2 News Vol. XXX, Issue 15 | Wednesday, July 15, 2009

A Dumb American Tells You Things About Those Italians start on green and switch to yellow after approxi - They’ll tag just about anything. Trains, walls, bill - mately .003 seconds and then to red after another boards, orifices... By Ross Barkan .0002 seconds. In the meantime, good luck crossing In Rome, they charge for bread and water at many while tiny but angry fuel-efficient cars (Italianos eating establishments. When you ask the waiter to Italia, Italia, how shall I sing of you? It’s been nary looove those Smart cars) growl in the crossing lane bring the check (ci porta il conto, per fervore) expect a week since I touched down on your shores and I’ve and one of the nearly two thousand motorcycles a six hour wait. Everybody’s chill over here. You’ll also already accumulated so much joy (and detritus) from shooting down the street at any given second run the learn that soda comes in weird skinny cans and Ital - your balmy, beer-soaked touch. It’s good to be young light and do their best to swerve around your nose ians lust for Fanta. and in the bosom of capitalistic intrigue. hair. Nice cars, those Italians have. I just pray le mac - Do not give anyone the thumbs up sign. This is Let’s start with an anecdote. My art history class is chine don’t send me to the morgue. extremely important. About the worst thing you can touring the ruins of the Roman forum, once a gather - If you are an attractive female and want to vaca - do in Italy (or the best if you crave a quick and painful ing place where the ancients swapped knowledge, re - tion in Rome, be prepared to be oggled and groped by death) is to run across an intersection and give the ligion, and precious goods. My advice is to trek in the the opposite sex. Do not speak of this “sexual harrass - motorists the double thumbs up. Let’s just say it’s the shadows of the de - equivalent of the crepit yet stunning middle finger, with palaces at least once. the added bonus that Feel the weight of two it also tells all the thousand years on viewers that what - your shoulders. Any - ever they say or do way, we’re walking in belongs up an ass - the sun and one bril - hole. God only liant student, a young knows what they lady hailing from our think thumbs down proud tradition of means. Stony Brook Univer - Gelato men are sity excellence, ges - tricksters. Gelato, for tures to the metal the uninformed, is scaffolding perched Italian for ice cream. against one of the While other capital - forum walls and says, ist countries got “Like, so, is that metal good at conquering stuff over there from and exploiting the Roman times or did hell out of smaller, we put it there?” Che weaker nations, Italy bello! I calmly ex - honed all of its intel - plained to her that the lectual and financial shiny scaffolding is of resources on gelato. our epoch, most likely Eating good gelato is erected in the year like taking a trip 2009 A.D. and not down a raging river 209 A.D. Nah, just of sugar, cream, and kidding. I told her the color. A hundred space alien commu - colors, a hundred nist Jews planted it flavors, random tiny there four thousand cones sticking out of years ago as part of a the scoop, magical mass conspiracy to fool earthlings into believing they ment” concept that exists in the United States. I’m sprinkles, mystical chips, and toppings the color of a have free will. She nodded slowly. (In all fairness, she pretty sure there is no Italian translation for it. I mean, pregnant sun...when the gelato enters you mouth, the didn’t know what scaffolding was either.) surely the words for “sexual” and “harassment” exist in orgy begins. Go to Italy, yell “vorrei fucking gelato” (I I won’t tell you too much about the sites because the Italian vocabulary but any culture that allows men would like fucking gelato) to every person you meet you can just go wikipedia that junk. No point in bor - in tight pink shirts and feathered hair to grab the and eat as much as you can. Trust me, everyone here ing you with a home movies-style recap of how lovely scarves of ladies walking down the street and yank eats or makes gelato. It’s their equivalent of our mil - the Palatine Hill is. I’ll sum it up nice and quick: an - them into their embrace isn’t one that enforces the tary-industrial complex. Even the bums have gelato. cient and medieval shit is cool. The Colosseum is big. good old-fashioned “no touching” rule. And please, It’s just a bit browner. I’m getting off topic, though, be - Trajan’s Column is underrated. The Pantheon has a American tourist girls looking for hot Italian men, cause you all must learn how the gelato makers behind badass oculus. don’t get into a random Italian dude’s car and let him the glass counter can trick the unsuspecting Ameri - Ok, a few things you need to know about Roma, drive you to his house. Also, don’t burst into the hotel can. I ordered chocolate and strawberry gelato in my Italia. Don’t J-walk. Ever. No, I mean it. You will fuck - room of your fellow male American tourists (or stu - shitty Italian and waited for the man to make it. He ing die. Don’t. Do. It. You see, the Romans have a spe - dents) to show them pictures you took of their did of course. But when he was done with my lovely cial driving technique that they delight in employing. sparkling abdominal muscles. Most male American cone he held it behind the glass partition. Now, as an It’s called “Get the fuck out of my way I’m driving here tourists (or students) do not want to witness this. ignorant American, I was unsure of what he was you pedestrian asshole.” Traffic lights for pedestrians Be on the lookout for the graffiti tag “hot boys.” doing. I attempted to reach through the glass. Reme - The Stony Brook Press News 3

bering that physics class I never took, I bottom of an asshole. realized my hand could not in fact pen - Last but not least, if you enjoy Insignificant Liberal Media etrate the glass. He kept holding it mobs, the loss of individuality, sweat, there. I searched frantically for secret Australians, t-shirts, and fear the final - Organization Wins trap doors, mini portals, wormholes, ity of your puny existence and enjoy not whatever, trying to get my damn gelato. knowing where the hell you are the next Insignificant Award From Finally, after many a jab against the day, do a pub crawl. I have not been glass the smirking gelato man holds the blessed yet to take part in this great Insignificant National gelato above the counter and I take it. spectacle but from what I have gath - He had tricked me. Twas no doors, ered, you pay the princely sum of 20 wormholes, etc. Just a silly little Amer - euro to “crawl” from bar to bar with a Think Tank ican trying to punch a hole through massive group of people. Some have and organize the fifty member publica - glass. Austrailian accents! The rest are dumb tions that can be found at schools across Italian women don’t want to sleep college kids like you and I. There’s free By Alex H. Nagler the country, though the bulk of them with you. Please, stop promoting these alcohol for one hour before you have to reside on the east coast and California. lies, smiling Americans who winked at start dropping the big bucks for a sip of The posters for Think Magazine Stony Brook is the only SUNY to have a me when I told them I was going to beer. In that hour it is best if you drink proudly proclaim themselves to be the recognized Campus Progress publica - Italy. yourself into oblivion in order to forget “latte sipping, arugula eating, Prius tion. The American bar Sloppy Sam’s in every subconscious terror you have ever driving” paper of Stony Brook Univer - Though only a year old, Campus Campo Dei Fiori is a hilarious cesspool. experienced. That’s not all. Every future sity. Its physical presence is mainly these Progress has taken note of Think , The room is around four hundred de - Nobel Laureate in the pub crawl gets a posters; Think has so far only published awarding it for being the best website grees (Fahrenheit or Celsius take your free t-shirt with such witty slogans as “I one issue, its inaugural issue to celebrate within the publications network. Peck pick) and the people love to sweat on came I saw I crawled.” Gotta love the both the start of itself and the Obama will pick this award up at the Campus you. Prepare to watch Yankee games on Julius Caesar reference. One day I hope administration. Save for that, the mag - Progress conference in Washington mute while throngs of Italian men to steal a t-shirt and run like mad. azine has not been physically seen since D.C. on July 9th. Peck hopes that the gather to watch drunken American col - Hopefully, the pub-crawling visionaries lege girls chant USA! USA! while their will be too inebriated to follow. breasts bounce in front of the flashing I lied, one more piece of advice. cameras. Never have I felt prouder to be Don’t go clubbing by the Colosseum from the Land of the Free and the unless you really like men. Really, really Home of the Brave. When I left that like men. place it felt like I had just escaped the

March. recognition the award will earn him will The magazine’s real presence, how - attract not only readers and writers, but ever, exists on the internet at potential guest speakers to Stony Brook, www.thinksb.com. Online, Think is fre - which has leaned to the right with po - quently updated with information con - litical speakers recently, such as Ann cerning political goings-on at the Coulter, Tom Tancredo and Robert national, state, and New York City level Spencer. and will occasionally stream live events, “Campus Progress has been awe - such as the first press conference of some in that they make some pretty big now-President Stanley after his confir - names available to their affiliates, like mation by the SUNY Board of Trustees. Katrina vanden Heuvel, editor of The Everything is done with an Nation , whom we interviewed for our unashamedly liberal bent. first issue. And being able to present Think ’s editor Adam Peck started ourselves as Campus Progress’ best the magazine last fall. “It wasn’t to website will hopefully make our re - counter the [Stony Brook] Patriot ” Peck quests for interviews and guest speak - said, adding that “ Think addresses sim - ers more attractive.” ilar issues as The Patriot yes, but we add The award, the first for Think , pro - some critical components to our cover - vides solely recognition, but Peck is age. Things like logic, reason and intel - hopeful for the new pilot program being ligence.” At the end of the spring launched by Campus Progress this year semester, Think had nine writers work - that Think is a candidate for. Peck de - ing for it, mainly on content for the clined to elaborate, stating “I don’t want website. to make too much of it in case it doesn’t Think is funded through a grant happen, but next semester might be a from Campus Progress, the youth ac - time of significant expansion for us with tivism arm of the Center for American the help of CP. The Vast Left Wing Con - Progress. Campus Progress, a promi - spiracy could be coming to Stony nent Democratic think-tank, helps fund Brook.” 4 Vol. XXX, Issue 15 | Wednesday, July 15, 2009 Editorial Board editorials Executive Editor Andrew Fraley Managing Editor Najib Aminy Summer Lovin’ Associate Editor Natalie Crnosija Let us put on a little show for you: Barbara C: So we need to provide the the Administration Cart, which is utmost experience for them. Make open until 2 pm, and the Life Sci - Business Manager Erin Mansfield Setting: Campus administration build - them feel at home. And, while keep - ences Cart, open until 2:30 pm. Re - ing, late May. Two school administra - ing facilities open will cost money, ally, though, have you eaten at either Production Manager tors – B. Chernow and M. Woodruff… perhaps if we think this through, of those two places? Fuck, no. Starve Tia Mansouri no, that’s too obvious… Let’s call them maybe poll students who take sum - and die. News Editors Barbara C. and Mark W. – deliberate mer courses here, look at how other You can forget about finding any Raina Bedford Ross Barkan over coffee and Chinese take-out on successful universities handle the sit - SINC sites open, as well. The only the state of Stony Brook’s facilities and uation, then maaaaybe we can pro - major one open is the library site, and Features Editor services. Barbara C., a fashionable, ca - vide the b-… the be-… that’s usually packed to capacity, of - Cindy Liu reer-oriented woman in her early-to- HAHAAHAHAHA. tentimes with bored students surfing Arts Editor mid 50’s is leading the discussion, the internet to pass the time. Doug Cion standing over Mark W., a pathetic [Barbara and Mark really burst out Our question, though, is “Why?” Photo Editor lackey… laughing now. Rolling on the floor, Stony Brook University administra - Eric DiGiovanni grabbing their sides. Just fucking going tion always makes an attempt to turn Liz Kaufman Barbara C: [sarcastically] Oh, Mark, nuts] this campus into a lively social scene Copy Editors it’s time, again, for our favorite meet - with kickin’ events during the fall and Jason Wirchin Kelly Yu ing of the year: facilities planning for Mark W: Oh, mercy me… [ gasping for spring (you know, like a college or Katie Knowlton Stony Brook’s summer sessions. air and composing himself] So, something.) So why not actually try then… Close everything down and out some new ideas and experiment Webmaster Roman Dipthong Sheydvasser Mark W: [groans, snorts semi-rueful call it a summer? with some interesting events? Beats laughter] Okay, but can we make this us. Even more baffling is the fact that Audiomaster quick, please, Babs? Barbara C: You know it, playa. Now they don’t open at least a few of the Josh Ginsberg let’s go drink motor oil and hurl campus dining centers. They would Ombudsman Barbara C: Fo’ sho’, homie. But here’s sledgehammers at each other like we make a good chunk of change, unless James Laudano how I see it: We’ve got like a butt-load normally do for fun. we miss our guess. After all, many of students attending our great school classes drag on for hours past six this summer. I mean, like, thousands. All theatricality aside, being here o’clock, at which point we’re left with So, while I want this meeting to be on campus during the summer ab - literally zero options for food on cam - Minister of Archives Jesse Schopefer quick, we need to take this seriously. solutely sucks! If you’re reading this pus. A few Press staffers have classes issue, chances are you’re the type who until 9 pm, in fact. We spend a ton of Mark W: Okay, then… How’s about finds themselves with some spare cash on off-campus food. Given the Layout Design by Jowy Romano we just leave the food and computer time here on campus. So, tell us, what chance, most of the students here sites open for the same hours that do you do? Well, obviously you’re would eat on campus. We’d be too they were during the fall and spring reading The Stony Brook Press right lazy to travel off campus if we had vi - Staff and call it a day? now, but other than that, what do you able alternatives right here at Stony do? Your options are pretty limited. Brook. Kotei Aoki Kenny Mahoney Vincent Barone Justin Meltzer Barbara C: But, you see, that would Walk around aimlessly? Stare at the We’re fed up with this. Most of us Matt Braunstein James Messina cost money, and you know… the wall in Javits? Go for a swim in the at The Stony Brook Press join the Tony Cai Steve McLinden J.C. Chan Samantha Monteleone economies… and… the recessions. Wang Center fountains? There are no thousands of students who take Whiskers T. Clown Roberto Moya Laura Cooper Frank Myles So, no. alluring events on campus, and the classes here every summer. Why are Caroline D’Agati Amyl Nitrate Krystal DeJesus Chris Oliveri few small happenings here aren’t at all we treated like this? It makes no Joe Donato Ben van Overmeier Mark W: Well, that ‘butt-load’ of stu - publicized. Not to mention the fact sense! We don’t even get any serious Brett Donnelly Laura Paesano Nick Eaton Grace Pak dents, as you put it, pay a lot of that anywhere you go here is going to explanation or reasoning. They just Michael Felder Rob Pearsall Caitlin Ferrell Jon Pu money to come here in the summer. be plagued by throngs of hyper, pre- ignore the problem. For Christ’s sake, Vincent Michael Festa Aamer Qureshi And don’t we have, like, another butt- teen campers. It’s like this place shuts they even seem to brag about this Joe Filippazzo Kristine Renigen Ilyssa Fuchs Dave Robin load of non-SBU students coming down between June and September, lack of dining options on their web - Rob Gilheany Jessica Rybak David Knockout Ginn Joe Safdia here – you know, students from other despite the fact that there are still site, harping on the fact that, oh my Joanna Goodman Natalie Schultz Jennifer Hand Jonathan Singer SUNY schools? Shouldn’t we be try - thousands – literally, thousands – of god, the Life Sciences Cart is open Stephanie Hayes Nick Statt ing to make the best impression on students here. until 2:30 pm! Score! You suckers Andrew Jacob Rose Slupski Liz Kaempf John Tucker them? Don’t get us started on dining, ei - should thank us for opening the Life Elizabeth Kaplan Lena Tumasyan Jack Katsman Marcel Votlucka ther. You might as well try to forage Sciences Cart to feed your hungry Yong Kim Alex Walsh Barbara C: All good points, Mark. for food in the Ashley Schiff Pre - asses! Rebecca Kleinhaut Brian Wasser Iris Lin Matt Willemain And there are those international stu - serve. Okay, let’s talk details. The Honestly, though, we hope you Frank Loiaccono Jie Jenny Zou dents, the ones who make up the Union Building commons? Closed. like hunting and gathering. In fact, backbone of our touted medical pro - That is, unless you count the fact that maybe you can even make some sort The Stony Brook Press is published fortnightly during the academic year and twice during summer session gram, who are downright forced to it’s open for those swarms of annoy - of improvised weapon to catch your by The Stony Brook Press , a student run non-profit or - ganization funded by the Student Activity Fee. The opin - live here during the summer in order ing camp kids, but, of course, stu - prey using all the excess construction ions expressed in letters, articles and viewpoints do not necessarily reflect those of The Stony Brook Press as a to study. It’s not like they’re gonna dents aren’t allowed to partake. The equipment found here on campus. whole. Advertising policy does not necessarily reflect editorial policy. For more information on advertising and commute from Ching-Chong Union Deli? Closed. Kelly Dining? Beautify the campus, indeed! Now deadlines call (631)632-6451. Staff meetings are held Wednesdays at 1:00 pm. First copy free. Additional province in China everyday, am I Closed. Roth Dining? Closed. H where have we heard that one be - copies cost fifty cents. right? Quad and Taco Bell? Closed. Where fore…? The Stony Brook Press Suites 060 & 061 can you eat? Why, the SAC, of course. Student Union SUNY at Stony Brook [Mark and Barbara share a laugh, But only until 6 pm – it closes just in Stony Brook, NY 11794-3200 throwing in a few off-hand remarks time for dinner. Is that it? Well, (631) 632-6451 Voice (631) 632-4137 Fax like ‘Suckers’ and ‘Nerds’] mostly. There are two other places, Email: [email protected] The Stony Brook Press 5 more unwarranted opinion, and letters Meet The New Boss... The few people still stuck on cam - orbitant prices are just a few of these. stuck with a subsidiary of the $7.7 bil - pus for the summer may have noticed So now Chartwells is out; Lack - lion corporarion. some changes made to the SAC food mann is in. Lackmann is a local culi - What does this mean for Stony court since the session started. Since the nary service provider, operating out of Brook students? Well, we don’t expect SAC is the only food court open this Woodbury, NY. There are some notice - much change in terms of the policies summer, it’s hard to avoid if you’re able changes to the menu, appearance, here. Students in the dorms will proba - going to eat on campus. At the end of and prices of the SAC food court. In bly have to buy some sort of meal plan last semester, the eleven-year contract— general, there seems to be more of a se - with a ridiculous overhead. Although it was extended last year from ten—with lection and slightly cheaper prices—al - prices are a bit lower right now at the the campus’ previous food service though pizza is higher. Regardless, the SAC, more often than not it’s because providers, Chartwells, officially expired. change seems to be a positive one, and it’s actually less food than what students Owned by the multinational corpora - Stony Brook might be free of its 11-year previously paid for. Don’t expect buffet- tion, Compass Group, the food service nightmare with Chartwells, right? style eateries either (outside of the Kelly provider was not particularly popular Well, not quite. As it turns out, and Benedict brunches), these were on campus, for a number of reasons. Compass Group recently acquired deemed infeasible last year. The lack of varied choices, the manda - Lackmann. In what appears to be the Well, at least there’s that really nice tory $300 overhead for residents living endless cycle that is big corporate salad bar. Score. in dorms without kitchens, and the ex - takeovers, Stony Brook is once again Letter: Dear Ross Barkan

[Editors Note: What follows is a response to the piece entitled “Dear Patriot Staffers” by Ross Barkan in Issue 14 of The Stony Brook Press ]

Dear Ingrate,

I’m going to be very up front: I’m not interested in gaining your respect or showing you mine. I thought about ar - guing your points, but then realized it’s pointless. You guys just don’t care and don’t want to listen. I will comment on one thing though: you criticize us for the infrequency of our issues. Well, maybe if we had your budget or half your budget or even A THIRD OF YOUR BUDGET, we would be able to publish on a regular basis. We don’t get enough money to publish every month but you get enough money for Mac computers, an office, 90+ page issues, etc. You’re an out socialist, why don’t you put your fucking money your stupid, doofy mouth is and spread the wealth – send some of yours our way; trust me, we’d publish every month if we had it. That said…Congratulations! I’ve noticed that you have moved up in the ranks of your pathetic nerd empire down in your nerd-hole of an office choc full of whiny, naïve, sexually frustrated NERDS. I look forward to all the great work you’re going to do as “News Editor” next year. You question how versed we are on the subject of “sexual intercourse,” but I have to say, I’ve met a lot of your staffers over the past three years and if they’re any indication of your level of sexual prowess (I’m sure they are), then I really feel bad for you. That is, unless your definition of sex is intimate contact with the latest product released by Steve Jobs or masturbating to Princess Peach in Super Mario 3. You’re probably a latent homosexual anyway though and are instead masturbating to Mario and Luigi. On second thought, I think you have an X-Box down there…You can now mas - turbate to “next-gen” video game characters. That must really get you guys going. You should try leaving the bat-cave every once in a while…there are actually real girls…uhh, sorry, GUYS, out there to talk to. But then again, why should you repeat your past. I’m sure every girl…oh right, GUY…you ever talked to in High School pretended you didn’t exist, which makes sense as, when you came to College, you flocked to “The Stony Brook Press,” a collection of other re - jects and losers who always got beat up and never had a girlfrie…uhh BOYFRIEND in High School. At least you guys now have each other. I know I’d kill for that consolation. “…the human species would come to an end because (and I gather the Patriot staffers aren’t so experienced in these matters) the male and female sexes must have what is called sexual intercourse in order to create children.” Satire? Or defense mechanism? I mean, I was going to leave personal attacks out of everything but apparently you felt compelled, but I guess that’s because you really have no other argument. I guess that old saying is true: “Empty bar - rels make the most noise.” All in all, I got the message. Fuck you too.

-Derek Mordente Editor-in-Chief of The Patriot

Request an ad packet: E-mail your letters to [email protected] [email protected] 6 News Vol. XXX, Issue 15 | Wednesday, July 15, 2009 Opposition To A Sweat-Free SUNY A Memorandum Opposing the SUNY-Wide Resolution For Sweatshop-Free Apparel

MEMORANDUM OF OPPOSITION apparel or textiles or sports equipment, campuses are members of the WRC, the campus Auxiliary Services Corpo - campuses must add a statement to their even though all campuses comply with ration (ASC). In turn, a number of SUBJECT: A.7376 (Rivera P.) AN ACT bid documents that the campus will not the law. ASCs have contracted for operation of to amend the education law, in relation enter into a contract to purchase or ob - their bookstores by third parties, pri - to establishing a sweat-free code of con - tain for any purpose any apparel or tex - A.7376 accuses the State University of marily Barnes and Noble and Follett. duct for apparel licensed by the colleges tiles or sports equipment with a bidder using sweatshops to manufacture cam - Accordingly, contracts or business rela - and universities of the state university unable or unwilling to provide docu - pus apparel and that campus adminis - tionships for apparel procurement may mentation that: a) Such apparel or trators “continue to ignore the be between either the ASC and a ven - STATUS: Assembly Committee on sports equipment was manufactured in violations of human rights that take dor or Barnes and Noble/Follett and an Higher Education compliance with all applicable labor and place in order for their campus apparel apparel vendor. SUNY is in the process occupational safety laws, including, but to be manufactured and sold.” The State of investigating such arrangements. A.7376 would require the Chancellor of not limited to, child labor laws, wage University does not support the pur - SUNY believes that the existing state the State University to develop a sweat- and hour laws and workplace safety chasing of apparel from manufacturers laws that apply to ALL state govern - free code of conduct which would man - laws. that engage in sweat-shop like practices. mental entities are appropriate. date that each SUNY campus join the We object to this legislative statement as Worker Rights Consortium (WRC) and A troubling aspect of A.7376 is the it is untrue, unfair and inflammatory. A.7376 singles out SUNY, thus making its affiliated Designated Supplier Pro - mandate for the University to become a the presumption that all other NYS col - gram for the purpose of enforcing such dues paying member of a particular or - Recent articles in the national press leges and universities, public and pri - code of conduct. The SUNY Board of ganization, the Workers’ Rights Con - have highlighted a particular manufac - vate, are in full compliance with state Trustees will also be required to develop sortium (WRC), that monitors apparel turer and allegations of anti-labor or laws and possibly the goals of the mem - rules and regulations to ensure the en - manufacturing practices. It should be sweatshop activities. NO SUNY cam - ber-supported, dues based, Worker’s forcement and compliance with such noted that there are several such na - puses have contacts with this particular Rights Consortium. Such proposals, if code. The State University of New York tional organizations available for mem - manufacturer. However, this situation is adopted, should apply to all higher ed - is opposed to the enactment of A.7376. bership. Furthermore the WRC has complicated due the structure of ap - ucational institutions and state entities only 187 member campuses of the over parel purchasing on SUNY campuses. that sell licensed products. Chapter 350 of the New York State Laws 4,100 colleges and universities in the Much apparel sold on campuses using of 2002 and Chapter 562 of the Laws of United States. Thus, membership is not SUNY licensed logos is through the State University respectfully requests 2003 were enacted to address the issue indicative of a campus’ compliance with campus bookstore which generally, al - that A.7376 not be approved. of apparel manufactured by sweatshops. current law. Currently only four SUNY though not always, is administered by The State University is in full compli - ance with this law which directly im - pacted the purchasing practices of our campuses. A fundamental requirement of Chapter 350 was to ensure that in the execution of a campus contract for ap - parel, the bidder is to provide assur - ances that the apparel in question was manufactured in compliance with all applicable labor and occupational safety laws, including, but not limited to, child labor laws, wage and hour laws and workplace safety laws.

Subsequently, SUNY has developed an extensive and explicit policy on pur - chasing and contracting which includes the following requirement: II (D)(2) When competitive bidding is 20 required, in accordance with New York State Labor Law for a procurement of The Stony Brook Press News 7 Opposition To The Opposition A Rebuttal to the Memorandum By Students And Labor Organizations In Support

MEMORANDUM OF SUPPORT particular manufacturer”. The memo attempts to head off and SUBJECT: A.7376 (Rivera P.) AN ACT to amend the defuse any potential criticism by education law, in relation to establishing a sweat-free denying any university in the code of conduct for apparel licensed by the colleges system contracts with Russell and universities of the state university Athletic. Yet, the public was made aware of Russell’s labor STATUS: Assembly Committee on Higher Education practices through the work of Students for Workers’ Rights and the New York Labor- the Workers’ Rights Consortium Religion Coalition have already gone on record sup - (WRC). Formally associating porting this important legislation to combat state with the WRC would only en - complicity with the exploitation of garment workers, sure that SUNY would respond but feel compelled to respond to a disappointing more quickly to labor abuses at memorandum of opposition to A.7376 circulated by factories producing SUNY ap - the State University of New York (SUNY). parel.

The memo of opposition argues that existing law al - As mentioned in the memo, ready addresses the problem of apparel contractor ex - Auxiliary Services Corporations ploitation, specifically Chapter 350 of the New York (ASC) handle a significant por - State Laws of 2002 and Chapter 562 of the Laws of tion of apparel purchasing for 2003. Certainly, we wouldn’t want to burden SUNY State University of New York with redundant legislation. Yet, the previous legisla - campuses sometimes with third tion requires only that state universities consider the party vendors, like Barnes and self-reported evaluations of potential contractors and Nobles. The memo expresses their observance of “applicable” labor and other laws. some confusion over the rela - This is doubly ineffectual. By focusing on “applica - tionship between SUNY, ASCs, ble” laws, the current process ignores an essential ele - and third party vendors. Yet, ment of sweatshop abuses—the situating of factories ASCs for all intents and pur - in jurisdictions where legal standards are far below poses are not separate, distinct those required by basic human decency. This re - organizations existing outside Matt Willemain sponse is also premised on the idea that companies the realm of SUNY operations. SUNY’s Administration Building. Organizers of said coalition formed to support sweat-free legislation will police themselves, in spite of a well documented ASCs are listed as Class B Public history of abuses in the garment industry. Authorities on the NYS Comp - Claiborne, Phillips-Van Heusen) in the 1990s and has troller’s website and typically staffed by SUNY faculty, been criticized for protecting the interests of the gar - The previous laws regarding sweatshop apparel at - staff, and students. They are also subject to NYS bid - ment industry over those of workers. The Worker tempted to give SUNY the tools and opportunity to ding laws, Open Meetings Law, and Freedom of In - Rights Consortium is an independent labor rights voluntarily go sweatfree as an institution. Despite formation Law. Therefore, they should be held to the monitoring organization that carries out in-depth in - SUNY’s assertions that they do not support sweat - same standards as any other state entity and absolutely vestigations and focuses specifically on factories pro - shops, in the six to seven years since the passage of the required to uphold a basic standard of workers’ rights ducing apparel for universities. laws little has been done to correct the practice of pur - when contracting with outside vendors. chasing sweatshop apparel. For example, at SUNY The disingenuous arguments offered in the SUNY Stony Brook students can purchase apparel from their Similarly, the memo of opposition appears, on its face, memo only highlight their unwillingness to take campus bookstore produced by Van Heusen. Van to be reasonable in suggesting that the University meaningful steps to address labor abuses at factories Heusen operates factories in Bangladesh where, ac - shouldn’t be bound to join one of several available as - producing campus apparel, underscoring the need for cording to the U.S. State Department, the minimum sociations which purport to oppose sweatshop prac - a legislative mandate to compel real action. Essentially, wage for garment workers is set at $0.80 a day. tices. Upon closer inspection, however, it becomes the State University recognizes that labor and human clear that the approach favored by the State University rights abuses are a problem in the garment industry, The memo of opposition makes reference to one par - is to leave the fox guarding the henhouse. For exam - but rejects effective remedies in favor of alternatives ticular recent high-profile case of abuse by Russell ple, the Fair Labor Association (FLA) was created by that fail to substantively address the problem. Athletic, which the State University identifies as “a multinational apparel companies (Nike, Reebok, Liz 8 Bullshit! Vol. XXX, Issue 15 | Wednesday, July 15, 2009

So we’ve been harping on how ridiculous summer dining is here on campus. It’s just fucking awful.

If you’ll look to your le, you’ll see the actual promotional poster from both the school’s webiste. It was also found in certain buildings on cam - pus.

Really, though, let’s disect a few things here.

First, at the top, it has the audacity to claim that it’s “Guest Focused” Yeah, right. What a load of bullshit. Wouldn’ t you have to be open and eager, providing service throughout the majoriy of the day to really claim that you’re “guest focused?” Lame.

en, the major headline; “Dine on campus all summer long!” Yeah, sure. If you’re a fucking moron. Or unlucky enough to both not have a car and be afflicted with a bizarre phobia of public busses.

en it seems to brag about the fact that they opened up those two carts for our convenience. When the hell have you ever heard of the Life Sci - ence Cart before now? We sure haven’t. It’s small, out of the way, and only open for six hours. What’s the point of choosing some ass-back - wards location like that? If you only want to keep your dining options open for a few hours, you could at least do us a favor and open the Union Deli or Commons for that time instead of two ridiculously lim - ited and unknown carts. And what the hell does that SBU 100 thing mean?

Oh, and another thing, Starbucks didn’t open the week of June 15. ey delayed the opening until aer June 23. Well, okay, perhaps there were some unresolved issues with the location that needed to be fixed, but for Christ’s sake that means that until the middle of the first summer session there were only three dining options on campus.

Hey, Stony Brook, how does it feel to know that you’re losing thousands of dollars to places like 7-11, Stop and Shop and Dominoes every summer because you wont open some damn dining halls?! The Stony Brook Press 9

Michael Bay Never Went To College

By Justin Meltzer

Do you remember your first day of college? Chances are that if you are reading this, it wasn’t that long ago or it is about to happen. You remember (or will remember) moving things into your dorm room, meeting your room - mate for the first time and going to your first party. You also recall the shoddy condition of the dorms, the rules about what you can and cannot bring (no ex - tension cords anyone), and the first party of the year complete with cram - ming 80 freshmen into a single room with a keg. That’s college in a nutshell. But not for Michael Bay it isn’t. Michael Bay’s most recent blockbuster hit, Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen hit theaters this summer and made many assumptions about college. From these assumptions it is made blatantly clear that Michael Bay never went to college. The story follows Sam Witwicky, as played by Shia Labeouf, the human pro - tagonist from the first movie, two years later and on his way to college. When he gets there, things get a little out of hand alism of what Bay thinks college looks thousand dollars worth of computer interruption lest the Dean of Students as his roommate is a techie cyber nerd like; it’s everything Bay assumes about equipment that your self-described becomes offended. She would just hap - with about 87 grand worth of computer college. Imagine every stereotype you’ve “broke” roommate brought with him. pen to be sitting in on his lecture for the equipment in his dorm room complete ever heard about the colligate experi - What’s truly amazing is just how first day of classes. In most universities, with a Mountain Dew™ vending ma - ence, then amplify it by about 20 and ridiculous Bay’s entire concept of real - teachers just go over the syllabus the chine. I would normally say this is un - make it Bay’s specific level of “awe - ity. When Sam’s mother isn’t crying over first day, but this is Michael Bay’s uni - realistic, but let’s not forget that we are some.” Now up that awesome by adding his “baby booties” (are you serious!?!) verse . You don’t fuck with his universe . watching a movie about giant super ad - Transformers to it and you’ve got it. or unknowingly eating pot brownies, If after seeing this movie you feel vanced extra terrestrial robots that This is what “Princeton” looks like in thinking they are “environmentally that college is anything like what was choose to turn into Mac trucks. this movie; a party school with super green,” she is tackling Frisbee players on presented on screen, don’t worry; it’s My complaint isn’t about the unre - models roaming every corridor and 87 the campus while high. No mother on not even close. Van Wilder was a more earth (not even mine) is this ab - accurate representation of college life, surd, and chances are Bay has and that starred Ryan Reynolds for never actually been high nor has Christ’s-sakes. The college that was por - he ever seen anybody who was be - trayed in Transformers: Revenge of the cause no one tackles other people fallen was a cliché of every college after eating pot brownies! Not to maxim, overly done and without the mention his father who chooses to least bit of truth to it. Take that, and go with the clichés of how expen - then add transformers to it; Transform - sive college is, in one form or an - ers – mind you – that can now take the other. That doesn’t stop him from form of people (don’t ask, I have no remodeling the house, adding a fucking clue). You have now been ac - home theater in Sam’s room, or cepted to the University of Michael Bay. taking a vacation to France. You are also enrolled in “How to make And let’s not forget the Astron - terrible movies that have no clue of how omy professor as played by Rainn to make even the simplest things seem Wilson, a.k.a. Dwight from The remotely realistic.” Understand? No? Office . When he wasn’t blatantly Then you pass! flirting with the sexy female stu - dents, which were the only kind of (Point of clarification: Michael Bay ac - female students on campus, he was tually did go to college at Weslayan Uni - lecturing on subjects that didn’t versity, but got rejected from USC and belong in an astronomy class. Of other notable film schools for graduate course when Sam goes ape-shit work and opted to study film at the Art crazy because of something Trans - Center College of Design in Pasadena.) former related nonetheless, Profes - In Pasadena, there were explosions this big every day. I swear. I really did go to college... sor Dwight must quell the 10 Vol. XXX, Issue 15 | Wednesday, July 15, 2009 Editors note: What you are about to read is an exceprt from a journal, found on campus in late June. It chronicles the descent into madness of one Stony Brook student’s summer session. Enjoy!

Tuesday, June 16: 3 pm

I can’t wait to come back to Stony Brook for the summer! Time to see some friends, lounge about on the Staller lawn, and hang out at The Press’ office. I’m taking BIO 201 for that DEC E requirement and some nonsense European music course for DEC I. DECs are such a load of crap. BIO just ended, and now I’m going to grab some food. Being a denizen of the Union basement, I’m pretty attached to the deli upstairs. I’ll just grab a sandwich and some coffee. Hm… The place is closed. The door says the place is open until 11 pm. Weird. Maybe it’s closed because they’re replac - ing the fridge or something. I’ll just check the other Union eatery. After all, the Union Commons has a pretty good selec - tion. What? The Commons are filled with a bunch of little kids in matching shirts. I guess it’s a camp group? Oh, well. I’ll just grab some food… What?! Apparently students aren’t allowed to eat in the same room or eatery as the camp brats. Where am I going to eat then?

Tuesday, June 16: 5:53 pm

Okay, Roth, Kelly and H are all closed. I checked Jasmine but that was closed… Even Starbucks isn’t open. An - other student told me the SAC was open, but I just got there and – even though they say they close at 6 pm – they had already packed almost all the food up and shut down. What to do, what to do?

Tuesday, June 16: 6:32 pm

I’m hungrrrrrryyyyy! God Dammit! Where’s the fucking food now? I’m fucking hungry! I’m fucking hungry! Ahh - hhhhhhhh!

Tuesday, June 16: 7:04 pm

I’ve grown desperate… The hunger has begun to dull my senses. The great masses of construction equipment have become the metaphorical monoliths of my torment. I’ve bunkered myself within their cradle of comfort to get through the night. I’m too weak to drive home. I’ve taken to eating the ketchup and pepper packets that I scrounged off of the discarded trays of the camp kids. Sustain me, high fructose corn syrup!

Wednesday, June 17: 12:05 am

I’ve fashioned a crude bow out of some spare con - struction parts. It seems only fitting that I turn those symbolic images of Stony Brook summers into my tools of survival. When the dawn breaks I will plunge into the heart of the Ashley Schiff Preserve to hunt for food. Like Conrad’s Marlow, I will enter the darkness and discover the debased nature of our university’s practices. The Stony Brook Press 11 Wednesday, June 17: 6:19 am

Bow ineffective. Hunting a failure. Hunger unbearable. The police have booted me from the nature preserve here on campus. Killing ani - mals is expressly forbidden, it seems. No matter. The great goddess Zorinastar who lives atop the Wang Center tower shall strike them down for attempting to deny me the game in the preserve. Wednesday, June 17: Time Unknown <------Zorinastar Utensils! Saviors! Surely Zorinastar favors me. She has given me a spoon and fork and commanded me to dig for food. Grubs and local flora are my staples now. The hard dirt outside the University café, however, has few of the fat, juicy grubs or semi-edible plants that I need. Please, Zorinastar, take me now! I surrender to your will. Give me guidance and lead me to sustenance. I’ve been all across this nation. I’ve seen the summit of Mt. Kilimanjaro. I’ve traveled along the once prolific Silk Road, ex- changing goods with turbaned merchants in rickety stands. But nothing could prepare me for this moment when I looked into the eyes of Zorinastar herself. Manifesting herself in the form of one of the few grubs that I had not hastily shoved down my throat, she spoke unto me and laid the awful truth bare: If I wish to survive, I must make the ultimate sacrifice. I must cast my humanity aside, and become a true animal. An animal of red- hot proportions who finds himself most at home hiding in the shade of the Math Tower or bathing in the Roth Pond. An animal who is willing (dare I say, eager) to do whatever it takes to eat.

Day Unknown: Time Unknown

Mere hours ago I snuck into the offices of Campus Recreation and stolen a baseball bat. My hands and hair are caked with blood now. I imagine these two things are linked, but I remember nothing. All I know is the hunger and all I hear is Zorinastar’s titillating, urging voice. A voice that commands me to do one thing... kill.

Day Unknown: Time Unknown

I can clearly see my prey. My shirt, long since removed from my body, is fastened around my crown. I’ve applied some of the remaining ketchup I had as body paint. The bat has become an extension of my body. The hunger in me drives my mind to think unspeakable things which, mere days ago, I would have found repulsive. The animal in me, though, drives me closer and closer to my quarry. I am ready. Soon, I shall feast again. Day Unknown: Time Unknown

Success! I have made the kill. The hapless fool was caught unaware as he read his Weather Studies textbook for that bullshit GEO 101 class. Another casualty of the DEC system! I have finally found a suitable meal. As I unsheathe the fork and spoon that Zorinastar so generously provided me with before, readying myself for the first cut, my brow begins to perspire. I can feel Zorinastar’s love coursing through my veins. I position myself over the kill, ready to dig in. All of a sudden though, I hear a piercing ringing. Could this be Zorinastar speaking to me again? Has the goddess begun to cause me to hear things... a sort of auditory hallucination intended to test my will right before I finally satiate my hunger? No. I soon realize that the ringing noise is coming from my pocket. When I in- vestigate to discover its source, I find my cell-phone (that cruel construct of civi- lized, well-fed society!) setting off a “day-planner” alarm, informing me that it is time for that stupid European DEC class. I think it’s in Javits. Oh well, better get moving. It’s a long walk there and I don’t want to be late. 12 Vol. XXX, Issue 15 | Wednesday, July 15, 2009 arts&entertainment Big D and The Kids Table Grows Up

By Katie Knowlton luent in Stroll is the sixth full- band fans know and love has gone for - bass lines. A couple songs more fully ex - Vocally and lyrically, not much has length in the near 15-year history ever, they just have slowed things down plore the dub elements found here and changed. Front man Dave McWane of Big D and the Kids Table, and a bit and expanded their own capabili - there on previous albums. They are sounds just like he has for all their pre - it is sure to be a divisive one ties. soaked in echo, chorus, and reverb with vious releases. McWane’s style is a hy - aFmongst fans. They almost all but aban - Musically, this is an interesting a bit of DJ play, manipulating existing brid of talking and singing. He isn’t a don their ska-punk roots and trade it in record. As I mentioned before, the ska sound in extended instrumental parts. vocal powerhouse, not even technically for doses of reggae, dub, surf-rock, and on this album is rarely straight up, and There are a couple tracks on Fluent all that good, but it works for them. His just about everything else in between. it’s often mixed with related genres and in Stroll that are more like the ska found voice also gives another tie to older Big On this album, Big D matures a few that are bit more out of left field. on their last couple of releases, so those D material, so this album sounds like somewhat. That term generally has neg - One song, “Not Fucking Around,” lyri - who are wary of Big D abandoning their less of an abrupt departure. An interest - ative connotations of an artist or group cal content aside, sounds like it could roots need not worry. “Describing the ing thing that the band decided to do on trying to prove themselves serious and have been played on the radio back in Sky” could have been on their 2007 this record was bring in back-up better than their sophomoric previous 1957. Jangly, upbeat guitar sounds are album, Strictly Rude , and it would have singers, who they call the Doped Up releases, but in this case I think Big D present throughout the album, often worked as a perfect companion to Dollies. These four women, including just got tired of playing the same pre - laced with a lot of reverb and chorus, “Shining On,” a fan favorite song of a the two singers of Connecticut ska band dictable ska-punk. Fifteen years is a and there is barely any distortion to be bad day gone good. I imagine once Big Tip the Van, provide not only back-up long time to be doing anything, and found. A few other tracks would have D starts playing more of these songs vocals, they are used for call and re - playing the same chord progressions been the perfect soundtrack to a 60’s live, “Describing the Sky” will rank right sponse, allowing McWane to play off of with the same fast 4/4 beats must get old surf film, with big band-esque horns, up there with ‘Shining On” and “LAX” them, especially because his lyrics often after a while. That’s not to say that the pseudo 3/4 drum beats, and walking as must-plays for every set. revolve around girls, and the good and the bad that can come of them. For in - stance, “Not Fucking Around” is a song about a drunk girlfriend playing the “what if” game. The Dollies sing “What if your high school girlfriend showed up while I was away?” to which McWane cheesily replies, “I’d go under the sink, grab some insect repellent and spray that girl away.” It can sometimes seem a little gimmicky, but it’s something new and interesting that I haven’t heard a lot in modern music. Big D and the Kids Table have changed it up, and that’s not a bad thing. I know some fans have already dis - missed this album, but I think this is the record Big D always wanted to make, they just didn’t have the knowledge or the resources to do so. I definitely rec - ommend this album to any Big D or ska fan. It’s a fun listen, perfect for the sum - mer months. The Stony Brook Press arts&entertainment13 Dragonslayer Slays...Mostly

By Andrew Fraley

don’t usually review music, set myself up for similar disap - piano and vocals—which are rem - Lair,” the only song to mention but on the rare occasion that I pointment, as I ready myself to re - iniscent of David Bowie—and dragons on the entire album. At Ido I tend to suffer from a nos - view Sunset Rubdown’s latest artistic, almost literary, presence over ten minutes long, the song talgic bias. I tend to hold up a opus, Dragonslayer . make it a fantastic addition to any - takes a commitment, but varies its band’s newest LP to its predeces - Following 2007’s masterpiece, body’s art-rock library. But—good progression enough to keep listen - sors, and somehow always wind Random Spirit Lover , Dragonslayer god!—I’ve already wasted 200 ers interested. up disappointed. I did it with Of (June 23) is the fourth album of words dropping names and dis - All in all, Dragonslayer is a Montreal’s Skeletal Lamping , Spencer Krug’s experimental side cussing a different album. Some - pretty good album. It is a good mix which couldn’t really hold up com - project (he’s also full-time mem - body smarter than myself said I of Krug’s cryptic, fantastical musi - pared to Hissing Fauna , or Sun - ber of other such indie groups as should spend more time talking cal style, and the band’s pleasing landic Twins , and still can’t, Swan Lake and Wolf Parade). If about the album itself, so let’s get pop melodies. There are a few unfortunately. I also did this to you haven’t already ascertained back to Dragonslayer . Clean slate caveats though. First, the album’s Metric’s Fantasies , which I regret - from my not-so-objective use of too; I will endeavor to keep any not as intricate or deep as the ted, since it is actually a very pow - “masterpiece” to describe Random unnecessary comparisons out of it. baroque work in Random Spirit erful album and certainly up there Spirit Lover , let me just say then The opener “Silver Moons” Lover . I know I promised not to with the best (I realized this too that I fucking love that album. It’s starts off a little slow and seems a make comparisons, but at some late, insisting on drawing too raw emotion, seamless blend of little uninspired to me. This isn’t point it is necessary in order to many parallels to Live it Out ). I’ve powerful guitar and melodious the case for the rest of the album create a thorough review. And though, and it soon picks up the Dragonslayer just seems a bit shal - pace. Songs like “Idiot Heart” and low in comparison. Safe would be “Black Swan” give the album a fre - a better word for it. It doesn’t take netic feeling, with their heavy gui - as many risks as RSL , and comes tar and unpredictable changes. away with fewer rewards. Second, They also feature some inspired the album only has eight tracks. guitar work, although it lacks Anything less than ten always bugs some of the texture of Random me a bit. It seems like I’m nitpick - Spirit Lover (d’oh!). “Paper Lace” is ing at this point, but comparing it the most accessible song on the to RSL ’s 12 tracks, it again comes album, which even casual art-rock up a bit short. enthusiasts can digest. Dragon - So, once again, I’ve fallen into slayer as a whole, in fact, maintains the trap. Dragonslayer is still a a very good balance between the good album, but it is a departure bizarre experimental stylings of from their previous work. That’s Krug and the more palatable not necessarily a bad thing, and poppy tones that can be heard in the album still stands up on its his other projects, like Wolf Pa - own. Give it a listen, if you’re a fan rade. This album also utilizes of Krug and any of his projects, backing vocals of female member indie art-/glam-rock or good Camilla Wynne Ingr more than the music. And if you think this album band’s previous endeavors. This kicks ass, or totally sucks, come by gives Dragonslayer a New Pornog - the Press office in the basement of raphers feel. The album is the Student Union and kick me in wrapped up nicely with “Dragon’s the shins. I can take it. 14 Arts & Entertainment Vol. XXX, Issue 15 | Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Prototype Simulates Crisis in an Uncanny Valley of a few flaws in Prototype that suggest it was rushed to retail in its final months. Despite a massive cityscape, the vi - suals of Prototype are simply bland. Often, things are so chaotic that you don’t notice. Perhaps that’s where the developer’s focus was, but it’s hard to deny the game could have used a few more graphics passes. Flat textures adorn each building, character models are heavily repeated, and you’ll see the same military base and infection hive copy/pasted throughout the city. Those repeated buildings dampen believability even further. Why do in - fected structures rebuild themselves by the time you get to the end of the block? How could the military so quickly con - struct identical fortresses all over the city? It wouldn’t be so bad if you weren’t forced to sneak into these bases multi - ple times, stealthily consuming the rototype ‘s Alex Mercer is not a only the tip of the iceberg. the large amount of side missions that same general over and over as half his nice man. After waking up on As the situation escalates, you, as have you aiming for high scores. When men don’t bat an eye. Pthe wrong side of a cold slab, he Mercer, do little to stop it. The goal here hundreds of people have met their end Prototype , despite its super-serious finds himself alive but amnesic. Riddled is to find answers, and you do so by by the treads of your stolen tank, you tone, constantly reminds you that it’s with bullets shortly after, he comes consuming those who know the truth. have to wonder why Mercer still has just a game. The result is a world that down with a mean case of superpowers. Grab a suspect and Mercer will beat enough morality to stop Manhattan will often seem ridiculous and laugh - What follows is a murderous quest for them to a pulp, absorbing them and from being nuked out of existence. able in its presentation. If you can take answers, and a portrait of the most un - their knowledge. Their memories are Then there’s the unpredictability of the good with the bad, and allow it to likeable protagonist ever. On the grand represented by a stylized collage of im - the various denizens of the city. There take its liberties, you’re left with some - scale of evil, his questionable methods ages with a brief voice over. A single are some genuinely evocative scenes thing that is often dark, tense, and most put him somewhere between Jack Bauer memory doesn’t mean much, but as you where, despite a slew of repeated char - of all, ridiculously fun. At the end of the and Hitler. weed out more and more targets, a plot acter models, the chaos is palpable. But day, regardless of what you think of the Manhattan, the center of the uni - begins to unfold. Those with a soft spot it becomes harder to believe when events that unfold, the action is insane, verse, is once again the punching bag for conspiracy theories and paranormal you’re 15 days into the quarantine and and the controls are silky smooth. Pro - for an epic disaster. The same virus that documentaries will eat this stuff up. there are still people stuck in traffic and totype ‘s Manhattan is a joy to navigate, gives Mercer his powers also quickly It’s not all about snacking on peo - going to work. Other times you’ll kill and Mercer’s encyclopedic repertoire of zombifies most of the city’s population. ple, though—throughout missions someone and onlookers will casually deadly powers makes him an antihero Then, a black-ops organization known you’ll gain access to a laundry list of stroll by, indifferent to your actions. you’ll begrudgingly love. as “Blackwatch” (get it?) attempts to abilities that puts most RPGs to shame. These holes in believability are just one contain and cover-up the whole thing. Everything can be up - If Mercer is a bad guy, then these are the graded, from flying-squirrel badder guys. It’s a truly terrible and jumping ability, to mutant dirty situation, and the game shines arm weapons and your hel - brighter the more it revels in it. icopter license. The effects In game time, you watch as 18 days are almost too tangible - the of infection unfold. Manhattan is intro - game isn’t very fun until you duced with blue skies and clean, unlock some of the key bustling streets - a light military pres - moves. But when you do, ence is the worst of the city’s problems. and the powers begin to pile But as the virus spreads, the boundaries up, the controls never be - between normalcy and crisis become come unwieldy. clear. Entering the ever-growing in - Prototype ‘s stew of dark fected zone is like a descent into mad - storytelling, off-the-wall su - ness. Busy Manhattan traffic becomes a perpowers, and open-world massive pileup. A few feet away, crowds gameplay often breaks the begin rioting, yelling for their loved suspension of disbelief. Cir - ones as mutated beasts tear them to cumstances can get a little pieces. The event is bleak, affective, and ridiculous, especially with The Stony Brook Press Arts & Entertainment 15 Puzzles and Games For the Kiddies

Hey Everybody! Let’s Play... Whose Face? For each face, guess if it belongs to: A. Michael Ballack, German footballer B. Matt Damon, award winning actor/screenwriter C. Justin Morneau, Canadian baseball superstar 1 2 3 7 45 6 8 11 9 10 12

I’m so depressed, I don’t know what to do... Go for it, Man! The Go club meets this summer every Thursday, 8:30pm at the Library Commuter Lounge. Check it out!

Black to move, kill Whitey! Black to move, a similar conundrum!

u a e n r o M . J . 2 1 k c a l l a B . M . 1 1 n o m a D . M . 0 1 k c a l l a B . M . 9 n o m a D . M . 8 n o m a D . M . 7 k c a l l a B . M . 6 k c a l l a B . M . 5 n o m a D . M . 4 k c a l l a B . M . 3 k c a l l a B . M . 2 u a e n r o M . J . 1 : ” ? e c a F e s o h W “ o t s r e w s n A 16 Budget Lovin’ Vol. XXX, Issue 15 | Wednesday, July 15, 2009 The USG Budget Allocations: Notice a General Trend? The Stony Brook Press Comics 17

Meanwhile, The Budget Continues... You got your budget in my comics! No, you got your comics in my budget! 18 Vol. XXX, Issue 15 | Wednesday, July 15, 2009 opinion Is There An Afterlife?

We have all wondered about life after death. For some of us, our re - ligion answers that question, but there is still a mystery Krystal about death and DeJesus what really hap - pens when that last breath is taken and the heart stops beating. I’ve witnessed death a few times but the most recent has been very difficult for me to handle. In February I lost someone I was very close with and who I loved very much. His name was Cozmo, he was ten years old and he was my best friend, my companion through life’s ups and downs, my baby and my dog. Cozmo was the kind of dog who ra - diated love and happiness. He always had this great big smile on his face, and he could make the worst day into the best. When we went out people were so attracted to him. Some would say it was his smile or his long, wavy blond fur but most people couldn’t explain what it Krystal DeJesus was that made them go to him. I think Adorable Puppy. it was all the positive energy he had to share and the feeling that he understood He was in so much pain that day ing cope with death. And the same comfort and peace with Cozmo’s death. you. that his screams echoed through the could go for Hell if someone really bad His life carries on through me because I Words cannot fully explain what house. In just a few days Cozmo had died–depending on how you define share the stories from his life. It is Cozmo brought to my life and his ab - gone from a jovial energetic Golden Re - bad. through these stories that he still brings sence has been extremely hard on me. triever to a weak old dog that couldn’t I’ve thought about reincarnation smiles to so many faces and happiness I’ve never grieved like this before but I even stand on his own to go to the bath - too. Maybe there is a new life after your to someone’s day. think it’s because Cozmo was a part of room. He left my life just as suddenly as old life is over. Once again it’s a comfort every aspect of my life. I didn’t treat him he entered it ten years ago. It’s amazing to know that your loved one is moving any differently from my other dog Cud - how in a matter of seconds a life can be on to its next destination and hopefully dles, I made decisions based on both of gone. an even better life than the one before. them, but Cozmo was the one who was Whenever I watch someone die I Maybe Cozmo will go on to be a great more outgoing and made himself a part always wait a few minutes to feel or see person or maybe he’ll be another great of whatever I was doing. If I was cook - anything. My Grandma says you can dog that will touch someone else’s life. ing dinner he was waiting for the scraps sometimes feel the soul leaving the I’ll most likely never know. to hit the floor, if I was reading he was body, but I’ve never felt that with peo - Unfortunately I am no expert in re - there with his head at my feet patiently ple or animals. While I lay next to him, ligions or the afterlife. The most knowl - waiting for me to finish, if I was work - I can remember thinking how there just edge I have are of the two religions in ing out he was rolling the weights has to be something else after life. At my family – Catholicism and Santeria – around on the floor with his nose to dis - that moment it was extremely hard for neither of which I follow. The Irish and tract me. He was the one who would me to believe that there was no heaven Spanish sides of my family both claim jump in the leaves and roll in the snow or spirits or new life for the soul after they have had contact with the other or join me on a hike or a swim at the the body dies, because I looked at my side, but my Cuban grandmother is well beach. He was the one who would whis - boy and thought, “How could it be over known for her ability to communicate per in my ear every morning to wake just like that?“ with spirits. I have only heard stories me up and the one who kept me warm I look back on that now and see it about her experiences, but I hope that at night. as a way to calm myself in the heat of some day I can join her and witness it Cozmo had many near death expe - the moment. It goes back to my firsthand because maybe I will learn riences, so when he came down with Catholic background, where it was al - something about life and death. Lyme Disease I was not too concerned ways comforting to say that your loved But for now I’m still an atheist I because he had been through much one was in a better place, he or she was suppose. I don’t believe in God, spirits worse. But within a week of our visit to in Heaven looking down on you and or life after death. Although I wanted a the vet he had gone into liver failure and catching up with all the other relatives simple resolution for my grief, I realized I was forced to make the decision to end up there. I think the concept of Heaven that it was not going to help me very his life. or a better place is a way to help the liv - much, and I have since found my own The Stony Brook Press 19 The All-American Page America’s Greatest Pastime: An All-American Softball Game Between Two All-American Teams

By Andrew Fraley

A couple months ago, the editors of The Press sent out an all points bulletin to all the media organizations on cam - pus. It was a challenge to anyone able and willing to accept. In a tradition that dates back nearly 30 years to the origins of The Press and its history of friendly rivalry with The Statesman , another campus publication, the challenge was a friendly game of that good ‘ole all American sport, softball. There are now nearly a million pub - lications on campus, so we extended our challenge to everyone in the cam - pus media scene. The Statesman editors and writers were—god love them—far too busy making the best damned paper on campus to make an appearance, so we forgive them. The Patriot staffers, on the other hand, also failed to show. Probably because they hate America. Justin Meltzer Featured is team Press and team Independent . Not featured, due to an acute lack of American-ness, team Patriot . Maybe they were too busy undermining our core American principles with their icum of hope, only to be dashed to the rag newspaper. Or maybe they were working on an - ground in the eighth, when the Indie crew other demonstration of contrived populism with their pulled ahead, cementing their victory. silly teabagging parties. Who knows? Who cares? Final score, 20-13 in favor of team Inde - The one organization that did provide was the red pendent . blooded, all American Independent , Stony Brook’s on - A fun time was had by all, however, line publication. Captain Mike Kelly brought a full and that’s what’s important. Also, display - roster of his rag-tag Indie crew. The epic battle that fol - ing your manliness and pure red-blooded lowed featured some pretty hardcore softballing. American-ness, which both The Press and Team Indie took an early lead and maintained it the Independent did—and the Patriot ut - throughout most of the game. Despite team Press ‘ terly failed to do—on that cool day in most noble efforts, we couldn’t overcome the early May. God bless America. lead. A brief rally in the seventh brought a small mod - Death Egg Zone