Sarnikova Tavel

amour et développement de l’homme love and development of human being

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 1 02.03.2015 20:36:11 sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 2 02.03.2015 20:36:11 Gabriela Sarnikova Peter Tavel Amour et développement de l’homme Love and Development of Human Being L’amour et sa dimension spirituelle, philosophique, psychologique et pédagogique Spiritual, Philosophical, Psychological and Pedagogical Dimension of Love

FRIBOURG 2015

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 3 02.03.2015 20:36:11 © Gabriela Sarnikova, Peter Tavel © Association internationale Sciences, Éducation, Cultures, Traditions – Fribourg – Suisse

Auteurs Gabriela Sarnikova, Peter Tavel

Rédacteur en chef François Miche, Suisse

Relecteurs Doc. Ludmila Muchova, PhD. Doc. Rudolf Smahel, ThD. Mgr. Jan Kalisky, PhD.

Correction linguistique PhDr. Livia Milada Gardianova, PhD., O.S.F. Patrick Anthony Hudson O.F.M.

Mise en page Ladislav Tkacik Couverture Zuzka K. K.

La Monographie est la résultante du projet GAPF 6B40/2013 et celui du projet GA CR La spiritualité et la santé chez les adolescents et des adultes en République tchèque (15-19968S)

Éditeur Association internationale Sciences, Éducation, Cultures, Traditions – Fribourg – Suisse CP 1045, 1701 Fribourg, SUISSE Courriel: [email protected], www.sectai.org, Tél. 0041(0)79.699.04.34 ISBN 978-2-8399-1548-9

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 4 02.03.2015 20:36:11 TABLE DES MATIÈRES

Introduction 9

1. Dimensions et expréssions de l’amour 15 1.1. L’amour qui donne, accepte et apprécie 16 1.2. Eros, agapé, storgé, filia 18 1.3. Expressions de l’amour 26

2. Concept de l’amour chez certains philosophes 42 2.1. Le phénomène amour vu par les penseurs de l’antiquité et du moyen âge 42 2.1.1. Conception platonicienne de l’amour comme désir d’atteindre la bonté et contemplation de la beauté 43 2.1.2. Aristote et l’amour perçu comme un lien d’amitié 47 2.1.3. Lucius Annaeus Sénèque à propos de l’amour 51 2.1.4. Augustinus Aurelius (Saint-Augustin) et la source de l’amour, qui se trouve être Dieu 53 2.1.5. Thomas d’Aquin à propos d’amour comme adhésion à la bonté 55 2.2. Les penseurs de l’ére moderne sur les questions d’amour 60 2.2.1. Blaise Pascal et la logique du Coeur 60 2.2.2. Arthur Schopenhauer à propos de l’amour perçu comme passion 64 2.2.3. Connaissances et agissements en amour selon Max Scheler 69 2.2.4. Dietrich von Hildebrand à propos de l’amour comme reponse à la valeur 71 2.2.5. Ouverture à faire du bien et Gabriel Marcel 74 2.2.6. Karol Wojtyla à propos de l’amour comme don de soi 78

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 5 02.03.2015 20:36:11 3. Compréhension religieuse et spirituelle de l’amour 81 3.1. Vie spirituelle et religieuse de l’homme 81 3.2. L’amour dans la Bible 86 3.2.1. Commandement de l’amour dans l’Ancien Testament 86 3.2.2. Thématique de l’amour dans le Nouveau Testament 99 3.3. Amour – vertu théologique 104

4. L’amour du point de vue de la psychologie 109 4.1. La psychanalyse 110 4.2. Erich Fromm 111 4.3. L’amour dans la psychologie humaniste 112 4.3.1. Abraham Harold Maslow 112 4.3.2. Dimension spirituelle de l’amour chez Viktor Emil Frankl 113 4.3.3. Robert Jeffrey Sternberg 117 4.3.4. Rollo May 120 4.4. Les psychologues humanistes orientés vers le christianisme 124 4.4.1. Les langues de l’amour dans l’interprétation de Garry Chapman 124 4.4.2. Le concept d’intransigeance douce de James Dobson 134

5. Les modèles d’amour dans la théorie et la pratique éducative 140 5.1. Variabilité du phénomène amour dans l’histoire moderne de l’éducation 140 5.2. L’amour dans le contexte de la pédagogie humaniste et personaliste 167 5.2.1. Le charactère humaniste de l’éducation 167 5.2.2. L’altruisme dans le procéssus éducatif 172 5.2.3. Le personnalisme en pédagogie 176 5.2.4. Education chrétienne et dimensions de l’amour 183 5.3. Education à l’amour en milieu famillial et institutionnel actuellement 207

Abréviations 216 Littérature 218

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 6 02.03.2015 20:36:11 CONTENTS

Introduction 12

1. Dimensions and Expressions of Love 15 1.1. Giving, Receiving and Appreciative Love 16 1.2. Eros, Agape, Storge and Philia 18 1.3. Expressions of Love 26

2. Concept of Love in the Works of Some Philosophers 42 2.1. Phenomenon of Love in Ancient and Medieval Thinking 42 2.1.1. Plato’s Concept of Love as the Desire to Reach Good and To Contemplate Beauty 43 2.1.2. Aristotle and the Concept of Love as a Bond of Friendship 47 2.1.3. Lucius Annaeus Seneca on Love 51 2.1.4. Augustinus Aurelius (Saint Augustine) and God as a Source of Love 53 2.1.5. Thomas Aquinas on Love as Adherence to Good 55 2.2. Modern Period Thinkers on the Issue of Love 60 2.2.1. Blaise Pascal and Logic of the Heart 60 2.2.2. Arthur Schopenhauer on Love Perceived as Passion 64 2.2.3. Knowledge and Action in Love according to Max Scheler 69 2.2.4. Dietrich von Hildebrand on Love as a Response to the Value 71 2.2.5. Openness to Do Good and Gabriel Marcel 74 2.2.6. Karol Wojtyla on Love as Self-giving 78

3. Religious and Spiritual Concept of Love 81 3.1. Spiritual and Religious Life of a Human Being 81 3.2. Love in the Bible 86

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 7 02.03.2015 20:36:11 3.2.1. The Commandment of Love in the Old Testament 86 3.2.2. The Theme of Love in the New Testament 99 3.3. Love as a Theological Virtue 104

4. Love from the Psychological Point of View 109 4.1. Psychoanalysis 110 4.2. Erich Fromm 111 4.3. Love in Humanistic Psychology 112 4.3.1. Abraham Harold Maslow 112 4.3.2. The Spiritual Dimension of Love in the Works of Viktor Emil Frankl 113 4.3.3. Robert Jeffrey Sternberg 117 4.3.4. Rollo May 120 4.4. Humanistic Christian Psychologists 124 4.4.1. Love Languages in Gary Chapman’s Interpretation 124 4.4.2. James Dobson’s Concept of Tough Love 134

5. Models of Love in Educational Theory and Practice 140 5.1. The Variability of the Love Phenomenon in the History of Modern Education 140 5.2. Love in the Context of Humanistic and Personalistic Pedagogy 167 5.2.1. The Humanistic Character of Education 167 5.2.2. Altruism in the Educational Process 172 5.2.3. Personalism in Pedagogy 176 5.2.4. Christian Education and Dimensions of Love 183 5.3. Contemporary Education in Love in a Family Environment and in an Institutional Setting 207

Abbreviations 216 Bibliography 218

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 8 02.03.2015 20:36:11 INTRODUCTION

L’amour est une magie, qui ouvre à celui qui aime le monde des valeurs dans toute sa plénitude. Celui qui aime éprouve une richesse intérieure. Tout l’univers du point de vue valeurs, devient pour lui, plus large et plus profond. L’amour ne rend pas l’homme aveugle, mais au contraire. Il augmente extraordinairement la perception de la plénitude des valeurs. L’amour est grâce et magie, il est le dernier et le plus grand , auquel l’homme peut s’accrocher. Dans l’amour, on comprend le sens du dernier et du plus beau qui en dit long sur le mode de pensée humaine, de la poésie et de la foi : „rédemption par l’amour et dans l’amour“. Par ces belles pensées de Viktor E. Frankl nous présentons son livre sur l’amour. Léo F. Buscaglia, ancien chargé de cours au département de péda- gogie spéciale à l’université de Caroline du Sud, a fait part de son expé- rience du concours auquel il était invité comme membre du jury. Le but du concours était de trouver l’enfant le plus affecteux et le mieux atten- tionné. Le vainqueur fut un garçon de quatre ans. Il a vécu en voisinage avec un vieux monsieur, qui venait récemment de perdre sa femme. Lorsque le garçon voyait le monsieur pleuré, il allait chez lui dans la cour, venait se mettre entre ses jambes et s’asseyait. Lorsque sa maman lui demanda ce qu’il avait dit au voisin, le garçon repondit: „rien, je l’ai seulement aidé à pleurer“. Les enfants en âge préscolaire et de la petite-enfance sont déjá en mésure de répondre (et souvant à juste titre) à la question, qu’est- ce que l’amour, et savent de manière remarquable l’exprimer, et d’un autre côté, en cette période nous nous rendons compte de son abscence. L’agréssivité et le négativisme ne sont pas de nouveaux phénomènes ob- servés chez les enfants et les recherches menées ces dernières années

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 9 02.03.2015 20:36:11 indiquent déjà la présence de l’intimidation en milieu préscolaire. Les enfants ont connaissance ou intuition de ce qu’est l’amour, mais ses expréssions leur manque souvant dans la vie. La raison de cela réside principalement dans le fait qu’eux-mêmes n’en reçoivent pas, n’y sont pas initiés et raison pour laquelle ne savent même pas l’exprimer. L’amour et ses formes font parties des notions les plus fréquentes dans la commucation des hommes. Les mots synonymmes d’amour, nous les rencontrons dans le style de langage artistique, journalistique, mais aussi proféssionnel. Sans amour la vie de l’homme comme homme ne pourrait pas exis- ter. Cette réalité est mise en évidence non pas par une seule expérience de vie, et aussi par plusieurs recherches scientifiques. Les recherches en psychologie montrent que l’amour de l’homme envers l’homme est sain. Si nous faisions du bien aux autres, ce n’est pas que quelques choses de beau et d’utile pour eux seulement, mais il l’est aussi pour nous autres. Le rôle de l’homme est de rendre les autres heureux, et par conséquent il en devient lui même heureux. Bien que la réponse à la question qu’est-ce que l’amour semble être simple et la réalisation de l’amour dans la vie, naturelle et évidente, l’histoire des uns et de l’humanité montrent que cela n’est ni facile, ni évident. Dans notre publication, nous présentons la perception de l’amour et ses formes du point de vue des sciences humaines que sont: la philo- sophie, la psychologie et la pédagogie, et nous présentons aussi le regard porté de la spiritualité sur l’amour. Nous soulignons ceci également, que l’amour se rapporte à la bonté et à la vérité, va main dans la main avec la liberté et la responsabilité, la connaissance et la volonté. Sur l’exemple de plusieurs personalités connues ou moins inconnues nous montrons les modifications de l’amour et ses effets. La question de l’amour est presque une problématique inépuisable, et donc il est impossible de puiser dans notre publication toute la pro- blématique et ni présenter l’opinion de tous les auteurs et courants, ce qui à la fin des fins n’était ni notre ambition. Nous nous sommes éfforcés à la création d’un certain spectre de mêmes de points de vue sur l’amour, de son approfondissement et importance dans la vie de l’homme. L’amour est une valeur et un don, qu’il faut gérer, duquel il faut s’en occuper. Ça il faudra l’apprendre, le developper en soi et il faut l’enseigner aussi aux enfants – par des exemples, par des actions directes et indirectes.

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 10 02.03.2015 20:36:11 La publication est destinée à tous ceux, qui veulent avoir plus de connaissances sur l’amour, ainsi qu’à ceux qui veulent travailler sur la dy- namique de l’amour dans leur vie personnelle, sociale et proféssionnelle. En conclusion nous voudrions adresser un grand merci à la soeur Livia et le père Patrick pour son assistance linguistique proféssionnelle, plein damour et de compréhension.

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 11 02.03.2015 20:36:11 INTRODUCTION

Love is a magic opening to the world in the fullness of its values to the one who loves. The person who loves experiences inner enrichment in his orientation. The whole universe becomes broader and deeper in its values for him. Love does not make a person blind; on the contrary, it increases his perception of the fullness of values in an extraordinary measure. Love is grace and magic; it is the ultimate and the highest level to which a person can raise himself. Love gives meaning to the ultimate and most extreme thought that human thinking can express, poetry and faith: “redemption through love and in love”. We introduce our book by using these beautiful ideas of Viktor E. Frankl. Leo F. Buscaglia, a former teacher at the Department of the Special Pedagogy at the University of Southern California, shared an experience he had at a competition to which he was invited to be one of the judges. The aim of the competition was to find the most caring and most atten- tive child. The winner was a four year old boy. He lived next to an elderly man who had recently lost his wife. When the boy saw the man crying, he went into his yard, climbed onto his lap and just sat there. When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy re- sponded: “Nothing. I just helped him cry.” Even children of a pre-school age and younger school age are capable of responding (and oftentimes correctly) to the question of what love is and they are able to express it in a remarkable way. However, we also encounter the absence of love at this period as well. Aggressiveness and negativism are not new phenomena observed in the case of children. Recent research has shown that there is bullying even at pre-school institutions. Children have the knowledge or intuition of what love is, but quite often, its expressions are missing in their lives. The reason is

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 12 02.03.2015 20:36:11 mainly because they themselves do not receive love or they are not educated in it, therefore they do not know how to manifest it. Love and its modifications belong among the most frequently used terms of human communication. We can find words closely related to love in the colloquial, artistic, journalistic and technical styles of language. A person’s life cannot exist without love. More than one life experience and scientific research refer to this reality. Psychological research shows that the love of one person for another is healthy. If we treat others well, it is not only beautiful and beneficial for them, but also for us. A person’s task is to make others happy; while he himself acquires happiness as well. Although the answer to the question of what love is seems to be simple and the implementation of love in life is natural and obvious, the history of any individual and of humankind proves that it is neither easy nor obvious. In our book, we present the concept of love and its modes of expression from the point of view of the humanities, such as philosophy, psychology and pedagogy, and also from the spiritual view. We point out that love relates to the good and to truth, it walks hand in hand with freedom and responsibility, knowledge and will. We use examples of well-known as well as lesser known personalities to illustrate the different kinds of love and their outcome. The issue of love is an almost inexhaustible topic and so it is neither possible to exhaust the whole problem of love nor to present the views of all authors and movements in our book, but it was not our ambition either. We strove to create a certain range of views on love, on its deepening and importance in man’s life. Love is a value and a gift which needs to be administered and cher- ished. One needs to learn it, develop it and teach it to children – through one’s own example, by direct and indirect influence. This book is meant for all who want to gain more knowledge of love and also for those who want to work on the dynamism of love in their personal, social and working lives. Finally, we wish to express our deep gratitude to Sister Livia and Father Patrick for their linguistic help, full of love and understanding.

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 13 02.03.2015 20:36:11 sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 14 02.03.2015 20:36:12 1. DIMENSIONS ET EXPRÉSSIONS DE L’AMOUR DIMENSIONS AND EXPRESSIONS OF LOVE

Love implies a relationship between a subject and an object and takes into consideration giving and receiving of goods. “It is a unique reality with various dimensions out of which once one stands out and then another one stands out” (Benedict XVI, 2006, p. 6) but they cannot be separated. If it happens, the result is a caricature of love or a narrowed, reduced form of love. Dimensions of love complement each other but they have their limitations (Lewis, 1997). Love is an active force of a human being “tearing down walls separating a person from those close, uniting him with others [...] helping him to overcome feelings of isolation and separation, but, despite all this, enabling him to remain himself and to keep his integrity” (Fromm, 2006, p. 51). It is an active interest in the life and the growth of others and it is a personal attitude determining one’s relationship to the world as whole, not only to one “object” of love, because to love only one person without paying attention to the world around us, without a positive relationship to it, is egoism, not love (ibid., 2006). A lot of research (see e.g. Panasenko, Demuthova, Ruckova, Vareck- ova, 2012) points out that the expectations of individuals on what love means, vary. Love is most frequently seen as a deep positive emotion. Rubin characterizes love as an attitude assumed by one person towards another and, besides the emotion, includes the tendency to a certain way of thinking and acting (in Kratochvil, 2000). As a relatively permanent relationship that wishes well to others it contains joy from other person’s satisfaction and success. Other than acceptance, safety and readiness to satisfy the needs of others – according to one’s possibilities to help them selflessly (Demuth, 2001) – it also includes meeting one’s own needs.

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 15 02.03.2015 20:36:12 Besides having various dimensions, love has also diverse forms, qualities, expressions and a variety of intensity and, therefore, we talk about falling in love (as a certain transient phase experienced with an intensity that naturally fades away) and about love in its literal meaning, love that is giving, receiving and appreciative, but also about love that is eros as well as agape, love that is storge or philia. Love embraces a lot of virtues.

1.1. L’AMOUR QUI DONNE, ACCEPTE ET APPRÉCIE GIVING, RECEIVING AND APPRECIATIVE LOVE

The giving love needs to be needed. Giving is the highest expression of a person’s potency (Fromm, 2006) and its result is joy. The aim of this love is to lead the recipient to a state when he will not need the gift anymore. E.g. a mother nurses her child until he learns to eat on his own; or she takes care of needs of children until they become self-sufficient and can take care of themselves, etc. (Lewis, 1997). The giving love stimulates a person to work, plan, provide for one’s family, to take care of others. The giving love includes a desire for the good of others, therefore the giving love is selfless. A person does not give in order to receive. The desire for the good of others should, paradoxically, lead the giving love to abdication (Lewis, 1997, p. 40). When a child becomes independent, the mother/parent should relinquish providing that type of good to the child that does not need it anymore. The essence of motherly love is to take care of a child’s growth, but it means, on her part, to want her child to become independent. A mother must not only tolerate but also try to help the child to stand on its own feet; she must wish it for the child and support it (Fromm, 2006); a teacher has to accompany a pupil to his goal, but must reach an end of this journey; his love will be expressed through the fact that he makes no demand for the right to accompany the pupil any further nor to require his charge to share the teacher’s opinions. The giving love overcomes self-love and, despite being a human need, it is regarded as being a selfless form of love. A selfish person can pervert the giving love into manipulation, exploitation and tormenting of others as well as of self; he becomes a “love dealer” requiring some payment for

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 16 02.03.2015 20:36:12 the giving love. Some people perceive the giving love as a sacrifice and will do anything for this self-sacrifice, even if it is not right. The giving love is connected to material giving (see Chapter 4). However, the giving love should first of all lie in a specifically human sphere. A person gives when he shares his time, hobbies, joy and pain, knowledge and experience with others. The giving love is not true love if it does not, at the same time, assume the quality of a receiving love (Fromm, 2006). A teacher, who shares himself with his students, receives a lot from them as well. A parent, who shows his giving love to children, is enriched by their love in return. When a real giving takes places, the recipient also becomes a donor, and thus there is a process of mutual giving and receiving occurs. The receiving love is linked to one’s own needs and, through the aspect of these needs, it perceives the beloved person. It does not last longer than the need per se (Lewis, 1997). The needs can develop into permanent ones or they can come and go. The receiving love is linked to necessary pleasures. It is important to distinguish between necessary and excessive pleasures (such as life in affluence, bad habits, etc.). The receiving love can be grafted onto some other form of love. If this does not happen, the person who was “utilized” for the giving love can experience loneliness, disappointment, sadness. On the other hand, a person who does not feel, does not experience the receiving love, turns into an egoist (ibid.) as we stated in the case of giving linked to manipulation. It should be natural for a person to give and to receive. If everybody wanted only to receive love without anybody giving it, then there would be no source from which it could be received. It works both ways. A person needs both forms of love and they are incorporated into his nature. Paradoxically, it is necessary to train oneself in these forms. From the time of birth, a person experiences a need for receiving love and the place of its practice is first of all in the family environment. Children should have the experience of being loved by their parents just because they are, they exist. They should realize that it is not necessary to deserve their parents’ love and that this love is unconditional. If a child experiences love that is given to him, an ability to express his own love to another person, especially to his mother, starts to form. From a certain age, the needs of another person assume the same importance as one’s

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 17 02.03.2015 20:36:12 own needs, or they even gain priority over one’s personal needs. Giving brings more satisfaction than receiving, to love is more important than to be loved. Immature love is motivated by the principle: I love because I am loved; I love you because I need you. Mature love, however, follows the principle: I am loved because I love; I need you because I love you (Fromm, 2006, p. 51). Since very early childhood a child learns not only to take, but also to give; not only to receive, but also to offer. If a child learns to receive and to give love in the family, then he learns to receive it and to give it even in the broader society. Love is not an object, a thing, and if we give love, we do not have to be afraid that by giving it we will lose it. On the contrary, if we give love, we will never lose it (Buscaglia, 1986). Appreciative love is another type of love. It desires to give happiness, comfort, protection, and wealth to another person. It is expressed through giving another type, different to the one associated with the giving love. It is sincere and unselfish, a selfless and generous admiration and relationship of one person to another. It does not destroy another person, does not make demands on him and rejoices for his existence even in the case of “losing” him (Lewis, 1997, p. 15). This love also finds its expression in the relationship to God through worshipping him. The appreciative love rejoices because of the other person and it would never destroy this person. It is always worthwhile for a person to stop and express an appreciation of the presence of another person in one’s life, but also an appreciation of his very existence. The appreciative love contains great power that builds human relationships.

1.2. EROS, AGAPÉ, STORGÉ, FILIA EROS, AGAPE, STORGE AND PHILIA

In ancient times as well as in the Middle Ages, love was perceived in several dimensions: eros – passionate love, storge – gentle love, agape – caring love, philia – friendly love, but also as mania – crazy, mad love, ludos – fickle, not very reliable love, andpragma – calculating love, concentrated on looking for a partner. Each term represented a different connotation of love. In the modern period, a sociologist J. A. Lee addressed hte termino- logical construction of love (in Srnec, 1993) and he created an analogical

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 18 02.03.2015 20:36:12 classification of four types of love (eros, philia, storge, and agape). He also defined three primary styles of love: friendly (mutual respect), passionate (mutual satisfaction) and playful (noncommittal relationship) as well as three secondary styles of love represented by self-sacrificing love (altruistic love), pragmatic love (expecting practical benefit) and obses- sive love (usurping one’s partner). Eros became a topic for reflection as early as in the times of the writers and philosophers of Ancient Greece. It is love between a man and a woman that is not “born from thinking and will, but in a certain way, it is given to a person and it surpasses him” (Benedict XVI, 2006). While eros became deified in Ancient Greece and Rome, nowadays it is interpreted only as sex; with the development of Christianity came the understanding that it is not only sex because otherwise eros would be degraded to only a commodity, an object. On the contrary, the body and sexuality are not perceived only as material parts of person that can be used and utilized according to their profit. Freud (in Fromm, 2006) was an advocate of physiological materialism and he claimed that the sexual instinct is a result of an unpleasant tension evoked in the body by chemical reactions and that it needs to be released. The aim of sexual desire is then the elimination of this tension and the sexual satisfaction comes after its release. However, Fromm (2006) and other thinkers maintain that the need to eliminate this tension is only one part of the sexual attraction between man and woman. It is a need for connection with the opposite sex, but the “erotic attraction does not lie only in sexual attraction. Masculinity and femininity exist as parts of human nature, as well as parts of his/her sexual function” (Fromm, 2006, p. 47). The Christian understanding presents eros as the force leading a person to God, leading him above himself. It does not constitute a vice but a quest for true love, called eros, and requires a journey that is not easy. “Eros needs discipline and purification so that it may not give a person only passing pleasure but a certain foretaste of the peak of one’s existence, of the happiness that we desire with all our beings” (Benedict XVI, 2006, p. 9). Love is eros but it is also agape (Latin: caritas). In Ancient Greece there was a goddess of love, Aphrodite, that was portrayed as a female statue without hands. It is a symbolic expression of the love eros. It has no hands, it cannot give. It only receives. Love cannot exist without eros,

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 19 02.03.2015 20:36:12 but it cannot exist without agape either. Giving love without the receiving love is not real love and vice versa. Eros embodies desire, craving, but also an effort to develop, a quest for self-realization. Eros is often mistaken for sex. However, where eros is a desire, sex is a need (May, 2005). Eros per se is good, but its deification is bad. The cult of eros destroys human dignity. Eros without agape and agape without eros are a waste. Lewis (1997) gives sex the name of Venus, representing the sexual element of eros. He also claims that sexuality can exist without eros but then it will not be love any more. Sexual desire without eros wants “it”, “the object per se”, the sensual pleasure, event happening in the body. Therefore, the other person is an indispensable part of this act, he/she becomes a tool. However, eros longs for the beloved person, not for mere sensual, physical pleasure. The person’s attitude to the other person after “the event” proves the truthfulness of eros. If it is a real eros, the person desires the beloved, desires a particular person, not the pleasure that the other person can give. The sexual desire without eros touches just one person but, when linked with eros, it concerns the beloved (Lewis, 1997). Eros transforms the needed pleasure into an appreciative pleasure (see Chapter 1. 1). A need in its highest intensity sees an object as something that per se is admirable and this is much more important than the relationship of the object to the need of the loving person, and thus eros is free to perceive pleasure as a side product (ibid.). In the case of motherly love, there were two who had been one body, and had to be separated from one another, while in erotic love the two people, who lived separately, unite and become one. While in motherly love it is about “separation” of mother from several children, in friendly love it is about relationships to several friends, in erotic love it is about desire to join, to connect with only one person. Erotic love is not universal but exclusive, however, it is not possessive. This relationship is not rapacious and it does not include any desire to conquer or to be conquered. The true erotic love must at the same time assume a quality of fraternal love. The exclusivity of erotic love goes only as far as join- ing with one person. This love should be free and thus become an act of one’s own volition. Erotic love while having the quality of fraternal love must, at the same time, become love for other people (Fromm, 2006). Several psychologists deal with eros and its modifications in their works. The classification of love often presents a polarity between

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 20 02.03.2015 20:36:12 romantic love and friendly love. Another distinction is sometimes found in scientific literature – a distinction between romantic love and reactive love (this distinction is presented e.g. in works of D. B. Wile). Ro- mantic love is a love full of emotions, it is passionate; friendly love is a serene, long-term relationship, containing emotional involvement and attachment. Romantic love, passionate love or being in love represent an excited emotional state, filled with a mixture of feelings, including gentleness and sexuality, exhilaration and pain, altruism and jealousy. It is a state of a strong desire for unity with the other person. If this desire is mutual, it brings fulfilment, even ecstasy. An unrequited desire brings emptiness, anxiety and hopelessness. Joy and suffering, pleasure and pain frequently interchange and intermix in this love. Romantic love idealizes the partner and this type of relationship is typical for a person called “avoider”. The person is able to retain the feeling of intimacy regardless of what is really happening in the relationship. When discord and disagreement come, he is ready to overlook and disregard them, to keep up an illusion of trouble-free contentment. Reactive love requires emotional harmonization with one’s partner. The feeling of intimacy comes and goes, grows and declines, based on what is happening in the relationship. This type of love is typical for “clashers” who cannot overlook discord. “Clashers” lose their positive feelings towards their partner if the appropriate expression of negative feelings is not provided. If they are to keep their love, they have to be given an opportunity to complain and to share their worries (see Kratochvil, 2000). Although romantic love contains a lot of self-sacrifice, it also incorporates a great deal of demands, expectations of expressions and proofs of love on the part of the partner; it includes a desire for the constant gradation of intensity of emotional experience. However, in reality, it necessarily starts to decrease, mainly in common conjugal living (ibid.). Affection is love that the ancient Greeks called storge (Lewis, 1997). Storge in Greek thinking was understood first of all as love of parents towards their children or love of children towards their parents. This is the most frequent dimension of love and it is the least discriminative one. It is also the type of love where the human experience least differs from the animal experience. In 1960’s, the American psychologist Harry F. Harlow made an experiment while using monkeys. He intended to verify the influence of

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 21 02.03.2015 20:36:12 mother’s love on the young one. Although his experiment was considered to be unethical and cruel, the results showed evidence contrary to the doubts of those experts who underestimated the significance of parental relationship and affection. H. F. Harlow presented an irrefutable proof that parental love (especially motherly love) is vitally important for the normal development of a child. He carried out other experiments and reached the conclusion that a long-term deprivation in childhood leads to deep mental, emotional and physical suffering, asociality and in some cases it can even lead to death (Cherry, 2012). On the other hand, ongoing research is being done on the nature of motherly love, bringing new results concerning the origin and development of motherly love (see Badinter, 1998). Psychology has been conducting research on the phenomenon of parental love since 1940’s. Parental love is identified as a lasting, personal, emotional relationship between a child and a parent (Demuth, 2003). Its absence is linked to negative consequences reflected in the development of child as the parental love significantly partakes in the development of child. Motherly love gives a child the knowledge that “It is good that I was born.” and inoculates him with love for life (Fromm, 2006). On one hand, there is no difference between motherly/fatherly love and affection (Srnec, 1993), but on the other hand, fatherly love is more conditioned than motherly love. Motherly love and fatherly love both have their positive as well as negative qualities (Fromm, 2006). Affection does not include only parental love. A thesaurus of the Slo- vak language (Pisarcikova et al., 2004) presents various equivalents of affection, such as sympathy (an opposite of antipathy) that is described as a positive emotional attitude to somebody or something (ibid., p. 291). A synonym for sympathy is favour, meaning a favourable relationship (ibid., p. 709). Similar synonyms can be found in other Slavic languages, as well as in English, German or French. Archiati claims that wherever a person goes, whoever he meets, whatever new happens, there is always a sympathy or an antipathy that comes up. He adds that affections and aversions determine the development of human life. When there is affection, a person experiences a feeling of relaxedness, satisfaction from the nearness of another person. This is experienced by everybody. A person can have a few admirers or friends, but even the person who is unattractive and does not share any hobbies with friends can experience affection. Affec- tion does not look at the physical appearance, health, age, occupation, or

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 22 02.03.2015 20:36:12 social position. Affection is also shown towards people with serious mental handicap or towards the homeless in the street. Krivohlavy (1986) links affection with attraction and nearness. He states that affection emerges when identical attitudes are demonstrated among people, but also if one person expresses his stand in a situation where the other person, having the very same attitude, loses his conviction. In this case, the person is close, he is sympathetic and we consider him to be attractive. This person is like a balm for soul that is being tossed in the middle of insecurity and doubts; he brings safety and strengthens insecure attitudes (ibid.). Affec- tion is unpretentious. While a person in love or a person who has a friend are proud of these relationships and they can boast about them, affection must be unassuming, timid, even mysterious (Lewis, 1997). Affection does not express appreciation nor presents itself publicly. On the other hand, it can enter into other types of love and become a medium through which people express their mutual behaviour. Affection does not make any differences and it exercises “an ability” to connect those who evidently do not fit together. It is love when somebody says: “He is not my type but in his own way he is a very good and intelligent person...” (ibid., p. 30). In this way a personal disposition is overcome and a person learns how to appreciate goodness or intelligence in their essence. Affection broadens one’s horizon. It is the most general, the least fastidious and the most tolerant form of love. It does not expect too much, does not look at one’s faults and it is quickly renewed after an argument. Even though this form of love might seem perfect, there is also the other side of the coin. It can become a cause of unhappiness. This is a consequence of the fact that affection assumes at the same time the quality of both giving and receiving love. If affection makes demands on giving or receiving, if we let it be guided only by its own tendencies, it can degrade human life. If affection becomes the lord (god) of one’s life, it becomes his demon (ibid.). Philia is the love that Aristotle included among virtues and Cic- ero wrote a book on it and gave this type of love the name of amicitia (in Lewis, 1997). This is the love that in our language has a meaning of friendship. It is the love that does not depend on natural urges and, therefore, it is the least natural form of love. It is a love void of duties (except for those that have been assumed), it is free of jealousy and of the need “to be needed”. This love is not imperative. It does not include

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 23 02.03.2015 20:36:12 any physical dimension. Friendly love is the love among individuals, but it does not mean exclusively two people. Camaraderie is a breeding ground for friendship. Camaraderie lies in joy from cooperation and mutual conversations, but also in respect and understanding. Cama- raderie grows into friendship when two or more individuals find out that they share common opinions or hobbies which they do not share with others and up to this particular moment they have considered this opinion or hobby to be their “treasure”. Camaraderie is transformed into more personal and much deeper inner relationship than it used to be as camaraderie. Friends cooperate in the areas in which the world does not expect them to cooperate. While lovers want to be alone and they look for privacy, friends are happy when others join them. Lovers look at each other, friends stand next to each other and together they look at the common interest. The question: Do you love me? in friendly love translates as: Do you understand the same truth? or Are you interested in the same truth? (ibid.) The condition of friendship lies in the fact that a person wants more than a friend; friendship is about something (something common among people), about common interest. In Lewis’s opinion friendship has the same quality of great love as eros does, but its essence does not lie in affection nor in good services, not even in gratitude (although friends offer each other mutual help this is not a condition of their friendship). Friendship, unlike eros, is not an inquisitive relationship and it does not take into account social standing. “Eros is a matter of bare bodies, friendship is a matter of bare personalities” (ibid., p. 55) because the common quest or vision that unite friends lead them to mutual interest and recognition. A friend is verified by every step of the common journey and friendship is strengthened by every trial in the course of the common quest. Growing friendship fosters growth of trust, respect and admiration (McGinnis, 1995). If one wants to identify a characteristic feature of friendship by choosing from among the giving, the receiving and the appreciative love, it is the appreciative love that applies here. “The appreciative love in perfect friendship is frequently so substantial and strong that every member of the circle feels unimportant in comparison to the others in the depth of his heart. Sometimes he wonders what he is doing among those who are better than he. He is happy that he has unde- servedly found himself in this company” (Lewis, 1997, p. 55). A friendly

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 24 02.03.2015 20:36:12 relationship does not make demands, it does not require responsibility, all are free and equal, nobody educates the other nor tries to raise him “to his level”. In general, friendly relationships are among a group of men or among a group of women. The frequent result of friendship between a man and a woman is eros. Kratochvil (2000) writes that this is an emotion that is less charged and therefore it can become more permanent. It includes a friendly relationship and devotion. This love, in contrast to dramatic and passionate romantic love, can be called serene love. It contains mutual trust, devotion and understanding, and brings a feeling of security. People complement each other and respect their differences in this love. The English language labels this love accurately as “caring”. This term includes concern, care, involvement (as an opposite to indifference), sharing, readiness to help, a permanent feeling that can be best expressed by saying “I care for you”. Friendships between men and women often emerge from a common occupation or workplace, at the missions, in art, etc. Friendship is demonstrated through real interest in things that are not indifferent to us. It is not a feigned interest in things that in reality are indifferent to us. If the opposite sexes do not engage in common activity, do not have common interest, then they can meet only through affection or eros (Lewis, 1997). A common taste, common interest, common vision or point of view does not always have to be good or nice. Friendship can also become a school of virtues or vices. Every friendship is, in a certain way, a separation from society or can, in a certain aspect, stand against the generally assumed point of view or way of acting. It is difficult to manipulate people who have real friends, whether the manipulation is intended towards “correction” or “corruption”. Lewis (1997) claims that friendship, a friendly relationship, must exclude (others). There is a certain danger of being deaf to the outer world and of acting with disdain towards it or demeaning those who are “uninterested”. On the other hand, this “un- yielding deafness” can be contributory for the society which will gradually absorb some views of these friendly groups. There are many positive qualities in friendly love but certain negatives can be found there too. Despite all these, Lewis (ibid., p. 69) notes that “friendship is not a reward for our ability to discern or of good taste that helped us to find each other. It is an instrument that God uses to reveal the beauty of others to everybody. This beauty is not greater than

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 25 02.03.2015 20:36:12 the beauty of thousands of other people; God opens our eyes to them through friendship.” Agape (caritas), Christian love, is rooted in the Bible, in the teaching of Jesus Christ and it arises from God’s love for humankind. Lewis (1997) asserts that natural love, i. e. love in the dimensions that we have mentioned earlier, does not suffice. Decency, reason and volition appear to be mere shades or shadows next to “beneficial love”. When God planted the garden, he appointed a man to rule over it and he made the man subordinate to himself. When God planted the garden of our nature and he made blooming and fruitful love grow there, he decreed that our volition would “modify” them [...] however, if God’s grace had not descended in the form of rain and sunshine, we would not have much use for this instrument” (ibid., pp. 89–90). This love is unconditional, self-sacrificing and merciful. Christian theology presents this type of love as God’s love for humankind. Love agape liberates a person. It is an unselfish relationship to the other that includes readiness to help the other in his self-actualization and rejoices in the other’s success (Tavel, 2008). We present a deeper and broader analysis of love caritas in the third chapter. We introduced some basic types or dimensions of love that we can encounter in scientific and in popular literature. Many authors deal with other types of love, e.g. marital love, fraternal love – love among “equals”. The beginning of this love can be found in the love of the poor, powerless and stranger. Fromm (2006) also presents love for God and love for oneself. He claims that love is not only a relationship to another person but it is also an attitude that determines the relationship of a particular person to the world as a whole. If person really loves, he loves everybody, he loves life.

1.3. EXPRESSIONS DE L’AMOUR EXPRESSIONS OF LOVE

Human tasks include an effort to improve, to work on the development of humankind. The process of personal growth also touches the society. Personal improvement is carried out through cooperation and help to others, through love that is manifested through words and actions, and

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 26 02.03.2015 20:36:12 it has its own expressions and qualities. If love becomes a person’s lifestyle, its improvement assumes authenticity. Fromm (2006) considers care, responsibility, respect, as well as recognition and interest, to be basic components of love that enter into all its dimensions and at the same time they are mutually intertwined. Care is evident in the love of a mother for her child. It is manifested through nursing, bathing, extending physical comfort, through her very presence and attention. It represents an active interest in the life and progress of the beloved. It is demonstrated not only in relationships with people, but also in relationships with plants, animals and things. Care is closely related to work. “A person loves what he works for and he works for what he loves” (ibid., p. 38). In Woroniecki’s opinion (1995) care also includes preparation. In the course of this preparation a person tries to use the means that make it possible to overcome eventual obstacles of everyday life. A person in the process of preparation fore- sees not only favourable circumstances but also things that can step right into one’s path. He removes obstacles and eliminates difficulties. This careful preparation ensures that an activity, activities, etc. will not be thwarted and time will not be wasted. Responsibility is an element of love that should not become a duty or something that has been imposed from outside, but it should be a voluntary act, a reaction to the needs of others whether they have been expressed or not. Responsibility is an ability and willingness to react. Responsibility is also demonstrated through care. It is an inner personal factor that is experienced in very close connection with conscience and it is based on the volition dynamism phenomenon and the fact that a person can respond to values through his volition (Wojtyla, 2000). Dreikurs and Grey (1997) state that responsibility cannot be taught to children, it can only be given to them. They need to be provided with opportunities where they can gain experience including responsibility. It is necessary to divide responsibility in the family among all its members (it is not true that a good mother is solely responsible for the whole family). Children will understand the extent of their responsibility in a group only if the educator deals with them as with a group where everybody is responsible for everything regardless of the fact who did what” (Dreikurs and Grey, 1997, p. 48). Canfield and Siccone (1998, p. 18) add that “...responsibility can be defined as awareness that we are the only

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 27 02.03.2015 20:36:12 source of our experience. The fact that a person is aware of what he is thinking about, of how he feels, what he does and of what are the consequences of this type of action, constitute responsibility.” It is important to emphasize the “self” that is the driving force supporting one’s responsibility. Even a child should experience the power of self-discipline and self-regulation. A person in a relationship with another person should respect the freedom so that a child can experience his/her own part in the life of society (class), as well as his/her obligations to other people and to oneself. There is a danger that responsibility can be transformed into dominance or a feeling of ownership. It is imperative, therefore, for love to contain another element – the element of respect (Fromm, 2006). Respect or deference requires an ability to see the person for who he really is, to be aware of his individuality, and to accept him as he is. It means “making an effort to provide another person with a possibility of independent growth and development” (ibid., p. 38). Respect is manifested through the admiration and awe that a person has for things and people. D. Hildebrand and A. Hildebrand claim that respect is “an attitude that can be recognized as the mother of all moral life because a person who practises respect, assumes such a position before the world that it opens his spiritual eyes and enables him to embrace values” (in DeMarco, Bubak, 2009, p. 184). Respect or deference should, in general, be based on the suppo- sition that each person has some assets and good qualities that might not be visible at first sight. Thus it is necessary to show respect as if “on credit” and this can be expressed by saying: “Be aware that there are people who are better than you”. This attitude to others requires humility whose task is to seek goodness in the other person. It is important to keep the right degree of respect for the other person in order to avoid transformation of this attitude into flattery, adulation or bootlicking. These attitudes lead to self-depreciation (Woroniecki, 1995). The element of respect evidently includes the role of freedom and renunciation of the right to another person’s life. Respect amounts to the desire that the other person grows because of himself and not because he fulfils my vision and serves me. Reception and acceptance of the freedom of the other person presupposes one’s own freedom, undemanding character, independence and autonomy.

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 28 02.03.2015 20:36:12 The expression of love in an attitude of deference or respect is related to cognition. Fromm (2006) and other thinkers maintain that it is not possible to respect another person without knowing him because otherwise it would lead to blind care and blind responsibility. Cognition must be motivated by interest. The cognition that is related to love extends to one’s very core, overlooks one’s own interests, and frequently reaches all the way to the “secrets” of the other person. Cognition covers the experience, emotional state and behaviour of the other person and it is related to understanding. Interest is demonstrated through the desire to know the state, opinions, pains and joys of the other person as well as the reasons behind them. The interest in cognition should not contain falsehood or unhealthy curiosity. It is imperative to respect the limits and willingness of the other person to be open. Recognition of the other person and interest in him requires time and sacrifice and a simultaneous self-recognition as was expressed by the wise men of Ancient Greece. While showing respect for others, a person must not overlook self-respect. Respect should always be directed to its subject (Woroniecki, 1995). The union of care, responsibility, respect and knowledge form a group of attitudes typical of a mature person, i.e. a person who “produc- tively develops his abilities; he wants to own only those things that he obtained by his own effort; he renounces his narcissistic dreams about his omniscience and omnipotence and reaches a state of humility based on an inner force brought up by unfeigned productive activity” (Fromm, 2006, p. 43). G. Chapman (2010) presents seven qualities of love for whose acquisition and development a person must work if he wants his life to become a life of love. These are the qualities that other authors label as virtues. They are also listed in the Bible and we present them in the third chapter. Kindness is a quality that is expressed through attentiveness to others. It notices the needs of others and responds to them with action; it perceives the value of each person we meet. Chapman (2010) describes how a kind person should react in various situations of everyday life: if a person is in public, he should use every opportunity to smile at somebody; if he is to do something for somebody and he has to sacrifice his time, money or comfort, he considers whether the sacrifice is worth his while and only then does he try to do something; if this person suffers

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 29 02.03.2015 20:36:12 because somebody has been rude to him, he tries to show him kindness; if a person knows of somebody who is involved in charitable work, he tries to find ways how to take part in this work or in another similar activity; if somebody appears to be completely different (clothes, behaviour), a kind person would try to get acquainted with him so that something may be learned about him; however, this should not become a display of tactless curiosity but one of interest. To be kind means to be also pleasant, amiable and affable. Kindness has its limits and is not equal to the total elimination of anger. It is the ability to use anger in its appropriate extent for conveni- ent purposes. A display of anger depends on the type of temperament. If anger is missing in person’s life, its absence can be a consequence of an indifferent attitude towards moral good and evil. Indifference is often mistaken for tolerance. The role of kindness is to mitigate the excitement caused by anger and to get it under control to such an extent that it would not flow through reason and volition, but only follow their “command” and “put” its power at their disposal. Kindness in its full measure is characterized by moderation because it mitigates sensual desire to destroy evil from which there is no escape and it prevails over this evil. We can note the same phenomenon here as it is found in the case of temperance. However, this can be just an example of a certain mastering of anger’s explosion that is incessantly awakened by the sensory forces. Control over anger does not have to coincide with kindness. Kindness that has been presented here goes deeper and lies in habitual, i. e. continuous coordination of reflexes of anger with rational agents. It is an ability “to force anger” to fulfil tasks in the moral life (Woroniecki, 1995). Kindness breaks barriers, changes relationships and tempers. If kindness becomes part of person’s lifestyle, it brings joy to others but also to oneself. Kindness demonstrated regardless of the situation and circumstances shows how important ordinary everyday decisions are (Chapman, 2010). This quality of love needs to be learned as well. The process of learning starts with the observation of those who are kind and following the way they do things. Kindness can be found in words or in action. Kind words are positive but on the other hand, they are also true, and then they are not necessarily positive. These are the words of hope and words of affirmation or encouragement. There are lots of trivialities of which a person does not become aware in everyday life.

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 30 02.03.2015 20:36:13 If he starts to take notice of words and expressions of kindness and to appreciate them, a desire to carry out similar actions will begin to grow. A person will become aware of one’s bad habits and in the spirit of kindness he will try to eliminate them. Small expressions of attention and the manifestation of kindness can have an impact on one’s mood and experience during the entire day. Kindness must not serve as a means of pressure on other people. A kind person does not worry about things that others will do for him. If kindness becomes part of life, a person does not think of the fact whether he should or should not be kind. Chapman (2010) maintains that regardless of disposition, character, one’s past or circumstances of life, every person can be kind in every situation because everybody is capable of receiving love and reciprocat- ing it, but this requires wanting as well as action. A person can accept or refuse love and kindness thanks to one’s freedom. Real love is a choice. However, just as love brings love, kindness awakens kindness in return. Another quality of love is patience. It gives others the possibility not to be perfect. It has various forms based on relationships and it is very close to kindness and lenience. Diligence and perseverance build on patience. Patience is linked to real expectations and to the condition that a person perceives others in the same way in which he wants others to perceive him. “To be patient means to love even those people who make different decisions to those we wish them to make” (ibid., p. 51). Impatience, on the other hand, leads to deprecation. We cannot control other people, but we can influence them. Patience creates the type of atmosphere where we can influence others in a positive way. Patience is said to be the daughter of bravery and the root and guardian of all virtues. It teaches one to peacefully bear evil, which cannot be eliminated. It is not necessarily limited to a certain type of obstacle and suffering, it can spread to everything brought about by life. Its task is to rule over sadness and dejection evoked by some evil; it should not allow a person to retreat before their influence. Patience enables one to persevere in directing energy towards positive aims despite encountering disappointment, tribulation and failure. It helps one to maintain peace and composure while facing nervousness and negativism during the day (DeMarco and Bubak, 2009). It happens that a person moves from sadness to anger, when he is unable to cope with the evil en- gulfing him he becomes angry. Patience is closely linked with goodness.

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 31 02.03.2015 20:36:13 Patience should be, in a certain sense, ready to encounter suffering and pain; it should help cope with them. The ability labelled as the resilience of spirit that should be manifested in everyday problems is in fact patience (Woroniecki, 1995). Patience is not equal to idleness or to consenting to everything that others do in order to stay calm. It is not a non-performance either. It is an expression of willingness to listen, an effort to understand the other, to give him one’s time. It is also a readiness to bear unkind or emotional behaviour for certain time, and out of love and respect for the other person to try to understand the cause of his anger. Patience, like kindness, is expressed through words and actions; it can be acquired through training. It is required not only in the relationship with others but also to oneself. If person learns to be patient, there is hope that he will reach success as well as satisfaction (Chapman, 2010). Walter Mischel’s research at Stanford University in the 1960’s, called the Marshmallow Test, showed that children, who resist eating marshmallow for 15 – 20 minutes in order to get another one if they persevere, will become self-confident, sociable and reliable adults. The children who were unable to be patient while waiting for the marshmallow will become obstinate, impatient and quarrelsome adults (see Chap- man, 2010; Szalavitz, 2011). Patience is a character feature through which we express love and bequeath a positive legacy. When practising patience there are two important principles to follow: to seek the way how to dispose of negative behavioural patterns that we have got accustomed to during our lifetime and to substitute negative actions with positive ones. It is important to realize that impatience does not change the situation and it prevents life from being filled with love. Another important step in mastering patience is to concentrate on the solution, not on the problem or the person related to the problem (Chapman, 2010). While kindness has an enemy in bad habits, patience’s enemy is the impatience that is embed- ded in pride. Patience enables person to renounce a need to be always right, it gives priority to relationships before selfish desires. Chapman (ibid.) speaks about forgiveness as the third quality of love that, in his opinion, is not a random action but a permanent attitude. He adds that “honesty, compassion and self-awareness lead a person to reconciliation with those who have hurt us” and that “forgiveness

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 32 02.03.2015 20:36:13 is possible only when there are both justice and love” (ibid., p. 71, 73). Forgiveness is an important part of life; justice is significant as well. If there was only justice, everybody would have to be punished. If one does not practise forgiveness, he hurts himself and others as well. If one has been hurt by another person, to forgive him does not mean to pretend that nothing has happened. If there was no justice, evil would win. It is imperative to confront a person with his misdemeanour, with the evil that he has done. There must be a willingness by both parties to enter into confrontation. It is important to preserve peace and respect. Con- frontation is indispensable for maintaining a good relationship. The person who did wrong should acknowledge his fault, his misconduct, and admit that what he did was not good. It is not right to punish another with anger; on the contrary, it is the place for forgiveness and restoration of the relationship. Forgiveness, like confrontation, is not possible without the involvement of both parties (ibid.). Forgiveness is not an easy matter because it is an act associated with the hurt done in the most sensitive and most vulnerable places and oftentimes it is difficult to restore trust. An important fact in forgiveness is that the recollection of misconduct is not erased from one’s memory and the consequences of this misconduct are not eliminated, but on the other hand, there is always an open road for better relationships in the future. The restoration of trust and good relationships nev- ertheless requires time. The process of learning how to forgive includes learning how to forgive insignificant matters and how to apologize for trivialities, how to acknowledge one’s (even small) failures – before oneself and if it is necessary, before others as well. It is important to accept responsibility for one’s good and bad actions. Even in a good long-term relationship it is imperative to forgive and to learn how to forgive. A person should learn not to seek revenge but to “repay” evil with goodness. One should not allow oneself to be overwhelmed by pain and anger. If pain or anger come, it is necessary to know how to use them correctly (ibid.). We stated that the enemy of kindness are bad habits and the enemy of patience is pride. The enemy of forgiveness is fear. In the process of decision making about reconciliation there can be worries that the other person will reject us, that he will not admit his mistake, that he will refuse to apologize, that we will have to admit the pain caused by the

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 33 02.03.2015 20:36:13 behaviour of the other person and acknowledge our part in the whole situation, that the other person will draw his own conclusions about our behaviour based on his point of view. It is important to know how to deal with worries, to be able to rationalize things that hinder forgiveness. If person eliminates fear, he will find freedom indispensable for the realisation of love, for one’s own progress and the progress of the other person. Freedom also brings joy, peace and restored relationships (ibid.). Courtesy is a quality of love that is expressed when a person acts with others as with friends and it is based on the fact that every person has a value. A courteous person is well-mannered and friendly and his friendly disposition does not exclude anybody because every person is worthy of friendship and worthy of knowing. A courteous person shows the other person appreciation for his efforts. Courtesy is rooted in the belief that every relationship is a matter of principle. Courtesy is not only a possible but an indispensable quality of love (ibid.) and it is very close to kindness. If a person is discourteous, he acts as if he were the most import person in the world. If we are convinced that each person has a value, then courtesy in relationships with people is imperative. One needs to think of the ways how to be courteous to other people, to seek opportunities to act in a friendly way to them. It is also necessary to talk about courtesy, not only to children while they are being educated, but to people of every age. Courtesy includes also the art of accepting and of accepting with gratitude. It often happens that a person declines a gift because he thinks that he is not worthy of it, he does not deserve it, or because he thinks that this gift required a great sacrifice on the part of the giver. To refuse a gift given out of love is impolite and therefore it is necessary to learn courtesy in this area as well. It is an expression of the receiving love. It is a great discourtesy to decline a gift if its recipient realizes its uselessness, impracticality, etc. It is impolite to prevent others if they want to show us their love through gifts. There is a place for courtesy even in the case of unpleasant decisions that have to be made or negative information that needs to be announced. This can happen in the case of the workplace where the managing staff must dismiss their subordinates or must reprimand them because of the negatives related to their work. It applies also to physicians who examine their patients and need to inform them of their

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 34 02.03.2015 20:36:13 diagnosis; public officials when they must take up unpopular measures; teachers who must warn parents of their children’s deficiencies; parents who must inform their children of unpleasant things. It is very similar in friendly relationships. It is not possible to avoid unpleasant situations and information in life, but it is imperative to realize what the place of courtesy is in these situations. Courtesy is important even when somebody has hurt us or when we were the ones who caused something unpleasant to the other person. Apology is part of this courtesy. Courtesy, similarly to other qualities of love, is expressed through words as well as through actions, in verbal and in nonverbal communication. It covers private, public and work life, reaches to the area of interests, culture, traditions and customs. Recognition and willingness to act in agreement with one’s knowledge play important roles in courtesy. The principles linked to learning and practising courtesy include respect for the fact that each person has his value, each person struggles with something, but also the reality that an expression of courtesy will enrich the other person. Courtesy has its origin in the domestic setting, it is a part of upbringing and of the everyday life of children and their parents (ibid.). The enemy of courtesy is haste. It is joined by unease, anxiety, tension, instability, inattention. These are the sources of discourtesy or the reasons why we consider our impoliteness to be a once-off matter. However, we consider discourtesy on the part of others to be a character fault. It is desirable to organize one’s personal and work life in such a way that work and haste will not make us cease to perceive the value of others. It is necessary to pay heed to the formation of one’s attitudes and not to lose opportunities to strengthen good relationships with people through one’s “discourtesies” (ibid.). Humility belongs among the cardinal virtues of Christian life, but it should be part of the life of every person. This virtue is often unap- preciated and even among Christians it is perceived to be a difficult necessity whose beauty is invisible or as a sign of a weak character. A negative attitude to humility also emerges from insufficient knowledge of its substance and its parts. It is generally known that humility should inhibit person from showing contempt and from acting superior to others (Woroniecki, 1995). Humility is another of love’s qualities and Chap- man (2010, p. 115) quoting Meltzer states: “At the moment when we start

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 35 02.03.2015 20:36:13 thinking that we have reached it, we lose it.” A humble person realizes that there is always something stronger, more powerful, and wiser than him. A humble person is aware of greatness and wisdom. Humility is not abjection; on the contrary, humility shows off a person’s dignity (Comte- Sponville, 1999). It was inscribed in our nature to head towards a great objective, towards a great intention, and these incite us to go higher and higher in the measure we are aware of them. The person’s inclination to grow and progress in the physiological as well as in the spiritual area does not pass away. It is very important for moral life and it should be carefully nurtured. Scheler (1993, p. 13) states that humility “is a virtue leading a person in such a way that it lets him be lowered and fall deeper and deeper – before himself – and through his own self also before other things, straight to heaven [...] Humility is a mode of love that, like a powerful sun, thaws the icy mantle in which an excruciating pride grips the ever emptier self...” Humility helps person not to consider himself to be greater or smaller than he really is, and it enables him to avoid despair and pride without divesting him of his dignity. Humility includes a person’s freedom to be who he really is. He is not unsettled by his reputation, success or failure, but on the other hand, he is not satisfied with who he is or with what he has done. He is aware of the dignity that stimulates him to reach for great things (DeMarco and Bubak, 2009). Great assignments and goals facing a person motivate, by their beauty, his confidence in reaching them. The problems which a person encounters disrupt this confidence and a person lingers on the journey of his growth. A person, in his tendency to reach set goals, is exposed to the danger of an excessive desire to put on airs and act superior (Woroniecki, 1995). Humility moderates this excessiveness. There are spiritual goods before a person that attract him by their beauty. If a person tries to reach them, he encounters difficulties. If he wants to overcome them, humility does not suffice and there is a need for generosity as well (ibid.). If person’s humility is united with his immense professional involvement, this person, if he is, for instance, a part of management, is capable of turning a good company into a very successful one (Chapman, 2010). Humility, like other qualities of love, ought to affirm the value of other people; at the same time, it becomes a tool for reaching joy, and is a substitute for anger, ambition and selfishness. Humble people do not doubt who they

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 36 02.03.2015 20:36:13 really are and besides knowing their own value they are aware of the value of other people. Even though humility is not popular, it is an indispensable part of love (ibid.). Humility requires an honest view of oneself, as well as a sensitivity to the needs of others and a willingness to bring sacrifice. While learning humility it is necessary to acknowledge the desire to become better, even to be the best, as well as the fact that we will be angry if somebody hinders us in this process. Real humility leads to a willingness to make sacrifices so that the other person may move up. Humility is needed at work and in family life. It is important to discover its power and distinguish true humility from the false one. Chapman (ibid., pp. 129–130) presents three truths and if one learns them it will help him in his humility: 1. I have nothing that has not been given to me. 2. I get to know the universe in a limited way. 3. My life is completely dependent on something that is apart from me. The opposite of humility is pride, which leads a person to rely on himself. Humility realizes that we depend on a power that is beyond us. The enemy of humility is pain. If person is seeking healing from his life hurts and if he does not avoid certain situations where he can receive more hurts, this leads him to self-defence and a desire to give a good impression. It is necessary to stop thinking of oneself and devote more attention to those whom we love (ibid.). The penultimate quality of love is generosity. It finds its expression in giving. Aristotle (2009) labelled generosity as a virtue and he considered it to be in the middle between dissipation and avarice (EN 1107b). Woroniecki (1995) believes generosity to be a virtue related to justice and prudence. It is inseparably linked with largesse. A generous person ought to be able to use goods the way they were intended to be used, and this can be done on an everyday basis. These are the goods that are meant to be used and first of all is money (one can use it to buy other goods). It is necessary to distinguish reckless negligence from real generosity. A person should be generous to himself and he should be even more generous to others. Generosity to others is the pinnacle of justice, as well as a proof of the full maturity of the person. The basis of generosity lies in watching out for lust. Diligence, love for one’s work and working skills are part of generosity (ibid.).

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 37 02.03.2015 20:36:13 In the case of real love, generosity ought to be demonstrated in every area of one’s actions. Even children should be warned against van- ity, irresponsibility in dealing with property, but also against stinginess, avarice, cupidity and envy. It is important to pay heed to the development of cognition and volition, but especially the development of the sensitivity of one’s heart and of the relationship to personal goods. Chil- dren should be directed not to waste food, not to destroy their clothes carelessly, not to break things that have been given to them, even if they were gifts. There is a close link with a virtue of temperance. On the other hand, it is necessary to watch over the inclination to acquire everything on which a child lays his eyes, and to support his urge to share things that he owns. It is desirable to be able to use money correctly, to form a proper relationship to it, to learn how to be satisfied with those material goods that one has or with those that one can afford to buy; to avoid selfishness, stinginess, cupidity, but also envy, and to recognize the consequences of breaking certain laws and rules related to ownership. In the course of their upbringing, children ought to be aware that they cannot take or appropriate anything that does not belong to them. Generosity is often about giving money, but mostly it is about offering attention, time and one’s abilities. The experience of generous people proves that the more they give the more they receive. Generosity should not be built on expediency; on the contrary, it ought to be a matter of altruism. Generosity leads to more generosity and to joy; it develops the human being and human relationships. Roche Olivar (1992) claims that generous and noble action is an indispensable part of a person’s prosocial behaviour linked to the fact that one person helps the other in order to ease his problems or his labour, or to help him to be more contented. Generosity and giving are closely related to empathy and altruism (see Chapter 5). If we are generous to those whom we love, then we listen to them and try to meet their needs (material and nonmaterial). Generos- ity manifests an attitude of one’s heart. The enemy of generosity is one’s own program. The fact that a person always tries to manage to do something often takes away the possibility to be generous. He concentrates on himself, on his plans, and he divides his time, money, and skills among the things that he has planned. In such a case it is easy for him to overlook people who are in need and he loses an opportunity to be generous. Generosity takes a

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 38 02.03.2015 20:36:13 person’s mind from its set ways; it opens him up to new relationships and helps him in his personal growth (Chapman, 2010). Sincerity is the last quality of love according to Chapman (2010). It is close to prudence, righteousness and honesty. Its opposite is insincerity which is often a consequence of envy or jealousy. Insincerity can turn into a lie. Shapiro (1998) states that certain research has shown that the highest number of children who lie come from families where the parents lie; children become dishonest in the case that they have minimal parental supervision or their parents reject them. It is recommended to parents to tell the truth all the time – before each other and before their children. If truthfulness is to become part of the moral education of children, parents should read to them the stories where honest behaviour is being emphasized, or children should watch quality TV programs and listen to quality radio shows. This includes education at school and in other institutions. The educator should also be a veracious and honest person and he should require the educatee to do the same. The issue of lying is linked to education to the sense of reality. It consists in gaining control over one’s fantasies, i. e. child should be aware of the difference between a game and what is happening in reality. If a person does not control his imagination, it becomes a source of many lies; not very bad lies because they are less deliberate and voluntary, but they are still harmful to one’s life. If a lie is linked to the imagination, fantasy, it should not be taken too seriously. However, even these lies need to be suppressed so that they do not grow into a habit. We guide children to reproduce reality exactly and faithfully, we set things right and point out the importance of faithful statements with due seriousness and serenity. There is a need for control over the development of the imagination and an awareness of the mistakes that the educatee can face. The lies based on fear of punishment are different. It is necessary, therefore, to eliminate the causes of fear and to ensure that child learns a lesson that a lie does not bring true peace or real advantages. Another cause of lying can be found in children’s altruism. It is manifested when a child wants to help his friend and lies for the benefit of the neighbours so that they may not get hurt (Tomasek, 1992). The same type of lying can be found in the case of children’s relationships to animals, especially those ones to which they have a very close

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 39 02.03.2015 20:36:13 relationship. No lie should be overlooked and children should be steered to the understanding that every lie is against the natural moral order of human being. The educational methods against lying include prevention, instruction, but also punishment. It is necessary to kindle hope for the testimony of elders in the course of child’s upbringing; at the same time, to encourage the child’s independent acquisition of experience, perception, i. e. cognizant view of the world and people, correct reasoning about everything, not only in the theoretical but also in the practical categories that are the results of the observation of actual life. The willingness to accept advice from another person is important in this situation. It is desirable to steer a child to independent activity, e.g. to plan some activity, pay heed to the development of the child’s attention and consideration for others; to make sure that the activity is carried out; if it is necessary, to be able to submit, retreat or withdraw. The example and advice of an elder ought to be helpful in such situations. It is also imperative for a person to learn to be prepared to face misunderstanding and failure and the fact that not everything goes according to one’s plans and expectations. The educator must be careful not to enter into a continuous correction of mistakes that a child makes in the course of reaching the goal of prudence; otherwise this might dishearten and discourage the child, it can become hindrance to his volition. Important roles in these situations are played by the educator’s listening and educatee’s will. An adult can react by protection, instruction or distraction to child’s behaviour, especially in situations that can be qualified as negative. If an adult does not listen to a child, his reaction is incorrect; it is important for him to listen actively and then his reactions will be appropriate and child will learn to listen (Biddulph, 2008). Sincerity is about telling the truth about oneself, but also about telling the truth to others, though with great kindness and sensitivity. It is manifested through harmony between words, ideas and actions. Sin- cerity must include all the above-mentioned qualities of love and is very close to honesty. Chapman (2010) claims that sincerity or truthfulness does not mean that one has to say everything that one knows or experiences; the belief that a person has the right to tell the truth without love does not belong here and neither does the extracting of secrets of others because

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 40 02.03.2015 20:36:13 it is advantageous; sincerity does not include endangering justice either. Part of mastering sincerity is acknowledgment of one’s own weaknesses; awareness that truth matters; harmony between actions, words, tone and sense is desirable; avoidance of even small lies is important; keeping one’s word matters; sometimes it is necessary to rely on truth. The enemy of sincerity is self-defence. A false self surfaces very quickly in a person if there is an accusation of forgetfulness, dishonesty, deception, etc. A person does not protect himself but gives the impression that he wants to create a reputation for himself, that he wants to keep up. If person opts for truthfulness, sincerity, he will gain great freedom. Other people’s opinions will be important only to the degree that they relate to the love for others. Sincerity should be learned so that person may keep his purity and this veritableness is a way in which a person loves another person (Chapman, 2010).

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 41 02.03.2015 20:36:13 2. CONCEPT DE L’AMOUR CHEZ CERTAINS PHILOSOPHES CONCEPT OF LOVE IN THE WORKS OF SOME PHILOSOPHERS

The development of philosophical anthropology brought along a development of understanding of the concept of love. Understanding of the phenomenon of love has an impact on the way in which science sees the human being. Most philosophers interested in love are united in thinking that love is linked to reason and volition, i. e. to knowledge and wanting, or action. Ancient philosophers deal more with the issue of reason than that of free will. Ancient teaching is also grounded in the theory of dynamism of beings claiming that there is a potential as well as an action in substance. The theory of change and progress is based on this presupposition. The later periods’ thinkers did not dwell only on the issue of dynamism, they addressed also the transcendence of the human being. Dynamism and transcendence are linked to the terms of truth, good and beauty. This is also the context of love. Love walks side by side with good and truth, with reason and freedom. We will mention several philosophical concepts that are fundamental for the personal development of human being.

2.1. LE PHÉNOMÈNE AMOUR VU PAR LES PENSEURS DE L’ANTIQUITÉ ET DU MOYEN ÂGE PHENOMENON OF LOVE IN ANCIENT AND MEDIEVAL THINKING

One of the Greek thinkers, Empedocles, claimed that besides the four elements which he regarded as arche, there are two principles that are the cause of movement and change, and these are love and hatred. Love, which is Aphrodite, overcomes hatred, reconciles the elements, links them together, and facilitates the origin of the human being, but also of other beings.

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 42 02.03.2015 20:36:13 2.1.1. Conception platonicienne de l’amour comme désir d’atteindre la bonté et contemplation de la beauté Plato’s Concept of Love as the Desire to Reach Good and To Contemplate Beauty

Plato, in his work, deals with the issue of friendship as well as with love per se. Friendship is the subject matter of contemplation in the Dialogue Lysis (Plato, 1990). At its very beginning, there is a question of whether friendship is just one-sided love or must be mutual. The replies of debat- ers contradict each other, but the dialogue concludes with saying that friendship does not necessarily have to have a form of mutual love. So- crates as one of the participants in this dialogue says that a person “who is wise in the things concerning love [...], will not praise the beloved before he wins him over” (Lys. 206A). If we extol people, we make them into conceited beings with too much self-confidence. The dialogue brings up a discussion about the question of whether the loving person is a friend to the beloved or vice-versa, and whether people in friendship are equals or not. Plato bases his work on Empedocles’ writing and on Homer’s poetry, saying that god leads one equal to another, but also on the poetry of Hesiod and the ideas of Anaxagoras, stating that equals are more apt to be enemies (one beggar is another beggar’s enemy). Friendship concerns more people who are different. Socrates’ thinking leads to the conclusion that friendship to somebody is born out of a deficit that is a cause, but also a goal, purpose, represented by gaining some good. Another question arises – what is the first thing that is loving and what is the purpose of the last loving (word philos in Greek means both the loving one and the beloved – author’s note). As everything that is loving, is good, it is unacceptable to say that the cause of all good is the presence of evil, and thus not evil, but waning, desire (awareness of deficit) is the cause of the fact that some things are loving (worthy of friendship). The Dialogue Lysis does not state what the friendship is, but there is a note of its mutual relationships that are asymmetrical (e.g. the erotic relationship where one loves and the other one does not, or the case of parental love to a child but not vice-versa) as well as symmetrical (love between equals). In Plato’s opinion friendship lies not only in a mutual relationship, but in the third reality, which is a good that we desire. This desire is determined by the fact that we lack something that has been taken from us,

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 43 02.03.2015 20:36:13 but that originally was part of us, and when we look at its origin, it is related to us. Good is not the only thing that has been taken from us, there are others – perfection, wisdom and eternal life. Friendship embodies the desire for what is related to us. If we desire good together with others then we have common desire and this makes us friends. A common relationship (in a form of love or desire) to good, to something “third” is a condition of friendship. Friends have “something” in common. The thing that friends have in common is then something that belongs to one of them, but at the same time belongs to both of them. There is a third possibility and that is “the common thing” that does not belong to either of the friends, but both (all) long for it. Plato’s concept presents this common desire of friends for (the highest) good, for the idea of good. The Dialogue Lysis presents parental love in the context of Lysis’ education. He is not allowed everything because he has not reached his adulthood yet. Parents’ love for their son and their concern for his positive development allows him to do just certain things freely (reading, writing, playing the lyre), in others limits are set, he is guided by adults. Plato deals with the issue of love mostly in a dialogue (or rather a narrative) called Symposium where the ideas about love are put into the mouths of several narrators (Phaedrus, Pausanias, Eryximachus, Aris- tophanes, Agathon and Socrates) and Plato himself presents his ideas through Socrates. In Plato’s time, the aristocracy also tolerated homo- sexual relationships, therefore there are many thoughts about these relationships. Phaedrus, in the Symposium, emphasizes the greatness and significance of the god Eros as one of the oldest deities of all times and he considers him to be the greatest benefactor. He refers to Hesiod and Par- menides and claims that the first to come into existence was Chaos, then Gaia (Earth) and then Eros. He describes love as “timidity towards sordid things, enthusiastic interest in beautiful things; without these two neither a state nor an individual can carry out great and beautiful actions” (Smp, 178 D). The loving person is determined to face death for the sake of the other person. This applies not only to men but also to women, as Phaedrus illustrates with examples from Greek history and mythology. Pausanias, unlike Phaedrus, says that there are two Eroses. He bases this on the presupposition that there are two Aphrodites. The first one is older, she has no mother and she is a daughter of the god of

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 44 02.03.2015 20:36:13 heavens Uranus, therefore we call her Heavenly (goddess of pure love). The second one is younger and she is the daughter of Zeus and Diona, and we call her Common (goddess of sensual instinct). If there are two Aphrodites, there must be two Eroses – one Heavenly and the other one Common. It is desirable to laud all gods, but it is imperative to know what each god’s fate is, since no action is good per se, nor bad per se; it depends on the way it is carried out. The love of the Common Aphrodite is love of ordinary people who love women as well as men, but they love their bodies more than their souls. The loved ones are less rational and they are loved in order to gain gratification, regardless of what is beautiful and what is not. The Eros originating from the Heavenly Aphrodite does not participate in the female element. It is love for boys, it is older and without exuberance. It is love for more rational and stronger beings. If this love is real, immature boys are not involved in love. The lover who loves the body more than the soul is a bad lover because he loves a fickle thing. The love of a good temperament is important and should last through one’s whole life, so it should be permanent. Eryximachus is another narrator and he adds to Pausanias’ words. He maintains that Eros does not reside only in human hearts but also in the bodies of all animals and plants. He interprets his point of view from a biological stand (he is a physician). Love does not involve only good-looking people; it is beautiful and necessary to accommodate also the ugly ones. In Eryximachus’ opinion the Heavenly Eros comes from a Heavenly Muse called Urania; he strives for harmony, watches over people and over their love. The Common Eros is the son of Polymnia and his love should be used with caution. It is necessary to pursue both “eroses” so that a desirable combination may come up, and people and other creatures may not become ill. People, due to both Eroses, live in mutual companionship, friendship and happiness. Thanks to both of them, people are capable of being nice to each other. Another narrator Aristophanes says that people did not take notice of Eros’ love at all because otherwise they would be more devoted to him. If one talks about love, it is necessary to know human nature, i. e. the three sexes that used to exist in the past – the all male, the all female and the third one that was the combination of both but which died out. This third sex is the one of androgynies. Men came from the Sun (dual man), women from the Earth (dual woman) and androgynies from the Moon (man and

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 45 02.03.2015 20:36:13 woman). Each person had four arms, four legs, one head with two faces, four ears, four eyes (two on one side and two on the other side) and two sets of genitals (women had female genitals, men male genitals and androgynies had both). These beings tried to enter heaven in order to at- tack the gods and that is why Zeus devised a punishment for them. He did not want to destroy humans, just to weaken them; for that reason he had them split into two halves and thus one being became two beings. The god Apollo was the one who did the job and healed the injured parts. Both beings keep longing for each other; they long for unification so that they may again become one being. The women who used to be androgynies desire men and similarly the men desire women. However, the women who originally used to be women, desire women; the men who used to be men, desire men and they are the most virile ones. They do not want to be separated from one another; they want to live together during their whole lives holding onto a desire to be united. Aristophanes permits a possibility that if a person abandons his respect for the gods, another split might come, and a person will be reduced to a figure from a relief having just a profile. Love is then a desire for being one; therefore people show respect for gods, they long to be in eternal union again. That is why it is necessary to encourage each other in piety, to have devotion to the god Eros. Agathon, as another narrator, talks about Eros as the most blessed of gods, and in contrast to Phaedrus, he claims just the opposite saying that Eros is the youngest god and he is forever young. He argues that this god flees old age and keeps in contact with young people. Eros is the most blessed of all gods because he is the best and the most beautiful. He is smooth and resides in the souls and hearts of gods and people. His foremost virtue is that he does no wrong either to gods or to people. He is fair, but also even-tempered, brave, mild; he is a master of pleasure. Eros’ wisdom is manifested e.g. in fact that he himself is a poet but he also teaches this art to others. All living things are born out of his wisdom but also those who have reached recognition and fame. Not even Ares defies Eros. Eros divests a person of strangeness, fills him with companionship, supplies him with gentleness, eliminates coarseness; he is worthy of admiration. Socrates is the one who concludes the discourse on love as it is. He starts with a reaction to the thoughts presented by previous speakers. His narration is a typical Socratic dialogue which implies Plato’s ideas.

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 46 02.03.2015 20:36:13 The dialogue concludes with the idea that love is about desire for beauty and good, desire for things that are missing. However, Eros cannot lack beauty and good; hence the perception of Eros as love expressed through desire for beauty and good is not correct. Socrates refers to a speech of a Mantinean wise woman, the priestess Diotima, who claims that if something is not beautiful, it does not have to be ugly; if something is not good, it does not have to be bad. Ergo, Eros could be one of the dae- mons who are the intermediaries between gods and humans. The dialogues between humans and gods are realised through him whether the participants sleep or are awake. Eros was begotten on Aphrodite’s birth- day. His mother was Penia, the goddess of poverty, and his father was Po- rus, the son of Metis. Eros is Aphrodite’s companion and servant; he is a lover of beauty because Aphrodite is beautiful. Eros embodies desire for beauty and good. He also longs for wisdom because he lives in the middle between wisdom and ignorance. Hence, he is a philosopher. Beauty is not a subject of love because love longs for procreation and giving birth in beauty. As erotic love in the body begets children in the bodies of women, erotic love in the soul begets fruits of wisdom and other virtues in souls. In the beginning, there is love for a beautiful body, then it is love for physical beauty and finally, love for mental beauty. In the beginning, there are noble manners and laws, then noble sciences, and in the end, a science about beauty whose subject is beauty per se, i. e. the idea of beauty. Eros is then perceived as an irrational driving force through which the soul can acquire the highest knowledge. Love is motivated by gazing at sensual beauty and in the end, the person is able to sight the idea of beauty. Plato maintains that a person should seek not only physical beauty but he should see beyond it, to mental beauty. The goal of mental love is not procreation even though it has its importance in the life of an individual and of society. Men do not concern themselves with procreation out of their nature but they care for mutual loving relationship. They must be forced to procreation by the law as Plato writes in the dialogue Laws.

2.1.2. Aristote et l’amour perçu comme un lien d’amitié Aristotle and the Concept of Love as a Bond of Friendship

Aristotle dedicates some chapters in the Nicomachean Ethics (2009) to the question of friendship. He regards it as a direct relationship of one

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 47 02.03.2015 20:36:13 person to another, not as a relationship to a third party. Friendship is a virtue or it is linked to virtue. Friendship has an important role in the life of an individual and it is significant even for the functioning of society. The greater the favour of fate, the less secure it is; therefore “in need and in the middle of other accidents friends become the only refuge; friendship helps the youth to live an unsullied life; it substitutes the older people in their work which they are not able to do anymore due to their weakness; it contributes to beautiful acts of men in full vigour” (EN 1155a10). Aristotle, the same as Plato, speaks about friendship based on equality, but also on inequality, while referring to Euripides or Empe- docles. If he wants to talk about types of friendship, he needs to list what is important and essential. He links friendship with love and with the things that are worthy of love. Do people love real good or only the things that are good for them? It is similar in the case of usefulness and pleasantness. In friendship, a person desires good for the other person. If this relationship is only one-sided then we talk about favour and spon- sors (EN 1155b30). In this case, people do not need to know each other in person. However, they cannot be friends because the thinking of the other person is hidden from them. Even in personal relationships not all friendships are the same. They differ from each other in relation to the good for which people long. If a person in his relationship with another person longs for a benefit or pleasure, then it is not a real friendship because the other person becomes a means for reaching one’s own pleasure or benefit, and this type of relationship will quickly fall apart. Perfect friendship grows between good people who are alike in their virtues. They desire good for one another; they desire good for their friends because of them, not because of their own benefit. A friend is good in himself and he is also good towards his friend. A good friend is beneficial and pleasant in himself; friends are also pleasant in their mutual relationship. Good friends rejoice because of their own actions as well as because of their mutual actions. This type of friendship is permanent and worthy of love (EN 1156b10-20). There is trust in good friendship; friends do not wrong or suspect one another. Good people form friendships not because of any benefits and pleasantness, but because of the friends themselves; due to what people are like, not due to what benefit they bring. It is important for a friendship to be together

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 48 02.03.2015 20:36:13 because a longer separation can weaken it. Aristotle states that people of advanced age and grumpy people are not in favour of friendships; virtuous and young people form friendships more easily. It is not possible for a perfect friendship to exist among many people; likewise, it is not possible to love many people at the same time; however, it is feasi- ble to be liked by many people due to the benefit and pleasantness (EN 1558a10). In this case a relationship for the sake of pleasantness is closer to friendship than the relationship concerning benefit. Friendship is about equality because both parties want and do the same thing. There are also friendships of certain “inequality”, such as friendship between father and son, older person and younger person, man and woman; the two parties do not do the same things and we cannot even ask them to do so; they manifest qualities that belong to each of them. In Aristotle’s opinion, the basis of friendship is laid in the community, therefore he accepts Plato’s argument about friends having “things in common”. We are friendlier to those to whom we are naturally closer (parents, siblings, co-workers, etc.). Community arises from the quest for a common good and the essence of human being is manifested here – he is a social being. Aristotle also names a certain discord that comes up in communities. He claims that their cause lies in the fact that everybody wanted to receive good, but they avoided to do good because there was no benefit in it for them (EN 1163b 25). The depth or degree of friendship depends also on the relationship that a person has with himself. The way one shows love among friends and the signs that determine the concept of friendship come from one’s behaviour towards oneself (EN 1166a). Some people regard a person who is always with them, who shares their joys and pains, as a friend, which is a certain prototype of a relationship between mother and child. Friend- ship with others depends to a great extent on “the friendship with oneself” and it grows from it. Aristotle analyses the issue of self-awareness as a basis of the relationship with other things and people. This healthy relationship with oneself includes an order in one’s thinking and wanting: such a person is not tossed about by external influences and motives; he can process them properly and evaluate them with reference to himself, his potential and perspective. In Aristotle’s opinion, only the person with a healthy and friendly relationship with himself can become a good friend. Aristotle poses the question whether this is not

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 49 02.03.2015 20:36:14 a particular type of egoism, but he offers a counter-argument saying that “every person is the best friend to himself, therefore he should love himself most of all” (EN 1168B10). In the case of this statement, its interpretation is very important because it contains an issue of self-love. We can interpret it as a situation when a person indulges himself with an abundance of money, with tributes or pleasures. Aristotle defines this attitude as opportunism where a person is guided by the irrational part of his soul. There is another type of effort when a person tries hard to live in concordance with what is best and highest in him; he strives for virtues and for the life in accord with reason. Hence, this is not a case of egoism, but of a healthy relationship with oneself, because the person through his own effort for good for himself simultaneously strives for virtues that bring good also to others. A selfish person causes damage to himself and to others, too. Reason makes a choice of what is best for a person and a virtuous person listens to his reason (EN 1169a15). Aristotle also dwells on the question of whether a person who has a good relationship with himself needs friends at all. It could seem that good and virtuous people are self-sufficient (they are self-sufficient in their goodness). Friendship is one of the greatest external goods and a good person would miss something without friendship. Aristotle claims that it is better to do good than to receive it; that is why it is natural for a good person to do good to others. He adds that it is nicer to do good to friends than to strangers, therefore friendship becomes a type of a need. A person does not want good only for himself, he wants to share it and so a good person cannot be a loner. He is a being born for life in community, for the common life. Life in community and for the community (through distribution of goods) is a natural and blessed life (EN 1169b15). This life is also highly motivating. An individual is motivated through the good examples of people and their good deeds; he sees that life is being realised and fulfilled through the activity for others and that this life is pleasant. A person who does good to others is, at the same time, an independent person. He is rooted in good and he acts in the same way towards himself as he does towards his friend. A friend leads another friend to doing good and in this way good is spread, it “grows” (EN 1170b10). The characteristic features of friendship are a common life, common sharing of joys and pains, but also sincerity and sharing of ideas. At the time of happiness, friendship is beautiful and at the time of

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 50 02.03.2015 20:36:14 misfortune, it is useful. A person is glad if a friend shows compassion, sympathy, understanding, and offers help. Aristotle adds that it is right to invite friends to share our happiness and joy, but it is necessary to judge when to share pain with them. A good friend comes on his own if he knows about our pain. It is better when he comes on his own than when we call him. In general, the presence of friends is good in happiness as well as in misfortune. Friends are naturally drawn to life together. Some of them eat and drink together, others exercise together and do other things, some philosophise together. Aristotle concludes that friends take after each other in their activities, thus a person will become good if he dwells among good people, if he is among bad people, he will become a bad person (EN 1172a5). The issue of love became a topic of meditation for several Greek and later also for Roman thinkers who were supporters of the Post-So- cratic, Post-Platonic or Post-Aristotelian schools of thoughts, including Epicurean School, Skeptic School, Stoic School or Cynic School, etc.

2.1.3. Lucius Annaeus Sénèque à propos de l’amour Lucius Annaeus Seneca on Love

Seneca’s work is permeated by an understanding of human feelings, of love in its various modifications, starting with love in the family, through friendly love, marital love, to love for one’s country. His work is marked by his own experience of love, kindness and generosity in his family when he was a child and later when he had his own family. He experienced love of his parents, relatives, wife, son, but also love of his friends; he gave and reciprocated love (Seneca, Educator and Comforter, 1996). In his works, he writes that real love has a lot in common with true friendship. Neither love nor friendship has side intentions, such as profit or ambition. Both love and friendship refine people, human relationships and multiply virtues. Even though love and friendship have a lot in common, the feeling accompanying love is much more intense than the feelings connected with friendship. However, it is possible to acquire both love and friendship, and preserve them. True love includes great self-sacrifice and forgiveness. Seneca even says that there is nothing more beautiful than when those who are in power forgive and live in such a way that they do not have to ask for

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 51 02.03.2015 20:36:14 forgiveness. He asks here over whom he would rule if he did not forgive (ibid.). Love needs to be given, and the one who does not give it, does not deserve it. Love for one’s country, family, friends, husband, wife cannot be accompanied by fear. On the contrary, true love challenges danger and overcomes obstacles; it is accompanied by honour. This love is pure and untainted. True love contains genuine emotions that are not hidden; on the contrary, they are generously expressed and extended. Sen- eca, in contrast to the Stoics, claims that human emotions associated with love lift up a person and refine a soul. There is no need to suppress them; on the contrary, Seneca regards these emotions as expressions of honesty. True love does not seek one’s own comfort; it is permanent and does not change depending on luck or well-being. Selfless love gives joy to the beloved regardless of his presence or absence. In Seneca’s opinion luck is a fickle thing, while love is resilient. It is desirable to pass it in the greatest workable measure onto as many people as possible (see Motto, 2007). Seneca challenges people to love; he writes that we must love as if nothing has been promised to us about our loved ones staying with us permanently or for a long period. The heart must be constantly reminded to love everything as if it were designated to leave us. We must not think that something belongs to us. We borrowed it and must return it. Everything was given to us to use and the period of usage is determined by the donor who has a right to decide about his gift. Love and friendship are values that have their place in using gifts (Seneca, Educator and Comforter, 1996). The person who loves, has a big heart; he is an example to others. Seneca himself was such an example. He showed his love not only to those closest to him – relatives and acquaintances, but also to the poor, even to the slaves; he claimed that nobody can live just for himself, for his personal progress (see Motto, 2007). As one of the very few pagan thinkers of his time he proclaimed equality between slaves and free people; he claimed that a slave can have qualities to become virtuous; he can also become a noble person. In one of his letters Seneca writes: “Kindly consider that the one you call your slave came from the very same seed as you did; he spends his time under the same sky, he breathes the same air, he lives and dies in the same way” (in Cipro, 2002, p. 92). He continues saying that the less sense the degradation of unknown citizens and the citizens of low birth makes, the greater should be the gentleness in behaviour towards them.

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 52 02.03.2015 20:36:14 Seneca maintained that our life is directed towards death, therefore it should be lived in love so that the future may be lived in happy bliss. A person’s love is linked to his wisdom: “A wise person, being from his very birth destined for general help and general good which he will share with everybody, will not regret, but he will help and prosper [...] he will help everybody who deserves it and like a god he will look down upon unfortunate people (Seneca, Educator and Comforter, 1996, p. 232).

2.1.4. Augustinus Aurelius (Saint-Augustin) et la source de l’amour, qui se trouve être Dieu Augustinus Aurelius (Saint Augustine)1 and God as a Source of Love

Augustine’s interpretation of love is rooted in Christian faith and it is linked to free will and good (doing good), and also with reason, i. e. cognition. In his opinion (De civ. Dei 24, Book 22) “... God gave the human soul a mind in which reason and understanding in childhood are as if dor- mant, as if they did not exist at all. They will be awakened and manifested at a later age, when they will be able to accept teaching and science, and be fit to understand truth and love good.” Augustine states (ibid. 16, Book 19) that there is a threefold object of a person’s love, which is God, the person himself and other people – neighbours. Later he writes (2004) that there are four things that a person should love – that which is above us; then the person himself; the third object is that which is on the same level as an individual, i.e. other people; the fourth one is that which is below us. Augustine starts from the hierarchy ruling the world according to the way God created the world, and according to what is written in the Bible. The first place belongs to the love for God, then love for oneself, for people and in the end, for other creatures. Love is an inseparable part of the moral law, it is linked to freedom; it is manifested when a person observes the order that has been given to the world. The natural order of things requires human freedom (De civ. Dei 14, Book 19). A person finds basic principles for his actions in love directed towards God. In his book On True Religion (in Slosiar, 2002) Augustine

1) Literature introduces him as Augustinus Aurelius but the works that he wrote have the author named Saint Augustine. Therefore we list him in the Bibliograp- hy under the letter “S” (Saint Augustine).

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 53 02.03.2015 20:36:14 claims that human nature should be loved without physical conditions, whether it is perfect or is in the process of improvement. Love, as an expression of the order designated by God, is an immanent mover of a person’s volition and we discover this love in ourselves. Love finds that it is being anchored in God through love for neighbour; it means that love for God is identified with love for human being. True love for God cannot exist without love for man. If a person loves the world by love that observes the order of things, it means that he uses created things as a means, not as an end that is being fulfilled; things will obtain meaning that has been given to them by God (in Strzeszewski, 2000). Augustine states (De grat. et lib.) that a person must learn the appropriate way of love and first of all he has to learn to love himself. God’s commandment says that man shall love God as himself and he shall love other people, too (for more details see Chapter 3). Each person should be loved as a person, not as a sinner, and a man has to learn it. One should love another person more than his own body because his body lives through his soul, and thanks to the soul, we love God. God should be loved more than oneself. A person has an inborn desire for happiness based on reaching the fullness of good (De Civitate Dei, 5, 19, Book 22; De grat. et lib. I/II, 2). Au- gustine identified it with the fullness of being. He states (De grat. et lib. XVIII, 37) that “if the person means to do any good and he does it without love, it cannot be good at all.” If one wants to do good, to love, he must decide and act on the basis of his free will. Augustine adds that while doing good there is no need to rely on, or to pin one’s hopes on a person, nor on one’s physical prowess, but to rely on God. Augustine emphasizes that in observing God’s commandments and in fulfilling true love there is the desirable God’s grace. Since God is the most perfect being, he should be the only objective of all human desires. The centre of morality is love of God (caritas) that is always in union with love of the neighbour. Virtue lies in the fact that we love what we should love. Love of God is the source of all virtues: prudence or wisdom, gentleness, righteousness. Prudence – wisdom lies in love that discerns what is good for it and what is bad for it or deforms it; gentleness is love that tries to preserve itself for God without harm; it is love that bears everything for the sake of the beloved; righteousness is love of God that gives everybody what belongs to them, the one that judges well because it serves the beloved (in Kratochvil, 1939).

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 54 02.03.2015 20:36:14 2.1.5 Thomas d’Aquin à propos d’amour comme adhésion à la bonté Thomas Aquinas on Love as Adherence to Good

The greatest of the medieval thinkers – theologians and philosophers – Thomas Aquinas treats love from the metaphysical point of view; he also deems it to be one of the theological virtues (see Chapter 3). He writes that to love another person is to wish him good and love is a certain type of wanting (STh I q20 a3). He states that rational and voluntary powers are distinctive in human being; thanks to them one can make progress and improve. Virtue represents improvement of one of the two origins/sources of activity: either reason/sense or appetence/ will. If reason improves in a theoretical or a practical area in relation to good, it is called a rational virtue; if there is an improvement on the part of appetence then we speak about moral virtue (STh I-II, q55 a2). Aquinas advocated a view that reason is superior to the will that “reaches” only for what reason has pointed out to it as best. The fundamental difference between reason, which is a cognitive process, and appetence, which is an appetitive process, is that in knowledge the knower is united in himself with an object that is being known, while assiduousness is a movement of the object outside the subject. Assiduousness can be sensual or rational and then it is will. An object of sensual assiduousness is a good that is recognized by the senses; an object of rational assiduousness is a good recognized by the reason. The knowledge of a good evokes an inclination, propensity for good. Passions are acts of sensual assiduousness, feelings, affections and emotions are acts of rational assiduousness – will. The will exercises an ability to make independent decisions. If there is a classification of sensual and rational good, even though it is not very evident in actual living, it is desirable to distinguish between sensual love and rational love. Love per se, in Aquinas’ opinion, is an act of sensual or rational assiduousness depending on whether it pursues sensual or rational cognition. The known good is an object of love, but it is also an object of desire (appetence) and pleasure (joy). The difference is found in the approach taken in reaching the good. Desire concerns the good that a person has not reached yet (absent good), pleasure concerns the good that person has already acquired. Love concerns the good per se, regardless of whether it is present or absent. In addition to the differentiation between sensual and rational love Aquinas

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 55 02.03.2015 20:36:14 distinguishes two forms of love – simple or first love and advanced or total love (Sprunk, 2005). Simple love is a beginning or a basic principle of total love and Aquinas writes about this love: “The first transformation of assiduousness caused by a desirable object is called love, but it is nothing more than a predilection for the desirable object (STh I-II q26, a2). However, advanced love means to will good for another person. This requires a will that loves, a good to which this love heads, and finally, a person for whom this intended good is designated: “An act of love is always directed towards two things: the good that somebody wills for somebody else, and the one for whom this good is desired” (STh I-II q26, a1) and Aquinas adds that we can love only that which is good for us (STh II-II q26, a13). Thomistic metaphysics distinguishes between beneficial good, pleasant (enjoyable) good and noble good. The first one serves to attain another good, the second one brings pleasure in the sense of the satisfaction of an effort, based on an acquired good, and the third one per se improves human nature. All three goods have a common element and it is the perfection of being to which one’s nature leads through one’s effort. The object of will is the good per se; good itself presupposes desirable perfection, but also a relationship between appropriateness and effort, i. e. good is appropriate to pleasure, benefit or nobleness in accordance with one’s effort. A good must be something that is adequate for the loving one; something that is appropriate and proportional for him; something that is in harmony with him. Aquinas says that this is what is similar. This similarity between two things can have two forms: either in action (e. g. two things similar in colour) or in the fact that one thing has it in action and the other one in potential, in a certain tendency. Hence, there is a certain type of unity, based on similarity, between the loving person and the object of his love. If there is an act of love, it concerns the loving one (the subject of love) and the desired good. This good influences the will when it “touches” the loving one. There is another necessary condition of love and that is knowledge of the desired good (STh I-II q27, a1-3). Knowledge and will are therefore indispensable parts of love. Aquinas claims that there is a desire for a fullness of being and a fullness of life in human being. Both desires are dependent on the love of God and love of people. The human happiness and future bliss of a person are consequences of rational-voluntary efforts. Every person who gets

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 56 02.03.2015 20:36:14 involved in everyday activities with love makes moral progress and gives evidence that he has understood the meaning of his existence. These are the reasons why there is a distinction between simple and total love. The condition of simple love is for the assiduousness to be concentrated on its objective which is a desired good. At the same time, this good causes the assiduousness to transform in such a way that it results in agreement (connaturalitas) with the desired good. The first step taken in love is just a passive adjustment of one’s appetitive ability to the desired good. The second step represents an interiorization of this good. Aquinas maintains that it is the same process as when reason carries out knowledge and reaches a certain concept of the known thing in a verbal expression; the process of love then brings a certain imprint (impressio) of the loved thing to the loving one. The beloved is contained in the loving one in the same way as the known is incorporated in the knower. A person experiences gravitation of will towards a good as a predilection (complacentia) for the loved good. This second step of love, interiorization, is a gravitation towards the desired good and predilection for it. Aquinas distinguishes here between love and desire. He claims that the commensurateness or appropriateness of the goal is in assiduousness, hence, it is predilection for good; however, movement in the direction of a good is appetence or desire (STh I-II q25, a2). Unity between the loving one and the beloved in the affective sense is another factor; the loving one relates to the beloved based on affective adjustment. He contains the beloved in himself in a form of an inclination gravitating to the beloved. Aquinas maintains that there is no love without affective unity (STh I-II, q25 a2). He also differentiates love from favour and claims that favour is an act of the will in which good is willed for another person, however, the affective unity is not present. The act of love (loving) also includes favour, but in addition to that, love includes affective unity. Fa- vour is also at the beginning of friendship. The second type of love, total or advanced love contains three aspects: the will of the loving one, the intended good and the person for whom the good is intended. In the case of a relationship of the loving subject with a good which is an object of love, there can be two types of relationship. On one hand, the subject can find his own fulfilment, satisfaction or actualization of his needs in the good. This is a case of concupiscent love (amor

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 57 02.03.2015 20:36:14 concupiscentiae). On the other hand, there can be a relationship of the subject with the good not in view of the subject’s improvement or enrichment, but because of the good per se, because of its inner value and perfection. The subject in this case is not a supplicant, he does not expect anything, he just loves. Aquinas calls this love a friendly love (amor amicitiae) or amiable love. The motive of love of a good in appetent love is the good which the person loves and wants, but does not want this good per se, but because of the loving subject who becomes the actual object of love. The motive of love in friendly love is the loved good per se. The object of friendly love can be its actual subject and then we talk about love of oneself; or it can be another person and hence it is love of another. In the first case it is not a real friendship, but it is love in the sense of unity, unification of oneself, in oneself (STh II-II, q 25, a3-4). Aquinas maintains that appetent love is rooted in friendly love. There is the conclusion that will and reason participate in love and its process, and yet, Aquinas does not deny the role of the emotions; on the contrary, he writes about their significance. He calls them passio and it translates in his Summa Theologica as passion. In modern terminology we talk about affections. Passio is linked to the perception of a subject. It contains potential (potentia), as well as action (act) and it participates in a contradictory relationship between an old and a new form (STh I-II, q22). Aquinas talks about appetent soul and perceptive soul. He characterizes “passio” as an act of an appetent sensual force linked to physiological and motoric reactions of the subject; it emerges as an effect of sensual cognition of an adequate object. Passio, in principle, does not have a psychological character, but it provides a certain reality of the metaphysical order. The experience understood in this way becomes a synonym for potential (potentia); potential requires for its action a reception of some act with which it will create a new real being (STh I-II, q22). The emotions include a psychological as well as a physical aspect. Aquinas does not limit passio only to violent emotions containing great tension; under this term he understands also the emotions organized by reason, serving for the realisation of the good that is adequate to a rational and independent being. He lists weaker and stronger emotions – from those that are hardly perceivable to those that can cause illness or even death. He maintains that the intensity of emotions depends on

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 58 02.03.2015 20:36:14 the power of the stimulus evoking them, but also on the sensitivity of the subject. He addresses the affects that precede the judgement of reason and claims that they have a destructive impact on the activity of reason and will, they weaken, even destroy, the value of the action (STh I-II q23). Acts of rational assiduousness or will can be included in the area of emotions. Love can be sometimes understood as a particular passion linked to certain excitement in the mind. At another time, love can become an affect without passion or a mere act of will (STh I, q82). On the other hand, the acts of rational assiduousness are also linked to feelings of pleasantness and predilection, but of disgust and unpleasantness as well, and these are the qualities of the emotions. We also come across the idea that love is a desiring. If it is a desiring, it cannot exist without a predilection for good, hence the will is accompanied by emotions. Aquinas writes about love being a dynamic phenomenon and he lists its degrees that he judges from two aspects: from the perspective of an object and from the perspective of the loving one. He states: “The intensity of loving is given by the unity of the beloved with the loving one... Each person is loved to a greater extent in those things that belong to [that] unity, in reference to which he is being loved” (STh II-II, q26, a8). Aquinas also lists a concept of natural love. He perceives natural love as a quality of the thing that refers (convenit) to it in accordance with its essence; or it is what the thing is per se, based on its essence (STh I-II, q10 a1). It is related to natural activities and natural assiduousness. It is not an act differing from the nature of things. “Natural love... is in all the powers of the soul and in all the parts of the body and in all things” (STh I-II, q26, a1). Powers love with natural love that which refers to them, i.e. their object (sight desires to see colourful objects, reason desires to know being, will desires to love good). Natural love per se is spontaneous, but it is not free because it does not arise from knowledge that is proper to the thing. The good to which love leads can be known by reason and can become an object of the will, including the consequences of moral choices. “As the natural knowledge is always true, so natural loving is always right, because natural love is nothing more than an inclination given to the nature by the originator of the nature” (STh I, q60, a1). Sensual love is part of natural love and its object is a sensual good. Love is also linked to a desire which in the case that it refers to the nature in relation to a pleasant good is a natural desire. One of the goods, which man naturally

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 59 02.03.2015 20:36:14 wants and hence loves, is God. In natural love, man loves God more than himself. Aquinas writes on the topic of natural love that all natures have in common, having a certain affection, which is a natural assiduousness, but is found to a different extent in different natures. “Rational nature includes natural affection in the form of the will; sensual nature contains it in the form of sensual assiduousness; nature without knowledge exercises it only in a form of an inclination of nature towards something” (STh I, q60, 1). Each thing loves what enters into unity with it; if something forms a natural unity with it, it loves it through natural loving. If something forms an unnatural unity with it, it loves it by unnatural loving. “If something forms a unity with something else in their genus or in their species, they are one in their nature. Therefore, each thing loves through natural loving those things that are one with it, regarding their species, in the case that it loves its own species” (STh I, q60, a4). The ideas of Thomas Aquinas influenced many thinkers of the later periods and the questions regarding love became basis for concepts of love in works of many modern period scholars.

2.2. LES PENSEURS DE L’ÉRE MODERNE SUR LES QUESTIONS D’AMOUR MODERN PERIOD THINKERS ON THE ISSUE OF LOVE

Modern philosophy includes a lot of schools, movements and concepts, as well as new views of the term love and its place in human life.

2.2.1. Blaise Pascal et la logique du Coeur Blaise Pascal and Logic of the Heart

Blaise Pascal was a French mathematician, physicist and religious philosopher. His work with the philosophical and theological context called Ideas (1995) presents a set of treatises, theses and ideas, fragments, portions, and longer discourses, organized according to their topic. Many issues are addressed in several places in the course of this work. This also happens in the case of discourses on love. Pascal incorporates them into the context of Christianity where God, who is perceived as the creator of everything, is also Love.

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 60 02.03.2015 20:36:14 Pascal, similarly to Augustine (see Chapter 2.1.4), claims that the manifestations of God’s love are organized in a set order in the whole of creation. The lowest order of reality is the order of bodies, higher is the order of spirit, thinking and science, and the highest order is the order of love which is the order of God revealed in Jesus Christ. The lowest order is known by the human senses, the higher one – the order of spirit – is known by human reason, and the order of love is known intuitively, by “heart”, because it is “ordre du coeur”. Pascal sometimes calls this method of irrational intuition (heart, coeur) intelligence and places it against reason (raison). Order rules in the heart as well as in the spirit, but they are different. The order of spirit indicates a procedure according to principles and proofs. There are no proofs for the heart. Pascal gives an example that nobody tries to prove that we should be loved nor pursues the causes of love (frac. 283). He writes about a gentle spirit which can know a thing in one look, not by a procedure of rational deliberation (which is typical of a geometrical spirit). Despite the fact that man longs for recognition and fame, and is wrapped up in himself, at the same time, he admires and loves, and these are the characteristics that we cannot find in any other creature (frac. 401-402). Pascal’s concept of human love is linked to the human self-image, but also to the attitude to truth and good. A person longs for independence, but he is also envious, restless and full of flaws (frac. 125, 126). Pascal poses the question of whether love is a natural concern of the person or something that has been learned, a habit that can disappear from one’s life (frac. 92–93). He maintains that a person is born with a disposition for love which is in his heart and forces him to love those things that seem beautiful to him without him being able to name them. At the same time, a person is guided by the heart, by the order of the heart. Emotional intuition became the basis of all knowledge for Pas- cal. In the end, each rational reflection must stop at things and concepts that cannot be defined any further and that cannot be proven. Then the direct knowledge comes in, provided by emotional intuition. Rational knowledge is dependent, it is secondary. We are certain only there where we can feel directly; if we draw conclusions, we are full of uncertainty. The fact of uncertainty is linked to Pascal’s scepticism tied to the seeking of a fixed point of some certainty of knowledge and life. He maintains that a person does not really know anything with certainty;

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 61 02.03.2015 20:36:14 thus he should act like a player with the perspective of a possible victory. He cannot lose anything, but if Christianity is right, he can win the final award (frac. 231 and 233). A person will always stand between an infinite abyss of the Uni- verse and an infinite smallness, between the desire for truth and the inability to grasp it; however, “we have an idea of truth that cannot be overcome by any scepticism” (frac. 395) and at the end of every truth, we should add that we also know of the opposite one (frac. 567). The abyss that a person faces, can be filled only by God. If we associate God only with truth, he is not a real God, only an idol, an image. Man ought not to love that. God is the truth connected to love (frac. 582). “The greatness of man is also demonstrated through his ambition because he was able to form an admirable order in it and he made it into an image of love for one’s neighbour (frac. 402). A man is the only one who can draw consequences, the only one who can show admiration and respect” (frac. 401), but on the other hand, he is anxious that other people may love him, therefore he lives in self-delusion. People lie to each other and flatter each other when they are present. If people are not present then the talking is different and hence a person wears several masks, he lives in lies and duplicity. A person does not want other people to tell him the truth and he avoids telling the truth to others. All these inclinations are rooted in the heart. Person should recognize not only his greatness but also his lowness (frac. 418), but especially he should recognize his value: “He should love himself because there is a nature in him that is capable of goodness; but he should not love the lowness that is in him. He should despise himself because this ability is empty; but he should not despise this natural ability. He should hate himself, he should also love himself: he has an ability to recognize the truth and be happy; however, he does not have a permanent or satisfying truth” (frac. 423). A person shall seek the truth, purge himself from passions and then follow the truth. He should hate concupiscence that blinds him, guides him in its own way and stops him from making choices (frac. 423). The essence of self-love and human self is to love and respect only oneself. A person cannot prevent the object of his love having flaws and be miserable; he wants to be great, but he sees that he is small; he wants to be happy, but he sees that he is miserable; he wants to be perfect and

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 62 02.03.2015 20:36:14 he sees that he is all imperfection; he wants people to love him and respect him, but he sees that his imperfections evoke only aversion and contempt. This confusion arouses his passion, he is gripped by deathly hatred of the truth that reprimands him and convinces him of his faults. He would like to destroy it, but he cannot annihilate it; he wants to destroy it in his own mind and in the minds of others; he tries to conceal his faults before himself and before others; he cannot bear it when others point out his faults to him, when they see them... (frac. 100). It is not necessary to reveal one’s sins before others so that we may not become hypocrites; but a person faces the dilemma of whether to be who he really is or to be a hypocrite. It is essential to join the truth and the good. It is bad if we do not want to admit our faults because then we lead ourselves into self-deceit. If others point out our faults, they do good to us because they help us to escape the evil hidden in the fact that we are unaware of these imperfections. It is right if people know us for who we really are (frac. 100), but on the other hand, a person hates those who tell him the truth about himself and loves those who lie to him. We want others to believe that we are who, in fact, we are not (frac. 100). Therefore, it happens that those who care for our love are hesi- tant to do us the service of telling us the truth because they know that it will be unpleasant for us. Hence, they behave the way we want them to behave. We hate the truth and that is why they hide it from us. We are happy when we are lied to and vice-versa. We lie because we are afraid to offend those whose favour is more useful and whose disfavour is more dangerous to us. Every degree of happiness that raises us in the world, leads us further away from the truth (frac. 100). The Catholic religion invites us to be who we really are before God and not to deceive ourselves before God or ourselves. God is Love and that is the reason why a person should not pretend anything before him; however, a person is afraid even here and therefore he pretends. Reli- gion is also worthy of love because it promises the true good (frac. 187). It points out a tedious human nature and the redemption brought by Jesus Christ (frac. 194). Real Jews and true Christians were always waiting for the Messiah who would teach them to love God and who would overcome their enemies by his love (frac. 607).

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 63 02.03.2015 20:36:14 True knowledge is not sufficient for happiness because happiness also requires love and faith that is a gift from God. It is in the heart and it is not saying “I know” but “I believe” (frac. 248). “The Christian God is not an originator of geometrical truths and of the order of elements (this is the idea of pagans and Epicureans). The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the God of Christians is a God of love and comfort (frac. 556). Faith has its certainty, but it is a different type of certainty than the certainty of reason. Arguments do not suffice in faith, it requires a decision. Thus, there is another power entering into the context of love and it is will. Love has its forms and dynamics. Love between two people undergoes changes. A husband does not love the wife who he used to love a few years ago. The reason behind it is the pursuit of another side of the matter, but also the different perspective a person has (different eyes) of the same thing (frac. 123–124). There is a difference between acts of the will and other acts. The will is one of the fundamental parts of faith because the things are either true or false, based on the side from which we are looking at them. The will that fancies one thing more than another diverts the spirit so that it may not take notice of the qualities of the things which it does not like observing; thus the spirit, hand in hand with the will, sees just the part that the will likes; it makes a judgement based on what it sees (frac. 99). Knowledge requires love. A wise or reasonable person does not love because love brings him benefit, but because he finds happiness in love per se. Knowledge and action must become part of the love of one person of another, of love of oneself, and of love of other beings. Other thinkers, in later part of modern times, deal with a relationship between knowledge and wanting in the process of development of love in their works.

2.2.2. Arthur Schopenhauer à propos de l’amour perçu comme passion Arthur Schopenhauer on Love Perceived as Passion

Arthur Schopenhauer in his work The World as Will and Representation (2010) dedicates the forty-fourth chapter to love. He claims that he deals with love as a social concept and that philosophers have paid little attention to it so far. He pursues its metaphysical motivations and actions. He

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 64 02.03.2015 20:36:14 maintains that others look at love only through a prism of poetry, art or only as at a physiological act. Schopenhauer himself reduced love only to passion. He argues that love surpasses every other passion by its turbulence and it tears down all scruples, overcomes obstacles with unbelievable force and perseverance; one risks life because of the satiation of love and if it is unattainable, a person is willing to sacrifice his own life. Schopenhauer bases the issue of love on the concep that will is an essence of the world and man intuitively recognizes it in himself. The will is blind, ignorant, indomita- ble, aimless and irrational, it cannot be found in time or in space. It is a driving force behind the growth of plants, it is part of animal reproduc- tion, but also of human passion and of artistic expressions. Schopen- hauer’s concept eliminates the existence of the universal reason as well as the role of the individual reason in relation to the individual will of a person. The universal will is the basis and the principle of the world. It is independent. A person, as an individual being, does not have freedom because he is driven by the universal will which he cannot defy. This is demonstrated e. g. in the reproductive instinct which manifests the will to live. It is about the preservation of species, not about love or good; therefore the lover closes his eyes before all negative qualities, before things that he detests, just to fulfil the will of the species. Schopenhauer’s presentation of sexual love is unequivocal and quite simple, but also one-sided. All infatuation resides in the sexual instinct and Schopenhauer deems this instinct to be the strongest and the most active impulse after love of life, taking up half of the strength and thoughts of young people, and being the last aim of every human effort. Being, human existence, are determined by sexual instinct per se; its essence is completely determined by an individual choice of its satisfaction, i. e. by sexual love. There are several degrees of being in love, from fleeting affection to raging passion; individual degrees are determined by the diversity that lies in the degree of an individual choice. The question of instinctive love does not lie in the desire for individual bliss, fulfilment or happiness, but in the will of the genus. The objectivity of relationship is only fictitious; the true reality lies in direction of procreation, its form being secondary. Reciprocation of love is not essential, but possession and physical pleasure are. If a person cannot receive reciprocal love, he will settle for physical pleasure. The

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 65 02.03.2015 20:36:14 reason behind this is the power of the will to live, to procreate new lives, new generations; the way it happens is not important. The satisfaction of the sexual instinct will exceed the deficit of reciprocal love. In Scho- penhauer’s opinion the evidence of this is found in forced marriages or even rapes. The important thing is that there is progeny and that the sexual instinct is satisfied. Schopenhauer does not permit another frame of reference. He argues that the purpose of love is worthy of deep esteem because it decides about a composition of the next generation and therefore he accepts even the above-mentioned possibilities. A rap- ist does not expect reciprocal love because he does not need it, he settles for satisfaction of his sexual instinct. However, the violated party does not experience satisfaction, but the very opposite. This experience leads to aversion and is accompanied by trauma. In the case of lovers there is a desire to be truly united and to become one being. An offspring or progeny represents the fulfilment of the desire because he carries the genetic characteristics. This new being becomes a new idea that needs to be expressed, it needs to be realized in action and therefore it seizes the substance. Nascence of a new offspring is already present in affection, in attraction. If there is no affection or attraction, but there is aversion instead, the progeny of these partners is an unhappy being. All people are being blindly led by the will of the species, without being aware of it, and infatuation has its source solely in the sexual instinct. The individual “self” is only a means to beget a new person in order to preserve human society. An individual life is not important because individuality will eventually disappear. The only thing left is the will to live that is eternal and its role is to preserve the genus. Schopenhauer’s universal will to live is an irrational driving force, and unlike Plato’s Eros, it has a blinding quality. Amorous affection concentrates on health, strength, beauty, youth; the more individualized it is, the stronger it becomes; however, every individuality has a strong quality of egoism. Despite the fact that a genus has a prior claim to an individual compared to individuality per se, egoism exceeds the lineal importance of things. Schopenhauer claims that this is the reason why nature can reach its purpose when it inoculates an individual with a lie which brings about that the good for the genus will look like a good for the individual. This lie is an instinct. It serves only for the purpose of seeking the right partner for the procreation of offspring. Ugliness or

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 66 02.03.2015 20:36:14 beauty do not enter into this process at all, since an instinct chooses one’s partner based on physical requirements which are fit to be preserved. Even though an individual thinks that he egoistically chooses a partner whom he likes, in fact he is serving the genus, and he only assumes that he is serving himself. Hence a person unwittingly serves the genus, thinking that he serves himself. The individual will is deceived, but satisfied; however, “every person in love considers himself deceived after the great work is finally completed: the lie that the genus used for deceiving an individual will have disappeared” (p. 686). As soon as sexual love, i.e. the interest of the genus, enters into the game, everything else becomes secondary. Honesty, duty and fidelity are all defeated. Schopenhauer uses a lot of analogies from the world of nature in support of his hypotheses, especially those from the animal world, but he uses many situations from human life as well. He claims that a man has a natural inclination towards fickleness in love, while a woman fa- vours constancy. As soon as man reaches satisfaction, his love declines and all other women arouse him, he longs for change. A woman is just the opposite. Her love gradually grows from that very moment; nature urges her to hold onto a provider and a protector of her progeny. Marital fidelity for a man is artificial and for a woman it is natural; therefore, a woman’s infidelity is against the nature and it is more unforgivable than a man’s (p. 688). Schopenhauer lists certain scruples that come into play on choosing the opposite sex, as well as in the case of mutual affection. He names three groups of scruples: those linked to the genus, including beauty; psychological scruples and relative scruples. The author himself states that this type of deliberation is unusual in philosophical works. In the case of the first group of scruples he deals more with the criteria for a woman than for a man. Age is at the top of the list. The preferred period is between eighteenth and twenty-eighth year of age (“No woman out of this age interval can arouse us”, p. 688). The second aspect is health, the next one is the skeleton (“it is the basis of the genus type”), plumpness of the body and finally the beauty of the face. Schopenhauer claims that the above-mentioned factors decide upon the happiness of girls’ lives. The requirements concerning a man take less space because a woman at procreation compensates for any physical flaw in the man with an exception of a strong “masculine” body.

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 67 02.03.2015 20:36:14 Psychological qualities represent the second group of scruples. Women are attracted to men by those qualities of heart and character that are inherited from the father (e. g. will, decisiveness, honesty, etc.). The dominance of spiritual strength (“rationality”) can be perceived rather unfavourably because the instinctive aspects prevail over the intellectual aspects in a marital union. “The concern of marriage is the procreation of children, not an intelligent entertainment; it is a union of hearts, not of heads” (p. 691). However, men are attracted by the intellectual qualities of women that are inherited from the mother, but their impact is often outweighed by physical beauty. It makes a more immediate impression. Schopenhauer does not deny that a man or a woman considers other qualities; hence a woman thinks about a man’s intelligence and man ponders on the character of his bride, etc. However, he argues that this is a rational choice and thus it defies the object of these deliberations and consequently that which is the essence of the world and human life (p. 692). The third group of scruples are relative scruples (first two groups represented absolute scruples) and this is related to the fact that everybody loves what he lacks. Schopenhauer compares it to chemical neu- tralisation and it concerns both physical and psychological qualities. “Everybody tries to eliminate one’s own weaknesses, faults and devia- tions from type through the other person so that they may not get repeated in a child who is to be begotten, or may not grow into absolute abnormalities” (p. 693). Amorous desire that is awakened and manifested in an individual is a breath of the spirit of the genus that sees how and where he can acquire or lose the means for his purposes. “Only the genus lives forever, therefore, it is capable of infinite desires, infinite satisfaction and infinite pains” (p. 699). The purpose of marriage is the coming generation, not the present one; it is the essence of marriage and the reason why so few marriages are happy. If a passionate sexual love is joined by real friendship based on the harmony of thinking, then a harmony of souls is reached. In the appendix to the chapter on sexual love, Schopenhauer concentrates his attention on pederasty that has been accepted, even recommended, by many nations since ancient times. Schopenhauer again refers to his concept of universal will and the desire of the genus that is

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 68 02.03.2015 20:36:15 above the individual will. In his opinion, nature organized life in such a way that children begotten at later age are weak and detrimental to the genus. However, nature did not arrange for the termination of the sexual instinct and since nature does not know moral laws, it is organized in such a way that older men seek younger boys so that procreation with woman may be avoided. The manly age is not familiar with this vice and it finds it strange. Schopenhauer talks about nature’s foresight, but in moral understanding this is considered to be a human vice. Howev- er, Schopenhauer does not condemn it; on the contrary, he expresses his disapproving sentiment towards the sanctions that were and are imposed on the pederasty of old men because nature has its justifica- tion even in these cases, although it might look as an act against nature. Schopenhauer claims that from the metaphysical point of view pederasty is a perversion because, on one hand, it affirms the will to live, but, on the other hand, it completely excludes the consequence of this affirmation that opens a way to the renewal of life. Schopenhauer evaluates his deliberations as an unveiling of a certain truth that has been hidden until now, and that sheds new light upon the inner essence of the spirit and upon nature’s efforts. He claims that he is not concerned with morality but with the understanding of the heart of the matter (Schopenhauer, 2010).

2.2.3. Connaissances et agissements en amour selon Max Scheler Knowledge and Action in Love according to Max Scheler

Max Scheler is a founder of philosophical anthropology, follower of Hus- serl; he developed a doctrine of cognition, ethics, but also the philosophy of culture and axiological questions. He is a scholar who dedicated one of his works to the analysis of love. His theory of love is related to anthropology as well as to the question of values. He contributed to the elucidation of the problem of love through his phenomenology of emotionality concerning the clarification of the area of personality. Scheler states (in Nemec, 2011) that humanism emphasizes only the horizontal side of love, and hence there is no space for sacrifice or service, and the ethos of love focuses only on the earthly happiness. Real love takes care of providing good for the other, even at the expense of its own sacrifice.

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 69 02.03.2015 20:36:15 Scheler is an advocate of the idea that God is a creator, creating out of love. Thus, love has a creative nature and is transferred to man; not only the loving God is creative, but so is a loving man. At the same time, he is a person, he reach out of himself, and make himself into an object of knowledge. He is a physical as well as a spiritual being and as such “he is not bound by instincts and the environment; he is free of them and therefore open to the world” (Scheler, 1968, p. 67). The spirit is independent of nature, it is always active in uncovering the context of things, it frees a person from physical life. Although a man is a physical being, he is also a person, a spirit, a being who prays and seeks God. The highest form of love is God’s love of the world, of man; it is the basis of the life of the spirit (Scheler, 1971). It is also fundamental for the bipolarity of freedom and necessity in which human existence can develop. Love and progress also include suffering. It is an inherent part of life and an expression of the necessity to sacrifice the lower values in order to reach the higher ones. Love is a mover in the direction of the “higher”. Therefore a man who gets to know God is not afraid of death, not because he does not love life, but because he loves what is waiting for him in eternity. Scheler (1971) concentrated on the relationship of love with knowledge and wanting (with reason and will). On the one hand, he introduced theories claiming that love precedes thinking, and on the other hand, theories claiming that knowledge is an indispensable precondition of love. He states that love is the mother of wisdom, reason and spirit. It is not blind; on the contrary, it makes a person prescient, urges him to knowledge. The act of love is an experience of the world of values which represents an identification of the human and the divine. This experience is the highest possible experience a man can have. Man as a spiritual being or, rather, in his spiritual part corresponds with God through love. The principle of love takes care of basic moral human relationships and at the same time, enables a person to understand higher values. Wanting leads him closer to values and thus leads him closer to the values of the divine (ibid.). Only “love of the world and of God and things, love coming from God and ‘in God’ (amare Deum et mundum in Deo), this beautiful self-deprecation opens the eyes of our spirit and makes it possible for the full light of all conceivable values to stream into them” (Scheler,

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 70 02.03.2015 20:36:15 1993, p. 14). An order is the norm – ordo amoris – the order that is the core of the world order as God’s order, and it includes man as well. An act of love is a manifestation of the all-embracing ordo amoris and it is a starting point of understanding. Every understanding comes from it. Ordo amoris becomes a key to knowledge in the process of understanding (Scheler, 1971). Love reaches its pinnacle in interpersonal relationships. The more autonomous the relationships are, the stronger becomes the love. The first autonomy of relationships is true love or its culmination in the Holy Trinity. The Trinitarian divine love is the basis, the paradigm of love for all the relationships of one man with another (ibid.). The refin- ing and creative activity is the basis of love which is expressed in the community, in the whole. Both, desire and need, get expressed there. A community puts forward a requirement of moral solidarity, which does not represent only emotional affection or empathy, but also a shared responsibility. This is manifested in the fact that a person experiences shared responsibility for anybody’s mistake, but does not assume blame for other people’s mistakes. It is related to the fact that a part of love is a will to make sacrifices. The reason is not that a person deserves it, but a person is a value per se, and everything that is linked to life as a good is worthy of love (in Nemec, 2011).

2.2.4. Dietrich von Hildebrand à propos de l’amour comme reponse à la valeur Dietrich von Hildebrand on Love as a Response to the Value

Love in Dietrich von Hildebrand’s opinion is not only an ethical issue, but, similarly to M. Scheler’s opinion, it is part of an axiological problem. Love as a response to a person because of himself/herself and as a surrender to his/her love, i. e. as an affirmation of an objective good for the other person, and at the same time, love as a unifying force, are fundamental for Hildebrand’s concept of love. Hildebrand (1972) developed an approach called Phenomenological Philosophy of Values and later Material Ethics of Values and he claimed that there are ontological, moral, intellectual and aesthetic values in man and that love is a response to the value. The ontological value of person is proper to the being per se, it cannot be lost. Moral or aesthetic values can, but do not have to

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 71 02.03.2015 20:36:15 be incarnated. They are not guaranteed by the human existence per se in such a way, as it is in the case of ontological values, but they depend on the specific approach of a human person, on the specific direction of one’s will. For instance, a person cannot possess his ontological value in a higher or a lower degree than another person. It is possible in the case of a moral value – e. g. one person can be more generous than another, etc. Hildebrand lists three basic categories of the significance of values: —— The subjectively satisfying significance. These are the things which are important, pleasant or satisfying for somebody. Their significance is completely exhausted in relation to the pleasure of a certain person; without this person they lose their significance. E. g., flattery is pleasing at the given moment and it seems to be important, not indifferent. How- ever, it is important only as long as the person is pleased. When flattery stops to be pleasing, the interest in it will diminish. Thus, the interest in flattery is the principle of its significance. —— The value independent of the effect that it evokes. E. g., it is a noble or moral action, i.e. the values with inner significance, independent of the elicited effect, of the reaction of the person to the value, of the emotions that are present in the person. For instance, it is generous forgiveness to somebody who has hurt us deeply. —— The objective good of a person. This category of significance presupposes a value. It assumes a form of an objective good, but there is also a need for a relationship to the person (significant for myself). For instance, gratitude does not relate to subjective satisfaction of a person or of a value, but of that which is of (objective) real interest to the person, which is beneficial to his good. We distinguish values according to the type of significance, but every type of significance makes a different impression. In the context of this perception of the axiological question, love in Hildebrand’s opinion is a response to a value, but the concept of the response in this context differs from a cognitive act. “Response” is an intentional act, such as joy, enthusiasm, but also conviction or doubt; it includes acts of a voluntary character as well. The common feature of these acts is that a subject manifests a certain “content” which is of a varied quality, and at the same time, it is a meaningful response. We do not recognize this response in cognitive acts. Responses are mostly spontaneous attitudes to what is given on the objective side, although a cognitive act has its

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 72 02.03.2015 20:36:15 subjective side as well. In Hildebrand’s opinion, in the case of a response, the direction of intentionality is from subject to object, in the case of a cognitive act it is the opposite, from object to subject (in Cajthaml, 2010). Cognition is an act in which a person knows an object as it really is. Even though “responses” and cognitive acts differ from each other, there is an empirical-psychological connection as well as an essential connection between them. Other responses besides love are e. g. hatred, joy, etc. Love as a response to the value is a “response” to an object or a state of the world that belongs to one of the above-mentioned categories of significance. In Hildebrand’s opinion, every value requires a response; however, this is not a requirement linked to a moral obligation; even if there is no response to it (conscious or unconscious), it is not always a cause of a moral transgression. “A response to the value” is then such a type of response whose “objective correlation seems to be valuable, significant per se, not only as a source or means of subjective gratification” (Ca- jthaml, 2010, p. 25). The value to which love responds is a “valuable” or “all-inclusive beauty”, according to Hildebrand. Even when he speaks about love for music, country, language and so on, for Hildebrand, love is an intentional act of person; its addressee is essentially another person, but not as a bearer of some valuable qualities, but a person as a person, the person per se. Although this person manifests certain qualities that are “attractive”, the person that shows in these qualities is the one who is loved, not the qualities themselves. A relationship between a person and his/her value differs from the relationship between an impersonal being and its value; therefore, the love of a person is different to the love of impersonal beings. A person is not a bearer of values but the values are incarnated in him. Love brings a personal response and the one to whom this response belongs, is able to recognize it, and to be stirred by it. This does not apply to impersonal beings. Hildebrand’s concept of love emphasizes its transcendent dimension that in the case of love has several forms. Although love is also a need, it is essentially different from any other need. An important assertion in the question of love is Hildebrand’s statement that even though love is a response to a value, as we interpreted earlier, if it is real love, there must be a cognition present as well; if a person loves another person, s/ he must have known him/her earlier in some way. The only exception of this rule is parental love of their unborn child (see Cajthaml, 2010).

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 73 02.03.2015 20:36:15 2.2.5. Ouverture à faire du bien et Gabriel Marcel Openness to Do Good and Gabriel Marcel

The French existentialist philosopher Gabriel Marcel, an advocate of transcendence, of the personal life of man or of the phenomenon of presence, states (1971, p. 16) that “we can understand the mystery of soul and body only when we start from love that is possibly, in a certain sense, their expression,” and he continues with the observation that the person who truly loves, does not need to look for easier or narrower interpretations of love. Love dissolves boundaries between “in me and before me”. Marcel deals with love in the context of discourses on the relationship I–you, but also on self–love. Self–love exists as part of the background for the contradiction between the desire to own, to possess and a kind of uncertain awareness that man is nothing, despite the fact that he cannot say anything about himself that would not be his authentic self. He has a need of an external affirmation by another person that the “self” which concentrates mostly on himself wants to be established through another person and only by another person. In practice, we are interested in others only to the extent to which they are able to see a flattering picture of us, the one that pleases us. This supports a person’s self-liking and conceitedness, and it leads to growing demands. If a person is mostly interested in what impression he makes on others, on the one hand, he loses authenticity, and on the other hand, the real role of others disappears as well. A person becomes an image of other people’s ideas and opinions, he surrenders to them and loses himself. Selfish love is deceptive. True love, that is Christian love, leads to uncondition- ality which is a sign of presence (Marcel, 1971). Presence includes mutuality and every relationship of a subject to an object or of an object to a subject excludes mutuality. Presence finds its inner realisation in love and it infinitely exceeds any perceivable veri- fication because it is realized in the milieu of immediateness which lies outside of any thinkable mediation. True love opens a person to things and things open to a person in a mutual ontological overlap. Love unites a person with another and they become open to a higher form of knowledge, to new approaches to being. All true loves participate in God’s love and through it they participate in

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 74 02.03.2015 20:36:15 eternity. Everything which all subjects have in common is based on God who is Love. An open being is the one who is able to stay with another person when s/he needs him/her; a withdrawn being is a person who looks as if he has, for this very moment, taken up just very few of the resources which are at his disposal for the sake of the other person. In the first case the other person becomes a presence, in the second case just a means. There is a certain estrangement that always stands at the core of withdrawnness. To be withdrawn does not mean only to be in some way absorbed, but to be too occupied with oneself – by one’s wealth, by one’s loves, even by one’s inner self-improvement. It is not about being absorbed by something, but about being absorbed in a particular way. An open being is loyal, inwardly surrendering and protected from despair and suicide (which look alike and correspond to each other), because he knows that he does not belong to himself. He also realizes that the only way to use his freedom to its full potential is in the knowledge that he does not belong to himself; based on this knowledge he can act, he can create. The journey to this knowledge also leads through love. The other person exists for me as another person to the extent that I am open to him; however, I am open to him only till the moment when I stop forming a certain circle within myself into which I plant the other person or the notion of the other person in a certain way. Only in a love relationship we can convince the other person that we do not want to control him. We shall understand the other person as another person in love. True love of a person for another does not include the awareness that he is the owner of privileges that cannot be taken from him by anybody, and that the other person is an obstacle that must be eliminated or bypassed, or an echo that should support his natural smugness – that is moral egocentrism (ibid.). There is nothing in man that could not be regarded as a gift and gifts are not given based on any rights. We are only custodians of these gifts and there is an important question of how we will deal with these gifts, how we will approach them. A gift is a challenge that needs a response. It is a challenge that opens a wide range of possibilities before a person; he should choose from them and implement the one that corresponds best with his inner insistence. It is nothing else but a debate within ourselves. It is up to a person himself whether he will carry out

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 75 02.03.2015 20:36:15 an action, journey, visit or movement, etc. that could be also done by somebody else in his stead. Man affirms himself as a personality if he accepts responsibility for his own actions or if he acts as a real being, sharing in a certain real society, when he truly believes in the existence of others in such a way that it can influence his behaviour. A personality realizes its potential only through an action through which it wants to be incarnated (into life, work, activity). A personality requires the existence of the world containing good and evil. If one’s self remains closed in on itself, if this self is a prisoner of one’s feelings, desires and dark anxiety that are working in him, in fact, he finds himself outside good and evil. This self literally has not awakened to reality yet. A typical characteristic of a personality is openness. It is a state of being unattached, an ability to give oneself to everything that will come, to be bound by this gift; it is an ability to transform circumstances into opportunities or rather into lucky opportunities. A personality is a mission and a mission is a response to the challenge. It is up to the person whether he will perceive the challenge as a challenge. An open being is the opposite of an absorbed being or rather of a being occupied with itself. An open being is oriented out- wards, out of oneself; it is ready to sacrifice itself for the matter which surpasses it, but which it will make into its own. A question of creativity and fidelity comes up here. The essence of creativity is in the action, deed, through which he places himself at one’s disposal. Man is affirmed as a personality by assuming responsibility for his actions and words before others, but also before himself. Fidelity is the opposite of idle conformism; it is an active recognition of something permanent, not formal. In this sense it will “always be related to a certain presence, or to something that is, or rather that can be, and shall be, kept in us and before us as a presence” (Marcel, 1971, p. 30). True fidelity includes an active and constant struggle against the powers that draw us to an inner dissipation and to the sclerosis of habit. It means that we actively keep the presence over time and renew its benefit; therefore Marcel rejects “experimental” marriages that he considers to be a manifestation of infantilism because love and fidelity cannot be separated. As love is creative, so should be fidelity. Besides desire and fidelity love also contains hope. Hope lies in the certainty that behind everything which can be included in some list, or

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 76 02.03.2015 20:36:15 which is given in a certain way, “there is a mysterious principle, which is in congruence with me, and which cannot not want the same thing that I want, at least if it deserves to be wanted, and if I want it with all my being” (ibid., p. 23). We can shut ourselves away from hope as well as from love; we can indubitably negate hope in the same way, in which we can negate and degrade love. Freedom is given the opportunity to be manifested and developed through hope and love. Good will is the only positive contribution of which man is capable. Where there is freedom shining, either in the order of holiness, or in the order of artistic creation, it is evident that there is no autonomy because the ego, autocentrism are fully absorbed by love. Marcel speaking about will maintains: “I want, therefore I can; therefore I make decisions that I can do exactly this, that I can reach this exact result, just because I want (or because it is needed) this thing to be done, this result to be acquired” (ibid, p. 112). To act freely always means to bring about something new and it would be contrary to claim that if I want something, I must only hold onto knowledge that I have already gained; however, I can only come up from this knowledge if I want to objectively define what is and what is not in my power. Love is a part of human experience; it is a selfless doing of good in relation to the good of another person (Marcel, 2004). The good of another person is a fundamental good and the objective in a relationship between people, not only in personal life, but also in professional life. It is desirable to know the good of another person. We face the question of what the good of man is. Human sciences see it as the thing that helps man in his personal development; when he develops as a human being, a man (not as a thief, brute, murderer, etc.). Good is not the thing that pleases man, but the thing that helps him, even though it does not have to be pleasant at a given moment. The second factor is selflessness, i. e. to do good for others without thinking of one’s own benefit. A person reaches himself in love and he does it through another person. Love of another person means that we do not deal with him as if he were a thing; it requires patience, sensitive respect, indulgence which must not be indifferent. As love is a matter of transcendence, in the course of its development or assertion, a person cannot encounter insurmountable obstacles, although the application of love involves certain difficulties (Marcel, 1971).

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 77 02.03.2015 20:36:15 2.2.6. Karol Wojtyla à propos de l’amour comme don de soi Karol Wojtyla on Love as Self-giving

The Polish thinker Karol Wojtyla (later known as Pope John Paul II) based his conception of love on the neo-Thomistic idea of man as a person, a being defined as a subject with reason and free will “who is in immediate contact with the whole outside world, and he substantially resides in it through his interior and his inner life” (2003, p. 20). He makes contact not only with the visible world but also with the invisible one. It is not only physical or sensual contact; a person contacts other people through his interior as well. A person is irreplaceable, incommutable; it can be expressed by saying: Nobody else can want in my stead. Nobody else can pass off his action as mine. Wojtyla interprets love as self-giving (2003); similarly to other thinkers before him and also to his contemporaries, he argues that a person cannot become a means, s/he can only become an objective. For instance, Immanuel Kant (2004, p. 23) states that “love as affection cannot be or- dered; to do good out of obligation, especially if one is not driven by any affection, or if one is hindered by a natural and insurmountable aversion, this is practical love, not a pathological one; it is based on will, not on emotional affection, on the principles of action, not on a dissolving par- ticipation.” In Kant’s opinion a person can never become a means, he can be only the target of another person’s action. If this is not happening, it is against morality, humanity and love. In Emmanuel Lévinas’s opinion (in Tkacik, 2005) self-giving is a means through which a subject reaches his own self. What about the relationships between an employer and an employee, a pupil and a teacher, a husband and a wife, a child and a parent, etc.? What does it mean not to become a means in the hands of another person in the process of reaching the goals that he has set before him? Wojtyla responds (2003) that there is need for an aspect of the common objective which is a good that is regarded as good (instrumental in the personal growth of both parties) by both persons. “The common awareness of the choice of a purpose in the case of various persons causes that they become equal in regard to themselves; at the same time, it excludes the possibility that any person would be able to control another” (Wojtyla, 2003, p. 26). It often holds true in mutual relationships that one person desires the other person to want the same good; therefore, it is necessary

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 78 02.03.2015 20:36:15 for the other person to know this good, to recognize it as good, and also to choose it as his/her own objective. Thereafter this objective, this jointly chosen good, is reached together. It is the same in love which is not finished; it is a certain idea, a principle, to which a person directs his action. “The ability to love determines a person’s willingness to consciously seek good with others, to surrender to this good in respect to others, or to surrender to others in respect to this good” (ibid., p. 26). Hence love has its place at school, at work, in the family, in friendship, in marriage, simply everywhere in interpersonal relationships. In the course of coexistence, every person should consciously and responsibly seek the fundamental good of another person, while upholding his own value and dignity. A good of human being is one which helps another in his development as a man, as a person. Karol Wojtyla, similarly to Pascal or Marcel, places the discourse on love into the Christian context, and he sees God, who is the Creator, as the source of love and as Love itself. He did not create man in order to use him as an instrument of his power, but he equipped him with dis- positions and possibilities so that he might realize his potential in love. He has reason and free will at his disposal; they are manifested in his thinking and acting. Wojtyla also disputes various types and dimensions of love. Falling in love is part of the love between a man and a woman; sexual love and concupiscence belong to marital love. Love also includes emotions. He writes about friendly love and maintains that “love is the fullest realisation of man’s possibilities” (ibid., p. 68). Love is not only about reaching the objective, which is a good, but also about wishing good for another person, which then excludes any greed. Love also includes responsibility for the person who is “drawn” into the love relationship, but also responsibility for one’s own love; therefore, love cannot be separated from the perception of the value of the other person. Wojtyla’s concept of love as self-giving (ibid., p. 104) brings about a limitation of one’s own freedom in relation to another person; however, this is not a limitation in a negative sense. The limitation of one’s freedom shall be positive, joyful and creative. Love involves the freedom to engage and to fulfil. Self-giving is based on other preconditions. If a person wants to donate something, he must own it; hence, if love is a self-giving, it requires one to own oneself. A person should be his own

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 79 02.03.2015 20:36:15 master, he should not let himself be enslaved by instincts or appetence, but he should exercise control over his “lower spheres” through his reason and will. To own oneself is not the only precondition of self-giving because if one is to own oneself, he needs to know oneself – he needs to know his good qualities (and develop them) and his negatives (and eliminate them). Self-knowledge and owning of oneself are the conditions of one becoming a gift to another. The role of a person as a subject in the process of love is to educate oneself as a gift for another (Wojtyla, 2003). The process of self–owning, self–knowledge and self–giving becomes also a part of psychological research. Love requires knowledge of oneself and knowledge of another, and that is the first step towards love. The second step is action, deeds. Knowledge itself does not suffice. Experience proves that a man knows what is good and right, but often he is not willing or able to act in a good and right way. It is desirable not only to cognize, to know, but also to want and to act; this requires working on one’s own improvement and the positive development of a relationship with another person. Love is neither given, nor static; “it is not a finished product in mutual human relationships. It is a principle or an idea to which people have to direct their actions if they want, or are obliged to want, to be freed from the consumerist [...] orientation in relation to other persons (ibid., p. 26). A person, who loves, recognizes the true good for another person, and then selflessly carries it out. Love is a dynamic phenomenon; it can deepen or languish. These are the arguments supporting the claim that one can learn to love and one can be educated in love. Love is one of the human expressions that surpass him; besides its dynamism we observe love’s transcendence.

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 80 02.03.2015 20:36:15 3. COMPRÉHENSION RELIGIEUSE ET SPIRITUELLE DE L’AMOUR RELIGIOUS AND SPIRITUAL CONCEPT OF LOVE

Religiosity is probably the closest term to spirituality. Some authors argue that spirituality is a broader term because it includes religious element (rituals, piety, etc.) as well as nonreligious element (e.g. mystical experiences, seeking and knowing the meaning of life). There are others who maintain that these two terms are intertwined, but also those who separate spirituality from religiosity (in Fontana, 2003; Rican, 2007; Smekal, 2005; Strizenec, 2007; Tloczynski at al., 1997). Aspects of the theological concept and of the psychological concept differ from each other. However, none of them excludes man perceived as a being who is loving and loved.

3.1. VIE SPIRITUELLE ET RELIGIEUSE DE L’HOMME SPIRITUAL AND RELIGIOUS LIFE OF A HUMAN BEING

The term spirituality is not unknown among the lay public, or in scientific literature, starting with theology, through philosophy and psychology, to pedagogy. If we take into consideration research on the brain and the quest for how spiritual intelligence is related to brain activity, the term spirituality becomes a course of study for neurosciences. Spirituality in Christianity is perceived as a lifestyle inspired and directed by the Holy Spirit; in religious studies it is a way of life in which a person experiences a uplifting beyond everydayness, and in which he has a need to seek extreme experiences. Spiritualities of various religious communities and their founders (starting with early Christianity up to this day) emerged in the course of the history of the Church and

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 81 02.03.2015 20:36:15 the history of consecrated life; this also points out its diverse forms. Mysticism and asceticism are parts of Christian spirituality as well. Theology regards spirituality as a personal and spontaneous expression of spiritual life, a result of the working of the Holy Spirit. Another theological branch is the spiritual theology that studies the phenomenon of spirituality since ancient times and believes spirituality to be a core of mature religiosity. It considers the spirit (spiritus) to be a place of communication with the deity (see Strizenec, 2007). Nowadays, a differentiation between the terms spirituality and religiosity enters into human awareness. However, not every author accepts this differentiation. For instance, the Polish expert in the philosophy of religion, Z. Zdybicka, does not use the term spirituality in her works; she uses only religiosity and interprets it as one of the signs of human transcendence. She also implies a concept of sacrum in religiosity and includes a relationship to a superior being, the transcendent, but also the seeking of the meaning of life, etc., among the characteristics of man as a religious being (Zdybicka, 1993, 1996). Religion is interpreted as one of the elements constituting the culture of society (besides science, art and morality). If we define the terms of religiosity and spirituality separately, then religiosity is perceived as a complexity of actions emerging from a positive relationship with God. These actions assume various forms of thinking, living and acting, but also an attitude to the religious content that is manifested in an individual hierarchy of values. It is also defined as the observance of convictions and rituals of the organized Church or of a religious institution. Piety, faith in authenticity, and truthfulness of religion, power of faith, and religious belief are all related to it. This term originally contained also individual and institutional elements; nowadays, it is interpreted more as a formally structured entity and it is linked to religious institutions, prescribed doctrine and rituals (in Strizenec, 2007). Presentday psychology differentiates spirituality from religiosity, claiming that it is a way of existence and experience acquired through the realisation of the transcendent dimension of a personality. It is characterized by certain values in a relationship of man to himself, to other people, to nature, and to life. It is defined as an individual action, linked to personal transcendence and meaningfulness, which also includes the mystical experience. The definition of spirituality also contains an emphasis on the detachment of spirit or psyche from the physical

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 82 02.03.2015 20:36:15 factors or circumstances that affect human life. It is perceived as a quest for the sacred (sacrum), which is represented by God, deity, the ultimate reality, but also by those aspects of life that are of an extraordinary character (ibid.). P. Socha (2000) claims that spirituality is an undecided and complex concept, uniting the psychological processes and qualities with actions that develop within the framework of the spiritual life (ideology, religiosity, wisdom, morality). Every person, regardless of his relationship to religion, manifests spirituality. There is a partial overlap between spirituality and religiosity, where spirituality represents an essential centre of religiosity, but also goes beyond it. It does not necessarily need to be holistic; it can also be disordered or limited. Spir- ituality develops and this process starts already in childhood. It can be intentional or spontaneous. The degree that is acquired in spirituality depends on the motivational, cognitive and experiential capacity of the person. Spirituality is the basis of the positive as well as negative perception of the existential situation of the person. K. H. Reich (2000) also differentiates between religiosity and spirituality; he furthermore distinguishes between two types of spirituality – religious and natural. In his opinion, spirituality is the sharing of joy and sadness; a deep relationship between people, between people and nature, between people and the superior being. All types of spirituality have the recognition of transcendence to which self is subordinate in common. This is also the basis of the difference between religious and natural spirituality. “The great transcendence – God” is related to religion and in Christian tradition the life of a spiritual person is directed by the Holy Spirit. Natural spirituality recognizes “medial transcendence”, such as idealisation of one’s nation, classless society, money, relaxation, but also occultism, etc. These are diverse models of the transcendent reality. Each individual, based on various factors (innate foundation, so- cialisation, cultural setting, occurrence of chances, life events), chooses the type of spirituality which best meets his needs. D. Fontana (2003) deals with the usage of the term spirituality out of the religious context. Spirituality is a belief in a nonmaterial dimension, permeating the physical world and creating other levels of being, accessi- ble in mystical experience and in the afterlife. It also monitors the range in which an individual knows his spiritual substance and enables it to be

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 83 02.03.2015 20:36:15 manifested through his soul and through his behaviour in the course of his physical life. Nonreligious interpretations of spirituality emphasize also the ultimate existential aspirations of the individual or of the community, but also the means for the acquisition of these aspirations. L. Kosc (2000) writes about religiosity and spirituality in relation to the three-dimensional model of personality; he distinguishes natural, religious and Christian spiritualities. Natural spirituality is manifested in an innate desire for identity, happiness, success, perfection, truth and justice, beauty, stimulation, mystery; however, spirituality is not equal to religiosity, although it represents its most immanent substance. Religious spirituality is based on natural spirituality and lies in an evident relationship with some supernatural Being; Christian spirituality is related to faith in the triune God and in Jesus Christ.

Recent years have brought spiritual intelligence into the wide range of diverse types of intelligence. First of all, there is rational intelligence, expressed by IQ, and emotional intelligence (EQ). This relates to the statement about the existence of a relationship between certain areas of the brain and the spiritual life of a person. The issue of spiritual intelligence was pursued by D. Zohar and I. Marshall. In their work SQ – Spiritual Intelligence, the Ultimate Intelligence (2000; Czech ed. 2003) they claim that thanks to the emotional intelligence, a person is able to recognize his own experience and the experience of other people. It provides space for empathy, compassion, motivation, and a possibility to react properly to pain or to unpleasant emotions. Emotional intelligence is a precondition for the effective usage of rational intelligence. Spiritual intelligence is the one with which we solve problems of meaning and value, the intelligence with which we place our actions and lives in a wider, richer, meaning-giving context, the intelligence with which we can assess which course of action or life-path is more meaningful than another. Spiritual intelligence is the necessary foundation for both rational and emotional intelligences (Zohar and Marshall, 2003). By virtue of his spiritual intelligence a man is a creative being who can change rules and boundaries. Due to this intelligence he is able to differentiate, he has a sense of morality, an ability to discern good and evil, he is able to develop his possibilities. This intelligence is not necessarily linked to religiosity and piety does not guarantee a high spiritual intelligence.

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 84 02.03.2015 20:36:15 Spiritual intelligence lies in a deeper part of the human self and it is linked to wisdom surpassing one’s ego or conscious mind. It precedes all forms of religious expression. Due to it, religiosity is possible, but it is independent of it. It provides one with a sensitivity to the meaning of one’s own struggles; due to it, a person has a deep intuitive sensitivity to meaning and values; it “heals the wounds” between a man and other people (ibid.). Thanks to this intelligence, a person is able to accomplish an intellectual synthesis and to be open to transformation (conversion, change). Spiritual intelligence is very close to love perceived as an expression of transcendence. Some psychologists (see Strizenec, 2005) argue against a spiritual intelligence explained on the basis of brain research, claiming that there is no evidence of a direct connection between “the point of God” and spiritual intelligence.

Regardless of the presence of this “point of God” in the brain, or its absence, there is evidence of the existence of spirituality and religiosity in a man’s life. Both phenomena have their modifications, levels and intensity, they are influenced by external as well as by internal factors, they can either grow or deteriorate. Spirituality and religiosity alike are dynamic and transcendent phenomena. The phenomenon of spirituality enables a person to develop his sensitivity to spiritual values, to experience and express his relation to God in the middle of a certain structured religion or religious movement. It is a personal religious experience and it is realised in one’s life; it becomes important for the inner freedom of the person. V. Smekal (2002), in addition to traditional prayer and penance as the means of development of spirituality, also includes sacred dances, singing, visits to the nature, knowledge of one’s personality features, reflection and self-reflection. He maintains that a personality, through the spiritual dimension of one’s being, transcends one’s everydayness and opens up to the formation of such characteristics as love, responsibility, prudence, wisdom, equanimity, nobility. The present tendency to differentiate between religiosity (religion or religiousness), defined as a set of institutional and ritual elements, and spirituality as a sense for spiritual phenomena, stems from a certain aversion against “everything” related to the Church, to which the

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 85 02.03.2015 20:36:15 term of religiosity is linked. The concept of spirituality, referring to the inner experience of an individual faith, the understanding of oneself and of the world, is in people’s understanding devoid of a certain “tang of churchism” or heaviness (Stampach, 2010). On the other hand, it is not possible to deny the fact that the concept of spirituality has its origin in Christian tradition, in various Christian schools, in monastic and religious life, in reference to the Bible, where it also has its own place; at the same time, it invites to the spiritual life. The present shift in the spiritual understanding of life does not exclude Christianity; it points it out not only in its consecrated form of life (in its present diversity), but also in the life of “lay Christians”. The word spirituality is derived from the Latin word spiritus –spirit, in the sense of the Holy Spirit who is one of the three persons of the Holy Trinity. His actions are written about in the books of the Bible, his presence and workings have been pointed out much more in the recent decades than in the past. He is perceived as a divine person, but also as love between the Father and the Son. He is the one who teaches true love to man and at the same time, he fills him with love.

3.2. L’AMOUR DANS LA BIBLE LOVE IN THE BIBLE

The Bible (the Holy Scriptures) is a source rich in its variety of topics; one of the most frequent of them is love in its diverse forms – friendly love, marital love, love of the engaged couple, erotic love, love for neighbour, but also love for enemy, most of all God’s love and love for God. The New Testament offers more references to God’s love and to God as Love than the Old Testament; however, love is a phenomenon transforming people and situations, presented in both parts of the Bible.

3.2.1. Commandement de l’amour dans l’Ancien Testament The Commandment of Love in the Old Testament

The Jewish-Christian tradition perceives God as Love, however, the Old Testament does not state it explicitly. God is mentioned as Wisdom, or as a source of wisdom and everything comes from him: “In wisdom,

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 86 02.03.2015 20:36:15 Yahweh laid the earth’s foundations, in understanding he spread out the heavens” (Prov 3:19). – “All wisdom comes from the Lord and is with him for ever. [...] The height of heaven, the breadth of the earth, the depth of the abyss, and wisdom – who can search them out? Wisdom was created before all things, and prudent understanding from eternity. The root of wisdom – to whom has it been revealed? Her clever devices – who knows them? There is One who is wise, greatly to be feared, sitting upon his throne” (Sir 1:1. 3-6). God created the world through wisdom, but out of love (see chapters 2 and 3.2.2) and this God’s love for man is specifically presented in the Bible.

God’s Love for Man

The books of the Old Testament in many places present God as the one who loves man. The authors of the books of the Old Testament use many analogies, similes and metaphors to describe his love. The relationship between God and Israel, which is his chosen people, is described in a special way: “I have loved you, says Yahweh. But you ask, “How have you shown your love?” Was not Esau Jacob’s brother? declares Yahweh; even so, I loved Jacob...” (Mal 1:2). – “I have loved you with an everlasting love and so I still maintain my faithful love for you” (Jer 31:3). – “[Lord], you who love the ancestors! Your holy ones are all at your command. At your feet they fell, under your guidance went swiftly on” (Deut 33:3). – “For Yah- weh loves his people, he will crown the humble with salvation” (Ps 149:4). The Israeli nation (Israel, Hebrews, Jews) is presented as “the vir- gin of Israel” whom God loves, but it is also presented as the son whom God helps and does not abandon in his difficulties. He, out of his love, leads his nation out of slavery and in this way he intervenes in its future: “Because he loved your ancestors and, after them, chose their descendants, he has brought you out of Egypt, displaying his presence and mighty power” (Deut 4:37). – “For you are a people consecrated to Yahweh your God; of all the peoples on earth, you have been chosen by Yahweh your God to be his own people. Yahweh set his heart on you and chose you not because you were the most numerous of all peoples – for indeed you were the smallest of all – but because he loved you and meant to keep the oath which he swore to your ancestors: that was why Yah- weh brought you out with his mighty hand and redeemed you from the

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 87 02.03.2015 20:36:15 place of slave–labour, from the power of Pharaoh king of Egypt” (Deut 7:6-8). – “For I am Yahweh your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour, I have given Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. Since I regard you as precious, since you are honoured and I love you, I therefore give up people in exchange for you, and nations in return for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you. I shall bring your offspring from the east, and gather you from the west” (Is 43:3-5). Hosea (Hos 11:1) writes about this relationship of God to Israel in a similar way: “When Israel was a child I loved him, and I called my son out of Egypt.” Although God transcends human fatherhood and motherhood, his love for man is also compared to this type of relationship. The fatherly love of God is described later in the books of the New Testament. Even though it is always about the relationship between God and Israel, the title sometimes refers only to certain groups, depending on the given Israeli tribe: “Is Ephraim, then, so dear a son to me, a child so favoured, that whenever I mention him I remember him lovingly still? That is why I yearn for him, why I must take pity on him, Yahweh declares (Jer 31:20). The fatherly relationship of God to man is also manifested through strict, educational, or righteous love: “For Yahweh reproves those he loves, as a father the child whom he loves [...] Whoever fails to use the stick hates his child; whoever is free with correction loves him” (Prov 3:12; 13:24). Motherly love differs from fatherly one. God shows also this type of love to his people: “Zion was saying, ‘Yahweh has abandoned me, the Lord has forgotten me.’ Can a woman forget her baby at the breast, feel no pity for the child she has borne? Even if these were to forget, I shall not forget you” (Is 49:14-15). There are many characteristics of God which are described in the Old Testament and to which love is very close: wisdom, justice, kindness; an important place belongs also to God’s faithfulness to man and to keeping his word and promises (Ex 34:6; Deut 32:4; Ps 23:3; Ps 31:6; Ps 54:7; Ps 86:15; Ps 138:2; Wis 15:1; Is 49:7; Is 65:16). This is true even when the man (the Israeli people) is unfaithful: “... Yahweh loves the Israelites although they turn to other gods and love raisin cakes” (Hos 3:1). God loves even an unfaithful man. A man will elicit difficulties for himself through his infidelity. The lives of biblical characters (Abraham, Job, Daniel, etc.) and the words of the Old Testament point out the fact

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 88 02.03.2015 20:36:16 that it is worthwhile to be faithful to God (Num 14:24; Tob 1:12; Ps 31:24; Dan 6:5). Despite God being a perfect being, his characteristics are often presented as human characteristics; hence the authors of the books of the Old Testament state that jealousy is also part of God’s love. However, this jealousy springs from God’s wisdom (no other god can give man the things that the only true God gives him – it is God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob): “For Yahweh your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God” (Deut 4:24). – “Do not follow other gods, gods of the peoples round you, for Yah- weh your God among you is a jealous God; the wrath of Yahweh your God would blaze out against you, and he would wipe you off the face of the earth” (Deut 6:14-15). A special God’s favour is shown to those he has called to a special service, especially to prophets and kings: “In a letter sent to King Solo- mon, Huram king of Tyre replied, ‘Because Yahweh loves his people he has made you their king” (2 Chr 2:10). God had loved Solomon since his birth: “David consoled his wife Bathsheba. He went to her and slept with her. She conceived and gave birth to a son, whom she called Solomon. Yahweh loved him” (2 Sam 12:24). Manifestations of God’s love are present especially at the times of loneliness, misunderstanding, or per- secution: “Yahweh then said to Moses, ‘Again I shall do what you have asked, because you enjoy my favour and because I know you by name.’ [...] ‘I shall make all my goodness pass before you, and before you I shall pronounce the name of Yahweh; and I am gracious and I take pity on those on whom I take pity” (Ex 33:17-19). – “David built an altar to Yah- weh and offered burnt offerings and communion sacrifices. Yahweh then took pity on the country and the plague was lifted from Israel” (2 Sam 24:25). Abraham is an example of God’s favour. He asks God to save Sodom; he even negotiates with God and God does not raise objections; God promises Abraham to fulfil the favour for which he is asking if the case is in fact such as Abraham has presented it (Gen 18:23-32). God shows his love to anybody who turns back to him, even though he has not been faithful before: “God saw their efforts to renounce their evil ways. And God relented about the disaster which he had threatened to bring on them, and did not bring it” (Jon 3:10). The Bible presents not only a direct challenge to love God and man but also challenges that are closely related to love, such as taking care of

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 89 02.03.2015 20:36:16 the poor, orphans and widows. God shows his love to these people and it shall be an incentive for man to do the same: “[Yahweh your God...] He it is who sees justice done for the orphan and the widow, who loves the stranger and gives him food and clothing. Love the stranger then, for you were once strangers in Egypt” (Deut 10:18-19; Lev 19:34). God appreciates man who lets himself be guided by wisdom and God shows love or favour to him: “For God loves only those who dwell with Wisdom” (Wis 7:28). – “Those who serve her, minister to the Holy One, and the Lord loves those who love her” (Sir 4:15). It is similar in the case of God’s relationship to a righteous man: “For the Lord is righteous; he loves righteous deeds; the upright shall behold his face” (Psalm 11:7).

Human Love

God created man out of love and he made him into his own image and gave him reason and free will. God created him as a social being and man can display his reason and his will in the middle of the human community. Man has been created out of love, but also for love; he experiences and expresses this love in his relationship to God, man and other creatures.

Man’s Love for God

Love in the Bible represents a challenge for man; it is also God’s commandment: “Listen, Israel: Yahweh our God is the one, the only Yahweh. You must love Yahweh your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength. Let the words I enjoin on you today stay in your heart. You shall tell them to your children, and keep on telling them, when you are sitting at home, when you are out and about, when you are lying down and when you are standing up” (Deut 6:4-7). – “You must love Yahweh your God and always keep his observances, his laws, his customs, his commandments” (Deut 11:1). God challenges man to love, to be faithful, and man strives for it: “He confirmed the covenant in his own flesh, and proved himself faithful under ordeal” (Sir 44:21). – “For Hezekiah did what is pleasing to the Lord, and was steadfast in the ways of David his father, enjoined on him by the prophet Isaiah, a great man trustworthy in his vision” (Sir 48:25). – “Let faithful love and constancy

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 90 02.03.2015 20:36:16 never leave you: tie them round your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart” (Prov 3:3). Many Israeli leaders took God’s challenges to their hearts; they also emphasized love for God and faithfulness to him, observance of God’s commandments. Joshua challenges the Israelites before they enter into the Promised Land: “Be very careful, as you value your life, to love Yah- weh your God” (Josh 23:11). He challenges them to trust because “Yah- weh has dispossessed great and powerful nations before you, and no one so far has been able to resist you. One man of you was able to rout a thousand of them, since Yahweh your God was himself fighting for you, as he had promised you” (Josh 23:9-10). Love for God is not just a challenge, but also a reality practised by kings and prophets, by patriarchs and simple people. It is written that King David and King Solomon loved God and his wisdom and God blessed them because of that (1 Chr 3:3; Sir 47:10. 17; 2 Sam 22:1; Ps 18:2; Wis 7:10; 8:2). The complexity of love for God is expressed also in the relationship to his commandments, observances, and laws. King David was one of those who admitted following them (Ps 119:97, 113, 119, 127, 140, 159, 167). Man’s love for God is also subjected to trials: “Yahweh your God is testing you to know if you love Yahweh your God with all your heart and all your soul. Yahweh your God is the one whom you must follow, him you must fear, his commandments you must keep, his voice you must obey, him you must serve, to him you must hold fast” (Deut 13:3-4). There is God’s promise that he will not abandon man or those who love him: “But the Lord never goes back on his mercy, never cancels any of his words, will neither deny offspring to his elect nor stamp out the line of the man who loved him” (Sir 47:24). He will not abandon a person who has committed a sin, but returned to God’s path: “Would I take pleasure in the death of the wicked – declares the Lord Yahweh – and not prefer to see him renounce his wickedness and live?” – “If the wicked, however, renounces all the sins he has committed, respects my laws and is law-abiding and upright, he will most certainly live; he will not die. None of the crimes he committed will be remembered against him from then on; he will most certainly live because of his upright actions” (Ezek 18:23. 21-22). Man responds to God’s challenges and his love by serving him, observing his commandments, walking God’s paths (Deut 10:12f; Ex 20:6;

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 91 02.03.2015 20:36:16 Deut 5:10; 7:9; 11:1; Dan 9:4; Neh 1:5). Faithfulness is not the only manifestation of man’s love for God, there is also service, respect for God’s requirements, trust in love, in one’s prayers being heard, trust in God’s protection and mercy (Ex 20:6; 1 Sam 20:8; Ps 11:1; Ps 18:2-4; Ps 37:5; Ps 116:1; Ps 119:42-43; Prov 29:25; Hos 12:7; 2 Macc 8:18).

Man’s Love for His Fellow Man

Besides the challenge to love God, man is also challenged to love another man: “You will not exact vengeance on, or bear any sort of grudge against, the members of your race, but will love your neighbour as yourself. I am Yahweh” (Lev 19:18). The person who loves God loves also his neighbour. God blesses this person and showers him with his favour, supports him, protects him from a bad reputation, gives him victory over his enemies, and rewards him abundantly. God especially appreciates love for the poor who are a special target group of his loving behaviour. Directives for the holy years include also the right of slaves to redeem themselves from slavery; foreigners who settled in the country had the same rights according to the law, but they also had a right for brotherly love on the part of the Israelites. There are many examples of characters from the Bible illustrating how God responds to these attitudes, and how he keeps his promises.

Friendly Love

A person appreciates a good friend or a friendly relationship at every age. The Old Testament talks about their value: “A friend is a friend at all times, it is for adversity that a brother is born” (Prov 17:17); true friendship includes also faithfulness: “A loyal friend is a powerful defence: whoever finds one has indeed found a treasure” (Sir 6:14-16). Friendly love is illustrated by the relationship between David and Jonathan, Saul’s son: “Jonathan made a pact with David, since he loved him like his very self” (1 Sam 18:3). – “Jonathan then renewed his oath to David, since he loved him like his very soul” (1 Sam 20:17). – “I am desolate for you, Jonathan my brother. Very dear you were to me, your love more wonderful to me than the love of a woman (2 Sam 1:26). Their friendship (even though there was about 30-year age difference between them) is

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 92 02.03.2015 20:36:16 manifested especially at the times when David’s life is in peril and Jona- than is not afraid to warn David against the danger that threatens him from Saul.

Parental Love

The Old Testament presents parental love as the love of father and mother, but also as preferential love. The exemplary love is the one where the first place is given to the love for God which then becomes a basis of the love for one’s child. Parental love often undergoes various trials, but the one who perseveres will get a blessing for his life. Abraham is an example of a loving parent going through a trial. God challenges him to sacrifice his only son Isaac (Gen 22:2). Abraham shows his love also to his second son (first-born) Ishmael whose mother was a maidservant named Hagar. He asks God for a blessing for Ishmael (Gen 17:20). Jacob was a beloved son of his mother, his father loved his brother Esau more than him (Gen 25:28). Even the patriarch Jacob could not avoid a trial. His beloved son Joseph was sold into slavery (Gen 37:3; 37:23-27). Fatherly love was tested by betrayal in the case of David who was against killing his son Absalom in the fight even though he was fighting against David. The death of Absalom (traitor) had a great impact on David (2 Sam 18-19). Mothers are also exposed to trials. Hagar, whom Sarah dismissed from the house in which she had served, asks God for his mercy, especially for her son Ishmael. God hears her prayer (Gen 21:14-20). Jochebed’s love for her son is stronger than the order given by the king. Due to disobedience towards the order that concerned the Is- raelites in Egypt and required killing of new-born Jewish boys Moses survived. Later he led the Israelites out of Egyptian slavery. His mother Jochebed, after nursing him for three months, put him inside a basket and laid it near the riverbank where pharaoh’s daughter found him. Jochebed became his nursemaid (Ex 2:1-10; 6:20). A poor widow from Zarephath is another woman who respects God’s challenge and is saved, together with her son, from starvation to death. She obeys the prophet Elijah and makes a scone for him from the

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 93 02.03.2015 20:36:16 leftover flour and oil. God rewards her for this sacrifice – she is given food but her only son is saved, too (1 Kgs 17:12-24). A woman of rank from Shunem shares a similar fate. She could not have children and when she finally gave birth to a son, he died. Her love for her child forced her to go and search for the prophet Elisha (she conceived and gave birth to her son based on his prophecy) and ask him to bring her son back to life. And it happened (2 Kgs 4 – 5). Longing for a child, love and trust in God are introduced in the story of Hannah, the wife of Elkanah. Hannah could not have children. God heard her long prayers in the temple. She consecrated her son (later known as the prophet Samuel) to God out of her love for God (1 Sam 1).

Concupiscent Love

The Old Testament offers many stories where “a heart was set on fire” by concupiscence. Concupiscent love is linked with pain (relationship between Leah’s and Jacob’s daughter Dinah and Shechem – Gen 34; Uriah’s death and the death of a newborn son because of David’s concupiscence – 2 Sam 11; the unhappy story of the king’s daughter Tamar and her step- brother Amnon – 2 Sam 13; concupiscence was fatal also for Holofernes – Jdt 12:12-10; 13:1-11, etc.). David’s atonement and contrition for his actions based on concupiscence changed his life and his marriage to Bath- sheba was happy to a certain extent. However, all his life David encounters obstacles, struggles and betrayal on the part of the people who are closest to him. He then turns to God with all his problems.

Love between an Engaged Couple

The only book of the Old Testament where the central theme is love is the Song of Songs. King Solomon, the son of David, is said to be the author of this book. The book is an allegory of a relationship between a man and God, while various images and various degrees of love between man and woman, including erotic love, expressing this relationship, are used. The Song of Songs has two meanings – literal and symbolic. The mystic wedding between God and the Israeli nation is explained through a relationship between the beloved and her lover who is presented as her bridegroom; since the 3rd century this wedding has been

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 94 02.03.2015 20:36:16 interpreted as the mystic wedding between Jesus Christ and the Church (see Schwartz, 2003): “Set me like a seal on your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is strong as Death, passion as relentless as Sheol. The flash of it is a flash of fire, a flame of Yahweh himself” (Song 8:6). The love between an engaged couple is presented in the story of Ja- cob and Rachel where Jacob had to fight for the marriage to Rachel. This is a story of the love at first sight (Schwartz, 2003), but the couple in love had to yield to the law and tradition. As Jacob in the past stole the status of first-born from his brother Esau by submitting false evidence of his identity, now he has to suffer because of his future father-in-law’s slyness. He was willing to work for seven years for his future father-in-law Laban out of love for Rachel, but in the end they imposed Leah on him. Laban’s family justified this deception by naming the custom stating that the older daughter Leah must be the first one to marry (Gen 29). Jacob “accepted the local custom that was legally above any private commitment” (Schwartz, 2003, p. 39). He endured seven more years of labour and waited for his beloved Rachel who finally became his wife alongside Leah (Gen 29:25-30). Unconventional circumstances are connected with the love relationship between Boaz and Ruth, where Boaz was a rich peasant of the Israeli descent and she was a pagan, and a poor widow of a Jewish man. Falling in love cannot be planned, but Ruth’s mother-in-law Naomi, out of her love and care for her poor daughter-in-law, prepared a plan based on the fact that Boaz took notice of Ruth at their first meeting in his field. Naomi saw a chance to find security for Ruth in this situation and through this liking. She ensured more frequent meetings between Ruth and Boaz. She utilized the possibilities offered by the law on property and marital relationships, but she also used “female weapons” to make sure that Boaz proposed marriage between himself and Ruth. Naomi’s plan worked out. The liking that was there in the beginning changed into love. Honesty on the part of these two women, based on human means and trust in God (even though it was about material security), was rewarded by genuine mutual love and marriage (Ruth 2-4).

Marital Love

The love relationship between a married couple is presented in various forms and situations in the Old Testament. According to an old Jewish

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 95 02.03.2015 20:36:16 tradition, marriage was a matter of agreement, contract between the families; a father even had a right to offer his daughter as a bride to somebody, thus being in love did not bear great significance. However, there are several stories in the Bible describing love between husband and wife based on being in love, on respect and fidelity. However, marital relationship is often linked with jealousy, lies and stratagems. We do not learn about love between Abraham and Sarah while they were still engaged. The information about their marriage is very scarce. The Book of Genesis (Gen 11:27.29) states: “These are Terah’s descendants: Terah fathered Abram, Nahor and Haran. Haran fathered Lot. [...] Abram and Nahor both married: Abram’s wife was called Sarai, Nahor’s wife was called Milcah daughter of Haran, father of Milcah and Iscah.” A wife respects her husband’s decisions and hence Sarai follows Abram (later called Abraham) to a new country. Abram has no other wife, nor an offspring, and obviously, both of them have little faith. They leave for Egypt during a period of starvation. Abram in Egypt does not admit that Sarai is his wife (Gen 12:11-13; 15-16): “When he was about to enter Egypt, he said to his wife Sarai, ‘Look, I know you are a beautiful woman. When the Egyptians see you they will say, ”That is his wife,” and they will kill me but leave you alive. Therefore please tell them you are my sister, so that they may treat me well because of you.’ [...] When Pharaoh’s officials saw her they sang her praises to Pharaoh and the woman was taken into Pharaoh’s household. And Abram was very well treated because of her and received flocks, oxen, donkeys, men and women slaves, she- donkeys and camels.” Sarah cannot be proud of her faith either. She is barren and so she implores Abraham to have a sexual relationship with the maidservant Hagar who then gives birth to a son. Sarah also doubts a message of angels that despite her age she will have a son. Finally, this comes true and she gives birth to Isaac. Sarah’s jealousy of Hagar and Ishmael forces Abraham to send Hagar away (Genesis, Chapters 16, 18, 21). Abraham was tested and he is considered to be the father of faith especially because of the situation connected with the sacrifice of Isaac. The psychological literature presents an interpretation that this act of Abraham is related to his remorse because of what he had done to Hagar and his first-born son Ishmael (Remes and Halamova, 2004). An inner dilemma springing from love for two women and two sons, and strenuous life situations, helped Abraham to acquire his strong faith

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 96 02.03.2015 20:36:16 and love for God. However, his indecisiveness influenced Isaac. Isaac, most probably based on the model of his parents, married a wife (Rebec- ca) who was similar to Sarah and took the family decisions into her own hands. This ended up by exchanging Esau’s first-born status for Jacob’s bowl of lentil stew (see Remes and Halamova, 2004; Gen 25:34; 27). A poignant love story is described through the relationship between Elkanah and Hannah. Besides Hannah he had another wife Penin- nah. Peninnah had children, Hannah was barren. This was the permanent reason of her deep sorrow and unrelenting prayer in the temple. Elkanah observed the law, but it made him suffer because of his relationship to Hannah: “One day Elkanah offered a sacrifice. Now he used to give portions to Peninnah and to all her sons and daughters; to Hannah, however, he would give only one portion: for, although he loved Hannah more, Yahweh had made her barren” (1 Sam 1:4-5). He also saw Hannah’s sorrow springing from her sterility and he tried to comfort her in her grief. He wanted to make up in the marriage for what had not been given to her as a mother: “Hannah, why are you crying? Why are you not eating anything? Why are you so sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?” (1 Sam 1:8). Hannah trusted God and accepted Elkanah’s love. Elkanah respected her decisions. Hannah’s and her husband’s sincerity and trust were rewarded: “They got up early in the morning and, after worshipping Yahweh, set out and went home to Ramah. Elkanah lay with his wife Hannah, and Yahweh remembered her. Hannah conceived and, in due course, gave birth to a son, whom she named Samuel, ‘since’, she said, ‘I asked Yahweh for him.’ Elkanah, the husband, went up with all his family to offer the annual sacrifice to Yahweh and to fulfil his vow. However, Hannah did not go up, having said to her husband, ‘Not before the child has been weaned. Then I shall bring him and present him before Yahweh and he will stay there for ever.’ Elkanah her husband then said to her, ‘Do what you think fit; wait until you have weaned him. May Yahweh bring about what he has said.’ So the woman stayed behind and nursed her child until she weaned him. When she had weaned him, she took him up with her, as well as a three-year-old bull, an ephah of flour and a skin of wine, and took him into the temple of Yahweh at Shiloh” (1 Sam 1:19-24). The Old Testament also presents love stories connected with the risk of losing one’s life. The Persian king Ahasuerus had several wives, but he was very much in love with a Jewish girl, Esther, and he gave

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 97 02.03.2015 20:36:16 permission to break a legal directive concerning the death penalty (Esth 4:11). Jews were in Persian captivity at that time and they were threatened by extermination. Esther, one of the king’s wives, loved her nation and God, she risked her life and went to beg the king for the deliverance of her nation and he granted her request (Esth 5 – 8). Tobias also ran a risk out of love and married Sarah despite the fact that all her previous husbands died during their wedding night (Tob 7:11) as sacrifices to the evil spirit (Schwartz, 2003). The love for Sarah that was born in his heart as well as his love for God and confidence in his help, expressed through the common prayer of husband and wife, broke the power of evil and the marriage of Tobias and Sarah was blessed (Tob 6:11-19; 7 – 9). The fruit of this untainted love also induced Sarah’s father Raguel to prayer and gratitude.

The Old Testament describes many stories of relationships based on love and its forms. There is the poignant story of the pagan woman Ruth and her Jewish mother-in-law Naomi. The positive relationship between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, based on love, faithfulness and help, is very exceptional. The Bible presents a different description of love between siblings. There are many siblings in the Old Testament who are children of one man but several women and this becomes the grounds of frequent sibling intolerance or parental preference of their own child. Despite a lot of negative relationships, Jacob’s son Joseph is a model of sibling love, he forgives his brothers their betrayal and machinations (Gen 50). Moses and Aaron are brothers, but the Bible does not describe any disagreements between them. On the contrary, they help each other in their fights for victory of the Israeli nation. God calls them together in many situations and gives them tasks in which they have different functions. Moses is a leader and Aaron is his supporter in prayer as well as in speaking (Ex chapters 4 – 7, 17). The model of sibling love as well as of the love of a child for her parent is Miriam, Moses’s sister. She was the one who ensured that Moses got back to his mother to be weaned and then educated at the pharaoh’s court. Love for nation or religion can be found in almost all the books of the Old Testament. These two loves are inseparable in the case of the Israel- ites. There is a great reward if one perseveres in faithfulness to this love.

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 98 02.03.2015 20:36:16 3.2.2. Thématique de l’amour dans le Nouveau Testament The Theme of Love in the New Testament

Love and the challenge to love acquire new dimensions in the New Tes- tament. On the one hand, God is explicitly named as Love and on the other hand, new forms of human love come into existence. While the Old Testament emphasizes law, the New Testament stresses love. While the Old Testament commandment asks a man to love his neighbour as himself, Jesus Christ in the New Testament says that we should love each other in the same way as he loves us. God’s love is a mystery for humankind in the same way the Triune God and love among the three Divine persons of God are. God’s love has its manifestations, described in the Bible; this love is also a challenge to practise human love.

Love of Jesus Christ

The gospels, Acts of the Apostles, letters of the apostles and the Revela- tion to John talk about Jesus’s love. The apostles use the address beloved to express the interiorization of the belief in God’s love for man, in Je- sus’s sacrifice out of love. All the authors of the letters in the New Testa- ment use this formal device. The presence of Jesus Christ on earth is a manifestation of the love of God the Father for man: “This is the revelation of God’s love for us, that God sent his only Son into the world that we might have life through him” (1 Jn 4:9). The love of God the Father is demonstrated through Jesus: “Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father” (Jn 14:9). “But when the kindness and love of God our Saviour for humanity were revealed, it was not because of any upright actions we had done ourselves; it was for no reason except his own faithful love that he saved us, by means of the cleansing water or rebirth and renewal in the Holy Spirit” (Titus 3:4-5). Jesus loves with the same love with which God the Father loves him: “I have loved you just as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love. If you keep my commandments you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and remain in his love” (Jn 15:9-10). Jesus came to demonstrate his love and to point out that “nothing is impossible to God” (Lk 1:37; Mt 19:26; Mk 10:27). Out of his love for man

sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 99 02.03.2015 20:36:16 he let himself be crucified in order to redeem man and prepare the way to God’s kingdom: “Love consists in this: it is not we who loved God, but God loved us and sent his Son to expiate our sins” (1 Jn 4:10). Christ’s love is manifested in his person and activity, he reveals the mystery of connection between God and man; he is also an instrument of the saving initiative. Jesus’s life, his death and resurrection give evidence to love, but also to mercy that is an inseparable part of God’s love. Man is challenged to love God and man, his life should participate in Christ’s love. Christ was born and lived as a free man, he was not attached to property, human fame or relationships. He loved unconditionally, regardless of age, sex, affiliation, or position of a person. He broke conven- tion because he approached everybody. He himself says that he came to complete the Law, not to abolish it (Mt 5:17) and the apostle Paul later adds (Rom 13:10) that love is the fulfilment of the Law.

Jesus pays special attention to the poor, ostracized, but also to the humble and the poor in spirit. Jesus’s love can be experienced by the marginalized – a publicly known adulteress (Lk 7:37-39); tax collectors whom the Jews despised (Lk 19:2-8; Mt 9:9-10); the lepers who had to live outside of the cities (Mt 8:2-3; Mk 1:40-42; Lk 5:12-13; Lk 17:12-19); but also by the pagans who were considered to be “dogs” because they were not of the chosen people (Mk 7:27-28; Mt 15:26-27). Jesus shows his love to children (Lk 18:16; Mk 10:13-14; Mt 19:13-14), to women (Jn 4; Jn 11:5) and to men as well (Jn 11:3); he shows his love to “the locals” and also to strangers (Mt 8:5-13). He is not self-conscious, does not pay any heed to the rumours because love and service are parts of the life of every man and he gave man an example. Jesus’s love is unconditional and limitless. There is no malice or sin that Jesus would not forgive. There is only one condition – that man ac- knowledges it and desires forgiveness. There are many examples from the New Testament that prove this point, especially those from the lives of the apostles Peter and Paul. Jesus not only shows his love but he also invites others to love. He emphasizes brotherly love (love for one’s neighbour) and the love for one’s enemy or the one who does not will him good: “But I say this to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Mt 5:44). – “If

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 100 02.03.2015 20:36:16 you love those who love you, what credit can you expect? Even sinners love those who love them... Instead, love your enemies and do good to them, and lend without any hope to return. You will have a great reward, and you will be children of the Most High, for he himself is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked” (Lk 6:32. 35). Jesus not only invites to love but he also criticizes those who ignore it and neglect it: “But alas for you Pharisees, because you pay your tithe of mint and rue and all sorts of garden herbs and neglect justice and the love of God! These you should have practised, without neglecting the others” (Lk 11:42). The work on one’s ego and life for others belong to the practice of love. The service of one man to another is one of the aims of life and it should be motivated by the love for God. If it is based on faith, it will be accompanied by God’s signs as Jesus has promised. Christ came to announce and demonstrate God’s love and to help us master it as our basic attitude of life.

Aspects of Love in the New Testament

The apostle Paul, in the First Letter to the Corinthians, characterized love through its many signs: love is always patient and kind; love is never jealous; love is not boastful or conceited, it is never rude and never seeks its own advantage, it does not take offence or store up grievances. Love does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but finds its joy in the truth. It is always ready to make allowances, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes. Love never comes to an end. Man without love would be no more than a gong booming or a cymbal clashing; in the end he would be nothing at all (1 Cor 13:1-13). Love is the basis of the future reality for the apostle Paul. Christ started a new epoch in history because his love longs to create a new man. The apostle Paul pointed out that “love does not do anything bad to anybody” and that love is the fulfilment of the law: “The only thing you should owe to anyone is love for one another, for to love the other person is to fulfil the law” (Rom 13:8-10). It is a commandment to love God and man, but at the same time it is an observance of the commandments: “To love is to live according to his commandments: this is the commandment which you have heard since the beginning, to live a life of love” (2 Jn 6). – “My dear friends, let

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 101 02.03.2015 20:36:16 us love one another, since love is from God and everyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. Whoever fails to love does not know God, because God is love” (1 Jn 4:7-8). This type of love liberates man; man realizes his freedom through his life in God, with God and in love: “After all, brothers, you were called to be free; do not use your freedom as an opening for self-indulgence, but be servants to one another in love, since the whole of the Law is summarized in the one commandment: You must love your neighbour as yourself” (Gal 5:13-14). Love should issue from “a pure heart, a clear conscience and a sincere faith”, because it is also the aim of the commandment (1 Tim 1:5). Love should be without any pretence, it should avoid what is evil and stick to what is good; it should include regard for others as more important than oneself (Rom 12:9-10). The apostle James, in his letter, points out that love is the law of a new kingdom. It is linked to faith; if good deeds do not go with it, faith is quite dead (Jas 2:17). Human deeds are deeds of love. To love another man is in fact man’s duty and it is reflected in practical life through the man helping all those who are needy in any way. True love is based on Christ. He is its source and its aim. Love is something for which a man should strive with all his heart, with all his mind, with all his power. First of all, love is God’s gift, and it is necessary to try to acquire it (not to buy it), to maintain it and to develop it. It is a gift that God gave to the man through the Holy Spirit: “...because the love of God has been poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit which has been given to us” (Rom 5:5). At the same time, it is fruit: “...the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, trustful- ness, gentleness and self-control” (Gal 5:22-23). Love has a lot of other outcomes: “...when we can face the Day of Judgement fearlessly, because even in this world we have become as he is. In love there is no room for fear, but perfect love drives out fear” (1 Jn 4:17-18). The Holy Spirit gives man the ability to understand the reality of God’s love and helps him to accept the commandment of love. Nobody is exempt from the commandment of love and the focus of love and its practice is in the family: “Husbands should love their wives, just as Christ loved the Church and sacrificed himself for her. In the same way, husbands must love their wives as they love their own

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 102 02.03.2015 20:36:16 bodies; for a man to love his wife is for him to love himself. And let every wife respect her husband” (Eph 5:25. 28. 33). – “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as you should in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be sharp with them. Children, be obedient to your parents always, because that is what will please the Lord. Parents, do not irritate your children or they will lose heart” (Col 3:18-21). – “Similarly, older women should behave as befits religious people, with no scandal-mongering and no addiction to wine – they must be the teachers of right behaviour and show younger women how they should love their husbands and love their children, how they must be sensible and chaste, and how to work in their homes, and be gentle, and obey their husbands, so that the message of God is not disgraced” (Titus 2:3-5). Interpersonal relationships should be accompanied by brotherly love because we are all brothers and sisters in Christ and through Christ (Rom 12:10; Mt 12:50; Mt 23:9). God himself taught man about brotherly love: “As for brotherly love, there is no need to write to you about that, since you have yourselves learnt from God to love one another” (1 Thess 4:9). – “Let us love, then, because he first loved us. Anyone who says ‘I love God’ and hates his brother, is a liar, since whoever does not love the brother whom he can see cannot love God whom he has not seen. Indeed this is the commandment we have received from him, that whoever loves God, must also love his brother” (1 Jn 4:19-21). Brotherly love is about sacrifice, but also about humility, mercy and help: “Finally: you should all agree among yourselves and be sympathetic; love the brothers, have compassion and be self-effacing” (1 Pet 3:8); “Let us be concerned for each other, to stir a response in love and good works” (Heb 10:24). Where love is missing, there comes discord, jealousy, envy, anger... and on the contrary, “...and with the increase of lawlessness, love in most people will grow cold” (Mt 24:12). For the person who loves God everything turns to his good (Rom 8:28). Love in the New Testament is relevant for every person in the present modern life. It builds equality, destroys walls, eliminates distances. It is one of the virtues whose need has not disappeared. It helps to observe the commandments: “In this way we know that we love God’s children, when we love God and keep his commandments. This is what the

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 103 02.03.2015 20:36:16 love of God is: keeping his commandments. Nor are his commandments burdensome (1 Jn 5:2-3).

3.3. AMOUR – VERTU THÉOLOGIQUE LOVE AS A THEOLOGICAL VIRTUE

If love, to which the Bible challenges people, becomes part of one’s life, it can be termed a virtue. Even though the lexeme virtue is rarely found in the vocabulary of the contemporary people, its connotation forms a part of life. As early as in ancient times scholars addressed the issue of virtue. The term virtue has been going through a certain development up to the present time. The Middle Ages brought more or less stability to the basic interpretation of it. Thomas Aquinas characterized it in the same way as Peter Lombard did in his Four Books of Sentences. He considers it to be a good quality of mind, which is lived properly, not used for any bad purposes, and through which God works in us without us (see STh I-II, q. 55, a4). He perceives virtue as habitus – a permanent setup, not an acquired routine (as Aristotle interpreted virtue). It is not only about improvement in actions, but also about certain tuning, setting to good, readiness to do good (see STh I-II, q. 54, a1). Plato listed four virtues: wisdom (prudence), temperance, courage (fortitude) and justice. This classification of virtues lasted for centuries. These are natural or cardinal virtues that man gains and practises through his own effort; if he does not practise them, he does not develop them and can lose them. The birth of Christianity brought theological virtues into theology and philosophy, but most of all into practical life. They are also called supernatural virtues or infused virtues because they are given to man by God. The cardinal virtues grow through proper and ongoing practice and they improve man’s character. The theological virtues improve natural virtues. They should not be missing in a true Christian life. These virtues are: faith (fides) that improves reason, hope (spes) and love (caritas) that improve will; at the same time, hope is related to irascibility (irascibile) and love is related to concupiscence (concupiscibile), desire. These three virtues form a unity because supernatural love cannot exist without supernatural faith or without supernatural hope; they enable

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 104 02.03.2015 20:36:16 man to live in a relationship with God (Anzenbacher, 2001). They are the expressions of three main attitudes in a relationship between man and God. The religious and moral life of a Christian is based on them, their realization includes membership of the Church. There is a harmony between nature and grace and therefore the relationship between natural and infused virtues is positive. The theological virtues enable man to act on a supernatural level. Man was elevated onto this level by God, hence the reciprocal relationship could be formed. God let man participate in his nature, which is an expression of his favour and affection. God is free of human relationships and flaws; he did not create man for his own need, but out of desire to give what he has to give. It is an expression of God’s goodness and generosity. Due to God’s love human love can be transformed from a desire to find one’s own happiness in God into a form of generosity and affection for other people. In this case, the source of love will not be any natural or naturally human law, but it will be God himself. A perfect form or shape of human love cannot be realized on earth, but it grows here due to faith (Woroniecki, 1995). Love is a task for every person as an individual, but also for a community in relation to the individual. All people are called to love and all were given proper conditions and means for it. God wants all people to be saved, it is his will for every person. Human love should be manifested in a desire of a person to long for the salvation of all people, to want love for everybody despite the absence of liking, even despite the fact that some of these people can bear a grudge against him. Love “frees from the law when it operates, it is in the depth of one’s heart when it does not operate” (Comte-Sponville, 1999, p. 308). Although the theological virtues are related to the Christian religious life, they are universally present – regardless of religion, faith or the absence of it. There is hope for the future in every person, faith in “something”; there is also a love that will surprise him when he reaches out of himself and carries out actions that are supernatural in their nature. Considering that these virtues are given to man without his own effort, it is up to him whether he will develop them or not (1 Thess 5:4-8). Easiness and spontaneity to act virtually are not achieved automat- ically. There is a need for God’s power and for man’s effort as well. The

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 105 02.03.2015 20:36:16 infused virtue will be joined by the elements of natural virtue. Neither of them is complete without the other one (Günthör, 1989). The apostle Paul mentions faith, hope and love in the First Letter to the Corinthians (13:13). He writes that love (caritas, agape) is the crown of these three virtues and he adds that love stands above the natural virtues: “...you are to be clothed in heartfelt compassion, in generosity and humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with one another; forgive each other if one of you has a complaint against another. The Lord has for- given you; now you must do the same. Over all these clothes, put on love, the perfect bond” (Col 3:12-14). Love is a virtue the practice of which is God’s will and God’s commandment as well (see Chapter 3.2); thus man has to engage his own effort in order to awaken love, he should do so even if he does not experience it on an emotional level: “But, as someone dedicated to God, [...] you must aim to be upright and religious, filled with faith and love, perseverance and gentleness” (1 Tim 6:11). Striving for virtue of love does not require fortifying the emotional sphere, but strengthening of the spiritual sphere. If practice of love is associated with pleasantness and joy, it is easier and simpler, but the spiritual life of a person is also linked to liberation from dependence on physical experience or the filling of the “emotional tank” (see Chapters 3.1; 4.4.1). A person is unable to do what God has called him to do on his own and therefore he needs God’s help. It is the same in the case of love, which is, on the one hand, love for God, and on the other, love for other people and also for oneself. Love has its own hierarchy – the top level belongs to the love for God, the next step is love for other people. Love for the next of kin and for oneself is God’s will and God’s commandment; however, it can also become selfish and a seeking for excuses when man does not do God’s work. A man may have many arguments to justify an absence of love for neighbours. Jesus through the parable of the good Samaritan (Lk 10:27- 37) prevents human excuses and points out the fact that my neighbour is anybody who is in need, wherever he is, and that love means to carry out actions that will meet the needs of the other person. Man faces the challenge to recognize and discern what to do and how to do it. The virtue of love lies in a concordance between man’s will and God’s will. Man does not need revelations in order to know this because

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 106 02.03.2015 20:36:16 it is not so hidden that he would not be able to recognize it. It is manifested in God’s universal plan, in Christian revelation, in the conditions in which the person lives, and in the circumstances that surround him. One can recognize God’s will for him at any given moment in these signs. There is a need for faith and wisdom on the journey of knowing God’s will so that a person can “find his particular path that is assigned to every person” (Woroniecki, 1995, p. 214). Love is connected to will and knowledge. The knowledge itself does not suffice, but it is needed. Christ’s love surpasses every knowledge, but it also directs and assesses this knowledge. “Knowledge without love leads to conjectures while love leads to growth” (1 Cor 8:11-12). Knowl- edge without love leads to self-concern while knowledge guided by love puts man into a situation where he meets his neighbour, and enables man to live for others (1 Cor 9:19-22). Teaching without love, as well as knowledge without love, has no value in God’s eyes. Although knowledge is a precondition of love, true knowledge without love is unthinkable. In the Letter to the Philippians (1:9) the apostle Paul writes: “It is my prayer that your love for one another may grow more and more with the knowledge and complete understanding.” Love does not love evil; evil comes from ignorance, fear and egoism. Love starts with an attitude and an idea; it is manifested in words and actions: “Our love must be not just words or mere talk, but something active and genuine” (1 Jn 3:18). Love expects victory over egoism and requires training in humility, because it does not desire recognition, but it concentrates on service. The enemy of love is indifference and therefore true knowledge, activity and engagement are parts of love. The heart of love is sacrifice. As we stated earlier, the virtue of love is not based on emotions and joyful experience. Service and activities required by acts of love are connected to self-denial, asceticism, dying to oneself, and living for the other person. True love of mothers and wives illustrates that sacrifice has meaning and value. Jesus Christ came out of his love that included sacrifice; it is also an integral part of the challenge to love. The apostles John and Paul address this fact in this way: “No one can have greater love than to lay down his life for his friends” (Jn 15:13). – “We are well aware that we have passed over from death to life because we love our brothers. Whoever does not love, remains in death. This is the proof of love that he laid down his life

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 107 02.03.2015 20:36:16 for us, and we too ought to lay down our lives for our brothers” (1 Jn 3:14. 16). – “And follow Christ by loving as he loved you, giving himself up for us as an offering and a sweet-smelling sacrifice to God” (Eph 5:2). Love and faith are closely related to each other because faith is applied through love (Gal 5:6). The apostle Peter challenges us (2 Pet 1:5-7): “With this in view, do your utmost to support your faith with goodness, goodness with understanding, understanding with self-control, self- control with perseverance, perseverance with devotion, devotion with kindness to the brothers, and kindness to the brothers with love.” Faith precedes actions but it manifests its authenticity through them. “How does it help, my brothers, when someone who has never done a single good act claims to have faith? Will that faith bring salvation?” (Jas 2:14). – “As a body without a spirit is dead, so is faith without deeds” (Jas 2:26). And these acts are acts of love (Jas 2:15-16). Man without the signs of good deeds would be always immersed in the darkness of sins. Love is a virtue that pulls down the walls of enmity, hurts, and prejudice. It is a life choice, life decision and lifestyle. There is no situation where love could not be manifested in some form.

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 108 02.03.2015 20:36:17 4. L’AMOUR DU POINT DE VUE DE LA PSYCHOLOGIE LOVE FROM THE PSYCHOLOGICAL POINT OF VIEW

The psychological analysis of the phenomenon of love has quite a short history, but despite this fact, there is a broad range of questions referring to love in the psychological sciences. For instance, according to the Theory of Social Constructivism, love is a created and defined concept, changing according to the needs and values of diverse cultures. It has been proved that the popularity of various concepts of love has changed in the course of history, and it differs in various cultures (Hill, 2004, p. 76). The Cognitive theory states that love is an emotional label assigned to a certain physiological excitement. This excitement is explained through the terminology that is at the culture’s disposal. Cognitive processes connect physiological and social aspects of relationships; they can participate in their origin and maintenance through a mental evaluation of expenses and revenues (ibid.). The Theory of Evolution claims that in the course of evolution: —— an ability to “like” developed because it supported cooperation in society and in the constitution of groups for hunting and protection; —— romantic and passionate love emerged – this secured the choice of a partner, his protection and copulation with him; —— love in partnerships arose to preserve relations between couples, necessary for the care of helpless progeny delivered to the world. The Physiological theories maintain that various types of love are the results of hormonally and neurochemically induced pleasant or unpleasant states of physiological activation. This activation motivates

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 109 02.03.2015 20:36:17 various types of behaviour and creates a reaction to the presence or absence of certain people – relatives, friends, potential partners, etc. The theme of love plays an important role in in-depth and dynamic theories; the theories of psychosocial development postulate love as one of the basic human needs.

4.1. LA PSYCHANALYSE PSYCHOANALYSIS

Psychoanalysis has greatly influenced not only psychology, but also the entire society. Similarly to other trends, it came across a problem of how to define the concept of love. Psychoanalysis unites love with the concept of eros as a personified force or principle. S. Freud links love to a conflict between two basic instincts – self-preservation (eros) and destruction (thanatos). The aim of eros is to connect, to create and maintain constantly bigger units. The aim of thanatos is the opposite; it is destruction, interruption of connections, annihilation of things (Freud, 1996, pp. 76–77). Love is then perceived as an effect that is the opposite of hatred; Ch. Rycroft (1993, p. 71) states that it is an ability or a function that often succumbs to inhibition, perversion and sublimation. There are two basic theories of love in psychoanalysis (Rycroft, 1993, p. 71): instinctive and objective. The first theory presupposes that all forms of love are ultimately derived from instinct and their function is to provide instinctive satisfaction. The objective theory assumes that all forms of love are manifestations of the need to be related to other people. It emphasizes the significance of the earliest bond between a child and its mother and points out how the fate of this relationship influences the fate of all other objective relationships. A person, who is emotionally dependent on earlier bonds and whose inner objects have mainly negative forms, will deal with his external objects in a specific way. A typical example of this is an attraction of an unattainable object. Only the person who does not give satisfaction, is the right one. As soon as he becomes attainable, he loses his attractiveness. The difference between love capable of recognizing needs and the realities of other people, and love that is unable to do it, usually lies in the difference between an objective love and an infantile love, i.e.

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 110 02.03.2015 20:36:17 dependent love. The beloved object is the one loved by the subject either in comparison with a hated object or an indifferent one, or in contrast to an object that meets one’s needs. Oedipal and genital love belong among the terms connected with love. Oedipal love is love for one’s parents or for a person who substitutes for them. Genital love is not a synonym for sexual desire, it is a form of love that can be practised by a person who reached the genital level (Ch. Rycroft, 1993).

4.2. ERICH FROMM ERICH FROMM

The concept of love in psychoanalysis has changed with the passing of time. We can see a shift in the works of E. Fromm, a prominent American psychologist and sociologist of German descent. He was a pupil of S. Freud and a representative of neo-psychoanalysis and humanistic psychology. He argues that each theory of love must start with a theory of man, a theory of human existence. It is essential in human existence that man has extricated himself from an instinctive adjustment to the nature in which he lived, and, due to his reason, can find harmony. An individual is aware of himself, of his neighbours, of his past and future. The deepest need of a man is the need to love. A person’s panic at isolation and loneliness will hence disappear (Fromm, 1996). He elaborates that mature love is a connection based on the condition of the preservation of one’s integrity and individuality. Love is an active power in a person; it is the power to break barriers which divide the person form other people, and to unite him with others. Love functions in such a way that a person overcomes his feeling of isolation and separation; despite this he can be himself and he can keep his integrity. There is a paradox in love – two beings become one, but they still remain two. Love, according to Fromm, is not a state that can be easily reached by everybody, regardless of how ready he is for love. All efforts at love will be necessarily in vain if a person does not try to develop his whole personality in the most active way in order to reach a creative orientation. It is not possible to find satisfaction in individual love without an ability to love one’s neighbour, without true humility, courage, faith, and discipline. In a cultural setting where these abilities are

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 111 02.03.2015 20:36:17 rare it is also rare to reach the ability to love. If a person wants to learn to love, he must proceed in the same way as when he wants to educate himself in any other area, e. g. in music, art, medicine, and engineering. First of all, it is necessary to master theory, and only then the practice. There is another factor besides theoretical and practical learning: there must be nothing more important for a person than the art of love. Its command must become an issue of the most fundamental importance for the person (Fromm, 1996, pp. 12–13).

4.3. L’AMOUR DANS LA PSYCHOLOGIE HUMANISTE LOVE IN HUMANISTIC PSYCHOLOGY

The concept of love has a central position in the humanistic psychology that emerged as an alternative to the psychoanalytical and behavioural approach. It concentrates mostly on therapy, counselling, and education; it assumes a holistic approach to a person. It is interested in the everydayness of a person, in a solution to the problems and uniqueness of every person. Its representatives are Abraham H. Maslow and Carl R. Rogers whose theory was adopted by pedagogy (see Chapter 5. 2). We can find a humanistic approach also in the psychology of Carl G. Jung, Alfred Adler, Erik Erikson, or Gordon Allport, as well as the founder of existential analysis Viktor Emil Frankl. We also include among the humanistic psychologists Robert Sternberg, Rollo May and Christian psychologists, such as Gary Chapman, James Dobson or John Powell. We present the opinions of some of the above-mentioned authors. Psychological research, besides the definition of love, concentrates on its classification.

4.3.1. Abraham Harold Maslow Abraham Harold Maslow

A. H. Maslow, an American humanistic psychologist, integrated love among the fundamental needs of man and linked it to the need of solidarity. The desire for friendship, seeking one’s partner, desire to become part of a family or community, give evidence to the need of love and solidarity. Three situations can arise in the life of a person in the context of love. If a person never experienced love and nearness, he will ultimately

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 112 02.03.2015 20:36:17 devalue love, and he will not experience any special distress because of the inability to have true love. There is a difference if a person experienced love and nearness in his childhood, he will not be devastated over an occasional rejection later. The third situation arises when a person experienced just a little love and nearness in his childhood; he will be strongly motivated to meet these needs; however, this can lead even to pathological ways of fulfilling these needs. Child needs love for his healthy psychological development. If a person finds a way to fulfil a need for love and solidarity, then he will concentrate on meeting needs in the next step of Maslow’s hierarchy (need of self-respect, self-awareness, respect for others, etc.). Maslow differentiates between love B (being) and love D (deficien- cy). Love B is an unselfish relationship to another person, including the readiness to help the other in his self-actualisation and to rejoice at his achievements. This is mature love for another person and it is manifested in adulthood. It is love that rejoices, does not seek problems; it is giving and rewarding, it is not limited. It is love that can have a similar effect as an aesthetic experience or a mystical experience. Love D concentrates mostly on fulfilling one’s own needs; it is linked to a greater extent with romantic love. Furthermore, it is an immature and dependent love. This person cannot manage without the other person. This is the love with which we love another person because he meets our needs (Kratochvil, 2000).

4.3.2. Dimension spirituelle de l’amour chez Viktor Emil Frankl The Spiritual Dimension of Love in the Works of Viktor Emil Frankl

There are only a few theories and classifications of love that take into consideration its spiritual dimension. Many authors warn that under the influence of psychologism love is mistaken for instincts, behavioural patterns or functions of biosocial systems. There is a line between concupiscence, i.e. psychological needs, and love. One of the authors who does not reduce love and assigns it a spiritual dimension is Viktor Emil Frankl, a Viennese psychiatrist of Czech descent. He states that love is not linked only to the physical existence of man, it is not blind, and it is not something that a person can deserve; it is grace. It is a magic that opens the world in its fullness of values to

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 113 02.03.2015 20:36:17 the loving person (Frankl, 1985). “The greatest depth of love is about the spiritual being of the beloved person” (Frankl, 1982, p. 67; Czech edition, p. 38). The beloved person, without doing anything, is irreplaceable for the one who loves. In love, a person is exclusively and uniquely attuned to the spiritual person of the other. If a person loses somebody he loved for ever, there is no way to replace this person (Frankl, 1979, p. 235). The essence of love is not only about the instinctive effusion of the individual towards somebody who can be replaced by another person with similar qualities (Frankl, 1971). It is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire” (Frankl, 1982, p. 65; Czech edition, p. 37). In Frankl’s opinion, the focus of the concept of love is in its philosophical and spiritual dimensions. His concept of love includes an altruism that can be detected in all the three ways of accomplishing meaning. “The beloved person is perceived in his essence as a being who is unique in his existence; just the way he is: he is perceived as you and thus accepted by another I” (Frankl, 1985, p. 132; Czech edition, p. 122n). Love is the most valuable human experience if it is registered as an exceptional existential experience in a pair, in an inner community of I and you2. Love can be a relationship between two affectionate lovers; it can be nearness between old friends, lasting for many years; it can be love felt by parents for their children, or it can be spiritualized love of a person who dedicates himself to the service to others. We can perceive human love as a caring attitude; for instance, as a dedication to professional work in the service of society. We can become completely aware of the inner self of another person only through love. Love, in which a person experiences another person in all his uniqueness and unrepeatability, is a way and a field where experiential values can be realised (Frankl, 1985). Frankl says about love: “The beloved person is perceived through

2) “I – You” was used by M. Buber in his philosophy of dialogue in 1923. He says that in order to find a community one has to take a journey through dialogue, through experience of sharing substantive relationships. The expression “I – You” establishes our world of relationships. If we say “You”, we are at the same time saying the pair “I – You”. The expression “I – It” defines the world as an experience. If we say “It”, we are at the same time saying “I – It”. Buber perceives the concept of relationship as “mutuality”. The fundamental fact of human existence is a person with another person. This is a basic constitution of life. Man cannot exist without “You” (see Buber, 1996, p. 111 – 116, Blecha, 1995, p. 203, Buber, 1997, p. 153).

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 114 02.03.2015 20:36:17 love in his substance as a being who in his existence is unrepeatably here; in his own way of existence he is who he is; he is perceived as you and is accepted as such by another I” (1985, p. 132). The loving person experiences, in his concentration on the you, an inner enrichment surpassing this you; the whole universe becomes wider and deeper in its value. Love exceptionally increases sensibility to the fullness of values – as if the gates to the whole universe of values were suddenly open to the loving person. Besides love being grace and magic, love also brings existence to a child in whom a new person enters into life, this person is in his/her existence full of the mysteries of uniqueness and unrepeatability (Frankl, 1985, p. 132; Czech edition, p. 123). Frankl, in the middle of a difficult situation in the concentration camp, was contemplating his relationship to his wife and said that it was the first time that he became aware of the truth that had been voiced by so many thinkers before: “Love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which a man can aspire” (1982, p. 65; Czech edition, p. 37)3. He says that now he understands the meaning of the ultimate and the most extreme that can be expressed by human thinking, poetry and faith: “redemption through love in love” (1982, p. 65; Czech edition, p. 37)4. He states that he understood that a man, even if he is left with nothing at all in this world, still can be blessed (even though just for a moment), if he, in his deepest inner self, is devoted to the image of the beloved person. If there is an extreme situation, where a person cannot apply himself through his own effort, where his only accomplishment is true suffering, this person has an ability to fill himself with a loving view, with contemplation of the spiritual image of the beloved person that he carries in his heart. Frankl claims that he comprehended the meaning of saying that angels are blessed in the middle of infinite loving, gazing at an infinitely glori- ous Beauty (1982, pp. 65–66). Frankl (1982, p. 67; Czech edition, p. 38) says that in the concentration camp he learned that “love is far from being tied only to the physical existence of a person. Love in its greatest depth cares about the spiritual

3) „... daß Liebe irgendwie das Letzte und das Höchste ist, zu dem sich menschliches Da- sein aufzuschwingen vermag.“ 4) „... die Erlösung durch die Liebe und in der Liebe...“

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 115 02.03.2015 20:36:17 being of the beloved person.”5 The person does not need to know at the moment whether the beloved person is present, whether s/he is physically in existence or whether s/he is still alive. It cannot harm love, loving remembrance, the loving view of the spiritual image, at all. Frankl says that if he had known in the concentration camp that his wife had died, most probably, this knowledge would not have distressed him at all, and he would have engaged in a loving contemplation of his beloved with the same devotion, and his spiritual dialogue with her would have been equally intense and gratifying. At that moment he understood what: “Set me as a seal upon your heart... for love is stronger than death” meant (Frankl, 1982, p. 67; Czech edition, pp. 38–39). Frankl, similarly to P. Tillich (1998), states that love helps in finding meaning. The memory of his wife helped Frankl to survive the cruel conditions of the concentration camp and to seek the meaning of his life. He writes: “You start talking to the beloved person, you feel her presence. You feel: She is here” and in the middle of the greyness of painful life, in constant vicinity of death and in the struggle for the meaning of suffering “you feel your spirit penetrate this whole desolate and meaningless world and spread outside; there is an exultant and victorious “Yes!” to your ultimate questions about the ultimate meaning coming from somewhere (Frankl, 1982, pp. 70–71; Czech edition, pp. 40–41). Love, in Frankl’s opinion, is not when somebody loves a film star based on his/her pleasant voice or attractive appearance. This can be termed infatuation. Love starts when it is not only about qualities but about their holder; when it is about the person per se, about a unique person, to whom one can get closer, and whom one can meet in love. Love is not transferable. The beloved person cannot be substituted. A person in love is not anonymous (Frankl, 1971, pp. 81–83). To love somebody means to address the other as you. To love somebody means not only to understand another person, but to accept him. To love means not to see only who the other person really is, but also who he could become. True love does not blind one; only infatuation blinds a person. Love allows one to see truly, clearly, with foresight, and to see a possibility that has not been realised yet, a possibility that is being accomplished (Frankl, 1979, pp. 241–242).

5) „... so wenig meint Liebe die körperliche Existenz eines Menschen, so sehr meint sie zutiefst das geistige Wesen des geliebten Menschen...“

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 116 02.03.2015 20:36:17 Love also needs carnality because it is the means for its expression. Human sexual life is truly human when it is more than only sexual, when it includes love. The interpretation of sexual life in marriage as a mere means of procreation devalues marriage. Carnality needs love for its proper development. Love is a condition and presupposition of the correct orientation for carnality. The ability to love gives the right direction to the process of instinctive maturation; love surrenders it to the beloved person. The maturation of instinctive life lies in the gradual integration of carnality, in the course of which a person unites and inte- grates carnality. It is a process of personification. Two moments can disrupt this process: loss of courage and disappointment. The loss of one’s courage means that a person cannot imagine building a happy romantic relationship; the disappointment means that a person was rejected once and now his progress is at a standstill. These people then live from the intoxication caused by the instinctive experience; they live only from the satisfaction of instincts. Instincts are not suppressed, but love is. There is an over-compensation and instead of quality comes quantity; instead of the desired feeling of warm happiness instinctive satisfaction must suffice. The less a person believes in reaching fulfilment of his desire for love, the more it seems that he is exposed to the necessity of a mere instinctive satisfaction. Person can compensate disappointment in love, or even existential disappointment, or collapse of human volition for meaning, by carnality, by sexual intoxication. The more the requirement for meaning remains unmet, the more an instinctive satisfaction becomes a means of experience; it even becomes the experience per se, when a person feels an absence in the area of volition for meaning, when a person becomes subordinate to the principle of pleasure in the psychoanalytical sense (Frankl, 1971).

4.3.3. Robert Jeffrey Sternberg Robert Jeffrey Sternberg

The psychological literature concentrating on the question of love offers a lot of works on love between partners, on love between lovers. One of the psychologists studying love between partners is Robert J. Sternberg. After identifying passionate and friendly love he suggested a triangular theory of love. Passionate love and friendly love are, in his opinion,

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 117 02.03.2015 20:36:17 two types of love, but there is a very close relationship between them. Sternberg in his triangular theory of love presents three components of one unit of love – intimacy (closeness, nearness), passion (desire, infatuation), and devotion (commitment, responsibility). He perceives love as a scientific entity. Each of the above-mentioned dimensions is developed at a certain time in a relationship between two people and at a certain period it diminishes or stagnates (Sternberg, 1988). Intimacy includes feelings of mutual intimate connection with a partner. It is a degree of an intense emotional and sexual attraction felt towards another person; at the same time, it is joy from his/her nearness. It includes mutual understanding and sharing, honest revelation of one’s own feelings with an exchange of confidential information, mutual emotional support, an effort to help the other person in any possible way and the expectation of help from the other, the appreciation of the importance of a partner in one’s life. Passion includes instincts eliciting infatuation and physical attraction. It leads to sexual satisfaction and brings a lot of intense emotions, especially positive ones, but also some negative emotions (anxiety, jealousy), frequently including a significant physiological activation (pounding of one’s heart) and strong motivation for touching and physical contact. Devotion (decision, commitment, engagement), based on a short- term perspective, is a decision to love one’s partner, and in a long-term perspective it is a determination to preserve love and to remain devoted to one’s partner, to be committed in a relationship to him; it is a decision to be and to remain in a relationship. It expresses a degree of intention, the decision to maintain the relationship with the other person. It is a responsibility that is a base or a pillar of this triangle of love elements and the whole relationship is built on it. Where there is no responsibility, there is no true love. This decision or commitment has two phases. The partners in the first phase express their mutual love for one another and after a passage of time; in the second phase, this commitment becomes a manifestation of a decision to keep and preserve love, the relationship and to cherish them. The decision does not have to lead to a commitment; similarly, commitment does not have to include decision – partners want to maintain their relationship without the acknowledgement of loving or being loved (Sternberg, 1998).

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 118 02.03.2015 20:36:17 The above-mentioned dimensions change dynamically with the passing of time; each of the partners can experience it to a different degree (triangles can overlap or not). We can differentiate various types of love based on the proportion of intimacy, passion and devotion: comradely, friendly, loverly, romantic, fatal or crazy love. Total love springs from the presence of all three dimensions. There is also a relationship without love when none of the above listed components is present (ibid.). After a certain period of time R. Sternberg saw the issue of love in a new light. He started to systematize events and love stories of life; he said that love is a story and thus he formed a theory of love as a story (2008). He states that love stories can be divided into groups in various ways since there is no final set of stories, there is no definite arrange- ment. Despite this Sternberg defines five groups of stories: There are asymmetrical stories based on the idea that the basis of each close relationship is an asymmetry between partners. Then there are objective stories, where a partner of the relationship or the relationship itself are seen as objects containing certain functions. Another group of stories is represented by collaborative stories. Love in these stories grows from collaboration between partners who try to create or maintain something together. Narrative stories are the stories in which partners believe that there is a real or fabricated text outside their relationship and this text prescribes, in many ways, how the coexistence should be conducted. Genre stories form the last group. These stories present a mode of existence in a relationship as a journey to the origin and preservation of this relationship. Some feature of relationship dominates the other aspects. Asymmetrical stories are represented by: teacher-pupil stories, stories of self-sacrifice, power stories, police stories, pornographic stories, and horror stories. Science fiction stories, collector’s stories, artistic stories, domestic stories, religious stories, gambler stories and healing stories belong among objective stories. Collaborative stories include: traveller’s stories, tailor’s stories, gardener’s stories, seller’s stories, and addiction stories. Fantastic stories, historical stories, scientific stories and cook’s stories rank among narrative stories. Genre love stories include: war stories, theatre stories, humorous stories and mysterious stories (Sternberg, 2008). Sternberg (2008) completes his triangular theory of love with some new answers, for instance: why a certain relationship lasts and another

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 119 02.03.2015 20:36:17 one does not, why a person is attracted to some people and not to others, etc. In this concept of love it is significant how each person perceives his own love story. It is important to separate facts, reality, from fiction. This is love between partners. Sternberg claims that it is difficult to discover the real truth about a relationship of love as a story because the acquired and the imparted information are filtered through concepts of relationships. In a love story, we ourselves are the authors, but we also have ideas in our minds about how the other person experiences the relationship; however, this does not necessarily correspond to the individual story of the partner. The story of the relationship and its elements are subject to change, but the story is always our own and it is a synthesis of our own experiences. Each story is characterized by a certain way of thinking and behaviour. Good relationships are those, in which the partners assume complementary roles, where both of them have identical or at least compatible story; however, the partners do not have to be identical. It is important for the role of one partner to be complementary to that of the other. Love as a story grows from perceptions, experience, motives, emotions, and knowledge; an individual’s personality qualities participate in this creation as well. If we want to change a relationship that is failing, it is necessary to understand and to name the story of the other person, but also the story that brought them together into a relationship in the beginning (Sternberg, 2008). In Sternberg’s opinion, love stories that we bear in our hearts are intuitive and often unknown (Demuthova, 2014). The role of reason, knowledge has an irreplaceable role in love as a story.

4.3.4. Rollo May Rollo May

Rollo May, in his book Love and Will that he wrote at the end of 1960’s (Slovak edition was published in 2005), presents love and sex in human behaviour and he lists five types of love that should not be separated. Unfortunately, society generally separated love and sex into two ide- ologies. The above-mentioned five types of love include: sex (giving of oneself), eros (enjoyment, experience, direction towards procreation), philia (brotherly love, sympathy), agape (selfless love, devotion) and authentic love including all the other types of love.

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 120 02.03.2015 20:36:17 May examines and criticizes the sexual revolution where the ideology of free love substituted for free sex. He speaks about a relationship between real love and will, claiming that sexual desire is its opposite. Love is a human instinct that is being reflected and pondered on. Re- sistance to the instinct is related to the human freedom not to the succumbing to instincts as was proclaimed by the sexual revolution. One of the important facts in human life and in a love relationship in May’s opinion is daimon. Its etymology is connected to a word daemon which in Greek means a lesser god. Daimonion/daimon is a significant phenomenon known already in Socrates’ works. Socrates described it as an inner voice of reason, an inner organ or “divine voice” helping man to seek good, guiding human actions according to the knowledge of good (Xenophon, 2006, p. 157). May states that daimon is a basic motivational construct. It represents a number of motives that differ from one person to the next. Dai- mon embodies lower needs (need for food, sex), but also higher needs, including love. May (2005, p. 133) writes: “Daimon is in fact a desire to get closer to others, to enrich one’s life through sex, to create, to enno- ble; it is joy and enthusiasm, or simply a feeling of security springing from the awareness that somebody cares for us, that we can influence others, we can form them, we have a power that is evidently important. It is a way to assure ourselves that we are precious.” He maintains that “daimon is a basic force protecting a person from the threat of the loss of one’s self, but which also protects a person from the danger that he will not feel any ties with another person and he will not be attracted by another person” (ibid.). A criterion of daimon’s validity as a guide in decision making and acting is the question whether a suggested mode of action contributes to the integration of an individual as a whole, whether it contributes, – at least potentially, to the growth of an interpersonal meaning of life and the lives of one’s close relatives and friends, but also an answer to the question: If others were to act in this way, will it contribute to the enrichment of interpersonal meaning? (ibid., p. 143). These are the reasons why there is a need of relationships with others and why there is a need of dialogue in relationships. Another important point in May’s conception is will, linked to an ability to assume a firm viewpoint, e.g. to state norms of life that are strong enough (ibid., p. 164). May claims that decisions are often fatal

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 121 02.03.2015 20:36:17 in the present world where power has grown; “an inborn basis of our capacity for will and decision making has been irretrievably destroyed” (ibid., p. 165) and there is no other new basis for will. He accepts Freud’s assertion that desires and instincts, in contrast to will, move a person, and the concept and implementation originating in the Victorian Era should be re-evaluated. On the other hand, he states that new views brought a weakening of the will and decision making, consequently undermining one’s sense of responsibility. Thus the image of a “directed person” is created, not one of a person who would be heading in a certain direction. The experts in the area of psychology point out that since psychoanalysis was not able to solve the problem of will and decision making, it ended in a crisis (ibid., p. 177). Freud did not see will as a driving force, but only as an instrument of suppression, and he led psychoanalysis to the point of the destruction of the will. The absence of will brings a lot of consequences. May warns that there is a need to create a new basis for the will. The will, which has been presented so far, was directed against a person’s wishes and was perceived as an ability to suppress wishes. This concept leads to an emotional void and to the emptying of inner contents. Hence, the power of the will has a repressive character and the consequence is anger, inhibition, hostility or self-rejection. Another problem is that a complete denial of one’s conscious wishes turns into violence to one’s body. The concept of will directed against his wishes causes man to become unable to wish for anything and May labels this inability as an illness. This illness, including all the above-mentioned problems, appears to be the cause of the problems in love relationships with other people or with oneself. There is a need of treatment for this illness; therefore, May challenges one to overcome the dialectism of the relationship between will and wishes and to put the two into a relationship of polarity. He maintains that the will requires self-awareness, but wishes do not; the will includes a possibility of choice, wishes do not; wishes provide the will with passion, content, imagination, children’s game, freshness and richness. The will offers a focus on oneself and maturity to the wishes; at the same time, the will protects wishes and makes it possible for them to continue and not to undergo too great and permanent risks. “Will without a wish loses its vitality and viability; it tends to dissolve in the middle of inner contradictions” (ibid., p. 200).

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 122 02.03.2015 20:36:17 Will without a wish creates “a dry, Victorian neo-puritan”; a wish without will creates an instinctive, unfree, infantile person, an adult who re- mained a child and who can become a robot. May introduces a relationship between will and intentionality. The concept of intentionality includes the knowledge of reality and also its formation; these two are inseparable. Intention is inseparably linked to a deliberate aim. The contribution of psychoanalysis is its depth that broadens the intention and moves it from a deliberate aim to a person who is more complete, more organic, with more feelings and desires. We dare to claim that knowledge, will and experience walk hand in hand. All three components play their roles in a love relationship. In May’s opinion, love and will are conjunctive forms of experience, meaning that a person uses both these phenomena to express himself as a being who reaches out, moves in a direction towards the other person. On the one hand, he wants to influence the other person, but on the other hand, he opens himself in order to be influenced. Love and will are modes of formation and of relating to the world aimed at evoking a response from the person whose interest or love we desire. Love and will can become a mutual hindrance. The problems in a relationship between a parent and child, in a marital relationship, or in a friendly or working relationship often originate here. Sometimes, the will can block love, another time it is love blocking the will. A person who is oriented inwards often possesses a blocking will. Strong “willpower” blocks his sensitivity, disrupts his ability to listen to others, especially the closest ones. He “is able to” take care of others without really taking care of them. He is capable of giving material things, money, but not his heart; he can direct, manage, but not listen. The man of willpower, ma- nipulating himself, is not able to see why he cannot manipulate others in the same way. “To identify one’s will with personal manipulation is a mistake setting will against love” (ibid., p. 258). The opposite example of an incorrect relationship between love and will is a blocking love that is often the consequence of the first incorrect relationship. Children who were brought up under the influence of a will blocking love often find themselves building their relationship with their own children on the principle of love blocking the will. This is also the background to the hippie movement that was trying to destroy manipulative will, which was lacking sensitivity and flexibility, and undermining human

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 123 02.03.2015 20:36:17 personality. However, the hippie movement proclaimed love which was not permanent and it necessarily had to be linked to will. “Love which is separated from will, or love which wards off will, is typified by a passivity that does not include one’s passion and does not grow with it; this love is headed for a breakup (ibid., p. 259). It is not possible for one’s will to force one to love, but a person, thanks to his will, can open himself and participate in the experience, “he can allow the possibility to become reality” (ibid., p. 260). One of the tasks of a man during his conscious development to maturity, integrity and wholeness is to connect love and will. The consequence of a shortage of love and will is separation, growing detachment between two people, finally leading to apathy. Love is based on an original experience of “we” and this original “we” is a horizon in whose direction we always head (ibid., p. 296).

4.4. LES PSYCHOLOGUES HUMANISTES ORIENTÉS VERS LE CHRISTIANISME HUMANISTIC CHRISTIAN PSYCHOLOGISTS

Since the end of the 20th century many Christian psychologists and psy- chotherapists have presented a concept that reason and volition participate in the process of development and experience of love, but emotions are involved as well. They do not deny the spiritual dimension of love, either. These psychologists refer their many claims to the authority of the Bible and they lean on Christian faith. There are several well-known Christian psychologists dealing with the issue of love, e. g. Garry Chap- man, James Dobson, John Powell, but also the Czech psychologists Jaro Krivohlavy, Zdenek Matejcek or Vladimir Smekal. We present the ideas of two of them and also their specific theories concerning love.

4.4.1. Les langues de l’amour dans l’interprétation de Garry Chapman Love Languages in Gary Chapman’s Interpretation

Gary Chapman, a therapist and a marriage counsellor, points out the importance of the fact that although love is not mere emotion, emotion forms an inseparable part of it. He writes about the great damages

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 124 02.03.2015 20:36:17 caused to man when love is not linked to emotion; he implies that to express love is to fill the “emotional tank” of the other person. If “the emotional tank” is not filled, the person experiences emptiness and pain. Every child has certain basic emotional needs that must be met if he is to be emotionally stable. The need for love is one of the basic needs. “Inside every child there is an emotional tank waiting to be filled with love. When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave. Much of the mis- behaviour of children is motivated by cravings of an empty love tank” (Chapman and Campbell, 2010, p. 14). The need to fill the emotional tank concerns not only children, but adults also. An individual without love is deformed emotionally as well as socially. Chapman claims there is a difference between being in love and the fulfilment of emotional desire which man needs in order to be able to feel loved. Falling in love will pass away and two individuals will face a decision about what to do next. They can break up, divorce each other, or look for new ways to a new infatuation. Another possibility lies in learning to love another person without the euphoric obsession called “falling in love”. This is the knowledge of the language of the other person and communication in this language. The inner desire for love is the deepest need of a person. When it is met, a person tends to reach out to the person who meets this need. The filling of “the emotional tank” involves communication in the primary love language of the person to whom we show our love. If the “emotional tank” is filled with unconditional love, volition is also willing to reciprocate this love. Love as a feeling alternates with love as an action. Permanent emotional love is a choice that people can make when they learn to love another person through the right language. If we want to be successful in communication and in a relationship, we must be willing to learn the natural love language of the other person. This theory works on the presumption that the inner desire for love is the deepest need of a person and when it is met, we tend to reach out to the person who satisfies us in this way (Chapman, 2009, p. 119). Chapman maintains that there are five love languages through which a person can communicate with another person and they can understand one another in the area of emotions. These are five ways of how to fill the emotional tank. They include: words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service. Chapman

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 125 02.03.2015 20:36:17 uses an analogy in order to explain the expression love language. He claims that in the same way as there are many dialects in the linguistic concept of language, there are certain dialects in the case of emotional love languages. If we master only our mother tongue and we meet a for- eigner who speaks just his own mother tongue, our communication will be very limited (Chapman, 2009). Unwillingness to understand the language of the other person will also negatively influence the relationship. Although language diversity is part of national cultures, it is necessary to learn foreign languages for the purpose of mutual understanding and communication. It is the same in the case of a love language. There are five fundamental love languages, but there are many more particular “dialects”. The only limitation to the number of ways of how to express love is our imagination. A person has his primary love language that is natural and understandable for him; the other person’s task is to recognize the language of the beloved person, to learn to understand it and to speak it. It is not enough to be honest. In the love relationship, it is necessary to know the natural love language of the other person. Chap- man points out a mistake a person often makes in the effort to express his love for another person. We are often convinced that we will make the other person happy when we show him our love in a way in which we ourselves expect it to be shown, i. e. when we speak only our own primary love language. It is desirable to learn to know the language of the other person and to express our love through his primary language. It is important to show empathy. It concerns marital relationships, friendly relationships, as well as parental relationships, but also relationships between an educator and an educatee, between a psychologist and a client, between a physician and a patient. On the other hand, it is imperative to learn to recognize one’s own language so that we can identify it and tell others about our language. This term is a latent expression of the ideas that we find in G. Marcel’s and K. Wojtyla‘s concepts: love is about knowledge, wanting and an adequate action. This applies to a relationship with children, pupils and to relationships between adults (spouses, physician – patient, psychologist – client, etc.). Chapman characterizes individual types of the primary language in the following way (2009): —— Words of affirmation. We do not often realize what a great value the verbal affirmation can have. These are gentle, praising, encouraging,

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 126 02.03.2015 20:36:17 friendly words, but also words of guidance interpreted in a correct way, which nourish an awareness of one’s value and a feeling of security in the other person. A child is influenced by them for the rest of his life. The emotional tank of the person with this type of primary language is being filled when words of affirmation and encouragement are spo- ken and this helps him to develop normally. On the other hand, critical words, words of ridicule, humiliating and offensive words, or the absence of words of affirmation, leave the most negative marks on the lives of these people. Negative words are imprinted into the subconscious and they evoke in a person feelings of inferiority, doubts about his abilities and skills. Children take the words addressed to them seriously and they attribute great value to them. They believe what their parents and later their teachers say about them. If they are showered with words of love, encouragement, they feel accepted and they even identify with these words. The same thing happens in the opposite situation. This also applies to adults. Words of appreciation or compliments are powerful means of love and they affect relationships. Encouragement in a relationship between spouses or friends is more effective than nagging. Positive verbal evaluation is one of the possibilities of how to express support to the other person and how to fill him with courage. Encourag- ing words are significant in the development of one’s interests. An effort to show the other person that we believe in him and his abilities is very important. The practice of this type of love language requires an ability to empathise and to see the world from the perspective of the other person. First it is necessary to understand whether it is essential for the other person and only then use the words of affirmation. The words of affirmation include kind words, words of affection, gentle words, words of praise, encouraging words, but also words of guidance and direction. Love does not count mistakes, does not re- proach one for failures and does not remind him of them. It includes also acknowledgement of one’s mistakes and asking for forgiveness. Love begs but does not make demands; love does not dictate, therefore, humble words are in order. If these words are not the primary language of the other person, his emotional tank is not being filled, they have little effect and it is necessary to seek another language. —— Quality time language means to give your undivided attention to the other person. A person, whose primary language is quality time,

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 127 02.03.2015 20:36:18 desires attention that will be directed exclusively at him. It means to be with him fully, to listen to him, to understand, to give irrecoverable time and a piece of one’s life to him. Children often demand attention. A son whose father is sitting at the computer keeps pulling his arm, he keeps asking him questions only to have an opportunity to be with him. A child asks his mother who is busy with housekeeping to play with him. There is a pupil in the classroom who keeps shouting without putting up his hand and raises his voice above the others’ voices. These are the indi- cations of desire for attention. Although a child must learn to be patient, we can prevent these happenings if we learn what quality time language means, and fill the child’s emotional tank. If this emotional tank is empty and nothing else but attention can fill it, a child will do anything in order to get what he needs. A child needs to feel that he is unique and deserves our attention. There is a danger when one child is being preferred to another; this happens in the family as well as at school. It is an art of being a good parent or teacher and finding an appropriate situation to demonstrate one’s attention. Time spent together equals to concentrated, undivided attention. To provide this kind of attention can be harder than physical contact or words of affirmation. Attention is a gift. When one is spending time with a child, he must adjust to the degree of his physical as well as emotional development. This requires great effort, but this effort becomes a good investment for the future (Chapman and Campbell, 2010). Attention also gives opportunity for better mutual knowledge. Activity that is done together is a stepping stone to an intimate conversation about moral or spiritual issues; it strengthens development in the emotional area. This benefits future relationships; a child will learn how to build friendships, what to do in relationships. It leads him to process his thoughts, to positive communication, to an interest in others and their opinions. Spouses who speak quality time language sit together, look into each other’s eyes and talk to each other. They give each other minutes of their lives, but this is the time that cannot be recovered, which means that it needs to be given completely. “The most important aspect of attention is proximity. However, it is not proximity in a physical sense, but it is closeness emerging from the ability to concentrate fully on each other” (Chapman, 2009, p. 43). People are often close to each other physically, but in fact they do not have to be together. Listening is also

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 128 02.03.2015 20:36:18 important. While the words of affirmation relate to what we are saying, listening concentrates on things to which we are listening. It encompasses patient listening, posing questions with a sincere effort to understand feelings, opinions, wishes. People whose primary language is quality time need somebody to listen to them, to understand them, they do not need advice or guidance. Attention also includes positive, loving looks from face to face. Re- fusal to look is perceived as rejection and it has a direct effect on the decrease of self-confidence. Some research has shown (in Chapman and Campbell, 2010) that parents mostly use the face to face looking in negative situations – when they reprimand the child, investigate, command, etc. The importance of the positive look is being forgotten. How- ever, there are two types of this look. If we look at children positively only when they please us by something, we build in them an awareness of conditional love; consequently, children can suffer all their lives because they will always try to elicit a liking in other people and prove their own value to them. Looks should also manifest unconditional love. Quality time language requires that nothing else is done, one shall only listen (not watch something else, read, etc.). It is important to perceive the feelings of the other person, to follow his body language, physical expression, not to cut in while he is speaking, to learn to speak, and to speak correctly. However, we are influenced by the type of our personality, by our nature in this process. This must be taken into consideration when we approach the love language of the other person. In the case of a relationship with the person whose dominant love language is the quality time language it is necessary to do a lot of things or activities together. —— Giving and receiving giftsis another type of a love language. If we give a gift for some merit, it is more reward than a gift. A true gift should not be a reward for services rendered. A real gift becomes an expression of love and the giver gives it selflessly. If parents give sweets to their child so that he may leave them alone, it becomes a bribe used for manipulation and the child does not perceive it as a gift. If the child does not feel loved, he can perceive the gift conditionally. In that case he will refuse the gift and ignore it. In this way he expresses his pain and desire for love. The beauty of giving is related to love and gifts should be presented as manifestations of love. Then children will not take things they get

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 129 02.03.2015 20:36:18 from their parents for granted. Sometimes a parent prefers to buy an expensive gift for his child or a spouse prefers to buy something costly for his/her partner instead of giving his time to the other person. This can be caused by the want of time or by one’s inability to express one’s feelings outwardly. Some people in their effort to compensate for their absence use giving gifts as “a universal medicine” to their lifestyle. If the gifts are inappropriately expensive, they are seen as bribes, as an attempt to buy other person’s love, or as means of manipulation. There is a danger in this type of upbringing that a child will grow into a materi- alistic and manipulative person. Receiving gifts is an inseparable part of the process of love – marriage. Chapman maintains that if receiving gifts is the primary language of the other person, it is possible to become a real expert in this language because it is the simplest one to learn (Chapman, 2009). The person whose primary love language is receiving gifts does not look at the price or at the size of the gift. It can be a gift which was bought, made or found in nature... It is important to change one’s attitude to money because it presents the means of filling the emotional tank of the other person. The greatest possible gift is one’s physical presence at the times of crises. However, it is important that both spouses are aware of it. —— Acts of service are also a love language. Parenthood, working as a teacher, psychologist or physician belong among the services that are physically and psychologically demanding. The one who serves should heed his physical and mental health. It is necessary to know whom we serve so that the acts may express love, since this is another way of how to fill the emotional tank. If we are to really succeed the acts of service should be permeated with other expressions of love. This love language can also have a negative effect on the other person if we use the language without circumspection. For instance, if we yield inappropriately to the children’s desires and requests, the children might remain infantile and self-centred, and can grow up and become egoists. The acts of service should be turned into a model of responsibility. If we manifest our love through acts, we do things for children which they cannot do by themselves, we become their role models. This can help children to extricate themselves from egocentrism and start to help others. To use this language means to do things which we know will make the other person happy. We will oblige the other person only because

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 130 02.03.2015 20:36:18 we do it for him and he is aware of that. This concerns activities in the household but also out of it. Acts of love require attention and time management, effort and energy. Chapman gives an example of service by presenting Jesus Christ who showed how to manifest one’s love for other people through service. It is good if many activities are done together. Requests play an important role in this process. They give direction to love, while demands stop the flow of love. Love is a choice and it cannot be forced (ibid.). We tend to criticize others especially in the area about which we care most; however, criticism is an ineffective way of preserving love. The love language of service often needs to overcome family stereotypes, to abandon old beliefs, habits, and old family schemes. This means, for instance, that a husband should abandon the model of his father who never did any housework. If a person wants to relinquish the stereotypes in which he lived for decades, it will require a lot of effort and willingness on his part. —— Physical contact is probably the most frequent type of love language. It includes any type of physical contact – a gentle pat on one’s shoulder, caress to one’s hair or hand. We manifest it through embrace, kiss, and caress. Contact linked to the sexual life of a person belongs to this group as well. Human science research has shown that twins, with whom their mothers kept frequent physical contact, will have a healthier emotional life when they grow older than those who were left for hours without any physical contact (Chapman and Campbell, 2010; Liedloff, 2007). This works both ways. The children (adults), whose primary language is physical contact, are more sensitive to any type of physical violence, improper touch, beating, etc. This fact is important when one is considering physical punishment. If a person argues that “he was beaten when he was young and it did him no harm”, his primary love language is most probably not a physical contact. Touch can be enhanced by a word. The emotional tank is being filled by interlinking verbal speech with physical contact. Jesus also accepted children and embraced them. Wise parents, in Chapman’s opinion (2009), will embrace their children in any company. A gentle embrace is a signal of love for every child, but in the case of one whose love language equals physical contact it represents the highest possible expression. It applies to children as well as to adults. To touch the body of this person means to touch his inner

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 131 02.03.2015 20:36:18 self. Spousal unfaithfulness in such cases is one of the worst traumas inflicted on a person. The emotional tank is then not only empty, but completely destroyed. When a person with this primary language finds himself in the middle of crisis it is important for him to be held in another person’s arms. Words in this situation have only little meaning for him. A caress, massage of his back, embrace, holding his hand, sexual intercourse, etc. become a “life belt” for the person whose primary language is physical contact (Chapman, 2009). A love language needs to be known by a parent in a relationship with his child; a husband should know the language of his wife and vice- versa; a friend should know the love language of his friend; a teacher should know the language of a pupil; the chief pedagogical employee should know the language of his subordinates; the same should apply to the relationship between a psychologist and his client, between a physician and his patient. To love one’s child with true love is the basis of the favourable development of an individual and of a healthy family; to love one’s pupil is a presupposition for a quality education and healthy adolescence of a child or a pupil who has been entrusted to us. If children’s emotional tank is filled, they will grow into responsible adults. If this “tank” is not filled during their childhood, they can have problems with standards of behaviour as well as with their relationships to parents. The psychiatrist Ross Campbell asserts (in Chapman, 2009) that almost all improper sexual behaviour of adolescents is rooted in an empty emotional love tank. We might concentrate on the primary love language of the child in his upbringing, but it is imperative to speak the other languages as well. It is grounded in the idea that a child himself will be able to learn and speak the love languages of other people, so that he can not only receive love but also give it (Chapman and Campbell, 2010). A person has his own primary love language and he understands this language more than he does the others. There is also another language, a secondary one. A person understands the primary and the secondary love language; these two languages fill his emotional tank. Other three types of love languages do not fill his emotional tank (Chapman, 2005). To know the language of one’s spouse and to speak this language to him/her is crucial for a marriage relationship; therefore it is important

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 132 02.03.2015 20:36:18 to know one’s own and one’s spouse’s language and to learn to communicate in these languages. Every relationship will encounter misunderstandings; a frequent need to solve problems arises, a person is aware of his past mistakes. “Love cannot erase the past but it can change the future” (Chapman, 2009, p. 101). It is desirable to know the language of the other person and to act in accordance with this knowledge, even though it is not easy and it often requires self-denial on the part of one. Love changes people and it changes relationships. A person without love can spend his whole life searching for a sense of life, security, and self-confidence. When he experiences love, his experience is affected in a positive way. Chapman claims that even a burnt-out marital love can be restored (ibid., p. 113). The growth of love signifies a deepening of the intimate relationship which lies in five components: passing on ideas (intellectual area), speaking about experience (emotional area), spending time together and spending time separately (social area), opening one’s soul (spiritual area), and sharing things related to our body (physical area). To understand the other person and to build an intimate relationship with him means to pay heed to all the above-listed areas (Chapman, 2005). True love is within the realms of human possibilities. It springs from attitudes and culminates in action and behaviour. Chapman maintains that “in true love, our real self is manifested; it is the person who we long to become” (2010, p. 16). He states that the actions of a person who likes or loves the other person rest on seven pillars, the mysteries of love. They include kindness, patience, forgiveness, courtesy, humility, generosity, and sincerity. If we use the language of ethics, we can talk about some virtues that are related to the four cardinal virtues. They belong not only to a relationship between partners, a marriage relationship or a parental relationship, but constitute parts of friendships and work relationships. The above-mentioned “mysteries” of love are realized through words as well as through acts. A person can acquire them but also lose them. One needs to know oneself and the others, and should work on one’s improvement. Chapman claims in his books that in many situations a person shall turn to God and ask him for help in advancing his love for other people.

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 133 02.03.2015 20:36:18 4.4.2. Le concept d’intransigeance douce de James Dobson James Dobson’s Concept of Tough Love

James Dobson, physician, psychologist and counsellor, founder of an organization in the USA, called Focus on the Family, concentrates on the issue of love, primarily in marriage relationships and parental relationships. He claims that it is necessary to be tough in love, especially in the period of crisis – mainly in marriage crises, but also in those related to children (Dobson, 1999). Toughness in love is necessary when the love of one spouse starts to diminish, when unfaithfulness steps in, but also when one of the spouses falls into an addiction (drugs, sex, alcohol), and when s/he starts to be aggressive towards the children or spouse. One of the causes of the disruption of the stability of a marriage relationship is the abandoning of the principles that existed in the beginning (shyness, wooing, astounding, but also acceptance and, in the case of a man, it may also be the inaccessibility of the woman, but at the same time a desire for space where he can breathe freely, etc.). It could also be the presence of a behaviour that was not there at the beginning of the love relationship (blackmail, insistence, extortion, begging for affection, attention, exaggerated dependence of one person on the other, etc.). Diminishment of love is also caused by the fact that a man and woman do not pay sufficient attention to their vows (ibid., p. 43) or they are too independent. A critical agent in the relationship is the way in which one party starts to see the other and how they see their life together. One of the partners can start to feel trapped and he views the other partner from this trap. This feeling is accompanied by irritability, nervousness, gradual estrangement, and by the desire to get out of the trap (ibid., p. 25). The person who stopped respecting the other person can often feel trapped in a choking relationship. Change in the perception of the other person often precedes conflicts. The consequences come in the form of unfaithfulness, addiction, abuse, etc. The victim’s task is to intentionally provoke a crisis in order “to force” the other person to choose between his/her “whims” and love (ibid., p. 89). The fundamental precondition of love, even of tough love, is self- confidence, self-respect or the restoration of the respect that was belittled by the other partner, but also respect for the other person. Where there is no respect for another person, there is often a decline in

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 134 02.03.2015 20:36:18 self-respect. Dobson states that if there is, for instance, a case of infidelity or addiction, the “culprit” often makes the “victim” feel guilty and take the blame for the situation that has come up and the culprit frees himself of responsibility. Men often “feed” the insecurity of women (ibid., p. 97). Social rejection supports feelings of insecurity, inferiority, but also of self-pity (ibid., p. 86). A person’s task is to make another person happy and this is one of the manifestations of love. according to Dobson, even if a person expects that his partner will fill his “emotional tank”, each person builds his own identity and therefore he cannot blame another person for the fact that his emotional life is not filled and he cannot justify his own sin (ibid., p. 185). The outbreak of a crisis is the beginning of a struggle for the limits of respect (ibid., pp. 91–93) and an expression of love (not only in the presented periods) is represented by confrontation, not by retreat (ibid., p. 84). When a person realizes that his partner was not faithful to him, when he starts to feel like a discarded shoe, he experiences chaos and panic. Panic often leads to concessions the aim of which is to change the behaviour of the other person. Concessions cannot succeed, just the opposite, they result in a fight (ibid., p. 25). Dob- son, in his opinions and recommendations, often refers to the Bible and he claims that the unconditional love to which Christians are invited, is not identical to excessive benevolence, passivity or weakness. If the love relationship is to last during a whole life, resentment cannot be given space because it can turn into hatred. There must be some mechanism (valve) to release every tension that arises in everyday life (ibid., p. 30). Love cannot be forced, but the unfaithful spouse or the person who en- dangers the members of the family, must be held responsible, he should not be excused. Where self-respect is restored, there will also be self- confidence and mental balance, and love will be revived. The second pillar of love is freedom. Dobson maintains that in true love relationship each person must be free, thus each person respects the freedom of the other person and allows it. If there is a broken relationship, especially in the case of infidelity, the most frequent situation is that it is the woman who needs to restore her self-respect. At the same time, she has to give freedom to the man whom she wanted to hold “prisoner” in whatever way. The outbreak of a crisis is linked to the fact that “the victim” clearly manifests to his partner that he is free. This step often makes “the culprit” stop and think, re-evaluate his relationships and

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 135 02.03.2015 20:36:18 “whims”. He should start to “rack his brain” over the fact he is suddenly “released from the trap”. Dobson quotes an old proverb which he applies to the relationship between people: “If you like something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it belongs to you. If it does not come back to you, it was never yours” (ibid., p. 79). Love is not a duty, it is not a prison; thus it should not be perceived and lived as a privilege (ibid., p. 36). The foundations of love also include responsibility (see Chapter 1). Both persons bear the same responsibility for a relationship that exists between them. It often happens in these cases that one person is irresponsible and the other one feels guilty (ibid., p. 85). Responsibility is closely related to the protection of the limits of respect (ibid., p. 90). Dobson points out the danger of rationalization. This happens in situations where a person wants to justify or “sanctify” his sin and divest himself of responsibility. Rationalization is manifested in the form of “reasonable” justifications and excuses for bad behaviour, breaking of one’s vows and God’s commandments. Dobson does not allow this type of argumentation. He claims that these arguments are not acceptable because they are false (ibid., p. 87); they often become expressions of egoism. Conscience is a strong opponent of irresponsibility. This is another reason why it is necessary to evoke a crisis (ibid., p. 83). It is not always desirable to be patient and tolerant (ibid., p. 104). Before a person resolves to take this step, he needs the Christian help of an expert, counsellor, who will accompany him during the whole period of crisis (it is necessary to withstand infidelity, but also addictions, etc.). “An early confrontation is better than the gradual dying of feelings” (ibid., p. 61). Prayer is one of the means needed in order to solve all the problems. Dobson asserts that the victim should not suppress truth, protect reputation, meet the requirements of the culprit, etc. There is no space for pity for the other person either, because it has nothing in common with love (ibid., p. 47). Confrontation in the case of a partner who hurts himself and others is a manifestation of love. The culprit should be exposed to a gentle pressure so that he, for instance, might leave the house, apologize, face the responsibility (ibid., p. 129). Similar rules that apply to a disrupted marital relationship can be applied to a parental relationship in which the culprit is a child (e. g. he starts to take drugs). One of the conditions of the confrontation is not to criticize the culprit himself but his behaviour. It is important to avoid

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 136 02.03.2015 20:36:18 bitterness and rebuke, and feeding resentment towards the other person. Even if the issue is criticism, it is necessary to show love. The other person must know that “the victim” loves him, that he is not interested in breaking up, but gives the culprit full freedom to make just one choice. This attitude must be clear and decisive. It applies to a relationship to one’s spouse as well as to a child. The attitude of discipline, self-respect, and self-confidence is required. The other person is then left with a decision making linked to responsibility. The principles of toughness in love have a stronger effect when they are discussed in the relationship where the problem arose. It is one of the ways to correctly cope with an interpersonal conflict and also a driving force that will transform unstable and disrupted relationship. It is necessary to solve the problems that have arisen in marriage through an effort to save the relationship by tough love, not by breaking up, which always brings more negatives, including e.g. coping with chaos into which the children of the spouses will enter. The principle of tough love plays an important role in the healing of relationships; it functions regardless of culture, sex, age, race or economic background (ibid., p. 19). Mutual respect, self-respect, self-confidence, responsibility, discipline, but also toughness, are parts of marital and parental love, as well as of the love of children for their parents. The dynamics of love in marriage have also other principles, such as the growth of the love of parents for their children and the growth of love of the children for their parents. Children need to be guided in love, they need education and assistance in this area so that they may become “accustomed” to living the life of love. Love per se becomes a means of education in love. Dobson (1997) presents the inconceivability of education in love not only without love, but also without discipline and respect, and also without the basis of the Bible and Christian faith. Dobson (1997, p. 16) states: “...for little children it is typical that they identify their parents, especially their father, with God. Hence, if mum and dad are not worthy of respect, then their moral principles, homeland, their hierarchy of values, beliefs and even their religious faith are not worthy of respect either.” Dobson adds that God has instilled into man a code to represent him during those years when a child’s personality is being formed and therefore it is very important to introduce the child to a limitless God’s love and justice (ibid., p. 16). If we

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 137 02.03.2015 20:36:18 love children, but let them behave towards us without respect and with disdain, we deform their attitude to God; on the other hand, if we bring them up without a manifestation of love and with strictness, “it will tip the scale to the opposite side”. Dobson (1997) lists five points related to the guidance of children to love: the development of respect for one’s parents is a decisive factor in guiding a child; the best opportunity to establish contact (when children and parents grow closer to each other) usually comes after punishment has been administered; one’s authority can be established without shouting and hectoring; we must not allow children to absorb materialism; joy comes after strong needs have been satisfied (where there is no need, there is no joy either). The cause of failure is usually an irregular educational activity on the part of parents; if a child is more obstinate than the parent and both of them are aware of it; if the parent has not done anything for a long time and suddenly he uses some form of punishment; “spanking” is too mild; physical punishment (“spanking”) is not an appropriate form of punishment for some children. The law of positive stimulation plays an important role in education in respect and love; if it is to be effective, one needs to know that a reward should be given immediately; rewards do not always have to be material; almost every behaviour reached through positive stimulation can quickly disappear, if one procrastinates to give the reward; even parents and teachers are subject to positive stimulation; parents often stimulate undesirable behaviour and suppress the behaviour that they respect. Love and discipline are important in the moral area, but also in the approach to teaching and in building comradely relationships. Par- ents from the beginning of their marriage and parenthood need clearly defined limits that can navigate them where they should lead their family. There are two very distinct signals for a child that play an important role in parenthood and in the development of the child. One of them is the affirmation that the child is loved, that he means a lot to his parents and that they give thanks to God for the possibility to bring him up. The second signal is that parents clearly express that because they love their child, they must teach him how to obey because that is the only way they can take care of him and protect him from the things that could hurt him (Dobson, 1995). Religious education should become a natural part of upbringing in the family. Parents should inspire love for knowledge

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 138 02.03.2015 20:36:18 in their child, as well as respect for his teachers and for following the school rules. The family should also accept responsibility for the sexual education of their children and it should not be separated from education in responsibility. Role models play an important role in education. The father and mother use different languages in education. They both are needed for the quality education. It is similar in the case of education of boys and girls. There are certain areas and periods when it is necessary to differentiate the methods and means of education for girls from those aimed at boys. Parental care of children in the spirit of self-sacrifice and love should start with their birth; it should be based on the wise guidance of children to discipline and responsibility while taking into consideration the children’s interests and needs. It is rooted in respect and dignity for each member of the family, in sexual fidelity between husband and wife, and in harmony with God’s moral laws (ibid.).

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 139 02.03.2015 20:36:18 5. LES MODÈLES D’AMOUR DANS LA THÉORIE ET LA PRATIQUE ÉDUCATIVE MODELS OF LOVE IN EDUCATIONAL THEORY AND PRACTICE

The education and educational sciences pose the question of whether it is necessary to school and to educate. If the answer is YES, what are the aims, values and attitudes that should be reached? What methods and means should be used in the context of specific and unrepeatable conditions and particular people in their unrepeatability? (Czupryn, 1999). The basis of the quest for answers to these questions is a frame of reference that involves man. This frame of reference is introduced by philosophy, theology as well as psychology. Philosophical, psychological and theological sciences are also helpful in solving the problems of love in the process of education and schooling. Love in education is one of its aims, but also one of the ways in which the educator directs this process. In the course of history there have been various connotations in the conceptions of love as an aim and as a method.

5.1. VARIABILITÉ DU PHÉNOMÈNE AMOUR DANS L’HISTOIRE MODERNE DE L’ÉDUCATION THE VARIABILITY OF THE LOVE PHENOMENON IN THE HISTORY OF MODERN EDUCATION

The history of education has been marked by various views of human being, of men and women, but also of the people belonging to various groups concerning social, national, or religious affiliation, or their -ma terial situation. Hence, love was believed to be something that man either deserves or does not deserve. Love is connected with the good and this term is interpreted from various angles (see Chapter 2). Love includes respect for the fact that

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 140 02.03.2015 20:36:18 every child has a right to deference and dignity, freedom and responsibility, knowledge and personal development, on the part of parents as well as of educators. The idea of equal rights to education and schooling did not emerge until the modern period. If somebody decided to base an educational institution on this idea, it often implied going against the tide of the generally accepted view, and it required a sacrifice, patience, perseverance and personal growth on one’s part. The advocates of the development of humanity and of the principle connected with love in education were united through philanthropy, altruism, faith in God, but most of all by the desire for the good of a child and of society. We present only some of them, but each one has brought something special into education. Sir Thomas More6 (1478 – 1535) was born and died in London. He was a scholar and martyr, lawyer, theologian, Lord Chancellor at the court of King Henry VIII. He is considered to be the most interesting character of the first half of the 16th century, a voice of conscience at the beginning of the English Reformation. He was one of the most distinguished personalities of the English Renaissance under Tudor rule. Er- asmus of Rotterdam wrote about him: “He heads his whole family with love; there are no scenes, nor thrashing [...] His love is not a burden although he never neglects the duties that come from love...” (in Seuffert, 1989, pp. 45–46). He strove for sternness and strictness of the then school system. He became a lawyer and due to his faithfulness to his belief and conscience he ended up on the scaffold. He had three daughters and one son with his first wife. After her death, he remarried. He had a homestead built for his family in Chel- sea, on the bank of the River Thames. The servants lived with the family. When More served as a speaker for the House of Commons, he was the first person in the history of England who advocated freedom of speech. He saw threats in Europe, the senselessness of wars; he did his best to reduce evil and suffering. Even though he was not an educator, he applied his pedagogical belief in family upbringing and he interpreted many of his pedagogical views in his work Utopia. He was an advocate of the education of the mind and heart, of the development of the body and

6) Latin: Morus; English: More.

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 141 02.03.2015 20:36:18 soul. He claimed that people can live well together only when one makes it possible for the other to earn his living. He employed a lot of people in his household in order to help them (Seuffert, 1989). His first wife Jane was well brought-up, but she did not have any formal schooling (only a few women of that period were formally educated). Hence, More became her teacher. He taught her to read, write, he instructed her in Latin, he provided her with a musical education. His second wife Alice became his pupil, too (in Watson, 1994). Schools were designated only for boys, that is why More devoted his time also to the instruction of his daughters. His children had a tutor. Thomas More justified the instruction of all his children to this tutor by saying that both a man and a woman speak the human language and both differ from the animals due to their reason, that is part of their nature. There- fore, they have a right to use their reason and study. Besides other views on female education of that period, there was the opinion that a girl’s innocence and reputation are harmed by science. More maintained that men and women are equally suitable for knowledge acquired through study (Wegemer, 2001). The house in Chelsea became a school for the Mores. It was also known as an Academy. More could introduce his own way of instruction and education there. There is a known More’s epigram: “Nature united parents and children wisely and firmly. This bond is of the type that only Hercules can tie. It is a source of respect for the beautiful soul of a child [...] I often kissed you. You know that I hardly ever gave you the cane. My stick was always only peacock feathers” (in Seuffert, 1989, pp. 35–36). There were debates held in the Mores’ house on theological and philosophical topics in English and in Latin, sometimes in Greek. Men and women in the community of the Mores’ family were equal partners in their studies (Watson, 1994). More claimed that only a man who trains his good judgement can avoid impostors and flatterers. If one wants to acquire this type of judgement, deeper study of philosophy, literature, history and theology is required. That is why he himself pursued these issues; that is why he provided his children with an equal formal education regardless of their sex. He saw children as God’s gift for parents, but also for the state. Therefore he claimed that the family as well as the Church and the state

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 142 02.03.2015 20:36:18 should all be involved in providing education and schooling. However, this requires qualified teachers and educators on the part of the Church and of the state. In his book Utopia he stated that the aim of the marital life is to remain in marital love and live one’s life with one partner, despite all the difficulties that the marital life brings. There is a principle saying that only virtue and complaisance are the foundations of a permanent marital relationship (More, 1999). Children are brought up in the family where they serve the older members; they listen to them as well as to their parents. They learn respect, obedience, they develop friendliness. Education focuses on a good and virtuous life. Children develop their relation to work, crafts, but also to science. The study of philosophy should teach man to live. People learn morals and virtues. The paramount virtue is humanness. The citizens of Utopia live contentedly and in an adequate bliss because they live naturally – in concordance with nature, but also because they let themselves be guided by reason. The whole island is like one family (ibid.). Jean-Jacques Rousseau (1712 – 1778) was born in Geneva and died near Paris. He was a prominent figure of the Enlightenment; he influenced philosophical and pedagogical thinking of numerous philosophers and educators. He grew up as a motherless child but his father did his best to raise his son. He ensured that Jean-Jacques read a lot. When his father remarried, Jean-Jacques left home. He was then raised by his ma- ternal uncle and sent to board with a certain Calvinist minister. Later he took shelter with a Roman Catholic priest who introduced him to Madam Françoise-Louise de Warens. She became his patroness and mistress. He spent some time in Turin where, thanks to Madam de Warens he could study mathematics, philosophy and music. He worked in Lyon, Venice and finally in Paris. Here he met the seamstress Thérèse Levas- seur and he took her and her whole family in to live with him and he assumed the responsibility of supporting the family. They never officially married but most probably they had five children together. Rousseau and Thérèse’s mother forced her to give up all the children to the foundling hospital (Creede, 1999). This act is probably the most paradoxical act of Rousseau’s life and of his pedagogical thinking. He claimed that he was not able to provide the children with financial support; however, later in his Confessions he

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 143 02.03.2015 20:36:18 stated that he was afraid of entrusting them to a family ill brought up and to be still worse educated. Rousseau believed that the risk of a bad education in the foundling hospital was much lower. Thus Rousseau did not practice what he had presented in his philosophy of education. It was his very theory of education that made him famous. In his novel Èmile or, On Education (2002) he maintains that man is naturally good and it is the society that corrupts him. Everything is good when it comes out of the hands of the Originator of all things; everything degenerates in the hands of man. Man per se is good because he comes from the good Creator who has sent him into this world. The highest happiness is contentment with oneself and in order to experience it man was sent to the earth and he was given free will. He was also given passions that tempt him and a conscience that helps him in his moral growth. Human nature has an asset in its morality that has a growing trend. Morality includes a right to virtue (Rousseau, 2002). Unlike Hobbes, who claimed that it is dog eat dog in human egoism and freedom, Rousseau maintained that man is blessed with natural compassion that prevents people from hurting each other. “We were born to be humans” (ibid., p. 73). Man is not guided only by reason and will, but first of all, he is guided by emotion and Rousseau considers it to be the highest human faculty. Heart gives man his greatness. Religion is also found in man’s feelings; it was given to man by God – it was placed into his feelings, into his heart, therefore feelings are the source of religious knowledge. The sight of nature awakens an idea of God in man’s soul (in Kratochvil, 1993). Rousseau asserted that a virtue has been inscribed into the heart of every man and it does not need any special knowledge or education for its growth. In the course of the natural education of a child, which Rous- seau promotes in his book Èmile, it is necessary to heed moral development. Èmile must have enough physical movement, he must not be idle. He is introduced to society and he develops his relationships to other people. It is a period of the growth of love for all people, education in good emotions, i.e. education of the heart. Will and a correct judgement are also developed. Èmile learns to reflect on the natural laws and on his conscience so that he may acquire knowledge that there is a higher reason, God, who is above the human and natural laws (Rousseau, 2002). Johann Heinrich Pestalozzi (1746 – 1827) was a Swiss educator and pedagogical reformer, altruist, politician and philosopher.

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 144 02.03.2015 20:36:18 His father was a physician and he died five years after Johann was born, therefore his mother and a maid took care of him and his two siblings. Pestalozzi grew up in a kind and loving environment. This affected his behaviour, his relationships and later his pedagogical activities. Besides writing a lot about it he was also active in the field of education. He untimely finished his reading of law and theology in Zürich and started studying agriculture. He got married and bought a farm that he named Neuhof. His wife gave birth to a son whom he wanted to raise according to Rousseau’s theory. However, he realized that, in addition to freedom, education also requires obedience, which is in the interest of a good development of a child. Pestalozzi’s marriage and parenthood was full of happiness and love. He took tens of poor, homeless and begging children to his farm in Neuhof where he taught them wool-spinning, weaving and agricul- tural work. His motivation was a desire to help these children to stand upon their own feet. He approached children and activities with love. He combined practical activity with formal schooling and moral and religious education and children made fast headway. Pestalozzi advocated and implemented education that surrounded children with love and he strove for it in his institute. The institute was supposed to be self- supporting, children were supposed to have been able to earn their living, but the original plan fell through because of political and economic circumstances. Pestalozzi devoted several years to writing (he wrote a four-volume work Leonard and Gertrude, which was an educational and rural novel) and partially also to the political activities. He experienced a persistent desire to work with children and after almost twenty years he founded an orphanage for about 80 children aged from five to ten in Stans in a former convent where he practised his pedagogical views and experience. An increased number of orphans was consequence of the war. Pestalozzi took upon himself the education of these children with love and worked at full capacity. He wanted to become their father and mother and build their humanity. He asserted that if formal schooling would not accept the importance of family upbringing and family life, it would lead to an artificial and methodical at- rophy of humankind (Cipro, 2002a). The orphanage existed only for six months because there was a field hospital established in the building.

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 145 02.03.2015 20:36:18 After a short respite and regeneration of his strength, Pestalozzi established an educational institute in the Burgdorf Castle, where he developed and applied his theoretically justified educational and teaching methods described in his work How Gertrude Teaches her Children. The pupils in Burgdorf were again from among poor and neglected children. Their lot was the consequence of the war. Four years later the institute moved to Yverdon where Pestalozzi worked with other educators for twenty years. None of his institutes had a set program or plan, because Pestalozzi believed in the free development of children in carrying out their spontaneous activities and his educational activity. Pestalozzi considered the spirit to be more important than the letter of the method, because the method does not coincide with the goal. He claimed that it was important to try out various methods and to keep those which were good. However, if an educator finds something better that bears fruit, it is desirable to add it in truth and love to those things which Pestalozzi himself created in his theory in truth and love (Soëtard, 1994). He developed the idea of a basic schooling on a natural foundation. In his opinion, natural schooling and education would be acquired through a harmonic development involving head (intellectual side), heart (religious sphere) and hands (manual, artisan side). The Yverdon institute quickly became well-known. It was not intended only for poor orphans any more; it was turned into an educational institute with an adjacent teachers’ college. Numerous educators and prominent figures from all over Europe came here for experience and for visits. The death of Pestalozzi’s beloved wife was a great loss to him per- sonally and to the institute as well. After a disagreement among the teaching staff the institute was closed down and Pestalozzi returned to Neuhof where he died (Cipro, 2002a). The aim of Pestalozzi’s pedagogical effort was to strengthen man and to give him only those things that could help him. He emphasized the basic education of all children that should start in the family before children enrol at school. He stressed the acquiring of intellectual, manual (artisan), moral and religious values, which were all aimed at reaching the universal and harmonic development of a child (Soëtard, 1994). Therese, Countess of Brunswick (1775 – 1861) was born in Bratislava into a noble family with a positive relationship to art and science, as well

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 146 02.03.2015 20:36:19 trying to better the social position of the poor. Therese and her siblings were educated and big-hearted people. After her father’s death, Therese engaged in everything that she deemed to be good and beneficial to others. In 1808 she got to know Pestalozzi and his work. She decided that she would open nursery schools in her country. She succeeded in 1828 when she opened the first nursery school in the Habsburg Monarchy in her mother’s house in Buda. She called the nursery school the Angel Garden. She wanted to found nursery schools also in the domestic environment. She managed to do it in Banská Bystrica in 1829. This was the first nursery school in today’s Slovakia. Therese strove to ensure so that the teachers teaching in the nursery schools might reduce the proportion of memorizing and introduce more games in the case of little children. She distinguished between the work of a teacher with children at school and that at the nursery school. She promoted the principle of adequacy and the requirement of the development of aesthetic feelings and the harmonic development of the child’s personality. Properly educated male teachers taught in the nursery schools which she founded. When classes were over, young girls provided care. Therese also engaged in working with carers and tried to educate them (Ricalka and Psenak, 1983; Bartuskova at al., 1970). Friedrich Fröbel (1782 – 1852) belongs among the most prominent supporters of people’s education. He is the father of a new type of pre- school institution, the most important of Pestalozzi’s students and the author of his own pedagogical system that made him famous all around the world. He was born in Oberweissbach, Germany, as the sixth child in the family of a Lutheran pastor. His mother died when he was six months old. His step-mother did not pay much attention to him and his father was busy. This was reflected in the fact that he was a reclusive loner. He went through several jobs and when he started to work as a teacher at the school of Anton Gruner he realized that this was his vocation. He visited the Pestalozzi’s school in Yverdon and returned home full of enthusiasm and influenced by Pestalozzi. He found out that he was not really prepared for a teaching career and as a thirty-years-old he studied at the university in Berlin. He longed to work with children. When his brother died and left behind three children who were unprovided for, Fröbel decided to take

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 147 02.03.2015 20:36:19 care of them. He took two more children of another brother into fos- ter care and opened a miniature educational institute in Griesheim. He named it German General Educational Institute and shortly afterwards moved it to the village of Keilhau. The institute gained acceptance and grew in size. Fröbel’s wife also worked in the institute. During his work in Keilhau he wrote several works, the most important being The Educa- tion of Man. The work and education in the institute focused on the development of free, thinking and independent people and it gained Frö- bel many opponents. His intention was to lead the institute in a humane way. He left after fifteen years and worked in Switzerland. He spent two years working for Pestalozzi in the pre-school department. Finally, he returned to Germany. In 1837, he rented a millhouse in Blankenburg and established there a new institution – kindergarten, a children’s garden (Cipro, 2002a). He redid the methodology of education, games and toys that he himself created. The toys had nursery rhymes linked to them. The activities in the kindergarten included games, dances with the aim of building relationships and communication, gardening through which the relationship with nature was formed. Fröbel put great emphasis on the expressions of the positive relationships of parents and educators to the children. He heeded the training of educators and teachers. Kin- dergartens quickly spread and became popular. After the revolutionary year of 1848 (and after eleven years of their existence) they were banned and closed down. Fröbel also ran an institute for the training of kindergarten teachers in a hunting lodge in Marienthal, near Blankenburg. He died there. He believed that education has a great impact on man. This education should develop his personality in harmony with God and nature. Even during his first pedagogical experience in Gruner’s school Fröbel wrote to his brother Christopher that he felt great in his new job, as if he had been a teacher for a long time. He wrote that he longed to teach children and that he sincerely loved them. Even Pestalozzi noticed his love for children and for this vocation during his first stay in Yverdon (ibid.). In his work The Education of Man he writes about a complex approach to man that had brought him the knowledge that early childhood requires special attention because, on one hand, it is a beginning that is decisive for all the future development, and on the other hand, this

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 148 02.03.2015 20:36:19 beginning, unlike the school age, has been underestimated so far. A man is, for Fröbel, a divine plant and the educator is a gardener who provides light and nourishment for this plant, however, he leaves things that are essential to its life powers. The educational purpose, which he talks about in his The Educa- tion of Man, is to guide man to the full clarification of himself, i.e. to the knowledge of his true mission and of his spontaneous and free fulfilment. The central notion characterizing the first childhood (pre-school age) is play, therefore Fröbel pursued this topic consistently. One of the fundamental principles on which he based his work was a mother’s love. A mother shows her love and care for her child through play, through which the child gradually develops, gets to know himself/herself and the surrounding world. Besides a mother’s love, there is a need for the love of all who participate in the child’s education. In one of his first handbooks, which he put together during his work in Keilhau, he writes that all who work there are united by their love for neighbour and love for education, as well as for everything that is human, by their love for humankind (Hei- land, 1993). Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy (1828 – 1910) was born into a noble family in the village of Yasnaya Polyana in Central Russia. When he was ten years old he lost his parents. He was taught by private tutors. He is a world-famous writer, but is also renowned for his work in the pedagogical sphere. He wrote a book Childhood. Boyhood. Youth. in which he presents reflections on the spiritual, moral and intellectual development of a child as well as on a child’s experience and process of learning (Yegorov, 1994). In tsarist Russia, the educational institutions had a more domestic character. A teacher was some literate person, usually a cleric, sexton or a retired soldier. Teaching had an ecclesiastical character because its aim was to master the reading of prayers. Children did not understand the prayers, they just memorized them. Russia introduced new schools based on the example of European schools. Tolstoy (1973) voiced his opinion that they were places of idleness and indolence. He wanted education to reach as many people as possible, especially the poor (former serfs) who were very backward. He desired a new school, not influenced by European traditions, but based strictly on Russian conditions.

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 149 02.03.2015 20:36:19 Firstly, he made two journeys to Europe in order to get to know Eu- ropean pedagogy and its educational system. He visited several countries. He concentrated on the atmosphere and on the universal principles of education, educational methods and the equipment of schools. However, his reaction to the Western school system was negative. He claimed that the child’s personality and creativity were being suppressed and the child’s movement was being limited. He did not like it when children were forced to pray for kings during their religious classes or the mechanical way of learning that was being used. He considered the Russian and European schools to be torture chambers for their pupils. While children enjoy their lives at home, they experience fear of their teachers at school (Yegorov, 1994; Pecha, 1982). Tolstoy established a school mainly for the children of serfs in his native village. Although many landowners founded country schools, Tolstoy’s school was exceptional. He promoted a method of free, independent education; he rejected the then pedagogical conventions and emphasized the meaning of a pupil’s activity and individuality. In his opinion, teaching had an educational effect only when the teacher pas- sionately loved and mastered his subject. Then this love was also transferred to the pupils (Tolstoy, 1973). Tolstoy was one of the teaching staff in the school that he founded. A characteristic of Tolstoy’s school was freedom, on which he based his pedagogical principles. A free pupil meant that he was not controlled, not limited, he was independent and autonomous. Tolstoy abandoned the theoretical rules; experience was what was important for him in teaching. He maintained that handbooks are not important at school, but the atmosphere is and it is in the hands of the pedagogical staff. He believed that the child’s nature is healthy, harmonic and good and it deserves to be respected. A pupil should not be punished and humiliated because this does not help him, on the contrary, it harms him. In Tolstoy’s case there was a relationship between love of nature, country and country children on one hand, and education, on the other hand. The teacher should be the one helping the child in such a way that the child feels at heart’s ease, especially in adolescence. In the beginning, there were not many children at Tolstoy’s school and they were mostly boys aged from seven to thirteen. It is interesting to note that parents saw the fact that the teachers did not thrash the children as the main

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 150 02.03.2015 20:36:19 problem. Thrashing was considered to be a good teaching and educational method. Mothers were gradually persuaded that it is not necessary to beat children and the number of pupils grew. The teaching methods were different from those at other schools. For instance, reading was done through mutual sharing of what children had read (especially fairytales), writing was practised on the walls of the school, topics for compositions were chosen by the pupils themselves, history dealt with Russian issues, etc. The singing instruction was taken as a time of relaxation, Tolstoy himself taught it and he also taught Bibli- cal history. He accompanied children on their way home from school, went for walks with them, in winter he went sledging and skating on the pond with them (Pecha, 1982). Children organized their schooling themselves in order to enjoy learning. Attendance was voluntary, the pupils could leave whenever they wanted, if the subject did not interest them. Tolstoy favoured un- restrained flights of pupils because he perceived them as an expression of freedom and he also saw them as a means of protest against teachers’ pedagogical and human mistakes. He argued that school should provide knowledge only in the case that the children are interested in it. The teachers did not use commands and orders and they intervened in the pupils’ arguments very little. It was deemed best if the pupils solved their problems among themselves. There were no marks, no testing. How- ever, the pupils’ results were surprising and excellent (Yegorov, 1994). Ellen Key (1849 – 1936) was born at the Sundsholm mansion in Små- land, Sweden where a strict upbringing was practised. Despite the fact that her father was an advocate of liberalism and political radicalism, he did not know the free system of schooling and education. Corporal punishment was used in the family upbringing and its result was not knowledge, but fear and broken relationships. Despite all this, Ellen had a deep emotional attachment to the place where she grew up. She acquired her formal education at home – firstly, from her mother, later, she had governesses and after that she attended a private school in Stockholm. She attended a course for adult women during the winter months of the years 1868 – 1872. She worked as a teacher for some time. Her interest did not focus only on education. As a writer she presented many topics preparing the road for a new view of formal education in her books, essays, summaries or shorter articles. She promoted

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 151 02.03.2015 20:36:19 a new approach to education – starting from the child (vom Kinde aus) – with regard for the psychological specialities of development. She thought children and youth to be good and that this goodness should be further developed in them. She expressed her belief in the mission of children and youth in 1900 in her two-volume work The Century of the Child (Barnets Århundrade), and she joined the ranks of representatives of pedocentrism. In this work, she emphasizes the necessity of free-of- charge schooling for man’s personal development. She stressed the freedom and individuality of a child and its early development in the family environment; she pointed out the roles of the man and woman in the household and emphasized the role of the mother. She railed against corporal punishment, fought for co-education and common schools for all children regardless of their social class. A child’s activity is the core of education (Cipro, 2002a). She was an advocate of liberalism. She was influenced by Darwin- ism, positivism, but also by the thoughts of Rousseau, Nietzsche, Goe- the and Tolstoy. She leaned towards positivism and pointed out the differences between egoism and altruism. She was affected by J. S. Mill’s thoughts on freedom and also by his thoughts on religion, politics and education, as well as by his idea that one should do those things that bring the greatest good. Spencer influenced her in the area of the educational issues connected with punishment. If a child hurts himself by his own activity, it is punishment for him; if he loses or destroys his toy, his inner unease is his natural punishment. Children should not be protected from these natural punishments, small sufferings, but they should be taught about consequences and outcomes. Although Key was influenced by many thinkers she formed her own independent position based on their ideas (Lengborn, 1993). In the work The Century of the Child she presented a complex view of education. She regards homelessness as a consequence of the fact that a home does not meet the goals that it should. The women in the cities do not fill the role they did in the past. In answer to the question whether it is possible to create a true, ideal home, she responds YES and she presents a description of such a home. Parents are partners in work, they are equals; relationships among siblings are similar. Parents help children to become real people by regarding them as real people. Children should have their share of housework, honour their parents and each other, and

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 152 02.03.2015 20:36:19 respect each other. Children have duties and rights like their parents, and they do not lay a claim to anything just like that. They should be exposed to the daily reality. They should learn responsibility from an early age. They should also build their home through their own endeavours and joy, and accept their naturally administered punishments. Parents ought not to protect their children from the pain resulting from the natural consequences of their actions. There should be very few limitations in the family; if there are any, they should be resolute (Cipro, 2002a). Key asserts that a relationship between a mother and a child is the foundation of altruism in society. Motherly love and care are irreplaceable means through which a child later acquires his aims. It is necessary to create a new concept of a mother’s vocation, but this requires a giant effort. As a scientist enthuses over his research or an artist is passionate about his artistic activity, so the mother’s soul should be filled by her child. The mother’s mind should be occupied by the child whether she is sitting, walking, lying... Social issues and the position of women led Key to ask for the protection of women at work, especially in certain indus- trial occupations (ibid.). She rejected the idea of the collective care of children. In her opinion, the human tendency to individualism will defeat the tendency to mass anonymity and the monotonousness of domestic life. She believes that a bountiful domestic life is the foundation of personal growth. She presumes that men and women have varied qualities which are determined by their diverse natures. It is imperative to respect the female principle in order to form the conditions for the development of an individual towards freedom and happiness. She advocates equality between the sexes, supports women suffrage and promotes the idea of a natural education in the domestic environment (Lengborn, 1993). Each child should grow in freedom and in an independent individuality, but s/he should also learn to take others into consideration. If the nature of individual development is accepted and the favourable conditions are formed, nature will peacefully and quietly take care of the natural development of man. However, every education requires an element of obedience and so reward and punishment are its two important components. The only correct punishment is the natural punishment, the consequences of one’s actions. An educator should be somebody whom the children can imitate.

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 153 02.03.2015 20:36:19 The foundation of obedience is found in early childhood where a space is created for forming behavioural habits; the first three years of life are the decisive ones (ibid). Key argues that the strongest constructive factor of education is a stable, fixed and quiet order at home, its peace but also its duties. It is desirable for mothers to be spared outside works and to devote their time to home and children. It is necessary to make sure that a child does not have a chance to extort anything through its tears. The children should not be frightened nor lied to. They should be helped to become independent so that they may be able to take care of themselves. One must be consistent and principled when it comes to rules and limitations. She saw the relationship between egoism and altruism, self-confidence and consideration of others, as a relevant issue of her times, and she pointed out the necessity of a sound balance between them. She stated that harmony is a balance between self-sacrifice and selfishness (Lengborn, 1993). The only aim of school should be to provide as much personal growth and happiness as it is possible for each pupil. She emphasizes the significance of cooperation between family and school. Kindergartens should disappear and they should be substituted by home education, because an organized game in the kindergarten becomes forced and kills the imagination. The foundations of subjects should be presented to the children at pre-school age by their mother. School attendance should start at about the ninth or tenth year of age and school should be common for all, regardless of their sex or their socioeconomic diversity. She admits that there are psychological differences between men and women, and thus the individuality of sexes should be respected and preserved; at the same time, school should teach girls and boys how to cooperate (Cipro, 2002a). Key argues that a personality will develop only when one’s will is accepted, when one develops his own ideas, works on his knowledge, forms his own judgement. It is imperative to stop suppressing nature and to stop deforming “non-processed material” that awaits its adequate development. She suggests, to secondary vocational schools, to put more emphasis on self-activity because it is necessary to strengthen positive moral

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 154 02.03.2015 20:36:19 qualities (courage, ability to discover new things or to walk the “unbeat- en tracks, etc.), (Lengborn, 1993). Rudolf Steiner (1861 – 1925) was an advocate of theosophy and a founder of anthroposophy and Waldorf pedagogy. His work, ideas and pedagogical practice are subject to many discussions and they take a special place in the educational sphere. Waldorf schools are widespread all around the world. Similarly to other educators, his view on love in education is specific, thus we present his pedagogy in this chapter. Steiner was born in Kraljevec in Croatia, which was a part of the former Habsburg Monarchy, into a family of an Austrian stationmaster. He used to tutor his schoolmates already as a secondary school student and hence he acquired a certain pedagogical experience. He graduated from the Vienna Institute of Technology. He devoted himself to the study of philosophy and literature. He worked as a tutor and educator in a Jewish family in Vienna. He later worked as an editor at the Goethe and Schiller Archives in Weimar. He got a doctorate from the University of Rostock and he worked as an editor, author, speaker and teacher in Berlin. He published a lot of articles and wrote several books. He was intrigued by the works of Goethe, but also of Schelling and Nietzsche. He became a supporter of theosophy and a member of a theosophical society in Vienna. After a difference of opinion among the members of the society he founded a new branch of theosophical teaching which he called anthroposophy and later he and his disciples established the Anthroposophical Society in Dornach, Switzerland. He was also interested in occultism and spiritual issues. Emil Molt, an owner of the cigarette factory Waldorf-Astoria in Stuttgart decided to found a school for the children of his factory workers. He hired Steiner to realize this idea and Steiner was very happy to accept his offer, because he could implement his own ideas and desires. The whole of Steiner’s pedagogical concept was then named after the first Waldorf school which was very successful. Steiner died in Dornach. Most of his pedagogical views are contained in his work The Philosophy of Freedom (Ullrich, 1994). Steiner created a new type of educational concept, starting with kindergarten and ending with secondary school. The foundation of his concept was the perception of human nature and education as a spiritual

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 155 02.03.2015 20:36:19 science; the central theme of Steiner’s work was the inner perception of the spiritual world and spiritualization in every area of human activity. He emphasizes that it is necessary to perceive man as an integral spiritual – mental – physical being who has a physical, ethereal and astral body and self in order to use proper ways and approaches in his education and in support of his natural development. Each of these essences accepts only that type of knowledge to which its organs have been adjusted (Cipro, 2002b). The Waldorf education system, in practice, corresponds to Stein- er’s theory of the development of three bodies and three selves which are considered to be three different stages of a child’s development. It is not based on developmental psychology but on the cosmic anthroposophy and on the belief in the workings of ethereal, astral and spiritual powers and relations. A child learns from imitation up to the age of seven when the building of the physical body is finished. When the child is born he brings with him a supply of natural trust, but despite that he needs to experience that this world is so loving that he can trust it and imitate it. Par- ents and educators should provide a child with this trustworthy world which supports the truth so that the inner foundations of truth can be laid already in this first period. The next period is the period of enlivening or the ethereal component. This period brings the growth of new teeth and the distinctive body of a child is being freed, the emotions and imagination are being developed and there is just a touch of a preparation for thinking and judging. A child up to fourteen years of age desires the world to be beautiful, he needs ideals, and therefore the foundations of beauty and taste are being developed in the course of the second period. In the period of puberty the soul awakens to independence and freedom (Ullrich, 1994). The third period, up to twenty-one years of age, is the period of development of the emotions – the astral component. The emotional life and thinking are being developed. A young person, without realizing it, needs such a world that he can respect, a world that is good. Only then the good that is in a person can be developed. It is also the period of the development of sense of the truth and beauty. It is up to the teachers to be able to introduce these values to the young. It is not only about personal responsibility but also about the need for one’s initiative, patience and perseverance.

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 156 02.03.2015 20:36:19 A permanent interest in the world, the assuming of attitudes toward the truth, good, beauty, but also creativity and so on are desirable. There is a certain ritual order at school and a respect for the harmony with the universe, the content of the curriculum corresponds to the knowledge of the founder – Steiner (ibid.). The last period or component is the development of one’s self when the young people leave school and undertake their own spiritual development. Various meditation techniques and exercises, rooted mostly in the practices of eastern religions, are recommended. A person deals with thinking which is the highest and the most perfect expression of a spiritual person. He divests himself of slavish dependencies on the material world. The aim of the exercises and meditations is contentment of mind. The main aim of the pedagogy of the Waldorf schools is the integral education of a child as an independent person through an effort at the development of his talents and human uniqueness. In the course of his development a man should assume an attitude of freedom from physical and psychological phenomena and have an attitude of love and harmony, he should strive for the development of his talents and of his own unrepeatability (ibid.). Maria Montessori (1870 – 1952) was born in Italy where she studied medicine and was the first female to receive a medical degree. She chose a job at the psychiatric clinic in Rome. At the same time she visited asylums and observed phrenastentic children with the intention of using new methods of education, because she wanted to prove that these children were not mentally challenged and had a different problem. She served as a co-director of the Orthophrenic school, a “medico- pedagogical institute” for training teachers in educating children with mental disabilities, for two years and at the same time she worked as a paediatrician. Later she studied psychology and philology and for four years she was head of the Department of Anthropology. After her success with mentally disabled children she decided to work with healthy children of pre-school age. In 1906 she opened a pre-school institution called the Children’s House in a suburban area of Rome. She was helped by the director of a charitable building society; his motivation was to prevent vandalism on the part of the neglected, homeless children from the poor labourer families who were roaming the suburban areas and damaging new residential houses (Röhrs, 1994).

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 157 02.03.2015 20:36:19 Maria Montessori wanted to offer children some practical activities from everyday life that instinctively attracted them, and exercises with special didactic materials aimed at the systematic education of all the senses. She did not have a formal education in the area of pedagogical theory but she had the gift of intuition, patience, great love and understanding. She observed children during the activities which they chose spontaneously, and in which they engaged without the assistance of an adult. She interchanged the materials, tried out various shapes and colours and chose those things which children used most frequently and which most attracted their interest. She obtained results which evoked general sensation and caused a revolutionary shift in the usage of educational methods. The results were so unexpected that they sur- prised even Montessori herself. Children from materially and culturally deprived families who used to be wild, disobedient, untidy and destructive changed after several months as if by magic: they were peaceful, neat, disciplined; they expressed great interest in meaningful activities. Montessori discovered that if a child finds himself in a sufficiently stimulating environment with the possibility for free choice of the activity which he can do as long as he needs to, after a transitory period of flighty interest in individual aids and activities, he will stabilize his attention and, in his work with the chosen material, he will be able to concentrate so deeply that he will not pay any attention to his surroundings. The duration of the period of a child’s concentration will gradually extend. This brings an acceleration of inner development, the organization of the psychological life which gets reflected in the psychological balance, an explosion of spontaneous activity, admirable working discipline and a change in behaviour and personality features (ibid.). Montessori believed that in order to be happy and contented, to grow physically and psychologically, children must investigate, recognize, discover, carry out a particular activity with a particular material, the one activity which is an answer to their inner need for development. Unlike the beliefs that a child is a passive recipient of adult’s in- structions, Montessori proved that a child is a being who is very active from his very first months of life. She called a child’s mind “absorbing” for its ability to absorb, to learn and to store a lot of knowledge without any effort and strain. Nobody teaches a child to coordinate his movements, to walk, to talk. He must do it all by himself and, with regard to

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 158 02.03.2015 20:36:19 the strenuousness of these tasks, he manages it in an incredibly short time. In Montessori’s opinion, a child’s brain in the periods of increased sensitivity to the stimuli from the surroundings has a special ability to effortlessly absorb and store a great deal of knowledge. The sensitive phases of the development function from birth to the sixth year of age when a child’s mental activity, that was initially subconscious, will gradually come under the complete dominance of reason. Children have an exceptional power of mind; they have at their disposal a universal ability to attain knowledge from their surroundings without conscious effort, they do not have to learn through direct instruction, and, despite all this, they learn an incredible amount (ibid.). A deficit of affection and few quality inducements to activity in early age, in Montessori’s opinion, frequently result in developmental disor- ders. She saw pedagogy as an aid to life; she used to say that the first and fundamental attitude of parents and educators is to assist life. A child develops on his own because he observes the law that works in him. He is not an empty container that an adult can fill as he sees fit. He lives -ac cording to his own laws which he observes in the course of his development, and to which adults and the whole education have to adapt. It is not helpful to a child if an adult does his work for him, even though he can do it better and faster, or that it can seem to him that the activity is too difficult for a child. A child learns from his experience which he perceives with all his senses. An adult should not intervene in his activity, he should only offer him a loving attitude and enough time so that child can do the activity until he is satisfied. A teacher and a parent should do everything possible to provide space for the full development of the early immense and natural creative potential of a small child. Under optimal conditions, in harmony with his interests, a child will focus on doing activities which support his inner growth. A teacher and a parent should channel their attention especially to the child’s achievements, not to his mistakes and flaws, which are often the consequence of the unwillingness or inability of adults to understand children. Montessori warns adults about the importance of their mission. She reminds them that they can positively influence the life of the whole of society and its future through their loving and non-repressive attitude to a child, by removing obstacles and providing stimulating activities for a child.

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 159 02.03.2015 20:36:19 Montessori provides evidence that a small child has a great sense of order and even requires a certain degree of orderliness of the things around him; he insists on fixed procedure of everyday actions which enable him to have better spatio-temporal orientation and knowledge. Constant changes in his surroundings create feelings of insecurity, instability and chaos in a child. If there is a timely encouragement of orderliness at the time when it is a child’s need for his mental development, a child will, with great probability, stay orderly even later in his life. Montessori’s educational accomplishments became quickly known in all of Italy and even in other countries; Montessori herself travelled a lot. When Mussolini came to power he saw a great potential in Montes- sori’s schools and, therefore, he supported them. The final aim of his support was to have a disciplined fascist nation. Montessori who emphasized free thinking of every child could not accept it and left Italy. During her visit to London she met Mahatma Gandhi and accepted his invitation to go to India. After the war she returned to Europe and she was even more convinced that world peace depended on the education of children. She gave lectures all over Europe and founded schools. She died in the Netherlands (ibid.). Janusz Korczak (1878 – 1942), whose real name was Henryk Gold- szmit, was a Polish paediatrician, an author of children’s literature and an educator. He was born into a Jewish family in Warsaw and died in the extermination camp in Treblinka. He lost his father at a young age and he had to take care of his mother, sisters and grandmother. In 1898 he participated in a literary competition under a pseu- donym Janusz Korczak that he later kept. In 1891 – 1898 he attended a Russian philological grammar school in Warsaw and in 1898 – 1903 he studied medicine at the University of Warsaw, at the same time, he was a regular contributor to newspapers. From 1900 he published feuilletons in a column called Children and Education. After finishing his studies he became a paediatrician in a children’s hospital, he later opened a private practice. During the Russian-Japanese War he served as a military doctor and after the war he returned to his private medical practice. In 1907 – 1908 he continued his studies and practice in children’s hospital in Berlin. At the same time he analyzed the ways of working in special- ized educational institutions (Boraks-Nemetz, 2012).

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 160 02.03.2015 20:36:19 In 1909 he got acquainted with the work of the Orphan’s Society in which Stefania Wilczyńska was actively involved. Work with orphans captured his interest and in two years he became the director of the house for Warsaw Jewish orphans called Orphans’ Home. His closest co-worker was Wilczyńska. He founded “a children republic” in the orphanage which had its children’s parliament, children’s comradely court and newspaper, but also its own notary’s office and treasury. In 1919, together with his close co-worker Maria Rogowska – Fal- ska he became the co-founder of another educational institution called Our Home. Both homes were designated for children from about seven to fourteen years of age. Children were entrusted with some duties, they took care of each other, they established sports clubs, a centre of useful entertainment, etc. (ibid.). In 1910 Korczak spent some time in Paris and London. He decided not to have a family of his own, despite the fact that till the end of his life he advocated the idea that the family is the best place for the education of a child. If a child loses his family, the second setting for education is the community of peers. In 1926 he created a weekly supplement to a Polish-Jewish daily newspaper Nasz Przegląd called Mały Przegląd. This supplement was prepared by the children from the orphanage. Since he was so deeply involved in work at the orphanage, he reduced his work at the paediatrician’s office. In 1940 the Orphans’ Home was moved to the ghetto and two years later the children were transported to the concentration camp in Treblin- ka. Neither Korczak nor his co-workers abandoned the children and they went to death together with them so that they might be close-by (ibid.). From the beginning of his medical practice he appeared to be a persistent, self-sacrificing and humble altruist. He proved to be the same in his work with orphans. He felt strongly about children striving for the creation of their own beliefs from their early age, through the formation of attitudes and opinions, and through the process of socialization part of which is mutual acceptance. Children were supposed to prepare for their adult lives in this way. Korczak took care of the carefree, but not irresponsible, childhood of children in the orphanage and he took them very seriously despite their varied ages. He engaged in debates with children. He concluded that

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 161 02.03.2015 20:36:19 a child himself must understand and emotionally live through certain situations, experience them, draw his own conclusions, and possible consequences, but also prevent probable results; he should not be just drily informed about a fact (whether it happened or not) and its consequences (Bystrzycka, 2012). He wrote several works devoted to children (e.g. King Matt the First), but also books from the area of social sciences, such as, for instance, How to Love a Child, The Child’s Right to Respect. He kept a diary during the World War II, in his last months of life. He was an advocate of children’s emancipation and of the respect for their rights. He wanted to organize a children’s community on the principles of justice, equal rights and duties. In the houses founded by Korczak, the psychophysical and social development of the children was systematically documented (e. g. The children were weighed, he monitored their sleep, sociometry was used for studying sympathies and antipathies, the free statements of children were also documented) (Bystrzycka, 2012). Similarly to P. Freire he was an advocate of democracy at school and of the theory of dialogue and partnership between an educator and a child. He presented his views on children and education with the aim of developing in children a sense of such values as the good, truth and beauty, so that they could bear loneliness and awareness of being different, so that they might have positive relationship to the family and traditions. He saw children and family in the context of the Bible. He never set any educational aim because he saw man as a great mystery and any educational aim represented a limitation of educational possibilities for him and an artificial intervention into human dignity (Bystrzycka, 2012), because a child has a right to want, to remember, to ask... but education concentrates on what a child must not do and what he must do (Korczak, 2012). He maintained that “one of the most harmful mistakes is to think that pedagogy is a science about a child and not about a man” (ibid., p. 20). Vasyl Olexandrovych Sukhomlynsky (1918 – 1970) was a Ukrainian humanistic educator during the socialist regime in the Soviet Union. He saw the aim of education as only bringing about a result – a real person. Humanism and deep love for children led him to create a holistic system of education. He put the stress on the individual more than on

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 162 02.03.2015 20:36:19 the group and this view encountered criticism in the milieu of the Soviet educational system. He was born in the village of Omelnyk in Ukraine (today’s Kirovohrad Region). He was one of four children. After finishing a seven-year school and a labourers’ preparatory school he studied at a pedagogical institute in Kremenchuk and when he was seventeen years old he started teaching at a country elementary school. After three years he enrolled into the Poltava Pedagogical Institute and he successfully graduated in one year. He taught for a short time at a political training institution in Moscow. He was a soldier at the front-lines during the World War II. Since he was repeatedly wounded he was not allowed to return to the front- lines. He was commissioned to become the headmaster of a secondary school in Ufa in Udmurtia. Immediately after the war he returned home where he became the director of the Regional Office for People’s Educa- tion. In 1947 he became a headmaster of a secondary school in the town of Pavlysh (Onufriyin Raion) where he worked till the end of his life. The school had about 500 students and thanks to Sukhomlynsky it became the most famous school in all of the Soviet Union. Many visitors, even from abroad, came to this school (Cipro, 2002b). In 1969 he wrote a book I Give My Heart to the Children (Russian: Сердце отдаю детям). He was awarded the State Prize of the Ukrainian Soviet Socialist Republic for this book in 1974. Sukhomlynsky’s complex philosophy of education rests on five fundamental pillars: morality, aesthetics, intellect, health and work. The work of a teacher should be to concentrate on the development of the spiritual life of the developing person, which lies in the development of the intelligence, emotions, will, belief and self-awareness (Cockerill, 2001). The core of Sukhomlynsky’s educational system was his approach to moral education, which included sensitising his pupils to the beauty of nature and art, but mainly to the interpersonal relationships; he encouraged them to take responsibility for their living environment. He helped children to be optimistic and open to the world. He taught them to be more aware of the inner world of others, to be able to read from their eyes, to recognize joy and sadness. He strove for children to experience joy at school and to bring it home with them. It was of great consequence to him to uncover children’s talents or some areas at which they excelled. He realized that not everybody excels in something, but

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 163 02.03.2015 20:36:19 everybody can stand out and find a way to bring joy to others. He regarded it as the foundation of self-respect and moral development of a child. He believed that moral education participates in the creation of moral awareness (through the development of positive thinking, emotions and will) and of a “moral habit” (a habit to act morally). He taught pupils that the most precious thing in human life is the human being and there is no greater honour than to bring joy to other people. He pointed out that even if children are little, they can do a lot for the care of the environment and they can make the people they meet happy. He said that everybody had to shine as stars in the galaxy (Sukhomlynsky, 1974). His pedagogical approach includes a very close relationship between moral and aesthetic education. It was important to him that school should teach children to live in the world of beauty in such a way that they would not be able to live without it. He claimed that person works on creating beauty and beauty refines him. He taught children that when they bring joy to others, especially to those in their own families, they create beauty in themselves, but also in their surroundings. The development of the intellect is a significant aspect of the process of becoming a real person. It is necessary to broaden the horizons of one’s thinking and to acquire a knowledge of the whole of reality. Suk- homlynsky did not advocate educational utilitarianism based on the fact that it is good to learn only those things that can be directly applied in practice; he attached importance to the connection between the development of intellect and practical activity. Children ought to be able to use their knowledge for the development of their surroundings and of the lives of people around them and thus to develop their moral attitudes. Nature, objects, etc. are important life-giving sources for the mind that are necessary for the development of the intellect. Happy pupils need happy teachers who will teach them. If a teacher wants the children to shine, he must first of all light a sparkle in himself (ibid.). The foundation of quality personal growth is health and Sukhom- lynsky strove to ensure that children enjoyed optimum health and looked after it. He cooperated with parents and instructed them on how to take care of their children’s health. He stressed the importance of optimal health and healthy development, especially in early childhood, which he connected with the formation of character. He often took children outside; he linked physical exercise classes to exerce of the mind

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 164 02.03.2015 20:36:19 and the appreciation of beauty. He emphasized, especially in primary education, that it is important for the children’s thinking to be linked to the images that have been created during their stay in the countryside. If a child’s thinking is not linked with a direct experience, it weakens. Everybody should be immersed in some work at school. Each pupil should have some favourite working place or some working activity, but also some older friend who could be his role model in this working activity. Besides learning children also build friendly relationships. It is important for pupils to get to know themselves, to find their own path in life, the place where they will be able to fully develop their abilities (ibid.). Sukhomlynsky’s school had a lot of departments and also clubs offering extracurricular activities. The main specialty of these clubs was the way the younger children worked next to older children and learned from them. They greatly influenced the whole atmosphere of the school and children’s interests, but also their accomplishments at studies. They also became crucial for pastoral care (Cockerill, 2001).

When Sukhomlynsky was the headmaster of the school, he wished to create “the school of joy” and that is why he started to visit the parents of those children who were not yet of school age, and he asked them to enrol their children into the school one year earlier, at the age of six. He promised that he would not shorten their childhood by formal schooling. He won the parents over and this gave him the freedom to create his own programme, outside of the state curriculum designated for grades one to ten. He had a talent for music and art, he loved nature, he was a teacher of his mother tongue and literature, a regular contributor of poetry to the local newspaper and he used all this in the education of the children sent by their parents to his school. He went with them for walks in the countryside, he taught them in the bower covered in vines, he told them fairytales which he just made up and which he based on the surroundings in which they found themselves. The children were supposed to continue the narration. He stimulated their imagination, stirred up the children’s joy and, at the end, he asked them to bring the joy home to their parents and friends (Sukhomlynsky, 1974). Sukhomlynsky believed that the development of character relates to the perception of happiness and the perception of happiness is sown at an early age. Happy children learn from happy people because they

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 165 02.03.2015 20:36:20 are attracted to them and try to imitate them. When children are happy, they learn more easily. He said that the most imperative requirement of a teachers’ creativity is an ability to enter into the inner world of a child and this knowledge will then determine the character of the relationship between a teacher and a pupil. It is important to form a certain intimacy between a teacher and a child; a quality relationship can be formed on this intimacy. He emphasized that it is necessary also to spend time with pupils outside of the classroom. A teacher without a love for a child, in his opinion, is like a sing- er without a voice, a musician without an ear, an artist without a sense of colour. Nobody can understand a child without loving him. One of the aspects of love for a child is an awareness of his uniqueness which includes respect for the divergence of children’s perception of the world. The knowledge of the diverse nuances of children’s perception leads to even greater love for each of them. To love children means to love childhood and its optimism which needs to be encouraged and developed (ibid.). Sukhomlynsky considered Janusz Korczak to be a person of unusual moral purity who did not abandon the children whom he loved even at the expense of his own life. Sukhomlynsky (1974, p. 15) writes: “I realized that when a person wants to become a true educator, he must give his heart to children.” Paulo Freire (1921 – 1997) was a Brazilian philosopher, educator, a representative of critical pedagogy and of the pedagogy of the oppressed, a fighter against illiteracy. He studied law and also philosophy and history, and he was a teacher at a secondary school. He became interested also in the education of adults, and that is why he started working on literacy courses for the illiterate adults from the poor classes. However, he was not satisfied with the methods used at these courses. Hence, he chose his own methods and they were successful. Due to his efforts a massive literacy campaign started in Brazil. He was married twice and had five children. After a military coup d’état he lived in exile for sixteen years in various countries, where he also worked. He died in Sao Paulo (Gerhardt, 1993). Education was for Freire the means to personal development, to a better life, but most of all to freedom, and consequently, to person’s happiness. He felt strongly about the education of poor people. Illiteracy is the cause of the social culture of silence, the aim of which is oppres- sion. Education means taking responsibility for oneself and becoming

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 166 02.03.2015 20:36:20 independent; it means to know the world, to think critically, to change situations (ibid.). His pedagogical work and his written works are full of compassion, hope and frequent words of love. His well-know work is Pedagogy of the Oppressed. He was involved in the preparation of syllabuses and training of teachers, he challenged the poor to dialogue with the politicians. The basic terms of his theory of education are banking and awareness education. The first term means that the educator prepares and stores information into a bank from where the student withdraws it and studies it. Awareness education signifies openness, transportability and criticality. Freire strove for the liberation of man. He longed to eliminate social injustice and support the human dignity of every individual. He talked about the need of a connection between education and political awareness. He was against free education but also against teachers’ au- thoritativeness. A teacher in the countries of “the third world” should teach people to build a just society and not let themselves be passively controlled by their rulers (Cipro, 2002b).

5.2. L’AMOUR DANS LE CONTEXTE DE LA PÉDAGOGIE HUMANISTE ET PERSONALISTE LOVE IN THE CONTEXT OF HUMANISTIC AND PERSONALISTIC PEDAGOGY

The humanistic approach lies in an orientation towards a man who is perceived as a rational and free being. The humanistic approach over- laps with personalistic and neo-Thomistic philosophy, aretology and axiology, altruism and philanthropy. We consider the above-mentioned educators to be humanists; however, humanistic pedagogy is most frequently mentioned in relation to humanistic psychology and to one of its founders – Carl Ransom Rogers.

5.2.1. Le charactère humaniste de l’éducation The Humanistic Character of Education

Humanistic pedagogy comes from humanistic psychology and its beginnings are connected with Abraham Maslow, James F. T. Bugental, Rollo

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 167 02.03.2015 20:36:20 May, Charlotte Bühler and Carl Ransom Rogers (see Chapter 4.3). It has been influenced by existential and phenomenological philosophy, and also by holistic and Gestalt psychology. The humanistic approach puts the stress on the understanding of man, first of all, as a being experiencing and having at his disposal a self-actualizing tendency. Carl Rogers deserves credit for the application of humanistic ideas from psychology to the educational process. In 1951, as a psychotherapist he wrote the work called Client-Centered Therapy: Its Current Practice, Implications and Theory. This work is based on his belief that in professions such as psychologist, psychotherapist or psychiatrist, the approach should be client-oriented or patient-oriented. He later changed his terminology and changed his approach into a Person Centred Ap- proach (PCA). The traditional work with a person preferred an expert- centred approach, for instance, in psychotherapy what the psychotherapist thought was important, as was the advice he gave, what he did not recommend, what information he had at his disposal and which information he released, about what and how he posed his questions, etc. (Rogers, 2000). It was the same in the case of a psychiatrist or physician. We can analogically compare this approach to the situation in education. Rogers and his colleagues prefer the nondirective approach. The then approach preferred gathering information, furthering opinions and attitudes, and providing the information that was important from the expert’s point of view (psychiatrist’s, physician’s, and also teacher’s). This attitude has its positives, but since it does not allow for the activity of the other party (“non-expert”), it builds obstacles in the way of cooperation, mutual communication and relationships. The attitude of one person to another (to client, patient, pupil or educattee) changes if the starting point shifts to a concrete person with his knowledge, experience, attitudes; thus the work includes knowing the other person, understanding his thinking, his experience, attitudes. The position of the other person (client, patient, pupil) is such that the way and content of the information presented is acceptable to him, he can process it, and he is also provided with the space for questions, com- ments and the expression of his views. The humanistic approach perceives a person’s experience, reacts by acceptance, even though it does not necessarily signify agreement. This strengthens the trust and the willingness to cooperate.

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 168 02.03.2015 20:36:20 Rogers comes from the belief that the innermost core, person’s essence, the “animal” essence is of a positive nature. A free and open life in relation to others and directing one’s behaviour through an immediate experience is related to this nature. The fundamental obstacle to human coexistence and communication is our natural tendency to judge, evaluate, approve or disapprove of the statements of another person or group. These are the reasons that hinder the authenticity of life. Person ought to be who he is in his essence – free, open in the community of people. A quality human life is not a state of being, but a process, direction, not an aim. Rogers (1996) points out many traditional approaches to man which led (and still lead) to brainwashing, ideologization, etc. A quality life is based on the direction which the organism (self) chooses if it exercises psychological freedom to decide on any road. The road or direction which a person chooses is a direction of the universal human character. Man is a man, but he is still in the process of becoming one, and there are some characteristic features. On the one hand, it is openness to living, and on the other hand, more and more existential living that implies one lives fully at every moment. If this freedom is retained by person, he will choose a good, humane way of existence. This attitude towards person’s life does not give space to rigidity, strict organization and rule of the structure over the experience. A good human life requires maximum adaptability, discovery and acceptance of living linked to self-organizing. A quality life is based on an openness of spirit to what is happening now and exercising one’s possibilities in the present. An essential condition of this quality life is the trust that a person is able to meet those needs which are an indispensable part of his growth, such as love, friendship, but also creativity, etc. If a person is sensitive to the world and he has strong self-confidence, his life is good and of quality, and it excludes fearfulness and shyness. How- ever, this type of life requires also courage and work on one’s growth, on the realization of the highest possible number of possibilities. A person must have courage to exist. To choose a quality life means to set out on the journey of becoming oneself. It is necessary to help a person in this growth and in the process of self-realization. However, the one who helps him is not a leader any more; he is a companion and facilitator in the process of self-realization. It can be a psychotherapist, but also a physician, an educator or a parent.

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 169 02.03.2015 20:36:20 The fundamental conditions of the humanistic approach, and consequently those of the interpersonal relationship, are empathy, congruence and un unconditional positive regard (UPR). Empathy is a certain frame of reference in the humanistic approach. It does not mean to look at the same object together with the other person, but to strive to look at the same object through the eyes of the other person, to understand the thinking and experience of the other person, “to try to walk in his shoes”. Congruence means authenticity, genuineness, sincerity, unfeigned interest without any falsity, and this is the basis for building mutual trust, for overcoming negativism, strengthening self-confidence, self- esteem, etc. The third condition – unconditional regard – enables one to speak openly and without fear of being belittled, humiliated, rebuked, judged or lectured to. After some time, Rogers also applied his approach to the educational process where it was named Person Centred Education (PCE). He deals with this topic in his work Freedom to Learn. He places educators as well as pupils into new positions and assigns new roles to them. An educator is not to prescribe what a child/ pupil should and should not do, he should not manipulate him in his learning and behaviour; his task is to facilitate a child’s/pupil’s processes of discovering ways to behave, what and how to learn, how to act and develop. Every individual has his own specific aims which cannot be part of universally formed aims, but on the other hand, many individual aims are universal, and thus they are intended for every person. These are not final static aims; they are values of the process of personal growth and quality life, and also of the educational process. This is a new approach to education which requires a shift in the training of educators (emphasis on non-cognitive development, motivation, nondirective relationship, etc.) and in the policy of pedagogical and educational institutions, as well as in the formation of a more flexible setting involving positive attitudes towards discipline, towards school achievements and aims of the system, etc. An educator believes every pupil of whatever age, helps him to learn how to learn and to enjoy learning. The things that a pupil wants, his experience and interests are more important than what is written in

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 170 02.03.2015 20:36:20 the curriculum. Cooperation with the family is also important. A teacher prepares pedagogical situations, materials and stimuli for learning of the pupils, for their own experience. A teacher concentrates more on a pupil than on his own ideas about him and about the educational process, on his experience and thinking. It is a shift from performance to experience, from the fear of failure in performance to joy from the experience of authentic relationships and sincerity (in Zelina, 2010). Empathy is expressed in the effort to help a pupil to concentrate not only on the things that he is thinking about, but also on the things that he is experiencing, on how he feels. The values of the cognitive sphere are shifted also to the values of the emotions and motivations. The result is the feeling of freedom, bigger autonomy and independence, and the release of creative powers. It means, in practice, to introduce tasks and exercises which develop both the cognitive and non-cognitive spheres, i.e. tasks involving evaluative and creative (divergent) thinking. Congruence in the educational process is reflected in openness, sincerity, but also in the trust between teachers and pupils, as well as in the transparency of education and teaching. A child/pupil expresses his experience and attitudes without worries and anxiety, he learns to be independent, autonomous and creative. Openness and sincerity of a pupil requires an open and sincere teacher. Confidence in a pupil, recognition of his feelings and his acceptance is based on an unconditional positive regard and provides affirmation, self-acceptance, self-affirmation and self-evaluation. Transition to the learning of self-evaluation and evaluation of other people and of the world raises a person to a position of an authentic being, creates the conditions for self-confidence and authenticity of a pupil (Rogers and Freiberg, 1998). Acceptance is manifested in the teacher’s belief that every pupil can become better, wiser, that he can change. Acceptance and an unconditional positive regard are based on the condition of educator’s love. He is to distribute it among children, but also to teach them to accept love and to give it. Rogers’s humanistic attitude is not only a theory but is, in practice, used in many schools around the world. Its significant positives include the fact that pupils learn more, they have more self-confidence, more aspirations, they are able to initiate independent behaviour, they have a

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 171 02.03.2015 20:36:20 higher ability to solve problems, and there is a decrease in truancy and an increase in their inner motivation to learn. Pupils do not need to defend themselves or to be afraid, they are more open in their communication, they cope better with interpersonal relationships and solutions to life problems, psychological and physical tension is reduced, anxiety during the educational process decreases. The probability of a positive experience and of improvement in their relationship to the teacher, to schoolmates and to learning increases. The amount of responsibility and the awareness that the pupil is the originator of his own actions grows as well. The figures and evaluation are more authentic; the extent of pupil’s empathy grows, too (Zelina, 2010). The humanistic approach requires a change in the educator. “To be with another person means to leave behind one’s own views and values, and to enter into the world of another person without prejudice. Only a person, who is so secure in himself that he knows he will not be lost in the strange, quite often bizarre world of others, and can return to his own world at any time, can put himself ‘aside’. The ‘fight’ against the pupil, the fight for authority, is then excluded; fear, anxiety and manipulation are eliminated, a pupil learns to be himself (ibid.). Rogers’s attitude is based on love and leads to love – for a man, for oneself, for the world, for knowledge and learning. If we transformed the theological virtues into this approach, we would need not only love, but also faith and hope. All three of them are part of the fundamental conditions of Rogers’s approach (empathy, congruence and acceptance).

5.2.2. L’altruisme dans le procéssus éducatif Altruism in the Educational Process

The term altruism indicates an unselfish character of interpersonal relationships, love for the good of people, which is manifested in thinking, as well as in living and in acting with concern for another person (Harl and Hartlova, 2000). It is a moral principle lying in a selfless service to other people, in a willingness to sacrifice one’s own interests for their good. It is also interpreted as selfless affection and care expressed by one person for another person, sincere interest in the worries and achievements of others. It is a quality that is acquired since early age, through gaining information about the needs of others, through

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 172 02.03.2015 20:36:20 learning how to help others, to protect the weaker, to overcome one’s own egoism (Okon, 2001). The word altruism comes originally from the French word autrui, which means other people; it has a Latin root alter, meaning other, different. This term was used for the first time by the French philosopher August Comte when he was talking about morality. He used it to name a principle of behaviour for the benefit of all humankind which balances man’s natural egoistic interests. It is a social feeling and human society could not exist without it. If altruism is to win over egoism, it is necessary to use one’s reason as a servant, but not as a slave (Bourdeau, 2008). Many philosophers and psychologists debate whether a pure altruism can exist. They argue against altruism saying that in the background of every helpful act there are always physical or psychological rewards, whether they are internal, such as self-respect and satisfaction, or external, such as social agreement and money. Sociologists interpret altruistic acts in the sense of a genetic “reward” for self-sacrificing behaviour. Some philosophers also favour the egocentric line of the interpretation of social- ity and altruism more (Demuth, 2006). This position of “universal egoism” can almost not be disproved because a person can always imagine some reward for his help. However, it is impossible to prove that the essence of the intention to help always lies in the reward. The advocates of truly altruistic action presume that this action is not determined only by biological, psychological or social factors, but goes beyond, transcends them. Some authors point out the spiritual level: “If a person is to decide for an action which goes beyond the interest of his mere biological or social existence, he must be urgently impressed by some reality that he recognizes” (Czech, 2003, p. 91). Altruistic behaviour represents mutual enrichment. Nowadays, altruism is a requirement for the helping professions and it is a term used not only by sociology, but also by social psychology, social pedagogy and social work. It is part of the educational theory and practice. J. Reykowski and Z. Smoleńska (1980) distinguish six behavioural patterns of person’s behaviour, one of them is altruistic behaviour, next to the exploitative, egoistic, ipsocentric, cooperative and helping behaviours. They explain altruistic behaviour as a behaviour oriented to the benefit of a social object, while the satisfaction of one’s own interest is being sacrificed. In Nakonecny’s opinion (2009), altruism does not have to be linked to the sacrificing of one’s own good for the

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 173 02.03.2015 20:36:20 benefit of another person, and it does not have to be associated with self- sacrifice. However, Hewston and Stroebe (2006), contrary to Reykowski and Smolenska, list altruistic behaviour as a part of prosocial behaviour and they put the term helping behaviour above both of them. L. Muchova (2011) in her work presents prosocial behavior as an effort to be useful to another person or to a group of people without expecting any reward, and thus prosociality is the equivalent of the term altruism or love. M. Nakonecny (2009) similarly merges the terms prosocial behaviour, helping behaviour and altruism, because all three involve selfless help to another person, starting from kindness and small services that “cost nothing”, up to staking one’s life. The fundamental features of altruistic or prosocial behaviour include voluntariness, selflessness and motivation, caused by the general situation in the world and grounded in human mutuality. Selfless, self-sacrificing help of one person to another is a topic that can be found in the whole history of human culture. It is a purely human expression because only a human being is capable of conscious altruism. An example of altruistic behaviour is given in the parable of the good Samaritan. Jesus Christ uses this parable to give an example of a person who is labelled as one’s neighbour. The personalities who are considered to be altruists include the people who were helping Jews during World War II (e.g. Irena Sendler); those who sacrificied their lives to children, especially to orphans (Janusz Korczak), or to the sick or the poor (Albert Schweitzer, Mother Theresa), etc. The above-listed problems of people are relevant also today in developed countries, but in various modifications (refugees who are being persecuted; “Euro-orphans”, the poor not only in the material, but also in the spiritual sense, etc.). Prosocial behaviour is part of the ethical conception of the Span- ish educator at the university in Barcelona, Robert Roche Olivar. It was introduced into Slovak education under the name of ethical education, but at the same time it is part of ethical education. The educational program in the Czech Republic includes prosocial education as part of the subject called personality education and social education. Roche Olivar presents prosocial behaviour as a selfless behaviour for the benefit of another person, typified by its balance and stability. School education includes prosocial personality as one of the aims of education. The theoretical model of prosocial personality or

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 174 02.03.2015 20:36:20 prosocial behaviour includes ten factors which, at the same time, give answer to the question of what aptitudes need to be developed in support of the development of prosociality (Roche Olivar, 1992). These are the aptitudes that are interpreted in the same way as the characteristics of altruism and they are related to selfless help. They are perceived on the one hand, as the foundation for prosocial skills, but also as the Deca- logue of ethical education. They include the following principles (ibid.): —— To listen actively, to communicate openly and truthfully, to strive for building optimum interpersonal relationships. —— To accept human dignity – to accept oneself and others, to know one’s strengths and weaknesses, to appreciate oneself, to recognize another person. —— To positively evaluate others, to express recognition, to praise, to support the development of self-confidence. —— To be creative and to take the initiative, to be prudent in solving problems. —— To express one’s feelings, experience and views openly, but re- spectfully. —— To be empathic – to be able to enter into the thinking and experience of others, to learn to live the present moment fully. —— To react assertively – to overcome passive and aggressive reactions, to learn to resolve conflicts. —— To choose positive (real, existing) role models, to be able to choose and critically evaluate. —— To demonstrate help – willingly offer physical assistance and service, but also to donate, to share, to give advice, to comfort; to build cooperation, friendship and unity oriented to the good of another person. —— To show collective and complex prosociality, to be sensitive to the needs of society, to engage in the aims that go beyond personal aims.

Besides acquiring and developing the above-listed aptitudes the aim of prosociality is to form one’s own views, proper attitudes, behaviour, development of the identity of children/pupils. There are four phases in the process of reaching the said aims – these are: perception (sensibili- zation) connected with emotionality and cognitivity, reflection linked to training, acting in everyday life linked to the reflection of values, gener- alization and transfer to everyday life (ibid.).

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 175 02.03.2015 20:36:20 Altruistic or prosocial behaviour is the aim of education, but it is required first of all from the educator. Besides the aforesaid prosocial skills to which children and pupils are guided, an educator should learn nine principles by which he should be guided in the process of prosociality at school: To strive to build an educational community, to accept every pupil with friendliness; to attribute positive qualities to everybody; to form clear and manageable rules; to consider what the consequences of reactions to the negatives are; to use educational means of encouragement; to be prudent and cautious in the usage of rewards and punishments; to cooperate with parents; and the last principle is to keep the spirit of joy and understanding (Lencz, 1993). Education in altruism is close to Rogers’s model of the educational process, but in comparison to it, it is limited to the moral sphere of human life.

5.2.3. Le personnalisme en pédagogie Personalism in Pedagogy

The educational process includes many factors and their importance has changed several times in the course of history of pedagogical theory and practice. There were periods when a school and educational process were more important than the pupil, but there were also tendencies that emphasized the pupil exclusively. The humanistic and personalistic orientation of education focuses on the person of the educatee and subordinates the whole educational process to this view. Personalistic and humanistic pedagogy overlap: personalistic pedagogy contains signs of humanism and the elements of personalism enter into humanistic pedagogy. Schleiermacher and Feuerbach used the term personalism for the faith in a personal God in contrast to pantheism. Personalism in philosophy started to develop in connection with the term persona which was defined for the first time by Boethius at the beginning of antiquity (Boetii, 1847). Man is a person defined as rationalis naturae individual substantia, i.e. an individual substance of a rational nature. Boethius considers man to be an individuality, something on its own, distinc- tively created and unique. The concrete individual substance in him

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 176 02.03.2015 20:36:20 always stands against the universality of terms and common qualities; therefore a person for him is an independent existence of a living being endowed with reason (Boetii, 1847). Since Boethius’ times the term person has been modified and supplemented, especially in the period of Thomism which became a stepping stone for personalism. Man is not a static being, but a dynamic one. Like every being, man also moves from potentiality to action (from possibility to implementation), i.e. to realization. Man is a man, but through his action he is also in the process of becoming one, of actualizing his potentiality. Dynamism includes both physical and mental spheres (not excluding the emotional sphere), reason and will. Due to reason and will man reaches partial aims, makes decisions on which direction the improvement of his human being should proceed. The reality of dynamism shows not only who the man is, but also who he can become. A man as a person is actualized through the acts of his own decisions, through the knowledge of truth, through doing good and creating beauty (Krapiec, 1991). A person exercises not only dynamism but also transcendence. He is conscious of his rootedness in the world but also of his independence from the world. He is aware of these real relations to the world and knows that he does not enter into the world of nature as a part or function of it, but as a personal being capable of choosing the objects of his knowledge and capable of love (Zdybicka, 1996). He lives in nature, but through his actions he transcends it; he is not determined by nature or by his physicality. On the contrary, he can direct his physical and emotional sphere; he can correct his defects, improve his being and reach set goals (Maryniarczyk, 1995). A person transcends nature through his spiritual actions of intellectual cognition, through decision making (freedom), but also through love and spirituality (see Chapter 3.1). A person’s transcendence is manifested in his relationship with society, through his actions pointing out the dignity of human existence, in his subjectivity in relation to the law, as well as integrity. It means that everything that determines him as a person is connected in a human being. External conditions, the society in which the person lives and develops, assume only a helping function. A man, a human person in his integrity, is the first capital that needs to be protected and appreciated in the economic and social order of the world (Benedict XVI, 2009). The characteristic of integrity requires a person to

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 177 02.03.2015 20:36:20 be seen as an aim, not as a means, by society, institutions, science and by other people. Although he is part of the society or community in which he develops, he is not only an incomplete element who acquires its completeness only through life or activity in the society or community. He is complete and as a complete being he improves in society. Freedom in personalism is interpreted as a determination in relation to the good, but also as a possibility of choice. It is manifested when a person becomes aware of a certain group of alternative actions and he can choose one of them. A person can act or not act, or he can act in one way or in another. The more possibilities a person is aware of, due to his intelligence and experience, the more he controls his affects and passions, the less pressure from the society affects him, the more freedom in action he has (Krapiec, 1996). A person can change a lot of things in his life due to his transcendence and it is the same in the case of love. If a man does not accept transcendence, nature and society will limit him, he will not develop in the way in which he should develop as a person (Krapiec, 1991). Natural love in the context of personalistic philosophy is understood as the desire of every created being for the good which is adequate to its substance. This desire determines the principle of action and development. Love develops to its full richness only in a personal being. An impersonal and unoriginal way of a human existence can be overcome only through the act of transcendence. The obstacles standing between two people are eliminated trough this act. It consists of an opening to another person through love. This will happen under the condition that a person will cease to be an object of desires, needs and the motivations of manipulation, and he will become a partner in a dialogue, in a creative contact of coexistence. Love causes a person to come to himself when he relies on some “you” without objections and distrust in the same way as the other person finds his substance in his relying on “me” as on his “you” (Marcel, 1971). Love and freedom are dynamic manifestations of transcendence which implies that they can grow or deteriorate due to the influence of reason and will, and they are related to the good. The representatives of personalism argue that all social and cultural values are conditioned by freedom and human dignity. If there is no regard for dignity, then civilization, culture and religion deteriorate

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 178 02.03.2015 20:36:20 and freedom is curtailed, a person becomes a slave of nature, society, culture and also of himself, a slave of nationalism, bourgeois thinking, collectivism, war, revolution, eroticism and sexuality, of his stomach, aestheticism, art, etc. (Berdyaev, 1997). Dignity (Latin: dignitas) is a special value of a man as a person who lives with other persons. It is a term of moral conscience, expressing a positively evaluative relationship with himself, with other persons, but also with the group with which the individual identifies himself. It presumes experiencing inner freedom, self-determination and responsibility. It is a quality that creates interpersonal relationships that give meaning to human life and justify it. Every person has a right to dignity and to education in dignity; nobody can be denied this right, regardless of the state of his health or the evil actions that he has done (Chlewin- ski and Zaleski, 1997). The personal or so-called terminal dignity of each person can be acquired by one’s own effort, especially moral effort, and it comes about under the influence of a desire for perfection. This desire determines the foundation for other types of dignity (dignity of family, nation, profession, etc.). The person’s dignity is very close to self-evaluation which is related to the question of learning and behaviour. If dignity and respect for it disappear, abuse, bullying, racism and terrorism come in their stead. The person, as a primary reality and the highest spiritual value, represents the central focus of personalism. Representatives of personalism in philosophy include for instance: Emmanuel Mounier, Jacques Maritain, Gabriel H. Marcel (see Chapter 2.2.5), Teilhard de Chardin, Edith Stein, Karol Wojtyla (see Chapter 2.2.6) or Jozef Tischner. Their views influenced the direction of pedagogy; some of them devoted parts of their works to pedagogical issues. Personalistic pedagogy takes into consideration a person’s dynamism as well as his transcendence in all its expressions. The person’s integrity, his dignity, but also his free will and religiosity are, nowadays, the objects of reflections related to education, and also to the question of basic human rights. In the terms of present-day scientific vocabulary, acceptance of dynamism and transcendence in pedagogy means to develop the cognitive as well as non-cognitive part of the personality, i.e. to respect not only the intellect, but also experience, as well as a child’s individuality

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 179 02.03.2015 20:36:20 in his physical and mental spheres, and to strive for integral development. Every child is a full person, the task of education is to help him to develop his humanity. Personalism has developed in a Christian setting; therefore it is understandable that the perception of a person’s development is placed in the context of reaching the final goal that is found in a personal God who is seen as the highest Good and Love. This goal is paramount to all the partial goals which man strives to achieve, which he sets for himself. The personalistic approach in education comes from the assump- tion that a pupil or a child is not an empty “container” which needs to be filled, or an animal that needs to be trained, but a person who needs to be awakened in a man. [...] The one who is being educated or schooled, is not a “matter” of family, Church or state. Personalistic education cannot be a factory of sociological conformism, nor can it be under the power of monopoly of political power or hegemonic social powers. [...] Person- alization should become a fundamental pedagogical and educational perspective: ‘live persons’ are the starting point, the principle (the first and the last frame of reference), the goal and the way (basic strategy) of education (Rajsky, 2009). Personalistic education takes into consideration the fact that human nature is embodied in every person in a unique way, with an unrepeatable personal history and special cultural context, but also the fact that since we are endowed with intelligence and freedom, we have a task to determine who we will become during our lives. Education respects that we do not live in isolation but in a growing network of interpersonal relationships in a given society. A man is a unique person and, at the same time, belongs to the same human race and lives in the same, though multicultural, human society. Human lives are journeys of individual development in an effort to reach the full realization of life, i.e. to reach its mission. This is the reason why a person follows and strives to reach certain aims – as an individual, but also as a member of a society/community. The aims are determined also by the facts that: We have common human nature, we long for happiness, we all have certain needs determined by our human and psychological structures. We live in a certain society with its own culture and traditions which, to a certain extent, limit our own perspective;

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 180 02.03.2015 20:36:20 To a large degree, a person freely decides about how his inborn and culturally determined needs as a unique, free person, acting together with other unique free persons will be met (Glasa and Glasova, 2002). Jacques Maritain (1971) considers education to be a vitally important and fundamental part of the life of every person. He labels it as an awakening and a process of formation of a person (a man and a woman). If a person is to become a true person, he must enter into a dynamic process of creativity, and therefore Maritain says that education is an art which is exceptionally difficult. This art belongs to the area of ethics and practical wisdom. He is critical of the indifference in focusing education. He states that if education loses its focus, its aim, it will turn into an economic product (and this is happening nowadays). Having a clear focus in the area of education is decisive for an individual as well as for any program. Maritain indicates the priority of the ethical level, unlike, for instance, Dewey who claims that the social aspect is the most important one. Maritain argues that a person is above society, but if a person engag- es in the educational process, he has an ethical responsibility for society. He is an advocate of democratic education because every person has a right to a human and humanistic education which also includes faith and development of the spiritual potential. Therefore, it is necessary to include religion in education. Its place in education does not imply learning religion or learning about religion. Religious education focuses on the relationship between two persons, God and a man, and an educator is just an instrument of their meeting. This relationship equals love. This should be the core of education (Maritain, 1971). Education should also be liberal because such an education is free. Maritain’s democratic education implies ethical values; it is based on the dignity of a person and on the freedom of conscience, and it should be independent from the political system as much as possible. Free education is freed of prejudice, ignorance, pettiness, narrow-mindedness; it is also a freedom of intellect. Maritain claims that ideas of democracy come from the gospels, since the gospels include a challenge and an example of government of the people with the people and for the people. Education should be available to everybody and it should become an endeavour to support the internal integrity of every pupil. This task encompasses a certain compactness of experience – intellectual, moral, aesthetic, religious, social, political – and deepening of the awareness

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 181 02.03.2015 20:36:20 of oneself, of others and finally, of God (Ibarra, 2009). Free education focuses on the development of the natural intellect, but also of the intellectual virtues. The methods used in education concentrate on learning of humaneness. It is necessary to learn to think correctly and to enjoy truth and beauty, and this is an education to freedom. Then a person is able to evaluate freely and to live freely. In Maritain’s opinion, the main goal of education is a person who stands before himself, before other people and before God in truth and love; in other words, the aim is for a person, as an individual being, to reach his inner freedom through knowledge and wisdom, good will and love. Maritain states that the gospel teaches that human perfection was raised to a higher level and lies in the perfection of love. Love and openness are primary and decisive matters of education, especially of religious education. Love does not refer to ideas, abstractions or possibilities; love refers to an existing person. Maritain (1971) claims that human love, identical to God’s love, is not a matter of training or learning because it is a gift; it is a gift of his nature and grace. A child should receive such love first of all in the family, the primary human society. Despite all the failures and deficiencies in any area, the family should be the place and the model of love. Love in the family is the basis for love at school and in the society. Maritain’s younger contemporary Karol Wojtyla poses the question of whether it is possible to educate in love and to learn love, whether love is not something that is already given to a person, something that is a matter of “heart” (Wojtyla, 2003). He answers his own question and says that love in the context of such an interpretation would be removed from the principle of integrity; it would become a psychological situation that is subordinated to the requirements of an objective morality. Love in the personalistic context is not something that is ready, given, but it is also always a task. Love not “is” but “is becoming”, to a certain extent. This “becoming” depends on the input of each person, on his thorough involvement that is based on what is “given”. That what is given is sensu- ality, emotionality which form the “material” for the growth of love. Wojtyla, similarly to Marcel or other personalists, considers a person to be a creative being. Creativity binds a person also in the realm of love. He gives the example that many times, real love does not spring from a “promising material” of feelings and desires, but oftentimes

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 182 02.03.2015 20:36:20 great and strong love grows from “modest material”. This love can only be a work of the people who use their gifts of creativity and openness. As a Christian personalist, Wojtyla adds that true creative love of one person for another grows only thanks to God’s grace, thanks to the Creator whose essence is love, who himself is love. Many factors participate in the refinement of love, external ones, but mainly internal ones. They are deeply personal. Education should facilitate and support the transition of these factors or activities into a mutual human relationship.

5.2.4. Education chrétienne et dimensions de l’amour Christian Education and Dimensions of Love

Christian education and schooling has a long tradition in European history. It has gone through development in the area of types and levels of schools, of the position and training of educators, educational and teaching methods, forms and means, but also the perception of a pupil and the approach to him. Schools were founded mainly because of the development of the erudition and cognitive side of a person; it was the same in the area of the development of religion. In the beginning, schools and education were designated only for boys, but not from every strata of society. Schools were established in parishes and dioceses, but mainly next to monasteries. Since the period of Humanism and the Renaissance the general public got the possibility to be educated. There had been no co-education up to the middle of the 20th century and there are many schools in certain countries where it works in the same way up to the present. Christian representatives who founded orphanages also contributed to the development of education. Education ruled over instruction in these institutions. A change in Christian education came when, in addition to children coming to school, educators started going out among the children “in the street”. Probably the most famous personality was an Italian priest John (Don) Bosco. However, he had many predecessors in priests who educated and instructed children in the street. This was the place where extra-curricular education was born.

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 183 02.03.2015 20:36:20 Three forms (school institutional education, extra-curricular institutional education and “street” education) have survived until now in Christian education. In the recent years “street work” has spread also beyond the range of Christian activities. We introduce some Christian educators and teachers in whose hierarchy of values love for God held the first place, and who have had their continuators and sympathizers throughout the whole world until now. Angela Merici (1474 – 1540) was born in Italy, in Desenzano del Garda (Region of Brescia). When she grew up and moved from the country to the city, she became a Franciscan tertiary. She had a desire to bring peace and love to all people, especially to the poor and the sick. The more she got to know the life in the city, the more she was convinced of the need for the renewal of families and through them the renewal and enhancement of society. Besides her spiritual experience her decision was influenced by conversations with women and their pleading for help. The situation of women who neither married nor entered the convent was complicated and difficult. It was a period of decline in spiritual and moral values. Angela worked with girls and women; she conveyed the Christian and human messages to them (Angeli, 2007). She gathered several young women for her work and in 1535 they together founded the Company of St. Ursula. They prepared girls for marriage, family and social life, they instructed them in housework and in the Christian understanding of love which they themselves strove to practice. Angela Merici’s source of enthusiasm and activity was her love for God and people, as well as her desire to do what God wanted of her. She helped mainly in the area of spiritual and moral values. She asked her followers for one thing –love for Jesus Christ which became the motivation of service. Angela’s love was united with the knowledge of man, his nature, on which the supernatural life can develop. She knew that it was fundamental to provide for a person’s basic material needs, and therefore she asked superiors of individual communities to oversee the spiritual as well as the material needs of girls. If girls’ material needs were met, only then would they be able to accept spiritual counsel (Ledochowska). Angela’s relationship to people and her work were characterized by freedom. She did not push her advice or views forcefully, she did not

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 184 02.03.2015 20:36:21 go to extremes, she was neither ferocious nor passionate; on the contrary, she approached everything in peace, but she was firm and demanding. She challenged the girls to faithfulness to the journey to which they had been called, and to the virtues which are part of this journey. It is important to devote more time to the training of love than to the training of virtues; the basis of love is love for Christ, the building of a relationship with him, and the love for everybody and everything will flow from this spring. Every counsel and request should also become expressions of love. Angela, besides being in charge of the religious formation, was engaged in the Christian education of girls, but she also provided counselling for people of diverse ages and social standing, for men and women. The only requirement about which she spoke and wrote is love. She invited and encouraged mothers to get to know their daughters, not only their physical side or temperament, but also their inner qualities and distinctiveness, so that they might raise them properly. She urged mothers to be amiable, kind, patient and to use strict reprimands only very scarcely (Barsotti, 2002). In her writings she states: “You must let your daughter know that she is in your heart, that you know her deeply, that you know her weaknesses and do not judge her because of them; sometimes it can even seem that you justify her” (in Barsotti, 2002, p. 116). This challenge or advice became a pedagogical motto of the Ursulines who became educators and teachers in schools. Angela in her activities and counselling adhered to the belief that every community has its structure because people in it have various roles and positions, different way of thinking or acting, but a real love does not insist on everybody doing the same thing in identical ways. Regard and respect for people of diverse standing, thinking and acting is an expression of love (Barsotti, 2002). Philip Neri (1515 – 1595) was born in Florence where he received instruction from the Dominican friars. When he was eighteen years old he left home and went to his uncle in San Germano in Campania, close to Monte Cassino, where he visited the Benedictines. Later he moved to Rome where he started to work as a tutor in the family of the Floren- tine merchant Galeotto Caccia. He manifested signs of an inborn understanding and helpfulness. He attended lectures on philosophy and theology at the La Sapienza University. He also showed an interest in spiritual movements which contributed to the development of the religious

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 185 02.03.2015 20:36:21 life in Rome. He walked about Rome and visited the poor and the sick, he went also to hospitals (these were houses where people went to die), he met people and dialogued with them (as Socrates used to do) and dis- concerted many of them; unlike other itinerant preachers he did not condemn anybody. He had one and only reason – to open their minds and spirits to the gospel and God’s love. He regarded love for Christ as the only condition of service to a man. He walked the streets, visited inns, and markets. He was insistent and stubborn, but kindly and did not offend anybody. He also looked after the abandoned and neglected children, mostly boys. He taught religion in the streets. He shared his happiness and joy. During his life he had several mystical experiences, according to his biographers he experienced a state of ecstasy when he was touched by God’s love. He founded the Brotherhood of the Holy Trinity for Pilgrims (Tri- nità De’ Pelegrini) whose task was to help pilgrims who were coming to Rome. Everybody could join the brotherhood – priests, lay people, noblemen, the poor, artists, workers, etc. Their activities included dialogues, sharing of experiences, prayer, walks in the countryside, but also parish pastoral work, charity and preaching. Even children (boys) could preach. Philip Neri was also a spiritual director of the wealthiest classes in the city. He had a great impact on the lay society, but also on Church officials. His brotherhood grew quickly. They chose a common attire – a red robe with a hood. The red colour symbolized brotherly love which was also the only rule of the community (Türks, 2007). In 1551 he was ordained a priest. The brotherhood reflected not only Philip’s spirit of love and joy, but also his spirit of freedom and generosity. He challenged everybody to the virtue of joy. He claimed that a cheerful spirit would reach Christian perfection much faster than the melancholic one. It is also easier to direct cheerful people than the sombre ones. In Neri’s opinion, seriousness, pre- occupation with problems, worries and succumbing to negativism, are the greatest dangers for a man and the enemies of the Holy Spirit. Philip received in his room the boys with whom he played and talked to in the streets. The place for meetings was not big enough, so he opened an oratory (oratorio) in a granary near the church. Groups of boys who were coming regularly formed a community of the Oratory which had a set program, but no rules or directives. Neri

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 186 02.03.2015 20:36:21 did not even intend to write them because he highly respected his own freedom and the freedom of others (Braito, 1937). His journey of freedom is freedom “from fears, delusions, anxieties, egocentrism, discour- agement caused by failures, from the destructive feelings of guilt, from the instinct to blame others, from hardening in errors. It is freedom to love in the way of giving, freedom to serve without waiting for reward, freedom to listen, to understand, to identify with the reality of another person without trying to own him, freedom to be satisfied with one’s talents without envy and weakening comparisons, freedom to exercise maximum effort with all seriousness, but without ostentation, with the sense of duty and responsibility, but keeping a healthy sense of humour and rejecting exaggerated harshness” (Vittek, 2012). Love for God was the main appeal: Neri invited all his charges to it. He also urged them to do good. He did not mind noise and shouting, the important thing was to avoid sin. Joy and laughter are methods which help a person to cope more easily with life and its harshness and frustra- tions. The fundamental method used by Philip Neri was to “talk to the heart”. He also used a kind irony, but never humiliation or disparagement. Nowadays we would call him an empathic optimist and a rebel against the power of the Church and society. He was a humble, modest and poor man, obedient to God, demanding of himself. He loved God and people, joy was an expression of love. His joy and generosity were the reasons why many people loved him and joined him, but also the things which those who wanted to discredit him used against him. Joseph Calasanz (1556 – 1648) was born in the Castle of Calasanz in the Kingdom of Aragon, Spain. When he finished his studies he was ordained a priest and later became a bishop. After several years he left for Rome from where he never returned to Spain. He was interested in becoming a canon, but never did. In Rome he got involved in various charitable activities, but also in the teaching of religion. He became a member of the Confraternity of Christian Doctrine whose goal was to teach people, especially children. The poor people did not know how to pray, they did not know the Christian principles, they could not read or write, they did not have any schooling and thus they did not have any hope for a better future. Cala- sanz saw not only the material, but also the spiritual poverty of a man,

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 187 02.03.2015 20:36:21 and he believed that if children got at least a basic schooling together with a Christian education, they would have bread in their hands and they would be able to lead dignified lives. However, the schooling had to be free of charge. These ideas became the foundation of the future life of Joseph Ca- lasanz. Since he did not find anybody who would implement his vision, he took it upon himself. There was a parish school adjacent to the Church of St. Pantaleon in the parish of St. Dorothy. The confraternity took over the school but did not continue along the same lines, instead an original Calasanz’s work was founded with its own aims and methods. Thus the first school that was free of charge was established and hundreds of children frequented it. He gradually found sympathizers for his work. However, the school had to change its location several times. Representatives of other towns addressed Calasanz and asked him to found such schools in their towns also. Calasanz and his colleagues formed a religious community. Besides the three usual vows (poverty, chastity, obedience) they introduced a fourth vow into their lives – the teaching of children. In 1621 the Order of Poor Clerics Regular of the Mother of God of the Pious Schools was founded, the abbreviated version is the Pious Schools (Scholae Piae) or the Piarists. Calasanz introduced enormous changes into the educational system, especially those concerning methods, but also the stratification of pupils. In the beginning, this caused misunderstandings among the other teachers. Obstacles were gradually removed. Calasanz introduced elements of ecumenism and democracy, but also of the open school. Schools were open to the children of Catholics, Lutherans, Jews and Muslims, poor and rich, although they were originally founded primarily for poor children. Calasanz believed that differentiation between poor and rich children in relation to the right to education was disgrace- ful. He also claimed that a diversified community of children could positively influence everybody – they would create opportunities of mutual knowledge and build respect and deference. Teachers lived among the pupils and with the pupils. Pious schools spread all around Italy. Calasanz school was typified by cleanliness, order and discipline; it was characterized by piety not only among the pupils, but also among

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 188 02.03.2015 20:36:21 the teachers (therefore the name Pious Schools). Everything in the school was permeated by the sense of religiosity and by love perceived as an expression of Christian life. Calasanz maintained that if somebody wants to devote his life to teaching, he must feel that he is prepared for it, and he must love school. If he should love it, he must know it, i.e. he must know what this work is about and how many sacrifices he will have to make and that it will not always be about success. If he is to be a good educator, he must know the depth of a child’s soul; if he is to be a good teacher, he must master the art of didactics. He must be patient and believe in the success of his idea. A school should be a place for the education and preparation of a good Christian and citizen. A teacher should be prepared to make it possible for children to be able to earn their bread and participate in the life of society. A teacher ought not to be disturbed by any influence of interests and worries. Being a teacher is a privilege and responsibility. Besides teaching elementary knowledge, skills and science from the area of nature and the humanities, the basis is the teaching of religion and the principal method is the method of fear of God because this is the beginning of wisdom. This fear necessarily includes love for God and observance of the commandments. A teacher should be a role model and he should approach children with love and only then with strictness (Giordano, 1994). Peter Fourier (1565 – 1640) was born in Mirecourt in France. He began his studies of grammar, rhetoric, philosophy and theology at the Jesuit Catholic University in Pont-a-Mousson in 1578. When he was seventeen years old, he was entrusted with the role of an educator. In 1586 he got a degree of Master of Arts. He continued his studies and earned a doctorate in theology, civil law and canon law. In 1585 he became a member of the Order of Canons Regular of St. Augustine in Chaumousey where he made his religious profession. In 1597 he left for a village and parish of Mattaincourt in the Vosges department (close to Mirecourt) where he became the administrator of the parish. The local inhabitants worked in agriculture, they made cloth and lace. There was enough material wealth in the parish, but Fourier saw that the moral and spiritual life was deteriorating. In the beginning, the local inhabitants rejected him, but through the witness of his life he won many of them over. De- spite the wealth of numerous people, there were also the poor. Peter

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 189 02.03.2015 20:36:21 Fourier started to look after these people. They sought him at the rectory, but he also went to them and helped them financially, materially, and also spiritually. They gave him the name of “a good father” because of his goodness. He gave all his income and material gifts to the poor and the sick; he also refused any help in the form of having servants. Since he was not only a priest, but also a lawyer, in addition to material and spiritual assistance he provided quality legal counsel to all who needed it. He took care of eradicating begging from his parish. One of Fourier’s desires was to uplift his parish spiritually and morally because the low naturalism of the rich merchants countered bitterness and vices of the impoverished. They did not observe Church holi- days; they went to the pub on Sundays. The church was neglected, a trum- peter called people to Mass because the bells were broken. The situation changed in a short time. Fourier invited the best missionaries; however, he did not stay in their shadow. The whole life of the parish gradually centred around the pastor who was an exemplary leader and priest. The ignorance of the children and its dangerous consequences were among Fourier’s sorrows. He decided to take care of their schooling which he intended to provide for both boys and girls. He claimed that as future mothers they were the future of society. With the help of Alix Le Clerc he established the Congregation of Notre Dame which opened the first free-of-charge girls’ school in the town of Poussey. Fou- rier himself prepared its educational program. He also wanted to form a group of lay people who would be in charge of teaching the boys and moreover, they would forward their own education. This idea was not implemented although he succeeded in getting a good teacher for his parish that took care of teaching of boys. Fourier maintained that it is possible to form child’s will and to edify his reason, but his heart requires great love. This applies to school education as well as to family upbringing; therefore the educational setting should be ruled by an atmosphere of love, contentedness and joy. It is more important to encourage children, give them advice, than to punish them. He also emphasized moral education. Children should be presented with the ideal of God as the highest Good. Similarly to Joseph Calasanz he took care of the elimination of any class differences. Girls’ school of the Notre Dame Sisters provided education for the girls from poor and wealthy families. Classes were

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 190 02.03.2015 20:36:21 conducted both on an individual basis and in groups. The sisters (teachers) taught gratis and the instruction was free of charge. Fourier’s nov- elty was the fact that not only the girls who lived in a boarding house attended school, but also non-resident pupils frequented it. Besides elementary knowledge, singing was introduced at school (up till then it was taught only at parish schools) as well as needlework (the aim was to save the future mothers some expenses). The foundation of Fourier’s pedagogy was love manifested in a willing service to children and youth. He claimed that first of all one must love children so that they may come to him with confidence in their sorrows and joys. He based his activities and his life on the belief that the world needs people who are here for others, and thus a teacher or an educator must live for children so that they may grow in love and goodness. The education of children is the road to salvation; therefore it is necessary to start in early childhood. The education of boys and girls is desirable because they are the future fathers and mothers of families and the example of their teachers will take deep root in their souls and it can last through their whole lives. Fourier paid attention to the attitudes that educators showed to children, he stressed respect for a child, in spite of his possibilities and limitations. The foundations of every teacher’s education should include an attitude of respect. He warned teachers and educators against anger, impatience, contempt, and ridicule. He invited them to patience, moderation, kindness, and an understanding of why children make mistakes. Fourier’s anthropological and personalistic view of a child was demonstrated in his emphasis on the fact that a child is a person in the full sense of the word. Therefore, he should be given full freedom in the development of his personality, and one should only strive to direct his efforts discreetly, with patience and without anger. An educator should achieve a high spiritual level because children are sensitive to what they hear and see. If the words of those who educate them do not match their actions, they will not strive to meet the ideal that is offered to them. Fourier claimed that a child observes whether his educator does the things that he asks him to do, and he senses it if the external actions are not in harmony with the inner belief (Tihonova, 1999). Vincent de Paul (1581 – 1660) was another French promoter of love in education. He came from the village of Pouy, near the town of Dax in

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 191 02.03.2015 20:36:21 southwestern France, near the Pyrenees. When he was fourteen years old, he started his studies at Franciscan College in Dax. In 1596 he received the tonsure and minor orders. For some time he lived in his native Pouy in the house of a judge who entrusted him with the education of his sons. In 1597 he began his theological studies at the University of Toulouse and in 1600 he was ordained a priest. He continued his theological studies and concluded them by earning a bachelor’s degree in 1604. Later he did further studies in Rome and Paris where he earned a licentiate in canon law. In July 1605 during a voyage at the sea, he most likely fell into the hands of Barbary pirates and as a captive or a slave he spent two years in Tunisia. His escape to freedom was a matter of adventure, but Vincent did not reveal much about this period. He came to Paris in 1608 and in 1610 he became a chaplain in charge of alms. His task was to look after distribution of alms among the poor (alms of the former queen Marguerite de Valois). He worked in several poor parishes and also in a wealthy family. In the course of his work he encountered the misery, poverty and illnesses of a man dependent on the help of others. He came up with the idea of founding a charitable brotherhood which would methodically take care of the poor in the parish. The archbishop of Lyon approved of this idea. Vincent won over several female volunteers to his work. They joined the brotherhoods of Christian love in their respective parishes. Vincent founded these brotherhoods every place he passed through; soon they spread all around France. La- dies from prominent families joined the brotherhoods. Vincent was not troubled only by the material misery of people. He saw that their spiritual misery was much greater. He therefore strove to help through every possible means he could offer as a priest. He taught, preached, administered sacraments, prayed and lived a model life. However, he saw that he could not manage it on his own. He succeeded in recruiting several priests and together with them he had been doing popular missions since 1618. These were very successful. Mrs. Gondi was a lady for whom Vincent used to work as a tutor of her children. She decided to offer her financial support and start a fixed financial foundation for these priests and thus the missionary congregation was founded in 1625. Its central house was located in a former abbey of St. Lazarus near Paris, which was a gift of the Canons Regular of St. Victor to Vincent and his priests.

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 192 02.03.2015 20:36:21 The education of quality priests was close to Vincent’s heart, but he also cared about education of boys and girls who had to prepare for family life. He especially saw the need to support children from poor families who did not have a chance to acquire a formal education. He, together with Louise de Marillac, founded the Company of the Daughters of Charity in 1633. Members of both communities went to all the places where there was misery. They visited houses, nursed injured soldiers in the battlefields, cared for galley slaves and old people. One of their activities was the teaching of poor children. The more Vincent devoted his life to this activity, the more he opened his heart to love. First of all, it was God’s love which he connected to love for a man. He claimed that God’s love is compassionate and this type of love should be shown also to a man; it is not enough to know God’s love but it is necessary to make it possible for others to get to know it (Roman, 2002). John Amos Comenius (1592 – 1670) is known in Czech and Slovak regions as the teacher of nations; for the pedagogical community he is probably the most famous educator. He was born in Uherský Brod or Nivnica in Moravia as the youngest of five children. When he lost both his parents, his paternal aunt took on his upbringing. He went to the schools of the Moravian Brethren7 in several towns. He got a quality

7) Moravian Unity of the Brethren is also known as Unity of the Brethren – Unitas Fratrum, Moravian Church or later the Church of the Brethren. It was founded in 1457 by Gregory of Kunvald. The Unity stimulated development of radical tendencies in the Hussite Era, the growth of Puritanism, radicalism and resistance against feudalism. The spiritual father of this community was the Bohemian writer, translator and religious thinker Peter Chelcicky (1390 – 1460) who was influenced by the teachings of Jan Hus and John Wycliffe (Nekvinda, 1998). The Unity devoted special attention to education. In the beginning, higher education was rejected. It was the consequence of the social situation (social stratification of clergy who were poorly educated) and of the effort to keep equality among the members even in the area of culture. The Unity did not establish public schools, its members in- sisted on each member learning the basics of reading, writing and religion in the family through the usage of their mother tongue. Priests were educated in the spiritual ecclesiastical communities and gradually they acquired higher education. The 16th century brought a change in the disapproving attitude of the Unity’s members to feudalism and this was the reason why some noblemen started to support the Unity (Srogon, Cach, Matej and Schu- bert, 1986). There was also a shift in the attitude to education and higher education began

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 193 02.03.2015 20:36:21 foundations for study at the university. He finished his studies in Her- born and Heidelberg. Comenius’s life was strongly marked by the Thirty Years’ War and Catholic-Protestant intolerance. He lost many relatives, his property (also some works he had written), he had to move several times, he became an exile. He worked as a teacher at several elementary schools in his country, he was the headmaster of a grammar school in Leszno, Poland; he worked in Sárospatak, in London, Elbing (former Sweden, today’s Poland) and in Amsterdam (the Netherlands). He met a lot of well-known personalities – politicians, philosophers, religious figures and educators, who influenced his thinking and his writings, but it was reciprocal – he also influenced them. He died in the Netherlands and is buried in Naarden. His correspondence and extensive pedagogical writings are marked by a desire for peace, harmony and love. These issues are in various ways presented in almost all his works. Love is the bridge of every human relationship. His extensive work General Counsel on Rectifica- tion of Human Things brings out the idea that in order to establish peace on earth and for a man to reach eternal joy with God, all people need to be taught everything and by every available means. Knowledge and its development are necessary, but it is not the only and sufficient condition of a good and happy life. Neither person’s development nor his education and schooling will last without moral renewal and love. Two powers which are part of a person’s soul – reason and free will – must grow so that a person may become a person (Comenius, 2007; 1991b). Comenius sees love as God’s commandment and a requirement for a quality Christian life. The basis is the commandment to love one’s neighbour as oneself (Lev 19:18) and a challenge to treat others as one would like them to treat him (Mt 7:12). Comenius (2007) writes about types of love: friendly, parental, marital, love as affection, God’s love and love for God. Love is the means of the elimination of every hatred and war. It is the foundation of interpersonal relationships as well as of the relationship to oneself and to God. The principal educational method is based on love and due to it every person can contribute to the universal improvement of humankind. Love is one of the principles of a human

to be recognized. From the 17th century onwards the Czech Unity of the Brethren strove to provide practical education for all its members (Kasper and Kasperova, 2008).

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 194 02.03.2015 20:36:21 being; it is a principle of fulfilment of sense that has been inscribed into the human soul by God. The love of people should complete the harmony of the universe. Love and harmony are inseparable phenomena because this is how God created the world and a person should strive for it. It is desirable to start already in childhood, in the family setting, and school should continue in this tendency (Comenius, 1991b). In the pre-school age it is mainly the mother who demonstrates human love and mediates God’s love. A teacher and an educator continue this work of the development of body, soul and spirit (Comenius, 2007). Comenius starts from the teaching of the Bible where it is written that God did not create man as an isolated being but he created him into the community and for the community. His essential need is to live with others and Comenius poses a question of who can be closer than one person to another. God wanted humans to live with others for the good of others – individuals and the group. The group or community is also the family or school, and thus the effort for the good of others and at respecting moral rules is a part of life in every society. A person is created in God’s image and he ought to treat others in the same way as God treats each person. Love is the obedience of the heart which we received from God in our nature (Comenius, 2005; 1991b). Love is demonstrated in a virtuous life and its criterion is God, present in one’s conscience. The virtues that are essential for a love relationship are truthfulness, generosity, charitableness and justice. Love for one’s enemy is a duty because he also bears God’s image; on the other hand, every person has lots of faults and defects and does not have a right to despise another person whatever the flaws he may have. Real love of one person for another is when a person is willing to lay down his life for the other. As original sin is active in a person’s vices and his hatred for another, a relationship with God and God’s grace must enter into a person’s life. Otherwise that person is not able to love the way he is required to. There is a great importance of will, willingness to take a step and act for the benefit of another person (Comenius, 1991b). God’s love that was manifested in Christ’s sacrifice and redemption is the main reason why a parent and a teacher should approach a child with love and educate him in love. Each person gets a mission from God and the gifts to complete this task (Comenius, 1991a). John Baptist de La Salle (1651 – 1719) belongs among the French Christian educators. His message is still relevant today. He was born in

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 195 02.03.2015 20:36:21 Rheims, France. When he was ten years old he started to attend the college “des Bons Efantes” (of good children), which was a school for children from wealthy families and concentrated on the study of literature, classical philosophy, Latin and Greek grammar. The studies concluded with a degree of Master of Arts. From 1667 he studied theology at the university in Rheims and from 1670 he continued at the Seminary of St. Sulpice in Paris. When he was still a seminarian he started teaching religion to children in the streets of Paris. Because of this he got acquainted with the problems of education of that period and the way of life of the poorest classes of the population. He noticed deficiencies in the teaching at the charity school as well. In the seminary he joined a company of the apos- tolate for quality teachers (Fietko, 1999). After the death of both of his parents he returned home and looked after his younger siblings. He prepared for priesthood at the same time,. He finished his studies in Rheims and was ordained a priest in 1678 (Maillefer and Brother Bernard, 1996). From the very beginning of his priestly life he encountered poor children. His first official position was the role of spiritual director to the Sisters of the Child Jesus. This religious community of teachers of the people’s schools was founded by Nicolas Roland, a Canon and preach- er at the cathedral of Rheims. He also founded the first charity school (Rigault, 1936). The sisters looked after several schools for poor girls and, after Roland’s death, John was entrusted with the spiritual services. Due to this work he started to cooperate with one of his wealthy relatives, Mrs. Maillefer, who came from Rheims and lived in Rouen. She supported the school for girls founded by Canon Nicolas Roland. She motivated John to take up a new activity – to found schools for boys from the lower classes in addition to the schools for girls. She used Adrien Nyel, a teacher and skilful organizer in school matters, and she sent a letter to John through him in 1679. John was also aware of the fact that poor boys were neglected and ignorant. They founded a school in that same year. It was the first step in the religious and social renewal and elevation of the working class people. The boys stopped making mischief and roaming the streets and their parents became proud of them. The school was free of charge. John ran it with his own money. He inherited part of it and the second part was his income from his position as a Canon (Maillefer and Brother Bernard, 1996).

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 196 02.03.2015 20:36:21 The institute was so successful that very soon other schools of the same type were founded in the diocese. Adrien Nyel contributed greatly to the process of establishing the schools. John saw clearly that he had to invest all his energy in the matters of education and schooling. His primary task was to provide instruction for the teachers and training for the young educators so that they might teach at these schools. He rented a house for teachers, later the building was used as a location for another school. The group of teachers was gradually transformed into a community and this became the basis of the Institute. In 1682, John sold the house and bought a bigger one. People labelled the community of teachers as school brothers. John prepared a rule for his community and gave it a new name – the Brothers of the Christian Schools. The Institute of the Brothers of the Christian Schools grew and the brothers taught at seven schools in Rheims and later in Paris (Rigault, 1936). John founded an institute for the training of teachers and a school for fifty young Irishmen, the sons of noblemen who emigrated together with King James II. Although he focused on the education of poor boys, he also took on this task. He opened a boarding house and was person- ally responsible for the education of these boys, and he assigned one of the most experienced brothers to them. He also established a Christian Academy which served as a preparation for boys in their future occupation but it also became a new type of school – a real school (realschule). This school was designated for middle class children. John also took charge of young delinquents. He admitted them to the boarding house, he paid close attention to them, and based on their improvement, he moderated the supervision over them (Faber, 1991). He claimed that, first of all, teachers must be educated and schooled, and only then a school can become a real school. He tried to make teachers aware not only of the relevance of education, but also tried to make them willing to take on the role of doing a service and giving an example. Teachers had to exercise moral judgement, improve their personal life, and strive for the truth and love. He argued that the only preconditions for a good school are good teachers. However, teacher’s training was not coeducational. The teachers’ institute accepted only boys (Rigault, 1936). The brothers did not try to achieve education alone, but rather the development of the whole person; they were strict with their pupils, but

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 197 02.03.2015 20:36:21 not harsh. John taught teachers to love their profession because of the good that they could do through it (Faber, 1991). Even though John was a teacher of future teachers, oftentimes he helped his colleagues in teaching practice and many times he substituted for them. The aim of education for the School Brothers was “to help young people to find their place in society and to recognize that they were God’s children” (Fietko, 1999); to provide Christian education for children and youth, to love them and surrender themselves completely to them. If the brothers were to manage it, they had to be filled with the spirit of faith; they had to be fired by enthusiasm for teaching and educating children in the fear of God. First of all, the Brothers should be educators who feel strongly about the formation of the whole person of a pupil and their aim was to be the salvation of the children entrusted to them. They were to see the Divine Child in every child (Faber, 1991). Antonia Lampel (1807 – 1851) was born in a homestead of Maier- hof in Styria (today’s Austria). She and her sisters were pupils and later teachers in the private school of Anna Engel in Graz. After the death of Miss Engel in 1841, Antonia took over the management of the school. To- gether with several other teachers she got to know the Franciscan way of life and they joined the Third Order Secular of St. Francis. Antonia, as a pupil of Anna Engel’s school, also acquired a firm Christian foundations and an openness to the poor in addition to her formal education. She and the other teachers and assistants of the school asked for permission to found an institute designated for the education and schooling of girls. Pope Gregory XVI approved the Constitutions; the In- stitute of the School Sisters of the Third Order Regular of St. Francis was founded in Graz; Antonia Lampel received the new name of Frances. After her first profession she was appointed superior, so, in addition to leading a school, she led the new community. In Lampel’s opinion, the formation of the teachers’ community had the advantage of being the best opportunity for further education – on the one hand, the teachers could support each other, and on the other hand, they could enrich each other by sharing their experience and knowledge. Another point was that the joint effort produced more results. The harder the occupation is, the greater the imperative of to join in is, and this surely applies to education.

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 198 02.03.2015 20:36:21 The main vision of the new institute was the formation of the whole person. Antonia’s motto was: “I am here with God for you.” The school, which focused on the education of girls (future good mothers) prospered under Antonia’s management and it was open to poor girls. New filial houses were established and the sisters worked mainly at kindergartens and elementary schools. In 1849 Frances Antonia Lampel was taken ill. She could not continue with the management of the school or of the community because of this illness. In 1851 she died of tuberculosis. The educational process was very alredy progressive at the time of Anna Engel. She made study available to girls; besides the fundamental subjects she extended the curriculum by adding other subjects (arith- metic, German, religious education), foreign languages (French, Italian), art (drawing, painting, playing a musical instrument), housework and needlework. After taking over the school, Antonia followed the example of her predecessor. She further emphasized the need to learn one’s mother tongue (German) and to receive a religious education. The then school system tried to avoid linking education and formal schooling. The after-effects of the Enlightenment were manifested in the undue emphasis on science and reason in education. However, An- tonia Lampel stressed the link between education and schooling. In her opinion, good families are the future of the nation and the foundation of good families are good mothers. Therefore, it is necessary to heed the development of reason and also of the heart, to strive for schooling, but also for education, i.e. the development of a virtuous life. The teachers’ task was to find such teaching methods and approaches to children which would make it possible for schooling to be simultaneously educational. Antonia’s colleagues favoured these ideas and began to work with a constantly growing number of girls. Lampel was a kindly and loving teacher and colleague. However, she was strict when she was choosing teachers or members of the new community. She warned those interested that the life in the Institute and the work with poor girls required courage, enthusiasm, love and an undivided heart. The Institute observed the union of prayer and work and thus it was necessary to take into consideration that there would be only a little time for individual private prayer during the day. The demands made on the teachers of the Institute were identical to the

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 199 02.03.2015 20:36:21 demands on teachers at other schools; Lampel required them to be at least as good as the other teachers if they could not be better than them. Each new teacher was given an experienced teacher to accompany her and to support her. If a teacher made a mistake in education or schooling, she was not allowed to be humiliated or reprimanded by another teacher before the children. Teachers were to show respect to each other and the same thing was required on the part of children. It was desirable for the teachers to further their own education constantly and to strive for personal improvement, because if children knew more than their teacher, their respect would disappear. On the other hand, being a well-educated teacher was not sufficient. Every teacher had to also incorporate an ability to educate into her knowledge and teaching skills. It was necessary to unite the qualities of a mother, nurse and teacher. Antonia, like so many of her Christian predecessors who heeded Christian education and the schooling of children and youth, invited her co-workers to neither despise any of the children entrusted to them nor to underestimate things that needed to be considered in their moral education. It is more important to neglect one’s own “religious zeal” than the care for the education and schooling of children. The happiness of the future families and the life of society depend on the education of children. The schools run by the School Sisters of St. Francis provided schooling and education for girls only. They stood before their teachers as future women, mothers and wives whose heads and hearts should be developed in harmony and unity. Unity in the pedagogical community was imperative. One of Lampel’s challenges was to plant a seed of love and fear of God deeply into the hearts of children so that the evil spirit of this world would not be able to win them over and corrupt them later. Antonia and her community were quickly noticed by the people around them. Not only was the school growing, but also the Institute. Girls from all over the Habsburg Monarchy (Petz) came to Antonia. The Institute had followers also in Bohemia and later in Slovakia. John Bosco (1815 – 1888) is well-known because of his preventative system of boys’ education. He was born into a poor family in the village of Becchi, near the town of Castelnuovo d’Asti in Piedmont, Italy. He had

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 200 02.03.2015 20:36:21 two brothers. When he was two years old, his father died. He spent his childhood as a shepherd and he was introduced to study by the local curate don Calosso. He wanted to study and become a priest, but often he had to leave his books and go to work in the field in order to help his family. In 1835 he entered the seminary and in six years he was ordained a priest. He started his priestly work in Turin where he visited prisoners. Under the influence of his negative experience in the prison for juvenile delinquents he decided to devote his life to boys in order to protect them from such a fate. He was particularly sensitive to the lives of young people living on the peripheries of the cities, exposed to unjust exploitation and unemployment. These young people, left to their own devices, were often uncertain and helpless in their human, moral, religious and professional growth.

Once, in 1841, there was a sacristan who drove out a boy from the sacris- ty because he refused to serve at the altar. Don Bosco called him and the first friendship and also the beginning of the first oratory were born. This oratory became a haven, home and school for a lot of boys from the street. Their number kept growing and in March 1846 there were four hundred of them. After several years Don Bosco managed to acquire a property and a house in a poor neighbourhood of Turin, called Valdocco, so that they might have a stable place for the oratory. Don Bosco organized a night school for boys from the street, he visited them at work and gradually the oratory was transformed into a home where boys could come not only to play and to pray, but they also found a family and acceptance. There Don Bosco later founded work- shops, technical schools and a small seminary. In 1868 he started to build a Marian shrine consecrated to Our Lady Help of Christians and in the same year he started to form a group of assistants and priests according a rule approved by Pope Pius IX. This was the foundation of the new Society of St. Francis de Sales. Don Bosco could see through the dirt and rags in which the boys were covered and spot the sparkle of goodness, and he could ignite a flame from it through his own goodness. As he himself said, his life had been influenced by a dream that he had had in his early childhood urg- ing him to look after boys with goodness and love, without the use of

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 201 02.03.2015 20:36:21 beating, and to guide them along the path of virtue. The life in his orato- ries was lived in this spirit (Bianco, 2008). Don Bosco did not use corporal punishment. The rules were observed because of the development of a sense of responsibility and the elimination of all opportunities that could lead to recklessness. Every effort to do good, however insignificant, was appreciated. In Don Bosco’s opinion, a teacher and an educator should be a father, adviser and friend; they were to be the first ones to learn the preventative method. It is desirable to earn boys’ love, not to frighten them. 19th century was typified by a frequent use and support for punishment as an educational method. Don Bosco was against punishment and he gave his method the name preventative, in contrast to the repressive system, because he was looking for a way to prevent punishments. The boys lived in an environment where they were encouraged to do their best. There was a friendly, not an authoritative relationship between boys and their educator. Education should be integral from the Christian point of view, as well as from the human point of view, so that the boys might discover a sign of higher Love in the educator’s fatherly love. Education for Don Bosco meant to exercise a special attitude on the part of an educator, and a summary of engagements and methods which would help the young man to learn how to grow from inside. The fundamental educational attitude is to prevent, not to heal, pursue or punish afterwards. It is more advantageous, especially because of the inexperienced youth, to prevent evil in all its possible forms and to seek a way to forestall it than to prosecute the concrete action. An educator strives to preclude the emergence of a negative experience which could consume a boy’s energy or force him to a long-lasting, strenuous effort for atonement. In this sense the preventative system makes much greater demands on the educator than on the educated. Don Bosco said that sufficient motivation for him to love the boys is their youth. Love is joined by zeal, enthusiasm and dynamism which are attitudes close to the world of the young. At the end of his life he used to say to the boys that he had only one desire: to see them happy here and in eternity; to his followers he said that he wanted them to ensure that happy days, days filled with love and Christian trust between the boys and their superiors, days full of the spirit of amiability and mutual understanding motivated by love for Jesus Christ, days of hearts open in

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 202 02.03.2015 20:36:21 simplicity and sincerity, days of love and true universal joy, would constantly return to the oratory. Don Bosco sustained the charism of preferential love through constant meditation on how God looks on young people, full of possibilities, at the beginnings of their decisions; how he cares about them. He used to say that youth is the most sensitive and the most precious part of human society and the hope of a happy future lies in it. The preventative system is in fact a life of love because it draws from the love for God, who precedes every creation through his provi- dence, accompanies it through his presence, and saves it by giving it life. Reason, religion (faith) and kindness/love are the three pillars of Don Bosco’s preventative educational system (Motto, 2005; Dermek, 1995). Kindness is a synthesis and a pillar of the educational method. Kindness hides within itself the inner motivations that should move the educator and his way of getting closer to the young. Kindness must form the background of the educator’s methods and way of acting. Christian kindness and sincere love must be the first ones to move a person, they precede his vocation as an educator. Don Bosco believed that educating is first of all the mission and only secondly it is a vocation. This concept is the basis for typical attitudes of the Salesian educators expressing a firm, but, at the same time, gentle love. Kindness requires constant work on himself and great emotional composure from the educator. This kindness also represents the ideal to which the hearts and lifestyle of young people should be formed. Kindness requires strong self-control and patience. Love and kindness are connected to winning over boys’ trust (Motto, 2005; Dermek, 1995). Guy Gilbert (*1935) was born in the city of Rochefort in the De- partment of Charente-Maritime, France as the third child of fifteen. He remembers his family and childhood as a setting where everybody loved everybody; parents loved their children – each one of them in their unique way (Gilbert, 2009). He came to realize that God is love and the love of his parents was an image of God’s love. When he was twelve years old he entered the seminary where he spent fifteen years. In the mean- time he was drafted into the army and sent to the war in Algeria where he served as a nurse. He lived among Moslems when he was in Algeria,. He also looked after local youth, especially those who lived on the edge of the law or

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 203 02.03.2015 20:36:21 were breaking the law. He was in contact with juvenile delinquents who suffered badly. This very experience led him to his future lifelong journey. He was a curate in France, later he became a pastor in a country parish. One night he met a young man who told him that he was living with a dog in a doghouse because nobody wanted him. Guy took the young man (Alan) to the rectory where he stayed for seven years (Gilbert, 1993). He started to go among young people who were roaming the streets of Paris and lived in a similar way as their peers in Algeria. At night he went among them on his motorbike and he was discouraged by neither the police patrols and searches, nor by the initial rejection from the young people of different skin colour, nationality and social affiliation. He adjusted his clothes to the style of the young, but not his belief and his faithfulness to his vocation. When the young people challenged him saying they would like to live outside of Paris, his reaction was positive. They told him that they only did stupid things in the city and it would be good if he could find them some old house and they could remodel it on their own. Guy found a run-down building in Faucon, in the south of France. This place went through a complete reconstruction in the course of ten years. Guy says that he realized that the young people could not bear living among people, but they liked animals, therefore he founded a farm and a zoologi- cal garden. There are more than hundred animals living there and the young delinquents have to take care of them. They observe order because of the animals. They have to get up early so that they may look after the animals’ needs. Guy provides teachers and specialists who help the young people in Faucon. It is a place of resocialization but also a home for the young people whom Guy took in (Gilbert, 1994). Young people aged thirteen to fifteen come to Faucon. Each ward has an educator. They are young people without any education who often do not attend school and commit various crimes. These young people have never experienced parental love. The results of the life and activities in Faucon are very good. Many young people can again stand on their own feet, they find a job, many form lifelong relationships, sometimes they marry. Interest in going to Faucon is enormous, but because of capacity reasons and safety measures (because of their aggressiveness and dangerousness they cannot be together) the number of young people in Faucon is not growing.

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 204 02.03.2015 20:36:22 Guy still lives in Paris and he still goes among young delinquents, he goes to Faucon once a month for five days. He prays every morning and every evening and, despite all his duties, he spends two days out of every ten days in the silence of the monastery in order to preserve his humanity and priesthood. He says that if he did not live like this, the flow of violence would pull him down. In his books he states that he lives in the middle of violence and hatred. If a person wants to be able to live with extremely tough young people, he must look at what is best in them, but also at some of their habits. He sees the youth in the streets as naturally violent. If a person does not fight back, he is nothing and they will expel him from their midst. De- spite the fact that he is a priest, he claims that if a person wants to get into some group of people out of love, he can even get into a fight. It is important to fight back (Gilbert, 1993). Guy Gilbert states that he has been experiencing that God is love since his childhood and this fact should be the heart of every Christian. He believes that God is present in every person and when we love our neighbour with the eyes of Christ, we will discover everything there is about God (Gilbert, 2009). However, all-embracing love brings some risks – a person will lose his comfort, maybe even his property, his feeling of security will be threatened and his reputation will be tainted. Despite all the negative consequences, Guy Gilbert believes that love is necessary and he challenges others to love. He claims that only love will win over the powers of hatred, vindictiveness, unwillingness to forgive and to accept the other person as he is. He challenges mainly young people to love the poorest of the poor, the ones whom everybody avoids and to whom nobody talks. Living a “successful life” is simple in his opinion: “It is enough when one loves one’s country, parents, grand- parents, children, friends and all those that one cannot bear... It is enough to respect nature: daisies, poppies and squirrels, but also wolves and bears who want to live next to us, too” (Gilbert, 2012, pp. 30–31). Elvira Petrozzi (*1937), whose baptismal name is Rita Agnes Petrozzi devotes her life to young people in the community of Cenacolo in Italy. These young people came to her so that they might free themselves from various types of addictions. She was born in Sora, southeast of Rome. After she completed her secondary school studies she joined the Congregation

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 205 02.03.2015 20:36:22 of the Sisters of Charity of St. Joan Antidea Thouret in Borgaro Torinese and she received the religious name of Elvira. In 1977 she experienced a strong desire to work with young people who were addicted to drugs. After six years she got permission from her superiors. She studied neither psychology, nor special pedagogy or medicine, but approached the issue of the treatment of addiction as a lay person. However, she was not very successful. She came to realize that an addict is not ill in the regular sense of the word, therefore he cannot be cured in a classical way, but only in connection with God. In 1983, together with Sister Aurelia and a teacher Nives they founded a community Cenacolo, after the municipal office let them use, free of charge, an abandoned run-down house in Saluzzo, the Province of Cuneo, north- ern Italy. A few days later the community was officially established and it started operating without any financial subsidy. Very soon after the opening of the community young people addicted to drugs started to come. They were desperate, they had no sense of life... (Barbarić, 1999). In two years the house was full. Elvira and her co-operators worked on the founding of more houses. Nowadays, there are several Cenacolo houses not only in Italy. The main means of healing is love and personal relationship with God. Sister Elvira gives this testimony about herself and her love: “I came to realize that material and physical poverty cannot destroy the unity of love in a family. We experienced it. Nowadays, when I look back on the past, I have to admit that the Holy Spirit, in the chaos of the war, was preparing me for love, preparing me for compassion, preparing me to help those who suffered more than we, than I... I stayed in this religious order for 27 years but then I uncovered a strong desire in my heart to give myself to young people, especially to those young people who were seeking something. They were shouting so loudly, at least I thought that their cries were strong; they were shouting, wailing from the drug, falling asleep, fading away, and dying from one day to another. They wanted to know whether love existed, whether there was hope, whether it was possible to live in peace; they wanted it much more than we from the outside when we sometimes feel a false peace. They wanted to know whether it was possible to feel peace inside with oneself, they wanted their story to be renewed, rebuilt. This is what I read in their faces and in the wrong decisions that these young people had made.

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 206 02.03.2015 20:36:22 We started in a house given to us to use for several years by the town of Saluzzo. This house had already been abandoned for several years. We found what is found in any abandoned house – ruined beams, broken win- dows and doors and so on, but we started with the power and beauty of love. And I say again with love because love is stronger than shame, fear or failure. All that might also have been a mistake, but at that moment I did not even dream of thinking that it could be a mistake, because inside of me there was power, power of love, and this was not just any human’s love, but it was my love. I did not even know whether I was capable of loving, but there was courage inside of me, the ability to take risks, faith in overcoming every mistake, and now I can say that this was God’s love that held up my will... Now the beauty and amazement are not only in the house which is being renovated, the amazement and the beauty are in the smiles of young people, in their clear eyes. There is joy that shines from their faces, but also sweat and effort to show that they want to be in the community which does not give them sweets, but is a community. This community is very demanding because we want to love, not in a way of demand, but in a belief that these young people who have made mistakes in their lives will keep something inside of them, that they will not throw it away on a fire. So, we want them, we believe in them because we love them... We are called to love, not to save. Jesus is the one who brings salvation, not we. He is the one who reaps; we are those who sow the seeds. When we serve with love, we sow love. We must not lay claim to an ability to save people, but we must retain the right to love. People knocking on the door of the Community have a right to feel accepted, loved, to experience forgiveness” (Story – Sr. Elvira..., 2014).

5.3. EDUCATION À L’AMOUR EN MILIEU FAMILLIAL ET INSTITUTIONNEL ACTUELLEMENT CONTEMPORARY EDUCATION IN LOVE IN A FAMILY ENVIRONMENT AND IN AN INSTITUTIONAL SETTING

Education through love and in love encounters many obscurities and contradictions which are based either on the understanding of love or on the view doubting whether it is possible to learn to love. History and human experience point out that there are panhuman universal

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 207 02.03.2015 20:36:22 phenomena; one of them is the desire to reach a good. Love and good are inseparably united. If a child is to learn to love, to acquire and give some good, he needs special conditions. They include feelings of security and of love, the possibility to freely express one’s opinion and to act, but also enough opportunities to gain and to give (see Kaliska, Kalisky and Ciz- marikova, 2013). Contemporary anthropological concepts interpret love in its essence as an act of the will. If we perceive it as an integral experience, it assumes a the quality of an affirmative attitude of the whole person to -con crete people (real or potential) as the subjects of spiritual values. Love has its beginning in the knowledge of good, by its intensity it can exceed clear knowledge; on the other hand, love can influence its functioning. We confirm the known good by love and at the same time (in affection or friendship) we participate in creating a good of the other person in the other person. Personal love brings fruit in the form of a change in people. However, love does not end here, it does not stop with this result, it continues onto a new level. Love is dynamic, it is being formed by and it forms other people. Love between two people is also the basis of the social order and it is the final, optimum model of social relationships (Krąpiec, 1993). Personal and social development is dependent on the love of one person for another; love is a criterion of character. The person is not a means in the process of love. It is important to be (loving, beloved), not to have, not to own another person, but to give oneself. The first place where a person receives love, learns to accept it and to give it, is in the family. However, love plays an important role in the educational setting as well. It is connected to respect for another person as well as self-respect. If a child experiences love, it increases its self- respect, and its accomplishments grow too (Canfield and Siccone, 1998). People are equal in their substance, each one has his dignity and everybody deserves respect and expressions of love. However, there is a tendency in a person to favour certain individuals or groups and to mar- ginalize others. This also happens in a family and it is a very frequent phenomenon in the school setting. The Apostle James writes in his letter (2:1. 8 – 9): “My brothers, do not let class distinction enter into your faith in Jesus Christ, our glo- rified Lord. Well, the right thing to do is to keep the supreme Law of scripture: you will love your neighbour as yourself, but as soon as you

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 208 02.03.2015 20:36:22 make class distinctions, you are committing sin and under condemna- tion for breaking the law.” These words explain that favouritism or the preferential treatment of individuals or groups is evil. It is a phenomenon that touches families and it is frequent in the school setting and in peer groups. Nowadays a lot is done because of money, because of one’s success and advantages, but also out of fear. All these are against love. Love implies order and respect for a person, and it is connected to etiquette. It is not against the order of love when a younger person gives priority to an older person when entering a room, when a man gives priority to a woman, a child to a parent, an employee to his employer, when a younger person vacates his seat on the public transport in favour of an older person, etc. It is a certain kind of preferential treatment, but it is justified and it is not against love; on the contrary, it is in harmony with love. The environment has an impact on building a man’s personality. The environment of the present globalized society brings about a lot of positives, but also many difficulties. The level of education is being monitored on the international scale; performance is what is important. Business and economic terminology enters the school environment; thus a pupil and a parent become clients or customers and education is turned into a product that needs to be ad- vertised. Various arrangements cause schools to merge and form giant anonymous groups of pupils and teachers. The education of the heart is secondary. On the other hand, there are also current tendencies to create a family atmosphere in the school environment, to get to know each other, to not live in anonymity, to strive for the quality of knowledge, but also for the quality of relationships and the fulfilling of needs. Even the family environment comes under the pressure of international decisions and tendencies. Great progress has been reached in the name of the rights of the child, but on the other hand, due to the fulfilling of these rights, things have been carried out against the family and against meeting the needs of the child. The attitudes of a person, both positive and negative, are formed in the course of the first seven years of life. Therefore, love in the family is the decisive factor in a child’s future, and consequently in the future of the whole of society. Psychologists point out the fact that the psychological and physical assets of a person are, to a great extent, the fruit of the love that was given to him in his childhood (Powell, 1996). Research

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 209 02.03.2015 20:36:22 has shown that people with a low ability to form love relationships are ten times more susceptible to chronic illnesses and five times more to psychological illnesses, than the people who have a good ability to form love relationships (in Powell, 1995). There are moments in every family, in every community, when its members break the rules or they deviate from the principles which need to be observed and respected. There is a great variety of reasons. No person is perfect but his development is a journey of improvement. Education in love and the journey of love also include the way one approaches imperfections and failures of another. It is necessary to learn to solve problems, to renew relationships, to remember the days and situations that are worthy of being remembered and to eliminate negatives, early on in the family. A child learns to love in the family circle; he transfers his attitudes and actions onto the wider family, friends, the immediate surroundings, the region and subsequently onto the country. He learns to be a son, but also to be a friend in order to have true friends. A child gets to know various expressions and modifications of love early on within the family: parental love, sibling love, love between partners, friendly love, affection, empathy and altruism, etc. In the family he learns to respect the rules and limitations; he learns to forgive and to ask for forgiveness; he experiences freedom, respect and dignity. In the family, he learns love for people, but also love for work, learning and material things. Philanthropy and altruism are frequently used terms in the contemporary world; oftentimes the differences between them become erased. There are many rich families whose members are considered to be philanthropists and they also educate their children in philanthropy. However, there is a difference between philanthropy and altruism. Phi- lanthropy does not necessarily have to be selfless – success, feedback, and gratitude which are associated with philanthropy differentiate it from altruism which is defined as the selfless doing of good. Love is a sign of a healthy family. Parents by their own behaviour pass onto their children encouragement and love or rejection and indifference. Older siblings in their relationships with the younger siblings, contribute to the health of the family in large measure. The development of a healthy self-confidence is one of the pillars of a healthy family upbringing. Education in love also includes attitudes to the people who

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 210 02.03.2015 20:36:22 are outside the family environment and behaviour in the wider society. The wider society provides a child with the space to learn love for others; he is offered opportunities to compensate for his own weaknesses by activating his strengths (Dobson, 1994). All people have the ability to love; however, a person must engage in a lifelong struggle against his natural egoism in relation to other people. He should learn from his family what weapons and tactics he ought to use in this fight. Parents are the ones who most need to know “the weapons” of love so that children are not the same and life situations do not get repeated, and thus the methods and means are not universal. Creativity is part of love; verbal and nonverbal communications are the main instruments of a loving coexistence and of relationships. Love is a decision and a commitment; thus, if a person wants to love, he must work on himself. James Dobson (1995) recommends parents to check how children understand the commandment of love for one’s neighbour. A parent should raise his child in love and he should ask himself the following questions associated with his child: “Does he learn to understand and empathize with the feelings of other people? Does he learn to overcome his egoism and his demands? Does he learn to share everything with others? Does he learn not to gossip about and criticise others? Does he learn to accept himself?” (p. 37). Parents should show understanding of their children, but they also have to guide the children in learning to understand them (parents) and simultaneously to acquire self-discipline and a responsible behaviour (Dobson, 1997). Nowadays, the preferred lifestyle includes repeated questioning of the feasibility of permanent love (Powell, 1995), and that is why we talk about the crisis of love. Despite the numerous contemporary trends, G. Chapman (2010) and also many other psychologists and educators recommend the elevation of love into one’s lifestyle and consequently into the lifestyle of marriage and parenthood. This requires working on one’s thinking and acting, but also an evaluation of one’s attitudes and deeds” (see Chapter 1.3). “Love requires a lot of effort, but loveless attitudes are deathly” (Powell, 1995, p. 55). There are no scientific formulas that could be applied and that would guarantee a successful result of love. It is desirable to observe situations, to strive to say, to do and to react in an appropriate way. This

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 211 02.03.2015 20:36:22 applies to love in the family and at school as well. J. Powell (1995) says that love has three stages, but a person has to figure out when and which of them to use and to what measure. The first one is kindness that evokes feelings of security, in other words it tells the other person: “You are in my care; I am on your side.” The next one is encouragement, i.e. the con- vincing assurance that the other person has enough strength, but does not rely only on himself. The third factor is represented by challenge, i.e. a loving but firm incentive to action. Love has its place in the preparation for one’s future profession. A colleague, client, patient, customer, pupil... are mostly considered to be the objects of profession, not people. It is imperative to promote humanism in all professions. One of the tasks of every type of school is to demonstrate love for pupils, and also to educate them in love as part of their personal and professional lives. Contemporary education focuses mostly on the cognitive development of an individual, but it also strives for balance in the development, it emphasizes the development of both the physical and the affective part of a person. This is demonstrated in alternative schools, but also in the effort of some teachers or groups of teachers not to remain only on the level of teaching in their educational practice. The area of relationships, the development of attitudes and of the child’s and pupil’s emotionality is not new in education (we pointed it out already in previous chapters). Educational institutions are searching for new methods and forms for integrating the ideas of love into society that is changing, and into the educational reality. Besides the pedagogical approaches of Montessori and Steiner which are nowadays widespread all around the world, there are efforts to apply the ideas of Sukhomlynsky and Korczak, but also those of Pesta- lozzi, Rousseau and Tolstoy. All these pedagogical conceps focus on the personality of the individual, his unrepeatability, freedom, dignity and respect. None of these concepts eliminate the limitations and respect which are part of love. These ideas are applied for instance by Rebecca Wild, a foundress of the school Pesta in Ecuador (Centro Experimental Pestalozzi) which has found a great reception in the whole world. Wild (2010) writes about the issue of love, limits, and respect; she says that if the setting of limits is connected to real affection, it enables a child to experience situations,

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 212 02.03.2015 20:36:22 when he, instead of rejection and anger, experiences love. This statement is supported by a wide range of experience from her school. If the limits stay firm and if a teacher (or a parent) neither rejects a child’s feelings nor suppresses them, the child can have a good cry in his presence and then it is not an expression of defiance any more; at the same time, it is a cry that erases old pains and tensions. The loving presence of an adult is very important for the quality development of a child, therefore the School Pesta strives to ensure that children are not left to their own lives and devices. An adult serves as a mirror which shows a child his actions and attitudes. Since a child’s own ability for self-reflection has not reached its full potential yet, a child asks himself what an adult sees when he looks at him (child). The loving presence of an adult meets a child’s need for human completeness. An adult reflects and brightens a child’s situations when he respects the limits – how close he can step, how he should look, when he should be quiet, when he should comment on the activity, etc. (Wild, 2010). Naomi Aldort (2010) presents freedom, trust and joy in education as part of a loving approach to a child. Love should never become a reward in education, but at the same time, it is the best reward, which is unfortunate for a child. A child ought to be loved regardless of his behaviour and accomplishments. The basis of Aldort’s approach is to seek ways to understand a child, to behave towards him so that his correct actions and behaviour may not be the consequence of fear before adults, or of the need to receive their recognition, but be of his free will. On the other hand, a child feels love when he can rely on an adult’s/parent’s guidance. A child needs care but also independence. Love includes the setting of limits, consistency and respect. Aldort states that it is necessary to change the rules, not the love; the only consistency that does not change is the consistency in love. Aldort and other representatives of various educational conceptions argue that the fundamental requirement of love for children is love for oneself and self-acceptance. An adult engaged in the education of children has to learn to distinguish and separate his own needs and ideas from the needs and ideas of a child. He should re-evaluate his thinking and attitudes and compare them to the present thoughts of a child. It is imperative to listen to a child and to affirm his experience. The advocates of teaching with love and logic are, for instance, Jim Fay and David Funk, who apply their belief in logic and love in education

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 213 02.03.2015 20:36:22 into the educational process. They argue that practicing love and logic in education should be placed on three foundations: to use enforce- able limits, to provide choices within limits, and to apply consequences with empathy. This approach implies a change in the view of problems, change in the rhetoric with students and colleagues, e.g. instead of the command: “Open your books on page 54,” pupils will be given the following information: “I am going to start working from page 54,”; instead of saying: “Hand your homework in on time, otherwise I will lower your mark,” they will receive the information: “The ones who will do their homework on time will be awarded a full score,” etc. If the teacher cares about the pupils and about the educational process, he will also work on the change of his attitudes and rhetoric. This kind of approach requires self-control and preparation, but after a certain period of time it will become a natural part of teaching. If this type of attitude is assumed, there will be a change in discipline and behaviour. Work on the change of self- confidence of pupils, shared control of work as well as shared reflection, is part of the changed approaches. A teacher ought to react to the pupils’ needs; if there is a choice, he should not let a pupil face two possibilities out of which one is evidently better; he should respect the individuality of a pupil and take his dignity into consideration (Fay and Funk, 1995). Many thinkers of the end of the 20th century and of the beginning of the 21st century point out the need for changes in education concerning the thinking and experience of the pupil, as well as an adequate preparation of the teacher. One of them is, for instance, Theodore Brameld, who challenges to re-evaluation of education for the future. Another one is Matthew Lipman who is a founder of the concept of the Philosophy for Children; he asserts that it is imperative to teach children self-correction in thinking through collective debates and thus to ensure ethical and social development. Boris Pavlovich Nikitin is another thinker who points out the insufficiency of school education which he sees as a murderer of the natural development of a child, etc. People bringing about new educational ideas speak about the need for love and about a new way of communication in the process of education. They see the implementation of their ideas as a prospective change for the better in society as well as in interpersonal relationships. Minority groups are also a relevant issue of contemporary education. Besides the polarity rich – poor there is the aspect of national

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 214 02.03.2015 20:36:22 minorities; in comparison to the past, this problem contains much greater variety now. The high rate of migration of populations in the whole world requires the acceptance of multiculturalism and multireligiosity in almost every European and American country. Family upbringing and school education, as well as education in love, which is linked to them, are all exposed to these new realities. New terms and approaches enter into the educational process. While several decades ago, with regard to the equal rights of all people, including children, the integration of disadvantaged individuals was being promoted, nowadays the terms of inclusive education or an inclusive school are being introduced to the pedagogical and lay community. This tendency is based on equal rights and consequently on equal opportunities for everybody. This new element requires a new organization of the school and new approaches to teaching. The term inclusive is connected not only with school education, but it also touches several social levels. It is a question of the future and of what fruit it will bear. Every person (adult, child, pupil) needs love. Gentle love and strict love is necessary for personal development. Gentle love is an ability to behave with ease, cordially, kindly, at such moments when a person can rely on his feelings. It is love to which one does not need to force oneself, but it requires space for its growth. Strict love is an ability to behave kindly, but strictly, i.e. with defined rules and insistence on their observance, setting the limits and respecting them without anyone getting angry or yielding. Strict love is a decisive behaviour with kind intentions (Biddulph, 1999). It is an artistry, but there is also a need to find a balance between these two types of love; it is the task faced by a parent as well as by an educator.

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 215 02.03.2015 20:36:22 ABRÉVIATIONS ABBREVIATIONS

Arist. Aristotle EN Ethica Nicomachea – Nicomachean Ethics Plat. Plato Lys. Lysis Smp. Symposion Akv. Thomas Aquinas STh. Summa Theologica Aug. Augustinus Aurelius – Saint Augustine De civ. Dei De civitate Dei – The City of God De grat. et lib. De gratia et libero arbitrio – On Grace and Free Will Blaise Pascal Thoughts frac. fraction The Old Testament 2 Chr The Second Book of Chronicles Dan The Book of Daniel Deut The Book of Deuteronomy Esth The Book of Esther Ex The Book of Exodus Ezek The Book of Ezekiel Gen The Book of Genesis Hos The Book of Hosea Is The Book of Isaiah Jdt The Book of Judith Jer The Book of Jeremiah Jon The Book of Jonah Josh The Book of Joshua 1 Kgs The First Book of the Kings

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 216 02.03.2015 20:36:22 2 Kgs The Second Book of the Kings Lev The Book of Leviticus Mal The Book of Malachi Neh The Book of Nehemiah Num The Book of Numbers Prov The Book of Proverbs Ps The Psalms Ruth The Book of Ruth 1 Sam The First Book of Samuel 2 Sam The Second Book of Samuel Song The Song of Songs Sir The Book of Sirach; Ecclesiasticus Tob The Book of Tobit Wis The Book of Wisdom The New Testament Col The Letter of Paul to the Church at Colossae (Colossians) 1 Cor The First Letter of Paul to the Church at Corinth (First Corinthians) Eph The Letter of Paul to the Church at Ephesus (Ephesians) Gal The Letter of Paul to the Church in Galatia (Galatians) Heb The Letter to the Hebrews Jas The Letter of James Jn The Gospel according to John 1 Jn The First Letter of John 2 Jn The Second Letter of John Lk The Gospel according to Luke Mk The Gospel according to Mark Mt The Gospel according to Matthew 1 Pet The First Letter of Peter 2 Pet The Second Letter of Peter Phil The Letter of Paul to the Church at Philippi (Philippians) Rom The Letter of Paul to the Church in Rome (Romans) 1 Thess The First Letter of Paul to the Church in Thessalonica (Thessalonians) 1 Tim The First Letter from Paul to Timothy Titus The Letter from Paul to Titus

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sarnikova_tavel [2015].indd 217 02.03.2015 20:36:22 LITTÉRATURE BIBLIOGRAPHY

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