Confidential KADOKAWA / Light novel Combatants will be dispatched!

Author: Natsume Akatsuki / Illustrations: Kakao Lanthanum ©2017 Natsume Akatsuki, Kakao·Lanthanum

Translated by Kevin Gifford

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[Table of Contents]

Prologue P.011

Chapter 1: Operatives Deployed P.013

- 10 -

Prologue

“Can I ask you for your birth country one more time?”

“Japan. Or Nihon, or Nippon, or whatever you’d like to call it. It’s known by a few different names.”

“…I apologize, I’ve never heard of any country called Japan before, so…”

“I can’t blame you. It’s a small island nation, far to the east.”

“Um… Also, according to your resume, you used to work for the

‘Secret Society of Kisaragi.’ Could you tell me what kind of company this was?”

“It’s a secret society, so I can’t, no.”

“A-All right… Uh, mmm, so at the bottom of here, under ‘Special

Skills,’ you wrote down ‘Pan-Directional Spin Basso’? What’s that?”

“It’s my finisher.”

“Your…finisher?”

- 11 -

“Yes. My finisher. I’ve sent countless Heroes to an early grave with it.”

“…What do you mean by ‘Heroes,’ exactly?”

“My enemies.”

“I, I see… I apologize, pelting you with all of these questions. So should I, um, take that to mean that you have fighting experience?”

“Sure, you could say that.”

“I worked as a combatant before, after all.”

- 12 -

Chapter 1: Operatives Deployed

1

There is a company out there named Kisaragi. A massive firm, something that’s a household name to everyone on Earth. And I was sitting in one of Kisaragi HQ’s meeting rooms.

“All right, #6. Do you understand that?”

“Yeah, you get that, #6?”

“No, not at all.”

The officers greeted my immediate answer with a sigh, as if straining deeply to keep from asking why I was so clueless.

“…Let’s go over it one more time. Combatant #6, we are sending you on a spy mission as part of the Secret Society of Kisaragi’s vanguard force. Your mission is to investigate the organisms and ecology in the deployment area. If you find any sentient creatures, gather intelligence on their military strength. We also need you to examine their land and natural resources, to see if it’s valuable enough for us to conquer.”

- 13 -

“Ah…”

That much, I got. This was my job for pretty much every mission up to now.

“You’re going to be deployed to an extraterrestrial planet. Do you understand?”

“Yeah, you get that?”

“I really don’t think so, no.”

The two upper officers briefing me flashed confused looks at yet another one of my instant replies.

Before me was Astaroth the Frozen, her long, shiny black hair running down to her waist, her beauty enough to send a shiver up anyone’s spine. Next to her was Belial of the Brimstone, her wavy hair a searing shade of red, never afraid to show off the ample bodily assets she was blessed with. Those were the names they gleefully called themselves as they pranced around in their outfits day in and day out, which toed the line between a uniform and a beach swimsuit.

Astaroth the Frozen, who had been trying to brief me for a while now, sighed once more. “…What is there not to understand, #6? I’m not saying anything that hard to comprehend, am I? We’re just ordering you on another infiltration run.”

- 14 -

Belial of the Brimstone nodded her agreement.

“I understand my mission, ma’am. What I don’t get is the

‘extraterrestrial’ part. I mean, I’ve been willing to put up with your weird cosplay and the cringeworthy names you’ve given yourselves up to now, but if I’m having two grown women talk to me about going to other planets… I have to draw the line somewhere, you know?”

“Th-These are officers’ uniforms! They are not cosplay!”

“Cringeworthy?! Is that what you’ve thought about us, #6?!”

“No, no,” I said, trying to soothe their agitation. “I’m just saying, you’re always a constant surprise to me, but this is hitting it out of the park. Did you watch some anime where the hero gets thrown into another world and it affected you in some way?”

“How, how dare you suggest that!”

Astaroth, blue veins appearing on her forehead, patiently continued.

“I want you to listen to me, Combatant #6! Right now, at this moment, the Secret Society of Kisaragi is but a few breaths away from conquering the world. You understand that, right?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Conquering the world. Yes, that conquering.

- 15 -

The company I work for has declared itself to be evil cabal, dirtying their hands with all manner of dastardly acts in order to rule the planet.

I was no exception—I went under the knife for so-called “cyborg surgery” when I took the job, and they’ve been trundling me off to this or that combat op ever since.

This was the Secret Society of Kisaragi—a vast edifice of evil, no longer particularly “secret” but aiming to conquer the world nonetheless.

There was no nation that could overwhelm this massive organization in military might. They did their best to resist us with economic sanctions and the like, but their final capitulation was apparently imminent.

“So when we’re done taking over the world, what do you think’s going to happen to combatants like you?”

I helplessly shook my head at Astaroth’s query. “Um… Once it’s over, we’ll get to rule over them all and enjoy lives of despotic debauchery for the rest of our days?”

“Buffoon. We’ll be downsizing bigtime.”

“Huh?” Belial and I grunted in harmony at the worlds Astaroth practically spat out.

“Downsizing… Wait. What? D’you mean I’m gonna be fired?”

“Yep.”

- 16 -

Silence reigned in the meeting room.

“…Come onnnnnn! After all this time, you pick this moment to start screwing with me? You worked me to the bone; you made me go through all these dangerous missions, and when you’re done with me, you’ll toss me out on the street? How cold can you get, woman?! You’re the one who made me do that cyborg surgery! My body’s damaged goods now! What’re you gonna do about it?! At least let me live with you, you bastard! I’ll be a good stay-at-home dad, I promise!”

“And what about me?” Belial added, grabbing Astaroth by her uniform. “I’m the combat specialist up in the top brass! Are they gonna let me go, too?!”

“Calm down, you two,” the Frozen girl calmly replied. “I, I’ll address the both of you in order, so hands off, #6… Ahh, it’s slipping! Stop it! That’s dangerous! Our officer uniforms expose a lot, you know!”

Astaroth took a few steps away from us, grabbing her own body as she panted, a scared, tearful look on her face.

“Ugh… Just listen to me, you two! First, Belial. You’re one of our top officers; you’re staying on. We’ll need to maintain at least a minimum of military strength once we’re done conquering the world. But you,

Combatant #6…”

- 17 -

Belial breathed a light sigh of relief. I, on the other hand, gulped. I was a groundling, on the bottom rung of the ladder, and Astaroth must have known it because she was staring me right in the eye.

“Unlike Belial here, you are merely a fighter. I say ‘merely,’ but at the same time, you’ve been a member of Kisaragi ever since it began operations. You have an intimate relationship with the officer classes, and at this point, one could almost call you a top officer yourself.”

“So could you give me a raise, then? I’ve been here since high school, but I’m still earning the same part-time wage…”

“But! If we gave you preferential treatment and neglected the other combatants, our entire chain of command would break down!”

Way to dodge the subject.

“…But what’re you gonna do, then? Because if you say something like ‘We’ll draw straws to see who gets fired,’ I’m seriously gonna start bashing heads with this cyborg body.”

“Y-You buffoon! That’s where that mission I was talking about comes in!”

Astaroth, perhaps detecting that I was at least somewhat serious, leaned back a bit as she addressed me, keeping her distance.

“So listen, #6,” Belial said. “What we’re saying is: When we’re done

- 18 - conquering Earth, we’ll just find someplace new to rule over. This is the first I heard about downsizing, but we’ve been talking about this in the officer meetings for a while now. Once the war’s over, there’s gonna be a lot less work to go around. The focus is gonna shift on governing our conquered lands, so we’re all gonna have to tighten our belts.”

“And that’s where that extraterrestrial talk came in? I mean, if you had that kind of tech, I would’ve gone off to some planet filled with big-breasted beauties long ago. Like, wouldn’t you have started with a ship that’d take someone to Mars or Venus first?”

The two looked at me like a teacher scolding a problem child.

“…We’ll continue this conversation in Lilith’s room,” Astaroth said, face growing more somber as she turned her back to me. “Follow me, #6.”

I did so, still confused, as we headed for the laboratory of Lilith the

Dark, third and last of the so-called “top brass” in here. What seemed like thousands of devices and gadgets were scattered around. I had no idea what any of them were meant for, but one in particular caught my attention.

“Do you know what this is, #6?” Astaroth asked as she turned her hand toward a large glass pod, festooned with fancy-looking machinery

- 19 - and large enough to hold several people.

“What’s that? It looks like some kind of teleporter from a movie or—”

Just then, the owner of this lab spoke up from deeper inside the room.

“Exactly so, #6! You might be a dumbass, but you’ve got killer intuition!”

Lilith the Black, the woman calling me an idiot, was a beautiful woman in an evenly-cut white lab coat, her bobbed hair a shade of black.

She was the one who performed that cyborg surgery on me, and she might as well have had “TOTALLY BONKERS” tattooed to her forehead.

“Exactly what? This is a teleporter? This piece of junk?”

“Junk? Well, that’s rude. This device lies at the very thesis of the human race. My most brilliant creation yet—able to solve every problem in the universe, perhaps!”

Lilith was normally reserved, antisocial, but this bout of extreme tension made Astaroth raise an eyebrow.

“Why do you still have that lab coat on, Lilith? What’s wrong with your standard officer’s uniform?”

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“No! It’s embarrassing! Plus, this makes me look more like a scientist, doesn’t it? And while we’re on this subject, don’t you girls realize you look like you’re starring in low-budget porn videos?”

“Oh, I kinda thought that, too.”

“W-What?!”

Astaroth and Belial froze, this apparently coming as a shock to them for some reason. I didn’t have the mental fortitude to engage them further.

“But a teleporter, huh? Talk about another crazy invention. I heard stories around the office about how you’re the greatest scientist in the world, Lilith, but here I thought you were just a huge monetary leech on us.”

“…Y-You never were afraid to give your bosses honest feedback, were you?”

Leaving the slightly shocked tomboy to herself, I gave the pod another careful look. “So how’s this connect to my mission?” I asked, still confused. Lilith took that opportunity to jump back in, eyes sparkling.

“Well, do you believe in aliens?”

“Huh? I guess so? I dunno, but…”

I mean, we had enough spaced-out characters working in this

- 22 - secret society of ours. Plus, there was this mysterious group of people in the world, called Heroes, which served as our main nemeses. If they existed, space aliens didn’t seem so farfetched.

“Right now, in our local area of space alone, we’ve found huge numbers of planets that closely resemble Earth. They’ve got water, vegetation; they’re just the right distance from their respective stars; they’re about the same size… And those are just the ones we’ve found! So, since you’ve been such a great help to us, we’ve got a little reward for you.”

A reward? I was dubious. Lilith spotted it.

“Don’t you want to see what other worlds are like? In the vast realm of the universe, there are countless galaxies you could explore, each one packed to the gills with alien planets. We’re talking quite literally astronomical numbers. So many worlds, you’d have to be an idiot to even try counting them.”

She grew more excited as she spoke, her cheeks flushed as she spread her arms wide.

“Truly, it’s like nothing we were ever aware of! And maybe you’ll find nothing but savage lands populated by prehistoric creatures. Maybe you’ll find worlds advanced beyond anything human civilization can

- 23 - boast. For that matter, maybe you’ll find one of those sword-and-sorcery worlds you love so much. Don’t you want to try hitting one of those up?”

“If that’s how you put it, maybe there’s even a world where I’m unconditionally loved, or where people’s standards make me look like a heartthrob to them, or where I’m the only male on the whole planet. If your teleporter can take me someplace like that, then sign me up. Ready when you are.”

Lilith ignored my prattling, turning around and beckoning me deeper into the lab. “Oh, really? Well, I’m glad we have your consent. And you won’t be the only one we’re deploying, either. …Come here, Alice.”

Answering this call was a blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl in a white dress. Maybe old enough to be in the sixth grade? She tottered a bit as she shouldered a backpack that looked far too big for her frail frame.

“Um, who’s this brat? I don’t really like kids.”

“Brat? You talking about yourself, or what? No backtalk, grunt.”

Ugh.

“Oh? Did you just say that to me? You little piece-of-shit kid, don’t think I’m gonna go easy on you! I’m a combat soldier for an evil secret society. Don’t you dare mess with Kisaragi, the biggest company in the world!”

- 24 -

“If you act out against me, the power drive inside of me will go berserk and lay this entire region to waste. If you’re fine with that, go right ahead. Also, I am not a ‘little piece-of-shit kid’; I am a high-performance little-girl android from Kisaragi.”

…An android? For real? There was something a little synthetic about her way of speaking—maybe she was telling the truth, actually.

“Well, glad to see you two getting along! Let me officially introduce you. This girl’s name is Alice, a high-performance android built to serve as your support. Yet another one of my most brilliant inventions!”

“Unlike cheap throwaway combatants like you, I was developed using extravagant sums of money, so you better treat me right. I heard you were a dumbass, so if you need brains out in the field, you can rely on me.”

“…I’m sorry,” I said as I stood in front of the pod, “but I really don’t need this bossy piece of junk. Dangerous, too, by the sound of it.”

I checked my weaponry. I had a well-used handgun on my right side, along with an ammo belt packed full of extra bullets. On the other side of my body was my beloved battle knife, purchased with my bonus paycheck a while back. For a journey to an extraterrestrial world, it honestly didn’t feel like enough.

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“Looks like you’re prepared to head out.”

Astaroth, recovered from the shock of being called a cosplay porn star, turned her cold eyes to me and fished out a soft smile from her lips.

I liked that smile. It was the exact one that, when I saw a help-wanted poster that tricked me into meeting her for an interview, made me actually want to work for this incredibly sketchy joint. A smile that made me readily perform its evil bidding, unhesitantly waging war against the entire world.

“I am. I am going! I mean, it’s like, I’m Kisaragi’s galactic representative, huh? Hand-picked from our legions of hardened fighters?”

“Huh? …Oh! Yeah! Exactly! You’re the only one of our combatants we’d ever dream of assigning such an important mission to!”

I appreciated Astaroth’s response to my enthusiasm.

“But why me, though? How did you pick the vanguard force,

Belial?”

Turning my attention away from the wholly unenthusiastic

Astaroth, I addressed Belial, still crouched in the corner and muttering

- 26 - to herself. She, at least, wouldn’t lie to me.

“This isn’t sexy… This officer’s uniform isn’t sexy at all…! …Huh?

How did we pick it? Astaroth just rolled a die, and—”

“We’re expecting big things from you, Combatant #6! C-C’mon, there isn’t much time left! Hop into that thing right this instant!”

Astaroth was already dragging me inside. Once I get back, I had better receive a full officer’s salary.

“By the way,” Lilith said as smiled and handed me and Alice a pair of what looked like wristwatches, “use these little teleporters to send us notes to request whatever weapons or supplies you wind up needing.

Once you do, we can use this chip embedded inside Alice to figure out your coordinates.”

I had my concerns about our shabby equipment, but this teleport link was a relief, at least. There was no telling where this pod thing would take us, but if I had free access to Kisaragi’s entire inventory, there was nothing that could scare me. So I stepped into the pod, the foulmouthed pile of bolts helping herself in behind me.

“Hey. Alice, right? So, like, if you’re attacked, your power drive blows you up or something? You sure you all right for this? I mean, could you try not to explode on me?”

- 27 -

“Blowing yourself up is something any villain aspires to do. But I’ll be fine. I was apparently made to be your main support, after all, and I can’t do that if I kill whoever I’m supporting. When it happens, I’ll make sure it happens at the right time and place.”

I thought I made it clear that time and place was never. Am I really safe with her around me?

“Combatant #6?”

Astaroth called for me, her expression as unrelenting as her nickname suggested. It quickly dismantled itself into a look of concern.

“Um… You know. I’ve known you since you were still a student.

Like I said before, I consider you one of our top officers, absolutely. I’m not lying when I say that.”

What’s this girl going on about all of a sudden? Just before I take off, even?

I was in my first year of high school when I joined this organization part-time. Ever since—in the blink of an eye, really—we’ve taken over most of the world. I figured it’d be us against all the mighty armies of planet Earth’s superpowers; instead, we’ve been engaged in mortal

- 28 - combat with these crazy groups of dudes in tights, calling themselves

“Heroes.” Sometimes, we’ve even fought against human-shaped robots these freaks joined together to form—you’d think they would do something more practical with that kind of technology, but no.

It was all incredibly dangerous. Unfair, even. Enough to make me rant about quitting more than once. But…yeah…

“Yeah, well, it’s been fun. Building up this group with all of you. I don’t know what’s gonna happen to me, and I can’t promise that I’ll ever make it back, but I’m kinda looking forward to this deployment. I’ll do what I can to get back here, though. So give me a full officer’s salary when I do, okay?”

“You shithead.”

Astaroth smiled boldly at my quick bout of nostalgia.

“You’re supposed to promise us that you’ll make it back safe. All three of us are gonna be waiting for you. And once you do make it, maybe we’ll make you an officer after all. The ‘Elite Four’ has a nice ring to it.”

…Um, I’m almost twenty years old. Calling myself one of the Elite

Four just sounds so childish.

“Hmm… Now I kinda wish I could go. You sure are lucky, #6, going on this grand adventure in another world. I shoulda loaded the die so it’d

- 29 - land on my number.”

“…Loaded the die? Were you part of the selection pool too, Belial?”

She laughed, as if it were the dumbest question in the world. “Of course I was! Why wouldn’t I be? Astaroth was assigned the numbers one and two. I got three and four. Five was Lilith, and six was you. Astaroth picked us four since she wanted to be sure that whoever she rolled was still trustworthy enough for the job. She said a die roll would make it fair, but you should’ve seen how much she bitched and moaned about it when six came up. All, like, ‘it’s too dangerous, I should go after all’—”

“Right!” Astaroth half-croaked, cheeks red all the way to her ears, cutting off Belial before she finished what sounded like kind of an important thought. “Are you ready to go, Combatant #6? You are hereby ordered to carry out this mission to a successful outcome!!”

Eesh. They really are treating me like a full-fledged officer, aren’t they? And as “important,” even. Something about that treatment… Man, it makes my sinuses burn.

“Astaroth,” I said as my superior officer tried bravely to maintain a blank face, “do you mind if I give you a big hug before I leave?”

“Your mission is assigned! Your orders are as follows. One: After building a safe base in the local area, you will assemble a teleporter to

- 30 - allow for bidirectional transport between Earth and your site. You will then return home. This work will mostly be handled by Alice.”

“Hey,” a smiling Belial said as Astaroth ignored my request, “don’t settle for a hug, #6. Give her a kiss, too. She won’t mind it too much this time.”

“I’ll freeze you on the spot if you do! Ugh, I’m trying to hold a briefing here! …Two: Investigate the military strength, natural resources, and soil around the area. In addition to combat duty, you are also helping us find a solution to such Earth-side crises as overpopulation-driven food shortages, soil contamination from war chemicals, and shrinking living spaces due to rising sea levels. If you find your deployment area to be habitable by human beings, it could alleviate all those issues in one fell swoop!”

…Huh?

“Um, this is kind of a big mission, isn’t it? Like, the fate of the world’s riding on it, not just our group?”

“Well, yeah. That’s why you can’t mess it up. Of course, if you do, you won’t be able to get back home, keep in mind! Like Lilith said, if you need anything, write it down and teleport it over to us. For now, though, remember that it can’t be anything bigger than what can fit in this glass

- 31 - pod, okay?”

…All right. So they’re providing the full backup of the organization and all the equipment I could ever want. Good.

“Also, send us a progress report on a weekly basis. Show us that you’re doing…all right, over there.”

Astaroth smiled lightly at me. I tried reeling her in for a warm embrace. She kicked me into the pod instead.

“…Great. All set?”

Lilith, facing Alice and I in the pod, carried out her final checks.

Astaroth stood next to her, arms crossed and head pointed down, and

Belial’s worried-looking visage was right up against the glass, staring at me like she wanted to burn the memory of my face into her brain for all time.

“Hey, can we make this more of a chill goodbye, guys? You’re starting to freak me out.”

“…Yes,” Astaroth thoughtfully replied. “Yes. Here you are, ready for whatever comes to you, and we’re just standing here worrying, making you all anxious… I’ll be praying for you to return, Combatant #6.”

Her face was deadly serious, as if giving her final farewell.

- 32 -

“You’re being way too dramatic. I mean, I don’t think I’ll be gone for that long, will I? If I can just occupy the first suitable-looking building I can find, I’ll set up that teleport, and we’ll be whizzing back and forth whenever we want.”

“But I’m worried, all right? It worries me.” The lonely-looking

Belial continued staring at me. “There’s no telling that teleporter will even work.”

“Stop panicking. When has any of Lilith’s inventions failed? She’s the best scientist in the world, isn’t she?”

Astaroth and Belial responded to this by giving each other a silent look. Lilith, next to them, wordlessly continued with her own preparations.

“I wanted to ask, Lilith, what’s the success rate of these teleports?

How many experiments did you conduct with them? And if you’re teleporting us to a confirmed planet location, is it gonna take us right to the surface, or what?”

“For now, I’m looking at a 100-percent success rate. The number of experimental runs is a secret. I will also decline to answer your final question.”

“I’m sorry, I think I’m ducking outta this after all.”

- 33 -

I tried to exit the pod. Alice grabbed my arm, refusing to let go.

“Quit it, you pile of junk! Lemme out of here!”

“Why’re you getting all scared now? You’re supposed to save your progress on regular occasions, you grunt.”

…She really is a pile of junk, isn’t she?

“Are you really that stupid? We humans can’t save and load our game files the way you can! Also, stop calling me a grunt unless you want to run into an unforeseen accident on the other side!”

“Fwhow! Ftop pinffing my cheek! My arfififfal ffkin’s gonna get all fftretffed out! I’ll stop calling you a grunt, so could you at least start calling me Miss Alice?”

“Right,” Lilith intoned as Alice and I got tangled up. “No point delaying this any more than we need to. How ‘bout I send you off?”

Suddenly, smoke began to shoot into the pod holding the two of us.

“Gah?! Lilith, there’s smoke! Some kind of weird smoke, and it’s getting sprayed in from all over the place!”

“That’s a disinfectant, so you bring along as few of the Earth germs on you as possible. Also, if you catch some kind of unknown disease over there, we can’t let you come back, so be careful.”

This bombshell was enough to make me start taking my fists to the

- 34 - pod walls. Alice darted to and fro, blocking me.

“…Combatant #6! Your cyborg muscles, plus the combat uniform I developed for you, will let you adapt to any environment! I pray for your safe return!”

“I believe in you, okay? I know you’ll make it back! Bring some souvenirs for me!”

“No, hang on!” I screamed at Astaroth and Belial. “Wait, wait!

Should… Shouldn’t you do some more experimentation first? C’mon!

Please!”

“Listen to me,” Lilith said. “#6, this has a 100-percent success rate because it’s never failed before. What if I hold a bunch more experiments and then there’s an accident? Then it won’t be 100 percent any longer.

The more experiments I run, the lower the success rate gets, and the less likely you’ll reach your destination safely.”

I thought for a moment about this.

“…I, I don’t think that’s how it works, Lilith! That math is ridiculous! You aren’t any kind of genius scientist at all! There’s a fine line between genius and stupidity, and I think I know which side of it you’re on!”

“How dare you! That’s just like you, isn’t it? Shooting your mouth

- 35 - off whenever you get a little riled. The whole world craves this brain of mine—you’re about the only person who’d give me that kind of lip. Come back soon, Combatant #6! I look forward to hearing good news!”

With that, Lilith activated the teleporter…

“Dammit! When I get back, I swear I’ll get you for this, you wannabe genius!”

2

The moment I was teleported, a strong gust of wind blew across my face. Gingerly, I opened my eyes, only to find—

“Dammit! I knew she was a dumbass! A total dumbass!

Aaaaaahhhhh, I don’t wanna die I don’t wanna die I don’t wanna die!”

“Stop bawling and calm down! Based on my eyeball estimate, we’re about 98,000 feet above the ground, but we don’t have that much time before we land.”

We had been teleported so high up in the sky, the ground below was

- 36 - a blur.

“How can I calm down at a time like this?! Alice, you’re high-performance and stuff! You have, like, a flight mode or something installed in you, right? Right?!”

“All I have in me is a self-destruct device, pretty much.”

“You pile of junnnnnnnk!!”

The wind accompanying our free fall whistled loudly past my ears as Alice, joining me for the ride, hoisted her backpack down and presented it to me.

“Put this on. Lilith and I are really smart, so we figured this would happen. If you set the coordinates too close to the surface, it just takes a tiny calculation error to bury you underground.”

Examining the bag, I realized it was a Kisaragi-branded parachute, specially made for paratroop operations to bring fully-equipped soldiers to earth in one piece. I heeded her instructions, strapping it on as Alice wrapped her arms around me.

“You don’t have one?!’

“We’re on a tight budget! We have to save money where we can! I’ll let you figure out when to deploy it, but don’t mess it up! If I crash-land

- 37 - on the ground, I’ll obliterate everything within eyeshot!”

Just having her with me is like living through some kind of obscene prank. Still, feeling a little less harried with the parachute on my back, I looked down at the ground once more.

“Hey, Alice. Look. I think I see a town.”

“A lot of undeveloped area, though. If there’s intelligent life, their numbers can’t be that high.”

A little away from our projected landing point was what looked a lot like a walled castle town. The castle, large and looming, was in the middle, with an enormous stone wall circling around it, encompassing the settlement’s farmland as well. Beyond the walls, reddish-brown plains extended out, connecting to the lush green forests that seemed to cover this world.

After taking advantage of the ample time I had to scope out our surroundings, I safely landed us on the ground, finally free to exhale again.

“…Right. Alice, send our coordinates to that dumbass boss of ours.

‘Safe base,’ my ass. We’ll just have her send the parts for the teleporter here, put it together, and go back home. And for nearly killing me, I’ll give her breasts the worst Dutch rub they ever got…”

- 38 -

“We can’t assemble it in a place like this. It’s, like, a super-high-precision device. It’ll only work if we have a clean room—it can’t have a speck of dust in it. Plus, it takes nearly a month for the device to stabilize the teleportation route. If you wanna go back home, we’ll need to find a hideout first.”

……………Huh?

“…She tricked me! She did it again! I swear, I’m never gonna let her live this down! When they offered to perform that cyborg surgery on me, they said I’d zoom through my missions so fast with my body, I’d get promoted in no time. They said I’d be swimming in riches and hot girls!

How much do you think I’m making now, huh?!”

“I don’t know anything about you, but there’s no need to be so pessimistic. We’ve got this enormous planet, and we’ve already pinpointed the location of a settlement of intelligent life. This is a really, really good omen. Let’s head over there first.”

With that, Alice began boldly striding toward the walled city. We were in the middle of a huge, flat, featureless plain. Whining about how terrible I had it wouldn’t solve any of my problems—but how much time would it take to reach the city on foot?

“Oh, and I was too busy flailing around in the air so I didn’t

- 39 - mention it,” I said as I followed behind Alice, “but let me formally introduce myself. I am Combatant Number Six, the most elite veteran in the Kisaragi force, a man who’s survived every single battle he’s gone through.”

“And I am Miss Alice Kisaragi, a high-performance little-girl android. I’m just a company grunt like you are, so don’t be afraid to get casual with me.”

“That’s my line. I outrank you, or at least I should. But what can you do, anyway? All I can do is fight, but… Oh, right! Weapons! Lilith said we could use this if we needed anything. If we don’t have a teleporter, she could at least lend us a buggy for traveling around here.”

Alice, now walking next to me, stopped.

“I better explain that to you, #6. How many villain points do you have?”

Villain points. One of the reasons Kisaragi grew so large as an organization devoted purely to evil.

Every member of the group was implanted with a chip that kept track of the individual’s nefarious acts, awarding points for each one. You might think “why go out of your way to be a bad guy?”, but to our

- 40 - commanding officers, being all-the-way evil was one of the corps’ top priorities.

You used your accumulated points to procure equipment, bonus wages, and other things. If you served the force as a model villain, trading your points for high-quality gear, that made you more capable of shining in battle as well. This earned you top evaluation scores and, theoretically, promotions in rank.

For someone like me, though, who was always kinda stingy with my evilness, I tended to get a lot of dour stares from my workmates. As the top brass put it, a Kisaragi member isn’t a goblin, some ill-hearted beast bent on rabid destruction. We had to be the leaders of evil, the courageous lads forging new paths in our field. None of what they said made any sense to me at all, but those were the rules.

“For now? About three hundred, I think.”

“…I’d want to have more than that if we’re gonna invade that castle town. Oh, well. We’ll get there on foot to save points before infiltrating.”

We’re invading now? This is all going so fast.

“…Hang on a second. Did she say we had to use up villain points to transport stuff over here? What kinda sweatshop am I working for, man?

- 41 -

I thought this was a huge project. Shouldn’t we be spending more money on this?!”

“There’s literally a universe’s worth of candidate sites, #6. You’re our first interstellar explorer, and you’ll be exploring more of these as you go on. We can’t break the bank on every individual planet. We haven’t even fully conquered planet Earth yet, remember?”

…I was starting to feel like the hero of an RPG or something, given only the barest sum of money from the king and sent off to defeat the

Dark Lord.

“…Yeah. Not like I can turn ‘em down. All I can do is fight, anyway.

Ugh… Dangling the threat of downsizing on me, like the bastards they are. No wonder we’re an evil society!”

“If you don’t like it, then get to work, is all I can say.” Alice tapped me on the back of the neck. “If people start living here, you’ll be kept more than busy clearing land, fighting off the local creatures, you name it. The atmosphere around us is enough to keep you breathing all right, at least. That alone makes for some really good conditions.”’

“Then isn’t that all the more reason why they should stop bitching about villain points and just give me all their latest tech?! That way, no matter what we run into, ol’ #6 here can—ow! Hey! What’d you just shoot

- 42 - into me?!”

“I injected nanomachines to boost your immune system against any unknown diseases around here. Hopefully the intelligent life we’ll encounter in that town will be nice enough to roll over for us. I tried to pick a planet as similar to Earth as I could, so there’s a good chance we’ve got a civilization built by Homo sapiens, just like you.”

Alice, ever the android, didn’t change her expression one bit as she evaluated our chances.

“I don’t see any skyscrapers, so if they’re still pretty undeveloped, this mission’s gonna be a snap.”

3

I couldn’t guess how long we spent traversing across the vast plain.

It was around the time we could finally see the walled city with the naked eye when I spoke up again.

“You liar! I thought you said this planet was just like Earth! You ever see anything on Earth like this, dumbass?!”

“Quit whining and draw your gun! There’s a lot of them! Don’t miss any!”

- 43 -

We were surrounded by a pack of quadrupeds, all uniformly black in color and looking every bit like grotesque aliens. I whipped out the handgun at my waist and shouted at Alice, hiding behind me.

“Hey! You help me, too! Why’s a robot using me as a shield?!”

“I told you,” she replied as I shot down the menacing beasts one by one, “I am a high-performance android. As part of that high performance,

I have been configured to be as realistic as possible. Thus I am programmed to fight like a regular little girl.”

“You worthless pile of junk! That ‘high-performance’ thing’s a total lie! Treat me with a little more respect from now on!”

As I yelled at her, one of the beasts lunged at us. I thought it’d try for a biting attack. Instead, it opened a mouth on its back, where I thought there was nothing, and…!

“It, it’s gonna eat us!”

I just barely kept the enormous pair of jaws advancing toward me from snapping down.

“Alice! Aaaalice! I can’t believe how compact it is, but I can just barely keep its jaws open! Do something for me! My, my arms are starting to tremble!!”

Even with my cyborg surgery and enhanced battle uniform, this

- 44 - was all I could do. What is with the creatures in this world?!

“Sorry, I’m too much of a pile of junk to think of anything. Too bad

I’m so useless, huh, #6?”

“Please, help me! I’ll take back everything I said!”

Even as I pleaded, a second, then a third creature leaped at me.

Keeping the jaws of the one in front of me open, I kicked at the other two to keep them away.

“Okay, so use your villain points to give me a shotgun. I’ll figure something out with that.”

“You can have it! Just hurry!”

She swiftly jotted down a note, just as the rest of the beasts surrounding us began to inch forward.

Just then:

“------!”

I heard what sounded like intelligent language coming from the direction of the city. Looking toward it, I spotted a group of mounted cavalry headed for us. They weren’t mounted on horses, exactly; more like horse-ish things with horns on their heads. Your average person would call them unicorns, I suppose, and this group was riding a herd of those fantasy creatures, clad in armor and yelling at us.

- 45 -

“Here they come, #6. I’ll help you out, so you better be polite to me from now on!”

I turned my eyes toward Alice, only to find she already had a shotgun in hand. Flying in from behind, she pointed the muzzle at the beast in front of me and fired away. With a roar, the poor thing was blown back, letting out plaintive little whines as it rolled across the ground.

My hands now freed, I grabbed my handgun and aimed at the closest one to me. The creature, surprised at the noise the shotgun made, was nothing I couldn’t make quick work of—

“------, ------it?!”

Upon wrapping up battle, the leader of the cavalry—the woman who led the pack—shouted something at me. She was armored so I couldn’t get a gauge of her figure, but judging by her face, she was a strong-willed, beautiful woman. The kind I like.

The woman, her light aqua-blue hair trailing behind her, dismounted her horse and threatened me with her sword.

“------now! ------think you’re ------?! ------the way here!”

I couldn’t understand any of it, but it sounded like she was trying to interrogate me.

- 46 -

“What should we do, Alice? She’s acting really hostile.”

“Well, wait a moment. Let’s listen to her a little longer. We can think things over later.”

Listen to her? Listen to her say what? I have no idea what she’s shouting about.

“What ------come from? ------see that ------…”

…Huh?

“And you wield nothing like a ------, either. Answer me! Who are you two?!”

“…Hey, Alice, I think being on this planet’s unlocked some kind of hidden force within me. I’m starting to get what she’s saying now. I was strong enough before, but now I’m, like, going into ultra form or something. What the heck?”

“I don’t get what you mean, but the chip implanted during your cyborg surgery should be giving you my liberal word-by-word translation.

I’m making you learn the language.”

…Oh.

“Huh? Wait a sec. The chip they put inside my brain can do that?

‘Cuz I didn’t hear anything about that. Kind of, like, super scary.”

“Those kind of trivialities don’t matter. Just let me take care of

- 47 - this.”

Completely ignoring my feelings, Alice stepped up to the leader.

“Good lady knight, please quell your anger. I will explain everything to you.”

As I boggled at her, she began fluently explaining the situation in their own language, playing the part of a pure, forlorn little girl.

—It turns out I was a man of some stature in my homeland, leading a force of my own and spending my days engaged in grueling combat to protect my people. An unfortunate accident sustained during one such battle broke my heart and my mind, and now, with my new guardian

Alice, I was in the middle of a journey to find myself and heal my wounded soul.

Along the way, I was attacked by these beasts upon exciting the forests surrounding the walled city, and in the process I lost all of my possessions. I am thus stuck in this land, unaware of its language and customs and wholly ignorant of what passes for common sense around here. I may therefore say incomprehensible things at times, but I hope you will make note of my mental illness and keep a broad mind.

- 48 -

The woman, listening to all of Alice’s nonsense, gave me a pitying look. “I thought you were bandits I could take down for my personal glory,” she said, “but you’re travelers, then? I apologize for being so hostile to you, but it’s part of my job. We had a report from the city that people saw something fall out of the sky, so we came here to check it out, but…”

I pulled Alice aside. “…What did you just say to her? Why do I have to play the role of some wandering village idiot? Why are you saddling me with this epic back story out of nowhere? What’s with you? Do you have it out for me or something? Is something out of whack inside your body?”

“I decided on that after asking Lilith all about you,” she deadpanned, her face still unmoved. “Listen, #6, you’re so stupid, you’re bound to screw something up sooner or later. With this story, though, we’re free to ask about all these common-sense things that it’d be weird not for us to know about. Even if you start acting like a freak, they’ll think ‘oh, what a poor little man he is,’ and not ‘let’s kill this infidel where he stands!’ And with your black hair and black eyes, I’d never pass as your sister or whatever, so I figure I’ll pretend you saved me from some passing pedophile in the forest or something. While you fought a

- 49 - life-and-death duel against the guy, you sustained even more mental damage and stuff. I felt so guilty about you sacrificing what’s left of your marbles to save me, I decided to accompany you on your journey. What a gallant little girl I am! …How’s that sound?”

“Dude, how strong is this pretend pedo in your mind? And could you stop working little jabs in every time you explain something to me?

How come I’m the messed-up one and you’re the hero?”

It annoyed me to no end, but there was nothing else I could come up with. Besides, I think she had the right idea—not about my mental makeup, but about the “slight memory loss” story angle.

The armored leader gave us a dubious look as we whispered at each other.

“…All right. I understand. If you made it out of the Forest of Evil, that’s hard enough to believe, but with that performance you just gave, I suppose it makes sense. You may feel welcome in our nation…assuming you wish to stay, after we explain what is happening to it.”

She motioned at one of the beast carcasses, giving me a smile that only added to my anxiety.

4

- 50 -

On the way to the city, the armored woman gave me her tale.

“It all began one fateful day when the neighboring land of monsters suddenly declared war upon us, the Kingdom of Glaice.”

The rest of her platoon had ridden off to investigate the reported object from the sky. Us, in other words. I left the parachute behind on the spot, since it’d just be dead weight, and I just had to hope they didn’t find it and connect it to us.

“That does sound kind of sudden. Why’d they do that? For resources, or food, or?”

The woman shook her head. “They’re looking for land. You said you came from another country, but around here, the land available for mankind to live on is limited. Their nation is gradually turning into a desert, thanks to a gigantic monster known as the Sand Lord. They can’t blaze a trail into the Forest of Evil, so they turned their attention to us.”

Between the Sand Lord and the Forest of Evil, she was throwing around a lot of ominous-sounding jargon. I started to wonder if conquering this planet was worth the risk after all. This nation certainly sounded up to its neck in trouble.

“If I had to guess, the monsters want to take our land, enslave all of

- 51 - us, and send us off to tame the Forest of Evil. But there’s an old legend that’s been passed down across generations of our people.”

“A legend…?”

It sounded exciting. I couldn’t wait to hear about it.

“Yes. A legend. When mankind faces the menace of a demonic overlord, a chosen one shall have an emblem appear upon their hand, granting them great strength. And following a long, arduous trek, that chosen one will defeat the overlord for us all…”

I removed the gauntlets from my battle uniform and showed her the backs of my hands.

“Am, am I the chosen one…?”

“Those are clearly insect bites,” Alice interjected as I expectantly looked up at the armored woman.

“…Um, no, I mean… Look at me like that all you want, sir, but the mark has already appeared upon the hand of our nation’s prince.”

Awwww…

Seeing me dejectedly plod forward, the woman endeavored to change the subject.

“…Oh! I still haven’t given you my name. You can call me Snow. I am captain of this country’s Imperial Knight Corps. What do you call

- 52 - yourselves?”

“Combatant #6.”

“I am Alice Kisaragi, a high-performance little-girl android.”

Umm…

“You think it’s a good idea to go around calling yourself an android and ‘high-performance’ and stuff?”

“You’re the one who said ‘Combatant #6.’ What’s wrong with your real name?”

Snow, upon hearing our names, gave each of us a visible head-tilt.

“Combatant number six…? And Alice Kisaragi…? And what is this

‘android’ you speak of?”

She repeated the names a couple of times to herself; I guess they’re a bit hard to pronounce for the locals.

“You can just call me #6, thanks.”

“And Alice is fine for me as well.”

“Oh? Well, great. So, do you see the situation we’re in right now? If you still want to stay in this country, we’d be glad to welcome you. …And if you’ve lost all your traveling money, I could find some meaningful work for you. Perhaps this is fate’s hand at work—would you like to hear more?”

- 53 -

She gave me a very fishy-looking smile, as if probing the very pit of my heart, although she might’ve just meant it as a friendly gesture.

“#6!” Alice suddenly blurted out in Japanese. “This might be our chance. Ask her for some work! It’ll be a wonderful environment for measuring how powerful people are on this planet. If we can stay in the castle, we’ll easily be able to sabotage it from the inside, too.”

“Man, are all androids as heartless as you are? I guess we’ll need to get ourselves set up here until our work’s done… It sounds like she’s gonna let us in the city, too, so we don’t need any ID or nothing.”

Snow gave us another head-tilt as we babbled on.

“I apologize,” Alice said. “This man is such an idiot, I decided to explain matters to him in our native language. If you need someone to fight, though, he’s your man.”

“Great,” Snow replied. “I look forward to that. We’ll be counting on you! Hee hee… Heh heh heh heh…”

And then she gave us another fishy smile.

“I am Snow, captain of the Imperial Knight Corps and dedicated knight in the service of Princess Tirith! I have found two travelers in need of safeguarding. Open the gate!”

- 54 -

The soldiers obeyed the command and saluted. “Welcome back,” one of them said. “But… Travelers, though? How did they ever…? I’m sure they must be exhausted. Let them rest in the castle at once!”

Passing through the gate, I was greeted with a sight that betrayed all expectation. It made Alice, lovingly polishing her shotgun with a rag as she sat behind Snow on their horse, stop to take in the view.

The city was lined with a series of charming-looking brick buildings.

There were no light poles around, which meant electricity likely wasn’t a thing yet. The people milling around comprised a mix of sizes, shapes, ethnicities, and hair colors.

It was clear this civilization was advanced enough that they wore armor and traveled around on horseback. But…

“Hey, uh, Snow? What’s that thing? It looks like a tank to me, but…”

It was. Right there, just past the gate, were the remains of what appeared to be a tank, reddened with rust and mostly stripped of anything valuable.

“Oh, you know what that Artifact is? It is an ancient weapon that

- 55 - protected us long ago from the threat of a magic-infused beast. In an age before we had these castle walls, it stood strong and stopped that gigantic creature in its tracks until the very end. We attempted to apply preservation magic upon it, in order to keep its technology intact…but as you see, much of it has rotted away.”

If this is an “ancient weapon,” that would mean this planet used to house a civilization on par with Earth’s. Considering all this fantasy-style “overlord” folklore, this was a sudden hairpin turn into sci-fi territory. We should probably examine this for… No! Wait a second!

“Magic? You mentioned ‘preservation magic’ just now, didn’t you?”

“Huh? Why’re you acting so agitated all of a sudden? I can’t cast it at all. …Oh, quit looking so disappointed at me! There’s only a few among us gifted with magical ability. What do you want from me?”

So this planet has magic…? I suppose it would. If people are going on about magical beasts and demon overlords, a spell or two to even the balance wouldn’t be weird. It wouldn’t, but…

…I decided to extend a palm to the air and scream with all my might.

“Explosion!!”

- 56 -

………………

“…You mentioned he talked gibberish from time to time. Is this part of his symptoms?”

“Exactly. He may exhibit rather bizarre behavior at times, but it’s mostly harmless, so if you could let it slide for me…”

My body remained frozen, my face resolute, as the pair whispered to themselves.

5

“Welcome back, Snow. Thanks for handling that mission. …And these are?”

Guided into the castle, we were taken to a large room at the topmost floor, where we met a young girl waiting for us. She was blonde, blue-eyed, and give out an aura of maturity beyond her years.

“We encountered this pair while carrying out our duties, ma’am.

They claim to be foreigners, fresh from traveling through the Forest of

Evil. I have not confirmed their tale, but when we encountered them, they were surrounded by the fresh carcasses of a horde of Deadly Heggs.

- 57 -

I believe them more than capable of defending themselves, at least.”

The young girl gave a light gasp of surprise at Snow’s report.

“Bow your heads, both of you! This will be your future employer.

You will call her Princess Christoceleste Tirith Glaice!”

“Kind of a long name,” I replied frankly.

“H-How dare you!” stammered Snow, as the girl in front of us tittered a bit.

“You are a very honest man,” she said, giving us a breezy smile.

“And you do certainly appear not to be from this land. If you knew about me, you would never react to my name in that fashion.”

“Would it be best,” I chimed in, “to call you Princess Glaice, or

Princess Christoceleste, madam?”

“Tirith is fine, thank you. And there is no need for such uncomfortable politeness. Feel free to speak naturally with me.”

“P-Princess Tirith, surely…”

Snow attempted to say something. Tirith was uninterested. The officers back home constantly chided my manner of speech, but this princess was clearly much more broad-minded.

The princess nodded as Snow whispered something in her ear.

“…So,” she said with another titter, even as Snow gave her a doubtful

- 58 - look. “Combatant #6 and Miss Alice, then? They say you lead a force of your own in your homeland, #6?”

Sure. That’s true, more or less.

“Currently, our country faces a dire shortage of commanders, thanks to our ongoing battle with the monsters. If you are truly that strong, #6, would you be willing to lend your strength to us?”

Tirith clasped her hands together, as if in prayer, and looked up into my eyes.

“Well, hey, if a princess is asking me, I sure can’t turn that down!

And it’s not just because you’re really pretty and stuff either, okay?!”

“Whoa, #6, quit it with that little act! You’re making things more complicated!”

But Tirith, upon hearing my reply, flashed a relieved smile.

“—Ugh! Whether you’re foreign or not, have you no idea how to speak around royalty? Tirith is kind enough to allow for such rudeness, but talk like that around the rest of the nobility, and don’t be surprised if they have your head for it! And what would happen if you start to affect my reputation as well?”

After meeting our future employer, we were taken to another room.

- 59 -

Even with Tirith granting her permission, formality demanded that we undergo at least the semblance of an interview before we were hired.

Good to see that government bureaucracy was just as intractable here as on Earth.

“Please don’t be angry, Lady Snow. #6 may be an impudent fool, yes.

But he is a professional in battle, and I am sure he will perform well for you. If anything, it will reflect well upon you, Lady Snow, for finding us.”

“Ooh…”

Alice had thoroughly placated Snow, currently marching briskly in front of us.

“Oh… Oh! Yeah, she’s right! You’re at war, right? You want as many strong dudes as you can get, and since we beat up whatever those animals were, you figure you could use us, right? So you’re doing us this favor, introducing us to work and all, but what you’re really salivating for is my vast power and incredibly hunky body!”

“I don’t want you that much! And you can keep your body, thank you very much! Let me be frank with you—the only things I like are money, fame, and master-class swords!”

Considering how low-class that made her sound, she sounded awfully gallant about it.

- 60 -

“Listen, #6. Something tells me you and I are cut from the same cloth. There’s no way we’d usually hire a foreigner straight from the forest, you know? I have a certain rank around here, so if anyone here tries to pick a fight with you, I’ll crush them with everything my captain’s position allows me to dish out. We’re all in the same boat, right?

I’ll do what I can to make sure you’re looked after well around here, so I expect some real performance from you!”

As this malicious knight captain pulled me along, Alice suddenly spoke up.

“…Hmm? Lady Snow, what’s that?”

We had just passed the castle’s central courtyard, only to find something just as out of place as the tank from before. There, inside the center garden, was a box-like machine, about ten feet to a side. Alice fixed her eyes upon it.

“Well, this looks in far better condition than that tank, doesn’t it? It runs on solar energy, I think. What do they use it for?”

Snow sighed as she found us stopping in our tracks. “This is another one of our nation’s Artifacts. A legendary relic, said to summon rainclouds to bless us with precipitation. Every year, whenever rain is needed, it is customary for the royal family to offer their prayers to it. It

- 61 - no longer works, as you see, and while we have a rigorous array of preservative magic cast upon it, I imagine it, too, will rot over time…”

Her face betrayed anxiety and loneliness, as if seeing her own homeland’s fate in this broken-down machine.

“Oh,” Alice said, “if it’s in this kind of shape, we might able to fix it.

Do you mind if I look inside?”

“R-Really?” Snow’s eyes began to gleam. “If you can, then do, by all means! I will take full responsibility if it doesn’t work out!”

Alice took some tools out from somewhere or other and got straight to work.

“What’re you carrying those around for, Alice?”

“I need to be able to perform maintenance on my own body,” she whispered back. “You keep tabs on your own health, don’t you?”

So she can repair herself? That’s pretty convenient, I thought as

Snow excitedly watched her do her work.

“What do you think? Can you fix it?”

“I think I can, yes. Some of the wiring’s deteriorated, is all. If we replace it and do a reset, it should be just fine.”

Snow’s face exploded into a wide grin. “Brilliant! …Let me go get someone, then! Hee hee… Hee hee hee hee… Hey, Alice! #6! We’ll split

- 62 - the credit evenly for this one, right? You got that?!”

With an unnerving smile, she ran off to parts unknown.

“…Split it evenly? She didn’t even do anything.”

“And neither did you, #6. …There. That should do it.”

Alice flipped some sort of on-off switch. A barrage of machine-like noises ensued.

[Beginning activation,] the device announced. [You will be required to define a new password.]

Password? Is that the “prayers” the royal family offered to this thing?

[Reset complete. Enter your password.]

“SchlongFest69.”

[Password added.]

“What are you doing?”

Alice stopped cold, the tool she was carrying frozen in the air, as if her android brain just decided to toss a virus her way. I waggled a finger at her.

“Now listen to me, Alice. What did Snow just tell us? Whenever the season calls for rain, the royal family offers this thing their prayers. In other words, Tirith. We’re gonna have this beautiful young woman

- 63 - saying that before her doting public, you see what I mean? And every time, I’m gonna see Tirith go red in the face and say it out loud. It’d gonna do wonders for my villain point count!”

“No, you listen to me. There’s bound to be more royal family members than Tirith. She’s a princess, so there’s got to be a king or something as well. So now, every year from now on, we’re gonna have some old guy shout out a password that a fifth-grade boy would’ve thought of.”

……………

“Well, huh. Now I’m worried that I did something kinda…bad.”

“Too late to bitch about that now. Here, #6, have Kisaragi send you some plastic explosive. We need to blow this machine up to get rid of the evidence. Then we can just tell Snow, like, we tried to repair it, but it blew up in our faces.”

Wow. This girl really is high-performance.

“Wonderful! Let’s go with that!” I shouted, only to be stopped by a voice behind my back.

“What, may I ask, is wonderful?”

- 64 -

I turned toward the familiar sound. There, I found Tirith, smiling breathlessly at me as she half-crushed the folding fan in her fist, and

Snow, shaking and sweating profusely. And from the chip embedded deep in my brain, I, and only I, heard a voice I was even more familiar with.

[Your villain points have gone up,] it said.

6

“Stop resisting! You are before His Majesty! Control yourself!”

“Oh, come on! You said you’d take full responsibility if we screwed it up! This is just mean, lady! If you were gonna act like this, why’d you let us fix it in the first place?!”

We were in what I guessed was a royal audience chamber, dragged before the king of the nation after Snow and some other soldiers arrested us.

“S-Silence!” Snow gave me a light jab on the head to shut me up, the apprehension still clear on her face. “I told you to repair it! Who ever told you to do something like that?”

As I was forced to my knees on the carpet, the upper half of my body fully bound, the kindly-looking man in front of us watched on with

- 65 - keen interest.

“…Who is this?” he asked.

“Lady Snow brought this man in as a potential commander, my liege,” said a woman next to the man, apparently his secretary. “He claimed he could fix the Artifact in the courtyard, and it seems that he actually did.”

The man gave this a surprised grunt. I had to imagine he was the king. The evidence, I thought, was kind of clear.

“Hey, Alice, I don’t think I’ve ever seen so king-like a king before. I mean, look, he’s got such a big beard that he’d make Santa Claus run screaming for the hills. You think he’d be angry if I asked to touch it?”

“#6! You are dealing with the most powerful person in the country.

Can you at least keep your voice down a little?”

“However,” the royal secretary in front of us continued as we yapped at each other, “during this repair, he…er…apparently changed the prayer to an obscene phrase.”

“Obscene? How do you mean?”

The secretary was a stylish, coolheaded-looking woman. I don’t know what it is about every girl I’ve met on this planet, but the standards here are crazy high, it felt like. Even the rest of the cavalry

- 66 - who rode with Snow, too.

“Um…it was…………fest………Your Majesty…”

“Oh! I see. I do apologize for making you whisper that to me.”

Ah! I just realized something really important! Everyone on that cavalry was riding those unicorn-type things, weren’t they?

“I find it difficult to understand why you would do such a ludicrous thing…but is what my secretary tells me correct, you?”

I’m pretty sure I read in a book of mythology that unicorns were only tame when a virgin was around them, or something. Which means…

…Suddenly, Snow’s face poked itself into my visage.

“Answer the question!”

“Whoa! Too close, too close! I’m trying to think about something important right now! You trying to kiss me or something?”

“How, how dare you say such things in this holy audience chamber!”

The king let out a polite cough and repeated the question.

“Is it true, sir, that you changed the words of prayer the Artifact relies upon to an obscene phrase?”

That was enough to remind me where I was.

“It, it’s true, sir, but this woman said she’d take responsibility for

- 67 - it.”

“How could you…! Your Majesty, he is telling lies. All I did was order him to repair the Artifact…!”

The king grimaced at this attempt to shift the blame.

“Well, you have my heartfelt thanks for performing the repair. In exchange, I will forgive this transgression and make sure you are amply rewarded for the feat. Please accept it, and never haunt our boundaries again for…”

“Father, one moment.”

The king was interrupted by the entrance of Tirith, who (on the surface, anyway) was calmly smiling at us.

“I wish to employ this man personally. He and his assistant bear the strength to defeat a horde of Deadly Heggs and the intelligence to repair an Artifact. I feel allowing such talent to slip through our hands would be a wasted opportunity.”

“Hmm. You think so, Tirith? If that is what you say, it must be true.”

“#6,” Alice whispered in Japanese as the king magnanimously nodded at his daughter, “I think that princess wields the real political power in this nation. This king looks like a total hands-off dad to me.”

- 68 -

“Ah. So we should be currying favor with Tirith, then? Leave that to me. Sucking up to the boss is my forte.”

“You…”

“Lady Tirith,” spouted Snow as she pointed at me, “this man must be exiled at once! Given what he has done to our precious Artifact, he might be a spy from a foreign nation, sent to topple our kingdom from the inside! Please reconsider, my lady!”

“Oh? That’s funny. You’re the one who brought us in here, and now you’re calling me a spy? That means you’re a traitor who smuggled a spy into the castle, doesn’t it?”

Snow’s eyebrows arched practically all the way to the sky. “You dare to brand me a traitor?! I, whose faith and loyalty in Lady Tirith knows no equal?!”

“Wow, gettin’ riled now, huh? Hey, and d’you know the one thing that pisses people off more than anything else? The truth!”

This provocation was enough to make Snow’s eyes bulge. She drew her sword.

“The likes of you…! You will be nothing more than a bloodstain upon the blade of my beloved Flame Zapper!”

“Wow. Now you’re gonna slash up a dude with his hands tied

- 69 - behind his back, just because you can’t beat me in an argument? And you call yourself a knight? I’m already on the royal payroll! You think it’s okay to kill one of your fellow employees? Besides, don’t you have other things you need to do right now?!”

My words were enough to stop her, even though she was red in the face and ready to slash away at any moment.

“…Other things…?”

“Look,” Alice said as she turned to Snow, “you told #6 and I yourself.

You said you would take full responsibility. The king just said he’s pardoning us, but he didn’t say anything about your responsibility yet.”

Snow, now visibly shaking again, looked to Tirith for salvation.

There, where she stood, the woman ruling this land from the shadows smiled.

As I stepped out the doorway to the interview room, head held high,

Alice spoke up to me in Japanese.

“How’d the interview go? You’re already good as hired, so did they just do a background check or something?”

“Yeah. They asked me about Kisaragi, about my finisher, even about Heroes.”

- 70 -

After my royal audience, I was forced to write out a resume and participate in a rather perfunctory interview. After I was done, I reported how it went to Alice.

“But… Wow. A knight, in this nation? …I think I kinda like it. If I can’t be the hero of my own RPG, I can at least be a knight in His

Majesty’s service.”

“Yeah, well, you still remember that you’re a combatant for

Kisaragi, right? You haven’t forgotten our mission?”

Just then:

“That language you use now and again; is it from your native

- 71 -

- 72 - country?”

The voice came from behind Alice and I.

“Oh, you again?”

Snow, the knight who seemed out to get us from the very beginning, was standing there without her armor on. Her clothing was mostly blue in color—whether that was the official knight uniform or not, I couldn’t say—and it stood out. I couldn’t tell with all that armor on, but it looked a bit baggy on her. The pale legs poking out from under her skirt were long and slender, and in terms of external appearance, she could easily pass for a model.

“What do you mean, ‘you again’? I wouldn’t lose a single moment’s worth of sleep if we never met again!”

Why’s this girl so hostile toward me? I mean, I guess I’m maybe just a little at fault, but…

“So what do you want?” I asked, not bothering to hide my contempt.

“Because I need to get shown to my living quarters.”

“I was asked to take you to them,” she shot back, temples pulsing.

“That, and look after your other needs.”

“…What?” I couldn’t help but gasp. She responded by straightening up and giving me a salute.

- 73 -

“As of today, I have been assigned to your squadron. I will serve as the vice-captain of the force you will lead.”

…She’s part of my team? Why’d that have to happen?

“What? They’re appointing me a captain on my first day here?”

Snow rolled her eyes, even as she maintained a steadfast salute.

“…Did you even bother listening to Lady Tirith? Our nation has lost far too many experienced commanders at the hands of the monsters we face. That’s why there are so many female knights and young commanders. We have an overwhelmingly small number of qualified applicants for the officer ranks. You have experience leading such a force in your homeland, do you not? Thus, as of today, you have been assigned a small raiding platoon to lead.”

Good to see there’s some intelligent people in government around here. I was not expecting to become an officer so soon after my arrival.

“However, do not take that to mean I consider you my superior. In battle, I will be the one giving commands. I want you to stand down and refrain from getting in my way.”

Where’d that come from?

“Hey, why d’you think you can say that to me? Just because you used to lead the Royal Knights or whatever. I’ve notched some major

- 74 - victories, y’know, as a commander. If you’ve been racking up losses against the monsters this whole time, I know I can do a hell of a lot better than you!”

“…For repairing the Artifact, and for that alone, I thank you. But after what you’ve done, I have no trust in you whatsoever. If you are plotting against this country, you’d best banish such thoughts from your mind at once!”

Her point made, Snow whisked around and stomped off. Her way of saying “I’m not gonna bother waiting for you,” I suppose.

“Look,” I shouted behind her back, “just because you got demoted because you had to take responsibility for that thing doesn’t mean you can take it out on me! Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Boo!”

“Boo!”

“I, I am not being demoted!” She whirled around, looking a little panicked. “I am just…keeping watch over you. Because you’re acting suspicious. And I was assigned to your force because you’re such an amateur, there’s no telling if you could even handle the task! So let’s just make sure that’s clear between us!”

Alice and I looked at each other.

“…She’s probably the only one who thinks she’s keeping watch over

- 75 - us, isn’t she?”

“Well, duh. You saw what happened to that Artifact, that national treasure of theirs. Normally, that’d be worth committing ritual suicide over. She’s just saying that to comfort herself.”

“Damn youuuuuuu!”

7

“This is your room. You should have everything you need in here.

Now, what should we do about Alice…?”

After our little shouting match, Snow directed us to our allocated living quarters. The fate of Alice apparently gave her pause mid-speech.

“What do you mean, what should we do with her? Is there something wrong with her?”

“…These quarters are technically restricted to authorized personnel only…”

“Huhh?” Alice grunted at the flustered Snow. “What’re you talking about? You’re shunting a natural-born talent like me out of the castle?

How could I not be a part of #6’s force? See, no wonder you got demoted, you dummy!”

- 76 -

I mean, her face was the same as it always was…but in terms of the terminology, I figured it was safe to say she was a little miffed.

“What! A-Alice, a child like you shouldn’t talk like that…”

The sudden rude outburst from this apparent child made Snow’s eyes burst wide open.

“Like you’re one to talk! After you’ve been chewing out my boss #6 all this time! Now get a room for me set up, too, you stupid greedy loser!”

“Wha… I’ve never seen such a foul-mouthed child in my life! But, but the platoon we’re in is limited to five people by definition, each with their own role in the force. Three knights in the front line, generally, with a healer and a wizard in the rear. #6 and I will be up front, so that leaves three spaces to fill. Can you fill any of them, Alice?”

Alice responded to this incredulous accusation by shoving her face right up against Snow’s. “What can I do?” she snorted. “I’m so high-performance, I can do anything. I’m gifted in anything that requires brain work, but I also function as a combat medic, using nanomachines and high technology and other things an uncivilized brute like you would never understand!”

She stormed out of the room, pretty angry by android standards. I suppose she figured being branded a “healer” was a waste of her

- 77 - boundless talents. “Um,” whispered Snow, back to her normal mature (if flustered) self, “should we really let her run around the castle?”

Once Snow took care of Alice’s room, she guided us to the broad field in front of the barracks we called home. There, we saw a bunch of soldiers unaffiliated with any force at the moment, engaged in combat training.

“Halt!” Snow shouted. “We are recruiting for a new platoon, so I need two people to volunteer for us! Come to me if you feel ready for the task!”

The small crowd rested their swords and came up to us.

“You’re too new around here to know how these soldiers perform.

I’ve picked the personnel for you, but here’s the whole pool of resumes.

Take a look.”

She shoved a small sheaf of papers upon us as people gathered around us. Sounds like she’s already made her decision. Alice picked it up, flipped through the pile, then stopped to show me a piece of paper.

“Look at this, #6.”

“‘Alexandrite Greivnir, God of War’… Nice! The name sounds boss, at least.”

- 78 -

“No, not that one. Look at how old he is. He’s a doddering old man of eighty or so. I’m talking about these two.”

Having a guy that old with that name sounded like an NPC I desperately wanted in my party, but Alice instead showed me the following two pages.

“’Rose the Man-Made Battle Chimera’ and ‘Grimm, Archbishop of

Zenalith’…? Sound like pretty throwaway characters to me. …Oh! ‘Mirei,

Clumsy Friendly-Fire Sorceress’! I like it! Clumsy girls are great!”

“C’mon, #6, you know that’s a huge land mine you’re stepping on.

But look at how many monsters these two guys have slain. They’re way ahead of the pack.”

She had a point. Their numbers were off the charts. Still, though…

“Yeah, but Alexandrite’s figures are, like, several dozen times higher than that, even. Let’s go with him!”

“Forget about that geezer. What if he keels over mid-battle from a heart attack while we’re fighting for our lives? These two girls have better titles anyway. I dunno what being the archbishop of Zenalith is about, but a man-made battle android? Sounds like the perfect addition to our party to me.”

…Yes, she had a point. It sounded very…mysterious.

- 79 -

“Great. You’re all here. I will hereby announce the new additions to our platoon. Our first selection…”

“Hang on, Snow,” interrupted Alice, brandishing her two sheets of paper. “We’re taking these two.”

“Uh… No, um, these two… If we could at least have Lord

Alexandrite take one of the positions…”

“What is with you two? If you like rickety old men that much, why don’t you go marry one? Just let me hear these two out.”

Too chagrined to lash out too strongly against a child, Snow called the pair over, muttering to herself the whole time. In a moment, a single girl appeared before us.

“…You can read their resumes for details on what kind of fighters they are,” Snow said. “Rose, introduce yourself.”

“…I am Rose. Rose, the man-made battle chimera… Can all of you use me to the hilt…?”

She hid one of her eyes with a hand, face even more expressionless than Alice’s, as she gloomily looked at us. By looks, she was a bit older than Alice, maybe fourteen or fifteen—but from the hem of the skirt Rose had on, I could spy what looked like a lizard’s tail. Looking more closely, I spotted a single horn growing out from under her short silver hair, as

- 80 - well as two eyes of differing colors.

A man-made chimera, huh…?

“My name is Combatant #6,” I said, imitating her pose. “Yes, a battle machine, my original name tossed away long ago following my cyborg surgery. Wonderful to meet you, man-made battle chimera…!”

“And I’m Alice Kisaragi. We have a lot of people in our society who like bandying around trite dialogue like you two drama llamas seem to enjoy, so don’t worry about that. We’ll make good use of you.”

Rose froze on the spot, before covering her face with two quivering arms.

“Um, Alice, I’m trying to act cool here? Can you play along a little?

…See? Look. You called her a drama llama and now she’s about to have a nervous breakdown on us.”

“Like I’m gonna put up with your stupid games. …Look, Rose, you’re embarrassing us. Knock that off and get over there.”

“All, all right…” She toddled over, face red all the way to her ears.

“I am Rose, the man-made chimera. I’m glad to, to meet you…”

“She’s a bit off in some ways,” commented Snow, “but that was the way her designer set her up, so don’t slam her too much for it.”

“My grandpa told me to act like this, when it’s this kind of

- 81 - situation…! Nn…gh… I don’t want to do all this stupid stuff, but ohhh, my grandpa’s last request…!”

Letting Rose cry it out, I looked over the resume handed to me. It outlined her battle performance, as well as her assorted unique abilities.

“…Whoa, what’s this? You can take on the ability of anything you eat?”

“Huh? Um, y-yes. I am a chimera, so I’m easily affected by whatever food I take in… One or two bites isn’t enough, but if I keep eating meat from the same magical beast, I can take its abilities for my own. Lately, I’ve been on a steady diet of powerful one-horned beast demons and fire-breathing flame lizards, so that’s why I’ve got this little horn and tail on me…”

Alice and I exchanged glances.

“…Wow, Alice, it’s like she’s a villain-in-training.”

“Yeah. No way we can let this one go.”

“Um, is something wrong? I don’t understand what you’re saying, but I’m not sure I want to know it, either…! Wait. What kind of exotic food do you have there? It smells so good…”

Rose, scared off a bit by our sudden bout of Japanese speaking, sniffed the air as she asked. Having eaten nothing since I fell into this

- 82 - planet, I was chewing on part of the rations I had brought along—a nutritional energy bar that I now waved in front of her face.

“Oh, you mean this? Well, this is called Calorie-Z—a well-balanced nutritional bar that’s beloved all over the world. I can break off a piece if you want, but if I do, you have to listen to anything I say, all right?”

“A-Anything?! Ahh… But that smell is so irresistible…!”

“Uh, #6, the sight of you luring a girl in with food’s enough to make most people call the authorities. At least we know how to handle her now, though.”

I waved the bar back and forth. Rose followed every move with her eyes, all but smacking her lips at it. As I kept her attention upon me,

Snow looked around the crowd and picked out someone she was looking for.

“Grimm! Stop napping and get over here!”

Soon, there was a woman seated on a wheelchair in front of us.

This Grimm was around eighteen or nineteen, perhaps? And as she sat there, she definitely looked gravely ill to me. She had sleepy brown eyes, an ashen skin color, and fetching, straight brown hair. Seeing her frail, barefoot form on the wheelchair, I started to worry for her health.

“My name’s Combatant #6. I’m the platoon leader starting today.”

- 83 -

“And I am Alice, staff officer and combat medic.”

Grimm’s eyes shone at our intro.

“Hello. I am Grimm. I have a few questions for the platoon leader, but let’s start with the most important one first. Do you have a wife,

Captain? Or a girlfriend or anything? I’m single, by the way. A woman as wonderful as I am, and I can’t get a man. The strangest thing!”

“I’m single. And for some reason, despite being such a handsome young man, I don’t have a girlfriend. Indeed, strange.”

“What are you people talking about?” Snow boomed at us. “No love gossip in this platoon! Ask her about combat, and things!”

Despite my vice-captain’s admonishment, my response clearly made Grimm fidget a little. Hmm. Something about combat. Where should I begin? Maybe ask what Zenalith is, or why she’s involved in combat duty when she’s bound to a wheelchair? A thousand things came to mind, but I already had my priorities straight.

“Are you a wizard, Grimm? I don’t know too much about magic.

What kinda stuff can you do?”

That’s right. Magic. Grimm had written “accursed magic” in the

“special skills” box of her resume. It sounded tantalizingly dangerous to me.

- 84 -

“I’m not a wizard, exactly… Instead, I borrow the power of the almighty Zenalith to serve as an agent for conjuring miracles.”

An agent for…? Um, what’s that mean?

“Who’s this Zenalith guy?”

“The great lord who oversees immortality and disaster. I am a follower in his service.”

Immortality and disaster…?

“Kind of an evil god, then?”

“What?! I, I…! Calling the almighty Zenalith ‘evil’ will surely invite his wrath upon your soul!”

I was hoping she could offer a little demo of his powers, but I was also curious about that “accursed” bit. Ah, well. I’m sure I’ll get to see her fight soon enough.

…But then, for reasons she kept to herself, she rearranged herself atop the wheelchair, kneeling down on it. With a sneering smile, she pulled up the hem of her long skirt, gradually revealing more and more.

“Hee hee hee… Listen, boy, you want to see what’s inside this skirt, don’t you? You must repent for calling Zenalith an evil god. Do that, and I will gladly offer you my baptism. And then we can aaaaaahhhhh!”

[Your villain points have gone up.]

- 85 -

I stopped that self-important act by flipping the rest of her skirt up.

That sickly, prim-and-proper impression did a 180 in my brain the moment I spotted the black g-string she had on underneath. Damn. Talk about wanton.

“I didn’t really want to show you! You better pay for that! You better make me your housewife! I won’t let you go now! Never for a moment!”

More than wanton. She’s a virtual minefield.

“Yeah, yeah, chill out, g-string lady. You’re the one who provoked #6 into action.”

“G-string lady?! Stop calling me that at once! I read on OKPutrid that wearing these panties makes it easier to find a man!”

I couldn’t guess what OKPutrid was. Maybe a dating magazine or something.

“Lady, if I married every woman who ever showed her panties to me, I’d have a harem that even an oil baron would envy. How ‘bout I show you my undies later and we’ll call it even, Lady Blackstring?”

“Showing me your five-day-old boxers does not make it even, you fiend! And stop calling me that, too!”

- 86 -

Snow let out a deep sigh. “Great. Could you have possibly picked two less stable teammates for us…? Well, all right. When it comes to battle, at least, they’re the cream of the crop.”

The observation made me realize something. There were more resumes in this stack than the ones for the old guy, the clumsy wizard, and this pair. All of them, it seemed, had one glaring flaw or another.

Which means this group of soldiers before us is…?

“You picked the two biggest misfits out of this entire gaggle of misfits,” Snow sourly intoned, “but hopefully we can make a platoon out of this. Not that I intend to get too friendly with you bunch of dropouts.”

Then she walked away from us, waving a hand distractedly.

Come on. Misfits? I mean, sure, there’s this wimpy-looking g-string lady in a wheelchair and a monster-like hunger ghost of a girl. Add to that a combatant for a shadowy evil organization and an android, and you get…!

…Well, you get a gang of misfits. Thank you very much.

…Oh, but wait a second.

“So were you stuck in this platoon ‘cuz they’re treating you like a misfit, too? I mean, you got a pretty prickly personality.”

- 87 -

Snow shuddered. “W-What did you…?! No! No, you’re wrong! I’m here to keep watch over you guys!”

“Wow, #6! Not only did she get demoted; Tirith shoved her into the misfit platoon, even! That’s gotta be it! Ha ha! Drop-out! Drop-out!

Drop-out!”

“Haa haaahhhh!”

“Yaaay!”

Alice wound up prompting Rose and Grimm to join her. Snow bit her lip and waved a fist at them.

“Ngh… You… Well, you can tease me all you want! All you have to do here is follow my orders! Follow them, get me results in battle, and then I’ll shoot outta this platoon so fast, it’s gonna make your head swim!”

Her pride as a former elite captain made her eyes burn with resolve as she glared at us behind her back.

“Oh, did you hear that, #6? She said she’s gonna leave the platoon.

And here I thought she joined up because she had to keep watch over us.”

“Yeah, you’re right. So that bastard finally admitted that this is a demotion, huh? Like, why should we even listen to orders from a demoted captain, anyway? I used to run a force myself, and I’m gonna do

- 88 - whatever I want in here.”

Our teasing must have pushed the demoted captain over the brink.

Her eyes arched upward.

“Do not call me a ‘demoted captain’! You guys are still amateurs when it comes to this war, but just shut up and listen to me, and you’ll be just fine! And that weird outfit you’ve got on—that’s a problem, too. It’s like…too dark and evil, perhaps? You look more like a minion soldier from the underworld than a valiant knight. How can you call that the gear of a captain…?”

“Oh, don’t give me that crap. What does my armor matter?! I’ll admit that it’s kind of spiky and stuff, but what gives you the right to say that?!”

The armor was a generation old and inhospitably heavy. But with everything we’ve gone through, it’s like a partner to me!

“Ahh, cram it! Having someone like you as captain? With all your bizarre behavior, that scar on your face, and your sullen, drug-addled eyes? That in itself is like rubbing mud in my good name!”

“What?! You stupid…little…!”

I swear. Show just a little kindness to her, and she runs all over you!

- 89 -

“Plus,” she continued, “judging by your looks, you were never a good student, were you?! Did you graduate from an elite academy or anything? Because I’m a graduate from the top-ranked school in this country!”

I’ve never been anywhere near a university! I was so busy with combat duty, I dropped out of high school!

“You get it now? Great! Now, swear you’ll uphold all of my orders!

That way, at least you won’t embarrass me on the battlefield as well!”

Just look at her. Thinking she’s the goddamn queen of the world…!

“What’re you looking at me like that for? Why’re you making fists with your hands? You want to lash out at me? Go right ahead! And don’t worry about me being a woman! Go ahead and punch me as hard as you can! Think you got it in you? If you got the guts to punch me, do it now!”

You…!

“You bastard!!!”

The high-pitched scream made Snow steel herself.

I, my face deadly serious, every muscle in my body tensed, had firmly grabbed both of her breasts. Both of those large, round breasts,

- 90 - emphasized by the cut of her clothing. I doubt I would ever forget the look on her face, her body still prepared for combat—nor the blank stares of all our onlookers.

[Your villain points have gone up.]

8

“Someone! Somebody help me! This woman’s gone crazy!”

“What’s crazy about me? It’s you that’s gone crazy!”

I had never been lucky enough to hook up with a sane woman before, but now, for the first time in my life, I had one chasing after me.

“G-Geez, chill out! I apologize! I apologize, so let’s just talk this out!”

“What do we have to talk about at this point?! I should have slain you where you stood the moment I met you!”

She was chasing after me with wild hair, bloodshot eyes, and a dagger, which kind of soured the experience.

“You gotta be crazy, lady! Pulling a knife on me just because I touched your breasts a little bit!”

“I told you, you’re the crazy one! If you weren’t crazy, you wouldn’t

- 91 - go feeling people up for no reason at all!”

It’d be one thing if I had tripped or something and my hand brushed against them. You see that in comics a lot, along with the inevitable follow-up of the girl chasing the culprit around and beating him up. This, though…

“C’mon, could you at least blush a little bit while you’re chasing me? Or, like, make it a weapon that’d just hurt a little bit if you slapped me with it? Because being chased around by a lady like this isn’t fun at all! Your eyes are all bloodshot, man! You’re scaring me!”

“I hope I am! I’m chasing you down to kill you!”

“Hellllllp!”

Oh, man! This is totally different from the rom-com romps I used to snicker at!

And so I ran up and down the castle, seeking aid from anyone I could find, when…

“Tirith! Tirith, it’s you!”

I spotted Tirith walking toward me.

“Ah, you show impeccable timing, Sir #6. I wanted to—er, what are you two doing?!”

“Don’t worry about that! Help me!”

- 92 -

“Lady Tirith, I apologize you have to witness this sorry sight! I’m just about to stab this man to death!”

Snow glared at us, eyes bulging, as I demurely hid behind the princess’s back. A woman her age should not use words like “stab” lightly.

“I, I don’t know what’s going on, but committing a stabbing in my castle will earn you a quick trip to the dungeon! Snow, please, calm yourself!”

That was enough to make Snow reluctantly put her dagger away, flashing a frustrated look at her princess. “…Better watch your back during tomorrow’s mission,” she muttered as she left the scene.

…There’s no way she could be a knight. If you ask me, she’s definitely better suited for an evil society like mine.

“Whew… I didn’t think I’d piss her off that much just for fondling her breasts a little. Thanks for stepping in, Tirith.”

“N-Number Six, why did you even think of doing something so idiotic? Snow was never one to understand a joke, you know. She didn’t become a knight through noble connections—she clawed her way up from the slums all the way to captain of the Imperial Knight Corps.

Everything she does, she does with every fiber of her body.”

Well, huh. As self-centered as she was, I kind of assumed she came

- 93 - from some rich noble family.

“But did you need me for something? You said my timing was good?”

“Ah, yes. I wanted to talk to you about Alice’s room…”

“…Well, so be it. Sharing a room would probably suit our missions better anyway. And don’t look at me weird just because I’m a cute little girl, either! I don’t have any reproductive organs, so don’t expect to do anything with me.”

“Shut up! You think a robot’s gonna excite me like that?! Ugh, why did it have to turn out like this?”

Thanks to my unapproved appointment of Alice into the corps, they were only able to set up one room for us. They were unprepared for either of us to join up, so they asked us to share a room for the time being.

That’s what we deserve for making up that story about traveling together in the bush for days on end, I suppose.

“Oh, quit whining. If your mind starts to wander, I’ll let you have the room to yourself for a few minutes—I’m not that thoughtless. Also, when I come back in, I promise I’ll knock, then wait a little while before opening up, okay?”

- 94 -

“I don’t need that kind of thoughtfulness! Do you think I’m a chimpanzee or something?”

I took another look around the room assigned to us. They set up two beds, at least, which I appreciated. Beyond that, there was a simple table and chairs, along with a single dresser.

That, and…

“…Look, Alice. They got plumbing in here. And is this some kind of lamp? I don’t see any place to pour oil into. Plus, there’s that thing on the wall that looks like a TV, even though I don’t see any outlets. And here I was thinking we’d invade this primitive land and have the locals worship us like gods with all the tech we bring in. So much for that idea.”

“Yeah, they must be more advanced than we thought. Do you think the lamp and TV thing run on magic or something? I suppose there’s a scientist smart enough here to create a ‘man-made chimera,’ at least.

And that Artifact in the castle, too… Man, we got a lot to investigate.”

Unpacking the stuff we brought with us from Japan, I breathed a sigh of relief as I took off the armor and sprawled out in bed. It looks like we’ll be able to live well enough in here after all.

“By the way,” Alice remarked as she polished her shotgun (has

- 95 - anyone ever loved a firearm in the history of mankind the way she loves this one?), “the way Snow put it, it sounds like we’ll have a combat mission tomorrow. Don’t forget about your original mission, all right? I don’t mind supporting Glaice for now, but if things start breaking bad, we’re outta here. I couldn’t guess why they both knighted you and put you in a misfit squad, but whoever’s behind that, I don’t like the way they’re thinking. Screw around too much, and it’ll bite you on the ass.”

“Yeah, I know. But remember when we met with the king? They confiscated my knife, but not my handgun. These people have no idea what a gun is! And they called that old rusted-out tank an Artifact. If they’re still fightin’ with swords and arrows out there, I could counter that in a million different ways. What’s to worry about? We got jobs, a place to live… If we can pull off some big mission and build a name for ourselves, I’m gonna have ‘em build a hideout for us, too…!”

(To be continued.)

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