Talking to Children About Peer Pressure FS1859
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FS1859 Talking to Children About Peer Pressure Sean Brotherson, Ph.D. vandalizing property. However, Family Science Specialist, What is Peer Pressure? it also can be a positive influence; NDSU Extension Service A 4-year-old preschooler may for example, a person’s friends want to pick out her own socks. , M.S. might encourage her to study Divya Saxena A 15-year-old teenager may beg to Extension Associate, hard with them for a test in school. NDSU Extension Service attend a late-night party at a friend’s house. In either case, a child is The Search Institute lists Geoffrey Zehnacker, B.S. learning to make decisions and developmental assets for young Extension Associate, may be influenced by others. people, and among them are NDSU Extension Service “positive peer influence” and also Making a decision on one’s own can the child’s ability to “resist negative be a challenge, but learning to do peer pressure and dangerous so is a key part of a child’s healthy situations.” As children and youth learn to make development. As children grow, decisions, receiving input and even they learn to observe others and How children perceive and respond make choices about how to act in to peer pressure is closely linked pressure from friends and other the real world. Also, they learn that with how they develop, the choices peers is common for them. other people may try to influence they make, and their health and how you act and that dealing with well-being. Some kids may give in Feedback and pressure from peers such pressures can be difficult. to negative peer pressure due to a influence young people’s clothing desire to be liked, fit in or try Peer pressure generally is defined something new that others are doing. styles, music choices, social as a type of mental or social pressure Other kids learn to manage pressure behaviors and even risky activities. or stress a person feels from peers, from peers and make their own such as friends or classmates, who decisions while giving thought to Parents and other adult caregivers seek to influence you to think, look what others say or suggest. In either can benefit as they consider sources or act in a particular way. case, understanding children, peer pressure, and how to talk of peer pressure, how children and Peer pressure may be negative, such as if others pressure a person to children and teens about teens react to such pressures, and to do something unhealthy, such peer pressure is helpful. ways to discuss peer pressure with as experimenting with drugs or children of different ages. October 2017 and spend time doing activities • Reflect on some of your Talking to Young Children with your child and his or her personal experiences as a child (ages 4 to 8) friends. This allows you to make being influenced by peers. connections and communicate Share examples or stories with When talking to young children about peers, better understand your child that he or she can from ages 4 to 8: your child’s social world and understand about “following What to Say and Do facilitate healthy activities. along” with peers. Did you ever “follow the crowd” and regret it? • Practice “parental coaching” • Observe as your child interacts with Did you ever start something with your child on his or her other children and learn more about positive in your life because a relationships with peers as how he or she might act with peers peer encouraged you? without you or other adults around. needed. Extend support based on Even young children often act in a your child’s age and needs, help • Adolescents often struggle to different way than parents expect your child negotiate differences understand how their peers see when in a group without adult with peers and step in as needed them and worry about being supervision. Talk regularly with if peer pressures become too rejected if they don’t fit in. your child about how he or she challenging to manage. Be patient as they learn to think feels being with peers and how and act independently with peers, to act around friends. and reassure your child that while Talking to Adolescents he or she may face some hassles • As adults, provide a good (ages 9 to 13) from peers for thinking or acting example and encourage younger independently, others likely will children to influence each other When talking to adolescents support your child. If a child is in positive ways. For example, from ages 9 to 13: influenced by peers in a way help young children learn to share, that bothers you, listen first to take turns, speak in a kind way What to Say and Do understand your child and and do other positive things with • Plan ahead and decide what then offer guidance. family, friends and peers. activities you will limit for kids • Share stories with your child to • Understand that learning to act in this age group. Set clear help him or her learn about others in the world and make personal boundaries and explain them from history or in the community choices is a very important skill to your child. For example, who made positive choices in for any child. Encourage your you might not allow a child to situations of peer pressure. child to learn, explore and interact sleep over at a friend’s home. Explore how he or she might with others. Provide support and Children at this age might use such a person’s example avoid obvious risks, but allow your complain, ask why or be frustrated. when making personal decisions. child to learn based on experience Think about your reasons and and even failure. discuss them with your child. • If your child is reserved or having trouble making friends, use the • Provide opportunities for positive • Discuss with your child some “home court” advantage and invite interaction with other children reasons he or she might be peers over to help your child be where you can see and support influenced by others in making comfortable. Also, this allows you your child, such as in your home, decisions. For example, he or she to observe your child and his or a play session with one friend might feel uncertain or insecure her activities and lend support. or a play group. Your child can and do something just to feel associate further with peers in competent or “cool” in front of • Get to know your child’s friends positive ways through organized others. He or she might feel a need or peers and their families. social activities or lessons such as to belong in a particular group Introduce yourself at school events swimming or music lessons, sports, and then do something in hopes or in other settings, or volunteer preschool and 4-H clubs. of being liked. Assist children to at school or youth activities. gain confidence in themselves and Making yourself aware of your • Invite your child’s friends and peers child’s social world lets you see into your home, meet and get to talk about avoiding any actions just to “follow the crowd.” how he or she socializes with know them and their families, friends and what interests them. • Talk to your child from a young Talking to Teens age about choices and peers, References (ages 14 to 18) including sex, drugs or other Arnett, J.J. (2012). Adolescence and challenging topics. Then as teens, emerging adulthood: A cultural When talking to teens they will be used to open dialogue approach (5th ed.). Upper Saddle from ages 14 to 18: with you and are more likely to River, N.J.: Pearson Education Inc. come to you with peer concerns. What to Say and Do Chan, S.M., and Chan, K-W. (2011). Point out that they have a mind Adolescents’ susceptibility to • Talk with your child about how of their own and that most peers peer pressure: Relations to he or she will respond if a friend are typically not making unhealthy parent-adolescent relationship or peer wants him or her to do choices, such as smoking or and adolescents’ emotional something risky or dangerous. other habits. For example, a peer might suggest autonomy from parents. the teen drink alcohol, bring a • Figure out regular or meaningful Youth & Society, 45(2), 286-302. weapon to a party or break a law. opportunities for your teenager to be in groups with other peers, Chein, J., Albert, D., O’Brien, L., Explore such “What if” scenarios Uckert, K., and Steinberg, L. (2010). and discuss peer pressure and how learn together and take risks. Organized sports, extracurricular Peers increase adolescent risk your child could handle situations taking by enhancing activity that feel uncomfortable or wrong. activities (speech, band, 4-H clubs, theater, etc.), social gatherings in the brain’s reward circuitry. • Agree on a “safe word” or and other settings provide a chance Developmental Science, 14(2), F1-F10. “code” that your teenage child for young people to learn about Faber, A., and Mazlish, E. (2012). can text you or call and say to themselves and each other. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and you if he or she needs help to get Teenagers learn key skills such Listen So Kids Will Talk. New York: out of a potentially difficult or as independence, mastery and Scribner. harmful situation with peers. dealing with adversity through Prinstein, M.J., and Dodge, K.A. • Understand that exploring such experiences. Support them (Eds.). (2008). Understanding peer “risky” behavior with peers in such experiences while not influence in children and adolescents.