Ij.CU 0-20 ERN TIQUETTE §f IB Lie AND Private Ex Libris C. K. OGDEN < MODERN ETIQUETTE IN Ipubltc an& private. ^ MODERN ETIQUETTE public anD private INCLUDING SOCIETY AT LARGE, THE ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS THE BALL-ROOM, THE DINNER-TABLE, THE TOILET, &>€. &*c. H "Rcw anb IRevfscb iSbftfon LONDON FREDERICK WARNE AND CO. AND NEW YORK CONTENTS. fAGE Etiquette for Ladies Introduction Dress Dress for Afternoon Parties Afternoon At Homes Afternoon Calls Introductions .......... Notes of Invitation Afternoon Parties Garden-Parties 15 Evening Receptions ig Dinner-Parties 20 Little Dinners 25 Conversation .......... 27 The Etiquette of Walking, Riding, and Driving . 29 Visiting 31 Presents 33 Presentation at Court 34 Etiqukttk for Gentlemen 37 On the Importance of Good Manners 37 Appearance 39 Dress 40 Introductions, and Letters of Introduction . .41 Cards and Visiting 44 Invitations 4S 1G816S4 VI CONTENTS. Etiquette for Gentlemen—continued, page Riding and Driving 46 Walking u ... 47 Conversation 49 Correspondence 51 The Dinner-Table 52 Receptions, Concerts, and Theatres ...... 55 PubHc Meetings 57 Picnics 53 Boating o 59 Staying with Friends 60 Mourning ........... 61 Conchision ........... 62 The Etiquette of Weddings 64 In Love 64 Courtship 65 Asking Papa 68 Engaged 70 Breaking off an Engagement 72 Weddings' • 73 Proper Seasons for Weddings 73 Various Forms of Marriage 74 The Trousseau 74 Wedding Presents 76 Bridesmaids 77 Pages 79 The Best Man 80 The Bride 81 The Bridegroom 82 Bouquets 82 Invitations 83 In Church 84 After Church 87 The Breakfast 88 Wedding Teas 9^ CONTENTS. Vll The Etiquette of '^EVtuinGs—continued. page A Double Wedding .......•• 92 The Wedding Dress for a Widow 93 After the Breakfast 94 The Honeymoon 95 Cards 97 At Home 9^ The Ball-room Guide loo Public Balls loo Private Balls '°2 Arrangements for a Ball "^l Ladies' Ball-room Toilettes io6 Evening Dress for Gentlemen io7 Etiquette of the Ball-room io7 Fancy Balls 109 Cinderella Dances . 115 Ball-room Dances 116 Square Dances . "8 The Waltz 125 The Waltz Cotillon . 123 The Scotch Reel 123 The Mazurka 126 The Polka 127 The Cotillion 128 The Bam Dance • 131 Skirt Dancing 132 Sir Roger de Coverley 133 French Terms used in Dancing ....... 134 The Dinner-table 136 The Invitations 137 Table Arrangements 139 The Art of Carving 142 The Toilet 15^ The Lady's Dressing-room 159 Vlll CONTENTS. The Toi'L^-v—continued. page The Bath i6o The Complexion i6i Choice of Colours for Dress 163 Freckles 165 Sun-burn \C6 Making Up 166 The Hair 168 The Coiffure 169 The Care of the Hair 169 The Growth of the Hair 171 Dyeing the Hair 173 The Teeth 173 Toothache 175 The Hand 176 Care of the Hands 177 • The Care of the Nails , . 179 The Feet 179 MODERN ETIQUETTE IN PUBLIC AND PRIVATE Btiquette tor OlaDtes. INTRODUCTION. Etiquette is a subject of universal importance, for it furnishes a guide to the regulation of conduct. Every social event is governed by certain laws, a knowledge of which saves all occa- sion for doubt. Much time would be lost in consideration were there no kind of precedent to appeal to, so that the existence of these rules saves an infinite amount of trouble. There are many people wlio affect to despise etiquette, but no one can help feelhig a secret interest in the subject. There are few people who will not laugh at the idea of reading a etiquette in book upon manners ; yet start a question about general society and it is quite curious to see how it will revive a drooping conversation. Every one has something to contribute to the subject, precedent is appealed to, and past customs com- pared with new. Merely from an antiquarian point of view, the study of etiquette has its value, for old-fashioned customs gave rise to ours, and the spirit of the times is embalmed in many of the ancient ways. Some of our customs are entirely new, and simply occasioned by the exigences of modern life ; but many are survivals from ancient times, which we use without considering their origin. Manneis are set by the upper classes,, and they ; ^ tTiQtJEfTE FOR LADIES. take an immense amount of time before they reach the lower strata of society. So it happens that we see the fashions of the last generation preserved in the lower classes of this, just as the Brittany peasant of the present day wears the coat of the cavalier of the time of Charles the First. Fashions change so rapidly now that it is impossible to write an unalterable manual ; we trust, however, that the present volume may have the merit of novelty in its favour, and may give our readers a fair notion of etiquette as it at present exists. DRESS. Dress is a very important matter to ladies, and a wise woman will not affect to despise it. An untidily dressed person gives a constant feeling of discomfort to the beholder, whereas a pleasant appearance is a continual letter of recommendation. Our pedi- gree is not inscribed upon our backs, and it is just possible that all our many talents and virtues may fail to impress the beholder a well-conceived toilette speaks for us at once, and either consciously or unconsciously impresses every one we meet. At present, when individuality of appearance is more considered than a mere slavish following of fashion, dress requires a good deal of thought, and (without emulating the example of M. Charles Blanc, who traced such extraordinary meanings in a heart-shaped bodice or an odalisque sash as to make any well-minded woman long to take to wearing a sack for the rest of her life), without committing extravagances of this kind, it may fairly be said that a woman has now, more than at any past time, the power of im- pressing her own individuality on the dress she wears. Without wishing in any way to advocate fossilization of cos- tume, we must yet admit that every woman is possessed of a certain distinctiveness of appearance which, for the want of a better word, we call her " style." One person looks best in long luxurious robes, whilst another never looks so well as in a tailor- made gown with a linen collar. One person shows to advantage in an Oriental tea-gown, whilst another has what is called an interesting appearance, which seems naturally to suggest a black dress and a bunch of violets. A woman is perfectly right in considering her "style," and in carefully moulding her dress to DRESS. 3 correspond. But whilst society allows every latitude concerning what you shall wear, it is extremely rigorous about when you shall wear it. Suitability is half the secret of dress, and the most perfect toilette donned under wrong conditions only results in being a perfect failure. There exists always a certain class of fashions which are only intended for carriage wear. Middle-class people will do well to avoid them, for they are only beautiful in their right place. The long brocaded mantle which is eminently suitable to a brougham is essentially out of place in the street ; the vividly coloured bonnet which looks so elegant in the Row looks absolutely vulgar if worn on a shopping expedition. Class dress is popularly supposed to have gone out of favour ; but, never- theless, there are fashions for the rich which the poor will do well to leave to them. The etiquette of dress is easy to acquire. Morning dress should be simple but fastidiously neat. Afternoon dress may be richer, particularly if visits are to be paid. Dinner dress generally implies a square-cut bodice and elbow sleeves. Evening dress must be fresh and brilliant, a demi-toilette being quite inadmis- sible at a ball. Very smart people do not dress much when they are shopping, or if they happen to be in London out of the season; and it seems only reasonable to reserve one's gayest attire for the time when every one is in town. Whilst speaking on the subject of suitability in dress, it may be well to mention that Sunday makes two exceptions to the rules above given. If you are staying in a friend's house on Sunday the rule about a simple morning toilet does not hold good. It is proper to come down to breakfast in the dress you intend to wear at church, and it would be absurd to put on another for the sake of so short a time. Neither does any one dress for dinner on Sunday, for the simple reason that nobody goes to church in evening dress. Gloves should always be worn at a dinner party, and they are not removed until one is seated at table. A smart theatre jacket is an essential part of a lady's wardrobe ; but a scarlet opera- cloak is the distinguishing mark of the person who never goes to the theatre without an order. Dress in the country differs a good deal from dress in town. — 4 ETIQUETTE FOR LADIES. Evening dress is the same in a country house as it is everywhere else, but day dress is generally considerably plainer. There is not the same necessity for a change of attire in the afternoon as there is in town. There is no occasion to discard the morning toilette at luncheon ; the same dress is generally worn until five o'clock tea, when a tea-gown is very generally adopted during the few hours that are spent in the boudoir before dressing for dinner. Well-bred people do not make an elaborate toilette in the daytime in the country unless there is some reason for It.