Alma Mater Society Sues American Meteorological Society 'They Stole Our Acronym/' -Kristen Harvey (Vancouver, Reuters) Best Interests to Sue the AMS
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VOLUME SIXTEEN ISSUE THREE 8 OCTOBER 2002 "The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it/ •Franklin P. Jones Alma Mater Society sues American Meteorological Society 'They stole our acronym/' -Kristen Harvey (Vancouver, Reuters) best interests to sue the AMS. senting themselves as being a student both lawsuits, and saw no reason not to hile in the midst of a lawsuit over "They were like a company that had like organization in Canada. pursue the second at this time." alleged violations of students money, and probably lawyers and stuff." "It may have resulted in some people The Alma Mater Society of Queen's Uni Wrights relating to the prevention explained Harvey. "Also, I was confused." standing outside in the rain instead of versity is also watching this lawsuit with of a Genocide Awareness Project display The next potential target was the Ameri attending class at the University of British great interest. being placed in the Student Union Build can Mathematical Society. The charge was Columbia," noted Harvey. "We want to see what kind of precedent is ing, the Alma Mater Society of UBC has that the society had deliberately chosen its "Though at UBC, it is pretty much the set," said Queens University AMS presi launched its own lawsuit against the name to have the same acronym as the same thing." clarified Seddon. dent Mike Lindsay. "We were established American Meteorological Society for Alma Mater Society. in 1858, and thus predate UBC's AMS by a fraudulent abuse of an acronym. The American Meteorological Society is "It was a deliberate attempt to trade on also being cited for fraudulent misrepre good margin. If they are able to beat the "When Gray ct al sued us over that GAP our good name. We had to drop the suit, sentation of the weather. American Meteorological Society then we thing, we thought, 'Hey, this suing stuff is should really be able to take them to the though, because they know calculus, and "I am seeking damages," claimed Harvey. pretty cool. We should do it too.'" said we were intimidated," Seddon interjected. cleaners. I mean, they are trying to take on a AMS president Kristen Harvey. "We could "I once had a picnic ruined because it completely different type of organization stand to make a fair chunk of cash. Would "Besides, we couldn't figure out when the rained even though the weather guy said it over an acronym, but they are the same type n't that be great?" society was founded. It would have been wouldn't." of organization as us, and they stole our embarrassing if we showed up to court After this questionable decision had been "If we can't get money for the acronym, whole name, not just three letters." only to find out that they had the acronym we can always fall back on this second made, the AMS had to find someone to When asked if Queens University AMS first." charge," continued Seddon. "I mean, who sue. intended to pursue legal action against Disillusioned for a time, the Alma Mater has ever heard of a weatherman being UBC AMS, Lindsay replied, "Money, "We figured that the most money was in Society stumbled upon the website for the right? It's a sure deal." trademark infringement, so we looked for money, money. Papa wants a new car." American Meteorological Society. When asked if the AMS shouldn't wait for someone who might have maliciously "Shit," commented Harvey on the possi "Here was a society, using our acronym, the resolution of one legal battle before stolen our good name and used it to mis bility of a third lawsuit. "Shit, shit, shit." represent themselves, thereby harming our having been founded in 1919. The Alma starting another, Seddon replied, "We were "Shit," added Seddon. reputation." said Director of Finance, Nick Mater Society's constitution was accepted hoping to distract other people from the Seddon. on October 15, 1915, four years before," GAP lawsuit by launching this one. Then it When reached for comment on what they continued Seddon. "We had our target." doesn't matter so much if we win or lose." thought of the Alma Mater Society's law After briefly contemplating a suit against In the official lawsuit, the Alma Mater suit, an American Meteorological Society AMS - Global Business and IT Consultants, "Shh, you weren't supposed to tell them Society of UBC alleges that the American that," interrupted Harvey. spokesman said, "Gap? We don't sell the AMS decided it wasn't in the AMS's clothes." Meteorological Society has been misrepre "Oh yeah, umm, we are very confident in Weather Cloudy Terrorism Feared (AP, UBC, Vancouver) about ten minutes late though, what's up fter yesterday's cloudy weather with that? I'll bet it's the terrorists. You during the Queen's visit to UBC, know, a terrorist took my parking spot the Asome observers are suggesting that other day. It was like he was trying to say, there may be a link to terrorism. 'We're going to take all your parking spots, you filthy American dog,' and I'm not even "It's not like it is ever cloudy in London, American. I'm like Canadian." but when the Queen shows up here, sud denly there are clouds everywhere," said Officials in Washington are saying that it noted conspiracy theorist, Barney Glotz. is too early to tell if the cloudy weather was connected to terrorism, but they are "With all the terrorism going on in the launching an investigation to find out who world, I can't believe there is no connec knew that the terrorists had a weather con tion. I'll bet that it's Osama Hussein, or trol device and when they learned this Saddam bin Laden, or Al'Qaeda, or Al'- information. Jazzerra, or something. They now have a fiendish weather control device; I just "If there has been a failure of the Ameri know it. I'll bet they set off one of those can intelligence machine, we will find an nuclear weapons or something, and now appropriate scapegoat and publicly draw we're having a nuclear winter. I bet them and quarter him," said President Bush. Afghani-Iraqi's are in my basement right When asked for a comment, Canadian now." Security Intelligence Services said that they Others are not nearly so paranoid. would wait to see who the CIA told them to arrest. Then, they will send the RCMP to "Terrorists cannot possibly control the arrest that individual, and get Immigration weather," stated third year Arts student, Canada to hand him over to American Kenneth Farthing. "Some people just give Queen Declares the 432 "Jolly Good" authorities. They will then use every diplo them too much credit. The Queen was Prince Philip Chuckles Thrice matic method to get him released. Page Two THE FOUR THIRTY TWO 8 October 2002 Hand Waving Behaviour Baffles Class Frank Yang divided. Theories as to the purpose behind Nicholas Saim, second year engineering the mysterious activity are as diverse as student, disagrees. "You can tell from the they are numerous. Examples range from way he lectures that he knows engineers Dazed and Confused sign language for the short sighted, hear are taking the course. Since he knows ing impaired students, to a reflexive mus we're here, he's trying to make it easier for cle condition, to even more controversial us to understand him. You know, by show mere month after commencement ideas such as an elaborate personal insult ing his ideas as something we'd be familiar VOLUME SIXTEEN of the academic year, students in of the average class intelligence. At least with. Well, like points on a bridge and how Aprofessor Dutton McKray's philos one student claims she is confident the much stress they can tolerate; or in this ISSUE THREE ophy 120 class are already baffled by his actions are religiously significant. class, how much a philosopher's point lecturing habits. "I still think it is a dramatic reinterpreta- might 'weigh' in an argument. I feel like 8 OCTOBER 2002 Since the beginning of the course, profes tion of the medieval Christian mentality every time he makes an arc or a line with sor Mckray has regularly waved his hands and the tower of Babylon." commented his hands, I'm getting one step closer to fig uring out what he's talking about." Did Some Work and arms around in rapid, chaotic motion third year arts student Anne Weedon, "By during every lecture, much to the confu using only his hands to narrate the confu Many who are taking the course are also Benjamin Warrington sion of his students. sion that b afell the builders of the tower, perplexed by the lack of explanation found the432@hotmail. com Initially, a majority of students attributed while he speaks on in an unintelligible - in the reading material. "There's only half the waving motions to attempts at clarify and presumably unrelated - oration, [pro a page on hand waving in the entire ing the course notes. But after two weeks fessor McKray] is vividly contrasting the [textjbook," lamented fellow student Lee Sorta Helped of consistent hand waving with no notice further fall from paradise depicted in the Fu Cheng, "I don't know why he made me Fiend (Dan Anderson) able increase to student understanding of bible, to the more immediate tragedy of waste thirty bucks on that [useless book]." our inability to discover the so called 'true' the lecture material, this original hypothe Despite the rampant speculation, profes [email protected] meaning of any 'text'.