories and harms of legal and illegal discussed the harms of cannabis, Prof are provided for the classifi cation of drugs. I found the chapters on the his- Nutt was asked (by the then Home drugs instead. His book does not at- tories of cannabis, ecstasy and cocaine Secretary, Alan Johnson) to resign as tempt to convince people that taking particularly interesting as they show Chair of the Advisory Council on the drugs is a fun thing to do (something that, all too often, the legal status of Misuse of Drugs (ACMD). Th e irony, that was misunderstood by a lot of a drug is decided not by using scien- as discussed in Drugs Without Th e Hot the critics of Channel 4’s live ecstasy tifi c evidence, but also through moral, Air was that Prof Nutt was sacked for trial). Instead, Prof Nutt argues for a political and corporate ideologies. I advising the government on policy, drugs policy that is based on evidence have recommended this book to a lot which as he understood was the pur- and that indicates the harm posed by of my friends as it’s an intelligent dis- pose of the ACMD. each drug. He also argues that the cur- cussion of drugs policy is rarely found Prof Nutt’s book explores new rent “War on Drugs”, while being set within other media. Equally, the hope- methods for reducing the harm of le- up in good intentions, has had many An intelligent discussion on the ful way Prof Nutt writes leads me to gal and illegal drugs. Th is starts with negative eff ects: the criminalisation of harms of legal and illegal drugs believe that our politicians will, quite a critique of the current classifi ca- young people; the lack of proper care soon, invoke a truly evidence-based tion system for drugs. Th is system for drug addicts; and the lack of fund- approach to drug policy. FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER 23

Business Editor: Deepka Rana [email protected] BUSINESS Calling all Entrepreneurs! Pranav Tulsian presents the latest business event at Imperial

ver wondered what it largest campaign to promote en- SVC2Imperial. SVC2Imperial en- bring together like-minded people vate and inspire students by sharing would be like to own a bil- trepreneurship, taking place in 115 compasses three free events over two in hope of increasing the interaction the success stories of established en- lion dollar company? Ever countries. Th e theme this year is to days, held on Th ursday 15th and Sat- amongst the entrepreneurship com- trepreneurs as well as providing ad- Edebated the pros and cons ‘Pass it On!’ – to provide the practical urday 17th of November 2012. munity not only in Imperial College vice. Some topics of lectures are how of starting a business over help & support needed by early start- On the Th ursday there will be a London but in the whole of London. an idea can grow to become a great a career? Ever wondered if you can ups and individuals who are consider- live stream of the opening SVC2UK Th e Saturday will mainly consist of start-up and how you can create a start your own business? Ever thought ing taking the plunge. conference held in Cambridge from a conference running from 10am till great team. If you have started, how to about starting your own business In the spirit of GEW, another organ- 5.30PM till 7pm. Th e opening con- 5pm. Th e day will be split into three overcome adversity and fear. but don’t know how? Silicon Valley isation, ‘Silicon Valley Comes to the ference will consist of a panel of Sili- parts: Masterclass, Company Show- Th e main purpose of SVC2Impe- Comes to Imperial (SVC2Imperial) UK’ (SVC2UK) has a similar purpose. con Valley and UK speakers, talking case and Keynote Lectures. In the rial is to bring the ‘start-up mentality’ is your chance to get answers to all of SVC2UK is a not-for-profi t series of about scaling up and the challenges Masterclass, there will be workshops found in abundance in Silicon Valley these questions. industry supported events organ- faced. Speakers will include Venture and panel discussions run by suc- (San Francisco) to Imperial. SVC2Imperial is run in conjunc- ised by Sherry Coutu, the UK’s most Capitalists (eg. Raj Kapoor, Mayfi eld cessful entrepreneurs, industrialists, Imperial Entrepreneurs’ motivation with Global Entrepreneurship prominent angel investor, and Reid Fund), Founders and Chief Offi cers authors and businesses. Students will tions for running these events are to Week (GEW), which will take place Hoff man, early Facebook investor and (e.g. Renaud Visage, Eventbrite) and get the chance to hear from leaders connect Imperial College London this coming week. GEW is an adap- founder of LinkedIn. SVC2UK brings Educators (Bobbi Kurshan, Executive from the local ecosystems on a range students with Imperial College Lon- tation of Enterprise Week in the UK. leading Silicon Valley Entrepreneurs, Director of Academic Innovation & of entrepreneurship topics; from lean don start-ups, and introduce these Co-founded by Th e Ewing Marion investors, and thought leaders to the Senior Fellow in Education). start-up methodologies to why you start-ups to well established London Kauff man Foundation, which was es- UK to explore ideas and to inspire On that same day at SVC2Imperial should join/start start-ups and how it start-ups and investors. We also aim tablished in the mid-1960s by the late local entrepreneurship. Entering its there will also be a CEO & Investor diff ers from a corporate career. to create an environment where vari- entrepreneur and philanthropist Ew- sixth year, over the same week as Workshop and Networking Dinner. Th e Company Showcase is an op- ous entrepreneurship related topics ing Marion Kauff man, their vision is GEW, Silicon Valley and UK leaders CEOs from some of the most prom- portunity for companies to showcase could be discussed. to foster “a society of economically in entrepreneurship will lead work- ising start-ups in our ecosystem, their ideas, businesses and technolo- Th e conference is suited to everyone independent individuals who are en- shops, masterclasses and lectures which are in the process of scaling gies to the Imperial community giv- at Imperial; we have diff erent work- gaged citizens, contributing to the across the UK, with the aim to debate, up, are invited to attend a workshop ing them exposure and a chance to in- shops tailored to your needs whether improvement of their communities”. discuss, create and fund today’s most with successful local entrepreneurs spire students who would like to join you have your own business or have GEW UK is now hosted by Youth innovative technologies to change and Silicon Valley CEOs and execu- or found start-ups. It provides a way never thought about entrepreneur- Business International, a global net- our world in the years to come. It’s tives, where facilitators will share for Imperial Students to interact with ship. To register your interest and work of independent, non-profi t initi- designed to improve the ecosystem their experiences and participants local entrepreneur companies. keep up to date with the latest news atives helping young people start and for entrepreneurship in the UK and can troubleshoot any current issues. Th e Keynote Lectures will have suc- you can become a member of Impe- grow their own business and create Europe. It provides a unique opportunity for cessful entrepreneurs give speeches rial Entrepreneurs (for free!), we will employment. In partnership with SVC2UK, start-up CEOs to learn from the best and run multiple discussions for an keep you informed through our Face- Now GEW has become the world’s Imperial Entrepreneurs is running in the business. Th e purpose is to entire afternoon. Th e aim is to moti- book page. London Climate Forum 2012 Saturday 24th – Sunday 25th November London Imperial College London Great Hall Forum The hottest student debate is coming to London Get your tickets now at: www.londonclimateforum.com

Give people a reason to leave the house on Friday Email: [email protected] Groups and individuals welcome! 26 FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER

Arts Editors: Eva Rosenthal, ARTS Meredith Thomas [email protected] Fusion achieved at last in Huxley An interview with Physics’ artist in residence

Meredith Thomas Arts Editor about the people. I don’t really worry G: Massive. It makes all the diff erence. about it. I call myself an artist, but that Even though when I started I was in- is because I am interested in express- credibly rusty. I read over 30 books met Geraldine Cox in a windy ing diff erent ideas. But the artist in in the fi rst year. I couldn’t even think garet on the roof of the phys- residence thing is a bit too formal for about an electron when I fi rst met ics building. Th e abandoned me. Terr y. Iweather station is an octago- When I got here I did nothing for nal room half-open to the ele- M: So what did you feel that you three months apart from speak to ments and fi lled with drying clothes, could gain from this relationship people, just to fi nd out what was go- bits of mouldering, esoteric looking you have with the physics depart- ing on in the building, who these peo- equipment and empty beer bottles. ment... whatever it is? ple are, how they work. No one has to It was an appropriately idiosyncratic start from scratch with you, which can setting for an interview with a unusual G: Well, I didn’t have a clear idea when be tedious and you can make connec- person. Geraldine is the Department I started. I felt that there were things tions yourself. of Physics’ artist in residence. there that were really worth explor- It is the idea that you see something Over the sound of the howling wind ing and expressing as an artist. Other here and extrapolate it somewhere we begun to talk about here experi- than that I had really no idea what I else and you get a deeper understand- Why work? Instead, doodle all lecture long and then send us your draw- ences and her work. As we chatted a expected. ing of physics. It is incredibly exciting. ings to [email protected]. This doodle is by Ioanna Kalogerakis. Oba- rainbow formed over Hyde Park. I decided that, this is going to sound You get these things that just pop up ma looks very triumphant! a bit fl aky, a bit arty-farty, but I de- again and again on all these diff erent Meredith: When did you start this cided that I wanted to make work that scales around the world and the uni- residency? was really optimistic, about the best verse. Th at we can even see that and that humans can be. It is a really in- map that is amazing. Yes the physics I Geraldine: Well, it’s hazy. I started teresting aspect of humanity. I wanted think is just a massive help. thinking about connecting physics to talk about humans and discovery with art about three years ago. and how they see the world. I think, M: Has the experience lived up to I originally did a degree in Physics philosophically there is a lot that can your expectations? then I worked for Accenture for a few be learned from science for life in gen- years. You don’t need to mention that eral. Th ere is a sense of the power that G: Th e thing about being here is [laughs]. Th en I went to art school for it gives you, but also the humility. You that your mind is constantly being four years. After you’ve learned to be understand the limits of your knowl- stretched because you are always ex- an artist and you’ve learned to paint, edge. periencing and thinking of the world Seduced by Art: Photography Past and Present @ National Gallery – Art is seduced you ask yourself – “what shall I make in diff erent ways – developing diff er- by photography as the National hosts its first important exhibition on the subject. work about? What do I want to say?” M: How much of a diff erence did ent abstract models all the time. It’s Now – 20 January 2013. Th at was why I came here. I had a your science background make? just incredibly exciting. It’s more ex- hunch that there would be something William Klein + Daido Moriyama @ Tate Modern – The urban existence of New here to talk about, and I had the back- York and Tokyo from the 1950’s to present is revealed through the lenses of two ground to do it. celebrated observers of street life. Now – 20 January 2013. To me it was personal in the sense that it was like pulling strands togeth- The Northern Renaissance: Durer to Holbein @ The Queen’s Gallery – The exqui- er in my mind that are important to site beauty of the artists that emerged from Northern Europe in the 15th and 16th me. I really used to love physics and centuries can be viewed in an exhibition of over 100 works. Now – 14 April 2013. this was an opportunity to combine it with art. The Kingdom @ The Soho Theatre – Three Irishmen, labourers, tell tragic and I was incredibly lucky, I went to a passionate tales from their lives. Written by Colin Teevan, who’s production of talk one night and met the speaker – Japanese macabre play, The Bee, was a resounding success. From £10. Now - 17 he put me in touch with Terry Rudolf November 2012. who works in quantum information. I’d had forgotten all my physics so I Rosas: En Atendant / Cesena @ Sadler’s Wells – UK premier of two contemporary started reading books. It was formally, dance pieces by Anne Teresa De Keersmaeker: the first on the dawn, the second April the 1st, 2011 when the Lever- on twilight and the night. Very profound apparently. Hurry up, tonight is the last hume Trust paid for an award to do performance! that fi rst year of work. Th at’s when people started calling me the artist in residence, which is a title that I never have aspired to.

M: How would you describe yourself and your work?

G: I really try to avoid any labels. Sometimes my work is educational Geraldine Cox the artist or documentary and sometimes it is in residence at Huxely expressive or poetic. Sometimes it is about the science, sometimes it is FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER 27

Arts Editors: Eva Rosenthal, Meredith Thomas ARTS [email protected]

citing than a lot of art. Th e ideas come like home to me. I can really talk to In a way they are complementary, so thick and fast here and it colours in people here. I feel like I understand not competing. Part of what I am your mental image of the world. So for the way they think. I am less at home trying to do is open doors and help me – this is the most stimulating place in the art world and I’m not sure why people to understand how science to hang out. M - Wow! Newsfl ash! that is. can help complement how they un- You can defi nitely have too many Th ere is something about the scien- derstand the world alongside other physicists in one room. Defi nitely... tist and the engineer, maybe because things. more than two [laughs]. they are looking outwards and be- My own experience of life is richer cause they are completely beholden M: Where do you think these diff er- because anything I look at has layers to nature somehow. Th ere is a check ences arise? of meaning. I can look at the poem I on them. Whereas artists, they are in read yesterday that makes me look at a more boy band world and there is G: Maybe our education system silos the world in a diff erent way, or I can a machine operating that selects you people too much, separating them out look at what is happening to the light and promotes you. It’s a rather mys- into art and science and having very bouncing off the tree down there. It terious machine based on all sorts of diff erent ways of thinking. I’m not just makes every moment richer. forces. And I couldn’t tell you what sure it has to be like that. I meet young One of the things I am really inter- they are. people all the time who feel this way ested in is how physics identifi es pat- Some people sense that: that artists and are trying to bridge the gap and terns. My project is called fi nding pat- have an agenda to put out there and talk about the world in all its beautiful terns. So that was a notion, and idea I they will do that at any cost rather complexity by whatever means they had at the start. I see it really strongly than being open to learning. can. now, the name is really the right name. Maybe it’s down to education. May- I do think that people like black and be it’s just that people don’t have a way white and I think everybody could do M: Do you feel that there is a big in. A friend always says that science is better if they were more curious about void between the art world as you a channel, or a way of looking at the things. More open to uncertainty, experienced it and academia and world, as is poetry or painting. Th e which is everywhere. All matter is the same, Oil on linen the sciences? most wonderful thing is to include various aspects of those in your life as M: How do you explain your work to G: I have to be so careful with this. ways of talking about your experience scientist and engineers who may be You can be so infl ammatory. Th is feels of being there and understanding it. more sceptical? run the LCD screen and the speakers. I like exploring diff erent ways of ex- A few watts will come of these fl exible pressing ideas and as a friend of mine G: I don’t really come across any overt plastic photovoltaic cells, so it will just said the other day: we absolutely do scepticism, not after the fi rst few min- generate it’s own electricity. not want self expression in the labora- utes. People are very generous with It’s a pop up so it can just pop up tory. On the theory side, I haven’t got their ideas and time. I always try to anywhere. It can go onto the street or the head for the maths and probably listen and learn as openly and atten- into schools, exhibitions or festivals and on the experimental side, maybe I tively as possible and give something and be this atmospheric, welcom- haven’t got the patience. back. It is always a dialogue. ing, non-threatening environment to Th ere is possibly useful work that I watch some of these fi lms. am doing. Th ere is something strange M: Can you give me some exam- Th ere will be all sorts of diff erent about having someone in the physics ples of projects you have worked on things we could show like Chalkboard department who has studied physics while you have been here? for example to give people a sense of and art, who is always asking ques- some of the work that goes on here in tions, but never going to ask you G: I have made so many things and a more sensory way I suppose. It’s the whether something is examinable, and think of each one like a short poem – poetics of discovery. who wanders around all the fi elds of some hitting the mark or fi nding reso- physics. nance better than others M: Is there something unique about I’m walking around all the time and One of the fi lms is called Chalk- physics because it is so fundamental asking questions and playing things board and is something I made with a to our very existence. Do you think back to people. Telling it in a diff erent theoretical physicist. It was images of you would ever see yourself working way. People say that it actually helps a chalkboard, which sounds mundane other departments? them think about physics. So there is and uninteresting. Th ey were close- some role I can play that’s of benefi t as ups, using a special lens and the back- G: I think I am really attracted to an artist. Although it is not helping in ing track is of his singing. He does this physics. What is it with physics? I any direct way a person’s research. It throat singing – producing diff erent think what personally I love the inves- seems to me that scientists can enjoy voices from one head, I don’t know if tigation into the inanimate. It is just the work I produce for the guy on the you have ever come across that sort of purely a question of fi nding out more street as much as the guy in the street. singing. It is probably from Mongo- about the world, no matter how many lian regions. business cases physicist write to say M - Do you think every department It is about a three minute fi lm. Fas- ‘that this is to make that, or this will should have a... someone in your cinatingly, if you look closely at the help us make that’. Fundamentally it is role? chalkboard it takes you to another curiosity based. and I love the purity world, another cosmos opens. Th e of that. G: You know, I really don’t know. It all fi lm is really successful at expressing Th ere is lots of good work going on depends on the people – it’s not somewhat if feels like to be on the edge of other fi elds. But I think that pure cu- thing that can necessarily be organised knowledge, to be working in that way. riosity is probably the essence of my by shipping artists into organisations. I’m gauging it by peoples’ reactions to project. And there is a great beauty in Th ere can certainly be great benefi ts. it. the creation of abstract models and Th is is a very personal project for Th e yurt on the roof a little natural testing and applying them around the me, it’s very philosophical and per- light cinema so the yurt has a hole in universe. Like a casting of the human sonally driven, so I behave in a certain the roof, so the light fl ushes through mind. It is a powerful thing to do, but way. Th e reason I am not looking at the hole. Our project will work by also comes with great limitations in- working in other departments, is also passing light through an LCD screen herent in the human mind. Th is story that I am overwhelmed here. It is a so it’s like your fi lm transparency, of power and humility is also a part of really big department, I’ve changed down onto a table. So the fi lms are my project. track so many times in my life, I just being projected on the table just us- can’t go and do it again. Th is is really ing the light outside. And when clouds M: Do you ever feel yourself drawn enough. Th is is a big pie to eat. The Physicist, Oil on japanese window paper go over the image will go darker. I love to go into research yourself? that idea. You are beholden to nature. Find out more about Geraldine’s work at What limited electronics you need to G: I think I don’t have what it takes. www.findingpatterns.info TONIGHT 20:00 - 02:00 £2.50 Excuse Me SIASwith Friday 16 November 20:00 - 02:00 £2.50 Sias will be serving you a history of house & space disco. Drinks offer every wednesday & friday £2.00 from 18:00 in all bars imperialcollegeunion.org/whats-on FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER 29

Books Editor: Maciej Matuszewski [email protected] BOOKS The Lathe of Heaven Maciej Matuszewski talks about Ursula Le Guin’s masterpiece

here are few SF and fan- small part due to its short length. To tasy authors who have fi t all of these themes, as well as an won as many awards as interesting plot and engaging charac- TUrsula Le Guin. For over ters, in less than 200 pages without 40 years she has been well making the story feel rushed or forced When I say the word known for writing thought provoking, is an amazing achievement. Antwerp, you are going to intelligent stories and she is fast be- Th e exploration of diff erent levels have an effective dream... coming one of my favourite authors. of consciousness and reality is some- Having thoroughly enjoyed reading what reminiscent of the work of Philip her Earthsea series of novels last year K. Dick. Indeed, Dick himself greatly I decided to fi nally try one of her sci- praised the book, saying: “One of the ence fi ction off erings and so turned to best novels, and most important to Th e Lathe of Heaven. understanding of the nature of our Th e novel focuses on the life of world, is Ursula Le Guin’s Th e Lathe George Orr, a seemingly ordinary man of Heaven, in which the dream uni- who has the ability to have so called verse is articulated in such a striking “eff ective dreams” which can alter re- and compelling way that I hesitate to ality itself. Terrifi ed of his abilities he add any further explanation to it; it re- plunges into depression and attempts quires none.” to stop himself dreaming at all using I personally believe that Th e Lathe drugs, eventually being forced to see of Heaven is far superior to much of psychiatrist William Haber. While ini- Dick’s work. Le Guin never succumbs tially sceptical of Orr’s abilities Haber to the self-indulgence present in so slowly begins to believe that they can many of Dick’s novels. Her work re- they can be used to improve the dys- mains far more grounded – its mean- topian world they live in, as well as to ing never obscured by impenetrable advance his own position. A person’s psychobabble or weirdness just for dreams, however, prove diffi cult to weirdness sake. As such, it remains so control and attempting to bend real- much more powerful a read. ity to one’s will never has exactly the Th is is a wonderful book that I can intended consequences. honestly recommend to everybody, Th is is a masterfully written novel. even those who don’t usually like sci- Exploring complex issues of philoso- ence fi ction. A standalone master- phy, ethics and the potentially destruc- piece, this is the perfect way to get tive eff ects of an excess of ambition it into Le Guin’s work if you don’t want remains readable and accessible, in no to start with one of her longer series. The coming of the Random Penguin

Joseph Spiking Writer tities? Th e threat of Amazon and Apple, the purveyors of the e-book ‘revolution’, explains the decision Penguin and Random House – the to merge to an extent. Overall book consumer publishing divisions of sales in 2011 were down 11% and the Pearson and Bertelsmann respec- reports for 2012 suggest a worsening tively – have recently announced of this downward trend. Of course, their intention to merge, creat- it is the e-book that has lead to the ing the world’s biggest publishing ill health of the publishing industry. house, duly named ‘Penguin Random With the threat from the digital sec- House’. tor only set to grow as more e-read- Th e logistics of this union are sim- ers and tablets become available, the ple: Bertelsmann will own 53% of the merger between the two publishing new publishing house to Penguins houses seems to only gain fi nancial 47%, this division being represented credibility – though the eff ect it shall in the board room – Bertelsmann have upon the rest of the industry having fi ve directors of the board to remains debatable and largely un- Penguins four with the contract last- predictable. Will the remaining pub- Th e situation may not be as bad as Swimming Home is one of the best- by Penguin Random House. Th is is ing for at least three years. Th e merg- lishers be squeezed into publishing it seems. When Faber, an established selling novels of this year. not only of great benefi t f o r t h o s e er makes Penguin Random House the even safer literature than is currently publisher, enabled the independent Th is kind of co-operation between seeking original novels to consume, largest publisher in the world, pub- available, or will they abandon the publisher And Other Stories to pro- established and independent pub- but it may also provide fresh impe- lishing at least 25% of all books sold. centre ground that Penguin Random duce a mass market edition of the lishing houses may only increase, as tus for a fl agging industry. Maybe the What brought about the merger House shall straddle and instead Man Booker Prize nominated Swim- established publishers will be driven printed novel shall have a happy end- between two previously distinct en- publish new, innovative literature? ming Home, they hit a gold mine: to seek a niche that is not covered ing after all. 30 FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER

Television Editor: Lucia Podhorska TELEVISION [email protected] The Science in the Series Astrid Armgarth has a nerdy fascination with Bones

ecently, I read an inter- to mimic our lifestyle but alas fail. esting article about out- Th e beginning of true nerd-series I really hope they’re not raged nerds demanding started early on and focused mainly eating that in the lab... Ra change of the outdated on science fi ction, with Star Trek be- defi nition of the term ing the most obvious example. But nerd. As it stands, the offi cial transla- there has been a second coming of the tion according to the Oxford English nerds on TV in which the spot light is Dictionary is “a foolish or contempt- on science and not science fi ction. For ible person who lacks social skills or the award of the best original series is boringly studious”. At a university of the second nerd-era I would like such as this there is no shortage of to nominate Bones. Th is show started nerds or people that may be consid- in 2005, which was notably two years ered boringly studious. Most Impe- prior to the big bang of Th e Big Bang rial students would probably join in Th eory. this uproar against old-fashioned ter- Bones is still going strong as its 8th minology that fails to convey the full season brings on new murder crimes meaning of what it means to be a nerd! that can only be solved by the forensic But the couch is simply too comfort- anthropologist Dr. Temperance Bren- able. Another, easier way of showing nan, aka Bones, and her invaluable your support to this cause is to simply team. Th e role of the highly intelligent watch the right shows. As the num- and socially awkward main character ber of viewers of nerd-approved TV- is well played by Emily Deschanel, series rise, our infl uence expands until who coincidentally is the older sis- fi nally nerds overthrow the market ter of the previously trashed actress. (and inherit the earth). By then some- For those of you who are new to this one with “more social skills” is bound show, Bones is simply put a female revolves around the sexual tension intrigues to the show. Th ere is the ry episode unique. to have presented our case for us. version of Sheldon Cooper in The between Bones and Booth, which “bug and slime” guy, Hodgins, who is As with most nerd-shows, the de- But be aware, the untrained nerd Big Bang Th eory, as she constantly reaches its pinnacle in season 5. After fanatical about the insects that infest piction of science is not always cor- might be drawn to watch fake-nerd and brutally reminds her co-workers that point the viewers can be expected victim remains. He is partnered with rect. Th e cleanliness of the Smithsoni- shows. Th ese are in actuality merely about their intellectual inferiority. to be slightly disappointed if they were Angela, the group’s self-trained com- an laboratory clearly shows ignorance hipster-approved. A good example of Equipped with empirical reasoning only interested in this couple. puter wiz and reconstruction artist. of the chaos most scientists are used such false advertisement is the show and intimate knowledge of bones, Luckily, viewers need not fret as Th eir boss, Cam, deals with matters of to. But they do get some things right – New Girl, starring Zooey Deschanel. she studies the remains of victims Bones has a full nerd squad by her the fl esh, whereas the FBI psycholo- Hodgins likes to blow things up in the Th is series fi ts under the outdated and deducts the cause of death. Her side, known as squints. Th ese sup- gist Dr. Sweets deals with matters of name of science as we all do at Impe- translation of nerd, as the main char- counterpart is the emotional and tem- porting actors impressively demon- the mind, or “soft sciences” as Bones rial. Th is quirky show shines a light on acter in fact is a foolish and contempt- peramental FBI Special Agent Seeley strate the wonders of interdisciplinary calls it. In addition there are plenty of science and the vast variety of nerds ible person. Th is proves just how hip it Booth, starring David Boreanaz. Th e science, but more importantly brings funny intern squints that are replaced without coming across as boring or is to be a nerd, since even hipsters try central theme in the early seasons humor and additional relationship on a seasonal basis, which makes eve- studious. My Top Five Episodes of the Week A totally valid excuse to watch even more TV

Lucia Podhorska Television Editor 1. Grey’s Anatomy, Season 9 Episode 3, “Love the One You’re With” As you may have noticed, the TV page has a new addition in the form of a fea- 2. How I Met Your Mother, Season 8 Episode 4, “Who ture called ‘My Top Five Episodes of the Wants to Be a Godparent” Week.’ Th e title is pretty self-explanatory, I think, but just so there is no confu- sion this list will contain an individual’s 3. The Big Bang Theory, Season 6 Episode 4, “The Re-Entry fi ve favourite episodes from that week. I Minimization” will start this off and (hopefully) people will send in their lists. It’s not such hard work, all you have to do is watch fi ve 4. The Big Bang Theory, Season 6 Episode 6, “The Extract episodes in one week (as if you’re not Obliteration” doing that anyway) and then send me the names of the shows and episodes and your ranking. So, without further 5. How I Met Your Mother, Season 8 Episode 5, “The Au- ado, here is my top fi ve… tumn of Break-Ups FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER 31 Music Editors: Mark England, Ross Gray, Simon Hunter, Íñigo Martinez de Rituerto MUSIC [email protected] IC Radio Special Matt Earnshaw looks ahead to this year’s London Jazz Festival

Tonight sees the return of the Lon- line up are Synkoke, self described as (16th, Vortex) use their tight, groovy don Jazz Festival. Th e capital’s largest “punked prog-jazz”, their no-holds- rhythm section as a basis for trumpet pan-city festival, this two week aff air barred approach is a modern take on and sax to lock horns in lively conver- comprises hundreds of events span- the style pioneered by groups such as sation over liquid time-changes and a ning dozens of venues. Peter Brötzmann’s Last Exit. Not danceable funk-laden beat. Support- Glancing at the range of the bands for the faint of heart! ing them are Norwegian indie-jazz playing this year reveals that the days Award-winning Finnish experi- ensemble Pixel, who combine the of ‘jazz tradition’ are long gone. One mentalists Oddarang (Southbank energy of indie rock with the struc- would be hard-pressed to distil many Centre, 10th, free) blend their unique tural and harmonic freedoms of jazz. common themes from the character- strain of jazz with infl uences from Leeds’ Roller Trio, complete the istics of the groups performing over world music, classical, and post-rock night’s line up, a group combining the next two weeks, given the breadth to create moving, minimalist sound- elements of funk, noise, electronic, of their infl uences, the seemingly un- scapes set against a gently propulsive and rock music with schizophrenic likely genre fusions, and the wide- rhythm section and ethereal melo- themes but whose identity ultimately spread propensity to push bounda- dies, whose overarching aesthetic has eludes pigeonholing given the im- ries in every conceivable direction. been likened to the works of Icelan- mense variety in their compositions. With some of the more well known dic group Sigur Rós. Underground legends of Poland’s performers long since sold out, here One-man band Hyperpotamus new jazz scene, Jazzpospolita (16th, are my “alternative picks” of the fes- (11th, Artsdepot, free) produces mu- POSK) mix jazz with elements of psy- tival - just a few those groups who I sic using only his voice and a loop chedelic rock and electronic music to feel are leading jazz in exciting new pedal, both singing and using word- create delightfully modern yet acces- directions. less vocalisation to provide rhyth- sible sound. Tonight (9th) sees a triple bill of mic and melodic lines, and creating On the back of this year’s stunning up-and-coming Norwegian artists at technically impressive multi-layered debut on Tzadik’s Spotlight Series, Vortex. Bushman’s Revenge whose compositions. French jazzers Guillaume Perret & rection and melodic sensibility. Nor- Paul Jones. Given that Supersilent’s genre bending sound has been de- Th e talented, young, London fi ve- Th e Electric Epic are set to storm wegian trio Puma will push levels only rule is “no rehearsals”, expect the scribed as “moving between jazz piece Psylus (13th, Southbank Cen- the Bishopsgate Institute on the 17th into the red with their noisy, electric, unexpected from this consistently and classic heavy rock … with traces tre, free) melds contemporary bop- with their breed of highly energetic free-rock-inspired improvisations creative collective as they explore of blues, prog and acid rock” will be ish themes and free improvisation fusion of electric jazz and progressive that show excellent dynamic range hitherto uncharted soundscapes. joined by Rune Grammofon label- with elements of hip-hop and elec- rock. Th e triple bill also includes the and variety. mates Albatrosh, a dynamic piano/ tronica, to create a refreshingly crea- Leeds based trioVD, fearlessly shat- Th e long running Norwegian elec- Th e festival runs from Friday No- saxophone duo who eff ortlessly blend tive sound that is poised to become tering conventions with a metallic, tric improvisational group Supersi- vember 9th – Sunday November 18th. strong compositional and melodic a success on the international jazz abrasive mixture of distorted guitars, lent will play out the festival (18th, See www.londonjazzfestival.org.uk for nous with elements of near-telepathic scene. thrashing drums, and wailing sax, all Village Underground) in collabora- more details including a full event free-improvisation. Rounding out the London’s World Service Project whilst retaining a strong sense of dition with Led Zeppelin bassist John listing. Happy birthday, John Cage!

Íñigo Martinez de Rituerto about the future of music.” next one is on Monday at Kings Place). Cage listened to the world. Chance op- Last month, the Trinity Laban Con- erations were one of his favourite meth- servatoire of Music and Dance in Green- 4’33’’ of silence, in three parts, for one ods of composition. Whether throw- wich held a one-day festival called Out piano. ing dice to determine what was played of the Cage. Numerous performances Th e performer goes on stage, sits at his when, or using the I Ching (an ancient were happening at once around the cam- piano and closes the keyboard. When it’s Chinese text used for divination), his pus and the audience was encouraged over, he gets up, bows and leaves. musical ventures were often informed to move between them. One man was Perhaps the most controversial piece of by Zen teachings. In more deterministic cooking mushrooms (picking them was music ever written, John Cage’s 4’33’’ is works, he employed a variety of objects a passion of Cage’s) and serving them to not a comedy routine, but a call to listen- and techniques to make sound. Child of passersby while he mic’ed up the pot and ing. Invariantly, the longer the piece goes Tree is played on ampliﬁ ed cactus, using cutting board, running it through ran- on, the more the audience gets frustrated the plant as a resonating body. He also domised eﬀ ects. In another room, dance and begins to make noise, disrupting the invented the prepared piano, by plac- students interpreted random words cho- silence. Th e environment becomes the ing various objects between the strings, sen by the audience to the sound of pre- instrument. creating a curious medley of percussive pared pianos. Th e night culminated in He wasn’t looking for silence. He found sounds when the keys were struck. the courtyard, where four loudspeakers it did not exist. In 1951, he stood in an What’s wonderful about his music is played four symphonic orchestras simul- anechoic chamber (a room with absolute that it is timeless. His scores are open to taneously. Th e quadruple-climax was the acoustic isolation) to experience silence. interpretation, yet governed by chance. most immense musical moment I have Instead he heard two sounds, one high Th e principles translate to just about any ever experienced. and one low – his nervous system and facet of life. Before leaving, a song of Happy Birth- his blood circulation. “Until I die there It is his centenary this year and as a re- day. Th e rules were: sing every syllable will be sounds. And they will continue sult there are innumerable performances until you are out of breath. Stop when following my death. One need not fear of his work taking place everywhere (the you are done. 32 FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER Music Editors: Mark England, Ross Gray, Simon Hunter, MUSIC Íñigo Martinez de Rituerto [email protected]

You Don’t Have To Call It Music Everything is good Mark England Music Editor Pt. 5 avant-garde America Everything Everything at the Vil- by Íñigo Martinez de Rituerto lage Underground in Shoreditch was certainly a hot ticket; the show had Following France and Germany, the third post-war musical revolution took place sold out well in advance and obscene in North America. Unlike the preceding movements – concrète and elektronische – amounts of money were being ex- the American vanguard did not gather in a single studio. Instead its ranks converged changed online to gain entry. As peo- primarily on two tendencies – minimalism and tape music. Where the Europeans ple crammed into the relatively small had arguably derived their creative manifestos from cultural customs – the Gallic venue the anticipation for hearing love of life turning its ears to the world, the Germanic fervor for exactitude invent- Everything Everything’s new album ing electronic machines to surpass earthly airs – the American philosophy perhaps was tangible after the huge success evidenced the metaphysical grounds which built their nation. which their debut album proved to be. The ethereal quality of the American spirit translated subconsciously to its musi- Th is was the week in which the band cal experiments in the ‘50s and ‘60s, almost as if to herald the heady days that led to got their fi rst top forty hit in ‘Cough Woodstock. The music was visceral as it was cerebral, contrasting with the predomi- Cough’ which rocketed in at number nantly intellectual exhibitions of Europe. Its power somewhat akin to the expression- thirty seven. All this proves to me is ist paintings of Rothko, attempting to capture an emotion rather than an explicit that the singles charts are fucked be- Apparently bright scene or purpose; the cultivation of an internal presence instead of a dissociated ob- yond saving but apparently it was a colours are not in this servation, reappropriating the “few cubic centimetres inside your skull.” reason for celebration, and what bet- season. Or smiles... Perhaps the most revolutionary thinker and composer of the movement was John ter way to celebrate then playing a Cage. His most famous piece 4’33’’ is four minutes and thiry-three seconds of silence, knock out show in East London. the point being to lend your ears to the sounds around you. Other times he used cacti Th e support band Post War Years or radios as sound sources, or played with the speed of tape and vinyl players. One at fi rst reminded me of a sub-par toll but this was a band revitalised and Th e set came to a frenetic ending of his most favourite tools must have been the stopwatch, which he used extensively Delphic, who themselves are a diet refocused. Some of the most notable with ‘Cough Cough’, ’Two for Nero’ to direct performers based on randomly generated time durations. Truly, his body version of New Order so I was not new tracks which are going to make and ‘Photoshop Handsome’ frothing of work and influence on experimental music and its conceptions ever since are expecting anything to blow me away. people lose their shit are ‘Kemosabe’ up the crowd into a fanciful lather. monumentous. Indeed far too much to include in this column. As it is his centenary I was left pleasantly surprised by their and ‘Torso of the Week’. Everything Everything have defi nitely this year, I have gifted him with his very own article, which you’ll find on the previous electro-schtick and soaring tunes but I Everything Everything are the sort matured and their upcoming album, page. cannot decide whether my low expec- of band that your stereotypical Impe- set to be released in January of next Steve Reich and Phillip Glass are two of the most popular composers of minimal- tations were the decisive factor. rial student should love. Th eir indie year, is looking like it won’t disappoint. ist music. Their works lack the tedious complexity of concrète and elektronische, opt- Opening with ‘Suff ragette Suff ra- hits creep towards the angular math- Th eir new sound is slightly more ex- ing instead for the primacy of focus. Superimposed melodies and harmonic counter- gette’ Everything Everything showed rock side of the spectrum, they used to pansive but keeps the lyrical edge and points submerge the listener beneath alternating currents of sound. Polyrhythm and their intent straight from the start do all their shows in orange jumpsuits the rush you experience when you repetition were used to great effect in Glass’s score for Reggio’s Qatsi film trilogy, to brighten up the bitterly cold night to continue some sort of in-joke, and hear the saccharine choruses. Will where the role and behaviour of humanity in the world is put into question. for everyone in the majestically cool their songs include some hilariously 2013 belong to Everything Everything Maryanne Amacher was a more controversial practitioner of the minimalist venue. Half of the set consisted of nerdy lyrics. Highlights include “Isam- just as this year has belonged to the tradition. One of her last recordings, Sound Characters (Making the Third Ear) ex- new tracks interspersed between old bard, I am all steel”, “I’m as giddy as a Vaccines? Th ey managed to charm ploited interference patterns to produce otoacoustic emissions – sounds generated favourites and it was clear to see that baby in a centrifuge” and my personal the pants off of East London tonight by the inner ear which may be heard externally. The piece is eerie but entrancing. the band enjoyed the chance to play favourite “You said ‘Boy Lets Fuck the without breaking into a canter so I Unknowingly falling off the cliff of liminality, finding oneself surrounded by endless fresh songs. Th e exhaustive touring of Ozone’ but boy that hole is too wide”. wouldn’t bet against them. permutations of a few notes changing place, moving around the room as you move their last album had certainly taken its Genius! with it. A scape so simple your brain has to fill in the gaps. Another intriguing proponent of the minimalist practice was the mystical La Monte Young. With Marian Zazeela, he founded the Dream Syndicate, a group dedicated to interminable, spiritualized improvisation. Though he never considered Soul hero Terry Callier passes on the piece finished, his solo performances of The Well-Tuned Piano last around 5 hours. The concrète school’s ever-refined observations of sound itself, wore particularly strongly on one Curtis Roads. Literally magnifying their percepetual philosophy, he developed granular synthesis: composition through microsounds. Microsounds Simon Hunter Music Editor Terry Callier started lighting up dance are microsecond-order samples that reveal the instantaneous characteristics of a fl oors over this side of the pond. Ed- recording. By applying a stochastic replay of various cuts in a longer recording, one die Piller, owner of Acid Jazz Records can achieve the effect of stretching the sound to virtually any length of time without Two weeks ago Terry Callier’s name (alongside Gilles Peterson), con- shifting the pitch as occurs when slowing down vinyl. However, the fun really begins was added to the ever increasing list tacted Callier asking to put out this when the cuts are played back out of order. of great soul artists who are no longer particular record; it was agreed and Another contributing factor to the diversity of the Americans’ recorded output with us. Callier, born in 1940’s Chi- within two years Callier was using was the variety of studios involved. Instead of being provided by radio and television cago released his fi rst record in 1968 vacations from his job as an adminis- networks, as the RTF had done in Paris or the WDR in Cologne, universities across the to little commercial success. Th is was trator at the University of Chicago to country were supplying their resources. Some of the most influential studios were followed up in the fi rst half of the 70’s play gigs and festivals here in England. built in Princeton, Urbana-Champaign in Illinois and Harvard. The CCRMA in Stan- with two more albums, including the Callier started recording again, all be terests, family being his fi rst. On being ford is now home to the public favourite mobile phone orchestra, MoPhO. In Bell brilliant What Colour is Love. Again, it reluctantly, and touring more. asked about hitting the big time he re- Labs, Max Matthews and Miller Puckette developed the widely used graphic au- despite being critically acclaimed, In 1998 his album Timepeace responded “If I broke as big as the Bea- dio programming software Max/MSP, before it was usurped by the IRCAM in Paris. little commercial success followed. ceived an award from the United tles tomorrow, it still wouldn’t mean Some remarkable individuals built their very own synthesizers in order to real- While Callier toured with the likes Nations; instead of this bringing him much because my mom’s not here”. ize their visions. Raymond Scott, whose music was posthumously employed by of Gil Scott-Heron and Jerry Butler fame it meant his employers at the Warner Bros in Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies, spent close to a million dollars he struggled to join them at the top of University found out about his dou- developing his Electronium. David Tudor, with the help of a magical chip from Intel, billboards. Two releases later and into ble life, and promptly fi red him. Th at designed a synthesizer whose circuits were based on neural networks the early 1980’s Callier retired from Terry Callier never received the wide Nowadays, North America is home to the world’s richest experimental scenes, the music to concentrate on bringing up acclaim during his recording career Get on Spotify and search: ‘noise’ underground. Their exploits continue to collapse and rebuild perennial musi- his daughter. that he deserved is a travesty, yet he ‘You’re Goin’ Miss Your Candyman’ cal traditions, blowing speakers and shaking ear drums. So far, so unremarkable. Yet in the was always relaxed about what came ‘Dancing Girl’ late 1980’s a little-known release from his way. Music was just one of his in- ‘Ordinary Joe’ FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER 33 Music Editors: Mark England, Ross Gray, Simon Hunter, Íñigo Martinez de Rituerto MUSIC [email protected] Return of the Rebels Priyank Shah Writer Some probably saw the word ‘rapper’ Technique partnered with Omeid In- and turned the page, but for those still ternational, a non-profi t human rights reading everyone knows the rap/hip- organization, to lend his support. He So last Th ursday i had the good for- hop genre is not universally approved dubbed the work as “Th e Green Light tune to visit the Electric Brixton for of. And some of the mainstream crap Project”. With the profi ts of Th e 3rd the ‘Return of the Rebels’ tour. Th e with no musical ability coming out World album, Immortal Technique set included Harlem based rappers these days (yes you, Drake) doesn’t traveled to Kabul, Afghanistan to help Swave Sevah, Mazzi, Poison Pen and help. As a lover of lyricism and word- Omeid build an orphanage without Dj Static, one of UK’s fi nest namely play, quality has gone down in my any corporate or external funding. Lowkey, and the main event himself opinion over the years, along with the Th e orphanage, having been success- was Immortal Technique. Th ose concept of “socially conscious hip- fully established, currently houses who know who he is and have heard hop”, which even prompted Nas to over twenty orphaned children from his music will probably realise that it release an album called “Hip-Hop is Kabul. (A lot of ass-kissing I know..) must have been an incredible gig. And Dead”. Th e other stand-out was Lowkey. boy it was. So when I heard some of Immor- He is described as a poet, playwright, I should say a little bit about the ven- tal Technique’s stuff back in 2005, I political activist and award winning ue. Not familiar with the Brixton area, was amazed. In his fi rst two albums Hip-Hop Artist of mixed British and I thought it was the O2 Brixton just Revolutionary Vol. 1 and Revolution- Arab descent who has received air- under new management, but it wasn’t. ary Vol.2, he attacks capitalism and play on numerous major radio sta- Formerly Th e Fridge, Electric has un- the power of corporations, the fl awed tions including BBC Radio 1, Capital dergone a major £1,000,000 facelift power structure in America, life on the FM, Kiss 100, Choice FM, BBC 1Xtra and is set to become the latest state of streets, drug trade, slave labour, media and BBC Asian Network, and toured the art music venue to open in Lon- bias, going to jail and even philosophic internationally, performing to crowds to the Struggle in 2011 was met with saying, which is sometimes a problem don, hosting both DJs and live acts. ideas. If you don’t like the angry/pas- everywhere from Glastonbury to widespread acclaim, a key track being in live hip-hop concerts. Th e biggest It really was an intricate and intimate sionate tone associated with hip-hop Trafalgar Square, Germany to Am- ‘Voices of the Voiceless’ featuring Im- cheer they got was when one shouted arena, which wasn’t overcrowded and and rap, I strongly advise at least read- sterdam. Lowkey also records duets mortal Technique. Th e two combined out, “Where my weed smokers at?” yet felt full of energy. A quick visit to ing the lyrics if not listening to the with another rapper called Logic as on stage to perform the song, which All in all, it was £20 well spent, and the website will provide pictures, vid- music. His standing as a revolution- part of their non-profi t organisation received the biggest cheer of the night. as Technique said to fi nish off with, eos and a list of interesting upcoming ary is increasing rapidly worldwide, Th e People’s Army, aimed at raising Th e other three were pretty me- “Someone once said that Hip Hop is events, including Sub Focus in De- and rightly so. And he doesn’t just awareness of infant fi ghting in Israel diocre, mainly because it was nigh on dead. Well today you just saw a living cember. talk the talk; in June 2008, Immortal and Palestine. His album Soundtrack impossible to hear anything they were ghost. Vive la révolution!”

Jeni Pillai gives Peace a chance AMS album of the week Writer Jeni Pillai sound that meant it was a real strug- the same title. It fi zzled into a massive Neil Young: After the Gold Rush gle to hear the vocals over the guitar. Pink Floyd-esque jam at the end and, At fi rst glance, Peace appear to be I have no idea what they were singing at the risk of sounding cliché (which yet another so-cool-it-hurts, indier- about. Th ey certainly made an im- in itself is a cliché, ha), I have to ad- You might be wondering why the AMS are talk- than-thou, guitar band. Just have a pression though, judging by the rush mit it was quite magical. Everyone just ing about Neil Young. You might be thinking, look at their haircuts and you’ll see of people clambering over each other seemed completely mesmerised by Neil Young’s not cool, he’s not relevant, he’s just where I’m going with this. But after to grab the EPs they were selling at the what was going on on-stage, and that’s some shit old country singer that nobody cares seeing them play at the Lexington on back of the room. pretty rare because jams like this can about anymore. I used to be like you. I always Tuesday night, I can confi rm there’s Peace started their set with ‘Ocean’s feel so indulgent the crowd loses inter- had this preconception of him as bland and un- defi nitely more to them than that. Eye’, a song with all the roguish charm est. Not this jam. Th is was a good jam. inspiring. The Status Quo of singer-songwriters. Th ey stormed straight out of Bir- and twanging guitars you could want To fi nish the set, they played ‘Blood- The Ben Howard of the 60s (yeah, I went there). mingham this year, along with bands from a good old indie record. It’s when shake’, a song reminiscent of an early Then, a few months ago, whilst going through a list of ‘the greatest albums of all like Swim Deep and Troumaca, to they played ‘Follow Baby’, one of their Foals improv’ with Harry (Harrison time’, I decided to actually listen to After the Goldrush. It turns out he’s amazing. introduce the London music scene to most popular tracks, that we got more Koisser, singer) drawling “we spit He’s not even particularly country. His career is ridiculously varied, I mean, the a sound that it hasn’t heard in a while. of an idea about what sets Peace apart blood in the sun, we spit blood in the man (kind of) invented grunge. Some of his albums are, very rightly, considered I’d even go so far as to say that it’s from the rest. Th e slurring, scratchy ocean” over it. Th ere’s a bit near the amongst the greatest ever written. Honestly, he’s really worth a listen. Give him a comparable to the Grunge movement vocals coupled with the screeching end that wouldn’t sound out of place go. I’d personally suggest On the Beach as the ideal starting place, but After the in the mid-80s, of which Peace are the guitar injected the room with a mas- in an xx song as well, so they’ve cov- Goldrush is also fantastic. equivalent to Nirvana. Big statement, sive shot of adrenaline. Th ere was ered all bases there. It’s a fi rm favour- I should probably talk about the album a bit. It’s another collaboration with his I know, but listen to the EP and you’ll something about being in the midst of ite with the band’s fast-growing fan- intermittent backing band Crazy Horse. It’s 90 minutes of noise drenched psy- get it. No but seriously, LISTEN TO a crowd of hipsters chanting the line base and, along with the white confetti chedelic hard rock. It’s great. From the first track to the last it’s a really interesting THE EP. It’s one of the most exciting “we gonna live forever baby” that did that exploded over our heads, created listen. It is a double album, so of course there are bits which feel a little extrane- (and delicious) things to come out this feel slightly surreal. ‘Li’l Echo’, the B- the perfect fi nale to the show. ous, but the vast majority is really good. The album is full of brave decisions, such year and if the debut album (expected side to ‘Follow Baby’, has a haunting Peace are a band that seem to be as making the first song a 28 minute swirling psychedelic jam. Normally, if a band to be released in the Spring of next tone to it that rings in your ears long growing exponentially (had to drop opened an album with such a long song, I’d be highly abusive. It shouldn’t work, year) is anywhere near as good as the after it’s fi nished and suddenly made that in, we’re at Imperial guys, em- 28 minute songs should be put at the end an album, or ideally, the bonus disc EP we’re in for a treat. the gig feel even more intimate. Th en brace it). Th ey’ve certainly come a that I will never ever listen to. However, here, it completely works. It fits into the Before the band took to the stage, a ‘California Daze’ provided a change in long way since I saw them support- ethos of the whole thing. Neil Young doesn’t care about what music should be. 5-piece from Cambridge called Car- mood; calm descended and I genuine- ing the Mystery Jets earlier this year. He has a voice you could shave boulders with. Neil Young does whatever the hell ousels played their set. Th e combina- ly thought we’d have to get our lighters Th e grungy yet elegant atmosphere of he wants, and he’s a good enough songwriter that it (usually) works. tion of their lo-fi sound and soothing out and wave them in the air at some the Lexington provided the perfect It’s obviously not his best album, and I certainly wouldn’t recommend starting male-female dual vocals produced points. environment for Peace’s grungy yet with it. However, it is the best new album I’ve heard in a good few months and something that wasn’t easily forgetta- Th e highlight of the night for me elegant sound. Th ey say they make for those of you who are already Neil Young fans, I’d definitely recommend it. ble, as so many support acts are. How- was when they launched into ‘1998’, music to “fuck you in the heart”. After Stuart Masson ever, there were some issues with the a cover of the Binary Finary track of Tuesday night, I kind of agree. 34 FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, FILM John Park, Lucy Wiles ﬁ [email protected] Shit ﬁ lms I love (or why I sh

Katy Bettany “Film Editor” Speed (1994) Space Jam (1996)

Keanu Reeves can’t act. He tries his Again, if you were born in the 90s you I was recently challenged to rate every best, but he has no discernible tal- should know this fi lm like the back of fi lm I have ever seen. Apart from being ent. He is expressionless, monotonous your hands. Starring NBA star Mi- a shockingly huge task, it also threw and delivers his lines like a priest giv- chael Jordan and the cast of the Loon- up a massive problem. Because there ing a eulogy. His only saving grace in ey Tunes, this part sports comedy part are incredible fi lms for every emotion. this fi lm is, and it’s quite a consider- animation extravaganza is a fi lm I’m And of course there are some God- able saving grace, his beautiful face not ashamed to admit I love. A band of awful fi lms too – less said about these Dead Calm (1989) and hot body. If only his role as Jack, animated alien terrorists, Th e Nerd- the better. Th e problem I have is,that NYPD cop with a penchant for throw- lucks, try to kidnap the Looney Tunes, there are some terrible fi lms that I Top Gun (1986) Despite a great cast (Nicole Kidman, ing himself off fast moving objects, in a desperate plot to save their tank- adore. Films that I will watch over and Sam Neill and Billy Zane), this thriller was a silent one. When a madman ing theme-park, Moron Mountain. A over in secret; fi lms that I suspect eve- I was recently asked to explain the plot is, objectively, middle of the road at rigs a bus with a bomb that will ex- bargain is struck for their release – the ryone loves but is ashamed to admit. to a backwards friend who hasn’t seen best. Kidman and Neill embark on a plode when the bus’s speed dips below aliens, being tiny, are challenged to a Well, since nobody ever thought I was the fi lm. He couldn’t understand why journey on their yacht in a bid to get 50mph, Jack, with the help of Gracie game of basketball – but they have a cool, and since my taste in fi lm is al- I’d included it in the list, as it scores over the death of their son in a car ac- (Sandra Bullock again) at the wheel, trick up their sleeves. Th e Nerdlucks ready universally known to be dodgy; in all the right areas – Tom Cruise, cident. Th ey encounter Zane after they fi ght to save the lives of the passengers steal the sporting talents of the 1996 consider this my offi cial confession. fi ghter jets, fatal accidents and plenty cross paths with a sinking schooner, aboard. Th e fi lm does have some good NBA championship team, and trans- of faux-macho behaviour. In fact, it but soon fi nd out that he isn’t just a action sequences, but peaks too early form into giant basketball playing ma- was the highest grossing fi lm of 1986, stranded survivor, but in fact a mur- –the lift scenes at the start are prob- chines. To help them win, the Tunes and caused an infl ux of Navy recruits derous, Botulinum infected psycho. ably the best, and should have been recruit a recently retired Jordan, and after its release. When Pete ‘Maver- Bad times. Zane is unpredictable in better developed. together they eventually defeat the ick’ Mitchell (Cruise) and his wing- the role – a living scrapbook of all the team of evil aliens, propelling Jordan man Goose are sent to the Navy’s mentally defected villains in cinematic back into the NBA (in real life too). Fighter Weapons School, Maverick history: one minute he’s calm and cal- Th e animation is classic Warner Bros, falls for his female teacher, and over- culated, and the next he’s off his rocks. the script is hilariously cheesy, and the comes crippling doubts after Goose is Th e script isn’t great, but suspense is soundtrack is brilliant, going six times tragically killed in a training accident. kept throughout. And there are some platinum and featuring R. Kelly’s best Th is fi lm is completely and unasham- proper scare moments – I still require song “I Believe I Can Fly”. Space Jam edly inaccurate – the main source of cushions to hide behind whilst watch- was pretty much panned by the crit- criticism is its lack of realism, but that ing. ics, but was a massive success despite simply doesn’t matter to me. Top Gun the poor reviews. is about bromance, being as camp as humanly possible, and fl ying awesome planes. And again, the nine times plat- The Fog (1980) inum soundtrack is one of the most popular OSTs ever, featuring the Os- Th e original, not the waste-of-oxygen car winning “Take My Breath Away”. Wainwright remake. Inhabitants of a But none of that can save it from its coastal town fall victim to their trou- relentlessly awful lines, continuous bled history. 100 years earlier, six of shower scenes, and the distinct im- the town’s founders deliberately sank a pression that if the Village People The Bodyguard (1992) Jumanji (1995) boat, using its cargo to build the town, rocked up at naval base, it would look and killing all the sailors aboard. On a little something like Top Gun. Th e soundtrack to this fi lm is the busi- Every 90s kid should know what this the towns centennial, a glowing fog ness – an homage to Whitney Hou- is – if you don’t, what were you do- rolls into town, containing the zom- ston, featuring it’s title track and epic ing? Not watching the most awesome bie sailors, who kill six of the town’s “I Will Always Love You”, “Run To You” fi lm probably ever made, that’s for Parent Trap (1998) residents to settle the score. For 80s plus dud “Queen of the Night” (what sure. For the deprived, Robin Wil- horror this isn’t bad, and was John was Houston thinking?). Houston liam’s younger self is sucked into a su- Back in the days of video-stores, I re- Carpenter’s fi rst fi lm after Halloween, plays Rachel, (essentially playing her- pernatural game, Jumanji, and trans- quested this remake so many times which was released a couple of years self), a famous singer and actress who ported to a distant jungle. Years later, my parents could have paid for its earlier (also starring Jamie Lee Curtis). Crocodile Dundee (1986) comes into desperate need of a body- a couple of orphans fi nd the game, production (probably). Lindsay Lohan It is undeniably low budget: the glow- guard (Kevin Costner) after it emerges bring Williams, who by now resem- plays identical twins Hallie and An- ing fog looks more school disco than Mick Dundee, a less shit version of she has a stalker with motivation to bles Tarzan, back into the present nie, separated when their parents di- supernatural, the gore is unrealistic, Bear Grylls, falls in love with a New kill her. In the fi lm’s closing scenes, day, along with a host of CGI jungle vorced and moved to separate sides of and close-up shots of the zombies York journalist when he shows her Costner takes a bullet for Houston animals that at the time, I was con- the world. Th e twins meet for the fi rst reveal less than perfect prosthetics; around the Australian outback for an as she collects her Oscar (she wishes) vinced were real (watching now, the time at holiday camp, and cunningly however, I still fi nd the fi lm utterly article she is writing about him. He in slow motion – the original VHS I eff ects are pretty poor, but it doesn’t switch places without their parents terrifying. Th e zombie threat is under- rescues her from the jaws of a croco- owned of this fi lm eventually wore matter.) Th e orphans, Williams, and knowledge in a secret plot to reunite stated, playing more on the fear of the dile, and she brings him back to New out at this part because I replayed it his original game opponent, play the the family. Th is fi lm has some great unknown than explicit threat, and the York, where Dundee struggles to fi t so often. Shockingly bad acting from game against the odds to send the jun- characters, funny script and a really score is fantastic (unusual for cheap in with cosmopolitan life. Th is fi lm is nearly all involved aside, no amount gle creatures back to the jungle. I love great soundtrack. Lohan is super cute horror) contributing to an absorbing hilariously terrible; full of cliches and of shunning can take away from this this fi lm because it packs in endless (what happened?), although nowadays and intense experience. Th is is clas- cheesy moments, and so inauthen- fi lm’s appeal. Th is said, I’m in no rush adventure and imagination. Escapism I fi nd the mirroring and doubles used sic independent horror – Carpenter tic I’m sure no Australian has ever to see it on stage (it’s musical version in a fi lm, original, and my childhood to create the twins annoying. Th ere should never have agreed to the 2005 watched it. Nonetheless, Crocodile comes to the West End this month), as all wrapped into 100 minutes of pure is a lot of blatant stereotyping going remake, which featured the incompe- Dundee is a fi rm favourite of mine without the chemistry between Cost- comedy gold. Even now, when rolling on, and the plot is predictable; but it tent acting ‘talents’ of Tom Welling because it is charming, adventure ner and Houston, not to mention the a dice, I privately recite the immortal transports me straight back to child- and Maggie Grace, and while had su- packed and has some spectacular so- unrivalled vocals of the female lead, warning: “In the jungle, you must wait, hood with its wholesome light-heart- perior eff ects, could not compete with bad-they’re-good lines. the story would be dead in the water. until you roll a fi ve or eight”. ed goodness. FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER 35

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, John Park, Lucy Wiles FILM ﬁ [email protected] houldn’t be a Film Editor...)

Notting Hill (1999) Deep Blue Sea (1999) Save the Last Dance (2001)

I would never have put this in the ‘ter- Featuring the immortal Samuel L Dance movies are universally cliche. rible’ category until I recently discov- Jackson line, “things are going to get Th is one is no exception – ballerina ered nobody outside my immediate a whole lot worse”, delivered just be- Sara (Julia Stiles) encounters a per- family rates this fi lm. I actually think fore he gets ripped apart by a shark on sonal tragedy and vows never to dance it’s pretty special – and the scene that ‘roids. A group of scientists decide that again. She moves to the black part of sees Hugh Grant walking through what giant sharks, as if they weren’t town, and falls in love with hip-hop Notting Hill as the seasons change, set scary enough, are really lacking is dancer Derek (Sean Patrick Th om- to Bill Withers’ “Ain’t No Sunshine” is brains. A few freaky experiments later, as), as well as with dance again. Rife one of my favourite ever scenes. With and the sharks get clever and team up with racial stereotypes, this fi lm tries screenplay by Richard Curtis, who also to sink the rig housing the group of to hard to be something it isn’t. Th at wrote Four Weddings and a Funeral moron scientists and one token black aside, it features some inventive dance (another excellent and probably wide- chef (LL Cool J). Spoiler: basically routines; and as far as dance movies ly loathed fi lm), a kick-ass soundtrack, everyone gets eaten. Some really aw- go, a fairly involving storyline. my secret fantasy cast (Julia Roberts, ful special eff ects, overdramatic lines, Hugh Grant, Rhys Ifans, Gina Mckee and physical impossibilities make this and Hugh Bonneville); I’m still per- fi lm simultaneously shit as well as bril- plexed as to why this fi lm is bad. Sim- liant. Because who doesn’t enjoy the ple plot: bumbling, foppish (who else sight of absolute idiots being mauled would Grant play?) English bookshop by super-cunning creatures with three owner meets the most famous woman rows of razor sharp teeth? in the world, American actress Anna Scott (Julia Roberts, playing herself, probably); and they fall in and out of love. But the really special parts are played by Grant’s posse of eccentric friends; not least by Ifans, whose inappropriate costumes throughout are worth watching alone. And the Cos- tello cover of “She” recorded for the opening credits? Whenever I hear it I know that I will continue to watch and Snakes on a Plane (2006) re-watch this gem of a fi lm. More Samuel L Jackson comedy gold. Pretty self explanatory – hundreds of deadly snakes get released into an air- borne plane with the intent of crashing it. Th e graphics were poor, the acting was poor, the struggles with obviously 27 Dresses (2008) rubber snakes ridiculous, but none of that mattered. Just stupid, gory fun. Th is sounds like a trashy rom-com nightmare – and to be fair it has all the components. Katherine Heigl, vacuous storyline, the inappropriate crush, the obvious husband material, and more weddings than a Moonie ceremony. It is horrendously predictable; and some of the characters are so underdeveloped they could just Miss Congeniality (2000) be made of cardboard and nobody would notice, but despite all that, I still I’m a sucker for transformation fi lms, love it and watch it. Heigl plays a se- and not in an Optimus Prime way. rial bridesmaid in love with her boss, An uncouth Sandra Bullock plays George, who falls in love with her slut- FBI agent Gracie Hart, who goes un- ty sister Tess, (never before has a char- dercover in order to stop a domestic acter ignited such burning hatred in terrorist plot to attack the 75th Miss me). Heartbroken, Heigl falls into the United States beauty pageant. Bullock arms of the true man of her dreams is transformed from disgusting slob (James Marsden, so hot) but not be- to poised beauty who still manages fore sabotaging her sister’s wedding. to kick some terrorist arse even while My love of Heigl knows no bounds: if Jurassic Park IV (2014) wearing massive heels and a tiara. she’s in it, I will give it a go; and the Bullock should never have been in this steady stream of hideous bridesmaid OK, so this hasn’t actually been made fi lm, because frankly she’s too good an dresses and wedding plannage satis- yet, but when it does it will almost cer- actress: the story was pretty awful and fi es the occasional cravings I have for tainly go into this category. Dinosaur a lot of the acting dire. Nonetheless, low brow, thoughtless entertainment. DNA gets mixed with human, creating Miss Congeniality is funny despite its Plus, a drunken, appallingly-sung ren- fantastic dino-man hybrids with guns. predictability; and saw Bullock nomi- dition of one of my all time favourite Th is sounds TOTALLY AWESOME. nated for a Golden Globe for Best Ac- songs “Bennie and the Jets” secures its And let’s face it, the franchise lost all tress. place in my secret-love list. credibility after the third fi lm anyway. 36 FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, FILM John Park, Lucy Wiles ﬁ [email protected] The best ﬁ lms from the 1960s

John Park Film Editor

Recently, the British Film Institute (BFI) released the results of their celebrated poll, “THE GREATEST FILMS OF ALL TIME”, in which they surveyed fi lm critics and directors to list their ten favourite fi lms. Now the Felix Film team, as much as we’d love to, doesn’t have that kind of time or resources. And so we decided to split the fi lms up according to the decades in which they were released. So every week, we will present you with our top fi lms of each decade.

10. The Lion in Winter (1968) 8. Cool Hand Luke (1967) 6. La Dolce Vita (1960) 4. Dr. Strangelove (1964) 2. Psycho (1960) A sharp, bitter, long-term family feud It’s a true showcase for Paul Newman’s Federico Fellini is by no means eve- Yet another Stanley Kubrick entry Some would argue vehemently sets the screen ablaze as the histori- talent playing the cheeky, rebellious ryone’s cup of tea, but there is no de- here and this time it’s a political sat- against this but to me here is the best cal drama focusing on Richard II, his prisoner who becomes the hero and nying the Italian director’s extraor- ire, and possibly the funniest you’ll fi lm Hitchcock has ever directed. imprisoned wife Eleanor, and his sons inspiration to his fellow inmates. It’s dinary vision when it comes to the ever see in your lifetime, which is a Slowly mounting tension from the bring up all sorts of dirt, back-stab- full of unforgettable moments (New- much-mentioned neo-realism. Run- real surprise from someone who is get-go, we get the chilling shower bing, shifting allegiances, and never- man gobbles down 50 hard-boiled ning at almost 3 hours, it’s a draining not generally considered a top direc- scene to set the creepy tone, and ending plotting. It’s wonderfully writ- eggs in an hour for a bet), resonant di- watch, as we follow a week in a jour- tor of the comedy genre. Taking hu- every time Norman Bates (the excel- ten, with each insult to one another alogue (“what we’ve got here is failure nalist’s (Marcello Mastroianni) life as mourous passes at the Cold War and lent Anthony Perkins) shows his face perfectly devised and packing in lots to communicate” spoken by the sick- he tries to fi nd love and happiness of- its nuclear missile crises, it benefi ts accompanied by that high-pitched of punch. And of course, there’s the eningly snarky Strother Martin) and ten to very little avail. Th e sad decline enormously from having the great soundtrack, it’s enough to send shiv- fantastic cast. Headed by the loud, a fi tting but tragic end. Th e rest of the of his surroundings (i.e. Rome) and its Peter Sellers take on three principal ers down the spine. And who can for- larger-than-life Peter O’Toole and cast is faultless to say the least, and so moral decay are captured beautifully, roles in the fi lm, as characters who get the demented conclusion? Daring acid-tongued Katharine Hepburn, is the genuine plausibility of the often and Swedish actress Anita Ekberg’s try so hard to be serious in the deli- for its time of release with none of this also is a superb fi lm debut for the ruthless nature of corrupt hierarchy walk in the Trevi Fountain is the cate times of war fail miserably in the haunting factor lost even to this great Sir Anthony Hopkins. and forced injustice. fi lm’s most stylish scene. their attempts to remain credible. day, Hitchcock’s legacy will live on.

9. What Ever Happened to 7. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) 5. Bonnie and Clyde(1967) 3. The Apartment (1960) 1. Lawrence of Arabia (1962) A genre-defi ning fi lm, many con- No-one thought this would be a suc- Th is has the rare distinction of being Th is is the epic of epics, a true grand Baby Jane? (1962) sider Stanley Kubrick’s sci-fi space cess. Many were repulsed by the fi lm’s one of the very few comedy fi lms to masterpiece in fi lmmaking. Director Yes, what DID happen to Baby Jane adventure fi lm, which is quite the frank attitude towards sex and violence. have walked away with the Best Pic- Steven Spielberg loves it so much he Hudson (Bette Davis)? Once a popular understatement when it comes to de- But this was a cinematic sensation ture award at the Oscars, and it’s an watches it every time he’s about to di- child star, she is now an ageing fl op of scribing the scope and scale of what’s worldwide which let actor/producer honour that is completely well-de- rect another fi lm. It’s just that good. an “actress” living in the worn-down on off er here, as one of the greatest Warren Beatty walk away with a hefty served. As it delicately probes around And endlessly watchable. Th is is Peter family home paid for by her more suc- fi lms of all time. From its powerful sum of cash. Based on the true story of the sensitive subject matter of sex and O’Toole at his fi nest, his eyes at their cessful but now wheelchair-bound opening it shows no signs of playing the two titular lovers and bank robbers infi delity, movie legend Billy Wilder bluest, Omar Shariff at his most char- sister, Blanche (Joan Crawford). Th e down its bold ideas. Featuring one of making a name for their antics during fi nds the space and time to centre it ismatic, and director David Lean at two biggest divas of Hollywood com- cinema’s most terrifying villains, the the Great Depression, it has romance, all around the developing romance his most ambitious. Like most grand mand your attention in their power- mother of all things evil and robotic, violence, and heart. Th e sultry and between a lowly offi ce drone (Jack spectacles to come out of Hollywood, ful, and in Davis’ case, hysterically the special eff ects are electrifying, charismatic Faye Dunaway makes her Lemmon) and an elevator operator it has a sizable length (running time), over-the-top performances. It’s dis- and the score, astounding. A fi lm of winning debut here, a high-profi le role (Shirley MacLaine). It’s darker than as well as a star-studded cast who turbing, but also deliciously fun as it unimaginable scale and ambition, it’s that sky-rocketed her career in the fi lm you might think, but ultimately de- are tossed into incredible scenes of embraces its campy, gothic vibe. certainly one of the most iconic. industry. lightful nonetheless. breathtaking action sequences. FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER 37

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, John Park, Lucy Wiles FILM ﬁ [email protected]

Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted Directors: Eric Darnell, Tom Disney buys Lucasfi lm McGrath, Conrad Vernon Screenwriters: Eric Darnell, Noah Film Editor Lucy Wiles as though he was passing on the Star become President of the company Baumbach Wars torch (lightsaber?) to a new when it becomes part of Disney af- Starring: (voices) Ben Stiller, Chris Veteran fi lm maker George Lucas has generation of fi lmmakers at Disney. ter the takeover, and as such will be Rock, Jada Pinkett-Smith, David agreed to sell his company Lucasfi lms “For the past 35 years, one of my reporting to the Walt Disney Studios Schwimmer – the company behind the entire Star greatest pleasures has been to see Chairman, Alan Horn. Th e deal also Wars franchise – to Walt Disney, Star Wars passed from one genera- includes the much smaller Industrial who will be making a seventh fi lm in tion to the next,” he is quoted as say- Light & Magic, the pioneering spe- the series, to be released in 2015. ing. “I’ve always believed that Star cial eff ects group that has been at Top 10 Box Lucasfi lm, which is entirely owned Wars could live beyond me, and I the forefront of fi lm-making since its Lucy Wiles Film Editor by Lucas, will be added to Disney’s thought it was important to set up work on Star Wars in the 1970s. Offi ce Films ever-increasing portfolio of brands, the transition during my lifetime.” Th e Star Wars fi lms in the long- which now includes ESPN, Pixar and Mr Lucas, who now intends to retire, running franchise and their subse- So the fi rst one was good, and the sec- Marvel, among others. “Lucasfi lm believes that the deal means the fran- quent re-releases have created nearly ond one was ok. But let’s face it, by the refl ects the extraordinary passion, vi- chise (which has produced nothing $5bn in global ticket sales, according 1. Skyfall time the third fi lm in a franchise turns sion, and storytelling of its founder, new since the slightly disappointing to data analysed by Bloomberg. Mr up, nobody is expecting very much. George Lucas,” Robert Iger, Disney’s Star Wars: Th e Clone Wars in 2008) Iger said Disney intended to keep But Madagascar 3 is surprisingly Chairman and Chief Executive said. could continue and develop well: the operation, as well as LucasArts, good – so good in fact that it currently “Th is transaction combines a world- “Disney’s reach and experience give which produces computer games 2. Madagascar 3 holds the number two spot in the UK class portfolio of content including Lucasfi lm the opportunity to blaze such as Lego Star Wars, Star Wars: Box Offi ce. Star Wars, one of the greatest family new trails in fi lm, television, interac- Th e Force Unleashed and Star Wars Th e dynamic quartet of Alex the lion entertainment franchises of all time, tive media, theme parks, live enter- Battlefront. Shares in Th e Walt Dis- (Stiller), Gloria the hippo (Pinkett- with Disney’s unique and unparal- tainment, and consumer products,” ney Company closed on Friday at 3. Taken 2 Smith), Melman the giraff e (Schwim- leled creativity.” he adds. Kathleen Kennedy, the cur- $50.08, valuing the entertainment mer) and Marty the zebra (Rock) are Mr Lucas commented that he felt rent Co-Chairman of Lucasfi lm, will group at $89.9bn. back for this third installment, and are still trying to get home to Amer- 4. Paranormal ica from Africa, via…Monte Carlo. Which doesn’t seem hugely logical Activity 4 but, hey – the animals can talk, so we’re not nit-picking here. Th e new adventure begins when the gang lie low in a travelling circus, ruled over by 5. Hotel an eastern European tiger called Vi- taly (Bryan Cranston), who once had Transylvania a rather strange act involving jump- ing through an impossibly small hoop while slicked with olive oil. Make of that what you will. Th e ever amusing 6. Sinister Sacha Baron Cohen makes a returning appearance as the eccentric King Julien the ring-tailed lemur, and the whole cast working together make it 7. Frankenweenie a happy, cheery fi lm for all the family (with a couple of little innuendos that are likely to fl y over children’s heads, but make mum and dad snigger). 8. Looper Madagascar 3 is modest and down- to-earth, and clearly wasn’t expect- If Mickey Mouse comes anywhere near me...kill him I will ing much from the box offi ce, but has fortunately become a big success. Th e 9. Beasts of the great script from Eric Darnell and Noah Baumbach proves itself, with Southern Wild lots of laughs and a few tender moments, and the energy of the whole fi lm is endearing. A bright, colourful, enthusiastic fi lm – and certainly one 10. Ice Age 4 to catch.

Taken 2 Producer Luc Besson and director Chained up in a dark, damp base- Neeson, being the ever professional nowhere near as fun and gory. It’s safe Olivier Megaton had a smash hit on ment in Istanbul (while his Turkish actor, puts just as much eff ort into this to say that this tamer, sillier version of their hands with 2008’s Taken, star- abductors casually watch football performance as his much more serious Taken is a bit of a disappointment. Director: Olivier Megaton ring Liam Neeson as the ex-CIA guy in the next room), Liam whips out a roles (such as Oskar Schindler), but Screenwriters: Luc Besson, Robert whose daughter was kidnapped by tiny hidden mobile phone, calls his even he can’t save this one. Th e fi rst Mark Karmen traffi ckers in Europe. Needless to say, daughter and tells her to get hold of movie, box offi ce hit though it may Starring: Liam Neeson, Famke Liam went after the bad guys, found his guns and grenades – and come have been, was a bit pants. Th is one Janssen, Maggie Grace them and killed them. Sorted. It was and fi nd him. Which is odd when you is ridiculous, and the premise is a lit- such a success that a sequel was inevi- consider that, in the fi rst fi lm, Liam tle tired. Not only that, but the saving table – and it’s got a strange twist, this barely wanted his daughter to leave grace of the fi rst fi lm was Liam’s casual one. Th is time around, it’s Liam who’s the house incase of danger – but now attitude to a bit of torture – electrocu- Lucy Wiles Film Editor got himself kidnapped, and his daugh- he’s inviting her into a practical sui- tion, a few beatings etc – which made ter who is trying to save him. cide mission. the fi lm a 15, but Taken 2 is a 12A, and 38 FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER

Games Editor: Ross Webster GAMES [email protected] A realistic take on roguelikes Robin Thomas reminisces back to when times were hard

popular mod on the PC possible, and kill some impossible boss gaming scene, as many at the deepest limit. Combat is roughly of us will know, is DayZ, like Dungeons & Dragons, so it is turn A where you get one shot based and requires a rulebook to prop- When I level up, I want to be at survival on an island erly understand. Oh, and most rogue- Chaos Bacon too! Sounds tasty. covered with zombies. It’s hailed for likes use ASCII graphics and don’t take fi nally getting “survival” right, with at- mouse input, in case you thought the mosphere, realism and diffi culty – and above sounded remotely accessible. it’s the diffi culty that interests me. Th ere is much variance between dif- Games have been getting easier for ferent versions, but the core game years. DayZ doesn’t let you save and stays the same. Nethack, easily avail- forces you to restart every time you able on smartphones, is a straight- die, however, if your character some- into-the-dungeon job, and generously how survives long enough for you provides small sprite graphics. Larn to quit the server, you pick up where features a time limit and if you win , you left off . Th e fi rst games to do per- your subsequent characters get taxed. madeath in a big way were ‘roguelikes’. Brogue puts a lot of eff ort into mak- We have to look very far back to fi nd ing ASCII dungeons more colourful. their beginnings, as the fi rst crop ap- Moria spawned many child-variants peared in the 1970s with games such based on Lord of the Rings lore. All of as Adventure, Dungeon and, in 1980, them are completely unforgiving. ment from the inevitable death of your out. Wizard mode is for “debugging”, grinding quests with high level loot. Rogue, which the genre is named after. So what’s actually good about them? character. but it allows you to simply respawn at Boy, that sounds familiar, doesn’t it? In simple, relatable terms, imagine Variety and randomness. My half orc Okay, fi ne, you get what I’m saying, the start of any area you die. Combine ZangbandTK is still brilliant fun if Diablo, but really, really hard. Th e av- barbarian could take a sip from a water but games have moved on. We’re used this with the variant ZangbandTK, you don’t cheat, if not more. It’s sim- erage Roguelike has you make or ran- fountain on level one and be unlucky to hammering quick save and quick based on Angband, full of LotR char- ply diffi cult to bring this type of game domly generate a character (with more enough to get one-hit by the water de- load to get the perfect hit for maxi- acters and items as well as other hi- to this generation. If you enjoy RPG choices than you could shake a wand mon that had a 1% chance of spawn- mum experience, regular checkpoints, larious easter eggs that become an games, or simply like to think you of wishing at) and dumps it in a walled ing from it. My elven ranger, however, and having a player character that isn’t integral part of the game, plus dizzy- know a thing or two about the history village with a staircase down to a dun- might make it down to the gnome and an ampersand or “@” symbol. Why ing character creation options. Most of gaming, you owe it to yourself to geon. Levels are randomly generated, dwarf catacombs on level 5 thanks don’t you just play Diablo and actually importantly, it’s got good sprite based experience this genre as it is meant to usually simply a series of pitch black to his bow and come unstuck against have fun rather than live in the past? graphics, so you won’t be squinting be. Even if you roll a gnome priest who rooms and corridors riddled with se- some tricky spellcasters. You could I propose an alternate solution – to see the diff erence between a wall dies at the hands of a lichen (yes, a li- cret passages, traps, creatures and loot, start off as a wizard with a ring of in- choose the right variant, and cheat. (#) and a demonic quylthulg (%). Th e chen) on the fi rst level of the dungeon, depending on how deep you’ve delved. visibility, only to die of hunger when Yeah, I’ve now been completely reject- game now becomes an exercise to cre- you’ll catch a glimpse at what some of Your character must gain experience paralyzed by a trap on level 19. You ed by any hardcore roguelike players ate the best possible character from a today’s games are missing – a learning from monsters, travel down as far as have to take some amount of enjoy- (who are still out there), but hear me random system, mostly done through curve with balls. Strike team sent to upset UCL. Mission successful.

CoD games played, bar one (as their winning 5 out of the 6 games played of infl atable unicorns and hats. Th e DVD box set My Little Zergling best player had to leave after the fi rst (and only losing when it came to pen- UCL view is that they slaughtered us, game). LoL in the corner was domi- alties) bringing great success to the fair and square. Th e Imperial view is It’s been a question that has fl oated nated by the Imperial cohort, with motherland. that they slaughtered us, but cheated around Imperial College Union’s the UCL team conceding (read: rage- Th ere wasn’t much success however, by bringing in someone with banned Gaming Club for years now – why quitting) in the middle of the second in the land of Super Smash Bros., with weapons and so UCL should be dis- don’t we play anyone else? Th is year, game, giving the Imperial team a 2-0 UCL wiping the fl oor with us. Finally, qualifi ed. gears actually started moving. match win. One stalwart Imperial TF2 fi nished and the scores rolled in. Regardless of the rivalry, everyone On Th ursday evening, in a quiet area student spent all day playing FIFA, However, all was not well in the land was still in high spirits at the end of of UCL, pizza was delivered and the the day and wonderfully, not a single party started. Th e LAN party. League shout of ‘n00b’ rang throughout the of Legends (LoL), Team Fortress 2 UCL players in a variety building. (TF2) and Call of Duty: Modern War- of stages of loser’s grief... For the fi rst (of hopefully, many) fare 3 (CoD/MW3) were downstars, tournament, things went surprisingly whilst the revellers upstairs Brawl-ed smoothly and when it’s time to host and kicked a ball around in FIFA 13. the next evening, on the home turf, Th e event was well attended, even af- we should have the food shortages, .... and this is why. (No it wasn’t ter the free food had vanished (about console shortages, UCL rage-quitting just him. We’re not that good.) 5 minutes in) and then the games shortages and “Imperial won” short- began. Kinda. One of the UCL Tech ages fi xed. Soc’s new (I hesitate to say ‘shiny’ as When the date and time are known, it looked like it had been used to buff it’ll be posted up on the Imperial Col- Tl;dr: Imperial possibly beat UCL at a pavement) Xbox 360s had broken, lege Union Gaming Club’s Facebook a bunch of video games, with a score resulting in some slightly awkward group and you can put your name in of 2-1 or 3-2. Or maybe we drew with 2v2s., rather than the planned 4v4s. for the Imperial team, for the games 2-2 - I don’t know. Just read the arti- Despite that, Imperial beat UCL in all of your choice. cle. FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER 39

Games Editor: Ross Webster [email protected] GAMES First impressions: Halo 4 Ross Webster That editor’s a spy! life-form known as the Flood. Charm- whole thing for you guys, as I don’t ing name. Halo 3: ODST covers the know the storyline myself. Even this exploits of an Orbital Drop Shock far in however, I’m loving it. Th e en- Let me point this out before I start Trooper (ODST) squad that’s been gine has been heavily modifi ed since – I love the Halo universe and the sent to clear up the covenant remnants Bungie’s departure, and the whole progression and impact the game after their quick invasion of Earth (as look and feel of Halo 4 is great. It’s series has made within the indus- seen in Halo 2) – no superpowers in not the dark and lonesome world try. I remember picking up Halo: CE sight – you’re just regular squishy hu- of ODST, nor the bright and happy many years ago and not having a PC mans. 2010 saw the release of Halo: world of Reach: the atmosphere of that could play it, faster than I could Reach, a prequel game, set before the Halo 4 is a mixture of gloominess, but draw the frames with a novelty pencil events of Halo: CE. As the original there are also some wondrous mo- the size of the Eiff el Tower. But I still Halo series mentions the fall of Reach ments as you come across large pieces played the hell out of it. Th e idea of an often, as you can guess, it doesn’t end of forerunner (the guys who made artifi cial world, in the shape of a ring, well for anyone vaguely human. Let’s the Halo system) technology and ar- created by an ancient and long-dead not talk about Halo Wars. chitecture, that make me want to sit race, worshipped by your mortal en- Practically spoiler-free history les- there and watch for hours. I have to emy and explored by a super-soldier son over, we’re onto the main exhibit - keep on reminding myself that I’m just pushes all the right buttons in my Halo 4. As the numbering convention still playing on a 5 year old console – book. Th at being said, I never fi nished would suggest, we’re back with Mas- it doesn’t feel, or look like it. it – the damn fl ood can keep the li- ter Chief, who was last seen sticking Weapons, armour and upgrades brary. I never liked books anyway. himself in cryogenic suspension, after have altered within the campaign. I’m So, a quick future-history lesson for the cruiser he was escaping on, was not completely sure how your armour those who’ve continued past the fi rst cut in half by a closing intra-dimen- upgraded whilst you were in stasis paragraph. In the 26th century, hu- sional portal, leaving him stranded. I (maybe I just missed that part), but manity is a space-faring race, having a would’ve been happy with leaving it the new weapons I’ve seen so far seem stroll around the galaxy and creating there – it allows for speculation, mov- a little... dull. Th e Covenant’s storm ri- settlements all over the place, when it ies, fan-work, you get the jist. Bungie, fl e seems to have replaced the trusty bumps into the Covenant. Th e Cov- the original creators of Halo up until plasma rifl e, and the UNSC’s SAM is Spartans never die. They play enant declares war against humanity, now, was disbanded and a new Micro- simply a weaker, less accurate, higher legendary, rage-quit and throw citing that their gods don’t like us. No soft studio took up the helm, with the clip-size assault rifl e –º not really my the controller at the screen. match for the fervent and aggressive name 343 Studios (343 Guilty Spark is thing as I actually prefer to kill my nature of the Covenant, humanity was the name of the A.I. in charge of the enemies than tickle them. Th ere will on a losing streak. On the frontlines original halo). Th ere was quite a lot of be much jubilant crying and weeping of these battles were the Spartans – discussion over why this studio-swap when people realise that armour lock genetically engineered super-human happened and lots of people weren’t has now vanished. Th e ha-ha-I’m- super-soldiers, who wear kick-ass happy, claiming that they wouldn’t be so-indestructible-that-even-a-nuke- customise your armour with hun- of multiplayer, but it feels like Reach+ armour. You’re one of them. Despite able to get the feel of Halo right. Well, can’t-touch-me-armour-lock has dreds of diff erent pieces. Th ese pieces – there are more options, more maps your awesomeness, humanity was on I’m glad to say, they were wrong. been replaced by a hard-light shield were bought with XP and unlocked and just as many opportunities to as- it’s last legs and the main bastion is I’ve only gotten about a quarter of that faces whatever way you’re look- according to your level, and I’m very sassinate people. Earth. You’ve the original three Halo the way through the storyline (2/8 ing, and is able to block most small glad to see that it hasn’t changed... So for those of you still on the fence, games, covering the journey of Mas- chapters completed, according to the arms fi re. much. Weekly and daily challenges I’d say to get it. For those of you who ter Chief (a.k.a. John//Spartan-117) info boxes that pop up), so I can’t give Reach did something new for multi- are still around to give you more XP don’t want to get it, I’d say to get it. To and his fi ght to save Earth from the a complete review of the game, yet. player – it gave you a recurring perso- than you can shake a gravity hammer everyone who has already bought it – Covenant and the ancient parasitic More annoyingly, I can’t spoil the na. You were a Spartan and you could at. I’ve yet to play any proper amount see you on the battlefi eld. Time, Dr. Freeman?

Josh Price Tomato-in-exile of the game was played from a fi rst however as a fan of the Half-Life se- it’s likely you will fi nd yourself rely- Store right next to the original game. person perspective (there were no ries and other Valve games, it seems ing on quick-save quite often. Th e So, if you’re at a loss for something cutscenes), the game was praised by my patience has paid off . Th ere is an familiarity also makes it diffi cult to to do on a Sunday afternoon, or you “Shouldn’t you have been in the test many for its immersion. attention to detail which will please play sometimes, a few sections have enjoyed the original game and its se- chamber half an hour ago?” asks the But anyway, perhaps it would be fans of the original game, from the been reworked, which hardcore fans quels, it’s worth a try. You can fi nd it scientist standing next to me. Quite more appropriate to label Black Mesa various control panels all the way may fi nd jarring. It should be noted available at http://release.blackme- possibly – I’ve been running around as a second attempt at Half-Life: down to the weapons. Th ere are a though, that it is technically based sasource.com/. As the other scientist this lobby for the past 20 minutes Source; a direct port of the original handful of nice touches, with the on of the original game and not a direct kindly reminded me; “We’re waiting just trying to see if I recognise any game released on Valve’s then new screen HUD showing weapon ammo copy, so it is to be expected. for you Gordon, in the test chamber.” of the equations on the whiteboards. Source engine in 2004. With few much like the original and new eff ects Perhaps the most surprising thing Between the unresolvable scribbles, new features and seemingly little im- too. Anyone with fond memories of of all is that the game exists at all, and I think I might just have seen the provement over the original game, it backpedalling from hound-eyes is free to play. You might expect, that Schrödinger equation! was thought by some to be a lacklus- whilst frantically trying to reload will given complaints about heavy-handed For those clueless as to the context ter eff ort by Valve. A group of fans of not be disappointed. Th e soundtrack attempts by publishers at enforcing of my equation hunting, I’m playing the original took it upon themselves is also nice and refreshing; not a di- copyright, that such a project would Black Mesa: Source. It’s a fan recrea- to develop a new remake using freely rect copy of the original, but a fi tting be squashed early on. However, Valve tion of Valve’s PC hit, Half-Life, which available tools from the Valve’s Steam inspiration. have not only allowed the game, but was released in 1998. You are ‘mute’ platform. True to Valve’s normal de- I do have a few criticisms though. insist that it be distributed for free. physicist Gordon Freeman, whom velopment time frames, the game was Despite the fresh graphics, the me- Th e original requirement of owning at whilst at work at the Black Mesa released in a mostly complete form chanics of the game haven’t really least one source engine game has also Research Facility, almost inadvert- eight years later, save for the fi nal changed much. I’m not expecting been dropped, and combined with the ently creates the infamous Resonance chapter. the latest cover-based shooter tactics recent approval on Steam Greenlight, Cascade scenario. Since the entirety I’m trying not to be accused of bias; similar to the Call of Duty series, but means that it will appear in the Steam International Mobility Survey Tell us what international partnerships Imperial should run for undergraduates for study abroad and summer research placements. Fill in the survey and you could win a Kindle Fire!

The survey is open from: 09 - 24 November

imperialcollegeunion.org/imsurvey “YOU “ SAID 9 WE DID

imperialcollegeunion.org/feedback FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER 41

Coffee Break Boss: Matt Colvin [email protected] COFFEE BREAK ! Everybody loves Barack HHOT!OT BBC DAYTIME Well, not everybody, obviously – but a lot of people SOAP OPERA

ang, all that election DOCTORS stuﬀ was a bit dull, wasn’t it? Obama this, D America that. R-Mon- ey Cash Cash Dollar Bill, never forget. But I digress. While BARACK many enjoyed the Year 7 Geography- inspired thrills and spills of people OBAMA sequentially announcing whether a state would be coloured in blue or red, AUDIOBOOKS some of us had deadlines and stuﬀ and couldn’t possibly be that concerned with who was going to head up the world’s biggest capitalist superpower. But again, I digress. In this groundbreaking section, we BRAN FLAKES recently covered ways Imperial could get people back crowding at the windows of Beit. Th is week we turn to the depths of social media in order to investigate how you (yes, you!) could post an exact timely duplicate of about 50 other Facebook statuses without DISCRETE-TIME even trying! It’s a little like crowding around windows again, but this time MARKOV replace ‘windows’ with ‘Facebook statuses’. Bear with me. CHAINS

A FOOLPROOF GUIDE TO COPYING YOUR FACEBOOK NEWS FEED WITHOUT TRYINGTM Sup, haters? THAT FEELING OF REGRET WRITE ABOUT HOW YOU FAVOUR TELEVISION SHOW. HERE, REPLACE give them a piece of my mind. It’s always 6-2 to someone, one set up. AFTER EATING A A DEMOCRAT OVER A REPUBLICAN ‘FAVOURITE TELEVISION SHOW’ I really don’t know what it is about Th at Romney’s a bit of suspicious fel- WITH ‘DOWNTON ABBEY’ WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT A TEN- that score in particular. TAKEAWAY low, right? How could anyone possibly I don’t know whether I dodged a bul- NIS MATCH CONCURRENTLY OC- have considered voting for him? I dun- let by avoiding the majority of Julian CURRING With this advice in tow, you now have PIZZA no, don’t ask me. I’m not American. Fellowes anachronistic smash hit thus I don’t know what it is about tennis the considerable potential to contrib- But like, literally every other country far. But what I’m sure of is the sheer that lends itself so well to news feeds. ute a status to Facebook similar in wants Obama back in the saddle. Go- dramatic potential on oﬀ er, at least Not football, not rugby, not even cro- content to another individual’s. I’m bama! Go economy rejuvenation! Or judging by the inﬂ ux of Facebook sta- quet can cajole a similar response out sure your life has been improved con- RIGGED something! tuses every Sunday evening. Anyway, of you virtual denizens. Whether it’s siderably with this knowledge. Th at’s to business. Have they hanged the in- Murray in a hurry or Federer winning what I’m here for, after all. If you have VOTING WRITE ABOUT THE LATEST DEVEL- famous Bates yet? If he’s free or some- a cow as a prize or something, the rac- irrelevant content designed for these OPMENTS OF YOUR FAVOURITE thing I’m heading straight to ITV to quet-based antics seem to never end. pages email it in. Peace out. MACHINES

BACK BY INCREDIBLE DEMAND, INTERESTING THIS IS THE SECOND COMING OF... REFERRING TO THOUGHT ED MILIBAND WAITERS AS FOR THE DAY HOLDING THINGS “BOSS” “If you slice a pizza into six slices, you US ELECTIONS will have six slices to either share or not NNOT! share.” OT! 42 FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER

HANGMAN [email protected]

twatter the turnip Hangman’s Finest College News Source OBAMARAMATYME2012

OMG GUYS! I DID IT! I FUCKING DID IT! willyoujoinmymiliband? EXCLUSIVE!

Whooooo! Go Obama! :D Mitt Romney makes shock announcement Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! that he “only ran for a bet”

by Hugh Moor I knew it. I said all along you’d do it. SuperaceGOARTHERAOR

If only Osie was still alive to see this :( His battlerap career also failed Cleggmanxxx

Congrats Obama. You really deserved it. OBAMARAMATYME2012

Thanks Cleggman. It really means a lot to me. I actually cried a little. Cameron_DA_Maneron!!!

Man I’d be crying the shit out of my tear ducts if I did what you did.

OBAMARAMATYME2012

Shelly doesn’t give a shit. She just doesn’t understand. Cameron_DA_Maneron!!!

They never do Cleggmanxxx

She doesn’t give a shit about you Romney announces he “only ran guys from the church were having he’d spent nearly a billion dollars winning a second term as presi- for a bet” and wasn’t interested in a wild night on the OJ and lemon- on a bet he stated “I don’t fucking dent!? “being some shitty President or like ades. Naturally, it got out of control know, what on earth else were we whatever anyway”. and one of the guys said “hey Mitt, supposed to do with the money In a bitter and profanity-laden bet you couldn’t run for president anyway?”. Shortly before storming OBAMARAMATYME2012 concession speech, Republican in 2012” and that was that”. The off stage, Romney added “And good Presidential candidate Mitt Rom- GOP candidate went on to add “of luck to President Osama, or what- Second term as president? Who ney claimed he’d only run for course, once my blood-sugar lev- ever his name is”, “not that anyone gives a shit about that? I just got the president as a bet with his friends. els had dropped I regretted it im- cares”. At press time, sources con- perfection medal on halo 4!!!! “Yeah it was all some stupid bet” mediately” before continuing “I firmed that Romney’s meeting with stated the former Governor of Mas- mean President? Who goes in for his VIP backers after the results sachusetts, “me and a few of the that these days”. When asked why was “awkward”. FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER 43

[email protected] HANGMAN

It has to be Drunk mate commented that THE NEWS WITHOUT THE NEWS the cat is a good of the week effort. But just think about how many people will see long hair, shirt raised... and get pretty excited, only to be disappointed. In the words of the latest Bond Case of mistaken villain: think on your sins. identity causes Seriously, think. nerdy computer Got a photo of someone being a waste of a student loan? Get permission, then just send it to us at: [email protected] hacker to be hung Nobody (including Felix) condones excessive drinking. Please drink responsibly motherfuckers. HOZOSKIZZLES – IT’S THE HOROSCOPES YEAH CANCER TAURUS GEMINI VIRGO ARIES LEO

This week you’re on Uni- This week you get accused Help I’m trapped in the Fe- This week Imgur brings in This week you’re sat in the This week you’re suspicious versity Challenge. It’s neck of plagiarism on a piece of lix printing press, I’m nearly the new gallery setting and computer lab coding away. of a slight stinging sensation and neck, and the decid- coursework. You email your out of air and the water frankly it’s ruined your fa- LOL JK that’s only on your when you pee. You nip to the ing question is “who’s the personal tutor protesting level is rising fast. If you get vourite procrastination web- screen when your lab supervi- STI clinic at Chelsea & West- cat that wont cop out when that “imitation is the sincer- this message please call site. In a fi t of despair you sor walks past. You fl ick back minster hospital where to your there’s danger about,” and est form of fl attery,” how- 02075948072 and tell who- decided to attempt that to MailOnline and look at how surprise it turns out you had your opponent doesn’t know. ever you fail to reference ever answers the phone that degree you came here to revealing Tulisa’s dress was a small colony of bats nest- “SHAFT” you proclaim; “Ya the quote to Charles Caleb Barnaby loves them dearly, do. Unfortunately you dis- on X-Factor. Stowing it safely ing up there for like 3 months damn right,” replies Pax- Colton and get yourself into but that sadly this is good- cover that you’re not very away in your wank-bank, now. You regret sleeping with man, smoothly and suavely. even more trouble. Boned. bye. They’ll understand. good at it. How irritating. you get back to work reddit. Christian Bale, but not for long. CAPRICORN SAGITTARIUS AQUARIUS SCORPIO PISCES LIBRA

This week you decide to “Fa- This week you lose a bet This week, you resolve to over- This week you get Twit- This week your Movember This week you win the US cebook rape” some guy in and have to write your come your obsession with the ter. Finally! Now you know is coming along nicely, un- General Election, good work the computer room. Unfortu- lab report in the “Papy- Olson Twins, okay they’re hot what all those cool kids til all of a sudden you realise dude. Now just sort out the nately it’s not 2009 anymore rus” font. Instead of just but the fact you can quote are on about. Within min- you’ve completely forgotten economy, step back from stu- and everyone thinks you’re giving you a low mark, their 1995 ﬁ lm “It Takes Two” utes you’ve gotten into a to raise any money. Come on pid brinkmanship with your a massive douché and not in its entirety is a bit weird, public argument with Piers chaps, this isn’t a month long political opponents and stop particularly funny. Also misap- the PhD marker ﬁ nds out and it’s beginning to creep Morgan and Gary Linekar, excuse to piss off our girl- ordering the extra-judicial propriating the word “rape” is where you live and clubs out your boyfriend when you and had legal proceed- friends; this is a serious charity killings of citizens of neu- abhorrent and you should be you to death with a ty- do it in your sleep. Also Mary- ings taken out against you fundraiser. LOL DW I’M JOK- tral states by UAVs and then ashamed of yourself, frankly. pography style guide. Kate killed Heath Ledger :( by Tom Daley. #Banter ING: I don’t have a girlfriend maybe you’ll deserve your job. 44 FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER Puzzles Commanders: Sotirios Karamitsos PUZZLES Louisa Byrne [email protected] Codeword Fit for a King?

20 17 15 8 14 9 25 25 18 25 15 4 It’s another nonogam; the numbers show you the 8 6 2 25 3 19 20 length of the groups of black squares as well as how many 16 6 8 19 20 17 10 3 13 22 13 3 2 2 D of them there are in a row or 2 2 2 2 8 2 3 2 2 column. 20 14 1 13 6 13 16 6 1 6 1 6 5 3 3 3 5 10 1 10 1 10

21 25 25 8 11 20 13 2 1 25 2 14 0 2 4 3 2 2 11 9 3 6 3 1 1 1 2 2 2 2 2 2 Last week’s chess problem

10 2 13 22 11 18 23 13 15 8 20 5 1 5 4 4 4 4 4 4 1.Nf6+ followed by 2.Qxf7# V 1 5 4 4 4 17 21 17 16 1 1 1 1

26 6 3 16 8 13 20 24 6 20 8 13 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 S 15 Last week’s nonogram 18 11 14 8 6 18 8 2 4 15 2 2 2 2 2 1 1 2 2 1 1 4 4 20 17 17 25 4 3 25 11 7 13 8 14 4 4 4 4 1 1 2 2 1 1 12 8 18 25 8 19 18 6 6 3 11 18 11 21 11 17 14 14 2 13 19 11 3

3 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13

14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 Slitherlink 233 3 FUCWIT 2 2 3 2 Consider yourself a master code-breaker? You really like Slitherlink, don’t you? You League Table Give the Codeword a go. It’s as simple as it probably don’t need me to remind you how to 2 3 2 1 looks: each number corresponds to a letter; solve it, but just in case: you need to construct INDIVIDUALS that is, there is a bijection between the let- a single closed loop by joining the dots so that 223 2 1 1 ters of the English alphabe tand the set {1, 2, the numbered squares are surrounded by the Yufan Zhao 22 ..., 26} (that should get you math nerds ex- corresponding number of lines. For instance, 332 2 3 Wael Aljeshi 14 cited enough about it). a square numbered “0” must have no line seg- M-Soup 6 ments surrounding it (or else). Gordon Wu 4 2 2 3 3 2 22 3 2 3 And the numbers keep increasing. As a reminder, it’s 1 point for sending in a Miss the crossword this week? 2 11 3 correct answer, and an extra point for being the ﬁ rst to do so (double points You certainly didn’t seem to 2 2 2 3 for the cryptic crossword, becase it’s the past few weeks. E-mail us hard as hell). Send answers to puz- 3 3 2 3 [email protected]. if you want it back.

Last week’s crossword Hashi Knights and Knaves It’s time to elect a new governor on the island. Each inhabitant has exacly one vote. 2 3 2 22Here’s another new puz- Inhabitants who vote for the same person have come to be called “cohorts” by the zle, because we didn’t island’s newspapers. Two of the candidates are interviewed about the results of the 2 2 4 6 3 have enough of those election (we remind that knights always tell the truth and knaves always lie). already. Your goal is to 1 connect all the islands Richard Wiltshire: An interesting fact about the election was that every voter voted 1 3534with bridges so that it for a cohort of theirs. is possible to get from Dave Gorrister: And any pair of voters were cohorts. Solution to last week’s Slitherlink 3 2 2 3 2 any island to any other Interviewer: So, are you each implying that there was a clear winner? 22 island. The restrictions RW: Of course not! are that the bridges DG: Absolutely not! 2 4 2 35must be either vertical or horizonal, there may Who’s a knight and who’s a knave? Who won the election? 4 2 4 5 1 not be more than two 24 bridges between any two islands, and each Solution to last week’s Knights and Knaves puzzle: 2 1 3 5 23island must have exactly The Duchess’s statement implies there was an even number of guests (because if there were n n as many bridges as the knaves, there were knights). The Duke contradicts that by implying there was an odd num- 1 3 2 2 1 ber of guests. The Reverend correctly observes that the couple can’t both be knights, so he is a number on it states. knight, and the Duchess is a knight as well, as she agrees. The Duke is a knave, and as he says that at least one person had a good time, we can arrive at the conclusion that the ball was a disaster. FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER 45 Puzzles Commanders: Sotirios Karamitsos Louisa Byrne PUZZLES [email protected] Cryptic Crossword #3 Cryptic Crossword # 2: Solutions If you’re anything like most of the Felix office, you’ll be thinking “Cryptic Cryptic Crossword #3 Crossword. I already have them, it’s called my degree. How do you actually 1234567 Set by: Romandjul solve these!?”. Well, help is at hand. Below is last week’s worked solutions. Hopefully this makes some sense? Scribble box? For you to draw rude shapes in. 89 Across: Down: 1. DISRESPECTFULLY: Anagram 1. DON: Contained (look inside)

10 11 (roughly) of DISSECT FULL PREY within DON’t 8. NAMETAG: Reversal (Left) of 2. SUMATRA: MA (Mum) inside GATEMAN (engrossed in) SUTRA (sex manual)

12 13 14 15 9. NIGERIA: NIGER (African Coun- 3. EAT: hE hAs To (even letters) try) + I (one) + A (leading Asian) 4. POGBA: first letters of Player Out 11. MATCH MAKER: Cryptic Getting Battered Again definition 5. CANDELA: C (cavalry’s leading) + 16 17 18 19 20 12. ICON: Hidden in CRITIC ON AND + EL (the spanish) + A (ar- 14. PEARL: Anagram (Rampant) mada’s behind) of PLAYER (womaniser) without 6. FUGU: found in FUGUe 21 22 23 (LOSES) Y (unknown) 7. LYRICAL: Anagram (crazily) FAR- 16. SPATIALLY: SPAT (fight) + I (one) CICALLY without the letters AFC + ALLY (friend) (Arsenal Football Club) 24 25 18. THROW AWAY: THROW (fur- 10.ANNOYED: annagram (to get niture) + AWAY (when not at home) irritated) of ANYONE + D (David’s 21. BASED: (Double definition) first) 26 27 23. TIFF: F (loudly) after TIF (re- 13.LIMB: Solution found within 3. During warm up, run gets the turning suit) (inside) CLIMB (promoted) Across 21. In Act I, Verona is not entirely without blood pumping (5) 24. PERCUSSION: Anagram (stum- 14. PIT STOP: Reversal (over) of drama (8) 4. Vet twisted deer inside out! (7) bling) of COUSINS after (proceed) POTS TIP 1. Drainage game for soldiers with time 22. Crafty Balthasar frames this tragic 5. Woman sorry to miss any binge - PER 15. LAWN: LA (note) proceeds (9) character (6) there will be plenty of them in the 27. PUNGENT: GENT (gentleman) WN (first and last letter - case - of 6. North or South European? (4) 24. A green mutant – don’t do this to future! (9) 6. Game for discovering proceeds (concluded) PUN (joke) WOODEN) 8. Crossing Goodge St, I’m at Euston, at him! (6) bespoke monsters? (7) 28. BISHKEK: BK (bank walls) 17. PEA: PEA is part of PEAR a guess (8) 25. Place for development, in the cellar 7. Before Biden’s inside, earns the contain (imprison) anagram of 19. REFINED: RED (socialist) goes 9. Manufacturing leaders for Mozam- perhaps? (8) left a crushing victory (9) (drunken) SHEIK around (gets) FINE (a charge) bique and Kenya is not good (6) Employed some 19, unwisely in hindsight 13. One mountain range or another 31. RADIOTELEGRAPHY: RADIO 20. WREATHE: Anagram (wildly) of 10. Count on computing facility’s enthu- (4) (9) (wireless) + TELEGRAPH (paper) + A (one) + THREW siastic devotee (6) 27. Misfits are posing in the country (9) 14. Isn’t arsed about being late (9) Y (unknown) 22. STICK UP: cryptic definition 11. Is it a rum fudge pudding? (8) 17. Garden that gives fruit or vegeta- 25. CABLE: LE (The French) follows 12. Cash retainer included in renewal let- ble (7) CAB (taxi) ter (6) Down 18. Put underfoot, crushed and tore 26. NEMO: -TRIPLE CLUE- 1. Cap- 15. Morbid piece of ironmongery (8) (5,2) 16. After losing second half, Romney 1. Turned up bottomless Cul-de-sac 20. Mob rage breaks out and leads to Set by: Romandjul acted crazily towards his opposition (8) and got trapped! (5) trading ban (7) 19. Regardless, we despise some vegeta- 2. Learner pursues general knowl- 22. Land turtle loses leg (5) bles (6) edge - it’s useless (7) 23. Take pill behind toilets - with these kind of morals? (5)

month subscriptions per week to give away to the lucky winners who suc- cessfully complete the most puzzles correctly. Send your answers to puz- [email protected] to be in with Netflix is the world’s leading inter- a chance of winning. net subscription service which gives you access to hundreds of thousands of films and TV series at the click of Visit netflix.com/uk for more infor- a button and they’ve given us 2 six mation 46 FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER

Sport Editors: Oli Benton, SPORT Margot Pikovsky, Sorcha Cotter [email protected] Winning is easy for Women’s Rugby Hayley Rigby Sports Writer

Imperial Women’s Rugby has seen a fantastic start to their 2012-2013 season, winning their first three games with impressive margins. The success began even before the matches started, with a strong turnout for Fresher’s Fair and our taster session, which says a lot about the ef- fectiveness of certain team members enticing freshers to the stall through the medium of dance! Our large in- take this year sees a range of talent, from those who have played compet- itively before to those who had never even picked up a rugby ball before this year but all show great potential and enthusiasm for the game. With a ous with a full-time score of 31-10. try bonanza continued on into the the 4th November as the opponents before. Special honours should go new team assembled, it wasn’t long Kudos to our men of the match – second half, though it was met with were a relatively new team of un- to Caitlin Jackson who pulled off a before our first game of the year – a newcomer Juliet Lennon and last greater resistance from a reinvigor- known skill. Despite this, the teams hat trick of tries within the space of friendly away at Oxford University. year’s captain Kath Fok! ated Royal Holloway who managed faced off with Imperial leading from a single half and Lana Lee who suc- This game set the tone for the sea- Not content with this single suc- to break through to set up a try the front despite freezing conditions cessfully converted the majority of son to follow with a great turnout of cess, Imperial took to the field a and conversion which we allowed and uncontested scrums from the tries and who also scored a try on the new members, with Carolanne week later to begin their London out of respect and extreme polite- first five minutes, which provided a switching from hooker to fly-half Vouriot scoring our first try of the Universities Sports Leagues (LUSL) ness. By the final whistle Imperial disadvantage as our scrum usually due to injuries in the team. year! Oxford put forward a largely campaign against Royal Holloway had clocked a massive 58-7 win and delivers knock out performances. Imperial have certainly started the Fresher opposition but this provided at Harlington. This match required were celebrating in the appropriate However, we made up for this in our season on the best possible terms a great opportunity for those who much more serious game faces due fashion (i.e. a cheeky pint down the line-outs which were consistently and though there are potentially hadn’t played before to experience to the presence of several very expe- pub). Congratulations go to our men effective for our own throw-ins and some tough matches yet to come, the often chaotic world of rugby rienced players on Holloway’s side, of the match: Ran Xiong, for her no- often during our opponents as well! we’re confident we can build on the against a more evenly-matched side. but Imperial were not deterred. A table double try and all round gusto, With a season’s best score of 67-0 to success we had last year (winning the Our new girls took to the challenge strong message was sent out by Im- and Carolanne Vouriot for making Imperial, Lucy Olliff and Juliet Len- BUCS SE conference cup and finish- with admirable panache and enthu- perial’s solid defence which man- consistently awesome tackles and non were richly rewarded as men of ing second in our division) and more siasm whilst our senior members aged to hold off the opposition for some really solid runs! the match – Lucy for her all-round recently in order to achieve our best led by example. 80 minutes later and the entire first half whilst simultane- With a desire to keep the winning solid commitment on the pitch and season yet. If all of this sounds right Imperial stood slightly muddy and ously racking up tries aplenty from streak live, Imperial approached Juliet for her amazing line-out prow- up your street and you love rolling in probably fairly bruised, but victori- old and new members alike. This Kingston University with caution on ess despite never having been lifted the mud, it’s never too late to join us! FRIDAY 09 NOVEMBER 47

Sport Editors: Oli Benton, Margot Pikovsky, Sorcha Cotter SPORT [email protected]

Swimmers drink more than just pool water at BUCS

Hayley Rigby Sports Writer Fraser managed to smash out a 55.06 new 50m backstroke record in the fi rst in 100 free with Niki and Michael leg of the boys medley relay in a time closely following in low 57’s! Catherine of 29.64. Th e girls ended the compe- After a reshuffl ed schedule, the boys also closely followed the boys with a tition by fi nishing in 5th place in the kicked the BUCS 2012 short course 60 second 100 free making a new IC freestyle relay after qualifying in 10th championships off with 50m free on record, followed again very closely by place. Friday evening. Michael earned him- Zelie in 1.03. Also, for this event, Hay- Th ere was not one disappointing self fi rst of many fi nes by closely losing ley earned herself her fi rst fi ne with a swim all weekend, with everyone per- out to Fraser by .04 seconds. Similarly wrong entry time for Meric (sorry!) forming better than expected after in this event Niki fi nished in 27s with Matt Jackson, though feeling unwell only 5 weeks into training. compliments from Brad “Niki, your managed to pull a 1.07 out of the bag Th e Freshers (and Scott) were all re- technique was held perfectly through- for the 100m backstroke. Also in this warded (they might say punished…) out the race, well done mate!”. (In an event, Fraser reveals himself as not on Sunday evening with a large num- Australian accent...) only a freestyle swimmer by fi nishing ber of shots and pennied pints con- Th e girls got off to a good start with in a 1.04 for 100m backstroke. to drop out. Bad news for Florian then, Michael Ingram swam the dreaded sumed. Special mention goes to Fraser Catherine breaking the IC 50m free re- Caterina narrowly missed out on a as his record was swiftly broken by 100 fl y on Sunday morning whilst the for fi nishing all his fi nes after chunder- cord to then beat her own time again 200m fi nal qualifi cation. Great eff ort Morris in a time of 2.31s. Morris and majority of the team stayed in bed/ ing only 12 hours earlier from the night in the fi rst leg of the girls relay fi nal in was put in by Meriç and Hayley for Caterina continued to shine with their had a cooked breakfast and Catherine before at Sheffi eld Union. Additionally, a time of 27.71, giving her a fi ne to give this event however, setting some good performances in the 200 backstroke similarly battled out in the 200m free Scott (after a struggle) managed to fi n- out (unfortunately to myself…). More times to start this year off . Morris Po event – Caterina qualifying for the fi - setting a new IC record of 2.17. ish his larger number of fi nes (not sure success on Friday evening was brought set a new IC record in a time of 2.15 nal and Morris setting a new IC record Th e relays were all swam at times how he managed to get so many...) and by Caterina qualifying for the 50 back- for the 200 IM. in a time of 2.13. very close to IC records with all 4 just managed to save the queen before stroke semi fi nal, to then swim even To quote Morris Po before his 200 Scott, whilst modelling the tight blue boys (Fraser, Scott, Niki and Michael) heading home. faster in a time of 30.91 to get our fi rst breastroke swim: ‘I don’t want to swim speedos, put out a great performance swimming 25’s in the 4*50m free relay Overall, a successful and fun week- BUCS point (and IC record) by quali- this event because I don’t want to upset in both breastroke events, only nar- and the girls (Catherine, Hayley, Zelie end to hopefully be topped by the long fying for the fi nal fi nishing in 8th place. Florian by beating his record’, which rowly missing out on breaking (his and Caterina) qualifying for the fi nal course meet in February. Well done After an unwelcome 7am wake up Brad didn’t think was a viable excuse own) IC records. on Sunday evening. Morris Po set a guys! Hockey Ladies 1s haunt UCL

Harriet Stevenson Ladies 1s Our confi dence grew and great only Hazman! We were however also down out end of the pitch and giving play up to the forwards from fresher faced by the fearsome attack from the forwards more and more chances. Hayley ensured we had the majority UCL keeping our keeper Percy busy, Th e accuracy from her passes was On All Hallows Eve the Ladies 1’s set of possession. We had lots of shots luckily UCL were unsuccessful in get- ultimately too much for the UCL de- out to play some old rivals UCL. UCL narrowly missing or being saved from ting past her ninja-like skills. She was fender to cope with and a ball through defi nitely had a point to prove as we Jules and Sorcha. Unfortunately UCL aided by a miraculous save off the line to Sorcha giving her a one-on-one had put them out of 2 cups last year. were relentless in their determination from Emma, resulting in a breakaway chance at the goalie brought us our We went out hard in the fi rst 10mins and managed to aggressively score a from us and Hazman tucking away 4th goal of the game. Skilful tackling with a new line-up having fresher goal just before half time, making the her hatrick. Defenders Kirsty, Maria from Kathryn in the last few minutes Bryony in central-midfi eld control- score 1-1. and Anna Tommy kept strong and of the game in our attacking D, result- ling the game. With some good play We set out for the second half de- prevented further chances from the ed in some close chances but the fi nal team is growing in confi dence and down the right, from Gigi and Haz- termined to get a goal back in the UCL forwards with some textbook score was 4-1. with this fi rst Win hopefully they can man we scored our fi rst goal from a fi rst 5 minutes. Our second goal took defending, low fl at tackles. Th e dis- Th is has been a tricky season for the build on their successes, to try and re- short corner, from banana slit (Har- some time but came from a reverse tribution from the back was beautiful Ladies 1s getting promoted from last main in this league next season. Good riet). stick shot again from the one and from Celia helping to keep the ball year and now facing tough teams. Th e Luck girls!

Super speedy superheroes

Sophie Kirk Club Captain started the race which saw superwomen, bolt round to fi nish just in time to make Tony the Tiger and escaped zombies run the 1st team! Overall the Men’s Team off the start line. Th e men’s team were full moved up 2 places to fi nish an incredible On a cold Wednesday afternoon Impe- of anticipation for the race ahead as they 3rd position just behind St Marys, the rial’s fi nest runners headed off to Rich- knew they could improve on the fi rst race second team also fi nished in 6th position. mond Park for the second of our London result. In the women’s race, the fi rst team College League races of the year. Since An excellent run from fi rst timer Faron improved on their score from last time, the race coincided with Halloween, club Hesse meant he fi nished an incredible with Sophie Kirk, Josie Bowler and Imo- members stepped up to the mark with 4th position a mere 30 seconds behind gen Keane fi nishing in 19th 20th and 21st some spooky costumes to scare off the the winner. Th e rest of the fi rst men’s position respectively. However the team competition. We defi nitely deserved the team also improved greatly with Phil Mc- remain in 5th position just 6 points down prize for best dressed team. Corquodale, Sam O’Neill, Chris Th omas on Brunel. First timer Kimberley Mason on his fi rst league race, we hope he comes and Wimbledon common where we Despite some transport issues causing and Reuben Bogg all moving up 34, 17, had a great run to fi nish in 35th position, back for more. A successful days racing hope both the men’s and women’s teams the race to be delayed by half an hour, Im- 9 and 10 positions respectively. Special we look forward to watching her im- was followed by some suitably spooky can fi nish in the top 3! For more informa- perial were ready to take on the 2.5 mile mention to Men’s Captain James Ellis prove over the season. cakes, apple bobbing and much celebrat- tion about Cross Country and Athletics or 5 mile course. A chant of ‘Gary Hoare’ who missed the start but still managed to Despite losing Tri Captain Ed Hallett ing. We look forward to next week’s race Club please email: [email protected] 09/11/12 Issue 1530 felixonline.co.uk

SPORT “Keep the Cat Free” ICUAFC 1s conquering London

Whole Team Effort Football Team off early only to be replaced by Cherif “German effi ciency!” echoed around a high pitched moan from Amjad’s Jnr. Th e early exchanges were domi- the stadium/pitch. Th e game wound mouth – a cry of despair, anguish, nated by Imperial although an early down with a few more chances for pain, remorse, guilt and pure regret. On the 27th of October the “ICUAFC shot from UCL talisman James ‘Just Imperial but none taken. We left tak- Th e sadness seen on his face was com- elite” (Tofi s, 2012) ventured north of a shit’ Greatorex produced a smart ing our “One way” sign with us. Th e parable to that of Achilles mourning the wall to a place so windy that Doro- save by Garner. Th e fi rst goal came chants of ‘Get back in your biscuit tin, the death of Patroclus. He received a thy and Toto thanked their lucky stars from a vicious shot by Bjorkstrand Ginger’ and ‘Oi number 11, number Man of the Match vote from Garner that they live in Kansas: Shenley. Th e and, following immense pressure, 11, mate, number 11, you’re shit’ were after the match, but this was widely opposition were the old enemy and the UCL defender had no choice but absent but even without our 12th man, assumed to be a sympathetic gesture. second best university in London, to thrash the rebound home from 3 victory was comfortable. Smithy’s in- Bjorkstrand took a leaf out of Amjad’s UCL. A fi xture steeped in history, yards. Imperial continued to domi- dustry won him man of the match but book by promptly spurning a host of this was always going to be a diffi cult nate with multiple chances much to everyone was impressive; however, chances that Fernando Torres himself fi xture. It wasn’t. With new recruits the dismay of the UCL wags present. justice will not truly be served until would have struggled to miss. Unfor- James Murphy, Luke Butler, Mari- Th e second half brought no respite to further destruction of UCL in the cup. tunately, overcommitment from the us Wedemeyer, Amine Cherif (aka either the weather, which was appro- Next up were St George’s on the Imperial team and a few missed chal- Cherif Snr) and the returning Peter priately North-sideways sleet, nor the 31st of October. Th e reverse fi xture lenges from an otherwise untested de- Bjorkstrand, on top of 13 goals with- UCL goal. A whipped freekick from the season before brought back bad fence allowed St Georges to pull back out reply in 270 minutes, ICUAFC 1s Tofi s resulted in another outstanding memories of a 10 O’clock kick off and a sloppy goal, the fi rst goal they had were full of confi dence. We arrived fi nish from their right midfi elder this a Cypriot fi nishing the fi nal 5 minutes conceded in approximately a decade at Shenley with no sign of the oppo- time as he placed his clearance eff ort- in goal. Th e squad were buoyed by the of football. Th is served as a wake up sition; rumours were banded about lessly into their top corner. Th e dubi- false news that they now played on 3G. call, lifting Imperial with Wedemeyer that Imperial’s multicultural line up ous goals panel (controversially) gave However, upon arrival we were dis- winning a penalty after a disgusting had scared the UCL army into sub- it as an own goal despite Tofi s’ pleas. mayed to hear we would in fact be on streak with a clever right-footed fi nish challenge from a St Georges defender, mission. However, just when it looked Wedemeyer and Nielsen were intro- grass in the overwhelming stadium of from a Tofi s cross. prompting the 2 travelling supporters like there would be a no show, they ap- duced to kill off the game with one high fl ying Tooting and Mitcham FC. Half time provided relief for a vis- (Smithy’s parents) to brandish imagi- peared over the hill, armed for battle having more impact than the other. Solace was only found in the pitchside ibly shaking St George’s against an nary cards which were unheeded by (a football match). Within 2 touches the former was on chicken van and proper seating for Imperial team smelling blood. Impe- the immoveable referee. Our confi dence was high, and the scoresheet. Hill played a simple our ever growing fan club. Again Im- rial pressed to extend their lead with Th e resulting penalty was comfort- rightfully so, as we dicked on them 5 yard pass to the ruthless German perial dominated despite inappropri- more slick play drawing ‘Olé’s from ably converted by Robinson, sending for 90 minutes winning 3-0. Garner who, with one touch, turned and got ate footwear and whining from Tofi s the crowd. Such was their dominance the keeper to his right whilst nestling was majestic in goals (at each end), it out his feet before placing a fi nesse that he needed insoles for his boots. that Amjad found himself in approxi- the ball in the opposite corner. Smithy protected by Tofi s, Woodhead, Am- shot over the keeper from what at fi rst A wunderstrike from Tofi s opened mately an acre of space all of 2 yards won man of the match for the second jad and Cherif Snr. Th e midfi eld was appeared to be at least 100 yards, but the scoring from a corner delivered by from their goal, dead centre, with the week running earning himself an- bossed by housemate combo Tim was later confi rmed as 40. Th e calls of, the consistently dangerous Dale. Af- ball before him. No one was quite pre- other embroidered star on his kit bag ‘Smithy’ Beasley and Hill, who con- “Keep the ball!” from the IC midfi eld- ter the ball was weakly cleared, Tofi s pared for what followed: with the goal (@SmithysBag). Th e result was more tinues to roll back the years. Width ers, prior to the shot, were a textbook headed it over an opposition defender at his mercy the pressure got to him. important than the scoreline but it was provided by Murphy and Butler example of how mindgames are still of before unleashing an unstoppable Luke Varney’s midweek miss against was frustrating to have conceded. Th e spearheaded by Bjorkstrand and Rob- paramount importance in the mod- drive through the keepers’ butter fi n- Southampton in the Capital One Cup squad agreed that we were not good inson. Unfortunately, Butler’s fancy ern game. Pandemonium ensued, as gers into the net to deafening chants was forgotten in an instant. Th ere was enough compared to the new stand- footwork put him on the receiving Wedemeyer opted for a Henry-esque of Golaccio from no one. Wedemey- screaming silence from the travelling ards set by a team which very possibly end of a rash challenge forcing him silencing celebration whilst cheers of er continued his impressive scoring supporters which was shattered by could win everything this year.

Disappointing start for the Falcons

Basketball Team Benjamin Sandy with his second pitch, allegedly by ac- ULJS threw on their last good pitcher 7-3 up after two innings, thanks to a Americans who joined us. Hopefully, cident. (this one imported from Edinburgh) lot of walks and a sacrifi ce fl y by Matt the Falcons will learn from this game In the fi rst few innings, ULJS’s score who struck out our last two batters. Bidwell, while the ULJS off ence strug- and improve as we move into the sea- Imperial’s baseball team, the Falcons, crept up, but Imperial’s hitters strug- Th ree of our players scored hits in the gled against the pace and power of son proper. began their season yesterday with gled against a ridiculously good ULJS fi nal inning, although I don’t know Falcons pitcher Julian Chiu. Imperial’s a double header of friendly games pitcher, who, incidentally, had been who they were as the score-sheet dis- scoring dried up, however, as ULJS against the University of London Japa- shipped in from Manchester for the solved in the horizontal rain that fol- brought on another, better pitcher. Falcons 0 nese Society. match. Imperial thus failed to score lowed the conclusion of the match. Th e opposition then chipped away at Th e fi rst game of the day began in the fi rst four innings, and ULJS fi n- After much huddling under a tree, our lead, going into the fi nal inning ULJS 8 amidst some animosity as the opposi- ished with a four-run fi fth inning, leav- the rain eased off enough for the sec- only one run behind. tion catcher was an Imperial College ing us 8-0 down with our fi nal inning ond game to start. Both teams were Unfortunately, ULJS achieved the student, and last year’s hapless vice- left to play. fi elding less experienced teams in or- two runs needed to secure the walk- president of the baseball club, who After a fl urry of new ULJS pitchers der to give the fresher’s some experi- off win, ending a fairly disappointing Falcons 7 this summer ditched us for ULJS, de- (one of which thought he could throw ence, including ULJS’s token European day for the Falcons. Th e games were, spite not actually being Japanese. Th is knuckleballs), Imperial showed faint guy who’d joined them to watch anime. however, a good experience for our ULJS 8 animosity was apparent as Imperial’s hints of a comeback, loading the bas- Imperial started brightly against a new players, and a crash course in starting pitcher, Hajime Urata, hit him es with only one out. Unfortunately, much less experienced pitcher, going British weather for the benefi t of the