SLIPPING THE BONDS: A NARRATIVE INQUIRY OF WOMEN ELEMENTARY EDUCATORS IN LEADERSHIP ROLES

MARILYN 1. DICKSON

A thesis submitted in conformity with the requirements for the Degree of Doctor of Philosophy, Graduate Department Curriculum. Teaching, and Learning Ontario Institute for Studies in Education of the University of Toronto

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Marilyn I. Dickson University of Toronto Doctor of Philosophy Department of Education (I 998)

ABSTRACT The purpose of this study is to explore the experiences of women teachers as they moved into principal or vice principal positions. I wanted to find out what motivated them, what choices they made, what challenges they encountered, and where they found their support The meaning they make of these experiences has a significant effect on how they cwout their work with students and staff in the past, present and future. It also influences their role in encouraging other teachers, particularly women. to consider administration. I chose elementary women teachers as participants because of my close connections with this group through my employment. Narrative inquiry is useful because of the detail with which participants describe their experiences. The detail contributes to our understanding of how they experience their work. More important, through narrative, participants reexamine significant experiences in their lives and restory their lives as they draw meaning from their experiences. It is useful for people in leadership roles to understand their own beliefs, values and professional knowledge. rather than simply adopting those of someone else. Through their stories, the four women in this study have 2xplored new ways of understanding themselves and of sharin this personal and professional knowledge. Reading about how they have come to new un3 erstandings may be useful for others who want to become more aware of their own professional knowledge. A significant issue for each woman was her increased sense of power as she moved into her new position. Two women described their efforts to share power as they each tried to work more coilaboratively with their staffs. Dealing with change was another theme. First I looked at intended personal change as they moved to new careers and then worked with colleagues to implement new ways of managing the school. These explorations led me to speculate how each woman might deal with change over which she has little control, which is increasingly a possibility currently facing educators. Metaphors have sprung to my mind and to the minds of my participants as we sought to story their experiences. For me, the metaphor of flight gave me perspective and direction as I came to slip the bonds of current ideas and explore unknown territory. AS pilot for this journey, I realized I was in a typical fernaJe role - planning ahead, being flexible, changing course when necessary, and feeling responsible for everyone on board. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Many people have contributed to this inquiry. I sincerely appreciate the support and encouragement of those who accompanied me for all, or part of the journey. The four women participants. whom I have named Ellen Bridges, Einene Mori. Laila Urbanski and Stephanie CloutierGibson, have generously given me their time in the midst of so many other professional and personal commitments. I appreciate their belief in the value of my inquiry and the high priority they gave to it. I enjoyed many hours with each of these women as they so freely shared their thoughts and insights, their moments of exhilaration as well as of despair, and especially their humour. To my committee I owe an enormous vote of thanks. My advisor, Michael Connelfy encouraged me, pushing and challenging my thinking throughout the process. I parti~~larly appreciate his availability when I needed to meet, even throughout his sabbatical year. Sandra Acker also gave generously of her time. Her close attention to detail was very helpful, as were her probing questions. I have appreciated David Hunt's support and encouragement from the beginning, when his course provided me the opportunity to develop and refine my proposal. Dorothy Smith's wisdom and her incisive comments have extended my thinking about feminist issues. I appreciate also the interest and encouragement of other faculty, Merl Wahlstrom, Johan Aitken, Howard Russell, and Brent Kilbourn. I have been fortunate in having the support of many others throughout this process. Students in the Centre for Teacher Development have contributed to this inquiry through feedback to my written work, conversations about issues of mutual interest, and discussions of their own work which often raised new questions for me. Thank you to Florence Samson, Dawei Qian. Yasuko Kanno, Wanja Kithinji. Rosalie Young. Dolores Furlong, Mary Beattie, Gila Strauch. Nathalie Sorensen, Caroh Conk, Xin Li, Carole McKay, Karen Cooper, Sandra Monteath, Barbara Barter, Deirdre Decarion and Maureen Dunne. A special thank you to Jessie Lees for remaining part of this supportive community by e-mail, phone calls, and visits from Prince Edward Island. The Federation of Women Teachers' Associations of Ontario has been instrumental in many aspects of this inquiiy. Florence Henderson and Shirley Stokes were wonderful role models as leaders when I was a participant in FVVTAO's provincial leadership course, as my supervisors when I joined the federation staff. and as colleagues when we led the course together. From Florence and Shirley I have learned much about women's ways of leading. The participants in FWTAO's provincial leadership course stimulated my thinking by discussing their thoughts, anxieties, determination, and questions about moving from teacher to

iii vice principal and principal positions. Conversalions with many of these women convinced me of the need for an inquiry such as I have undertaken. I appreciate the interest of several FWTAO colleagues who read chapters or discussed various issues as I was grappling with them. In particular I want to thank Betty Walsh and Doreen Hammill for their editorial assistance. I would not have been able to undertake this study without Me flexibility of the FWTAO Board of Directors in granting me a one year sabbatical spread over two years to accommodate university requirements for a Ph. D. program. I am grateful to my family for Me many ways they have supported me throughout the process. Frequently I have called on my husband, Carl, to carry out a range of tasks, from clearing paper jams to taking over many household tasks while I remained at the computer. I particularly appreciate his new interest in kite flying, which gave me the space I needed to focus on my work. My mother was an excellent role model. She influenced in quiet ways, always with grace and integrity. She knew which issues needed to be pushed and did not give up easily. I see her spirit in so many ways, in my sisters Sharon and Kerry, and my brothers Bob and Ron. I appreciate their support and encouragement, particularly since Mom's death. Their children remind me of the need to continue our efforts to change stereotypic attitudes to improve opportunities for those who follow us. My nine nieces and nephews give me great hope for the future. My father gives me faith in peoples' abilities as adults to continue to grow and develop new ideas. Though we still don't agree politically, Dad now accepts my ideas about women's rights, for example. A self-educated man, he continues to impress me with new projects, such as recently learning to play the violin. with no previous musical training. Most of all, I appreciate Dad's love, support and faith in me, which have been unbounded- I have been fortunate in finding a kindred spirit in Jean, my airplane partner, who reintroduced me to the exhilaration of flying. Together we have shared many enjoyable and memorable flights. We have also shared the challenges of returning to university as mature students. While I was engaged in my doctoral program, Jean completed a law degree. artided and began her own practice. My sincere thanks to all who have accompanied me for all, or part of the journey. TABLE OF CONTENTS

CHAPTER ONE: FlUNG THE FUGHT PLAN ...... LeamingtoFly ...... ThesisQuestions ...... UntarioContext ...... FWTAO's Work Towards Equality for Women ...... My Experience d Leadership Roles ...... Mylnquiry ...... Thesis Organization ......

CHAPTER TWO: NAVIGATING THE ROUTE ...... My Introduction To Narrative Inquiry ...... Pilot Study ...... What Is Narrative Inquiry? ...... Use Of Literature ...... Selecting Participants ...... Procedures ...... Working With Participants ...... ElrenBritlges ...... EnetteMon' ...... Laila Urbanski ...... Stephanie Cloutier-Gibson ...... Participants' Views Of Study ...... Voice And Perspective ...... Making Meaning Of Transcripts ...... What Counts As Material? ...... Selecting Matedal To Include ......

CHAPTER THREE: DIVERSIONS EN ROUTE: ETHICAL ISSUES ...... University Ethical Requirements ...... Participants' Anonymity ...... Situation 1 .Abuse of Power ...... Situation 2 .Relationships Between Pabrsipants ...... Situation 3 .Confidentiality of Material ...... Situation 4 .Changing the Focus of the Inquiry ...... Summary ...... FIRST POSITION CHECK ......

CHAPTER FOUR .EINETTE MORl ...... Appointment ...... Developing Relationships with Staff ...... SchoolasFarnily ...... EvolutionasLeader ...... Relationship with Senior Administrators ...... Implementing Change Wmin the School ...... Increasing Staff involvement ...... Parent Input Into Cuniculum ...... Parent Input Into Schooi Policy ...... lnduding Non-Teaching Staff ...... Extending Collaboration Within the Wider Community ...... Sources of Support ...... Knowledge of Gcperts ...... Family ...... Mother ...... WholsEinette? ...... Image ...... Rules ...... Personal Philosophy ...... Metaphor ...... CydesandRhythms ...... Summary ......

CHAPTER FIVE .ELLEN BRIDGES...... Priorities ...... Parents' Expectations for Ellen ...... Institutional Rules ...... Growing Awareness of Gender Inequities ...... Ellen As a Mother ...... FamilyNotEnough ...... Returning to Work ...... Ellen's Approach to Career Planning ...... Mothemood As Preparation For Administration ...... Transition From Teaching to An Administrative Position ...... WhoIsEilen? ...... lmage ...... Personal Philosophy ...... Metaphor ...... Cydes and Rhythms ...... Summary ......

CHAPTER SIX .LAllA URBANSKI ...... FamiIy ...... Seekingldentity ...... Career Pfan ...... Attitudes Towards Women Principals ...... Other Significant People ...... MenInGroups ...... Schoolstaff ...... Collaboration ...... Initial Enthusiasm ...... Giving Direction ...... Fundm'sing ...... Relationship With Vice Principal ...... Delegation ...... Gratification ...... Experience Brings Complexity ...... WhoIsLaila? ...... Image ...... Rules ...... Principles ...... Metaphor ...... Cydes and Rhythms ...... Summary ......

CHAPTER SEVEN .STEPHANIE CLOUTIERGIBSON...... 134 Exempialylmage ...... 134 Familylnfluences ...... 135 EarlyExperienceofLeaders ...... 138 Sex Role Stereotyping ...... 139 Teaching Experience ...... 141

vii 'GettingtheNob ...... Unacknowledged Prerequisites to Promotion ...... Two Dierent Worids ...... "Blind" Commitment ...... Reactions to Affirmative Action ...... Other Women Appointed ...... Stephanie Appointed Vice Principal ...... Self Imposed Pressures in New Role ...... Personalcost ...... Stephanie Begins to Enjoy the Role ...... Who is Stephanie? ...... Rules ...... Pnncip/es ...... Personal Philosophy ...... Metaphor ...... Cycles and Rhythms ...... Summq ......

SECOND POSITION CHECK ......

CHAPTER EIGHT .UNDERSTANDINGS OF POWER...... 167 Participants' Use Of The Word Power ...... 167 ViewsOfPower ...... 168 Patticipants' Understandings Of Power ...... 169 Gender and Power ...... 174 Power and Leadership ...... 176 UsingPower ...... 178 Gender Differences in Meanings of Power ...... 179

CHAPTER NINE .INTENDED AND UNCONTROLLED CHANGE ...... 184 lntendedchange ...... 184 iaila's Career Change ...... 184 Stephanie's Career Change ...... 187 Eineite'sCareerChange ...... 189 Prior Knowledge About Administration ...... 190 External Factors lnff uencing the Transition from Teacher to Prinapal ...... 191 Similarities Between Teachers and Prinapals ...... 192 Differences Between Teachers and Principals ...... 192 Support ...... lmplementingchange ...... UncontroIledChange ...... How Do Individuals Cope Wa Change? ...... Eden - Learning To Hy ...... Einette - Omithopter Test Pilot ...... Laila - Leader of Cross Country Trip ...... Stephanie .737 Co-pilot ...... Summary ......

CLOSING MY FLIGHT PLAN ...... 211

REFERENCES ...... 212 CHAFER ONE

FILING mE FLIGHT PLAN

High Flight Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wWIngs; Sunward I've dimbed, And joined the tumbling mirth of sumsplit douds And done a hundred things yw have not dreamed of. Wheeled and soared and swung high in sunlit silence. Hov'ring there, I've chased the shouting wind along, And flung my eager craft through footless halls of air. Up, up the lung, de/irious, burning blue I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace Where never lark, or even eagle flew. And while with silent, lifting mind I've trod The high untrespassed sanct' of s ace, Put out my hand, and touch62' the race of God. John Gilespie Magee

LEARNING TO FLY When I was learning to Ry a few years ago. I was also teaching a leadership course for women teachers who wanted to be principals. While driving to the airport, I frequently thought about what knowledge and skills would be useful for course participants. As my mind vacillated between the leadership course and the process of learning to fly, I could see many similarities between flying and teachers moving into administrative positions. I recalled my thrill at learning to drive. At sixteen I sought any excuse to drive. I drove seniors home from church functions. ran errands for Mom, and even washed the car frequently so I could drive it in and out of the garage. I felt a similar enthusiasm a few years later when teaching my own class, trying out new ideas, helping students learn. Over the years, with experience and increasing skill, both driving and teaching became second nature. When I planned trips I no longer felt a need to avoid expressways or large cities. I no longer concentrated on planning and teaching individual lessons. but rather moved through units as students were ready. My driving and teaching had expanded beyond my earlier limitations. tventually the excitement dissipated and I felt that driving and teaching both had a Few constraints. I had to follow roads, planned and built by others. Cutting across fields was not advisable. Roads were well laid out and maps showed me how to reach my destinations. As a teacher I was expected to follow course outlines to help students achieve what others had decided was appropriate for each grade level. I decided to learn to fIy - to add another dimension and thus, more flexibility to travel. I wanted to choose various altitudes and routes from point A to point B, to vary the trip depending on weather and other conditions - to catch the wind. I had empathy for the women in the leadership course who wanted to be administrators, to have the freedom to choose their own paths and not be constrained by other people's maps. When the leadership course participants talked about becoming principals, Mey usually had one of three themes: they contrasted their own constraints in their classrooms with their perceptions of the freedom of administrators; they described a significant power imbalance between teachers and principals and often referred to the principal's abuse of that power; or they viewed themselves as successful teachers who were seeking new challenges in their careen. Their comments often indicated a lack of knowledge abwt administration, just as I was initially unaware of the limits to freedom when flying. All of us were naive in our expectations. Having made my decision to learn to fly, the training began. I learned to do the walkamund, to make sure the plane was in good mechanical condition, had enough fuel and oil for the flight, and that the instruments and controls were working properly. The pilot is responsible for all aspects of the flight, including the condition of the plane prior to the flight I learned to handle the controls, to fly straight and level, do gentle and steep turns, go in and out of slow flight, glide, and takeoff and land. Teachers who want to become principals take courses to develop their skills and understanding of communicating effectively, working collaborat'iely, implementing and assessing curriculum, evaluating teachers, relating well to the community, understanding the politics of the school system. Ministry and board policy and procedures. They know when they are ready to be left in charge of the school, just as I knew I was ready to fly my first solo, with no one else in the plane. But the wind was too gusty, or my instructor was away and I flew with another instructor who did not know my ability. I did a takeoff and landing, and then another. To my surprise the instructor said, "You can drop me off now. You are on your own. Have a good flight!' I cautiously taxied to the end of the runway, did all the pretakeoff checks, moved onto the runway, added power and gently lifted off. For the first time I was totally responsible for the plane. My mind whined with 'what if" scenarios. I turned onto the downwind leg as I reached circuit altitude, so I powered back, straightened the plane, trimmed the flaps, made my radio call and did the engine checks. By then it was time to think about setting up to land. I reviewed the procedures in my mind, tumed onto base leg, reduced power, made a radio call, added twenty degrees of flaps, trimmed, turned onto final, reported my position, kept an eye on the altitude and airspeed, adjusted power, added full flaps, straightened the nose, and kept it pointed at the end of the nmway. When I was sure I would make the field, I reduced power and continued to descend until just before touchdown when I flared so the rear wheels, rather than the nose wheel, took the weight of the plane. I reduced Raps and gradually added brakes to slow the plane in time to exit onto the taxiway. Only then did I stop wonying about the "what ifs". The teacher has worked hard at her leadership course and really wanted to be left in charge of the school for a day. Even though the principal and vice principal were often away at meetings. they were always scheduled so either the principal or vice principal was in the school. One morning the teacher was finishing preparations for the morning lessons when the principal called her to the office. 'The director has just called a meeting for all principals and vice principals to go over the new Ministry initiatives. We'll be away for the day. I've asked the secretary to call a supply teacher for your class. You can use my office. Enjoy yourself!' As the principal and vice principal walked out the door, the teacher was greeted by a cluster of grade three students who had been sent to the office because of an altercation in the school yard. Before she had time to wony about the "what ifs", an irate parent called to complain about her son's homework assignment, which she deemed inappropriate. The day continued at this pace with events and phone calls stacking themselves upon each other. Finally, mid afternoon there was a lull and the teacher began to read the latest issue of The Canadian School Enecutive when a grade seven student barged into the office to tell her there was a boy in the washroom with a gun. When a few questions convinced her this was true, she asked the secretary to phone the police and rushed to the washroom to post an Out of Order sign on the door, to divert other students to a different washroom. When the police arrived they determined that the student was from another school which was closed because of a professional activity day. The student was upset with his teachers and came to another school looking for whatever teachers he could find. The police officer retrieved the gun and left, taking the student to his parents. By the time the principal arrived back at the school, the teacher had stopped worrying about any more "what ifs" and although shaken by the events of the day, she knew that she wanted to be a principal. She knew too that a principal has many directives and policies to follow and she must know some well and know where to find the others. 8ut in the end, the principal is always responsible. Similarly, pilots have an illusion of freedom to fly where they like, but there are conventions to follow, for example in terms of altitude and direction. Even when flying Instrument Flight Rules under the direction of the air traffic controller, the pilot is ultimately responsible. When I was learning to fly, I searched bookstores and libraries for books about other women pilots. I wanted to read about their experiences as they were learning to fly, to compare their thoughts and feelings to mine. How did they feel after their first solo? My memories of that day are as clear as my wedding day. What is the magic of flying for others? Did other people have frightening inddents which also are forever etched in their minds? Iwanted to understand what they had experienced, to share their joy and excitement vicafiousfy to add to my own thrill. I particularly wanted to read about women pilots because I believed that their flying ~xperience may be significantly different from that of men. I wanted to read their stories as they would have told #em themselves, in their own words, and in terms of their own feelings. Forhmately I have been able to find some good books, probably because of the romanticism of flying and because there have been some very impressive woman pilots. I have found significantly fewer books about principals, male or female. There is little material about principals' actual experiences, particularly considen'ng the number of principals within a population. Hany WolcoWs (1973) book about Ed Bell gives a fine and detailed account of a principal's life in an American school in the early 1970s. At the time of his study so few women held the principal's position that he did not even consider their existence. Another American resource is the film Lean On Me, which is a dramatized version of a true stoly about a male principal in a New York secondary school. Principal Joe Clark is presented as a hero who Weaned up" a school with a severe drug problem. Effective in an extreme situation, his tectics are questionable for use in ordinary circumstances. Though Michael Connelly and Jean Clandinin (1988) write extensively about principal Phil Bingham when describing their work with the Bay Street School, they do not specifically focus on Me role of heprincipal. Sandra Ackefs research (1995, in progress) gives us insight into Liz Clarke's work as a head teacher in an English primary school during the late 1980s. Charol Shakeshaft (1987) thoroughly discusses many issues of gender facing women administrators. By using composite stories to illustrate her points, she generalizes about how women's experiences have influenced them. Catherine Marshall's (1992) focus on the role of the vice principal sheds light on the beginning of a career socialization process. An aspiring principal wanting to know more about the ordinary principals' lived experiences would find the available resources rather scattered, though growing considerably during the recent past. Cecilia Reynolds and Beth Young (1995) have drawn together papers discussing Canadian women in various leadership roles within education, including principal, school trustee, and dean of education. Diane Dunlap and Patricia Schmuck (1995) have edited a volume featuring many issues of concern to women leaders in education. Most papers in this publication focus on the USA, although a few are based on work in England and Canada In terms of others responding to women leaders. Thomas Gougeon (1991) has documented differences in the way male and female teachers relate to male and female principals. Charol Shakeshaft (1987) calls for more stories of the actual work of women administrators, a call which Beth Young (1994) echoes, particularly in terns of Canadian material. When we look beyond education, Sally Helgesen's (1990) discussion of women in business also offers insights into women's ieadership styles. Carol Becker's (1996) discussion of women dergy leads to some interesting points of comparison between society's acceptance of women leaders within education and organized religion. WIM the growing number of female administrators. researchers and practitioners must begin to acknowledge and value women's experience as unique, legitimate and different from male experience. In the past decade the percentage of principals who are women in Ontario elementary public schools (Hill 1995) has increased significantly, from 10.6% in 1985-86 to 37.6% in 1995-96. Women in vice principal positions increased even more, from 228% to 55.67% during the same decade. We are often encouraged by these statistics. However, administrators still are not representative of the teaching population. A much higher percentage of men occupy the principal and vice principal offices, whereas Me vast majority of the women are teachers and are perceived to have lower status positions. For example in 1995-96,17.6% of all male teachers in Ontario elementary public schools were vice principals or principals whereas only 5.9% of the women held administrative positions. In recent years women are moving in increasing numbers into administrative positions within schools. They are responding to cultural stories of women's role in society and are creating new stories as they move into what has been primarily a male domain. What are the implications of their personal stories of leadership? What are the effects of the cultural stories within their communities? How do the personal and cultural stories connect? How do these women create new stories for themselves? What are the new cultural stories of women in leadership roles? What are the new stories of principals and leadership? In much of the literature little attention is given to how women personally experience the role and their transition to it. In this study I am particularly interested in how my participants' stories of leadership have developed and been shaped. What cultural and family stories have contributed to their knowledge? What specific experiences have contributed to their personal practical knowledge about leadership and how they have done so? How does this knowledge influence the ways these women experience their administrative roles? What are the points of intersection among their personal, family and cultural stories of leadership? In what ways do the storying and restorying of their experiences lead to new knowledge of leadership? THESIS QUESTIONS I want to explore how four women expen'enced the move from teaching to administration. More specific questions are:

What motivated them to become principals? What choices did they make in moving to administration? What challen es did they face? What kinds oP support did the need? What was gratibing for them.1 Do they perceive any differences in the way they do the job compared with their male colleagues? What advice would they offer to other women who also want to become pfinupals? I concentrate on the experiences of women moving into leadership roles within the elementary public school system. In conducting this study my goals are closely linked with those of my employer. the Federation of Women Teacherst Associations of Ontario, though on a much smaller sde. To understand the work of MA0in context, it is useful to recall the last major reorganization of school boards in Ontario, and its influence on the leaders in education.

ONTARIO CONTEXT Let us look first at the context within which these women are making their way into administration. In 1969 in Ontario approximately 3.000 small school boards were amalgamated into about 160 larger boards, mostly based on county or regional boundaries. Prior to the formation of county boards, of 3,459' principals, 925 were women - approximately 27% (Labatt 1993, 117). When the boards merged. they also built several larger, consolidated schools. Most principals appointed for the new schools were men, with the explanation that they could "handle the big boys" better than women. Many of the women had been principals of small schools and they were offered teaching, but not principal positions in the new boards. Besides this decimation in the ranks of women principals, the new boards added two upper layers of administrators which had the effect of solidifying the power hierarchy. Superintendents were appointed to work with principals, to oversee groups of schools. Each board also appointed a director to be responsible for the enlre operation. No board appointed a female director and very few hired women superintendents. Together these two new ranks in the power hierarchy developed the policies and procedures they would follow within their school systems. Betty Harragan's description of the contrast between a female and male team concept sheds some light on the kind of thinking which probably contributed to some of their decisions.

Though the author does not specify that these figures refer to elementary schools only, her discussion following the figures implies that she is refening only to elementary schools, She does not indicate whether they refer oniy to the public schools or if they also include the separate schools. The context suggests to me that she means the public schools. ff you ask a group of women what a team is, they will usually say it means: 'Everybody should cooperate to get the job done," "Evelybody pitches in, doing whatever they can to help others." . . . 'Everyone is responsible for Me team result, thus you have to cover for somebody who slacks off." .. .If you ask a ten year old boy what a team is, he will often respond in baseball terminology. "There's a pitcher, a catcher, a first baseman, second baseman, third baseman. fielders, and so on." Notice, there is nothing vague about that description, no generalized vagaries about 'a bunch of guys supporting one another." By the time they are ten, IWe boys know - and they don't even know they know, but they do - that a team is a very rigid structure and has a prescribed function. that each player covers his own position and nobody else's. (1982, 17-1 8)

So, undoubtedly with sports teams as their points of reference, the male directors and superintendents worked out how school boards and their administrators would work to fulfill their responsibilities. However, once the die was cast, and the manuals and poiicy books written, it became a greater challenge for the few women who were eventually appointed as superintendents or directors to influence the ways in which they worked. In some boards some of the women subsequently appointed as director or superintendent have had considerable influence. In other boards change has been minimal. Chard Shakeshaft suggests that women might have organized differently. had they had the opportunity: The structure of schooling is itself antithetical to the ways women work best. Separating teaching from administration so that the power for change is in the administrator's hands is an organizational format that women did not choose. Studies of female-defined schools indicate that they are child centered. small. use shared decision making, and are nonhierarchical (Greenberg 1985; Smith 1979). In the initial organization of schools, education didn't have to follow the lead of industry and separate teaching from the decision making process. We could have selected another metaphor of organization (Hanson 1984). Administrative paperwork and tasks could have been delegated to secretaries or clerks, and the definition of administrator might have remained as instructional leader. However, over the years, instructional leadership has been more and more replaced by a management metaphor. Some even believe that a good school administrator needs never to have been a teacher or, in fact, needs to know nothing of education as schools are really big business. Interestingly, few women educators hold this view. A female-defined organizational structure probably would not have resulted in such overspecialization, in extreme forms of hierarchy. or in administrators being mere managers (Shakeshaft 1987,205-6).

FWTAO'S WORK TOWARDS EQUALITY FOR WOMEN Since the late 1960s FWTAO has been committed to getting more women into principal and vice principal positions. FWTAO's former Deputy Executive Director Shirley Stokes8study (1974) of career influences and paths of women elementary principals provided a rationale for FWTA08sactivities both in encouraging women teaches to consider administrative positions and in lobbying he Ministry of Education to adopt policies which are not discriminatory against women. In 1970, Shirley Stokes and her colleague. Florence Henderson developed a leadership course for MA0memben, to help more women prepare for principal positions. By focusing on the skills and knowledge needed for administrative positions. participants also developed the confidence to get promoted. About the time of school board consolidation the Ministry began offering a principals' course, initially for people who were already in principal or vice principal positions. Spaces wem allocated to each board on a quota basis and if a board had no one currently in positions, it could send people they believed were about to be promoted. Rarely did boards have a formal application process. In some cases. senior administrators chose teachers who indicated an interest in attending the course. Occasionally administrators simply identified and encouraged those teachers they thought might be interested. When school boards then appointed principals and vice principals, they chose from this pool of qualified applicants. Not sorprisingly, they tended to be men. The principals' course had become the informal prerequisite for promotion. If anyone mentioned the fad that school boards did not appoint women to positions of added responsibility, administrators tended to reply that women weren't interested or that their board had no qualified women. Thus ended the discussion. They seemed oblivious to the relationships between not allocating spaces in the principals' courses to women and not having qualified women to apply for administration positions. This gatekeeping mechanism allowed board officials to decide which teachers would be allowed to work towards principal qualifications. In practice, senior administrators usually allocated course spaces, a form of "shortlisf ng" for principal appointments. By the time trustees became involved, for actual appointments, they often found themselves ratifying the choices of senior administrators. In 1978. after considerable lobbying by FWTAO, the Ontario Ministry of Education abolished the board quota system for principals' courses and candidates could apply directly to the Ministry to take the principals' course. Many people were surprised when over half the applicants were women. This certainly diffused the notion that women were not interested in leadership positions and signalled We demise of that blatant form of gatekeeping by school boards. Optimists thought that it heralded a new era for women teachers. However. they were soon to learn that lack of qualifications was not the sole impediment to women becoming principals. From the time the school boards were consolidated and many women lost their principalships. WAOlobbied the Ministry of Education to redress the inequities which resulted in the schools. During the 1970s Minister of Education Thomas Wells issues two memoranda encouraging school boards to appoint women to principal and vice principal positions. Unsatisfied with progress, in 1980 MA0hired a staff member whose sole responsibility was affirmative action. The federation provided funding to support local programs. That same year, one of the few boards in Ontario with an affirmative action program, after three sets of interviews, ranked three final candidates as tied for first place. Then they appointed the male who did not yet have principals6qualifications, instead of one of the women who did. MA0supported one candidate, Sharon Taylor, when she lodged a grievance against the board and ultimately, in filing a complaint with the Ontario Human Rights Commission. It became clear that women still would not be appointed in spite of programs and encouragement. until the people who appointed principals (trustees and senior administrators) understood the issues. In 1984, FWTAO initiated a cooperative venture with the Ontario Women's Directorate, the Ministry of Education, trustees and administrators' organizations and all teachers' federations. Together the organizations held a conference on affi native action for representatives of each of the sponsoring groups as well as the chair and director of every Ontario school board. At the conference. Education Minister Bette Stephenson requested each school board to adopt a formal affirmative action program for women, to appoint a senior staff member responsible for the affirmative action program and to report annually their progress in achieving their goals and timetables. FWTAO also celebrated successes. The Newsletter began a feature entitled Women On the Move, which acknowledged members' promotions to vice principal, principal, supervisory officer and director positions. In some issues the feature spreads over several pages. As our members in principal and vice principal positions grew, we increased services for them, including an annual conference, a summer institute dealing with issues of specific interest to principals and vice principals. Provincial committees continue to work in the best interests of our members in these positions. As well, for several years, we sponsored a supervisory officer course for MA0 members who wanted to become qualified for supervisory officers' positions. This course too was very successful until it was discontinued when the Ministry changed the qualification criteria.

MY EXPERIENCE OF LEADERSHIP ROLES In telling a story we always have to choose an arbitrary beginning, not so early that we lose the reader or listener before we get to Me point of the story, but early enough to set the context so the story has some meaning. According to Regina Barreca's (1991) description of the differences between male and female humour, men prefer to begin at the beginning and tell the story in its proper sequence, whereas women are just as likely to begin somewhere in the middle or even with the punch line, and then fill in the details as necessary. I am attempting to proceed in as linear a fashion as possible but will, as needed, fill in relevant information. Much of this introduction helps to locate me on my professional landscape. I have worked for FWTAO for the past fifteen years. During that time I have been committed to equal opportunity for women and have developed and worked on professional development programs based on this commitment to women's issues. One of xy first major responsibilities was for MAUScomputer education program, an intensive course for the purpose of getting many women teachers working with computers and becoming good role models for girls. We also wanted women to influence how computers would be used in schools. Each year we taught a small group of teachers who then gave courses for other teachers. During these courses a wonderful camaraderie grew among the group as they met others with common interests, similar teaching assignments, or who liked similar software. They became a poweml support network for each other across the province. Since the courses began, the seventy-eight graduates of the provincial course have taught hundreds of courses around the province for FWTAO, for their school boards, through the universities, and other groups (Dickson and Dogger 1991). Some have become computer consultants, resource teachers or vice principals within their own boards and others have sewed on their boards' committees which deal with computer education. Some have developed software or have written books or articles about computer education. Their influence continues to be felt th throughout the province. An outcome I did not anticipate is the number of computer course graduates who subsequently have become vice principals and principals. They took the course because of an interest in computer education. Thus, those who became computer consultants or resource teachers within their boards was understandable. But I found it interesting that the skills they developed in the course led so many of them ultimately to poslons in administration. Since 1985 my work has included FWTAO's provincial leadership course. During the years I taught and was responsible for the course, the leaders continued to review and update the course to make it as relevant as possible for participants. My greatest satisfaction was in seeing the response of course participants to the Personal Leadership Development component I introduced to the course in 1992-93. 1 developed this part of the course after studying narrative inquiry with Dr. Michael Connelly. Most of the participants responded well. Dudng the year of the course they gained new insights and faith in their individual leadership skills. Since I began this study, FWTAO has decided to discontinue the course, largely because of the high cost for the relatively small number of women who took it each year. FWTAO is now in the midst of developing other courses which will be available to a larger number of people. FWTAO itself is in the midst of a merger with OPSTF, the federation which represents the men who teach in the elementary public schools. I believe there continues to be a need for programs such as FWTAO's provincial leadership course. But in its stead, possibly this thesis and some of the stories of the four women participants wili enawrage other women to consider administration for themselves.

MY INQUIRY This study has the potential to encourage other women to consider becoming prinapals. It will delve into the experiences of a few women who have moved into leadership roles, to give legitimacy to the unique experiences of each woman in creating her own personal theories of what it means to lead. Real stories of actual women principals, stories which describe their work as well as their thoughts and feelings as they carry out their responsibilitias can remove some of the mystique about those who hold leadership positions. Thus, more women might see the principalship as a viable career path to follow. I will focus my study on issues which I believe to be relevant to women who might consider administrative positions. I have chosen to use a narrative inquiry approach with my participants because of its capacity to elucidate the influences of experience in shaping lives. I believe story to be an excellent way both to examine and report my participants' experiences. In Chapter 2 1 will describe my understanding of narrative inquiry and its usefulness for this study. For me, writing a thesis has been a dynamic evolutionary process. I began with certain ideas and as I continued to read, think, talk, and write, these ideas changed. At first I wanted to cling to them because I liked them. They had a genuine attraction or appeal. They were like old friends I did not want to reject. But somehow they no longer quite fit. At first I avoided admitting that they no longer felt right Then I tried to make them fit as well as they previously had. But I finally had to face the fact that they no longer felt like a comfortable glove. AS I continued my thesis journey, my title "Slipping the Bondsn took an new meanings. For me it has come to mean escaping stereotypes which have bound us for what seems an eternity. Thus, new leaders are breaking out of the bondage of current habits, knowledge and ways of doing things. If schools are to benefit from women's ways of leading, many other people now in leadership positions must also slip their bonds of existing practices and adopt different, more humane ways of dealing with people. A third meaning for my title is at a personal level for me. During my feminist metamorphosis I have adopted the view that women tend to do many things better than men. Abundant examples support this view and much of my experience has reinforced this attitude. However with a more objective researcher's view I can no longer turn a blind eye to examples of some women administrators' less than sterling record. I have been forced to confront the fact that some women have surpassed many men in their games and abuses of power and authority. I have accepted the evidence with pain and somw. for I believe there are better ways for both women and men to lead. As a researcher I too must slip the bonds of previously held more comfortable views and face the turbulence of confronting new evidence and understandings.

THESIS ORGANIZATION Chapter One. Filing the Flight Plan, lays out the basis and groundwork for my flight In Chapter Two, Navigating the Route, I describe the unique features of my chosen route and how they will enhance the flight. Chapter Three, Diversions En Route, highlights digressions I encountered as I began my inquiry. Pilots often have to divert from their chosen route for various reasons such as fuel not lasting until the planned destination because of stronger headwinds, the airport selected may be unavailable because of a strong crosswind, passengers may change their minds about their preferred destination, or there may be unexpected weather at the chosen airport. Pilots do not view diversions negatively. In fact, a diversion may offer a solution to an otherwise difficult situation. Nonetheless, they do divert pilots from the planned route. The ethical issues I encountered in my study did in fact divert me, but they also added interest to my journey. Chapters Four to Seven feature my 'flightsn with four women, ordinary in that they seem to be like many other educators, yet remarkable in the specific ways they live their lives. During our times together they have shared freely of themselves, their ideas. their dreams, and their experiences of life in their schools. it has been a pleasure for me to work with each of them. I hope that I have written of these journeys in such a way that others may accompany us on our explorations. Chapters Eight and Nine report on the flight highlights. I began the flight with no preconceived notions about what those highlights might be. I was open to wherever the wind might take me, and was prepared to draw the issues from the individual flights. They took me to explore issues of power and of change. Others on the same flight might well see other landmarks or geographic features along the way. I trust that I have included enough detail of the individual fiights to make that possible. In Closing My Flight Plan I have recounted the highlights of this flight and have pointed to other possible Rights for the future. CHAPTER TWO

NAVlGAllNG THE ROW

MY INTRODUCTlON TO NARRATIVE INQUIRY I was introduced to narrative in Michael Connelly's Foundations of Curriculum course, a course which expanded my view of curriculum weil beyond %hat is taught in school". The course led me to Mink of curriculum as including a wide range of out-ofschool experiences and to reflect on how my own experiences have influenced my beliefs, attitudes, values and subsequent actimons. The rigour of the course ensured that we would not devalue our personal learning just because the knodedge had not all been gleaned from textbooks and other readings. Dr. Connelly used a variety of strategies, each of which led us to new insights. Individually we wrote journals which we submitted weekly. As I explored an idea and recorded my thoughts. I found myself venturing into uncharted waters. I was discovering the power of writing as a thinking process, described by Donna Sinclair (1984, 9) as "clarifying the half- formed idea and dragging it into consciousness." Anne Morrow Lindbergh (cited in Casewit 1982, 45) wrote about the value of diaries, 'Writing is thinking. It is more than living, for it is being conscious of living." Dr. Connelly's extensive responses to my journals helped me to become more contemplative and to see the value of feedback when developing ideas. The small group of students with whom I worked served a similar function. Together we tackled our many assignments - discussing, writing draft responses, discussing again and then rewriting our responses. During our time together we came to appreciate each other's ideas, knowledge and writing styles. I found our collaborative efforts to be more gratifying, the process more enjoyable, and the finished assignments of higher calibre than in courses where we worked individually on assignments. Also, I learned more. For me the most powerful part of the course was each student's oral presentation of her or his narrative, a "life story, larger and more sweeping than the short stories that compose it" (Connelly and Clandinin 1988, 24). We represented a wide variety of cultures and my classmates have led fascinating lives. It was interesting to hear the meanings the storytellers ascribed to their lives as they "made meaning of their experience . . . refigur(ing) the past and creating purpose in the future" (Connelly and Clandinin 1988, 24). As Mary Catherine Bateson (1994, 12) observed. "Sometimes a narrative which seems to fit into one category metamorphoses into another. These are all ways of learning, by encountering and comparing more than one version of experience, that the real'nies of self and world are relative, dependent on context and point of view." Our narratives wem like jazz. We played not from a set score, but improvised. We listened carefully to each person's themes. at times echoing the melody. at other times adding new elements, embellishing some motifs and adding complementary harmonies. We each created our own performance, contrasting or extending in other ways and moving effortlessly through Me present, the past and the future. It was helpful to know at the outset that we would be playing jazz rather than participating in a well-rehearsed performance of a symphony. In thirteen weeks our class of eleven unique souls bonded into a cohesive, supportive community, sharing the layers of our lives through tears, laughter, and when words failed us, empathetic silence. We examined our past experiences in greater detail than ever before and shared with our class friends many of the intimate, painful, joyous, frightening and comforting details of our lives. As each person learned what was important in her or his life, so did we all. These stories of experience led us to new ideas, or theories, about life. Even in flying, pilots prefer to derive their theory of flight from experience. rather than from the textbook. Wolfgang Langewiesche (1944.4) wrote about theory of flight, Most pilots think that theory is useless, that practice is what does it. Yet you cant help having a theory: whatever you do, from peeling potatoes to flying airplanes, you go on the basis of some mental image of what's what - and that% all 'theory" amounts to. And if your ideas of what3 what are correct, you will do it well- On occasion, a leadership course participant seemed to want us to teach her eve,rything she needed to know about how to be a leader. To me, it seemed important for these women to be conscious of their own personal and professional knowledge, of their own theories, as well as of the theories of others. Narrative offered a way to draw out a person's own knowledge, to help her learn that some of the answers may be derived from her own experience and lie within her. David Hunt's work (1987) in bringing out personal and practical knowledge. rather than theoretical knowledge, was also helpful to me. I was beginning to understand the power of narrative inquiry. It seemed to be well suited for exploring with my participants their experiences of moving into administrative positions. After two of my participants told me how much they were learning in the process, I began to see the potentid. I hoped that the written account of my thesis inquiry might help others to see their experiences in new ways which could lead them to new knowledge. Though I had not articulated my thoughts when I began this study, I like Clandinin and Connelly's acknowledgment that personal experience methods "qermit researchers to enter into and participate with the social world in ways that allow the possibility of transformations and growth" (1994, 425). 1 was interested in inquiry methods which did not simply study people as they were, but which offered possibility for gmwth. I undertook a pilot study in order to learn more about this methodology which held such interest for me.

PILOT STUDY I first met Ellen Bridges2when we worked together on a small project. I appreciated her attitude towards the work and regretted that the project would finish soon and our paths were not likely to cross again. A few months later I met Ellen again. She seemed interested in my work and said that narrative intrigued her because of her Mastets degree studies. She had planned to be a principal but recently became interested in a position with the Ministry of Education. At that time she had to decide which path to follow. I believed that I could learn from her, and also that discussing her plans with me might help her reach a decision. When I tentatively explored Me possibility of conduch'hg a pilot study with her, she responded enthusiastically. Women principals I would choose as participants had been appointed a few years earlier, when conditions may have been different. Some details may have faded from their minds, pushed aside by the more pressing demands of their present situations. Or, they may have filtered out details they saw as unimportant, and concentrated only on what they believed to be relevant. As a woman currently going through the selection process, Ellen provided another perspective. Because of my work with FWTAO's leadership course at the time, it was helpful for me to keep a current view of women's experiences as they sought promotions in their school systems. I described narrative inquiry as considering events from her perspective and proposed that we have several conversations. I would write a narrative about her experiences based on the detail she shared with me. In a letter to Ellen I listed the questions I wanted to consider. Ellen lives outside Toronto and her work commitments often included evening events. We arranged meetings at times convenient for her schedule and usually met in my home in the evening. Ellen frequently gave me a ride home before our evening session. During these drives we usually had some "catching upmto do as Ellen told me about her family and work, or as I talked about what I was learning in my classes. Over dinner, which we shared with my husband. we tried not to discuss 'anything important" until the tape recorder was turned on. At times these conversations seemed stilted and insignificant. We seemed to differentiate clearly between casual socializing and inquiry conversations.

1 use pseudonyms for all participants. as well as aII people and places they mention within their stories. Generally our conversations followed themes. I usually proposed topics but at times Ellen suggested something we should discuss. Occasionally, she indicated that she wanted to tell me something later that had nothing to do with my inquiry. However, like inadmissible evidence in court, memories of what was spoken leave residual impressions, particularly if I thought what she told me was indeed relevant Within three months I audiotaped and transcribed our conversations. For a course on gender issues I wrote a paper about Ellen's growing awareness of gender inequity, reviewing transcripts of our conversations as my primary source of information. Rather than select disembodied excerpts from the transcripts, to cite within my own context, I quoted extended passages in which Ellen told stories. edited solely to clarify the material. I wanted to include the stories as Ellen told them, so that readers, based on their own experience, could interact with her text and create new meanings. I have interacted with their text by commenting, questioning, or advancing the narrative. Because I considered Ellen's words and mine to be equally important, I used the same sized print font. But it was also important for the reader to be able to differentiate her words from mine, so I indented her words as well as those of my other participants. My work with Ellen confirmed my appreciation for learning from experience. As people share their stories, they reveal their thoughts, feelings, attitudes, beliefs and values. This fomr of inquiry held much appeal for me. because of its potential for learning about others as well as myself. Besides, conversations with participants felt so comfortable. Donna Sinclair (1984, 8) writes of the value of preserving family stories. ''I am afraid that in today's constant rush . . . there will be less and less reminiscing. And then stories will get lost. So will the people who are revealed by them. The only sure way to know those people is to write the stories down." Similarly it is important to record stories of our profession. so we know who we are as professionals. Experiences of women administrators impact upon other women educators and contribute to the culture of the profession. Narrative holds the potential for in-depth exploration of women's experience as they move into leadership roles as well as a means of preserving and sharing a view of women educational administrators' professional history.

WHAT IS NARRATIVE INQUIRY? My knowledge about narrative has evolved over several years, through my experiences in Dr. Connelly's courses, my pilot study with Ellen Bridges, and reading about the work of others who have worked with narrative (Bateson 1990, 1994; Clandinin and Connelly 1994, 1995; Coles 1989; Connelly and Clandinin 1988; Personal Narratives Group 1989; Witherell and Noddings 1991). Clandinin and Connelly's (1994, 416) explanations of their terms are helpful in thinking about how to conduct a narrative inquiry. They use the term nanative to refer to the phenomenon, the stories of experience, the "stmctured quality of experience to be studied.' They also use the ten narrative to refer to the inquiry, the process of "describing lives, collecting and telling stories of them, and writing narratives of the experience." In writing narratives, they emphasize the "need to know the parts, but it is in the whole that we find most meaning" (Connelly and Clandinin 1988, 24). Bateson describes how stories lead us to truths or to our own theories. "Whether it is a familiar myth or a private memory, the retelling exemplifies the making of a connection from one pattern to another: a potential translation in which narrative becomes parable and the once upon a time comes to stand for some renascent truth. . . Our species thinks in metaphors and learns through stories" (1994, 11). By thinking of the whole narrative rather than the individual stories, we more clearly see themes and subthemes which are interwoven. For example, in Ellen's material on leadership and career choices. I found a subtheme of her growing awareness of gender issues which also inff uenced the whole narrative. Participants and researchers create field texts which represent aspects of field experience. "Documents become field texts when they become relevant to the inquiry. . . What is told. as well as the meaning of what is told, is shaped by the relationship between participants and researcher. Field texts tend to be descriptive and are shaped around particular events" (Clandinin and Connelly 1994, 41 9). In my pilot study with Ellen, our conversations and their transcripts become field texts. The particular set of field texts may vary if I reviewed them with different inquiries in mind. But, as Clandinin and Connelly point out. the task is to discover meaning in the texts. So field texts are reconstructed as "researchtexts. . . . (which) are at a distance from field texts and grow out of repeatedly asking questions concerning meaning and significance" (1994, 41 9). My participants' narratives (chapters 4 to 7) represent my rendition of research texts. In writing these narratives I searched the transcripts for stories which, read through the lens of my own experience, seemed to have meaning and significance for these women as they moved into principalships. In writing chapters 8 and 9, the research account I looked for themes across individuals' experience. Clandinin and Connelly (1994, 423) encourage researchers also to look for patterns, narrative threads, and tensions, either within or across individuals' personal experie~c13. Clandinin and Connelly 's (1995) other main terms include teachers' secret, sacred and cover stories and their personal and professional landscapes. Wthout going into the details of her narrative here, Iuse as an example Stephanie, one of my participants. When she became a vice principal she did not tell anyone her secret story, that she really did not enjoy administration. Instead, she publicly maintained her cover story, that she was pleased to be a vice principal and looked forward to being appointed principal. The incongruities between her seaet and cover stories caused her considerable anxiety, in part because of her commitment to the sacred story that women are good leaden. For her, another source of conflict lay in the contrasting sacred stories within her board. She and many others supported the sacred story that women are good leaders, but within her community there were others whose sacred story was Mat men make the best administrators. Clearly these two groups were at different points on their professional knowledge landscape:

Each setting [is] understood in terms of personal and social narratives of experience, which weave a matrix of storied influence over one another. . . . They draw on their individual biographies, on the particular histories of the professional landscape in which they find themselves, on how they are positioned on the landscape, and on the form of everyday school life that the landscape allows. (Clandinin and Connelly 1995, 27).

When trying to understand Stephanie's situation better, I looked not only to her personal narrative, but to the social narratives of her family and community. In writing my participants' narratives, I used Connerly and Clandinin's (1988, 60 - 75) descriptions of their language of educational practice to draw knowledge from these women's stories of experience - image, rules or maxims, practical principles, personal philosophy. metaphors. rhythms and cycles. and narrative unity. WiPhin the narratives I have included many stories with the rich detail offered by these women, to locate them on their professional landscapes, to help us draw knowledge and theories from their stories, and to offer points of intersection with our own stories. To readers, I echo Maxine Greene's invitation to readers in her introduction to Carol Witherell and Nel Noddings' (1991 , xi) selection of stories:

There is an openness about these texts; there is the likelihood of inclusion, the inclusion of those of us who read. . .we will find the old poses of detachment and distance no longer tempting or acceptable. . . It may be that education can on1 take place when we can be the friends of one another's minds. Sure1 , there wiY I be much to discover if we put our stories next to the stories in this bod.

USE OF LITERATURE Narrative has increased my appreciation for looking within, to my own personal knowledge, to discover what I already know, and to value this knowledge. In this study I have tried to help my participants look within themselves, to make conscious what they know. I have looked to some of their stories to help trace the genesis of some of their leadership abilities and knowledge, to discover how eadier incidents have shaped them to become the women they are. My purpose in doing so is to offer examples of how others might also mine their knowledge of themselves. More importantly. I hope that readers Mil see that knowledge of themselves and theories based on personal experience are as meaningful and useful as the theories they read, which are based on others' experience. For this reason, as weIl as others, I have interwoven literature references within the text rather than write a literature review as a separate chapter. I wanted to emphasize the value of each participant's personal knowledge, to search wt what she had learned from experience. After drawing on their personal and professional knowledge, and identifying issues from their narratives. I then looked to the literature to learn what others have discovered and written about these issues, to find points of congruence or of dissonance. Thus, my references to the literature are mostly found in Chapten 8 and 9. In a thesis centering around personal knowledge, which emphasizes looking within ourselves, a separate literature review which focuses on seeking knowledge externally would seem to be inconsistent. As my thesis developed, it became more apparent that separating the literature would cause a disjundion in my text. Other narrative researchers have found that drawing heavily on the literature intenupts the flow of their writing. For example, a recently graduated OlSE doctoral candidate. Fran Squire (1993), included a thorough literature review in her proposal. The knowledge was embedded in her dissertation, but with few actual references to the literature. Dorothy Smith (1987)' Dale Spender (1980) and othen have written extensively about knowledge being built on male scholarship, not only in terms of what has been learned. but also in the areas which have been studied. They stress the need to break away from male ways of organizing so many aspects of our lives, including academic knowledge. A chapter dedicated to a review of the literature seems to be an artifact of dissertations, an artifact which seems inappropriate in a thesis based on personal experience methodology. I hope my thesis will lead othen to their own self knowledge, by sf mulating their interest in this kind of work, but not by using my work as a model. We each find our own way and follow procedures which make sense to us. My processes have varied with each participant, and partly reflect some of the differences among them. To return to my flying metaphor, each flight is different. The weather conditions are never identical, even when practising circuits. The very movement of the plane through the air on takeoff and landing sets the air in motion for the plane's next passage through the air. The very act of the researcher listening and responding to the participant's story influences how it is told and how it will be retold to another listener. Other researchers may find it useful to read my thesis for ideas but they will need to find their own ways to proceed. SELECTING PARTICIPANTS As I began my thesis inquiry I thought about my work with Ellen and believed intuitively that her narrative would make a significant contribution to my study. By that time she had accepted the Ministry position and thus would not likely become a principal. Ellen was quite thoughtful in relating to me her experiences and provided me with material which a less reflective and less trusting person might not have shared. She had given freely of her time and of herself and I wanted to include her in my study. When I spoke with her about continuing as a participant, she was willing, although she was not sure how she would fit into my inquiry. As I thought about possible participants, I made some decisions which were based on assumptions I did not identify at the time. For example, I chose only women. Yet a male participant might have offered some interesting points of comparison, provided he was not viewed as representing his entire gender. Another criterion was that the women be principals. although I deviated somewhat with two participants who were not currently working in that capacity. At the time this caused me considerable concern. but I made a case for involving Mem and include my rationale when I introduce each participant. In my work with women teachers. I knew many women in administrative positions from whom to select partidpants and as I began writing my proposal. I thought of women I would like to include. I chose one woman. Einette Mori. mainly because I wanted to get to know her better. I admired her energy, enthusiasm and commitment to FWTAO. I wondered what motivated her and gave her the strength to support causes which were sometimes unpopular. as I know she has done. I wondered if her family was supportive of the time and energy she committed to the federation. Accessibility to Toronto was a consideration I set more consciously. Initially I chose only women who lived, worked or regularly travelled to Toronto. I could find variety among the women who were readily available and saw no need for large expenditures of either time or money to travel long distances to meet with participants. In thinking about other possible participants, I looked for women with attributes and situations different from those of Ellen and Einette. To contrast Ellen's small southern Ontario urban school and Einette's northern Ontario ~ralone, I believed that one participant should work in a large metropolitan area. I assumed there was great variability among their students and that each setting provided a unique context. I made several assumptions about school mrnmunity size and location, as well as about the influences of family on my participants. For example. I anticipated there would be major differences in their interactions with parents and the school communities. Einette and Ellen would undoubtedly know most parents in their school communities, whereas the principal of a large city school would be less likely to know many parents. The size of the student body, variety of languages spoken and the impersonal nature of any large city were challenges neither Ellen nor Einette had faced. I assumed they would encounter quite different challenges within school districts which were more conservative and resistant to change than those in large urban areas. Ellen's children were young adults whereas Einette's son was four. Thus, I looked for a woman who had no children, assuming there might be great variation among these women's family responsibilities. I was interested in how each woman coped with the conflicting demands of family and career and how each role (mother and principal) influenced the other. One of my motivations for choosing this focus for my thesis was my commitment to FWAO as an organization which supports and offers programs specifically for women teachers. One such program was the provincial leadership course. I wanted a partkipant who was a course graduate and neither Ellen nor Einette had taken the course. Also, I wanted to include someone who was not involved in federation activities. I believed that such a woman's priorities and her commitment to women might differ from mine. Laila Urbanski seemed to be a good choice because she had taken the leadership course but was not involved with the federation. As principal of a large metropolitan school, she provided balance to Ellen and Einette. She was married but had no children and I assumed she would have fewer family responsibilities than Einette and Ellen. However I discovered that she had different family responsibilities, because her elderly mother lived with her. Though Laila cared for her in some ways, in other ways her mother cared for Laila I am not sure why I did not try to find an unmarried participant. I knew that husbands have a wide range of expectations of their wives' roles in terms of career and family. No doubt an unmarried participant would have offered some interesting points of comparison. In contrast to Ellen's British heritage. Einette's family is racially mixed. Laila appeared to be well integrated into Canadian culture, though her name indicated a European origin. I wondered how Einette and Laila's different family backgrounds would influence their roles within their school communities. Because their communities were so different from each other, I anticipated that their own ancestries might lead to differing degrees of acceptance by their communities. My fourth participant presented further contrasts. When I invited Stephanie Cloutier- Gibson to become a participant she had not worked for two years. She had been in a car accident and sustained debilitating injuries. Though the school board subsequently appointed her as a principal, she has not worked in this capacity. When we began our meetings she was about to return to school on a part-time basis. Her mind was focused on the details of her re- entry plan. This too offered a contrast with the other three, none of whom had mentioned an entry plan when they talked about moving into a principal or vice principal position. This is not to say Laila and Einette did not have one, but its importance must have faded. for no one mentioned it. Itried to have as much variety as possible among the participants in my study. I thought I understood the difficulties of trying to generalize findings from a small number of participants and did not intend to try to do so. Perhaps residue from my earlier quantitative studies, which focused on the importance of variables, influenced my thinking that it was important for me to indude a number of variables among the paitkipants. At that time I sought consistency in as many variables as possible, or tried to match characteristics in control and experimental groups. in order to look for a single variable to account for differences or study the effects of a specific "treatmentn by comparing control and experimental groups. Possibly my assumptions were based on a view of quantitative and qualitative research as being opposite from each other and that everything associated with one would be the reverse for the other approach. Perhaps I wanted to broaden the range of possible influences, thinking they would counteract each other and collectively cancel out any uniqueness. More importantly, I wanted considerable variety in my participants because they would contribute a richness to my study, with fine shadings and nuances in comparing their experiences. I hoped that many women would identify with at least one of my participants and learn from their stories and experiences. I wanted wide variation among participants' experiences. Greater apparent variety in their lives and experiences would increase the variety in their stories and experiences and increase opportunities for others to resonate with their lives. I chose participants whom t respected and admired but then became concerned that I was presenting a rather unidimensional view of women leaden. I thought about occasional criticisms I heard about individual women principals, and knew there was not unanimous support for women principals. I was concerned that by choosing only participants I admired, how could I present a perspective which more closely reflected the realities of my knowiedge and experience? The search for balance was leading me away from my original question. I was trying to leam about women's experiences of moving into leadership roles from their perspective. Why then was it necessary for me to present a "balanced viewn? It held little relevance for my question.

PROCEDURES I intended to follow similar procedures for each participant. I outlined a plan to meet several times to develop a narrative about each woman's experience, pointing out that this research approach is intended to consider events from her perspective rather than from some other point of view. My role would be to help each participant reconstruct events and their meanings by writing her narrative based on our conversations. I shared with each woman the questions I wanted to explore. Once each person accepted my invitation to participate, I found myself interading differently with each participant. I tried not to make extra demands on these woman. They led busy lives and I viewed their participation as doing a favour for me. In trying not to impose unnecessary demands or expectations on them. I tn'ed to accommodate each one's situation. The different settings created different atmospheres which had the potential to strongly influence their narratives. It may be helpful to recall the context of our interactions and meeting settings when reading each narrative.

WORKING WITH PARTICIPANTS Ellen Bridges As I worked with Ellen during my pilot study I was learning about the career choices she was facing as well as how she was adjusting to a new position. As well, I was exploring narrative as a method of inquiry. The details of my work with Ellen are described in the Pilot Study section.

Hnette Mon My experience with Einette was different in several respects from that with Ellen. She was on the federation Board of Directors. As a staff member, I was intrigued by her political acumen on several occasions. She impressed me as a capable young woman. When I described my study to a mutual friend she too suggested that Einette would be a good participant. Our friend may have mentioned this to Einette too, because in our first meeting Einette must have known why I was coming and had already decided to become involved. We talked for an hour before I even had a chance to explain my study, invite her to participate, and ask her permission to tape our conversation. My anxiety increased as she continued to talk about issues 1 wanted to record but, because I did not yet have her permission to tape our conversations, I was reluctant to turn on the tape recorder. Eventually I found an opening. However, I could not ask her to repeat our first hour's conversation. We usually met in my recreation room. I often picked her up at the airpolt and then after our conversation, drove her to the hot& where she was attending meetings. The minute Einette was in the car she began discussing issues relevant to my study. She did not seem to have the same sense as Ellen that we should save all the good ideas until the tape recorder was running. I soon learned to keep my tape recorder turned on at all times. Transcribing was a challenge, with engine and traffic sounds competing with Einette. Without ever talking about how we would procesd. Ehette set the agenda and talked aboM whatever was on her mind. I cannot recall ever suggesting what we might discuss. During our first meeting Einette told me that she wanted me to visit her school. She invited me to stay at her home with her family during my visit to her community which was hundreds of miles from Toronto. This sounded like a good idea and I discussed my proposed visit with one of my committee members, Sandra Acker, who gave me several helpful suggestions about observing participants in their work settings. Unfortunately Dr. Ackets advice had not extended to meeting several mutual acquaintances en route to visiting my participant, whose identity I did not want to reveal. Not wanting to infringe on her limited family time, I told Einette I would fly to her town Sunday evening and be ready to go to school with her on Monday. However, by going Saturday afternoon I could get a much cheaper fare, so I planned to stay at a hotel and meet her on Monday. As I arrived at the hub airport, I was taken aback to meet a colleague who was returning to Toronto, en route from a weekend meeting. While I was tryhg to evade her probing questions to explain my presence, who should anive but Einette and another mutual friend who were returning home from the same meeting. I felt as if I had been discovered canying on an extramarital affair. At least my husband knew where 1 was and what I was doing. Einette insisted that I come home with her Saturday evening. During my four day stay. I visited with some of her family, attended a negotiating meeting with the school board and observed her for two days in school. taking copious notes throughout the time of my visit. These notes were helpful to me in writing Einetta's chapter.

Laila Urbanski I visited Laila and shadowed her in her school for a work related project, updating an in- basket exercise for the leadership course. I wanted to get a current view of the kinds of situations principals encounter on a day to day basis. Laila has been heipful on several occasions as a panelist or presenter at the course, and she readily agreed to have me spend time with her in her school. During that visit Laila impressed me, particularly in a difficult meeting with two special education teachers she wanted to move to different classrooms. When she discussed the situation with me prior to the meeting, she anticipated that both teachers would resist the idea. She knew her staff well. At the beginning of the meeting the man leaned back in his chair with ans folded, signaling his intent not to change his position. while the female teacher seemed to be conveying the same message, though less assertively. She too sat silently and impassively, waiting for Laila to lay out her plan. Laila described what she was trying to accomplish with the primary division, admitting that it might not work but that she would like to try. Prior to the meeting she discussed with me the moms she wanted to allocate to these two teachers but in the meeting, after outlining her goal, she did not indicate these assignments to the teachers. Then they described what they had accomplished with their classes and stressed the need for their classrooms to be dose together. This had not been part of Laila's original plan. As she listened, the female teacher suggested other possibilities for the special education classes and systematically ruled out each one, while occasionally Laila raised questions. Wthin a short time, the teacher suggested another solution and though it had not been part of Laifass original idea, she readily agreed. Even the male teacher leaned forward in his chair and began to participate in the dialogue. Later, as I recalled my observations of the way Laila interacted with her staff and students, I decided to invite her to participate in my study. When I explained what I had in mind she agreed to participate and suggested that we could meet in her office after school. On one occasion she suggested that I come early in the afternoon. Perhaps my teachers' federation experience influenced me to draw the lines more rigidly than others might. Because I did not see my study as part of Laila's commitment to the school board. I believed it would be improper to use school time for our meetings. This is not to suggest that I believe principals only work during school houn. I know they work much longer than the houn students are in school. But I believe that during school houn the principal's first priority needs to be to students and teachen and that they have more flexibility after school hours to engage in other activities such as this sort of project. By meeting in Laila's office immediately after school we had few interruptions. Our sessions were more formal than those with Ellen or Einette. LaiIa sat in her principal's chair behind her desk and I occupied one of the visitor's chairs with my bicycle parked behind me. Laila always insisted that I bring it right into her office so no one would steal it. We were quite a contrast, Laila professionally dressed in a suit or tailored dress, and I in my cycling clothes. Laila always wanted to know in advance what we would disarss during the next meeting. One time I forgot what I had said the previous week and proposed something else - which led to a very short conversation. After that I kept a better record of proposed topics.

Stephanie Clouthier-Gibson I did not initially choose my fourth participant. Stephanie. Indeed, she chose me, but for quite a different purpose. Our work together led to an ethical dilemma which was one of several ethical situations I encountered during my inquiry. These issues became so important to my inquiry that Ifelt it necessary to discuss them in detail in the next chapter. I worked with Stephanie CloutierGibson several years ago when she was president of a local Women Teachers' Association. I remember her as a breath of fresh air in that school system. She was enthusiastic and had wonderful ideas which she worked hard to achieve. Shortly after her term as president she was appointed vice principal by her school board. After that we lost contact for a few years. I assumed that she was absorbed with her career and was applying herself wholeheartedly to seek further promotions. I would not have been surprised to hear that she was by then a principal or even a superintendent. It was only when she called me one day that I learned how wrong my assumptions had been. She had been in a car accident three years earlier and had not worked since. She was involved in an insurance claim and asked if I would be willing to testify in court about her activity within the federation prior to the accident. I readily agreed to speak with her lawyer who would determine whether my opinion would be helpful to her case. I was traveling to a city near her home a few days later and decided to visit her. I had not asked the details of her injuries and anticipated that she might be on crutches or in a wheelchair. I was relieved to see that she had all her limbs, and appeared to be physically intact. However, she was a very subdued shadow of the Stephanie I had known. I saw no signs of the energy and drive I had always associated with her. During our visit I told her about my study and described my understanding of narrative inquiry. She shared with me some of her reflections during her convalescence. As we talked. I could see that she had much to offer in my inquiry. 1 thought that at the same time, our conversations could possibly be beneficial for her in facing some of the challenges which lay ahead for her. f indicated that I would like her to be a participant in my study but mentioned my reservations about the fact that she had not worked as a principal. I wanted to give more thought to her possible involvement. How necessary was it that my participants be principals? I began this work as a study of women principals in elementary public schools. By now only two of my three participants were principals, the purported focus of my study. Could I have yet another participant who was not in the role I professed to be studying? Alternatively, could I leam about women's experiences of leadership from participants who were not principals? Stephanie had in fact. been appointed to a principalship a few months after her accident but had never worked in that position. Thus, she met the criterion of being named principal, though she had no experience in the role. If I included her as a participant, would I merely be playing word games to count her as a principal? Or did it matter? What specifically did I want to leam from these women? I decided to include Stephanie, rationalizing that I was less interested in the actual role of principal than in the experiences of women as they sought and moved into leadership positions. From this perspective she had much to offer. Eventually I became comfortab1e with the fact that two of my four participants were not principals. My questions about Stephanie's involvement helped me sharpen my focus, although in the end I broadened my question. I came to think of my research as a study of women and leadership rather than a study of women principals. Perhaps intuitively I was beginning to weaken the connection between leadership and being in an actual administrative position. I was beginning to realize that leadership is not necessarily a function of position. I was responding to the emerging material as Jean Clandinin and Michael ConneIIy (1984,416) have advocated, redefining my purpose as new. unexpected, and interesting events and stories were revealed.

PARTICIPANTS' VIEWS OF STUDY Each participant seemed to view my study and her role in it differently. For example, Laila wanted me to tell her what I wanted to know so she could tell me. She described how she had written essays for her courses. citing only the studies which supported her position, and ignoring all others. Ellen liked to have a theme to talk about and stuck fairly close to the topic. She would occasionally say something like, "Remind me to tell you about such and such later. It's interesting but doesn't have anything to do with this." Stephanie was similar to Ellen in that occasionally when I would suggest a topic to her, she would comply but would say that she didn't really see the relevance for my study. Einette talked fairly continuously, moving from one topic to another and seemed not to consider whether or not her comments were relevant to my study. She talked and left it to me to sort out what was relevant. Except for Einette, my explanation of the purpose and procedures of my study were similar for each participant. However, as we proceeded my interactions with each participant were markedly different from each other. Conversations with my participants took different directions and varied considerably in length. Venues ranged from my house in front of the fireplace with Ellen or Einette, to Lailats office, to my car when I met Einette at the airport, to Stephanie's house where she tried to make herself comfortable and ease her constant pain. As my discussions with participants continued, I grew less concerned about the lack of consistency. I came to view our interactions as a manifestation of differences among the four women as well as my different relationships with each of them. Elliot Eisner and Alan Peshkin (1990, 10) alleviated any residual anxiety I still felt about the differences in our procedures.

Wnal does one make of an approach to the study of the educational world that depends upon the unique aptitudes and proclivities of the investigator, that possesses no standardized method, that focuses on nonrandomly selected situations. and that yields questionable eneralizations by conventional research criteria? . . . And yet, how really diI erent are these features from the real methods used in conventional studies? . . . How many studies of the conventional kind actually use a randomly selected sample? How much of the significance of such research is a matter of the interpretive dispositions and abilities of the researcher? How much of the planned method is actually employed, and how much of what is employed is a function of the artistry of the researcher? In short, just how much id~osyncrasyis there in conventional research? How much of it is replicable?

VOICE AND PERSPECTIVE Initially I believed that because I wanted to explore my participants' experiences from their perspective, I should write their chapters in the first person. However, as I continued my work, I realized how impossible it is ever to understand completely another person's view. At best I can explore their thoughts and actions through the lens of my own experience. I decided to write my participants' chapters as my understanding of them, rather than trying to present what Ithink their understanding of Memsefves might be. Having reached a decision about voice, I then wondered about form. I considered an expository approach, presenting each woman gradually, similar to the way I have come to know her. This would be difficult because I knew each participant before beginning the study. Reconstructing my coming to know each woman, particularly those I have known for several years, would offer a challenge. Memory without recorded evidence is suspect and to try to recreate impressions of several years ago without notes, journal entries or transcripts of conversations could put quite a strain on my mental resources. Another possibility was to describe a participant in all her complexity and then try to separate out some of her qualities and attempt to trace their development. Or I could select a few stories that participants shared with me and try to analyze or interpret them. This would not give a complete picture of any woman and would also reflect my own biases. But this is true for any approach. Some methods simply give an impression of being a more complete and unbiased view. A temporal approach could help readers see the development of certain qualities by considering which experiences had created and shaped these characteristics. To me, Elizabeth Harper Neeld 's (1990, 284) description of time Kairos is useful in considering narrative. Time Kairos . . . refers to "the time within which personal life moves fonrvard. . . . movement we experience as a result of moments of awakening or realization . . . a deepening process that results from our paying attention to the present moment. a process through which we are drawn inside the movement of [our] own story." MAKING MEANING OF TRANSCRIPTS As I contemplated over 1700 pages of transcripts from 29 conversations, trying to find meaning in my participants' stories of their experiences, I remembered a time many years ago when I rebuilt a piano. I carefully ordered the new sbings, listing each one separately. Imagine my dismay when a box arrived with fortynine bass strings plus rolls of wire from which I was to cut the remaining hundred and seventy-one strings. Nothing was labeled, in spite of my meticulously placed order. The strings were snarled together as if packed by a three-year-old who practsed on a toybox. Each string was ever so slightly larger than Me next one, except for the pairs which were identical. In time, it was possible to arrange them in order, even without a micrometer. It seemed easier to organize the strings because there was a "right answer". I simply needed time to solve the puzzle. In Deweyan dialectic form however, one could argue that it is easier to draw meaning from the transcripts of our conversations because there is no one correct answer. One need only present a defensible position. Unlike the piano strings experience, I must be cautious of accepting one "solution' as Bateson (1 994, 12) has suggested and be sensitive to nuances which lead to other possibilities.

Many tales have more than one meaning. It is important not to reduce understanding to some narrow focus, sacrificing multiplicity to what might be called the rhetoric of merely: merely a dead sheep, only an atavistic ritual, nothing but a metaphor. Openness to peripheral vision depends on rejecting such reductionism and rejecting it with the belief that questions of meaning have unitary answers. As my understanding of narrative has evolved, I have found myself using the ten (Adler and Van Doren 1972) making meanhg, believing Mat I knew what I meant. "Making meaning of our experiences" rolled easily off my tongue when I explained my inquiry or narrative to others. However, when pushing myself to articulate my comprehension, I had difficulty. Friends either must have understood something I didn't or they too were reluctant to reveal their lack of comprehension. After my mothel's sudden death. while reading Neeld's description of the value of memory in making meaning of a life, I immediately understood what had eluded me. "We make meaning of the memories. From the memories we extract values, insight, pleasures, awareness" (Neeld 1990,226-7). I was trying to understand my participants' values, beliefs and attitudes as I read and reread transcripts of their stones, stories shaped and reshaped by memory. "What is memory? A few stones picked out of the river. Reassembled in a garden. You can make a wall of it, a skeleton, a bench, stone tableu khemin and Stendhal 1989,204). As we move back and forth through our memories, examining them from various perspectives and with the multiple lenses created by time and experience, we glean new significances, each with its own clarity. Initially, while Ellen shared her stories from her own unique experiences and biases I heard those stories through the filters of my own stories, experiences and biases as if through earphones which only receive a specified range of frequencies. Together we compared the similarities in our nanatives. As I listened to Einette, Laila and Stephanie reshape their perspectives while sharing their stories with me. so too did I, partly in response to their stories and partly as I recalled my own memories. Unlike the passive earphones, I initially responded to my participants more like a harp or piano, with some sounds becoming amplified by resonance while others blend in harmony to create a richer chord. Through time the value of focusing on the dissonances became more evident. Referring to a conversation between two Filipino women about the death of one woman's son, Bateson (1994, 17) observed. "Each person is calibrated by experience, almost like a measuring instrument for difference, so discomfort is informative and offers a starting point for new undentanding. Indeed, what I have seen and heard would not have pushed me to reflecfiecfion and generalization were it not for the urgency produced by the sense of difference." With my participants our differences were much less dramatic than those Bateson described. We had education careers in common, within the Ontario elementary public education system. Though my initial experience in administration preceded theirs by several years, because of my federation work with principals and vice principals I have a fairfy good understanding of the more recent scene. Did similarities in our experience limit our opportunities for new understanding? Or was my awareness heightened by subtle differences, like the beats which throb in the throats of two singers sustaining notes of slightly dierent frequencies?

WHAT COUNTS AS MATERIAL? In reconstructing narratives of my participants, I have drawn heavily on the transcripts of our taped conversation. As I have come to know these women better, my impressions of them have expanded from other sources as well. For example, I have watched Einette engaged in political discussions and have interacted with Ellen in committee meetings. I have formed impressions about their biases, sometimes in contrast to my own. Often time has pressed us to move on to other events and issues and has kept us from in-depth discussion of our dierent perspectives. Like the stories told when the tape recorder was not nmning, undoubtedly this extra-inquiry knowledge has influenced my thinking, helping to shape my impressions and on occasion. casting some of their stories in a different light SELECtNG MATERIAL TO INCLUDE As I think about my participants and read transcripts of our conversations I know I can select only a limited number of stories to represent each person. When I rebuilt the piano Iused all of the strings. When I write narratives of my participants. their stories cannot all be used. in our conversations each woman has chosen only a few experiences to relate, experiences which she believes illustrate what she thinks I want to know about her and what she is prepared to have me know. Much filtering and sorting has already been done. Each participant probably has other knowledge which might be of use and interest for my inquiry but because she does not know of its relevance, she has not thought to share it with me. I expected that when reading what I had written, participants would realize this and offer additional material. Thus, at various stages of the writing I gave them drafts. each time inviting them to add or delete material. But few changes were suggested. Occasionally one of them has mentioned or alluded to details such as a parent with a drinking problem, involvement in a lesbian relationship or being abused as a child. I mention this here, rather than in the participant's chapters because I sensed their reluctance to share the information very widely. But undoubtedly these experiences have had significant impact on these women's lives and influenced the ways they interact with their families, friends and colleagues. It may be helpful to some women to know that other women in these situations lead productive and happy lives. On occasion a participant asked me to turn off the tape recorder and related a story which she did not want me to include. Yet she wanted to tell me, to help me understand the context of other points she was making. Information shared under those conditions is not induded in the participants' chapters. Within a certain group of people, each of my participants may be identifiable. I have been faced with the dilemma of trying to mask some of the identifying details, yet at the same time retain the essence of their beings. In most cases the qualities which make them unique are the ones which might reveal their identities. All participants have read what I have written about them and have agreed to the material included. I know at least one participant has told several people of her involvement in my study. Knowing this. I have probably made less effort to cloud some features of her identity. George Robinson and Janice Moulton (1985, 58) cautioned about the "danger of a few people holding the power to decide what knowledge is to be sought." I suggest this view should be expanded to include the danger of a few people holding the power to decide what knodedge is to be reported. Many researchers using qualitative methodologies gather so much information that of necessity, much must be excluded in the reporting. The sheer volume of material increases the possibility for them to overlook or even consciously to eliminate infonation which others would judge to be useful. A larger issue however, concerns stories which have remained untold for reasons other than simply being overlooked. Sometimes people are silenced because they fear possible retaliation or other negative consequences from others who hold more power- One of my participants unexpectedly told me such a story. My discussion of this story and other ethical issues follows in the next chapter. CHAPTER THREE

DIVERSIONS EN ROUTE: ETHICAL ISSUES

This chapter focuses on ethicai situations I encountered sererrdipitously in my study of women and leadership. It is by no means a comprehensive list of ethical issues in narrative or other ethnographic forms of inquiry. 1 offer few solutions to my dilemmas although in some cases, as I view them in retrospect, preventative measures are becoming apparent In the course of my study of women leaden, several issues emerged which have led me to reflect more about ethics than I had originally anticipated. These dilemmas as well as others encountered later have forced me to confront several ethical issues in a way I had not anticipated when I began this study. Were they digressions which allowed me to avoid getting to my red task? Or were they substantive matters which were necessary for me to examine at some point?

UNIVERSITY ETHICAL REQUIREMENTS I originally viewed the ethical requirements stipulated by the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education as fairly straight-forward procedures to assure the university that participants' rights are not being violated. The Data Collection section of OISE's Ethical Review Protocol (OISE 1995) concentrates on the type of information to be collected and the procedures for gathering data, while the Subject section invites a description of the subjects and the procedures for their selection. In the section on Data Access, Uses and interpretation, the researcher identifies who will have access to the raw data, how confidentiality of raw data and written reports will be maintained, and how material will be treated upon completion of the project. Researches are also asked to describe how they will alert participants to possible evaluative interpretation and how they will inform participants of their right to withdraw from the study at any time. The Informed Consent section simply asks if informed consent will be obtained from all participants and if such consent will be in writing. Researchers are asked to

attach a copy of each letter to be sent to potential participants. This letter should describe the study in lay terms, outline potential benefitshisks to participants, indicate that participants are free to withdraw at any time, outline what safeguards will be taken to maintain Me confidentiality of the data and to protect participants from possible evaluation on the basis of the written report. (OISE 1995 Appendbc C, 5 ) These standards may be appropriate for quantitative research where information is quantified and individuals' identities are hidden within statistical statements but they are inadequate for situations which may arise in more ethnographic types of research where a small number of participants are studied in greater depth. As I began my study I carefully adhered to these condiions and rather matter-of-factly completed the forms to indicate that I had done so. In a letter to my participants I outlined the purpose of my study and described procedures I would follow. Key phrases in my letter included:

During the project the tapes and my field notes willbe accessible only to myself and my faculty advisors at the Ontario Institute for Studies in Education as well as to you at any time you wish. Any print or other information you are willing to share with me will be treated with the same confidentiality . . . In any written reports of the study you will be identified by a pseudonym to protect your identity. For similar reasons the school board, schools and any other individuals will be assigned other names . . . If for any reason you wish to withdraw from the project at any time, you are free to do so.'

Although my letter to each participant tells them that they are at liberty to withdraw from the study at any time, our relationships make such a withdrawal less straightforward than the statement would indicate. Ours are not sterile relationships in which a person can simply decimde anonymously not to complete a questionnaire, only one of many responses in a large survey. Rather we developed relationships based on trust and the sharing of personal information. My participants had become friends. I would have felt disappointed and let down if one had elected to withdraw. They probably would have felt guilty if for some reason they withdrew from the study. I had barely begun meeting with my participards when I encountered situations on which Me institute's ethical standards are silent, or at the very least. inadequate.

PARTICIPANTS' ANONYMITY Within a fairly large circle of people, each of my participants could be identified. As participants are described with rich detail. detail which forms the fabric of their stories, it is more difficult to maintain their anonymity. One woman believes herself to be the only female principal in the province with her particular ethnic heritage. Yet some of the details of her family life are essential to her being. For example, the time her parents spent in a European detention camp during the war has strongly influenced the way they view her success as a principal. To omit or change details, in an attempt to protect their anonymity, glosses over an integral part of their being. But if I describe their situations accurately, because they are so unique, I might just as well announce the participants' names in neon lights. The dilemma appears to have no solution.

Letter to participants, explaining the purpose, procedures, and condins of the study. Eisner (1991,2 18) discusses the aspect of confidentiality, but concentrates on the more dramatic perspective of a participant engaging in an immoral act. a teacher who is incompetent, or an outstanding teacher who is misjudged by the principal and colleagues. Then there are questions about protec'ng families and other significant people in their lives. Participants may share more personal information if they are assured anonymity than if they thought their identities could be guessed. One participant talked about having been abused as a child. Another alluded to a parent with a drinking problem. Do we omit discussion of traumatic childhoods in case someone might be able to identify a participant and thus to discover personal information she may prefer not be made public? Should the details be smoothed over and referred to euphemistically? Omitting or glossing over details will give unrealistic views of these women. Women in similarly difficult situations or with difficult family backgrounds need the hope offered by seeing that others can overcome adversity and traumas and can then go on to lead successful lives. Is it wise to reveal actual details, even at risk of identifying a participant or telling previously secret information about the participant? Yet if we don? acknowledge the advenities they have overcome, readers get a skewed perspective. Is A fair for readers not to know the pain a participant has overcome to get where she is today? In some cases, traumatic experiences have influenced the way they live their Iies. To dismiss them is to give a distorted and less than honest view. What is the ethical thing to do? Is there a hierarchical order in which ethical conditions should be applied? Is it better to achieve one good than another? For example, should a participant's anonymity be compromised by the telling of a significant story? Or should important and useful stories remain untold in order to maintain confidentiality?

SITUATION 1 - ABUSE OF POWER Early in my study, one of my participants told me a story which I believed needed to be told in spite of the fact that it extended beyond the boundaries of my original investigation. When Susan4 related the story she made it dear that it was not relevant to my study but she recounted it simply because she thought I would find it interesting. TO me, the story involved harassment and abuse of power, issues of particular concern to women. I very much wanted to write about this incident even though it did not fit within the parameters of our earlier understanding. Yet to do so within its proper context might have revealed not only my participant's identity but also that of the other main character in the story,

* Susan is a pseudonym for the pseudonym already assigned to one of the participants so that there is less chance of her identity being revealed, Roy is a pseudonym for her superordinate, the man who abused his position of power over Susan. the man who had treated her unfairly and inappropriately. Were Roy to discover that Susan had told her story, she could become vulnerable to further harassment. I was apprehensive about discussing this with her because of the risk of violating trust within our relationship. I did not want to be seen to be guilty of using tactics commonly employed by researchers of several yean ago, those who told subjects they were researching one question while they were actually investigating something different The story was an example of male abuse of power over women in subordinate positions, an issue widely documented in the literature, and one with which I have become quite familiar in my work with women teachers. I thought it probably was a common story and believed that it should be told, yet I wanted to protect Susan's identity. My motivation to be ethical was to "remain in the caring relation and to enhance the idea of myself as onecaringn(Noddings 1984, 5). My only reason for wanting to protect Roy's identity was because of his potential power over Susan and the fact that at some future time he could retaliate if he were to find out that she had told the story. My first dilemma was whether or not to write about the situation between Susan and Roy. Often when victims are harassed by someone in a position of power, they are silenced by risk of further maltreatment. I believe it is important to publicize stories such as these and learn what we can from them. I hoped to find a way to examine the incident in such a way that there would be no risk to Susan. I saw the issue as gender related and believed that as a feminist, I owed it to other women to find a way to tell what I had come to view as a fairly prevalent woman's story. My belief that it was a story of male abuse of power strengthened my desire to tell the story. At that point I was guilty of violating the ethics of narmtivists - judging practjce rather than reconstructing meaning (Connelly and Clandinin l888b. 271 ). Had I been less critical of the way Roy treated Susan, I would probably have been less motivated to write about the incident. Because I believed it to be a common, yet often untold story, I was strongly motivated to tell it, but only if I could protect Susan's identity. Additionally, as a researcher, I considered the story to be an important one in Susan's overall experience and regretted not being able to find a way to use the material as part of Susan's chapter. I was concerned about the ethics of eliminating such significant material from her narrative. To me, the story is significant in terms of Susan's experience of moving into a leadership role and I was sony to omit it. Yet telling it within the context of her other experiences would significantly increase the possibility that she could be readily identified by a number of people. This would violate my assurances of anonymity, a requirement of the university. I believed that the risks to Suai cf Z!!ing her story were too great The acknowledged purpose of academic research is to advance knowledge (Ashby 1969, cited in Shils 1983.3). Artides in the popular press, such as Maclean's magazine (Fennel1 1991; Jennish and Lowther 1991), have discussed not only the right of academics to publish their findings (Rosen and Capfan 1980) but their responsibility to report on their research, a point earlier made by Shils (1983, p.3). I felt obliged to share understandings I reached through my inquiry, yet instinctively I was reluctant to do so. My reluctance found support in Robinson and Moulton who point out that "there may be some truths that can cause more harm than good' (1985.58 ). I understood the potential risk to Susan if I wrote about her experience with Roy* There would be a much greater chance that Roy would find out Susan had talked about his treatment of her. which could amplify an already uncomfortable relationship between them. I could not allow my desires and actions to put her in a perilous situation. I did not want to jeopardize our relationship either as participant and researcher or as friends (Conndly and Clandinin 1988b). Another possible, but highly improbable course of action would have been for me to write about Susan's situation with Roy without telling her. This I cannot imagine to be a serioos option. I could not place Susan in a hazardous position. Nor could I violate her trust by writing something with which she probably would not agree. Although my letter of understanding does not specify that she have the opportunity to read what I write about her. it has always been my intent to give her everything to read. My reference to 'consider events from your perspective rather than from some other point of view" implies my hope that she would agree with whatever I write about her. In order to zgree, or even to disagree with what I write, she would of course have to read it. In seeking Susan's consent to be a participant. I described the purpose of my study of women in leadership positions and my understanding of nanative as a method of inquiry. At that time, we both considered her agreement to be the informed consent required by the university. However, I was not long into the study when I realized that though at that time she may have been informed about my plans, those plans changed. As she and my other participants shared their stories, other rich avenues revealed themselves. I did not anticipate this possibility and therefore could not have alerted participants to other options. Thus they were not fully informed before giving consent. I needed to find a balance between keeping focused on my original goals and in having the latitude to follow new unanticipated paths. to be responsive to participants and their stories. Before making a firm decision about whether or not to write about Susan's misunderstanding with Roy, I decided to try to find a way in which I could do so yet at the same time ensure her anonymity. I saw three possible ways of writing about her experience, two of which were not very satisfactory to me. I thought the third option might be worth exploring. although it too had same drawbacks. One possibility was to write the story within its true context. I have already discussed the potential risks to Susan, which caused this to be an unacceptable solution. from my position. Let us suppose that she had agreed to allow me to write her story within its actual context. I believe that the researcher has a greater responsibility than Me participant to anticipate potential diiculf es and to attempt to avoid them. It is perhaps for this reason that the university insists on participant anonymity even though some participants would like to be identified. Padkipants often are chosen for their good qualities and some would like others to know of their involvement. However, there are times when others may judge participants' actions or ideas rather differently than they do themselves. Quite possibly others may misinterpret someone's intentions, palticulady when events or ideas are described by someone other than the participant. Thus, participants are more protected from unwananted judgments if they remain anonymous. The second possibility was my preferred solution, to cast the story within a different setting. I could write the essence of the story but change the details so the main characters would not be identifiable. This did not mean simply moving Me school setting to a dierent province or even state, but casting the story within a different ptofession. On occasion I have been appalled when I have heard stories of other researchers deliberately "faking the data". To me it is only slightly more acceptable for medical researchers to tinker with some of the specifics in order that funding be continued. However, I considered this situation to be different. Transposing the details of Susan's story would not affect its essence, yet there was a better chance that her identity would be protected. My judgment was confirmed when my advisor readily agreed with my proposal to transpose her story into a different environment, although he also suggested a third possibility - to remove all details and just write about the nub of the story. This held less appeal for me. The nub of the story would lack substance, like a skeleton with no flesh. Also, I thought that readers would find it more difficult to understand the issue if they lacked the details. I thought I had solved the main problems and expected that Susan would readily agree to my proposal. However, she didn't. One of her concerns was that she had presented the story only from her point of view and maybe hadn't portrayed Roy in the best possible light. This typical caring female point of view demonstrates Gilligan's point that 'the psychology of women . . .in its greater orientation toward relationships . . . implies a more contextual mode of understandingu(Gilligan 1982. 22). Second, Susan questioned whether it would be ethical to change the details and suggested it wouldnt then be her story. I tried to convince her that my proposal was an acceptable solution by citing Crites' discussion of self-deception (Crites. 1979, pp. 107-1 29). My point was that there is no one absolute truth. I cited Crifes as an example of an academic who acknowfedges that our minds can change our recoikction of facts and we remember them in a way that makes sense to us. I felt that the idea of altering some of the details of her story might be more palatable to her if she knew that academics. particularfy a theologian, acknowledge and write about their own selfdeceptions. To illustrate my point. I referred to an incident we had discussed in a previous conversation in which I remembered something differently from the way it actually occurred. It was only later when I recalled our discussion in terms of actual dates that I identified my own self-deception. In restorying the event I had infused it with different meaning, which had become my "truthn. To relieve her discomfort about Roy's lack of opportunity to tell his story, I told her about one of my classmates who had written a book about her experiences as an abused wife. Of course she was not able to get her husband's consent to tell the story. But is that reason for her not to tell it? I initially believed that, particularly with narrative, it is important for all people involved to have the opportunity to tell their own stories with their own meanings. Yet if this is always necessary, some people would be silenced from telling stories which should be told and need to be told. In encouraging women not to be silenced and to tell their stories, Lorde hopes that her words will 'serve as encouragement . . . to speak and to act out of our experiences with cancer and with other threats . . . to underline the possibilities of self-healing and the richness of living" (Lorde 1980, 11). Susan's story is a case in point. When Susan agreed that I could transpose her story, I met with two 0PSEu5 staff officers to check the credibility of Me recast story. One of them frequently interrupted her reading to say "Does this ever sound familiar", "This could be my story', and "Why do we women always think of everyone else first?'' A friend recently read the story and then told me of her own similar experience. When she left the school board to accept a position elsewhere, her male director of education, who had previously been quite supportive of her, without any apparent justification, uninvited her to the party he traditionally hosted at the end of the year. He seemed to need to have control over his teachers and when that was no longer possible, he turned on them. This male assumption of power over women seems to be a common theme for women.

- s Ontario Public Sector Employees' Union is the union which represents many people in the occupation I selected for Susan. These reactions undedine the value of talking about our experiences and seeking out the stories of others. We learn we are not alone in these experiences "in a milieu where I could leam from other's experience - giving back to others what I have learned" (Connelly and Clandinin 1985. 192). Through stories we come to appreciate the differences of other people's experiences and to learn from them. In writing Susan's story, I offered a possible interpretation of what happened between her and Roy. Besides my initial belief that it was a story of harassment, upon further Mection I considered the issue also to be an example of two people having different understandings about the culture of the school system in which they worked. When he suggested that she might like to consider a particular course of action, she took him literally and saw his proposal as the suggestion he declared it to be. He on the other hand, euphemistically used the words "you might like to consider" to issue what he intended to be a command. She naively took his words at face value to be a suggestion, rather than the specific order he meant. He then was surprised that she had missed his point and responded by applying considerable pressure for her to cany out his wishes. She in tum was confused by his bullying tactics and was puzzled as to why he was treating her in this manner when she was guilty merely of not following a suggestion. To me, she clearty misunderstood that he wanted her to follow a specific course of action, yet he did not want to be seen to be telling her what to do. When I showed her the recast version of her story, she said that it gave her a new way of looking at the situation. She seemed to accept my interpretation of what happened as "the truthw. As a researcher this causes me some concern. I do not want to impose my meaning on participants' experiences. Yet I believe it is appropriate for me as well as my participants, to suggest possible interpretations. We both gained new insights as we considered the situation with Roy, insights which might be helpf~!to others in dealing with their own situations. However it is difficult to share these understandings with others without writing about the details of the incident. Thus, a transposed account of the situation was my preferred course of action. I saw this as solving both of my dilemmas. I had found a way to write about the situation between Susan and Roy in such a way that her identity would still be protected. The ultimate irony is that it is not possible to tell Susan's story within this study. I have written openly about transposing the story and casting it within a different context. If I were to hclude it now, readers could readily transpose it back to its former setting, which would defeat the pgrcose of the original fictionalization. Not only can I not tell Susan's story within this thesis, but one of my participant% narratives is missing a significant event when she was trying to be promoted, the story of her male superordinate's abuse of his position of power over her. Susan is not the only participant whose narrative is missing significant deMls. She is not the only one who has shared with me a story Icannot tell.

SITUATION 2 - RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN PARTlCIPANTS In another instance an apparent solution to one problem immediately created another dilemma Two of my participants knew each other and entered into an employment relationship which I had not anticipated. Neither knew that the other was involved in my inquiry. After l began my study, Georgia6was assigned to a position in which she reported indirectly to Shirfey. Shirley was quite vocal in expressing her disapproval of Georgia's appointment. The text was rich in terms of Shirley's views on the matter and her way of dealing with it. I wanted to find a way to write the story. There are similar reluctant relationships in schools. Few principals enjoy the luxury of choosing their entire staff. Some principals have on their staffs one or more teachers they might not have chosen. They must find ways to work with teachers they have inherited when they have transferred to new schools, or with teachers who have been assigned to their schools or hired by other decision makers within their boards. One issue in writing about Shirley and Georgia's relationship concerned reliability of information. I wondered how I could come to understand each person's perspective. While Shirtey freely discussed the course of events, Georgia did not appear to realize there were problems. At least she didn't initiate with me any discussion of the situation. Possibly Georgia felt it was not relevant to our conversations. Yet clearly each woman had her own reality and each reality was different. Must I somehow find a way to probe Georgia's perspective. only then to choose between her version and Shirley's which was more accurate? Was I like a principal who on many occasions must try to determine what really happened in a conflict situation, a principal who judges who is right or wrong before taking appropriate action? Or does the principal not make judgments but deal rather with misperceptions? It probably depends on the circumstances. But I am not trying to get at the Truth of the situation. I am tying to learn more about each participant. Each has her own unique truth which, for my purposes, need not be viewed within the context of the other. Upon further reflection. I believed that what was useful for me were their individual reactions to the situation within the context of their narratives. I believed that the material would be lost in any context other than Shirley and Georgia's involvement with each other. However, I didn't know how I could write about their relationship

Shirley and Georgia are pseudonyms for the pseudonyms already assigned to participants so that they will be less likely to guess their own and each other's identity. The second set of pseudonyms (Susan,Shirley and Georgia) is not mutualfy exclusive in terms of which participants they represent, without their recognizing each other. This in fact would make their identities as explicit as if I used their original pseudonyms. Describing their relationship would reveal to each other not only their identities, but also their feelings about the situation. This would contn'bute little to a harmonious working relationship. Also, it might damage my rapport with either or both participants, which in turn could influence subsequent material, if not their continued involvement in my study. I continued to try not to reveal to each other Weir identities, motivated by my attempt to fulfill the university's requirement to maintain my pafticipants' anonymity. For several months I tried to find a way to write about their relationship without reveling their identities, particularty to each other. As with Susan's situation, 1 did not see how I could use Shirley and Georgia's original pseudonyms. In Susan's case, I wanted to protect her in case her superordinate discwered she had talked about their misunderstanding, whereas this time I wanted to deflect Shirley and Georgia's attention away from their relationship, but at the same time write about it. With Susan's transposed story fresh in my mind, for a time I toyed with the idea of fictionalizing everyone. I could place all four participants within the same board and thus examine their relationships. I thought this would allow me to bring out some of the issues I wanted to address. I became so involved with trying to find a solution and still fulfill my agreement with my participants, that I forgot why I had asked them to read what I had written. I had committed to each woman that she could read what I wrote about her in order for her to confirm or negotiate meaning. If my participants read my entire thesis,. as I expect they will, each may guess the other's identity, and I will not have met my commitment of ensuring anonymity. Briefly I thought that all I had to do was show them the text. I thought I could do so and not tell Shirley for example, that she was Shirley. I hoped she would think I was writing about a different participant. I thought I could give all four participants two or three chapters and this would fulfill my end of the agreement. This plan presented a sharp contrast to Susan's story, which I would not consider writing without her knowledge. But in Shirley and Georgia's situation I was trying to conceal their relationship from each other. To me the difference was that my writing about Susan's incident would make her vulnerable in terms of Roy. I lost sight of the original purpose of having participants read my writing, to agree with my interpretation or to help create meaning. My plan left no room for such negotiation. Eventually it seemed to me that I was taken in by the challenge of the game and was trying to create a gameboard on which I would move my participants so that their interactions were clear to all readerr but them. I did not see myself as an all powerful god with absolute control over people, but more as an involved third party who from a somewhat removed vantage point, could more clearly see and understand the intricate network of connections. I saw my position as not unlike that of principals who are privy to information about teachers and who must decide whether or not to pass it along. Principals frequentfy hear several sides of an issue - from students, teachers, parents, senior administrators, trustees, union representatives, and the public. Somehow they must interpret what they hear and make sound decisions, decisions fair to all. On many of these occasions, if they were to reveal everything they knew about the situation to everyone involved, greater problems would ensue. For instance, some teachers can be devastated to find out that parents have complained about them, and their self concepts can suffer, which can then negatively influence their teaching. The other issue for me was that of acting upon information that I obtained in my conversations with Shirley. I wanted to keep the relationship between each of my participants and me to be only that of researcher and participant. I spent a good deal of time and energy in coming to terms with this situation. Was I avoiding the writing, or was I dealing with another yet to be identified issue such as how to indude material and my learnings, which were not flattering to pa~ticipants,or which, if I made them explicit, could put some of them at risk? Yet how could I not deal with this material? For me this was another ethical issue. How could I learn something which I believed to be relevant to my inquiry and then deliberately not report it? A greater factor in influencing me to write about it though was the time interval. During the many months which have elapsed, Shirley and Georgia's relationship has improved significantly as they have each turned their attention to other events. However, I still prefer not to include a description of their relationship with their original pseudonyms because of the increased risk that their identities could be revealed. As I worked through both of these dilemmas I seemed to be focusing on reasons why I could not write about certain situations. I was losing my momentum to address my original questions. Was I procrastinating? Was 1 simply being responsive to the emerging material? Or were there other influences impeding my progress? As I considered these possibilities, another issue surfaced.

SITUATION 3 - CONFIDENTlALlTY OF MATERIAL About the time I was considering Stephanie as a participant, I was beginning to think also about my own experiences of leadership. I realized that some of my most significant Wming had not been during the time I was an acting principal, but rather in other leadership situations. I could also see more clearly the need for other women to acknowledge the significance in their own leadership growth of experiences not necessarily related to education or their work. Eventually I became comfortable with the fact mat only two of my four participants are principals. My questions about Stephanie's involvement helped me sharpen my focus. although in the end I broadened my question. I came to think of my inquiry as a study of women and leadership rather than a study of women principals. Long before I reached that comfort levei. early in the process of addressing the question of her involvement in my study, I talked with my advisor to get his reaction. When I mentioned Stephanie to him, he did not discourage me. I believe that at that time I saw him as the "enforcer of the rules' and interpreted his response to be "permission". I did not realize that I should be taking more responsibility for decisions. I know now that I should assume responsibility for my thesis. It is one thing to ask advice, but I should not be seeking permission. My advisor may not have realized that I was seeking permission rather than advice because I presented the question "for discussion". Because I usually project a fairly confident manner. he may not have sensed my intent to defer to his decision. After considerable thought, and because my advisor did not raise any objections. I decided to include Stephanie in my study if she was still interested. I was concerned also about how Stephanie's involvement in my study might affect her health and her glacially paced recovery. She had indicated that she was in constant pain and needed a good deal of rest I didn't want to interfere with her convalescence. However. I could not predict how our conversation might influence her recovery. About all I could do would be to try to be sensitive to her energy level during our conversations and not push her limits. When 1 called her a few weeks later to see if she continued to be interested in participating in my study, she mentioned that she had enjoyed our visit and found it to be almost therapeutic. When she agreed to be a participant in my study. I was pleased that my decision seemed to be right for both of us. During our first meeting, I described how we could proceed and indicated that I would tape and transcribe our conversations. I gave her a written statement which included among other points, my commitment that no one but she, my advisor, and myself would have access to the tapes or transcripts of our conversations. I was soon to discover the net worth of this statement. In subsequent meetings Stephanie gave freely of herself, not only sharing very personal material but also offering meaningful interpretations of her life experience. As I worked with her, I realized how well she was suited for this style of inquiry because of the many months she had

' My consultation with my advisor offers an interesting comparison with Susan and Roy's exchange. In each case the person being consulted may have intended a diierent message from the one wtrich was received. I saw my advisor's advice as permission whereas Roy seemed to feel that he could withhold permission for Susan to accept the term appointment to Wnk about how her life had previously influenced her rde as a leader. Her stories provided a unique perspective to my study. Stephanie too, was viewing our meetings very positively. She mentioned on several occasions how useful our conversations were in preparing her to attempt to return to work She found it helpful to think about school, the teaches. and the kind of leader she had been. She discussed some things she would do differenUy as a result of her reflections, as well as other changes she would have to make because of her injury. It seemed to be an ideal arrangement. a collaboration in which each of us had something to gain. Not only were our conversations enjoyable, but they contributed to my knowledge of women leaders and helped Stephanie anticipate her return to school. Unfortunately all of this came to an abrupt halt. Her lawyer called to ask me what I would say in court on Stephanie's behalf. She seemed happy with my statement about Stephanie. After our conversation I became concerned about possible questions I could be asked on the witness stand. For example, what if the insurance company's lawyer were to ask me if I have seen Stephanie since the accident? What if the lawyer were to ask me in what context I have seen Stephanie? What if the lawyer were to ask me about my research? Could the court subpoena my tapes or transcripts of our conversations? Her lawyer and then the OlSE lawyer confirmed my suspicions, that the transcripts and tapes are not protected. They can be subpoenaed by the court and used against her. While Stephanie and I assumed their potential to damage her case to be minimal, certainly some of the information could be embanassing to her if it became part of the public record. She had been quite open in her comments about herself, as well as about school board personnel, no doubt because she trusted me and had faith in our agreement that our discussions would be confidential to the two of us and my advisor. Our discussion had occurred in a specific context, with a certain understanding. It was not appropriate to change that context, as a lawyer might attempt to do. For many forms of research we assume that truth is transportable from one situation to another. But with research of this kind, the truth or the knowledge we gain, depends on the context. This increased the need for me to keep our discussions confidential. However, the law could prevent me from honouring my commitment to her to maintain the confidentiality of the materials related to our conversations, a commitment I made in good faith. In the eyes of the law, the only privileged relationship is that of lawyer and client. Confidentiality can not be guaranteed by even doctors or the clergy, let alone a student researcher. What had begun as a mutually positive experience could now possibly be turned against her. Others engaged in this style of research should be aware that they cannot always guarantee the protections they offer their participants. Granted, these were exceptional circumstances, but it is certainly possible that other researchers could encounter similar situations. Yet if researchers and participants were concerned about the rare likelihood of something like this afising, how could we ever know that conversations were open and honest? We cannot live our lives worrying about rare probabilities that unusual events might occur. On the one hand, researchers and their participants should know about the vulnerability of tapes and transcripts, yet if they do they may be so cautious that the honesty and thus the value of the material decreases. I immediately shared this information with Stephanie and suggested that she would undoubtedly want to withdraw from the study. During earlier visits she had mentioned various instances when she believed her every activii was being scrutinized by the insurance company from which she was attempthg to collect damages. Recalling her suspicions, I became wonied about being seen in her neighbourhood. If the insurance company had her under such close surveillance they might still investigate my relationship with Stephanie and subpoena my tapes and transcripts, even if I did not appear as a witness on her behalf. In my new paranoia, I delivered the tapes and transcripts to her husband's workplace and suggested that she and her lawyer examine them before she made a decision about continuing her involvement in my study. I was disappointed thinking about not working with Stephanie. When we discovered that our work together could be a problem for her case, I felt a deep sense of loss. In our final meeting she spoke at length about how helpful she was finding our conversations. To me it was tragic that a process which may have helped her recover and return to meaningful work, was denied. My concern for her welfare by far outweighed my need to include her in my study. I mourned losing Stephanie as a participant, but I deeply regretted her loss in withdrawing from the study. I was thrilled severaI weeks later when Stephanie called to say that she would be willing to continue working with me. After carefully considering the potential jeopardy to her case, she had decided that the study was important enough to outweigh her personal risk. Now though, I felt guilty. I had compromised myself as a witness on her behalf. Because we had begun to act upon my request of her, to include her material in my research, I was no longer able to do what she had asked of me. Even if she withdrew from my project. I still could not act as a witness on her behalf. I blamed myself for acting too hastily in engaging Stephanie in my study. She had been involved in litigation from the beginning. This was not a new turn of events, as it could be in another researcher's work. I felt that at the outset I should have predicted what became dear to me much later- For two reasons I saw my first duty as being towards Stephanie rather than my research. First was the chronology of events. Stephanie asked me to be a witness in her court case before I invited her to become part of my study. Indeed, had she not made that request I would not have known about her accident. I would not have visited her and told her about my dissertation study. To me, her request dearly took precedence- A stronger cause of my guilt though was that as a staff officer of the teachers' federation to which she belongs, I believe my first priority is to serve our members. My relationship with Stephanie is based on her belonging to the organization which employs me. To me, the demands of my research must be secondary to my fiduciary-like responsibility to a member who has made a request because of our relationship. Yet now I could not fulfill that obligation. It was no longer a very mutual arrangement. I felt guilty to continue asking something of her.

SITUATION 4 - CHANGING THE FOCUS OF THE INQUIRY Collectively all of these issues created another ethical dilemma - changing the focus of my thesis. For months I tried to find ways to write about some of these issues, and indeed even to decide whether or not I should. My thesis was supposed to be about women and leadership. If I was responsive to the material, as I believed I should be when doing a narrative study, I could not ignore these emerging ethical issues. Had I undertaken a thesis on ethics, it is unlikely that I would have encountered such rich material. But I could not discount it. How could I not shift my attention to ethics as the focus of my thesis? Yet each of my participants had agreed to be involved in my study because I said I was interested in women in leadership. I had selected them as participants because I considered them to be good leaders, and they had agreed under that condition. They had been willing to take part in my study because of the leadership focus. I could not now change the rules. To shift my attention to ethical issues could betray their trust For me, some of the unanticipated events were the very complex network of obligations and silences which occurred while my participants and I were sharing confidences. What began for me as a minuscule amoebic projection had the potential to lead Me entire organism in a new direction. My study of women leaders has evolved to include an education in ethics. Ethical issues emerged from all directions and attached themselves to my work. I could not sweep them away and return to my previously planned course. They became an essential part of my study.

SUMMARY To summarize my ethical concerns, with Susan's story I had to reconcile my belief in the importance of remaining true to material, with my need to tell a story which is often silenced. I was convinced that Susan's story should be told but believed she must remain anonymous. Not only did I want to shift my attention to a different focus than our original understanding, but I wanted to change some of the specific details of her story. This experience demonstrates the value of establishing a trusting relationship with participants. Susan believed that I would treat her material with a sense of caring, discration and good judgment. Researchers using narrative should ensure that the participant understands the exploratory nature of narrative so the researcher can be sensitive and responsive to material, allowing the story to unfold through digressions and temporal changes. In narrative inquiry, as with other forms of research, ethical issues involve protecting the participants. They share personal and intimate material. It is important that the researcher not violate their trust, but maintain the participants' anonymity, inform participants of the progress of the inquiry and encourage them to be actively invoked in shaping the study. Sharing men interpretations is helpful in enhancing this sense of trust My dilemma about whether or not to write about Shirley and Georgia's relationship helped to illustrate the difficulties in identifying a set of absolute ethical considerations for anyone working in narrative. Unforeseen situations may arise which bring into play conflicting "rules". From this I learned the importance of making good judgments with an attitude of caring for the participants as well as for the material (Noddings 1984). Stephanie's situation led me to discover that the law overrides my written assurance to my participants that tapes and transcripts of our conversations were confidential and would be available only to me and my faculty advisor. I believe that anyone involved in this style of research, participants as well as researchers, should be made aware of the legal status of letters of understanding. For example, perhaps the letter of understanding could include a statement that the courts have the power to override the assurance of confidentiality. The participants could then make the decision to participate in the study, knowing of the potential risks. Additionally, universities should review their requirements to meet ethical conditions, for anyone engaged in qualitative research. This points out the need for researches using narrative inquiry and possibly other ethnographic approaches, to adapt a spirit of contextual ethics. The Standard College Dictionary defines ethics as "the study and philosophy of human conduct, with emphasis on the determination of right and wrong." This implies "either/of8types of judgments, rather than a continuum, or even a scattergram of possibilities. Qualitative studies reveal shading and nuances not available in quantitative research. Those of us engaged in qualitative studies find that we must attend to nuance and fine shading in terms of ethics. FIRST POSmON CHECK

On any flight, after the plane has been airborne for a while, the pilot does a position check to see if the aircraft is still on course. Wind speed or direction may vary from forecasted conditions, the pilot may not be flying the course as accurately as possible. One or more of the instruments may be malfunctioning. Thus it is important from time to time to check the aimraft position and make any needed adjustments. Right after a diversion is a particularly good time to do a position check. In this first section I have laid out the flight plan, identifying information which would be helpful en route. Chapter 1 introduces my inquiry and describes the context within which 1 was working. Chapter 2 provides further details of the flight, such as my chosen route and my reasons for the specific choices I made as I began my journey. Earfy into the flight, conditions led me on a diversion from my original plan. as recounted in Chapter 3. Having navigated the diversion. I return to my route as originally planned. Chapters 4 to 7 comprise the narratives of my four partidpants. Using the transcripts of our conversations, for each woman I construct a narrative of her experiences which contribute to her unique and personal ways of leading. CHAPTER FOUR

EIN€ITE MORI

I have come to know Einette as synonymous with change, not just a gentle 'dip your toe in the water" change but a full-blown dive. Her creativii, coupled with enthusiasm, help to cany her through the rapids to calmer waters where she recoups her strength and sparks new ideas before heading into other uncharted waters. What gives her the confidence and the enthusiasm to live this way? What are her stories of herself. her family, her profession and her community? How do these stories weave together, maintaining their own uniqueness and at the same time shaping each other to lead these identities in new directions? Einette believes in the need for change both in current practice and in stories of ptadke. She is committed to changing people's stodes of the role of women in society by living a new story herself and by publicizing stories of other women living new stories. When I invited her to participate in my research she was busy with many other professional and family commitments and had lime time for involvement in another project. Yet she agreed to be a participant because she believes in Me importance of others hearing stories like hen. She was concerned that if she did not participate, stories like hers might not be known. She wanted other women to see the possibilities for young women with young families to become principals then, rather than to wait until their children had grown. She believes it is important for researchers to include women like her in studies to ensure that their perspectives are known. In our conversations she did not dwell on issues related to having a young child but rather made references to things like childcare in such a way that I knew she did not view it as a problem to be solved but simply as something else she nad to consider. She took considerable pleasure in recounting the details of her appointment a few days after her son's birth, which illustrated her belief that career opportunities should be equally available to mothers of young children.

APPOINTMENT When I was appointed principal, it was a new wave of principals. It was on the radio over and over. And I wasn't them. I was away having a baby. Marilyn: You were? Did you take the baby with you when you went for the interview? Einetk: No, I nursed in the momin and told them at the hospital that I was gdng to visit relatives. I left milk and 'j,ew two hundred miles, went for the interview and got back to the hospital in time to nurse in the evening. I didn't know I would be leaking. During the in-basket I looked down and saw two big bulk eyes. I wondered why the men were pushing each other, shuffling out of the room. They couldnr get out of there fast enough. The epitome of womanness was sitting right in front of them. (laughs)

Einette does not miss an opportunity to raise the awareness of others to the social issues to which she is committed. She really outdid herself when she applied for a principalship, dramatically making the point Mat mothers of young children are indeed interested in administrative positions and should be considered for appointments. She didn't mention her emotional response to her body functions. We can assume that she felt more comfortable than the men. Her story of the male senior administrators' discomfort in the professional setting of the interview, with physical manifestations of motherhood, indicates that there were some limits to their thinking in appointing a "new wave of pn'ncipalsn. Yet they appointed her. Her description of her interview suggests an image of a young woman who keenly wanted the appointment and wanted it then rather than waiting until the next time there was a vacancy in the board. It demonstrates her belief in her ability to meet all family and career obligations. We would expect then that Einette would have been thrilled with her appointment, confident in her ability to do the job well.

Often you get one of two reactions to being catapulted into a job. You get caught up in the glory of it and it's a power thing for you. Or you get the opposite and it's a sincere1 humbling experience. And that's what hit me between the eyes. I thought, "&OW, I got a job as a p"ncipal. I can7 believe itn I never questioned like Sharon Thornad' questioned, whether she could do it. She worked night and day, worried that she couldnr do it. I never questioned that I could do it. That was never in my mind. I thought, "What a humbling experience! Why is it humbling? Because I'm going to go into a school where all of the teachers have taught longer than I have. They're going to have to accept this young whippersnapper coming in as the principal. They have a certain idea of what that role is, such as knowing the most about everything. I had been a leader in the federation and had developed a leadership profile and a bit of a scary one. It was vely threatening. So I thought, "I'm not going to go in there and consciously dispel that. But I have to go in there and set their minds at ease."

In Einette's comment we see several stones. Her reference to herself as a "young whippersnapper" and to the fact that all teachers on staff had more teaching experience than she had. reveals a cultural story of knowledge being in direct proportion to age. Using this logic, as the least experienced teacher in the school, Einette would appear to have less knowledge than anyone else on staff. When this story is considered in conjunction with the cultural story of the principal 'knowing the most about everythinga, how then can Einette hope to be a successful principal of this staff? Einette's reference to these cultural stories in explaining her humility in

- -- - 8 Sharon Thomas is a colleague of Einette who was appointed principal at the same time as Einette. being appointed principal indicates that she gives some credence to the stories and that she imagines others do as well. Besides general cultural stories there are 'reputed' stories. They are the stories which contribute to an indiiidual's reputation and are generally known among a cultural group such as Einette's teaching colleagues and other members of the Dunford education community. Einette draws on these reputed stones of herself as president, another leadership role, to explain her confidence in her ability to be the principal. Her reference to her leadership profile as scary or threatening could mean that she was reputed to be threatening or demanding as a leader, that she used her position to exert power over people. Or perhaps she had a confrontational style in dealing with people. As the WTA president, at times she would be involved in situations of conflict - in collective bargaining or in dealing with administrators to resolve grievances. As the WApresident, on occasion she would also be a confidante to other teachers, undertake new initiatives and speak publicly on educational issues. Another possible interpretation is that she was so competent as a leader that others found her reputation daunting, that she set a high standard for anyone else to try to achieve. My impressions of Einette would lead me to this latter conclusion. In addition to the cultural stories and the reputed stories are Einette's peaonal stories of herself as leader. Embedded within Einette's comment is her need to succeed and to feel competent. Thus she will not try to "dispel" the teachers' impression of her as a successful leader. Another personal story similarly embedded, is Einette's desire to be accepted by Me staff. To do so, she needs to find ways to "set their minds at ease", not to have them inhibited by her reputation as a leader, to let them know that she is human. Her reluctance to dispel impressions of her leadership abilities and her wish to set their minds at ease appear to be in conflict. But her underlying stones could be viewed as supporting each other. That is, being accepted by staff will contribute to her sense of success. At the same time, feeling successful and competent will help her to be accepted by staff. It seems to me that one way to feel successful is to introduce innovations with which the staff will be comfortable. If Einette was to share with them some of her beliefs and priorities, they would begin to know her personally. This would help them create their own personal stories of Einette as leader. either to replace or add to their reputed stories. Her priority of creating a safe place for students and staff gave staff and students a clear picture of some of her beliefs.

WArefers to the Women Teachers' Association, which is linked with each school board in Ontario. At the time of this study there were 79 WTA's, each with its own executive. When participants refer to their involvement in federation, they are referring to the local association. I went in with an idea of how I would treat staff differently than how Ifelt I was treated. I thou ht, When I become responsible for a sdrool, I will make it a safe place to be." Yo me the safe place was not only a safe place for children. I assumed that would be there, but a safe place for staff members as well - no sexual innuendo comments, no racist comments or jokes, no inappropriate comments about children or their families. And that I managed to do immediately. We still fall off the wagon at times. The secretary does more than anybody. I have a feeling she does it more when I'm not there, because she knows I wouldn't find it appropriate. I went in knowing Mat's something I could do immediately. And that's one thing that usually hits people when they come to the school.

In my experience with women teachen moving into principalships, many of them want to initiate some change, to p~qtheir personal mark on the school. The first ideas for change often come from within themselves and are related to practices which they have experienced, practices with which they penonally disagree or are uncomfortable. These innovations tend to be general in nature rather than directly related to a particular school for a few reasons. Unless the principal has been appointed from within the school she is unlikely to know right away what she wants to change within that specific schwt. Perhaps more general innovations are more palatable to staff. Their implementation is less likely to imply criticism of the staff or school. Later, when the principal has had a chance to get to know school practices, other innovations are usually more acceptable. I have included these stories to give some insights into Einette's reputation. They are Einette's stories of her colleagues' stories about her. I am interested primarily in Einette's experience of moving into an administrative position from her perspective. Thus her stories of the educational community's stories about her are of greater interest to me than are their actual stories. Einette was awara that besides teachers, parents and other members of the 0ver(ea1* school community also were creating stories of her, stories which would probably differ from their cultural stones of women principals. She was aware too of her role in contributing to these stories, a role which she enjoyed. Here too I will focus on Einette's story of the school community stories of her, rather than on the actual community members' stories.

They had other women principals but they didn't have a young woman principal that seemed cityish to them. I think the way I dressed and presented myself seemed more cityish than Dunford, what they would see as a career woman, one of those women's lib types.

E;:.=::e ielt that she didn't exactly fit within the Overlea community's cultural stories of principals. There had been women principals within the Dunford board's sixteen schools prior to

I) Overlea is the elementary school to which Einette was appointed principal. Einette's appointment but none in the prime of motherhood. Others moved into administrative positions only after their children were grown. Because Overlea school had usually had male principals, many parents and other community members may have believed that the new principal should be a man. Those who accepted the possibility that the principal be a woman may have based their opinions on hearsay about women principals in other Dunford schools. Thus, their story of women principals may have been of older women whose children had grown. The exception may have been a few parents who had been Einette's classmates during her school days. Although she did not comment on their impressions of her, references to Einette as a student hint at their possible stones of her.

I was a pet in school. I was athletic, so that would be one of the reasons. 1 was always a favourite on the team because I was usually the best on the team. In school I wasn't stupid, but I was artistic and humourous. When I got into high school. sports became my priority. It's not that difficult to shine, especially in small towns. You become the most popular just because of athletics. By grade 13 a lot of my phys ed friends had gone away to collage. That's when I thought, "I don't want to be a phys ed teacher. (laugh) I don't want to be just like my phys ad coaches." And that's when it hit me that it was no favour to me to be favoured. I almost failed grade twelve but I got into grade thirteen and I had to get into a university. I didn't have nineties, but I had eighties and I was accepted earfy. I remember guys coming up to me saying, 'I didn't know you were smart, Einette. How did you get the highest mark?" I didn't all of a sudden become an egghead and work real hard, but. . . Marilyn: 9ou went to class for a change. Einette: Yeah, I went to class. I liked to write. I'm not a really good writer but I have a lot of good ideas. I think I'm relatively articulate, but probably my sentence structure leaves a lot to be desired. I operated at school by the seat of my pants.

Though she didn't talk specifically about the school community's reaction to her appointment. we can speculate that when stories of Einette as a student and stories of other women administrators circulated among the community, people created their own stories of Einette as principal. As parents and other community members interacted with Einette and heard their children's stories of the new principal, they would restory their earlier reputed stones of Einette. As Einette became a character in their story of school. no doubt they began to restory their story of school and of principals. Their cultural stow of principals was beginning to expand from men or older women, to include women with young children as well. Perhaps female students were beginning to restory their own career plans to include principal or leadership roles in other fields. Einette undoubtedly was interested in people's reactions to her appointment and knew she didnY fit some of their expectations for a principal. But I imagine that other people's impressions did not occupy much of her attention. Rather, I expect that she concentrated on getting on with the job. One of her first priorities as a principal was to develop relationships with members of her staff. They were her closest colleagues but more importantly they were essential players in helping Einette achieve her goals within the school.

DNELOPING RELATIONSHIPS WITH STAFF

I spent my first year working on building a relationship with the staff. I made lots of mistakes but I didn't go in there thinking. 'I'm going to be autocratic." I always hated that when I was a teacher and somebody said. 'Start out firmly and then it's easier to let up." You start out the way you are. I didn't go in there and stalt dispersing the responsibility. It just became natural that people would take certain responsibilities. I thmk a lot of it was spending time sitting down with them and talking about plans.

This comment gives some indication of Einette's story of other people's cultural story of principal, a story she wanted to change. She particularly wanted to change the story of the principal's use of power. Her reference to being autocratic as the one mistake she did not make indicates that to her, being autocratic is a mistake of greater magnitude than the ones she did make. She presented her belief in "starting out the way you are" as a contrast to being autocratic. This k consistent with her statement that she did not "disperse responsibility". Her description of people "taking responsibility" reflects an atmosphere of sharing power among the gmup rather than she as principal doling out a measure of responsibil*Ry to staff. Einette did not talk about the details of how she developed a relationship with staff during the first year. I can imagine that her interactions were somewhat similar to what I observed during a visit to the school three years later. Einette started her day at school by putting a pot of soup on to cook when she arrived. Whenever she went outside or to a classroom she stopped by the staffroom to give it a stir. Ovedea is a country school with no nearby restaurants so teaches normally woutd each take their lunch. They chose instead to take turns bringing food for the group. Perhaps intuitively they knew that the communal soup pot was one way of building relationships, of creating community. Einette mentioned that one of the teachers had verbalized the value of eating together.

Sharon Catelpa, our French teacher says, "You know, because I grew up hundreds of miles away, and because we all spend lunch here, you're my family. This staff is my family."

Einette greeted teachers or students she met throughout the day with personalized comments which indicated her knowledge of individual's situation. Themes ranged from a teacher's weekend shopping trip, another's prizes at the fair, one man's involvement with a dog show, someone's pumpkin pie recipe, and another teacher's change in plans to attend a meeting that morning. She asked a student about her broken leg and told her how she had unintentionally broken someone's leg, doing judo. She welcomed back a boy who had been ill. While on yard duty she interacted with a number of students, talked with a boy about his motheh delicious cookies and asked if she was teaching him how to cook, discussed an electronic keyboard with a group of girls, offered her roller blades to a student, inquired of another boy about his family's moose hunting, and shot a few baskets with other students. Throughout the day she was making connections with students and teachers she encountered. As opportunities arose, she developed relationships with other community members as well. When the police officer anived to do a bus safety lesson, she immediately noticed his cold and offered him medicine. During this brief exchange she also commented on a recent crirnestoppers' conference in which he had been involved. An insensitive performance had upset a friend of Einette's. She applauded the program but stressed the need for those involved to be sensitive to individuals' feelings and not to reinforce old stereotypes. Not only does she try to influence students and staff to be more accepting of people's differences, she tries to raise the awareness of people in the wider community to changing social values. After lunch two seven-year-old girls arrived to report that two boys had exposed themselves. Einette talked with the boys about their "private place" and advised them to tell a parent they had been sent to the office and why. Einette could have called the parents and discussed their sons' misdemeanor. In handling the situation this way she was trying to get the boys to accept responsibility not only for their actions but for discussing it with their parents. Pefhaps she was giving the parents a chance to accept responsibility for contacting her if they wanted to discuss it further, rather than the more usual practice of the school taking the initiative. Shortly afterwards a parent anived, ostensibly to discuss her son, but more in search of a sympathetic ear to listen to her own personal problems. Einette provided that ear, mentioning to me the need to build relationships within the community. By showing students and teachers their roles in her story of school as a community based on relationships, where people care for one another, she was helping them restory their stories of school. We see Einette's story of the principal extending beyond the school, to impmve other influences on learning conditions for the students in her care. She believes she should help parents grow and learn in their parenting roles. As a principal Einette provided opportunities for staff, students, and perhaps even their parents, to mature and to assume responsibility for their actions, similar to the way she and her siblings had grown and matured within their famify. SCHOOL AS FAMILY

I was reading an article about how schools should be more like families, I mean real families where people are equal contributors. the way families operate when they operate at their best.

The article Einette mentioned is consistent with her story of famify. When she talked about her desire for schools to be more like a family she was basing her ideal model on her own experience. Though she acknowledged that her family is far from perfect, she spoke very positively about her parents' and siblings' roles in contributing to her confidence. sense of well- being and emotional growth.

I also had the feeling that I was special with both my mom and dad. But when I taiked to the rest of the family they felt the same way. So it was an amazing way my parents raised us. The family concept is very important to me. I think it's because I came from such a powerful family. They're far from perfect, but in that arena of argument and caring comes an incredible emotional growth.

- Many others however, have quite a different story of family. for example the student with the bum. Others think of family in terms of rather rigid "traditional family valuesn. Harry Gray elaborates on a more benevolent but somewhat restrictive story of school as family which reinforces dependency and inhibits the development of responsibility.

One way of understanding the basic organizational dynamics of the school was to recognize Mat people behave according to a familiar model; that is, the school is organized as a large family of which the Head is either mother or father. Other members of the school cannot be other than children or relatives, and of course they cannot change their basic relationship. In most cases this means that no one is allowed to grow up. Deputies are simply older children who are not yet ready to leave home, and everyone behaves in a family relationship to everyone else. (Gray 1993).

Families themselves restory the concept of family. Within even one or two generations can be found strongly contrasting images of family. Thus, differentiation is possible even within a fairly homogeneous community, which appears to share common values. Consider the potential range of meanings in a multicultural community. References to school as family present a wide range of images. One of the difficulties of using a metaphor which is within the experience of most people is thinking that particular metaphor is such a common concept that everyone will understand the same meaning. The problem is tho great variety among people's experience and thus a wide range of meanings. Rather than shared meaning, there is a shared belief that everyone understands each other. The perception that people understand each other can lead to much greater confusion than if the metaphor was beyond the experience of most people and needed considerable explanation to give it meaning. When promoting the image of school as family for example, there is the potential for discrepant views of family to result in misunderstandings between the principal and students or parents. With the Overlea school staff, Einette was striving to create an atmosphere of family as she had experienced it, as an environment in which children are encouraged to mature and develop independence and responsibility. Referring to her relationship with senior administrators. she shifts from her understanding of family to her perception of the superintendent's meaning, one more similar to that described by Gray. Not only did the imagery lead her to some challenges as she matured in her abilities as leader, but the ways she played out the roles contrasted with each other. While she was trying to develop responsibility and a spirit of collaboration among her staff. she herself was expected to fit into the board's hierarchical structure, where at times she encountered attempts to inhibit her growing independence. In thinking of her two roles she used contrasting images of family, yet their common genesis had the potential to lead to confusion. She might have found it useful to think of different images to contrast her role as principal within the board hierarchy, with her role as principal within the school. In chapter 8, 1 will discuss further how leaders' images influence their roles.

EVOLUTION AS LEADER Einette describes her evolution as a leader, beginning with her acclimatization to the role of principal, then moving to her distinction between principal and leader, and finally to her own meaning of leader.

When you go in as a principal in your first year, you're dependent on your immediate supervisor. He usually spends a lot of time being a father to you. At that time I spent a lot of time doing "Show and Tell" with the superintendent, saying "You didn't make a mistake. I'll show you." And I made things move and I made them fly and I did some really nice things. But I wasn't a real leader, because I wasn't prepared to be independent from that person, not that I should spend my whole life aggravating that person. I believe that anybody can be a principal if you spend all your time appeasing the supervisor or pleasin parents without ever understanding that you have a responsibility to all parts oB the community.

Her reference to the superintendent "being a father" portrays him as the person to impress, the person with the power. When she was young in the principal's role she felt like a young child seeking her father's approval. She demonstrated to him her ability to carry out 'principalu activities, to show that she was indeed a principal, that she fit his story of principal. She was dependent on his power to achieve her goals, like a lamp whose brightness depends upon the amount of electricity the transformer allows to Row in the circuit. She presents We cultural story of principal to be someone who "appeases the supervisor or pleases parents* in contrast to her story of principal as someone who has a "responsibility to all parts of the community." She uses this distinction between administrator and leader to elaborate on her story of leader.

I became a true leader when I was confident and secure enough to say, "I don't need you anymore in that role. Now I want something, and I'm going to use a political way to get it, because I truly believe the school needs it" And when I did that, my role as a leader changed because what came with it was responsibility. I know now that my real leadership is because I'm secure and confident enough to say, 'Yes I'll take risks." And I'll take risks, because I truly believe, education wise, something is a good thing to do. Now at times I may get into power struggles, and I have to stop and re-evaluate whether it's a power struggle.

To Einette, a leader is secure, confident, independent of superordinates, has a vision or commitment to an issue and is prepared to take risks to achieve goals. She expands on her meaning of leadership with her reference to using political ways to get something, when she uses her own networks and means of influence, rather than relying on her superintendent's connections. But to her, the essence of leadership is responsibility. She demonstrates her own ongoing practice of reflection with her reference to occasional power struggles, which are part of her way of being, but are not part of her personal story of leadership. Einette described an incident between her and her superintendent which occurred at the end of her probationary year as principal. The incident could be viewed in several different ways - as a power struggle, as an example of Einette's confidence in her ability as a principal, her commitment to an issue. or her willingness to take a risk. Each interpretation has credibility when viewed within a certain context.

RELATIONSHIP WITH SENIOR ADMINISTRATORS

I went to the board meeting because they were discussing rnultigrading and I was there when they announced that I was going to continue as an acting principal. Nobody hqd discussed it with me. The superintendent clearly thought I would not be at the meeting. He came runnin over and I said. That's a little insensitive, don't you think, Michael, that I woudnd out awtmy status this way?" He said, "I was going to talk to you. I phoned you this afternoon." I said. "That's irrelevant. What were you thinking of? How long will I be an acting principal? Obviously we have to talk about this." "1% not you, Einette. It's the school. It's attached to the school." I said, "Michael, the school has a contract? Is that the case? The school is goin to be acting principal? It's not the school. It's me." "fJ0, no, no, it's the school." he said. 'When Lany was there, he was a probationary principal. For five years he was probationary." And 1 said, "Well I'm not Lany. I don? accept those conditions. This isn't the place to talk abut it, but the issue is not dead," The next day I thought about how to approach it. If they're going to make me an acting principal. I'll be the least senior. If ~mherst"dosed they would have an extra principal and I'd become redundant So I wrote a letter of resignation which laid out the issues. I explained that I could be appointed as an acting principal for another two years and another two and another two. If Barbara Hopkinsa was going to be transferred out here, would she have been probationary? I doubt it. Not with her experience. It can7 have anything to do with the school because our enrollment is up. Our kindergarten is expanding. So why would it be me? I haven't the qualifications? It can't be. I'm a qualified principal and I'm doing my masters. I have more paper qualifications than the people who were appotnted as full principals. So it can't be qualifications. Then I went to a philosophical vein. I talked about what it does to pn'ncipals who have probationary contracts. My bottom line was. "I expect the board will review its position or you can acceg my resignation." At the next board meeting it [the motion giving Einette permanent status] was passed (laughs) just like that 1 knew I was taking a risk but I was prepared to go back to the classmom. When I took that risk it wasn't a bluff.

Though Einette talked about enjoying her nine years as a teacher and being prepared to return to a teaching position I think the only way this would have been palatable to her was that she would have done it on her tens rather than someone else's. She enjoyed the role of principal and believed she was a good principal. She would not have wanted to return to a teaching position because the board or senior administration removed her from the principal's position. Yet her threat to resign as a principal gave them that opening. If they did not believe she was a good principal they could have continued the acting designation and she would have returned to the classroom, but on her terms rather than theirs. She could have said that she returned to the classroom by choice, on a matter of principle. Einette has a strong sense of self and stands up for her rights as well as for those of others. She acknowledges that it is easier for her to take on an issue on behalf of someone else. But she does not back away when she believes that she herself has been treated unfairly, particularly when the unfair treatment is based on stereotypic attitudes. She described the structure of the school board as hierarchical but I believe that, unlike most novice principals, she saw herself as being on an equal plane with the board's senior administrators. Possibly this sense of equality came from her experience as the WTA president and the teachers' chief negotiator in bargaining their collective agreement. As the women teachers' official representative she met with senior administrators as an equal and developed a rapport with them based on these experiences. Her frequent contacts with the director and

- -- - " Amherst is another school ~in'theDunford Board a Bdara Hopkins is a senior principal with the Dunford Board. " "It"refers to the motion that Eineitte be given permanent status as a principal. The fact that the trustees passed the motion so readiiy suggests that the idea of the acting designation came from senior administration rather than the elected trustees. In some school boards most decisions are actually made by senior administrators and ratified by trustees. superintendent provided opportunities for her to know them as individuals, to realize that they are subject to the same human shortcomings as everyone else. To the senior administrators however, when she became a principal her position clearIy shifted to subordinate. Einette's frustration with their attempt to continue the "acting" status of her position was possibly equaled by their frustration that she did not readily acquiesce to their authority. During the meeting with the superintendent Einette confirmed her suspicions as to why. of the four recently appointed principals she was assigned to Overlea school and why she was the one to receive the "acting" designation.

The other thing I dragged out of Michael was that my being married had something to do with it. I said, 'Michael, when you appointed me to Overlea, how did you decide who would get which school? Were you thinking of me being at Overlea because I was manied and had a smdl child and I wouldn? have to drive as far?" He said. " Yes, that came into play." I said. "Did the fact that I was married and might have a second child have anything to do with it?' "Well, yeah, we did think of that." So you see that is why they made me a probationary principal. I was the only mamed young woman and they worried that I might have another child.

Possibly the principal selection committee members prided their avant garde thinking in appointing a young mother as one of their new principals. However, their attitudes were not completely transformed. Their story of appropriate roles for women is rather different from Einette's. In Einette's conversation with her superintendent, she confirms his stow of her as a principal who deserved special consideration bemuse of her parental status. This is further evidence of the paternalistic role he assumed with her. She was not pleased that senior administrators made decisions about her career based on her marital or parental status. It is unlikely that these factors would have been considered when placing a young male principal. Within a few years of their appointments two of the newly appointed principals accepted positions with other boards. Perhaps board officials should have based their predictions on information other than stereotypic notions about the likelihood of young married women becoming pregnant. In making the case for a permanent appointment, Einette's letter to the board reflected her confidence. She took a firm position that she was a good principal. She was doing the job as well as other principals with similar experience. She was meeting board expectations and was well accepted by the staff and community. The possibility that she was not doing a good job as principal was never considered. Pernaps it is neccsszuy for survival during the first year to emphasize achievements, to live a story of success. In other conversations with me however, she acknowledged that early in her tenure as principal she was less effective than she later became. Her competence continued to increase during her next few years in the rok

But I wasn't very good the first year as a principal. I really had to work things out the second year. The first year you're dealing with your staff, and the second year you're dealing with the community, the third year you're finally getting to the students, and the fourth year you're bringing them all together. And in the meantime your personality is just kind of running through the school, and finally getting there.

Einette storied her first year as principal with different shadings depending on the context within which she viewed it. With time and experience, not only has she restoried her success as a principal during that first year, she revised her general story of principal, somewhat like a writer who writes the first draft as she lives it, not always knowing what will come next. Then as she reconsiders what she has lived and written, with new insights she revises and rewrites a new version. In considering that first year through filters of subsequent experience, reflection, additional reading about administration, her success of ensuing yean, she has a clearer idea of the role of a principal. She recognized her need to feel independent of the superintendent and believes her occasional power struggles with senior administrators were sometimes her strategy for gaining independence. When she had a dispute she was reflective and questioned herself about her motives - to learn what she can from the encounter. When she tried to discuss with him her views about changing the system, her report of the conversation suggests two contrasting stories. Her version could be that she was sharing her reflections with him as a way of clarifying her own thoughts whereas his perception might well have been that she was resisting his authority.

Research keeps saying, "People are hesitant to change because there are fears." I believe that's there but I also think the structure of the system is a problem. I thought the only thing getting in the way of empowerment was either the fear of change or a belief base. My argument with my supervisor is, "There is no way you can implement a type of participatory management, because I don't believe you would trust me with that responsibility. You might delegate a job but you're still checking it. And in the end you're still getting the credit for it, regardless of how it happens." He of course wasn't very pleased. I had gone in to see him about m concern about the transfer. It ot pretty fiery, and emotional. I said to him, " nXy greatest fear is that five years 9rom now Ismgoin to be like you. I don't have any role models to show that things can be done dia erently." And he says, "I take offense to that." So I said, 'Well whether you take offense to it or not is totally irrelevant to me, because I feel I've paid for it. I'm treated differently, you know and I know that, because I'm a threat. It's because I question structures." And yet I know in my heart that the more I resist, the more I pay for it. But I was looking at myself. Do I do the same thing? Am I just delegating at a different level? Einette understood the senior administrators1 expectations concerning the role of principals within the board hierarchy and knew she was not to question them. But she was trying to create a new story of the prefened structures. As she tried to debate the issue to shape her own thoughts, her superintendent clearly thought shs was challenging his authority. In shifting the focus of her reflections to her own way of operating she decided to try to create new processes within her school.

So after I had my meeting with Mr. Boswell I went back to the school and I looked into myself and thought, 'I can't act too self-righteous about it I belong to the same system, have to operate in the same structure. What am I doing in the school?" And that's when I came up with this idea that 'I'm still standing at the end of the funnel, dropping through what I think is important."

Here we see Einette's story of operating in a way similar to the senior administrators in her board. When viewed within the context of her annoyance with them for behaving that way, we see her desire to change. She too gets caught up in doing it the same way and may not immediately realize it at the time. She recognizes that in order to change, she needs to make a conscious effort to do so. Connelly and Clandinin (1995) use the metaphor of a funnel to describe how "school policies are fed into schools." In using the same metaphor, Einette refers not to the board, but to herself at the top of the funnel controlling what passes through it. She was trying to move towards increased and more equitable staff involvement in the management of the school, but some of her language suggests that she continued to exert a strong influence on the school agenda.

IMPLEMENTING CHANGE WITHIN THE SCHOOL Increasing Staff lnvolvernent When I went back to the school in August I was thinkin about the profile of the staff and I thought, This is a really top notch staff! We've got to do something more. I should be looking at things I can do now that I couldn't do four years ago. I didn't have the knowled e base then and I didn't know them that well." So Ithought, "What more can I 8o?' How do I get teachers more involved in setting the agenda and following through with it? Though she didn't spell out the specifics, Einette reflected about what she knew after four years as a principal. We see her story of herself as an educator who continues to grow, as someone who acts on ncr new knowledge by engaging in new activities or by doing things in new ways. We also see her story of hersdf as a caWyst, as the person with the responsibility for initiating change. Her reference to not changing sooner because she didn't have the knowledge, reinforces her story of obligation. What are the teachers' stories of change? A common cultural story is that over a period of time principal and staff come to hold a mutual vision for the school. After four years of working with Einette, have staff members created new stories of their responsibilities as teachers? Or of the role of a principal? Do Einette and the staff share the same story for the role of staff?

I developed what I called school improvement teams but the staff preferred to calf them school management teams. They're giving me a distinct message. First of all they didn? want the school to be perceived as needing to be improved and that's a good point. Secondly. if they're going to use their resources and energy, then they want to be part of the management. They didn't want a hierarchy. They didn't jump for joy when I presented the proposal. They took time to think about it. Their suggestions had to be part of it or they wouldn't buy in. When they formed teams, I was surprised at who chose to work together.

The different names for the teams indicate that the staffs story of the school and of their work as teachers may have been different from Einette's. Staff members appeared to be satisfied that they were doing a good job, in contrast to Einette's story that there was room for improvement. Her view of staff involvement may have differed from that of the staff. This illustrates the importance of ushg precise language which reflects the intended messages. Though the teachers didnY readily agree to Einette's proposal by choosing a different name for the teams, they made it clear that if they were to be involved they wanted to share herole of managing the school. Einette was sensitive to their reaction and readily agreed to use their terminology. The ease with which she adapted the staff wording suggests that their stories of Overlea school may have been more similar than the terminology implies. Another possibility is that Einette is politically astute and recognized the need to revise her story if she was to get staff cooperation. As Einette described the first meeting we see further clues to staff and principal stories.

There are ten staff members plus four support staff with two on a team. Jan, the grade one and two teacher and myself are on a team and planned the first meeting. She began by asking, Will we provide lunch?"" She brought the pasta and I brought the salad. Then she offered to set up the agenda and I said 'Okay. I'll get the secretary to prepare folders for everyone."

The inclusion of the secretary and custodians in the management teams indicates an attempt to involve them more equally with teaching staff in making school decisions. Yet Einette clearly saw the secretary as responsible to her, to perform duties as she, the principal.

U They are implicitly acknowledging the function of food in creating a sense of community. requested. Similarly she saw herself as the person responsible for taking the lead. This may be why she and her partner organized the first meeting, to model for the rest of the staff and to demonstrata her vision of how the school management teams could lead future staff meetings. She did not discuss her role as she co-chaired the meeting with Jan, but her descliption of the meeting indicates that Jan as her teacher partner played a prominent role in chairing the meeting.

Jan started the agenda on the blackboard. A lot of housekeeping type things went on, and a couple of theory type things. Marilyn: Was this your agenda or did the whole staff have input? Einette: The team is responsible for setting the agenda. They oan choose to invite staff input or do it however they want. If they want to do a proposed agenda that's up to them. We thought because it was the first one and bemuse it was the beginning of the year, we'd invite staff input. So Jan put the agenda on the blackboard as it filled up. There were ten things right away. As the principal, I organized folders and had everybody submit management team folders. Jan and I chaired the meeting.

In moving to a more collaborative management style Einette lived contrasting stories. She assumed certain responsibilities as leader but also participated as a collaborative team member, sharing team responsibilities. What meaning did Einette and the staff make of her actions with the management team folders? She may have provided them as a team member, but what were the teachersastones of her request that they submit them to the office? To Einette what was the function of the folders? Were they simply to help staff organize their materials? Or did she intend to monitor the teams? A challenge facing principals and staffs moving to greater shared decision-making involves a shift in power - the disruptions and loss of stability until a new point of equilibrium is reached. Contrasting stories whirl around as if in a centrifuge until the essence can eventually be extracted. In addition to the staff taking on new roles in managing the school, Einette wanted parents to be involved in more meaningful ways than they had in the past.

Parent lnput Into Cumculum

An important issue was parent involvement. As a staff, we've talked a lot about it and said that parent involvement is no longer volunteerism or welcoming parents into the schools for coffee and that kind of thing. Parents are going to be a dynamic force in determining where education is going. How do we prepare for that?

Einette's role was to help staff see the potential for greater paren! involvement and to help them prepare for it. As staff members were restorying their roles in terms of deckion- making within the school, at the same time they were examining their changing relationships with parents to help them create new stories of their roles within school. From yet another perspective we see Einette contemplating her role as principal, helping her staff both to work together more collaborativeiy and to create a new story of the role of parents in the school. The meeting focus shifted from process to content As Einette described Jan's proposed meeting with parents, our attention vacillates from the issue of cursive writing to decision- making processes with parents as well as those within the staff.

Jan talked about having a parents' meeting tonight. She's going to present research on cursive writing. In some countries children learn to write in grade one because they feel that's the best time in their development to teach writing. We skip that time because we're teaching printing. Then when we teach writing we're past the stage of their ph sical development for writing. Now research shows that the best time to teac K printing is later than sk years of age. We're doing it backwards. Drafting teachers in high school tell us they teach students to print over again. She's going to provide that information and then she's going to say, "I'm thinking about trying writing with this class. The children print well so I'm not wonied about teaching them to write." If some people say, "Can they read?', she'll point out that they read five different scripts in textbooks so it's not a case of recognizing printing. She's going to go with their decision. I said, ''If you're prepared to pass the curriculum to parents, you have to be prepared to accept their decisions. If most parents say 'we don't buy your philosophy', then you're going to have to rethink what you're doing."

Clearly Jan had already discussed this with Einette. acting on her story of the principal having the authority to approve or support her plan.

She presented that to the staff and you could see them internalizing it. The teachers gave their views. They talked about what they do and they listened to each other. I saw good dynamics that wouldn't normally happen in a staff meeting. And it wouldn't happen in an unorganized way either. There would have been more of "Well thars so-and-so and I don't buy into that."

Jan's presentation to staff seems to have been for information only, rather than to seek their support in her proposed plan of action. When Jan sought input from the parents, what were the implications for other teachers? Did Jan's actions lead parents to new stories of their relationship with the school? Did parents expect other teachers to welcome their input about other curricular issues? Einette may even have encouraged her to discuss it with staff to help lead them to a new story of parent involvement.

Doreen said. "I'm doing something with parent involvement too. I've got 32 students and I've had a personal interview with every parent this year. I had a little chart and the parents told me things about their children that they never get asked, about shyness, about friendships, and I'm using that." It's givicq her the opportunity to establish a relationship with the parent early in the school year. It's not one of those, "Hi, how are you? I just wanted to tell you Johnny had a good day" things. It has far more substance than that. So that was the discussion about parent involvement As Einette described this agenda item she elucidated the differences between Jan and Doreen's stories of parent involvement. Implicit in Doreen's description is a story of a teacher valuing the way parents understand and know their children. To her they were wonderful sources of information which helped her come to know her students better and faster than if she were to rely on discovering evelything for herself. We see how both teachers provided for parent input into curriculum. Jan sought their feedback for her plan to introduce writing and Doreen invited them to share personal knowledge of individual students, for her to consider when developing the cumculum for her class. Jan and Doreen's involvement of parents in their students' education offer opportunities for parents to tell and live new stories of their roles and responsibilities in their children's education. Their actions may also have helped other teachers to consider new stories of themselves as teachers and of possible relationships with parents. By being responsive to parent initiatives as well as by introducing new stories themselves, Jan and Doreen's initiatives may have helped their colleagues to be more prepared to create new stories with the parents of their students. In a collaborative environment it is useful for teachers to know about other teachers' activities so they can reflect on their own beliefs and be prepared when parents come to them with similar expectations. At the same time, individual teachers need time and space to grow, to develop their own ideas without feeling compelled to conform to someone else's "recipe* for parent involvement. The discussion at this staff meeting provided such an opportunity. Einette felt that she succeeded in getting staff to think about working more collaboratively with parents.

Parent Input Into School Policy

Another issue that came up was a concern about movies being shown at school. Normally I would have brought it up and I would have talked about parents being concerned. But somebody else raised it. The staff argued a bit and defended their positions. There was a lot of philosophy discussed about why the do the things they do. For exam le, Jan likes to show movies in grade one an d' two on a Fnday afternoon. Davic/' who teaches grade seven and eight said, "Well I don't agree with you. If I was a parent that would really bother me. especially if I don? know what movie you're showing." Jan said, ''It'simportant to me that I develop a livingroom atmosphere. For some of those children it's the only peace and quiet they have in their lives." I joined in and said, "We have to communicate more with parents." The thing that came out of the TV and movie discussion is that we're establishing a program guideline. We'll tell parents what we're doing with movies, why we do it, and how it fits into programming or philosophy, guidelines on what we will show and what basic&!y we're going to do. We're going to put some structure to it Marilyn: Will parents have any input to the uidelines? Einette: Someone from each division will 8eveiop a draft for the teachers to look at Then we'll invite the parents' group to look at it. We need something that is school based, because things that you could show in the Overlea area you couldn't show in another area. I don't care if my son watches Cinderella. but I want to talk about it with him. I want him to know it isn't real, that women are not always saved by men. I make teachers mink about it too. I saw people talking together and arguing, but instead of moving into a comer and talking about it. they had an open discussion.

Parents might have felt they had greater input if they had been involved in developing the initial draft or the points to be included in the draft. On the other hand, they may have appreciated having the draft as a focus for discussion. When the process is new to all of them Einette played a key role in leading them to a more collaborative process for making decisions. Possibly parents found it helpful for her to speak as a parent as well as an educator. lnchding Non -Teaching Staff To date we have discussed curriculum related issues and we might question the purpose for including the secretary and custodian in the school management teams. Their inclusion was consistent with Einette's story of collaboration, of recognizing that people within groups make different contributions. Einette was encouraging teachers to work more closely with parents and to understand that teachers and parents share the responsibility for the child's education. Perhaps she wanted to reinforce the concept that teaching, secretarial and custodial staff shared certain responsibilities in the effectiveness of the school. Had she thought of teams like the ten year old boy in Betty Harraganrs (1982) example cited earlier, the secretary and custodian probably would not have been included in the management teams. Rather they would have simply been expected to perform their specific responsibilities while the teachers carried out theirs. She seemed pleased with the way they began to work together within the school management teams.

And I saw a teacher represent the secretary, because they were partnered up. Normally the secretary or the custodian would come to me.

The change Einette noticed in the secretary's usual way of dealing with an issue may have represented her willingness to share her perspectives with teachers in a staff meeting, the usual venue for dealing with "teacher" issues. Her teacher partneh willingness to speak up on behalf of the secretary also showed a spirit of collegiality. Einette sensed that it may take the custodian longer to fed as collegial as the secretary with Einette and the other teachers.

The custodian only ever comes to me with complaints. It seems as if she's saying that I never principalled the school as well as the person before me and that the teachers don't keep their moms as clean as they did before I came. It's her way of communicating. She has no idea there is any other way to do it. She doesn't feel part of the staff now. Before I came the school had been community based. Teachers were from the community and they all partied and played together. She was part of all of that and had the full run of the school. No one keeps the school cleaner than she does but she yelled at kids and some teachers didn't like that. I had to speak to her about it and I hurt her feelings. It made her feel, Well I'm not as good as a teacher." When we were talking about kids and their boots she said, "Wall can I tell them to take . . .?" And Isaid "Yes, but it's the way you tell them."

Einette's story of the custodian is of a woman who feels that she lost status when Einette came to the school as the new principal. Einette is trying to lead her to different ways of interacting with people, particularly the students. She too selves an important function in caring for children as she helps to create and maintain a safe. healthy environment for children. Einette hopes that as they participate in the staff meetings, teaching and nonteaching staff will come to share common goals for the school and to value each person's contribution in achieving those goals. Perhaps the custodian and secretary will see their roles more clearly as they engage in solving problems unrelated to cuniculum, such as the following.

The staff decided to do additional duty. Our problem was that the buses come at twenty after eight and our duty doesn't start until 8:30. Kids wanted to bring in their lunch. Doreen says, 'We could lock the doors. That's what we used to do." And another teacher says, "We're trying to change that. We want to have a welcoming environment." And I said, "Well there would be two reasons to have an inside duty person. One would be to welcome children to our school and help them deal with problems, like if they left anything on the bus. The other reason is to get the kids going back outside, so you don? have kids in the roam unsupervised." And they said they were pleased to do that. They suggested Me extra duty. Had I done that from above there would have been resistance.

Einette tends to be quick to see and clarify the issues. There is an advantage in her waiting to give others the opportunity to summarize on occasion. Otherwise, they will quickly learn to rely on her. She may have felt it was important for her to model for the others how to interpret the issues in such a way that leads to a solution, particularly during their first meeting operating in a new way. Then as they mature in this style of decision-making, others too may develop this skill. Collaboration is slow, particularly early in the process when people are beginning to learn new roles. Consider the support, encouragement and space in the conversation family members give toddlers who are learning to talk, to articulate their needs and wishes. One infant may by supported by several family members. In the case of a school staff learning new ways of working together, many may need support and encouragement. Einette is proud of the new story of school she is creating with the staff.

. t. But more importantly, is the sense of pride I feel in their commitment. it mzkes me think differently about the staff. And I think that's really important Ws not the amount of work you can get from your staff, but how the staff makes you feel about what you're doing at the school. EXTENDING COLLABORATION WITHIN THE WIDER COMMUNtTY As Einette and the staff became more collaborative and shared responsibility through the school management teams Einette lived a new story of her ability to lead a staff to work together collaboratively. Buoyed by her success with the staff she wanted to expand the collaborative spirit beyond the boundaries of the school. Her plan was to join with other community groups to develop a model of integrated se~*cesto meet all the needs of children.

We've leamed a lot about learning in the last ten years. We've learned how kids acquire knowledge and skills and the importance of social education. But we haven't taken the parents with us. And even though we've talked about getting parents into our schoofs we haven't taken the parents with us as we're learning. I don't want to have a community with just a really involved PTA. I'd like to have a team of teaches, parents. aides and whatever other adults work with kids. They would look at how we could coordinate things like recreation, swimming lessons, nutritional things and many other things. What service groups do we have in the community? They can be as much a part of it as we can. We're all serving a child in one way or another. What do our services offer that child? What do we do to assist that child? We're either in a protective service role or we're in an education role, or we're in both.

Cultural stories are sometimes useful as a ready frame of reference, particularly when trying to explain a new. contrasting idea. Einette uses the cultural story of PTA as a point of contrast, to help clarify her vision of integrated services for children. She initiated the idea of integrated services for children and was the helmsperson in navigating the proposal process, though several others were involved in developing the proposal.

We have to get beyond our own agendas if we're going to work together. The structure needs to be somewhat controlled but it can't come from one agency. When I was drawing a graphic I was putting circles on top and integrating it, making it very participatory and making it a real design of equity. And when I looked down I thought, "Good grief. I called the child 'the student'," which is giving a message. We all come with our definitions. To me that is a breakthrough, that I can look and say, "I've got biases here and I'm going to really work at removing those biases."

We usuafly see bias as residing in someone else, as a contrast to our context. By projecting ourselves into another point of view we have a vantage point from which to view our own biases. It is in fact the unique perspectives each person or organization brings to a project that make the case for working collaboratively. Einette struggled to blend together these various perspectives as they began working through the process of developing the proposal.

I'm presenting a proposal on integrated services. Wanda, the resource teacher, and I are working on it. There's going to be a police officer, Patricia the soda worker, a member from Mori House'' and a member from Famiiy Se~ces. They're excited about participating. Wanda and I have interviewed three people and they've come up with incredible ideas. Not onfy that. but they're saying, 'It doesn't matter if you don't get a school based social worker. We want to go on anyway." I think it's because we said, 'We'll reach out to you but we're not going to prescribe the design. The design has to come from the group." I've talked to. Wanda about how to facilitate this. We're going to put it on video bemuse I think we have to capture the interam-on with all the agencies, capture my behaviour and Wanda's behaviour, and the agency members' behaviour. I'm oing to write the proposal through the e es of four children. Their stories give diB erent penpectives of what happens at &erlea School. I've changed the details but they'll still make the point. They're very real but they wont be identifiable. Our program's going to be effective probably mostly because I'm going to be at the school. I don't want to sound self-important but you can have all the proposals in the wodd and if you don? have somebody that% committed, it won't work

Einette is a creative and enthusiastic leader who seeks a balance between inspiring her staffs commitment to her beliefs about what is best for children and at the same time providing them with opportunities for greater involvement in school decisions. Dunford board senior administrators have tended to operate in a more authoritarian style. Thus, her experience of leadership in the field of education is of a less egalitarian style. Though Einette has an image of the way she wants to work, she has little actual experience in the operational (day to day) details. She is committed to this style of leadership but has difficulty in always working as collaboratively as she would prefer. Many principals face this dilemma of creating an atmosphere of collaboration though they themselves have not experienced this style of leadership among their senior administrators. She is a good combination of initiative and reflection. She carefully considers her actions and frequently questions herself about consistency between her beliefs and actions. I believe Mat less reflective principals would face much greater difficulties in adapting to a changing environment, particularly if the proposed changes have ''come down the funnel" and are not their own ideas.

SOURCES OF SUPPORT Knowledge of Experts Confident. committed and enthusiastic though Einette is, at times she found the principal's position lonely. She sought confirmation for her ideas in various ways.

Marilyn: What would you get from a course that would ha:= helped you?

'S Mori House is a women's shelter named after Einette's mother in recognition of her many years of work to try to improve conditions for women. Einette: It supports my beliefs and confirms that I'm going in the right direction. IPS lonely up there by yourself. When I was taking special ed for example, in my heart I knew Mat integration was right but I worked in an area that was dominated by Bronson Unhrenity which was using a dinical model. It was at the time of Bill 82" and because of IPRCs more children were segregated. Test and assess. test and assess, identify, identify, identify and then place them outside of their classroom. I was surrounded by a system saying, "This is a wonderful thing. Your children will be identified and get special programs they wouldn't nomalty get We were selling that concept and I knew in my heart it was wrong. Then I came to Alcom University and had professors specializing in behaviour, so for those six weeks f thou ht, "I'm not out to lunch." It gave me the energy and the spirit to go back to Dun3 ord and say. "I know what I'm doing isn't wrong. I'm giving these kids their programs in the classroom. I'm finding strengths and I'm finding skills and building on them. Marilyn: Can you get that from hearing a good speaker or reading research reports or attending a conference? Einette: Sure you cart. A conference could do that. There's often a discrepancy between what we practise and what we preach. When you work in the field the reality is very contrasting at times. It gets you down and you need that rejuvenation. But you don't just need a speaker or a book or a professor. You need practitioners saying to you. This is happening to me." 'This works." You need it all.

Here we see contrasting stories. Einette must have been strongly convinced she was right to have faith in her own professional knowledge even though the "experts" at the local university were promoting an opposing philosophy of special education. Confident though she was, still she sought confirmation for her ideas. When she took a summer course at Alcom University she was delighted to find support for her beliefs. In ourselves some of us may interpret this seeking of confirmation of our ideas as indicating a lack of confidence. Learning about it in someone else who bears all the marks of confidence may lead us to see it in a new light. not necessarily a mark of insecurity. Einette's reference to the discrepancy between what educators practise and what they preach suggests that accounts of practice may undergo several narrative smoothings in the retelling, particularly when the stories are told by academics or other writers. She listens most carefully to practitioners. who are more likely to describe the specific realities of their situations and gives most credence to their suggestions. though she acknowledges that everything helps. This kind of assistance may be what she was seeking when she was trying to work more collaboratively with her staff. She understood and supported the rationale for working collaboratively, and might have found it useful to talk with other administrators about the practicalities of doing so.

Bill 82 refers to the legislation for students with special needs. One of its requirements is that all students who have been identified as having special needs, must have their placement reviewed by an Individual Placement Review Committee (IPRC).

72. Family Einette also draws on her family for support. Einette has always enjoyed a close relationship with her three brotherr, two sisters and parents. She did not marry until after her father's death when she was overwhelmed by what she described as a male void in her life.

As long as my dad was there. there was never that void. After he died, I reaiized that his legacy was his family. My dad had this uncondtional love and admiration for his children.

Perhaps her marriage was her attempt to cany on her father's legacy in terms of family. But when she refers to her family she doesn't seem to mean her husband and son, but rather her mother and siblings, with her son as a special little brother.

My family is very much my support system. When I think of facing tomorrow witf~outmy family it e devastating. We were lower middle class. When I try to categorize it, it was kind of a genteel poverty.

Though her parents' financial resources were stretched by six children born within eight years, Einette described the advantages of their childhood. drawing connections between their neighbourhood and a rich educational environment.

We had a dinner to celebrate my mom's birthday. In honouring her I talked about her passing on the importance of educating ourselves, not formally but with our life experiences. We grew up on a comer that had a bush, a swamp, a carpentry shop, and a feed shed. I said. "If a kindergarten teacher were to set up her classroom there today, she would have the best classroom she could possibly have. We were fortunate to grow up in this rich environment. Across the street was another family that had fie children. All of us went to university so that impresses the town. But we learned to value wisdom instead of acquired formal knowledge. So in some ways I think it's kept us reasonably humble.

At first glance there appears to be a contradiction but Einette's story is of valuing wisdom herself, though others value formal education. Einette's siblings are unique in their ability to encourage her professionally as well as emotionally. At some point in their lives each of them taught. This experience gives them a good understanding of her work and makes their encouragement more meaningful. She too provides strong support for them in their activities. On occasion they may be on opposite sides politically, but they respect and value each other's opinions. Einette describes another function of her family, providing a healthy balance to support and encouragement It's something to be respected and admired. But donY put more weight in it than it really is. Everyone has to go home. And when they open that door and go in, they're still who they were. It knocks you back to earth pretty quick.

Wm such a background it is not surprising that she wants schools to be like a family. Einette has enjoyed growing up in a strong supportive family and has considered her family% contributions in shaping her personality, values. beliefs and behaviours.

Mother Much as she values her siblings' support, her mother plays a special role. Einette often seeks advice from her mother who is her close friend and mentor.

I interviewed my mom about why she got involved in feminism and sodaJism and the New Democrat Party. And I kept trying to get deeper into the reason. I wanted some really great philosophical profound statement I could use in my paper. Finally she said, ''Oh Einette, it was my sense of power, the sense of excitement." (pause) And I was so disappointed because it made my mom sound so human. (laugh) I said. "What do you mean, power?' And she said. "We all want the power. It's just that we feel that we could probably distribute it a little more fairly than the way the system does right now. But it's still wanting that power."

In Einette's report of interviewing her mother for a course assignment lie several Memes. Though Einette couches her sentiments as a desire for a profound statement for her paper. she appears to expect superhuman qualities of her mother. Her notion that academic papers should include deep philosophical statements presents an interesting contrast to her earlier comments about the gap frequently found between theory and practice, and her preference to hear from practitioners for her own professional development. When confronted with her mother's humanness she was disappointed and expected something more. This reveals Einette's humanness too. to seek an ideal in her mother- One of the advantages of narrative inquiry is that it allows us a clearer, more realistic view of people's humanness. Yet when it is revealed to us, we think there must be deeper, more philosophical ideas and are disappointed not to find them. In another vein we see Einette and hier mother as kindred spirits in terms of their sense of power and excitement in their abilities to influence. Einette clearly enjoys politics but may have thought of her influence brokering more as a game until this conversation with her mother. Possibly her mother's attitude legitimizes her own feelings about power. I began the chapter with a view of Einette as a young mother embarking on her career as a principal, a blending of her personal and professional selves. It is fitting to finish with Einette considering her feelings about power, a quality she thinks of in terms of her professional life, through the lens of her motheh views, a strong personal connection. WHO IS EINElTE? What have I learned about Einette that might be helpful for other women principals? What can we learn from her about leadership and women leaders? Applying Connelly and Clandinin's (1988) process of describing her personal practical knowledge leads me to the following view of Einette.

lmage To me, Einette projects confidence, confidence in her own knowledge and ability as well as in others. She has a wide range of interests which extend far beyond the boundaries of education. She reads widely and keeps abreast of cunent trends in education as well as in other areas of society. She has a facility for making connections between education and other seemingly unrelated areas. Soft-spoken, she speaks with a quiet authority which commands attention and inspires confidence in her and her ideas. Einette also projects an image of versatility in personal as well as professional areas. Her cartoons are treasured by many who have found themselves the subject of her quick wit. Her sports accomplishments indude running a marathon and earning a black belt in judo. She talked about her persistence when preparing to run a marathon even when at times she did not feel like doing so. We see evidence of this same determination in her professional life when she wanted to implement changes within the school, for example. As well, she has the ability to inspire other people's confidence in themselves. Colleagues, students and friends get caught up with her enthusiasm and find themselves undertaking projects or tasks they might not have thought possible for them to accomplish. When they succeed, their confidence grows.

Rules Einette believes strongly in the value of building relationships with anyone with whom she works. As a result, she has a wide circle of personal and professional friends. These relationships form the basis of her power and ability to influence. Some of her guiding principles revolve around issues of power and influence. She believes that people must earn respect, rather than be given it simply because of their positions. She believes also that they do not have to hold a position of authority in order to exert influence. Regarding collaboration, she is clear that 'If you're going to collaborate with others, you have to share the power and decision-making." Also, like her mother, she wants to have power, not because she simply wants all that power, but because she feels she can distribute it more equally. She doesn't feel comfortable with the concept of "sending the elevator back downa because that implies she sees herself as being above everyone else. Besides refuting the status differential, she explains that a good leader would never isolate herself to that extent She believes in keeping her options open. recalling her mothets advice to her as a young child. 'Don't put all your eggs in one basket." Pernaps her versatility, professionally as well as personally, has evoked partly as a result of this advice.

Personal Philosophy Einette embraces change, provided that the change will improve conditions for students or teachers. She feels compelled to make a difference in whatever she undertakes. explaining that. "My time is absolutely the most important thing to me, whether it's personal time or professional time. If I spend time here I'm going to make a difference." Her satisfaction comes from seeing people come into their own.

Metaphor When I invited Einette to think of a metaphor to describe her leadership style. almost instantly she suggested that she is like rain. She referred to its steadiness and its effects over the long term and quoted her mother. saying that children's values are not based on only two lectures or talks, but that they develop over a long period of time and need steadiness and consistency. As a principal she has demonstrated her ability to maintain momentum, to be consistent over an extended period of time and to see projects through. She pointed out that a shift in weather gives an opportunity to rethink things, to repackage them in new ways. She sees herself as being like the rain, able to bring a fresh and revitalizing perspective to an issue. This ability has stood her in good stead as a negotiator when she has found creative solutions to apparent impasses. As she talked about rain causing seeds to geminate she was undoubtedly thinking about how she has stimulated growth in others - students, teachers on her staff, and other colleagues. She differentiated between rain and the storms it sometimes accompanies, and pointed out that rain sometimes offers healing in turbulent times. We did not discuss negative connotations of rain. such as some people's disappointment with rain when it interferes with activities, or of the way uncontrolled rain can lead to floods. I can only assume that she limited her metaphor to the positive effects of rain. Cyces and Rhythms Ehette's life consists of several different cycles, some of which parallel each other while others are asynchronous, sometimes dampening the effects of each other and at other times amplifying tensions or stresses. On weekdays, she rises early to have breakfast with her son before dropping him ofF with the sitter on her way to school. After school she either runs or spends time with her son before supper with him and her husband. She regularly has evening meetings related to school or federation work. On evenings when meetings are out of town she misses her run and time with her son. Her involvement with federation work at the provincial level frequently causes her to make weekend trips to Toronto, creating a weekly cycle which allows littte time for family or for herself. As with most other educators, her years are defined by the September to June school year rather than the calendar year. Federation activities closely parallel the school year, with the annual meeting in August signaling the end of one year and the beginning of another. Einette's annual cycle includes a six week period (July to mid August) at the university where she is working on her master's degree. As the chief negotiator for the teachers' collective agreement another "annual" cycle revolves around the negotiating period which usually begins in January and continues until an agreement is reached, whether it takes four months or twenty. Einette lived for several years as an adult single woman before she married. Now as the mother of a young son she has yet to go through his adolescent and teenage years before he'll be on his own. This puts her in a different space from her friends of a similar age, who either do not have children or have older children who are developing their own independence. Another rhythm which influences her activities much more than she would like. is unpredictable and dictated by a medical condition which flares up from time to time. She tries to accomplish as much as possible during periods of remission and at the same time keep her activity at a rate which will prolong the periods of remission. It seems that much of her life is spent trying to find and maintain balances - with her health, her personal and professional life, her leadership style. I believe for Einette this is made more difficult by her enthusiasm and her inclination to pitch herself wholeheartedly into new ventures. This reinforces her tendency to push herself in one area, thinking she can 'catch up" in other areas later. She integrates many roles in which each usually draws strength from others rather than competing with each other. Thus it is fitting that she presented herself at a principalship interview while in the prime of motherhood. Summary My conversations with Einette have highlighted several issues related to administration and leadership which I will discuss further in Chapter 8. Central to the discussion are issues related to power, including position and power and use of power, particularly within the context of collaboration. Somewhat related is the issue of creatmg or refining a personal style of leading. Dealing with change is another area which has been stimulated by my work with Einette. CHAPTER FlVE

ELLEN BRIDGES

PRIORITIES As Ellen recounted stories of her life experiences which have influenced her attitude towards her career, to me one of the most significant was her fatheh death. Like Einette, her father's death awakened her to the importance of family, though for each of them the implications played out differently. At the time of her father's death, Einette believed that her fatheh legacy was his family. She interpreted his life in terms of his dedication to his wife and children. She saw this realization as an influence in her decision to marry in her early thirties and begin a family of her own, possibly to extend his legacy. In contrast, when Ellen's father died she was already married and had two young children. Vivid recollections of her father's work interfering with family celebrations led her to vow that her family would always take priority.

I remember the June before Dad died the company went into negotiations. It was really hard bargaining. overnight with a mediator, off in Toronto. He had a heart attack the year before and they knew his health was not that good. We had Fatheh Day and his birthday at the same time. We were all at Morn's and Dad missed it because he was in negotiations. It was his last Father's Day. Jim took a picture of the whole family and we blew it up for him. People came to the funeral home and said, 'Your father was so proud of you kids. I remember the picture up on the wall. He used to talk about you kids all the time." And I knew that. I knew that we were really important to him. But the company dways took precedence. A month after he died the company came and took the car. and all the stuff that went with him being a company executive. You are totally and completely replaceable to a company. And to think that you're not is wrong. To give up your life for a company is wrong. The people that really can't do without you are your family. And that certainly brought it home to me. When Beth did a report on me she asked if I would be interested in a permanent position. I said, "Yes, I think so but what I'm working on is seeing whether I can do this job and balance my life, because if I cant then I don't want the job." And I think I'm really aware of that because of my dad.

As Ellen was growing up she watched her father, whom she greatly admired, giving his job a high priority. When Ellen recalled how her father's company redaimed the perquisites that accompanied his executive status soon after his death, she developed her own story about the respective priorities of wxk and family. She resolved that her highest commitment would always be to her family. She states this theoly using the second person pronoun impersonally, "You are totally and completely replaceable to a company." It is not the result of carelessness or a modest reiuctance to use the first person. This generalized second person pronoun ranks somewhere between the common usage of Me second and third person. Susan Chase (1995, 112 - 3) postulates that one of her participants uses the impersonal you to place distance between herself and her statement [because] she finds it painful or at least difficult to acknowledge discrimination." Ellen seems to use this generalized form to remove herself from the situation she is describing and enter a "theory makingu state. Rather than use an impersonal third person, Ellen uses the second person to "personalizen her theory, to make it more meaningful to herself and to the listener. There is an implicit assumption, or an invitation for empathy, as if 'This must be true for you, too." or "I think you'll understand." In the story about her father's death the specific behaviour of her father's employer provided the rationale for her belief that family should have a higher priority than a company - not only her family and her employer, but other families and other employers as well. In conversation Ellen often used this generalized second person pronoun to signal her transition from the personal to the general as she expanded her personal stories to more general ones, developing and stating other theories.

PARENTS' EXPECTATIONS FOR ELLEN Ellen recalls her parents as having fairly traditional views concerning gender roles. Though her father was an engineer himself and she was good at math and science, he did not ever suggest that she consider engineering as a career. Yet he encouraged her in other traditional ways. He supported her desire to go to university to become a nurse. Her mother, on the other hand, saw no reason for Ellen to go to university. She expected her daughter to lead a life fairly similar to her own, to marry and raise children. Both parents' views could be considered traditional, though they held opposing ideas about Ellen going to university. It must have been difficult for Ellen to make plans for her future when her parents' stones conflicted. When we try to understand events of twentyfive years ago we are disadvantaged by subsequent years of learning and adapting to a changing society. During that interval we have developed new perspectives and values. They have become so much a part of our beings that we seem always to have held these views. We cannot easily shed them now. To judge people and events of an earlier era in terms of today's context would be unfair to all concerned. Given the culture of twenty-five years ago, why would Ellen's mother expect her daughtefs life to be so different from her own?

When I was talking about going to university before I knew whether or not I had the scholarship, I remember having this big blowup with my mom. My impression was that my dad was glad i was going to university and my mom was really annoyed. I remember my mom saying, "It'sgoing to cost all this money and you'll just end up getting pregnant anyway and it's just a big waste of money." I remember being really upset by that. The really upsetting thing was that ten months later when I finished my first year, I did get pregnant and it was like this prophetic statement of my motheh. (laughs)

How did Ellen story her motheh concern about possible pregnancy? Her mother's intended message would appear to be her concem about wasting money. But within her comment was embedded the suggestion of the possibility of physical intimacy. Ellen may have received quite a different message than her mother intended to give her. My reference to Ellen's premarital pregnancy may be of concern to some readers. This is an interesting contrast to my previous point. These readers may be applying values of an earlier time rather than those reflecting today's society, which is more accepting of a wider range of relationships. As with all of my participants, Ellen has read what I have written about her. She is willing to have me include this story because of its potential to encourage other women to look beyond deviations from societal norms and expectations, to see what is possible in their lives.

INSTITUTIONAL RUES Ellen's story of her subsequent success with both family and career raises questions about the appropriateness of some of the institutional rules of that day, rules based more on cultural biases than on knowledge of logical consequences.

After first year we had a six week stint in the hospital. Just at that point I found out I was pregnant so Jim and I decided to get married. But it also meant I had to quit nursing because you" were not allowed to get married until after second year. When we told my dad he got this look on his face. Obviously he was very upset and his reaction was. Sowhat are you going to do now?" We told him we were going to et married and he said, "OK. Obviously there's a lot of things that we're going to 9,ave to talk about."

Here we see Ellen's story of her father's concem and worry for his daughter. He is not immobilized by his concem but rather models his story of getting on with life, of accepting the situation and working with it.

I remember him driving me down to this final interview with the dean of the nursing school. My sister Diane and her husband had been married for three or four years and Diane always thought she was sort of hard done by. It was obvious that Dad didn't approve of that kind of whinin . He said, "You and Jim are definitely going to have a hard time. Things have a9ways happened easily for your sister and they're not going to be like that for you and Jim. It's going to be really hard. But if you come through this you'll be a lot stronger in the ew!." And it was really neat because I knew he was really disappointed. But I also knew he

Ellen uses the generalized second person here to indicate a rule which was already in place, rather than to state her own theory, as in the earlier example. was dealing with the reality of it and would support me, but he wasn't going to coddle me either.

Several times during our conversations Ellen used the phrase 'it was really near, usually to indicate personal gratification or a connection with another person. She tends not to expand on the source, the reason, or the extent of her pleasure but simply signals it with this understated but overused phrase. On occasion the phrase seems to be inconsistent with the immediate context. Clearly 'it was really neat" does not fit with her fatheh disappointment with her unanticipated pregnancy. Her next sentence, 'But I also knew he was dealing with the reality of it and would support me, but he wasn't going to coddle me either" implies how much her father's support meant to her. What was neat was the unconditional love he felt for her even though she had disappointed him.

In the interview with the dean she said that for the practicum part of it, I had scored the highest because I had this understanding of patients and empathy and how they were so proud of me. I was sitting there thinking, "But I'm not coming back And I never said anything to her.

It is diicult to imagine that now an institution would not make an effort to accommodate a mamed student. particularly a top student, even at that time. We can speculate as to whether it would have made a difference had Ellen discussed her plight with the dean. The fact that she did not even raise the question reflects her understanding of the expectations of that em and the importance of rules. Ellen accepted the common cultural story of limited career choices for females.

Dad was really womed that I would drop out and stay home. I decided that I would go to teachers' college, simply because it was the other alternative. I was going to have this baby. I could go to teachers' college. I would have summers off to be with the baby. And that's why I went into teaching.

Ellen's choice of language, "the other alternative", suggests that she faced a "yes or nou choice regarding teachers' college. She did not select from a range of options. Having made the decision, she focused on its advantages. This may be the way many women deal with life choices - that is, to choose among options limited by circumstances and then see the advantages of their decisions, rather than to consider the advantages and disadvantages of a wide range of alternatives before making a decision.

Tkct summer we got manied and I worked as a waitress until I started teachers' college in the fall. It was a good time to start because at this point everybody wore tent dresses so nobody could tell you were pregnant and you fit right in. (laughs) At the end of September I talked to our phys. ed. teacher and told her I was pregnant. I thought 1 would be able to do all the phys. ed. stuff but just in case, I thought I should tell her. She was very nice about it but obviously she told the prinapal because he called me into the office. He stalted to hamngue me about how this was not going to work that I was pregnant. He wanted to know when the baby was due and I told him in January. Well this just couldn't work because I was supposed to be practice teaching in January. Then he really warmed up to his little lecture. He haran ued for about an hour about how I would be a very poor mother if I thought I couB d do this. The vice principal sat there saying. "I don? think that's realty necessary," but he never stopped him. I was so taken aback At nineteen I was dealing with all kinds of things. I never really stood up for myself. And the end result was that he said that I would have to leave teachers' college. I remember telling my dad and he was really upset. 1 could picture him thinking. 'Well that's it. She's going to stay home and raise kids.' He said. "Look, why don? Ipay for you to take another university course?' So I took child psychology, which was quite appropriate, right? (laughs) Actually it probably worked out best all round because I had a really difficult time when I had Nancy and I wouldn't have been able to go back to school for quite awhile. I ot a job after Nancy was born, working in a grocery stom as a cashier. And 8e next fall I went to teachersBcollege again.

The principal's stated reason for asking Ellen to leave teachers' college was that he thought she would be a poor mother if she was considering teaching when she had a young baby. For the principal, Ellen's pregnancy seemed to be the issue, regardless of her marital status. He tried to porbay an image of concern for her but the problem seems to have been his inflexibility in interpreting the practice teaching requirements, or even in rescheduling some of the time to accommodate the birth of her baby. Otherwise why was she allowed to enroll again the following year? She was still a mother. The only difference was that the child had been born. When she won the psychology award the following year, the principal gave no indication Mat he realized that he was presenting it to the student he had asked to leave the year before, the student who would be "such a poor mother". It is ironic that within a few months Ellen was put out of the two programs which were considered to be appropriate for women at that time, nursing and then teaching, because she was going to become a wife and mother, the other female roles sanctioned by society. Although there were probably no men in nursing, they would not likely have been asked to leave if they got mamed. It is inconceivable that a male student would have been expected to drop out of teachersr cdlege if he became a parent during the course.

GROWING AWARENESS OF GENDER INEQUITIES Ellen recalls that at the time she did not question these mles. Nor at that time did it occur to her to question whether the rules also applied to male students. Looking back on the incident now, she believes that gender may have been an influence. She recounted two incidents which she clearfy sees as being a "maldfemale thing". This youn associate teacher was quite sure of himself and when he presented stdit was like, "OK, are you watchin what I am doing? I'm really good at this." l went right along with that He ha% me do a lesson and l tried to put in all the things Iwas supposed to put in but I didn't canplate the lesson. He really got on my case about not being aMe to complete the lesson. Isaid, 'I don't know what I should have done. It would be really helpful if you could explain to me how I could speed it up." He said, 'I'll do the same lesson and show you how you could do it. You don't know these students and that makes a diierence. ItIIshow you how to do it with the grade five class. They don't know me and I don? know them so I'll do it that way to show you." I traipsed off with him and he was showing me how to do this lesson. He didnY get as far through the lesson as l did. (laughs) Well this was not good! I remember the look on his face at the end of the lesson. He covered it up some way. But the end result was that he failed me on my practice teaching.

The associate teacher's behaviour may have been exacerbated because of their respective genders, although there could have been other influences on his attitude. For instance, he may have felt superior to his student teacher because of his years of experience. Or he may simply have had an arrogant personality. He might have reacted in a similar way with a male student teacher or even with an experienced teacher. Regardless of his motivation Ellen learned how someone can abuse the power of a position. She clearly recognizes the unfairness of his action but, at the time she accepted the consequences, believing that "this is the way the world is. It may not be fair but that's the way it is." Ellen related an incident from her high school days when she was beginning to become aware of gender inequities.

In grade twelve I had a male teacher in math, because of course all math teachers were male. He was short and I was tall. He was extremely good- looking and very macho. I always had the highest mark and he always congratulated the boy who got the second highest mark and gave the impression that he had gotten the highest mark. Finally I thought. "Wait a minute. I got the highest mark and he should acknowledge that." So I put up my hand and said. "Sir. you know I had a higher markn And his comment to Me whole class was. 'Yes I know, Ellen, but girls aren't important in math. It doesn't matter what you got." Marilyn: How did you feel then? Ellen: I wasn't even all that angry. I thought, "That's wrong but it was also to be expected."

In setting the context for the story about marks, Ellen's description of the math teacher as macho and short indicates her present story of the incident as sexist Her reference to their respectiwe heights reinforces the notion that the teacher had a fragile ego. Her description of the incident is of a teenage girl who believed that if the teacher acknowledged the achievements of the male student whose marks weie second to hers, then her math achievements should also be acknowledged. Her story of gender and achievement differed from that of her math teacher. But we see also a story of Ellen accepting the teacher's comment, even though she believed him to be wrong, because of his authority as the teacher. Several yean older, with the increased confidence that experience brings, she might be more likely to question such rules. As with many of us, now that we are much mom aware of inequities based on gender many of us can identify times in our own lives when we experienced discrimination. At some distance from the mountain we can see the shadow it cast upon us. Years ago, at the base of the mountain, the darkness was simply part of our environment and we failed to see its dimness.

I sort of got my own back at him a little later because he was such a macho person. I was sitting at the front of the class and I dropped my pen. He was lecturing so I just slouched down and pulled it towards me and picked it up. And he said, "A proper lady would have gotten up, bent at the knees and picked it up." I didn't say anything because he was the sort of man that would really taka it out on you if you said anything. The whole class laughed and I was extremely embarrassed. Well wouldn't you know it? About two minutes later the pen fell again and I thought, "Oh, no!" And he said. "OK, Ellen. Up you get. Let's do it the fight way." So I got up and picked up the pen and as I sat back down I whispered something to my girlfriend. He said, "What was that?" and I said, 'Nothing, Sir." He "If you're going to say something to her, you should say it to the whole class." And he was quite enjoying this. I said, "No, I don't think I should because I don? think ou'll like itn And he said, 'Come on, come on, what did you say?' So I said, '1gentleman would have picked it up." The entire class just cracked right up. I became famous in the high school for getting Mr. Krepenhoffer. He seemed to have a runt complex and if anyone said anything he just cut them to shreds. Well he had no comeback for that (laughs). He covered it up and said somethin about people that are foolmg around and not doing their work. But he knew ta at didn't work either because I always got the highest mark. I'm sure l totally frustrated him. It was really neat." I got congratulated by people from all over the school because the story really went around.

As Ellen reported the incident she revealed a story of enjoying her rebuttal and her acclaim as reports of the incident traveled through the school. Perhaps one of the reasons Ellen enjoyed her acclaim so mucn was because for her, this was an isolated incident She did not mention regularfy sharing quips with her classmates and teachers. Ellen was known as a fairly serious student academically and her classmates may have been more surprised by her comment than Einette's would have been had she made the remark. It is unclear whether Ellen simply enjoyed her fame or if her pleasure was derived from her ability to right a wrong. Implicit also in Ellen's story of other students' reaction to her exchase dib the teacher is his unpopularity. If he had been well liked by other students it is unlikely that the story would have been so well publicized throughout the school.

From what I know of Ellen. I believe that the phrase *it was really neat" relates to the next sentence about being congratulated, not to Ellen's statement about frustrating the teacher. Though Ellen had been frustrated by this teacher, by his chauvinistic comments and by his biases against female students, her rebuttal was a spontaneous comment She had not deliberately planned to discredit him. She accepted his authority as the teacher and viewed his behaviour as 'that's just the way he is. Whether or not it's fair is not the issue." Later in the chapter when Ellen described a conversation with her son David, we see a contrast between Ellen and David in their teenage reactions to authority. Ellen related another incident in which a group of men tried to influence a gmup by dominating the discussion. In this instance the women and men were peers, unlike the high school situation where the math teacher had authority over his students.

As president of the Women Teachers' Association (WTA) I worked on the Economic Policy Committee (€PC)'@for the first time. Several people had been on EPC for a long time. The male dominance became obvious very quickly. Both the men and women on the committee had equally strong views. But their styles in handling those views and trying to deal with it in the committee were very different I remember one incident when we were talking about putting in our preliminary submission the elimination of categories for teachers without degrees. It was at the same time that pay equitymwas being introduced. There was a lot of debate about whether we should do it through collectbe ba aining when we were also trying to do it through the pay equity mute. Just be'B ore we were to have a general membership meeting a letter came from the provincial office advising us that we should definitely have it in our preliminary submission. I felt it was really important to get it in there even though the timing was really bad. We could decide later on to drop it if we wanted to. I talked to the men teachers' president and he was okay with it. When the committee met ten minutes before Me general membership meeting we quiddy presented it to the committee with the point that if we don't put it in now then we couldnY do anything about it later after we'd had time to sit down and make a rational decision* Some of the men on the committee were not too pleased with this because ih not something they believed in but they reluctantly agreed to put it in. At the general membership meeting there was absolutely no flak from the teachers. They accepted it as part of the submission. After the general meeting, when the EPC committee sat down to talk, some of the men were reall angry about how this had come about. And I could understand that. But t t;en the group said. "OK this wasn't the best way to do it and it's really unfortunate but now let3 have a rational discussion about this," and agreed to put aside the timing issue.

Ellen's description of the meeting summarizes the chronology of events factually. She presents an image of herself dealing rationally with the issue and expecting everyone else to do likewise. Not everyone was prepared to do so.

0 Elementary women and men teachers belong to different federations but the two affiliates always bargain together and have the same collective agreement with the school board. The EPC represents the teachers' side and is made up of representatives of both the women and men's federations, On some occasions the toughest bargaining is within the EPC before they ever meet the board a Tradiiionally teachers have been paid according to a salary grid based on qualifications and experience. Eliminating the categories for non-degreed teachers and pay equity are two different ways of achieving the same goal* The men became realiy an ry. One man in partiarler. who is a principal, had the view that these were wo 4less people that didnY have their degrees, and they were all just there for second incomes anyway. He used the term money". The debate got pre heated and lasted for at least half an hour. xt was really interesting is that% e men became very loud, &most yelling and the women who really supported it, who had all the training, had all the answers, total withdrew. I was the only woman that would get into the discussion. %e rest of the women totally shut down as soon as these men became so angry and loud. And these are not "shrinking violet" women. These were women that were going for leadership positions. It became so heated that I suggested that, 'Our committee needs to work together. Obviously we have really strong feelings about it and we need to take some time and think about it." We needed time to cool off and deal with it when everybody was a bit cooler and sensible about what they were doing. Isuggested that we do it at our next meeting two days later. I figured I was going to have to use really logical arguments and give them concrete facts about us as an EPC representing our membership.

The principal's references to "worthless peopleu and 'pin money" obviously annoyed Ellen. She may even have personalized his comments. given that she had only recently completed her degree. Her description of the meeting implied that the men and women were on opposite sides of the issue. It is difficult to imagine the men becoming so aggressive if they were not encountering opposition from the women. If Ellen was the only woman speaking, she must have been the lightning rod on which they focused their attention. Yet her only spedfic refemnce to her parb'cipation is as the person who found the solution. Ellen focused on the issue of eliminating the categories for nondegreed teachers. She believed that some of the men wanted more money for the principals rather than for non- degreed teachers. At the next meeting she presented information to support her position.

At the next meetin I went through our preliminary submission, pointing out what we were asking !or the principals and vice principals compared with what we were asking for these teachers. It was considerably less than the increases we were asking for the principals. We were not asking either group to get more qualifications. I had it all on charts and presented it in a totally unemotional way. I talked about what percentage of our membership these people were and what percentage of our membership were the principals and how our duty was to represent all of those people. We didn't have anyone on the committee who didn't have a degree. It's not something we had ever considered. AS the president I felt it was my duty to represent those people. It was interesting to see the men. I think the only listened because I took the floor and it was obv~ousthat I was not about to Yet them interrupt and because I'd presented it in such a rational way with the charts. You couM tell they didn't like it but there was no way they could refute it. And so it did go into our submission.

Ellen was disappointed in the behaviour of both genders. but for different reasons.

But the thing that upset me was the way these women were totally intimidated. As the €PC meetings went on the men would get terrible with each other. They would call each other names and swear at each other and I would sit there and think, What is this? These are adults?" And they would accept that from each other. You would think that they were almost going to come to blows and then half an hwr later they wouldn't be mad at each other an more. Women can't do that. or we don7 do that We totally withd raw when they start doing it It was obvious that we're very different in haw we deal with people and deal with conflict.

This story has multiple themes. Although Ellen began to taik about the differences in the way the women and men dealt with their conflicting views, her emphasis shifted to point out how the women were silenced by the men's aggressive behaviour. As Ellen described how she organized and presented the relevant fads at a subsequent meeting we see that she found a way to command the men's attention, though we do not know whether they were silenced by the content or by the style of her presentation. Undoubtedly the two day interval between meetings helped as well. In comparing the men's silencing behaviour with Ellen's, the men may not have deliberately sought to silence the women, but simply expressed their anger and frustration, behaviour which is more frequently condoned in men than in women. Ellen, on the other hand, knew that she had to command the attention of the men on the committee in order to make her points. We see Ellen as someone who had a goal - achieving pay equity for the non-degmed teachers - and who would take the initiative to try to change the minds of the committee members. She was prepared to take an unpopular position to achieve what she believed in. Her description of the meeting reveals her sensitivity to the situation and her realization that at the first meeting the men were so emotional about the issue that they were unable to deal with L So she suggested postponing further discussion until the next meeting. The other women on the committee may have been equally committed to the goal of convincing the men but may have simply discussed it among themselves. Or they may have done nothing before the next meeting, simply hoping that the men would be in a calmer mood. Ellen however. in considering the situation, identified what she believed was needed for the men to change their minds, and Men spent the next two days gathering relevant facts, and preparing the information on charts which she presented at the next meeting. Why was Ellen upset with the women? In discussing with her my interpretation of her description of this event Isuggested that she seemed more accepting of the emotional outbursts of the men and that possibly she, like many others, has been socialized to accept male behaviour as the nom. She was quick to assure me that she did not accept this behaviour from anyone, regardless of gender. She found it appalling. She knew that the other women did not like it but were not prepared to say so. She stressed the point that they need to say what they find unacceptable. indicating her sense of equal'i with the men. Though Ellen had not agreed with my suggestion that she may have been sodabed to accept male behaviour as the norm, her description of the men's behaviour and the women's reaction to it, to me suggested that consciously or not, she considered male behaviour to be dominant. as well as dominating. Otherwise she might have described the women's silences and the men's angly words as a reaction to it Her description of Me meeting indicated that the men's emotional outburst precipitated the women's silence rather than the other way around. She could simply have been rastorying an event in a way that makes sense to her. I have no reason to question her interpretation of the meeting events but it leads me to contemplate whether anger or silence is more powerful behaviour. Though not a direct answer to my question, in another context Ellen cited a story fmher childhood which reveals her thoughts about how best to influence people.

I remember a story in rade four that shows my view of how I deal with people. It was called The 8un and The Wind. It was a story about a contest between the sun and the wind to see which was strong enough to remove a traveler's cloak. And the sun won, even though the wind tried with all mat force. It had such an impact when I read it at eight years of a e. I think it's tme now and there are so many people who still don't know that. #Iey think "If I tell these kids what they're doing wrong and I keep beating them over the head with what they're doin wrong, they'll eventually do the right thing. Instead of trying to catch them 8oing something right, and then they'll do anything for you." People should just learn that.

In this situation Ellen seemed hard pressed to catch either the men or the women doing something right. What was going on with the women on the committee? Were they intimidated? Did they recognize Mat the men were not rational and there was no point trying to have a reasonable discussion then, somewhat like discussing a drinking problem with someone who was "under the influence"? Were they caught offguard by the men's outburst? What made Ellen persist when the other women did not? Was it her position as president of the WTA and her sense of duty to the non-degreed members? Does the office add weight to a person's perspective? Were her personal qualities an influence? How might Ellen have responded had she not been the WApresident? How might others have responded to her action if someone else had been the WTA president? These speculations led me to the question, 4s it possible to influence without the power of the position?" Though Ellen's position as \MA president may not have been a factor in determining her behaviour, it is possible that the other women saw her as their nominal leader and were relying on her to comment on the unacceptable behaviour. Ellen mentioned that several of them were seeking administrat'ie positions. In my experience, many people believe that leadership is position-related, that they will become leaden when they are appointed to the positions. Thus, it could be that at least some of the women on the EPC looked to Ellen for leadership in declaring what is acceptable or unacceptable behaviour. Regardless of her rnotivatr*on, it was a powerful strategy - to remain rational and mwe the others along. Ellen had already confirmed the suppolt of the other women by talking to them before the first meeting. Did she consider involving some of the other women in preparing for the second meeting? This could ham been an opportunity not only for her to model a rational way of dealing with the issue, but also to help some of the other women see the planning and preparation involved in attempting to influence in this manner. We could interpret her action to be more controlled by the men than by the women. Ellen focused on changing the men's minds and their behaviour, but not that of the women. Why not? Granted, time was limited and one person can only do so much. Perhaps an explanation may be found in Ellen's frequent references to the serenity prayer, which has become a creed to her.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." It's a case of recognizing that there's only so much lhat you can do and then you have to accept the things that you can't change. The tlick is knowing how long to keep trying-

Possibly she was applying this tenet, perhaps even subconsciously. She may have believed it would be easier to convince the men than to help the women learn new ways to deal with the situation. Ellen realized she had to influence the men in order to achieve her goal. Because the women were already committed, her need to influence them was less. Her primary goal was to achieve pay equity. The men's obnoxious behaviour and the women's silence were secondw issues. There was a considerable time interval between Ellen's description in the transcript and her comment on my observation. Possibly during that time between our original conversation and our reflection now, Ellen has a clearer idea about what she believes. Time is not an isolated variable. During the intervening time both Ellen and I have had experiences which could influence us to restory the incident differently from our interpretations at the time. In this form of inquiry it is important for both the researcher and the participants to recognize the influence of time and other events which may have transpired during the intend. The EPC meeting occurred several years after the high school incident. It is interesting to compare Ellen's responses to the two events, to see her growing awareness of gender issues. In high school a spontaneous remark was her reaction to an unfair situation. She enjoyed her fame as word traveled when she 'gar the teacher. No doubt that incident, as well as unreported others, helped to raise her awareness and influence her subsequent reamions to unfair treatment. When the €PC incident occurred several years later Ellen's "gander lens' was NOTE TO USERS

Page(s) not included in the original manuscript are unavailable from the author or university. The manuscript was microfilmed as received. ELLEN AS A MOWER Though at times she has mentioned occasional anxious moments as her children matured to young adults, she thoroughly enjoyed her parenting role.

I love being a mother. It was really neat to have this little person. Her first month she was great and then she developed colic. I remember so vividly leaving her the first time. She was about sb months old and we went up north for two days and my mom kept her. It was fine while we were away but when we started home it was the strongest feeling that I've ever had that I had to be home now. Nancy never went to day care. Of course they didn't have day care then. My mom, then my mother-in-law and after that my sister looked after her for three and a half years. They all loved her and she was certainly fine. But I felt bad about that, even though it was still family that looked after her. I missed being with her. I missed that a lot. I knew that I was losing out by missing that time with her. That is part of the reason why it was really important Mat I only teach for three years so that I could be home for Nancy's last year before she went off to school. So I was home with her for a year before she went to kindergarten. And that's when we decided to have another baby.

FAMILY NOT ENOUGH Much as Ellen enjoyed being home with her children, there were times when she sought other means of recognition and satisfaction.

I took up tennis and what surprised me was how good I felt when I won a tournament. It's nice that Jim and the kids thought I was great but I needed some recognition beyond that. . . Even though I loved being home and it was very satisfyin and I was stimulated and doing all kinds of neat things, yofl still lose your cona 'dence to take academic courses or to go back to work. I think you can lose that pretty quickly. I would assume that would happen really quickly for some women. I had lots of positive experiences and had all of these capabilities and I ceRainly felt like that after three or four years. Marilyn: Why do you think you felt that way? Ellen: I'm not sure why. I think you really are faced with that, 'I'm just a housewife." I was very aware of never sa ing that. But people's perception was * definitely that. If we went to a party an d I said I was a teacher that was OK. Even that sometimes turned people off (laughs) but if you said you stayed home with the children, that was like, "Oh. well you're not an interesting person."

Though she enjoyed doing crafts and making things for their new home and also joined a figure skating precision team. Ellen reached a point when her children, husband and her other activities did not sufficiently give her a sense of self. She wanted to return to teaching. The need for gratification beyond what they get from the family is a common theme among mothers. Is it a case of wanting recognition from adults other than their partners? Is it because our society does not value children enough, and thus +he rclle of mothers in their upbringing? As Ellen talked about Nancy she spoke very positively about their time together

a This is another example of Ellen's theory-rnaking. and in fact regretted the time that she worked during Nancy's early years. This leads me to believe that Ellen knew that she phyed a significant role h Nancy's upbringing. Why then did she feel a need to return to teaching? Was she responding to monetary value? At its most simplified level, even subconsciously, was she comparing her contribution to the family (caring for Nancy and later, David) with Jim's salary? In a later discussion Ellen explained that she felt she needed to be doing something more in order to have a meaningful life. Once Nancy and David were both in school she felt that she was not contributing to the family as much as she had been before they started school. When they were at home Ellen's care of the children seemed to balance Jim's financial contribution. When they began at school, in her mind her responsibility was reduced. She could no longer justify being at home fulltime. Our society's expectations of mothers were changing when Ellen was a young mother. A generation earlier, Ellen's mother had been expected to stay home and look after her children, whether or not they were in school. If she had worked outside the home, it would have reflected poorly on her husband's ability to provide for his family. It was the norm for mothers to be at home when the children and husband retumed from their day's activities. Now two generations later, the opposite is true. If Nancy has children and decides to stay home for a longer time than the parental leave allowed, she will probably feel that she needs to justify doing so.

RETURNING TO WORK When she first returned to teaching Ellen compromised by taking a halftime position, so she could still be available for Me family when anyone needed her.

I went into teaching because we needed the money and it was going to fit when I had a little girl because I had summers off. It was a very valid reason at the time and I made a good teacher. When I went back it was definitely, 'OK, I'm doin9 this career thing for me but I'll only work half time because it has to fit my family. I think that's changing now for me, I mean being a president of Me WTA and taking on the assistant unit principalship. Wfih this job my family definitely had to change to fit my career. I think when I started back I was adjusting so the family didn't have to, and I handled the career part of it. But it just doesnt work that way any more.

Ellen saw teaching as something she was doing for herself rather than for the family. Initially she still saw homemaking responsibilities as hers. When she returned to work she began with a halftime position to minimize the cost to her family of her time, energy and commitment. She was not factoring in the benefits to her family such as increased income, her increased creative energy from outside stimulation, or her more positive sense of self. I never expected my family to take on any responsibilities. I was only worldng half time so I thought I could still do my wife and my mother roles, which wasn't fair to me. I finally realized it and decided to go back full time. Was this the only way Ellen felt she could justify 'asking for helpm.by taking on a fulltime position?

In Feb~awan opening came up at another school. When I got the fulltime position I had a serious discussion with my family. I had done that initially when I started back We had a family discussion about how this would change some things but I never asked them to take on any extras. It was all pretty minor stuff. When I went back fulltirne. I felt justified in asking for their help.

Note Ellen's use of language. This is a fairly common theme, for working women to 'ask for helpn with the household responsibilities. I have never heard of the husband asking for help with household duties because he is working fulltime, or even parttime. In the current economic climate, it would be interesting to know who assumes household responsibilities, particularfy when the husband is unemployed, and the wife is working outside the home. I do not simply mean who does the work, but who bears and feels the responsibility? Our socialization has created some deeply entrenched beliefs as well as a sense of guilt when we do not fulfill our expectations of oursehres.

I knew my role was changing but I hadn't come to grips with what the change was. They were never reluciant to take on other household responsibilities but I never discussed with them the need for them to do so. Jim has always been extremely supportive. He would have preferred me to stay home and be wife and mother, I mean it's nice for him to come home and have everything looked after . . . So this was a big change for our whole family. But as a family we worked it out and decided the kids were going to help with the laundry and all sorts of things. Now it never really worked out a hundred percent because I know that I still have a bi ger share. Marilyn: l wonder i? itever does. Ellen: I don't think so. And I think part of that is my problem, like the way it didn't change when I worked part time because I never asked them to help. I still feel that's my job and I feel guilty every once in a while because I don't make David's lunch for school. which is really dumb! But we are products of our socialization. Every once in a while if I'm feeling particularly guilty I'll make an extra effort to get up at twenty after fie instead of five thirty so I can make his lunch. And then it's reall neat. It's like, "Hey, this is really nice Mom, thanks!" He doesn't expect it. But Y still expect it. He does his own laundry which he started doing in the last year or so. And he's neat because it's never, "I'm doing this because you didn't do it." It's just, "I'm doing this because it needs to be done."

Ellen's description suggests that David may be more receptive to his assuming household responsibilities than she is. He was born a generation later than her and may have been influenced by feminist stories during his teen years. Also, as Ellen has experienced and become aware of gender issues, she may have become more determined to influence her children. Thus. he may be living new social, as well as family stories. Ellen has recently accepted a fairly demanding fulltirne position a considerable distance from home. Not only does she take more work home with her but she is away from home for a longer time each day. This might appear to be a shift in her priorities because now that her children am much older, they do not need as much of her time. Also, she sought and gained her family's support in her new role. I believe that though her time available for her family has decreased, her priorities have not changed.

When I came to this job my family had to change to fit my career. When I started back teaching it was me adjusting so the family didn't have to adjust and I handled the career part of it. But at this point it just doesn't work that way any more. It was still a family decision. The fami recognized that they had to change and it was their deasion that they woul2' support me in this and they wow change. I don't know what would have happened if Jim had been the kind of person that said, "No way." Not that this hasn't been hard anyway but he's super supportive. He's not threatened by the fact that I make more money than him. Racent statislcs (Gadd 1995, p.1) suggest that in an increasing number of families, women's incomes exceed those of their husbands. The explanation given was that more women are moving into middle management positions. No doubt there are several reasons for this shift in income pattern. Undoubtedly this is resulting in more women seeing themselves as having careers and thus preparing themselves more carefully for these jobs than did women in the past.

EELEN'S APPROACH TO CAREER PLANNING

You're supposed to have career plans and plan so far ahead and the reality is I don't do that. Probably the only career plan I had was in my first three years of teaching. I was goin to teach until we had enough money to build our house and then stay home an 8be a mom. That lasted for awhile and I enjoyed it. Then I came back to work parttime. And then I decided to get my degree. It wasn't until fie years ago that I even thought about being a principal some day, when the principal suggested that Istart thinking about it. When I took the OPSa leadership course I remember the director saying. 'OK, where do you want to be fie ears from now?' And I said, 'Principal." That was the first time I'd ever really t1: ought five years ahead. I sulprised myself when I said it because I was still thinking. "OK, I'm on the Ready List to be an Assistant Unit Principal. Then ou'd still have to do the vice principal thin ' I didn't have my masters, I'd just 1:hished my degree and ihere was so much gat I had to do ahead of that. I sometimes feel like I'm doing something wrong because I havent laid out a career plan. And then I think 'No, because that's not n ht for me." It's not that I just wait for something to happen. I take advantage o? all the opportunities that come along. And I make a lot of opportunities for myself. I take courses so I always have options. But it's more like I plan to have options and then see what happens.

In this instance Ellen is quoting, rather than creating theory. =The Ontario Public School Teachers' Federation membership consists of the men who teach in elementmy public schools. The organization is frequently referred to as OPS. Ithink I've almost come to terms with the fact that I'm not dng to have these career paths that in X number of years I will do this and not Beel guilty about not doing that Because I'm happy with the wa things have turned out. I think that's very much a male model. LI en Ithink of peopIe 1 know that are quite bitter, like some of the men who are desperately vng to get on the vice pdna al list and didnY make it a ain and again and a n, they are the people that Bid that. They didnt allow it emsehres any Wibi ' or any other opbCons. For a while I thought that I wasn't doing it right I tded4 at and it's not right for me.

Ellen has had conflicting views about career planning but she seems comfortable with her current belief that a career plan is not right for her. It may have been difficult for Ellen to reach the point where she feels content with this decision, given that her director encouraged her to develop a career plan, Her self-confidence has increased significantly from the time she was at home with her young children to the point where she rejects her director's advice because "it is not right for me." Instead, she has learned from her own personal experience to take advantage of all opportunities so she can keep her options open and respond to whatever situations arise. She is learning to trust her personal knowledge. based on her own experience. Though Ellen has come to terms with not defining a career plan and Men following it. many members of principal selection committees have not They want to see evidence of applicants setting and following a course towards administration. an approach more typical of male practice. We need to find ways to help interviewing teams recognize that teachers prepare for administrative positions in a variety of ways. No single approach is indicative of the quality of administrator a person becomes. We also need to find ways to help interviewing teams recognize that there are many ways to develop skills needed for positions of leadership. For example, motherhood provides an excellent opportunity for women to develop and hone management skills. This is an important point for many women teachers when we observe that within the FWAO membership for example, 49% currently have children or adult dependents (FWTAO 1995, pp. l,8). Considering that almost 30% of MA0members are between the ages of 45 and 49, we can assume another large percentage of members have had the experience of raising a family but no longer are reflected in the "members with dependents' statistics. If school boards want to choose the best people to be principals, members of many hiring or promotion committees should be encouraged to expand their views as to where teachers can develop and practise skills useful for administrative positions. Some boards' current practices still seem to indicate a continuing preference for hiring administrators "in their own imagem. MOTHERHOOD AS PREPARATION FOR ADMINISTRATION We tend to think more frequently of fathers as "leader" of the family because for many people. the male partner is still the nominal 'head of the household". Parenthood provides opportunities for women and men to develop and hone skills in problem-solving, dealing with conflict, managing accounts, budgeting, setting priorities, communicating effectively (orally more than written), teaching, shaping and transmitting cultural values - skills valued in school administrators. In many families women do most of the planning, preparation and organizing materials - for such diverse events as meals, social events, family celebrations and holidays, and therefore have more occasions than their partners to practise these skills. In many ways they are more likely to be the actual leader of the family. As Ellen has described situations with areas. The following is but one example.

It was difficult to deal with all the stuff David was doing, like when he decided to get his ear pierced. (laughs) I knew it was not a big deal but it still upset me. I was also getting calls from his school. I was teaching fulltime as a resource teacher and working on my degree. I would come home at night after dealing with really difficult cases all day, with parents and teachers, and have to o to course at night. I just did not want to deal with any of this stuff. And then I'8 feel guilty because my first responsibility is to him. But I felt too tired to deal with L I did deal with it, but I felt too tired and resented that I had to deal with it.

Did Ellen and Jim feel different senses of responsibility for their children and for their jobs? Or did they both feel a primary sense of responsibility to their children but express it differently? For example. Ellen dealt more directly with Nancy and David while Jim assumed responsibility for providing food, clothing, shelter and other material resources. She seems to have played a larger role in developing and transmitting family values to the children, or at [east in attempting to do so.

What we did. David still laughs about this, is we would go for a walk. And we talked. We'd just talk and talk and talk and I would listen. Dave was the kind of kid that always pushes. He has, right from the word go. When teachers made up a rule, if it didn't make sense to him, then he didn't see why he should have to go along with it. And I would say, "Well Dave. it might not make sense but you'll have to realize the consequences. Before you make any of these choices, think about what the consequences are going to be.' When he wanted to get his ear pierced, my instinct was to sa "No way, that's it!" (laughs) But I knew that wasn't oing to work with Dad. k e went for several walks over that one (laughs) an 8 talked about things like, "OK, David, you know I don't want you to do it. There's really no good reason why I don't. Cs just a thing with me. I don't like it and I'll be upset if ou choose to do it but il is your body. You alm rea!k~Utht you're having a lot oI' difficulty with teachers now and it's oing to be real hard to change their perceptions? He'a already figure r out that if he did some minor thing, they'd jump on him. If one of the iris in the class did that exact same thing nobody would say anything. And 3, e was angry because that was so unfair. David was an interesting contrast with his mother in his reaction to some rules. He wanted to challenge any rules that didn't make sense to him. Ellen was much more accepting. in spite of the fact that at the time, rules had prevented her from following either of her chosen careers. In comparing the magnitude of the consequences. I think I would be more inclined to challenge being asked to leave either the nursing or teacher education program than the more minor rules or teachers' expectations David was resisting. We are comparing different eras. When Ellen was a teenager, students showed more respect for teachers. Nowadays teachers must earn that respect Gender differences could account for the contrast in their behaviours but the causes could also partly be embedded in personality differences. I wonder if either of Ellen's parents discussed rules with her the way she does with David. I would guess not. There may have been less need. Ellen had the reputation of being a top student who was rarely, if ever, in trouble, whereas David seems to have been in trouble with his teachers more frequently. Ellen's response to Dave resonates with her fathefs expectations of her. To me, both situations have a tone of, "That% the way it is. Now let's accept the consequences and deal with itw

And our talks were all eared to, Yeah, Dave, you're right, that's unfair but that's the way it works. $eople have preconceived ideas and once you've established some kind of reputation, they're going to be watching for it and you have to realize that. If you're really going to by and change. you're going to have to be twice as good as anybody else to make people change their perceptions. It's not fair and lb not right, but Ws real. If you decide now to get an eamng it's not going to help. What do you think the perceptions of those teachers will be?' He knew they would disapprove. They would see it as one more sign . . . But he was still at the stage where "It%not right so I'm oing to do it. They shouldnr be like that." And I'd say, "OK David, that's your c9, oice. But just know the consequences. If you still choose to do it, Mats your choice. Once you've decided to do it and you do it, knowing all of the possible implications, then I'm not going to harp about it anymore. You know how I feel. Cs your decision." It was not a good year. (laughs) But he came through it and was OK-

Only when I reviewed the transcript in order to include this story did I realize that I did not know if Ellen had dissuaded David from getting his ear pierced. My attention had been on her efforts to influence him. For those who are curious, he did get his ear pierced and still wean an earring. When I asked, Ellen made no further comment except to laugh. Now a few years later, its magnitude has faded. In reflecting on this story I can see that Ellen demonstrated several qualities which are valued in school principals. She was an empathetic listener 2nd heard David's concerns. She expressed her preference but in the end did not impose it on David, possibly following the 'accept the things you cannot change" part of the Serenity Prayer. Her stamina was exemplified not only in her many walks with David but also in her commitment to deal with his problems in spite of her tiredness and other pressures on her limited the. In this same vain. she demonstrated her ability to deai with a variety of issues at the same time, rather than became preoccupied with one. I encouraged Ellen to think of a metaphor which illustrated her view of herself as a teacher working with her students. I thought it would be useful for her to base her metaphor on the situation with which she was most familiar before asking her to Mink of herself in the role of principal.

As a teacher I thought of myself as a tugboat. I picture a harbour. surrounded -by big beaubful boats of all different shapes and colours. The tugboat is small but its role is really important. They all have this common experience in the harbour but each of the boats reacts differently because they're ve different boats. Some real like the big waves and storms and some are rea7 ly timid and shy and don't 'Yike that sort of thin The tugboat is really hardworking but appreciates all these big beautiful %= oats and knows they're what's really important Marilyn: Now, who are these big beautiful boats? Ellen: They're the kids. And the time with them in the harbour, which is like the classroom. is limited. My job is to get them out of that safe harbour and off into the big ocean and make them feel comfortable and secure and believe that they can do it And the tugboat is really persistent and believes that these big boats can do it. Some of these boats will be ea to guide through the harbour and see them off. Other ones are really di8' cult to maneuver and sometimes you might need another boat to help out. You sometimes have to work with resource teachers to help these kids. I think what% important is that when outsiders come to this harbour and look, what they notice are these big beautiful boats, not the tugboat And thafs good, because that's where the focus should be. In my teaching I felt like that. When we had Open House or the time my dass was on TV. I was interviewed but what I really wanted was the focus to be on the kids. and everybody to really appreciate what these kids could do. My satisfaction was in knowing that I was behind that. It was fine to be in the background. Sometimes these big beautiful ships come back to visit and they appreciate what the tugboat's done. Some you may never see again. but you know that you have sent them off with a good start on their journey.

TRANSITION FROM TEACHING TO AN ADMINISTRATIVE POSITION Clearly Ellen had given her metaphor of herself as a teacher considerable thought Her attempt to illustrate the kind of principal she wouM be, was less polished.

Marilyn: When you talked of your tugboat metaphor, I was wondering how you viewed the role of the principal. Ellen: Probab the lighthouse keeper. Marilyn: Coul2 you expand on that? How would you view the principal's role in terns of the teachers? Ellen: I would see the classroom teacher as the tugboat still. Now as e resource teacher. I'd still see myself as the tugboat but the ships that I'm helping guide are the classroom teachers with the kids on board. And in that case the principal would be the lighthouse keeper that sees what's going on and directs and guides the tugboats. Mari n: So if you were a principal, how would you view your role with the teachers.'rl Elfen: In some ways, still as the tu boat. (pause) Maybe what I'm saying is I would be the lighthouse keeper who R ad experience as a tugboat operator. I don't know. (laughs)- Marilyn: Have you read Sally Helgesen's book. The Femafe Advantage? Ellen: No- Thard be interesting. Ma-: It talks about women's dierent ways of leading and it seemed to me that when you said the lighthouse keeper is more directing, to me that is a more male way of . . . Ellen: The trouble with metaphors is you have to be really careful about what people's perceptions of those are too. I was seeing the lighthouse keeper not so much directing as guiding, seeing where the problems are.

Possibly Ellen's principal metaphor was less carefully developed simply because she did not take time to refine it as she had with the teacher one. It may have been more useful for her to create a new metaphor rather than to try to modify an existing one. She stayed with the tugboat image though, because she wanted to maintain the same spirit of helping students. Her tentative, less well developed metaphor may have partly been a reflection of her loss of stability as she was moving towards a principalship. Ellen clearly knew and understood her role as both a dassmand resource teacher but she had not yet experienced the role of principal. Thus it was more difficult for her to develop a coherent metaphor for herself in the role. Another possible explanation may be that when Ellen and I shared these conversations she had accepted a short-term appointment with the Ministry of Education and was beginning to consider alternatives to a principalship. Though she continued to talk about the principal's position, perhaps her focus on herself as principal was becoming blurred.

I very openly went about becoming a principal. I noticed myself developing some of the traits that I've never liked about managers. I think I was bewming less accepting of other people and more judgmental which certainly was not m way as a teacher. It was something I was developing as an administrator. I thin1: part of that was because of the pressure to get things done and so youY tend to start being that way. And you stop just accepting people. I think I was becoming a little bit more that way. Iwas aware that I was bewming more like the typical male and less like what was really important to me. I felt I had to do things to be recognized. And the reality is that you do. To get into these leadership rdes you do have to do this-

This is another example of Ellen's theory making, as she tried to explain her discomfort with her changing behaviour. By theorizing that new 'pressures to get things done" and of 'do(ing) things to be recognizedn, as she moved towards becoming a principal she could rationalize changes within herself which she did not like.

This is possibly another example of theory-making. Or is Ellen distancing hersel fmrn behaviour which gives her some discomfort. though in her last sentence she assumes some ownership. This reluctance to seek visibility is a common theme among women I've worked with in the leadership course. Deborah Tannen (1995) describes females Ieaming at a young age not to put themselves in the limelight. Some women have learned this lesson so well that they believe it is almost deceitful to go on a committee if one of the purposes will benefit their own career goals. Do these women honestly believe they have less to offer than their male

They want to become principals because they believe they can do a good job, perhaps even better than those currently in some positions. As teachers they want to do what is best for students. Pehaps it would be helpful for them to focus on how students will benefit when they become administrators. This may help them to feel more comfortable about gaining visibility in order to get the positions.

I lwe teaching because it's so creative. When I left the last school to be a vice principal one of the mothen said to me, "Why are this? You are such a good teacher and you have so much to offer the are you going to be a vice principal? Why would you want to do that's a really serious question. Now I'm not sure l know the answer. I liked baing a resource teacher because I worked with the kids but I also worked with the teachers. And I think if you can get to the teachers you can have more impact on more kids, but not direclly.

Ellen intuitively believed that what she had to offer as a resource teacher would benefit more students when she becomes a vice principal and ultimately as principal. But she had some difficulty verbalizing a response when the mother questioned her motivation for moving away from teaching. She was trying to anticipate differences in the new role so she would feel more comfortable about moving into it. She had already acknowledged a sense of unease about her tendency to be less accepting of people. She was also trying to prepare herself for a change in her relationships with students.

I think one of the problems of being a vice principal or principal is not getting that immediate feedback from children. You have to know in your own mind that youke made a difference but you're not going to get the feedback to let you know that you did.

Will she be able to projact herself into a new role. intellectually if not emotionally? Some would say teachers must do so before they ever get promoted. Others say that it is impossible until they are in the new position. At the time of our conversations Ellen was temporarily working with the Ministry of Education and was wrisiciering moving to a principalship at the end of that tern. But because of my inquiry questions, our discussions focused much more on becoming a principal than on her mwe to the Ministry position. Some of our talk may have reflected her loss of security and stabiiii, but at the same time, the excitement and of being in a new role. Since that time she has remained with the Ministry so for her. my questions about becoming a principal have lost their relevance. However, I believe we can still leam from her experience, particularly that time in her career when she was choosing which path to follow.

WHO IS ELLEN? What kind of person have I come to know Ellen to be? She has not become a principal. What do we know of her that is useful in a study of women leaders? What can we learn from her about women leaden? Connelly and Clandinin's pmcess of describing her personal practical knowledge leads me to these thoughts about Ellen. image For me, the most prevalent image of Ellen is a sense of order, of knowing that everything is as it should be. To maintain this sense of everything being 'as it should ben, it is Ellen's practice to deal with problems or issues promptly so she is then in a position to move on. Her acceptance of rules, even though they may not seem fair, contributes to her sense of order. For this reason she is unlikely initially to challenge rules, even those that may seem unfair. Thus, she did not challenge the decisions or the authority of either the director of the nursing program or the teachers' college principal who required that she drop out of their programs because she got married and then because she was pregnant. Even though she recognized the unfairness of some situations she did not question the authority of the perpetrators, for example, the associate teacher who failed her science lesson. When she did point out to the math teacher that her mark was higher than the male student's second highest mark and the teacher promptly put her down, she did not question his authority. Even when he described to her 'how a lady should have picked up the pena, her comment "a gentleman would have picked it up', could be interpreted as balancing his remark in terms of gender roles. Her preference for order is not a desire that things always go well, or that life always be pleasant. She recognizes the need for sad or difficult times which for her, provides a balance and thus a sense of order. After several conversations with Ellen. she and I went on a ski holiday. I recall during - the evenings. her zeal for puzzles. She enjoyed the challenge of finding a solution, where everything fits together. I think she likes the sense of cornpietion, of success, when evefything is in its place. This is not to suggest that the challenges need be simple. Indeed, she rises well to difficult challenges and works hard to meet them,on occasion enduring considerable pain in the process. Iremember well her description of the searing pain in her legs when she was on a difficuit skiing trip with her husband. But she had a view of mountahs she would not have seen in any other way. To her, pain, be it physical, or emotional, is a necessary part of the tempering or strengthening process. Whne she does not enjoy it, she does not back away fmm it To Ellen, even the pain is necessary to her sense of order.

Personal Philosophy During our conversations Ellen made various references to Reinhold Niebuhh prayer, and to clarify, quoted the first four lines, commonly known as the serenity prayer, which is mounted and framed in her office. Nothing during our conversations suggested to me Mat Ellen is or is not particularly religious, a regular churchgoer or even a believer in Christianity. However, the references to "accepting hardship as a pathway to peacen and "taking . . . this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it" are consistent with my impression of Efien8s philosophy of life. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the thin and the wisdom to know the dig'- erence. Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a #me, accepting hardship as a pathway to peace taking, as Jesus did, this sinful wortd as it is, not as I would have it, trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to your will, so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You in the next.

Metaphor Ellen's description of her tugboat metaphor for her teaching shows her to be supportive in the background. She feels no need for personal accolades. Although she has enjoyed them on occasion, she has no need for them to be public. She does not appear to have an exaggerated view of her importance as an administrator. For her the big beautiful boats are the children, the reason for the education system for existing. I venture to say that in COntRiSt, some administrators would consider themselves to be the big beautiful boats.

Cydes and Rhythms I Wqine that the cycles and rhythms of Ellen's life are more linked to her personal and family life than to her work. On a daily basis she is up eaffy to have breakfast with her husband before they set off for work. Ellen commutes. so she has time to read and mentally prepare for her day during the hour long trip, which she usually makes by train. At the end of the day the process is reversed, except for those days when Ulen has to travel out of town. Though she works many weekends, free weekends are organized around various sports activities which she and her husband enjoy together. Their interest in sports adds another set of rhythms to the year because of the seasonal nature of skiing, boating and cycling. Though she is no longer teaching, Ellen's work continues to be organized around the September to June school year. On another scale, her children are now young adults who may soon be contemplating marriage and beginning their own families, a new generation. Thus within the next few years Ellen may begin another cycle in her life, that of a grandmother. In terms of her career she may be at her peak, as she is entering about the last decade of her working life. As I mention the various rhythms of Ellen's life they seem to be fairly clearly laid out, following a clear pattern, just as Ellen would have it.

Summary I would predict that as principal Ellen would support and encourage her staff. She would give both staff and students a clear idea of her expectations. Where she might have difficulty is in her need to feel a sense of completion. She might become impatient with the time some people may take to fulfill their responsibilities. One of the challenges of leadership is in working through others. I sense this because of her description of the Economic Policy Committee dealing with pay equity. That could have provided an opportunity for some of the other women to become more involved and to develop their negotiating ability but when the pressure was on and Ellen was determined to achieve the goal, she prepared and gave the presentation. As someone who is used to working hard to achieve her goals, it might be difficult for Ellen to wait for others to do their jobs. LAlLA URBANSKI

I met Laila several years ago at RKTAO's leadership course and remember her as a fun-loving woman who readily made friends with others. I would have described her as sincerely committed to getting an administrative position, though not driven. During this shrdy she has given me new insights into some of the influences on her ways of leading as well as the nature of her motivation.

I like the excitement of doing something new. I get bored with things that become easy. My mother said I was like a shark. Sharks have to move continuously in order to live. That's the way their breathing operates. I think she meant that I'm never complacent. Even if something works well, I want to tackle something else. I don? feel comfortable feeling comfortable for very long. When I became a vice principal it didn't take me more than a year to start thinking, "When am I going to become a principal?" And now I barely know what the principal's job is all about and I'm already taking the supervisory officer's course. So if I ever do reach that comfort level as a principal I'm going to be there with the Sos qualifications because I have already set my sights on being uncomfortable. Maybe that's what I need to keep me going.

When Laila mentioned her motheh shark metaphor, a vision of an aggressive vicious beast flashed through my mind. This did not fit what I knew of Laila Only when she described the shark's need for continuous movement did her imagery make sense to me. I have frequently heard people say they want an administrative position because they enjoy chdlenges or the excitement of doing something new, but Laila is the only person I can recall describing a desire to feel uncomfortabte. When considered within her family context, Laila's motheh shark metaphor becomes more understandable. Her parents gave up a comfortable lifestyle and began new lives in a new country under difficult circumstances. How did their actions and her childhood experiences influence her as a principal?

FAMILY My parents had a daughter who died at the age of three in a displaced persons' camp in Germany. I was born after that so I never had a sister. I think that made me even more special because I was then the only child. My mother was 41 when she had me.

Supervisory Officer. Laila acknowledges, but doesn't dweli on her missed opportunity for a sibling relationship. In referring to her parents' loss of their other daughter, she emphasizes how spacial she was to them. Though she felt her fatheh pride in her accomplishments. at times she also sensed his ambivalence.

My dad was a landowner's son which had some status in Poland. After high school he joined the police force. When he came to Canada he lost that He worked in bricklaying which is seasonal, so there were times when he didn't make money. I can't remember ever being hungry or doing without. but money was always an issue. The mort age would come up and Dad would suddenly be out of a job. He had no contro7 over it but it didn't help his self-esteem. It was hard on his ego to be a labourer and not be able to speak the language as well he wanted. My dad told everybody that he had a smart and beautiful daughter. People used to say, "Are you the smart and beautiful daughter?" My father was proud of me but I think he was also jealous because I was more successful than he had ever been at some of the things he wanted to do. He loved people but he was not good at relating to people. whereas I related well with people. He was happy for me, but I think there was also a bit of resentment sometimes.

In contrast, her mother was unconditionally proud of Laila's achievements. Laila felt no resentment from her mother. She herself had come through very difficult circumstances but always managed to support her family.

My mother was the age I am now, coming to a new country, not speaking one word and having nothing. The Red Cross gave out clothing so she came to Canada in a man's cloak. That's all she had, with me in her arms. She was the breadwinner in our family. She always worked, first as a cleaning lady and then at the Y. She worked in the evenings too. My role model has always been working. As for being a wife at home, she made sure there was food but she certainly didn't have time to bake cakes. If she needed a cake. she bought one. She's been a strong influence on me.

We see Laila's story of her mother's priorities. Though Laila may have intended to give a literal example, it became figurative as she described her mother. Her mother provided the necessities of life but did not have time to devote her energies to luxuries. When something which was usually a luxury temporarily became a necessity, "if she needed a cake", she would acquire it through her financial resources rather than spending her valuable time producing it

She's five feet tall so I make jokes that dynamite comes in small packages. If you met her you'd say, "She's a cute little ladyn, but she's always been a strong woman. When she wanted something, she got it. She worked very hard. Any strength I've got. I got from her. But she would never acknowledge that she was strong, never.

I wondered why Laila's mother would not acknowledge her strength and suggested possibilities to Laila. She ruled out my speculations about humility or denial but agreed that they probably were using different meanings for the word '%trength". To Laila her mother's strength lay in her ability to make Laila's world secure by providing stability, safety, emational gratification, as wdl as material needs. She was independent and could handle most situations on her own. Laila thought that her mother meant physical strength and because she was a tiny woman, did not consider herself strong. Laila also agreed that the notion of strength probably did not fit her mother's concept of herself as a woman- In describing her parents Laila says that her father was the head of the family and her mother was the neck, which turned the head. Within this image of the mutual dependence of neck and head Laila indicates another example of her mother's strength, with the neck's "behind the sceneu power and influence. After they arrived in Canada Laila's parents did not fit the gender roles of either their former or new culture. Their situation led Laila's mother to become the main family breadwinner, but she continued to believe the cultural story that this was the man's responsibility. As Laila described her parents and their lives there seems to be a theme of their experiences not fitting the cultural stories, yet they continued to believe these stories to be the way things should be. In Laila's description of her family experiences we see several examples of personal stories contrasting with cultural stories. These inconsistencies must have made it difficult for Laila's parents to pass along cultural values. For example, how did they view success?

I was very special in my parents' eyes. Everything was always focused towards me. Because they weren't successful, they looked to me to be successful.

Does this comment indicate Laila's story of success? Or that of her parents? Laila's reference to her parents' lack of success seems to be measured in financial terms. Many people would consider her parents' lives to be quite successful, particularly in view of the losses they experienced. They had the will to survive debilitating conditions in refugee camps and managed to face the future after their young daughter died. They gave up possessions. occupations and a sense of belonging when the country they lwed was occupied by the USSR. With no external trappings, relying only on their own abilities, they were able to create new lives for themselves in Canada, emigrating in their forties, an age when many of us are enjoying comfortable lifestyles. It would not be difficult to find other people with much larger bank accounts than Laila's parents who would envy their success. They raised a daughter of whom they were very proud, by providing her not only with material goods, but with a strong sense of seff and the motivation to achieve. As Ion as I can remember my parents stressed education. They wanted a better life !or me. I never even considered that I wouldn't go to university. It was important to my parents and it was very important to the Polish community? I think my mother and my father were both strong influences on me. They dedicated their lives for me. That puts on a great burden.

It is difficult to determine the extent to which Laila felt this burden, She has considerable internal drive and wanted to do well herself. At a young age Laila felt another kind of responsibility for her parents when her facility with English surpassed theirs.

A lot of immigrant children end up being the interpreter and speaking for their parents, I can remember being sick with tonsillitis when I was six or seven years old and 1 would phone Che doctor and he'd make house calls while my mother was at work.

In Laila's reference to her role as interpreter for her family, we see her story of a child assuming responsibility well beyond her years. At the same time we hear how she traded on her interpreting role to free herself from other responsibilities often expected of young girls.

I had responsibility in some ways and in other ways I had it very very easy. I never had to help with dishes because my dad used to say, "What are her hands going to look like?" I might have to do Me interpreting but I didn't make my bed. My parents may have wanted me to do it, but I said 'No." It was probably not worth the fight. It was a double edged thing. I had a lot of independence in one way but I was never expected to do anything. When I first went to university, the girfs I lived with taught me how to do laundry and how to cook because I'd never had to before.

Is it possible that immigrant children's role as interpreter for their parents and possibly other relatives, gives them a feeling of responsibility beyond their years, to have their families depend on them for communication with others? No doubt their translation duties cut into their times to be children, to play with their friends. Their interpreter role takes them as children, into an adult world and forces them to think about adult concerns such as family finances, employment, adult commitments and possibly serious illness. Was Laila's refusal to make her bed an attempt to balance her responsibilities as the family translator with time to be a child? Or was she asserting her sense of power? How were these experiences to influence her use of authority as a principal? Even when Laila was an adult with a responsible position, her elderly mother did some of the housework that most young females learn as part of their growing maturity. What motivated her to conf nue doing this work? Was she participating in Laila's story of a successful

- Many people, like Laila's parents. fled from Poland during the last war. In Canada there are strong communities of Canadian Poles who celebrate their Polish heritage and function as a support group for each other as they create new lives for thernsehres in a new country, Though Laila's parents were too busy providing for their daily needs to participate in the Polish Canadian community, it helped to provide a connection for Laila to her Polish heritage. career woman? Was she creating and living her own story of Laila's role? Or was she motivated by her own desire to remain active and contdbute what she could to the family?

I think she loves the status of her poor immigrant daughter being a principal but she doesn't think I should work so hard. She thinks the higher your position, the less work you should have. She lives with us now so she does the laundry and stuff. She mixes up the two things - that her daughter needs to be taken care of sometimes and other times she can do what she wants. She's a principal. She's got money.

We sense a mother's pride in her daughter's achievements. From her mother Laila felt none of the ambivalence that she believed her father felt, an envy of her success. Rather, Laila's mother's ambivalence was of a different nature. She believed that people in higher positions have less work to do. Was this a cultural story? Or was it her own story of success. based on her own experience of doing hard physical work in order to provide for her family? Perhaps it was this expectation that Laila should have less work to do as a principal that lead her mother to continue her parental duties such as doing her laundry. However. this too could have been her own reluctance to give up working after a lifetime of hard work, caring for her daughter. It could also have been because she realized that Laila has boundaries to her energy and may indeed need help with some of the housework. In terms of gender roles she felt that her mother gave her mixed messages - that she should be independent, yet she should have a man to take weof her. Wah this gender role confusion. how then did Laila emerge from this background to become a principal, a leader, a woman in a position of strength? How has this lack of clarity influenced her as a principal? The parent-child relationship is an interesting mix of leading and following, each responding to mixed messages from the other. each trying to influence and shape the otheh attitudes and behaviour, and in so doing. sending more mixed messages. And throughout the process each forms a clearer view of what she herself believes. For Laila's parents their move from Poland to displaced persons' camps in Genany and finally to a large Canadian city which itself was changing quickly, must have further complicated their efforts to pass along their values. Because they moved from one culture to another, the values passed along may have more clearly been those of the family rather than any one culture. I wonder if this has contributed to Ladla having a stronger sense of self than she might have otherwise. It must be difficult for parents to comprehend their children when cultural norms change ~rnsiderablyfrom generation to generation. According to Lala, her mother was ahead cf her time in tens of the stereotypic wife and mother roles. Though her reality deviated from the norm, the cultural norm represented We way things should beu. To Laila8smother, her reality was an aberration, even within the family. Though Laila's mother's personal experience was for the woman to bear the main responsibility for supporting the family, she seemed to believe in the cultural norm - that the male should bear that responsibility. At times she seemed to push Laila towards the cultural story rather than allow her to replicate her mother's experience.

There are times when she says, 'Aren't you going to make dinner for Adrian tonight?" And I say, "He can make it himself." I think she has real difficulty putting the whole thing together.

Laila's parents modeled an ability to adapt to changing circumstances. It seems to me that this ability may have predisposed her to adapt more readily than some educators to changing educational philosophies within her career, for example, different leadership styles. As Laila described her family it was possible to find roots of other qualities which both have influenced and been shaped by her subsequent personal and professional experiences. One of the most significant was finding a sense of belonging.

SEEKING IDENTITY Laila seemed to have a strong sense of self within her family. but she had greater difficulty finding an identity within a wider community. Unlike people with more visible differences. she did not feel negative discrimination. In fact she felt some status in being considered dierent. but missed being part of a group.

I've always had a struggle with identity, trying to figure out who I am. There weren't many ethnic kids in my high school. I didn't really fit in with the Polish roup but with a name like Laila Urbanski, nobody ever allowed me to be 8anadian. I didn't feel that people discriminated against me. but they always treated me differently. It could have been a very negative experience but I became an attraction because I was smart and pretty. I think there was some status in dating me because I wasn't like everybody else. 1 never really came to terms with the whole thing.

Perhaps Laila's story of difference helped io prepare her for no longer being part of lfie teachers' group when she became a principal. Though she has much in common with teachers. she no longer belonged within their group. Possibly other parallels between her personal and professional search for identity lay in some people's misunderstanding of her motivation, as well as in the joy of discovering a sense of belonging.

In 1976 1 decided to go to Poland. At that time it was not easy to go there. A lot of Poles didn't like people going there because it meant youn were supporting the communist regime. There was also the fear that you might not get back out. My parents werc! not kappy about the whole thing. a Laila's use of the second person pronoun could indicate theory making as in Ellen's case, or Laila may have been less precise in her we of language, Regardless of her intended meaning, I noticed it less frequently in Laila's speech than I had in Ellen's. Those three weeks really changed me. I saw people that looked like my family. I could tell they were my family and I'd never seen them before. I spoke only Polish for three weeks. I discovered I had roots, that I belonged somewhere.

I wondered if Laila's thrill was solely with finding her roots. Or did part of her pleasure lie in gaining an increased understanding of her parents, as she lived briefly where they lived their early lives and figuratively walked in their paths. I asked if she was curious about her parents' experiences in the camps during the war and if her parents had told her of their experiences.

I think they did. but I didn't want to hear about it. And now that I'm ready, I don't have anybody to tell me. My dad was very interested in politics but as a teenager I could have cared less. Last night I was tlying to figure out where we lived when I was bom. I was born in German and my mother is having difficulty trying to figure out which camp we lived in. Hhe has no written records. I don't have any real family history. Before my dad died he may have told me, but I never wrote anythin down. Now that I'm getting older I'm more interested in my roots. ~utin those 8ays I was more interested in dating.

Both Einette and Ellen talked about having a stronger sense of family after their fathers died. After my own mother's recent death. I have a greater appreciation for my father's stories of family history. I can relate to Laila's attempts to learn what she could from her mother. Pernaps one's youthful sense of immortality leads one to pass up opportunities to hear family stories in favour of the more immediate urgencies of spending time with our friends. For many people this is a common theme - to regret missed opportunities when it is too late to recover them. I have not seen evidence of similar regrets in Laila's professional life, perhaps partly because she always tried to keep flexible and be prepared for new possibilities. In our personal lives we seem not to create the same opportunities by keeping our options open. Perhaps many of us approach professional and personal aspects of our lives differently. For example, we tend to take our personal lives as they come, without much planning and preparation for such major events as marriage, having children or the deaths of close relatives and friends. In contrast, we prepare for our professional lives by planning and taking courses in order to prepare ourselves for possible opportunities- Perhaps in our youth we look to our peer groups for a sense of identity but as we get older we become more interested in our sense of place in history - in what we have gained from and contributed to our family line. Is the same true professionally? That is, as teachers young in experience do we seek our place within the profession. first proving to ourselves and others that we indeed belong? And then later, with maturity in experience, are we more interested in our possible contribution to the more general body of professional knowiedge? CAREER PLAN Like Ellen, Laila did not initially choose teaching as a career. However. she reconsidered her first choice when she encountered gender discdmination in both salary and opportunities for advancement.

After high school I did not want to be a teacher. Teachers didn't have to have a degree and many of us looked down on students who went straight to teachers' college. I went to university and then joined the Bank of Commerce. As a student I had worked for the bank parttime so I was familiar with many jobs in the bank. I went into a training program for women with degrees. Women were trained to become assistant accountants and men to be managers. Some young boys from England with only high school were in the manager program. I had better education. better experience and sometimes I ended up training these guys. But they were going to become managers and I was to become an assistant accountant. Marilyn: How did that sit with you? Laih: Not very well. I stayed for a year and then left because the money wasn't right. I started with $5000 and the guys may have gotten $6000. But they had more opportunities for advancement even though I had better education and better experience. So that's how I fell into teaching.

In Laila's early career decisions we see evidence of strong, though not direct influence by her parents. They had always stressed the value of education and she initially discounted teaching because a university degree was not required. accepting the cultural story that it was a low status career. In her mind. a career with the bank which required a university degree at entry level seemed to have a higher status. Her decision later to leave the bank when she realized that both her salary and her opportunities for advancement were reduced because she was female, also reflected what she had learned from her parents. In many ways her parents had lived lives fairly free of gender stereotypes and from them she had learned the irrelevance and inappropriateness of these cultural biases because their roles did not fit the stereotypes. Her words "the money wasn't right" imply unfairness. an incorrectness because of gender differences in salary. They also indicate that she accepts the cuituraf story of money determining status. As a first year teacher she earned $7500, a 50% increase over her bank salary. Perhaps the salary differential between teaching and banking changed her opinion about teachers' status. Her reference to "opportunities for advancement" indicates another of her criteria for choosing or rejecting a career.

I never was really interested in teaching so I thought of becoming a principal in order to get out of teaching. 1 knew I wouldn't want to teach forever.

Disillusioned with a banking career. Laila went into teaching because it was the route to a principalship. She had not anticipated liking teaching as well as she did. When I got into teaching I realized I was a natural. I had fun but I knew the novelty would wear off. I started with grade 5-6. then I moved to grade 7 and then to grade 8. 1 really enjoy that age because ou can talk and laugh with them. They're an easy group to deal with. (pause) X ey like me too. I stayed at Williamsford for five years. That was a good experience with a lot of young teachers. We worked hard and partied hard. It was a good way to begin teaching.

Unlike many women who talk about their careers evolving depending on drcumstances. Laila's goal was clear and she was not to be dissuaded simply because en route she found a job she enjoyed. From her beginning years in teaching she availed herself of opportunities for leadership courses and experiences.

I was fortunate to have three different principals my first three years. They were all ambitious go-getters and they pushed me off to leadership courses. Often I was the only person under thirty and the only woman there. Within my fitst few years of teaching I also finished my mastets degree so I'd be ready for a promotion. Besides, I wanted to get to category ld. Then I went to the east end with a woman principal who was very supportive and encouraged me. I also started working on my special education specialist

At the most impressionable time in her career, Laila worked with principals who were positive and encouraged her, role models for her to draw on later. Within her first few years teaching, she worked for principals she admired and no doubt believed their styles and behaviours to be the norm for administrators. Then she met a principal who tried to keep control and power to himself - a departure from her eariier experience.

After that I went through a few dead years with a useless principal who felt threatened by me. I don't think it had anything to do with me being a woman. I think he resented teachers taking any kind of leadership role. I was elected chairperson of the school staffing committee and he literally threw the papers at me. He'd always chaired the committee and it bothered him that a teacher was taking on that mle. We had a good relationship because I was a good teacher, an asset to the staff. He just wasn't used to having teachers taking on leadership roles. He didn't know how to deal with it. He didn't have much of a career himself so he wasn't able to point me in the right direction He didn't discourage me. but he didnY know how to support someone. I think he was threatened by me, but he had a crush on me. He used to write me notes or poems. He'd write questionnaires and ask me how I felt about things. I think he's worried that I still have them.

When Laila described the principal of her "dead years" she did not simply dismiss him as a poor principal. She tried to understand why he seemed to feel threatened by her. Thus, her opinion seems rr.cr2 tdanced than if she had simpiy referred to him as a "useless principal."

a In Ontario, teachers' salaries are based on their qualifications and experience. Category 7 requires the most qualaicadions,

113. Similarly, she found positive aspects duling her discouraging years teaching the behaviourd class.

I wanted to teach a behavioural pro ram and applied for a job at Selkirk, in the heart of a large public housing comp7 ex. I was thrilled to et the job but they were my worst years in teaching. If I hadn't been successfu0 before, those two years would have killed me. None of the traditional things worked with behavioural kids. They don? easily develop a rapport, so it wasnr very satisfying. But there were other positive things. I met professional women who wanted to do a good job for their students and I enjoyed their company. When ! joined the staff only two of us were interested in promotion but within a few years there were about ten. The pn'ncipal was good at getting people to take on leadership roles, and at offering them experiences.

Early in her career Laila felt satisfaction both from teaching and leadership opportunities. Then during her 'dead yearsu with the poor principal. most of her gratification was from her teaching and working with students. This shifted when she moved to the behavioural class, a very challenging teaching assignment. Finding lime gratification from her class, but again having leadership opportunities, no doubt she was ready for a move to administration.

AmTUDES TOWARDS WOMEN PRINCIPALS When I was interested in promotion people would say "I'd never work for a woman principal." They'd had either negative experiences or none at all. I think some of the earlier women principals were really tough and they were more difficult to work with than some of the men. That kind of thing spread quickly and it became not just person X, but "women principals were like thisn.

Laila didn't question the veracity of people's negative stones of women principals. She constructed her own story of their stones, pointing out that many were based on hearsay rather than on direct experience. She alluded to the nature of rumour and its tendency to create or reinforce stereotypes. In mentioning ''some people's attitudes towards women principais" Laila acknowledged the possibility that there was some validity to the comments and related her experience with such a principal.

Marg Trainor was one of the early women principals who was extremely efficient. She used to monitor the halls and if you were late for duty you'd hear about it. She was like an army sergeant. "You get down there. You're supposed to be on duty and I don't want to see this happen again." It didnY matter who was there. I was reprimanded once because I had coffee in an assembly. Now I understand the point, but there were nicer ways of dealing with it. Her school ran efficiently because everyone knew the rules but there were no personal skills involved. She was more interested in the product than the process. People either respected Marg or hated her. Women that are really tough can give a different image of what women administrators are like. When you have principals like that, and for many years there were so few women, their characteristics became attached to all women principals. Once you got through the hoops she was good with you. But if she didn't think somebody was good, she would ride them. She dealt with problems instead of avoiding them. That's both positive and negative.

In her description of Marg Trainor, unlike the people who either "respected Marg or hated hef', Laila revealed her propensity to consider people's different facets rather than to generalize based on one dominant or negative quality. Though she clearly did not like the way Marg dealt with people, she acknowledged Marg's willingness to deal with problems as a positive. Thus. Laila demonstrated her tendency to reflect and learn what she can from people. In our conversation we did not discuss how similar behaviour by men and women can be perceived so differently. For example, what if Marg had been "Markn Trainor? How would his behaviour have been perceived by staff and others? Also. it is possible that though both men and women say the same thing, they say it for different reasons. Some men's reluctance to work for a woman could be explained in terms of the traditional gender balance of power, with men holding roles of authority while women were in submissive positions. Then when the roles are reversed, they resent women holding the power they believe to be rightfully theirs. It is possible that though men and women grow up in the same society, they actually live in different cultures. Because of the differences between the cultures there is a tendency for each to form generalized impressions of the other. They do not really understand each other but because they live within the same society, they believe that they understand everyone else. Thus the chimera solidify into "truthsn. Another example of generalization is found in some women's ston'es of other people's possible story of them - that they lack ambition or initiative if they are not interested in becoming a principal. When some women encounter other women in positions of authority, they seem to impose on themselves the implication that they too should be interested in administrative roles. After all, if other women have these ambitions. there must be something wrong with them if they do not share these goals. In assuming that others generalize from women who want administrative positions to those who don't, some women who are happy to continue teaching and are not interested in administration undermine the desires of those who are, in order to make their own lack of interest more acceptable. Laila explained their reaction in terms of stereotypes.

I think there's stiil resentment from women. It comes out in ways !Re, "We aren't all interested in taking over the worldn, or a subtle comment, like "I would never want to do your job. Wh would you want to do that job?" I also think some women liZ e taking instructions from men and have difficulty with other women giving direction. It%never bothered me because I've always felt confident in what I'm doing and where I'm going. So I was able to laugh at it. Laila did not feel that people were personalizing their comments and suggesting they wouldn't work with her as a principal. She was confident that working with her would lead them to new stories of women principals. She herself had worked with such a principal, a woman who was held in high regard by all who knew her.

There were other women principals who had wonderful reputations. I've never met anyone who worked with Donna. male or female. who hasn't said she's wonderful. They really respect her.

It is unfortunate that many men and women initially respond to women principals through the filters of their generalizations or stereotypes rather than with an open mind. It is to their credit that principals like Donna continue to do the job well in spite of initial lack of support SO that eventually people do come to realize and appreciate what wonderful principals women can be.

OTHER SIGNIFICANT PEOPLE Though Laila felt some resistance to the idea of a female principal, she also found a group of like-minded women who have supported each other through the selection process and now as principals.

I've always had a group of women friends that play an important role in my life. Five or six years ago we were all teaching at Selkirk and trying to get promoted. Now we are all principals or vice principals. We go out for dinner once a month and talk about how we deal with things from day to day. We have a good time laughing about our common experiences. It's a nice break, away from work. We have a lot of fun together. We trust and support each other. When I was not getting my job the group didn't let me get down into the depths of depression. We give practise interviews for each other and for other people. If somebody phoned and said. "I want a practise interview", I can probably get ten people lined up within a day. Other women join us once in awhile but generally it's the same group. We have a pretty clear picture of each other's schools. It's amazing how within one city schools work in totally different ways and no one way is the right way. When Paula's telling a funny story about gangs in her school, we'll ask what she did and what happened. The purpose is not to come up with strategies for dealing with problems. They just come out in the conversation. It becomes an informal way of learning. Before this. I had another group that went through common experiences as teachers.

Laila's description of her support group presents a sharp contrast to the cultural story of women's tendency to undermine each other, particularly when considered within the context that frequently rev were competing with each other for leadership opportunities at Lord Selkirk. They worked through be board's vice principal selection process over a period of time and often two or three of them were in direct competition for available positions. During my years with FWTAO's leadership course I have seen several such groups emerge, bonding and supporting each other in both professional and personal situations. These groups evolve because of common interests and personal qualities which attract them to one another. Within the security of the group. they create their own learning environment where they deal with case studies based on actual circumstances. It is unfortunate that so many people overlook this type of leaming environment and consider courses. workshops, seminars or speeches to be educators' only learning experiences. Pemaps one of the reasons this form of learning is not valued is because it may be more common among women than among men. We still tend to define norms in terns of men's charactelistics for everything from moral development (Gilligan 1982) to heart attacks.

MEN IN GROUPS I think men have more difficulty working in groups than women do. ihe men on my staff are more individualistic. It is difficult for me to get them to participate in a group. They'd rather do it individually. I think they feel outnumbered. Often they'll be the only man in a division, although I've got a large enough number of men here and I'm not sure what ha pens. Maybe if there's only one or two men on staff they participate ditP erently than if there's quite a few of them, And it may just be the personalities.

What is involved in working in groups? Power does not reside with the nominal head of the group but at least in theory, is spread more evenly throughout the group. In actua! practice the ability to influence is often based on personality, image or perceived expertise of group members. We think of men as having more experience than women in teams. another kind of group. What are the differences? In sports, teams tend to be aggressive towards their opposing team which they are working together to beat. There is strong competition between the teams and on occasion, among team members. Within the team Mere are opportunities for an individual to earn accolades, for example in a hockey breakaway or a home run in baseball. Studies have shown that males and females respond differently to team games. For boys the game and the rules are all important whereas girls who sense that the rules may interfere with their relationships change the rules and create new games or they leave the game. In an ideal situation collaborative teams on the school staff work together to achieve a common goal. Members of the group sublimate their own need for attention for the good of the group. Communication and thus, language are important, an area in which women are considered to be more skilled than men. It is important for them to listen carefully to each other and understand what everyone is saying. Rarely is there evidence of competition, the element on which team sports are based. Groups may work better if, like Laila's group of female colleagues, they choose each other. On most school staffs it is possible for small groups to constitute themselves for a particular purpose but the nature of hiring processes and teaching assignments usually result in groups Mose members would probably would not choose each other. for example within a division or teaching specialty. The sheer size of the staff initially led Laila to focus her efforts on the teaching staff although she also provided opportunities for most staff categories to meet together.

SCHOOL STAFF We have about forty teachers, thirty-five full time and some half time. Another fifteen to twen people are either educational assistants. clerical assistants or office sta% . Then there are caretaking and daycare staff. Altogether there are about seventy-five. It's a large group to co-ordinate. Marilyn: It is. Do you meet with all of them as a group or with the teachers and then with the other groups? bile I do it in a variety of ways. The educational assistants are invited to all staff meetings. I also meet with them as a group. I don't do that with the caretakers because with their schedules Ws impossible to get them all together. I make sure I have time with each group to talk about their issues. Often when there's a problem the solution is right there with them. They come up with it and then they make it work.

During the time I was meeting with Laila her board was encouraging principals to get staffs to work more collaboratively. There was much discussion about team building, shared decision making, joint problem solving, collegiality, and collaboration. Laila was frustrated by some aspects of this direction.

COLLABORATION Laila has been a principal for four years, the point at which in other situations she might have felt a need to move on to another position. Possibly she was content to remain as a principal for a longer time because the demands of the role allowed little opportunity for complacency to set in. One such challenge was the board's direction for principals to work collaboratively with staff, a fairly longtenn prospect in such a large school.

I know I'm supposed to work collaboratively but I'm not sure whether I'm approaching it the best way possible. I'm approaching it the way I think it should operate but it seems hit and miss. I find it frustrating to learn the rhetoric and theory but not to talk about how you actually do it, what it looks like, the nitty ritty things. That doesn't mean there's one particular way of doing it. But &llowing one model often helps us develop our own style.

In this comment Laila revealed her predilection to meet others' expectations of her, developed and refined during her childhood as the 'smart and beautiful daughter". She knew she was supposed to work collaboratively and wanted to meet these expectations, but was frustrated because she did not know exactly how to do so. She had difficulty translating theory into practice but she did not necessarily want someone else to do it. She preferred to lead the staff herself but wanted some assistance in envisioning how. She fett some discomfort with her 'hit and missu approach but her feeling of insecurity was not great enough to overcome her reluctance to invite a consultant in to lead the staff through a process.

I've always had difficulty accepting or asking for help. I don't mind taking advice, but I want to do it. I could probably get some help with implementing collaboration among the staff but I'm not convinced that anyone else can do a better job than I can. I guess that's why I like to have control and power.

When considering a consultant working with the staff, she referred to her desire to be in control. Growing up as an only child, she had developed a strong sense of independence. Her parents' reliance on her translation skills strengthened her self-concept, not only as independent, but useful to her elders. Thus it is not surprising that Laila was reluctant to invite a consultant to work with the staff.

Secondly, I'm not sure I'm willing to change. If I bring a consultant in and say, "I want this staff to work more collaboratively," I'd have to start with a clean slate myself. And I don't think I'm ready. Right now I can still control the way I want it to happen. I don't know if l want to give it up to somebody else. I may but I don't know. Marilyn: Isn't that interestin that you want to control the way you want collaboration to happen? (laughs3' Laila: I haven't thought this through. This is new learning for me. But you're right. When you have a collaborative school, you can't control it. But when you're working in that direction you have control over how fast. I don't want to take off more than I can safely handle.

Laila appeared to be contradicting herself. First we see her insecurity, her desire for someone to model working collaboratively, to show her how to deal with the specifics. Her reluctance to bring in a consultant presented a sharp contrast - a principal confident in her ab~lity,who wanted to control the rate at which the staff became more collaborative. The resolution of this apparent contradiction is found in her statement, ''I don't mind taking advice, but I want to do it." She wanted ideas at the principals' meetings, but then wanted to be in charge in her school. Also, she wanted the staff to be more collaborative as long as they would move at a rate they could all comfortably handle. She believed that as principal she had a responsibility to influence th5 .mplementation process.

Marilyn: What would you stand to lose if the staff was truly collaborative? Laila: There are a number of things. The staff may have expectations about what I should and shouldnY do and I'm not sure I'm ready to hear that. When any kind of change occurs there is pain and you go through some difficult situations. I know that if I'm controlling it, I can deal with it. But if a consultant gets the staff into a turmoil, that person Wl not be around to pick up the pieces or to continue on with it, whereas I would be here and it may not be mendable.

In Laila's response are embedded several stories. She believed all changes to be painful and disruptive but she remained confident in her ability to deal with whatever happened in the process as long as she was able to contml the rate and direction of the change. Did Laila simply want to be in control? Or was she concemed primarily with not getting the staff into a turmoil? She was confident that she could help staff deal with change but was not so sure about a consultant's ability. Not only was she concemed about a consultant's capacity to help her staff deal with change, she was worried that someone from outside the staff would not be there to follow through with the aftermath. She saw consultants as people who came into a school for a short time, got everyone in an agitated state and left. Because they had no longterm relationship with the school they did not feel the same responsibility to deal with the consequences of their actions as would a principal, who has an ongoing commitment to the school. Laila also believed that she needed to be ahead of the staff in implementing any change. She was concemed that the staff might create a new stoly of the way a principal should be in an ideal collaborative environment and was worried that she might not meet their expectations. She wanted to create the story of collaboration for herself and the staff, a story in which she defined the role of principal based on her own strengths and abilities. Laila felt a strong sense of responsibility for the staff. She was concemed about their comfort and readiness for proposed changes. She needed to keep the more mature staff moving and changing, and at the same time slow down some of the less experienced staff so they would all meld into a group with similar goals. Laila suggested that change is a controlled and controllable event, yet I sensed her underlying apprehension that change may not always be controllable.

I don't mind callin in someone for a little bit of help, but I don't want someone to take over. I've ca9 led people who do this kind of work. And it's funny, they want to control how they move. They may be right but they may not be right for me. Marilyn: They may sense your reluctance to give up control. It may be part of the game plan. If you're willing to turn it over to them, that indicates you're willing to give up control in the school. If you're not willing to turn it over to them, then there's still a desire to keep some control, so how successful can they be? Laila: Yeh, that's part of it. But when I look back I find that when I've given up control with certain thin s I've regretted it later. For instance, when I was buying a new camera or VC\ , my mother said, "Phone somebody and ask them what to buy." And every time I did that and went against what I wanted to do myself, I've regretted the deasion. So I'd prefer to follow my own instincts. Even with fairly simple decisions, when she sought advice or input she was not satisfied with the results. Thus, it is understandable that she would not want to share the decision- making with someone in a process she did not fully understand herself. Though her example of seeking advice when buying equipment is quite different from inviting a consultant in to work with her staff, Laila illustrated her confidence in her own instincts, even in areas where she does not have extensive knowledge. Laila's reluctance to invite a facilitator to work with the staff suggested her need to be in control. Yet since she has been at the school she has tried to involve the staff more collaboratively in several ways. Her initial enthusiasm was quickly dampened and during the four years as principal she has expanded her understanding of collaboration.

Initial Enthusiasm

Collaboration is difficult and very time consuming. No one tells people that- Three quarters of the people don't want to do it. We never spend time talking about that. We spend time talking about the benefits of it and how people feel empowered. It didn't enter my mind that people wouldn't want a say in how the school was run. Naive me. I've always worked in schools where staff wanted that kind of thing.

In this comment lie contrasting stories of collaboration. When Laila first came to Grosvenor as principal. based on experience in previous schools she believed that most staff wanted to work collaborativeIy, to be involved in making decisions. During her time as principal at Grosvenor the staff's reactions to her attempts to work more collaboratively led her to discover another story - that many teachers did not want to work collaboratively. At Grosvenor she uncovered the secret story behind the sacred cultural story of collaboration.

When I came here, it blew me away that there are a lot of members of staff that didn't want a collaborative model. They wanted me to be the boss and to act like the boss. In order to do my job. I had to operate in ways that may not be the best way of operating. But under the circumstances I believe it was the right "'fay.

AS the new principal in the school Laila was sensitive to the staWs story of principal and when possible she tried to meet their expectations. As she gradually tried to move them closer to her own story of principal and her view of shared power, she found herself thinking about the symbolism of current practices such as chairing meetings.

Marilyn: How did you deal with that? Did you say, "Okay if that's what you want, I'll be that kind of a person'? Or did you try to bring them along to what you believed in? Ma: I gave in on small thin s. For example, last year some of the staff said they wanted more meetings. Bi at blew me away. I said, 'Fine. but I'm not oing to run all of them. They are our meetings, not mine, so we should rotate W e chair.* A number of young teachers thought it was a wonderful idea and were willing to chair meetings, but others hated the idea It became a really hot issue. I'm not going to sweat the small stuff so I said, 'Fine, if you want me to run the staff meetin s, I'd be happy to do that." Now I run the meetings but the agenda comes 9rom Me staff. As chair Ijust say, The next person to speak this morning

In declaring that she would not chair all staff meetings Laila was accepting the cultural story of the power invested in a chairperson. In proposing that others chair some of the meetings she was indicating her desire to share power among the staff. When she subsequently agreed to chair the meetings she created a new story of the power of the chair by making the staff responsible for the agenda. Wth this solution, both the older and the newer teachers seemed to coexist fairly comfortably, each group with a different story of the authority of the chairperson.

I got what I wanted but not the way I planned it. I knew that if I pushed the rotating chair the people who didn't want it would make it unsuccessful. So I found another strategy for getting what I wanted and it's worked out very nicely. Marilyn: What was the reason for some of the resistance fmm the ones who didn't want it? Were they afraid that they would have to set the agenda and present all the items? Laik There are a number of factors. I think some of them lack confidence in doing that kind of a thing. Several teachers have been here a long time and there's a group of new teachers who will take on anything. I think it's very threatening for the older teachers to have a newer teacher chairing meetings and taking more power. I think the whole staff felt more comfortable with me having the power. It's nice for them to be able to complain about "decisions administration makes in their wisdom." But when there is a shift of power, you've got nobody to look at but your peers. That was a difficult situation for people. That whole power thing became an issue. t think also that many teachers have seen the role of the principal to make a decision and their job is to go along with it

Perhaps Laila felt she was implementing a collaborative approach in a "hit and missa fashion because things did not always go according to her plan or expectations. As she encountered resistance, often at times and in directions she did not anticipate, she tried to understand the teachers' perspectives and sought other ways to achieve her goal. At times she reverted to an authoritarian approach. Last year I had a chance to make things happen or they wouldn't. We were dealing with Benchma* and I wanted more intefaction and shared problem solving. They had been used to the principal telling them what to do so this was new to them. We had two PA* days booked together. The first morning went well but in the aftemoon people were feeling uncomfortable. It became threatening for people. They were asking "Why are we doing this? How does it all fit in?"

Teachers commonly ask such questions among themselves. Often these questions are not addressed adequately by administrators or workshop leaden who expect teachers to participate enthusiastically without ever discussing how the workshop focus fits into the bigger pidure.

I didn't like what happened in the aftemoon and as I was driving home I thought about what I would do. It would have been easy not to acknowledge what was happening. That3 how some administrators would have handled it, but I was not going to let it lie. People needed to understand where I was coming from and where we were going. Whatever I did the next day had to make an impact. I spent the evening tying together what I had seen happen and oing through a lot of material so I would be clear about what I wanted to say. 3he next morning I talked about mat we had been doing with Benchmarks and shared decision making. They knew how I felt but when I read the Geneva City Teachers' Federation position statements they realized it was not just me ofF on a tangent. This was the way the board was moving. I tied together all kinds of things. including what they had identified as important to them. I fdt strongly about it and dealt with it honestly. It was one of those things that was really necessary at the time. I had the entire room in the palm of my hand. I justified what we were doing, so the people who thought they were doing the right thing were confirmed. I explained the reasons why people block and other ways they react to change. I acknowledged their feelings and my own throughout the process. I also clarified what I wanted and where I stood. They were more secure knowing where they stood. I dealt with the people who were ready to run ahead and also with the people who were not ready to move yet. I tried to reach people at their different stages and put it into perspective. It made people feel okay, and after the session they laughed. They felt comfortable and we were ready to go on. Afterwards a lot of people said they thought that was important and necessary. That was one of the times when I made the difference. Once in a while I can do that kind of thing, when I really care about the result. when I care about people I'm dealing with.

A group does not immediately begin to work collaboratively in response to a decree from either the board or principal. For many staff members this was a significant change in practice- Individuals all moved at different rates and there was frequent backsliding, even among those who sincerely wanted change. On occasion a dramatic event such as Laila's speech raised

P Benchmarks refers to an approach to student assessment in which there are performance indicators defined for $9 Merent levels. Each student's performance is compared with the benchmark to determine his or her level. On Professional Activity (PA) days students do not attend school. On PA days teachers are engaged in such activities as professional development programs. parent interviews, or school organizational meetings. people's awareness about the complexities of the issue. There may be times when it is useful and appropriate for someone to assume a strong authoritarian role. One could point out the apparent inconsistency between LaWs actions and her desire to move a staff 'used to the administration telling them what to do" to engage in more interaction and shared decision-making. She spent most of the morning telling the staff to become more collaborative. However another way of thinking about her speech is that as principal she was responsible for leading her staff, giving them a sense of direction, ensuring that they follow board policy. and helping them to implement board initiatives. Such an event should pemaps be considered within a longer period of time. as part of the ovemll picture. Thus it could be viewed, not as the principal directing the staff, but rather as the stimulus for ongoing discussion among staff. Another apparent inconsistency could be found by juxtaposing Laila's positive feelings about directing the staff to work collaboratively with a later occasion when the staff collaborativeiy made a decision and she was somewhat disappointed in the outcome.

There was no original plan. The first year I was here we had a fair like they had in Me past. Two years ago we said, "It's a lot of work. Let's not do that again." Last year we didn't have anything we wanted to raise funds for so we didn't do anything. At a staff meeting this year we toyed with ideas for fundraising. I suggested that we just sell one product, have the whole school involved, make a concentrated effort for about a week some time before Christmas, and that would be it for fundraising. The staff voted that this was a good idea.

Remembering teachers' previous comments about not doing a fair again. Laila proposed that this year they keep fundraising as simple as possible. But when the staff tried to apply Laila's suggestion they encountered difficulties.

After the vote someone said, "We can't sell candyn and another said. "You can't sell this because its not biodegradable." We realized that no one product was going to sell and meet all of our criteria. So someone said, "Maybe we should sell a variety of products instead of one product." Others picked up the idea and jumped on board. It's an example of synergy. And it's their solution now, I think my suggestion sounded wonderful but it was a change and people weren't quite sure how to do it. They were sure about what they've done in the past. So what we have now is very s~milarto the fun fair they had before. Marilyn: lsnt that funny? Has anybody said they don't want to have a fun fair like they had two years ago? Laila: 1 said it a few times. We talked about that. It will be interesting to see if it is any different. Laila referred to the staff discussion as an example of synergy but her main impression was that the staff was resistant to change, as evidenced by their decision to do what they had done before. As the teachers continued to discuss plans they gradually moved back to what they had done previously. reinforcing Laila's belief that they were resisting change. Wthin this story we can also see a story of significant change. The process by which they reached their decision demonstrated considerable invohrement in earlier days a staff might have acted on an idea simply because the principal suggested it. A vote would have been redundant. Cynics might ask if the staff voted for the idea because it was the principal rather than someone else who had suggested it but as Laila described their interaction, this did not appear to be the case. On several occasions she had talked about the comfortable rapport between her and the staff. Some people believe that when making decisions collaboratively, voting is inappropriate - that tbe group should continue to discuss an issue until everyone agrees on an action. In a democracy voting provides an opportunity for involvement, for some say in the question. Thus, if the staff had not been used to giving input. a vote could have been their way of feeling part of the process. But then if the decision changed after the vote, what function did the vote play? Whether or not a vote was appropriate, in this case it seems to have been taken too early, before the staff had discussed all aspects of the issue. During the discussion the proposal moved from selling a single product, to selling several products. to a funfair in which everyone participated in whatever way they preferred. In contrast to Laila's story of a staff reluctant to change, this is also a story of a staff deeply involved in making a decision about fundraising. They even selected the activities democratically, with everyone choosing which activities they would do. If no one chose an activity it would not be included, By their choices they put their own emphasis on the event. Clearly Laila saw the event function to be fundraising and chose her activity accordingly, hoping to make her point with the staff.

I'm working on the raffle and hope it is successful because it could be a painless way of fundraising. I've ordered one book of tickets for each child in the school which is approximately five thousand tickets. That would raise about twenty-five hundred dollars. I've actually ot six thousand tickets. If we can raise three thousand dollars on a raffle, peop7 e may say, "Why are we doing these other things?" Some of these things are fun but they're not fundraisers. Marilyn: Do you think it'll become a competition among staff to see which event will raise the most money? Laila: No. Some teachers are organizing a room with gifts for kids to buy. * all cheaper priced items. Only children are allowed in this room. They're roviding a sewice but its not fundraising. We're also going to have games. Row games ma make money and they may not make money, but it's fun to have fun too. IY we're going to have a fun fair that's fine, but let's not call it fundraising. Let's not try to tie the two together. I'm hoping this raffle is really successful because that could take care of fundraising.

Laila was making an ongoing effort to lead the staff to work mom collaborabively. Yet after four years, she still felt that her approach has been "hit and miss". When she thought about it in retrospect she realized they have made considerable progress.

1 am nowhere near where I'd like to be but I'm a lot farther ahead than I was two years ago. When I go to principals' meetings and hear about collaboration, it makes me question what's really happening. What's really happening and what people say are not necessarily the same thing. My staff is not unique. They're probably more progressive in many ways than other staffs but I've found it difficult to get them to this stage.

Laila's experience with her staff has led her to question the success stories of other principals, the public stories of their collaborative staffs, stories which contrast sharply with her own story of collaboration. But in that forum she did not feel comfortable sharing her stoly of collaboration, so it remained her own private story. Based on her experience, she questioned the personal stories others shared - stories which contributed to the cultural story, a story which in her view was a myth.

RELATIONSHIP WITH VICE PRINCIPAL When she was assigned a new vice principal some of these principals were quick to pass along their impressions of Sharon. Laila could have relied on the reputed stoly and "coped with" Sharon and bemoaned the fact that she didn't fit in at Grosvenor. Instead, she focused on Sharon's strengths and gave her a chance.

I'd been warned. People said. "You've got your hands full. Sharon goes to the beat of a different drum." When we started working together I saw that her way of thinking was not the way I saw things. We were talking a different language. She could never do things my way, because it was foreign to her. I knew that if I pursued it, neither of us would be happy. I don't think anybody changes like that (snaps fingers) just because I want them to change. I've seen too many people try to make other people into what they think they should be. It becomes a negative experience for everyone. I looked at her areas of interest and the way she operated. She's interested in antiracist education. so last year she got it going here. I recognized some of her strengths and potential. It gave us each another perspective and we both saw that as positive. We complement each other because we come at situations from different points of view. Often the solution we come up with is not her solution or mine, but a better one. We both saw that as a strength.

Laila considered vice pn'ncipais to be partners, people to share the work, working as a team. Her view of the principal's role was to lead and draw out the vice principals' strengths in the partnership rather than to teach them how to be vice principals in her own image. She trusted her own judgments with people and found their strengths and built on them rather than relying on reputed stories.

I've had good relationships with all my vice principais because I've overlooked some of the difficult areas and focused on the positive areas. I've appreciated their strengths. Once you see them as helpful and good at something, ifs easier to work with them, instead of looking at them from a deficit point of view, like they're not good at this or this. I have to operate from a position of strength with them. Where this falls apart is that sometimes I'm too accepting. By accepting that people operate differently, sometimes the idea of competence can be questioned. In the case of my vice principal, certainly not. But sometimes when teachers operate in a different way, I may think they're reasonably successful but others might see the person as incompetent. Sometimes I have to ask myself if I'm being too accepting. I don't have a clear answer but Vs one of Me things I worry about. I know some of my colleagues would be far harsher with some individuals than I am.

Laila's description of working with Sharon sounded positive and supportive. But when she discussed specifics, she was not without apprehensions. Were these apprehensions based on the reputed stories of Sharon, on Laila's personal story of delegating, or on Laila's story of the principal's responsibility?

I have given my vice principal the responsibility of organizing the PA day this Friday. Part of me is worried that if it doesn't go well, I'm going to have to pick up some pieces. She'll be in here saying, "What should we do next?" and it will be handed back to me. I used to do that too. When you plan something and it doesn't work the way it is supposed to, you need someone to fix it. And because we work as a team it will be me coming in and trying to fix it

What is Laila's story of team? Her comment implies unequal roles. She interprets "What should we do next?" as Sharon turning the responsibility over to her. Will Laila at some point turn the responsibility back to Sharon so they work as equal team members with each person taking a turn? Or will they discuss the next step together, with Sharon continuing to work with the staff, consulting with Laila as necessary? For each possibility what message will Me staff get about Sharon? What will be Sharon's story about her capabilities? What will be her story of the role of a vice principal?

Marilyn: And yet, what does somebody learn from that, if when it doesn't work they can go to you to fbc it? Laila: I think there is a lot of learning the:^. You look back on how you might chan e it and how to prevent that mistake another time. And sometimes ou can't. 8ut once the milk has been spilled, somebody has to clean it up- You K ave to regroup and go on from there and sometimes someone else can help. I cant help what happened before but I can help regroup so we can go on. You have to take it from wherever that group left off. Laila has a strong sense of responsibility and believed that ultimately she will have to see things through. She seems to have learned well from her mother, who modeled her sense of independence and responsibility by always finding a way to provide for her family in spite of the many difficulties they encountered. Also like her mother, much of her satisfaction came from how she fulfilled her responsibilities. From her father came her appreciation for the people she worked with, another source of great satisfaction.

GRATIFICATION I enjoy many things about the job. I like the variability. One day is never the same as another day. I've never been bored with this job. Some days are busier than others, but it%never predictable. I like working with people. In teaching you get used to working with children and you miss dealing with adults, whereas I have the advantage of dealing with both. Working with children is much easier than working with adults. Another thing I like is being my own boss. A vice principal can handle most things. I like being able to determine what I'm going to do and when I'm going to do it, as well as what I'm not going to do. I like the power to make things happen. I like being able to see something grow. Only after you've been doing the job for a while do you see the growth. I look back at where things were when I started. and where things are now and say, 'It didn't happen the way I thought it would, but it3 happening." We have not talked about kids or cuniculum but they're not the things that drive me. It's the people that drive me. . . I want the benchmark program to be implemented but I'm more interested in the process and the people than in the final product. We've talked a lot about how people influence me and how I work with people and I think that really is significant.

She seemed to be finding enough challenges and enjoyment in the principal's role to stay for a while rather than push for a superintendency.

EXPERIENCE BRINGS COMPLEXITY

The longer I'm in the job, the more complicated it becomes. I'm feeling far more pressure now than I did my first year. I had more free time Men Man I do now. Marilyn: How do you account for that? Laik I'm far busier and because I have many more initiatives going. I have many more meetings. I don't know if all principals experience that or if it's just the way I operate. Everything I touch is no longer a simple process. When I came, the school didn't have an After Four program. The first year I was here I got two programs in primary French added to the heritage language program. Then I developed a couple of craft programs which we expanded the second ear. This year I have quite an extensive After Four program which involves staX and also some Par%s and Rec staff. I even have an After Four program convenor. The next stage is a cooperative involving the board of education, Parks and Rec, and some of the social agencies, to develop a program called CARE. They'll offer the same kinds of services as daycare, so parents will know that from three-thirty until six o'clock their children are in a supervised structured Program-

As Laila described school activities. dearly the quantity of work has increased, partfy because there are more pressures on schools. The role has also become more complex, not only because of such factors as increased public expectations for schools but because the principal's role is becoming much more political. Thus the role requires different abilities and skills than those which earned many cumnt principals their appointments. They are expected to leam these new skills and to continue to do the job well while they are learning. No doubt Laila understands the job at a deeper level than when she first became a principal. She has more insight into the complexities of the role. Just as one incrementally gets to know and understand a close friend, beginning principals gradually move through the more superficial honeymoon or survival stage to acquire a deep understanding of what the role entails. Perhaps kilais in a more contemplative time in her life and is mining her experiences more deeply. Through her reflecti-onsshe is building strength in her knowledge, confidence and commitment to her priorities. Do sharks ever discover that they don't have to move continuously to survive? Do they have the equivalent of a sleeping state when moving and breathing slow down and their bodies are restored in preparation for times of continuous movement? Pemaps by slowing down at times she is able to dig more deeply into her activities, building strength from her reflective state for future times of continuous movement.

WHO IS LAILA? What can we leam from Laila about leadership and women leaders? What have we learned about her that might be helpful for other women principals?

Image To me Laila projects an image of adaptability, the ability to fit into a variety of situations and be successful according to the expectations of the particular situation. But she does not compromise her principles. For example, during her years as a teacher and vice principal she came to appreciate the value of working collaboratively. When she went to Gmenor as the new principal she encountered a staff unaccustomed to this way of working. She did not compromise her own beliefs but rather than force her beliefs on them, she acknowledged their reluctance and tri~hi thd ways to move them towards collaboration which were acceptable to them. Linked to her adaptability are her skills as a facilitative leader. I see her not as an external facilitator who comes in and helps a group by drawing out their ideas and thoughts and then leaves once they've reached the group decisions in a specific area. Rather she is a leader with a longterm commitment to the group. As a group member she contributes her own ideas as well as drawing out the group members' thoughts and ideas. Thus she seek a balance between shaping but not dominating group decisions.

Rules Laila draws on her teaching experience to remind herself not to place unreasonable expectations on people. She related an incident dudng her teaching days when she became so exasperated with a student swearing during a class ballgame that she shouted across the ball diamond. 'For Christ sake Kenny, stop that swearing!" Her expletive had the desired effect - as well as some other effects. Most importantly it serves as a constant reminder to her that teachers and students are human and make mistakes and that she should not expect more of others than she does of herself.

Principles Laila expresses one of her principles as "I'm not going to sweat the small stuff." She manages to keep a sense of perspective and doesn't wony about trivial things that don't matter in the grand scheme of Wings. Laita does not see herself as a creative person who generates new ideas but she values and encourages those who do. One of her basic principles is to give teachers the latitude to try a new idea as long as it is not detrimental to children. If it doesn't go according to plan she'll help the teacher to modify the plan. She encourages teachers to try anything that they believe will improve student learning.

Metaphor When I invited Laila to describe herself as a principal and she presented the metaphor of a symphony conductor I initially envisioned a vely controlling leader. This did not fit my impression of her. However, as she elaborated, it became clear that she had thought carefully about both the principal and conductor roles. Her nuances brought her idea of herself as a leader much closer to my earlier impressions.

I see myself as an orchestra conductor with many people working for one common goal. The sections, like the woodwinds or brass, have to work together and learn from each other. The more they practise together the better they get as a group, not just as individuals. The music is only good when all the instruments play together. Marilyn: Suppose you had a weak trumpet player, how would you see yourself working with that person? Laila: It has to be looked at from an individual case. Some people may practise on their own. Some may learn from their peers and others from a music teacher. I can help people but I can't do it for them. They all have to play their own instruments. I could not play the trumpet the way I'd want someone to play it. But 1 know how it should sound. I have ideas about how to make that section sound better but I might need to have somebody else work with the section. Sometimes as principals we think we're supposed to be the expert in all areas. It's difficult when you expect people to do things you're not able to do yourself. Sometimes we set expectations for teachers without going through the process ourselves so we're not sensitive to all the other things teachers are exposed to. For instance, we may want them to practise at home but not know that the don't have a place to practise. Or their instrument may be broken. All kinds o? factors affect what they can do. The goal is to make them as strong as they can. It doesn't make any difference to me what the pmess is. The product is the important thin . They're all at d'I# erent levels and all I can hope for is that they'll get better. I'll never get them all the same. I don't think I'd want them all the same anyway. I'd like them to play together, do a nice job and enjoy what Mey do. My band may not be polished but I think they fed good about what they do. I'm interested in product but I'm more process than product oriented. Sometimes I spend all my time on the process and hope the product ends up well. We may not even get a dress rehearsal before we perfom. I don't think the audience will care if the performance is not polished. Not everyone has to be part of a section. There are roles for individuals. I've got staff members who are happy working on their own. When we make people work in groups we're imposing our own way. I believe in the s nergy of groups but I don't think that groups are the answer for everyone. 8' or example, my librarian is not a group person but he works very nice with people. A good conductor has a score but there may ne2 to be some changes to the score because of the instruments you have. Marilyn: Who would change it, you or the players? Laila: We'd have to do it together so that whatever we did wouldn't affect other instruments. It can't be in isolation. Also part of the score may be a blank sheet and maybe part of our job is to write the music or adapt it. The score we come up with would fit the norm. I'm not a unique thinker. I'm always within the norm and what I would come up with would not be that different from what other people would come up with. It has to mean something to the people that are playing, not just to the composer. We're fortunate that our board allows us to operate that way. Our superintendent gives us a lot of freedom and trust. They expect us to do the right thing but they don't check up on us. I think that whole thing works with the assumption that people know the rules of the game. The main limitation of the metaphor is that I'm not sure where the students are. That disturbs me. Education is dealing with students but I'd hate to see them as the instruments. Parents are also an important part of school. I can see them maybe playing in another section. The students wony me.

Laila's metaphor is well developed in terms of teachers, but she had difficulty finding a place for students. This gave her considerable concern because she knows that students are the only reason for schools. Yet as she thought about her work as a principJ, she could not find a role for students. Pernaps this indicates that she has a clear idea of her role as principal which primarily involves working with teachers, with less direct contact with students. As Laila described her metaphor she included many of the situations she dealt with as a principal. For example, she emphasized staff development when she refers to teachers who leam best from peers, others who need the more individual attention a consultant can offer, and those who can talk through a situation and leam from conversation with colleagues. As with her mother's shark metaphor, when Laila elaborated on her view of the principal as an orchestra conductor my initial thought changed. No longer did I see the conductor as an authoritarian figure who directed and controlled the orchestra. Her style of leading acknowledged her own limitations and offered teachers considerable latitude and support for developing and displaying their abilities.

Cydes and Rhythms In her professional work Laila follows a pattern similar to Ellen and Einette. Her year is defined by the September to June school year. For many years her life included summer courses but more recently she took courses during the school year and spent much of July and August at her cottage. A career cycle began shortly after university and revolved around courses, first in the bank and then courses focusing on teaching. Later with career changes in mind, she enrolled parttime in Me Master of Business Administration program, followed by principals' courses and then the supervisory officers' courses. During this period she moved to administration, first as a vice principal and then as a principal. This cycle exemplifies her mother's shark image of discomfort leading to a new role and its resulting discomfort, followed briefly by a feeling of c~mfoltwhich eventually brings its own discomfort, pressing her on to a new role - when the cyde begins again. Looking at a longer term life cycle, Laila began her life in a displaced persons' camp. Following the family's emigration to Canada though a child, because of her facility with language she assumed some adult responsibilities. As an adult, when her father died her mother gradually became more of a care for Laila at the same time as she was caring for Laila by doing laundry for example. With her mother's recent death. Laila became a more mature adult with full responsibility for herself. Possibly as long as one parent is alive we don't feel a complete responsibility for ourselves. although in reality we may be responsible not only for ourselves but also for the surviving parent Summary My work with Laila has drawn my attention to some of the same issues as other participants. In addition it has sharpened my focus on the value of a support group of colleagues and the need for principals to support and encourage others. In several ways Laila has modeled the value of finding balance. As well she has demonstrated a facilitative leadership style which has worked effectively for her. I will include these issues in Chapter 9. CHAPTER SEVEN

STEPHANIE CLOUTIER-GIBSON

EXEMPLARY IMAGE I first met Stephanie several years ago when she was president of the local Women Teachers' Association (WTA). I remember how her eyes would sparkle as she spoke enthusiastically about her newest project - and she always had at least one. She looked very fit but I imagined that her fitness program consisted of dashing from school to meetings and other commitments. There was no time for excess calories to settle, let alone take up residence on her trim frame. She struck me as imperturbable, someone with a strong sense of self. I remember well the \MA annual dinner when Stephanie was president Besides nearly two hundred women teachers in attendance, several trustees and senior board officials were special guests. Traditionally they were invited as a courtesy, although in recent years some women seeking administrative positions, particularly those in leadership roles within the WTA, recognized the opportunity to mingle with those who appointed vice principals and principals. Stephanie was about to apply for a vice principalship and no doubt she was looking forward to a chance to impress the decision makers in her role as VVTA president. That evening, as people were socializing before dinner, someone jostled another woman's arm and launched her glass of red wine towards Stephanie's white wool dress. Stephanie handled the situation with remarkable aplomb, continuing to greet teachers and guests with her usual charm. She chaired the proceedings graciously, not once referring to the woman who had inadvertently stained the dress she had purchased especially for the occasion. One would have thought she was wearing an Yves St. Laurent particularly chosen for its dramatic flash of burgundy across the front. Within her community Stephanie projected a confident capable air and presented a sharp contrast to many of her more traditional colleagues. Her poise that evening exemplified my impressions of Stephanie based on other times when I had observed or heard about her in difficult situations. I admired her courage in challenging the conservative minds among the community as she stood up for her beliefs. She seemed so confident and comfortable in speaking her mind. I was curious to know how she had developed such a strong belief in herself and wondered what motivated her to persist in working towards her gods against the many odds she endured within her school board. I was interested in learning how such a self-assured, capable woman experienced moving into a leadership position. What were her stories of the role? Of herself? How did she restory herself as a vice principal? I was pleased when she agreed to participate in my study.

FAMILY INFLUENCES I was astonished to learn that Stephanie's stories of heaelf presented a strong contrast to the reputed stories of Stephanie. During our conversations she peeled away fawdes and freely shared recollections of some very painful experiences as well as her reflections about the ways these events have influenced her. She attributed one such incident with leading to a compulsion to dress impeccably.

When I was a young kid in elementary school, the clothes war was incredible. We didn't have money for me to live up to that and my dad was a jerk in a lot of ways. In grade eight two things happened and I decided I'd never let this happen to me again. My mother had an old coat from before the war and my parents had it made over and they made me wear it. It was just hideous. My brother had taken tap dancing lessons and his tap shoes were sitting upstairs. so when I needed a new pair of shoes in grade eight, my dad thought they would be perfectly fine for me to wear. I was razzed. You know what kids will do. It was unrnercifui. It makes me want to cry just talking about it. I can remember standing outside St. Xaviefs school at recess being humiliated by these girls and saying to myself, 'When I get older I'm never going to be humiliated again for what I wear." It became an obsession with me.

Stephanie seemed to accept her family's limited means but she resented the way her parents coped with the situation. As she described the situation she did not explicitly interprat her father's actions. The most likely possibilities were that he lacked compassion or that he didn't understand children, his own or others. Possibly he had no idea how his daughter felt about wearing cast off clothing, nor did he anticipate other children ostracizing Stephanie because of her clothing. Or he didn't care about Stephanie's mortification. Stephanie's discussion of the incidents suggests that she saw him as lacking understanding and compassion for his daughter. Stephanie's experience of children's meanspiritedness coupled with her parents not understanding her perspective together contributed to her story of herself in a miserable situation over which she had no control. As a child she made her life bearable by projecting herself into the future and envisioning an older Stephanie taking control. Perhaps at an early age Stephanie developed a pattern of solving her problems by looking to a rosier future, rather than dealiy 4th her current context. Another possibility is that Stephanie acknowledged that she couldn't do anything about her present reality but she resolved that in the future she would do everything in her power to change her situation. As she described her need to look her best at all times, I wondered how it inffuenced her as a vice principal. What did clothes mean to Stephanie? Was her identity derived from her clothing? Or did clothes reflect her personal qualities?

I've had a small part of me, which is maybe not such a small part, that needs to be perfect.

Now as she recalls her desire to present an image of perfection she believes she may have made herself unapproachable to some people. As she tried not to reveal any weaknesses or imperfections, possibly some people found it difficult to identify with her or to find common ground for communication. She may have unwittingly contributed to a reputed story of her as a confident, capable woman for whom life had probably been relatively easy.

This injury took all that away. I couldn't go out and buy ail these clothes. I've had to look at that and say. "Why was that so important? It became so unimportant. First of all I didn't have the energy to do it. I didn't have the physical ability to do it. I spent a lot of my time in jeans or jogging suits.

Like watching a series of slides we can scroll through Stephanie's various meanings of clothing - from her humiliation by her appearance. to her obsession with '@fillingthe closets with stuff I don't weaf'. to now "spending a lot of my time in jeans or jogging suits." Framed by her reflections after the accident. her earlier need to buy clothes has taken on quite a different meaning. As we view a picture within a picture, each new frame of experience adds its own dimension, a contrast and at the same time a sense of completion to the picture it encloses. From Me perspective of each new frame the previous picture is viewed more cleariy. She described another incident which reinforced the theme of a stormy relationship with her father and perhaps was yet another manifestation of her obsession with dothing.

For grade nine and ten I went to a seminary for gids because I wanted to be a sister. I tried a coeducational facility in grade eleven and hated it. Unbeknown to my parents I be an communicating with the Carmelite sisters, a contemplative order of nuns. &eY1re a cloistered order which means that once you go into the convent you don't come out Basically their role in life is to pray and to assist the world through their meditation and their positive energy although some sisters make the hosts for communion and some sisters do other jobs. That% the kind of sister I wanted to be. I wasnt interested in being a working or a teaching sister. So when grade eleven was not a particularly good year for me I decided to enter. I finally broke this to my parents and we trouped down to visit the sisters. My dad had a fit when he saw the kind of life I was going to live there. He raged about what a waste it was. He didn't see it as a useful life. He hauied me out of there and in two weeks I was on a plane to France to live with an aunt and unde to study there for a year. I think I'd known unconsciously all my life. that ou3' had to be accomplishing in order to be accepted. So this was not a way Yor me to be accepted by my

Y Like Ellen, Stephanie uses the second person to quote a generalization. parents. I think that made a very large impression on me, when my dad threw a fit because I wouldn't be accomplishing anything. Marilyn: So was it because it was that particular order that he objected, more than the fadthat you wanted to be a nun? Stephanie: He wasn't happy about my wanting to be a sister but if I had gone to St. Joseph's convent, with teaching and nursing sisters, he would have been okay with that. I realize now that my choice of order was very much in keeping with my need to do something quite different from his preferences. I was extremely unhappy as a kid. I didnY come from a happy home and going to a convent school was my way of getting out of there.

As Stephanie described her attempt to join the Carmelites I was struck by the contrast between her story of useful service as exemplified by the Carmelites and her understanding from her family that 'you had to be accomplishing in order to be accepted." Her interest in the Carmelites seemed to indicate that at the time she applied to the order, Stephanie did not have a strong commitment to accomplshments. Yet later in life she seemed to be firmly fixed on achievement. Though she did not appear to hold her father in very high regard, she seems to have been strongly influenced by him. Did his outburst sway her attitude? Or were there other influenang events during the intervening time? She seems to have rejected her own view and replaced it with her father's idea about what kind of life is useful. In her new story usefulness became the main criterion for evaluating a life. In retrospect Stephanie believes that "I had known unconsciously all my life that you had to be accomplishing in order to be accepted" but in spite of this knowledge she attempted to join the Carmelites. When viewed from this perspective she could have been living a story of rebellion against her father's values rather than a story of adopting his beliefs. For Stephanie it was also a story of escaping an intolerable situation.

I didn't have many friends when I was growing up. I didn't believe I could ever fit in. It's not totally out of character that I would have gone into an order where I didnY have to wony about that. I think that was a large part of what I was doing, running away from the real world. I realize now, sitting here at forty-three years of age, that I never would have made it in there. Living in that kind of setting, you have to be able to get along with people. But in my young mind it was my way out, my way of permanently retreating from the world.

Looking back several years later Stephanie realized it would not have been the isolated existence that as a teenager she thought it to be. Her story shifted from the convent being a sanctuary, a place of escape because she had no friends, to her redbation that she would have had to get along with people in the convent. As I listened to Stephanie recount these incidents and share her reflections about them, my earlier impressions took on new meaning. Yet because of the contrasts between her stones and the Stephanie I remember, her stories raised new questions for me - questions about her invdvement in a wide range of activities. her orientation to achievement, her need to be perfect. her commitment to gender equity and affirmative action. There are no simple answers. There are no direct cause and effect relationships. I can interpret Stephanie in terms of these stories and my impressions when I worked with her as a WTA president but undoubtedly many other events have also been influential in her development. It is virtually impossible for us to identify all influencing factors. She herself may not be aware of the effects of some incidents.

EARLY EXPERIENCE OF LEADERS As a child no doubt Stephanie began to form her concept of leader. based on people she saw in "leading" roles. Stephanie's description of the dothing incident suggests that she saw her father as having greater responsibility than her mother in making decisions for the family. including what Stephanie would wear. Probably she saw him as the leader of the family and though it may have been subconscious, her concept of 'leader" began to develop as the person with power, regardless of how that person used the power. Possibly the germ of her subconscious story of leader included the notion of leader as unfeeling and lacking compassion. Within the family her father seemed to hold the role of leader, though not a model to be emulated. Stephanie did not mention her mother in terms of having power within the family. She seemed not to contribute to Stephanie's personal story of what it meant to be a leader. Stephanie's observations of her parents may have shaped her belief that men do not necessarily make the best leaders, though they often find themselves in leadership roles simply because of their gender - more a stocy of unfairness than a story of leadership. Did this story of mate leaders influence her commitment to affirmative action? In school Stephanie saw women in administrative positions but she seemed not to consider these women to be her role models as educational leaders.

When I went to school as a young girl, all our principals were women. They were all sisters. It wasn't that I thought that it was normal for women to be administrators, it was just normal for nuns to be administrators. That was my only experience with women at the top. They were not given much credibility although I remember one sister who had some credibility because she was a very tough disciplinarian. At high school the two principals were both priests and there were quite a few nuns teaching there but they had a low status within the school.

hs Stephanie talked about her experiences of female administrators during her sckod days. she hinted at several stories. There are contrasts between her stories as a schoolgirl and her stories as an adult. Because her experience as a student was consistent with the cultural story, at that time she had no basis on which to tell a different story. But the points she stressed suggest that she has come to see things differently now that she is embarked on her own career path. When describing the nuns who were administrators, she used the word "credibility" to mean "statusn. The female elementary administrators had little status in comparison to the male secondary principals. Indeed the only nun who had much status was the one who was reputed to be a tough disciplinarian. Was this because she emulated 'male" behaviour? Or did she recognize what was valued at the time and adapt her behaviour to fit the cultural norms of the day? Her motivation was irrelevant. The reputed story of her as a disciplinarian was all that mattered. Did her reputation help to create a story of success being associated only with behaviour more typical of males? As a youngster Stephanie saw nuns as administrators who could have been role models for her. albeit fairly placid ones, and in her mind not "real leaders". But she did not think of women as administrators. She accepted the cultural story that it was normal for nuns but not other women to be administrators. Her reference to the low status of the nuns who were teaching in secondary school implies that the nuns had low status regardless of their positions. "That was my only experience with women at the topn suggests that only later did it occur to Stephanie that the nuns who were principals had greater status than others. She seems not to have viewed the principalship as having any higher status than teachers until she experienced male priests in the role in secondary school. Was this increased status based on gendefl Was it a function of the relationship between priests and nuns? How did Stephanie's view of the principalship change as her experience moved from service oriented nuns to priests who were more likely to be authoritarian? How has this experience influenced her current view of administrators? Can she now identify with the nun administrators and view the principalship as a position of service? Does she clearly see principals as having high status positions rather than positions of service? Or has she found some middle ground?

SEX ROLE STEREOTYPING The two major sources of influence in shaping Stephanie's attitudes and beliefs, her family and her school, exemplified traditional stories in terms of gender. In referring to her parents' expectations, although she did not recount specific events, clearly she was aware that they anticipated different futures for their son than for their daughter. Stephanie appears to have been an independent thinker from an early age. Fmher parents and her school experiences she received faidy strong and consistent messages about the "proper role" of females. She sensed her parents' gender-linked expectations for their children but she seems not to have internalized their beliefs. As she talked about the way men viewed themselves in leadership roles. it was apparent that she did not subscribe to the cultural and family stories that males should have a monopoly on the higher status positions. Wmin her own mental black box she created expectations for herself which were consistent with neither her family values or cultural norms.

I've always believed that men see their leadership potential as a given right. and that it%expected. It's not abnormal and no one says, "Oh, you want to be a principal?' They do say that to a woman. To a man they might say. "You mean you don't want to be a principal? My husband Brian and I are good examples because I started wanting and thinking about administration before he did. My brother was the director of education for a Catholic school board. He and Brian went through teachers' college together and in our family it was just expected that they would go up the ladder. It didn't matter that I had been a teacher first or that I might be interested in administration.

Stephanie deviated from both her family story and the cultural story in terms of gender expectations. Though she grew up in an environment where only men were expected to be leaden, she thought about administration for herself. She appeared to be confident in her ability to do the job. She was disappointed that she had not been considered for an administrative position before her brother and husband, who both began teaching after she did. Her reference to seniority as a factor in appointments to administration implies that she assumed that they had comparable capabilities, that all else was equal among the three of them. She did not raise the possibility that she lacked ability to do the job. To me, this signaled her confidence in her capabilities. We could say that she was frustrated by the cultural view that men seemed to be suited for this field, whereas women were to stay in teaching positions. I believe her feelings were stronger than this simple frustration. Her reference to going "up the ladder" reveals the belief that administration has a higher status than teaching. Possibly she was disheartened by her family's differing expectations for Stephanie and her brother and concluded that they did not value her as much as her brother. Was it a case of her not internalizing their ideas? Or was she actively resisting them? Perhaps she was looking for a way in her professional life to prove her worth so that in her personal life her family would value her as much as the males. As she talked further about administration she divulged a contrasting personal story.

I used to wonder if I could do this job, but I never spoke about it with anybody, not even with Brian. I didn't feel that it was feasible. But it used to really annoy me, it still does to some degree, when people automatically look to Brian and say, 'What is it that you do?" and they ignore me.

This comment reveals Stephanie's conflict. She was sincerely interested in administration but lacked confidence in her own abilities. But at the same time she was frustrated by the cultural story of what constituted appropriate roles for women. Was she able to resolve her opposing stories? How did each influence the other? The waxing and waning of her confidence in her administrative ability seemed to depend upon whether she was seeing herself within her personal or professional context. In her personal context. when thinking about her husband or brother, she seemed confident. But her self assurance seemed to dissipate within her professional milieu.

TEACHING EXPERIENCE Though Stephanie had secretly thought about an administrative position, she taught for several years before she began to work openly towards that goal. Meanwhile she refined her expertise as a teacher. Within her school and the board, she contributed much in several cumculum areas including science, English. French, computer education and he Partnen in Action approach to school libraries. Her teaching experience spanned ail three divisions within the elementary panel. She also developed her leadership experience within the Women Teachers' Association (WA), quickly working her way to president. Stephanie did not consciously choose between board and federation activities, weighing the opportunities for visibility, leadership experience, and involvement in areas to which she was strongly committed. Nor did she deliberately select federation experience because it was an easier group to join. In fact when she moved from another board it took some time for her to establish herself with the local WA. Then though, for a time she found more leadership opportunities in federation work than she did within the school board.

"GElTlNGTHE NOD" Only when the superintendent saw her in a leadership role within the WTA did he encourage her to consider an administrative position.

I didn't get the nod until twelve years after I started working. I was president of the WTA and finally one superintendent said to me, 'Have you thought about administration?" Brian was pursuing it but when I thought about it I redly pushed it down, that I could do that kind of work or Mat they would let me do that kind of work. Then the superintendent helped me map out a five year plan in terms of how I could get from A to B. All I needed was someone in that arena to say. "You could do this if you wanted to."

- - Stephanie needed encouragement from someone in the field. When the superintenjani invested time in her, by his actions as well as his words, she knew that his encouragement was sincere. This was the beginning of her new story, not only that she would become a principal, but perhaps more importantly, that thmugh her actiw she had contrd over her Mure.

Marilyn: Most women I've talked to said that somebody, somewhere along the line suggested it to her. Stephanie: I think women don't get the nod as easily as men do. It takes certain kinds of administrators to groom women for these positions. They wait longer to tell a woman that she should consider this, if the tell them at all. But I've seen them tell men who are just out of teacher's colY ege, "You should be looking at this somewhere down the line." I think too that because men were initially given the positions out of teachers' college, they had the role models.

Stephanie was not simply responding to someone's suggestion that she might consider administration. She seemed to see senior administrators as gatekeepers without whose support teachers simply could not ever expect to become principals. Unlike Einette, who decided to become a principal and then took the necessary action to gain an appointment. Stephanie believed that she needed encouragement from someone in a position of power before there was any hope for her to achieve that goal. She saw men too as needing this external blessing, though as she pointed out, they got it easier than women. Based on my impression of Stephanie as a woman who needed this external encouragement before actively seeking an administrative position, I assumed she would need similar encouragement to partidpate in other professional activities. Thus I was surprised when she described her desire to become part of a curriculum committee and her lobbying to get on the committee.

UNACKNOWLEDGED PREREQUISITES TO PROMOTION Stephanie believed that men have an easier time than women, not only in being selected to administrative positions, but also for other board projects such as curn'culum committees. She referred to the resistance she encountered when she wanted to serve on a reading committee long before she considered applying for a position in administration.

It's not just for positions of responsibility. I find that women have to do more lobbying even to get on committees, at least you did in the past. I remember earty in my career when I wasn't even thinking of administration, I really wanted to be on a reading committee. And when I was appointed there were only two women. I was doing that kind of work in the classroom and the superintendent knew it, but he was picking men. And some of these guys said, 'I don't know how to do that."

Stephanie accepted itbe cultural story that curriculum committees were made up of exemplary teachers and that selection to a committee was one of the board's ways of acknowledging excellent teachers. Thus, her difficulty in getting appointed was exaggerated by the selection of male teachers who "didn't know how to do that." Was women's work invisible? Was there a process for appointments to committees Mat Stephanie did not understand? Did women teachers need to be politid in otder to be appointed to curriculum committees? Had she broken through a mver story, supported and perpetuated by men, that boards appoint the best people for the job? What other factors were at play? Possibly the superintendents' story of the composition and function of board cunicuiurn committees contrasted with Stephanie's story. It is conceivable that they simply chose people they believed would work well together. Maybe some people were appointed to board committees for other reasons. such as their facilitative skills or writing ability. It could be that people selecting committee members chose colleagues with perspectives similar to their own. Committee work provides opportunities for teachers, principals and superintendents to get to know each other in more informal settings, to develop different relationships than are likely to occur within the more hierarchical school board stmctures. Committees offer leadership experience for teachers who serve as chairs. They provide opportunities for teachers to demonstrate their abilities to senior administrators who usually have considerable input as to who is promoted. Thus. board level committees often become the unacknowledged prerequisites for appointment to administrative positions. It was difficult for women teachers to penetrate this male domain, because they didn't know committees were being established early enough to seek appoin?ments. because they did not understand the "selection process" or because women's experience and ideas were not valued. Eariy in Stephanie's career her experience in seeking an appointment to the reading committee shaped her personal story of the professional landscape for career-minded women teachen, a landscape in which they had a difficult time achieving any sort of recognition for excellence. Male teachers. on the other hand, seemed to be rewarded in spite of lack of knowledge or experience. Thus, women whose aspirations extended beyond the classroom, needed to become political to achieve their goals. At a personal level. Stephanie was able to do so. She managed to get herself appointed to the reading committee. reinforcing her personal story of achievement in her professional life. Years later, when Stephanie pressed her board to implement affirmative action practices. she recalled her difficulty in gaining an appointment and convinced the board of the need to make committee selection a more inclusive process.

That was when we started to ask teachers at the beginning of the year, "What would you be interested in if we were going to es?&lish a committee?" so they would have a pool to draw from. not only men and women but cross grading and everything. TWO DIFFERENT WORLDS As with her attempt to be appointed to the board reading committee, when she began to apply for administrative positions. Stephanie faced many difficulties. In contrast to some of the male applicants, the depth and breadth of her experience seemed once again to be ignored by board offiaals.

My husband's a principal so heseen what he's had to go through to become a principal. If you compare his r&ume to mine, I've taught a lot more than he has. in different jobs, with different types of kids. He can't believe the wringer that they've put me through.

Stephanie understood that promotion was based on the extent. variety and length of a person's experience. Her teaching experience was more varied and extensive than that of her husband. Yet he was already a principal. As the two of them tried to understand the difficult time the board gave her, initially gender was the main difference they could identify. Gradually their eyes opened to other possibilities. By the time Stephanie was encouraged to consider an administrative position, the issue with which she was most closely associated was affirmative action. Her ideas were rather progressive for some of her colleagues and the board's senior administrators. as she took up the cause on behalf of women. In spite of the wide scope of her involvement in cumculum and federation activities, within her system she came to be viewed as a "one issue person", and an unpopular one at that.

They saw me as a one issue person. It was so big that they didn't see me doing anything else.

Stephanie initially believed that if she worked hard enough in other areas. board officials would recognize her abilities and promote her. However, this story was gradually superseded by another story. Slowly, Stephanie came to see that though she was in the forefront in curriculum work, because of resistance to aff innative action, her expertise and commitment in that area served as a lightening rod which attracted an undue degree of attention. Administrators and trustees saw nothing else of Stephanie's work.

I remember one of the interviews that I went to for vice principal. There were three candidates and the other two were men. I went into the interview and a principal who had known me for years had my rbume in front of him. The first thing out of his mouth was. "How long have you been teaching?" When I told him it was about seventeen years he said, "I thought you just started teaching four or five years ago." And he went through my r&ume and said. "You don't just do stuff in affirmative action." That was news to me that they only saw my work in affirmative action. She was astounded that other people's stones could contrast so strongly with her own reality.

I remember coming home after that interview and looking at my &urn8 and thinking, "What do they mean I'm not diiemified enough? I do all this work in tfw library, I do all this work in affirmative action, I do all this work in English, I do a lot of work in science. It's just not fair to tell me that I'm too focused on one thing. Ifound that really frustrating.

Stephanie was disappointed that hard work alone was not enough for her to earn a promotion. Though she could offer plenty of evidence that her experience was extensive, she felt helpless to change their minds.

And then it made me think, "God, why did I work so hard? What was the driving force that pushed me?'

As she examined her motives she recalled other people cautioning her that her involvement with affirmative action could hurt her chances for promotion. But she didn't want to believe them - and so she didn't, at first.

I was warned by a number of people who took the principals' course who said, "You've got to get out of that. You're too focused, you're a mouthpiece in that arena. you're too strong." But I was so committed and I didn't believe that it would hurt me in the long run.

Even when faced with the realization that her world was not as she wanted it to be, she could not bring herself to change it. She was like a pilot lost on a visual flight plan who repressed the need to match at least three ground features with the map before deciding where she was. A common pilot error is to choose where he wants to be and then force the features on the map to fit what he sees, or vice versa. Often one or two features look similar, but rarely the third, so pilots are tempted to ignore some of the evidence, just as Stephanie was doing. She was so committed to affirmative action that she ignored the evidence about what her involvement was doing to her career.

I think that some people may have felt that I was self serving with this initiative, when in fact it worked in the opposite direction. I was alienating the 'powers that be" because I was pushing for the sexual harassment policy. I pushed for that from the very beginning, even before we had an affirmative action policy. The director thought I was asking too much too soon. I think I paid a price for that. But that was something I really did believe in and I don't regret any of it.

It is difficult to know if she sincerely believed that her push for the board to implement an affirmative action program and to develop a sexual harassment policy would not influence her chances for promotion. When she was warned about the possibility, she discounted it, but then she acknowledged that her commitment to these gender issues might have diminished her chances. The conflicting opinions reveal Stephanie's ambivalence about the effects of her work in affirmative action. Did she understand what an impediment her involvement was, yet deny it, so she could persist with her cause? Or did she not understand? Does it matter? She was so strongly committed to equity for women that wen if she had realized the degree to which her connection with affirmative action hindered her opportunity for promotion, she would have persisted. This is certainly not to imply that Stephanie should have lessened her commitment to affirmative action or to have been less visible in her support for the this issue. But it may be helpful for Stephanie to understand the reason she was not promoted as quickly as she might have been had she not taken up as muse that was so unpopular within her board.

"BLIND" COMMITMENT

Stephanie: The affirmative action and employment equity experience was important to me on a number of counts. This probably sounds high-minded but there really wasnY anyone else in Blanchard that was addressing it. And it was such a major issue for me. The injustice was so powerful within me. Mari n: Why was it a major issue for you? StepX anie: I'm not trying to be dtruistic. (pause) How can I explain this so you'll understand? I felt so powerless inside. I felt that I didn't have any control over my life. and I worked really hard to control my life. The one way that I could deal with my powerlessness as a woman was to be a strong advocate for affirmative action. Over the last couple of years I've realized that this was my way of empowering myself. I had to do it out there. If people knew what a mess I was inside, they wouldn't have believed it. It was the only way I could see to deal with my powerlessness. I was trying to deal with so many personal things, demons or whatever you want to call them. and the way I dealt with them was to become a really strong advocate for women's rights. I didn't just do it in education. I also became very involved in the women's crisis centre. In my work as a teacher. the kids that I gravitated to and the kids that gravitated towards me were the kids that were being abused. I had so many kids disclose to me. And I think that's because they felt an empathy from me. It was my personal forum to deal with my demons in a context that was good for other people too.

Stephanie's secret story motivated her to live out a public story which was a strong contrast to her secret story. She tried to turn the negatives in her life into positive benefits for other women. Within her professional life she tried to create a new story of her personal self to eradicate her secret story of her personal demons, of he: powerlessness within her family. She believed that she had the ability to change and restory her life. She also believed that she could create or adopt a new vision and work towards it, restorying her personal life within the context of her professional life. Did she have to restory her secret story of oppression in order to become an administratofl Or was becoming an administrator part of her restorying process? Which was cause? Which was effect?

I was also buying into the idea that it wasn't enough. If I was doing something in special ed., if I was doing something with computers. if I was doing something with the science curriculum, that was something different. Affirmative action was such a threatening arena and I bought into the idea Mat what I did wasn't of much value, which is a little silly because it was of great value. It took some thinking on that issue for me to say, "Yes you've done something that you should be proud of." Marilyn: As I recall, you were given a lot of messages that it wasnY important, from the administration, from the teachers. Stephanie: Oh definitely, from the administration, from the teachers, from the women I was ing to work with. Marilyn: 7I s hard when you're getting that message from so many places to say, 'Yes, it is important and it's worth doing."

This was not initially her idea, but she picked up and accepted the ''cultura)' story. Whose story? What was their motivation?

REACTIONS TO AFFIRMATIVE ACTION Stephanie believed that her work in affirmative action was different from work in curriculum areas because it was threatening for some people. Her story of affirmative action invoked appointing the best people for Me job, which included considering and encouraging women. Why was this idea threatening for some people? Affirmative action may have implied that past decisions had not always resulted in Me best people getting the jobs. Thus Mere may have been resentment by those who made the decisions as well as by those appointed to the positions. There was the implication that neither group had done the best job possible. It was not simply an objective, impersonal implication, but it was initiated by affirmative action advocates who may have felt it as a direct attack. One effective form of retaliation was to triviake work in affirmative action. Initially Stephanie accepted the senior administrative officials' trivialization of affirmative action, believing that if she wanted an appointment to administration she simply had to work harder in other "more important" areas. She did not attempt to analyze what might have been behind their attitudes. She did not initially see that though they may have paid lip service to the affirmative action philosophy, they simply did not understand at a very basic level, what was so wrong with continuing to appoint men, men who thought and acted as they did. The resistance of many male teachers was understandable. Many of them continued to accept without question the sacred story that they had every right to expect to become administrators. and to assume the authority and increased incomes which accompanied administrative positions. Some men may have been rather punled as to why women would want these positions, but an increasing number strongly resented women's foray into their territory". With the advent of affirmative action they saw their anticipated opportunities dissipating and they were angry. They retaliated by trivialking work in affirmative action. Women too had various responses to affirmative action, responses which were closely linked with their stories of themseives as professionals, their stones of gender and power, and their stories of politics within the education system. Some women may have felt an implicit expectation that they should be thinking of administration. even though they were not interested. Others may have felt inadequate or inferior to their female colleagues because they were not interested in administrative positions. Still others were quite comfortable to have males in positions of authority over them. They liked the consistency between their professional landscape and their personal milieu, where men held positions of dominance over women. In their world women did not have authority similar to men. Stephanie could understand male resistance but she was somewhat surprised and discouraged to encounter some other women's opposition to affirmative action. After all, this program was intended to benefit women and other minority groups. How could women be opposed to something designed to benefit them? Other women were committed to the cause. Some however, did not want to be visible advocates in case their support would hinder their own chances for promotion. Others were more willing to have their positions known publicly. In her commitment to affirmative action Stephanie demonstrated her ability to set a goal and then to work towards achieving it in spite of lack of support and even in the face of strong resistance. Many people in leadership roles have difficulty coping with others not supporting their vision, particularly when some of their nonsupporters hold senior ranks in the hierarchy or are in positions of authority over them. On the other hand, it is useful to be sensitive to the politics within the organization, to understand the priorities and values of senior administrators and if possible, not to oppose those values openly. Possibly Stephanie did not realize what an opponent she had become to some administrators as she worked so hard for affirmative action.

But I was SO committed and I didn't believe in the long run that it would hurt me.

Even when others pointed out the dangers, she had confidence in her own judgment This seemed to contrast with her earlier doubts about going into administration. In restorying her personal life within the context of her professional life, she developed a resolve to attain an administrative position. Stephanie came to realize that sometimes there is a fine balance between commitment and foolhardiness. She described one interview for two vice principalships in which she believed she was definitely the best applicant, yet others were appointed. As she restoried the experience trying to understand why she had not been appointed, the only explanation that helped her accept her disappointment was that a superintendent wanted to "get even with hef' because of her work in affirmative action.

In one interview I had for a vice principalship there were two principals involved. One principal said, "What I really want is someone to implement computer education." Well I was doing workshops and had worked hard for a number of years in that area He said, "I'm really impressed by everything you've done." We talked at length about how I would work with the teachers. I had a great interview with this guy! It became dear that the other principal wanted a man to teach phys ed, which I could have done too. It didnY need to be a man but that was his agenda. I walked out of the interview feeling good. I knew the other two candidates. One had done nothing but French his whole career and the other was a phys ed jodc so I figured he'd get the other position. But I d~dnYget the position. The French teacher got it. I found out by phone. When the principal told me I didntt get the position I asked him, "Can you tell me why? I don? understand." He said, 'I cant say anything to you. You'll have to ask the superintendent" Immediately I knew. That superintendent was my worst opponent because of affirmative action. I felt that was his way of gettin even with me. I was definitely dealing with politics there. I was not dealing with 8 e fairness of the situation.

Stephanie's stories of politics and fairness were mutually exclusive. To Stephanie, politics was synonymous with abuse of power, of 'getting evenn. Not only did the superintendent get even with her by seeing that she did not get the vice principal appointment, he bullied her at the board offrce right after she heard the news that someone else had been appointed. The principal's words "I can't say anything to you. You'll have to ask the superintendent." confirmed her story of the strength of the power hierarchy within the board.

I had a meeting at the board office with another superintendent so I collected myself. I knew I was going to see this guy and I knew he wanted to see me in tears. I breezed into the board office and who did I see right off the bat but this S. O? I said. "Hi. How are you doing?' and kept right on going into my meeting with the other superintendent. He too knew that I hadn't gotten the position so he said, "Are you OK?" I said, "I'm fine." And this other superintendent came into the office and said, "Haveyou heard anything? Have you received a phone call from the principal?' I said. 'Oh yeah. He just called and told me the news." He was pushing me to the wall. I didn't react. I just sat there and looked at him. I thought, 'You creep, I'm not going to say anything to you about how unfair I think this IS." So he started spewing forth. You know maybe it just wasnt your time, maybe the next time." And I just said, Well Ifelt really good about the interview." Then he left.

Supervisory Offiier. Stephanie's words indicated her story of the superintendent wanting to see her vulnerability. But she refused to reveal her emotions or her thoughts. The superintendent must have been frustrated by her calm demeanour, her refusal to play his game. What was the superintendent3 story of Stephanie when she was so well in control of her emotions? Did he see her as lacking emotion? Did he think that she really did not care that she had not been appointed? Or did he see her as self-assured. able to handle herself well in a difficult situation? Was he beginning to see her in a new light, as a viable candidate for administration? Although she realized that her approach to affirmative action may have delayed her appointment as vice principal, she believed she would not have maintained her integrity had she left the work to others. She did however, modify her approach.

I never backed down from it but I learned how to be less confrontational. I learned how to be more conciliatory so that I would get what I wanted in the end without sacrificing my ideals. I realized that being a threatening kind of person wasnY getting us anywhere. We'd lose the war. I'd rather lose a couple of baWes than the whole thin . I think I gained some people's begrudging respect wer the course because oP the way I d~dit.

Stephanie was learning about politics, though not necessarily by name. She was learning more about power relationships among people.

OTHER WOMEN APPOINTED While Stephanie was promoting affirmative action within her board, the board was promoting other women to positions in administration, women less committed than Stephanie to feminist ideals.

I felt some of the women they first appointed were the women that played their game. that could joke with them and drink with them the way they did. That sounds terrible and I'm not trying to minimize the quality of work these women do because they're ood administrators. But they were women the men were comfortable with. 7hey weren't threatening. They didnY question the way things were being done. They worked hard at their jobs. Marilyn: The men knew what to expect from them. They felt comfortable with them. Stephanie: Yes, I think they felt comfortable with them. Has a lot of that changed? I don't know.

One might wonder why Stephanie continued to work so hard in affirmative action once the board began to promote women. Stephanie saw the first women appointed as representing the status quo. They were women who fit the existing norm. who emulated Ule male principals. Her description and her comment "that sounds temble' suggests that she did not agree with these choices. To Stephanie, affirmative action was not simply a numbers game or a score card. She believed that women were inclined to do the job differentfy from men, and she saw women's ways of leading as preferable, for students as well as for other teachers. She believed administrators should be selected from a wider range of people with a wider range of abilities and qualities. Perhaps she subconsciously remembered the difference between the nun and priest principals of her youth.

STEPHANIE APPOINTED VICE PRINCIPAL Perhaps with time Stephanie became more politically astute and softened her approach with senior administrators. Perhaps the board finally recognized the scope of her abilities. Or maybe they became more concerned about wanting to be perceived to be fair. Possibly a new group of people was on the vice principal selection committee. For whatever reasons, eventually Stephanie was appointed vice principal. She did not describe the process of being appointed to a vice principalship, but rather jumped directly to her early times in the role.

I remember someone asking me a question and I would make up an answer, because I thought I had to have an answer. I couldn't say. "I'II get back to you on that." I think I became known as someone who they could get a reaction from. The head school bus driver picked up that I would have an instant reaction. Instead of saying, "I'll get back to you." I thought I had to respond to what he was saying. He knew he could get my batteries going.

Stephanie carried her need to be perfect into the vice principal's role. She believed that as a vice principal she had to have all the answers. She felt Mat she could not afford to let down her guard or to reveal to anyone that she was less than perfect as a vice principal. As she referred to her story of the reputed story of herself, she sees now that such behaviour did not always give others the desired impression.

It was my second principal that pointed it out to me. He said "Do you realize what you're doing? You don't always have to have an answer." I wasnY even aware that I was doing it. All it took was someone to point it out to me and I never did it again. But I was never comfortable with saying. "I'II check that out in the policy book." I felt like I should know. And that creates a tremendous amount of stress if you feel that you have to have all the answers.

Stephanie was responsive to feedback from her principal, that she need not always have an instant answer. She stopped responding this way once the principal discussed it with her, though she was uncomfortable with "getting back to someone." Her behaviour continued to be shaped by other people's views rather than by her own desires. This time though. it was based on direct feedback, rather than on her story of the image she befieved she should have. Stephanie talked about her disappoinment and frustration on earlier occasions when others were appointed rather than her, when she felt the board overlooked her abilities and experience. Once she was appointed however, she seemed to need to convince herself and everyone else that she deserved the appointment and was capable of doing the job.

And that whole inadequacy thing - do I really deserve this? I don't really know what I'm doing. I wonied that "They're going to find out I really don't know what I'm doing."

SELF IMPOSED PRESSURES IN NEW ROLE Stephanie's anxiety seemed to be more than the usual apprehension which often accompanies a new assignment, the temporary loss of confidence when facing the unfamiliar. She seemed to expect that once she was appointed vice principal she would immediately be transformed into a vice principal wkose abilities at least paralleled. and perhaps even surpassed those of experienced vice principals. She set high standards for herself and then strove to achieve them, inflicting more stress on herself.

My style of leadership was so performance oriented. I didn't have three goals for the year. I had seventeen. . . I felt that I had to do this, I had to read this . . . I was really driven. I really wanted to succeed. I really wanted to get there. wherever "there" was.

Stephanie's choice of language would indicate that she was strongly goal- oriented, that she wanted to be able to say, 'There, I've done it." She seemed to believe that when she was appointed she would become a full-fledged vice principal equal to those with years of experience. She did not seem to realize that becoming a vice principal or principal is an evolutionary process and involves growing into the role over an extended period of time. It cannot be achieved by board fiat. Her last sentence reveals her commitment to achieve, but at the same time her lack of understanding about what the accomplishment would entail. Her story of administration seemed to be that once a person had the title, she instantly assumed all of the qualities. Or is this her story of other people's story of the role, that the necessary skills accompany the title? For years she had desperately wanted the appointment but didn't know what it would be like when she earned it.

I think women feel that we have to do and do and do. That old adage is true. You have to be twice as good as a man. If it isn't true. we certainly have bought into it, that that's the way it has t:, Se. And so we keep pushing ourselves to do more and more. As for mysetf, Ijust didn't know how to say no. If they asked me to be on a committee. I'd find the time. I didn't feel that I could say. uWell, no I don't have enough time for that. I'm really kind of busy. Stephanie's comment acknowledges that it may not be an absolute truth that women have to be twice as good as men. but it was her truth. And it was her truth, or her story that influenced her behaviour. Somewhat related to her reluctance to say no was her compulsion to do everything herself, rather Man ask anyone else to do something.

I think some of the alienation and the isolation I felt. I imposed on myself because I felt that I couldn't ask other people to do it, that they'd say, "You're getting paid to be vice principal. That's your job so you shouldn't be asking others to do it."

This example of miscommunication between Stephanie and the other teachers gives an indication also of Stephanie's view of "principal as doer and delegatof, rather than the more current view of "ptincipal as facilitator*. Stephanie possibly unconsciously reinforced the teachers' impression that she thought herself on a different plane than them if she insisted on doing everything herself rather than seek their involvement. Her point of view is understandable, that because she was paid a responsibility allowance she should assume all the extra duties herself. It is perhaps only now, removed from the situation, and with considerable time to reflect on her life, that she can understand how some of her actions may have contributed to the isolation she felt in the position. Unable to relieve her stress, Stephanie described its physical manifestations.

It was a very isolating experience initially. 1 didn't like it at first. I didn't want to be everything to everybody. I was so stressed out, I developed all kinds of food allergies. That was the way my body handled it. I found the stress incredible. A lot of it was personally imposed.

PERSONAL COST Upon reflection, Stephanie realized some of the drawbacks of this way of being. In retrospect, her story of her activities when she was engrossed in her career, changes to a story of paying a large personal price for her preoccupation with her career. Now she can see how her professional life imposed on her personal life.

You pay a personal price too for some of these things. I've certainly paid a personal price in my relationship with my husband. We've talked about this a lot since my accident, the way we juggled our schedules. We juggled our personal lives around our careers, particularly me, because I was much more into mine than he was. And I paid a price for that. I paid a price in terms of personal growth. You're" on such a treadmill that you don't have time to stop and assess what you're doing or why you're doing it or even "Is this good for me?' You stop listening to that voice ;ii~ideof you that's

s Like Ellen, Stephanie uses the second person to make her comments less directIy related to herself, yet not conpleteiy depersonalized as the third person would

153. saying. "Slow down. You know you don't need to take on another committee". or as okay to say no." or "It's okay to stand up for yourself here."

Stephanie's comments about being more into her career than her husband reflect her story of herself and other women having to work harder than men. This story may signal a greater commitment and involvement required of women. rather than a different degree of motivation. If this is the case, the costs are much greater for women than they are for men. This is not fair. Perhaps expectations and the jobs themselves need to change so that women and men's commitment and effort are more equivalent. They need to change so that professional lives do not impose on personal lives. Regardless of other possible motivations. Stephanie was strongly influenced by her general story of vice principals as well as by her story of the reputed stories of her as a vice principal.

And maybe other women are like this too. I was really at the mercy of whatever the powers that be thought of me. I felt that I needed to keep proving myself- I needed to prove that I could do it.

In Stephanie's story of herself as "perfect" we see that she would not allow anyone to find any imperfections - in her clothing, in her refusal to reveal her disappointment and hurt in not getting the vice principal appointment she expected and felt she deserved. and finally, as she carried out her duties as vice principal. This now has become a story of the stress she imposed on herself. But not all of Stephanie's stress was self-imposed. Some came from the community, from trustees and others who were traditional in their thinking and values. No doubt she stretched their minds from time to time. although some probably tried to resist any elasticity in their thinking. Stephanie related an incident which illustrates the mindset of some school trustees.

During my first year as a vice pn'ncipal. the trustee for our area came to the school to speak to the principal. It had been brought up at a board meeting that people in the community were upset that I had a hyphenated name. He didn't speak to me initially. The principal said, 'What do you want me to do? Do you want me to ask her to change her name?" Finally he said to the trustee. "I want Stephanie in on this meeting. And I want the superintendent here."

Was the trustee's attempt to deal with "the problem" through the pn'ncipal an indication of the board's hierarchical way of operating? Or was he trying to deal with it "man to mann? Fortunately the principal recognized the inappropriateness of this approach and insisted that Stephanie be present for the discussion which involved her. When Stephanie began her role as a vice principal she spent time getting to know the students and gave them opportunities to get to know her. Apparently segments of their conversations were reported to parents who heard their children's reports filtered first by their children's selective memories and secondly, by their own traditional attitudes.

When I became a vice principal. I spent time with every dass. And you know what kids are like. "Why do you have a double name?" I wrote it on the board and said, "Cloutier is my birth name, Gibson is my husband's name and when we got married I put the two together." 'Well why?' 'Because I like my birth name." Can you believe that at the board meetin they said that I would correct kids and say, "My name is not Miss Clouler, it's rS1 s Cloutier-Gibson. And it isn't Mrs.. Ws Ms." I didnY do anything like that. I said to these guys, "First of ail, I get 'Ms Gibson', I get 'Mn Gibson'. I get 'Miss Cloutier', I get 'Mom'. I'm sure i get a lot of things I don't even know about. That's my name and I'm not going to change it for you or anybody else. I cannot believe we're even having this discussion or that you gave the issue time at a board meeting."

Most teachers have experienced similar distonions in reports of classroom events. Such discrepancies in meaning result when words are reported out of context and then are heard within different frames of reference. The resulting misunderstandings can become very emotionally laden when attitudes and beliefs are involved. Community members' reputed story of Stephanie illustrates their traditional orientation towards gender. In this exchange Stephanie's reaction gave no indication of the insecurity she sometimes felt in her new role. She was upset about the process as well as about the issue.

When I went in I had no idea what the meeting was about. That really made me angry and I made sure they knew that. When these three men sat there and told me about 'Yhe problem", I said, "First of all, you knew what this meeting was about I do not appreciate this being dropped in my lap. I had no forewarning what this meeting was about." Secondly, I don't know what you expect my reaction to be but I just have one thing to say. My name is Stephanie Cloutier- Gibson and if anybody has anything to say about it, tough!. That's my name. Learn to live with it." And that was the end of that conversation! I was furious so I got up and left. Within about ten minutes the superintendent was at my door to apologize. I said, "This is ridiculous!" &cause I was in a traditional community that first of all, didn't want a female vice principal. and secondly, didn't want one with a hyphenated name.

In Stephanie's description of the incident, it sounds as if both the principal and superintendent were sympathetic towards her, yet both of them had been willing to proceed with the meeting. And neither of them had told her in advance what the issue was. The community members' reputed story of Stephanie illustrates their traditional orientation towards gender. To thzrn, Stephanie's hyphenated name represented not only a woman, but a woman w-th feminist ideals. They did not want their children exposed to ideas which deviated from their own traditional views in terms of gender. They did not want her in a position of authority in their children's school. STEPHANIE BEGINS TO ENJOY THE ROLE Gradually Stephanie became more aware that she needed to make some changes in the way she approached her work. She regrets that she did not have the opportunity to make those changes. So the last year and a half of my vice principalship I tried to calm down and enjoy it more, to be less driven. I was still just as busy but I tried to approach it in a little different way. I was just starting to feel a lot more comfortable with the role and thinking, "Yeh, this is what I want to do. Maybe I could change this leadership style a littfe bit." But I never got the chance.

She didn't get that chance because, in a split second her world came crashing on top of her, like the truck that hit her. For months she was immobilized by her injuries and even now, years later, constant pain saps her energy. Her physical injuries seemed not enough to try her strength. She also was forced to face her inability to do her job - a job which had contributed so much to her identity. Her sense of being was inextricably linked with her career. She had derived much satisfaction from knowing that she did her best to meet the needs of students and staff. Like smoke. these opportunities vanished. Similarly her earning capacity disappeared. She could do nothing to regain either. Grieving this loss drained her emotional strength. Mentally she lacked the stimulation which previously had been so much a part of her life. She missed the regular contact with colleagues and friends. especially one close friend who could not cope with the new Stephanie, a Stephanie who could no longer share outings or social activities with her. Though her husband Brian is incredibly supportive, no doubt there were times following the accident when even his patience was put to the test. When Stephanie most needed strength, her reservoir was dry. The tides had turned. Everything was the opposite of what it had been such a short time before. Even the attitudes of most school trustees and senior administrators swung around 180 degrees. Those who had opposed her for years. now became quite supportive. A few months after the accident Stephanie applied for a principalship. She was in continuous pain and her movements were torpid and cumbersome. She had no idea how long it would be until she fully recovered but she knew that in terms of experience she was ready to be a principal. In order to prepare for the interview, she showered and began to get dressed the day before, resting after each brief exertion. Her physical preparations took all her available energy for two days. The interview lasted less than ten minutes, including pleasantries. She was appointed principal, with duties to begin the following September. It seemed as if prior to her accident some of the senior administrators felt a need to exert their authority, to remind her of their power over her. They no longer needed to do so. The woman who had been so strong was now weak and in her weakness they no longer had a need to demonstrate their strength. Indeed to have done so would have shown their own weakness. They had won and were not going to gloat in their victory. Stephanie's appointment as principal marked the culmination of some incredibly challenging struggles. Her first challenge lay within her board. For years she had worked hard in many areas of the cuniculum, developing and sharing her knowledge and her leadership skills. Finally board officials acknowledged her abilities, knowledge and experience. Her second victory was over her physical disabilities. Her mobility was restricted by constant pain and loss of energy. She had managed to get to the interview and present herself as a viable candidate. No doubt her mental and emotional states presented a third challenge. It is incredible to me that she was able to keep her spirits up in light of her board's lack of recognition of her abilities as well as her discouragement after the accident. In my view Stephanie lives a life of remarkable resilience, a resilience which neither of us knew at that time would be put to yet another test. Slowly she began to prepare for her reentry to school and the time she would undertake her duties as principal. When the first of September arrived she was in no condition to assume her principalship, so the board appointed someone else in an acting capacity for the interim until she would be ready to retum. Finally, two years after her accident Stephanie made her first attempt to return to school. Board officials were helpful and arranged for Stephanie to be designated as a visiting principal at a school fairly convenient to her home. She went to school for short periods of time when she was able. Dun'ng this reorientation period she reviewed current policy and curriculum documents, met with teachers and visited classrooms. This provided an opportunity for her to discover her capabilities and limitations before she would have the full responsibility as principal. Gradually she came to terms with her inability to perform physical tasks she had previously taken for granted, such as opening heavy doors or moving supplies. Something which really disturbed her was a fear that young children in their exuberance might bump into her and interfere with her fragile stability. The sounds of active classrooms could bring on a migraine. Stephanie was to face more debilitating pain, many rounds of medical consultations and tre~twents,more delays in returning to her chosen profession, the disappointment of hopes dashed each time she tried to return to work. What more can one woman bear? Yet in spite of all she endured, she agreed to participate in my study because she felt it was important for her to do so, though as I will describe in chapter 7, her involvement in my study was initially at some personal risk.

WHO IS STEPHANIE? My images of Stephanie are of commitment and struggle, inextricably intertwined. the promise and the pain. For years she worked untiringly to improve the lot of women within her board. She envisioned the promise of better opportunities for women teachers to be all that they wanted to be. to move into administrative positions if they wanted to do so.

I think women have a much tougher time even in the 1990's because they're not expected to seek out those positions. It's still a big deal. I'm looking forward to the day when it's not. when it's normal for women to seek positions, just as it is for men. But it's still not there.

She strove for a harassment free environment for all females, students as well as teachers. She wanted to be a role model for female students. to model for them a competent, capable and confident woman who deserves to be treated with respect. Stephanie had a vision of what could be and she worked untiringly to achieve her goal. Another image is one of contrast. While Stephanie presented a public image of pelfection, internally she was rife with insecurity.

Rules Before her accident Stephanie believed it was important to present a good image at all times, an image of competence and strength. She believed it was important never to reveal and weakness. She thought it was important to face up to adversity. The one time that she tried to escape difficult teen years by joining the convent, her father brought her up short quiddy, and put an end to that plan.

Principles Both before and after her accident she worked hard for what she believed in. She thought it was essential to be true to her beliefs, even on occasions when it was at personal Cost

Personal Philosophy Stephanie believed strongly in fairness and was disillusioned when she and others were not treated with the faimess she believed they deserved. She believed that if she worked hard enough she would earn her rewards. Wa dogged determination she pursued her goals. Now after her accident she's having to come to terms with not having the ability to work hard, as she knew hard work She is having to redefine her meaning of hard work and to find satisfaction in other ways.

Mefaphor When I invited Stephanie to think of a metaphor to illustrate her time as a vice principal she suggested that she was like an army general, but she did not daborate. When she was the WTA President she saw herself as the director of a play in which she worked with variety of actors and drew out their abilities. She sees herself as very controlling in both of these roles. She did not go into much detail with either metaphor. As a director of a play she could have made some of the same points as Laila - drawing out the best of people and working with them to develop their skills, but she didn't. She could not suggest a metaphor for herself as principal because she cannot now see herself in that role. Undoubtedly she wants her metaphor to be authentic and because she has not actually worked in that role is reluctant to suggest something which she has not actually experienced. In looking back to her other roles it seems to me that she now sees henelf as very controlling in both situations because she has moved on to a different philosophy or approach. In contrast to what she thinks the new person will be like, she was quite controlling in previous rdes. She has been in leadership roles since then for example, in giving workshops for principals and teachers. Some of the workshop participants have commented that she is vely different now in that she works more collaboratively and is more inclusive of others than she may have been in previous times.

Cydes and Rhythms The rhythms of Stephanie's life have changed from the time when they were closely linked to the daily, weekly. term and annual activities of school life and continuing her own education. The effects of constant pain have presented a new element Each day is influenced by the absence or presence of a migraine as well as a low energy level. Her weekly and monthly cycles are programmed by regular appointments with medical and other support personnel. During the time she tried to return to work her energy and pain levels strongly influenced her ability to go to school on a daily basis. Her emotions and hope for success surged and receded based on her ability to go to school. During the past seven years the patterns of her life have been determined first by the accident and her gradual recovery from its effects, her gradual return to activities she had previously taken for granted. Then two years ago she had a second accident. In some ways her setback took her to even greater depths of despair than the first one. It was perhaps like someone finding cancer for the second ti me, when all signs had been for a good recwecy. On Me other hand. having spent five years recovering from the first one. by drawing on that experience. some aspects of recovery may be easier.

Summary My work with Stephanie has pointed me to such concerns as growing into the role, knowing the politics of the system, coping with change and learning from experience - the value of reflection. Having constructed narrative accounts of some of the experiences of my partidpants as they moved into administrative positions, I now return to my original questions. At the outset of this study I indicated that I wanted to explore how some women experienced the move horn teaching to administration. More specific questions were: What motivated them to become pn'ncipals? What choices did they make in moving to administration? What challen es did they face? What kinds o? support did the need? What was gratifying for them.Y Do they perceive any differences in the way they do the job compared with their male colleagues? What advice would they offer to other women who also want to become principals?

During our conversations they said little about some of the issues I had identified in my original questions which I thought might be relevant. This position check shows a shift from my originally planned route to a course which has emerged from these women's narratives and has more relevance for these women. I used an open-ended undirected conversational approach with my participants, allowing them to tell me what they wanted me to know. I had given them a print copy of my questions at the outset but these were not necessarily the questions my participants answered. I do not believe they were avoiding them but perhaps they relied on me to see that they were covered in the course of our conversations, while I on the other hand, gave my participants the lead to set the direction and content of our conversations. I originally listed my questions in what seemed to be a logical order of progression. beginning with their motivation and concluding with advice they would offer other women. But now in considering my participants' narratives, I believe that my discussion of the issues seems to flow more naturally in a different order. I assumed they would highlight responses to

Matchoices did they make in moving to administration?

These women said little about choices. When I began working with Ellen, before we got to discussions about moving into a position in administration. she accepted a secondment with the Ministry of Education and was subsequently hired to a permanent position. During our conversations she did not articulate a choice between an administrative position with her board and the Ministry position. When the Ministry position became availabk, Ellen seemed no longer to consider the vice principalship as a viable alternative. Nor did my other participants talk about choices. An obvious choice for Einette might have been to stay home to look after her young son, a newborn infant when she was appointed principal. But not once did she mention that as a possibiiity. His mre was simply something she had to consider in planning her day. As for fully enjoying his early years. when spangto groups of teachers. she often told stories of her son, which appeared to serve several functions. She used these stories to illustrate a point she was making. On occasion. she may have told stories to establish her credibility, to remind the audience that her experience as a mother enhanced her understanding of children. Einette's stories of her son pointed to other stories - her own stow that she was able to create quality time with him. even when other responsibilities took her away fmm him for extended periods of time. As well, her stories offered evidence that women who want to become administrators can do so. even when they have young children. Stephanie too did not speak in terms of choices. Early in her career she considered becoming a principal. but believed that decision was beyond her control. Only when a superintendent encouraged her did she begin to work towards a vice principal appointment As she spoke of her work in affirmative action she presented herself as someone committed to the cause. who could not with clear conscience, decide not to work in that area. Laila indicated that she initially went into teaching so she could become a principal. Though she spoke fondly of her teaching days. she gave no indication of that enjoyment dissuading her from her goal of being a principal. In contrast, Florence Samson (In progress) speaks at length about her own sense of loss in moving into a vice principalship. A former kindergarten teacher, she sorely misses ongoing daily contact with her own class. In my work with the federation's leadership course we caution women contemplating a move from teaching to administration about this change in their role. They will no longer have their own class, their own children for whom they are the primary adult contact. All children in the school will have their own classroom teachers with whom they are more likely to fon closer bonds. As I look back over the transcripts of our conversations 1 notice that no one spoke of missing teaching, of missing the children. Were my participants unique compared with other teachers? As a researcher. did my questions not probe in this area? Did our conversations have a different focus because of my own teaching experience? Much of my teaching career involved teaching music in several different classes. For two years I worked with over 2000 students, seeing them only every two weeks. Were our conversations a function of where these women were in their own careers, of the immediacies of their current positions? Or did my participants each have their own agendas and want to tell me their personal stories of women in leadership roles? Were they forward- lookino wcwn who preferred to speak of challenges rather than losses? Or do these women not feel that loss? Have they found ways to compensate for less direct contact with children? Or do they enjoy their new roles so much that in balance this loss of direct contact with a class becomes insignificant? When I saw Einette on yard duty for example, she spoke with many individual children about what was going on in their lives. She continued regularly to have dose contact with children. Stephanie spoke at length about her loss of identity following her accident, so much so that for her that loss must have overshadowed all else. As a resource teacher, much of Ellen's previous work was directly with teachers and only indirectly with children. Her loss of dose contact with children probably came at an earlier point in her career and thus she did not associate it with a move to administration. For Laila, teaching was primarily the route to a principalship. She spoke fondly of her teaching days but that enjoyment was not sufficient to dissuade her from her original goal.

What advice would they offer to otber women who want to become principals?

My participants did not offer specific advice to other women teachers seeking administrative positions. Their advice is implicit in the stories they tell and in the way each woman lives her life. Every person's experience in unique. Rather than offer generic advice about various aspects of the job, I believe this study highlights two areas on which to focus. One is to know themselves, to understand their priorities, their values and beliefs, to know how they came to hold these beliefs and to understand the implications of these values in terms of their roles as administrators. The other area is to know and understand the landscape in which they as professionals are situated. I trust that these four participants' chapters have offered ways of thinking about experiences which others may find useful in defining and articulating their own personal and professional knowledge.

Do they perceive any differences in the way they do the job compared with their male colleagues?

I did not pursue this question directly, although occasionally one of my participants referred to a male colleague's way of dealing with a particular issue. My own experience has convinced me that there is much more variation within either gender than there is between males and females. During my career I have wolked with a wide range of both women and men. I have enjoyed the support, stimulation and encouragement of a wonderfully compassionate, caring leader who had a knack for seeing the big picture and putting everything into perspective for herself and others. When she talked with me about any work responsibilities that had not gone well, once we determined that we had done what we could to redify a situation, her invariable question was, 'What have you learned from this?" Her greatest acknowledgment for a job well done was to reward me with another new and challenging assignment. I have also felt the demoralizing effects of a controlling, detail-driven, bullying woman who left an air of oppression in her wake as she cut a swath through her staff. In my experience, the latter example seems to be more of an exception than the former one. As I recalI prhdpals with whom I have worked, I can identify similar contrasts among males, though not as extreme as these examples. My participants' experiences are unique and their response to the question would not yield information which could be generalized in terms of gender.

What challenges did they face?

We could say that Ellen faced a challenge in trying to decide between the Ministry position and a vice principalship, but she did not treat it as a difficult decision. She seems to take most situations and opportunities as they come and find ways to deal with them. Possibly her earlier experiences of the undesired pregnancy and then being put out of both nursing and teacher education programs have prepared her well to cope with whatever challenges she faces. Neither did Einette speak of challenges. Even when submitting her resignation to protest the board decision that she remain in an acting position, she did not speak of the event as a challenge, but simply as what she was prepared to do to make her point. Similarly, Laila believed that she could deal with whatever came her way. She worked to get her large staff working together more collegially and she seemed to keep them moving in that direction without any major incidents. In contrast to the other three women, Stephanie's greatest challenge was in getting appointed to a vice principalship. She was not prepared to give up her work in affirmative action, though some of the trustees and senior administrators were quite resistant. But she persisted in working towards goals to which she was firmly committed and at the same time she persisted in applying for vice principal positions until eventually the board acknowledged her abilities and appointed her. Because she had been so openly committed to equity for women, she then had to deal with a few men who resisted a woman in a position of authority over them. People who work so hard for social causes, particularly in conservative communities, often encounter strong resistance and need to be strong themselves to counter it.

What kinds of support did they need?

These women found various forms of support in people who understood their work. Einette often talked over her ideas and concerns with either her brother or close friend wf~o were appointed principals at the same time as herself. She freely reciprocated when either of them needed an empathetic ear. After her friend left the board to assume a position in a different system. Einette continued to consult closely with her brother, sometimes for support and at other times to try to influence him to her way of thinking. Einette also had a dose friend in an older woman principal whom she deeply admired. She found this friend to be very helpful, particularly when she tried to put matters into a historical perspective. Einette's mother was her dose confidante and helped her see issues within a broader social context. She mentioned also the support she found within her family and explained it in terms of the fad that at one time or another, each of Einette's brothers and sisters had taught, and thus had a good understanding of her work. Stephanie's husband who was also a principal, gave her much support and encouragement when she was going through Me selection process within the board. When she became a vice principal, Stephanie felt the need for a support group and believed that other female administrators might also want to be part of such a group. She tried to organize a local support or networking group, and invited other women administrators to her house on occasion. but she sensed that others did not want to continue this kind of activity. At times she found her best support away from her school system, at provincial federation conferences where she felt safer to express her anxieties and insecurities about the position. In Laila's last school before she was appointed vice principal she found some wondelfully supportive female colleagues. The principal was known throughout the system as a wonderful mentor for aspiring administrators. She encouraged and provided leadership opportunities for teachers who wanted to pursue careen in administration. Shortly after Laila transferred to Donna's school, several other women on staff were also seeking positions in administration. Together they counseled, supported and helped each other through the board's selection process, first as vice principals. then as principals and finally when two of them became superintendents. They have remained a strong support group for each other during their careers in administration.

What was grafiSng for them?

My participants rarely mentioned gratification. For Stephanie possibly this was because she has not yet worked as a principal. Though Ellen chose a different path, she too did not refer to gratification in her present role with the Minishy. Laila enjoys the status of the position, partly in contrast to her earlier life. She is proud of the fact that both she and her husband Adrian, an immigrant daughter and a farm boy, have done well for themselves. On the other hand, she is considering becoming a superintendent, and thus is not content to sit back and say, There, I have achieved what I set out to do." The status and salary of the position could be viewed as gratification, but these same perquisites offer motivation for her to work towards a superintendency. When Einette spoke of the advantages of being a principal. it was more in terms of motivation rather than gratification. as if she is planning to progress through a principalship to other positions where she can move in influential cirdes. Thus, for these women their gratification and motivation are closely linked.

What motivated these women to seek adrninbttalive positions?

Of the four women I worked with, Laila was the most forthright about wanting power. She went into teaching with the express goal of becoming a principal. She wanted a good income in order to have a comfortable lifestyle. For her, personal power is linked with income and thus, with her professional life. She did not speak specifically about power with her staff, but rather of the success she has made of her life, which she measures in terms of income and its accompanying power and confidence. Einette did not refer directly to her motivating influences to become a principal, although in a different context she said she wanted to move within that sphere of influence.

It's not the political power that I want. but it's the realm in which they influence.

She did not explicitly declare her desire for power but when she first became a principaJ she did not want to dispel her reputation, which she referred to as "scary" or threatening. She wanted to retain that power, if only to help ensure Mat teachers would accept her authority. Implicit in her ations was her desire for power in order to bring about some changes. Stephanie wanted the power to speak up for herself as a valued person, something she found herself unable to do as a teacher. She wanted to prove to herself and her family that she was just as worthy as her brother, that females were equal to males and should not be made to feel inferior to males in the family. Ellen did not give an indication of any form of motivation to become an administrator. Indeed she seemed not to seek out an administrative position. She presented herself as simply responding to the encouragement of others who recognized her ability. She did not speak of a desire for power or to move to a different position in education. a position with greater power. Her tugboat metaphor suggests that she saw herself as content to work behind the scenes, although her anecdote about chairing the professional development committee indicated her reluctance to allow those who have not worked to come along and take the credit. In the next chapter I examine my participants' narratives in terms of their growing understanding of issues of power. In Chapter 9, 1 consider their abilities and need to adapt to change. CHAPTER EIGHT

UNDERSTANDINGS OF POWER

In response to my overriding question How do mese women experience the move from teaching to administration? a common theme revolved around issues of power. Intuitively I knew that power was something that needed further examination. What does power mean to my participants? How do their understandings of power influence their leadership styles? In this chapter I draw on their use of language. their talk about power, and some of their stories in order to describe their understanding of power. In looking for gender differences in understandings of power, because ail of my participants are women. I also consider the work of other women and men who have studied and written abut power.

PARTICIPANTS' USE OF THE WORD POWER In our conversations all four women used the word power and some of its derivatives, sometimes with considerable frequency. Einette used the word often during our conversations (10.6 times per conversation) whereas Laila used the word less frequently (3.5 times per conversation). Stephanie and Ellen rarely used the word except in one conversation each, when Ellen mentioned power 24 times while Stephanie used the word 23 times. The words "authority" or 'influenceu rarely came up in any conversation. The word power is often linked with authoritarian hierarchies often associated with males. Why do these women describe their experiences using these terms? I wondered if in our conversations I had introduced the word and thus, pointed them to use a specific vocabulary, based on my own biases. I went back to the transcripts and found no evidence that I had. Occasionally I used the word but in each case, one of my participants used the word first. The frequencies mentioned above do not include my use of the word. I also wondered if they used the word power more when they were talking about the senior administrators' power over them, rather than to describe their own relationships with their staffs. By returning to the transcripts I found that was not the case. Were they using the word power because there seemed to be no other word available that encompasses all that goes with having the potential to cause action? Because I had relied on the computer to count the word frequency, it included derivatives such as powerful, powerless, and empowered. For example, Stephanie spoke of feeling powerless at times, of empowering others as leaders, and of her boardk senior administrators as 'the powers that ben. Ellen referred to male power, position power, and a "power thing* by way of explanation. VIEWS OF POWER The word power is derived from the Latin "possen, meaning "to be able". RoUo May (1972,99) explains two dimensions of the word power. Power as potential', or Iatentpowr is power that has not yet been fully developed, the abili!y to cause a change at some Mure time. We speak of this future change as possibility, a word which is also derived from posse. The other dimension is power as adualily. What has happened to this word that at one time held possibility and potential? Ode Spender (1980) describes the ways in which men have coopted language and use words within only a male context. if not to create new meaning, at least to give very skewed interpretations. Using this language they have described and written about their experiences in such ways that male experiences have been normalized. Dorothy Smith (1987. 1) refers to "the women's movement's discovery that as women we had been living in an intellectual, cultural, and political world, from whose making we had been almost entirely excluded and in which we had been recognized as no more than marginal voices." She challenges us to "tak(e)up the standpoint of women as an experience of being, of society, of social and perrand process that must be given form and expression in the culture, whether as knowledge. as art. as literature, or as political action." (36) In the word power the women in my study have embedded a multitude of meanings, many of which are derived from the man made vocabulary, which has been the only one available to them on their professional landscape. They have revealed and explored many facets of power as it relates to themselves and others in administrative positions. Their meanings indicate that they have lived some of these male stories. Is it possible for us to peel away the male influence and find meanings more relevant to women? Warren Bennis (1985. 15) reminds us of Bertrand Russell's proposition that "the fundamental concept in social science is power, in the same sense in which energy is the fundamental concept in physics." Do my four participants and other women talk about power differently from men? How then can we talk about such an essential concept if no other word is available to us? In their description of situational leadership Paul Hersey and Kenneth Blanchard (1988, 204 - 21 1) outlined the classification of the different bases of power developed by French and Raven (1959). Raven and Kruglanski's (1975) addition of infomation power and Hersey and Goldsmith's (1979) suggestion of connection power seemed to complete the original list of . coercive power, expert power, legitimate power, referent power. and reward power. My participants' ideas of power did not seem to fit French and Raven's framework. I tried to find a new way of looking at their ideas. I drew on each woman's use of language, her talk about power, and her stories of power to try to understand what she meant by pow. Ithen used various images to illustrate my understanding of these women's views of power. Laila, Stephanie, Ellen and Einette come from four different boards in terms of size, geography, urban or rural, and receptivity to change. Within these landscapes, how have they come to understand power, their own power as well as the power structures within their boards? All four of my participants spoke of their attraction to administrative positions because of some aspect of power. More than the status and accompanying salary, Laila was attracted to administrative positions in the education system because she believed there were equal opportunities for advancement for women. Stephanie believed that if she acquired power within her professional life, she might be in a better position to deal with her feelings of personal powerlessness. Einette spoke of wanting to move within the realm of influence, to interact with those who make and influence important decisions. Ellen wanted the position with the Ministry to see if she could "make a difference". What now are their stories of power?

PARTICIPANTS' UNDERSTANDINGS OF POWER Ellen's language suggests that she sees power not only as related to position. She sees different degrees of power accompanying different positions, somewhat like wem-ng a unique uniform for each job. That is. for each position, there is a given amount of accompanying power.

This job is the first time I've experienced any real position power. Even as the WTA president, it wasn't so obvious.

She saw her current Ministry position as having more power than that of the WTA president. although she acknowledges she may have had some power in that office. The fact that her power as president of Me WTA was less obvious. even to her, suggests that others too, may not recognize the potential power of the role. This would suggest a belief that power lies in the position, rather than in the person filling the mle. In her statement about why she wants the position. she implies such contrasting meanings of position power that she rejects one while embracing the other.

It's not that I want the power of the position, or the glamour of it, or the money. It's something I reall believe in. And I thought, "For fifteen months I want to try this. I want to see iY I can make a difference.

When Ellen dBrnis~Athe power of the position as what motivated her, she was rejecting some of the trappings, the money and glamour, which often accompany the position. But for other reasons she wanted the power of the position. In agreeing to try the job with the Ministry for fifteen months, to see if she could 'make a differencen, she revealed her story of needing to be in a position so she would have some power in order to achieve her goals. Laila, on the other hand, was attracted by the status of the position. This was part of her motivation to seek a principalship. Her story of the power Mat accompanies the position induded status. additional money and thus, additional spending power. Einette too spoke of the power of the position, though she attributed this view to others.

I think it's the perceived power that appeals to people, and the prestige of the position.

As Einette talked about her reaction to her promotion, the first reaction she mentioned denoted power in terms of the glamour of the position, perhaps as a recent outsider who looked in and saw the position as glamorous. Stephanie too spoke of Me power of the position. She frequently referred to the senior administrators within her board as the "powers that be*. This phrase points to a static image of the power structure within her board. It seems like an Egyptian pyramid which has been constructed stone by stone to create a firmly fixed static structure, with each layer of stones supporting those on a higher level. The shear mass of each stone prevents its movement to a different position in the pyramid. The only hope for possible change comes through the prolonged process of erosion. During an eternity, the beating of the rain and wind gradually wear away the power of the upper stones. At times some of the grains drift down to lower stones. At other times they are blown away and the entire structure diminishes ever so slightly. The rate of change is so slow that movements are imperceptible. The power is perceived to be static. Stephanie's language suggests that the fixed power pyramid has been reinforced over many years, by everyone following specific patterns of behaviour which provide support for those in higher positions on the structure. At one level Stephanie accepted this stratification and had strong reservations about her ability to move to a different position within the pyramid. At another level she was committed to getting the board to implement an affirmative action policy, a pdicy whose prime purpose was to change the relative positions of women and men within the structure by appointing more women to administrative positions. On the one hand she acknowledged the rigidity of the structure and her insignificance within it. At the same time, she took it upon herself to try to change the structure. Stephanie applied for a vice principalship several times before she was appointed. Meanwhile she continued to work towards getting the board to adopt affirmative action and harassment policies. Though she did not verbalize it, my conversations with her led me to think that Stephanie believed that their resistance to appointing her was their way of keeping control and of reminding Stephanie that they had the power. In contrast to Stephanie. Laila spoke of shifts in power. for her, power structures are not static but are always changing.

When there was a shift of power, they had nobody to blame but their own pees-

As she described her efforts to get her staff to work more collaboratively, she refened to power shifting in one direction and then in another among staff members. Her description reminded me of a teacher trying to keep a group of students moving along in an orderly fashion on a dass trip to the fair where the students wanted to linger near the 300 pound sow instead of the cute bunnies the teacher thought would attract them. To Laila. the power continued to shlamong herself and various staff members. often in unanticipated areas. until new points of equilibrium were reached. Ellen's story of her directofs stories of power pointed to a different conceptualization of power - as a fixed and limited amount of a substance. For example,

. . .asserting his power all over the place. He told the principals' association that they would not have input into the budget anymore.

In this view, power was like a pie in which the more one person had, the less there was for others. The senior administratots were responsible for the distribution of their own pie. They could keep it ail to themselves or pass out slivers for the principals to taste. In Ellen's example, the director retrieved slivers of power he had previously given to the principals so he would have more for himself. Ellen referred also to her director giving the principals only the illusion of power. like a virtual pie.

The director tried to let people think they have some power, but made sure they did it his way.

Ellen's story of her director was of one who wanted to let people think they had "a piece of the pie." Like an object in virtual reality, it appeared to sit before them. As long as the principals did not try to ingest it or to internalize it, they would not discover the illusion. Thus, her director kept the entire real pie to himself, Einette too seemed to view power as a substance when she recalled he, stories of interviewing her mother for her course, I kept trying to get deeper into the reason. I wanted some really great philosophical profound statement I could use in my paper. Finally she said. 'Oh Einette, it was my sense of power. the sense of excitement" (pause) And I was so disappointed because it made my mom sound so human. I said. "What do you mean, power?" And she said, 'We all want the power. It's just that we feel that we could probably distribute it a little more fairly than the way the system does right now. But it's still wanting that power."

As Einette recounts Me story, she reveals her view of power as common, as something which would be sought by ordinary people. She clearly holds her mother in high esteem and her mother's response that she wanted the power did not measure up to Einetteks higher expectations of her mother. Einette was viewing power simply as that which accompanied a particular poslion. Her mother's explanation of distributing it more fairly points away from simply getting the power, to actually using it It was as if one of the perquisites of the position was a huge basket of groceries. Rather than keep them all to herself. Einette would share them with her staff. All staff members would receive some of Me groceries, depending upon their personal preferences. Sharing her power with staff was an indication of her trust in them and served to strengthen their relationships. As Laila described her staff when she first went to the school as principal, she seemed to consider the power of position as an attribute or possession, though she also implied a relative nature to the power of the position.

And I think the whole staff felt more comfortable with the hierarchical power, with me having the power. It was nice for them to be able to bitch and complain about decisions administration makes "in their wisdomn.

Laila referred to the greater power she had as principal, compared with the teachers on staff.

I think that in the role of principal I can sometimes deal with these things easier than a teacher can. I think that the role of principal gives you a bit more power than the tole of teacher.

Her description of individual staff member's power suggested an image of height. Each person could grow independently but their relationships are defined by their comparative amount of power. Einette spoke of having a position of power over teachers with more experience and presumably greater knowledge than herself. She was humbled because she was given greater power than them, implying that because of their age and experience. they were more deseMng of power than she was. She implied a relative dimension to power in which age and experience offered a balance to position. In alluding to her husband's acceptance of her prestige and power in her job, Laila introduced another relational aspect to power.

I think a lot of men would have real difficulty with a woman who has a cemn amount of prestige and status and power in her job. Adrian has always had as much status or success or power as I've had.

We secse that Adrian accepted Laila's position power because he too was in a position of power in his job. Because they each had status in their work, Laila implied that their relative power in their marriage was not an issue. Like pipes on an organ. each pipe has a unique pitch and timbre, based on its length and the material from which it is constructed. Only in playing them together do their relative functions become evident. Hence we have different meanings to relative position power. The basis of Laila's power in her work was independent from Adrian's but bringing those two separate bases of power to their marriage helped to define their relationship with one another. Similarly, with her close group of principal friends. they each had a certain degree of power relative to their teaching staffs. These power bases were independent from one another. As friends, their relationships could be compared with that of Laila and Adrian in that they would each bring a degree of power to the friendship but they themselves would not feel a need to assert their power over each other. Einette too spoke of power as relative when she described her senior administrators' reactions to her support for people with less power than herself. I think that it's easier to lead when you're protecting and supporting and assisting someone who doesn't have an equal voice in society, than people who have power but still need a voice, and your voice is assumed to be on a different side. Then you're going to pay for it. Then people aren't going to be quite as tolerant of you. For example, in my board for the first four years I said all those feminist things and it made our board look progressive. But as soon as I started supporting women with less power within the board's structure, like publicly standing up for the secretaries that were on strike, it made the board look like they had poor labour relations. which in fact they did have. They're not going to take that too long.

In Einettets story of her role in supporting people with less power than herself she found that it was all right to speak on behalf of those outside the board. However, when speaking up for people with less power within her board her actions were perceived quite differently. She believed that the senior administrators saw her support for the secretaries as a direct attack on the board and its power hierarchy, the same power hierarchy from which they and she derived their status. In publicly supporting the secretaries she had violated the sacred story of a principal's place within the board hierarchy, and Me principal's responsibility as an advocate, rather than a critic of the board. GENDER AND POWER Ellen introduced the influence of gender when she related two stories about incidents in which she exerted power over male antagonists in positions of authority over her. The first situation involved the math teacher who never acknowledged her top marks in math. When he tried to exert his authority over her by describing how "a lady" would retrieve the pen, she obeyed his directions but felt quite uncomfortable doing so. Possibly her whispered comment to her friend was simply her attempt to diffuse her embarrassment. However, when the teacher ordered her to share her comment with the class. yet another asseftion of his power, she enjoyed a surge of pleasure as she responded that "A gentleman would have picked it up." In responding to his sexist behaviour and assertion of power as a male as well as a teacher, Ellen's comment immediately gave her the upper hand, a victory which was acknowledged throughout the school. The other time she described in which she tipped the power scale. her actions were also quite unintended. When the associate teacher marked her down for not completing the science lesson and she asked for advice about how she might have done it differently, he was pleased not only to tell her, but to show her. He was relishing his authority over this young female student teacher. When his lesson did not go as well as Ellen's, she felt the wrath of a young man who, in his eyes, had lost his power. She had done nothing purposely to bring about this muit, but he still seemed to feel emasculated in her presence. In Ellen's third story of gender and power she held a position of power as the WA president. She had deliberately taken charge of the direction of the €PC?' meeting. According to Ellen's description, at the first meeting, some of the men were aggressive and the women responded with silence rather than by expressing their views. At the next meeting, Ellen's reasoned and well prepared presentation diffused the men's power to the point where they saw the logic of her position and reluctantly agreed to it. In the first two stories the males were in positions of authority over Ellen, which no doubt amplified their discomfort when she briefly held the balance of power. In the third incident there seemed to be some confusion about Meir relative degrees of power. The men tried to dominate with aggressive behaviour, but Ellen persisted in making herself heard. both as a woman who would not tolerate their male aggression, and as the president of the WTA speaking on behalf of her constituents. There were clear differences in the ways that Ellen and the men tried to dominate the meeting - the men with their aggressive behaviour and Ellen with a well prepared, r The teachersb Economic Policy Committee is commonly referred to EPC. The commntee's. kinfunction is to negotiate the terms and conditions of employment with the board, on behalf of the teachers. Ontario elementary public school teachers are represented by two federations, FWTAO (women) and OPSTF (men). They each choose representatives to be on the one €PC which bargains with the board. Frequently MA0members have different pflotib'es than their OPSTF counterparts and there is much behind the scenes negotiating before they ever meet the board negotiators, logical presentation. As well, there may have been two bases of power competing to dominate, the power of Ellen's position as WTA president and the men's power by virtue of their gender. Hilary Lips and Leslie Campbell (1981, 9) describe this situation when "a woman in a high- status role finds herself in a position of status incongruity, in which the high achieved status of her role conflicts with Be low ascribed status of her sex.' structure within an organization. She is less accepting of differences in power based simply on gender. Stephanie too told a story of power based on gender. A young male teacher tried to dismiss her authority as the vice principal and at the same time, assert his power over her.

In my first year as VP one teacher did everything he could to put me down verbally in front of everybody. He was very condescending and dismissive of me. He harassed people and he was always invading your space, always touching you. He hadn't done that with me up to that point. One day during the first week of school, just about the whole staff was in the staffroom when he came in. I guess he decided nothing else was working so he came up and put his arm around me and gave me a big squeeze and said, 'How are things going?', really condescending and invading my space. I knew the whole staff was watching to see how I would handle it so I made a careful point of removing his arm. I told him, "Under no circumstances are you to ever touch me again. He was so flustered. He knew he was in the wrong, but he said. "Oh, you can't take a joke." I said, "I'm not going to get into a discussion with you about my sense of humour. This is not a joke. Ifs deadly serious. Don't you ever touch me again."

What was going on in Stephanie's mind? Was this simply a power struggle between the male teacher and Stephanie? Was this his way of asserting the power which he felt should be accorded him because of his gender? He might even argue that he was simply trying to be friendly and this was his way of demonstrating his goodwill tawards the new vice principal. Regardless of his intentions. Stephanie interpreted his actions as an attempt to dismiss her authority as the vice principal. Why do some men have such difficulty working for women in posif ons of authority over them? Are they confused by not knowing where their male power fits in with the power structure at work? Do women and men have different views of the relative strengths of power, based on gender or position? Or is the feeling of male power so ingrained in some men that all other sources of power pale in comparison? In Stephanie's mind neither she nor the male teacher was confused about their relative status. To her it was a clear case of the male teacher rejecting her autWRy as vice principal. Was Stephanie's reaction an attempt to defuse his power or an effort to build up her own power? Was she recalling her own schoolhood days when the only women principals were nuns, women whom she did not think of as women, as sexual beings? Did she believe that the only way women could achieve power was to deny their sexuality? Is it possible that some men might interpret her act of removing the young man's arm her way of denying her own sexuality? In telling the story she went on to say that after the incident several women congratulated her on her reaction. They too had received his unwanted touches which they had tolerated because they were not sure how to deal with it Viewed in this context, Stephanie's act had the effect of diminishing his power. rather than of de-sexualidng herself. Traditional gender roles seemed pervasive in Stephanie's board. After she was promoted to vice principal some of the trustees took it upon themselves to eliminate her feminist leanings by deciding that she should not use a hyphenated name. In spite of the authority of the trustee, the superintendent and the principal who had asked to meet with her to discuss their concerns, she walked out of the meeting. Stephanie seemed not to understand the power structure within the board. But in hot understanding if she gained the balance of power when she walked out. This story is evidence that Stephanie has created new stories of personal power from the time she experienced her father's power over her in declaring what she would wear to school. laila described her parents' relative power with an interesting metaphor. She referred to the father as the head of the household, the one who made the decisions. But her mother, as the neck. had the real power over the head. This unique description of gender roles may well apply in many families.

POWER AND LEADERSHIP Ellen described her view of a leader as involving more than position power. She wants to see some positive action from the person before acknowledging her to be a leader.

When I was growing up, if other people were to identify leaders it was because they had power and authority. I think if somebody asked. "Who is the leader in your school?' they would probably say the principal. In one school for example, the principal was very authoritarian and in control and teachers really didn't have any input. I think I never saw them as a leaders. I saw them as authorities. They did have power. It was givzn to them by the administration. But I didn't see them as leaders. I recognized the power they had but that was different than me perceiving them as a leader. For me, a leader influences people but also enables people to develop to the best of their ability. A leader releases the potential that everyone has within them. Others have also made the point that power is not synonymous with leadership.

The acquisition of power, whather oy males or females, does not uarantee that leadership, the ability to influence othen, will emerge automaticalP y. Power in itself is not enough. The successful leader must believe strongly enough in his or her ideas to want to put them forth to others, and others must look to this person as an authority figure. (Cantor and Bemay 199259) Chard Shakeshaft presents a contrasting perspective of some women administrators who believe they can be more effective by downplaying their power and abilities.

Some women report that they try to look less authoritarian, less in charge. and less threatening in an effoct to be effective. .. .these women administrators often downplay their power, inteltect. and skill. Through language and appearance. they make themselves more tentative and less threatening. . .. The success these women report is supported by studies that confirm that women with male subordinates were more influential when they used a consideration style as opposed to a dominant one. whereas with woman subordinates both styles worked. (1987, p. 204) Neuse (1978) draws on studies of children's play to explain women's downplaying of personal power to engage others in the decision-making process. "These cooperative skills seem to be carried into the decision-making process when girls grow into women and become administrators."

The simple resolution of these contrasting points of view would be to observe that Cantor and Bemay were referring to leaden. whereas Shakeshaft was studying administraton. These terms have been defined in many different ways. In common usage the words are used interchangeably by some people. whereas othen make clear distinctions between them. I leave that debate to othen and focus instead on the point Ellen raised, that a person in a position of power is not necessarily a leader. Another side of the issue is the question, "Does a person have to be in a position of power in order to be a leader?"

Diane Dreher's emphasis on bringing people together and drawing on their abilities implies that though people in positions of authority are in a good position to bring people together, people could lead in this way without formal leader status.

. . . the new leader is someone who can assess a situation, bring people together, build consensus, and discover solutions. drawing on the talents of everyone involved. The new leader is a facilitator. a communicator, a team builder, who realizes that our greatest natural resources are our minds and hearts, together with those of the people around us. (Dreher 1996.5) When she refers to providing opportunities for people to develop their potenlal, there is a stronger implication that the leader be in a formal position in order to have projects to delegate. The words delegate and overcontrolling suggest that the leader is in a supervisory relationship with the workers.

Every project needs room to grow. As a leader. you must &#agate many projects. Part of delegating is knowing which people can handle the work. But just as important is knowing how long to leave people alone to work things out. Overcontrolling, constantly looking over their shoulders, doesn't allow them room to grow. . (Dreher 1996,54) In their study Fairholm and Fairholm (1984) identify the main 'power tactics of women principals as coalition building, cooptation, and personality." They note that Women, much more than men, use coalitions to reach their desired goals." Ellen Goldring and Sham Rallis stress the need for balance between setting priorities and building relationships to implement the priorities.

The leader of a dynamic school is the facilitator. . . the translator within the system hierarchy. As balancers, heprincipals of dynamic schools make choices about priorities and build relationships that will foster these decisions. . .. the flag bearer and bridger, links the school to the external environment. . . . As inquirer, the principal takes charge of an evaluation-minded school, modeling behaviors that encourage the asking of questions and the use of systematically collected data. In this role, the principal leads the processes of collaborative problem solving and shared decision making. (1993,138) In her study of teacher leaden, Patricia Wasley raises key questions about accountability if the decision-maken are not in positions of authority.

Teacher leadership is centered on the assumption that teachers need to be more involved in decision making . . . Is it possible to create true leadership opportunities for teachers in the midst of hierarchical systems? If so, who will take the rap when things go wrong? Will teachers. . . take risks on behalf of their students and then be allowed to take responsibility for their actions? Can we create true leadership if both decision making and accountability are not present? . . .What .. . organizational structure. . . allows for such flexibility? How is it that they have managed to convey . . . that teacher leaders have the authority to . . . question the existing system without encouraging anarchy and without appearing unfocused and chaotic?

USING POWER These women did not speak directly of their own use of power, but they describe other people's disuse or misuse of power. For example, Stephanie spoke of some of the women who sought power by holding office in the WTA. I believe that some of the people running our local federation are not administrative material and their on1 claim to any power is through their federation. They see the women in aJ ministrative positions as a threat to their power. They go into that position for three or even four years if they could get away with it. I think it's a problem of sharing power. This is the only way many of these women are going to get a piece of the pie. It's their way of keeping power. They're not willing to stand up and say no. They think that they have all this high profile and power and they don't. They're being laughed at by the women teachers in this county. And they're being law&"~dat by the administration.

These women do not want to share the pie. Furthermore, according to Stephanie, they seem to believe that if other women had other pies, the value of theirs would be diminished. Perhaps their pie is like rare wine which some people savour more because of its rarity. In trying to keep the power to themselves rather than lose it, because they don't use it, they don't actually have power. While everyone else is off enjoying themselves at the party, and drinking their wine, these women sit at home taking pleasure in looking at their bottles of rare wine, unaware that the wine may in fact, have turned to vinegar. Stephanie's comments about the women on the WAremind me of a vice principal in my school several years ago. He was responsible for school supplies, a role he took seriously. To ensure that teachers knew of his power in this role, he locked the year's supplies in an unheated garage. Periodically he brought in a few items at a time and grandly distributed them. He was particularly parsimonious with magic marken. One April day, to celebrate the return of spring, he proudly brought in a few of the markers and carefully doled them out to the teachers. They had frozen during the winter. His treasures were worthless. In the eyes of some teachers, his power had lost w rrency. Einette was the only one of my participants who talked specifically of her power. She talked about being political, which she referred to as building her network of supporters. She saw herself as sharing power in such a way that the more she shared her power with others. rather than deplete her supply, she gained more power herself. Just as when she was training to run a marathon, the more energy she expended running and preparing herself, the more energy she had for her daily activities. When she needed to call on her network for support or action, she felt that because of the strength of their relationships, she could count on them. This is similar to the conceptualization Sally Helgesen (1995) described in her study of the styles of women leaders in some American companies.

GENDER DIFFERENCES IN MEANINGS OF POWER Do men and women mean the same thing when they talk about power? Is this another example, like team. of men and women using the same word but attaching different meanings to the word? Neuse (1978.436 - 441) documents that women are less committed to the formal hierarchy and are more willing to submerge displays of personal power in an effort to get others to participate in the decision-making process. This behavior is not unexpected. Studies of children's play have found that girls play more cooperatively to win, shaling the game. These cooperative skills seem to be carried into the decision-making process when girls grow into women and become administrators (Shakeshaft 1987,187). This brings to mind golfing with two friends. None of us excels at the game but we enjoy Me company and the exercise of our annual outings. A few years ago, a group of men behind us were playing quite aggressively, so we invited them to play through. About three holes later we felt the hot breath of another male foursome behind us. One of them came over to my friend and charged, "Do you realize that you have the whole club upset with you?' Pulling herself up to her tallest 4 foot 10 inch height, she retorted, "At least we keep our balls on our own fainmyYn He had somehow managed to get his ball onto the 7th fairway, in playing the 6th hole. So he in fact was the 'odd person out". cluttering up our fairway as he played backwards on it But father than apologize for his own poor shot, he blamed us for holding up their game. Though we held our own. and our fairway, we decided that we needed to speed up our game. So we put one ball back in the bag and the three of us continued our game, playing two balls. We kept some rules and changed others. We took turns playing whichever ball was farthest back. regardless of who had hit it. We cheered and complimented each other on good shots. We got as much exercise and played as many shots as most other players and we enjoyed the game. We felt no competition among us - only with the male foursome who got further and further behind us. Stephanie. Ellen and Einette all told stories of power in which the men invoked seemed to view power differently from them. The males seemed to believe that as men they had greater power than the women. in spite of the fact that in several instances the women held higher career ranks than the men. Though this may partly explain their different views of power, it does not seem like a full explanation. I looked to male and female researchers' discussions of power, sorting their comments by gender and an interesting pattern began to emerge. My sorted quotations supported the position of many women, that women's power is based on relationships and on non-hierarchical ways of working (Neuse 1978. Brown and Gilligan 1992, Helgesen 1995). Several of the male researchers and writers described more traditional. hierarchical ways of doing business. A further look at my sorted list pointed me to another observation. Several of the male quotes seemed to focus on categorizing or finding some schema for organizing their ideas, or to actions which supported the status quo power structure. Rollo May identified different kinds of power as being exploitive, manipulative. competitive, nutrient or integrative (1972. 105-9). At about the same time Gene Sharp described the government's power from two perspectives.

One can see people as dependent upon the good will, the decisions and support of their govemment or of any other hierarchical system to which they belong. Or, conversely, one can see that govemment or system dependent on the peopie's good will, decisions and support. One can see the power of a government as emitted from the few who stand at the pinnacle of command. Or one can see that power, in all governments, as continually arising from many parts of the society. One can also see power as self-perpetuating, durable, not eas!fy or quickly controlled or destroyed. Or political power can be viewed as fragle, always dependent for its strength and existence upon a replenishment of its sources by the cooperation of a multitude of institutions and people - cooperation which may or may not continue. (1973,8) Twenty years later, the emphasis still seems to be on categorizing different bases of power. Stephen Covey refers to coerdve power in which people follow because of fear, utility power where followers follow because of the perceived benefits which will come to them. and legitimate power in which others believe in what the leader is trying to accomplish (1990.102-3). In his work on moral leadership, Thomas Sergiovanni also outlines the sources of authority for leadership as follows:

(a) Bureaucratic authority . . . mandates. rules, regulations, job descriptions, and expectations. .. teachers respond appropriately or face the consequences. (b) Psychological authority . . . expressed in the form of motivational technology and human relations skills . . . teachers . . . respond to our personality, and to the pleasant environment we provide, by behaving appropriately and collecting the rewards we make available. (c) Technical-rational authority . . . exists in the form of evidence derived from logic and scientific research . . . we expect teachers to respond in light of what is considered to be true. . . . "Follow me" leadership cannot work without some external force that pushes or pulls people in a desired direction . . . always requires follow-up in the form of monitoring, to ensure that the desired movement continues. . . . management-intensive. Skillfully practiced, it often gets people to cooperate, but it cannot inspire the kind of commitment that will make schools work and work well, because it tends to induce a state of subordination among teachers. There are two other sources of authority on which to base leadership practice. . . . both create a response in teachers that comes from within, rather than being imposed. (d) Professional authority - seasoned craft knowledge and personal expertise . . .teachers . . .respond to common socialization, accepted tenets of practice, and internalized expertise. (e) Moral authority - obligations and duties derived from widely shared values, ideas, and ideals. . .teachers .- .respond to shared commitments and felt interdependence. . . . psychological leadership. along with leadership based on bureaucratic authority and technical-rational authority, has a place but Mat its place should be to provide support for professional and moral authority. The latter two should be the primary bases for leadership practice. (1992.30 - 31 )

The quotes of the women on the other hand. seemed to emphasize how the power is used. I have purposely included examples of both women and men who were writing about power twenty years ago. as well as more recent writers. Thus, we can compare writers from the same era such as Rollo May and Jean Baker Miller who defined power as We capacity to implement" and then went on to say "The issues of power have to be faced . . . Women need the power to advance their own development. but they do not 'need' the power to limit the development of others. . . . I am not suggesting that women should soften or ameliorate power - ktio-+cad . . . strengthen its appropriate operation. Women can bring more power to power by using it when needed and not using it as a poor substitute for other things - like cooperationn (1976,116 - 8). Marilyn French's definition of power (1985.544) also focuses on its use, 'the capacity to influence, alter, affect the lives of those around us." She stresses the need to bse our power in the public world so it will not continue to be dominated by those who are driven by domination, but rather by those who wish to use power as a means to non-controlling well-being.' In her recent study of women principds. Kathleen Hurty condudes that

effective women principals use and talk about power in ways quite distinct from traditional power perspectives found it the literature of school administration and organizational theory. The "different voicen . . . is one of connectedness and coactivity, of shared and expandable power, and of empowerment. The elements of this coactive empowerment are reciprocal talk, emotional energy, pondered mutuality, nurtured growth. and collaborative change. Effectiveness comes from the inteoritv of their Dower and leadership choices - choices not limited to women, ya developed ihrough and validated by their experiences. (1 995,395)

These are a few examples. In their studies of power. several other women researchers have also focused on using power rather than on getting it (Edson 1988. 19; Shakeshaft 1987, 204; Hart 1993,274; Dunlap and Schmuck 1995, 395; Regan and Brooks 1995.6 - 7; Dreher 1996.5). I returned to my participants' narratives to see if any of their stories or comments about power were consistent with this obsentation. It certainly helped to explain the contrasts within Ellen's statement. "It's not that I want the power of the position, or the glamour of it. or the money. Cs something I really believe in. . . . I want to see if I can make a difference." I did not find explicit comments in Stephanie's narrative to support this theory. In fact her description of the women who hold office in the WTA suggested just the opposite. that they wanted the power of the position. but were not sure how to use it effectively. The fact that Stephanie was so critical of them suggests that she did not concur with their view of power. Nor could I find direct evidence in Laila's material. This does not surprise me, given that she wanted to be a principal from the time she went into teaching. However, as I think about the things she does as a principal, her emphasis now is on using the power of the position, for example, to help the vice principals grow and develop their leadership abilities. Einette told me of her discussion with her mother in which she tried to find out what motivated her mother in terms of her political involvement. Einette kept pressing her, hoping that she would make an idealistic philosophical statement, and was initially disappointed when her mother said that it was because she wanted the power. With her explanation that she could probably "distribute (the power) more fairly than the system does right now", her emphasis too was on how she would use the power. I do not intend to try to generake from these limited examples, either from the menin my study or other women researchers. However, my observations point me in a dimon I would like to explore further. As I near the end of my flight I have discovered a place to which I would like to return, at some time in the future. Now I move on to the other major issue identified by my pacipants, dealing with change. CHAPTER NINE

INTENDED AND UNCONTROLLED CHANGE

This inquiry began with questions about my participants' experiences as they moved from teacher to vice principal or principal. In the previous chapter I described how they came to new understandings of power. In this chapter I examine how they experience change from different perspectives - their planned career changes and intended changes with their staffs, as well as their responses to changes imposed by outside forces. I consider how Laila. Einette and Stephanie experienced the planned passage from teaching to administration and what influences contributed to each woman's ability to embrace or respond positively to change. I contemplate questions such as: Why did they decide to become principals? What attracted them to administration? Did they like administration from the outset? Before they were in administrative positions did these women have realistic ideas about what was involved? What factors contributed to their enjoyment or dissatisfaction with the role? How then did these women experience the move? Did they need or receive support in their new roles? If so, where did they find it? I consider the way Laila and Einette lead others through intended change by reviewing how as principals they introduced their staffs to new ways of working together and what influenced the processes, the substance and the rate through which they led their staffs working more collaboratively. Finally, in thinking about the changes currently facing Ontario educators, I envision how all four women might respond to imposed change. As their circumstances change do they restory their ability to deal with change?

INTENDED CHANGE

Mia's Career Change When we began our conversations she was a principal and most of our discussion centered around the more immediate realities she encountered in her role as principal rather than as vice principal. In our discussions Laila spoke of her relationship as a principal with her vice principals more frequently than of her own time as a vice pn'ncipal. She mentioned one vice principal in particular who was new to her school, a woman other principals did not particularly want as their vice principal. As Laila described their relationship and the way she encouraged the vice principal to build on her strengths it is clear that she realized the value of emphasizing the vice principal's positive qualities. Possibly her experience of the vice principalship is reflected in the way she as a principal interacts with her own vice prfndpals. Laila described how her relationship with teaching colleagues changed when she became a principal, as exemplified by her more subdued behaviour at staff parties, for instance. She also mentioned that she no longer had much in common with the group of teachers with whom she had previously socialized. For her this change was more evident when she mwed from vice principal to principal than when she moved from teacher to vice principal. Roland Barth concurs that most new principals enter the role wanting to be colleagues and advocates of teachers but within a short time they are 'transformed from teacher advocates to teacher adversariesn (Barth 1990, 21). He identifies school structures as being problematic, "discourag(ing) openness and cooperation. In many schools "teachers and principals live on the f!ip sides of the same coin. If one wins, the other loses" (1990, 26). Barth does not mention vice principals. I wonder if he omitted references to vice principals simply to emphasize the differences between teaches and principals or if he chose not to mention vice plincipals because he sensed their role to be different again from that of principals. Florence Samson (in progress) writes of the "splits" she felt as a vice principal, caught between the teachers and the principal, acting as their spokesperson at times and other times as their ombudsperson. Catherine Marshall (1 992) attributes role ambiguity as the cause of the lack of job satisfaction, sense of futility and ineffectiveness felt by some assistant principals. Laila spoke of this distance from her teaching colleagues with a spirit of acceptance, as something which accompanies moving into an administrative position. She did not seem to view it as a cost. In the meantime she made new friends with administrator colleagues. She seemed quite comfortable in the principal's role. As she described two incidents with students during her teaching days, I sensed that she felt a stronger loss when she spoke of missing the close relationships she had enjoyed with students. But from the beginning of her career in education Laila intended to become a principal. Her main goal was to reach the "top of the fieldn. Education was simply the vehicle she chose to achieve that goal. It would have taken strong negative experiences for her to consider returning to the classroom. Missing the relationships with her students was not enough to dissuade her. She progressed steadily towards her goal of becoming a principal. Laila found strong support in a small group of female colleagues who also were seeking administrative positions. Because they all taught at the same school they often found themselves in competition with each other to serve on the same committees as they built their professional profile. Yet they remained strongly supportive, even when they were competing for the same vice principal or principal positions. They practised interviewing each other and prepared together for their board's selection process. Together they celebrated each others' successes and consoled and encouraged each other when they were not appointed. Perhaps the similarities of their experiences reinforced a bond. They continue to gather regularfy for social evenings to discuss issues and situations within their schools. Together they share their stories and reflect on their practice as administrators. Meanwhile the woman who had been their principal was appointed superintendent and continued to be in a position to be a mentor and support them. Beth Young's work (1 994,359) would suggest that Laila and her colleagues may have been unique. Young found that women who had enjoyed the support of their colleagues as teachers did not find an equivalent support group when they became principals, because there were so few women in administrative circles. However, within Laila's large metropolitan board, by the mid 1980s a number of women had achieved principalships. Laila also found strong support from indhridual principals with whom she worked as the vice principal and she appreciated being able to call on them for advice, particularly when she was first appointed principal. She spoke of her disappointment with principals' meetings in her board. She felt that some principals were less than forthright about their success with board initiatives, for example. She saw the principals' association as a forum for individual pdncipais to promote themselves and their own causes to the senior administrators. To her, this group lacked the collegial spirit she was seeking. The Polish community is Laila's link to her European heritage. The support and encouragement of individuals within the community mean a good deal to her. In turn, her success in her career modelled for other Polish women what was possible for them to achieve in their chosen country. Laila's parents were her strongest supporters and her success meant a good deal to them. mey had committed their lives to providing her with every possible opportunity and she fulfilled their every hope. Her father introduced her as his 'smart and beautiful daughter". Her mother worked hard to provide her with opportunities. Even when in her eighties, she did much of the housework because she believed her daughter who was a principal should not have to work SO hard. Laila's parents prepared her well to deal with change. Laila made a career change at the age of forty, roughly the same age at which her parents moved to Canada making themselves a life in a new country, experiencing a new culture, a new language and new customs. Wm this move they modelled several qualities which were useful for Laila as she embarked in a different career. As well, their move provided Laila with opportunities not only to adapt herself to the new situation. but also to assume at a young age, the very responsible role of translator for her parents. Laila saw education as a field where women and men have equal opportunities for advancement. Stephanie on the other hand, found this not to be the case and committed herseff to try to impmve career opportunities for women educators.

Stephanie's Career Change Stephanie believed strongly in affirmative action and felt that she should be prepared to commit herself to moving into an administrative position. She saw it as a natural extension of her work in affirmative action. Stephanie indicated that initially she did not enjoy being a vice principal, though she had looked forward to achieving that position for some time. Once in the role she was disappointed to be assigned responsibilities of no greater value than overseeing the supply room. Though she did not enjoy the role. her discomfort was not sufficient to cause her to return to the classroom. I wonder why not. Did she believe that if she persisted. her situation would improve? Did she believe that once she started down this path she had to continue, no matter what? Did she believe she would lose face if she returned to teaching after working so hard to become a vice principal? Did she see the vice principalship as a rite of passage, as something which must be endured in order to become a principal? Did her principal see the vice principalship as something that everyone else should endure in the same ways he had? Or was Stephanie afraid of success? Did she subconsdousty believe that she really did not deserve the position and thus, sabotage herself? Did she feel that some other people wanted her to fail and thus she was determined not to give in to them? At the time, Stephanie did not talk with any of her colleagues about her disappointment. Did she feel she would be admitting defeat if she told anyone she did not enjoy the role? Did she believe Mat to verbalize her feelings might ossify the negative reality of her situation? Was she intuitively reluctant to tell a new story of the role - a reality she did not want to exist? How was she able to reconcile her negative lived experience with the positive sacred story (Connelly and Clandinin 1995) of the desirability of moving into administrative positions? Did she believe that she should persist in the vice principal's role and work hard to become a principal, where her situation would improve? Did she believe that once she became a principal she would be more involved in decision making and have the opportunity to realize her vision of school? Did the principalship represent to her the opportunity to achieve. to live a different story than her family had led her to believe was possible? Or was she only able to reconcile the positive sacred story with her negative personal story at a cost to her self concept. by believing that she must be at fault if she was not enjoying the role? Stephanie's husband offered her strong personal and professional support, while she was going through the selection process as well as when she was appointed vice principal. He had become a vice principal and then a principal within the board about the same time as Stephanie was applying and he often commented that he could not believe the hoops they put her through compared with his experience. In terms of support, her principal contrasted strongly with her husband He assigned her insignificant responsibilities. He seemed to view the vice principalship as being a holding pattern rather than an opportunity to develop skills useful in a principalship position. Also, he tended not to support her when she encountered difficult situations within the school. For example, she described an incident where she dealt with a music teacher who had directed each of his grade eight students to hug him. The principal told her not to say anything, no doubt hoping that by ignoring it, the problem would evaporate. Even one of the superintendents told her not to get involved. Fortunately for Stephanie and the students, her own superintendent supported her action when she proceeded with a complaint- During the years that Stephanie worked so hard to influence her board to implement an affirmative action program, the board appointed a few other women as vice principals and principals. Perhaps the trustees thought if they made a few female appointments Stephanie would relax her campaign. With some of these women Stephanie tried to start an informal women's network She invited the women principal and vice principals to her home a few times but no one else reciprocated in organizing an evening. Sensing their lack of interest Stephanie discontinued this eff oft. Initially she was not happy or comfortable in the vice principal position but felt that she could not discuss her insecurities with others from her board. She was highly reluctant to let down her guard. She felt more comfortable in sharing her anxieties with women from other boards at federation conferences. Neither did she have her parents' support. She attributed their lack of interest to their belief that the principalship was a man's job. Their attitude strongly motivated her to prove to them that she could do it She saw this as a possible way to win her parents' approval. When Stephanie spoke of eadier experiences with change, there seemed to be a theme of her not being in control. For example, when she tried to deal with her unhappiness as a teenager, by going to the convent, her father would not allow it. Similarly, when she spoke of being mortified by her dothing as a child, she felt helpless to change her situation at the time. She did however, resolve never again to be embarrassed by her appearance. Though she may have felt helpless at the time her later behaviour seems often to have been influenced by some of these earlier negative experiences. Based on this observation I would predict that if Stephanie had the opportunity to become a principal, she would work with her vice principal much more as a partner than her principal had with her. Stephanie's accident prevented her from working as a principal. Einette on the other hand. never experienced the transition position between teacher and principal. She was never a vice principal. She moved directly to a principalship.

Einette's Career Change Einette wanted the power of the position because she thought she could use that power more effectively than many principals she knew. Einette spoke of being humbled by the thought of being the principal in a school in which most staff members were older and more experienced than she. However, her humility never led her to consider leaving the position to one of those older teachers and returning to the classroom herself. In spite of her humility she clearly believed that she was a good person for the position and knew that she had something to offer those older, more experienced teachers. I am inclined to believe that her humility was a passing thought, rather than a iongtenn belief. For Einette. a more lingering feeling was her sense of power and ability to influence politically on many fronts. Though Einette did not experience a transitional period as a vice principal she seemed to move into the role of principal with relative ease. Possibly her earlier experience within the women teachers' association as president and as chief negotiator, provided opportunities for her to develop a rapport with senior administrators. No doubt this experience also gave her a broader system perspective on the school system than most teachers. I believe that she was personally prepared for the transition but some people within her school community were not quite ready to accept a young. 'cityish" female principal, particularly one with an infant son. In some ways, though they had been instrumental in the decision to appoint Einette, and thus might be presumed to be her most supportive allies, the board's senior administrators were heleast accepting of her in the principal position. At times it seemed as if they were putting her through a "rite of passagen to remind her of the hierarchy of authority within the board. On several occasions she mentioned conflicts with her senior administrators. From the time she was appointed, Einette wanted to appear competent. She knew to the teachers she was a bit formidable because of her reputation. She didn't want to rush to change the teachers' impressions but she also did not want to overwhelm them. Prior to Einette's appointment there had been other women principals. One in particular, who had been Einette's principal when she was a student, was a strong role model for Einette, in her federation work as well as in the principalship. Their federation and school activities tended to mesh together into a strong support network Einette's brother and dose friend were both appointed principals at the same time as her. As they moved into their new principalships they supported each other. although I have a sense that Ehette may have given more support than she received. She spoke of her friend's insecurity and wowthat she could not do the job well. She had considerable support from her siblings, all of whom had taught at some time and thus. had some firsthand experience of the education system. Her mother offered a different perspective in her support, in terms of her keen interest in politics and her strong commitment to social justice. Through family stories and long conversations she passes on her values and interest in politics to her children. She is a wonderful mentor to Einette. I believe that Einette's parents were a great influence in her receptivity towards change. Through family stories of their own lives they shared their experiences with their children. As a young man her father and his brother immigrated to Canada, leaving parents and other siblings behind. He was interned during the war and forced to move to yet another location to begin a new life in his chosen country. In spite of being ostracized by many in the community he found a wife and together they started their own family. Einette's mother had to cope with her family's rejection when she married a man initially unaccepted by many community members. The young couple moved a few hundred miles away and began their life together without support of family or friends. They created a home in which their six children felt loved and valued to the point where each one grew up believing herself or himself to be the family favourite. No doubt the family stories of the many changes in their lives contributed to Einette's confident attitude towards change and a firm belief in her ability to move to a new location and create new possibilities in the new situation, as when she was appointed principal of Overlea public school.

PRIOR KNOWLEDGE ABOUT ADMlNlSTRATlON None of my participants mentioned trying to find out about the role of principal or vice principal before they applied for these positions. I know that as one of her assignments for FWTAO's leadership course, Laila interviewed at least one vice principal about what was involved in doing the job. I do not believe though that her discussion with the vice principal influenced her decision because teaching was simply a prerequisite to her real goal. Other teachers considering administration might find it helpful to talk with several principals and vice principals about their jobs. In my work with the federation's leadership course several women applying for the course say that their main reason for wanting to become a principal is their belief that they could do the job better than principals they know. Though none of my participants stated it this baldly, some of their comments lead me to conclude that they too felt they could do the job as well as some of the male principals they knew. They seemed to make assumptions about the job, based on their observations and interactions with principals. Because principals worked in the same school environment with the same students and other teaching colleagues these teachers believed that they had a good understanding of the principal's job. Most of their assumptions seemed to be rooted in their own observations and interactions with the principal. They seemed fairly unaware of the less visible areas of the principal's work. In my curtent work with principals and vice principals I get a different sense. The vice principals and principals with whom I have contact believe that teachers do not understand the specifics of their jobs. They see themselves as being available to listen to teachers and provide support for them, but they feel that they have few opportunities to talk with teachers about their own jobs and the uniqueness of their role-

EXTERNAL FACTORS INFLUENCING THE TRANSlTlON FROM TEACHER TO PRINCIPAL Several factors create the illusion that administration is a gradual extension of teaching. Other influences support the belief that teaching and administration are in fact two different careers. Eviator Zerubavel(1991,234) refers to rites of separation such as new nuns renouncing their former lives or soldiers giving up their civilian ciothes. Teachers also experience some rites of separation in moving to vice principal or principal positions. They move from the classroom with all of its trappings of teaching, into an office. They may still teach but the expectation is that most work will be conducted in the office, even their lesson preparations. All three women moved into administrative positions in September, the time when most educators assume their new appointments. Most new appointments and transfers are effective at the beginning of September. Those which take effect during the year are the exception, and usually occur only in unanticipated circumstances. In some ways it would be more logical for appointments and transfers during the year to be the norm. This would give new principals the chance to experience the school in operation and would provide them a more realistic basis for making decisions about changes they would like to introduce. When they begin in September the school community is watching to see what innovations the new principal will implement, before she or he has had the opportunity to determine appropriate changes. September is also the time when students move to new grades and when most teachers who transfer to new assignments take up their new positions. As students are promoted to new grades there is a sense of achievement and completion. The two month summer vacation reinforces the notion of promotion, like a plateau after a growth spurt Other factors contribute to the notion that the principalship is an extension of teaching, a natural career progression for excellent teachem. SIMILARITIES BE17NEEN TEACHERS AND PRINCIPALS In Ontario, any teacher wanting to become a principal or vice principal is required to take two principals' courses. In order to take them, applicants must hold teacher qualifications, two Specialist qualifications or a Master's degree or a combination thereof. and must provide 'evidence of at least five years of successful teaching experience . . ." (Government of Ontario 1996). The paper requirements ensure that prindpals be qualified teachers. The emphasis on successful teaching experience reinforces the notion that the best teachers become prindpals. In many boards the teachers most frequently encouraged to consider administrative positions are those who are reputed to be excellent teachers. References required as part of the selection process often focus on the applicant's teaching skills, rather than on administrative skills or any other factors which might predict the candidate's abilities to administer a school. Many Ontario elementary principals and vice principals have regularly scheduled teaching time. Those who do not. still often find themselves stepping in to cover classes when teachers are absent. In a recent survey of FWTAO's principal and vice principal members, half the principals and three quarters of the vice prindpals indicated that they teach regularly, either scheduled classes or filling in for absent teachers. This supports the view that principals are teachers first. Two of the main duties of principals are to supervise teachers and to assist them in implementing cuniculurn. For years the Ministry of Education and school boards have promoted the notion of principal as cumculum leader. Certainly principals with teaching experience have more credibility with other teachers because they themselves are teachers. Also, they are more likely to be helpful in assisting teachers adapt cuniculurn for students with unique needs. Similady, in supervising teachers, principals with current teaching experience are more likely to understand a teacher's perspective. Teachers will probabiy view their comments and suggestions more credibly than if prindpals were purely administrators. In Ontario and in most other provinces in Canada, principals are members of teachers' federations where they often participate in the same events as teachers. They are party to the same collective agreement as teachers and for the most part, work under the same conditions as teachers. The Ontario Education Act reinforces the link between teachers and principals by first defining the duties of teachers and then by extension, adding the duties of principals. Several Ontario schools boards reflect this philosophy in their collective agreements.

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN TEACHERS AND PRINCIPALS In these boards principals' salaries are based on teachers' salary grids, with responsibility allowances added for administrative duties, reinforcing the view of principals as teachers with additional responsibilities. In other boards principals have a separate salary grid; which is higher than the teacherr' grid to reflect the greater responsibility of principals. This could be taken as evidence that principals and teachers are mutually exclusive groups. The most common way for teachers to earn extra income is by way of a responsibility allowance. Ontario teachers do not receive merit pay. Nor are they paid for the quantity of work they do. To earn this additional income, teachers must separate themselves from other teachers, by being vice principal and principal positions. In Ontario, teacher strikes magnify the differences between teachers and administrators. During a strike, principals and vice principals have quite distinct duties from teachers. They are required to be in the schools, while the teachers walk the picket lines. Principals and vice principals continue to be paid their full salaries by their employing board while teachen' pay ceases and their incomes are limited to minimal strike pay. Teacher federations encourage principals and vice principals to show their solidarity with their striking teachers by donating a large percentage of their income to the strike fund. On occasion, rather than show their solidarity with teachers, this issue can lend to divisiveness among the ranks. Currently in Ontario and in some other provinces (Alberta, Manitoba, and New Brunswick) govemments are threatening to remove principals from teachers' federations, seemingly not so much for philosophical reasons as to erode the power of the federations. Should these govemments also prohibit teacher strikes, the roles of teachers and principals during labour disputes could become much less distinct. The main differences between teachers and principals are found in the constituencies they sewe. A teacher's primary clients are the students in her or his classroom whereas a principal, for the most part, works through the teachers to serve all students in the school. They do so by staffing the school with caring well-qualified teachers committed to meeting the needs of their students, by ensuring that teachers have the material resources they need and the time and knowledge to use them effectively with their students. Some of their responsibilities include supervising teachers, evaluating students and teachers, setting priorities, involving parents in the school and preparing a budget. In moving from teaching to administration these women were changing careers. But because they continued to work in schools, in the same milieu, there is a common perception that the jobs are similar. Or perhaps it is more accurate to say that most people do not perceive the differences in the roles to be as significant as they are. This may be particularly so in elementary schools. These women chose to apply for vice principal or principal positions and thus could be considered responsible for initiating their career changes. They accepted this responsibility as that which accompanies promotion and seemed prepared for the temporary disequilibrium which accompanies any change. Stephanie simply was not prepared for the period of disorientation to continue for so long. She was more comfortable being in control of the situation. Perhaps in anticipating her own acclimatization to her new role she did not think about the adjustment the community would need to make in order to accept a competent. bright young woman, particularly one with such feminist leanings, as vice principal. This begs the question, "Should school boards offer support pmgms which would help ease the transition as teachers move into administrative positions?"

SUPPORT Einette and Laila each spoke of an experienced principal who influenced and supported her. They felt encouraged by the women who had preceded them as role models, to lead the way and to show other women the possibilities. Not only were these women menton to Laila and Einette. they also helped to broaden the minds of those people in their school communities and to see that women too could be excellent principals. Stephanie had no such mentor in her comer. The sole woman principal and few women vice principals were fairly recently appointed and there seemed not to be an atmosphere of support for women in her board. As well, by the time they were appointed. Stephanie had been the WTA president, an office in which she presented herself as capable and confident Perhaps the recently appointed women administrators did not see her as a woman desiring or in need of their suppoR Ellen too did not mention any women in her board whom she might have viewed as a role model or mentor. Both Stephanie and Ellen were supported and encouraged by male superintendents. From their accounts I concluded that neither of the men offered a degree of support comparable to what the women principals provided Laila and Einette. This could be a result of many influences other than gender. For example, perhaps the superintendents did not have as much discretionary time as principals to spend with individual teachers interested in administration. Or possibly because the superintendents are usually involved in appointment decisions, they may not have wanted their support to be vev visible. These four mentors, two of each gender, are too few to lead me to any conclusions about how gender might have influenced their amount and kind of support. Though Ellen and Stephanie did not refer to female supports. I do believe that it was helpful for all four participants that there were a few women already in principal and vice principal positions in their boards to at least raise ?he possibility in some minds that women were capable of filling administrative positions. Many Ontario boards organize induction programs for beginning teachers or other teachers who are new to the board in order to familiarize them with board personnel, practices and policy. An induction program might be useful for newly appointed administratom. However, if considered within its current frame of reference, because administrators are frequently promoted from within the board, an induction program might seem to be redundant. Presumably they would know board personnel, practices and policy better than most teachem. Similarly, a mentoring experience might appear to be superfluous. If the mentor is viewed as a helpful advisor or consultant, by the time most applicants are appointed to vice principal positions, they have considerable experience chairing and working on committees. Many have also performed some tasks which are similar to vice principal responsibilities, such as acting as the "teacher in chargeu in the absence of both the principal arid vice principal. If a mentor is viewed as a person's "champion", as someone on the inside who advises and advocates on behalf of the applicant, likewise by the time applicants are appointed, R would seem that mentors have served their main function. In many Ontario boards. the only structure available to new vice principals or principals is the board vice principals' or principals' association. In some boards, newly appointed administrators seem to be expected to learn how to be vice principals by associating with other vice principals - by osmosis. In other boards they are expected to learn the role from the principal. In our current climate many principals are so busy with other issues that helping the vice principal ease into the role becomes a low priority. Some boards organize workshops or presentations, usually around current board or ministry priorities but on ocmsion they may deal specifically with issues for newappointed people. Should school boards decide that a mentoring or induction program would be useful for newly appointed administrators. they would need to recognize that not all vice principals would want to be part of a formally organized program. It would be helpful to accommodate the vice principal's need to be seen to be competent. Newly appointed vice principals often do not want to reveal any weaknesses. To offer such a program within one board could raise issues such as the need for trust, a comfort level to share personal feelings and thoughts among a group who could eventually become colleagues at the pfincipal level. Organizers of such a program would need to find ways to deal with insecurity without vice principals feeling vulnerable. Perfiaps some principals could aIso benefit from workshops on coIlaboration Now I turn my attention from these women's personal experience of change to examine how they lead others in implementing a change. Specifically, how did they lead their staffs to more collaborative ways of making decisions? Because Stephanie was a vice principal and felt that she had little opportunity to introduce change, I focus on the change Einette and Laila, as principals, introduce. IMPLEMENTING CHANGE In their individual chapters I described extensively Einette and Laila's efforts to introduce their staffs to more collaborative ways of working. Many educators use the term 'collaboraWeR to describe "new" ways of working together and making decisions which contrast with the 'old, traditional, authoritarian, hierarchical ways". By declaring what it is not gives us only a very general view of the field. When presenting a new idea, for emphasis we often promote it as an idealized contrast to what was, which is usually described by emphasizing its negative aspects so that in contrast, the new idea is preferable. Perhaps this move to work collaboratively is rooted in the T-groups or encounter groups which were so popular in the sixties. Blumberg and Golembiewski (1976, 7) describe an experiential learning group as a ''vehicle for learning about personal, interpenonal, and gmup relations in work and educational environments." They have found contradictory evidence about the effectiveness of such groups in bringing about change. Nevertheless. the attraction of sharing thoughts and ideas seems to have led many educators to see working in groups as a viable way to make decisions about schools. As a model which works well under some circumstances it also has some limitations, depending upon a group's interpretation of working coliaboratively. For example, each person in the group could have equal input or be equally involved in making decisions. This could work with a group the size of Einette's staff but would be impossible to do with Laila's staff. Another collaborative practice could be to draw on each person's unique strengths, skills and knowledge. This too is more possible with a smaller sized gmup where people are likely to know how each member of the gmup may contribute. A third approach would be to provide opportunities for all who want to be involved in the decision to do so. In my view this is the only approach which would work with a staff the size of Laila's. During our conversations Laila often used the ten"collegial" rather than "collaborationn. Judith Warren Little (1981, cited in Barth 1990.31) describes coIlegiaIity to mean learning about the practice of teaching by working together on cuniculum. observing each other, and then discussing their reflections about teaching. It is clear from Laila's references that she was not using the term collegiality in this way. Her meaning was more general, like many people use the term collaboration. As principals in the late 1980's they had some control over the substance or at least the timing of many changes within their schools. For example. Laila talked about moving towards greater collaboration when she felt comfortable to do so. Einette too introduced her ideas with the staff at her own pace, in her fourth year as principal. As we review their efforts to introduce change within their schools, we see some interesting points of comparison between Laila and Einette. Einette had an idea and implemented it. She was motivated not by board directi0on, but by her own ideas of how she would like to work with her staff. She spoke of her excellent staff and wanted to make better use of the staWs abiles. The idea came from Einette but staff members were quick to modify it. They rejected her implication that the school needed to improve. They obviously were proud of their school. Perhaps it was this same pride that motivated them to participate in the management teams. Laila, on the other hand, was carrying out board direction to principals in the system to work more collaboratively with the staff. She had heard the theory and rationale but she did not have an image of what collaboration looks like. She wanted to know what it looks like in practice, to have examples of collaborative processes. Einette and Laifa each lived a story of leading their staffs to work more collaboratively. As Einette describes her work with the staff, I wonder whether she had the vision of what collaboration looks like in practice. It is even possible that the degree of detail in her vision was not so different from that in Laila's. Einette may have been more comfortable with ambiguity. The difference may lie more in the forces motivating them to lead their staffs to collaborative ways of working than in the clarity of their visions. Laila described her ambivalence about introducing this change with her staff. It was unknown. She did not know what it would look like in practice. She was concerned for some of her teachers and she was anxious about her own ability to handle it. She considered having a consultant lead her staff in the process but she rejected doing so because she wanted to keep control herself. Is her desire to keep control a reflection of her own lack of confidence with herself? Was the staff reflecting Laila's ambivalence or were they feeling their own? Einette did not mention anxieties. She wanted to proceed and did not see any of the staff as ambivalent. Was the staff reflecting her confidence and thus feeling more confident themselves? Or was she oblivious to any anxieties they might have felt? Consider ownership of the idea. Was Einette more committed because it was her idea? Or possibly the size of the staffs may have been an influence. For example, it may take a larger group much longer to learn to work together differently. Another influence may be Einette and Laila's personalles as well as the relationship between the principals and their staffs. The nature of the change they were proposing may have been an influence. Tam Fenwick's study of the experiences of six women leaders as they attempted to develop shared visions and collaborative communities found that the "most 'successful' visions tended to coalesce around finite projects' (Fenwick 1997, 10). It may have been easier. through not necessarily preferable, for them to implement a more specific practice which could be more clearly envisioned, than getting the staff to work more collaboratively. She described the women leaders in her study approaching collaboration in two different ways. Some 'developed a vision with a small like-minded team, then tried to build collective support for it" whereas others "worked with staff as enablers, to develop a truly shared vision." The second group reported tension because "there was always a point where the leader became energized by a personallyconstructed clear picture before the collective vision emerged." There seems to be an assumption that it was always the leader who first acquired a vision and then she either became impatient until the others reached the same point or t&d to get the group worldng towards her vision. Fenwick sees a democratic process-dented collaboration as being at the opposite end of authoritarian deasions which "bring clarity and structure." What do Laila and Einette understand by collaboration? Do they mean that other staff members are involved in decisions so the principals do not make all the decisions themselves? Do they mean that each staff member feels equally involved in the decisions? Do they draw on each staff member's unique contribution? Or does the principal work with small groups of staff members and make decisions collaboratively, as Laila did with her two teachers in determining classroom assignments? What vision of collaboration do Laila and Einette hold? Their processes were somewhat different. Einette had an idea and implemented it, whereas Laila followed her board's directives. Einette related stories of conflict with her board's senior administrators whereas Laila did not Can we draw any conclusions about the boards' preferred leadership style? I think not. It is possible that some of the differences are related to the size of their respective boards. Perhaps being in a smaller board disadvantaged Einette in that she was more visible to senior administrators (as one of fifteen, whereas Laila was one of ninety). Besides size. there may be other differences between the boards. For example, Laila's board is in a large multiculturaf metropolitan area whereas Einette's board is considerably smaller and more conservative. I wonder how their stones would have differed had Laila and Einette worked for each other's board.

UNCONTROLLED CHANGE In contrast, principals now are experiencing change over which they have little control, except in their reactions to events. What is their role in helping teachers deal with change? John Snobelen, the Minister of Education and Training at the time of writing, brings this question rapidly to the forefront with his public reference to the "need to create a crisis" and the multitude of changes he is proposing. We do not yet know the timelines for many of the proposed changes but no doubt they will be too fast. We seem to be beyond the point when there is time to implement one innovation before another one is introduced. As this study was drawing to a close, the Ontario government introduced several initiatives which will have a significant impact on principals and vice principals. Within days of the end of the school year, in June the Ministry of Education and Training introduced a new Ontario Cuniculum for elementary and secondary schools. The secondary school curriculum is to be implemented by September 1999. but elementary schools were to introduce the curriculum when classes resumed in September 1997. only two months after the announcement. This curriculum will be the basis for provincial assessment, also to be implemented during the year. The govemment has drastically reduced the number of school boards, cut back the number of trustees from 1900 to 700 and restricted trustees' honoraria to $5.000. In some of the large metropolitan boards, tmstees earned upwards of $40,000 which meant that many of them devoted their entire time and energy to the role. At an annual income limited to $5.000 they will need other work as well. When trustees have less time to devote to the job, travel much longer distances to meetings, and represent many more constituents, school advisory councils undoubtedly will be expected to take on some responsibilities formerly held by school boards. In a review of the financing of education in Ontario. Florence Henderson states that historically. "local autonomy has been at the heart of the Ontario school systemn (Henderson 1986, 23). She traces this back to the earty nineteenth century when local families were responsible for the school and the first govemment grants were viewed as add-ons. In 1867 the provinces were assigned jurisdictional responsibility by the British North America Act. Provincial grants increased but the local trustees and then school boards continued to be responsible for their schools. Boards currently have the autonomy to offer programs and services beyond those provincially mandated, by raising municipal taxes. Now the government intends to assume the total control of funding education and remove the right of trustees to generate funds locally. This will diminish the local accountability of trustees and will likely increase the public expectation for principals as the school spokespersons, to be accountable to their constituents. It is rurnoured that the government will also remove teachers' right to strike, legislate principals and vice principals out of teachers' federations and move closer towards privatizing the school system by "outsourcing" the work of custodians, librarians. early childhood workers, sports and arts educators, and possibly administrators. Indiwidually these changes are gargantuan. Collectively how can they avoid leading to chaos? During the past several months I have met with many groups of principals and vice principals to discuss the implications of their removal from teachers' federations. Their comments and questions reflect feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. Many are overwhelmed by the stresses of too much change, too fast, as well as the uncertainty of possibly facing the unknown without the professional support on which they have come to rely through their federations. Where then will they seek such support? Where will they find the resources to continue to support their teachers? I am curious about how, as a principal, each of my participants would deal with the changes currently facing Ontario educators. But for a variety of reasons, only one woman continues to be a principal. Stephanie's acddent has prevented her from returning to school. Ellen has followed a different career path which has taken her out of the schools and Einettels work as a teacher politidan has lured her away from her principalship.

HOW DO INDIVIDUALS COPE WITH CHANGE? I return now to the flying metaphor with which I began this thesis. For each participant I use a flying incidents to summarize what I have learned about her capacity to deal with change in the future, based on what I know of her past experience. Each incident is based on an actual event which I have matched with my participants to reflect my speculations about how she might have experienced the situation as well as how she might help her staff through some of the current changes facing school administrators. The interweaving of personal and professional experiences lead them to new life scripts and offer insights into their abilities to deal with future challenges. Can we learn anything from these women which might be helpful to others? Choosing a specific issue in education for my participants to confront has given me some challenges. Working collaboratively for example, is the basis for developing Laila and Einette's metaphors. It would be interesting to speculate how Ellen and Stephanie might as principals, have introduced their staffs to more collaborative ways of working together. Another possibility would be introducing the new Ontario Curriculum and assessment. But implementing curriculum is not new to either teachers or principals in Ontario. Indeed, during the past twenty years, with the rate at which in Ministry has revised curriculum memoranda, guidelines and support documents, teachers and principals have had frequent opportunities to develop and refine these skills. The philosophy behind the Ontario Cuniculurn may be new, but the process of implementing it will not be new. In the midst of the many other possible changes, implementing curriculum will be the least unfamiliar of the unknown. Teachers and principals may well seek their security in working with the new Ontario Curriculum, A much more dramatic change will be the province assuming control of funding. Though the Ministry has defined many aspects of school such as the required curriculum and the letylth of the school year, provincial control of the funding will severely limit some decisions which

In the aviation field the term incident refers to an unusual situation which has the potential to end in disaster.

200. previously were within the boards' purview. Boards will lose any latitude to offer unique pmgrarns or services because they will have no way of funding them. We in Ontario have not previously experienced this total provincial control, an issue which will have direct and far- reaching impact on schools. For all of us the ramifications are unknown but I believe we can accurately predict severe cuts in funding. It will not simply be a case of tryhg to do more with less. In the process of being responsible to implement Ministry directives, but with no local board authority to increase finances, principals' and teachers' beliefs about education may be challenged to the cote. They will confront moral dilemmas about how best to meet the needs of all students and in the process will have to make some difficult decisions which will severely impact on individual teachers. Educators and the public may have to reconsider their beliefs about the purpose of the public education system. Of course the difficulty lies in the reality that rarely is a principal dealing with an issue in isolation. Often there are several interconnected forces at play. Reducing tension in one area increases it in another. Similarly in flying. Most accidents result from a chain of events initiated by one poor judgment or one unnoticed condition.

Ellen - Learning to Fly From the time Ellen began learning to fly she decided to become a flying instructor. Flying exhilarated her and she wanted to introduce others to this wonderful experience. Her favourite part of the flight was that brief period when the plane floated along in ground effect, supported in flight by the closeness of the runway, and at the same time held close to the ground. Occasionally on takeoff, when she raised the nose prematurely, the ground effect still kept her airborne until she gained enough speed to soar off into the sky. When landing it required considerable skill to fly a few feet off the ground. She loved to prolong that period before touchdown. When practising circuits solo she refined her skill to an art, often floating hdfway down the runway. She had to be careful not to float too far down ffie runway before deciding either to land or to overshoot. Similarly, administrators get their best support when they remain close to teachers, when their administrative decisions are grounded in the work of teachers. Teachers are more likely to forgive administrators the occasional departure from this connection to the classroom if administrators continue regularly to ground their decisions in the needs of classrooms. There are times though when administrators must clearly separate themselves from teachers and make difficult decisions. as the plane does when it breaks free of ground effect and soars off into the sb. In Ellen's eagerness to learn all she could in order to be a good instructor, she pored over the flight instructoh manual. This study was to save her life long before she had studants of her own, in fact before she earned her own private licence. Early one evening out over the practice area. Ellen was flying solo, practising turns and slow flight. She dec5ded to try a stall so she cut the throttle and gradually raised the nose. The airspeed slowly dropped and suddenly all hell broke loose! What should have been a gentle manewer had her clutching the control column for her life. literally! The ground was spinning violently, coming towards her at an incredible speed. She tried a stall recovery but it didn't work. She added power and Med to wrestle with the control column. The ground was rapidly getting closer. When she had practhed stall recoveries with the instructor, nothing like this happened. The instructor had not yet introduced her to spins or dives. Fortunately, Ellen had read ahead in the manual and remembered that the description of a spin seemed like what was happening then, so she applied opposite rudder. But nothing worked. Finally she remembered her instructor's voice telling her that body sensations were sometimes misleading and that she should look at the instruments and see what they were telling her. She looked at the altimeter and saw that she was going down at a rate of over two thousand feet a minute. Realizing that she was in a dive she cut the power and gradually pulled out of it, returning to straight and level flight. In checking her altitude after regaining control she was astonished to see that she had only lost one thousand feet. Obviously her reactions had been much faster than the eternity it had seemed. She immediately returned to the airport, landed, paid the attendant and left. The next morning Ellen called her instructor and told her what had happened. Ellen asked if she would go out so they could do it again and she could understand what happened. I expect that in preparing to be a principal or vice principal Ellen would learn the current theories of administration well. She would be good at applying theory to actual situations when making decisions and solving problems. As a new principal Ellen would follow all of the board and Ministry's directives, knowing that over time they have been developed and refined to deal expeditiously with whatever situations might arise. She would help the teachers implement the new curriculum, respond to the school council's recommendations, involve parents more in school activities, work at being a good ambassador for public education, and at the same time stay within the budget by reducing supplies and by eliminating a teacher. She would follow board policy in identifying the surplus teacher. Wah no warning she would suddenly have the parents, the teachers and the teachers' federation angry with her. She would try instinchively to diffuse the parents' anger but in doing so would exacerbate the situation with the teachers. When she would try to appease the teachers, the superintendent would chastise her. Eventually she would review the theory of school administration and try to follow the recommended principles. She would try to get everyone once again focusing on providing the best possible educational conditions for the students. Eventually the staff and parents would accept what she was trying to do. But like Ellen the pilot, who could not yet relax when practising stalls. teaches and parents would grow uneasy whenever they heard there would be further budget cuts. Remembering the earlier disnrption, they would be anxious about how Ellen might try to pare the budget. During the following summer she would look back over Me year and begin to see the situation in perspective- She would realize that over the period of a career, the year's turmoil would decrease considerably in significance. During her summer reflections she would review the events leading up to the turmoil and from a theoretical perspective, consider what she should have done differently, to learn from her experience so she would be more prepared in Mure. In looking back over the year, she would recognize that when she started applying what she knew, the situation began to improve for her.

Einette - Omithopter Test Plot Einette's approach presents a strong contrast to Ellen. Einette's natural curiosity often leads her to new situations which sometimes reinforce her confidence in her ability to deal with whatever situation might arise. Through a friend she met a university professor who had worked for many years building an omithopter, an aircraft with wings which fiapped to replicate the motion of birds in flight The model prototype had been flown successfully by remote control and the professor was looking for a test pilot to fly the fullsize venion. Einette was intrigued by the idea of replicating the flight of birds. She appreciated the harmonic balance of a new innovation in aviation based on such an ancient natural phenomenon as bird flight. She was delighted to be invited to join the team. She studied the design and the theory behind it and spent many hours working with other enthusiasts as they applied fabric to the wings and fuselage. She learned what she could about the engine, the controls and the very basic instrument panel from the engineers who designed them. Her life could literally depend on their abilities and it was important to her that they feel a sense of team with her. In preparation for the flight she had some lessons flying an ultralight aircraft which had a similar sized engine. More importantly, because the flapping motion of the omithopter wings did not allow flight controls like ailerons or flaps, she had to learn different ways to control the direaWonof flight Einette was an excellent choice for test pilot because of her sensitivity to her surroundings and her ability to read signs to which others were often oblivious. When flying, she sensed small changes in windspeed or direction by noting the direction and rate of dispersal of smoke or the direction of waves in the water. This was invaluable because the toque of the omithopter wings was influenced by the wind direction and strength. As for navigation, Einette is good at identifying patterns of lakes, roads or hydro lhes and because of her faith in her ability to figure out where she is, she does not use energy to concentrate on her exact location at all times. The day scheduled for the first taxi trials amved. Eagelly Einette got a weather briefing. Fortunately the wind was light, so controlling the aircraft on the runway should not be a problem. The crew moved the ornithopter out of the hangar onto the ramp. Einette walked around the plane, checking all surfaces and then strapped herself into the T-harness. After her internal checks, as the crew held the aircraft in place, Einette engaged the starter. The pushrods behind the cockpit began their pumping motion and the wings slowly began to flap. The crew released the aircraft and slowly Einette turned and began taxiing towards the runway. As she turned into the wind and gingerly began taxiing down the runway, it took all of her willpower to maintain a low power setting and continue to taxi. She wanted to feel the thrill of liftoff and see how the bird would fly. Instead she concentrated on carefully guiding the direction of the aircraft on the runway, hoping that what she was learning about the controls would prove useful when she was airborne. On her second taxi down the runway she practised S-turns, paying close attention to the aircraft's responses to the changing direction of the wind on the wings. As she became comfortable taxiing into wind she decided to move to the crosswind runway. All went well until she reached the beginning of the runway. As she slowly guided her aircraft onto the runway, a sudden gust of wind caught some loose fabric on one wing and in an instant. reduced it to an ineffective appendage. flapping in the breeze. Disappointed but undaunted, Einette and the team returned the omithopter to the hangar and began the tedious work of stretching and regluing the fabric. strengthening it in Me process. using Einette's feedback to slightly reshape the wings. Einette's perceptive skills are highly refined and she has the facility to read signs which go unnoticed by most people. Because of her facility for being acutely aware of her environment, she does not prepare for events to the same extent as Ellen. Einette would be an excellent principal for these times because of her keen sensitivity to the political, social and economic forces influencing education. As well, her confidence and her creativity to find solutions to problems are needed in these uncertain times. She is good at discovering and developing the skills necessary for whatever her role, and is generous in sharing her new knowledge to prepare ~Wersfor what lies ahead. As a principal Einette would be confident that she could lead her staff in implementing the Minister's directives, if they were ones she could support. She also would be prepared to refuse to have her staff implement initiatives they or she could not support She would be confident in her judgment as well as in her ability to defend her actions, or inactions. Just as Einette was intrigued by the ornithopter, she would pay close attention to innovative practices in schools, organizations and business, which might have some application in her school. She would be attracted by novel approaches. provided they sounded feasible. In finding ways to stretch shrinking dollars. she would set up a committee of teachers, parents and other community members and ask them to find ways to trim the budget as well as to identify services members of the community could provide instead of having to purchase them from the school budget She would agree to reduce the number of teachers only as a last resort. because she knows the value of smaller class sizes. There would be setbacks along the way, like the tom omithopter wing, but just as she worked hard to repair and strengthen it, she would help the team work through conflicts and be stronger because of them.

Laila - Leader of Cross Country Flight Laila had done what she could to prepare for the trip which she had eagerly anticipated for quite some time. The groups were divided in their enthusiasm about the trip. The Cherokee crew wanted to get on with the flight whereas the Cessna 172 crew was hesitant and anxious about what lay ahead. Laila wanted to keep the planes together and believed that it was better to slow down the eager group than to push those who were apprehensive. She believed that she could move them along, provided she didnY push them beyond their capabilities. She knew that they needed to have confidence in their abilities in order to set out on a trip like this. Everyone liked Laila and they were willing to modify their preferences in order to keep together with the group. Though on the one hand she was anxious to head out with her crew in the new Mooney, she acknowledged that she too had some concerns about her own abilities. She knew she could rely on her copilot who had considerable experience flying Mooneys. Other than her prepurchase checkout she had not flown a Mooney, but because it was her plane, she wanted to feel as comfortable as possible at the controls. Gently but firmly she cajoled them into planning the flight so that when the weather cleared they could begin their trip. Eventually the weather looked good and they departed on their first leg. The trip went well until the Mooney had a radio failure part way through the Washington zone. The three planes landed at a small airport in the midst of nowhere where they could consult about the next leg of their trip. There were thunderstorms forecast to the south, on their planned route, so they decided to go east to the ocean and then fly down the coast. Laila's radio was working again so with the Mooney in the lead, they began the next leg of their trip. As they approached their destination, Laila tried to request clearance to land but once again the radio had stopped transmitting. The airport had been listed in the Flight Guide as infrequently used, so they were relatively unconcerned as they flew overhead the field to choose a runway on which to land. That decision made, they joined the circuit and began their approach with the Cherokee and Cessna 172 dose behind them. On final, Laila's copilot kept watching the tower for a light signal either giving clearance or denying permission to land. But no signal was forthcoming, so Laila decided to land. Following their leader, the Cherokee and 172 landed as well. No sooner had the planes touched down than a cavalcade of fire trucks and police cars began to approach them. Only at that point did Laila see the row upon row of F-16s lined up on the ramp. A sudden awareness struck! They were at a military base and should not have landed. Men in camouflage fatigues began swarming from the police and fire vehides, with their guns trained on the planes. Laila was struck by the humour of the situation but knew that was not a good time to laugh. As the pilots and crew members were ordered to exit their planes. Laila remained calm and explained to her interrogators about the thunderstorms and the radio failure. Laila's calmness gradually helped the others to relax so that when they too were questioned they did not appear to be nervous with something to hide. The pilots were sent for a new weather briefing while the crew members were detained in the main offce. The thunderstorms had cleared and eventually they were allowed to proceed on the final Leg of their trip. In checking the flight guide again, Laila saw the qualifier with the airport description, Airports lnfrequently Used - by civilians. As the principal of a large school, Laila would likely have different factions among the staff. It would be a challenge to get consensus among them in tens of the school's financial priorities, indeed in terms of all priorities. Some would not want changes in staffing formulae or in the amount of supplies available. Others would know they have to make some difficult decisions and may well have ideas about where they can find money, such as from corporate sponsors. Laila would want to be patient with them and cajole them into making decisions but when directed to implement cutbacks, she would not have the luxury of waiting until she and all the staff are ready. She will have to push for compliance, but her personality would help. Some of her staff may want to focus on cuniculum, rather than on financial matters. A school the size of Laila's might have to reduce staff by about three teachers. Laila's optimistic outlook will help the staff to work together to find a satisfactory solution. One teacher will choose to retire but another one may not qualify for a pension until January. The staff would get involved and find ways to raise enough money to keep the extra teacher until the end of December so she could retire with a pension. Laila would convince her superintendent to appeal to the Ministry to allow an additional teacher for four months because of the school's high ESL population. When as a group they make a poor decision, such as choosing a poor corporate sponsor, as when they landed at the military base, the staff would have faith in Laila's ability to find a way out of the situation and get back on track. Laila may be able to turn to her advantage even those concentrate on cumculum. They would help her demonstrate to board officials that the new cumculum is being implemented in her school. I predict that she would have enough challenges in trying to get agreement among the staff that she would be unlikely to invoke parents in these decisions.

Stephanie - 737 Co-pilot For many months Stephanie had looked forward to beginning her 737 captain training. The instructor had the reputation of being difficult, particularly to women, so she had worked hard to prepare for the course. For the past six months she studied all the systems and reviewed procedures for all kinds of emergency situations. She had one last flight as copilot before her training began. Shortly after takeoff Stephanie was suddenly overwhelmed by the magnitude of her responsibility. What if they should have an emergency during the flight? How would she cope if they get into a difficult situation? She began to have second thoughts about wanting the responsibility of being captain. Overcome though she was by these worries, she exuded an air of confidence to the captain during the after takeoff checks and to the passengers during her inRight announcements. Eight minutes into the flight those wonies were rudely interrupted when she heard a loud noise and the plane suddenly pitched upward. These planes are not built for aerobatics and Stephanie firmfy gripped the yoke to regain control. She immediately donned the oxygen mask which dangled in front of her face. Glancing towards the captain she saw that he had passed out and his oxygen mask was nowhere to be seen. She called the senior flight attendant to come forward to the cockpit to assist in locating and putting on the captain's oxygen mask. She then requested the passengers to return to their seats and secure their seatbelts. unaware of her announcement's redundancy. Many passengers had just seen the senior flight attendant being sucked through the three by six foot hole which had suddenly appeared in the top of the plane. The passengers checked to make sure their seatbelts were secure. When Stephanie realized that the flight attendant had not responded to her call, she assumed she was dealing with an emergency situation in the cabin. She knew that when they descended below 10,000 feet the captain would get enough oxygen to regain consciousness. She had no time then to try to revive him. Frantically reviewing emergency procedures. Stephanie could not recall any textbook description which matched these conditions. Intuitively she knew that she must be very gentle with the controls and not make any sudden movements. As she began a wide, gentle, slowly descending turn. she broadcasted a Mayday call and headed back for the airport, unaware of the gaping hole in the top of the first class section of the aircraft. As she approached the airport she moved the controls gingerly, preparing for the landing. Some passengers later were to describe the landing as the smoothest they had ever experienced. The only casualty was the flight attendant who was moving down the aisle when the sheet of metal gave way. The passengers were uninjured and walked off the plane. Once they had landed and all passengers had disembarked, almost immediately the plane began to buckle as it sat on the ramp. When engineers tried to replicate the actual condition by computer simulation, the aircraft flew apart. They concluded that it had been held together by the thin metal seatrails which held the seats in place. Because they were not part of the original equipment and thus not accounted for in the computer simulation, using the computer the engineers were unable to reproduce a condition in which the plane remained together. Worried though Stephanie was before the emergency, she demonstrated admirably that in a difficult situation she can be relied upon to deal with the situation calmly and very capably. In relating the metaphor back to the school situation I speculate further. I place Stephanie as the vice principal of a school which the board is proposing to close. I propose an additional scenario - that the day after the superintendent has passed along this recommendation a police officer arrives to arrest the principal and charge him with sexual assauit based on alleged events from previous years. Though this possibility is despicable to Stephanie. she would immediately call the staff together and advise them not to judge him or take sides. She would stress the importance of fair process and warn them against prejudicing a decision by making public comments. She would point out that as teachers on this staff, comments which might be casual or speculative to them would be given strong validity within the community. She would acknowledge their need to talk, to share their thoughts and feelings about the principal and the accusations. She might propose that the staffroom could be an appropriate place if the staff was comfortable with the idea, if they were prepared to commit to each other that their conversations be confidential to the staff, and of course. if no one else was present. Then she would return their attention to the earlier issue, the possible closure of their school. Together they would find ways to generate support for the school remaining open as well as to meet their required financial cutbacks. Stephanie would invite the School Advisory Council's involvement in securing community support for the school. She would invite the editor of the local newspaper to visit the school to propose a series of articles about the school. For example, cornrnuni€y residents could be invited to visit the schod and compare it WMI schools they attended in earlier times. Teachers would find ways to involve local residents as resources for some of their lessons. For example, some older community members could be invaluable for students working on local history. The blind woman with the guide dog could help children understand what it would be like not to be able to see. Together they could find ways to demonstrate that the school is a valuable and viable part of the community. In terms of financial cutbacks. Stephanie would argue that because the principal is no longer in the school, his salav should not be costed against the school. Furthermore. because the board has not replaced the principal, his salary should be counted as school savings. Though Stephanie is almost physically sick with worry about her abilities to cope with the challenges they face, she also is able to call on an inner strength and lead the group with an air of calm. The staff would be strengthened by Stephanie's display of assurance and they would believe that they too will be able to deal with whatever challenges they encounter. Gradually she would feel a twinge of confidence in her ability not only to survive the ordeal herself, but more importantly in her skills at helping others deal with such challenges.

SUMMARY The metaphors of flying incidents have helped to clarify my thinking about my participants' capacity for leading others in a time of change. Its weakness is that the situations I have described are but brief encounters with difficult situations. In our current Ontario education context. the encounters will not be brief. The government's current proposals w*ll not be mere 'blips" on the landscape but dramatic changes in the terrain which will cause educators to change radically their ways of working. They will be transformed. never to retum to their current ways of being. Eventually though they will reach a point of relative equilibrium when they can catch their collective breaths until once again external forces throw them off their points of balance. I carefully selected each metaphor to reflect what I know of each of these women and her abilities to deal with change. I cast Ellen as a student pilot who wanted to become an instructor because her nanative emphasizes her desire to work behind the scenes to help and support others. As a flying instructor she will be able to introduce others to the exhilaration of flying. She likes to anticipate and prepare carefully for situations when possible by knowing and following recommended

= The board will continue to pay him until he is proven guilty. In the meantime, until the trial, it is common practiC8 for an educator accused of sexual misconduct to be assigned duties at the board office, where he has no contact with students. procedures. There will be occasions when this preparation will help her through some difficult situations. She will not be able to anticipate all possibilities and all will not always go well. When she encounters difficutties she will review the details of the situation and learn what she can from it I selected Einette as the ornithopter pilot to reflect her interest and attraction to he unusuaf. She knows the value of teamwork, particularly in unique situations such as when undertaking new projects. She is willing to contribute her share of the work. She prepares carefully when necessary, but also relies on her ability to successfully adapt to new situations. She is good at generating interest and support for her ideas. In retrospect. I might have suggested that she build the ornithopter as well as fiy it. As the leader of the cross country flight Lailats facilitative skills are put to the test in trying to keep the group together. This role also emphasizes her ability to cope, in good spirits and a relaxed manner, with a variety of problems such as the radio failure and the surprise of landing at the military base. Her personality sees her through many potentially difficult situations and gives others confidence in her leadership abilities. I chose Stephanie as the co-pilot of the Aloha Airlines 737 which began to disintegrate mid-air because of her belief in her ability to succeed in very difficult circumstances. She has faced more than her share of life challenges and continues to model for others what is possible. With her determination she will create a new meaningful role in spite of her physical difficulties. These scenarios point to a future in education where there may not be straightforward standard ways of operating, where leaden will need a wide range of skills. They will be happiest and most comfortable in these roles if they know themselves and what is important to them. This self-knowledge will help them have confidence in their own abilities to make appropriate choices and help their staff make decisions in the best interest of their students and ultimately, our society. Just as these flights of fantasy, should these women actually live them, would lead them to new theories of flight, their restorying of their lives and their new theories of themselves will prepare them to face an unknown future. CLOSING MY FLIGHT PLAN

As I come to the end of my flight I reflect on where I have been, on the highlights, the tense moments, and sometimes that which gives the appearance of being ordinw. I have recorded the details in this, my journey log. Taken as a whole they have etched the flight forever in my mind. I have had the pleasure of working with participants who have shared freely, stories of their joys, anxieties and successes, as well as the specific details of their daily lives in schoofs. My comfort level with narmtive inquiry has increased as I have learned to rely on the process to lead me to significant issues for further exploration, I have learned to follow my instincts when they lead me in unforeseen directions. as with my diversion into ethical issues which has left me with many unanswered questions, particularly concerning researchers' duty of care for participants. Several unique points along the way have piqued my curiosity, points to which I know I will return. For example, I would like to delve further into power and examine how conceptualizations of power influence how people lead. Also, I am curious about males' views of power and would like to work with male participants in order to compare their experiences and knowledge with these or other women. In our current climate of change I believe that it is not possible to learn too much about how people adapt to new circumstances successfully. Though some are beginning to map the terrain, much unexplored territory remains. I issue a challenge for those involved with education in Ontario to lay out a new network of airports and flight paths which would allow us to explore parts of the province that few of us have even glimpsed. I would like to consider too, the means I selected of setting out on this flight - to reflect on what I have learned about narrative inquiry for this and future journeys. AS with any flight, each one is unique. Weather conditions are never exactly the same. Neither are such factors as the pilot's state of awareness. Nevertheless, much can be learned which may apply in other situations. As a "low timen pilot i value what I have learned from pilots who have logged many more hours than I. Similarly, as an inexperienced researcher l have learned much of value from those with greater experience. I look forward to many more exploratory Rights. REFERENCES

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